German Strangers Still TOO DIRECT For Me?!

Germans, in general, can often be more direct and straightforward than Americans, and to be honest even after living here for eight years, that directness is still sometimes a little shocking for me, a little bit too much, or even sometimes has made me cry!
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So my question for you is: What do you think about people being totally straightforward and direct? Have you ever been in a situation where someone was just being really direct, not being mean, but still it made you want to cry? What did you do?
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[@pstudios90]

As a german living in the UK I often had the opposite experience. People got really offended by the things I said and I didn't understand why. I still watch this happening to other germans in the UK. Over time I adjusted and started wrapping everything in a nice way. Now when I give feedback in Germany people seem to assume everything is fine and then I need to start being harsh again to get my point across.

[@DasPuppy]

As a German I have gone over to just reply "Thanks. Didn't ask though, did I?" with a wink. And usually an apology follows for a critique nobody asked for.

[@dustyfun5944]

Just your example about some shop assistent telling you that the piece of clothing does not fit you at all: I'm always more suspicious about a shop assistent telling me how good it fits keeping in mind he or she just wants their merchandise sold. So I tend more to appreciate an honest, though maybe direct answer.

[@1Jasmin]

dustyfun I agree and they will help us to find something that actually fits us because they want us to be happy with what we bought to come back the next time and buy new stuff.

[@Takimon]

Ich finde es gerade ganz spannend, zu reflektieren, wie ich mit der direkten Verhaltensweise umgehe, und mir dann Gedanken drüber mache, wie das typische amerikanische Pendant mich absolut fertig macht: Smalltalk und Wischi-Waschi-Konversationen, Oberflächlichkeit. Ich bin froh, wenn mir im Laden auch von den Verkäufern eiskalt gesagt wird, dass ich gerade nicht gut in einem Teil aussehe. Das heißt für mich, dass er/sie sich um MICH kümmert, und nicht um die Verkaufsquote. Außerdem empfinde ich es als viel anstrengender, immer blumige Worte für etwas zu finden, wenn man die Wahrheit oder seine Gedanken, die einem in dem Moment durch den Kopf gehen, direkt raushauen kann.

[@shahlabadel8628]

Taku very well-said!! after all,to be honest is to be respectful in my eyes!

[@stopsel8300]

Ich stimme dir voll und ganz zu! 🙂

[@caitlinsomers3600]

Taku yep I actually had a best friend and she just didn’t want me to be honest to her. After four years I got rid of her because she loved to tell me I look like a guy without make up but started a fight when I suggested she should rethink her attitude on her kinda racist refugee situation opinion. She wouldn’t start a fight because my opinion differs from hers, she did it because I told her that. It’s never about what you tell someone, you should ALWAYS talk your real mind but it’s always about how you say it.

[@Iman-Global]

Being superficial is bad, but being also too direct, which gets close to rudeness is also bad. It is not sugarcoating. It is thinking a little bit, before you open your mouth, about how your words would impact other people. You must understand the people of most of the other cultures are not used to this level of rudeness.

[@TheCatMurgatroyd]

Imam unless a german has visited or seen enough of different countries, I don't think we know how "rude" we are. We give honest opinions when someone asks of them (and sometimes when someone does not ask of them lol) and tbh I've been interested in the US and other english countries since I was 12 and this video (uploaded 15 hours ago) just made me understand how "rude" we sound towards muricans xD you can't just say "well you should be more senstive" if the people you mean don't understand that in the sence of the other country they'd be considered rude. You could also say americans should think before opening their mouths in germany cause they will be rude and lie to us instead of giving us their opinion to help us. All in all: Rücksicht is a nice german word - on both sides ;)

[@Philemaphobia]

Your fitness instructor was rude even for german standards. It’s not direct to fail as an instructor and then blame the student it’s just a++holery.

[@a_kris]

Philemaphobia Exactly. His comment was extremely rude and impolite.

[@halfdemon_setsuna]

Just be happy the shop assistant is that honest to you! I like that, because I wanna buy good stuff that looks good on me. Some shop assistants say: Oh thats looks so good aon you... because they want to you to buy the dress. Directness prevents you from buying trash... nice words and phrases like "well, the color..... " are no use for you.

[@IsleNaK]

And then you watch Japanese vloggers and see Americans complaining all over the comment section about the Japanese tatemae (sugar coating) and saying how this is lying and they would prefer it if people were just honest with them. . . . They probably have never been to Germany. LoL

[@spot1401]

lol, yeah I can tell you from first hand experience that giving a whole list of pointers what's wrong with a certain science project - not too good of an idea ;)

[@uhohhotdog]

I think there’s a good balance between the 2. Give your opinion but don’t beat them over the head with it.

[@kyromani]

Nakop Imagine how we Germans feel about honne and tatemae xD

[@MissLeafi]

As german I can say...due tatemae I don't really value japanese feedback all that much and prefer to completely ignore it instead ^^

[@IsleNaK]

kyromani actually, as someone who had lived in Germany and Russia, I've to say that Germans are pretty much into tatemae and beating around the bush ;). Compared to Russia, Germans really try hard to not hurt other people's feelings... I'm not being sarcastic here ^^. Russians are way more direct than Germans xD

[@Chris-ce7ve]

An American ask a German: "Do I look fat ?" "Not for an American. Was that to directly ?" "Not for a German!"

[@ThePolishBeDamned]

If Germans are very direct to you they LIKE you! They think you deserve honesty and want to do you good. (As a German I wouldn't bother to be honest with someone I care nothing about...)

[@diepiriye]

I agree. Still feels crappy.

[@Chocolettino]

You can be direct back! “Hearing you say that is harsh! I feel bad now.” They should be able to take it, if the can dole it out.

[@marcelanandern1081]

As a German, i feel like lying when i am asked about my opinion and i would try to let it sound "nicer". Everyone is honest and tells what they think about everything. I tried for a while the way that is used in the staates and i gat really that awfull feeling of lying and i konstantly had to think about how i say things and not what i like to say. In my opinion germans are just used to that honesty and fee unconfortable to alter the opinion just to sound nicer. The other way around, when i meet people from the staates, i have allways that feeling they are sneaky and false, they try to hide their thoughts behind words. I was never sure how they really are and think. In germany we have workcertifications (Arbeitszeugnisse), there is it not allowed to say negative things and so the employee makes a code around negativ aspects. It is strange to code your opinion in that way and then to decode it to find out what someone is really saying but in the end you just interpretated. I really prefere the german way, it is honest, easy and you know the true intention and thinking of the other person. By the way, i never find a honest opinion even the destroying once, harmful. I really have learned to be thankful for it. But for a person from the staates i imagine it is an alien concept. :)

[@jornalbert376]

An old German saying is "Der Ton macht die Musik", so you still have to decide if someone is just rude/mean or if you are getting a honest critique. Most Germans I know are definitely more direct than the Americans I met. Same goes for the typical German 'traits' like precision, efficiency, planning, looking for details etc. I'm always irritated how well the Americans can hide the truth of what they are thinking behind compliments and smiles. In Germany If you are getting an honest critique, then the person likes you, thinks said critique can improve you and is interested that you do better. So its a good thing ;-)

[@TheTobyvancouver]

In Los Angeles, negative observation is usually being mean. I use it that way, for sure.

[@coliniancooke8848]

What gives them the right to think they can 'improve' you ! What arrogance ! Then what else is new with the Germans. This is especially so when they don't consider your feelings. This is the birthplace of the notion of the 'Herrenvolk' it's easy to see.

