FULL UPDATE Wife Left Me Then Came Back Begging 3 months later, But I Don't Want Her Anymore...

Well let me give some background information as the situation will be hard to understand without it.
7 years ago I got married to the girl of my dreams Denise(Fake name), we had been dating for 2 years before that and it was like a dream come true, that changed after our marriage. After our marriage she constantly started feeling down and out of it and eventually I got her to go to a doctor who sent her to a therapist and from there we found out she had depression to do with things from her past that she was trying to forget. I decided to be as supportive as I could be, I took care of most of the house work, despite working 40 hours a week and told her to just get herself in order and if she needed to talk to me I would be there for her.
That was 6 and a half years ago, before she left she was still depressed, she basically only lays in bed and complains, she does nothing, we had no intimacy, no s-x, no cuddles, no going out, my entire day was filled with work and house work. Day in and day out I worked my a-- off, came home to a mess of a house and started cleaning up, starting dinner and so forth at the end of the day I was exhausted and all I could expect was for Denise to unload more of her trouble on me and complain about herself, me and everything around her. I could not even hang out with my buddies to get away from it all as she would relentlessly call me saying she was scared and everything so I also had no social life, not that I had time for it anyway...But despite it all I pushed through hoping that sooner or later she would break out of it and we could have a proper life together as I loved her and as they say for better and worse and this was quite clearly worse, possibly the worst it would ever be.
Story:
Update: My(28M) wife(27F) left me for 3 months and recently begged me to take her back, I said no and no everyone seems to be against me, I need some advice strangers
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[@boltzmannbrain8698]

It’s not a partner’s job to make you happy but they are certainly obliged to not make you miserable

[@boltzmannbrain8698]

@Vincent Kinney thank you so much. I really appreciate that. Sean Carroll talked about the idea in The Big Picture and I though it was pretty cool

[@boltzmannbrain8698]

@Vincent Kinney you too. Thanks!

[@jameslyons6655]

True. Additionally, you can’t actually make anyone happy. You can create an environment for them to be happy in, provide opportunities for them to be happy, but ultimately they must decide to be happy.

[@jameslyons7908]

You can't make anyone happy. You can provide them with opportunities to be happy, help create an environment in which they can be happy, but ultimately it is their choice to be happy or not.

[@RealCurrencies]

It's the man's job to give her leadership, and keep her busy with the things he wanted from her, but instead he was 'trying to make her happy'.

[@sammorgan31]

Aw. The family thinks he's making a mistake. Well then the family can marry her and take care of her.

[@tomsamuels3962]

T

[@dankmemes1625]

lol yes

[@TheFrio937]

Right?!

[@TheMarkvanes]

Also f that therapist

[@horgecondaliza6644]

Word.

[@matthewgaines10]

Never marry a broken person. Never. When your spouse quits the relationship, it's ok to leave it too. Marriage isn't penance you serve for being bad. You can't reform someone or fix someone.

[@sodeepopkid6855]

It appears she is that person. I'm thinking she lost her soulmate and is still holding out it will reappear and take her away. These are the saddest people on the planet. This poor guy needs to hightail it out of there.

[@RiptoGakt]

Wouldn't reforming or fixing someone require said broken person to actually making the effort to fix themselves?

[@bryansammis998]

Thank you for correcting my mind think. I actually did believe that marriage was penance 🤔

[@professorrosenstock5026]

The broken person is not the problem. The problem is if they don't fix themselves.

[@senzokai3156]

This is such an incredible comment.

[@reptilelover2129]

If your reason to be with someone is because they are depressed you shouldn't be in that relationship.

[@UnlimitedProduction1]

This my ex fiance felt that way and when she told me it broke my heart so much to realize that she was only around because she was scared I was gonna kill myself even though she wanted to end the relationship a long time before then I knew it was a wake up call to let her go and to deal with my depression. I have been through 3 therapist and worked hard on it as I understood more about major depression.

[@vladiantasca6256]

This is the most clear cut case of codependency

[@AllenTax]

Absolutely!

[@sesloajit5185]

I see someone has a phd in psychology

[@vladiantasca6256]

@@sesloajit5185 Really is that the best you can do , if you're going to insult me do it properly.

[@kelvinw.1384]

They're not wrong. You dont need a PHD to see what this is.

[@carolinem.5044]

@@sesloajit5185 Do you've any good arguments that would actually make me question what Valdin said?

[@jmack91]

So you're basically going to have to treat her like a child. More power to you. Please believe, if the roles were reversed, she would have left you and ran your name through the mud saying "it's not my responsibility to take care of a grown man"

[@michealhernandez4151]

Yup he fell for the ol reverse ultimatum lol

[@yetanotherretroreview4476]

My ex pulled that shit but all i did was take care of her while ahe talked to other dudes on social media, posting " body positive" pictures.

[@chipposmaximus735]

And because the other Person isnt a good Person doesnt mean he Cant be?

[@blacklight1104]

@@chipposmaximus735 He's already good for taking care of her. A relationship is supposed to be about give and take. She's not giving anything, in fact she's restricting his activities, nor is she doing anything. It's all about her and her needs. That's not being good. That's just essentially being a doormat and enabler.

[@Thezodiackiller666]

He chose to stand by her of his own free will. If it doesn’t work he knows he can leave and has the strength to. Not everything needs to be some red pill jerk fest.

[@Sparkfist]

It is disappointing that OP has to be the therapist his wife needed. His "ultimatum" is what most therapists would say to do; get up and exercise, get into a routine; set realistic expectations (like a job). As someone that has dealt with chronic depression for years these are simple and common things you'd do for getting out of a slump like OP's wife was in. His wife needs to makes sure she finds a good therapist as well as OP make her go with him to couples' therapy. Good luck to OP.

[@maddiewhatever441]

I disagree. Depending on what state of depression she has, and her condition, there is going to be different outcomes. One treatment for you won't work for her. In fact, excersies for me actually made things worse. I have a pain disorder that is the cause of all my mental health issues. But I was recommended to walk. It didn't make me feel better. OP needs to invest in couple's counseling. Not just throwing ultimatums into the wind and hoping they stick. His wife obviously has something very, very wrong.

[@lelilola6359]

@@maddiewhatever441 OP needs to leave this emotional vampire and stop being a parent. He needs to either move on with his life or just be the doormat he learned to be.

[@maddiewhatever441]

@@lelilola6359 Seriously? If my parents took this route with me I'd be dead. I literally could not move, go to school, talk on the phone, do homework, eat with my family, ext all because of depression. I was a wreck, and I didn't want to be. We literally gave up one time, and I was admitted to the hospital for wanting to commit suicide at age fourteen, and I literally saw twenty kids whose parents abandoned them just like you suggested this man do to his wife. Like what the fuck? Seriously. "Oh he doesn't have to parent her". He isn't. He's taking care of her. Are you telling me if your wife became paralyzed you'd just leave her? You'd be doing everything there too. Except, in that situation, there most likely is never a way out and you're doing more. "Til death do us part, unless it incovineces me". As a disabled person, I've heard your bullshit before, and no matter what form, I'm tired of it. Mental illness isn't much different from physical. You get the same symptoms, it's just with mental illness Tums aren't going to stop you from vomiting everytime you smell food. I know about 10 women who had jackals leave them because they didn't want to deal with their disabilities. Don't be that guy. There is one exception.. i mean if OP's partner is actively seeking help, or trying, or is willing to try, then I will always disagree. The only time I will agree with you is if she stops trying. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be saved, but that doesn't mean struggling to find the life vest is letting yourself drown.

