Why You're ADDICTED to Emotionally Unavailable People (and How to Break the Habit)

[@tripityourself]

"dating a dead end". Best expression I've heard in a long time

[@jelenatoh2075]

Q

[@beaj.h.1017]

and it i still an experience!

[@stayitive4343]

Anyone tells you they don't want relationship, RUN AWAY ASAP, devalue follows and no further caring. Ignore message at own risk, and use up precious time. When you don't feel well, they don't care.

[@Synthminator]

So much this, learned the hard way. You will create a monster and a rag (you) by trying

[@reecelassiter126]

I had a woman I was interested in a couple years ago. Long story short she was emotionally unavailable and I made excuses to stay until it all blew up in my face. I think after crying on the floor for a few days, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep for weeks, my brain finally clicked that she is not what I want. It took me a year to get over it but I will never forget. There is someone out there who will love you no matter what. It sounds cheesy but as soon as u LET GO of that addiction, they will arrive and it makes u feel so damn safe. I literally thank God for my girlfriend. It can happen for you too.

[@adrianoss.bougas3720]

Was she unavailable to you or everyone ?

[@Jmwamuchemi]

❤❤❤❤ congratulations finally

[@SpicyLunarDust]

I can totally relate with this!

[@debbylee6329]

Thank-you for sharing as you described exactly what I am going through right now. I loved this man and he was totally emotionally unavailable. I gave him 18 months and gave the relationship everything I had and ended up not getting much back. Your story gives me the strength to move on.

[@freedomafterthefight]

How long yall been together tho? lol

[@sadiaali9198]

Indeed. When we are truly ready for love, we don’t tolerate people who aren’t ready to meet us there.

[@kimberlys347]

Perfectly said.

[@abigaillong692]

Absolutely I just learnt this

[@alexandraherzogpsychothera3580]

I think it goes deeper than that. Some people don’t have a lot of experience of being loved.

[@FriendofDorothy]

If one's parents had bad role models ( as mine did) you don't learn how to really love. You have to learn from books and videos and courses, etc. I sometimes wonder if it would be easier to find the one I want if I had learned how to love and be loved from my parents. They were provisional and I'm grateful for that but they had terrible role models themselves.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

So true!

[@CrystalSicily]

Yes. First quality is finding a Partner who loves themselves.

[@Xianne027]

Exactly!

[@CrystalSicily]

Don't make EXCUSES for Bad Treatment!

[@helenarichard]

The best cure for me was to work on my own life and improve my own value so that I would increase my self esteem to a point where I would not be satisfied ever again with the breadcrumbs of an emotional unavailable man. At first I did it to get my ex back but I met someone much better, haha.

[@orianam9835]

Hilarious ;) 👍👍👍 I think once we level up we do not pay attention to breadcrumbs as you say and we are repaonsive to the right people only 😎

[@Julesyoutoo]

@@orianam9835 You'll never get the full loaf if you're seeing a crummy breadcrumber.🙃

[@LouiseO78]

Love this reply. Pleased you found someone better❤

[@claracruz9066]

My parents were not loving towards me. I grew up craving their love. Instead, they mistreated me. I wanted them to treat me better, but it never worked. I notice this is why I was attracted to emotionally unavailable men. Now, I'm aware and trying to break this pattern ❤

[@BeccaL2016]

I think most because it’s the reflection of how you were treated by your parents/family while growing up… when people grow up lack of love they trend to go for people who are unavailable because that’s what they know…

[@gillianadamson7373]

I'm 44 now and for me personally, I actually found it easier when I dated in my younger years. At 21, everyone is starting out and in a way innocent to things. I find dating now harder to find a guy who actually wants something. They've experienced life, maybe divorced, been hurt etc etc. I actually think it's harder now to find someone who wants similar things to me.

[@friviahk5014]

Exactly. I'm 40 and I have similar experiences, although I live in a completely different country. Where are you from Gillian? I'm from Poland. Being 40 or 40+ single looking for love (for committed, deep, meaningful and longlasting relationship) sucks, worldwide...

[@gillianadamson7373]

@@friviahk5014 im in Scotland 😊. Yes, I definitely find men less commital the older they get. I always assumed it would be the opposite.

[@ChocoParfaitFra]

I think EXACTLY like you!! It’s so sad 😞

[@tinachristine4573]

But we also become more careful around who we let into our lives. We have much much narrower criteria of dating and pairing up, and the people we identify as suitable may not find us as such. So it seems lives everyone is non committal but actually they simply know what they want and they no longer wait to see amber flags get proven as red flags. Most people at a certain age also have an established lifestyle and they seriously think twice about disrupting that for someone who might not be what they actually want. The risks of a relationship fall out are much higher the older we get.

