GEniuS "That Guy" Throws a TANTRUM When He Doesn't Get His Way (+ More) - RPG Horror Stories

[@benjaminallars8698]

Hey I'm the guy who wrote the second story about Machievelli dude. Cool to see you did a video on it, Crispy.

[@christopherhammond5142]

It's sad that he didn't realise the incredible power he could have wielded by controlling the means of transportation for the entire colony. What a nob head. Edit: probably lucky for everyone else that he didn't understand what genuine power he held.

[@zimsonh4332]

The concept of that campaign is awesome, too bad it was ruined like that.

[@the_olera2831]

I am also disappointed at the missed opportunity from the described dude. Your client pays you good money to annoy their rival? Oh yeah, we need to immediatly repair the road at in front of this exact building, making their transportation and therefore income a nightmare. Some big guy vampire wants easier ways to hunt? Sure thing, pal! Lets build some sneaky bike roads between blocks, so it is more accessable to the public and people will use them in the night instead of an uber. Someome wants to build a building in the fcking nowhere but doesnt want to make a big fuss about it? No biggie! Here you got your road and infrastructure managed!

[@josephmatthews7698]

Lol I was always one of those weirdos who read Machiavelli as parody or satire to begin with so this was extra funny to me.

[@josephmatthews7698]

Also I just realized his campaign sounds exactly like mine except without the nonsense DMPCs and players v players thing. It's supposed to be collaborative. It's set in a fantasy Egypt where Good Drow have founded this young nation after escaping the underdark. They have a unique way of choosing the next Pharaoh (an orb filled with the souls of previous pharaoh's chooses the next Pharaoh and counsels them.) If you're interested in a campaign with lots of building and political intrigue hit me up.

[@RAClaus3]

The "Mastermind" who looked down on seemingly mundane jobs, clearly has no vision. During Lenin's government Stalin was essentially assigned the job of Chief Secretary to deny him real power, as it was his job to inform people about meetings and to coordinate them. He then went on his position to make sure all of his supporters showed up to meetings, and ensure that all of his rivals were either late or didn't show up to the meetings at all. Through this, Stalin rose in power and influence, and the job meant to deny him real power ended up rising him up to the top spot. What first appears to be a lame job, can be the pathway to real power.

[@AuntLoopy123]

Yeah. It's like they say: Never tick off the secretary or the janitor.

[@Beef__]

Right? He could do some really good stuff with that lmao, and literally anybody you pluck off the street could take that scenario and be like ‘alright, set up some tolls here, and stop repairing the roads near this rival business, and make sure that this street in particular is well looked after etc etc’. It woulda been super fun actually, as you mentioned, trying to go full Stalin

[@hithere911]

@@Beef__ The road repair one is a d*ck move. That being said, good point.

[@Alistair5861]

Huh the more you know

[@Tristyn_Waterman]

bro did you just make that up where did you hear that

[@confusedcabal342]

A friend of mine played the head of Urban Development in a westmarch server. She secretly undermined everyone and worked with a few other players to organize an invasion of the city. Last I heard, she tricked a few people into killing her character and therefore allowing her to become a lich. Lesson of the story: Power comes to those who know how to use it.

[@theblackantonio]

Last story: it has to be said that the store owner was the second worst. This was a problem he needed to take ownership of and he pawned off the responsibility. His store is now doomed to close down.

[@Roninjedi66]

Two nat 20s "sOrRy tHAt DOeSn'T mAKe tHE cHEcK"

[@scepticalhyenas5750]

Dragons? Dungeons? Magic, fantasy, adventure? Sure, I mean... thats well enough I guess. But *when* will we be *_seeing_*_ the _*_females?_*

[@theuncalledfor]

"The dragon is female." "I'M PLAYING A BARD"

[@Nerobyrne]

"do any females play this game?" "I dunno dude, I'm not in the habit of checking people's DNA before we play"

[@MetalHeadbanger7]

Nice.😄

[@eloidasarmi6815]

You see that creep allow his players to roll perception to imitate that he playing by the rules. It means he is not oblivious about what exactly he is doing, he understands that it's bad and tries to hide it.

[@generaldreagonlps6889]

The rolling for perception is not necessarily bad because yeah, it technically following the rules. Although I definitely wouldn't recommend it in the situation. The fact that the DC is more than 25 or so is the real issue. Something like that should really be what, 10, maybe 15 at most? And even if I for some reason would have required a roll, a fail wouldn't mean that you don't notice it at all. Just a little bit later.

[@thebluedragonontheskyscrap1838]

@@generaldreagonlps6889 I don't think he even used a DC. He likely was just telling everyone that they failed regardless of their roll so he could do horrible things to that person's character. Then trying to justify his actions by mentioning what the PC's character is wearing? Disgusting.

[@chadnorris8257]

The guy trying to be DnD Varys kind of forgets that Varys is secretive about how much he actually controls. You can't just be a douchebag in front of everyone, touting that you're the great power behind the powers, and expect to be taken seriously.

[@oldscorp]

"Who's got the pooowaaaaaaa ? WE GOT THE POOOOWAAAAAAAA!!! " Hey! "WHO'S GOT THE POOOOOOWAAAAAAAAA ??" HEEEEEEY! "......?!?....." This is library !

[@AuntLoopy123]

My gaming group is my family, and as DM, I told my group, "So, I love role-play, but I'm not going to do romantic role-play with you, even as fictional characters, because I can't wrap my head around pretending to flirt with my family members." They all looked shocked for a moment, as it had apparently not even occurred to them, and then relieved that it wouldn't be an issue, although we did agree that my brother's character and his wife's character could flirt with each other, if they wanted to. But the rest of us? Noooooo. Ick. All that to say, ANY form of role-play must have the consent of ALL parties involved, but ESPECIALLY romantic or sexual RP.

[@kcollier2192]

"Power is the sweetest wine, and many drunk with it have oft doomed themselves, unaware of its poisonous nature".

