Want More From Someone? DO NOT Chase; Do THIS Instead!

[@thematthewhussey]

For those of you asking about where to get your tickets to my 3 day Virtual Retreat experience in June: www.MHVirtualRetreat.com

[@aquariusstarchild5156]

Hi Mathew 👋 I watch manifesting video. They do not work .I've only ever really loved one man .and yes I used to chase him.not anymore for a long time .I get on with my own life but I know I will Die loving him and knowing he was the right man but he's not coming back

[@AngelaS13]

@@aquariusstarchild5156 same situation and I’m done with the chasing because he’s made so many promises to me for three years now ,I even got an engagement ring/ promise ring , it’s not only beautiful, but it is real unlike my last engagement ring from my ex, this man was supposed to be separating from his wife and they live a completely separate life but I’m so done with the constant lies and excuses and promises. I just can’t do it anymore. I am beyond heartbroken, and I don’t want to ever date again if it means going through this and it’s unfortunate that there really aren’t many honest and good guys out there that’s just what I feel and what I’ve seen.

[@skarlitrose4705]

What are the dates?

[@janetmitchell3559]

I'm ME. I LOVE ME

[@Analysis_Paralysis]

Could you, please, block the trolls that use your (Matthew Hussey's) photo as their profile picture and spam the viewers and try to scam them? It's so annoying. They keep tagging people under the comments and don't disappear, even though I keep reporting them.

[@Elchupa_Nebrea]

Don't be out there losing your mind for someone who wouldn't mind losing you.

[@vivpayton3959]

Wow a statement.

[@vivpayton3959]

Wow what a good statement.

[@Elchupa_Nebrea]

@@vivpayton3959 I'm not so profound, I'm just repeating a friend. I had to learn this the hard way this summer.🥲

[@daktraveler56]

Goddamn right.

[@monam.984]

Real

[@s.beccari4678]

If you are chasing, it is because they are running away. Why keep someone in your life that doesn't want to keep you in theirs...

[@MrNightpwner]

Because insecurity and desperation is a cruel puppeteer

[@cherylh4688]

​@@MrNightpwner Wow. Love the way you worded that! And sadly, so true.😂😢🥰

[@elesanruwa]

@@cherylh4688 when we focus on the lack and what we dont have, it vibrates more n more. those feelings of sadness and why not is inevitable

[@michaelmaruszewski5323]

Because sometimes its better the devil you know...and constantly meeting new people can be very tiring after awhile.

[@elesanruwa]

@@michaelmaruszewski5323 - [ ] channeling that energy like ahhh todays a good day for lovers, a good day to love. each day is. channeling that and feeling that energy, even without a partner, is so essential to welcoming that vibration into your life

[@AdamJohnson360]

"Real confidence is the ability to say no to things you DO want, when you know they're not right for you" 🔥🔥🔥

[@paulam408]

I also thought this was a really important point he made. It relates to my own situations in the past.

[@Takealookaround001]

There is a girl I like, but I say no and I am not the best for you

[@MarthaMonkey]

"Real confidence isn't the ability to say no to things you don't want, real confidence is the ability to say no to things you do want when they're not right for you" - damn, this hit me.

[@stevethea5250]

Timestamp

[@tammycain8421]

Same. I wrote it down

[@Swandivein]

Very easy to say! Bloody hard to do. But it’s exactly what I need to do right now…

[@chinwogu9848]

Powerful! And totally true

[@callettesmikle6054]

So true

[@jcnlaw]

Experienced divorce lawyer here. Great video! Never stop doing the things that bring you joy. Invest in yourself. Never stop becoming the very best version of yourself. I’ve seen too many people get tripped up when they lose sight of their own journey and sacrifice their own best life for someone who eventually leaves them.

[@danieltrottier8599]

Everyone needs a purpose.

[@ryanloblick3418]

Thank you for sharing your experience!🙏

[@Monarch9704]

I wrote this bloody book

[@amyp9010]

I'm really glad to hear the opinion of a divorce lawyer.. I'm 46 physically active never been married I have a couple of kids I share with their dad's.... I want to hear more about people get divorced... I know that staying together is I think having God involved in your marriage is helpful having respect honesty communication annoying you can trust them a spark have date night every week be there for each other I think the list goes on

[@turner2952]

Excellent advice! It's such a shame that individuals accumulate resources, get involved with selfish, self centered individuals, lose those resources and have to start all over again after a divorce.

[@nickinskeep]

Who else is here watching this while waiting for a reply from that person you want to connect with? It's so easy to get stuck in our heads and ruminate over every little thing that's said or isn't said

[@hey_people4290]

Shhh😢

[@zztop8592]

Usually if they don't reply they are not interested. You should keep looking for multiple contacts, then you will have a better chance of finding someone. You never know who is going to work out for you. Don't waste your time chasing one person.

[@Champagne4loulou]

Yep, exactly that, hence why I'm here 😮

[@lewis5794]

Happened twice to me this year, fortunately positive influences like this video are helping me shape my life

[@dignifieddan.4198]

@@lewis5794same. A girl I dated for almost 2 months told me that she “didn’t want a relationship “. I feel so dumb, so led on. We had went on like 5-6 dates, hooked up, etc. and then her contact with me started dwindling. I tried to back off but ultimately decided to talk to her about it and that’s when I got the answer. It’s tough man

[@mnelson2008]

Mixed messages or NO message are both very clear messages: they don't want you. You deserve someone who WANTS you unequivocally.

[@tjfSIM]

Very true. Mixed messages can sometimes be worth persevering with if the person is genuinely apprehensive or maybe nervous about committing to something, but not if they’re playing games and keeping their options open.

[@dogloverboxer1426]

Very true.

[@Draize]

I wish I had read this when you posted this 4 months ago when I met the person who ended up hurting me.

[@michaelbarrett9107]

But what if the only people who seem to pursue you weigh more than you and you like fit women like yourself?

[@mnelson2008]

@@michaelbarrett9107 ?

[@monroy400]

In junior high this poem was on a poster Love is like a butterfly When you chase it It eludes you.. When you put your attention on other things.. It sofltly comes and seats on your shoulder..