[@viktorrolf5459]

It's harder also beause we have a higher bar and standard compare to at 20s. Here I am, mid 30s divorced and raising my kid alone. Met a really attractive 20 something years old guy. Matthew is here to save me from future pain. 🙃

[@Julesyoutoo]

I read something recently that really shocked me - that having a relationship with an avoidant man when I was anxiously attached meant that I, too was a love-avoidant. It took me a while to realise this was true because being involved with someone I knew to be avoidantly attached meant that I was avoiding a healthy and secure relationship as well. What a shock to the system that was, I can tell you! I blocked him a week ago. Phew.

[@linfrommdl]

Scarcity mindset got me on my knees faster than I thought, and I took the initiative to leave him once I realized that our situationship drained all energy out of me and only left me anxious. I know that Matthew Hussey’s videos have had a good influence on my perception of the entire situation. I have given myself the room to make a decision to leave an emotional unavailable man I loved and cared for deeply because what we had didn’t make me happy or feel good, instead it made me doubt my self-worth. Without knowing what was actually good and fair for me, I would have once again be doomed in a toxic constellation where a person cannot fulfill my emotional need for security. Matthew changes lives with his advices and gives someone the confidence to stand up for their contentment. I’m so grateful.

[@dobermanownerforlife3902]

The abundance mindset leads women to be alone with cats. This mindset tells women there is always someone "better" out there. It's like searching for gold In the mountain. Few will find it, most will fail.

[@linfrommdl]

@@dobermanownerforlife3902 It’s surely a risk. Furthermore, I did not say that I will risen my standards for a partner to an unreachable level, but that I will lower my tolerance for suffering in a situationship.

[@dobermanownerforlife3902]

@@linfrommdl I didn't necessarily mean standards risen. "Green grassitis " is common amongst women with abundance mindset.

[@victoriar2697]

If you are with an emotionally unavailable person, there is no grass on that side of the fence.

[@dobermanownerforlife3902]

@@victoriar2697 The conversation is about mindset, self control, and introspection. You turn around and try to flip the script to a blaming exercise. This is common female behavior. A measure to escape accountability.

[@juicebox5883]

“Dating a dead end” is such simple but cleaver wording that sets Matthew apart from other relationship advice channels, I always remember what he says later on because of his careful and memorable phrasing

[@helenarichard]

He says it the way it is without hurting you, put he still pops your delusional bubble while also giving excellent psychological insight. He knows a woman's heart but he also knows men and is so good at analyzing behaviour and providing solutions. He is one of the channels that helped me finally get a decent man and I am so grateful for it.

[@davewelbylivinginhistinyti4796]

We can't find love ! Love is everything, love is inside and outside ! Once we understand this, we can feel love no matter what !!!! Even in solitude love is there. Love to all, and all to love

[@tinachristine4573]

Learning to say no is something that a lot of people aren't taught to do. In fact, people will be considered 'nice' if they say yes often to 'please people'. Imagine now being faced with an attractive person who is asking for one's time and they are saying all these exciting things, the urge to simply say yes feels safer and more exciting in the moment, and pleasurable moments can easily turn into a salve for a lonely heart. It can be a temporary cure for anxiety around being alone and lonely.

[@altnarrative]

She's not saying no because there's a benefit to being with the young dude. Plain and simple. It's not about needing to learn to say no.

[@rbeema1018]

As the subject of this story who Matthew is speaking of, I completely agree with your sentiments. I grew up trained to people please and did not understand how to say no to anything. I was raised to be nice and accommodate everyone around me. Hence why saying no to something that was desirable while feeling lonely and yearning for connection was not on my radar.

[@hyeryeunjang3913]

It hit me hard when you said that we are just happy that something is going on in our love life, without evaluating if it really is line with our goals 😳 So insightful! It is so true that we fear that we have nothing to talk about in our love life...!

[@MARIAM_M_AYOUB]

LOVE IT! “Make space for the things we want to say yes to by saying no to other things”. And it truly applies to all areas of life! Thank you!

[@vibra1562]

It’s not an addiction, it’s a coping strategy. - Thank you for the message :)

[@yagushka]

It’s a cycle of dopamine shots = addiction

[@rosierose197two]

Literally! Saved my life today! Woke up with ZERO desire to go on… there’s Sooo much wisdom that I needed to hear and I’ll listen to this over and over!! Thank you for literally saving my life!!!!!!!!

[@Anima_1.1]

Hang on, Rosie. And if you feel it in your stomach that you are on the way to depression or depressed, please talk with someone, activate the people in your life and get help in all the places you can think of. Big hug, take care of yourself and be well 🥰

[@heatherscott3902]

Wow, I’m turning 50 in a couple months and wish I would have been told this 25 years ago. So glad I found you…better late than never and maybe there’s still hope to find true love. Thank you Matthew!

