Gender Transition Integration! Why You Want to Embrace the Past!

[@missranisharma8250]

I am transwoman , your content has helped me to be happier and come out of sucidal mentality. Thank you so much.

[@DRZPHD]

You are so welcome and I am glad you are feeling better.

[@Ezra-gx2oq]

i'm guilty of this! when i discovered i might be "ftm" i tried to be hyper masculine. for a while it actually worked out because i got euphoria from finally being able to be more masculine. however, as time went on i noticed that it gave me a lot of distress. i didn't like that i was "throwing away" things that i liked. i stopped wearing necklaces, bracelets. i thought i had to stop wearing these things because it wasn't "masculine" to wear such things. the guys in my family are extremely masculine so i didn't have any family members that didn't do more "feminine" things. nobody is lgbt in my family, and nobody is curious about changing up their gender expression either. everybody is very much black and white in my family. i identify as nonbinary now because i just don't fit into either box when it comes to gender. yes, my gender expression is very masculine. but, i don't identify as ftm. i started to embrace parts of my old self again (especially this year). i wear bracelets and necklaces now like i did when i was younger.

[@DRZPHD]

Thats so great to hear that you found your authentic self!

[@briantracy1324]

Very happy for you.. my ftm nephew could be you... his old self had many wonderful things that needed to be embraced.

[@freval2493]

Same here! I’m AMAB but I don’t think I’m quite mtf, I have a lot of repressed femininity and she/her pronouns make me euphoric but I still have a masculine side. For now I identify as NB/Bigender (I like to say half-femboy half-tomboy) since it makes me feel less like “I’m not X enough”

[@kataka2654]

Thanks for sharing. I think given the landscape of your family life -- that made perfect sense -- and to temporarily OD on the masculine is perfectly reasonable -- like you just got the keys to the candy shop. And that you're finding a little more balance is also great. No need to pitch the good stuff from your before, right?

[@heartofdawn2341]

This is something I tackled head on early in my transition. TW: abuse. I abused myself badly as a teen because I felt ashamed of my feminine side, and had keep her suppressed. Once I came to realise that this was because I'd been abused as a child (repressed memories are a hell of a drug), and I had blamed her for inviting it, I was able to ask her for forgiveness. I didn't know why I felt that way, only that I knew pain, and I was doing what I could to keep myself safe and survive a threat I couldn't even begin to comprehend. It took a long time, but I was eventually able to forgive my masculine side. Despite all of his pain and brokenness, he has kept me alive, got me a job, friends, my flat, and through college with honors. He's still part of me in a way. I see him now like a father, who has finally let his daughter come out from under his shadow and finally spread her wings.

[@jamieisnotokay3298]

That's honestly so beautiful.. thank you for that :)

[@BHGiant3]

05:43 "As much as you want to hate yourself... the part of you that you think is not authentic has also gotten you to where you are at. Meaning that part of you has managed to survive." I don't know why but this hit me hard and am now crying and telling myself just how much I love them and thanking them for surviving and for finding a way when no way seemed possible and for doing the best with what they were given and for suffering so so so long in this skin they never felt comfortable in. That person has given me the opportunity to be here, right now, crying because I'm wearing a gorgeous dress with long wonderful hair and feeling more at home and at peace than I have ever felt in my life. That person can rest, now. They led me here. They've carried that burden so long. They did it for me. I did it for me. And I will never forget that. Thank you for your amazing and inspiring videos Dr Z. You've helped teach me more in two days than 35 years of searching has. Thank you thank you thank you 🙏

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you so much and I am glad this insight can help you heal. All parts of you are valid and important.

[@lockebesse5223]

Yesterday i sent an e-mail to the form representative of the prep school I attended 50 years ago disclosing that I was a trans woman. Part of what i shared included two relevant observations. First I emphasized that I was a trans woman--not becoming or intending to become one. My brain had been hard wired my whole life. At my core, in my soul, I have always been female. That in turn led to my comment that I did not think I was transitioning to anything. I preferred the word evolve. I do not hate my past maleness; it has served me well and brought me to where I am today. But that season is almost over. Like a caterpillar I am evolving into the butterfly that is congruent with my inner identity. I have reflected that in the new name I have chosen. Before I was Byron. I am becoming Bryona. It feels right--a new feminine identity emerging from the name assigned to my birth gender.

[@DRZPHD]

Congratulations!!!!

[@andrewr311]

I like the name; Bryona

[@kataka2654]

Thanks for this comment. I hear many of my own thoughts in it, and it's affirming.

[@lockebesse5223]

@@kataka2654 💕

[@danielgouge4639]

I like that: Evolving. While I don't like my unisex birth name I am ok with the shortened version of it. I chose the name Daniel however.

[@DrayseSchneider]

Shortly before I decided to finally pursue transitioning I rediscovered weight training. Since I've started HRT I've been seeing a lot of articles on how transwomen shouldn't weight train if they want to pass. But weight training looks to be the optimal path to preventing osteoporosis which is a possible side effect of feminizing HRT and I enjoy the challenge of progressively overloading. I don't feel that weight training is something that I ever want to give up if I don't medically have to. As aside, I've always taught my kids that whatever a lady does is lady like. Whatever a man is is man like. And they can be, if not necessarily, the same things. Seems applicable....

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and you should not give up weight training as there many many various individuals of all genders who engage in weight training. It is so important for us not to fall into inaccurate cultural stereotypes.

[@obsidianjane4413]

There is all kinds of ways you can work in your interest in fitness into your transition. On the one hand you can tune it to suit your feminization. Ie; ALL legs and core with little or zero arms and upper body. On the other hand, depending on your physique, you can present a male body as a female bodybuilder and/or just not GAS what anyone else thinks. lol. Sorry if you know and have thought of all of this before.

[@DrayseSchneider]

@@obsidianjane4413 Lol! It's true, I have thought of all of the above. But I appreciate you sharing your insight anyhow. Honestly, I'm leaning towards the female bodybuilder aesthetic right now though that may be subject to change. 😆

[@tm33398]

@@DrayseSchneider i can telate being a gym rat myself. Not sure how much i will lose from hrt but will see. But i am seeing more and more a shift away from masvuline and fem stereotypes to being who you are even if you arent dainty as a leaf!! Lol

[@robertwarren1643]

So spot on... When i realized i was trans. I started building and removing aspects of my life.. at first i started wanted to throw away my old self. I wanted to just get rid of him.. so self destructive. Your so right. Development of a healthy mind, and personality. Getting to know your true self, that's including your current perspective and personality..thanks for the reminder 💋❤💯

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and yes integration of both is important.

