THIS Is a Common Tactic Used to Avoid Commitment

►► Get Your Free Ticket to Find Your Person LIVE on May 4
PLUS a Chance to Win a 1:1 with Matthew & SO Much More!
Pre-Order Your Copy of Love Life Before April 23 to Enter the Love Life Giveaway.
Learn More At. . .
→ www.LoveLifeBook.com
▼
Don’t Miss Out! Subscribe to my KZbin channel now.
I post new love life advice for you every weekend.
►► Pre-Order My New Book, "Love Life" at → www.LoveLifeBook.com
►► FREE Video Training: “Dating With Results” → www.DatingWithResults.com
▼ Get My Latest Dating Tips and Connect With Me… ▼
Blog → www.matthewhussey.com/blog/
Facebook → / coachmatthewhussey
Instagram → / thematthewhussey
Twitter → / matthewhussey
▼ Connect with Audrey ▼
Instagram → bit.ly/AudreyHusseyIG

[@cyndijohnson5473]

We shut down and don’t voice our needs because we already know the answer and don’t want to face it

[@Trinket2022]

Oh that is sooooo true...been there, done that!

[@lebonpretexte6345]

Sometimes we think we know the answers( since we think the possible answers in the glasses of fear ) but sometimes we are wrong and I guess we should let them answer us their answer instead of projecting their answers in advance :)

[@michellericher9289]

I have done this in the past. Know your worth ❤

[@rhiannonh.7463]

Agree! We cut off our noses to spite our own happiness because when we fear being alone all over again, we rather diminish who we are to keep a person around. The fastest way to self sabotage our life is to hold onto people who would never hold onto us in return.

[@jencrews]

@@lebonpretexte6345 I agree. Recently, I realized how often I don’t ask because I assume the answer will be no and that’s based on old programming. It’s not really fair to the person you’re with to make that assumption.

[@rhiannonh.7463]

One of the best thing eloquently said I read on Reddit, it was in response to a woman panicking if she’s ever going to find a husband in time and have kids cause she’s 31. And this is the most important part I saved and it fits perfectly to this video for ALL women who are going thru this: “Life can be really unfair. Sometimes you get what you want and it doesn't work out like you imagined. Sometimes you don't get what you want and it is better. Sometimes it works out for awhile...and so on. So it's better to cultivate a mindset where you can envision many paths for yourself that would be satisfying. If you get really, really attached to only one vision of things when things inevitably don't work out one way or another you can get very stuck and cause yourself a lot of suffering by believing that you can't possibly be happy with any other path.”

[@bolt9110]

🤦🏻 25:15 it's not that they don't respect your time or energy. They MAY think you're great. But what they DEFINITELY think you are is NOT the GREATEST they can get.

[@user-jy4vt4gn1l]

I just want to say that I absolutely love how gently he speaks to his wife.

[@michellericher9289]

Noticed ❤

[@ninawoods5985]

again it's been a few years and this is the surface just like when he scammed thousands of women

[@LoveZelda3]

​@@ninawoods5985 Wdym?

[@rkk2606]

@@ninawoods5985 I’ve followed him for many years and haven’t experienced any scams.

[@helenemakuch8366]

How did he scam women?

[@susanparkes5096]

We settle because we know how impossible it is to actually find the right person in life and we'd rather have something for a while than nothing for ever

[@dampergoldenrod4156]

That's correct.. the trick is to know it's not going to last forever and to not let that relationship devolve into something that can cause financial hardship or legal problems and to treat it as a Summer fling that will not last forever .

[@susanparkes5096]

@@dampergoldenrod4156 if I accept going into a relationship that it has no possibility of lasting, I simply won't bother, because it's not worth the considerable effort taken to find someone. It's only the slim hope that the next one might be the one that lasts that keeps me going.