[@michaeldolan5792]

Re: "How often do you see females?" - *Never* trust anybody who refers to women unironically as "females." It makes you sound like you regard them as delivery mechanisms to keep breasts fresh and mobile first, and as actual human beings way further down the list of considerations, if at all. There's a reason the writers on Star Trek gave this habit to the Ferengi in order to make them extra-creepy and icky. Re: "One paragraph of backstory per year lived" - Even one page of backstory can, in some cases, be too much. I remember reading a comics author say something to the effect of "If you can't explain a character's deal in three sentences or less, you're doing it wrong." (At the time, I believe they were referring to the decision to retcon Wonder Woman's origins to "The daughter of Zeus and Hippolyta, Diana fights to protect mankind from the cruel and uncaring gods of Olympus" when it used to be "Wonder Woman is a clay sculpture of a baby animated by the soul of the unborn child who died in the womb of the first cavewoman to be murdered by her mate (who was herself reincarnated as Hippolyta, the Queen of the Amazons) who grew up on the hidden Mediterranean island of Themiscyra and never saw a man until an American fighter pilot named Steve Trevor crash-landed there in World War Two and she decided to leave with him so she could punch Nazis and so she entered a tournament to win some mystic artifacts and an invisible jet plane and...") Re: "Machiavellian Genius" - MG claiming to be a Machiavellian Genius because he's a Game of Thrones fan, without ever having actually read The Prince, is like me claiming to be an expert in Teutonic Mythology and the music of Richard Wagner based solely upon the fact that I saw that one Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs and Elmer Fudd perform an opera while dressed like Vikings.

[@APerson-ws4cw]

For what it's worth, I have a friend that's a girl that calls girls female

[@oliviawilliams6204]

Yeah the female thing raise ALL the Red Flags

[@oliviawilliams6204]

@@APerson-ws4cw only demonstrates internalized misogyny is a thing.

[@WolfGr33d]

@@APerson-ws4cw Don't try to reason with this comment section. Reason was never an option.

[@screwgoogle4993]

@@oliviawilliams6204 "Internalized misogyny"? Because a third party explained to you what the first party said, and you blindly took their word for it because you had your own agenda and their words supported it? How about listening when people speak, guy who pretends to care about treating people with respect? You're a liar. You just want brownie points. Go regurgitate with your echo chamber friends.

[@dorca9308]

Ah, the classic problem of "I want to play a character that is vastly more intelligent than me"

[@theuncalledfor]

@@PolarDoc22 What kind of psychopath goes into a rant full of insults just because someone mentions the Dunning-Krüger effect?!

[@SpenceSession]

Two Nat twenties~ Props to the players in the last story. In a lot of stories I hear Players would of tried to stuck out and "keep going". Too many people think Bad D&D is better then no D&D, but these stories prove otherwise. It is nice to hear a tale where the players nope out of a bad situation before it got worse.

[@arnabmukhopadhyay7078]

This guy gave me less Varys and more Cersei vibes: "Think themselves to be way smarter than they actually are."

[@wolf1066]

"I want a page per decade!" Player of Elven character: "I'm about to destroy this guy's whole career!"

[@ArDeeMee]

I mean… that‘s ONE good reason to fire up ChatGPT. Finally, a good reason. Was bound to happen eventually. Though I could just plop a book about plants and mushrooms of the forest on the table. That about sums up my druid.

[@LezlyLikesYuri]

Firstly: "Two nat' twenties" Secondly: I thought the erping dungeon master who required pages of backstory was bad, but that last one. I've never, EVER, followed the NAT 20 rule. In all of my games that I've ever dmed a Nat 20 only gave a person a situational modifier from +5 to + 10. You cannot intimidate a goddamn mountain no matter how high you roll. That being said, those players rolls would have been good enough to notice what was going on in a DIFFERENT tavern on the other end of town! I've played with my fair share of petty DMs but this honestly takes the Cake...

[@AuntLoopy123]

In my games, if you can't succeed, you just don't roll. But then again, in my game, I would never put a PC in that situation, anyway. Also, "You can't notice because you aren't actually there," is valid, but "You're there, but you're just too caught up in flirting with another person to notice your friend being accosted and her screaming and hitting him," is not.

[@theuncalledfor]

@@AuntLoopy123 I would only do an NPC that tries to, uh, "victimize" player characters (or even other NPC's) if the players agreed beforehand that things like that are acceptable at the table, and even then only for NPC's that are already meant to be that evil and villainous in the first place, and that shall serve as outlets for the players' bloodlust without any need for remorse. Also, I agree. A nat20 should be a success on account of it being pointless to roll in the first place if you can't succeed. A nat20 is the best you can possibly do, and if that's not good enough then the roll has no purpose since the result does not influence to course of events. In that case you can ask the player for their modifier in the relevant skill - or apologize afterwards for making them roll if you forget.

[@marcusreading3783]

Basic rule for any story. If you can use anything other than rape, DO NOT USE RAPE. That goes double for having a character randomly assaulted in a bar and not letting anyone do anything about it.

[@generaldreagonlps6889]

Depends a little on the setting though. In a regular D&D game or something similar I would agree. But in a setting like Warhammer it would be appropriate, even though I would personally restrict it to slaaneshi cultists and generally the worst of the worst kind of characters. You would still have to be careful but I suppose that's what a session zero is for.

[@marcusreading3783]

@@generaldreagonlps6889 Ehhhhh, maybe? I mean, I'd generally avoid using it because its kinda cheap a lot of the time. That and once a character has made that step, theres no way they can ever be anything but a truly despicable piece of garbage. True, sometimes you want that, but a good villain should be more than a hate sink. It can be used well, but in the hands of anything other than an extremely competent writer, its incredibly easy to make it cringy and that is the exact opposite you want

[@generaldreagonlps6889]

@@marcusreading3783 Yeah, personally I wouldn't really let a player character do it anyway. And I would generally keep it to things like slaaneshi cults who are up to a lot of messed up stuff. And I would use something like that very rarely anyway because there are more interesting things to work with.

[@theuncalledfor]

@@marcusreading3783 Well, maybe sometimes you don't want a "good villain". Maybe sometimes you just want a scumbag NPC that is easy to kill without remorse, to allow your players to let off some steam.

[@marcusreading3783]

@@theuncalledfor Still far better ways to set them up than to use rape.

[@drakorangefire8790]

I was once challenged to write a 10 page backstory because the DM didn't think I would do it. I included an abstract at the beginning that basically explained the necessities in a paragraph

[@annchapstick]

bro bro bro i just felt the biggest wave of happiness when you said you’re acearo!!!! im acebi and its always so cool to see someone like yourself in the ttrpg sphere! you are so valid, crispy!!! ❤️❤️

[@CrispysTavern]

Thank you so much! Really appreciate it

[@Titania77714]

Hey I'm AceBi too!