[@garyreese1399]

I'm in the same boat, but I'm 70....but there's hope.

[@ebrowntaylor1]

I'm a guy, and do this/have done this many times. I came to the same conclusion he mentions here through therapy. I would pick people I knew or told me they were unavailable because it was my own way of not having to open up. It took a lot of self awareness and honesty with myself, but I'm glad I learned what I did. Great video.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

I wonder too if there is an element of ‘savioir’ ie I will make you lovable over simply accepting that they are toxic and dangerous to us and in my case despise me

[@amysmith1576]

​@@MJ-qb5ph ohhh wow. I think this is what I do!!

[@Tsjoosie]

As a woman it's so reassuring to read this. Thank you

[@kimberlys347]

If I may ask, what’s the point of pursuing or entertaining a relationship if you’re NOT going to open up? I don’t understand. What is it you’re looking for from these relationships that you found yourself in?

[@jeniferhershey7829]

Research attachment styles 🎉 good luck

[@victoriaporsiempre]

i’m working on my emotional unavailability first before i try to change his or wait for him to align with my goals and wishes Also ladies, don’t forget that even if he wants the relationship and the family like you doesn’t mean he will also be right for YOU... I learned this the hard way😢

[@D_Jilla]

Is that actually your last name because it's really nice

[@michellebradbury7762]

It’s torture to have your heart ripped out and unfortunately, it’s easier to believe and hope for the best, instead of self-inflicting horrific pain… that’s where you come in. You teach us to pick it earlier so we don’t suffer a pain like no other…..

[@timgermanyjr]

I'm 40 and completely in love with a 28 year old who I work with. We've already had a physical relationship that I put to a stop. Can't stop thinking about her though. But...... she's in an open relationship. However, she's moving out of his place and will be on her own for the first time. She doesn't seem sure that she wants to stop casually dating and give another relationship a shot. At least right now. Not sure what to do. It's so hard to forget she exists when I see her every day.

[@Synthminator]

She got you hooked with the sex, thats why it is so hard for you. Get out and dont look back, there is no redemption for these kind of people, and she is just bullshitting you to keep you on the hook. Disappear and heal. Open relationship should be an immediate next, so you need to work on your boundaries too, good luck mate

[@Beela2020]

Hahahah 😂 men like those kind of cheap women when it Comes to a women that she want to bé only with u, you will not love her 😂😂😂😅

[@BiniBoeva]

I just had encountered a person like that, who wasn't emotionally available, and the temptation to take this option was so great just because there's nothing better currently and I have been by myself like forever. But over the course of our conversation with that person, I just realized that I better skip him, because it was a dead-end and I already had enough of those. It's always an emotional roller-coaster, from which I get out hurt. Soooo, I am happy that I resisted. The feeling was like I had to resist taking a very sweet candy when I am really hungry, not only it wouldn't have satisfied my hunger, but I would have gotten me even hungrier afterwards.

[@chelseaaa7360]

Amen I'm proud of you. I had that same experience a year ago, and yeah ended just as expected. Now I'm back at square one, ground zero. I hope you're a lot further along than me

[@amitolax4599]

I really needed to hear this today, thank you Matthew. I have said ‘no’ to several men I have met over the past few years, and ‘no’ to work opportunities and at the moment there is nothing and it is challenging …… so I’m keeping the faith that the right job and the right man will come. 💖✨🦋

[@francinejones2524]

Aweee I too am looking for the right job. I’ve decided not to settle for what I’m not happy in in my career and currently I have no job! Eeeek! It’s scary. I hope you find what you are looking for and deserve 💞

[@beaj.h.1017]

never wait for the right guy! Such thing does not exist. You are wasting your life- you need to figure out who is yours!

[@Isoldemain]

“In love, the people who can’t say no to the wrong thing have a really hard time achieving the goal of a serious relationship”

[@sareenahussain7381]

Omg resonating with this 110% Short term gain...long term pain The courage needed to live through Short term pain for long term gain...

[@dianalereve5402]

Love it. *Integrity is not only keeping promises i made towards other people, but also keeping promises that i made to myself.* This. And honestly, since i've started doing this, it's not a loss at all. I feel richer and calmer than ever before. Not gonna give this away again *ever* .

[@MsCLAUDIANL]

My sister is in a serious relationship with an 11 years younger man. They started dating when he was in university and she was a 34 devorced working woman. After 11 years together they now have 2 kids and share a very normal life. Not all young men are immature, some just want what women want.

[@trae7959]

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

[@Gjappy]

As much as integrity I have for others, it appears I have 0 for myself. Man, you just showed me I'm giving myself away, cross my own boundaries just because I want to be able to say I have someone in mind.