[@rhiannonh.7463]

Here is a wonderful quote I have saved and it’s definitely going to highlight way settling with anyone is not healthy: “People talk a lot about self-love but aren't actually ready to do what it takes to truly get there. Self-love isn't just massages, spa days, yoga retreats, & facials. It's setting firm boundaries, not just with your words, but through your actions. It's staying away from people that can't meet your standards, even if it means letting go of someone you really love. It's holding people accountable for wrong shit they did to you, even when they hate you for it. It's choosing yourself over keeping toxic people around, even when it gets lonely. It's a series of hard decisions that may hurt in the moment but you'll thank yourself for later. That's self-love & there's nothing pretty about it.” And I always tell people this one thing… The more lonely you feel, you are 3x’s more likely to desperately date anyone blindly who is toxic, abusive, or going to make you sacrifice everything good about yourself because you fear being alone all over again. People who aren’t lonely but out there dating are 100% not going to easily just date anyone or jump into a relationship, they also 100% can end things very easily if a person immediately exhibits yellow or Orange flags, which are the warning flags before the red flags emerge. They rather be single than stay with the wrong person.

[@davidbruce5682]

Or that maturity has led you to realise that your needs were actually wants and that you had to compromise on some things knowing that they will be compromsing on some things to be with you also.

[@JowitaChanowska]

Speaking of throwing up - I was once on my way to see a guy who wasn’t meeting my needs and treating me as an option. Half way through getting to the destination, I threw up. My body knew!

[@Kenlo7873]

Yes, I had a similar situation! I went on a date with a guy I was interested in, and my anxiety stuck with me the whole time. I’ve never felt this awful before…. After a couple of months, I realized that I felt so anxious because he never made me feel safe

[@rhiannonh.7463]

The body communicates and you just have to listen. Anytime someone is wrong for you, your body is always trying to talk, but then it will scream if you keep ignoring the communication. Our bodies are just translating what our unconscious one registers about a person and trying to warn us from the jump.

[@alenaadamkova7617]

Some people may feel anxiety when going to a concert. It is because anxiety and excitement, both emotions are in the same place of brain. The difference is that some people feel anxiety doing some sport or going to concert and some people feel excitement....doing exactly the same sport or hobby. The difference is that witha nxiety the receptor in brain goies to one sidea nd with excitement the receptor goes to oposite side. It may not be about the other person... the person may be good, but you had bad experiences in past so you may think that just because the person has the same hair or looks, its the same situation. If you didnt heal emotionally. Suibconscious mind works 95 percent a day. Conscious mind works 5 percent a day.

[@hey_lilz]

It’s painful once the fantasy is gone and you realize the reality. The person you thought cared fizzled to someone unrecognizable. I’m sorry to those who understands what I am talking about .

[@jessiesanteliz8558]

I like that word, "fizzled", so true!!😂 I'll use that.

[@malvikabhanot5170]

I get it

[@jessicaanthony3013]

This is my nightmare, he just told me Saturday

[@hey_lilz]

@@jessicaanthony3013 what happened? Are you ok?

[@rhiannonh.7463]

The fantasy is just potential you fell in love with that’s in your head, the version of who you wish they were because if you stop looking at their potential since day one, you would of never fell in love with who they were. Always ignore someone’s potential and see them ad they are. You’ll never get fooled nor waste your time by someone again when you do this.

[@montecrucis7247]

13:22 Before you lose yourself, rather decide to lose the other person.

[@krishna335]

Let go immediately in such cases. Clinging to a false ray of hope will only hurt.

[@whitetigerification]

I was just thinking about that. Even though it's false, it will hurt.

[@Langron]

again it's been a few years and this is the surface just like when he scammed thousands of women

[@johnnydi2231]

Easier said than done. When you feel there's any hope.

[@vanessap8717]

@@johnnydi2231it’ll happen though. It never lasts that long. Good luck, you’ll be ok.

[@johnnydi2231]

@vanessap8717 Thank you for the encouragement. It means a lot. It's still in the "constantly getting worse" phase right now. So not a lot of hope in my soul right now, unfortunately. Lol But thank. I appreciate it very much. 🙏🏻

[@Mandy.S.]

I call this a "situationship" and they suck. You get a natural high, then you're left to rot on the other side until the next time they show up for the next "hit" of endorphins. I'm very nervous to get in a relationship due to past trauma (although I have not sworn off men forever or anything. I just have to feel safe), but I would pick overriding those nerves and giving a relationship a shot over being given breadcrumbs and hoping they'll come around. It's FAR more painful to continue the breadcrumb thing. I will never let something go that far again without voicing MY needs. I had to grow past that to realize what I was doing.