[@raffaeleparise6321]

Ace gang!

[@Sellesion]

Ace here too! :)

[@mrsplays9817]

Woo! Ace Solidarity!

[@a-lonely-dunedain]

wait, you're ace with a Plague Doctor-esque character too? oddly enough, this isn't the first time I've encountered someone else like that, not sure what it is with us aces and plague doctors but I'm here for it

[@ashleywestmoreland7807]

Crispy: "the sharp toenail story" Me: the WHAT

[@rifter0x0000]

Caesar once accepted a job running the sewers. Roads are incredibly important and a real Machiavelli would have a field day there.

[@annabelfazukimi7902]

The last story, are we not gonna talk about how the shop owner sat back and did nothing?

[@steel8231]

Just a PSA from personal experience, if a game advertises itself as a "safe space" you've only got about a 10% chance of it being one and even then you should make sure to ask "for who?" Cuz that's a question I didn't ask but really fucking should have.

[@theuncalledfor]

"Safe Spaces" are run either by SJW's or Alt-Righters trying to troll SJW's. Avoid _both_ like the plague they are.

[@Dakarn]

@@theuncalledfor Are we talking about *actual* alt-righters, or the ones CNN tells us about (you know, everyone to the Right of Pol Pott)?

[@theuncalledfor]

@@Dakarn I don't watch CNN and have no idea who Pol Pott is. I wouldn't know what they would consider to be alt right. I'm thinking of the kinda people that believe in "alternative facts" and are pretty much the exact same thing as SJW's, but on the opposite political extreme.

[@Dakarn]

@@theuncalledfor Pol Pott was a Communist revolutionary leader in Cambodia who was responsible for the deaths of millions of people through starvation and political cleansing.

[@theuncalledfor]

@@Dakarn Then no, I'm not talking about anything to the right of Pol Pott. _Obviously._

[@chibiktsn3]

Literally, when you were reading the first story and the guy quotes The Prince, I paused to go on a mental tirade about how that quote is pared down to the point of nearly being the opposite of the intended message, then I unpaused and OP wrote what I was thinking. Also, the second a guy unironically refers to women as "females," that's a red flag. Also, great video!

[@amitamaru]

Two nat 20s at disadvantage. That is a message from the dice gods if I ever heard of it. That blasphemous DM is cursed for life. Not that he wasn't already a lousy person to begin with.

[@sherylcascadden4988]

Two nat 20s Sample character backstory:. Seventh of 13 children, goes adventuring to a) avoid being forced into an arranged marriage, and b) not likely to inherit much of anything, and wants to be independent.

[@360entertainment2]

I have a similar one. Middle child of a farming family. Parents pass on and leave everything to eldest and he kicks the rest of the family out, converting the the establishment into whatever the DM had in mind. Decides to also become an adventurer out of lack of any interest in having to do farm work for something he can’t own.

[@burakkurose]

That last story made my skin crawl. I, myself love D&D but I always got saddled up with being the DM... I'm fantastic at world building and my storytelling is honestly really good. I'm extremely fast on my feet when it comes to improvising when my players do something unexpected so things always just seemed to flow. I will tell you a story about how, I, the DM actually walked away from a whole group of players because they were creepy. I had just started a new campaign, I had a few returning players of my core group but some sadly couldn't make it, instead those returning players brought random friends with them. Now, I'm okay with this, I enjoy having new players at the table and even if they just want to sit in and test the waters for a game to see if they like it. I'm okay with that too. So there we are all having a good time, I'm looking over everyone's character sheets making notes in my own books, somehow everyone in the party is some form of "Good" aligned character. I was stoked. So off they go traveling around gathering intel in a nearby town. When they finally speak to a shop keeper. Now this man, he's happy but very uneasy. Business recently has been good... maybe too good, he has had an influx of customers asking for sleeping aids and things to help ward away nightmares. It's been troubling him as the increase has skyrocketed and he is having issues keeping up with demand. He tells them that everyone in the town except children and the elderly are experiencing vivid dreams where a beautiful woman or man accompany them and the dreams always seem to end with them embracing like star-crossed lovers finally reunited. That's right, folks we have ourselves a nest of Succubi and Encubi. So our heroes find themselves doing more legwork and we end the session just as the group makes their way to the lair of the fiends. Everything was going really well, everyone was in-character, everyone had a really good time, they were excited to see what happens next. Then the next session happened. Everyone comes over to my house, I had a meal cooking for the group and snacks provided, I'm a really good hostess. Our notetaker gives a recap of the last session and we begin. The group had realized that the only area that seemed unaffected by this night time terror was this small inn on the outskirts of the city. The owners said that they weren't having any issues sleeping and often had very restful dreams. This was a red flag to the group so they decided that they wanted to rent rooms for the night and despite the inn being empty the owners said that they didn't have any rooms available. The group said they understood but decided to come back in the middle of the night to investigate further. They checked all of the rooms only to find them empty, but as luck would have it they noticed that the wine cellar was unusual and found a hidden passage that lead deep into the underground. Now all of my games are homebrew, I enjoy throwing my own flare on rules and creatures to keep things interesting with saying that the group discovered the nest of slumbering fiends. All of the sucubi and encubi were ... what appeared to be sleeping however upon closer examination they realized they were all in a deep trance, one of the magic users realized they were using some form of astral projection, which left their physical forms defenseless while they traveled the realm of sleep. This is where things went wrong. Remember how I said all of the characters where some form of "Good" aligned character? Well, apparently everyone in the group forgot that as the group mumbled among themselves for a bit as they decided their actions. I was expecting them to slaughter the creatures or maybe try to capture them in this weakened state. Nope. Collectively the group informed me that they wanted to "have fun" with the helpless fiends seeing as they were in such a deep trance state that they wouldn't wake up regardless of what was happening to their physical forms. I was shocked. It took me several long moments to grasp what they were saying then I just stammered out "You... all want to... take advantage of these... creatures?" And everyone sort of laughed and wooped, some of the dues high fived and everyone said yes. I was uncomfortable, extremely so. But being the sport that I am I ask everyone for their character sheets and I get up pacing around the room. Now the more experienced returning players knew this meant something big was about to happen, either very detailed or some sort of twist that no one saw coming. I paused and looked at the group and smiled and simply began to talk in a super cam voice. I told them that they felt something deep within, that told them their thoughts felt morally wrong and that they shouldn't give him to such evil carnal desires. That's when one of the new guys piped up and said "Are you kidding me? We are a bunch of dudes in a room with naked chicks that can't do anything to defend themselves, this is a dream come true, what did you expect us to do, not r*pe them?" And I just gritted my teeth and said the line again, at this point some of the people were looking irritated and told me to just go on. So I did. Basically what happened was, when they began to disrobe every single one of their patron deities showed up and their collective voices, drove the group insane and their holy visages burned out their eyes leaving them alone with the thundering voices forever reverberating in their heads. I tore their character sheets in two and told them that they had exactly five minutes to get off of my property before I called the cops. Some of the players thought I was joking but then realized how badly they fucked up. One of them got in my face extremely angry and shoved me to which I told him "Okay so when I call the cops not only are you gonna be fine with trespassing but also assault. Cool. I get to tell the cops how a bunch of men twice my size decided to tell me, that it's okay to r*ape women if they are defenseless then got violent with me when I told them to leave. Yeah that's gonna look great for you." The group quickly gathered their things and left. The core members that were there were never allowed back in my home and I never gamed with them again.

