Are You Questioning Your Gender Identity? Gender Therapis Explain Why!

[@raventheis4630]

I just started living full time as female. All my depression and anxiety is gone. Really looking forward to HRT.

[@DRZPHD]

That’s great and very affirming as well!

[@dhairyvardhan6441]

@@DRZPHD Hey, I m also thinking of being female. And every second of my life it always comes infront of my work sometime I m very much depressed my situation. I saw lot of videos and it's been over an year and it is overwhelming. I have no idea what to do and my mental condition getting worse and worse every second when I think of that. I m from India and my question is that will that everything go away by hrt or still will be the same. And also one more thing that I also came out to my best friend. Please suggest me and tell me what to do. These feeling of being woman getting deeper and deeper. I m afraid of that I might do something bad I m scared too. Help me out.

[@raventheis4630]

@@dhairyvardhan6441 the feelings of wanting to be a girl got stronger and stronger the older I got. I haven't started HRT yet I'm getting that started early next year. Me living full time as a female has me happier than I have ever been.

[@Kourtneywoods1]

I must say I feel as if this happened to me as soon as I came to social transition I felt a sense of happiness and it made my depression and anxitey almost subside.

[@catherinetyndale1734]

Congrats

[@kurtwarner4585]

Even at age 67, there are doubts. Katherine

[@DRZPHD]

Yes it is very common but for slightly different reasons. Next video coming up is for ages 40&up.

[@kurtwarner4585]

@@DRZPHD My spouse just told me while I am the the hospital due to heart problems, that she has hired an attorney to proceed with divorce. Talk about being blind-sided when I am down in a hospital bed. Very sad now. ;( and crying.;(

[@kurtwarner4585]

@Sacha Barbie Yes...accept me for who I am

[@TheGiantRobot]

@@kurtwarner4585 Kurt, I don't want to seem to pile on here, but you are the one who doesn't accept you for who you are. You are trying to escape yourself so hard that you are considering radical surgery to change your physical form.

[@hatsumiyo6915]

@@kurtwarner4585 Sorry to butt in, but I'm noticing a distinct lack of empathy from people here towards you. I'm really sorry about this happening to you, and wish you nothing but happiness in this new journey you're diving into. If she refused to stay, then she wasn't then one for you. You can't be with someone who won't understand the pain you're going through, and that also isn't attracted to the gender you are now identifying with. you deserve people that will love you for who you are, and I'm sure they will be plenty down the road for you. Best of luck!

[@szushycat]

The thing that firstly confused me, that my mother said that I am a feminin boy while I felt overly masculin and wanted to be a masculin girl.

[@DRZPHD]

I can see how that would be very confusing.

[@nic.k_o]

Same, but I'm the opposite

[@spookiestking9353]

This helped me a lot, I'm ftm but I really like wearing skirts, and that causes me to doubt that I'm actually trans, but then I watch this and my dysphoria is like, "you have boobs, why don't you have a flat chest? why don't people see you as a man?" I want to wear skirts but I am worried that people will not believe me that I am actually a guy, so thank you for this video! It definitely helped remind me that I know who I am, and other people can't tell me otherwise.

[@DRZPHD]

Exactly! You are your biggest asset! Own it!

[@AlfonsPElio]

Oh! I totally relate to the skirt thing! I also wear a headcovering and it is so hard because scarves and skirts are incredibly comfortable, but I get scared that people will think I’m not trans because I still frequently wear feminine clothing. Much love to you all!❤️

[@brightsideimperfection9740]

Feminine men do exist it’s just a way of expressing your gender

[@Skrkro]

I'm a guy and I wear skirts and dresses. I receive tons of support and love from the people I've surrounded myself with, and I believe skirts and dresses should be marketed towards men too.

[@shosho4050]

The doubt that I am feeling is more “how are people going to react? How are my friends and family going to react when I transition? How am I going to get the resources to transition?” I am worried about so much at once that it makes me stress and depressed. Just as much as looking in the mirror- which I do not do anymore. I am not sure. I know who I am and my anxiety, depression, mood swings, and overall attitude has improved since I accepted that I am a man. Yes I have feminine qualities and I do not hate them. But I despise my body, which makes me feel ungrateful because there is someone that would love this body. I don’t know. My biggest problem with my body is my chest. I hate it. I want it gone. I would like to be flatter, and much more masculine presenting. However I am taking it slow. I am going to try weightloss and see if it helps and if I need to continue with a surgery. I would love to start Hormone therapy. But one step at a time.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and often one step at a time, even if frustrating, is a way to go. I wish you all the best.

[@awildjosh1669]

I'm struggling a lot with doubt right now, and it's really putting a hold on my life. I mean, I'm definitely feeling quite bad about myself right now. Like, I get anxiety seeing hair on my arms or legs, my shoulders look too wide, I'm sort of indifferent to the bottom part? Also I really hate my facial hair and my hairline. It's partly difficult because I don't know what it would be like to live a life as a woman, like whether that's what I need.

[@DRZPHD]

I am so sorry you are struggling with this.

[@listoriamemeosia2126]

I suffered with all of that for like 20 years and that hold dysphoria can put on your life is so real. One of the things that helped me make the decision to transition was realizing that thinking about future me as a man or even was a huge source of dysphoria. It made making any kind of life decision a cognitively difficult and miserable task. Just thinking about my future self as a woman, even a weird manly looking one has eliminated a ton of that. Like it kinda doesn't matter what life as a woman or NB will be like if you can't even see a life for yourself as a man. And also it's ok to like play around with your identity. I spent a good chunk of those 20 years confusing myself and every one around me switching between male, gender queer and NB, without really getting a lot of relief or really even being aware of how much of what I was going through was dysphoria. I might go back to NB in the future and that's ok too. It's like ok to change... it's going to happen anyway it should happen the way you want it to.

[@Catinbetween]

it'S quite a late response but this is how i felt when i was 18 and wondered if i was a trans man. i didn't know about non binary stuff yet. i just knew that i hated having boobs. when i discovered a trans guy on youtube talking about his experiences, i thought to myself "damn..i relate, but i don't think i'm a man". many years later with 24 i have come across several non binary people and learned about them. That was when i realized that there was actually a language to describe the incongruency i've felt back then. It's not even strong dysphoria, i just knew something was wrong. I first thought i was agender because i'd rather have no gender than having to life the rest of my life as a woman lol. But i knew i leaned towards both feminity and masculinity in terms of gender expression..but also feeling somewhat connected to masculinity in terms of gender identity. SO. What really helped me to figure out where my transition goes was experimenting. I bought a binder, i bought masculine clothes. i've cut my hair and tried out as many things as i could without doing HRT or SRS. And oh boy, the euphoria i've felt! living as a guy feels great! in fact, i figured that nonbinary trans guy is what decribes me best. I haven't looked back since then. I'm actually working towards HRT and top surgery. Thinking about going back and live as a woman makes my guts twist. Like as if you were taking a hot cozy bath but now you have to get out but it's cold and you have no towel. if that makes sense. i just *don't wanna*. I know this is the opposite of how you might feel right now. Maybe you're already further in your journey and this is not as relevant anymore. Which would be amazing for you. Hope you're doing okay.

[@maceyr.6583]

I also have wide shoulders but hey don't punish yourself. (: You're not alone.

[@cristov6797]

@@Catinbetween :0 this helped... a lot

[@havinfunfallin9458]

I wish I had these videos and better people in my life 14 years ago.

[@DRZPHD]

Ohhh I am sorry to hear that.

[@havinfunfallin9458]

It’s ok, everyone starts somewhere.

[@Aristaeuss]

I've been questioning for years. I don't remember much as a kid or at puberty... I feel like I didn't think about what was happening as I hit puberty but that might be me just fitting what memories (real or fake) to the narrative. Some things I can say for certain is this: whenever imagining myself as a partner, whether romantic or sexual, I'm always a man. I want to look like him, but I don't look anything like that in real life. I would want to be in a relationship as a heterosexual man. And that's so different for me because my entire life I've been so afraid of any kind of intimacy past being close friends. I felt like I had to be in a relationship with someone so when some guy asked me out I forced myself to love him. I think I became more emotionally dependent rather than emotionally attached. It was toxic on my part (we both did things that weren't great/mature but I think that was the first wrong move). I know I don't like guys. I like girls. But I want to be the guy. Yet, at the same time, I wouldn't date now because I wouldn't be seen as a guy (or pass. I would want to pass first. Otherwise I feel like I'd have even more doubt like I wasn't a real man or something). And I know I have dysphoria. I didn't have any sexual feelings until 15, and when I did it stared with bottom dysphoria. I didn't even pay attention to my chest for years but then it started to be more noticeable in shirts. It wasn't comfortable to have it 'out' like that. It felt (and does feel) disgusting. I want a male body but I don't have it. When I try to wear clothes that I actually like I feel like a fool because I look like a little kid playing dress up when my aim is to look like any other dude. Yet at the same time I can't bring myself to say I'm trans or I have dysphoria out loud. I feel like others will say I'm crazy or silly. Maybe if my parents were more accepting, I don't know.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing.

