Half in the Bag Episode 128: The Mummy

OMG Mike and Jay actually saw the Tom Cruise Mummy movie!

[@selwynandrews9665]

Kurtzman is the reincarnation of the ancient king Imatotalhack.

[@hyethga]

Underrated comment.

[@cratonorogen9208]

Quite funny

[@Viddaric]

I'm laughing for real right now

[@tonyturner4602]

A relation of a Cleptotheatre

[@JJJackson777]

OwaTanaSiam

[@TurboButton]

Holy shit when that Dark Universe trailer showed up in the video I thought it was a gag they edited just for Half in the Bag. What the fuck.

[@jessica_jam4386]

Turbo Button yeah I 100% thought they edited that as a joke. I'm in shock the studio or whoever thought that classic horror films from the 30's with bland modern action movie music behind it was a good choice

[@OrcoDevelopment]

Same here. The only thing scary about it was the level of stupidity.

[@arolorn]

I wondered why Jay would talk over the parody trailer they made. Oh boy...

[@davidgoldstein3348]

I don't even see why they bothered not including Dracula Untold at this point. It was quite a bit better than The Mummy. Just a generic medieval horror movie thing that was super forgettable but it wasn't terrible. Now they're stuck with the worst opening movie to their series ever

[@Zeph101theoriginal]

Ditto, I mean Jesus fuck.

[@mechaheart]

Needed to rewatch this in celebration of the 6 year anniversary of the Dark Universe

[@fartquaviasdingle7876]

They made so much progress since then.

[@the0nlytrueprophet942]

Crazy how far we’ve come

[@angryengine9616]

HA!

[@mikefox1932]

Ceya at the tenth year celebration!

[@hellfire5108]

Oh damn it already is 6 years? We go so many great Dark Universe movies in that time.

[@boilderrik893]

Deadly pathogens in movie theaters? Mike, that's just silly.

[@cannonfodder4000]

nice lol

[@Mr1930s]

Celebrities staying 30 feet away from people too

[@Attini9000]

TOM CRUISE'S THE MUMMY CREATED CORONA VIRUS!

[@chiefs2pretty4radio]

Beat me to it by two months. Clever girl.

[@samuelperezgarcia]

As soon as I heard that, went straight to the comments. xD

[@ingurdizstation5680]

>That montage was real. jesus i thought it was a gag.

[@ingurdizstation5680]

he thought the same thing

[@OrgaNik_Music]

>"meme arrows"

[@ingurdizstation5680]

>>

[@stonedcrusader]

"Show me the mummy" was a quality joke.

[@bombtwenty3867]

A big part of a joke is its delivery, he sort of flopped it in there, limply and impotently, and then apologized for its small size. Not good.

[@cfytcf]

"Yep"

[@TheBinarySon]

In 1996.

[@fma6399]

the funniest thing for me was: i didn't get the joke :-)

[@botyears]

Bomb Twenty But that's the joke.

[@gabegibbons6290]

I can't believe I live in a world where we can say that a movie "only had a 125 million dollar budget".

[@stopthephilosophicalzombie9017]

Inflation is a bitch.

[@flatflatspin9855]

Water World was 100 million and everyone sucked air when told. :-)

[@andreimileti]

Well, you are talking about paying >1000 people, often of skilled labour, over a period of 2-3 years in various places around the world. It's a big budget, but they can get more out of control

[@dashman8499]

Chameleon Boy is 100% right. And as minimum wage goes up over the years, the cost of professionals goes up as well.

[@dushikorsou1]

@@andreimileti these movies usually only take 3-6 months to shoot its the editing and cgi effects that take a long time.

[@byronwilliams2856]

I thought it was funny that Crowe called Cruise's character a "younger man" when Cruise is 2 years older than him.

[@byronwilliams2856]

@@Altzar2011 Cruise born 1962, Crowe born 1964.

