Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear

[@beksinski]

'No' is a complete sentence.

[@TheDoctor1225]

@M L D C I either heard or read him say that we need to remember that charm is a verb. It's an active thing. No, everyone who is charming is not trying to be a rapist or abuse you, but it's worth remembering that it's a conscious action, just like being polite is, or being rude is. I have always appreciated the fact that while he teaches what he does, he doesn't take the route of "ALL MEN ARE..." or "In EVERY situation, this means..." that so many do.

[@omargonzales3]

@@TheDoctor1225 in one of Jordon peterson podcast that he used to do he had Gavin as a guest, Gavin he talk about charming men and how it is indeed an action

[@beccareynolds4625]

The most valuable word we need to know how to say.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Niceness does not equal goodness. Charm is a verb. It is not a character trait.

[@avagrego3195]

After I read this book I became aware that when I say no and the person persists, this person does not respect me or does not respect no and this disrespectful person is not welcome in my life. Excluding close friends or relatives of course.

[@Joshua-Paul79]

So so true good job 👍 I tell my female neighbor this and she resist to tell her dates no and I’ve been saying wait five days tell him no and see what happens, but nope she just wants to have fun.🤦🏾‍♂️

[@ENFPerspectives]

Why are you excluding close friends and family?

[@billthebax5578]

@@ENFPerspectives I agree wholeheartedly, if a family member will not take no for an answer how is that not disrespectful? I do love the comment. I similarly think all should be included.

[@LuxMeow]

Why is okay for close friends or relatives to disrespect you?

[@sherrydrake9578]

So it's ok with you for your close friends and relatives to ignore you when you say no and somehow that is not disrespectful to you? The guy just told you that women are killed by boyfriends and husbands. I guess you didn't get anything out of this lecture.

[@ENFPerspectives]

"When a man says, "No", it's the end of a discussion. When a woman says, "No", its the beginning of a negotiation. "There was an illusion that news was a public service; it is a business." -- Gavin de Becker

[@TheDoctor1225]

Not as cut and dried as he makes it, though, sadly. There are a LOT of very aggressive women out there, just as there are aggressive men - we just don't hear about it because it's not socially acceptable (just as we don't hear about spousal abuse where the woman abuses the man). Also, "...it's the beginning of a negotiation" to any man who doesn't have or wasn't brought up to have decent manners, as a general rule. To those that were, "No" IS a complete sentence, and they understand it. No, that's not a universal, but it is true in a great many cases. In this case, though, I would agree that it's better to teach in the general and also add in that to anyone to whom "No" is the beginning of a negotiation, man OR woman, realize what that means and what it says about the person with whom you're dealing.

[@llIlIlllII]

It applies to women the overwhelming majority of times. I understand what you're doing. You're trying to garner awareness for male victims. But playing the equality card here is not appropriate. There are a ton of men who get angry at the fact that women act afraid of them in public. Instead of being rational and compassionate, they put their own needs first, and believe they have a real point when saying that women should change this behavior and just know that they, personally, are a good guy. That anger, real hate, is disproportionate. Men hate women and act on it more than the reverse, and you can pull up any statistics you feel like to verify that.

[@urthboundmisfit]

Always treat a no from a woman as a complete sentence and the end of a discussion. One of two things is going to happen. Either (a) it will turn out she meant it as a complete sentence and you will score points for respecting her No. Or (b) she's playing games and you will provide negative feedback to the game-playing, and hopefully she'll learn her lesson and not do it again. Example of (b) a man asks a woman to have sex and she says no but is just being coy. He takes her no as real and backs off. Result: She doesn't get laid. Next time maybe she'll be more forthcoming. Best part, no rape happened. If more guys would look at it this way it would save both parties a lot of grief. P.S. We'll probably never get straight-up 100% accurate domestic *violence* stats. But with domestic *murder* a male person is more likely to die at the hands of another male person than be killed by a female person. Men need to spend a little less time claiming women abuse men in equal numbers and a little more time asking why men kill so many male relatives in domestic violence because this is a serious problem.

[@tititigabu8200]

@@urthboundmisfit thank you

[@linhngo7398]

Women connect over Gossip and bonding drama

[@NeoDarkling]

I saw this man on Oprah years ago and his message about not being polite if it puts you in danger is something everyone, especially women, need to take to heart. If you offend an innocent person it will momentarily put them ill at ease but they'll get over it and continue to live their life. If you give a real threat the benefit of the doubt, it could be the end of your life.

[@DonnaMayStanish]

Exactly 💯

[@sherriflemming3218]

Brilliant interviews with Oprah.

[@Knwuce83wry]

this book is seminal. it saved my life from an abusive boyfriend. Mr. DeBecker is a hero and a treasure.

[@google-is-a-stupid-piece-o2543]

@tablelampdoor lol incels.

[@4Mikes4Mindset4]

@tablelampdoor am I wrong in questioning every woman saying this in the #scammedmetoo era?

[@gilchamame]

@@4Mikes4Mindset4 please stay away from all women.

[@TheDoctor1225]

@@4Mikes4Mindset4 Not in the slightest. In truth, questioning everything that doesn't have direct, incontrovertible evidence right in front of you is the mark of a person with a functioning brain (so much for the "please stay away from all women" commenter below). When you add in the number of women who DO abuse the system by claiming to be raped or abused and then are found out to be out and out frauds, thereby harming those who ARE truly having that happen to them, it makes it more understandable why people would question the claims. The knee jerk "You're BLAMING THE VICTIM/YOU'RE A MEANIE" crowd need to remember that questioning and not believing are two different things. Bandwagons with no evidence are bandwagons with no evidence, no matter WHAT the cause is.

[@sophiafake-virus2456]

In what way were you hurting that boyfriend?