[@wesleywellens5942]

I feel the exact same way

[@miniaturejayhawk8702]

This is exactly how I am feeling currently. I know I wanta feminine body but I cant bring myself to say I am a transwoman because I dont feel like I deserve to be referred to as female. Best thing I can do is say I am a femboy or a boymoder but thats only due to the memes surrounding those terms.

[@wanderingjellyfish9647]

I’m 22 and you were absolutely correct about the puberty thing. I had a lot of doubts before puberty and really wished to be a girl but I was still a fairly happy child overall. Then puberty hit and my dysphoria accelerated and I became incredibly depressed. I came out and started transitioning a couple years ago with the help of my family and I’m so much happier in my life. The depression is almost gone and I can actually function normally on a daily basis.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing.

[@nicksorenson8625]

i am 21 and ive been questioning my gender since around the end of last year. i don’t think i feel any gender dysphoria around my body but even before i started questioning i’ve felt a weird sort of tension/discomfort when people explicitly point me out as a woman. however, whenever people made jokes about me being a dude and when i’ve asked friends to start using they/them pronouns, i’ve felt really happy about that and i feel like those things are moore accurate with my own self perception. i am still unsure if this would make me some flavor of transgender or nonbinary, or if these are just normal tomboy feelings. i think that if i had a male body i would probably feel the same way about it as i do with my body now except that i would enjoy not having periods and being able to wear open shirts/go shirtless. nowadays, i often imagine that a lot of those little things would make me feel more comfortable in my body but i feel like i also may just be gravitating towards the fantasy of there being a solution like that when it may not actually be the case. tldr: i have gender feelings but i dont know if they mean i’m trans/nb or not

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing. Sounds like you are learning about yourself. Sometimes words we currently have such as trans and non-binary may not even fit with how you see yourself, and that is OK!

[@DRZPHD]

Sacha please note that how we see ourselves in sexual fantasies doesn't always have anything to do with how we identify within our gender.

[@David..832]

Dave Chappelle feels Chinese inside... kzbin.info/www/bejne/oJmtdXR_bL2Ud6M

[@just_foxy35]

wow that hit a bit close to home... also now I need to find out what flavor of trans/nb I might be ^ ^' (please note that I'm not sure if it's a joke or not)

[@kevincorncone]

@Sacha Barbie I’m a cis woman, but I a lot of the time imagine myself as a man in my own head in sexual fantasies. I don’t particularly think I’m a man, though, I just think I’m a masculine woman.

[@Femboy420tx]

6:43 is so me! You explained me so well! I'm definitely an effeminate gay man. I used to think I was a trans woman but no, just an effeminate gay man. And I'm comfortable this way!

[@DRZPHD]

Thats great! I think its important to know who we are apart from social constructs.

[@inlovewithgoats1092]

Hey! Ehm, I'm sorry for replying so late, but can you maybe tell me what made you change your mind on being trans? I'm kinda in the same situation right now maybe and I'd love to have some input

[@Femboy420tx]

@@inlovewithgoats1092 well i though can i accept the changes that will happen physically to my body if i start taking hormones? And i can't. I like presenting as a male and taking hormones will make my beard go away ;( and make my muscles less prominent. So mainly for me is because i want to present as male and look male. I had to accept that just cause i act feminine i don't need to change into a trans woman. I can still be a man. A feminine man. Regardless of sexual preferences a man/woman can act how they want to act.

[@inlovewithgoats1092]

@@Femboy420tx Huh, I'm guessing that we're very different then cause I really want to present as female and try to look very feminine. Besides, my reply was the result of being awake for too long yesterday 😂thanks a lot though! 😘

[@jucharpentierbouilly6980]

You can be trans without feeling gender dysphoria. I don't speak for myself (sadly) but some people just don't feel it, on the other hand they feel gender euphoria when they are perceived as their true/desired gender or find a gender expression that fit their internal imager encourages it. I experience both daily but not in a very intense way because I have (most of the time) a support system that accept and protect me and ressources when I feel dysphoric or euphoric. So for a long time I thought that it wasn't dysphoria, because it wasn't a life or death feeling; it was more social than physical, and so I thought I wasn't trans and it hurts to invalidate myself so much, even if my doubts were still here, always in the back of my head, even if later I was starting to think almost every day about having my breasts removed. And the doubt that led me to understand and accept that all the little incoherences I've experienced were dysphoria, came late in my life; way after my puberty. I was happy playing the game but I didn't realize that I would have to put so much efforts and contradictions in order to fit the "woman" category, so even the puberty and everything that came with it, was not a problem for me at the beginning. I'm 21 and didn't think I ever consciously felt it until 3 or 4 years ago. I don't know if this comment is helpful but for my case my gender is changing with my environment, my strong emotional states, and periods of my life. I had to isolate myself because of a depressed state during an entire year, to fully listen to what I was feeling, and then look back to my childhood and adolescence to see that the signs were here, but they were just discreet and calm. It was a very long comment, sorry, I just wanted to put it there because when I was struggling with my identity, I looked a lot of videos and a part of them made me feel like I should "stop" doubting or that I didn't exist at all. and it hurt so bad. It took a lot of time to find who I was because I had internalized transphobia, enbyphobia, and those people were just feeding it like it wasn't a big deal. Without them I probably would have understood sooner and suffer a little less.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@태이씨]

Exactly! I remember when I walked into the W bathroom and the girl there thought I was a guy 😂 that was funny, but my heart just jumped and I felt so happy

[@joscheel1896]

I fall right into the age group and I experienced doubts about my gender since I was 14 or 15 years old. Back then I thought that maybe I was a trans man but I scrapped that idea very quickly because it didn't feel right. But still I was always excited when someone would call me "my guy" or "he" or would use a more masculine nickname for me. I met women who could clearly say "Yes, I am confident in feeling like a women, I identify with that and femininity strongly" and I just couldn't. Sometimes I feel very uncomfortable with being called a woman or a girl. I wish I was taller, I wish that my chest was more flat, I wish I had a sharper jaw line and when I listen to my own voice I am sad that it doesn't sound as deep as it does in my head. This is the first time I wrote all of that out and I just feel so weird.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing especially since its your fist time to express so much.

[@ezthehagg]

i feel like when im alone and not really looking in the mirror i could care less about my body but when im out and about thats when i get uncomfortable. im uncomfortable with how im perceived as a woman physically but alone i know myself so i dont really care when im not outside socializing. im not sure if that makes sense. - nonbinary(?) person

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and its always good to consult therapist in your area to seek clarity.

[@ezthehagg]

@@DRZPHD I really appreciate your videos! Thank you!

[@vurt22]

As someone early in transition and in their 30s, I still found this video helpful. I’m looking forward to your next video in this series.

[@DRZPHD]

Awesome! Thank you!

[@cloudycaves]

I like how you explained this! Gender expression can be influenced to be doubted in someone's mind when other people's opinions come into play. I wanted to add something that helped me: the comfort you can get from gender identifiers and changes to sex labeled parts of your body is really important in figuring out the distinction. I like expressing myself in a masculine way but I never felt that it was necessary in order for me to be comfortable. Sure it made me happy but when I was feminine, it also gave me confidence. I broke social rules with my expression and I was fine presenting however felt good in the moment. I always felt a disconnect and discomfort with my body especially during puberty but other people were also uncomfortable so I didn't really think too into it. I didn't realize I was trans until I imagined myself in a different body. Thinking about the long term of how I would be more comfortable in my skin was always me looking different and being labeled differently. I didn't realize how happy I was and more connected to my body by having a change that shifts myself to be more of a man than a woman until I imagined that possibility. The thought of having different parts and being referred to differently, made the lightbulb go off. Those "aha!" moments were a definite in figuring myself out and giving me an answer as to what was going on. The euphoria I would get really helped with making the distinction between if the discomfort is related to gender identity or not.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing.

[@joed96able]

Thank you for this video. I can relate with this video and this feeling all to well. As I entered puberty my facial hair, body changed and I just didn't feel connected to it. I was constantly critiquing and pointing out the small parts that annoy me. I began to wear a mask in order to prevent myself but when I entered college I know longer could fight it. I began my transition at 20 and I'm now 23, I'm so thankful I did. Living as a transwomen I feel so much more happy and comfortable in my skin.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I am so glad you are doing well!

[@CadMade95]

I hid my feelings for so long. Your videos have been amazing and inspiring. I finally got the courage to get a therapist. I knew when I turned 18 that things werent adding up.

[@DRZPHD]

Wishing you all the best especially in working with a therapist.

[@Azperry2]

I think it's really important to acknowledge that your sense of gender should be internal. Many people "change genders" because they don't conform to social norms or are questioning sexuality, NOT because they're actually experiencing dysphoria. That being said, I identify as transgender because my sense of gender is inherently incongruent from my biological sex. But I also wrestle with battling societal norms, which is what affects me the most. I'm on hormones and have had surgery, and it just makes me sad knowing that so many people in society view me as a "mistake."

[@DRZPHD]

So well said! Thank you!

[@simplyselena7]

What if I feel it in my gut im trans since I was young but I’m scared to transition because of risks and to be seen later in life as less attractive Because men are always looked as sexy at any age . ?

[@DRZPHD]

I would say you may want to talk to therapist and work out on issues related to fears of getting older or loosing young looks.