[@mormegil84]

This is wonderful.

[@shirleyamccreemccree6323]

So true!!

[@firepraiserchannel]

❤️‍🔥

[@mariereagan353]

Yep, so very true, live you life to your fullest without needing anyone but if someone amazing walks in, be ready to open your heart but don't comprimise yourself and what's important to you.x

[@dhammaboy1203]

Beautiful & wise - thanks for sharing!

[@gusion8542]

I started a relationship with a girl 1 month ago, she seemed amazing, comprehensive, a 10 out of 10. A few days after we made things official she began giving me less and less attentions, she was a complete differrent person. I have been in relationships and I don't consider myself emotionally weak but this change of her behavour destroyed me. In just a month I started feeling insicure about myself and I kept asking why that happened, why I always have to do everything first. I needed this video, made me realise she was litterally monopolising my thoughts and making me feel addicted to her. I will spend more time building up my "legs" and if she doesn't change, it is what it is, I still have more important things. Thank you man, you made my day.

[@LinnLinnok-fe5tq]

Is it possible that you stopped doing things that made her want you as soon as you made it official? A lot of men do that whether they realize it or not. That makes the woman feel bad which of course will affect her behavior toward you. Not saying you DID that, but pointing out the possibility….. While you’re busy feeling insecure and checking out of the relationship, she may be wondering why you suddenly changed and feeling hurt and confused.

[@caracasmihai01]

Update ?

[@LovelyLittleLillies]

​@@LinnLinnok-fe5tq do we know that this person is a man? It could be a queer woman. Their pfp is gender neutral

[@salvadorzavala774]

just happened to me, too. not into a relationship just yet, but everything was going perfect and boom. Thank you for sharing and huge thanks to Matthew

[@nano7586]

Same here. 3-4 months in. Gathered enough strength to cut the relationship. She keeps insisting I did it right after she started getting "hopeful", which is absolute BS. Always gaslighting me that I'm not enough. Telling me hurtful things like she fill find another one if I don't change, that I need to go to therapy, saying that we're all the same, questioning the relationship repeatedly, walking away from me and just ignoring me.

[@devnotes00]

No one should be chasing or pursuing someone. You two should be running towards each other if you click.

[@Jo-in3nt]

So on point !!!

[@cambrie7946]

This.

[@ellxan5407]

Precisely... And then no one who get heart broken...

[@tindstinden]

Thank you

[@kennyplay5982]

Hmm, so pursuing and chasing is running towards.

[@_PJW_]

In short : if you find the person you want, and that person is interested in you, do NOT change in order to better suit that person. Because then you change what attracted that person to you.

[@kentporterfield3968]

Profound!!!!

[@kentporterfield3968]

Absolutly

[@jasminegutierrez7251]

Now that's a good quote, thanks for saying that

[@jackdeniston59]

Standard feminist message : never do anything for a man.

[@_PJW_]

@@jackdeniston59 Standard Sigma male reaction : I don't need you, but I may want you. But I don't want you if you don't put in any effort.

[@allfantasticthings21]

“People show us who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be.” - Don Draper, Mad Men

[@moniquenewman4889]

Real confidence is when you can say no to something that you want because you know it's not good for you. Well Said.

[@KristinAndre1717]

I’m Doing this now ❤

[@adminbusinessdevelopment6220]

That’s not confidence that’s called self discipline..

[@sanjanagrover7436]

@@adminbusinessdevelopment6220 it takes lot of self love to do this 💯

[@ndow61]

Well Matt you’ve done it again. You’ve been spying on my life. Brought me to tears. I walked away repeatedly and kept going back. Until he finally ended it and my table came crashing down.

[@Loriloya]

My eyes watered at this, because it took a lot of heart ache to realize that I’m responsible for my own happiness. Its such a relief.

[@agatastaniak7459]

Oh, that's heavy and a bit toxic in a way. You are not responsible. You have no control over random events that may get in the way of fortunate events coming your way or over unpredictable reactions of other people towards you. But you have total control over your own perception of events that can hurt you. I think you should read some books by Victor Frankl and other experts in "posiitve psychology". And no, it's not about "being responsible for your own happiness" but most of people who belonged to this movement in psychology have came out alive from war camps during WW II and managed to get a good life afterwards. And I guarantee you wanna know how they managed to accomplish something like this.

[@colinl5985]

Buddhist philosophy

[@teresadavis9557]

Same here 💕

[@asmaemahfoud4277]

I'm in that pain, its a sort of addiction, and rehab

[@teletraanwun2789]

Oh dip This comment hit hard

[@user-yn9wk5cx3w]

It's common for relationships to encounter obstacles, but there is always a solution. My own marriage faced considerable issues, but with appropriate guidance, my husband and I worked through them and deepened our connection. Solutions are achievable if you're ready to work together. Stay hopeful-there's always a way forward.

[@RhondaM.Nguyen]

I'm facing significant relationship problems and can't stand the idea of losing him. My love and longing for my partner are profound, and I'm ready to do anything to restore our connection. I would greatly appreciate any advice or help you could give.

[@user-yn9wk5cx3w]

Parting with someone you love is always a challenging process, but in my experience, I had the guidance of a spiritual guide who prevented my marriage from collapsing. His name is Father Akunna.

[@RhondaM.Nguyen]

I'II quickly search for him online. Thank you. I'm optimistic that taking this approach will yield results for me as well; his absence is keenly felt.

[@user-yn9wk5cx3w]

I promise you will not regret it.

[@RhondaM.Nguyen]

I just searched for Father Akunna online. impressive thank you so much one again ❤

[@SayWhat1067]

I just turned 33. Occasionally, friends and family ask why am I still single. Truth is, it wasn't until my 30's were I really started to challenge my relationship with myself. No matter what life goal I achieved, it didn't matter, my internal dialogue could only fixate on my weaknesses. Applying self compassion has truly changed me and the confidence I bring to any situation. To everyone here trying to grow themselves, you should be so incredibly proud of yourselves 😊

[@DiscoveringDaisy1111]

This message really resonated with me. Thank you for sharing.