[@StorytellingHeadshots]

Women often feel internal pressure to “be nice” and not “hurt other people’s feelings”. I was once walking on a city street in a neighborhood and saw that my route would take me past an underground parking garage. As I looked ahead, there was a man standing at the edge of the entrance to the underground garage. My first thought was this: “hmm that could be a dangerous situation for me. I will need to walk right past him and the proximity to the garage would mean if he grabbed me I could be quickly hidden from any help.” A slightly secondary thought was that also seemed somewhat “off” to me that a grown man was simply standing there. Not walking; just loitering at a public parking garage. So that was my first and second thought. My NEXT thought however (the logical brain” was, thought it would be would be an easy precaution for me to just cross to the other side of the street to continue my journey ; then I wouldn’t be within grabbing distance.. But my third thought that followed quickly after was, “ oh but what if he sees me cross the street and I hurt his feelings by implying that I thought it was dangerous to walk past him.” Further complicating this, I am a white woman and this guy was black… so the “cost” to me was to appear racist. When actually the race of the man wasn’t my concern it was the weirdness of his loitering on the street in the middle of the day, and the choice to loiter literally in the shadow of a dark underground parking structure… In the end, I faced my own chagrin and fear of possibly offending him and thought, “Well, it’s a bad situation. It’s understandable to feel nervous” and I gave myself PERMISSION to risk offending him by crossing over to the farther side of the street… the whole time feeling bad that he might think it was personal but telling myself that the downside of being “wrong” and being over fearful was far less than the downside of possibly offending an innocent guy… Telllimf myself that because the situation was clearly so sketchy that any truest decent guy would understand that it’s not personal but just “single woman walking” protocol… I took the “risk” of overreaction and crossed. As I did, the guy jumped up and started shaking his fist at me and YELLING in anger, “You crossed the street because I’m black didn’t you? How dare you! Come back here!” And started after me. I was flabbergasted. Even in my fear of social embarrassment I hadn’t expected this. But it confirmed my intuition that he had ill intent. I ducked into a salon and asked the girls there if I could wait for a bit. They were fine w that and I waited until he passed by before proceeding to my apartment. Knowing that I didn’t want to give him a blueprint for how to find my house. It was really terrifying. And when I think of how much agony I went into worrying about “hurting his feelings” when clearly he had no regard for my fear of the context and the greater risk that women face, and frankly his entitlement evidenced by his willingness to yell at me for taking the most basic of safety precautions, revealed that removing myself from proximity to him was the best decision I could have made.

[@TruthFelt]

Wow, I'm so glad you shared all of this, and that I found and was able to read it. Truly a wonderful lesson on listening to your intuition! Thanks!

[@mistahkalean6777]

Fake news

[@usfanlovesjiwoo1978]

This reminds me of a gut feeling I had about a guy years ago. A girl that I befriended at work was seeing a guy for about a year and a half. I finally met the guy one day when me and a couple of other friends went to his house to pick her up to go out on a girls night out. We were invited in the house and as soon as I met him my gut instinct told me this was a bad person and I was creeped out. When I told my friend about it the next day she got upset with me and said you just met him so you just don't know him. Well they did eventually break up and went their separate ways and I was happy. Then approx a year later he started dating another girl and she broke up with him. He went to her house and waited for her to come out. When she was walking down the driveway to her car to go to work he got out of his truck and shot her dead. A neighbor witnessed it and called the police. They surrounded his house and he killed himself. When I saw it on the news my first thought was, I knew that guy was bad, I just felt it.

[@dinameshrif6430]

Omg so sad!!

[@peachbellini2615]

I had a friend who I lost touch with.. after some years we renewed our friendship.. we made plans to get together for months before we finally did.. I drove to her town about 40 some odd miles away.. she told me a guy friend of hers was staying with her.. when I met him I had a very bad feeling about him.. their whole situation/dynamic was weird.. but after years of no contact.. I didn't want to overstep my bounds and complain about the "creepy" guy... when I left her house I cried all the way home because I knew her situation was bad.. the next day she texted multiple times.. how wonderful it was ..like old times.. we made plans for my next weekend off.. when I didn't hear from her I just figured she had other plans.. but that guy had killed her and was living in her house with her decomposing body.. it was a nightmare.. I cried so much.. it's been 4 years and I still feel so bad that I didn't tell her about the bad vibes I got from him.. she had asked to come stay with me but I told her my place was too small.. but that I'd get a place plenty big for both of us.. that didn't happen .. always trust your intuition

[@cutie13581]

@@peachbellini2615aww I’m so sorry

[@sherriflemming3218]

People unfortunately often don't listen to advice.

[@TruthFelt]

​@@sherriflemming3218That doesn't mean you shouldn't give it. It might save someone's life.

[@patricialeboeuf8975]

Gavin de Becker’s seminal The Gift of Fear is one of the most valuable and, truly, essential nonfiction books of the past 100 years or more. I have read it multiple times and every time I get more and more from it. Every person in the world should read it, ESPECIALLY women. He covers death threats, domestic violence homicides, violence by children, workplace violence, and most importantly, ties it all together with the most important resource we all have: intuition. As an autistic person who has struggled with reading people, his book has helped me respect and discover my own intuition, as I always believed I didn’t have one. But I DO! We all do. God bless this man for Having helped so many.

[@DonnaMayStanish]

❤

[@sherriflemming3218]

It's every woman's bible.

[@shyshy8788]

I bought the gift of fear at a time that I was being stalked.The book literally was a step by step guide to how this man approached me, try to familiarize himself with me and so on. fantastic book. 18 months on stalking until I finally moved. scared to death.

[@lauranorwar]

I hope you continue to be safe and that you are doing well.

[@mindsigh4]

also, & i know it's not for everybody, but if a woman gets a good teacher, & training in self defence, & learns how to carry & handle a gun, it's up to the person, they have to be aware enuff, of themselves,to have a gun & not be afraid to know how to use it. practice ranges can set u up with instructors, talk to women who have guns, find out where how they got started. having a gun doesn't mean u have to use it, having a gun, & being competent with it, sends a signal, or if it did come down to it, it definitely could save a life that matters, hint, not the predators.

[@shyshy8788]

@@mindsigh4 good advice. Here in the 🇬🇧 there is no guns. It's illegal. We women have to endure or die or learn to avoid. Sad

[@robincrowflies]

@@mindsigh4 I could never own a gun. Would never have one in my house.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Excellent information on criminal harassment. 👍

[@eewankhoo4944]

bought his book many years ago and immediately bought another one for my sister after reading it. A few years ago, I bought another one for my wife to be. I've been recommending this book to many people. This book can literally save your life.

[@veronica_._._._]

Saved mine, it was an import and on a 2nd hand, table, l was put off by the incongruous silver foil cover that made it look like an airport novel, but was drawn in by the paradox of the title, what phrase saved my life? No contact

[@sparkyspark964]

Good for you! I’m glad you found value in the book for yourself and that you got a copy for your wife-to-be. I hope you will continue to share the gift with others.👍🏼

[@DonnaMayStanish]

Thank you for sharing the book with those in your life. ❤

[@horneyal1]

I knew this man and worked with him in Los Angeles in the early 80’s. I have a great deal of respect and admiration for him.

[@andream9977]

👍🏽 lucky you!