[@wolf1066]

4:30 - no surprises MG hasn't actually read The Prince, let alone given it any actual thought. I haven't read it myself but the bits I _have_ heard discussed show that it's a lot more nuanced than this self-proclaimed genius seems to think. Even _I_ knew that the bit about being feared over being loved was only a partial quote that completely misses what Machiavelli was trying to say (it happens to be one of the few bits I *have* heard discussed).

[@KamiRecca]

"Do you... See the Females?" Dude, are your co-worker a Ferengi?

[@theuncalledfor]

"I don't know what you are talking about, hugh-monn. I am a fellow hugh-monn like yourself."

[@KamiRecca]

@@theuncalledfor Yes. We all like normal, stinking gold here. Yes. No Latinum needed. Mmmm Gold.

[@theuncalledfor]

@@KamiRecca -Of course you need gold. Latinum is liquid by itself so you need gold to turn it into gold-pressed latinum.- Uuhh, I mean, Platinum is even better than gold because it's worth ten times as much, what are you talking about? Ha! Haha!

[@KamiRecca]

@@theuncalledfor Ahahah ha ha yes... Platinum... Its the P that adds the value, so i've heard. XD Thanks for this, mate ^^

[@hypethekomodo6495]

I've started binging on these: I don't play RPGs, furthest I gone is RPing in MMOs but holy cow the number of bad apples. Think you're doing good work covering these! Pointing out awful behavior can do wonders for a community.

[@trillionbones89]

Also Machiavelli insisted on the difference between a leader being *hated* and *feared* as well. Hatred fuels rebellion. Fear subdues rebellions. If you only think of your power, than it's better to be feared rather than loved. Because love is conditional on you being a good ruler. Fear is not. He doesn't portray it as a virtue. Because nothing is virtuous in politics.

[@julyol119]

The DM from the last story should be on a watchlist. I don't even know how the FK people even get to such a mindset

[@bsabruzzo]

That one story where the DM uses the character's clothing to justify... ahem... I suggest, if you get into that situation and the DM asks you to roll, ask them what the DC is first, so they either show you it's impossible and they are a jerk or so that they can't weasel out of the result.

[@bsabruzzo]

@@Bladezeromus Yeah, but a GM like that is not a GM you want to play with: GM "I want to rape you because you wear skimpy clothing" Player: "No" GM: "Then my character rapes you." Player "I refuse" GM "Role for it" Player: "How do I know you aren't going to lie and say I didn't make the DC? What is it so I know." GM: "I'll never say." Player: "Hey Bladeseromous, Benjamin was right, this GM is trying to weasel out of this because he won't be honest and tell us if we can even make the roll or not. No need for that roll now that we know thus pervert is what he is. Let's walk out on this creep... Or are you a perverted creep like the GM?" The GM, by not saying what the DC is automatically puts them in the AH seat and not worth the trouble.

[@bsabruzzo]

@@Bladezeromus "In general most DM shouldn't be telling a player the DC for saves and checks." There I fixed that. However, I've played with DMs and seen others GMs who will let a player know when it is a DC 25 and the players are level 3 or even say "don't worry, it's just a DC 10" in a common roll. To me, if it sounds like the GM is going to lie (and after one or two of those roles, it sounded like it), I would ask. Maybe to you, you would want to constantly roll and fail in the story's scenario, but Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Fool me three times... um shouldn't get that far. And just to point out, in Disney's Beauty and the Beast Gaston would get red flagged. His character is a minor bad guy that one meets in the tavern and poses the party a minor threat (and maybe a larger threat down the line). If your players accepted sexual assault to be a possibility in session zero, then the encounter in the video is not a red flag, it's a bad guy intro. The red flag is the hemming and hawing the GM did and the evasiveness and excuses he made on simple perception and strength checks. The encounter might be okay for you to not see the DC or know it, but I, as a player, would demand to know it after two nat 20s did nothing.

[@bsabruzzo]

@@Bladezeromus "Otherwise you look a bit like a clown." I might not talk good (or as you might say, because you don't get the joke, "speak well"), but ad hominem fixes your position, right? No need to actually address the fact that a player doesn't need to play in a game and a DM/GM can and sometimes should reveal the DC as a polite gesture. Here is a video that goes over some of the reasons and arguments. kzbin.info/www/bejne/a2LOhYewgLWNmK8&ab_channel=evilsqueegee But, as for a session zero, you said "Do you even know if that GM brought it up in session 0?" But first you said "The attempt at rape in a campaign where that kind of thing wasn't oked in session zero is the flag." So, um, should I counter with Do you even know what or if the GM brought up in a session zero? See, if you can say that it is wrong if it isn't "oked [sic] in session zero", then I can say that it is fine if it is brought up. Please, if you are going to focus on insulting me for grammar rather than remembering what you said one comment before, maybe my point is fine and the player should insist on seeing the DM. Now, I am about to bring up that dreaded "Critical Role" thing, which is a high bar based on professional actors and their oddities like getting consent to touch grass. But in the Exandria Unlimited series you can see when revealing the DC of things is useful. So, it is not unheard of in the game. And I would insist that, even if a harassment scenario is okayed (proper spelling for you as a grammar German National Socialist, as you wont to be) in session zero, the extent that it goes in the video (double nat 20s does not see the person next to you struggling with your friend and another 20 doesn't get a player out of the arms of a minor tavern crawler and that player's sword that is kept at their side is suddenly on the other side of the room) is enough for any player to say "here's what I am about to do, so before I roll, what is the DC, just so I know you aren't fudging the game in a way that would make me and the others kick your ass into a pile of pulp".