[@elena-jp6ge]

I was there also and it created such a trauma for me, that lm not afraid of anything but living this again

[@wejoin]

Totally relate. No more narcissists!

[@elena-jp6ge]

@@wejoin it's us to make a choice, we cannot make someone being not what they are already

[@wejoin]

@@elena-jp6ge right! I chose to leave rather than wait for a train that would never arrive

[@krishna335]

Very well put! Better to be alone than with people who make you feel alone.

[@borislibaque1558]

The price of a real relationship is your fantasy. The price of your fantasy is the reality in front of you.

[@amyhoover9]

Well said! I really like how simple and direct this piece of advice is

[@irini6172]

true

[@blaquemoonmajesty33]

Deep and true. Ooooo ❤

[@Heidipoptime]

I love how Audrey said "people need boundaries" and I'd love for her to do a short video with examples of situations where she had to set boundaries with people and the specific language she used to do it.

[@glorirodriguez86]

It’s like taking off the rose colored glasses and take your power back when you choose you and walk away. Nothing compares to that feeling. It’s painful but liberating!

[@meetandinspire]

"Bravery becomes necessary. It's not that you're confident enough to be brave, it's that it's so necessary to get out of this pain."

[@gloriamuzquiz1767]

"And the day came when remaining tight in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom"

[@csx6910]

Date with intention. Don't be surprised if you start without a roadmap, you get lost.

[@Langron]

again it's been a few years and this is the surface just like when he scammed thousands of women - this is so correct, did you see the credit card scam Matthew has done

[@tanyamiller6083]

So easy to say.......

[@csx6910]

@@tanyamiller6083 And easy to do if you're honest with yourself and the person you're with. Don't have a child with someone you can't see yourself with forever. Have benchmarks that signify devotion. Don't have sex with someone unless they want something more. It takes self-control but if you won't do it, don't be surprised when life doesn't go the way you'd like.

[@alwaysandi5867]

Chills. Wow Matthew. This hit super close to home. I just today decided to put a stop to a situationship, be brave and trust myself and what I REALLY want. Have have FAITH the right person for me is our there and will show up in divine timing.💖✨🌈

[@MrColdNoodles]

I think when this happened to me these past couple of months I had hope that it was just a phase. I was afraid to talk about it because stressing him out would push him away. But I knew that I owe it to myself to know if he's all in or not. Turns out he wasn't (anymore). We have to be brave and face rejection no matter how much it hurts. The saddest part is he planted the seed in my head about a future and made me feel absolutely cherished up until he told me he loved me. Then all the sudden the fireworks stopped. Commitment Phobia is real, I guess.

[@tanyamiller6083]

That's how it happens.....we get sucked into the fantasy he actually fed us.....he said we'd do this in summer, we'd spend all this time together.....he loved you....

[@rhiannonh.7463]

When you get nervous like that? It’s your body already communicating to you that you know the answer already. You never have to ask what’s going on because their actions SHOW you and make you feel secure where you stand with them. Anyone who isn’t about you, will not make you feel secure in a relationship because they no longer want to escalate the relationship with you and are already at peace with your insecurity.

[@desertrose111]

33:00 about bravery. There are four things in this life that will change you. Love, music, art and loss. The first three will keep you wild and full of passion. May you allow the last to make you brave. -----Erin Van Vuren

[@lauriemorales7605]

When I asked to define our relationship, he said I was "pushy" and would avoid the subject. It was hurtful that he wouldn't discuss it with me. I should have just left, but I thought I could make things better and I loved him.

[@rhiannonh.7463]

Better only happens when someone freely chooses to do better for you because you matter. When someone doesn’t care? That’s how they act like that guy who said you were “pushy”. You’re not pushy. You’re just asking the wrong person for your needs to be met and was never going to fulfill them because he doesn’t have the capacity to give that to you. And the right person for you will NEVER make you feel you’re too much or not enough. You wanted more, he wanted less, so always let them go find less!