[@monicag3771]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@marcusmiro7481]

He's an excellent communicator, seems like a great guy, and, well, he's a total daddy 🤭

[@ruthdederick7754]

“How do you tell the difference between anxiety and worry and true fear. ...unwarranted fear will always be in response to something you imagine or something you remember. True fear is always based on something in your environment- something you sense.” “If you think of fear as being a brief signal in the presence of danger, then it’s obviously something to listen to.” 33:39 This man’s truth has gotten me through many situations. Few people talk about these basics today.

[@mindsigh4]

yep, & this really needs to be shared, ive given copies of Gift of Fear to young women over the yrs who when they read it were amazed, when they thank me i tell them to pass it on , to talk about it with their friends. good for any reader to ferret out the signs of opportunists & predators alike, when people are trying to hide or distract u from detecting their evil intent, there are telltale readable signs.

[@sherriflemming3218]

This book needs to be implemented in the educational system as a reference manual. . Give copies as gifts to women.

[@theresabeville4420]

I loved his book. It has taught me to value my gut feelings. Amazingly enough how often do others respond to intuition with "don't feel that way" "you're just being paranoid" or to "act opposite" to what you sense is safe.

[@heide-raquelfuss5580]

It is indeed very common and flabbergasting. The reasons i discovered are... People do not want to listen and do not want to talk about serious matters, because they get stressed and scared, uncomfortable. People like to be in in denial most of the time. Also... They want to be happy and having fun and you ruin their mood. Also... Naivity and being brainwashed by allmost everyone that our planet is safe and humans too and we need to be chronically nice and trusting and see tge good things in people and be supper social allmost inmediately we meet someone. It is very dangerous of course, because you are trained to trust people even when strangers. We are pressured to trust automatically doctors, teachers, scientists, governments, neighbours, clowns, animal lovers, kindergarten personel, nurses, police, nannies, familymembers, fathers and mothers, scouts, bosses, co-workers and all people your dealing with. That is very dangerous, wrong and totally not natural in the animal world. Also... People think only others are in danger, not them. Only others have bad luck, not them. It happens, but not with me. Also... People do not care what people say. Also... People are very supperfucial. Also... People think they allways 'know it better'. Also... The psychiatry and healthcare system and others teach us about mental disorders, whitch include paranoia, anxiety, fear as disorders and mental health conditions, that are not normal. Intuition is seen also as not scientific in many offices and public opinion. Intuition is seen as a female hysteria condition and is not valid as a tool to safe you or guide you. It is to spiritual in their eyes. Science becomes the only tool and has to be double blind reasearched and aproved. New ideas take 50/60 years to gain validity oftentimes. Instincts are seen as something only animals have and humans not. We are seen as standing above animals, because humans can not cope with the idea, that we are just animaks, like any animal on earth. And humans can not behave like animals, instincts and intuition included. I am bitter and tired, when people say it is al in your head, you are to sensitive, overanalizing, paranoia, or suffering a mental disorder, when i say something like...my gut feeling, intuition, instinct tells me...and so on. Also...my emotions are there and there are reasons for it. So why should i see my emotions, feelings, gut feeling, instinct, fear and so on...as not valid and as a disorder. Now i think...yea, yea, yea and i shut up and avoid people like that. No more time wasting on people. I do what i do and they do what they do. The only hard part is, when thus people are your mother, father, son, daughter, friends. I like dogs. They understand more and have more instincts, when it comes to a situation. They do not say it is in your head or you are paranoia. Bless you much lady.

[@DonnaMayStanish]

I love my dog as well. I wish more people realized how extremely important having a dog in your home is vital! They love you no matter how you look or feel, they protect you, loyal, faithful, force your behind outside for a walk no matter what. 😂. Rain or shine, get your behind out that door! I agree with your thoughts. I also have noticed when I share ideas with some folks they pooh-pooh it. It's okay. The seed is planted. I feel I did what I could. I don't care what the recipient thinks at the time - the seed is planted. Now we just need to wait patiently for it to germinate, and oftentimes it does. Therefore, please don't give up trying to guide others. Take care. ❤

[@sherriflemming3218]

Naivety is not a life skill.

[@TruthFelt]

I think a big reason is growing up in a household where you are not allowed to feel, or express your true feelings.

[@TruthFelt]

I was in a 7 Eleven store, and a guy was behind me, and my dog started growling and showing her teeth, which really surprised me, and I thought, there must be something about this guy that she is picking up on, and I wasn't.

[@ArtBarkMaker]

This work has helped me from being abducted and re-traumatized by former perpetrators. THANK YOU! I am now teaching a sibling who is not yet free, to help her discover ways to stay and be safe.

[@lorimrasek7611]

Here I am watching this video 8 yrs later and it is timeless. I was down in the park with my dog, now this park is a park you don't go down into unless you have a dog or a friend with you, at the time women were getting sexually assaulted. I'm walking and I see this young girl about 14 yrs old by herself on a swing head down ear phones in oblivious to her surroundings, what do I do, I go right up to her until she realizes I'm standing right in front of her and she jumps because I startled her. I look at her and said do you know anything about this park? No, well I'm going to enlighten you, so I did and then I said you had no idea I was standing right in front of you until a couple of seconds later, this man would have been on you and you would have been assaulted no questions asked. Now you make the decision right now are you going to stay in this park or are you going to leave? She stands up and says sorry, I said those earphones are what's going to get you into trouble, be cognizant of your surrounding is all I'm saying, she said goodbye and I've never seen her again. I can only hope she learned something that day. This is before I read your book. Thank you Mr. De Becker.

[@donnawatkins8404]

There's a good chance you saved her life. You did a very good thing!

[@lorimrasek7611]

@@donnawatkins8404 Thanks Donna, she wasn't the first young lady I've spoken to, I've spoken to many and many do not listen the ear phones are a factor in all of this. There was a woman a neighbor of mine who loved walking through the parks, and she was down at this one park, the same one that I mentioned above, I told her she shouldn't be down here by herself, she said she would be fine. Needless to say she was attacked. It can be a scary world and as a female we have to look out for one another.

[@robincrowflies]

Guardian angel.

[@magistrafortis]

I think it is perfectly possible to be aware of one's surroundings and wear headphones we shouldn't live in a society where men can wear headphones nqa but women must spend time saying oh no I mustn't do this I mustn't do that! How about the male community spending much more time assessing what they should & shouldn't be doing instead & having much more in depth discussions about why men attack women in the first place & why they often think that it is their right or their place to do so. I am a fairly attractive woman & now am of a good age to have plenty of hinterland & insight about male behaviour & the idea that you walk about with headphones on & enjoy music or radio makes you much more vulnerable than a woman who is not wearing any is slightly risible if the girl is 5ft 2 & a man jumps her in a park & he is 6ft 2 & his main enjoyment in life is benching heavy weights so is ridiculously stronger than the girl & has set out to target women may I suggest to you that what the woman is doing or not doing is Not the problem & she will fare no better in fending of such an attacker because she is not wearing headphones the difference is such a cowardly & weak man of such weight & size difference attacking a girl. The problem isn't her headphones the problem is the man who attacks women in parks whether they wear headphones or not..........