[@bsabruzzo]

@@Bladezeromus So, just for the record, mein Fuher, other than missing a "has", an "s", and having an extra comma in the wrong place, what was the poor grammar. I do believe, other than a colloquialism in the language, the comment fits to the Chicago style of writing... but I am always willing to improve on such issues where my writing skills need work. Just to remind you, prepositions at the end of sentences are considered fine when the sentence would otherwise be awkward. kzbin.info/www/bejne/d3qolHuFit9podE&ab_channel=Howcast And informal writing, such as comments on the Internet, allow for commas to punctuate for speech more than a formal work would.

[@TheRPGNerd]

you're aroace??? thats so cool!!! i dont see a lot of ace youtubers so its nice to find one (im greyace)

[@jeanannd]

Yeah, given the position in managing roads - that's a great position. I read The Prince and used it in my lawful evil characters way she ruled. She did so well most thought she was really a great and good ruler. He might have wanted to read Machiavelli, some really good ideas.

[@jamesmahon6788]

Good God that last story. Hopefully that gf had enough sense to break all things off

[@CrispysTavern]

OP said that she broke up with him after the story, so best luck to her.

[@jamesmahon6788]

@@CrispysTavern can only go up from there. Great narration as always man 👍 looking forward to next

[@Elyseon]

That last DM is a slimy creep.

[@TheTrueDiablix]

That one with the person asking about "seeing females on camera" during the game, I'm honestly not sure if I could resist the urge to start trolling them for how creepy their questions were

[@6036-freelancerdigrim]

Me: *hears DM requires long backstory* Also me: *has experience writing short stories and thinking outside the box* hehehe, poor boy DM: *sees a shortstory, story, book and single page of text with the words "which version would you like? Short or Long?" As the subject*

[@cydude5856]

Mac could have pulled an air conditioning repair school community arc in D&D.

[@wolf1066]

In the case of being told "Your weapon is on the other side of the bar... it just is" by some railroady DM - regardless of what they're trying to achieve - I'd classify that as the opening gambit of the fight, which I would enthusiastically join with "the fuck it is, you don't get to tell me what *my character* has done" - how it progresses from there would depend on how stupid the DM is - because a smart one would take my subtle hint as a cue for them to stop being a dick.

[@lkriticos7619]

I found this interesting cos I'm planning to try playing a more Machevellian type character in a future game with one of my groups. The twist is that while he's smart and manipulative and knows how to grab power.... he doesn't really have many ambitions of his own. He's adrift and doesn't have any idealogy or goals behind his fire. So everything he does is going to be for the party and he'll be taking his queues from them. I think it could work but I guess we'll see. And if the other guys don't enjoy it I'll roll up a new character.

[@sethcaplan859]

"Machiavellian genius" thinks that being Robert Mosses is beneath him

[@yoyoboy87]

“Do you see the females?” What kind of goblin is this person?

[@TrackerRoo]

Hold up, the store paid the last guy to DM? And he ran off the only group he had? Really earning his keep isn't he? Running a game for absolutely no one and still getting paid, wish I had a job like that.

[@galuxius1861]

You saying "Sharp toenail story" Gave me flashbacks to the story. Thanks Crispy

[@unluckyone1655]

When it comes to backstories, i learned that the easiest way to do them, is to give an abbreviated version to the DM, (highlighting significant events, family/people who are most impactful ie childhood friends, enemies, etc.) While i personally as a player keep the more detailed version for myself (unless the DM asks to read it themselves) to help me personally play my character better. That way it's just easier for DM and players all around. Just my two cents

[@doctorsno906]

I lament for your pfp

[@ryokirah]

Mal-cave-ee-an and Sin-ess-thee-sha I'm sorry, I had to

[@whatteamwildcats4033]

Writer who likes listening to did stories here; I love having detailed backstories to my characters and worlds but it will be a cold day in hell before I start detailing them year by year

[@ShaggySatyr]

My history with character backstories is weird. I always write out a mammoth backstory. But I also write out singular page summaries. In fact I normally write out the single page first, then because I love writing I'll start a new google doc and detail everything that can stand to be detailed. I'll flesh out family a bit, descriptions, likes, ages, careers, relationships to the character, etc. I'll detail locations. I'll detail the minor shit the GM couldn't be fucked to read. That's for fun and has the added benefit of giving me a shitload of minor information to give a GM if they ask.

[@1Ring42]

Oh gods sounds like the ST wanted him to play a fish malk

[@Mrinsecure]

In ye olden times (at least in Europe), becoming an administrator of roads and bridges was considered a highly lucrative political appointment because it came with the right to collect tolls. They were thus often awarded as part of political patronage systems, allowing loyal servants to make loads of money at the expense of the general public. Tax collector positions were also often valued for similar reasons, although that tended to be more problematic because most of the collected money had to be passed up the chain to the treasury. In fact, Antoine Lavoisier, considered one of the forefathers of modern chemistry, was ultimately executed in the Reign of Terror because of his participation in the ferme generale, which was essentially a group of semi-private tax collectors. He got that position because he was friends with a lot of French aristocrats, which was beneficial to him right until the French Revolution happened.

[@Crabdoodles]

asexual representation in the rpg horror stories for today... cant say i expected it but i do appreciate it

[@binarydark4811]

With the road thing, not only with what Crispy said but I mean you can siphon money from your government for 'road maintenance' and you can use those funds however you want. Your workers?= Mercenaries/private army, Improvements to the road?= Building secret underground networks, so much potential.

[@farest1586]

if someone's first question about DnD is "Do many females play this game?" you should just leave

[@Br0nto5aurus]

Store owner: "DM victim blaming is a personal problem between you and the DM" Player: "How long do you think it'll be before it's a criminal problem between DM and the police, and you let it happen at your store *after* you were made aware of the issue?"

[@CoreXion_]

Two nat' Twenties. That ending story was a rough one.

[@BlazeNStar]

From toll booths to parking tickets to detours, the roads rule.