[@sandyn3384]

Russ was born old, lol

[@JTM610]

That's fucking hilarious actually

[@EpicCoolGuy21]

It was probably written in Tom Cruise’s contract that he had to be called a young man by Russell Crowe so he didn’t feel old

[@handsomeDRAC]

Russell Crowe looks twice his age while Tom Cruise ceased to age years ago. Makes sense when you look at it like that.

[@billypunton8867]

I honestly thought RLM cut that universal trailer together as a joke. My god.

[@sssss7629]

me too

[@CJ-fz9fq]

me too

[@samoanalii]

OH MY GOD WAS THAT REAL?!

[@dragunmane3029]

Billy Punton seriously when I saw that my head hurt. Movies these days are such fucking trash. They're an insult to people and made for fat popcorn eating mindless drones.

[@JohnDoeSchmoe]

me too

[@1080TJ]

Universal's Dark Universe is the most unwanted thing since my son.

[@barkingbaphomet995]

i wanted it but they're doing it wrong.

[@user-qo6dh2ot4h]

We must refer to it as the DUCU

[@ItsMichaelReid]

More so than the Transformers/GI Joe Universe that Paramount is trying to push?

[@koicies998]

goddamn

[@JonConstruct]

TJ Hastie I read this in Plinkett's voice

[@arturocevallossoto5203]

The Mummy with Brendan Fraser was the shit. It was huge in Mexico. It must've been because it was on national TV every other month.

[@Suztvfan]

In the Netherlands it wasn't on every other month but at least once a year and every time it was on my family was like. "We could watch the mummy, that is fun." And every time it was fun, never really got old or stale compared to some other films.

[@drakonidesthevigilant5155]

@@mctapoutos7426 I was 7 and my mom put her hands over my eyes while Newman was getting slaughtered

[@frankmerker630]

I just like how The Mummy has been immortalized just by merely being perennially enjoyable for just about all audiences

[@diogoduarte8008]

That mummy film has a place on my heart because I watched when I was little

[@tommyc4641]

Also, Rachel Weisz

[@benglick2760]

Victor Franken-fucking-stein, motherfucker has got to be one of my favorite lines in any form of media ever

[@bkk397]

I can’t wait for THAT cinematic universe

[@LiamJSmart]

Agreed I can’t get it out of my head after all this time

[@Lesbean_Burrito]

"I was miserable, and I fell asleep. And it was too loud." He really is becoming Mr. Plinkett.

[@faxedwang]

when the artist becomes the art

[@robertholt3996]

Isn't that one of the prevalent theories? That Lightning Fast Mike eventually goes mad and kills Mr. Plinkett, then assuming his persona and doing the prequel reviews?

[@stijnvdv2]

@@robertholt3996 This movie was like: 'what if we turn the best Indiana Jones rip off into a comic super hero to join the comic universe success the other studios have'.... yeah it was as bad as it sounds. This is EVERYTHING that's wrong with current day Hollywood. They try to copy each other instead of actually working with the successful things they themselves got. When done correctly, an adventure/explorer movie could sell SO extremely good as time and time this genre proved. Indiana Jones, the mummy, National Treasure, Dan Brown's adaptations...... instead the look over the fence and see the grass is greener at the other studio; let's just copy what they are doing. 😒

[@cartmanofsp]

Or Grandpa Simpson

[@josiahbahuaud2294]

@@cartmanofsp Won’t be long before Mike is yelling at clouds.

[@travisdk84]

I hope the Dark Cinematic Universe becomes a thing just so Jay and Mike are forced to watch the movies and talk about them for our entertainment. DANCE MONKIES DANCE

[@osbely]

Neal X hey hey we're the Monk-Keys

[@lazyrmc]

same

[@kubli365]

Hwat about an SCP Cinematic Universe?

[@Stupidyellowshirt]

I came!! I came when I saw Darth Vader!!!

[@brightestlight9462]

@Kitty Glitter you and nobody else

[@japeth3213]

3:00 I swear to god I thought he was about to say "This movie isn't made for dummies, this movie is made for mummies."

[@shinget]

Mummies I'd Like to Film

[@charleynewman5057]

Shinget What you wrote, is gold.