[@mindsigh4]

@@magistrafortis i agree that it's not about _the headphones_ it's about awareness of ones surroundings & paying attention. but by you saying that men are at fault for x,y or z, or need to learn x,y or z.. or shouldn't be predators... or should do this or shouldn't do that, _doesn't help one woman to be any safer_ it's just bla blah bla. the woman who surprised the girl by walking up on her unnoticed was demonstrating to her that she was not paying attention, free lesson, & i'll bet it helped, & maybe got her thinking, & maybe she passed it on to some friends? your comment reminds me of those old tv talk shows where they would have a panel discussion on teen pregnancies, & without fail someone would rail on about how boys should be raised/taught to be more responsible, that maybe a fine sentiment, but kinda USELESS to a pregnant teenage girl, who must now make an actual life & death decision, is the one who has to live with that decision & maybe haunted or guilt ridden for the rest of her life over that decision. any discussion about what her teenage boyfriend should or should not have done will not help her to live with *any* of those decisions. and the consequences of not making decisions, not deciding to be aware of your surroundings should definitely be brought up again & again becuz the price is steep, potentially life & death.

[@julied1000]

I believe this should be required in school to the young people whos parents may not teach them. Things and people are NOT always what they seem. You cant assume anything when dealing with people other than alot of the time what people say is entirely different than what they are going to do.

[@usfanlovesjiwoo1978]

I agree but not just for young people, but rather people of all ages. You would think people grow wiser with age but a lot do not. I always say trust your gut instinct about people because 99.9% of the time you are correct about that person. You can't explain it but you just know this person is no good. Maybe that is the fear this speaker is talking about like the woman at the movie theater, but I call it gut instinct.

[@catalin.bautista]

Yes! Exactly!!

[@angelasepi657]

Schools and teachers are already overburdened.

[@Cat-hn2on]

@@angelasepi657 Yet they teach unimportant and irrelevant subjects that have no practical applications to everyday life in the real world.

[@4th_Disciple]

more parenting burdened on the teachers because the irresponsible parents couldnt keep it in their pants😪

[@blane6592]

I saw Gavin speak when I was in undergrad...this changed my life!!!! Share this with every woman you love!!!

[@missy337]

Have used this in classrooms for many years. The beauty is that grade 6 remembers and ask in grade 11!

[@christinehaigh9807]

Niceness is a strategy, a beginning of a negotiation.

[@moniquearmstrong8882]

Please explain

[@Cat-hn2on]

@@moniquearmstrong8882 Look up Ted Bundy. It was all a manipulative act to gain his victim's trust.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Niceness does not equal goodness.

[@sherriflemming3218]

​@@moniquearmstrong8882 Read the book and learn.

[@Irene-gq4jr]

No comment less than an essay could convey how valuable this entire talk is. I've read 'The Gift of Fear'. All I can say is read it at your own pace and take time to digest all of the lessons it offers.

[@badkittycat61]

One of the most brilliant books I have ever read. The Gift of Fear. Thank you.

[@fluffyweapon]

Ditto!!!

[@ENFPerspectives]

Wow. Either you do not read a lot or it is amazing.

[@donnaleigh5001]

His book The Gift Of Fear shows us know how important it is to go with our gut.Instincts are never wrong. de Becker is a brilliant man.

[@BASK1120]

One of my favorite books ever. It can save lives. Millions of lives.

[@sparkygeeb1]

BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. .......

[@ENFPerspectives]

@Lloyd Braun you are bringing up an unrelated subject. Bad debate stance.

[@marymicrogram9194]

See people and things for what they are, not what you wish they were. Best lesson I've ever learned in life. Honestly, I could stand to have a little *less* fear and distrust. Constant fear and anxiety are as destructive as total lack of fear in terms of health effects. Yes, women are conditioned to be "nice" and ignore their intuition, but some of us are just the opposite and can't turn it off. Listen to your gut instincts, but learn to distinguish real danger from pointless anxiety.

[@zchristyz]

Read his book "The Gift of Fear", Mary. He does a fantastic job of distinguishing the difference between *fear* which is a direct result of an actual dangerous situation and *anxiety* which is actually more harmful to us because it causes us to disregard our intuition.

[@DeeDeeRussell]

Mary Microgram To be aware is to be calm. I am calm when the doors are locked and I listen to my gut about people places and things. Find the balance that what spas hot baths aromatherapy and exercise are for to quell anxiety.

[@anner.5347]

+Mary Microgram Take that into account the next time a liberal tries to shame you into throwing open our borders to any and all who come thru it. We are being bullied into being complacent which flies in the face of Mr. De Becker's genuine wisdom.

[@barbaranorton1166]

+Miss My Nation You missed the whole point. You are acting like the news media. Lets just be afraid of everything and everyone for no reason whatsoever. Do not fear an entire group of people for the actions of a few. Are you afraid of all teenagers because a few are school shooters? Are you afraid of all people because some are serial killers? Why do you think refugee people want to come here for? They are just as afraid of terrorist as you are. The way we treat them speaks to our humanity. Do not let a few bad people cause you to loose your humanity for ALL people.

[@VolkColopatrion]

on the other hand the Mateen family pulse and the Boston bomber Tsarnayev were immigrants. it's not the fact that all refugees are bad, it's that when you give a predator an opening, they're going to take it. and the only people who could pay the bribes and afford to even be part of a relocation program are the ones who have good money. the unfortunate thing is then people will play appologetics for the very reason of not seeming like a "bigot" when they were rightly afraid.

[@TRYtoHELPyou]

This man is brilliant. I was introduced to 'the gift of fear' over 10 years ago now... I think I need to re-read it.

[@donnaleigh5001]

TRY to HELP- I read The Gift Of Fear 15 yrs ago then read it again last yr. So glad I did. Hope you read it again too.

[@incompetentpoltergeist4652]

As someone who has been around sketchy/crazy/untrustworthy people since age 10 (and abuse before that), this man speaks a lot of truth. Truth you could receive from any decent person who has lived a somewhat "outlaw" life, but still. Self-preservation is, in my view, the strongest force in our collective egregore.

