In The Presence of Danger

An advance look at Gavin de Becker’s Master Class series based upon his book, The Gift of Fear. giftoffear.com
Since this is an advance look, some classes might change - and new classes are being added.
Episode 101

[@user-wj2zv1vd8y]

Why don't these Master Class videos have millions of "Likes"? This man is a true friend to the most vulnerable. If his words resonate with you, go ahead and tell someone about them. You just might be saving a life.

[@mamajammies]

Seriously

[@DoctorCarrieHall]

People don't like truth at all, that's why.

[@glion7792]

There’s only been 35,000 views- lol, my daughter turned me on to this book- you are right we need to pass it on.

[@22lyric]

They don't SEE this video,!!

[@sherriflemming3218]

Inform every woman you meet or know. Essential reading.

[@wakanfident]

For people who don’t like fighting or who know they don’t have the instinct to fight, yell loudly with an assertive tone. They fear exposure. Noise is your friend; make noise.

[@MusicloverX88]

And yell things like, “I don’t know you. Get away from me. Help! Fire!” Children should also yell things like, “you’re not my dad/mom!”

[@Hope-kn5wt]

Years ago I had watched Mr. Debecker on the Oprah show talk about his new book , " The gift of fear". Right away I asked my father for the book for my birthday. He purchased it, started reading it , and almost missed giving it to me for my Birthday!!! I absolutely love this book. And will reference it forever.

[@marefynn81]

Gavin DeBecker is a national treasure. I recommend his books to everyone because his book can actually save your life. It is the most important book you will ever read.

[@betsy658]

32:27 Hearing Gavin say that he doesn’t criticize victims made me tear up. So often, especially as women, we don’t give ourselves enough credit. But he’s right. They/we get out of situations the best way known how in that moment and are alive because of it.

[@sherriflemming3218]

You are a survivor!

[@ungarischfsikurs743]

Just the other day I had an encounter which brought me to watch this video. It was a situation which reminded me of the book "The gift of fear" and I acted on my fear. I was jogging and on my way back home, cooling down on the last 500 meters. I live in the middle of nowhere in a teeny tiny village with around 16 houses. Only in 3 of them - mine included - are always people. The other houses are vacation homes for the skiing season. So at the moment, we are pretty isolated and alone. Before I turn into the village street, a circular street, I had to walk around 200 m on the side of our federal road, than cross it. A car came from behind and passed me. It was already nearly 8 o'clock pm and getting dark fast. There was no one else on the street. I was out for about an hour and litterally had seen no other human being so far. The car stopped around 300 m in the distant. I was already highly alert because I've seen it braking. There was no reason to brake or to stop. I was speeding up. The car got in reverse, then turned around. I was now running full speed to get in the seemingly security of my village, knowing that my youngest neighbour already is far beyond his sixties and too far away to reach. At the point, where the circular street is dividing, I heard the car turning into my village. I had to go right to get straight back home. The car was driving left. For a moment, I was releaved. I thought: 'Maybe one of my neighbours are getting visitors and they drove past the entrance to our village." But when I was nearly at home, I heard the car coming from ahead of me. So I knew, it wasn't there for one of my neighbours. A guy was sitting in the car. I stared him straight in his eyes as he drove reeeeaally slowly passed me. He smiled brightly and waved. Which was absolutely uncalled in this situation. Then, he drove of, left my village and sped away. I still have an uncomfortable feeling in my gut. Yesterday, in the moment, I realized the car was turning around to come back - it was sheer fear. Be safe out there. Listen to your fear.

[@ungarischfsikurs743]

@@Julia-nl3gq That sounds like a horrifying situation too! I would have had fear just like you. I'm glad you listened to your gut instinct. And yes, it is weird that the police were so keen on getting to know what the man wanted. That's not normal too. Crazy situation!