[@Icomewithknives]

haha oh wow...someone of course has to make an unnecessary reference to German history again. D:

[@Arcorias]

Colinian Cooke: I am sorry that you don't like Germans, but that's okay. But saying they don't consider your feelings on one hand and mentioning "birthplace of the 'Herrenvolk'" on the other means you are now doing that what you criticize.

[@coliniancooke8848]

Yes, because one has to stand up to it. As with bombing in WWII : "They have sown the wind, now they shall reap the whirlwind " Arthur Harris ' RAF Bomber Command.

[@hirasu_]

I have to say, even we germans have standards about when and how we can slap someone in the face with the truth. The Instructor? Entirely rude, even in my opinion, because what we cherish even more than honesty is privacy. But, I also have alot of American/Canadian friends, and they often told me that when I tell them something, point out their flaws etc, it does hurt them and it honestly took me a while to understand why. Because I find a pat on the head and a kindly meant ''there, there'' is by far not as helpful as when you actually get told what went wrong, and how you can avoid it in the future. Though, when you find people were over the top with what they say, you must say so. We don't take offence when we're told we did wrong, we take it and remember that in the future, we must watch our tounge in order to not be rude towards the person. Also, to leave a compliment as well. I don't find you're too jumpy, I actually quite enjoy your bubbly self and cheerful behavior, it's honestly refreshing!

[@laurelthomas5215]

Yes about the bubbly part. If Dana wasn't that way, I'd probably not watch. ♥

[@philosophersstone2482]

The thing is that Germans shouldn’t assume they are the authority on others tastes, lives, appearance etc. that’s where the problem lies.

[@michaelgoetze2103]

@@philosophersstone2482 They assume that they are the authority in their own country the way way others assume they are the authority within their own cultures. That is why there is a discussion. To learn.

[@GUFSZ]

“I like you a lot better in person than in your videos.” That could be a misunderstanding caused by translation. A normal german saying would be: "In Wirklichkeit bist Du symapathischer als in deinen Videos." Means I like you in your videos, but in real life I like "noch mehr." If the person meant what you are thinking, you did not hear the positiv part of his message. You had only few minutes, but yoe have been able to change his mind. It was a compliment.

[@lisa0382]

GUFSZ macht's nicht unbedingt besser 🙈 aber tatsächlich merke ich so etwas gar nicht 🙈

[@athinag.9335]

It wasn't a compliment. It's a rude comment.

[@DMSG1981]

Actually, I can't see any difference in meaning or even connotation between the two. Also, I don't agree with your explanation.

[@Arcorias]

GUFZ: I think there is really a misunderstanding in the expression. Someone should say "I like you in your videos but now in person, I like you EVEN more" for "In Wirklichkeit bist du mir sogar NOCH sympathischer als schon in deinen Videos". Kleine Worte haben manchmal große Wirkung - small words, big effect :).

[@Iman-Global]

I agree with Arcorias. This is most probably what he meant that he likes Dana's videos and her personality in her videos but he likes her even more when he got to know her in person. This sentence was most probably meant as a compliment, but lost in translation.

[@charlieschon6549]

I worked as a sales Assistent for a few weeks and told a costumer once piece she choose didn’t look that good on her but the other looks stunning. (She asked!!!) My boss called me that night and yelled at me that I should not ever do that again. And even the customer looks like a “Presswoscht” I need to shut it and instead try to sell as much as possible. But when I ask someone at the shop if that outfit suits me I really want to know if it does. I don’t want to run around looking like an accident. Haha ... I’m very direct. Especially towards my friends. But still I’m trying to be nice to people who I know can’t handle the truth. Haha It’s not all rainbow and butterflies in the world. Critique is there to learn from.

[@caitlinsomers3600]

Charlene Schön I know the business, horrible right? Yay, let customers walk around like they don’t have mirrors at all, as long as the cash comes on, lie the best you can! But I used to work at snipes and the boss there always told customers who came in for Converse and Vans that they shouldn’t waste that much money on a piece of rubber and canvas, it’s worth like 3 Euros and not worth buying just because they’re sooo hipster. I loved that dude, best boss ever 😃

[@FiveOClockTea]

If someone manages to sell something to me that actually looks horrible I'll never buy anything in that store again 😅 My favourite stores are the ones where I know, that I'll get an honest opinion and good consultance (that's how I learned that there actually exists a kind of red that looks good on me 😅 it just needs to be a cold red)

[@charlieschon6549]

Missy Grey true! Your old boss sounds fun! Haha In the end the customer will buy what they want to anyways, haha ..no matter if they’re spending 60$ on a 3$ shoe. Haha I use to work at h&m. Since I had bad experiences working there I tend to judge people when they say they work at h&m. Haha 🙊

[@charlieschon6549]

FiveOClockTea the sad thing is that most of the customers dont know their real size or the style which matches their body type. Some of them are very shy as well and want to start trying something new. -which ich good! But they depend on the sales Assistent in that moment and they are letting you down :( Ok, too much drama in the morning bc of clothes haha

[@songbirdmariel]

AMEN. Thank you for this video. I couldn't agree more--there's a fine line between directness and rudeness. The Germans conflate these two and are oftentimes just downright mean. I've been living in NRW for almost a year now, and it's a daily struggle. What scares me the most is that these traits might start to rub off on me! But I try to use it as an example of how not to be. One can be direct without being rude. So it makes me feel so much better to realize I'm not alone!

[@helloweener2007]

It's not only the cultural differences, you are also a KZbinr. Didn't you know that KZbinrs are a kind of "possession" to their community. So they take the right to criticize you. And if someone watches alot of your videos he knows you. So if we would meet, I wouldn't think that I meet a stranger, because I know alot about you. But you would have the feeling about meeting a stranger because you know nothing about me. So it is also this asynchronous knowing each other that leads to this.

[@mrbabluep]

I hope that`s an irony

[@helloweener2007]

mrbabluep First part is a little bit. But it is true, we talk to persons that we know in other way than with strangers. So every persons who is in public and talks alot about their life gives information that the audience gets the feeling of knowing this person. And this gets stronger if the "celebrity" likes comments or answers. So you have a KZbin channel and make daily vlogs about your life and you put also stuff on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, you make live streams in a discord or whatever. What do you think happens with the people that follow you on all these media? Do you think your followers would act if you've never meet? I don't think that Dana is an example for this extreme form self marketing. But of course has the fact that she makes videos regularly influence to their community.

[@js8070]

This American sugar coating is equally frustrating for Germans. It’s just a matter of how we are socialized.

[@anastaciarabelomelo]

or not socialized

[@gonzokules5073]

anastácia. really? that was low...

[@crasho]

@anastácia Depends on your definition of social. And example of the American sugar a lot of Germans (and Dutch) people find annoying, (and I myself find it the opposite from social) is when someone asks how you are, but they just ask it because it's "social rules", but they couldn't give a toss about your reply. And just expect a "fine, how are youuuu" reply, regardless of how you are. Whats the point?

[@Lisa-mq9fr]

Fucking exactly!

[@anastaciarabelomelo]

you just said, social rules! no one expects you to give you life history at 6 am on the way to the backer before work! #commonsense, wich most germans unfortunately leak on!