[@RuchaNimbalkar]

❤❤❤

[@sage9836]

"Intuition is knowing without knowing why." In the afternoon while parked I had this feeling to push the lock button. I wondered why, because my doors were probably locked, but did it anyway. After that, a man wearing a hood that was pulled nearly closed around his face and a baseball cap walked out of my vehicle's blind spot and beside my door. It was not cold outside. Other odd behavior followed. I am here to say that nothing bad happened because I had read this author's book.

[@buttermonkey33]

The audio quality is quite painful for such a great talk

[@gavindeulufount2043]

This talk made me remember an experience when time slowed down like he talked about...it was a time I was walking in an area that wasn't very good, and as I was diagonally crossing the road, two guys that had been coming down the sidewalk also began quickly crossing from the opposite direction so they would hit the sidewalk right where I was headed. Right as I got to them, time went very slowly - like he said, into milliseconds. I "saw" myself very quickly reaching both hands out and hitting them both in the throats with the area between my thumb and forefinger. What actually happened, was I quickly walked between them and nothing happened. But it seems like something very complex happened where my mind rapidly assessed the situation, and they somehow recognized it and decided to leave me alone. Not trying to tell this story to seem like a badass, because I'm not, but to say that it's definitely real that your mind can slow time if needed.

[@Femmefatale1990]

I COMPLETELY understand what you mean and you described it beautifully. I had a similar experience in an alleyway while walking home from high school. I would take shortcuts and I felt someone behind me. It was a man and he asked me what time it was but he had such a fixed stare on me, it unnerved me. I hesitated, looked down and saw him walk towards me quickly and I looked up IMMEDIATELY and he stopped and smiled. I still remember that smile, told him I didn't have a watch and stopped walking (giving him time to pass me and walk in front of me). I looked at him with my eyebrows raised (remembering his face, clothes etc) and we stared at one another and it did feel like time had slowed down and I remember imagining things I would do to him if he attacked and I swear he must've sensed something horrible because he scoffed and gave me that "okay okay" nod and slight smile and walked past and ahead of me while I continued staring him down. I remembered I had a new cellphone and dug through my bag for it while watching him walk ahead and once in a while he'd look back and got on the phone with my sister telling her to stay on the line and explaining what happened. I continued walking home but moved to the sidewalk (neighborhoods) and could see him walking through the alley between the houses and we kept making eye contact. What scares me more is that I'd stop in front of a house to let him walk ahead a few houses ahead of me then continue walking and at one point saw him again. He had to have stopped to wait for me to continue walking! I then moved another block away but eventually have to go back towards him as I had to reach my parent's home. I got home and locked every door and window, staying on the phone and checked the entire house. I was paranoid and eventually went out the back of my parent's home with a kitchen knife and saw nothing--until a few minutes later. He passes me and stares! He should have passed the house a long time ago. He never did anything, he was accessing but he striked me as someone who may have possibly seen me before and someone who was persistent. I did call the non-emergency 311 to explain what happened but they weren't any help. I never walked home alone again but eventually did continue my alley short-cuts (never alone) 'cause fuck him! Not going to let him scare me THAT much! I never saw him again. One of the scariest experiences of my life.

[@YeagleJeff]

+Gavin Deulufount I've read that when your adrenaline kicks in your brain works faster making time seem slower. When I was in Iraq, my first fire fight I remember the bullets they shot at us were tracers. The bullets seemed to move so slow past me it looked like I could dodge them (even though I knew couldn't). I also remember I couldn't think of anything, but the repetition from my training helped me move without thinking.

[@HollywoodCharityAuctioncom]

+femmefatale1990 What you sensed was NOT paranoia, it was your internal voice telling you DANGER.

[@barbaranorton1166]

+femmefatale1990 Your intuition was telling you the danger of walking down alleyways alone. If it is a bad neighborhood, don't do it, even in pairs. Bad people come in groups too. And you call the number for Emergencies, especially if he followed you home. This guy meant business and he is dangerous. Stay safe.

[@cindycuga-moylan2261]

barbara Norton

[@missy337]

I have read your book, read it to my classes,told my friends. It has saved my life-- time over time over time. Thirty years! You are amazing! If your not still lecturing, please have someone else! I’ll do it-- am good at it!! Taught for 40 yrs!

[@kylielogan8771]

When you’ve been groomed it’s really hard to judge until it’s close to that cliff, that’s what I’m coping with. I love this book this gentleman is brilliant!

[@narcissistinjurygiver2932]

learn about narcissistic abuse. I was groomed to be a victim

[@sparkygeeb1]

this guy is brilliant, as is his bk. It probably saved my life, from a lunatic stalker....

[@sherriflemming3218]

I hear that!

[@wisdomasculture3173]

The book is such a treasure! Thank you so much! People need to read it!

[@Straight2theHeartMinistry]

Great book...his other book, "Protecting the Gift" (for protecting our children) is also great. As a Marriage and Family Therapist I've shared his book with many women who are in abusive situations. "The Gift of Fear" is a wake up call that makes an impact on them, helping them to see the danger they are in. It is more effective than any amount of "reasoning" with the women, especially two pages where De Becker lists the characteristics of danger, pages 174-175 in the chapter " intimate enemies.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Indeed. Intimate enemies.

[@mariposamoreno]

BRILLIANT. he always has such great insight

[@PhyllisAlexis]

@Marisa Martin that about acting aggressive to "scare" them off really is true and works... I will NEVER forget a night back in 2010 when me and my best friend were heading home after a night out and we got into some car with 2 guys we didnt know (she always loved doing crazy shit like that... I dumped her too after acouple of years of toxic friendship) anyways... The guys had been nice and all but suddenly they left the town area started driving to some harbour, it was quite dezerted from all the clubs/café and party ppl, and they kept switch looks between themselves and looking at us and they started talking on phone on another language... Suddenly I felt everything going in slowmotion... My brain just started going into this survivalmode and without even any plan of anything I whispered to my friend to trust me and play along with me... I dug out my phone and just started rambling things about my cousin going into labour (so not true but my brain just made things up and I didnt even know where it was coming from), I yelled at the guys to stop the car. They hesitated and said we are middle of nowhere?! And I just got "crazy" and started yelling they need to stop now, I have a taxi coming to take us to my cousin... After what seemed like ages, they stopped and I told my friend to run... We started running not knowing what direction an we finally came to train station and we hid behind some statue and I could see the car had reached our destination. We ran inside the station to be surrounded with ppl... I have always had my intuition get me out of what would probably be a dangerous situation so I am so happy... Even if it makes me look crazy... Rather crazy and alive than.... Something else..