[@laurengaley3172]

Thank you for your counsel, Dr. Z! I was born in 1947 in the Mississippi Delta. I was small and effeminate, had a compliant nature, and was bullied because of it. I now understand what having those traits meant, and I acknowledge that the ability to express them then was denied to me. I try to console that small boy in my memory, and appreciate the survival skills he developed. His interest in dance gave me the talent to build a 35-year passion and career in the dance world. Now in my 70s, I am much more confident in public, and I am accepted for the woman I am.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and so glad you are integrating your past self into your present.

[@happinesspridejoy7394]

I feel like growing up as a woman and going through trauma, coming out as FTM doesn’t make me hate her, but respect her. Like WOW she did all of that. It’s like I was my own mother because I had to be and now I can be me and respect the woman who raised me.

[@DRZPHD]

Yes! A great way to look at it.

[@obsidianjane4413]

I still like motorcycles and military history. =+) When I first realized, I went thru that phase (thankfully briefly) of rejecting everything related to my old self. This was quite unhelpful because I have a lot of responsibilities and commitments that I can't drop to pursue transition. So it became a game of rationalizing and bargaining with my "selves" to maintain a balance. And I found after a while that dysphoria eased enough that I "got back" some of my interests that were "masculine". Now hate breaking or getting dirt under my nails though. I think the self-hatred/loathing comes from the lack of self-confidence and poor self-image that is caused by dysphoric dissonance. You can't feel good about yourself if every-time you see your body it's this hideous monster to your eye. This splits people two ways, either down into destructive depression (me) or up into over-compensation of hyper-repression (usually by becoming a trans or homophobic bigot) or hyper-expression (going full "drag queen"). That's my observation from my own experience and talking/reading about other's over the years.

[@dinahnicest6525]

For most of my life, I've been unsure of my true gender. Since I'm attracted to women and attractive to no one, I knew my life would be easiest if I just accepted my birth gender and cross dressed in private. But I felt like I was two different people. I married late in life. I thought I could quit because I want a family much more than I desire pretty dresses. But I kept things that weren't really feminine and gradually I began wearing more and more such women's things, and now I'm publicly wearing all women's clothes with increasing femininity, and painting my nails, shaving my legs, and spraying perfume. I've always had long curly hair. Sometimes I even go out in skirts, but not often because I don't really pass, and I don't want to embarrass my wife or kids. When I got married, I decided to be a man. What difference would it make if I'm really a lesbian in a man's body? But my desire to be a woman wouldn't go away, and I knew It never would. So I repeatedly decided to display just a little femininity. Then a little more. And more..... Now I know who I am. I'm a woman with a few masculine traits. I still have a lot to sort out, but just knowing and liking who I am, I think is a big accomplishment for anyone who's trans.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I totally agree that knowing and accepting who you are is a key.

[@xbloggs2317]

Thank you for posting this. I spent a significant amount of time living as a lesbian and related heavily to aspects of butch masculinity first, before questioning my gender. Dating as a lesbian was one of the few times I felt comfortable and genuine. It was like my gender mattered less and I just felt authentically queer. Since transitioning I've felt pressured to abandon my lesbian identity, but I'm not ready to let go of it yet. It's how I learnt to love women, how I learnt to be queer, and was one of the few ways I genuinely grew and expressed myself when living as a cis woman. It is a very important part of my past identity, and I still relate to the community now as a trans guy, as an extension of relating to my past self.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing. Sometimes it is helpful to rename "labels" so to speak. And there is nothing wrong with not giving up on identity, it is who you are or where at a point in life. You sound like a person who loves and appreciates the feminine, no labels needed.

[@xbloggs2317]

@@DRZPHD Yeah, I don't use the word "lesbian" (and oddly never felt comfortable with it) because it doesn't really describe my orientation, but in terms of my identity as a person I identify with the lesbian community, lesbian history, lesbian culture and so on. I consider my relationships with women to be queer in nature, even though I'm a man.

[@jem9961]

i definitely went through a phase where i was trying to "cut out" the "female" parts of my expression. but as soon as i got more comfortable in my trans identity i found myself going back to many of those things! i realised that i can still love makeup, jewellery etc. without that negating my identity. these things now feel gender neutral to me and i am much more happy and comfortable as a gnc guy now than i ever was as a masculine one, and definitely more comfortable than when i presented as a feminine girl.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and sounds like you achieved a great integration!

[@ABLW013]

That makes a lot of good sense.

[@margaretpepper3550]

As I may have mentioned I transitioned in 2002 & had SRS at the age of 60 in 2004. As of the oddest things that I have noticed is that my artistic skill has improved immeasurably since then. Prior 2002 I had painted some pictures, but they were very stiff & traditional in tone & completely unadventurous. After SRS & retirement from work I grew bored & when I am really bored I start to paint. So at the beginning of 2005 I painted my first post-op picture (a landscape) , which was slightly more free flowing , then quickly following by another one & rapidly began to paint incessantly, so by now I have painted over 400 pictures in 750 states, by which I mean I use acrylic on board, & then use Photoshop to add an extra dimension which is normally highly political in tone. I refer to my art as Conceptual Art because I am not painting a picture, I am painting an idea. There's also a group of Trans pictures covering transition, one of which I have used to give an illustrated lecture at a medical centre in London. To be perfectly honest, I don't think I would have painted a single picture if I had not transitioned first. In my view transitioning has completely released my female creative energy, but at the same time the residue of my former male persona aided the thought process.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I am glad you have found your own inner integration.

[@Xcorgi]

Always remember, we aren’t changing our past. Just our future.