[@danqixing7594]

You are so nice and considerate XO I feel even though you are saying you got hurt sometimes by those harsh critiques, you are still trying to soften your tone and trying to think on their feet. That's why I like you a lot!!! Thrumb up! I love your videos

[@linaleverloppan.9752]

I was told (by someone whose taste in clothes was really bad) that my boyfriend and I would be a perfect match because we have the same bad taste in style. It was at a friends house and there were like 10 people and everyone heard her. I felt really exposed. I didn't answer anything, after finishing my drink I asked my boyfriend if we could go home. Then I starting crying and stopped speaking to her for weeks.

[@TheRath234]

HI Dana, don´t get discouraged by that kind of comment. Start to strike back in a gentle way ;-) Germans hate small talk, as you might know, and normally would like to have a conversation or discussion right from the beginning. And you are right that these comments shouldn´t be considered mean, so just take it easy :-)

[@mrscary3105]

We tend to allow one negative comment override 100 positive comments. So I ask you to listen to this comment. You are a lovely, charming, and creative person with a wonderful energy, and you make videos that make me smile. I have chronic pain, and you, and your husband (When he appears) make me smile every time I see you. That Dana has value. I can not be the only person whose day you brighten. So I am sending an E-Hug from Western NY in the US to you and yours. Thank you, never stop being you. :)

[@pillecukorka2862]

I'l take the truth or an honest opinion everytime over a sugar coated lie! I only have one life to improve myself and get confronted with other ideas, opinions, values so that I can reflect on myself.

[@hanssen71]

I prefere truth over happiness. Whenver someone says something that makes me uncomfortable I am honest and direct straight back. "What you just said made me very uncomfortable" then they get the chance to either correct their comment or we change the subject. That method more often than not clears up any misunderstandings and the other person mostly paddles back and says that they did not mean it in a way to upset me. Then we laugh about it and move on.

[@thelioness8991]

I think that's a great strategy but it requires a high level of directness in itself to state that you were uncomfortable with someone else statement.

[@Faygris]

I don't really understand the bit with the sales assistant. She wants to help you find the best dress, so isn't it the best when she openly tells you her opinion? After all, it's not a dress you already own, but one that you only consider buying.

[@TigersTimelessTreasures]

That was exactly my thought. Plus, the the person did not critique you, but the dress itself.

[@christinem2549]

I agreee, but isn't it always nicer to hear the cold hard truth wrapped inside cotton candy? :) It just shows that the other person is considerate and cares how the other person feels. I think it is that, then the rude comment itself

[@Hoelzchen]

Christine M But US citizens wrap the truth so much that Germans can't find it and have to guess what is meant. Having to guess how something is meant is extremely exhausting and causes misunderstandings.

[@Faygris]

Christine M But why is it a "cold hard truth" to tell you that the dress doesn't look good? It's not against you, but against the dress. You could take the most beautiful supermodel and give her a dress that doesn't look good on her. She'd have no reason to be upset, when somebody tells her it doesn't look good.

[@christinem2549]

But the example was that the sales person says "the dress does not look good on YOU" so it's the combination of the dress on the person. And if that is the case I do believe it is more considerate to say it in a nice way with a bit more fluff. :) It just shows that the person giving the opinion puts in the effort to make the other person feel less bad. Totally ago with you tho IF the dress is just ugly and the sales person says "the dress doesn't look good" apart from what it looks like on the person whois wearing it... do you know what I mean?

[@Herzschreiber]

I agree with those telling that the intension of this people is not to be mean. But even to me as a German there is a difference between "directness" and "directness". :) The difference is: Lots of people do not really reflect how their chosen words may appear at a sensitive ear. E.g.: Instead of telling " I like you much more in real than in your videos", I would have told you "Oh Dana, I am really surprised to find you much lovlier in real life as in your vids, cause you are already such an uplifting, refreshing person on youtube". There is no need to beat around the bush with the intensity Americans do. But there is also a border which should not be crossed when being direct. In my German eyes, this fitness trainer may be great in training peoples physics, but he is for sure not very empathic. There are thousand ways to tell someone directly that he did not deliver a good job in something - like "Okay, I know, first time is always a hard time cause everything is new. I suspect you realized already that you could have done better?" Maybe it will comfort your sensitive soul a bit when I tell you the worst case of directness I ever experienced? When I was 18 (omg that was AGES ago lol), I started suffering from a skin desease. And it was clear I would have to live with it for my entire life. The doctor I went to to get a second medical opinion nodded and claimed "well......yes, my colleague is right, there is no way to heal it. But girl, you see, you are fat and not very attractive anyway so..........it means just a few points less at the 'marriage market' than you already have". I think I cried for about three days.............I was so young and so heavily hurt, and not adult enough to react with a quick-witted comment!. Let's simply assume that there are dopey, stupid people in each and every culture, no matter how direct this culture may be in general. :)

[@miroirdusonge]

Herzschreiber OMG das ist nicht ernsthaft passiert? O_O

[@californialinchen]

I have a question on your first suggestion regarding the "video person". Wouldn't it have been a lie to say that they thought Dana was such an uplifting and refreshing person on youtube? I mean, clearly that was not what the person felt like!? I get your point but putting it that way would be untrue and therefore fake. Isn't there an alternative of maybe saying: I like you a lot, I didn't expect you to be THAT nice. -- Well, I don't know. Maybe that's rude, too. Maybe one could just say: You are so lovely, it was nice to finally meet you in person!?

[@Herzschreiber]

Californialinchen, well, in the end we will never figure out what this person was thinking. My suggestion was directed by what I thought he had in mind wenn telling so. In case he does not like Dana in the videos, but was positively surprised by her real life self, I would suggest to say nothing at all or simply "how nice to meet you in real!"

[@caciliawhy5195]

Germans need to get over the idea of fakeness and see it as kindness.

[@Herzschreiber]

A. Valverde, in this case, even me as the master of franknees agree absolutely :)

[@anjajanki175]

Great video - and awesome background!

[@stanleywilliamson9359]

As an American, I am VERY MUCH relating to this video 🤧

[@thorz7304]

Wenn ich einkaufe und der Verkäufer sagt mir, daß mir etwas nicht steht, dann bin ich froh darüber, da der dann nicht versucht mir auf Teufel komm raus was zu verkaufen. Wenn er sagt, daß ich vielleicht doch mal eine andere Farbe probieren soll, dann weiß ich nicht wo ich dranbin: Stehts mir nicht? Will er beides verkaufen? Verdient er am anderen mehr Provision? Ist er desinteressiert? Bitte sagen was Sache ist und nicht stundenlang um den heißen Brei rum, um mir dann zig Interpretationsmöglichkeiten zu lassen und mich zu verunsichern.

[@pajamasflannel]

Okay, a non-German will have difficulty with German directness. Have you witnessed directness in conversations between Germans? Seeing it in practice with the like-minded would be interesting for a non-German.

[@theragingplatypus4743]

Yeah, but Germans are babies with a pecking order of bulliness. They can dish it out but they certainly can't take it.

[@songbirdmariel]

@@theragingplatypus4743 Exactly.

[@Phelie315]

I have really bad skin, meaning I still have acne as an adult. This has, on several occasions, led to people that were not close friends (two individual work colleagues, my hairdresser...) commenting on that and, unprompted, suggesting things I can do to get better skin. And I always stand there dumbfounded like ... ummm I can't remember asking but okay ... I get that they mean well, but it really doesn't come across that way and I wish people would just not do this unless it specifically comes up in conversation or they have actively heard me looking for tips on the subject before.