[@madeasimmons9746]

I disagree with Matt. We live in a matriarchy, so women do the choosing. They should therefore chase men while men wait for them

[@theprofat1250]

Glad to hear this, even ur age n attitude is same wid me.. mucho gracias ❤

[@kevinosborne4632]

It's no business why your not married yet I was 30 before I got married then got divorce after 8 years got custody my daughter I raised her til she got on her own Never dated no one for long time cause daughter was main priority I was called gay and bunch stuff People can be so cruel

[@Ljounieh]

I'm in the exact same position, even age. Cheers

[@Ailieorz]

FU confidence is honestly a game changer, and it's one of the best ways to scare of narcissists too. They won't want anything to do with you, and the good people think you're cool.

[@LaurenInJersey]

I love this post!!

[@chercher304]

Yep i just did an FU to a narcissistic mama's boy and the person couldnt believe it he didnt even have a retort for me!! He is still in shock!!!

[@RacksonRacksonRibss]

@@chercher304re you sure they’re a deep narcissist if they’re a mamas boy?

[@gymenjoyer-y3q]

There's a book called Casanova Playbook of Magnetism, and it talks from body language and conversaton starters to dark mind tricks and flirting through texts, it's the real deal

[@kozo4326]

So basically, the best relationship happens when your core focus is yourself! But not in a selfish or conceited way. Great advise Mathew❤

[@InsiderCelebrity]

Be a giver not a taker to fill joyful. Do things you enjoy and a partner that adds to it. Vs taking away from. ( mission, values, lifestyle )

[@rascal211]

Focusing on myself is what I always do regardless of a relationship.

[@cherylross393]

My elderly friend used to say"I don't want someone who doesn't want me "! Lots of truth to that.

[@DarkroomMedia007]

[@emmapottberg3279]

I was watching these videos, pretty religiously about two months ago when things started getting rocky with my “ Situationship”. I felt like everything I was doing was overbearing and annoying. Looking back now two months later, my mind is clear and I can easily see that I am the prize. YOU ARE PRIZE. If you don’t like the way, someone is treating you it’s probably a direct reflection of how you’re treating yourself. Do not tolerate anything less than someone’s 100%. Because I promise you there is someone out there that’s willing to give you probably even more than they’re 100%. Listen to the universe and let people leave!!!!

[@andreabrice8279]

Is it me, or does Matthew always seem to post the EXACT video we needed to watch at the moment we’re in the situation he’s describing?? Uncanny! Thanks, Matt, for being present and authentic-as always!

[@stellacateland6179]

SAME 🤣

[@dianesmith8861]

I have been a caretaker/guardian/conservator for my brother now for almost 27yrs. He had a traumatic brain injury almost 32 yrs ago. He was in an active duty status when it occurred and is in the VA health care system which comes with even more challenges. I am very grateful that he has been high functioning and able to remain in the family home for this long but it takes a definite toll on your own life trying to enable a better quality of life for another person.

[@tammycain8421]

Happens to me all the time🤔

[@mindshiftmediaco]

You are definetly not alone.. Its like he's watching us👀 Honestly, I think Matthew is extremely in-tune and experienced with the problems most people are facing on a daily bases.. Hes advice is always so relevant and pure!!

[@agatastaniak7459]

Or is it, relationshit is nothing new under the moon? And this is it ain't rocket science to make some sober and accurate observations about it?

[@MilkPudding]

I started listening to Matthew when I was single. Now, I'm 3 years into my marriage and his advice rings truer in married life. Thank you, Matthew.

[@nsms89]

Me tooo 😢 but i am single, still. Huhuhuuu

[@haruka_niki]

I'm so happy for you!! 💌🧸

[@marrissaferguson8269]

Mans rejection is GODS protection, don’t chase!!!

[@ReyhaneKandoei-mx9gh]

😂😂

[@elizetes7313]

Sooooo right!

[@Ur2ez4me81]

Amen 🙏🏻

[@biljam972]

Very very true. I have fallen into that trap fair number of times. In my case, men treated me like "reserve" until they find "something better", like someone younger, more pretty, more something I am apparently not, or whatever. And few times I've fallen into that stupid trap because I thought they were "great" and "in time they will see my value". Of course, that would never happen. After few humiliating events with them, like cancelling dates at the last minute, them being late for hours, ghosting me for months then sending me a message "hey, what are you doing? I called it quits. I am done with giving a one single chance to anyone who considers me "temporary" or "reserve in case others fail" or anything but the main partner. It was idiotic to think they will learn to value me when I didn't even value myself.

[@Jennifahh]

That happened to me too. Especially with exes. Just blocked them all

[@biljam972]

@@Jennifahh Those who don't respect us, don't deserve our time.

[@erin3292]

The Trap 🙌

[@acch20]

Welcome to modern dating

[@prodigalson9189]

Becoz we have a lot of choices nowadays Dating apps and social media messed up

[@freezyrachel5974]

I didn’t chase him and he didn’t come back. It’s going to be 1 year of no contact. We lived together for almost 5 years. It was hard , tbh really hard. But it opened my eyes. It feels like he was waiting for me to leave. I didn’t worth it, He didn’t worth it. We aren’t meant to be.. That’s the truth i am left with. I am learning to love myself, exploring my wants and needs, getting to know myself better. I promised myself that I will never let myself down again. I won’t ignore my instincts 🌸

[@dianaschoen4485]

Same situation here. 🙏

[@freezyrachel5974]

@@dianaschoen4485 sending virtual hugs to you. I realized in this process of healing lots of things that I wasn’t aware of before like setting boundaries, working on my unhealed trauma and triggered BPD. Most importantly I got to know what I want and what I don’t want. It’s lots of work but I am working on it everyday. My ex was very manipulative. He used silence treatment for months when we were living together under same roof. I wasn’t crazy one but I had issues. I tried hard to suppress my feelings just so he won’t leave me. At the end when I decided to leave I didn’t come out as normal. I was mentally unstable and lost big part of me. I got used financially. I was someone else, i could hardly recognize myself. Sad thing is beautiful faces get lots of attention and bad intentions. I fell on it few times already. Now I am working on my low self esteem. I am feeling better everyday . Never loose hope. Love yourself first ❤️

[@gd3598]

ignoring your instincts makes it much harder to deal with it falling apart. But its just as hard to walk away when your instincts kick in and tell you to leave but you're invested, and in love. I feel for you. I'm only three months out, still want to reconnect and be friends because I miss and value her friendship, but I either don't matter to her, or she's afraid she has too many strong feelings to be friends. Either way it fING hurts like hell. And just not giving a F, or being the best version of yourself doesn't do much to ease the pain or answer the lingering questions or heal the self doubt they cause...