[@ofashandfire9706]

Watching this has made me aware of just how much danger i could have been in one time. I was travelling home from work at 10pm and had to get 2 busses after getting the first one it’s a short walk in the city centre to the next bus stop and I walked past a man who appeared to be standing alone. He immediately called out to me and asked me what time it was, this isn’t uncommon and so I stopped and told him and then went to continue walking. I took a step and he walked with me stood right next to me, I was horrified. I told him I was getting the bus he tried to convince me to go with him he walked with me to the bus stop and then stopped when I did and wouldn’t leave at first I was polite in asking him to leave and telling him I wouldn’t go with him but as he continued to stay and insist that I come with him to the hotel around the corner. It was scary I think I felt true fear as I remember realising he really wasn’t going to leave and I started to throw a fit about him not leaving and being weird and I got very rude and honestly it worked he very quickly gave up once my behaviour switched and I remember seeing as he walked away another man I hadn’t even seen earlier who must have been waiting nearby very quickly walked over to him and they walked away together. It was horrible. i was 18 at the time and I got taxis home from work most of the time after this.

[@gonegirl9114]

A new coworker kept being nice to me. We’re truck drivers and he was opening my door for me and try to buy me food. 3 days in he offered me to sleep at his house because it was close to the job. I declined of course. I decided to keep my distance. One time I was sitting in my car and he just started cleaning my windows. I got out and ask him to stop I didn’t need him to do that. He told me to let him be a gentleman and continued wiping my windows. I stood there irritated. He reached out and put his arm around me while asking , do I need a hug. I was so shook I just got in my car. Later that day he asked me out🤯. I told him no, he coldly said , “I was just trying to be nice”. Next day he brought me a valentine card and food. I’m angrily rejected it and told him I do t want nothing from him and to leave me alone. He said come on don’t be like that. I reported him. It was his last day working with me

[@TruthFelt]

Good for you!

[@sherriflemming3218]

Wise decision.

[@nielsen810]

Thanks for all you do Gavin - I read your books 30 years ago, and was safe because of it. I was pulling into a parking space in a busy lot during the day, had the intuitive feeling, a man immediately was in the space of my open car door, he tried typecasting, I said 'yeah I AM a jerk' - it took him by surprise, and he moved on. Who knows how many countless situations you have helped just me, let alone millions of others.

[@TheCookiecupcakes]

32:14 This is 100% true. Victims are often criticized. The most common one I have heard through my life is "Well I would have done that", or "I would have never let that happen!" Those kinds of comments are usually from other women. Really sad.

[@joshual7120]

Theres a way to introduce strategy after you empathize for some time with the victim.

[@indiasky333]

Yes!!! In my experience men have been very compassionate and supportive and many, many women have been very “but why didn’t you…, I would have…, do you think you should have….” I am a confident woman but I did not respond in the way I always thought I would (I froze completely).

[@YourMajesty143]

The violence is so specifically targeted to our gender that I think women who do this are struck by the possibility of this happening to them and are looking for evidence that makes them the exception to the rule. They are either trying to convince themselves of their own safety or are doing research to figure out why a certain tactic wasn't an option for the victim. I know I've asked things like "why didn't you..." or "how come you let this part happen" and it's not that I'm judging their choices, but rather I'm looking to understand if there were physical or mental obstacles that I might encounter if I ever end up in the same situation. And from there, I can ascertain any other options that might be available or learn from her story so that I'd never end up making the same mistakes or errors in judgment.

[@YourMajesty143]

@@indiasky333 - In your personal experience? That's possible, but generally men are just as quick to question women's "incompetence" or ask why she made certain choices in a threatening situation. Yes, men can be supportive, but there are also men who are judgmental. If you look at comments under videos about assault victims, you'll see a mixed bag of both men & women being empathetic or supportive, but a greater assortment of men questioning if she's lying. It's very frustrating the way men assume women are out to get them and falsely convict them, when the statistics show there's plenty of evidence that women are highly targeted by men and that we don't report them enough as we should.