[@deepfried25]

@@maddiewhatever441 she wasn't trying tho, normal people don't have to be your therapist. After awhile of dealing with them your own mental health starts to deteriorate. What she needed was professional help.

[@weebtrash3376]

@@maddiewhatever441 Being disabled doesn’t mean you’re incapable of still being a supportive partner. She did literally nothing, she never showed improvement of getting better, didn’t help with any chores and was emotionally burdening him. Just because you’re depressed doesn’t mean that you should just only go to therapy and nothing else, and to blame him for her depression is an absolute scum move.

[@Riunlarose]

Dude with the depressed wife She went to stay at moms and mom didn’t pander to her every wish so she came crawling back

[@TheHighborn]

This^

[@nehpets216]

He's given her a 2nd chance. I think that is a good thing, but he shouldn't let things start slipping again.

[@georgebell9634]

@@nehpets216 negative, never reward bad behavior

[@tangerinetech5300]

@@georgebell9634 it's not a dog

[@goawayleavemealone2880]

@@tangerinetech5300 - No, his wife not a dog... but human beings are still animals. Never reward bad behaviour.

[@DianeHasHopeInChrist]

His family says "he owes her"? REALLY? She owes HIM. SHE ABANDONED their wedding vows, "for better, for worse...for richer, for poorer....in sickness & in health." SGE abandoned the marriage. She made her bed....LAY IN IT!

[@slaymyface1357]

"Marriage isnt always fun" Yup those 6 years of no intimacy, cuddles, love, a 1 sided relationship including being a cash cow for a liability. Thats all just a bump in the rosd and itll get better when you have been more happy in the 3 months without her than the 6 years with her. The fucking audacity

[@breedlejuice8691]

Depression is crippling, and def varies from person to person, but I’ve been struggling with my mental health for a few months and I am fighting it every day. I have chore charts, got a gym membership, take care of my reptiles, started cooking for myself, and have a writing quota every day. It’s so so hard to do all this, but I’m fighting not to fall into a pit of despair. This woman gave up for 6 years and saw herself hurting her partner the entire time. She embraced that pit of despair, and I doubt she’ll ever be able to get out

[@doomguy9049]

She won't do it for him anyway, but I guarantee she'd get well enough to do whatever it took to survive and keep a roof over her head otherwise. She's been milking it bigtime, and she only came back because her parents wouldnt put up with her crap and wanted her out.

[@changedmyusernameagain7654]

Well done for taking care of yourself. I hope you beat whatever you have going on right now and stay around those who love you ❤❤❤

[@Hope-Truth-Light]

Good for you buddy, keep at it

[@tinamoul]

It's not even about embracing the despair, honestly it's not that easy but to, and sometimes you can't help it, it's that she blamed her spouse for her depression. That's either a terrible therapist or more likely the therapist is going by the information the patient gave them, so most likely the therapist is going off information she gave them

[@zyxaplayssomething]

Same. Depression hits, but as soon as you let it enable you and give up on trying to fight it, you're still the one at fault. Life isn't easy, especially with depression, but it takes effort to get over, not years of wasting away blaming everything around you for the way you are.

[@Zanzecus]

Sometimes lazy people need ultimatums, its the only thing that motivates them when its either sink or swim.

[@ragingbox3843]

As a lazy person I second this

[@booleah6357]

Third

[@parnz7052]

Fourth

[@tylervue306]

Frankly, it’s not even that bad of an ultimatum. He’s just forcing her to not be a miserable pile of crap anymore and get her shit together.

[@FNCROW]

Fifth

[@Ian-gk7ne]

I'm confused!! How come the house is such a mess every day when she is in bed all day???

[@TheFrio937]

Because she'd get up and do stuff while he was at work. She was dependent on him so when he was gone she took care if herself.

[@princejangra1231]

Like she wanted to eat something She will make a Sandwich Eat and go back They stuff is there Dishes are there and other related stuff

[@dunnotck1]

Dude, I was depressed for years. I finished my bachelor's, took care of myself and went out with friends every once in a while. Depression is not an excuse to be a useless human being.

[@Daaaanielle]

Lmaoooo. This dude is a doormat. I tried to end myself twice and got a masters and a whole ass apartment for myself. Live alone and not in filth? 🤔

[@cellygomez2677]

🍪

[@elmaquiavelico5709]

This one is really hard. Personally, I wouldn't take her back.

[@f687sNFM]

She's sad that she doesn't a slave at her disposal. OP needs to find someone who will value him as a person

[@Blackmachismoo]

Nì

[@christianordonez6675]

@@f687sNFM she doesn't even have her own shit together so how can anyone expect her to treat herself or OP with respect and kindness? You first have to love yourself before you can love others. It's a corny saying but it's entirely true. Getting Into relationships with people that are overly dependent like this is a bad idea.

[@omegamark9178]

Take her back? AWWW HELLLL NAAWWWW!!!!!! 😎👍

[@Silvamoon]

Now lets not be hasty. I know I’m gonna be called a simp for this but I thought the two had a wonderful discussion. She was going through depression and he enabled her. She felt guilty and him overworked but both bottled it up. It eventually blew up. Now the two had an open discussion and their relationship is on the mend. If she falls back he can kick her to the curb then but if she pulls her weight moving forward they would have a relationship that’s truly gone through the good and the bad and they’ll have a stronger relationship than with most others. He won’t find that again so easily. Also remember she never cheated or anything so it’s not unforgivable. I say give her one more chance.

[@cheesebucket142]

" I could not even hang out with my buddies to get away from it all as she would relentlessly call me saying she was scared and everything so I also had no social life" This is abuse. Denying OP any chance to enjoy a second of their life.