[@user-lk9jp1nt4h]

Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.

[@GorgeTracy-d3v]

Its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 5 years ended, but i couldn't just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.

[@user-lk9jp1nt4h]

Intriguing! I'm curious, how did you find a spiritual counselor, and what's the most effective way for me to reach him?

[@GorgeTracy-d3v]

Meet father Akunna, a renowned spiritual counselor acclaimed for his talent in bringing back ex-partners.

[@user-lk9jp1nt4h]

Thank you for this valuable information.

[@danbev9313]

The person that cares the least has full control of any relationship.

[@hanguyen-fm8xv]

True

[@oceanviewZA]

100% I saw it with my ex girlfriend as well, she did the least yet she had the power in the relationship 😅😅😅

[@danbev9313]

​@@oceanviewZA Ya, you gotta read the tea leaves. When they pull away and think they can do better, the relationship is over. Never chase them. Kick them through the uprights and move on. Maintain your dignity

[@oceanviewZA]

@@danbev9313 I totally agree I was most recently in a relationship and from being happy to an instant break up. She didn't even give me a choice, over the past few days I was trying to understand why and she kept disrespecting me. Yesterday I told myself to screw it, I blocked her and deleted her number. I realized, there's no point in chasing. Never again

[@danbev9313]

@@oceanviewZA Good for you. I know its not easy and a blow to your pride....but just remember we all get kicked in the balls at some point in our lives. Chances are she checked out of the relationship a while ago and just didnt have the back bone to tell you. Always keep women at arms distance. Never let them know you are "all in".

[@PrecisionMedicine]

People in your life come and go. Invest in yourself cause you are with you forever. Thank you for this and all your videos. It can applied in many aspects of life in addition to love life.

[@marlenaeva3813]

I swear you are better than a therapist instructed to help us heal from codependency. What you're talking about here is how to overcome codependency. Thank you so much. Much love.

[@2happyknight]

I think codependency is good when it is reasonable, controlled and reciprocal )

[@Sandmars79]

Yeah! I met a guy that had money and he thought I was going to chase him and for his surprise I didn’t. I might not have money but, I have a good heart and I know I’m rich with that.

[@AnAstronautsLoveLet]

I think it’s also important to understand the difference between taking initiative to make your interest clear to her and chasing when she’s clearly not interested. Sometimes, the whole forcing to be emotionless and only focus on yourself thing can lead to lifetime of loneliness and jaded nihilism. It’s not wrong to show interest. However, if she rejects it, then any further initiatives are just simpy and unhealthy. It’s all about self awareness and balance.

[@ericarice4588]

Yes!

[@Lyndanet]

Taking initiative based on genuine interest is a really good thing and having that initiative be met with respect and enthusiasm is even better… and not impossible . Chasing is not at all worth it….

[@bryancastro8152]

*WELL SAID!*

[@norlancruz917]

Can you elaborate more on the balance part, specifically how that would look like for a person tipping between that hope and desire to be with someone not entirely sure if they feel the same way about you as you do with them and not falling for that jaded nihilism of self improvement that leads to loneliness, a fate opposite of love and companionship, please?

[@AnAstronautsLoveLet]

@@norlancruz917 just gotta make it clear that you are into that person. The more clear you are, the more you’ll know if they reciprocate or not before being too emotionally invested in them. People become jaded due to too many times of being emotionally invested and finding out that the feelings were never mutual.

[@mohammedghuzlan4466]

I love this : Its not guaranteed that the person you are dating will stay in your life , But YOU still in your life 🙏

[@AFuTeZ]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="470">7:50</a> Real confidence isn’t saying no to the things you don’t want. Real confidence is saying no to the things you do want when they’re not right for you.

[@thinkforyourselfjohn3167]

Love that 👍

[@bebo4693]

This has taken all the stress and depression from the past few days out of my life. Thank you.

[@GMAceM]

It took me a long time but I finally understand (or feel comfortable with) the idea that I won’t have to chase after the right person because the right person won’t make me feel that I have to do that. They’ll show attention without me forcing it and I’ll be able to give everything I have without ever feeling like it’s not enough. And there’s no need to rush it, because I’m fine on my own building up my “table” and anything I add to it will be a welcome addition but won’t become a necessity if something goes awry.

[@DarknessIsThePath]

Pretty much, if you constantly feel anxious etc etc, it is already lost.

[@jayanthjai5080]

Affirm it! 😌

[@mrsincere7]

@GMAceM Everything about human nature is seasonal. There is no such thing as the right person. There is a such thing as the right person, for a particular moment in time. Right people have the potential to turn into the wrong people, and vice versa. Thats because life is seasonal, not monolithic. Just look at all of your friendships in a lifetime. Some were the right people, that eventually turned into the wrong people.

[@cvtoriao]

I recently met someone amazing and I started doubting myself and feeling overwhelmed/ a little scared. this is the exact advice I needed to hear. Thank you, well said.

[@Chris2jz]

Grow up

[@SarumanDeWhite]

@@Chris2jz no accountability required for posting online, right? Such unproductive remarks likes yours are just energy suckers.