[@baydiac]

Even Gavin occasionally says things like "if she had known this, if she had listened to her intuition, that never would have happened. she would have gotten out of there.", but I always appreciated that he quickly follows up with "there are some situations that are unavoidable regardless of whether you see it coming or not" Because say you're at work and a guy there gives you a terrible thinking and you know you don't want to be alone with him. You clock out at closing time, and you think to yourself "he's waiting for me outside. I'm sure of it. I'm the last one here, I can't wait for anyone to walk out with me, my phone is dead I can't call a taxi. I have to sneak out of a different exit." Then you have to walk through a dark alley to get home (see how I eliminated "don't use dark alleys in the first place"), and you notice out of the corner of your eye that same man is entering the alley with you. Great. Your intuition prevailed, you knew he's dangerous and was going to follow you, and now you know he's there when he's trying to sneak up behind you. Fantastic. ...Now what? You're still the same amount of screwed, which is 100%. You can feasibly do everything right every step of the way, but certain things totally out of your control (one of which is the man to begin with!) will interfere. "Ask the manager to close with you tonight before it's even time to clock out, or switch closing responsibilities to a male" if your manager is an asshole, they can refuse you. "When you first saw the man and was afraid of him, you should have known you needed your phone at full battery just in case. If your phone was already dead you should have borrowed a charger from a coworker." If no one brought any, or your coworkers are assholes, they can refuse you. Every step you can take to put the onus on the victim, take the next step to think of a scenario where doing things the ideal, perfect way are foiled. The number one of course is "you were perfect and wore modest clothing and did everything right. _But he wanted to hurt you, so he did._ All of that are irrelevant details to someone who from the start was already intending to hurt another human being." That's how to avoid victim blaming. All the best laid plans of mice and men...

[@sherriflemming3218]

You're a hero Gavin De Becker. Your wisdom saves women's lives! Thank you for your service to humanity. This book belongs in the public education system as an essential read. What we will experience over time with someone is what's internal. Discern character and behavior. You deserve a Nobel Prize! 🙏🚩

[@jag5798]

TIP: If I am in a group or alone with a stranger taking an elevator to an apartment, I push the wrong floor, so no one knows which floor I live on. After I get off the correct floor (alone), I push a bunch of random floors, so no one who is watching knows which one I got off on. Although, nowadays, your FOB will only let you go to your floor and you then, you might have a tailgater. If that is the case, be last to get into the elevator, (perpetrators will be gentlemanly and hold out their hand as you are the woman) “No, thanks - waiting on my husband to catch up” - return to your car and watch until it’s safe, if they follow then look for an exit towards high public areas. Just train yourself on what to say and tactics, so when/if it does happen your reaction will be natural.😊

[@SweetUareDesi]

I’ve always walked with a purpose. Literally no time to look and chat. Kept me safe even in many countries solo

[@blane6592]

I read this book the first time back in my freshman year of college…2008. It changed my life!!! I know it did!!! Anything that feels shady…IM UP!!!

[@cherylmillard2067]

Unsolicited promises, when people use religion or a god to make promises like, "I swear to god", "I'm a Christian", etc. Because of your book, I taught my son to trust your gut, your instincts, don't write those feelings off, they are there for an innate reason, listen to them. It's a lesson he has always kept with him.

[@redneckinthebardo]

This information is more relevant than ever with women being forced to accept men in their formerly female only spaces.

[@rog9601]

All women need to watch this

[@Stopthisrightnow560]

Kelly's story has stuck with me the most out of them all. I'm not sure where she is now, but I think about her often.

[@myfriendisaac]

Gavin is *BRILLIANT* 👏🏾💯📚 Been a fan (if that’s the appropriate word) of his for years & refer back to his books regularly!!!

[@inCARSONate]

Only 56 comments… My intuition tells me this important information isn’t reaching enough eyeballs. Let me guess, google doesn’t like this guy for some reason.

[@redneckinthebardo]

You're probably right. Plenty of powerful people, interests, and ideologies out there who don't want women to do anything protect themselves.