[@nicerperson1]

The guy who had to look after his depressed wife for 6 years - it only started when they got married? sounds like that was her dream. And why the hell was the house a mess every day? if she was supposedly lying in bed doing nothing, where the hell did all the mess come from? I spent 15 years in a miserable marriage, I tried to break up with her before we married but she threatened suicide, I moved her out and she threw herself in the river Clyde, the police fished her out, she was ok (apparently she was in the shallows on a beach area - that was lucky!) I took her back after that on the advice of my church, they all said she was insecure and getting married would change her. It didn't, queue 15 years later and I am a gray man - just living one day to the next in misery. Divorce was out (because of church) and then there was the constant threat of her suicide. I eventually did divorce her after she had my dog put down (basically too much trouble for her to look after when I was away - I was in the RN) That was it, I left and got digs and started proceedings for mental and physical cruelty (she was violent) she threatened suicide and I said "Go ahead" and went no contact, the church pastor phoned me up, told me I was being unchristian and would go to hell. He said he was coming round to talk face to face with me. I told him if he came round I would punch him in the face - so he didn't bother and left me to the "devil". Turns out, just two months after being divorced, she married a man half her age, and went on to marry another three after until she found a real doormat who would enable her control freak nature. Everyone told me I was the arsehole as she "obviously needed help" and that "I had failed her". Do you know what though? It was like being born again when those final divorce papers came through. I obviously turned into a complete womaniser and a satanist - nah! just kidding, that's just what the pastor thought of me! but screw him and that church. (I am not anti-church, just anti that one!)

[@DianeHasHopeInChrist]

Wow.....did that "wife" manipulate you. It is NOT selfish to move on away from a toxic person. She is a narcissist, pure evil. Get some self respect & a backbone. Stop,lookibg to the past, as then...you cannot see a future. Too many females never loved their husbands....then used them, trapped them, needed an emotional whipping post.

[@andrewrollout1657]

As a Christian myself, I would say it is your Pastor (and your church overall) that is being unchristian and would go to hell. Socially-pressuring you into marrying an unstable woman is definitely not treating the sacred institution of marriage with any respect at all. Your church has debased that sacred institution into a dumping ground to offload loonies onto gullible/malleable men - I doubt God would be amused.

[@sunnishae5047]

As another Christian i will say is to screw that church if you're unhappy in a relationship leave and wtf that church and the people sounds like hell honestly.

[@victoriajohnson4420]

And people always ask me so innocently, "What harm does religion do?" Your post is a perfect example of some of the harm. Guilt-tripping, intolerance, belief in a literal devil, and threats of hellfire. That's religion in a nutshell.

[@PureBreedInnovator]

Wow. That pastor was an ass. If he was a real Christian, he would have given genuine good advice. However, there are bad apples in any church, just like any organization. I'm real sorry that you had to hear that idiot though.

[@scotlapwell1780]

He done more than enough by giving up 6 years of his life trying to help her go enjoy your freedom

[@christianordonez6675]

56 seconds into the story I can already see what's wrong with this relationship. She basically had OP as a personal maid/therapist and she just started seeing him differently. People who go through depression or even have an entitlement issues tend to look over things people do for them. They are unsure how to show proper gratitude and support themselves. Basically, im saying it was a mistake to get with this girl

[@combocentral]

If I had to become the warden just to maintain a relationship with my wife then it’s already over.

[@Lichor2369]

The update was "Okay I decided to be her parent again"

[@zlkanglwrth2776]

"I decided to be stupid and destroy my happiness again"

[@PureBreedInnovator]

He's an adult. He should expect repercussions, be it good or bad is up for debate.

[@meruem1920]

Ya he is watching here every move like a child disgusting simps like him make sick

[@ngashjr]

@@meruem1920 the red pill doesn't go down easy for some.

[@andyshepherd700]

He was like the lobster in the boiling water that doesn't notice it till it's too late, but he hoped out and the chef talked him into hopping back into the pot even though he knew it was boiling. One thing is a fact, she will never respect him now that he has taken her back. He accepted too much abuse and the chance of him creating a healthy relationship with her is pretty much zero.

[@ShaunHensley]

she's not depressed, she's selfish

[@maddiewhatever441]

She is depressed. Being depressed means a lack of motivation. She doesn't want to do anything, and she desperately trying to find what is causing her issue, hoping she can just flick it off. I'd like to think that a doctor would be able to diagnose better then a youtube commenter. I'd also like to think OP would suggest more intensive therapy sessions, but whatever. Fuck us mentally handicapped, amirite?

[@wowie2358]

@@maddiewhatever441 as someone depression I can say she is selfish. Yes her case is severe but in 6 years she hasn’t done anything to show that she’s trying to better herself. I hope she either gets better or op leaves because he need to start caring for himself.

[@nabaninandi4140]

Thanks to the therapist.....for saving the man from the wife who was depressed.....

[@richardkaiser9509]

She found out the grass isn't greener on the other side! Save yourself!!Rek wife

[@chackos123]

As someone who's suffered from severe depression, I can understand where she's coming from. I was FORCED to fix myself and did. She's just now being forced to fix herself. Give her a chance as long as she's getting on meds and getting a job. She really may come out of this, if not, he can move on.

[@rime.petrose]

Thank you! Finally a comment that doesn't unconditionally bash the wife🙈

[@OmarGarcia-qp9tt]

SIMP

[@misterbearmore4633]

@@OmarGarcia-qp9tt Shoo fly, go away.

[@rrteppo]

I had a period of time 4-8 months (I honestly can't remember) where the most I could do is get out of bed, make food 1 time a day then sleep. The first month I wasn't working, the darkest part of it I was, I would go to work not interact with anyone (I worked alone doing manual labor so there was no one to talk to anyway), then I would get home and pass out. It didn't end until I made friends with a random guy, who was homeless at the time. I only saw him 3 times, the first he asked to borrow a cart and he brought it back the next day. The second he was talking about how he was looking into how to get back on his feet. Third he was with a pastor who he had just recently gotten a job with working for a non-profit. For some reason each time I saw him it brought me back a little bit. After the third time I saw him I could start to remember what I did each day again for the first time in a while.

[@tinamoul]

@@rime.petrose Nah, i disagree as someone who suffers from depression and anxiety, the therapist didn't come to the conclusion that it's her husbands fault, she probably have the therapist that impression from the information she gave them. Blaming someone else for your depression crosses a line. And nobody else is responsible for your happiness either. He was falling into a pit of depression too, honestly splitting up is best for both of them, if they want to get back together after working on their mental health issues that's fine, but they need to break up. They haven't had a partnership for years.

[@georgioszafiris4982]

OP tells us his wife cannot wash the dishes because of depression? to clean the floor or to make laundry is a nogo because of depression? to get a hobby or doing sport or aerobic (whatever) to keep her body fit is imposiblebecause of depression? to make love or flirting or romantic evening because her mental illness? this is not a marriage. no doctor or a therapist can tell OP what is wrong with his wife? she just sitting in her room and doing absolute nothing all day long, is not helping. if there is no infidelity in the game or she refuge to work because she is feeling bored, then is no reason to divorce your wife. to talk to her is the best you can do, to express yourself to her, to work on marriage to solve the problem. you can hire a maid at home to keep the house clean and help your wife is a good idea and take her out for a dinner. the worst thing is you continue to work your ass off and no comunication to her. tell her if she wants to be a wife in a marriage, if she want than she must get her ass up and work this out, if no.....divorce. OPs situation must change.

[@nicerperson1]

If she just lay in bed all day, how did the house get into a total mess? she was obviously getting up and doing shit to make that mess. She is a user, she obviously has the energy to mess the house up, but poor her! has to lie in bed depressed while stupid hubby cleans all her crap up. Kick her out!