[@simplyselena7]

DR Z PHD thank you!

[@rex8951]

five years ago, i came out as trans to my friends for a hot second before repressing it and never mentioning it again. i felt a lot of doubts and i was scared. now i am 23 and it's bulldozing me and i hate it.

[@DRZPHD]

Sorry to hear that.

[@foundhorrificgames.2505]

Same! But I’m 22... just started estrogen yesterday ❤️ it’s not to late

[@quinlanadolph]

i heavily relate to this video. im experiencing doubts about my gender and role. im 18 and have always identified as either gender fluid/agender. although this year ive seriously started to consider whether or not i could be trans. i wish there was a definite way to know because it's really scary and confusing especially when the media is bombarding me with trans people who seem to be so sure of who they are

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for sharing. Yes it can be very confusing. One of the things I found helpful is for people engage in relationships, especially intimate ones. It is often in relation to others that we start seeing our gender role and our gender identity more clearly. Also dont worry about others who claim to be so sure, gender identity can be incredibly confusing depending on how you were brought up, messages you were fed, and even micro messages you got.

[@quinlanadolph]

@@DRZPHD thank you so much for the kind words Dr. Z, your content is really helping me and im sure many others. ❤️

[@marq6929]

I've been trying to pretend this will go away or ignoring and dismissing the feeling since I was a teenager, but now that I'm 35... I think it's time to admit that this feeling isn't going away.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@roxyamused]

I’m 37, and naming the feeling gender dysphoria, has opened a deluge of shit. I just cracked this egg and I feel so frustrated I couldn’t hear or listen to my younger “true self.” Now I’m terrified that I won’t look femme enough. And now I think I need hormones. Like yesterday. I’m happy for the younger millennials and zoomers, this gender thing is going to be a bit easier so they can question this stuff openly younger. I wonder if I could have avoided so much hurt, addiction and confusion, had I learned that I didn’t see myself in my body at 20. It’s fucking weird. This shit is so fucking weird. I’m thinking about hair removal and how I want soft skin and boobs and this ball just started rolling Wednesday or Tuesday. I’ve identified as enby since 31 but my dysphoria has not abated. So now it’s information consent for transformation. Weirdly I think my tipping point could have been from getting the right color of eyeshadow on the right way that felt good. I’m not great at makeup. So it just struck me like a 747 airbus, I never could have thought at 3fucking7. I guess I found out. That’s something

[@hadriel2914]

I’ve always been drawn to feminine things and I never really questioned my gender until I was maybe 14 or 15 years old. I used to get bullied for my weight and height so I thought that was it, that was the thing I didn’t like about myself but I stopped caring about it at a certain point yet the feelings never went away. I cut my hair short and wore more masculine clothes and strangers mistook me for a guy which made me feel this sense of joy and relief I’ve never felt before. To me, I think my gender expression being masculine doesn’t go well with me, I feel like I’m trying hard to be something I’m not but being seen as a woman, that also feels profoundly wrong. I’m still figuring it out, seeing feminine men inspires me in a way any girl or woman wouldn’t when I was younger. Part of me doubts my perceptions because I was recently diagnosed with asperger but I know that’s something I’ll have to work on with a therapist

[@DRZPHD]

Yes working with someone can help clear up much uncertainty and to work through any fears. I wish you all the best.

[@hadriel2914]

@Al Hey thanks. It’s been a year since I commented this and I’ve been seeing a gender therapist since and I’m pretty confident I’m nonbinary but also kind of a guy. I filled out a questionnaire that could get me approved for top surgery and maybe testosterone. I’m so glad I’m finding who I am

[@sueciviero3866]

You dropped a lot of wisdom in under 16 minutes. I have always been of the mind that, while not completely certain about an action that could change you, hesitate. It worked for me as a late bloomer that smoking, binge drinking and drugs could cause addiction or harm, I would wait till older. I am glad that I never did those things. Gender dysphoria sounds painful and preoccupying. It would be a compelling factor to proceed. But I think questioning, discomfort and confusion indicate the need for time to sort out complex elements. Transition is helping a lot of people who took the time to know themselves well and make informed decisions based on knowledge of risk factors and benefits.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.

[@manageat2995]

super super super helpful. especially one quote of yours from another video on gender in which u said something to the effect of some part of you deep down knows what gender you are

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you and glad it helped.

[@ramenghost1870]

I am so confused about my gender, I feel so uncomfortable being perceived as a girl and I hate it, but whenever someone says “he” instead of “she”, it feels so much better. I only started having huge doubts about my gender when I was 12, and 3 years later and I still have doubts. I came out as non binary 6 months ago and I have had less anxiety and depression since then. I think that I am comfortable identifying myself as someone who is in the middle of the gender spectrum rather than a guy because of the amount of doubt I have. I definitely know that for this period of my life, I am more comfortable being masculine in my gender expression and that makes me happy. I will wait a couple of years to figure myself out and explore my identity more. Thanks

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for sharing. Please note my channel is marked for adults only.

[@mastersaurkon]

Hi Dr. Z - when I think back on my childhood, there are certain times where I played around with my gender identity or dressed in girls clothes, but I never really doubted my gender until puberty. Around middle school I started to research gender identity, crossdressing, what being trans was, and I have been questioning whether I am a woman ever since. In my teens I started to feel very ashamed of my body and appearance to the point I feel like I often do not exist, like I am afraid of being seen or perceived. That feeling has continued and intensified into adulthood, I find it hard to be social or leave the house because I don't want to be seen. When I see myself in the mirror I am often surprised because I forget how I look to the world. I find myself also really drawn to conventionally feminine appearances and wanting to wear womens clothing, almost every time I see a stylish or feminine or beautiful woman in public I feel a pang of envy because I wish I could look like that - that issue feels related to my gender expression, but do you think that my deeper issues with my body are gender dysphoria?

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing. It is hard to say because I dont know your history personally. In general, body dysphoria is discomfort with certain aspects of our body, say how it looks or its size. Whereas part of gender dysphoria is a discomfort to body parts beaus they denote and communicate gender you are not comfortable with.

[@lemonythicket1406]

These questions are really helping me figure out where I stand with my gender expression and identity. In particular, realizing that I hate the thought of being a masculine- or androgynous-presenting woman when I consider that possibility. Gender expression is a huge part of my struggle, but it’s coming from a deep place of incongruency, a desire to present in a way that communicates my disconnect and frustration with my birth sex. That to me is one of the key struggles I have to come to terms with in deciding if I want to medically transition at any point. I can’t stand looking at myself most of the time and try to distance myself from my own image constantly. As someone whose mother is a photographer and keeps photos around everywhere in the house, this has been a deeply distressing part of my life. Having to confront that image over and over and over again, having to live in a state of constantly being reminded of the ways that my body has changed against my will and the way that the world sees me, having to exist in a place where just looking around makes me dysphoric, is incredibly difficult. I recently moved out of my parents’ home, though, and can finally have room to breathe and figure myself out.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I am glad you find content helpful.

[@moo...imacow1637]

I experience a lot of doubt because I don't experience gender dysphoria. I don't know if I'm actually nonbinary or if I just like expressing myself in an androgenous way. I want a deeper voice and facial hair and all those physical changes that come from T. But I think if I were born male I'd want to transition. At least partially. And I think I could live life as a woman. I just think I'd be happier if I were more masculine, but I'm not necessarily unhappy now. I don't know.

[@rcarlsen8114]

That was a very informative way you broke down the inner feelings and how you spot lifers and people who are on the fence of doubt. You are so right in how the fear factor of potentially hUse personal loss is a big time factor. One my ask oneself if loosing your family maybe friends to be happy presenting in a gender that they may not pass and always being worried, significant social degradation( why would a white male want to be a trans woman and take 6 steps deeper into discriminatory and dangerous potentially, social position). Hassles at airports, public humiliation, becoming marginalized, and family members don’t want to be around. Churches discimiminating and Daniel into Synagogue and Churhes alike. Do you still see or do virtual counsel? All the Best

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thank you for sharing. Yes I do offer virtual therapy but only to CA and FL residents due to licensure rules.

[@mcgaming6387]

I’ve been questioning my gender identity and overall identity a lot recently. I have no idea what I am to be honest, but a small part of me wishes I could live as a woman. Everything about them makes me feel so much more comfortable. But idk I’m scared. Idk what to do.

[@beagobuzz]

You help so much, I appreciate you. I've been having doubts since really young, but now, at 18 and being mature than ever before, I'm starting to believe I really am a different gender than I was given. I'm looking for someone as amazing as you in my area to help me through my journey!

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you and I wish you all the best.

[@naruhina1997]

I don't really doubt anymore. I've reached a point where I know who I am, I know what I want, and I'm only hesitating and taking my transition slow because of other people. Their reaction, their thoughts, their support etc. If we lived in a perfect world without bigotry, full of acceptance and support... I would already be living as a woman.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@gabe2777]

ive been living as a trans man for almost 4 years now and i still feel this like lingering doubt and anxiety/fear about whether medical transition is for me or whether im rlly trans and though i don’t regret how i present because im a lot more comfortable now thsn before i wonder if somehow my brain is tricking me into experiencing gender dysphoria and maybe that it was an issue of gender expression to begin with

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing. Given a huge segment of population who struggle with gender dysphoria, thats a big lot of people to assume suffering form delusion, if the brain is tricking them. To me, this is a medical phenomenon.