[@Zipittydodah]

Thank you so much, Gavin. You are an Earth Angel among us. 💙😇💙

[@alekhoffmeister8270]

Every lady needs to take 30 minutes and watch this video!

[@cattyditty]

Here from JRE!

[@coimbralaw]

So what?

[@jessegee179]

Thank you. I read this book years ago, it continues to empower and improve me, and makes me aware of situations affecting others too. Recently abroad I observed a woman who couldn’t say no, being persistently charmed by two strange men. My knowledge gave me the courage to stop, watch, assess and intervene. “They are not charming, they are trying to charm you. Why? Be smart, don’t stay to find out “

[@moshebenamram6020]

*Thank You very much Sir for your service*

[@DoctorCarrieHall]

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

[@hikergir01]

Someone recommended this book to me after I had an encounter while out hiking alone.. Looking back I should have stood up and grabbed my stuff as soon as my brain said WTH is he doing.. I was smart enough to tell him I wasn't hiking alone and he asked where my friends were, behind or in front, I said both. He disappeared as fast as he showed up.. I moved on a bit nervous what I should do and I ran into the only other solo woman hiking. She said he was asking her the same questions.. However, he KNEW she was hiking alone, because she told him.. So I hiked out with her.. Looking back on the scenario, I think he was waiting for her, and I just happened to show up and he heard me talking to my dog , and checked out a new potential.. I did turn it in to the Rangers They made a note of it.

[@diannerussell9653]

This has really opened my eyes. I used to be avoidant had confidence and I was assertive and looked upon the human as something to be cautious of because they are actors and most of them are very good at what they do. Then I let my guard down because bright sparks told me I was hard to get on with, antisocial and unfriendly. So I thought I am going to try something , I tried this attitude before, I call it putting out honey to attract. I was as nice as pie to strangers , men , woman , kids, animals you name it. I had a grin on my face from ear to ear all the time that when I got home my face hurt, I couldn’t wait to get home so I didn’t have to put on this false persona. I did this for about 2 months. I gave eye contact to people , the full kit and caboodle. A majority of people where nice back however I did notice with men when I was being polite their brains shifted to sex you could see it in their demeanour, the eyes, the lowering of the voice, wanting to keep the conversation going and some wanting to ask questions and some even stalking me in supermarkets, car parks, one who lives in my apartment who is feeble minded followed me home. This looked like something out of the movie Zodiac he was dressed in all black and straight away I was on alert. What women need to know is that most men see women as walking vaginas, they are looking for prey. Women also need to know that men think about having sex every ten minutes. They are turned on just by the fact that a woman or young girl is in their Visual presence. If woman keep this in mind and learn profiling and study Psychology which these two subjects should be taught in high school by the way it would be a much safer world for women and young girls. Any way getting back to my experiment on being as sweet as honey what I discovered was you don’t have to please people, you need to be yourself. Human beings are predators they are the most cunning, Manipulating creatures on this earth and they use all kinds of techniques to reel you in. They not only can harm or kill us they are very good at using their manipulative Psychology on us as well they can damage your psyche and take away the things that are very precious to us like Jezebel women who try to take your husbands away from you or your boyfriend even your house and family. So I am back to my old self now the confident assertive me who calls a spade a spade and an ace an ace. If you put out honey you may attract some nice friends however with honey you will attract flies and there are a hell of a lot out there the two legged ones I am talking about. I don’t care that most people don’t like me because I have boundaries around my property if you don’t like me too bad.

[@TruthFelt]

That's just nasty and a lie. I stopped reading at most men see women as.... I feel so bad for you.

[@trishcraig723]

As soon as he said a cat can live 3 weeks without food, I knew he wanted to kill her.

[@BlueSkyLtd.]

Thank-you! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️❕️

[@SINCERELYXHER]

The woman that was murdered💔 the husband must’ve found out she was gonna go and got upset

[@NyFloridaMan]

I need to make music based from this book

[@catcat9582]

I love him

[@AMERICANPRIDE1100]

Because most people sleepwalk thru life

[@yichispiritual]

Sad that women have to perceive the world as jungle

[@sherriflemming3218]

"Men and women live in two different worlds in regards to safety" - GDB. Safe People by Henry Cloud

[@TruthFelt]

No I don't, and won't!