[@danielmason9672]

Thought exactly the same thing, it was right there! 🙂

[@DiddyKongsTrashCollection2001]

'for moneys"

[@mcbadrobotvoice8155]

Because only dead people can enjoy it

[@flare242]

OMG!!! Mike and Jay, you solved one of the biggest mysteries of my life! It was around the year 1986. Deep in the communist Czechoslovakia, i was visiting my relatives in Carlsbad (not the one in USA, the original one, in CZ - Karlovy Vary. Since it's a town relatively close to the border with then western Germany, it was possible to catch the german TV there. I was watching a TV late at night when a weird scifi flick came on. From what i got with my bad german (i was 9 yrs old) it was about some spaceship returning from some mission, they got some sickness or whatever, basically they were frenchkissing other people which zombified them. I couldn't find out what the hell was the movie's name. For decades. Until now. It's Lifeforce! YAAAAY!

[@Ravi-xf8dw]

I know the feeling. So good

[@CassandrashadowcassMorrison]

@@BlooCollaGal Because you're young. Lifeforce was released in theaters in 1985. Event Horizon in 1997

[@moonrazk]

@@BlooCollaGal Yeah, which means you weren't even alive when Lifeforce came out.

[@SharkLizard]

@@BlooCollaGal it sounds absolutely nothing like Event Horizon?

[@verruxlunox8438]

What an interesting story, even though a small one thanks for sharing though

[@heroesfan236]

ishtar cinematic universe

[@hellogoato]

heroesfan236 Make it happen, Hollywood.

[@gwh3013]

3...2...3...4 ...4...2...3 ..

[@jessica_jam4386]

Juancho Corleone "does this look like an oasis to you?"

[@samboujaiteh3331]

Battlefield Earth Cinematic Universe.

[@TulilaSalome]

teletubbies cinematic universe... but now dark and gritty of course.

[@SmegmaProducer]

I forsee them making a remake of Abbot and Costello meet the wolfman, but starring Seth Rogen and James Franco making weed jokes.

[@andrewr880]

Holy fuck what is this dogshit You know that almost happened with Jay and Silent Bob by the Weinsteins

[@skullguy8504]

Key and Peele Meet Frankenstein

[@pokcow01]

The UCDUECU can still be saved.

[@AncelDeLambert]

You're talking about my nightmares.

[@hellogoato]

Holy fuck what is this dogshit "Who's on first?" "Like, dude, I'm too high to give a shit right now." End skit. It's funny because the actors care even less than the shitty audience who pay to get visual AIDS beamed directly into their eyeholes.

[@JesterfaceBassplayer]

" Hey, we have Johnny Depp, let's make him invisible since his popular novelty doesn't lie in visual mannerisms!"

[@fellow8085]

I'd say that's sort of the point though. Who can act with just motion of the body and not relying on facial expressions. Apart from like, Andy serkis, and the Guillermo del Toro rubber suit guy.

[@mcbadrobotvoice8155]

Can’t wait for mummy infinty war. “Dracula?” “What is it Frankenstein?” “I don’t feel so good”

[@turtleanton6539]

Wow now I want a Endgame time travel plot.

[@MustafaTurgutDenizer]

And from that it connects to Castlevania series and Belmonts fight against Dracula and the other monsters etc.

[@trygveplaustrum4634]

*Dracula starts burning, just because he's in sunlight*

[@alphatrion4365]

Lol Tom Cruise is gonna have the infinity wraps on his hands. He's gonna flip a bird and make half the the people die of cringe. Then they will be his army of undead cringe zombies.

[@Strowen]

5:15 you can see mike internally trying to come up with a joke about how johnny depps box office numbers are invisible

[@cjl6692]

Or how Universal prefers him invisible until those Heard allegations are forgotten about

[@Stupidyellowshirt]

I can't wait for the Bride of Frankenstein movie because I KNOW WHAT THAT IS!! I know who JOHNNY DEPP is!!!!!!!!