[@doomguy9049]

@@nicerperson1 yes true

[@paulman34340]

I really can't believe what the wife is spouting about being unable to do any of those things while "Depressed!" I can do many of those things just fine despite my depression! Odds of doing them frequently can be low, but not low enough that they become a NOTICABLE problem! Frankly dishes I'm on auto-pilot no matter my mood because I need clean dishes to use later! And I'll feel even worse if shit isn't smelling of cleaning fluids (I love the smell of Ammonia on the well mopped floor in the MORNING!) and as for hobbies, yeah I always find something to do if I'm not feeling like doing something I WANT to do! Hell I take my mother's DOG out for walks to collect my thoughts (as Forrest Gump once said "Sometimes I feel like Running!" and for me, sometimes, I'll walk simply to talk to myself on a subject and get it off my mind, plus the walk is exercise so I'm doing TWO things that are healthy!, Three if you mix the dog, my mother's dog is small, but DAMN does he fight you sometimes, ESPECIALLY when you get near a tree or sign and if he knows your walking BACK TO THE HOME!). Feels like the wife's "depression" was more her having "second thoughts" similar to how OP was having them after she "left" and decided to be childish under the cover of "depression" and as others put it. It could also be infidelity and she was good at hiding it. I wouldn't be surprised that her "depression" was the moments she had to "fake" loving him and she was TERRIBLE at the act. But once "Freed" using the Therapist as an excuse, she got to "date again" with the other guy......and realized it wasn't so great with him as her "depression" moments are what made that relationship work out for her, and now that "he's out the picture for abit!" It's not so great and she misses him. Wouldn't be surprised she finally realized or got on one of those "forums" that him stopping the "begging for her to forgive him and groveling" was a HUGE indication that he's moving on and got told if she doesn't make her move now, he's going to realize "why does he need her" and leave for good! But frankly I'm going to go with her having a corrupt idea of what was expected as a "Housewife" and this was just a ploy of hers that backfired and now she's on her knees hoping he doesn't realize he doesn't need her or her bullshit! She played Heads and Tails with her relationship, Called Tails and it landed Heads! Wasn't it "SO WORTH" betting all you had for a chance to win "something that wasn't worth losing the good relationship/man you had for!

[@nananaannncy404]

The lesson here don't listen to family.

[@elwoodblues9613]

I've seen a statement by some women: "Think like a man!" Which I think means, think, control your feelings, don't let your feelings control you. Something that girls will not do. Including the one in this story. Like King Arthur said in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", *"Run awaaaaaaaaaaay!!!"*

[@bobasher731]

Question is: What were the things from her past that she was trying to forget?

[@Atlas-pf4ep]

K

[@smilinlay]

She got a call abt her cars extended warranty..😂😂

[@ssjwes]

9:30 People making the decision for themselves is all well and good but if you decide one thing, don't cry to strangers about it later...

[@mariascreven1433]

Exactly! He's a doormat.

[@jamesteegardner2273]

"Call me an idiot for giving her a 2nd chance". Maybe not an idiot but he clearly has issues of his own that he should be seeking therapy for. He needs to find out why he's so codependent with her, and why he's so afraid of his own happiness. Why did he think about killing himself when she first left? That is a huge red flag that nobody ever addressed. Not having your emotions in check, which was his excuse, isn't a good enough reason for saying something like that, and he really needs to get some help regardless if she stays or leaves.

[@kellymcdermott2546]

She put you into depression, STAY AWAY from HER for your own mental health. Your love for her is dead, cut your losses and start again, with or without a woman. Good Luck rebuilding your life.

[@ssjwes]

How can you get control of yourself when you give all the control to another? How can you take care of a person that needs help when YOU STILL NEED HELP? smdh edit Hey look I'm drowning, but that person over there is drowning as well. I might want to try to help them out... wtf people!

[@531greyghost]

Divorce her now. Before you knock her up.

[@danielh260691]

Was in a relationship kinda simlilar to this. I got with her when i was 18 . she was 27. She had anxiety and depression, which led to Agoraphobia . Start of the relationship was fine. Everything gradually got worse. I did more and more around the flat and stuff thinking i was helping. Gradually got to the point she didn't want to go outside for fear or something happening to her/her health. I ended up doing all the shopping and everything. sex slowed to once a month/few months after a year and a bit into the relationship. intimacy slowed and we gradually started to feel like flat mates. She didn't want to sleep in the same bed. We slept in different rooms. Got to the point of no real hugging or kissing. She didn't want pills for her condition. Didn't want to see a doctor or see a Therapist. Guilt tripped me when ever she could about working later/different hours. Didn't like my job because of it and she couldn't get in a routine because my hours were on rota. Didn't like it because i wasn't there for her as much as i should be because i was working. The whole thing was shit and got to me and brought down my mood. She dumped me multiple times over the first 2 years. One time literally being for a fried egg ( not as cooked as it should have been which translated to me not listening to her apparently) and i, like a complete tit, got back with her every time. Eventually Ended up getting a job with set hours and a good time in the day. Ended up getting mates and started to go out more which she really didn't like, but by that point I had had enough. I was with her just through sheer guilt. My mates gave me a taste of what it was like to go out and have a laugh and actually enjoy myself. Got to the point we barely spoke. I Eventually ended it at the 5 and a half year mark. She accused me of making her dependant on me. We split and it was difficult. One of the hardest thing's I have ever had to do, but i had to do it. i moved out the flat and to my parents. In the end she did actually go to a doctor for some pain she had. ended up being Cervical cancer. she died a few years later. There is a sick irony in there when i think about it. She didn't want to go outside for fear of something happening to her. in the end, she died for something that more than likely would have been treatable had she gone outside and to a doctor earlier. This relationship is where i learned that people need to help themselves. Enabling people is a bad idea with stuff like that. Even with the best intentions all actions can have bad consequences. Thankfully i am now in a happy and healthy relationship and now know better

[@jonvicmamon2529]

thats where real faith in god comes in life bro. it helped us alot and made our family lives. what other people seem to want. a successful career and family lives. but it comes with a price as lot of test comes your way. that will make you stronger each day each year.

[@murdock94]

That therapist saved their marriage. Her not having someone waiting on her hand and foot was probably the giant wakeup call she needed. And if he can stick to his guns, she might actually make a change. The comment she made "I was afraid of getting better" is something I've said about people before. People are afraid of getting better because they don't know who they'll be after getting better. It's easy being "Self Harming Kate" or "Alcoholic Phil" then getting better, because you are used to being those things. And who knows? Maybe she'll like who she is when/if she gets better. Maybe she'll hate who she is if/when she gets better? Either way, both of them hate who she is now.

[@Bleg94]

1. Story: he is not dumbing someone that is depressed, he got dumbed by someone that is depressed and is not taking that person back after the update: okay he is taking her back, but not sure if the way he does it will work out ...