[@Vox-Rox-Omalox]

Wait, whaddya mean by the story with the sharp toe- oh, oooh no. OOOH NO NO NO, NOT THAT GODDAMN STORY. THAT STORY PUT ME IN CRIPPLING DEBT FROM ALL THE BRAIN BLEACH I BOUGHT. Seriously though. That story was an absolute nightmare. Your reactions were hilarious though, so I'd say totally worth it,

[@BlazeNStar]

Playing Solaire in dnd. Nice, even got "Praise the Sun!" in there.

[@impofstpete727]

What is the deal with backstories anymore? I have a coworker who made up this character that is insanely detailed, had all of these major accomplishments, and was level 2. People understand that a character's history doesn't need to be a novel right? Simple can still be detailed too. Kenku kidnapped and raised by an inquisitor who taught him how to torture. Only speaks in screams, pleas for mercy, and the instructions he was given. Could be female instead, really doesn't matter. The speech comes across as mockery as it seems to enjoy causing pain. Pepper details as needed. Done.

[@raymondjohnson2744]

I haven't had a chance to play yet but have always interpreted the backstory as a briefish account of how a character came to be at the start of a story. Some key events or examples that shape and or explain their views, mindset and how they came about their skillset ( while keeping it level appropriate ). Not an extensive autobiography.

[@Tirath]

My own character backgrounds are usually about two pages total, split evenly between short paragraphs and simple outline format. That includes important people in their life (family, friends, romantic interest and rivals) and possibly a sentence or two about the characters general relationship with them and their last known location/activity (depends on expected campaign length). The outline also includes things favorites (foods/drinks/music/ect.). I usually avoid any grand achievements and instead try to narratively explain the strengths and weaknesses of the character. Early life highlights and recent events are usually one paragraph each. How they got to the start of the adventure is usually one paragraph as well. I try not to be too specific, so I can work with the DM to fill in any gaps/details. When I run a game, I ask for a minimum of 2 paragraphs. One about their life before adventuring and one explaining why they left that life behind. At a maximum, I will only accept one page of text and one page of "outline" data.

[@unluckyone1655]

I just give my DM the abbreviated version of my character's backstory, highlighting significant events, status, family, friends, enemies, people they look up to, etc. Things that a DM would glean anyway from a backstory. I write the detailed novelization for myself to help me play the character better. Seems to work for me

[@andrewbondarenko5849]

Is it weird that I have a Kenku sadistic Inquisitor character written up?

[@ebertwix5860]

As a DM, I have a chronic fear of being cringe. I try ot not be cringe, but I also know that I have a tendency to be cringe.

[@mrsplays9817]

But Eber! Trying not to be cringe IS cringe!!!

[@theuncalledfor]

DnD is basically a video game in which the console or personal computer is replaced by a living person that runs the game engine in their imagination. This person is called the "Dungeon Master". Instead of using a controller, you tell the Dungeon Master, or DM for short, what you want your character to do, and the DM tells you whether it worked or not and how the world reacts to it. Dice are used to randomize results to some degree, such as whether an attack hits, an action succeeds, or how much damage an attack does when it hits. Multiple players play together. That's how I would describe DnD to someone who hasn't heard of it before but is familiar with video games. Also if someone creepily asks about females like that, I think I would lie, and say no, the game is exclusively played by males, no girls allowed.

[@theuncalledfor]

Protip: When playing a character smarter than your real-life self, make them smart in a way that is easy to roleplay despite being useful, such an engineer/artificer that is smart when it comes to tinkering and understanding machines - you know, things you can roll for - but maybe not quite as smart when it comes to social engineering, since you're likely to have to roleplay that yourself.

[@Bloodyshadow1]

the problem with mastermind characters, is that they don't fit for a pc, if they're malevolent they are and obstacle, if they're benevolent they are often off screen doing the good work for the main character's or the person they're behind. either way most of the time they take place offscreen, not a good place to be when the game revolves around you and the other pc's.

[@PrinceLuigii]

Hey I only just found you recently and I've been enjoying your reads along with DotDrake and CritCrab. I do like your persona to :)

[@abigailpulliam6996]

I have adhd and synesthesia too! My synesthesia type is the one where numbers, letters, and colors have a personality. Like the letter 'I' is a young, fun aunt whose sibling had kids pretty young so she's still got plenty of energy for playing. It's caused by the brain mixing up signals and attaching things to the wrong input. Like how other types smell colors or taste sounds. Unfortunately it makes giving/throwing things away hard, because it feels a little bit like abandoning someone. I do know it isn't real though, it's just junk output

[@oliviawilliams6204]

So most people hate Fish Malkevian, but this GM wanted exactly that? Weird

[@mondenkindqueen]

I believe Machiavelli’s point was, that if it came down to it, a ruler should be feared rather than loved, but not so feared they are hated.

[@CrispysTavern]

Precisely. The amount of people who misunderstand that line shocks (and kinda scares) the hell out of me.

[@jlaw131985]

I can see why you might say that synesthesia and maybe ADHD aren’t “mental health conditions” but it would probably be fine. Not like Malkavians having mental health problems actually has any way to enforce what those problems are since mental health is a complex subject that certainly isn’t well thought out in the system. Calling them fake is quite something though…

[@lavender317]

The dude asking if "females" play is pretty creepy, but then again, as a lesbian, I can't say I don't love women who play D&D so

[@generaldreagonlps6889]

I should read The Prince again. It's an interesting and surprisingly easy to read work.

[@PobortzaPl]

Crispy - have you ever played this old game called "Merchant Prince"? It's mid 1990s trade/strategy game, where being the guy who oversees roads is the best job - one can embezzle a lot of cash AND build roads that go just where one needs.

[@michaelbaker3868]

I don't understand how anyone could play a character that's smarter then then self. Where do you start? And wouldn't learning to play a smarter character then yourself just make yourself smarter? My head hurts

[@nomnomgoblin8901]

1. malkavians played as cartoon characters are... generally a mess. like, Bloodlines gave them a bit of tooneyness but also gave them special interactions and such that made their weirdness feel much more ingrained and visceral to every interaction, not just yelling at stop signs but finding odd little facets that only work from that sort of viewpoint. But VTM is very much a horror game, especially with 5e's bigger reliance on hunger and humanity and the way malkavians can represent a loss of personal control as various mental issues pile on, (paranoia, obsession, phobia, hallucination) can lead you down into some very visceral places. 2. not just the second guy himself but half the time when people just use 'feeeeeeemaaaaale' as opposed to like, women or ladies or something (though female does have its use in language but it's personally hard for me to not give it a more clinical connotation when using it conversationally) it just brings my mind to the ferengei from star trek and suddenly I'm just talking with Brunt.