[@spudastic]

like depp's box office returns the joke failed to come to fruition

[@nenenomusic]

When they showed the "Dark universe" I thought it was them editing it, and I thought it was funny. Then they said it was the official trailer, and I laughed even harder. Thanks guys, I almost pissed my pants.

[@nenenomusic]

Ratel.H Badger same, and that unfinished draft of a trailer for mummy. Amazing

[@thewatcherofawesomecontent]

"Shit Universe"

[@volbla]

I did not laugh harder. I was just dumbstruck. Like, what the fuck, man.

[@blither4656]

Same, didn't think they'd sink that low....

[@silkstar4206]

Visual Aids just, the dramatic music was so unfitting. I fucking died in the final part it the teaser when it's getting all hyped and it just shows an awful fish head mask, fucking comedy gold.

[@keatoncoffey6742]

Johnny Depp is now literally the invisible man in Hollywood

[@connielingus8385]

Agreed, he should've won an Oscar for that role.

[@videogamenostalgia]

Uhhh, it's called method acting sweetie

[@drakonidesthevigilant5155]

James Franco's mustache had a good time

[@christopherkinsella3912]

@@XanderFenikkusu You did it. You won. No more cancellations. They even brought back Firefly.

[@Tetragrammaton22]

@@christopherkinsella3912 Firefly was cancelled because no one watched it until well after it was gone, it wasn't cancelled because it "allegedly" abused its partner.

[@ellenroyce6847]

Dark Universe flopped really hard, and for some reason I'm really happy about it. It's like a perfect trainwreck. Universal wanted to jump in on that bandwagon and that wagon just explodes. Not even breaks down, but explodes, flyes in the air and then explodes again.

[@williamsircin6025]

Maybe he's British?

[@basilisk4894]

That isn't a British spelling

[@timefoambathray9339]

I thought that monster movie universe trailer was a fucking parody when you started playing it holy shit

[@Poisonedblade]

Yeah, I thought RLM made that trailer.

[@1111khao]

Me too!

[@tehgreatvak]

same here my dude, looked like something they threw together in like 10 minutes

[@YadonTheCat]

Me too!!

[@liamhunter8005]

Dan Ger Holy shit same!

[@Shermingtan]

The 1999 mummy will always be with me. Such a great action flick with lots of comedy. As a teenager that was the shit.

[@alicelopez130]

Shermingtan yess still one of my favorite movies, it didn't take itself seriously

[@keithoneil9894]

Same here. It seems to have become a forgotten movie.

[@keithoneil9894]

"Good" being the keyword.

[@Shermingtan]

It didn't pretend to be anything else than shlock. That's what made it so good imo. And to be honest it was kinda fresh for the time and had some interesting elements.

[@keithoneil9894]

It embraced what it was and succeeded. I saw the new one last night and tried to be something it isn't.

[@Hellsinger89]

"Always eat the cake when it's handed to you." Truly wisdom for the ages.

[@Thagomizer]

"Show me the mummy!" was actually a joke in Fallout 2.

[@bkk397]

“Who...is the mummy?!” Atmosfear: Khufu The Mummy

[@EwanMakeMovies]

I enjoyed The Mummy, but it was no The Mummy or The Mummy.

[@dustywaynemusic6297]

I actually prefer The Mummy over The Mummy. But I hated The Mummy

[@LittleJimmy835]

Oh god you actually like The Mummy? But The Mummy was so much better. Christ even The Mummy was better than The Mummy.

[@ericv00]

I mostly agree, but honestly, The Mummy was the only watchable The Mummy movie.

[@smileydog5941]

Well The Mummy is a classic no doubt, but even though The Mummy is basically its own movie, it has become a classic in its own right. These things can't be said about The Mummy.

[@dustywaynemusic6297]

Guillermo Ramirez have you seen The Mummy though?

[@TheTruthIsRevealed]

"Ye" - Jay Bauman

[@booates]

Yee

[@ericohm9474]

Is that a bottle of Dan Aykroyd's quadruple distilled herkimer diamond filtered Newfoundland crystal skull vodka?