[@ManifestingMagician2323]

@@Chris2jzTroll

[@Oscar_239]

Just happened to me.. all those feelings also plagued me. Now we are broken up 💔😔

[@taylorpresley4604]

Listen to your fear, it is your guide

[@tokki8070]

Learning to love and invest in myself has been the single most important lesson in my adult life. It's an essential thing, yet challenging to internalize. Thank you for reminding us of this

[@kristeneades8888]

This makes so much sense. Things I never learned. Merci beaucoup!

[@Kinteresting]

This is genuinely one of the most sincere and beautiful videos you have ever made. It made me cry. I ended a very confusing close what I thought to be important friendship/situationship with someone who treated me like I was indespensable, while also being very willing to discard me, when something else came along. I spent the last year taking care of my sick brother, and myself, and struggling with depression and needing help to pay my rent .. while the other person that I had always been a support system to has gone on to thrive, creating this externally beautiful seemingly perfect life. I cry because I felt, more deeply than ever this year, the richness of my life.. even when I had nothing, and lost so much. The richness that had always been there, that I had been ignoring for someone I thought was so amazing. His life might look beautiful, but I have never felt more myself, and whole, since letting him go. I forgot who I was, and it pains me that that even could happen. I hope everyone who watches this video understands the importance of it, and the meaning of it, not just dating advice. This is a message that could save a life.

[@judyb0216]

I needed to hear this...don't settle or be less so someone can be more.

[@elesanruwa]

Positive 🌝

[@successful363]

Someone madly in love is trying to please her 😂😂😂😂

[@kathymargatines3450]

Exactly ❤️

[@AnantaAkash.Podder]

"Real confidence isn't the ability to say no to things you don't want, real confidence is the ability to say no to things you do want when they're not right for you" - the Best Line❤️❤️❤️

[@MB-zk7pz]

That's not confidence that's discipline

[@benavidesruiz]

I did it lately. Everything is going better

[@AngelaRobert-dv3hb]

Everything is going better

[@SquishyGrayMatter]

So hard. Thanks for the reminder

[@juniyananajukyu]

Brooooo, what you said at <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="585">9:45</a>, that hit hard. I've been a caregiver to my sister with cancer for 13 years now. And recently I met someone that was awesome when we met, but she then flipped around on me, started becoming cold hearted and short, ghosting me but hovering in my socials. We were acquainted through friends 20 years ago and met up recently at a friends wedding after party in japan. Well it's been tough cuz after not making a connection with a woman for these past years, that meeting stoked some strong feelings recently. But those words you said are so helpful. Caring for my loved ones gives me so much more meaning to my life and keeps my mind active with other aspects of life. I needed to hear that bad, thank you!

[@priyankav9792]

You are living a much much richer life..don't ever feel low coz of someone who can't see value in you. God is always there to support you. Blessings ❤

[@ori.1986]

I love this part "confidence is ability to say no to things you want, but they are not right for you".

[@11Garrett11]

A woman I know who does relationship coaching says “boundaries are outsourcing your well-being, whereas knowing your LIMITS (what you’re willing to do/what you’re not willing to do) is in-sourcing your well-being.” I love that!

[@brianpso]

My dude, wtf, I am literally 2h away from asking someone out, and this is EXACTLY what I needed to hear to feel less anxious. Thank you for this message.

[@cocochanel1399]

Good luck on the asking out!

[@brianpso]

@@cocochanel1399 Didn't end up working out but that ended up being good, because after being sad for her (since she doesn't know how good a relationship between us could've been) and angry with myself for not being able to perform at my best in the moment, it finally hit me that I shouldn't feel bad for not being able to save someone who doesn't want to be saved, which is something my friends have been telling me for over a decade now, so in my opinion this "no" did way more good than bad to me so I'm happy that things didn't go as planned lol

[@hazydave420]

Update?

[@rosehiver6262]

@@hazydave420 Why don’t you just read ?

[@patfume23]

So, how did it go 😊

[@tinamartina1801]

" DON'T PLAN IT ! JUST LET IT HAPPEN. ❤️"

[@claudiap.6838]

Matthew’s videos are not only very valuable because they teach important lessons but they are also emotional. It touches our innerbeings.

[@ahmedelgamassy4567]

A big difference between chasing and pursuing. I will keep on pursuing knowing that I can move on at the right time.

[@besttutorials4534]

We chase out of Pain. We gotta be strong. It's worth it.

[@TrishasOdyssey]

Started listening to Matt in 2017, my life has never been the same! Applying these relationship principles makes all the difference.

[@clos4824]

Thank you. Whenever I like someone I always push the really important things in my life to the side and solely focus on my crush. I forget about myself. That is an area I really have to work on because the important people and things in my life are still here, while those insignificant crushes aren't.

[@johnhumphries6084]

I never used to do this but at the age of 42 and single I find myself chasing sometimes not out of a lack of confidence but out of a sense of urgency or lack of time, since I still want to start a family. I have noticed exactly this phenomenon, that I start to give up my hobbies and priorities. I’ve noticed that not only is this bad for myself because I start to loose my mooring and sense of self/identity but this actually turns women off, because as Mathew said, part of what they liked about me were my independence and the fact that I have my own life which is rich with varied interests and skills.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

I have to agree. Some of the dating advice out there about FU confidence and not chasing doesn't take into account that time DOES matter and your age starts to create more of a rush whether you want it to or not. It's a difficult balance to strike, to say the least.

[@rkk2606]

If you are able to have kids on your own as a single mom (by finding a sperm donor or getting IVF treatment) then consider this path. Being able to be a mom on your own will bring you peace and will take away the desperation to find a guy just to have a family. Then you can find someone who is truly a good fit for you when you are ready to get back into dating.

[@drgoodwell1082]

So true

[@tammycain8421]

Same here urgency and lack of time. It's not easy to accept my future might be alone

[@Shy-kthxbai]

I’m on my way to 34 and it is scary when you have that time limit on starting a family. I feel like it’s really difficult not to let it impact your behaviour in relationships.

[@msmacmac1000]

I’m 73 and I love this. You never stop learning ❤️🙏🏼

[@Draper99]

I can’t overstate just how incredible I think Matthew is. Every single video of his that I’ve watched is pure gold, and each of them resonates with me so deeply. I can honestly say that his advice is the most profound and most helpful advice of any type I’ve ever heard

[@bhaktiprayag.09]

Real confidence isn't the ability to say no to things that you don't want. Real confidence is the ability to say no to things that you do want when they are not right for you ...