[@Tobi-pb2fk]

When i had my first period around 11, i was so shocked, and was like « am i a girl? », « am i really a girl??? », also i grew up hearing my mum said that i was like a « little boy » all my life because i was really active and like to jump everywhere, now i do feel that i am this little boy that my mum always saw in me and not a girl, still figuring thing out… and questionning

[@tayashforth7052]

I came out around 8 months ago whilst living with my girlfriend in her studio apartment at university. I'd always felt a disconnection with my body from a young age (5-12 years), as if my inner feelings and personality traits did not align with my continuously maturing masculine features and how the world wanted to treat and perceive me. I never really felt comfortable with my below regions and I always felt awkward in men's changing rooms and toilets, but couldn't pin it down and understand what was causing it at that point in time. I began to take up hobbies and workout more to build a stereotypically defined masculine physique. I thought that this would bury my insecurities. And to be honest, It did distract me for some time, but I would always feel as if what I was doing was wrong. I got around the age of 14 and started to understand why I felt the way I did. I remember distinctively wishing that I was the opposite gender, and believe me when I am not religious at all. I'd sometimes sit up crying and wishing if god could click his fingers and grant me my wish. Some nights were so painful to go through, but I did not have any idea of how to ask for help. My family was somewhat conservative and old-fashioned and stereotypical in their behavior patterns and lifestyle choices. I had never really come across anyone from the LGBTQ community until I went to college. Even then I never really met anyone from that community and had never seen it on social media, news, or youtube. Throughout college (age 16-18) I began to privately see how I felt when I presented as the opposite gender, I felt so much better. I decided to slowly change my clothing style and wore much more gender-neutral clothing with an odd piece of women's clothing. I went on throughout the next 2 years building up from this, but I never got the courage to come out and distinctively alter my appearance. I believe throughout college my friends started to notice my social interaction was a bit off and I seemed a little stiff and preoccupied with my own thoughts. I mean to me personally, I felt as if my true personality could not reveal itself, not that it was bad, but that it was very much the opposite of masculine. Because of this I just started to be a lot more isolated and quiet in general. I moved into university, I obviously got really distracted with everything all new! University was overwhelming at the start and I didn't know where to start. I eventually made friends from multiple different backgrounds and disciplines. At this point, I had come across people that I resonated with in regards to the trans community, being a psychologist enthusiast I began to research the terminology that I had come across, dysphoria, atypical development, Transgender, and so on. I began to buy more women's clothing and wear makeup. I still did it in a subtle way so no one would really be able to distinctively tell what was going on. I still felt like I had to act stereotypically masculine. I was so scared that acting on how I really felt would turn my life upside down, I would inevitably lose friends and be an outcast. Dysphoria at this point came in waves. Some days I would look in the mirror and run away, there was always something so off about my reflection. And some days I repressed my negative visceral reaction of myself and just got on with life. It was really difficult for me to come to terms with my instinctive thoughts and dislikes about my body in relation to my actual inner identity. I knew that something was awfully wrong but I did not know how to seek help. And to add to that, I was petrified of telling anyone, I honestly thought it was going to be the one secret I would keep to myself for the rest o my life. I ended up dating a lovely girl from Indonesia in the third year, we instantly clicked and we dated 3 months before covid 19 hit the UK and throughout the rest of covid 19. It was really interesting how I actually came about in coming out. I guess I had never felt more myself around her and so came out my true personality. She knew I'd worn makeup and I wore a bunch of girl's clothing. She eventually sat me down on the bed and questioned me. Bless her, she did this in such a nice way and I'll never forget that conversation. She basically asked me a handful of questions that I had been asking myself for years. I broke down in tears to her and afterward answered yes to all the questions she asked and yes to the main question she asked. "do you really feel like you are a girl deep down?" I made a kind of deal with her that I would seek help and get an informal diagnosis through a specialist before making any life-changing decisions or telling anyone else. After I'd consulted with the gender specialist and was confirmed positive I quickly contacted a renowned clinic in London. I then started to grow out my hair, change my clothing more, and tell friends and eventually family, which after telling them I made an official post across all my social media account. 99% of people took it extremely well, which I really did NOT expect. Especially with my conservative parents. That really blew my mind. After coming out to the world my friends said I seemed so much more content with myself and genuinely happier. My social interaction still now (early transition) continues to progress and I feel so much more like my true self. I feel confident to act how I want to, my self-esteem has just thrived massively! But dysphoria had been on a rise for the last past 2 years and I couldn't take the physical changes I was seeing happen to me. With specialist advice and research that I had conducted and trialed with, I starting taking HRT and having blood tests with my local GP to monitor my levels. I'm still in the process of going through the private gender identity clinic and should be on prescribed hormones by February 2021. Adding to this, I am by NO means advocating self-medicating, it can be hazardous to play around with hormones, so please consult a specialist GP in the area or an endocrinologist. I was lucky to have a supportive GP and advanced knowledge in the area due to having links with practitioners. Anyway, I believe that I have had a very lucky coming out and that people have it 10x worse than I have. Because of this and a chat with one of my psychology masters tutors, I found that my doubt of not actually coming out, but continuing with it, is due to fear of the dangers that may lay ahead in my future. I think about this all the time and sometimes it is overwhelming, but then the positives of just.... being able to be myself and ultimately being perceived as the correct gender that I identify with Is amazing, and it has lowered dysphoria hugely. I still have a long way to go, but it's a milestone accomplished and I would not change it for anything. I'd only wish I had the courage to come out earlier. I aim to continue with HRT and have bottom surgery as soon as possible! - Tay

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing your experiences.

[@Tiana_atr]

I doubt because the questioning is very recent. I've never been depressed or felt particularly anxious or distressed about my body, but then had a revelation. My hair is around shoulder length now due to quarantine making me not go rushing to get a haircut. Well I shaved and showered and decided that instead of combing the sides back behind my ears, I just left it. While I had never previously thought of my short hair as being "wrong", seeing my hair long, nearly down to my shoulders with the sides covering my ears, that was "correct" despite how feminine it looked. It was this event that recontextualized a lot of my previous thoughts/experiences like visualizing being a girl to get me to relax enough to sleep, thinking I wouldn't mind if I started my life over as a girl, crossdressing as a teen, reading feminizing stories and looking at feminizing hypnosis as a teen. And each day I remember something else and think of yet another thing from my past like being told that "If you shave your beard will come in quicker" (which isn't true but is told to boys to get rid of their wispy crap until they develop something halfway decent) and that actually made me *more* reluctant to shave because I really didn't want it thicker, I didn't want it at all. All this stuff that makes me say "Why didn't I consider this sooner?", yet there's still this constant voice in the back of my head saying "but what if your wrong", "You've never had an issue before, so it can't be", "Are you truly so uncomfortable that you'd be willing to upset pretty much your entire life?" "Shouldn't you have realized this around 4 or something if it was true?" and on and on. It's super hard to figure things out.

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for sharing. Those thoughts can be overwhelming. Thats why small affirming steps that don't involve medical nor surgical transition are so important.

[@wonton1tap697]

I'm an 18 year old male and I've had anxiety for the past couple years about my gender. I'm finding that I like feeling feminine and might want to start passing as a girl but I don't feel uncomfortable with my body. I'd like to have a smaller waist and sometimes I feel weird wearing feminine clothes without breasts but that's it. Most of my anxiety comes from being referred to as a man, it doesn't feel right and I asked one of my friends to refer to me as a girl and it made feel so much better inside. I've thought a lot about transition but I am still unsure of whether I should go ahead with it. Any help would be much appreciated

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for sharing. If you are unsure, especially about actual transition, please take some time to explore more. See if you can find a professional in your area to talk to.

[@scbaboss]

Thank you for all the time you have given to help us with gender issues. I’m still struggling with my life and gender. Now that I’m subscribed to you’re channel i feel like you’re gonna be a very good person for me to listen to and to get what I truly feel is Honesty and caring from someone who has the knowledge and transcends it with sincerity and I love that it made me feel welcomed and that you truly understand the issues in front of me.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank and so glad to help.

[@hatty181]

I should be getting my psych appoint next month and my biggest fear is that they'll find some reason to reject approving hormones because I don't have crippling dysphoria. I don't have doubts, but I'm worried they'll find something to construe as doubt when we're talking. Love the video's as always!

[@DRZPHD]

Wish you all the best at the appt!

[@martinetomondi6527]

Hello Dr Z? Hope this finds you well. Personally, I'm also experiencing lots of doubts whether I'm a trans or not. I love imagining myself as a beautiful woman and I feel so great! Sometimes this goes but then it comes back. I hate my beards with passion. I'm even planning on how I can get rid of them. I've never experienced any form of genital dysphoria and this is worrying me much. Sometimes I do masturbate, but afterwards I feel so guilty telling myself that that's not how a woman should behave. I love it when people refer to me as Madam and hate it when someone refers to me as a brother. Sometimes I just feel okay. I really don't understand. I love painting my nails, applying oil on my lips, I love lady stuff like handbags, heels. I've never cross dressed though I want to. I also hate my body hair, I normally imagine myself with kind hair and I feel so great! My profession is also pulling me back. Whenever I resort to doing something, I say to myself this is not how a teacher behaves. Kindly advice me on how I can learn more about myself to realize the real me. Thanks and looking forward to your positive feedback ❤️ Kindly reply via my email [e-mail], I'll highly appreciate

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing. For further exploration and support please seek support of a therapist in your area.