[@soonny002]

Dr. Z, I just stumbled upon your videos and I found them very enlightening! As a transwoman, I certainly went through a phase of having to separate and later integrate both my feminine and masculine selves. At the start of my transition, I found it easier to keep my masculine self (M) away from my feminine self (F) due to the fear of the M consuming the F. This was partly due to internalised transphobia whereby the M couldn't accept the F and constantly seeks to destroy it. I was living a life of Jekyll and Hyde whereby I'd be hypermasculine during the day and hyperfeminine during the night. There was also a lot of pressure from family and my girlfriend at that time not to give in to the F so I was incredibly conflicted. After many years of therapy, I learned to integrate the two because I realised they were essentially one of the same. Since then, life has been much more harmonious akin to the Taoist symbol of yin and yang. I am mostly yin (soft, cool, and feminine) with a little yang (strong, energetic, and masculine). I love your videos, Dr. Z. Is there a way I can ask you questions other than leaving it in the comment section? (privacy concerns)

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and I am sorry you had to battle it out so much. Integration is often the key. You can email at [e-mail]

[@Girlsforever1982]

This is so important. Ty for this video. I hate so many things about my body, my voice, the lack of or too much hair in certain areas, how I walk sometimes, how I think sometimes, etc.. I always struggle with not appearing like any other women. I don't have female social ques, I don't have any female tendencies, etc. If you put me and 10 women beside each other and watch us interact for 15 minutes I would appear as a man with how I speak, position my body, stand, walk, etc. That's not including not being passable. However I'm starting to see that all woman are different from each other in drastic ways. That it's only generalities I'm concerning myself with. So what if I don't appear feminine. So what if I look different. So what if I sound different. I'm not into practising these concepts yet but at least I'm thinking about them. Thanks doc. I wish you were my doctor 🙂🤗

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for commenting and YES, women, feminity etc comes in very drastic shapes and sizes and thats the beautiful diversity.

[@royalukas8144]

This issue is so important to understand and address. I struggled for years and found out that integration is not a cop out, but a necessary component of self-love. Seeing that made all the difference in how happy and confident I feel as I experience my journey.

[@DRZPHD]

Thats so great to hear!

[@rbrindell]

This is a great topic and as usual I probably have way too much to say so I’ll keep my comments as short as possible. I remember feeling like I completely lost myself when I first accepted I was trans. That scared me. Well if I’m not him, who I have been for 60 years then who the hell am I? I struggled with those thoughts for some time. But I began to realize I was more the person I thought I was. Oh not gender related of course but rather personality. I still had the same sense of humor, intelligence, loved to cook, wrote songs and played guitar and sang in a rock and blues combo. These feelings grounded me. Then it became much easier to explore what was to come. Having that basic feeling of knowing I was still to a big degree the same person I had always been was fundamentally the strength I needed to transition. But not having the baggage of covering up lies and deceit was fantastic.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing your own integration, which is so important. P.S: you are welcome write a long comments as you would like.

[@sophieweddell2409]

When I first came out I was very guilty of disliking my old self. As I'm moving through transsition I'm learning to love my old self as much as my new authentic self and It's making me happier as a result :) You're videos are truly wonderful and very helpful :)

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you. Compassion toward Self is the key.

[@akirubamiru6700]

First all, thank you for you content, it's thoughtful, but I have already saw this situation before with my own eyes. I remember that I did know somebody in Facebook, who did have the same problem, he was an addict, and did have an explosive behavior, it's ultimately lead to his death by overdose, when we always had a conversation with him, he always tell me: "My whole life, I want to run away from something, I don't know what, I just want run away, life is meaningless". He was assigned as female but later in life transitioned to man. He always skip the phase of his life when he was a "girl", to which he always he said: "I am happy to be a boy" and it's seems to me that he always try to forget the fact he lived a certain amount of time gendered as a girl. I wrote those lines with tears in my eyes, he was so young, and he was very kind to me. I will just try to not make his mistake, because the past is important, it's explain the person you are, and sometimes be at peace with your minus,. That what I think, I might be wrong.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I wish you well.

[@rachelsykes1526]

I integrated the parts of me that are the true me. The parts that were not of the true me, I gladly and happily let go of. My masculine persona was brought within to rest and relax. He did so many wonderful things and is truly amazing. I will always love him and have deep gratitude for what he has done for the internal family. Thank you 💛 😊 Dr. Z for being so amazing and caring and so much more❣

[@DRZPHD]

I love how you speak of that side of you with so much respect and love. I think it is important to integrate otherwise there is inner tension and battle.

[@scaphandre9669]

Thank you for this. I'm in the early stages of HRT and I've been worried that I've been spending too much time trying to reconcile my timeline. It just feels like the first time in my life where my brain is making a coherent narrative.

[@DRZPHD]

Glad it was helpful!

[@jackiec2171]

Good Day All, As a transexual woman, I was just telling someone a few weeks ago about my experience with these very same issues. For 57 years I felt strangled by the stereotypical norms of a binary society. When I was forced to have a serious operation, I decided that "family and friends be damned." They were not going to control how I lived. Life is too short. So, I made the decision to get into counseling to see if what I felt for so many years was actually a sincere feeling, or was I deluding myself somehow. Ultimately, I of course decided to travel down the road of self acceptance as a transexual woman. I too thought that meant that I had to completely abandon everything about my former self (i.e rockets, drums, race cars, etc). But after a couple of years I realized that I had made myself very unhappy. How could I be so relieved to be living authentically for the first time in my life, buy be so unhappy at the same time? The answer of course was that I had abandoned everything in life that I had spent nearly 50 years discovering as aspects of passion for me. Once I realized what I had done, and started reintegrating those exciting elements back into my life, I became much more in tune with myself and consequently, much happier. The challenges that created is another chapter in my book. But fun and excitement about life returned. Best of luck all you beautiful beautiful people, Jackie 💃

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and for encouraging the others.

[@IonasalSdorica]

This hit me home, especially as I am in the middle of transitioning. Been two years since I questioned my gender, and then started transitioning early this year. Dysphoria flared up, and I was consumed in the state of rage, why I was born this way against my will, and have to be in this hideous male body. I had this urge to purge the period of my life where I lived in that body (well, ongoing since not much physical changes have been happening). I've been travelling often, mostly for escapist reasons, but one night I was thinking what the whole point is when my body is nowhere close to where I am anyway. Whatever "fun" (if I can call it that) I had, part of my AMAB life, that all felt like not me. I don't know how to describe this properly with words. It was a difficult night, feeling borderline-suicidal when I was feeling this way. Maybe the best bet is "test my luck" with reincarnation. This is a complete reversal of what I was usually like because I've been keenly aware that transitioning is a marathon, and that I need to keep a long view. This is laughable as I am not someone who believes in reincarnation or stuff like that. I've been reading about gender long enough to know my "apparently masculine" interests have nothing to do with gender identity, so there is no way I will just give up my nerd interests over this. Just that regardless of this, the "fake" part of my life, I just want to demolish. I can't say I am in the state of mind to accept this, and follow/implement what was being said in the video. As much as I want to get there, at this present point I don't feel I ever can. This all feels like a cruel joke. Me knowing that part always will be part of my life whether I like it or not, but me wanting to purge all that, and me feeling all powerless. All the commenters, I admire and applaud you for doing the work to integrate that period of life. As I am going through this stormy period bringing me on the brink of suicide, I can only imagine how much hard personal work had to be done to get there.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and its OK not to feel ready for integration. The important thing is that you saw the video and know its important. It will happen when you are ready. In the beginning, it is common to "battle" so to speak, gender assigned at birth.