[@Xianne027]

I know a woman who got together with a 22-year-old man when she was 37. That was 40 years ago and they are still together. Yes, I can certainly get what you're saying Matthew, but it's not always...

[@yourfutureisnow6480]

A void to fill, something to talk about, needing some excitement. I'm no longer operating this way. I am going to remain single. I want to work on myself and not lower and settle my standards in what I'm looking for in a man. In some ways, I really don't want anyone. It just seems overrated at this point for me. I love the way you teach. Thank you 😊

[@khankhalifa8555]

Anytime I feel down for forgoing instant gratification and feeling the fear of missing out in any area of my life in an arduous attempt to create the best possible future for myself, I just search you up and watch your content. You are the supportive WISE best friend I always wanted. Thank you man!

[@kauigirl808]

Omg I'm never attracted to emotionally unavailable people! I was recently dating a guy who love bombed me so much. Didn't seem emotionally unavailable at all. Then he changed. No time for these people.

[@vanesaloveshogwarts9871]

I'm learning at my 30s to be comfortable being single. I seen so many married people not being happy. I'm happy being alone most guys just want someone to control from what I seen. I rather be alone forever than have a man abuse me. My dad is a narcissistic and my best friend husband is to.

[@paolanamuncura8879]

True.

[@D_Jilla]

I'm glad you're not trying to go the same path. This is where setting your boundaries and being firm are important. But, to say that's what most guys want is so.... wrong. You have to be careful of seeing your personal experience or of those close to you as reality.

[@MrKurtykurt]

Funny cause most of my friends can’t do anything without permission from their wives

[@duchessdelarue5983]

The worst is when you marry that emotionally unavailable man and spend decades in an unfulfilling marriage.

[@Hoaushi]

This is exaclty what I understood yesterday as an epiphany. The synchronicity is uncanny. Thank you Lord for always being here for me 🙏❤

[@andreakusalova9038]

Loved this - and I realized I am that person, not able to say No. My biggest lesson to learn in life.

[@astortanoperrostillett4492]

Loved it. A game changer. I am glad to see I'm on the right path rejecting whoever doesn't suit my plans. "Slowly, because I'm in a hurry" as we say in Spanish. Or: "Act as if you have 15 minutes and it will take a long time. Act as if you have a long time, and it will take 15 minutes." From The Horse Whisperer. Monty Roberts

[@charuseth341]

Absolutely true! I’ve been through this recently where he wasn’t allowing to show up as much as he expressed how important it was to find a long term relationship. He expressed wanting serious long term relationships but his actions were otherwise. Not investing , not making me or a new relationship a priority and always using career as an excuse wasn’t good enough for me. I tried to work with him by making him see why it was important to connect more than just texting, occasional phone calls. Finally I said no ‘ because he was emotionally available . I’m not looking for short term fix n gratification because I am worth more than this. And my goal is to settle with a guy post divorce not repeating the same mistake of being with an an emotionally unavailable guy who only invests in his career & not partner. I didn’t want to compromise on my integrity n goal.mathew You helped me with your advice and practical approach to it..thank you

[@christytuttle5590]

I can give love all the way, in every way, but when the table turns, I am closed off to accept it.

[@IanuaDiaboli]

God bless you Matthew. I went through the same experience of the woman you talked to, we broke up and grieved this fling for a couple of months (I grieved it even during the relationship itself). After that, I’ve been in the talking stage with two guys, set extreme good boundaries about my intentions and, as soon as they crossed the line by not meeting my standards (most of them dealing with self confidence and awareness), I ended it, didn’t even flinch or regretted it. I am focusing on my self, and that is transforming me. I am glad there is this space left, because I feel like I can truly breath and, by the moment I feel ready, I will welcome it with a balanced mind, a stronger heart and open arms.

[@D_Jilla]

Your standards, albeit briefly explained, come off as you're looking for your date to get a perfect score on the test after the first try.

[@IanuaDiaboli]

@@D_Jilla possibly because I didn’t really talk much about it, but the people I mentioned in the previous comment wanted someone to validate them and not someone to walk hand in hand with. It’s not a matter of first tries, rather consistent behaviors - because the talking stages were 1 month long - that in my early 30s I don’t accept anymore. To put it down-to-earth, it felt like they wanted an alter ego of their mother rather than a partner.

[@D_Jilla]

@FM Yeaht, that's rough. I feel for those men seeking a mother figure in their partner, in whatever way that looks like, but it is a hard trauma/ complex to deal with as the woman in the relationship.

[@IanuaDiaboli]

@@D_Jilla exactly, it’s not our duty to take care of them in that sense. I really felt bad for them, but deep inside of me I knew I wasn’t going to be happy, so I left. It made me a lot more aware about my own self and needs.