[@martinetomondi6527]

@@DRZPHD And from the look of things, based on what I've just told you, is there a possibility that I might be trans?

[@blackravens5]

This made me feel like I'm learning trig and I'm getting good at it and understanding more. Then you come and start talking calculus to me. And now I'm unsure again

[@DRZPHD]

I am sorry to hear it casted additional doubt. Clarity was the intent.

[@blackravens5]

@@DRZPHD I know, and I appreciate it, I really really do. I've been listening to your videos on my bike ride to school everyday. They've really helped me understand what a lot of what I'm feeling is. I have really bad facial dysphoria, so I grew a beard too hide it. And it allows me to shape my face however I want, which is nice. But I'm caught in between this cycle of wanting to shave (because, eww a beard) and not wanting to shave due to being able to shape my face. This video really confused me because I don't really have major dysphoria in the rest of my body. I don't like it, but I'm already taking steps to change it (eating healthier, bike rides, etc.). But unless I'm looking in a mirror, I do my best not to think about my face.

[@blackravens5]

@@DRZPHD that was probably tmi, but it was a really eye opening moment for me. So, seriously thank you so much

[@windyretz3632]

De. Z Thank you. Your Visio woke me up. I grew up in a time ( late 60’s early 70’s )when being trans was not very popular. There were very few places to Go to to be yourself ,couldn’t work unless it Was under the table. Back in those days there’s no support for for trans like today.

[@windyretz3632]

a

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing!

[@just_foxy35]

... I wrote a very long comment explaining how I view my gender and gender expression and how was my puberty but when I wanted to edit a typo an error occurred and now the comment is gone, excuse me while I cry in the corner over there

[@DRZPHD]

Ohhh I am so sorry that happened and sorry to hear of your pain. I wish you well.

[@Rosalindxxxxxx]

I am very confused - I am 26 and I've never questioned my gender until 2 years ago, right after covid started. I've always felt like a woman (and I was born a girl), but I've been feeling more fluid and androgynous and masculine for the last two years. I've also been questioning my sexuality (always thought I was straight, now I'm not sure at all). I've been feeling ambivalent/sometimes uncomfortable with my chest and with being called she/woman/girl, etc. Can you get dysphoria as an adult or am I just dealing with sexuality/gender expression/roles/identity? Always felt comfortable with my boobs until now, haha! Thank you so much!

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for sharing. Yes you can get dysphoria as an adult and many do. If you feel you may be struggling with dysphoria, best to seek support of a local therapist.

[@hayashii7211]

Omg, i related so much, thank you for sharing your experience, because i feel in the same way, the difference is that my crisis gender identity started in the beginning of this year, i'm 19, and i've always felt like a cis woman, but now i don't feel in the same way, i have a lot of doubts and feeling more like a boy sometimes, in other times i feel like a mixed between girl and boy... It's so confuse

[@m.fbarrantescorrales9055]

I literally understand so much about myself with this video. Thank you so much.

[@DRZPHD]

You're so welcome!

[@declan-kayodekeegan1598]

Thanks Dr Z! I have always been a feminine boy growing up but more than that I saw myself as female. I forced myself to accept myself as a feminine gay male growing up and tried to repress my dysphoria. All the while I've been unhappy about not being able to express myself as female. But like you said in one of your other videos, dysphoria doesn't go away and now I'm getting anxious about coming out as trans.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing. Sorry you feel the anxiety but as you step more into who you are, confidence will increase and anxiety often diminishes.

[@alanporzio7143]

You are so amazing and I am so grateful to have access to your wisdom. It always feel you are speaking to me and to my truth. I started HRT without the proper support system. Just as you described, I am stepping back to square one. Thank you for helping me to be true to my authentic self.

[@DRZPHD]

You are so welcome and I am glad the content is helpful.

[@TheLastDayOfDecember]

You are super knowledgeable and post very helpful videos! I'm using these to educate my friends/people I know and to further educate myself about my own trans identity as well. Thank you so much. This is exactly what I needed right now.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you and I am glad to hear the content is helpful.

[@telotawa]

i was doubting my identity. no label felt right. the trans groups i was in kept encouraging me to find a label, find a box to put myself in. i dont want a box, so i threw it all out, and i dont use labels at all anymore

[@DRZPHD]

Good for you.

[@iluvpurplestew]

I realized that the predominant feeling I feel when I experience gender discomfort is that "no one sees me" which I guess is more of an expression problem. How do we solve it?

[@domg.1011]

I'm halfway through and so far it seems really great

[@TheClarity101]

My doubts started when I got my diagnosis and it became extremely real to me. It always felt so far off that it would never happen and be something I couldn’t get and it hurt so much. Now I’m about to step out and say to the world this is me, and I expect immense backlash and is it worth it to change everything about my life

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.

[@Ciel-rk6mc]

Thank you so much for sharing all this information here.

[@DRZPHD]

You are most welcome.

[@Idontknow-tz2lw]

Right now I'm very confused about my gender identity. I always thought I'm FTM because I'm very uncomfortable with my feminine body, but also don't like some masculine some parts of mens bodies. I think I might be nonbinary because of a call with friend when I was in a middle of mental breakdown and come out as transgender but still confused whether I'm really a Ftm or not, I'm disgusted by my "female" body but don't want to be completely "male". I hate my voice, breast and hips because they were very feminine. And I also get uncomfortable to be called she. But I never wanted to be fully "male", maybe sometimes I do want to be very manly but I usually like being really androgynous and being fine called a woman.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I am sorry to hear of your dysphoria.

[@jforjyn5602]

I’ve been questioning since I was 13, but begin to put it off when I turned 15. I’m 17 now, and it’s coming back, because I’ve realised my passion in performing arts. I’ve been dressing masc since my discovery and it feels good when someone sees me as a guy. But at that time, trans representation has always been rep from the west. But since getting into K-pop, and getting into more Asian representation. That was when envious and jealousy started to become a common occurrence haha. If I had the chance to wake up as a cisguy, I would without question. I’ve put in a lot of thought, that I might just be a masc ciswoman, but being seen as a woman doesn’t make me feel as good. Writing this down made me realise it’s a pretty obvious symptom. I’m still largely attracted to guys (bisexual but male leaning), and prefer looking softer, which was really what’s making me question so this answered some of my questions. Thanks!

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and please note my channel is marked for 18+

[@BlakeytheG]

Watching this over and over again hoping it will tell me I’m not trans but I definitely am :(

[@jjju3]

Do you have any opinions about people who believe they are genderfluid? Have you ever treated people who referred to themselves as genderfluid? Have you ever seen someone you genuinely believe to have fluctuating gender dysphoria? I'm almost certain I have fluctuating gender dysphoria and gender identity and it's really confusing, and I don't know where to look for a gender therapist who has any idea if that's even. A thing. Do you know how that concept is tackled by gender therapists? (Im sorry if this is a lot of questions but my confusion abt my gender dysphoria is really deep and related to this rn lmao)

[@jjju3]

Specifically i do have gender dysphoria. Sometimes. Sometimes i HATE my feminine body i hate my breasts i hate my voice I hate my face I hate my waist and other times I just. Don't. I feel fine being perceived as female. I feel fine with my body and all of the things mentioned above. But a lot of the time I just _dont give a shit_ either way or feel only some aspects of gender dysphoria (almost always this shows in euphoria in being perceived as nonbinary, as when nonbinary sex characteristics don't matter all that much to me because there are no nonbinary sex characteristics. Though sometimes I'm DEFINITELY dysphoric when I feel nonbinary) I don't understand what I am or am supposed to do...

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for commenting and yes, I have worked with gender fluid people before. The dysphoria can certainly oscillate back and forth in a similar way it does for someone identifying as a non-binary.

[@gretascraftsandthings4062]

This is exactly how I feel.

[@erdbar718]

I think the video is really good and just made it clearer to me that I am in fact trans non binary (microlabels and such still questioning). I am 21 years old and I have a lot of memories from puberty and how I hated the changes (I'm afab, so periods and chest growth) so much I spent a lot of time crying. And I think because of other issues in my life I've put that far away from me and dissociated from my body for quite some time, until the beginning of last year. Now my discomfort and wish to change parts of my body are back stronger than ever, but at least now I have words for it which makes me understand it a bit at least. I did have some indicators that something was wrong between my mind and body but I simply couldn't get behind what that was until then. Also I did perform femininity and tried to fit in, so it wasn't about gender expression either. Even though I am now stuck with dysphoria (in my opinion) I am happy to know more about myself, to also have felt euphoria for the first time and being able to search for medical help knowing what I want. Note: my biggest euphoria moments were: cutting my hair short after struggling a lot with it; buying wide pants and being able to create more masc outfits; being called bro for the first time even made me cry; being called the right pronouns; the acceptance of my parents; choosing a neutral name; looking in the mirror and being able to see just a guy that happens to have boobs instead of a girl --- I don't recall more rn, but it was amazing and I am excited (and a little anxious) for the future :3

[@DRZPHD]

Glad it was helpful. Dissociative feelings especially from body can often lead to a regression that can last some time. I am sorry you experienced that.