[@yitznewton]

I'm 40 now, and went through a major religious transition when I was 20. Intuitively I sensed the truth of what you're saying about integrating past and future, though I shelved a lot of myself and it took me many years to reclaim that. I feel in a better position because of it as I now experience gender transition. ❤️ to all

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing.

[@annaewilliams1523]

When I started, especially, when I came out work, my place in my "outting" myself, for about 6-7 months i felt i had to wear almost another mask or costume to fit into how I thought I had to be as a woman. But, then it hit me, that, it's okay to like allot of stuff I liked pre-transition. For instance, I liked Stephen King allot, still do, I'm a constant reader, but, for a period I felt had to go ultra fem, but then it hit me ,while yes by far i've found most females don't like horror, i've found plenty to whom do. But, i think-feel it was wearing a costume, that without that costume, i needed to put on another, but unlike the lie, the perception i wore for about 25 years, once i toke it off, i wasn't sure of myself without it, so i wore another for a short period but recognized it much quicker. now, I still love King, but, don't need to read him as much, and from reading an article in our local LGBTQAI+ magazine, here in Denver, Co., Outfront, now i find horror just doesn’t do, cause i feel i've gotten past my horror, but, my point is , i've now gotten and still am figuring out really what i like rather then how others see me or think i should be or what i should like, and not fight them, but just to be comfortable with what i like and what i want for me. I feel now being true to me, without all that fear, trying to live up to others perceptions , i can now find my own, it's weird to do it at almost 40, but then again i wasn't honest for so long, had to learn to start listening to my head and heart. Anyhow, my opinion is prior to being out and honest, i was living up to others expectations -perceptions , i was an actor playing a role, and i did get used to it. But, like any actor, you put so much of yourself that is true, but some of it's a roll, but not the actor themselves 100%, now i've just gotten rid of the act or that which wasn't true, but theirs was some truth. Anyhow, but i guess at this point i like how Jennifer Fyn Boylyn said it, when i do something, then guess what i'm a woman doing, so if its chopping wood, its not masculine, or feminine , but when i do it, if i'm a woman doing it cause i'm a woman, but it took me awhile to get this point and need that second roll till i could figure out this truth and what i enjoy that i denied myself for so long, and now feel far more balanced .

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and the shift from "acting" to "being self" is so important to feel a sense of balance.

[@jennaozzy6863]

This was super helpful thank you! I was just thinking it would be wiser to go through my "shell persona" and find all the good and useful parts that do not conflict with my true self and integrating them! Hearing an expert confirm that thought process was very helpful :)

[@DRZPHD]

Glad it was helpful. Yes integration is very important.

[@johnbares4744]

Very true, I believe that being your true self makes your passions and hobbies that much more amazing, it’s like splashing color on a grey world, regardless of feminine or masculine, passion and hobbies are best enjoyed when one is in line with oneself. Thank you for another great and informative video Dr. Z.

[@DRZPHD]

Exactly!

[@davefisher1840]

I found your comment that your personality is more important than your gender very helpful. Thanks for sharing!

[@DRZPHD]

You are definitely more than your gender.

[@elsieparker8802]

Preach! Thankfully this has been so much easier for me as a trans lesbian. Lesbian stereotypes and culture include a lot of masculine attributes, so it's easy to just embrace that aspect of my identity. I'm a woman, and I proudly enjoy software development, electronics, woodworking, metalworking, and flying. Those things I enjoy have absolutely nothing to do with gender and everything to do with my true self!

[@DRZPHD]

Exactly! They are only gender specific if we allow societal inaccurate gender attributions to take place.

[@livenca]

Thanks Dr Z 😊 This was exactly what I needed to hear today, as I am beginning to embrace my female identity. I am close to going full time as a trans woman, and this is a great reminder not to throw away everything from my past life.

[@DRZPHD]

I am glad you found it helpful.

[@livenca]

@@DRZPHD I sure did, as well as every other video you’ve produced. I feel very thankful to have found your channel, and I’m grateful for your efforts to educate us trans folks. I know that these lessons have improved my life greatly. ❤️❤️❤️

[@DRZPHD]

@@livenca So glad as the goal of the channel is to provide solid info for those who cannot afford individual therapy.

[@aoifeemerald7451]

Thank you so much! The slash and burn, salt the earth attitude a lot of trans people have put me off acceptance for so long and still makes me wonder if I could ever transition at all. But I want to. I don't want to lose anything, but I can accept that I will, however, I do not want to *want* to lose anything I've made as a man.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.

[@chumimiii533]

I'm starting testosterone within a week. Your content has helped a ton, Dr Z. Thank you 💖💖💖

[@DRZPHD]

Best of luck!

[@evieealba1004]

Thank you so much Dr. Z. You’re wealth of knowledge is like a calming balm. Super grateful for your videos 🙏🏼🏳️‍⚧️❤️💕

[@DRZPHD]

So glad to hear!

[@melaniesutterfield1838]

the more i meditate the more i realize that my "king" was formless, just kind of a gray haze. the more i explore my gender the more form it is taking. I'm beginning to think i may have never fully identified myself and just coasted along with society letting them thing whatever. I'm pretty sure that is not healthy as it stunted my emotional growth a lot, made me feel like an outcast and constantly lost. Honestly, this ride is pretty wild, and i'm beginning to be thankful to be on it. Now back to binging DR. Z while meditating.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@BiancaTallarico]

I do feel like I have to fit a mold by the Trans community around me, but I love my old persona. I'm into heavy metal music, and that's never going to change. The only difficulty I have is seeing these ladies around me dress like models. I'm glad I've met other Trans women into the same music as me and dress like me on Facebook. I also drive a muscle car. Personally I think it's cool to be a woman into heavy metal, wearing a leather jacket, spiked bracelets, and driving a Challenger. The problem is I just wish the Trans women with the same interests lived in my community, so I had physical support and someone to talk to.

[@DRZPHD]

Totally hear you and hope you keep who you are!