[@kateser90]

Indeed, they treat us the way we allow them... I am also refering to colleagues, managers, friends, partners... 😢 I hope I will finally learn how to put boundaries... Giving too much can be as bad as giving too less sometimes

[@rhiannonh.7463]

Boundaries with discipline to uphold those boundaries is the key here in life. By doing so boundaries can help easily expose who respects you vs is using you real fast!

[@myjourney73]

I can't believe this actually happened to me, I was so into being direct and communicate, but I guess he made me feel uncomfortable to rock the boat and also he would have the excuse of bizi etc..can't believe I went along with him not being there so many times

[@rhiannonh.7463]

Always mirror investment. If they can’t give more, don’t over compensate by giving more when they give less or nothing. It won’t make up for what they don’t do but build resentment on your end for feeling your needs not being met. If someone is low effort, match that effort by saying, “BUH-BYEEEE!” and go forward with intentions to only date people who match your effort CONSISTENTLY!

[@kimberleenadwocki4393]

I did exactly what Cora did in the book. I falsely led myself to believe my Ex would change his mind after 5 years of us being together and his 'Resemblance Of A Family " as he called it. But he would never marry me knowing that was I wanted when started dating. I settled upon him because I gave up in my area I live in and he had Charisma and we had a level of attraction.

[@jackieconrad4500]

I can relate to this more than any previous podcast. I start off with boundaries and then they get under my skin some how and I let them slip unknowingly. I'm more aware of it now after journalling and realising that it's the attention I crave and the breadcrumbs just aren't enough. If someone sweet talks me now, I doubt every word they say. My recent mistakes father said that if I wanted something I had to go for it, he obviously doesn't know his son very well or he was in on it.

[@rhiannonh.7463]

Once hear the perfect quote on this: “Words are bullshit, but actions talk.” Always look at actions before you trust words because anyone can tell you what you want to hear just to get what they want.

[@eltern_herz]

i have lived it at least twice in long term relationships. I am now not mad at them, but at me for expecting too little and setting less boundaries just to accommodate them. bc that is what I saw and learned as a child. it is really tough to understand that you can't learn well via examples as grownups bc your upbringing experience is so ingrained in you. you can find examples as inspiration even have great couple friends, but you have to unlearn what you learned. it is as if you have to re learn your native language is now spoken backwards to get the best outcome. but with some challenges your neurons will get there.

[@melaniel7263]

I was just terrified that nobody else would like me. My actions and responses were a direct reflection of my then low self esteem.

[@DominionAnako-bb7ry]

I totally get what you mean! Some people on the road can be really unpredictable and drive in a crazy way. It's important to stay safe and cautious while driving, even if others aren't. Just focus on your own driving skills and make sure to follow the rules of the road. Safety first, always! 😊🚗

[@jane77722]

Don't make people who you want them to be. Find out who they really are. Loved your advice once to focus not just on how you feel.about them, but how do they make you feel?

[@amyhoover9]

Having been through enough ups and downs with at least one other man during a period of time when I was single... I realize that it's not easy to see the situation in full detail and weigh out all of the other angles. Some men make it clear what it is they want, but others don't and would rather play games, lie, or cheat. I'm not single anymore, but I have a best friend who is and is struggling a bit too much with recognizing when a person isn't good enough for her. I know her baggage, but I also know that I can't force her to make a decision. She has to want better from a man on her own terms. Some women, as much as we'd like to think that they're smart, are also very emotional and flighty at times. I used to be that kind of person... everybody grows at their own pace.

[@karolinah12]

Please hear me out,i'm playing the devils advocate, i speak my truth from day one so no one wastes time & energy. But, people do lie to get what they want. Also, timing of asking those questions is key. They can sound like an ultimatum or some kind of pressure to make them commit. And that, my friends ,is not too attractive. If a man wants a future, they usually know how to express it .

[@monikaleszko5343]

I like your comment….when do you think is too soon to ask for commitment and what are we or where are we going ? 6 months 1 year?