[@ZedMazaus480]

2 natural 20s!

[@logann4735]

Bro, i have a malcavion and the mental issue was heavy social anxiety to the point that the player would not initiate npcs unless they thought their character would be in more danger or other would get hurt otherwise. Especialy if they are beefy men(a joke due to my friend getting scared of overly beffy men that ran into the characters they play) and their character couldn't talk to them without breaking down

[@squallloire]

For the record, your first pronunciation of "fallacious" was the correct one 😀

[@kyuven]

Man the backstory DM story ended kinda predictably. Why would he think that would work? I was already thinking about how a first level, newly adult elf would have 10 pages, at least 3 of which would be dedicated to what amounts to pre-school and potty training. Or, even worse: "Uh, DM? I don't think they would be seducing me." "Why?" "Look at my age." "18, yeah?" "Look at my race." "Elf." "Look at the age of maturity for elves" "..." "I'm a babyarian"

[@letsplaysvonaja1714]

Managing roads seems fun Imagine building some sort of labyrinth and you know all the cool short cuts Like that one hero figure in the second witcher 3 DLC who had the capital built in a way that he could quickly escape from any angry husband coming home (not out of fear, but in order to prevent having to kill them in duels)

[@krispalermo8133]

Played a 3.5e .. 12th-level wizard that lived in a cover wagon, used Wall of Stone to pave roads and Rock to Mud/ Dispel Magic as quick concrete to build bridges. Trolls don't mess with him cause he creates bridges that the trolls can live under.

[@mrroboshadow]

the dude wanted to "see females" im guessing the only "females" hes ever "seen" are all on adult streaming sites

[@theusual8701]

I have a problem with roleplaying in D&D... Guess I'll vent a bit. So. I'm quite new at D&D as a whole, and I reguarly have trouble with roleplaying my characters. Being an anxious wreck I am, I often have trouble with saying more than one sentence in character. Like, when I think of "what to do next" while the rest of the party do the social thing - I end up with no clue on further actions, as all of them just seem cringe. And playing a lawful good paladin - of all classes and archetypes! - didn't help either. And I'd be content with just staying a "big guy in plate armor" to just stand there menacingly and utter something intimidating every once in a while while other characters do the talking, but *other players are not*. They actively push me to roleplay and describe some random shit like "how does your character hold their spoon when they eat" even when I protest multiple times due to just not being in the mood to roleplay and improvise. Last time the whole game just halted for an hour over that damn spoon, in the end of which I pulled the "That's it, I'm out" card, leaving the Discord call and asking the DM to terminate the character right then and there. Yep, a dick move, I understand it, but then it was just emotions. Fear of the spotlight, damn it. And now the whole situation is awkward. Getting back is not really an option for some arbitrary reason my mind haven't come up yet, and finding another party to play seems impossible here in Russia.

[@Juanito_Pecados]

I think that what you describe its more a problem with expectations rather than roleplaying, obviously i dont know in full detail if you did or how you did a session 0 to establish those expectations, so i cant say anything specific, but in general is very benefitial to discuss first what each player wants and expects of the game, including how heavy the roleplay is going to be, and then, obviously, respecting those agreements, when any of this things is ignored, things like what you describe tend to happen or even worse if you add other external factors. Anyways, i wish you luck in your endeavors internet stranger. PS:english is not my native languaje, sorry if i made some mistakes.

[@josephmatthews7698]

Hey brother I used to have the same problem until I found drama in high school and the most important thing I learned was: "Stop taking yourself so seriously." You're supposed to be bad or cringey at acting or role-playing the first few times you try it - that's how you get better. At best you find a fun and exhilarating new art to throw yourself into and at worst you act goofy in front of some friends and everyone gets a laugh out of it. Either way it puts you a step closer to overcoming and coping with your anxiety while making new friends and hobbies. If you talk to the dm and explain your issues one on one, particularly the anxiety of performing I'm sure they'd forgive you. I know in his position I have in the past and I bet more than anything they were trying to get you out of your shell and thinking they were 'helping' and now feel like absolute shit. I've let guys who stormed out back in after a heart to heart. I've also had numerous players tell me they felt uncomfortable role playing but still enjoyed the game. What usually worked best for them was saddling them up with a veteran role player who could act for the both of you while easing you into the process slowly by association. Like making you the vets bodyguard, apprentice, master, overprotective brother etc... When you're ready though instead of trying to think of the most badass action hero to style your character after switch up gears and consider your favorite comedy. Instead of trying to think "what would my badass rambo/robocop character do in this situation?" Think, "what would Harry and Lloyd from dumb and dumber do? Or captain Jack sparrow?" And learn to laugh at yourself.

[@krispalermo8133]

@@josephmatthews7698 Played a starting 3.5e PC as a rogue1/wizard1, .. " cough," edge lord dress in black and dark blues wearing an eye patch on my left side of face. Plot twist, my PC handed over a few rabbits to some old women of the village and ask for direction to the horse stable to catch up on some news. Old woman, " What battle did you lose an eye in and who made your finery ?" My PC, " I walked into a tree branch smacking my eye, and my village elders though me wearing dark clothing would improve my chances of earning night watch work." It was all straight face dead pan comic relief.

[@lordmurderkitten6098]

I’ve played Machiavellian characters and the key is twofold in character and out. 1. Double check with your DM when you scheme and make sure you aren’t fucking a character over. There are lots of plots you can hatch that don’t involve ruining fun for other characters. If you are opposing a characters goals talk to them out of character about it and accept “I’d rather you didnt” as a “no” and move on. Trust that your DM will give you NPCs to scheme against. 2. Give them grounding. My Halfling character did everything for his halfling nation because it was the only place one of his race could have any power and not be treated as a joke. He pushed and schemed wars the nation could win because he was a staunch interventionist that believed his nation should make a buffer state between themselves and more belligerent nations (its really fun to play characters with VERY different politics from yourself) When your character doesn’t trust people, doesn’t think they can be open, they aren’t clever they’re HURTING. Something did that to them. To my halfling it was seeing human steel used against his tribe by the hobgoblins it was supplied to and the luke warm pacifist reception the halfling nation gave on the matter. His mental state is not something that should be aggrandized it should display power and authority but hide an angry bitter person beneath, that can EMPATHIZE when someone else in the party goes through a similar experience. When the Tiefling in the party wanted to get back at his noble uncle who had ridiculed him all his life for his infernal blood, my halfling was the FIRST to advise him on how to consolidate power. HE rationalized it as “it would be useful to have a friend in power” but he really saw a reflection of himself in the tiefling lord he couldn’t ignore. Don’t scheme to be the smartest player in the room cause that’s not what the game is about. Scheme cause your character is hurt and you want the party to either be something that saves him or solidifies his world view. Because constant suspicion and scheming is realistically not a happy way of life.