[@tincano-beans2114]

In it's really cool bottle

[@vfreek4ever899]

Whoa!!! The vodka that almost killed Larry King???

[@MBRSims]

DOUBLE TRIPLE MONSTER COMBO

[@HappyRussia1138]

@@vfreek4ever899 *ca-HOOO* "Hmm, very nice."

[@jasonfenton8250]

@@HappyRussia1138 Start of the ruination.

[@Lultschful]

Jay: "Follow the Blumhouse model, make these very very modestly budgeted actual horror movies." Universal: "Hey, Blumhouse, let's make The Invisible Man."

[@homestuck_official]

I mean. At least it was good tho

[@Lultschful]

@@homestuck_official Haven't seen it yet, but I hear it is, so I'm looking forward.

[@tadpolegaming4510]

@@Lultschful what did you think?

[@Lultschful]

@@tadpolegaming4510 I liked it, excellent thriller.

[@JeanMarceaux]

@@christrevor3450 hallmark movies are the scariest because people who make them actually believe what they make

[@libraryofalexander796]

I'm still excited for the General Mills Count Chocula/Frankenberry/Booberry cinematic universe.

[@GRD31u]

That's the truly cerealized franchise we need

[@clutchbert9960]

ThePunderfulWizard Nice.

[@glenellisquinn]

Don't forget about Fruit Brute. Everyone forgets Fruit Brute, but he's gonna make a comeback, I can feel it. They cast The Rock AND Chris Pratt as Fruit Brute so it can't fail.

[@RudyHarlanPhantomBoom]

Yummy Mummy

[@ChucksSEADnDEAD]

nāmorghūlilaros they'll get Bautista due to budget reasons

[@squdnate]

When you showed that clip of the old monster movies clipped together with action music, I thought you were making a joke..... But it's a real trailer.... oh.....

[@finalcountdown3210]

Squdnate Same

[@jackheslop939]

I thought it was a parody too.

[@rydermccall3590]

Squdnate Wait, what?? THAT WAS REAL??!!

[@Xenomorph505]

It's borderline experimental

[@Rick586]

Xenomorph505 It's borderline several things.

[@jayburde9819]

“No, Victor-franken-fuckin-stien” is a new hidden gem mike quote

[@MrAndoProductions]

I'm here for the 5 year anniversary of the cinematic universe

[@pepeshadilay]

It has lost less money than DC

[@mattakudesu]

My dark universe resides in my colon.

[@gunsmithbasic]

Always eat the cake... when it's handed... to you

[@tomburkill6875]

my spastic colon

[@oobndroobw]

So does this movie

[@whythehellnot794]

Holy shit, when 4:30 came around, I laughed at how RLM overlaid modern "hip" movie music over the old film footage. I thought it was a clever jab at how such a trailer would look and sound if some corporate suits tried to sell those movies to modern audiences. Then I realized it was real.

[@PauKj]

Wait what??.... so it wasn't a joke?

[@Khazuki_]

Jokes are real now.

[@stephen0793]

Whythe Hellnot exactly I thought it was a parody too!!!

[@olepigeon]

17:39 I never actually saw The Mummy, and I didn't know that Alex Kurtzman "wrote" it. Yes, I mean that sarcastically because he also "wrote" _The Island_ , which he was sued over because he plagiarized another low-budget movie called _Parts: The Clonus Horror_ . Most recently, his writing team was accused of plagiarizing the characters and a major plot points for the first season Star Trek: Discovery from an independent game called Tardigrades (they won on the technicality that the game developer didn't register trademarks in the U.S., so his copyrights were not enforceable.) Once is a coincidence, twice is plagiarism, three times is a criminal empire. I am now morbidly curious about other films and TV shows "written" by Alex Kurtzman. I'm willing to bet if you cross referenced his work against lesser known movies, you'll find even more "coincidences." Kurtzman is a hack. What's worse, he's profiting off other people's hard work without facing any consequences.