[@ImaNerdANDaGeek]

I wish him luck. They are both going to need it.

[@tomaszurbaniak4312]

It won't. She now knows that no matter how awful she will become, at the end of the day he will take her back

[@Bleg94]

@@tomaszurbaniak4312 yep, she did not change herself, she is being forced to change ... shortly after he stops enforcing it, she will (possibly) slowly turn back

[@maddiewhatever441]

You can't force someone with depression to change. If you don't knoe what's happening, what's the root cause, it's going to pop back. She's sick, and he should either suggest intensive treatment, or admit that "in sickness and in health" was just a lie. Don't get married if you don't want to stick with someone. She's going to the doctor. If she wasn't, I'd say chill, but she is. We have a friend whose wife was literally depressed in the same way. The got her electric shock therapy (the new, and improved kind). She's fine now. Like, maybe a bit eccentric, she always has been, but her depression is gone. OP is flaking because times are tough. I'm thankful my parents didn't abandon me like that. We didn't even know why I was so depressed, but turns out I also have a medical condition. It's a lot more complicated then getting better. OP should know this by now. If he doesn't, he needs to read some books dammit. Definitely needs to join therapy, support groups, ext for himself too.

[@Sakyosha]

She was cheating. When the affair ended suddenly he was people again.

[@michaelmoran6364]

Yep and dude will end up divorcing over it.

[@darwinmorden4731]

What stood out to me was coming home to a mess and once you were home she stayed in bed. Explain that one to me.

[@maddiewhatever441]

That's literally depression and anxiety. People make messes and don't feel motivated to clean it up. They stay in bed all day because they're tired and unmotivated. It's not that hard yo understand. You logically make your breakfast and clean it up. With depression you make your breakfast, loose interest, and leave..

[@weebtrash3376]

@@maddiewhatever441 how the fuck do you make a mess everyday though? She doesn’t work, they don’t have kids, she literally does nothing. Even just eating 3 meals a day and being in bed or watching tv all day doesn’t create a pile up to the point that OP needed to do housework everyday

[@drl5002]

I'm trying to figure out how she made the whole house a mess if she stayed in bed all day.. I've had days where I've been severely depressed. I didn't want to even get up to use the toilet. Aside from the bed not being made and dishes from the little that I did eat, there was no mess because I had no energy to do anything that would have made the whole house a mess.

[@changedmyusernameagain7654]

I'm trying to feel sorry for her because she's depressed but he was such a good husband and he is so much happier now. Plus that therapist's advice sucked but at least it lead him to get away and find his happiness.

[@Daaaanielle]

Depression is not like that though? 6 years? Of staying in bed all day? Hell, I tried to kill myself twice and am depressed too; I also have a job, clean my house, have an active relationship with my parter. It’s not paralysis and it is not a 24/7 365 years and years thing? I think she is just lazy.

[@Babygirl-qj6xw]

@@Daaaanielle depression is different for everyone. You had high functioning depression where you were able to continue your life but also have mental health issues. Everyone is different so please don’t just call her lazy like you know her. I don’t friken know her bru but still don’t belittle her depression since yours was different 😐

[@andyshepherd700]

He took her back, he'll be right back to the same dead bed in no time. If they have intimacy it will only be long enough to baby trap him.

[@bennergamer3052]

Four months later: UPDATE: She is a mess again! Please, help me strangers! I don't know what to do!

[@noexplanationowed3525]

Well,that's one great way to thank OP after he spent years being her cashcow n caretaker.....he deserves much better than to spend his life with this ungrateful mess.OP, don't return to being her servant again.

[@SM-nz9ff]

Na he completely deserves it as he took her back so w/e no simpathy.

[@Atlas-pf4ep]

@@SM-nz9ff no he didn't

[@mpmansell]

Those criticising OP's plan are forgetting that it isn't for his wife, but for him. This gives him some space and an opportunity to know that, if he decides to not take her back, he at least gave her a chance to be the person he has loved and sacrificed for all these years. Also, while centred around him, I disagree that this is negative since if she does succeed in what his ultimatum required, she has the opportunity to see that she, herself, has capabilities and strengths she has denied for years and this may give her the chance to see she should change for herself since I doubt much else would.

[@davidbrown7589]

The same type of thing happened to me and my marriage, only we had three kids. She sat and played gem drop all day while I busted my ass all day working two jobs and then had to come home and cook and clean and get the kids ready for bed while she still sat and played gem drop. The woman could not cook to save herself and would actually burn water. When the divorce and custody battle was over I literally felt like I had been released from prison. I will never forget how happy I was to finally be free.

[@martinrusev3502]

Who won the custody battle?

[@Tony-hf9mv]

No sense in making yourself miserable for someone else’s happiness. We have bu one life and a short one at that

[@Kevin7557]

Pro tip, if you have depression get on a vitamin regiment. I suffered from depression until one day I realized how irrational it was. There was nothing in my life past or present that should cause it. Disclaimer I am disabled, live with chronic pain, and got screwed over a lot in life, I have come to terms with it and choose to live life. That day I realized the cause must be related to my body, not my situation. A fan of Oppenheimer's research, I looked up what vitamin deficiences cause depression. Went on a regiment of them and within a week was better. Told a friend going through depression to try vitamins, his depression went away as well. Everyone who has tried this has gotten better. Now it doesn't cure a shitty life, but it helps a lot.

[@georgebell9634]

Pro tip: if you have depression, talk to a doctor

[@entertainment-knone9344]

WTH? That last story is exactly why you shouldn't listen to people on the internet, whom you don't know. It's fine for entertainment but you're asking for advice from what is basically "back seat drivers". If the OP in that last story wants to try to make it work, he really should. His wife needed a kick in her pants to get her motivated to enjoy life again. This is exactly what therapists and psychiatrists and psychologists do. It's wouldn't be worth it if it wasn't easy. His wife is starting to enjoy her life again and giving her an ultimatum is what did it. I despise these Redditors who take it upon themselves to tell someone to "run for the hills". That's bad advice that should never be listened to. OP should at least make one final effort to get the woman back whom he married and it feels that she'll become a better person now. My parents were married in the 60's, and I was born the same year they married (January marriage, I was born in November). When I was eight years old, my dad was on his way home from working (he was a construction worker, building bridges). ON his way home, he stopped at the neighborhood bar, had a few beers, then made his way home. My dad was forced off the road by a black guy in a Cadillac, my dad's car jumped the curb and he almost killed my mother and baby sister. My mom ending up giving my dad an ultimatum, give up the drinking or lose his family. He gave up the drinking. These dumb assholes on Reddit would rather my mom "run for the hills" because he would never change. If the matter is important to the person, they will change. Redditors are nothing more than grown men who live in their mommy's basement, hiding behind the computer screen. If you want advice, talk to people face to face, friends, co-workers, co-workers ... find a support group and get some perspective. You don't ask people on Reddit who have failed relationships.