[@Ynox54321]

I consider this a compliment of the highest order

[@antoniaberndt8672]

ive been living in germany for almost 2 years and i cry at least once a week because of something a stranger told me lol

[@BadSegeberg]

The flip side: As a German, I've often been to the US for business purpose. After a while I got the bad feeling that the/some US-Americans are not honest. It seemed like they often don't tell the real truth. They avoid to lie as much as they avoid to answer a question in a plain way. Driving around the real answer by using nice sounding words is from my German point of view falseness.

[@theragingplatypus4743]

You really don't get it. We talking about Germans uncontrolled need to criticize for no reason.

[@kurzhaarguy]

For what it's worth, I'm American and feel the same way. Americans, and Brits, I might add, tend to enjoy the game of deciphering the subtleties of communication. It's a way of saying, and hearing, I'm more intellectual. From my point of view, it's often semantics. There is a saying, "eschew obfuscation." It is a joke, of course, but it is also true. Business is much easier to conduct efficiently with simple, precise communication, sans colored wrapping.

[@tselampe]

Totally and fully agree. And you put your thoughts very nicely. I think badly of such rude persons and find that most people should have more of an education here.

[@IceNixie0102]

I really love this background! It's very different than your wall of clocks.

[@Kath-Erina]

Well I totally get that this very direct comments can be hard sometimes. But what the sports instructor did was just rude. If it would have been just honest critic he could have said well you didn't quite do this specific move rigth but you will get better by practice or coming next time. But that's just rude. There's a difference between being direct and being rude because there is always a nice way to say the same thing. And if you got nothing good to say the just say nothing at all. At least that's what I've been told and raised with. And you are not just supposed to be quiet and take everything everybody said to you. If someone's really being rude you are free to say so. When they're very direct you can be too. In the sport situation you could have answered, well I really gave my best and this is very rude of you and discouraging. And that would have been totally fine. :)

[@Philemaphobia]

Or maybe it was due to language barriers, either by dumbing down her german or by using dusty school english. The simpler the language we use the rüder it comes off, an effect that doubles if the participants don’t have a common native language. I also suspect the instructor just did a bad job but you should always keep in mind the basic principle of foreigner misunderstandings.

[@Nico6th]

Sales assistants should be a bit more sensible - if they want to sell things xD And yes, criticism in general is seen as something positive in Germany. You can only learn from your mistakes after noticing you made a mistake, that's the thought behind it. Of course, sometimes people overdo it or are just being rude on purpose. Never ask a German a question if you are not prepared for an honest answer XD

[@ScarlettKriss]

you'd be surprised how possessive sales people can be, they litterally don;t want you in their clothess.

[@1Jasmin]

Nicosixth Robin They just want us to find something that fits us. That we are happy with our decision and what we bought and that we can trust them that they will find the best for us. So we come back the next time and buy again and have the trust that they are telling us the truth whats the best for us and we only buy things that really fits us.

[@mariavako]

And is it okay to think all people are learning from critique? Most people are not blind. They see where they made mistakes, but in order to keep going and improving, there needs to be a great deal of acceptance of failure without having to criticize someone for it. Maybe it is failure to a certain person that really wants to "help" with sharing critique, but for the one that's "failing" it's actually a grand success. Is there a standard that's taught in schools that makes people want to share their opinion in a critique kind of way?

[@Nico6th]

@@mariavako What do you mean by "standard taught in school"? It's something you learn while growing up by socializing. You see someone struggling and you help them and show them how it can be done/fixed. That kind of starts in Kindergarten, I would say, where children show each other how to best build sandcastles or how to climb trees. Learning from your own errors might work sometimes but it often just takes so much more time and not in every situation can people see their own mistakes. And it can be quite dangerous to wait until someone realizes their mistake. I think it's a bit like that: Child says 2+2=5 Most countries: You might want to rethink that, are you sure that is right? German teachers: Uhm, no. Who answered something different and can explain why? And why would anyone ask for advice/critique when they don't really want any? Asking a German for critique basically is like giving them permission for real critique.

[@melodia91]

Preach, Dana! I feel the same way! I'm also an American married to a German and living in Germany. The directness can come off as rude sometimes.

[@alexanderkruger2482]

No matter if on Social Media or in real life, you are just lovely !

[@k.schmidt2740]

The problematic element is, I think, that no opinion can be "the truth". It is just an opinion. So if you have a direct comment, remember that it is your opinion and present it as such - not as objective truth, of which you have as little an idea as anybody else.

[@hgzmatt]

it's never objective.. as such there's no point mentioning it if you go on to say.. oh and btw this is just my opinion and here's what I think [insert actual sentence] you are basically telling them it's not that important or their attention span ends before you get to the point it's also up to you to filter out what is useful to yourself.. I can't possibly know.. and if you can't then it's a waste of my time talking to you

[@hyper5onicxD]

if you dont want an honest opinion, then just dont ask. if someone is just saying something harsh to you out of the blue. no thats not cool. but tbh as a german that has ~never occured to me. i personally want 100% of the truth. and no i never got mad because of that, as long as its reasonable

[@hyper5onicxD]

20 year old german. ~never occured to me. at least i cant think of it.

[@MrBiochronic]

@Jessica J. That's because for us it is toltally normal. We are basically are raised with this mentality, for us its just the normal way you treat people, be honest with them. If you want positive feedback, ask for it. Sure being more direct with criticism is one thing but we also have good things to say about you, just bring them up and we most likely will agree. THe key difference is, that we don't need a sugar-coating to tell each other the truth. We are not evil nay-sayer who just want to rip your feelings apart. As long as you can admit your own mistakes infront of others without tearing up, you're good. from that point forward just have a normal discussion.

[@urbaniv]

That is her point. She didn't ask!!

[@AMK650]

I think germans still have to lern to say some things nicer, the truth but not so blunt. I noticed it at my boyfriend. He ist just telling me when he dosent like my make up or my my clothing . And thats good but he could say ist differently.For example he could say :" I dont like this much make up on you i would prefer less ." And not "you make up look bad".(he is not a fan of make up at all ) and i think thats what she wants too tell with the video. You need make clear that it is just your opinon and you shouldmake examples for emprovement.

[@hyper5onicxD]

no that was only half her point. sometimes she also didnt like direct answers even when she asked.

[@MacMalte]

i get you! great video!

[@allaboutroy7399]

What a great video!! I admire you for opening up like this. I do think the directness is pretty harsh, because there are nicer ways to say the truth. Additionally, it honestly doesn’t matter what others think of your clothes- because you rock them and love them and that’s what’s important!

[@sirwolly]

Let's call it German efficiency. Straight to the point. Not wasting time (time is money) with talking around it hoping you realize what is in their opinion not right. Solve the problem quickly. Improve immediately. But I know what you mean. As a German who immigrated to Canada this not being direct or even saying nothing is still totally confusing me. Especially when I got someone here to do a job on my house etc.

[@skydragon3294]

I am a lawyer with my own law firm. All my employees are encouraged to be straight forward, to me, to each other and also to clients. We all learned to put things very euphemistic, and it really helps to "draw" money from clients. But it leads to so much critical miscomunication and misunderstandings that you just can't create a productive working enviroment on it. Still, beeing direct and directly cutting to the chase doesn't mean you don't have to be polite.

[@erinintechnicolourII]

Last year I took my boyfriend to meet my friend and her family in Germany, they're a family I love and get along with so well. They asked him what he studies (we are only 23 so they assumed we study still) and he said he doesn't study, he has a part-time job. My friend's parents were silent for a long moment before her mum sighed and said "looooser" which we found hilarious but my friend was so embarrassed her mum had been so direct about her feelings! I personally appreciate most criticism or directness because I like to be to the point, however there are definitely occasions when I don't want or need and it really makes the day worse for me.