[@Sabrina-tv9zu]

the thing is, because of so many things I had to deal with (until the age of ~16), I didn’t really have „Space“ for myself where I could think about what I like about myself and my body and what i don’t like. Honestly, I have the feeling that I am only recently learning how to recognise and process emotions. I can’t even really remember what I felt like when I was going through puberty as well. But since I had that space and could allow myself/felt safe enough to think about my identity I have really strong feelings that my real gender is the opposite of my gender assigned at birth(I am assigned female). I am also getting really happy when someone calls me a he or when I am fantasising about having a flat chest and everything that has to do with being male (social interactions, body,…) But because of the fact that I don’t remember being “uncomfortable” with my gender until the age of 16 it feels like I am just “pretending” to be someone else to escape my “real” self or to just feel “special” but at the same time I feel soo comfortable and good with identifying and being seen as male. So, summary: The feelings of joy when identifying as male are much more stronger than the feelings of discomfort when being perceived and treated as female by others Also the fact that I never really learned how to recognise/understand my needs and emotions makes it really hard to know my gender and leads to tons of doubts.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@finalsignal1290]

I came out as transgender when I was 28 to my dad first. What helped me was I wrote a letter to read to him and ofc he had all these doubts and didn't want to believe it still doesn't. I'm 30 now i've been on Feminizing hormones for about a yr and a half almost. I can say its the best decision ive ever made in my life. I rlly appreciate your videos and if anyone reads this the most important part about coming out is if you feel safe enough to come out especially transgenders.

[@DRZPHD]

Such great supportive comment. Thank you!

[@runepoor4711]

It took me a long time to figure out my identity because I'm afab and identify as an effeminate man(who's also attracted to men) it took a few years of accepting my sexuality before I was able to understand that what bothered me wasn't who I loved but more of the fact that the person in the mirror didn't reflect how I saw myself. On top of this I always just thought I was attracted to effeminate men. This is true, but I ALSO identify as an effeminate man.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I am glad you figured out your identity.

[@kylesweeney315]

I was bullied throughout primary school and it only stopped when I moved to another state and finished high school there. I never fit in with any group in school except for the LGBTQ crowd, despite being mostly heterosexual (now I've realized I'm bisexual at age 26). I also feel like I got nothing out of puberty aside from my voice getting stereotypically male and growing small amounts of body hair, because otherwise my body stayed the same. As a result I look 5 years younger than my actual age, I feel disconnected from most male friends of mine, and I feel like I relate more to the girls I know. But because of my male body, I'm confused where I fit. I've described myself as closer to a grey blob, which while it describes the feeling, it's not something I like to feel. Throughout college I had a lot of transgender roommates, and I told myself this was because I was an accepting person and I wanted them to be able to have a roommate that would treat them properly. I ended up relating to each of them on a very personal level, where our life-stories and personalities were very very similar, this is probably the biggest reason for my gender confusion. Lately I've been presenting as female at my place of work that's very accepting of me, and I enjoy it as well as the new way I'm treated by others (it's a public-facing job). I have another job though that I have to be male at, and I also present male to my family for fear of them treating me different or "cringing," which they may do despite saying that they're accepting of me. This kind of double life feels very confusing and makes me doubt myself. Sorry for the wall of text, I can't do therapy for this for another few months bc of insurance reasons, but since I feel like this now I've been trying to find spaces to vent it out. Thank you for these videos, they're very informative and I feel like they help me make sense of my feelings.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I am sorry to hear of your pain.

[@SirisLayer]

I'm currently trying to figure out some gender stuff. I'm afab, 29 and I've been always flip flopping between gender extremes. Like I embraced media and toys targeted for girls as a kid but also loved engaging with typical boy things (videogames, playing in woods, adventure play pretend). I had phases of where I insisted on pink stuff, but also phases of rejecting everything associated with feminity especially around 10-15 years old. It took me almost 27 years to figure out that I'm not straight. Now that I know that most female characters I admired weren't because I wanted to be them, but because if wanted to be WITH them I have an easier time understanding what drew me to what media or character I've embraced more feminine things these past 10 years, partially because I finally had like.. positive femme friends in my life who showed me feminine things aren't bad or make you weaker. But now after dressing very female presenting etc embracing feminity in a positive light, I realised that dressing feminine and presenting feminine always feels like a costume? Like.. I see myself and its...me but I'm dressed up. That's me but I'm dressed up like in a costume And then I do occasional masculinising makeup or wear a shirt and tie and I see myself. I'm fancy, but I'm not I'm a costume but like.. just nicely dressed? It's like I see.. a version of me that could've been and that I can not be. And I don't know how to really sort this out yet... I'm hoping this feeling of girl costume will just be a phase and that I'll be fine ...

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@pbbandit4324]

I'm 24 and about to start testosterone. My family (mom specifically) is convinced I'm going to ruin my life, and she's been so persistent I just wanted to do a double check. I've known I was transgender since I was seventeen. I did question it at first, and tried a bunch of different things to see what felt right. I had already tried exaggerating femininity and hated that, so I was mostly just androgynous. I dated a guy, hated that. Then I dated a girl but it felt wrong to ID as lesbian so I never did. Then I found out being transgender existed and stuff clicked together. Until puberty I'd actually thought I'd wake up one day and be a guy, because I really only accepted I was a girl since everyone said I was. I didn't actually have puberty until I was 15 and then after that I stopped playing sports I'd loved because I hated how it felt. My whole life I've been really competitive and treated physical activities as a chance to prove myself better than all the boys (since I didn't know being one was an option). Losing that outlet sucked a lot, especially since it felt like my body had betrayed me. The biggest thing I want is top surgery. I finally managed to get past the dysphoria enough to work out, and even jog sometimes, but I want this weight off my chest. I also want to get back into sports. In college, I socially transitioned, ish. I only told certain people, and it's acceptable for basically anyone to wear men's clothes, so I didn't usually get treated as male. I also figured out how I liked my hair cut. I wore a suit if I could to formal events. I got binders and an stp packer. That's also when I figured out that all the extra effort (esp binders) made it hurt so much worse when I still got misgendered and I stopped wearing them. I also had a medical withdrawal and went to an out-patient program for 5 months. From then on I basically just ignored everything but school (I went back). Once I graduated, I finally could focus on my health. The first thing was actually to start working on fitness because I had given up on ever liking my body again and stopped eating right and exercising. Only now, a year and a half later, am I feeling stable enough to transition medically. I have been letting work assume I'm female. I'm not changing my name so the only problem really has been pronouns, and it doesn't offend me if people don't know. (My name means "little king" and that's not the reason I was given it but I love it anyway.) I also really want a beard and deeper voice from T, though my voice passes for a teenage boy's. (And my brother's, who is 21, over the phone.) I wrote little stories/comics during elementary school about a boy named Arnold and he was literally representing me at school. (Sorry I just remembered that.) Anyway, I'm so stoked about starting my medical transition. My therapist (of 14 years) said this is probably the best mental health I've had since she's known me, and that I'm in a good place to start testosterone. I've talked with her about wanting to transition and she brought up something I didn't even remember telling her about wanting to get clothes from the boy's clothing since I was a boy. So it's basically been very consistent for me. And even if I decide I'm not fully binary male gender-wise, I'm sure I'll never decide I am actually female. I'm super forgetful so I think I might be responding to the video but I'm not completely sure since I've been writing a while. Thank you for the video, it was thought provoking.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I am glad you have spend some time to explore your gender. You sound very self aware, which is a wonderful thing. I wish you all the best.

[@pbbandit4324]

@Locust Hypnosis Thank you, good luck with your journey as well!

[@jonas6259]

Thank you very much doctor! This was very, very helpful 😊

[@DRZPHD]

Glad to hear that!

[@sheep1ewe]

A massive thank You for making this videos!

[@DRZPHD]

My pleasure!

[@ahhhhhlive]

I dont completely hate my body parts, but a lot of them already do look more masculine. When I'm with a guy, I feel more gay. & when I was younger, it was almost a default to like women. In my head, I also feel like it's okay to take my shirt off, but of course I can't. I enjoy dressing more feminine sometimes, but would like my body to me stronger & prefer my voice to me lower. I often find myself wishing I could just wake up as a man. I do have some more exploring to do, and your videos are helping a lot + talking with my own therapist. A lot of what you said here didn't feel like me, now I'm doubting myself more 😭

[@DRZPHD]

Don't doubt yourself because the video didn't resonate. Trust your experience and your feelings.

[@rorygiambalvo2955]

I've been wondering whether I'm a masculine woman or a guy or somewhere in between a lot lately. I'm going by a guy's name amongst some friends and at work and using he/him in those spaces, and it feels odd but I think I'm just not used to it. I know my chest feels wrong to me, always has, but my genitals are more of an "eh, it's whatever" since I'm asexual and not sexually active. Can having only localized dysphoria mean I'm trans, or would it have to be my whole body?