[@doomguy9049]

IDK how they ended up after this, but I didn't get the impression that his wife actually gave a shit about him or had gotten any better, only that her new living situation wasn't working out for whatever reason and she wanted back in. I think you're right about redditors giving terrible advice, but the dude is a doormat and has been prolonging his wife's and his own misery for many years by his actions.

[@entertainment-knone9344]

@@doomguy9049 It might be. But, you should never listen to advice from people hiding behind a keyboard. There are always people you can seek out that can help you gain some perspective. There are support groups in your area, therapists, friends, family ... but to listen to advice online that could destroy your personal relationships, that isn't qualified or even sensible advice. I have a therapist that I talk to on a monthly basis due to my anxiety but I talk to her about anything that affects my mental health, as well as a case manager and a psychiatrist.

[@VitorHugoOliveiraSousa]

@@entertainment-knone9344 if your father was not a alchooholic your comparison is really really bad. First a one time mistake (drink a little and drive) is different from 6 years of complacent behavior that led to misery for both of them (the best signal of future behavior is past behavior, especially sistematic past behavior), second if your father didn't had a addiction to alchool it wasn't hard at all to stop drinking compared to the extremely difficulty struggle that is to fight depression. About the advice given here, after seeing a lot of this videos most of them are sound or at least the proper counter wieght for the first instinct by a hurt person trapped in a bad situation that is to come back and continue to accept the suffering (hopping it will go alway fast). They do this post to get different perspective against or for their primary impulse. So if a person don't follow blind, instead using them to reflect on his feelings and options, most advice there is usefull. About this case especifically, I disagree that he shouldn't give her a second chance seeing that he wants to do it but he need to do it without emotional involvement and prepared for the worse. After 6 years of misery she has no more room to get so low again and he should be ready to breaking things up for good (if she is not serious it won't take more them months for her to have a deep crisis again).

[@thomasmargolis3313]

She is a dead weight and isn't the premises of relationship being engaged with another - happily?

[@stevencorter166]

OP is not making a mistake taking her back. He is setting requirements that will help her. I support his efforts

[@andyshepherd700]

He's a martyr not a saint. After years of being treated as badly as he was I really don't think it is at all healthy for him to do so. You would think she will respect him for taking her back but that is not how it works. He could end up having a child with her and that would just be cruel to that child.

[@chubbyfun77]

Great for the update so glad you giving it a shot and hope for the outcome of getting your wife back.... amazing work

[@georgebell9634]

Until she does it again. I swear some of you guy's like women taking advantage and walking all over you

[@zyxaplayssomething]

Honestly, this was one of the most mature handlings of any situations regarding mental health in relationships I've seen on these videos. Both of the spouses have their traumas and issues, but it is kind of nice to see someone not willing to give up immediately after seeing greener pastures and have a difficult conversation, and it speaks (in my opinion) to her improvement, however slight, that she was willing to admit all of the difficult things, own up to lying. Life isn't easy and a lot of these comments are a bit hateful, but I'll just assume it comes from people who don't understand how rough living day-to-day with depression is. She was bad for 6 years but the big step for living with depression is finding yourself again, getting up even when you lack motivation to do so, fighting it tooth and nail. If this couple follows through on his ultimatums and are consistent, I think they have a shot. I wish OP and his SO well.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

Depression👏isn't👏an👏excuse👏to👏hurt👏others👏. Having depression or any other mental illness doesn't make you a terrible person. Depression (or any other illness) isn't an excuse to make your partner miserable, take advantage of them, and be so controlling they can't even have friends and emotionally blackmail and abuse them. Depression didn't make her a terrible person. She is just a terrible person who happens to have depression. 6 YEARS of that behavior is unacceptable and unforgivable. She has an obligation to get her mental health under control since she married him but I don't think her mental illness has anything to do with it. Shes an abuser. If she really had a debilitating illness how was she able hide all those behaviors until the second they got married and she felt like she had him trapped. Because that's what abusers do. They hide their abusive behaviors until they have partner trapped and then they start abusing them. They love bomb (like she's doing now) and pretend to change when the victim gets close to leaving but they go right back to the abusive behavior once they feel like they've regained control. She is emotionally abusive, manipulative, and entitled.

[@williammassey911]

Dude with the depressed wife. You're a good man. I wish you both well. Good Luck.

[@thelimey351]

6 and a half years of that ? I wouldn't take her back, even if she does what he asks the overwhelming probability is that she will go back to her old ways over time...

[@maddiewhatever441]

She's sick. He married her, in sickness and in health. And if OP actually has such a big issue with it, he should invest in couple's counseling, or suggest sending her away to get heavy treatment. I thank God my parents didn't have your mindset. I'd have been dead by niw

[@thelimey351]

@@maddiewhatever441 He married her in sickness and in health - NOT "in sickness and in health and when she's a selfish traitorous total piece of s**t". I thank goodness most men don't have your mindset, no man should be so weak as to tolerate such monstrous behavior.

[@heyitsalex2619]

I (17) had extreme depression for years, since i was about 11. At first it was just a sadness, but at 14 it became an almost constant feeling of helplessness and wanting to "give up" if you know what i mean. It didnt stop because I laid in my house all day and made my family clean it up. I didnt get that option. It stopped because i got myself together. I made a list of things to do EVERYDAY and i did them. I cleaned my room, took a shower, brushed my teeth and hair, ate at least 2 meals a day. I took it into my own hands

[@GraveDigger388]

You did good my friend...you are doing good...

[@tomdolan9761]

Less neck pain once you remove the millstone

[@Swnsasy]

Hold on.. If the wife is depressed and in bed all day, how is the house so dirty that he has to clean every day? That doesn't make sense... As someone in the mental health field, there is NO reputable therapist that would say leave your spouse they are the cause because it started then.. This story is either a lie or she lied to him period... How would the therapist be able to say that after a couple visits and not know anything about the husband? It literally would take me about a month of once a week talking through etc...

[@victoriajohnson4420]

Never stick it in crazy to begin with.

[@TheCanadianImp]

The cheating husband to cheating wife percentages seem to be very uneven

[@ImaNerdANDaGeek]

Cheating wasn't a part of this story.

[@TheCanadianImp]

@@ImaNerdANDaGeek the wife considered it cheating

[@rexs101]

I can't help but to just cheer for OP. You might cause yourself more trouble by giving her this chance, but that's what I think is so commendable.

[@ianbrown5955]

Once they leave you, you realize that they probably haven't loved you for a long time. They leached you dry, and never gave back. After being betrayed, it only takes time for the Vail to be lifted. You realize that you deserve better, and even being alone is better than what they gave you. Once they realize that it's hard to find somebody as good as you, they try to come back, but it's too late, and you're too wise. It's time to love yourself and find somebody who can appreciate and love you back. I've been through it.

[@locomastero]

He endured this torture for 6 years, really?! This guy is a masochist, he only understood things were bad right after the three months of separation, but how much time could have passed if her wife's therapist didn't make that suggestion? 8 years? 10 years? This is insane, he needs a therapist more than his wife.