[@DoktorP77]

i tried 2 listen... but i got kopfweh now ...so well done... ur good in this

[@lukasmayr5879]

Saying "I like you better in person..." is a compliment from a german perspective. It first says, "I like you" and that's nice, isn't it? Saying "than in your videos" could mean three things, A: "I had a wrong impression of you, I'm sorry for assuming things.", B:"I like you even better IRL" , C: "I don't like THAT thing you do, but I value you as person enough to overlook that.". While C probably sounds condescending, it's no less than a declaration of love because who would overlook your "faults" if not for those who love you? Okay those on the oposite spectrum would (don't care about you at all no matter what), but that is not the case since "I like you" was declared. Did...did I just blow your mind? ;)

[@diepiriye]

Yes, I think we understand the intentions. Still feels crappy

[@miroirdusonge]

When we germans are so direct I would say most of the time it is not to be mean. I was on the other side once when working in the netherlands. I got told by my boss that my colleagues were not fond of me because of being so direct to people. I actually did not understand at first what she was talking about! In my opinion I was just being myself, polite and kind as always when starting some place new. She had to give me some examples of what I actually said and my reaction was just like "why is that a bad thing to say? I am no evil person?!" Some of that, I still don't get today. Personally, I think that for example the way Americans or Dutch people talk like is more of a "beating around the bush" so to say. Why not tell somebody "that dress does not look good on you"? It's not the person's fault, so no harm there. I dont get it :D

[@kinmeru]

Same with me, I just don't get it. To me this sounds like "Better be dishonest so that I won't have to deal with your honest opinion". Absurd.

[@kurzhaarguy]

I agree with you. It really should be about intent. There are two sides to this: if you are sensitive to the point that you take any remark from another in a negative way, well, you're always going to feel insulted. If the other person intends to be critical (negatively), you can typically recognize that and, so, ignore it or temper it accordingly. Assertiveness is valuable, healthy, and friendly. It's becoming lost.

[@megy6376]

As a teacher of young children, I am very used to directness. Children are very blunt and truthful!

[@aryaweak6479]

Dana, be carefull, this is the truth and very direct: I really really like your videos!!! I think they are awesome! Very often they make me laugh and feel better! Thanks a lot!

[@maze4788]

Imho we germans generally don't want to be mean. We are raised in a way that honesty and truth is a high value. No one can improve himself while being lied to. See DSDS castings for ecample ;) “live is tough, get a helmet“

[@CaL-76]

German’s don’t sugarcoat, it can be good and rude sometimes. Depending on the person and setting.

[@eschauermann]

I find this video SO relatable! I moved to Germany 6 months ago - from a neighbouring country, so one might think the cultural differences can't be that big. But in the aspects you talk about, I have similar experiences and internal reactions to them. I am having a great time here, but the directness still takes some getting used to.

[@michaelbrown1627]

What a sweetheart.

[@kimmibar6197]

I'm so sorry that you had to expierience these things because most Germans would never say these things. We are direct, not rude. I hope you are going to meet more people that treat you as nice as most of the Germans do.

[@OMGitsaClaire]

I have met some people in America who are like this too but it usually comes from being naive and overconfident. Younger people, especially teenagers, tend to think they know everything. And it’s considered the height of being rude. Especially when they critique someone older or with more experience than them. I’m from the South which probably has something to do with it, but most things Dana mentioned would be considered none of that person’s business. Especially the person who critiqued her videos because I’m assuming they themselves aren’t a youtuber. In America critiques only come when people ask for them and then what they say should be helpful and “constructive”. And there are countless classes, books, and articles that exist to teach people to give constructive criticism. Telling someone their skirt is ugly or that they’re bad at an exercise class doesn’t help them improve. The person doesn’t know why you think the skirt is ugly or what part of the exercise they struggled with. It does nothing to improve the situation. It all goes back to the common American phrase “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Or basically what we call “tact” which is knowing when to say something and knowing when to keep your mouth shut.

[@hgzmatt]

if you go to an exercise class and you even pay for it.. maybe just maybe it is your goal to get better at it.. and that was probably the intention also age doesn't equal wisdom.. there are many who are considered old but are none the wiser as long as you are being constructive about it I don't see an issue.. you don't have to take it(feedback) if you don't want to.. but that's your problem

[@pantharhei867]

I can relate soooo much! As a german, I've experienced the same and I don't like the directness either. It just doesn't help in so many cases, isn't constructive. In fact rather destructive for very sensitive individuals. Very nice video Dana!

[@michaelsylvester7272]

I agree with you, all depends on the culture but still I feel it’s better if someone approaches this issue a better way. Your hair is beautiful... I always try to bring out the positive first so that person will feel good .

[@viikkasti]

Es ist erstaunlich, wie unterschiedlich die gleiche Situation aufgefasst wird. Ich fand die ersten beiden Situationen ziemlich nett. Das waren eher Komplimente. Das mag aber immer auch daran liegen in welchem Umfeld man aufgewachsen ist.

[@bscross32]

I see contradictions in what you say. You say the truth is important, but in every other sense, you're essentially saying (if its positive). I think in our society here in America, we've gotten too candy-assed about just telling people things they don't want to hear. We don't like to do it, and they don't like to hear it, but what if you need to hear it? Let's say you have this excentric taste in dresses, you're about to be married, and you go to pick out this wedding dress. You fall in love with it, but everyone else is thinking, 'god that thing is ugly'. Now, you can either go up to the church and walk down the isle in a nasty looking dress, or have someone tell you, hey, that dress is straight up uggo girl! Yeah it might rock you back a bit, but then you have a friend or something go with you, and you pick out one that's a lot better, and you look stunning when you walk down the isle instead of a pretty girl with the equivalent of a tatty old blanket with a hole cut in the middle draped all over you. I don't think people should harp on it, like god you suck, I mean, you only did like 6 reps, I mean dude, grow some freaking muscle bro, and on and on and on, but yeah, I like directness, and its sorely missing in America.

[@SonnieTravels]

Oh, man! I would totally be crying too! Some of the comments I've received on my channel have hurt my feelings so much I've wanted to cry. I can't imagine having someone say it directly to my face. Yeah... I'd definitely cry. I KNOW I'm sensitive. I beat myself up more than anyone and I've done so much work on myself to improve my own sense of self-worth and self-esteem. So to have someone else saying the things I'm likely thinking would definitely get to me. Did you return to the exercise class?? I don't know if I could, but I hope you did and I hope you improved and I hope they directly told you how awesome you are.

[@alsaba12]

A German approached my American coworker and told her “too bad you are so fat, because you have a beautiful face.” 😡

[@paolamucino7842]

I'm from México, living in the States now and I have to say that at least for me is sooo annoying that here you must be so politically correct, is exhausted, honestly. And in México we are not so direct as Germans but still, is something I can't get use to yet. I don't think you are too sensitive, I think is the culture you grew up in.