[@D_Jilla]

@@IanuaDiaboli In that case I can agree with your decision. I'm glad you have that self awareness. It's something we all need to strengthen. There are many men that are hurting and deserve love, but you have every right not to choose them. I can just only hope that you, and other women can be kind to them.

[@Logical-Sense]

Almost 40 now, up until now I've been waiting for the perfect match with whom I'd feel contented, someone who'd friendly and aligned with my thoughts so that rest of my life be as interesting as it was. Needless to say that the search was futile so far, despite rigorous self-development attempts. During the course of self-improvement I realised that working on myself feels great rather than trying to impress someone. If we chase, we'd have to make some or the other compromise but if pose the best version of ours something better would come by. Everything falls in place when its time.

[@Babesinthewood97]

If you have a few months to spare I'd still stay in the relationship. But be up front with what you want in life and wanting to have a family. Why say no to a wonderful experience for a while, unless you feel the clock is ticking. I was in a similar situation once. I did the right thing and ended it very early due to my goals. I ended up not finding anyone else anyway.

[@amandashotton4344]

wow, thank you so much! explains why I went for my ex, and why I loved being single after him. I had a lot of learning to do, to make sure I never end up with an emotionally unavailable person again!

[@indianiecworld]

this is seriously like a drug addiction😢 even worse, because drugs wear you off quickly and force to do something. This can last a lifetime

[@RealTalk-mq2ug]

(4 primary/core UNHEALTHY reasons relationships break down: 1. Contempt 2. Criticism 3. Stonewalling 4. Defensiveness) Over four months of this horrific terror. The PTSD is severe and intense. The man whom I called my best friend, ended up raping my soul... PANIC AND TERROR ALMOST CONSTANTLY FLOOD ME. I am paralyzed and traumatized and debilitated and breathless, with almost-constant panic attacks. I desperately pray for healing. In February of this year (2023), the man who I thought was my best friend... Discarded me like garbage. Replaced me for another. In doing so... He gave me SEVERE PTSD. We're in June, now... It's been over 4 months... I MUST GET OVER THIS and MOVE ON... Please, help me, God! God, you have has blessed me to be a writer...🙌🏾 I humbly thank you and bow before you. I pray to make use of this talent/blessing/gift! Perhaps I write my way to healing? I also want/pray to make myself ready, with your miraculous help, oh God... I want to be healed and purified, that I may finally meet and spend my life with, my twin-flame. Here's what my trust is in: I don’t have to date. I don't have to do those God-forsaken dating apps! My kingdom spouse will locate me, he will come for me! 💍👰‍♀ Him, my twin-flame and I, are ordained to be together. We are magnetized to one another: NOW, ALWAYS, ALL WAYS. Maktub. It is written. It is God's will. Praise be to God! Let me remind myself of how loving sex/intimacy can actually be. (Because up until now, it's only been trauma for me...) 14 GENTLE URGENT REMINDERS, REAL/HEALTHY LOVE/SEX MEANS: 1) He also always (all ways) says he loves you outside the bedroom... 2) He looks DEEP into your eyes, into your soul, during sex/intimacy... 3) During sex: he wants full body contact... Hugs, caressing, hands all over your body 4) Spending quality intimate time together, both: before and after sex 5) Being intimate afterwards: cuddling, pillow-talk, playing, sleeping together closely 6) He prioritizes your pleasure, and attends to your needs and the things that you like 7) He pulls you in, super close and super intimate during sex 8) He compliments your personality, your character, your soul etc... 9) He kisses you with love and intimacy and passion 10) Slow seductive sensual lovemaking 11) He's open/vulnerable, he shows you his body, his insecurities, his fantasies (without fear of judgement from you...) 12) He wants to meet your needs and he wants you to be satisfied 13) He understands when you don’t want sex and he doesn’t push or pressure 14) It’s not just about sex, he's interested in conversation and outings and connecting: outside the bedroom AND PLEASE, GOD, LET ME ALSO ALWAYS REMEMBER: The gift of rejection positions me for MY purpose! The gift of rejection reveals what his role was/is: in my healing/destiny (THIS IS ALCHEMY)! The gift of rejection draws me nearer to you, oh God! (As well as to my own soul!) Rejection is redirection!🎉

[@helenzielasek1812]

Texting that doesnot turn into dates ...thank you Mat for warning me ..us and not get stuck and avoid heart break. God bless!!

[@stevieberisha561]

I dated a girl who was emotionally unavailable (dismissive avoidant ) the amount of damage it’s done to me is unexplainable

[@gala2103]

I feel you. Dating dismissive avoidant guy for two 2yrs, and I'm losing myself to an unexplainable point. I'm trying to get out, but addiction is a b*tch.