[@SoyandPepper]

I feel like you went a lot into about figuring our gender identity but not really specifying what gender dysphoria or what those in-congruencies are

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@heartglow9125]

I personally can relate to this life has always pushed me down and told me I have to be what they want me to be I was born a man and all my life I was told what I should be, once my teen years came up I started to question my self my sexuality shifted towards men and I hated my facial hair and well my identity factors. Due to the my environment I had to develop a mask to protect my self from a public who wants to jam me in a box. I feeling are fluxating to minor to major emotional responses and I am not sure why, I fear l could be transgender but I also fear what will come with such a problem. I ve gotten my degree in psychology in hopes of figuring stuff out but over the years I feel more uncomfortable.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and often the older you are, the more repressed identity is and the more confusion you feel. This is an ongoing battle between assumed self and true self. Starting safe exploration such as social transition can affirm one way or another.

[@bohemianwriter1]

One of the videos which makes me wish I was 25 younger...

[@antonisgavriil6124]

Thank you once againnn❤❤❤

[@DRZPHD]

You're welcome 😊

[@Amenlimit]

My assigned gender it's male, and had a lot of doubts if I'm really I'm a male, since my teenage days till now (23) I was looking at girls with a mix of admiration and envy at the same time, but by that time I felt comfy being a guy so, didn't payed attention to those feelings. A few years back I had an argument with my mom and when she was done ranting, she left my bedroom telling me "your dad and I didn't wanted another asshole like your brother, we wanted a girl" and then closes the door. Since then I've been questioning in an active way who I am, things like "why I feel comfortable with my gender but at the same time I feel something's wrong?" and that stuff. This takes time to figure out, it's been like 4 years of thinking and I'm still not really sure, and I hope I can find a solution to this cause ohh boi this is really hard for me.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@jucharpentierbouilly6980]

Thank you so much for this video

[@DRZPHD]

Most welcome 😊

[@kittyears2001]

I am 18 and I have been questioning if I am FtM since I was 6 I'm just really scared that I might regret transitioning so I start to transition then flip back to living a female life I don't know if that's normal or not?

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and yes fears of regret are very normal and should be examined with a therapist to explore what’s behind them.

[@thelifeoffame2370]

hi i know you posted this video a long time ago, but i still want to ask a question anyways haha. i expressed myself as very feminine and don’t feel comfortable being labeled as a man. i also feel very disconnected to my genitalia, but i don’t know if i want female genitalia as well. so i’m confused on those aspect. i rather have someone view me as a woman than a man, so my question is: what are my problems related to? or any questions that i should ask myself to figure out why i’m feeling this way? thank you! i appreciate your time 🤍 i currently identify as a non-binary person

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for sharing but your question requires a more in depth discussion. Its best to seek help of a professional in your area.

[@thelifeoffame2370]

@@DRZPHD okay thank you! and i just came out as trans. and i feel soo relieved. thank you for your videos and guidance

[@mannycolon]

Hello everyone I am a heterosexual man, who is dealing with a child who has expressed to me that she feels like a boy and has labeled herself as a Transgender. This has been very stressful for us ass a family due to the fact that we support her but we have a problem calling her Him. I loved this video because instead of right away affirming a CHILD as a transgender the DR is actually telling you (kids) to wait explorer, experience and mature before going through any major decision.and this is what I wish my daughter would understand.Thank you and be strong and safe everyone.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for being supportive parents, while I do not work with kids, for anyone who is a young adult I always recommend social exploration first! It is important to get to know oneself on a deeper level especially if one has no prior history of dysphoria. Wish you all the best.

[@sir.maccc-]

Is it possible to be ftm with MILD body dysphoria, like (MOST often-90%)incongruence and disconnection that these “female” parts don’t belong to me , sometimes (6%)dislike that these part don’t belong to me and i want to avoid acknowledging them bothering me, and rarely(4% percent )hatred where i don’t wanna get out of bed and i want to die and avoid looking in the mirror or acknowledging that i have these parts? AND the the times where i feel dislike or the times i feel incongruence/disconnection sometimes overlap a bit(the feeling of my parts not being mine and not wanting to acknowledge the fact that it bothers me, most of the time they mix but it’s rare when it’s separate like just feeling disconnected/incongruence or just feeling like i want to avoid acknowledging how it bothers me )

[@DRZPHD]

Yes. A combination of all is very common! Many feel the same way.

[@sir.maccc-]

@@DRZPHD i don’t have to hate my body to be trans? Basically i can feel more disconnected and that my body is incongruent to what i see in my head and I’m still trans?

[@hostilegif]

Dr Z what do you think the best course of action is for someone who has very little memory of their childhood/puberty years because of trauma? Maybe asking others who knew me at that time, except they won't have access to my inner thoughts so it would only be semi-helpful. I do not want to revisit and work through the trauma of a certain childhood experience just so I can regain my memories. Is it necessary to deal with that first to then be able to examine if I had incogruency between my body and gender at that age?

[@DRZPHD]

Hi. I would suggest working with an experienced local therapist.

[@hostilegif]

@@DRZPHD I thought so too. I'll look into that. Thank you for taking the time to respond I love your videos and work!

[@BD-yl5mh]

The classic story of “many trans people panic when the wrong changes happen to their body in puberty” has always made me doubt that I was trans. Now, between about 25 and 27 I’ve finally gone through the facial hair development stage that most boys go through at 14-15, and I HATE it. Sure my body went through male puberty, and I’m tall, with broad shoulders, but my body never felt like it FULLY stopped being feminine. I’m still slender and my shoulders aren’t really that broad. My voice is deep but honestly when it dropped quite early in puberty for me, it made me seem less effeminate and gave me some protection from bullying I’m now weirdly annoyed that puberty wasn’t harsher on me because then I might have believed my own ‘I think I’m trans’ thoughts back when I was a teen (I also think the extent to which I did develop as a male did also just make me feel “safe.” Weirdly, my experience was somewhat that I felt I needed to pass as a man and so to some extent, my relatively mild male puberty was stomachable. I also have a strong sense that were i cis AFAB, I would probably be a tomboy. I may even identify as non binary. But it is a female body I wish I had)

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best!

[@MsCrimbo]

Does dysphoria need to be present from onset of puberty to be trans or could you develop it later? I don’t remember having dysphoria as a young teen but since I was 19 (I’m 22 now) I have been feeling strong dysphoria and feel 100% sure that if I could just snap my fingers and have a male body I would in a heartbeat

[@DRZPHD]

No, many don’t have onset in childhood or puberty.

[@popoposki3962]

Hello doctor, I have obsession about this topic of sexual identity disorder, I am now 18 years old, and two years ago I had read for the first time about the causes of sexual transformation so I read a symptom of childhood symptoms which is that the child wears a female dress and prefers to play with the opposite sex games I remembered myself when I was young, I used to do these things, and I classified myself within them at that moment, so I lived in the torment of my soul and my emotions. I just want to know is this childhood symptom considered an identity disorder even though I had no idea that I would turn into a woman or a girl I was just imitating them not always sometimes .... I also want to ask, I am a homosexual and I have been leaning towards men since childhood, but I never had the idea of ​​transformation because I love my body .. Is this a disorder? ...🙏

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for sharing. I cannot give you a diagnosis simply form your comment. When people question their identity, it is helpful to either safely explore it or to seek help of a professional.

[@redachahir9088]

@@DRZPHD mam , what did you mean by safe exploration ?

[@popoposki3962]

@@DRZPHD doctor but i cannot exploring something that i don't want it ... i know that i am a man and i like that ... i think im not transgender

[@darlinga1209]

I don't know if I'm a trans man (this is literally about the 10th all-nighter I had bc of this dilemma... hah.) Basically I think I'm possibly trans? I can only imagine myself going through the world at least somewhat perceived as male, and though it's hard to confirm that bc of Covid, whenever I go out try to """intrinsically"" live as male it feels normal. One thing that I know, I CANNOT enter relationships as my AGAB; because then I just feel 100% not there and I can't handle it so I don't get close to anyone. If I am male, I'm not the most masculine male. At most, I'm a feminine guy. But I know that it's infinitely harder for me to perceive myself as female, and I don't know if having T would satisfy my perception of myself. I'm also pretty short so I'll probably present as female regardless... fml.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@tthingy7600]

Thanks for this clarifying video

[@DRZPHD]

You're welcome.

[@lankiboi]

thank you for making this video. i'm bisexual and i have always felt ashamed of my feminine body parts even though i would consider my boobs, genitalia, hands etc visually pleasing. i felt like i was ungrateful for wishing masculine body when i have a body that i would be attracted to if it was someone else. i used to think that just because i wished to be a boy it didn't mean i really was, i thought i was surely faking it.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing.

[@jc-jw2qy]

Can you explain why the discomfort with the size of a body part is not dysphoria but not wanting the whole part is? I don't like my body and wish my chest and waist were smaller and my hips, bigger. I've always thought that was dysphoria. Can you correct me please?

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for commenting. Not sure what yo mean by "not wanting the whole part?" If you are not sure if it is gender dysphoria or body dysmorphia, always best to seek help of a therapist in your area.