[@TravelGlot91]

Pues en el norte la gente también es directa. Por lo que veo, no eres del norte, ¿verdad? Sin embargo, puedes ser directo pero tampoco ser grosero. No es lo mismo decir: "ese vestido es una mierda y no te queda" a decir "ese vestido, sinceramente no te queda, no es tu estilo". Hay una diferencia, ¿no? Puedes ser directo pero con un toque de sutilidad. Sí se puede pero lamentablemente la gente confude ser directo con ser grosero. Saludos paisana. :)

[@damnwannausername]

Oh is that the truth? I am German and have been to Mexico one time for vacation. So I don't have any real experience with Mexicans. Couple of month ago I was at a training at work were they said that Mexicans are even "harder to work with" than people from the US. At least from German point of view. But I have to say it is very frustrating for Germans to work with Americans or Asians in general. We are used to give direct criticism, positive and negative. I always felt a big relief when working with people from East Europe because they handle things like in Germany

[@khalidcarrillo1132]

Mexicans are even less direct than Americans. They will avoid confrontation and say things are good, you look good, the work is done, etc. to not disappoint. I think it is a fault..

[@paolamucino7842]

Del norte de México? Si es así, si, la gente es más directa, lo he visto, escuchado y sentido jajaja. Yo soy de Colima, con padre mexiquense. Si te refieres al norte como Estados Unidos, pues no sé, osea si son directos, pero adoran mucho las cosas, por ejemplo te mandan un correo y empiezan con un saludo muy correctísimo, seguido del asuntoa tratar pero de una forma extremadamente adornada y propia, y eso de cuidar todo lo que dices, haces, la forma en la que ves a alguien o hasta como no los ves, porque todo puede resultar ofensivo. Yo uso lentes y una vez me los quité para limpiarlos, estaba en un restaurante con el esposo y pues obvio intenté leer algo sin ellos, fruncí el seño y una señora dijo que la vi feo, jajajajajaja. En fin.

[@paolamucino7842]

We Mexicans have the "lazy" tag on our backs, and we can tell you that we will do something but we don´t tell you when, it could be in 10 minutes, an hour or more. Maybe that´s what they tried to tell you about that working with Mexicans is even harder. We can be evasive when it comes to say the truth about something, we have a general problem on how to say no, is hard for Mexicans to say no to someone. But it depends from which part of the country is the person you are talking to. Oh and big difference between Germans and Mexicans is punctuality, hahahaha. I lived in Germany like a decade ago for 8 months and changed my life, seriously. I´ve always been honest, not so Mexican (people say) in many ways, but I was true to my culture on being late, after Germany pfffff, I´m never late, I´m more organized and my OCD increased a lot hahahaha.

[@tonileo5273]

Warum sollte man denn auch um den heißen Brei reden? Haha Verstehe dennoch deine Probleme damit ;)

[@paxparvenu5862]

Love ya Dana!

[@ericabartels886]

Thank you for making this video! Having married a German, I totally understand the 'direct' comments that sometimes make me think 'Wow...ok' :D haha It has taken me years to try and get my head around it and not let those situations upset me (although sometimes they do). On another note - thanks for always being so smiley and happy and wonderful to watch :) :)

[@japjer2975]

I guess it's all about perspective. For me, the bavarians hold back compared to the west/north germans and the dutch.

[@khalidcarrillo1132]

Yes Austrian people are not as direct as Germans..

[@ericstamps4717]

I like directness. The world would be better with less pretense.

[@Dideldou]

Ouch. I remember that you mentioned not being used to the raw and direct feedback, you said it in another video. But I did not know it really hurt you so much that it made you cry. : ( Please keep your head up and don't let it bring you down, okay? *virtual hug*

[@NatalieMigenda]

I'm sorry you got rude comments from strangers. I hardly meet that kind of people who tell me their unwanted opinion though. The few times I had with rude strangers, my reaction was rude, too. (Non of your business etc.) That helped a lot! Love your Videos 👍

[@stpaley]

i don't think it is a strictly german behavior, i've had that experience here in the states that i described as people not having any filter of what they are saying two examples: when someone says I need a haircut, maybe like my hair longer unfortunately I never reply back or someone telling me i'm fat, yeah i know i am overweight and should lose but why would you say that to me both of these examples were in the workplace and unsolicited

[@lmn6023]

Well, but that's just rude. If you'd ask a german about it, they would give you an honest answer, but they normally wouldn'd say anything without having been asked. At least if you're not friends or family

[@RatGirl1987]

Direct communication is better. Germany sounds like paradise.

[@jessicabouffier4451]

Thank you so much for posting this video. I guess if you're not raised with what I consider these type of "manners" or "politeness", you'll not really ever understand these situations or how the abrupt comments can make someone feel.

[@constanzia3722]

I absolutely understand you. My room mate did the same thing, when I moved in and it was horrible. One day, he told me something like: "You look like a bum. Go and dress up, and do your makeup. I don't like the way you look" and I wanted to run away and cry. I thing, I am a sensitive person and I am kind of trying to figure out, what people think about me all the time. Most of the time, I don't ask, but when I do, they often are very harsh and it feels that they were just waiting to tell me what they don't like about me. I think, I am a bit overreacting and I try to concentrate on the good things, people are telling me. To say something about that fitness guy: This is an absolute no go. I did train a gymnastics group for a long time too and when someone did something wrong, I told them how to improve- and what they did well as well. I think (hope), that this weird fitness guy just didn't know, how to do his job. Please don't feel offended. In my opinion, people like this should be ashamed.

[@FrauHotie]

So ticken wir deutschen halt :) Wir schätzen die Ehrlichkeit anstatt etwas schön zu reden. Und wenn man auf KZbin Videos und seine Meinung teilt muss man auch damit rechnen, dass völlig Fremde etwas zu sagen zu haben. Und es ist richtig, dass Deutsche es nicht böse meinen wenn Sie Dir die nackte Wahrheit sagen. Wir wollen einfach, dass jeder das BESTE ICH aus sich herausholt :) Ich finde es gut!

[@bogenkrieger]

Frau Hotie 👍

[@maroesjadejong4204]

Try living in the Netherlands lol, Germans are really polite and shy compared to us

[@Hoelzchen]

Maroesja De Jong Oh, wow! Now I'm scared of Dutch people.

[@Mannyar26]

Depends, in general people from big cities like Amsterdam or Rotterdam are much more direct then people from smaller cities

[@theragingplatypus4743]

Wrong. I'm guessing your German isn't good. I know both people. Germans are more obnoxious.

[@MScout]

After every presentation we get told one compliment one critic... seems people tend to forget most things after school.

[@leotipptrickco3112]

The German Videos vs. Amerika Videos are so good !!

[@smrkc]

Americans are always friendly and they never mean it

[@redburningfires]

I'm American, and I honestly enjoy meeting new people and striking up conversations. A lot of us do. It's a cultural thing here to be light-hearted and friendly with people around us, most of us. It's a way of feeling a common bond between us. And, sometimes that turns into long lasting friendships. I don't understand why you say that we never mean it, though.

[@theragingplatypus4743]

No, we just don't like YOU.

[@kurzhaarguy]

It's more of matter of what you, "mean." Most of us enjoy being friendly for the sake of being friendly. Nothing hidden, nothing false. I talk to someone on a plane knowing full well I won't remember their name or the conversation, 90% of the time. It's understood by both parties. The upside of this is that you occasionally meet people you want to get to know better. Being fair, there are plenty of self-indulged, over-talkers here. Those of us who understand our culture know who they are. . . and don't waste time being friendly with them.