[@emilygrae]

Thank you for this and all of your other many videos! They have been so helpful for me and my wife! We're both in our 50's and my being trans has been an issue for 30 years. Some of the things that I've been telling her for decades suddenly make sense to her when you say them! Maybe it's because she can now see that I'm not just rationalizing and trying to convince her. About integrating past and present, I used to have trouble with that. If I'm a woman why do I still do "masculine" things? I came to the realization that not only did I not just spring into existence when I started to accept that I was transgender, but that the activities I do are just that, activities. They can define me, but they don't define my gender. It has also helped a lot to refer as my given name as my "government name" and not my "dead name". My wife and my friends all call me by my chosen name. I don't care what the government calls me. They don't actually care what my name is, so I don't care what they call me. Much like in the Matrix when the Agents insisted that his name was Mr Anderson, when no, no it wasn't.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and glad to hear the content is helpful.

[@ianwestwick4381]

You're accent is brilliant. I really like it.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you! 😃

[@BesaDelCielo14x]

I'm a mid-thirties NB and this video has given me so much courage to be myself. I have my first appointment to consult about HRT next month and I've been so nervous I'd be losing some part of myself that I loved and valued by even microdosing Testosterone. I appreciate your videos so much! Thank you for your hard work!

[@DRZPHD]

So glad to hear and I wish you all the best.

[@neowolf09]

i totally agree a great point. good idea to make a video about it. i had considered this stuff a tiny bit and quickly thought no way im giving these things up, like you said personality is bigger. i could never not love motorcycles, playing guitar, singing, dancing, boating, swimming, hiking (in boots), weapons, camping even though ill always hate bugs and be terrified of them, watching scifi or anime, playing videogames, i am me and always will be. tbh i never struggled with this concept but im glad its here for people who need it.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.

[@sevinmonroe9311]

Dr. Z., I am so grateful for your insights and wisdom. I agree. It's very important to integrate all of the vital or essential aspects of our personalities with respect to gender and without respect to gender. It's possible to overcompensate when we are trying to repair damages to our gender identity. It feels like such an urgent task. Our past, present, and future selves need reconciliation. Finding personal harmony in a unified self is important. It has been a struggle for me in many ways, but I feel like I'm making progress. I appreciate the support this site provides.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I am glad you find content helpful.

[@SusanYTripp-lp4ss]

This resonated with me. The adage "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater" comes to mind. Looking back, I realise that I'd been dealing with Gender Dysphoria prior to my coming out, and one way of dealing with that was to recognise that: 1) I'm male, but not stereotypical Masculine Male. 2) I needed to incorporate the "born out of time" urge by getting involved with a Medieval-era re-creation group. Now, having recognised that I'm Trans MtF, I'm slowly learning to integrate the better aspects of the previous incarnations and look forward to being able to actively participate in the Medieval group in-person sometime soon.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and I am glad the content is helpful!

[@artinasubklew3511]

I've found that this principle is really important regarding those close to me, as well. I like them to see that I am not a different person, just more open and honest about myself. After all, our loved ones are also going through this transition. Mine should be able to see that the person they always knew was not a charade, just not entirely open and reasonably so. I am still the person they knew and loved.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@joivedhea331]

Bravo Dr Z. Very helpful. I think of the self as 'this we'. We are like a town of different desires. Each desire dresses up and makes movies and sometimes even mood music. The 'self' is the family of desires and ideas that we like. The desire for power (reason) and will (determination and anger) are often expressed as masculine. Comfort, and security are often seen as more feminine. When we repress a desire it grows into a shadow. Thank you for reminding me of the importance of balance. Awesome video. You shine. :)

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you and I am glad it resonated. Love how you described it as well!

[@saraannefay2196]

Interesting video. I remember a time early in my transition when I witnessed a struggle for control between my masculine and feminine selves. I remember thinking that my male personality got me pretty far in life, and wondering why I would want to give that up. As you pointed out, I didn’t have to! Sage advice.

[@DRZPHD]

Exactly my point!

[@TLightBulb192]

Amazing comment.

[@j.j.l.]

The most helpful and accurate words I have heard in the past (almost) 10 years of physically transitioning. I'm an older FTM and wanted to annihilate the female persona in me right from the start. Some inauthentic and learned behaviors, just as you say, were easy to discard, but when I began to "posture" as what I thought was typically male, I was being just as inauthentic as i was before transitioning when I postured as a female. It wasn't until the last few years that I began to finally accept that I would never be a natal male, and actually begin to embrace my unique self as a trans man. Furthermore, as an artist I have since produced art that I don't know I would have created pre-transition because it carries elements of fashion and design, and features mainly women, things that I probably would have avoided in the past because they aren't seen as "masculine." In a way, my transition is enabling me to express myself I otherwise would not have, had I held onto those stereotypes in my mind about what it means to be male. More importantly, what does it mean to be me? Your kingdom analogy is genius and I will use it to address that very question. God bless you and your work, Dr. Z.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I am so glad to hear you ponder what authenticity is for YOU!

[@kimberlymcfadden9010]

Me, I had to learn that you can't just throw away your past and you need to accept your past before moving forward.

[@DRZPHD]

I fully agree.

[@johnbares4744]

Thank you Dr. Z, I am a new subscriber and I find your videos very informative and helpful, I’m at the beginning of my transgender journey and your information is extremely helpful, thank you very much for the work you’re doing.

[@DRZPHD]

Glad to hear.

[@WadelDee]

Whow! I didn't know you were gonna talk about metaphysics and religion and divinity and holiness!

[@DRZPHD]

Didn't realize I did.

[@jo.k.4210]

This feels like your most important video to me. Its hard in a binary society, to not fall victim to polarity, and instead make ourselves whole.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you. Yes, the culture is very very polarizing.

[@jo.k.4210]

@@DRZPHD could you talk more about the sacred feminine and sacred masculine you mentioned? I think these energies are very crucial for holistic health

[@nickifiresnow1931]

Another timely video. I am an Electrician and was worried about starting over in a new 'feminine' career like a receptionist etc. But the truth is, I still enjoy my work, the pay is good and the people I understand. I believe after watching your video I'll stay in the trade for now and see how it goes. Thanks so much!

[@DRZPHD]

If you love what you do, go for it.

[@janaes4422]

wow, just wow this is exactly what ive been dealing with & it was tearing me to pieces you even touched on the mars / venus internal conflict, i have to rewatch this..

[@DRZPHD]

Glad to hear it was helpful.

[@eudDal]

Yesterday, I put violet nail polish on my toes, and a protein cream on my hair, and so was wearing a plastic hair cap whilst drilling holes in my room and putting up shelves for the ham radio tinkering area of my room. So I guess my new transfem enby identity is getting well integrated :) And my hair feels so damn awesome now! :D

[@DRZPHD]

Exactly!!!! Do whatever makes you feels happy!!!