[@viddork]

Don't forget Jake Johnson's character being a direct rip-off of Griffin Dunne's in _American Werewolf ..._ But it's worth pointing out that Kurtman did the story, but not the screenplay, and Cruise himself had plenty to do with the screenplay. Lots of blame to go around. I actually thought _The Island_ was supposed to be a remake of _The Clonus Horror_ when I watched it. More fool me.

[@JeanMarceaux]

@@viddork I thought _The Island_ was supposed to be based on an Aldous Huxley novel

[@harkejuice]

Bring back Rick O'Connell. The campyness of The Mummy is what made it work.

[@reek4062]

member The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

[@tadpolegaming4510]

@@reek4062 unironically enjoyable, especially after the Himalayas trip

[@Hipopoterfish]

WHERE THE FUCK IS BRENDAN FRASER?

[@jonsnowthescienceguy5051]

Hipopoterfish He's doing Encino man 2

[@basementofmars1963]

Working at a toll booth.

[@LudicrousShows]

Getting the life sucked out of him by his ex-wife.

[@Dellaluna13]

Brendan Fraser : "A movie about an insidious succubus tormenting everyone around her, and you want me to play the lead who is powerless to stop her? I'm sorry, but I've already been playing that role for too long."

[@standr0id]

At the scale shop

[@gfmartello]

Did the director say the actress brings humanity to the mummy? Isn't that exactly the opposite of what she should be doing?

[@iAmTheSquidThing]

Bringing mummanity to the human?

[@AdmiralKrunch96]

Kevin Savage Huge Mummaries

[@rhetiq9989]

When's the last time alex kurtzman ever make or say something that makes actual sense?

[@DinosaurFan88]

Which is funny, since the original Mummy movie starring Boris Karloff centered around a love story between the title character and an Egyptian princess.

[@AlluMan96]

To be even the least bit fair, giving humanity to the mummy isn't the worst idea. Like, the very first Mummy with Boris Karloff wasn't really about an inhuman monster. In fact, the driving force of his character came from very human desires. That's the thing about classic horror icons. Most of them are conceived from a very human place. The Wolf Man, Dracula, Jekyll and Hyde, even the point of the original novel of Frankenstein, they weren't just snarling beasts for the heroes to kill. Alot of classic horror treats monsters as physical metaphors to cast a reflection on the darker sides of humanity. It was only from the 50s onwards when humanity began to vanish from monsters and they started becoming more feral, less about being poetic and more about being unreasonable in their nature.

[@BarelyEvenAnything]

I think someone at Universal listened to Jays suggestion of “following the Blumhouse route” and that’s how we got The Invisible Man

[@justafox5356]

10:12 hey! Don’t be mean to Brendan Fraser! I miss him and the last time I saw him in an interview he looked so sad...just unbelievably sad and broken. I wanted to just give him a damn hug and I’m not big on hugs especially with strangers but...man looked like he needed it.

[@GrainneMhaol]

Yeah, considering The Mummy movies destroyed his body and almost killed him.

[@stevenschnepp576]

@@GrainneMhaol At least they're worth watching. This movie, on the other hand...

[@tadpolegaming4510]

That's what being forced to pay alimony to a golddigger will do to you

[@reneanthony1049]

Now he’s back and everyone loves him even more. So excited for his new film: The Whale!

[@rickardkaufman3988]

@@reneanthony1049 And now he's been nominated for an Oscar.

[@shachi_edits2859]

Watch your mouth Stoklosa, Brendan Fraser doesn't need your judgement. He had his life force sucked out by alimony (and as such couldn't return to have his life force sucked out by Mummies.)

[@roetheboat1]

Would you say it was sucked out by "aliMUMMY"? Eh? Eh?

[@83staceyann]

@@gleekthemonkey4570 Don't worry, we all really love Brendan Fraser... I mean, how could we not?!

[@harrisonwestphall2381]

By the time he was doing Furry Vengeance, he was already in zombie mode.

[@MisterSynyster]

Well between action movie star constant body pain and being molested on set probably weighed into that too

[@Psilocybin77]

@@MisterSynyster don't forget about the impact of his mother dying

[@Nicola_Sacco]

Holy shit... I thought the Dark Universe trailer was a joke. I mean, it still is, it's just real.