[@aloquicious]

Very well explained and I agree 100%. I think most people can handle rejection but if someone has some underlying trauma of being unloved or unappreciated by a parent they can then find themselves unnaturally desperate for love and will not even realize why.

[@VanillaBean15]

The problem with the other legs in your tablet being wordly things (your career, your family, your hobbies, your looks, your house, etc) is that those things are finite and mortal. The strongest leg of your table should go beyond that in order to be able to support your life. Nowadays our relashionships with God are usually broken and distant. But recognising your self as an individual with a bigger purpose, and know there is an infinite, inmortal being that loves you and that will be there for you NO MATTER WHAT 24/7, makes you unbreakable. You may get hurt, and feel disapointed and you may get treated poorly by others, but knowing that God is on your team will help you get through it and give your pain a purpose

[@Trishamonica]

agree with this... if you stay connected with your life, no one can come along and intimidate you 💯

[@naushinhusain5488]

I've been following your work for years, but this one was the most powerful yet! I needed to hear this today :) Thank you Matthew and the team for all the work you're doing xx

[@elesanruwa]

when we focus on the lack and what we dont have, it vibrates more n more. those feelings of sadness and why not is inevitable

[@everyday_itgetseasier]

It's like everything you need to hear in your life. Focusing on yourself, not putting someone on a pedestal, building self confidence, focusing your goals, etc. This has everything

[@lightstarsincerity2447]

I definitely needed to hear this too... He's amazing... X

[@elesanruwa]

@@lightstarsincerity2447 ok

[@ChristineKimmer-og2ss]

Wow I was literally going to have a talk with my other half today and basically give up all my hopes and dreams just to have him happy so we can be together. This just changed it all. Thank you so much ♥

[@andlar1883]

Holy, really needed this. One month in a relationship after 4 years of a toxic one. Took 3 years to be single and learn about myself. I’m finding myself getting lost in the relationship already, just out of the excitement of it. But because of this video I see the reason this person started dating me was for those other things I’m invested in. Thank you for reminding me to focus on myself, and the rest will follow as it needs to❤

[@moshi42]

This video hit hard. I needed this. Coping exactly with a situation I can't help stressing about and do not need. There is no good outcome no matter how much my ego craves for it. Thank you Matthew for your insights.

[@Dodgy_Geezer]

If you want others to love you and respect you, first you have to love and respect yourself.

[@JennRighter]

This is not true. It’s a toxic positivity mantra. You can be loved and respected whether you love and respect yourself or not. You can despise yourself and still someone can and will love you. It’s not conditional.

[@karna5998]

This video really helped me. I was just about to go in a downward spiral which would have most likely turned me into a past tense. Since I was a teenager, I always chased a girls/girlfriends. And I chased them all away. And it made me empty and "not wanting to find love" and then I would find someone, slowly let my guard down to them, think "maybe this is finally it, I've been through enough, now I can finally be with someone forever" then I would interact with them, and spend too much time thinking about what I will say to them when I meet them next time. I was needy and I chased all of them away. Making me hate myself for it, I have been heartbroken 3 times in the past 9 years, and I often feel like I don't deserve to be loved, today was the first time I seriously considered ending it all, and this video came in my recommended at the right time. The world wants me to live, I'll live a good noble life. Thanks alot Matthew

[@candiedginger8729]

Your last sentence there is a bit upsidedown. God wants you to live, The world wants you to die. Obedience is what God asks, The world demands slavery. Only God is good, We are all sinners.

[@BobbyLove1967]

Matthew, you are a true angel sent from above. You are healing so many people. I've been watching your videos all day, tears in my eyes. It feels as if you are speaking directly to me, guiding me to become a better version of myself. Some people on this planet are here to do good. You are definitely one of them, thank you.

[@morgannine]

Thank you, man. As someone who tend to get obsessed with goals, same goes on relationships. And this is something I’m really needing to hear

[@simsm9983]

This is a meant to be message for those who are lost and are trying to connect with their inner self. You've literally given answers to everything. Thank you Matthew ❤️ Much love and light to everybody...

[@dustydamsel6314]

Not chasing men is easy. But it's really difficult to try to brainwash myself into believing that I can have a full and happy life without a romantic relationship when I'm 39 and well aware of all the research that shows that people in happy relationships live longer, get sick less, have less intense stress responses, are generally not as bothered by things that bothered them before, have better emotional regulation, better sleep architecture... the list goes on. We are meant to be with someone. All of my passions and hobbies are great but they don't make me "not give a fuck" about possibly being alone for the rest of my life. That possibility is always hovering over my head and after watching hundreds of videos I still don't understand how to not feel sad about it pretty often.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

THIS! This is why these videos are actually depressing. They don't address the very real need we have. And they're usually coming from people who have found the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with.

[@simplypqz]

I feel you.

[@lailatrombati1052]

I think he is just talking about a mindset that you should have, and that that is what attracts people to you - when you have other things going on in your life. However, it does seem almost like a paradox when time is running out but you’re not supposed to care but you can’t just ignore that very important reality.

[@kjoto2]

Exactly this! It's like we're all pretending that there isn't this big elephant in the room. Yeah hobbies, passions are great and needed, but it's not what l ultimately want from life. I'm afraid there's no cure. We can only accept the fact that life is unpredictable and that nothing is guaranteed (even if you try/ work for it or let it happen)😌

[@t-bone6467]

The simple answer is being with the wrong person is much worse than being alone.

[@heathenly_aesthetic7233]

I literally stopped what I was doing to completely tune into what he's saying. This really puts things in a more healthy perspective for me

[@melissap7790]

Ooof! This hits home and is a timely reminder of how to show up without giving off that needy energy. I have just started chatting to a girl and am reminding myself to break away from old patterns of over-giving or putting people on a pedestal. Thank you Matt! 💯

[@Swandivein]

It’s a hard one to break! Im the same with girls I’m really into, But I know when I’m talking to a girl I’m not 100% keen on, when they’re too needy I lose attraction!