[@srazaq1978]

You don't need that kind of woman, that is what you call unnecessary baggage. Be glad its gone. Family can't decide for you, they don't spend their lives with her.

[@airofd]

The man forgot how to breathe, the moment she left he was reminded how awesome life is. Why would he even want her back

[@AW-zy1kw]

I find it hard to believe she completely changed after the marriage. People don’t do a 180 unless they are one hell of an actor

[@ANKAMedien]

"Love" makes you do stupid things. She did not work on herself and he did not require her too. Edit: he seems to sort of understand the following.. I hope for him it works out.. /Edit He should have kicked her out a long time ago, or rather told her to either get her ass in gear and contribute or leave... You can't help people by doing everything for them. In fact that just makes it so that they never grow.

[@little55pig]

I’m perplexed every time the story begins with: ‘I (28) got married 7 years ago...’ WTF??? Why would anyone get married at 21?! You can hardly wipe your own ass at that age, let alone be ready for marriage!

[@Purexfallenxangel90]

I am 30 i married at 22 and still happily married. Its all about comunication many of these couples seemed to not know how to comunicate. My husband and i know we can talk and argue through anything. (Heck we delt with being homeless the first 3 months after we got married due to stupid circumstances with friends we were suposed to move in with)

[@mentallydisturbedscience8900]

I got married at 19. I've been married 19 years to my husband. As far as I can tell we're doing ok. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@cee-emm]

Just because extended adolescence and stunted emotional maturity is becoming more common does not mean that all 20 somethings are emotionally stunted. There are loads of young people who are intelligent, mature, and confident in what they want. I was engaged at 21. Although I had a very long engagement to gain financial stability first, I still married him and nothing changed that. My only regret is that I could not do it sooner. But that's how it goes when youre young and poor.

[@CunoWiederhold]

"Love is blind and marriage is the miracle that makes you see!" I'm not sure who said this but it could have easily been Christopher Columbus! lol

[@Unknown.NotRegistered]

This was oddly helpful in an unrelated manner to stumble across. Thanks for posting it.

[@sirfailalotful]

Daaaamn, that resolution was dope. I don’t think he should be a doormat, but wanting to preserve one’s marriage is understandable and honorable, I’d say. No telling how it’ll work out, but I think he made a great plan of attack.

[@georgebell9634]

😂😂😂

[@yogeshpanwar3201]

I hope that OP gets the woman he loves back and that she gets better, this is one of the first story that i relate to

[@Voodoomaria]

In this relationship, there were two miserable people. Out of this relationship, there is only ONE. His wife is completely toxic, doing absolutely NOTHING to improve her condition, because there was more advantage in doing nothing. He is better alone, and she needs to sink, or swim on her own.

[@randolphwh9551]

Made a huge mistake aka I lost my cash pig

[@Dontez82]

That therapist is the worst. Instead of holding the person accountable, they blame the husband? Wow

[@KuroiRenge]

The therapist didn't blame the husband. His wife admitted that she used the therapist as an excuse to separate from him because it was easier to blame the therapist than admit she felt like she was a burden.

[@jeffreyott118]

Since you went this route I commend you for your willingness to work it out. But remember in the beginning she will show improvement and as it comes further down the road she is going to be slipping back to the way things were and you are going to have to be able to adjust for it. My advice would be adjustable as possible for her and go to some of her appointments and talk to the therapist. It will help you understand what you are going through and it makes things more clearly how she is progressing in her therapy.

[@TheBigExclusive]

This is an old SIMP story. No thanks. So many channels posted this long ago.

[@jadeimingan184]

Well, at least in this one, she did not cheat.

[@dylancarroll4623]

Yeah marriages are marathons. Marathons with two people running side by side, not one piggybacking the other.

[@ixcxe6663]

In this story... the marriage vows were NEVER broken by either of them... they simply didn't know how to communicate, and her previously existing issues from childhood were there before they got married. The marriage itself (in my opinion) simply didn't fix or fulfill certain expectations she'd carried. My guess is that the crap parenting she'd witnessed while young, combined with various unrealistic societal expectations... merely exacerbated her problems once she was actually married... and instead of looking at her marriage as a chance to break away from whatever dysfunctional template she grew up with... she allowed herself to wallow in it. And he, not being able to understand or having experience with depression... did exactly the OPPOSITE of what he should've. People with depression need healthy boundaries and people willing to compassionately but firmly hold them accountable, while also allowing them celebratory/positive reinforcement whenever they EXCEED normal expectations... not when they're simply able to do the daily things that everyone else manages. Over time, and hopefully with therapy... many depression issues can quite often be overcome... but there are dangers. Sometimes the recovery process becomes like a drug... and the depression spirals into "over the top" expressions of overconfidence. And from personal experience with a close friend, whose newfound confidence became just another way to shield herself from an accountability to her deeper issues... as she cheated on her husband more than once... I learned that depression and other issues often get blown out because people simply become detached from reality... especially when other (self-professed friends/family) fail to hold them accountable to it. In essence, they enable a return to (or perpetuation) of infantile mindset & expression. That is why you don't celebrate people doing the bare minimum to maintain themselves, though having periodic (say every three months or so) ways to show your overall appreciation for the efforts they're actually making.. should be a bare minimum within ANY relationship. Depression and other issues fester, especially absent of healthy routines, but over time (with the right TEMPORARY chemical enhancement &.or personal interaction) people DO get better, as they learn to navigate what works for THEIR specific issues. Chemical/hormonal imbalances and brain injury, etc. aside... many mental health issues can (over time) either be managed or completely negated. Just like the human body, we are all equipped with healing mechanisms... and it is OUR job (just as with doctors) to identify the best methods to TRIGGER the mind and body's healing process. Drugs and such should NEVER be the "GO TO" or primary method of treatment... unless certain injuries and traumas truly necessitate them. Otherwise they actually/eventually become a crutch that RETARDS personal development. There is also no perfect or external "better" when it comes to people and their relationships... as each is as unique as the DNA of each person involved. So societal comparisons and expectations simply don't matter much (if at all). Life is about being and working toward the best YOU... as a perpetual journey in which setbacks should be expected as a welcome challenge... and not a single minute should be squandered or wasted, even if it is simply to "wind down" and replenish your soul/body. In a relationship/marriage we're able to be one another's TEMPORARY support through the rough... and a CONSTANT source of physical/mental/emotional security against internal/external doubt as well as temptations... not as a FIXED replacement for our own responsibilities, or those of others. Which is a sure-fire recipe for stunted growth (aka perpetuated immaturity & co-dependency). Another issue was the severe lack of communication BOTH of them enabled... but again, none of their vows were actually broken, and there is love between them... that is obvious. He hated her sickness and the decisions/lack thereof... not the person. He simply wasn't equipped to stand his ground, and let her issues turn him into a doormat... while she allowed his efforts to snowball them. In effect, he allowed her illness to parasitize their relationship... feeding from him to enable her depression. He taught himself to SHARE IT... instead of learning how to fight against it. ALL COUPLES should take and learn about a somewhat outdated notion known as Etiquette. The modern day has discarded BASIC and time tested methods to maintain civility and decorum across all levels of self and close relationships... as well as society. And before therapy... or even as an adjunct... taking and applying some courses will go a LONG WAY toward figuring out how to be the most Approachable (as well as Appreciated) person you can possibly be. And it doesn't matter if you're more introverted or extroverted... as there is literally NO DOWNSIDE for either. I highly recommend it for everyone, and dare say it should be integrated into all levels of our educational systems. When people know HOW to treat one another with respect, because they made the effort to learn it as well as earn it... then issues become much more readily notable (so you can address them in a more timely manner), and causes to celebrate become all that more pleasant to look forward to. HuGGz

[@namelesintelect4016]

He will no doubt give her another chance.