[@danielmoran3233]

This and The Bye Bye Man are my all time favorite episodes.

[@Casey3-P-O]

They were originally going to make a new "The Invisible Man," but they were afraid people wouldn't see it.

[@johnsmith-mv8hq]

Mike's Predicktion Tracking In Ep 117 Mike predicted that 'The Mummy' would do the following:- Budget = $120m Domestic BO = $28m Int BO = $100m Rotten T = 36% How did he do compared to actual events? Budget = $125m Dom BO = $32m Int BO = $141m (estimate) ($52m of which was in China) RT = 17% Metacritic = 34%

[@somethingnew3517]

Also predicted Brendan Fraser being fat.

[@DarkMProductions]

What do you expect from Mr Alex Kurtzman? The "genius" who co-wrote Revenge of the Fallen, and went on to compare it to Terminator 2.

[@luizfelipevbf5567]

And wrote The Amazing Spider Man 2 and Star Trek 2

[@kendallt1528]

This put a genuine frown on my face. Alex Kurtzmann is Game of Thrones season 8 wrapped in human skin. Pure, distilled disappointment.

[@DarkMProductions]

@@kendallt1528 and he's only gotten worse since.

[@michaelhansen2309]

@@DarkMProductions One of you americans explain how Hollywood works and how this guy, who everyone thinks is terrible, keeps getting genres to ruin.

[@DarkMProductions]

@@michaelhansen2309 In Hollywood, all you need is two or three big hits to your name, and with the occasional exception, you can have as many flops as you want. I mean look at M Night Shyamalan, he's still working despite his terrible streak of films. And Alex Kurtzman was involved with the super successful Transformers films, Mission Impossible 3, and the JJ Abrams Star Trek films. So, he'll probably keep getting offers left and right due to those films' successes.

[@GravityTrash]

The Dark Universe and DCEU are perfect examples of studios panicking like hell when The Avengers was released.

[@ryvlaw]

Why does Alex Kurtzman even land jobs at this point?

[@Camhin1]

I imagine it's because he does what he's told and doesn't question anything.

[@killergoose7643]

When your industry makes nothing but hacky schlock, you hire the master.

[@TheMarshmelloKing]

he gives really good head.

[@crossbearer6453]

@@TheMarshmelloKing 😂😂😂😂

[@XEPER888888888888888]

Hollywood Cronyism...I'd also say Nepotism, but idk if he is related to anyone important in Hollywood so...

[@Telemarathon]

RLM need to make a trailer for the RLM Cinematic Universe with clips cut together from HITB, Space Cop, BOTW, etc.

[@Lesbean_Burrito]

All of the movies eventually lead up to one final vilain! Rich's crippling diabetes.

[@charleynewman5057]

Remember when Twilight cam out and people were like "Oh boy now they've made vampires sexy and werewolves sexy." and then that Frankenstein movie came out, and people said, "Now we have a sexy Frankenstein, what are they going to do next a sexy mummy? HA HA HA!" 2017 - The Mummy (starring model Sophia Boutella) 2017 - The year I smashed my head repeatedly into a concrete wall.

[@organicstorm]

Charley Newman except twilight did not start or invent the idea of sexy vampires and werewolves.. but i see what you meant

[@niallreid7664]

Charley Newman I like to think the whole "Sexy werewolves and vampires" fad has died down a bit. They still exist, but people seem to be gravitating more towards more classic, gothic horror vampires in recent years.

[@bkk397]

The concrete wall was when the sex appeal came in

[@rachelmattingly5587]

RLM talking about any male miscasting: "they needed a chris pratt."

[@connielingus8385]

They're right.

[@leopoldbuttersstotch277]

Here after Chris Pratt got casted as Mario. Lol.

[@YukiGibson]

@@leopoldbuttersstotch277 Right? Even Nintendo though it was a good idea, fucking Nintendo. RLM knows their shit.

[@NobuxD]

That Chris Pratt is so hot right now!