[@agatastaniak7459]

Putting people on a pedestal make no sense at all. Everybody has flaws. Everybody is crazy and imperefct in some way. It just takes time to discover in what ways a specific person is very far from being "perfect". Idolizin people, putting them on the pedestal hurts boths sides- you fall for your own illusions and do not see them for who they are, fail to learn about their imperfections to make a well-informed decision if you can live with their imperfections and they do not get recognition and appreciation for who they really are, so entire thing being "fake" on both ends stands little chance of working out and building any intimacy.

[@bikashchetri6543]

I think i always lacked in self-belief. That made me chase people so much because i always believed thats what i am supposed to do to be accepted. But the more you chase, you lose yourself in the process. Been very rough couple of months but surely trying to break the old patterns. Thanks Mike for the video!

[@jacklyndanielle]

This is perfect for me because i’m seeing an actor who’s had a pretty successful career and i’ve been feeling so intimidated and worried he doesn’t think as highly of me because i haven’t had the same kind of achievements but i’ve definitely had some in my own circle of influence and my youtube channel so i don’t wanna compromise on what i need just because he’s so impressive to me and he’s probably used to people doing that. he might actually want a woman who’s confident about her own life and knows what she wants. so this video is really helpful to navigate the situation! Thank you

[@Gamd0102]

I'm dating someone and I genuinly started getting this feeling since a few days, thank you so much for describing my feelings and helping me be more confident

[@jackhubert]

Double down. I just made this mistake allowing myself to be consumed by her. So dumb.

[@RatnikCarrick]

I'm honestly grateful for these videos. I am in a situation described here...I feel something for this woman who is not responding in the same way. I liked her character, her smile, the way she talks, thinks about life..we became friends, and I started to feel something more, but she doesn't. I was hoping that it will change, wasting so much time and energy thinking about her while she doesn't care about me in that way at all.

[@agatastaniak7459]

Have yu talked to her? By this I mean really had a conversation about it? SInce you know, introvertic females exist. Shy women exist. And women taking it slow, sometimes because of bad past experience also exist. Plus, well, she might be responding but maybe in ways you do not expect her- in here would be good to take a look at the book "5 languages of love" since women who are doers not much of talkers also exist. Or women who think that "food/ cooking/ feeding is love" but not sex on next date or something like it. ;-)

[@RatnikCarrick]

@@agatastaniak7459 We haven't talked about it directly, but she knows that I like her a lot. We are the point that I know things about her that I don't know about some people I knew my whole life. She trusts me with some of the most intimate parts of her life. She is divorced, and I know that the other guy hurt her pretty badly, and she has trouble trusting new men in her life. One of the things I do well is listen...I truly listen to her, and know that I need to take things slow. But, after a while, when she starts talking about other men, bad dates or something like that, I realize that she will never see me as more than someone who can be there for her to listen about her problems. I mean, I enjoy talking to her, I love watching her talking, she has a beautiful voice, incredible smile...and the thing is, I want to have sex with her, but not as a one night stand, I want to be intimate with her in ways that we can be actually together, if you know what I mean. But, unfortunately...it seems that it won't happen. I struggle a lot because I think about her all the time, and I am realizing that it tortures my soul this won't happen. I am having trouble moving on, but I want to...I'm holding on to something that it won't happen.

[@user-mb9jx5tx9y]

I agree with the comment above. This guy that was interested me told me he thought I wasn’t into him but it was actually the opposite. I’m just shy and a little introverted.

[@Luss239]

I don't know if you realize Matthew, but you change a lot of people's lives. You help a lot... Big thank you for that

[@naiarasantanasantos1430]

This video is totally on point. Actually, friends and partners come and go, and investing in ourselves is the best decision ever. I decided to do it years ago. And now I feel I've gotten the 'muscles' to keep going with no need of someone's else validation. Thank you for sharing these words here, Mathew. P.S.: I'm brazilian, so English is not my first language. Sorry if I made any writing mistake.

[@thematthewhussey]

You’re English is great! Thank you for being here. ❤

[@valentinadagramo9683]

Never excuse yourself! People with 🧠 can see that you’re not a native speaker so they will appreciate your effort to learn English. And don’t excuse in your life neither, for what/ how you are. You do great, you are great, be self confident

[@amandashannon1763]

This is POWERFUL information!!! I feel like I just received months of therapy in just a few minutes. The content of this video will stay with me. This is EXACTLY where I am in my life right now. I have always had confidence, known my value, never felt self conscious ab my looks or aging… however, I’ve been losing all of this lately and second guessing myself after meeting a remarkable man (dating nearly 4 months now) but I realize I’m falling into the trap Matt is speaking of here. Wow. I cannot thank you enough for this life changing advice!!! Legs under the table will be built strong starting today. I will gain FU confidence - my new focus rather than my fella being the center of my universe. THANK YOU MATT!!!! You have a true gift, shared generously and beautifully.❤️❤️❤️

[@QuinLu_317]

Thank you for making a great video. Loving yourself before loving someone. Never lose yourself because of somebody. Change yourself because you want it.

[@beukenboomer604]

I was finally able to break this cycle by removing myself from the situation and loving myself enough to know that I deserve better, instead to forcing a fix on the situation. It was the most liberation experience I've ever had, also it allowed me to generate self love because it was the first time I stood up for myself against "Love", the love I've always wanted. Now i can actually feel the self love being generated within me, and I've bever been happier.