[@MrOpacor]

I am German, and I can see where you are coming from. I believe it might be hard to adjust to that level of directness. But in a way I regret that this is the case. I am almost forty now and to me it seems as if the amount of sugarcoating that is required and expected in Germany has risen dramatically in the last two decades. When I was a student at Gymnasium we were told what our grades were straight ahead, could utter criticism and that was it. Nobody even blinked at utterances like “Das war garnichts” (“That was a total failure”) as a comment on a given performance, neither from fellow students nor from teachers. We had to refute it or own it. Nowadays, being a teacher myself, this is utterly unthinkable. Positive aspects of everything must be found and given as praise before criticizing any mistakes, however minute the positive aspects and however severe the mistakes may be. We had a lot worse technology at our hands and still managed to significantly outperform today’s generation in many subjects. I will illustrate that with one of the subjects I teach: When I was in the “Gymnasiale Oberstufe” I took the advanced course (LK) in mathematics. It took about two weeks until we had to find a proof as a homework. During the time of the LK we had to find dozens of proofs, regularly as parts of class tests. And we covered all the topics today’s LKs cover, most of them a lot deeper, without even being allowed to use graphic calculators and without the availability of good computer programs to plot graphs. Today with all the great modern technology at hand the mathematics LK is but a shadow of what we had. Universities cannot accept students like twenty years ago because they simply know too little about mathematics. They have to offer month-long transitory courses in the summer before the academic year starts in fall because otherwise too many students would flunk their entire first semester. And guess what - on average today’s students have much better grades. We teachers have to give those by the new teaching guidelines. Where is the connection to the topic of the video one might ask? Well, sugarcoating. Finding a positive aspect in anything - however bad it may be - might be comforting. But there is a downside: It masks how bad things really are. Speaking frankly will sometimes hurt some feelings, that is true. But I rather have my feelings hurt from time to time than being stuck or declining without being told so. Did I sometimes feel hurt? Yes. Did I sometimes cry because of criticism? Yes. Did it kill me or make me a failure? No. The opposite is true. I knew fully well that the only way to avoid criticism was to do everything well enough that I would be able to refute it. If some think that this comes from someone who always was on top and cannot empathize with harshly criticized people, there is a wall of text to follow. Many of you will say that this is missing the point and some people just break. Some will assume that I was lucky and successful my whole life through. I am aware of the first and the latter is not the case. Concerning the argument that some people might just break in such a harsh world I have to say that these people would break anyway. Considering the question how straightforward my life was up until this point I must admit that I failed one university program and got out way to late because everyone sugarcoated it for me, myself included. I just would not realize that it was not going to work. I am not blaming anyone else for my failure. It was my fault entirely. What I am saying is that less sugarcoating would have made me realize faster that I was on the wrong track. So, long story short, I had to massively borrow money to continue at university in a course of studies I actually could finish. And when I finally had my degree and started teacher’s training I was marked a failure by my overly long time at university. So, the people from the teacher training authority (ZfsL) put me into a school they did not like, together with five other people starting their teacher’s training. Out of this group of six there were five with bad curriculum vitae, having taken too long to finish their studies and not having the best possible grades either. The sixth person was a seemingly brilliant young woman. She had finished her studies very fast, had to grades and had even completed a second degree-course on the way. The ZfsL had even apologized to her for putting her in said school but her subjects had made any other choice impossible. Clearly, she was expected to outperform her five colleagues. Except she couldn’t. After six of the 18 months of teacher’s training she was stationary hospitalized in a mental asylum because she could not cope with the pressure anymore. She later left the teacher training altogether. I was sad about that because I had really liked her, but I had to admit that she never would become a teacher. The remaining five - the expected failures, so to speak - finished their training and got into jobs without periods of unemployment in between. Thereby we five expected failures outperformed the rest of the class at the ZfsL. Why did we do so? Were we any better than the other some 140 trainees? No, actually our grades were not too good. Mine certainly left much to be desired. Our “trick” was that we were honest to ourselves and within our group. When we planned our lessons, we did not believe to be the best teachers. We were not arrogant and showed our planned lessons to our colleagues who taught different subjects to get a different perspective. And we never said things like “Could you clarify that a bit?”. We said: “This is illogical to me.” or “This is a break in the lesson.” “Or this comes out of nowhere.” We all knew that it was our last chance to get into our dream jobs and we did not want to blow it. We all had our low points and then the others were always there, with a hug, a cup of coffee, a piece of chocolate and comforting words. But we never sugarcoated performances. When something had gone wrong it was addressed directly. We somehow thought that we maybe had to cry sometimes but we never allowed any of us not to face the truth. But wait - how could we get jobs if there were other freshly graduated teachers with better grades? Well, the grade a teacher receives on his training consists of many parts. One of these parts is a grade the headteacher of the training school gives. This grade was good for each and every one of us. Our colleagues and our students liked us despite - or sometimes because of - our honesty. Because total honesty is not only about others but first and foremost about yourself. An example are grades. We of course had to give bad grades sometimes. In fact, the grades we gave were on average “worse” than other teachers grades. One student showed to me that with a performance that had earned him a “gut” (B) in my class he would have gotten a “sehr gut” (A) in a colleague’s class - and thanked me for it. The student really wanted to achieve the best he could and in the next test he earned his “sehr gut”. When it came to popularity all five of us were among the top-rated teachers at the school. When to of us were able to apply for the same job at the school more than 70 teachers told the headteacher to hire any of the two which was more than half of the faculty. Some colleagues spoke to the headmaster on either candidate’s behalf without personally knowing them, just based on reputation. And when it came to the election of the teachers for student relations all five of us were asked by students to do the job. I am writing way too much because the topic concerns me. To summarize my opinion: I value directness even if it hurts. Coping with it is the way to improvement. But directness alone is not a good trait. Being direct is only positive if it is caring as well. But direct and caring beats sugarcoating every time.

[@ClaudioUSA86]

Woah, this is so long. I am never going to read it all. Practicing German directness.

[@annemariedohla9764]

ClaudioUSA86 looking at your President reading doesn‘t seem to be a typical American skill - that is German directness😉

[@ClaudioUSA86]

What you just wrote, doesn't make any sense. You should improve your own skills, in general.

[@echt114]

Opacor: Thanks for writing that. I agree with most of it. The trend you speak of is pervasive throughout the west. It's not driven by an effort to be kind, it's driven from the top by the academic and corporate postmodernists who have been working relentlessly at dumbing down the culture for at least 3 decades. Now, the same people are trying to convince everyone that competent brains must be imported from India, China and elsewhere because American, German and British students aren't as capable. Well there's a REASON their capabilities have fallen so far. The functionality and strength of their culture has been deliberately destroyed and poisoned.

[@uweclaunitzer7170]

It's worth reading it. Believe me.

[@mistertetzentheil7340]

I´m a typical of straightforward German, and I have to tell you straightforwardly that you´re freaking right in what you tell. I experienced it the other way round when I got to America lol. But what I suffered from MOST was the INVERSE culture shock when I had to return to Germany after 10 months. So I think I get your point :-)

[@masonmmjmu]

My boyfriend

[@InsegnamentibibliciJwTdG]

Listen to honest comments although too direct: constructive criticism will help you improve. But don't cry for that: it's not worth it. Tears are for real problems.

[@cantjur]

Feedback is a present. In my opinion people care more about you if they are direct and tell you even things that sound harsh at a first view and you don't want to hear them. It is nice to hear that everything is beautiful. But sometimes rude comments help you to improve things more than polite answers. To give you an example: If you fail an exam, you like to hear the teacher is mean, next time you will be better and so on....But a real friend would tell you: you were too lazy, you have to learn more to pass the exam next time. And I can confirm what was written some comments ago: “I like you a lot better in person than in your videos.” was meant as a compliment....this does not mean you are horrible on your blog and in reality you are just ok....the person liked your videos and was happy to get to know you and saw you as an even nicer person in real live....