[@catherinewambui7599]

De Becker we need more of your Lecture/ talks! This information should be available globally.

[@narcissistinjurygiver2932]

as a mercedes mechanic i frequently come in contact with predators. when my body feels uncomfortable i take notice and stop. then I stop being polite. Sometimes when I know I am dealing with a predator i change my body posture into a fighting posture. I don't say anything but they see that I am taking notice of them and my body is saying I am ready for violence. this simple act has saved my ass many times. when something feels wrong I know there is something wrong. I stop being polite and start being forceful. sometimes just staring at someone with dead cold eyes is more than enough to warn them I will not make a good victim and it is them who is in danger. I had 2 men half my age and twice my size charge me to attack me and instinct took over and I charged them and exploded in rage. the sht that came from my mouth I have never heard before. these punks backed down really fast and never bothered me again. I have been a victim of narcissistic abuse and when I learned what it was my life has completely changed. i now know how to spot these creatures and how to deal with them.

[@veronica_._._._]

"as a mercedes mechanic i frequently come in contact with predators." What a brilliant 1st sentence, in just a few words we know exactly what and how you have learnt.

[@narcissistinjurygiver2932]

@@veronica_._._._ yep, they love flashy cars even when they cant afford to fill the tank

[@veronica_._._._]

@@narcissistinjurygiver2932 😂

[@narcpoacher7708]

I've also dealt with so many narcs. Recently two brother Narcissists were hitting on me at the same time in Nashville. One of them literally said he was giving off red flags. They know what they're doing and they're disrespecting us in purpose. Thank God I flew out the next day and never had to see that demonic turd ever again. They'd be laughable clowns if they didn't get physical violent at times or rape women. I believe all Rapists are narcissists.

[@narcpoacher7708]

I was so lucky nothing happened to me that night with the narc that got me when I was slightly drunk waking around Nashville alone. God intervened and made sure I wasn't hurt that night when I was out drinking with that narc. I remember he lit a cigarette and passive aggressively let the butt touch my arm and singe me. They always give off little subtle warning signs and sometimes huge warning signs like how he told me to my face he wanted to add me to his list of women hes fked. Luckily I didn't give that demon any piece of me that night. They have zero respect for women were just objects for them to screw and degrade not human beings.

[@LoverOfMuch]

Is the audio quality terrible for anyone else?

[@sfcedu]

yes, sorry about that! over modulated, right?

[@FTF96]

The sound engineer should be fired, 60 minutes of clipping without adjustment is atrocious

[@theresabeville4420]

Not bad enough to not listen. His message is loud and clear.

[@FTF96]

Well since it’s literally ‘their job’ yes. As someone with a career in sound myself, absolutely it is an issue when you are unable to do the only thing you’re hired to do. They should have monitored this and corrected it as soon as it was evident, not left it for the duration of the entire event

[@V.E.R.O.]

It hurts my ear despite listening at low volume.

[@GoddessPallasAthena]

ABSOLUTELY one of the best books I've read. I've given it to a few people as well. Recommend it to everyone, but especially to women. Give it to your daughters, your sisters, anyone you care about. Just checked out his book on protecting kids and teens from the library (I don't have any but work in an environment where they are around) and the very first story he told here, was the first thing presented in the book. I'm thinking I need to buy that book as well.

[@senecauk8363]

Read his book years ago after it was recommended by a martial arts teacher to me. Currently rereading it. Very valuable book, and I say that as a relatively young man.

[@22lyric]

*Imagine how many grieving loved ones would give anything to go back in time to tell this to their loved one!*

[@MaxineAGGuess]

I completely understand what it’s like to be stalked and harassed! No one deserves to experience that kind of fear. I went through this while dealing with a chronic illness and then cancer. Gavin De Becker’s advice...in Gift of Fear...is valuable for an victim like myself.

[@tffnyc1033]

One of the most healing things when watching this again was hearing him say something like fear leads to courage or inspires it. Dealing with stalking-one had courage.

[@sherriflemming3218]

You're a survivor!

[@DoctorCarrieHall]

Watching from Tulsa Oklahoma and studying with you. This book saved my life.

[@marineninga]

Lovell was right, this guy is freaking amazing

[@deirdre8744]

My thanks to Mr. de Becker for his book The Gift of Fear for a number of reasons including acknowledging the importance of intuition which has been dismissed by the devotees of Logos. Mr de Beckers' insights, which I have applied have spared me in some situations which would not have had a positive outcome. I for one am thankful for his book and presentations.

[@marinathea990]

The Gift of Fear is such a brilliant book! I haven't finished it yet, but every word is worth reading, and I'll be forever grateful for the wisdom I've gained from it.

[@madasarbu5408]

He is a great salesman! I listened him on the Art of Charm Podcast and consider I learned a lot!

[@JK-ll9bf]

just got this book..can't wait to start reading it!

[@hastelyhuntere2574]

There was a time I was driving and it was a pleasant drive, wasn't rush hour, no one was driving wildly, everything good and I had no reason to have a strange feeling. I pull up to the intersection and it's a red light. I remember looking away from the traffic and light and specifically thinking, "I'm going to get into a car accident today." I look back at the light, I drive across the intersection, before crossing it completely, I instantly get T-Boned and my car is totaled. Isn't that just out of this world?

[@kxkxkxkx]

Ret conned yourself

[@samuelreiter6412]

Do you look before you cross at intersections, now?

[@mylittlekittens]

+Ming OnMongo What he wants his readers to be is more educated in the way of avoiding being a victim of violence. In the case of the young girl on the airplane, she was acting polite, perhaps due to social conditioning, and giving the guy too much freedom to take over. She was ignoring her intuition.

[@narcissistinjurygiver2932]

women were also being polite to Ted Bundy. it gets you killed

[@ltmundy1164]

Every one can be friendly. But: Not every one is your friend. Trust what your mid brain /brainstem keeps telling you. This reptilian cortex, where instincts reside, has eons of development/experience to work from.

[@plaidwar]

Intuition is simply non empirical information....its still information. Great information!

[@juanitarichards1074]

The constant gas lighting makes us doubt our own perceptions......and they switch so fast back to Mr Nice guy when they sense you are about to leave. And then the guilt tripping and emotional blackmail and threats of suicide. In the end I told my ex it would be the best thing he could do for everybody, but of course he never did commit suicide. But he nearly drove me to homicide and if I hadn't gotten out when I did.......