[@notoriouswhitemoth]

Il Principe is pure sarcasm. It's a satirical piece written to mock the Medicis.

[@asta_of_sloth]

Hearing that you're aroace made me really happy because I'm aroace, too 😄 Aroace Gang! 🙌🏻

[@Dragon_Lair]

The Machiavellian character should have thought himself similar to Tyrion, who was put in charge of the sewers of Casterly Rock

[@scyobiempire4450]

3 Unnatural 20s

[@littlepeach2010]

Sounds like the DM was in on it with the 'Genius' and when there plan fails they both quit

[@net_spider]

I think its difficult to roleplay a character's mental/social "stats" (actual or otherwise) regardless if they are high or low. For one, since they tend to be the most abstract when compared to physical stats, it can be hard to gaige where your character is on the scale. For another, if their character is more competent than themselves, it can be hard to imagine how they would act in comparison, and if they are less competent, people tend to go farther down the scale than they should or don't go far enough/forget how smart their character actually is (ie. Barbarian with low INT, basically being an all around moron who can barely speak instead of just less learned or the barbarian somehow knowing random facts about rocket science and physics despite having no education and no reason to know background wise (besides the player themselves knowing). Kinda extreme examples, but I digress).

[@ShaggySatyr]

I made the mistake of playing a character that was wittier than I am. Not smarter than I am. Wittier, as in more Charismatic. Learned the hard way not to do that. I like to think I can invent a witty comeback once in a while. But that's on a good day and when I have material to work with. I can't shit out one-liner after pun after one-liner because I'm not a comedian. My Bard was supposed to be able to do that since he used Perform Comedy. Lesson learned. Next time my GM says "If you're using Perform Comedy I'm going to expect you to crack actual jokes at the table" do not, for any reason, respond "Fuck you I'm doing one-liners and puns" if you aren't prepared to follow through with the meme.

[@gh0s7-704]

synesthesia is cool to have, in my case can be difficult from some, I've heard, but mine's just... kinda neat

[@Tytoalba777]

What variety of Synesthesia do you have?

[@josephmatthews7698]

Mine crosses emotions with my sense of touch. I don't have any cool visuals or anything but anytime I touch something I get swarmed by a particular emotion so I usually wear gloves. For instance stainless steel makes me angry and ready to fight, satin makes me feel loved, heavy cloth is like a deep care from a mother or family member. Depending on the surface it either makes me feel the emotion or the as though the emotion is being directed at me. I was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia as a kid.

[@gh0s7-704]

@@Tytoalba777 the common seeing numbers as colours is the main bit, but it's also true of letters (and words, based on what letters are in them, which is pretty neat as an amateur writer because i can have, like, palettes of words). but there's also weird abstract stuff, like times of the day or different days or different months or different seasons all having strong emotional/visual connections, which is possibly related to the numbers/colours thing. there's also the maybe-related way I experience gender - I'm genderfluid, and it seems to change on 2 different levels: the bigger cycle, which can last weeks or even months, and is usually concerned with a more vague and overarching "feeling", like what i get from months/seasons. but there's also the smaller cycle, ranging from a few hours up to around a week, which is more specific, like the times of the day. that isn't described well, but i'm not sure how i would describe it.

[@gh0s7-704]

@@josephmatthews7698 that's really interesting, i hadn't thought about how textures and such could be involved! it does sound like one of the harder experiences to deal with, though, so I hope it's not too much of a burden on you

[@confloashton3617]

I had an idea for a schemer, basically he was a noble who his brother would become the head of the family's business and when the older brother retired my character would be allowed to run things, then the older brother had a child and the brother said that his son will be the next one to run the business. My character tells this story and drips poison in the ears of the party members, convincing them that the brother was simply acting selfish and mean, when actually it was because the older brother suspected that my character might have been the reason for their father's untimely death. The hope would be by the time they reach my character's homeland they are completely against the brother and help my character remove him from power and instilling my noble as the head of house.

[@tonydanatop4912]

Im sitting on an idea for a halfling rougue im saving an eventual evil campighn Who's main goal is found a totalitarian regime, but hes REDICOULIOUSLY soft spoken and shy so kinda just uses the party to live through vicariously. ☺️ Hed be the logistics and policy guy and theyd be the figure heads who have to make all the scary public speeches and lead armies.

[@sunzi42]

It is Always weird with players that play PC:s that are smarter than themselves and assume they should get boons because how smart they are.

[@scoutlaceharding]

The last story is one of the many reasons I'm happy that my brother has DMed most of the tabletop games I've played. Interestingly enough, he's never made an NPC try to rape my character or anyone else's. I kind of hate that I know that's something I should be grateful for now. That is just fucked up on so many levels.

[@joe_krogan]

2:15 *"the females"* lmao

[@hayhay509]

two nat 20s!

[@sagesaria]

NGL, when the DM says that the other characters aren't paying enough attention to what's going on to roll decent perception checks, I as the character being assaulted would start screaming at the top of my lungs. "Let go of me, you creep! **Help! Get him off me!**" Make a scene in the game store, then play innocent and justify it as it's what my character would do. 0:3

[@mrsplays9817]

I once wrote a one-page backstory for a character cause the DM told me to. I'm certain that the DM never read it.

[@almightytallestred]

I need to be a nitpicky nerd and point out that Malkavian is written with a K. Always. Never with a C. Never. But other than that OP is absolutely in the right, the Malkavians suffer from (at least) one so-called "derangement" and that can be any mental health condition. It can be something subtle, it can be something unhinged and over-the-top. Depends on what kind of character you want to play and what kind of Chronicle you're playing in. But it is the player's choice. On top of that, synesthesia is actually one of the examples for "derangements" that gets listed in Clanbook Malkavian (Revised), so they couldn't have made a more valid choice than that.