[@stevio8865]

Aww. Poor Dana. I'm from Germany and completely understand you. I also don't like that way of directness. I would rather say it's often unfriendly and rude. I think it would've hurt me, too, if someone told me that I'm doing bad in an exercise. For example I grew out my hair and got comments for it all the time without asking for it and some people even told me to finally cut my hair because it looks so bad. I would never do this with other people and often think that people are not empathic and reflective enough.

[@guidoschalckens3846]

Dana, just be you. Dress the way YOU (and Stephan) like it. You are doing a very good job and I truly love your video's!

[@Debgandy]

Thx for your videos! The criticism from germans must be brutal! - Hope you don’t get too discouraged! 🙂

I get your point... And yes, that's often the way it is... Don't know why some people always want to share their opinion with strangers. Especially when they are harsh. I think most of them don't want to be mean and right, some of them just want to be helpful. I have one question: I'm always not sure if I should tell people for example that their zipper is open/they have spinach between their teeth. What do you say?

[@hyper5onicxD]

depends. i dont go up to strangers and just say it to them. but to my friends i just say it. and obviously they are thankful for it.

That's right. I would always say it to my friends. But one time a stranger told me about the fact that I had paint on my cheek and I was happy that she told me about it, because I had an important meeting after that.. But I'm always not sure if other people think the same way.

[@P8qzxnxfP85xZ2H3wDRV]

When someone can immediately improve then yes, tell them directly. The less it is their fault, the less you should tell them. Spinach between their teeth? Of course you tell them. It's gone in a few seconds. Someone on public transportation with bad breath? No, don't tell them. They can't do anything about it and the reasons might be medical. In German culture it is generally frowned upon to criticize someone for something that he or she isn't responsible for. So never criticize someone for being ugly. You'll probably immediately get critized by bystanders yourself.

[@FruityVeggieHead]

Über Uni for the spinach or the zipper, I think everyone would want to know. The paint thing tho is really annoying. I often am covered in paint bc I’m a painter. Sometimes I go shopping before I’ve had the chance to shower and people constantly feel the need to comment on it. The more paint on me, the less I’m okay with it. Bc at a certain point it’s obvious that I know I have paint on myself.

[@ralfbodemann1542]

When the zipper is open, I'm using a pretty direct, yet still elegant feedback in German: "Deine Hose gefällt mir offen gestanden gar nicht." with a special emphasis on the words 'offen gestanden". Usually, they get the joke. And are able to laugh about it.

[@h.ratgers167]

I love it when people are direct, sweeten it up are lie’s, i hate it when people lie .

[@juliamessina1845]

I agree with you; there is always room for constructive criticism--too much raw criticism, though, is annoying and ill-mannered.

[@MrFlo5787]

Where would you draw the line between "softening the blow" and a straight up lie? "x looked better" or "x looked less terrible" send different messages.

[@daniellescrochet]

I think it's very possible to word things that take into account a person's feelings while still being direct. For example, if she solicits the shop assistant's opinion they can say. I don't care for that dress on you. I think it doesn't flatter your shape, or skin tone, or whatever. They were honest, the dress doesn't look good. But they made it about a short coming of the item and not the person. If a person doesn't ask I wouldn't give my opinion because everyone has different tastes in clothing. And may be I think it looks terrible, but they love it. In which case I'm of the camp if you like it, wear it.

[@rachellew7222]

I agree that giving that item a shortcoming is better. Instead of being direct in the way that you might say “that doesn’t look good on you” or “you look ugly in that” you can say “I don’t think that dress is your color” or “I think that dress doesn’t flatter you the way it should” I’ve straight up told my friends “I don’t really like that dress on you” before but adding reasons and telling them “it doesn’t really matter what I think it’s what you think that matters” is always a positive

[@P8qzxnxfP85xZ2H3wDRV]

Only in others we can see our true selves. The more direct someone is, the less distorted this reflection becomes. The closer we are to someone, the more clearly we can see this depiction of ourselves, the easier we realize the path to self-improvement. This believe is deeply rooted within German culture. Striving for perfectionism, constantly improving upon oneself and helping others to improve upon themselves.

[@anniebe4992]

a salesclerk in Germany told me "those shoes show your foot too much, it looks stupid!" but I had been trying lots of different shoes (sandals), these were the only comfortable and gorgeous I found so I bought them . they're still comfortable and look good. I even hated this salesclerk before and haven't visited the shop for about 18 months since then. Then some weeks ago I visited the shop again and the woman seemed really toned down... seems someone told her she was behaving impossible

[@robertaderholdt890]

Sometime the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. If you feel some people are too direct they aren't ignoring you.

[@Freaky0Nina]

I think the people you meet that criticise you right away ARE kinda rude. As well as your fitness instructor. I've got incredibly low self esteem when it comes to sport, and i need some praise in the beginning (Belohnungszentrum im Hirn) or else I usually quit right away feeling miserable. But, Tbh if a shop assistant told me directly when a dress doesn't fit, i'd think that it was very nice of them to put my wish to dress nicely over their own wish to sell. It shows that they care about customers.

[@gato311]

Regarding the situation with the shop assistant when shopping alone I totally agree with you. I think it's really nice not to try to sell me some stuff my friends or wife will laugh at lateron. However, I AM a German.

[@Nick50151]

It's literally the job of the fitness instructor to criticise her. If he is not telling her what she does wrong she will never get better.

[@Freaky0Nina]

Nick50151 telling someone what is done wrong and telling someone that they is awful at something are two different things. Also, a fitness instructor is supposed to motivate you. People don't improve at all if they hate what they are doing or even quit.

[@Nick50151]

Actually it's the same thing. And critic is far more motivating than praise. If someone is telling me that I'm allready good at something I just don't feel the need to do it anymore.

[@Freaky0Nina]

Nick50151 okay here : "Hey, perhaps you should try it more like this cause the way you do now might blah blah blah" vs "You are very bad at this whole thing" brains respond to praise, believe it or not, it's how my aunt kept me learning the piano while making sure i'd learn the techniques correctly. She made me want to practise throughout the week. Other than other piano teachers who would put me down and made me hate playing the piano.

[@Korbin0815]

Say to the next one telling you unwanted critique about your videos: "Let me know in the comments below". And to all the others, if they hurt you, there is a german saying: Meinungen sind wie Arschlöcher. Jeder hat eins. Or try to blame them. It's clearly the instructor's fault if you don't do it right. He can't teach, obviously. Fight back, girl. Being a german isn't a license to throw up in your face.

[@maanski3]

I have a friend from Germany and I agree with this. I most of the time mistake them for misunderstanding me with their honesty or them being offensive, but I learned to embrace the honesty because I would prefer honesty from friends. That's how you know those friends are real. I'm still friends with my German friend and it makes me appreciate them that I learn to accept the differences and not overthink too much of it because over-all, I found a real friend in them. :)

[@coliniancooke8848]

It seems this stuff happens because they are not aware or just don't care about other people's feelings. It's not just about different manners. You are a brave girl to put up with this astonishing bluntness as well as the schadenfreude humour. This latter quality maybe is the key. They don't consider themselves being mean as your 'misfortune' gives them the right to point it out. As a Brit who has lived in California for 27 years, I know that the interactions can be too sugar-coated here but, at least, one can still be 'alive' so to speak and able to carry on with the interaction.