[@LuxMeow]

Nearly drove you to homicide? Was it due to the constant disrespect of your boundaries and not accepting no? I completely get why genuinely decent people can end up wanting to kill a man after being constantly pushed too far.

[@lauranorwar]

I’m glad you got out, Juanita. You did NOT deserve to be treated like that. Ever. I hope you have found joy!

[@juanitarichards1074]

@@lauranorwar Yes, I escaped in 1984 and I do have a happy life now. Thank you for your kind words;

[@lauranorwar]

@@juanitarichards1074 I am so happy to hear this. You are strong and wise! And now you are living life, and it is good!!

[@denisespurlock]

Every woman should buy his book The Gift of Fear.

[@robincrowflies]

Just did. Can't wait to read it, and give it to others.

[@sherriflemming3218]

A bible for girls and women.

[@detectivefiction3701]

And not only women. I'm sure it could also be useful for men, young men in particular. It seems we've had a lot of young men going missing, etc. of late.

[@serenatheresegonzalez1660]

Whenever I'm walking alone and I feel someone walking behind me, I'm not afraid to look behind me/cross the street/pinpoint immediately someone else who would hear me if I screamed. My friend was followed twice, and one of the times she walked to her nearest neighbors house and went up to her door to ring the bell. They were thankfully home and let her stay till the car left. Don't be afraid to go up to a strangers house if your scared. As long as you think someone's home, it would be ideal to tell them if you could go inside because you think your being followed. Best to be mistaken then kidnapped.

[@merricat3025]

I dont know if i would let a stranger in my house, but I agree with what you are saying.

[@Hi-to-ri]

I listened to his podcast with Sam Harris today, brilliant!

[@sherriflemming3218]

Excellent!

[@juanitarichards1074]

Many stalkers do phone and write their victims threatening to kill them. And then they do kill them.

[@LuxMeow]

Yes, because people don't take the phone threat seriously and who is to say they are not calling from within the house!! There are really all kinds but I'm guessing that is more rare. idk.

[@Jont828]

I think the point is more that since you got the call, you have more time to react (and should) vs if you just got jumped while you weren't looking

[@juanitarichards1074]

@@Jont828 Ummmmmmm, when they call 50 times a day or more, how many times during that day are you supposed to leave your house/office etc? How many times must we disrupt our lives because the law is too useless to protect us?

[@sherriflemming3218]

Stalkers have different profiles. However criminal harassment is a crime. The only way to end all contact is no contact.

[@shaylagoogle3097]

Fantastic Book, "The Gift Of Fear" listening to your intuition can save your life!

[@tammieroseberry9397]

A definite favorite book of mine. I have read this over two dozen times and everytime you reread you'll get even better insight and awareness alertness as well as imperative critical thinking and plan implemention as well as responsive or reactive. God bless

[@quantumfineartsandfossils2152]

now he is taking about the different types of denial literally every single thing he says it is like he has me all figured out its insane I will never doubt any of my ideas again (I will of course which is as you know good= more ideas= more futurity) but to hear him say all these things literally my thoughts is utter ly mind blowing like really other people think lived like me like this really?? wow well apparently because hey we are all here right right 10:40+ just pfffff woah

[@SethHMG]

This content saves lives.

[@blane6592]

This man is brilliant!!!

[@northernmemaw4036]

Thank you so much for this video. The Gift of Fear means so much to me. I bought multiple copies & gifted them to family members & friends. Thank you for sharing your facinating insight with everyone, so that we can all embrace 'our inner Security system', as I call it, and be a little bit safer. Thank you😊

[@jennyrayman2505]

great video. Thank you SFC.

[@bearywine]

Anyone who would give this excellent video a thumbs down are those who are VIOLENT AND VICTIMIZE OTHERS. They don't want you to know the tactics they use to victimize a vulnerable human being.

[@germyw]

It could be the sound quality.

[@robincrowflies]

@@germyw Hear, hear! ;-)

[@lauribricker9439]

Love, love, love your book!

[@Deepestofoceanicblue]

Courage is not the absence of fear

[@mikeq5807]

Courage is what allows you to transcend the fear.

[@quantumfineartsandfossils2152]

31:00+ "cortisol also races through your body (not just adrenaline) and it does this because it causes blood to clot incase you get injured" thats right

[@christinehaigh9807]

I love your book. Especially the part about the intuitive button.

[@tiadekattu9096]

Preach brother Gavin👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

[@LuxMeow]

Though I greatly appreciate this video and what it does offer, there were a few points I was like idk about that. Shannan Watts was told by friends to ignore her feelings when opening up about concerns in her relationship. When you confide in people you trust and they normalize things, it can create self doubt. In some of the texts, she'd seem to have discovered Chris Watts was a cold person yet decided to try and do the work for his role in the relationship as well since she didn't want to be alone with 3 kids. In some circumstances, there are people would literally rather die than be alone or face an unknown fear as such as I've learned listening to women in these situations talk about why they haven't left. Sometimes it's a fear of losing kids and custody, financial and other things. Then of course there are people who do call and threaten to kill someone while actually about to do it or in the house already. So we can't rule out that the phone call means they are far away, they can be on a cell phone outside the home, getting off on creating some extra anxiety if they are sadistic. Predators can come in many forms and behaviors. Often there are people who ignore those threatening phone calls and within the hour the person ends up dead. We can't always know the reason for the warning, or the intention. Whether it's a game of cat and mouse or just empty threats. Better to be safe and take that as a serious threat than to be like oh they are on the phone so they are far away then and I'm not in any imminent danger. Then there is the fact that most women, even those in denial can be aware to some degree of danger that their partner poses in terms of risk and threat. Though those who do not have experience with what all forms of abuse look and start like, may not know how to handle it as they can be duped like that 17 yr old on the plane with the use of clever language. A question concealed by friendliness, a threat concealed by creating self doubt in one's intuitive feeling. Gas-lighting, a skilled manipulator can surpass some people's natural fears where people will think that they are just being 'paranoid' or silly because of the constant news and knowledge that it won't happen to them because they know better, are smart or the guy has a decent side so he's not all bad. Or the guy just really knows what to say because he has done it so many times before and is good at what he does. Knows how to play on the empathy and compassion of people. There's many reasons people are slowly brought to a boil like a frog in a pot and then don't end up jumping out at what seems like obvious signs. Since most people actually think many are inherently good, it leaves them to become victim to have hope in human nature that someone will do the right thing even when they show otherwise. This could be for many reasons not mentioned here, like exhaustion from a previous experience, other trauma experienced which makes them not want to have to deal with another potential danger or have the energy to fight yet another battle. Being made to feel exhausted, becoming pregnant and facing poverty if it means leaving, cultural reasons and so on. It's not always that black and white as he makes it sound on those points. Also being a man you generally will feel a lot safer in the world compared to women. So no doubt this book is written by a man who has privilege in this way to be able to see things with more clarity. It is no secret that many girls are raised to be polite and nice while boys will be boys right. When we stop raising our kids to behave spoiled and not take no for an answer from girls, stop teaching them to prey upon and play the field, breaking hearts to practice for the right one, rather than learning to be the right one, we will continue to raise a lot of boys who become men who can't handle rejection. A female is at risk for being punched in the face for saying NO. Or even being raped or and killed for being yet another to reject a man on a date. So many things as a female is centered around being safe and these things are not mandatory in schools to learn. A lot of it starts when we are 12, 13 yrs old and a lot of the time we get the blame for men's poor attitudes and behavior. Told it's how we look that attracted such events or that there was a vibration we put out to attract that. There is a lot of complexity around things like this not mentioned here but at least videos like this start the conversation. That much is always appreciated. I have lived through and experienced a lot of these things, more than most ever will in a life time. I am living proof of surviving predators using both logic and creativity in becoming a good problem solver in an instant with what I have to work with in the moment. All I'm saying is while he mentions a lot of good points, there is more insight to be shared and viewed on this.