[@stevieberisha561]

@@gala2103 just keep pushing through I wrote this a month ago a few days ago I seen my DA on tinder all the closure I need time to move on not waisitng anymore of my life I don’t give a flying fck honestly how addicted I am 👌

[@gala2103]

@stevieberisha561 your comment made me smile and gave hope, thank you. best of luck 🍀

[@stevieberisha561]

@@gala2103 you too please stay no contact and move on

[@Julesyoutoo]

@@stevieberisha561 Hey you two, I only just managed to block my DA ex a week ago after 4 years. I swear it must be easier coming off crack cocaine than one of those dudes! Sending you my love, hugs, and healthy healing. xx

[@loratraykova8343]

Interesting how the right message finds you at the right time. It's all about timing. As in love, I hope. I just said 'no' to something familiar that would give me probably some thrill and and for sure a lot of pain. But because of my co-dependency issues I was so drawn to it. And yet, I managed to say No and pull away. Thank you for your message, Matthew!🙏

[@sally5256]

You never ever cease to amaze me with your knowledge, wisdom and advice! Ever! I’ve been watching you for years now and very often you manage to provide a thought or a concept that puts a new spin on relationships and life and how to navigate! I clearly see how you take new concepts or what you have learned and integrate them into your work and what you already are an expert at doing! It’s like solid sound advice with a twist that is also sound and worthwhile! Honestly, you have an incredible gift! A true professional and inspiration! And you are soo young! Fun and exciting to follow your journey (while learning). The Best!!! ❤

[@evaginsberg6306]

Excellent, exactly what I am experiencing now and needed to hear. I recently ended dating two men who were emotionally unavailable and not aligned with my relationship goals even though I enjoyed their company. If I don’t have integrity, how am I going to attract what I want? I needed to clear the space to allow the right person to enter my life. I feel good that I made that decision and know that the more I say no to dates that don’t serve me, the better chance Mr. Right will show up.

[@hiiiroobee]

I’m 31 and was seeing 22 yr old. Thank you Matthew, glad to know I’m not alone in this ❤ cheers to your video, helped me reframe my perspective a lot !!

[@zinasherif7791]

This is by far one of the best videos of yours I’ve watched ! How did you become so wise and knowledgeable and deep in such a young age? You must have had a perfect childhood with very smart and compassionate parents

[@julierobinson8173]

Courage to wait for the right thing ❤

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

I had to do this recently with a guy who was great and I thought was ‘the one’. But I had to say no to him because I was concerned it wasn’t right for me, and there was some potential red/yellow flags. I’m glad I did because he ended up having a girlfriend that he wasn’t upfront about. Glad I listened to myself and said no when it didn’t feel right to me despite how much I liked him. I also said no to some job opportunities that weren’t right or healthy for me. It’s difficult but worth it as the job I have now is good so far. And I’d rather be happily healthily single then force a relationship that I feel uncomfortable in. Learning to value how I feel around them versus how much I like them. Thank you ❤

[@BetterBelief]

Integrity is how we spend out time. Spot on.

[@MrReese]

The thing is, I have been waiting for that right person to come along all my life and I am in my 30s now and it has not happened. Depriving oneself of opportunities hoping for something better to come along is no longer viable, you gotta take the chances when they appear and see what comes out of it. Life is not some video game with a clear way how to go about things and what the outcome will be, it's undetermined and you cannot know the result unless you try.

[@kimberlys347]

Not everyone is worth the risk though. I think that’s what he’s really saying here. Everyone who comes along should not have access to your life, enough times of that and I don’t see how one couldn’t get weary of the search.

[@MrReese]

@@kimberlys347 My point is if you are weary from the start you might end up not having anything all life, and that can't be "it" either.

[@s.h.3622]

This brought tears to my eyes, Mathew. It was as if you spoke directly to me. I can't even begin to express how grateful I am to you for the goodness you put into the world. Thank you for being your true authentic self, for finding the courage and peace within yourself to speak the ultimate truth. You are doing more good than you could ever imagine. You are blessed and we are blessed to have you! 🙏

[@charissedecalongne2553]

This might be the best video you’ve ever done, Matt. I wish I’d watched it 8 months ago. It’s never too late though ;) Thank you so much!!

[@DearMoonProject]

I love that Matthew talks to us like a best friend would ❤

[@onwrdandupwrd5303]

I don't watch a lot of this guy's videos but wow he has staying power, he's been around on here growing his business more than a decade I think.