[@binarytree7316]

Tbh i am going to be going to my first therapy session and i have a lot of doubt and idk if this is usefull but when i get overwhelmed with these doubts i awk myself to identify where these doubts are coming from and if they are internally caused doubts or externally caused doubts.... the other day i came out to my mother on my 25th bday and tolled my mother that i felt like i was a girl born in a male body it was cathartic at that moment but i didnt feel like a weight of my chest has been lifted and having that statement comeout and the intial reaction has me torn in peices and feeling like i have no place in the world and feeling hoplessness and futurlessness nothing really seems to be worth it because i currently feel that due to how unacomidating arabic muslim culture is to people like me i can never really be myself , and the few days have been confusing because i love my family and bot having them there to mutually share happiness hurts beyond what i can emotionally handle but on the other hand the idea of my body masculnizing even more is just as emotionally agonizing and taxing and what is kind of helping me through this confusion i think is determining the source of the doubt ,how does the doubt make me feel? Why do i feel this doubt? But its easier said then done.... ps* apologies for the bad writing as im not really good at or used to communicating emotions

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and I think your way of identifying doubts is very important in order to seek clarity.

[@farleyandrews7269]

Yes, I was going to say, even at age 73... (?) - Farley A.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing. I have a video for age group 40& up coming up next week.

[@farleyandrews7269]

@@DRZPHD Thank you, ... for providing answers, or at least seeking them, from below the surface... - Farley A.

[@MarissaChillya]

Hi Dr. Z, I've been experimenting this for years, the trans thing. I hate the thought of being a man, and I feel happier and more positive when I'm acting feminine around other people and being accepted that way, however, I feel that my sexual desires are still from the perspective of a man, which is very dysphoric for me. I also find that I act naturally male from time to time, but I assume that is habit, right?

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing. I am sorry to hear of your negative feelings. Acting "naturally" in your assigned birth gender is common and is a habituated behavior.

[@yogurtmale2365]

I know this is probably late but here we go. I am a 16 year old AMAB who has recently come to a sort of breakthrough when it comes to my gender identity. I'm quite sure I'm trans and am experiencing gender dysphoria on account of the fact that the masculine features of my body make me anxious, I hate being referred to as male, female pronouns feel much more comfortable, and the thought of being perceived as male for the rest of my life gives me a lot of anxiety. I was raised very conservative and only learned about trans people when I was 12, at which point I was taught being trans is bad. I haven't always felt dysphoric, it's relatively new to me, so I was wondering if you could offer any peace of mind?

[@DRZPHD]

Hi. Thanks for sharing and please note my channel is for adults only and all my experience stems from working with adults and should not be generalized to younger ppl. Best to see a support of therapist near you to clarify things.

[@woofexe4050]

So is it possible for a biological woman become a feminine trans man? Can a trans man be feminine? I know that there is a difference between gender expression and gender identity but I'm just feeling a lot of doubt right now. I do have incongruance with my gender since I started puberty but I do like many feminine things. I'm going to be getting top surgery and I'm worried I'll regret it. I am 20 and I don't want hormones as there are many masculine traits I don't want due to being a feminine trans guy. Does that make me less trans or not trans at all? Thanks!

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for sharing. If you are feeling confusion or uncertain about your gender identity or expression, it is always best to explore this with a professional in your area. If you feel you may regret your surgery, perhaps its a sign to pause and to explore more.

[@woofexe4050]

@@DRZPHD Thank you for responding! I've been working with my gender therapist for awhile. I will be sure to discuss more about this with them. Thanks for the info!

[@Catinbetween]

feminine trans guy here who went through similar thought processes. You can absolutely be a trans man and also be feminine. You also absolutely don't have to do HRT or any surgeries if you don't desire that. Remember that those kind of steps purposes are to treat dysphoria. I for myself want to do HRT, but i always planned to revisit femininity when i'm further down my transition road and thus experience less dysphoria about doing feminine stuff, as i think that will be just a temporary thing. That being said, it's important that you do the things that will help you feeling better and as Dr. Z already said, if you have doubts if top surgery or other stuff will be the right choice, it might be best to just explore those feelings more before you make a decision.

[@жукженя-п6н]

1st august, just turned 18. I felt like I was a boy since 7 years old, but felt also *REALLY RARE* as a girl n other times i had no idea, just lived my life and that's it. and even tho I think I might be trans, bigender (enby) or just a confused girl it scares me. I have self doubt about this topic every minute.....

[@DRZPHD]

Happy Birthday! Wish you all the best.

[@жукженя-п6н]

@@DRZPHD thank you so much!!! I really love your videos🥰

[@ryptoll4801]

I fall in between the age categories you covered in this video and the other one (I'm 31) but I could relate a lot to what you said in this video. Especially about all the different aspects (expression, sexuality, sense of self, dysphoria) muddling together into an incoherent mess. I'll watch the other video as well though. Basically, I'm pretty sure I'm a binary trans man, but still experience a lot of persistent doubts. I'm 12 years into my transition, and very happy with it, but my sense of self seems to have broken. Although my autism, borderline and traumas make it hard for me to understand my sense of self, I think I'm more so trying to (unintentionally) reject that my gender identity is binary man. I've hung around with transphobes too much, and basically internalised the idea that I can't ever be a man because I was born female, so I end up both trying to justify how I can be a man, and argue against it at the same time. Over time I lean more towards being binary male in how I perceive myself, but it's a very zig-zag road there. I also worry an awful lot about not being "binary enough" to be a trans man in my gender expression and dysphoria, despite blending in among cis men just fine, and I feeling comfortable with that. I feel especially judged by other trans men. I think my doubts are gonna keep lingering for a while, because I also probably still hold onto the idea that "I could choose to be cis" if I just tried hard enough, despite not even wanting to. And then I feel bad for not wanting to! I've become so desensitised to misgendering that it doesn't affect me as much anymore, and I've been shamed for identifying as a man so much, that I feel bad also when gendered correctly. So my doubts are coming from outside pressure, and not from within myself. Because deep down I know what I am, but I'm suppressing my true gender, because I've had it used against me so much. Like it became a safety thing for me to "not care" about whether I'm a man, woman, nonbinary, etc, and instead put all of my energy into defending my dysphoria and need for medical transition, because that's easier to prove, basically. I watched the other video as well, but I couldn't relate much to it.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and I hear you on many points you bring up. After long time of living with Gender Dysphoria things can get internally very muddled and if the external environment is not supportive, that just makes things more confusing.

[@stevedavenport2975]

Im in my forties an have been taking antidep an anxiety pills for 25 years I still get hot flash or hotness in my head an bad frustration if I don't take, an I been gender confused for decades but scared to do anything or about stupid reactions I'd get from dressing

[@DRZPHD]

Sorry to hear of your circumstances.

[@krazycool7929]

I think I'm trans because I feel uncomfortable being seen as the opposite sex and I sometimes feel disconnect from my birth gender but I'm unsure still because I'm not very young

[@DRZPHD]

Than take your time to safely explore your expression and role.

[@mayakirschenbaum2645]

I have been questioning my gender for a couple years now and am starting college in the fall. As of right now, I am presenting female, but I've been worried about rooming in college because I still do not know who I am. I feel like I do have gender dysphoria with my chest and other social gendered terms (such as she, darling, ma'am). To me, I feel feminine, but in a feminine guy type. Like I want to be allowed to be masculine and feminine that way guys are, if that makes sense. When I see myself in the future, most of the time I picture myself as a guy. I want to start T, but yes I have doubts. I've thought about things like, can my subconscious play tricks on me. I feel like I need to start T this summer, so then I can have a fresh start when I get to college and feel more free. On the other hand I also want to be "normal" and know that many of my friends will judge me. Any advice?

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing. I always suggest going slow, taking small steps that feel affirming. Each step builds on the one prior. IF you are not sure about T, give it some time. In terms of judgment, ask yourself what kind of friends do you want? I would assume open minded to gender diversity. So don't worry about judgment, those who judge, are not your people.

[@jlbeeen]

When I was going through puberty I was trying to fit in with undiagnosed disability, I had more disabilities and things set in, so I have no idea. I do have dysphoria with my chest and hair where I just feel uncomfortable with the way things look sometimes. I can't stand feminine pet names or nicknames (girlie, princess, darling, hunnie, etc), but I don't want to medically transition as I don't feel like a man. I get waves of doubt and questioning, so I guess this makes sense. I'm still trying to figure out if I'm non binary, or just a tomboy. It's a strange time. I know I'm asexual, I have a partner and we "pass as straight," but we both don't fit gender stereotypes, and I'm not sure if that relationship comes into play with how I view myself.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and sometimes, our gender identifies are constantly evolving and that’s on too.

[@k.lambda4948]

I realize that I am rather a bit older than the target audience for this video, but i recognize aspects of my past self in your description; however, over the last 20 years or so, I've developedcoping mechanisms to where the "medical" descriptors you mention at the beginning probably don't apply as well to me. Given that I've decided its time to do something about all of this, am I going to end up getting push back from health professionals because I've managed to work out a way of living?

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for sharing. Good health provider should not be giving you push back in my opinion.