[@95maferisturiz]

The problem is lack of honesty, because they know that being honest with your actual intentions might get you an answer that's not aligned with the goals you set on your mind when you chose to date that person. The problem is that people feel entitled to anyone's attention without returning the favor and understanding that a healthy relationship requires mutual effort, mutual compromise, mutual honesty and transparency and mutual comprehension and empathy. People want to be given the best of the best for free, just for existing, just for doing the bare minimum, just for being hot and sexy, just for having a successful professional career and relationships are about mutual respect, mutual compromise, balance and being equally supportive of each other. People who approach a deeply emotional and sentimental person and lie to them in hopes that they'll give you casual se× with no strings attached, even though you know for a fact that the person you're dating has been crystal clear that he or she doesn't enjoy emotionless, casual se×: do you seriously believe fooling a person and playing with his or her feelings, so that you can get an orga$m is morally acceptable, or even worth it? People have feelings, people don't have all the time in the world just for you to toy with them and their hearts forever and ever. If you want a one-night stand, say it and let the other person give you a fully informed and honest consent, knowing full well the consequences of being involved with you, so that the person can move on and find a more suitable partner in case he or she doesn't want just casual se×. I will never empathize or understand people who lie to partners who want a fully committed, monogamous relationship, partners who really want a marriage and a family only to get them to consent to have a simple fling or a temporary affair with them, without knowing from the very beginning that the other person doesn't have any actual intention of taking the relationship to the next level. You're playing with other people's feelings, time, availability and generosity, and I'm chronically tired of modern-day younsgters defending and justifying this terrible behavior in the dating market, by saying that _"we are living in the 21st century and therefore, we need to deconstruct old-fashioned dating culture and strategies"_ and I fully disagree with that notion, people need to commit to the partner they're dating, because youth doesn't last forever and it's terribly unfair to fool people and lie to them about your actual and real intentions when you know d@mn well your partner desires a fully committed relationship with you, so that you can get your exciting affair and fun at the expense of fake hopes you're raising up in the other person about a serious relationship that will never exist. It's not fair and people need to stop behaving like this.

[@ew2645]

I’ll give you a miniature version of ‘getting him to commit’ I tell guys, I only sleep with boyfriends. I don’t do casual. The only way I can feel safe sleeping with someone is if they are only seeing me. It has NEVER backfired.

[@monikaleszko5343]

@@95maferisturiz🎉🎉🎉

[@MrColdNoodles]

Timing is very important, but waiting too long can build resentment and the anxiety can be harmful in intense ways.

[@annastone5624]

Important to understand that some people are very very good at pretending to be invested, to keep you on the hook.. If you really don’t get that that’s a common tactic, it will take you much longer to ask probing questions, because you believe their words.. eventually we figure it out, the game part. That’s a separate thing from our own delusion or wishful thinking..

[@rhiannonh.7463]

Then watch their actions and take their words with a grain of salt. See words can lie from anyone’s lips, but actions? With intentions will 100% show you where you stand with anyone very easily. People who don’t give a fuck will not have their words and actions match. It will always contradict and confuse you. Words are bullshit, but actions talk.

[@annastone5624]

Yes! That’s the bottom line..

[@deec411]

FEAR fear of abandonment, fear of losing the person who is not giving us what we want and need. IMHO

[@Tiia922]

5:35 - every single word you said Matthew, related to my situation. I’m 31 years old and this is my second relationship where the bf is not ready to take the next step for years.

[@mimi7914]

Matthew your insights are incredible. I have been through so much of this in life. I will add too that partners contain such a conglomerate of traits it can be extremely hard to release the very good aspects of someone you know you will never find again (this is true as people are unique) in order to avoid the very bad aspects you know you can't tolerate. It is as if they are on two opposing sides of a spectrum. I know from experience one doesn't find the same qualities and /or energies in anyone else, it is just different. So that is hard knowing you will never have that certain something again and can make one feel so lonely. Releasing that takes bravery but as you inferred, if one wants to love oneself it may require it. In the end, one must love oneself and instill qualities within the best we can. Isn't that what it is about anyway? We are here to learn more about ourselves, grow, and love and accept ourselves and give that love to others as a healed and complete person.