[@01happykat]

Great job, Matthew! I have also found that men were much more drawn to me when I had my own things going on than when I didn't. I was more interesting when I had things of my own to focus on and didn't need them to be the center of my world, which allowed them to maintain their interests too. Be your own person with your own values and interest and try finding someone who enjoys those things. The person you're with should enhance your life, not detract from it. Those are the ones to walk away from. Believe me, I've unfortunately had to do it multiple times and it's been worth it every time. I don't regret anyone I've walked away from, but I have regretted the times I valued someone else over my own life and values because I still wound up with nothing (i.e. that person didn't want me anyway). I will also say the healthiest, happiest relationship I had provided room for us both to pursue what we valued and appreciated. There were some things we shared, others we didn't, but we supported one another in those pursuits. The unhealthiest, unhappiest relationships I've had were where my partners didn't support things that were important to me. One even tried to get me to stop everything I enjoyed, right down to encouraging me to drop out of grad school and making it downright miserable for me to finish my degree. Well, he's gone, and I'm about to graduate!

[@claradelacruz3740]

Mathew thanks again, this is not just about romantic relationship it is about loving yourself that makes you formidable to be crossed with by those with bad intentions, GOD bless you!

[@miguelgrados1617]

Dude, this should've came out 6 years ago. I was so down bad in the dumps about all these girls rejecting me. Your way of contextualizing this message was very strong, and I love how you focus on building that table, the metaphor you presented there was so beautiful, and I'm thankful for your efforts and forethought in the quality of your content. I'm actually living this way now after trial and error and it's so amazing to know the love of God and putting that behind everything I do. Serving not just to get something out of it, but to do it because we are called to serve our fellow man in this life. Good example here Matthew, once again I thank you.

[@7Earthsky]

Needed to hear this right now...I'm exactly that person....Meet someone hot after a long time and i behave like a starving man at a buffet.....No wonder they want to run after a while.

[@manaswiniism]

“If you don’t give me enough, I don’t need this “ this rang a bell. The only way we will even realize this is when we stop obsessing and chasing .

[@manee101]

I was about to text that ex, then youtube sent me this...man the algorithm knows my life 🤣

[@thematthewhussey]

😅

[@eringroh8644]

This is one of your very best messages Matthew! I loved what you said about if you stay confident about your hobbies and your richness of life no one can intimidate you into feeling less than. Brilliant! I needed this! Thank you!! ❤️

[@hanton741]

You made me cry. Your words gave me wisdom to understand the hard parts of life when it comes to relationships. I'm tired.

[@sidrabashir2619]

I'm in tears after watching this :') i feel like I needed to hear this... Since two months I'm so much impressed by someone that I even feel like I lack in everything and their life is more important than mine ..even before that I feel like I was always completely dependent on someone for my happiness and desperately wanting their approval and validation.. so thank you so much for this video ... I'm gonna change :)

[@davideblonda6159]

I think this is the peak of confidence, you are right i'm a programmer, i like play guitar and singing, when love actually comes all these things that define me tend to disappear for a while. it's a strange feeling but I think for very emotional people like me there's little you can do but grit your teeth and keep insisting on your own goals along with the love relationship, otherwise there is a serious possibility of becoming ill for the other person and especially if you have few friends or social activities. my way to combat this is to add new activities from time to time to the rountine, for example going to dance school and socializing i find can be a very good solution for socializing.

[@federicopozohole4416]

The first description of the mistakes we make by believing that person is the right one for us was so accurate!

[@beeze1433]

This is what they called building strong personality towards someone you may think that tick all your boxes…This is excellent thank you so much for your advice everything you’re saying is so me😢

[@KLayjump]

I cannot put into words what important decisions this man helped me make in my life. I simply cannot. Please keep doing this.

[@thematthewhussey]

Thank you so much for telling me. I’m so happy to hear this Qasim.

[@fernandadeonna]

Same! He is really amazing!

[@Yat93]

I'm in my thirties, looking for love. After 2 long failed relationships, I just met someone and I feel she is the one. I can't stop thinking about her. I wake up times at night and think about her. I just watched this video, and I can relate to this so much. I realized I forgot about all the other things that are important to me. My hobbies, my friends and family. It felt like I had a headache for a long time, and now it's gone. I can't appreciate you enough. Thank you.

[@aYTaccount]

This came just on time...going through a rough breakup and the hurt was pretty bad until I came to those conclusions while journaling. But hearing it from someone else definitely feels a lot more empowering and comforting. Thank you *SO* much for this! I *really* needed to hear this at this point. Going to save it, share it, and revisit plenty of times until I've made progress in this regard. Thank you again!!!!

[@kathymargatines3450]

Hope for Ur own healing soon❤️

[@agatastaniak7459]

Journaling helps to put things into perspective, to get more sober and more objective look at things.

[@aYTaccount]

@@kathymargatines3450 Thank you so much

[@aYTaccount]

@@agatastaniak7459 That it does, indeed. Thank you for pointing that out.

[@GodHelpMe369]

I’m so sorry for your pain. The emotional crisis life puts you through is horrendous. As an avoidant myself, I can share this: you learn to rely on yourself so much that you just feel frustrated at yourself for not being able to let go and just ask for help. You just lie to yourself and everyone around you about being okay, but inside is this storm of negative-painful-harmful emotions and self-hate. Please, journal your emotions and thoughts, take long walks, watch these videos, and remember it was never about you. Choose Peace. Forgive and release. Maybe even be grateful. He helped activate emotions that your soul no longer wants to carry. He activated them. That's the gift. It's your opportunity to release them. That's the magic. Sometimes, the poison IS the medicine (homeopathy). He helped you to purify you. Life is just a play out of our emotions, and really, a gift... For purification, for release, for ascension.

[@katarinareiterova8026]

You passed me such a message where you talk about the importance of my world. Authenticity is everything, staying truthful to myself. Thank you so much!

[@sreddy250]

Just wow - the table leg/self-confidence analogy is just mind blowing. So true. Thank you so much for these videos!

[@Aurora-Borialis]

THANK YOU ❤Matthew, I have been in a 21 year relationship and he took all the legs of my table, but thanks to you . TODAY I TAKE ME BACK and start building the legs of my table stronger than ever before. THANK YOU FOR THIS. ❤

[@buda2049]

Never become a boring lover, no one loves a boring dull person who has no life of his own 😊

[@agatastaniak7459]

Follow this advice you will for certain attract plenty of people with Amber Heard personality type. You will becme a real magnet for people with Histrionic personality disorder (HPD).