[@ancientwatchmanTV]

Wow!! This is so POWERFUL! Great points on integration... ❤️😀 Thank You!!

[@DRZPHD]

Glad you enjoyed it. I think integration is very important.

[@theresem8496]

This is something that has been very important to me. I don't hate myself at all. I am trying to not hate the trans-ness and that process of acceptance is got ups and downs. Mostly up though. Anyway, I have found that it is very important for me to incorporate both sides of me because it helps me to feel grounded which helps me a lot.

[@DRZPHD]

Yes, integration of past identity is important.

[@troycantrell1549]

thanx,your knowledge is a important part of my life,i wish i started this journey 30 years ago,but better late than never.You sddress every area thoroughly.I struggle in many areas but you make it easier.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.

[@hannahmich7342]

Yes indeed you cannot leave behind part of who you are. Well said

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you.

[@ericajamesbuckle8913]

Thanks. I needed another perspective on this question. I feel I got a good push forward. Keep speaking. I will keep listening ☺️. E

[@DRZPHD]

Glad it was helpful!

[@krazykarl9z2]

This is a big one that I've been struggling with, I had this epiphany before finding this video but hearing it externally is just so validating

[@DRZPHD]

Glad I could help!

[@wt8257]

you have such a gentle way of talking and explaining things. needed to hear this

[@DRZPHD]

Glad to hear!

[@RamadaTheFemme]

Awesome and informative :)

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you!

[@slowsweetgentle]

Very interesting and important. Thank you. Very timely

[@slowsweetgentle]

Well said. They're are parts to myself I distanced from. People miss my songs and my voice. I love my voice and my songs. I sound alot different, lower, but I am singing more now my prayer songs. I am non conforming transmale. I do and always have loved the Goddess. Like you said It doesn't make me not a guy.

[@DRZPHD]

Glad it was helpful!

[@Claudia.K]

You are an Angel ! thank you so much for all your very helpful videos...You can't imagine how many times you saved me already ...still suffering but this now just shifted some thoughs in the right spot. I noticed myself that i have to make peace with my old me because that old me was also my life guard ...that old me knew it for 40 years and had to suffer alot... so this is how i see it now and that helps me so much i am in tears now thank you

[@DRZPHD]

So glad to hear and yes, the old self guarded and got you to where you are. It is a survivor.

[@danib2944]

I love this video so much. Thank you for your insight and sharing your knowledge. All of your videos are so helpful in such a meaningful way. And the analogy of the kingdom in this one is perfect for visualizing your explanation. 👑

[@DRZPHD]

You are so welcome!

[@partyboytown]

my therapist recommended me to you ^^

[@DRZPHD]

Hope you find content helpful.

[@dragon_halo_2993]

When I began figuring things out, I thought that I needed to dress as masculine as I could, but now I know that I should just do what I ever did. Being myself. I might identify as a man, but that doesn't change the fact that I like wearing dresses and skirts and stuff. Most people think that clothes have a gender because in our society everything is heavily genderd on the two binary genders. But in fact clothes don't have a gender. So my tip for everyone here is: be you and do what you love to do! Even though it may not seem understandable to others, it does to you. No matter what I love you

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing.

[@josephbelisle5792]

In this respect I am ahead of the curve as a trans woman. I had to deny being female my entire life but when I know something is right, even if buried very deeply, my mind will insist on pursuing it. Ive always lent myself to more feminine things. I have always been a feminist. I sew. I cook. I clean. People have often commented throughout my life that I would male a good wife and I always took that as a compliment. Not that I know I am a trans I also know I wont give up some of my male aspects. I want to be me. I want to be happy. These are my goals. Just as I didnt compromise in the past, besides buring thr trauma of being born female in a male body, i wont compromise now. I like to think my beat up clothes I wear to work on cars and bikes will be more feminine in the future.

[@rheaross3800]

I totally agree. Recently to ‘make peace’ with my past (pre-transition) self I have ‘rewritten’ my memories, or given my past self permission, to have the knowledge of my true gender - apply a ‘watercolour wash’ across all my memories. I can’t change how I presented or my decisions before, but I can reconnect with who I was to more completely trust my whole self. Thank you for the validation! 🌻

[@DRZPHD]

Absolutely! And thank you for sharing.

[@BeccaBecca71]

Thku Me too Rewriting some memories in a more favorable light To push me deeper into Femininity and reduce all my masculinity

[@francescajensen7733]

Hi Dr. Z! I love this video and not exactly because it applies to me! It's because that, while I've suffered severe dysphoria, depression, anxiety, self-loathing and suicidal ideations since the start of puberty, I've got my core self handled and I have no issues related to transitioning. Don't get me wrong, coming out cost me everything, including my family, and I am having a difficult time dealing with it. I also have some terrible habits that I need to address, such as stress eating, but my core sense of self is completely intact. I am me - I always have been and always will be. I knew I was really a girl at a very young age and all I did was hide. I wore a mask and mimicked the guys but was never one of them and I got away with it for decades. I existed on two levels. There was me, pulling the strings to make the mask work, and there was what I appeared to be. They were always separate and I in effect lived at two levels to pull it off. It was exhausting and I did it until I couldn't. The thing is, the best masks reveal mostly truth and can be worn for long periods - there is enough fiction to make it believable but not so much that others realize it's just a mask. I was in control and sometimes made some very bad decisions because I was never actually the mask. I have alot of regrets but the decisions were always mine and I can't escape them with the fiction that it wasn't really me. That said, for me, removing the mask freed me from the fiction I created to hide. I have no need of integrating the old and the new as it has always been integrated. I still love motorcycles and airplanes and have little time for society's norms for gender expression. I have always hated men's clothes and misogynist conversations and I have always loved dresses and shopping for matching shoes, purses, belts, hats and gloves (but always for my wife until removing my mask). I have always loved frilly things and I was always a tomboy. I have no issues with my core self and I find the sun directly on my face glorious. I haven't seen myself in the mirror since before puberty but I'm working on removing the effects of that poison of puberty as fast as I can and I still love motorcycles and airplanes! Much love! 🌈🤗😘💋❤❤❤👚🥿👛🏍🛩💃🏳️‍🌈

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I am really happy for you.

[@Marceelinho09]

Another good and informative video dr. Z :) It's a shame we lack professionals like you in Mexico!

[@DRZPHD]

I appreciate that!