[@terrywilson1813]

Dealing with someone who battles depression is exhausting but I'm old school and see marriage as a lifelong commitment through thick and thin with only abuse or infidelity being valid justification for divorce. With that being said it's up to both parties to take personal responsibility to make the marriage work. You can't just sit around and let your spouse do everything because you end up with a situation like this where one gets tired and has eventually had enough. Both making the effort to give more than they take from the other is the secret to making marriage last and in the end neither should have any regrets knowing they gave it everything

[@jonvicmamon2529]

yes right i agree totally

[@starfish5599]

I respect the OP decision. It's very brave to give someone 2nd chance. 6 years of unhappy marriage is no joke, and despite all of those craps, he still willingly accept her. I just hope this time his wife can get back up, even if slowly.

[@brianbarber5401]

He didn’t give her a second chance. He gave her thousands of chances.

[@leighnisbett9691]

To op , your giving her chance to prove to herself and you she can cope with life .By giving her rules /conditions she must follow it gives her more motivation to get off her ass ,and have a long hard look at her choices in life.That way your is working on herself and trying to repair the damage to the marriage ,if she fails it's on her head ,that's the motivation.NTA

[@mentallydisturbedscience8900]

Plus, I think that everything he's requiring of her are things that will help her mental state too. I know that depression can be debilitating, but something I've learned is that when you're starting to lose that grip, the best thing you can do is get active. Get out. Go to work. Go to the gym. Clean the house, or just a spot in the house, so you can feel like you did something. Take your meds if that's what the doctor thinks you need. But marinating in your depression is only going to make things worse. He's giving her a chance to fix the marriage, but also to get better.

[@jeffdean5892]

Was going to say can't go back to what it was but you figured it out . . she might stumble from time to time and need help back up , stumble isn't a fail , remind her all this isn't just for you its more for her because she gets to be a better her and if you happen to get the woman you fell in love with back Win- win Good luck and much hope for you both

[@kurisomething]

this guy is pretty amazing, i dont even have the kind of capability to explain my thoughts and emotions properly to myself

[@bhollyfanhardin9627]

i have suffered from very bad depression since my late 20's and i know therapist shouldn't have told her to do something like this......especially the ''your husband may be why your depressed''.....i have never met a therapist that would do this at least not with out having some counseling sessions with her and the husband first......but in this day and age with all this feminist and ''woke'' bullshit i guess anything is possible....i would report that therapist.......

[@alvinchoong1558]

Therapists are just guessing what is the best solution for you while dragging the sessions longer for money. But in the end, you and only yourself can change your DESTINY. I believe that the number one enemy is not depression but self doubt that leads to depression. Wish this man good luck and always be positive minded✌️

[@lightzpy8049]

feminist agenda is in the institutions

[@twatmere9726]

took me a while to find a story where leaving is the end game, kinda nice tbh

[@sumikkoghostie4971]

I live for these videos now, thank you 🙏

[@halleyangel1706]

She's a co dependent which a good partner does not make. Dependency on one person does not make a good partner

[@WhitneyDahlin]

Bro WTF. I am very disappointed in him. She's going to be on her best behavior for a few months but she WILL eventually fall into old habits and stop trying and start taking you for granted. Whether it's 5 months from now or 5 years from now it IS going to happen. Right now you're in the honeymoon phase again so she's going to be on her best behavior. But PEOPLE DONT CHANGE. EVER. Not really. Even very small life style changes like eating healthier or going to the gym more frequently are so hard to make and permanently stick and take so much time and effort and energy to maintain that they have an over 88% failure rate. And to change something big like an aspect of your personality (such as laziness procrastination entitlement ect) is so difficult to change that it's basically impossible. And your wife is going to have to make MANY huge personality and lifestyle changes all at once and maintain them for the rest of her life. There is NO WAY she will be able to make those changes and stick to them. Period. People don't change. If you think they do you are very naive and are not looking at this realistically or logically. I don't even feel bad for him. Literally everyone told him not to take her back. He KNOWS how terrible he's been treated. But he's an enabler and unless he make some major personality changes too and sticks to them he's going to be back in this situation for the rest of his life. People like the wife ALWAYS find enablers, and enablers are drawn to people like the wife. It's a very toxic relationship dynamic

[@maam-yj8ph]

I would like to know what first made OP consider this girl as his dream girl and what their life was like before they got married.

[@eyesonly5494]

I think you forced her to snap out of it because she had to, her parents most likely wanted her of the house tagged you in, but best of luck with this.

[@Wormanatti]

Too early to start out that bad. I'd be done period. She is a boat anchor you're going nowhere with her.

[@WesleyZ3]

I really hope this works out for the MC. I really hope she gets better. I'm hoping this ended with a happy ending.

[@shlokagarwal95]

Happened with me. These people fake it for getting attention and free service. I wasted 2 years of my life. Almost got married. Now safe.

[@m3redgt]

"I know for a fact she did not sleep around while separated" That is literally not possible.. except you kept her locked away in a basement only you have the key for...

[@doomguy9049]

Yeah exactly. When they have these strong "I knkw this for a fact" kinda responses I assume they're fake and trying to eliminate any questions that diverge from the story they have planned.

[@vicarofrevelwood]

He'll be back on Reddit in 3 to 5 years complaining that she cheated on him. And left him again.

[@fantasyworld77]

i was thinking the same thing if it had been me i wouldnt of even picked up the phone

[@peanutgallery4159]

Previouse comment, took the words rite out of my mouth! What gives ppl the right to THINK IT'S ON THEM TO TELL ANOTHER WAT TO DO, I hate ppl like that!

[@michaeldowson6988]

She's an emotional vampire.

[@worldpeaceisthegoal5560]

The thing about depression is that the only real way out is if you have a starting point because depression is swirling thoughts in your heads like a spiral. So it is good that OP set bounderies and gave her a starting point to pull herself out of it, sometimes it takes a serious kick up the butt to organise your thoughts. Been there done that, I hope it works OP, good luck to both of you.

[@nicknitro86]

The people mad at him aren't his friends and his "family" doesn't care about how he feels. These are people to cut out.