[@PiedPiper38]

Going throught this Right now... the pain in my chest is for real. But, I'll make it

[@kimdecker8901]

Maybe I'm late to the party here, but: Jeremy? Who's Jeremy? I mean, all props and a warm welcome to Jeremy; he's doing a bang-up job...But what happened to Jameson?

[@pcwhizmail]

I dated a dismissive avoidant, and he just described exactly my experience.

[@ST_RISE]

I created a fantasy in my head for what we could be and invested all of me for minimum effort from him. I can’t wait to get my book in a few days! Here’s to dating with intention! I’m tired of settling!

[@Xenia-E-Zilli]

Absolutely. Could be applied to all kind of relationships, not only romantic one. We WANT some relationships to work out for different reasons, of which some might be quite valid.

[@XYZ-qu4yq]

Mystery explained: some men assume 1. women are desperate as they have less time to date and play around than men, they worry about their aging, therefore they want to clinch the deal asap: get married & have kids 2. they assume they, the men, have the time of their live life to date & play around, they worry less about aging, tgerefore they take time before they decided to settle down, get married and have kids, if thry want to have kids. The truth is: 1. some women are not desperate or in a rush, they simply look for love because it feels good and life is more exciting as a couple 2. not all women want to get married - some of them just want to be in an exclusive relationship 3. not all women want to get pregnant, have kids and raise them for 18 years - some woomen want to concentrate on themselves abd their partners. So if men fear committment because they think life will become boring and with too much responsibility, they should think again. Being in a committed relationship comes with adventures and excitement. It’s more reliable than being in shallow, casual situationships.

[@lauriemorales7605]

Describes my last "relationship" perfectly 😢

[@rlk2429]

Since I am not racing my biological clock since I am older & divorced, it is difficult to know the right time to begin to press for defining a relationship. I think we have to be patient at first dating in the 2nd & 3rd marriage pool. But when do you stop playing the "cool girl"? I think it's a question of timing

[@livelaughlove4635]

I would also like to know. 🤔

[@mechaelalapuaho226]

I've done so much research in Matt's content😂(cause this guy had me racking my brain) that I came across the Define the Relationship module and that was the convo that helped me gain clarity I needed from him and now I see a life without him in a way I thought I never could🥰

[@livelaughlove4635]

Where did you find that?

[@NakedTruthbyDrMelanie]

At 29:00... (two busy entrepreneurs) if he's not willing to make time for a relationship and she is, it's a major breakthrough in self-awareness and self-love to recognize that a healthy relationship happens with one who's also ready and willing..And you take your high valued self in a different direction. She's a busy entrepreneur - her time is scarce enough. ❤🤗

[@michellericher9289]

You can also see how she admires and respects him and allows him to talk about his book 📕 . That is love 💕

[@adelg6698]

I am 8 mths post 14 week relationship with an abusive, manipulative charming covert narcissist. I gave unconditionally to this relationship making serious commitment to trying to find true love. NOW the prospect of revisiting dating is haunting me, as I am now the supernova of discernment at a core level. How does one truely know they are healthy enough to engage with dating, do we force ourselves to push through accept whatever residual trauma may cause us to stumble at the starting gate and accept our new positive but ruthless ability to purge anyone that expresses premature desires? Is the hedonistic dating world the norm? I would love your advice. Thank you for all you dedication , compassion and support to the greater community seeking harmony in love and long term relationships. 💕

[@kathyingram3061]

~Yes, even friendships that start out unbalanced create a dynamic that becomes expected to the reciever, of the giver~If one person is in a crisis, or needing help, the person who is there for them, will not likely get that treatment back~

[@rhiannonh.7463]

And that’s very standard of codependency to constantly sacrifice yourself for others validation to the point you obligate yourself to things you rather not put up with and feel you can’t rock the boat out of fear of rejection or creating negative feels.

[@karincoart929]

Amazing! So well said. Thank you all for putting words to the saga.

[@YasmeynBalsom]

AMAZING!!! I ❤️❤❤ you two Hussey’s & I really love & appreciate your conversations together - it’s so unbelievably helpful.🥰

[@bethd.8129]

Thank you so much for having this discussion. I really needed to hear this. I have been hiding what I really want and need and you have helped me to see that I need to find my bravery. Thank you!