[@andrewstaygold7299]

Hello Dr Z, thank you for your content! Im 36 years old and have only just recently started learning about the differences between sexuality vs gender identity+expression. This has opened up my closed off identity and allowed my feminine qualities to shine. I feel like ive connected with my true self! Of course, there are lots of pressures in the world and its a challenge to keep true to myself. ie. How far/quickly/permanently do i want to outwardly transition? Like many of your videos, this topic speaks very clearly to me and i just want to say thanks again! This content definately helps inform me and i feel growing confidence to progress transition in my own style.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and glad to hear you find it helpful.

[@FootBigg0001]

I have struggled with my identity. Me n my sister was talking last week n she called me something that has resonated with me. The thing is I don’t really know what gender fluid is. I’ve done research, but I don’t know the difference between it and non- binary. I’m sory this question doesn’t really relate to the video, but I thank you cause your videos have helped me with a lot.

[@DRZPHD]

You are welcome and glad to help.

[@KEROSENE9898]

I think the biggest challenge is that binary gender still dominates society thinking. My psychologist has told me to try to drop the binary vocabulary and just "be you". Even in the trans world, there is a strong desire to fit into a known model - trans-man, trans-woman, non-binary, ... which is probably holding everyone back from being their authentic selves. The same goes with sexuality, the fact that I couldn't classify my sexuality with the assumption that I was male lead to much confusion and anxiety/depression. After accepting that I was transgender I was certain that I was a heterosexual female but I now find myself with no interest in sex - I need to be Whitney and ignore classifications.

[@maxlees9477]

Thank you for making these videos

[@DRZPHD]

My pleasure!

[@lyricaltree6849]

Thank you so much for the help 😊

[@DRZPHD]

You are so welcome!

[@chefdab]

As an example, hobbies or pastimes that you enjoyed before transition, don't have to be given up just because you present as a different gender. I was big into offroading before and I still enjoy it now. The only thing stopping me is finances.

[@DRZPHD]

Exactly 🙋‍♀️

[@blackmilrezola4417]

Very informative 👏🏾

[@samanthajones7155]

Hi Im a transgender female.I found this to be very insightful

[@DRZPHD]

SO glad to hear!

[@michaelnelsooon]

Luckily I’ve never had this issue because I’ve always been a “this is me, I like what I like, I do what makes me happy and you can get over it” type of personality. Plus I also don’t like to conform to gender stereotypes so when I realized I was transgender, I never stopped doing what I love. I love working on cars and cars are still a big part of who I am. I can’t say I did it all on my own though because a lot of my personality is just like my mother’s. She is the same way as I am and she also is a wrench monkey and enjoys working on cars, as does my grandmother and my great grandmother. Lol Either way the only thing that truly changed when I realized I was transgender was my pronouns and I started wearing bras I love your videos and the work you do by the way!❤️

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and its great to see a person with attitude focused on Self vs external. Glad to hear you are enjoying the content.

[@ABLW013]

I've begun to hate myself as a born woman. But I also want to embrace that I'm female. I often want to emphasize my masculine traits, but negating my feminine traits can make me a bit to independent, and cold. I struggle with my femininity because I consider it to be my greatest weakness. :(

[@loisjones4296]

This is a really good question because I feel like from both a mystical and Jungian perspective and a real physical perspective I had both male and female characteristics my whole life. It’s a different for me since I was living and working in an environment where I could appear female. There was no external pressure to transition and because of my physical androgyny it was natural for me....again...integration versus demolition is where it’s got to be at for me. I use “old name” rather than “dead name” for instance to honor my past. Or I joke about it: “ I was a girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl” . Honestly, if it weren’t for “What did manifest” I.e. my maleness “What is manifesting” (more femaleness) could have never happened or if it did I would have been unaware of it happening. The nature of life is that everyday cis or trans we are transitioning. I am just doing it a little more literally and a bit on fast forward. It’s fun!

[@DRZPHD]

That’s great advice and I agree, aren’t we all transitioning in some shape and form!

[@jod5mx23]

I was no longer doing things that I enjoy because they are stereotypically masculine, but then accepted those parts of my personality instead.

[@DRZPHD]

That’s so great! Exactly my point. Thanks for sharing.

[@alviaiscute]

I dealt with resentment towards my assignments for a while. I felt worse about my body, even, because of that. So now that I've accepted my assignment and the brainwashing and made peace with it it's a lot easier for me to align to my gender identity and express myself better. It's not that the dysphoria is gone but it's easier to deal with it because I'm not trying to hide it or shun it and shove it downwards.... instead I feel more chill about it and look forward to making changes in order to ease my dysphoria. Funny about the ruler of the kingdom symbolism I instantly thought of astrology 😆 chart rulers LOL! ♌⬆️☀️ I feel like I definitely found more of myself after coming out. I dunno how that happened 😂 it was so damn spiritual. Lol

[@DRZPHD]

Ohh great idea with astro chart. That is fascinating too.

[@gwendolinegoetz9224]

I notice the same from many trans people who tend to rewrite their past. For my point of view, I have not transition in the classical way, but I continue to evolve in a sort of continuum. I have moderate dysphoria. I learned to change this negative aspects in benefits.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@leeh.4453]

Wow! It's as if you read my mind, then explained it to me. Thank you so much.

[@DRZPHD]

Glad it was helpful!

[@kataka2654]

I think if we're honest, very few of us are anywhere near any absolute -- even those of us who are VERY cis. (Now whether they get acknowledged/encouraged -- that's a different story. I sure hope that societally, we can grow towards that.) I am now more actively questioning my gender, but wherever that goes ultimately, there has always been a strong female aspect to who I am -- how I emote/relate, my pursuits, etc., and there are "masculine" things I will feel no need to hide or put away. I have always loved strong female role models who break stereotypes: athletes, racing car drivers, etc. Here's to a world where we can eventually all be who we need to be -- with understanding, support and safety.

[@DRZPHD]

Well said and I agree that for very many, gender is far more fluid.

[@sarahsmith8924]

This is so helpful. Thank you!!!

[@laurabushey2667]

What you are saying is certainly true of me! For example, I'm extremely good at math, and I chose a math related field, economics, as my major in college. Had I transitioned earlier, I often would have been the only girl in the class! Let it be said, however, that I've met several women who were brilliant at math. Another gender atypical quality I have is that I much prefer nonfiction to fiction. I'll never be one of the girls at the weekly book club. :) Interestingly, the quality that gives me the most pause is that my clothing preferences are atypical of women in the opposite direction. Nearly all the women I know wear pants 95% of the time, whereas I wear dresses and skirts 100% of the time. (I don't own any pants.) Likewise, I wear "super girly" lingerie, even for exercise, and despite the fact that it's quite permissible for women to do otherwise. For a long time, I wondered whether my clothing preferences were more typical of a crossdresser than a "girly girl", although I do believe that my female qualities far outnumber my male ones.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing.