[@tinaferr]

Not the whole world, just certain situations and people

[@pamelahall7614]

There would be no courage if there weren't fear

[@coimbralaw]

What?

[@pamelahall7614]

@Coimbra Law think about it. If it weren't for really hard times resulting in fear there would be no occasion for courage.

[@ToniaLNewton]

Also it’s not the victims fault, it’s nice to examine behaviour but it’s touching on blaming (the bags transfer, allowed to be pressured etc).

[@illjusthavecoffee]

The actions and concepts need to be explained in detail. Giving a factual breakdown is not victim blaming, it’s necessary.

[@coimbralaw]

Mr. De Becker is a best selling author and security expert. And sorry who tf are you again?😂

[@sherriflemming3218]

You are a survivor.

[@tinaferr]

When you live in a city like New York as a single woman, all that critical theory about victim blaming goes out the window and your one goal is to protect yourself. Do you think the small percentage of attackers/abusers that don't follow social rules care about that? Sure it's a thing and we should work to stop it but even if you teach every person in the world to not blame victims, even some of those would still be violent perps. It's aberrant behavior. You can learn to protect yourself as much as possible AND work towards stopping victim blaming. Plus this is a true story. They're showing how the guy wormed his way in.

[@tinaferr]

​​@@Julia-nl3gqexcellent comment. I'm sorry it was born of trauma but thank you for sharing such valuable insight. I hope you are healing.

[@victormclaine721]

Thank you.

[@theresaalbarracin-os2ez]

I learnt if someone is a little to nice or helpful or concerned or pushy most likely there is a motive behind there intentions.

[@wizzardofpaws2420]

Just ordered the book for my 17 yr old granddaughter. The sooner she's aware, the better.

[@SwissMarksman]

did she read it?

[@diannerussell9653]

What is so sneaky about men is that they will treat you like a princess when you are first dating and if they feel they aren’t getting anywhere with the intimacy they will start doing things like throwing a few backhanded remarks in, you know the ones that sting a little and catch you of guard. Another bizarre method they will use is telling you that you are the only woman in the world for him, and that you should marry him when you have only been dating him for a month. Or they will give up on the chase by ghosting you or stonewalling you this method is cruel however you are lucky if they do disappear or ignore you in the supermarket because it just might save your mental health, your money, your family and you from the devastating harm these human spiders can do. I dated a guy who I was having feelings for for about a month he’s main Initiative was to have sex and then move on to the next target. I started noticing that his demeanour was changing he become more quiet when we were out on a date and when I asked him what was up he said he was fine which was a lie, I also noticed he was becoming a little disrespectful toward me. These are all red flags that indicate he is getting frustrated that he can’t get his rocks off on me. I went home after seeing him for coffee one Saturday afternoon and I said right , start ghosting this guy. A part of me was a little heartbroken, apart of me was angry, and apart of me felt Disgusted that I was only a piece of meat to him. I have been called evil things by men who I would not let touch me, I have been called insane, fidget, emotionless, cruel, prick teaser and many more heinous names simple because I won’t open my legs . Men only want our vaginas. Some men even give in to marrying a women just because they can have sex on tap anytime they want. I think there is something wrong with the male human.

[@coimbralaw]

Yet so many women pick “bad boys” over nice guys. It’s glamorized in movies and TV shows. Look in the mirror for the culprit.

[@yichispiritual]

My father told me men only wanted woman’s body and never to expect any love after 40! - this is not a qualified father

[@lynncrf]

Plenty of decent men around. He just wasn't one. My father and brothers are all gentlemen as is my husband, but I have certainly dated terrible men too. I dated a drug addicted narcissist who nearly broke me before I met my lovely husband.