[@Aqua_blue986]

Thank you Mr.and Mrs. Hussey 😊❤

[@user-su8cq8jl6d]

Very nice talk. I like Matthew and team’s work. I do regret however the mainstream of teaching people to see signs to prove one should to leave. Of course there are ppl whom we should part if things do not progress how we like it because of incompatibility. But learning how to make a relationship work, getting to become a better person, a person partner, is far more valuable

[@user-wc6ku9dr7l]

Thank so much for hosting about love life,, I know there's a lot of things we need to know, again thanks for your time and effort!💖💖💖❤❤❤

[@annettemoorshead7019]

Very fitting and timely - Thank You!! 😊❤

[@karolinah12]

Waiting for your book to arrive ❤

[@reneejill4033]

This episode resonates to me. It is giving me a different level of validation. Thank you!

[@tammygallagher976]

Yes I am in the end of a relationship like you started with on this podcast Thank you so much.

[@mysticjen379]

Brilliant - spot on and completely relatable. Thank you so much for this!

[@bolt9110]

8:10 "give her what she wants" - unless, what she wants is his company, great sex, fun experiences and complete knowledge that it will never be more than that.

[@kmduarte2005]

Wow! Wow! Wow! This is so on the money it is scary!! Absolutely described what happened in my situationship, and how it got to that point. So helpful to understand why I kept falling off the same emotional cliff with my ex, and what my part was in the whole dynamic. Thank you Audrey and Matthew! ✨💖✨

[@Popeye-ix7rn]

Matthew is really really good ! I'm glad I watched this episode. Thank you Matthew!

[@leratosithole4864]

Very good timing and thank you

[@aliciagardner3288]

Loved this podcast. Thank you 🙏🩷 BTW, l'm waiting for my pre-ordered book! Can't wait to read it!

[@joannecoady8436]

Fascinating chat. Particularly the Matthew McConaughey movie offer story. Made me reflect on my own situation in ways I hadn't before. Thank you for the insight guys. 😊👏

[@Lilybet1316]

Just received your book!! Am starting it this weekend! 😊

[@nancyduffy1990]

So well said ! It can be hard to know when to be patient and when to speak up

[@Cloudss9]

Always speak up, then, based on feedback, you can be strategically patient with an objective time limit, or you on forward living your life.

[@Babyneeks]

Love this topic it’s so true in how we can be to ourself. Thank you for shining light on this subject really brings clarity ❤

[@catboxcleaner3532]

I did enjoy this episode, Matthew and Audrey, thank you xoxo

[@dawnclark1103]

This is such a great reminder to not settle ❤

[@activedogzz100]

Matthew best book of yours!

[@lydia2502]

Just preordered it on audible. Super excited 😊

[@lauriemorales7605]

I'm very codependent and am working on boundaries, etc. in therapy. I appreciate you both and learn so much from you ❤

[@rhiannonh.7463]

As a former codependent the secret to boundaries is self discipline to keep them there. You have to push thru those guilty feelings of saying no and to not obligating yourself to things you do not want to. The best place to start this? Work. Practice at your job and by doing this, it gets easier. It lets you really implement the CODA support group methods better honestly.

[@ghaili1175]

It’s nice Audrey is there to balance the female side.

[@annebaker5650]

You guys are the cutest!!

[@jessicaf6358]

That entire Christmas analogy is GOLD 26:47

[@ivonabehalova8022]

Spot on! Thank you for this

[@dampergoldenrod4156]

You also have to factor in that some people are optimistic and hope for the best and people like this should not be demoralized but they have to face the facts that they are getting no positive outcomes from other persons they are working with which they hope to accomplish a positive goal with

[@davidbruce5682]

I think what Matt does well is tell women things in the way they want to hear it rather than the clear truth. Lets be honest, a man scared of commitment is scared of chosing incorrectly and ending stuck in a stressful, sexless and unrewarding relationship. Therefore, instead of him not wanting to commit to you and being the 'non commited bogeyman' you really need some reflection as to what is making him scared to commit to you. If you make him feel great, don't overreact and punish with silent treatment, get on well with his friends and family and are rational in disagreements and all while looking after your appearance and puting effort into a great sexlife you will get commitment. If you don't take responsibility for these things you're just blaming him for your faults and leading him to the next woman who does offer these things.