[@charlieraymarsh8096]

@Dr. Z I am wondering what the difference is between hating your former self and experiencing Dysmorphia. Let me explain... I am a transman.... When I see the wedding pictures or any picture that has me looking hyper-feminine... I feel intense pain and highly dysmorphic. I will often say I hate that picture and will do whatever it takes to make sure I can not see it on a regular basis. So is that a sign I am not intergrating my past self or is it just protecting myself from the painful dysmorphia.

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for sharing. I am sorry to say that sounds more like negation of your past self vs integration. Working with a local therapist may help clarify.

[@kalika777]

thank you so much

[@LuanMerlin]

I only recently started really appreciating my "female acting" past self. I think it opened the way to discovering hobbies I really love doing, like playing an instrument that is played by mostly girls and women, doing arts in general, baking and cooking... also, I probably would have never allowed myself to wear skirts and dresses. I think, as a cis man I would have been mocked for all those things or probably would have been forced to participating in sports and other things I whole-heartedly hate. So to say, I was just lucky to be able to discover how to not confirm gender roles while everybody thought I was. When I started socially transitioning, I had a hard time accepting those things as part of my identity. I am so happy that in the end I managed to keep some of my feminine considered clothing when I sorted out my wardrobe, and that I didn't give up on playing the harp and from time to time making my friends happy with self made cookies and cake.

[@DRZPHD]

Bravo! What a great way to integrate things you love and are passionate about.

[@Smolharuharu]

Guys who play the harp are 😍

[@behindzerosp]

I have this problem that also lead to circle of edlessdoubts based on my intersts ,feeling or topics I talk about. Cisnormative ideas are burried in my head and for example wanting to talk about periods/body positivity/abortion/femenism makes me doubt because it is woman activity/topic of discussion but I still can relate to them

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@antoinettesmith6935]

You are a blessing

[@DRZPHD]

Glad it helps.

[@tthingy7600]

Could you make a video for genderfluid persons? I tried transitioning but felt weird and stopped. However I still have dysphoria sometimes and others I'm ok.. I think I'm genderfluid.

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and yes, I will add to topics.

[@tthingy7600]

@@DRZPHD Thanks. If you could make a video about that and the differences with being trans and how to distinguish them would be great.

[@justjennifer5161]

I can understand that one should look deep into themselves and keep parts of who they were as they transition but on the other hand there may be triggers left in place. Things we did because we were whatever gender we were to start with and now we are becoming who we really are inside and projecting our true self outward. While I understand that certain jobs or hobbies may be "gender" specific they may also be bad triggers or reminders of the part of ourselves that we had to pretend to be and some of those things are better left behind simply because they bring back painful memories of who we were expected to be. There are certain jobs that women in general were and still are not taken seriously, for example a motorcycle technician. "Real" women have a very hard time gaining the respect they deserve when they are really good at it simply because it is a male dominated field. I couldn't begin to imagine the trials and tribulations that a trans woman would have to deal with if they managed to stay in that line of work. More likely than not, the employer would find some way to get rid of that person.....it's sad but true. As for riding motorcycles, there are a lot of women who ride and in this day and age that is really an open hobby and not so much gender specific anymore. I think that some people need to cut the cord and leave the past in the past simply for self preservation and there are others who will naturally bring aspects of themselves as they transition. How much of our old self we bring is up to that individual. There are things like "taste" that will never change regardless of your gender or gender identity. For instance music and art, those things will never change and will be with you always. However, things like certain tattoo's...I have several that I plan on covering up with more feminine tattoo's because the old ones are ugly or represent a part of me that I would rather forget or let go of. While I understand that integration is critical, there are parts of who we had to pretend we were that are to painful to bring along on our journey. Sort of along the same lines of..."Some things are better left unsaid".....the same could be true for...." Some things are better left in the past".... Having said that, I would imagine that being able to bring as much of our old self with us would be more beneficial and healthy for us in the long run, the sad truth is for many of us those things become painful reminders and in some way are counterproductive to living a stable and happy life as we begin to transition or after we have fully transitioned. I suppose it is easier for some people than it is for others.

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for sharing. Please not I dont imply to keep ALL parts of the past gender identity but to exercise mindfulness in what to keep and what to disregard.

[@Mordecai-lu1br]

I was honestly doing this I had the dumb thought that if I didn't want too wear a dress then I wasn't trans but I still have desires too wear other female clothing. I also came too the conclusion that the dresses I was thinking about just weren't the ones I preferred. I'm not a huge fan of pink but I love purple and black.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing. There are so many ways to express oneself.

[@LeahT6317]

Great information! I feel my biggest issue is trying push my past self in the background. I don't want to forget because I agree that part of me has gotten me to the point where I've begun transiting last year. It just my old self had a bigger then life personality a club and radio deejay who had a huge following to the point people who know me and see me out always stop me to reminisce of the past even though I'm not active in that field for years I just put up mixes on mix cloud as I have a following in Japan and the UK. I wouldn't give up the deejaying part of my history I just want to transition in piece and not get a thousand questions. I know I will get the looks and rejection I'm ready for that. I don't want the "You dated some of the best looking women and now you want to be one?!" This is why I probably will relocate as I get deeper in my transition. This is somewhat a hard subject for me I'm sure my personality and caring traits will carry over I just want to push that aspect in the background and not relive it. Love that you take up the harder topics that might become an issue further down the line Dr. Z! Looking forward to next week's topic!

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and glad to see my videos are helpful.

[@clowy9052]

Very important!!

[@charleym376]

So, as a gender therapist, do you believe there is such a thing as identities like Bigender, genderfluid, things that include multiple genders or no genders? I've heard a lot on both sides, but I haven't heard the opinion of an actual gender therapist, and I'm curious. Thanks!

[@DRZPHD]

Great question and yes, absolutely there are various gender identities. However they stem from different origins while both able to produce gender dysphoria. Meaning, there is a difference in gender identity shift caused by neurological differences, someone who is born with a brain organized of an opposite sex for example, and people who are non comforting in expression leading to inner gender shift due to social constructs. I will do a video on this as its a great topic to discuss.