[@christiansnaturestudio6599]

I believe this addiction applies to SO MANY PEOPLE unfortunately. Rejection really sucks even though it's part of life

[@georginapeart7804]

Iv recently split with my partner and I’m literally watching all of your videos . To keep me from reflecting on what’s gone .. thank you so much x

[@thomasrogers9146]

THE GREATEST LOVE STORY OF ALL IS THE LOVE STORY WITH MYSELF. STOP LOOKING FOR LOVE. LOVE YOUR SELF. MISTAKES ARE OK BUT MAKING THE SAME MISTAKE OVER AND OVE AND OVER AGAIN IS NOT A MISTAKE BUT WILLFUL SELF DELUSION AND SELF DESTRUCTION. NO ONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS. YOU COME ALONE YOU DIE ALONE, LEARN TO LIVE YOUR LIFE ALONE. LOVING BEEN ALONE MAKES YOU SUPER POWERFUL.

[@araceliscollazo5067]

Wow! “Leave an open space for the right person”.

[@user-ed5yp1ws2x]

What is said about integrity is so true this advice is gold ❤️ thank you for this today

[@Seraphim7]

Matthew Hussey speaks w Understanding & Wisdom. It IS a GIFT✨🌅🙏🏿 …Not only does he Give you Straight Facts, Transparency, Honesty & Authenticity. …He Delivers Advice that is so Kind, Empowering& a Safe Space for Growth.🤍🙏🏿🕊️it Brings much Clarity & Healing. Thank you so Much🤍🕊️🙏🏿✨ Mr. Hussey God Bless you

[@mathewkeipert6021]

So scary how Matthew pinpoints and verbalises what Im thinking and doing in my love life. Im now seeing what I'm doing wrong and why Im where Im at.

[@Carolina-fx2mz]

This is sound advice. However, being alone for years in your 30s and meeting only guys who try to use you or you’re not attracted to makes it very difficult to resist when someone attractive and nice shows up and maybe also tells you that they are interested in something serious. I have followed your advice and broke up with a guy I really liked but couldn’t see a future with. I was depressed for months after that, because I found no one else I liked that much and I felt like I gave up an opportunity to find some emotional relief and actually live something (romantically). The fact that I broke up so soon also didn’t allow me to see his negative sides and get “fed up” with his behaviours. I would say that I am still depressed because of this situation. My point of view is that people should have a goal, but also live a bit in the presence by taking the right precautions to preserve their emotional well-being (eg date casually people who don’t have long term potential).

[@joshmceachern251]

I think this just changed my life on how I should be seeing my relationships much love thank you❤

[@__.Sara.__]

Your videos are some of the healthiest on KZbin! Thank you!

[@amyli092]

This video is basically re-emphasizing all of my wounds that come from my previous toxic relationship of 9 years.... I could try as hard as I can to move on and put the focus on myself, but then once I see him, all of my defenses just slip away and I start to feel less like my old self. I'm only 31 years old, and yet, being able to date in any capacity just feels impossible. It's frustrating and brings me back to thoughts of feeling lonely, but not alone.

[@LittleMissHoop]

OMG I am at 3:19 as you are saying "WHY do we do this" and can't wait to hear what you have to say, Matthew! I too have gone for 'dead end' situationships and have always wondered in retrospect, what was I thinking? Why did I spend time on him? (I have been following you for about 15 years and have a lot of respect and admiration for all that you do and who you are! So thank you in advance :)

[@LittleMissHoop]

YES- we all know this answer deep inside but we rationalize our decisions for the reasons you mention. It's good to have you confirm and clarify this for us. Thank you

[@btwthblood]

You are wise and genuine.

[@TheKrispyfort]

Raised by very 'emotional' individual whose attention usually led to bruises, emotionally unavailable people are seen as physically less dangerous. We're already used to being emotionally in pain at all times because it's our normal even if not societal typical, we just don't want anymore bruises. Or, we're also afraid of commitment success due to previous emotional betrayals. It's not a scarcity mindset. It's a trauma response induced deformed safety mindset. Enjoy 😅

[@rbeema1018]

Thank you for sharing my story to help the MH community! I’m super grateful for all the sound advice you’ve given me this year that’s made all the difference in my life and on this journey towards healing and finding true love.

[@trae7959]

It’s very interesting that you thought a 21 year old was a good idea to begin with - did you have a sounding board with your close friends that also told you that wasn’t reflecting where you are in life and your goals?

[@RicoRicoQu]

This vedio make me feel like it's a gift from the universe!! One of those from Matthew's playlist I will replay and listen thousands of times when I am low in energy! Thanks!!!

[@good1125]

Wow I was almost in tears when I heard this, so true! I need to listen to this video everyday!!!