[@misssonyalee6159]

💯👌🏽👍🏽Thank you

[@LuxMeow]

@@misssonyalee6159 Felt like it needed to be written. I noticed people seem to assume women are not as bright as we are in these scenarios when that's not what it's about at all. Most women are aware of the danger they are in, the reasons of not leaving have a lot to do with feeling fear. Yet fear can be paralyzing. He mentioned flight and fight but not freeze. There are 3 reactions not just the two.

[@beccareynolds4625]

Every 4 hours … crikey 😢😢😢 and this is a global issue. Every woman and child should read this book. I’ve only just discovered this man and the book is on order. I should have read this book years ago. It would have saved me allot of bother.

[@christianatchason5264]

Thank you Sir!

[@sherriflemming3218]

Always put your safety first. If they appear, intuitively feel or act dangerous youce got your answer..

[@vstick2603]

It’s GAVIN DeBecker. I read his book, The Gift of Fear, years ago. It’s brilliant.

[@farisasmith7109]

It would be interesting to hear what his thoughts are now with smartphones, social media, hacking etc .

[@MattCurney]

Good lord, this talk is more important than ever now. Blessed to have discovered Gavin de Becker today. The news is the single biggest reason the world is going to 💩 in 2022.

[@abrin5508]

This was a great talk. Acting on intuition is more effective than a black belt in a martial art.

[@reneekaczynski1425]

This is such an important message from Gavin de Becker, it is my hope that something could be done about the sound quality. It detracts from this message. Also I highly recommend reading his book The Gift of Fear, not only for women but for men as well. We all need to up our game in staying safe.

[@marcusmiro7481]

"Unwarranted fear is always something based in your imagination." - I want to get this freaking tattooed lol. I am legally federally disabled by OCD, and I find the topic of fear fascinating as such. My psychiatrist, whom I adore and have worked with for almost 8 years now, regularly corrects me when I say I did or didn't so something because I was scared - he says that I was anxious, and that I need to word it that way. I've found that changing my wording, even in my own internal monologue, has helped me tremendously. But honestly, I never really took any sort of deep dive on the true divide between fear and anxiety. I think Gavin has worded it better than anyone I've ever heard. There are really only three experiences in my life where I felt true mortal fear, one of which was caused by a wild animal. The rest of it, no matter how absolutely traumatic and life-ruining it may have been, was purely an internal playing out of hypothetical scenarios. Of course, that's just part of OCD, but to have this succinct description of the GULF between these two things feels immensely valuable to me in my recovery. I'm buying this book next month :D

[@bearywine]

Make sure you separate niceness from kindness. As for myself, I don't trust strangers.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Wise indeed.

[@240iBMW]

Wow. This is amazing information. Brilliant

[@zarailly]

Amazing, absolutely Amazing, Thank you !

[@kyraocity]

46:30 When a man say a no vs a woman 48:17 when a woman says no it must be absolutely non negotiable, no explanation.

[@leojohnson1894]

Gavin, i have one of your books on fear this one good book read most of it been doing researching a lot of different things just basics of in counters of life I'm retired now, Laura black is a live cause of her intuition it saved her i believe we all have it !!! thank you

[@happilydivorced3235]

11:11 I have a female client at the moment whose husband slapped her in front of their children in 2020 and recently pulled out an axe on her in front of the children again. She’s blaming alcohol and minimising the abuse, by saying that it only happened twice and “he’s generally a nice guy who is a serial cheater.”

[@taazen74]

Most interesting. Thankyou so much.

[@gregmariani2829]

tough crowd with the denial joke

[@aurtist7]

Great lecture! Thnx for sharing

[@christinehaigh9807]

To guard and protect = safety.

[@quantumfineartsandfossils2152]

Becker is freakishly brilliant wth wow up to 2:50 only whole world unpacked already

[@evoke2976]

about the people that don't let go; they should be put down. seriously!

[@peninatori4315]

Thank you Sir for this amazing video 😍

[@1StepForwardToday]

I had a gf that I often had intuitively felt was cheating on me. She'd always tell me that I was being paranoid. I would take a step back n try to look at the situation as objectively and logically as possible, and I'd come to the conclusion that it very well may be true that she had never cheated. I had no concrete evidence, after all. Maybe these were just feelings of paranoia that were symptoms of my own insecurities. Or, was she successfully gaslighting me into doubting my own sense of intuition and my ability to reason? Today, six years since our relationship ended, I still don't know if what I was feeling was paranoia, or intuition. But, nonetheless, that suspicious feeling is still there.

[@mmommo10]

intuition.....is our 6th sense.....just the fact that you are NOT together anymore......you WERE right.

[@electricfishfan]

To me, this is a sign that you didn’t like something about being with her and you felt the dissatisfaction was her fault, or you wanted the issue to be familiar and simple to address, or something like that. Perhaps you felt that she had untrustworthy qualities and it’s as simple as that.

[@eiforget]

Saying "I know it" is better than saying "I knew it"..

[@eshore389]

I love this man.

[@kcourtney6826]

I like his description of logic.

[@Katie-kp6cf]

Cant tell if this is healing my anxiety or worsening my anxiety

[@zanzibirdzanzibird1340]

These instincts should be taught in schools. Well reinforced at birth. Fantastic books and video!