[@Bluesmoke4200]

You're acting like it's the woman's fault if the man doesn't want to commit. That's just not true. Some people just aren't compatible. Even the best woman will not be considered girlfriend material by every man in the world. That's not to say that the man is a "bogeyman" but the woman isn't defective either. They just weren't a good fit. Unless she has serious issues (addiction, criminal activities, abusive, serious mental problems) she's better off moving on and finding a man who likes her the way she is than trying to change herself to be "good enough" for him.

[@davidbruce5682]

@@Bluesmoke4200 Men have to tick a women's boxes from the outset to even date them and most womens requirements are immediate like height, career, financial stability, confidence, generous, funny etc... However men are looking for things like how respectful you are to him, whether you are supportive, provide peace over drama, caring nature, effort in regards to sex life and attraction. All of these need time to appraise and if he isnt committing then he has concerns in some of these areas or hoping for change in time.

[@davidbruce5682]

@@Bluesmoke4200 I agree she's not defective. However a lot of women are very focussed on finding a man that ticks all their boxes but don't stop to think how they can tick his. This is the difference between getting the man you want to date and then getting commitment and keeping him.

[@mariakrenkova6100]

So resonates with my story. There a miriads of reasons why we take less than we deserve espeially if - as you say, love is concerned. I also desire for proximity and fear being lonely. Great blog. As if it addressed jus me.Thank you so much!

[@sandykay125]

huge fan of Matthew and Audrey together!

[@heather3224]

Thanks going through that now .

[@rlk2429]

Your framing of an initial relationship is spot on- in my experience. Caveats....

[@NoName-ph5pg]

Wise words. The fact that clock is ticking make us really exaggerate things

[@ghaili1175]

I got my book!!!! Yes!!!

[@ullrichchristina6414]

beautiful to watch you both

[@activedogzz100]

This book is amazing

[@al5068]

I lol’d at the Matthew McConaughey story. 😂

[@dawnclark1103]

This is Gold

[@Yeodoongiiie]

"do the shania twain story" reminds me of - " *do the roar* " 😄

[@annastone5624]

Wow what a great example! 💥 That’s how I feel about so many things right now.. A visceral no..

[@Portia620]

I advertise but give NOTHING for the heck of it! No no no!!! I need a man to invest in me!! If not then well that was fun…thank you NEXT! 😂😂. Know your worth! I SPENT 30 years investing in a man that didn’t invest in me and abandoned the family (literally!). I have no time for players or temporary people! Screening and listening is so important!

[@Tani0415]

Wow what an episode.

[@amandaflowers6967]

You are both beautiful. Matthew you did wonderfully in picking Audrey. She is so lovely as a human who I believe embodies what you were looking for. So happy you have each other, You are so helpful in sorting what the cloudy thinking means that we experience in the bad relationships and what keeps us in them so we can break out,

[@michaellee5042]

Amazing and true

[@ginadileno8378]

Took me 6 years to get there

[@maryremke5215]

Took me 7😢

[@KimBrce]

Can you please talk about how to manage dating/going out to meet people and building your business? Despite excellent time managing skill is still very overwhelming, stressful, like a job.

[@angiep8217]

I went through that! I obsessed over him allowed him to see me whenever he went into town. I knew he was always busy, then I chased him & it was painful

[@bolt9110]

24:40 🤦🏻 It is not that they do not respect you. He MAY think you are GREAT. (And yes he MAY NOT). But what they DEFINITELY think is that you are NOT the BEST they can get. They can like, appreciate, respect, desire you etc etc ALOT, and still not want to be exclusive with you forsaking all other, BECAUSE simply you are not as great as another option they have or want. Stop making them out to be a "bad person" just because they did not pick YOU

[@elgeebee5250]

What is sad to me - is that it makes it sound like it's so so so hard, so impossible, so nuanced. Letting go should be so important etc etc.

[@laurafahey542]

Right yet no put up boundaries my new

[@northshorelight35]

It was never this complicated when I met my husband.