[@genietravelblog2940]

It’s matter Of seeing yourself at the end .. you are very correct

[@kaedegoddes]

You attract who you are not want to you want so. Have to be first emotionally available and heal the past before attracting an available person. 😍

[@KimberlyBellamy]

I absolutely have no problem saying no. I've been saying no to every guy who has approached me, and to be honest, I will always say no because of the fact that people can't be trusted.

[@dobermanownerforlife3902]

So.... this means you approach guys and initiate when you have selected them?

[@MII2o90]

@@dobermanownerforlife3902 Probably not :D

[@KimberlyBellamy]

@@dobermanownerforlife3902 I don't approach because I don't care to date. That stopped being a priority of mine years ago.

[@Ninsidhe]

@@KimberlyBellamy then why are you here on a channel that specifically deals with relationships and dating? Why are you bothering to comment? Genuinely curious.

[@jameswarrington4885]

As usual - this brother is speaking facts 💪🏾🔥

[@arianacyrus4640]

It is ok to have fun until the right one comes along ;) as long as it is clear it is just fun!

[@rubicon2608]

I don't think there's a thing as having fun cos eventually feelings grow and the one who ends up hurt the most is the woman sadly. I'm still grieving at a recent experience like that.

[@Foxie635]

I play the same emotionally unavailable as well when I just met someone and I am not sure about the person. The funny thing is, when I met my husband I was so available although he was bad for me. We were married for 20 years and divorce has been filed. We don’t know why we like someone. It’s a mystery. I did not see all the red flags and there were many! Lol

[@earthangelexplore7159]

I'm in a very similar situation. Glad this came on my feed. I need to take more time to think about my decision. But I will rush into it cause overthinking destroys things and creates a lot of regrets. Be real of course But MOSTLY have FAITH and be positive. :)

[@LauDor08]

I picked emotionally unavailable people by accident lol. They presented themselves as someone I could have a future with for months or even years. Until they didn't.

[@anthiabaker2695]

Best analogy MC’s story of saying No to movies to leave space for the right one -

[@traceyscandrett3225]

Hi Matthew I found you on you tube by accident 10 months ago and I'm glad I had.Since than I watched a lot of your videos and it's helping me. I'm 46 never been married no children and I gave up on love 6 years ago figured God didn't like me so I quit relationships. After discovering your videos I've been talking to this man and if nothing comes of it I will be fine because I believe in love again so thank you Matthew for helping the love challenged like me.

[@liodemirror1775]

Relatable

[@swarathmikafinearts]

You are awesome👏👏👏 ..what a clarity in your explanation. You are saving the lives of millions of people by giving clarity

[@Laura-ps3tb]

Good timing. I wish I heard this years ago. I'm finally sitting in the space and it feels really good.

[@love7love]

I really needed to see this video today. And not even related to my love life. I’m very sure of what I want and need there now and is easy to turn down any temptations of the wrong thing, but for other areas in my life where I’ve kept investing my time wrong… this video just made a click for me that nothing was doing for me for so long. Thank you so much. I feel very inspired to be stronger in how I’m currently spending my time now. 🙏✨ God bless.

[@goddessglow6996]

FAITH is the key word here !

[@michael_the.girl.]

I'm listening to this with dating AND business in mind- its so cool how this applies so easily to both. 🤙

[@HazelJordan1974]

Thank you Matthew, definitely something I needed to hear today. Just broken up with another man who I knew wasn't right for me and tried to make it work rather than seeing the 🚩🚩🚩 and bailing.

[@vixter28]

Yep, that’s me. I pick unavailable people because then I don’t have to fully commit. I’m anxious attachment style I’m dating a guy that’s 20 years younger. I’m in my 60s. Makes me feel good that someone younger finds me attractive and he’s fun, but there are too many cons in this relationship!

[@felixthecat4584]

Would love to see a video of how to get out of a scarcity mindset when you do not have many options for dating (at least I do not). I know thinking like that is not good but the truth is that I do not have very many prospective partners.

[@bobbyjean830]

You are really wise!

[@Lanestunes123]

Doing something because it feels good is the easier route for sure. It is like quitting crack they say when chemistry is on fire and you feel like you have found your best friend. As we get space and begin to detach even to someone we are in love with it helps the healing process by thinking about our long term goals. OK I am 54 next week so think I best start saying NO to these men who are not emotionally mature enough to endure a long term relationship. Obviously my past patterns have not been working dating the " Dead Ends". Oh and sorry folks age does not equate emotionally maturity. My 79 year old Mom had to get rid of a 76 year old a few years back for being emotionally immature. Thanks Matthew!

[@FriendofDorothy]

your last sentence about your mom cracked me up. Good for her! Yes, there are plenty of older folks who are like 21 year olds or perhaps desperate to seem so. Depth does not always come with age.

[@adi.jhahaha]

I needed this so much at this point of time!!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