[@sarahalderman3126]

@@yichispiritualhe was just being honest, that is true about men in regards to sex. However they are also emotional beings as well, it is simply separate from their sexuality, in those who have suffered sexual perversion. Unfortunately due to the emergence of pornography and its normalization, this has unfortunately become the overwhelming norm, at least here in the western world. Most boys (and many girls) are now exposed to pornography during childhood (pre puberty) which is a form of sexual abuse resulting in an altered perception of sex. Unfortunately in men this appears to result in sexual perversion, particularly pedophilic perversion.

[@TruthFelt]

No, there are men that aren't just after sex. Sorry you don't know any of them. You bought into a lie, and now it's your reality. As a person believes in their heart so are they. And then it plays out in your reality.

[@nerenahd]

I baffles me how we are teaching kids utterly useless stuff like logarithm or matrix operations (smth I've NEVER used in my life) and not stuff like this. 😡🤯

[@HollyJordan15]

Politically correct is not statistically correct 👏

[@alessandrajackson3768]

I have had one too many scary experiences in life! This is incredible! I wish I read this book or took this class at a younger age

[@Dshark382D]

It’s 5:30AM, just finished the JRE podcast and now I’m here. Just bought the Robert Kennedy book after hearing about it from the podcast and going to start reading it. Big fan of this guy and how he articulates his ideas and really found his 10 questions method fascinating and want to start trying to implement that concept in different aspects of life

[@ToniaLNewton]

Did anyone even get weird about the cat going without food for x days before death?

[@dontwren]

yes, i did. to my mind it shows he has morbid interests he's trying to pass off as conversation to lead into the "Teaming up" manipulation. a very strange thing to say

[@user-wj2zv1vd8y]

Yes, I thought "how would he know that?" Maybe because he tried it out - being the sociopath that he was.

[@marefynn81]

Absolutely. It sounds like he tried it out. Abusing animals is often the sign of a serial killer.

[@prncessbaby16]

I thought that was weird too and I was wondering why he thought to mention that specific bit of random information like why was that relevant? It's because he was basically foreshadowing what was going to happen to her cat.

[@phillypenn3183]

Thank you Gavin for doing this. You are an angel.

[@Deba7777]

This is a huge gift, I'm going to get the book & share this with all my female relatives! Thank you!

[@LauraSchendel-ko1qk]

“If someone doesn’t take no for an answer, they are trying to control you.”

[@annastone5624]

Looked up this book again today after reading it many times. I must see if I can get involved in some way, courses or something. I’ve been looking for self defence courses in my country and it’s unbelievable that almost none exist! You’d think there would be one in every town and village!

[@monicaa6345]

I always reread your book and each time I get something new.

[@prncessbaby16]

Watching this made me realize I could have been harmed at work the other day. Thankfully the security guard sensed something wasn't right and literally came and stood by me when there was another man standing by my desk asking for help and making me uncomfortable. The security guard stayed a little longer after I said i was fine and after he eventually left, the guy that needed help went back to his computer and sat down and i thought that was weird but now I'm extremely grateful for that security guard protecting me from what could have been a dangerous situation.

[@M-gd6ow]

De Becker - you have given me my life back. Thank you.

[@shannane5171]

Absolutely brilliant. I'm learning so much!!!!

[@AngelaVEdwards]

There’s nothing to fear but fear itself is a _platitude._ It doesn’t actually mean anything and you certainly should not run your life by the saying. It’s a platitude.

[@LenorJohnson-ul7tn]

I no how she feels

[@Yoya290]

Here from Megyn Kelly Podcast!! ☺️

[@maggieosullivan7484]

🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@jr8209]

Starts with the husband/boyfriend stat of primary aggressors and the goes to stories about strangers..

[@myfriendisaac]

He discusses domestic violence in two-parts: those videos are titled “Intimate Enemies.”

[@coimbralaw]

Nobody asked you for your utterly deficient summary

[@sherriflemming3218]

Ask your husband - boyfriend the last time he was concerned about his safety? Most men cannot answer that question.