[@YukiGibson]

Chris Pratt has been casted for the Lasagna Cat movie ...

[@laurenm3148]

Cruise played the smarmy guy in War of the Worlds to somewhat fine effect, I think, as another example. Great review.

[@mrdavidlopan]

Interview With A Vampire was a good example of a Tom Cruise dramatic role. For all the naysaying at the time of his casting back then he certainly nailed the part...

[@jamesof7seven]

That's a vastly underrated movie, and Tom Cruise was brilliant in it..... but - the movie did kind of die after Kirsten Dunst' character entered in the middle - I get why people checked out during the last half of the movie. Too bad, too.

[@tiaaaron3278]

Only fools who know about cinema might say Tom Cruise can't do a dramatic role. Magnolia is amazing.

[@cleobinx]

lostintechnicolor he is so good in that!

[@Pipi-rq2hw]

Also Collateral and Born on the fourth of July

[@EmperorOTN]

the fucking Jay marrying Mr. Plinkett plot is unbelievable.

[@ShangTsung917]

It took 12 years to make

[@firstnamelastname3435]

I was going to comment "It's borderline experimental" but then I remembered this comment section is nothing but the same 6 inside jokes repeated over ad infinitum. I hate you and I hope you all drown in your memes,you human trash.

[@walter_the_wobot2349]

In what way?

[@woodlefoof2]

is pointing out our same 6 jokes replacing our 6 jokes?

[@CranesNotSkyHooks]

They may have gone too far in a few places...

[@Big32Productions]

10:11 you leave brendan fraiser alone. Hes a saint

[@JetEngine787]

This is a true story, and one of the things in my life I will never forget. My Mom went back to NY to visit family back in '85, leaving my Dad (who is awesome) to deal with me and my brother [13 and 10 at the time] on his own. One night, my dad decides to take us to the movies for the first time since Return of the Jedi. The movie? Life force. The funny part is that my dad was somewhat intoxicated before we even went, and on the way he stopped for a bottle of rum to bring into the movie. 1985. Anyway, my Dad is dumping Mount Gay Rum into his cup, and the movie devolved into a hot naked British woman wandering around London. For a 13 year old boy, it was the greatest movie I have ever seen.....and out of nowhere, my Dad starts heckling the shit out of the movie. Hes a witty guy still at 77, but he was killing it.... but he forgot about the empty rum bottle near his feet. He apparently knocked over the bottle and as it slid down the decline of the theater floor, it was banging on the metal chair legs and it sounded like a fucking Pachinko game. We were pretty high up in the old Village Green theater in West Palm, and it became clear that it had become a game involving the whole place. It would pause, and then start up again, so people were kicking it down. When it hit the front wall of the theater, the entire (packed - 1985) crowd of the movie erupted in applause. 100% true story from my childhood. Unfortunately, I repeated my fathers performance back in 2017 with my 8 year old son. Opening night, The Last Jedi. Thanks for letting me share.

[@PrinceDepecheMode]

Great story...remind me of time my daughter and I had a good laugh when someone dropped their hard round candy

[@alalvarez7301]

So, what did security said as they were kicking you out of the theater? Jokes aside, good story, even if possibly made out. Funny stuff.

[@calebcarraway361]

@@alalvarez7301 "up"

[@SlantsDraws]

The Last Jedi and Rise of Skywalker are good reasons to get drunk

[@Stupidyellowshirt]

Seeing as the box office tanked, the sequel will have Brendan Fraser appearing as Tom Cruise's long lost archaeologist brother

[@NexusJake97]

Keith tanking domestically. Other countries, no so much

[@donaldbarrett4073]

#SAVEBRENDAN

[@ChrisDynamo]

It will be lucky to hit 400m, which is a very low amount all things considered. It may just about double its budget after marketing costs, but for a blockbuster starring Tom Cruise trying to set up a movieverse, the numbers are very disappointing for Universal, no doubt about that. Domestic numbers are very important because the biggest slice of profits comes from the US (as opposed to China only giving up 25% of their ticket sales), and seeing as how this film won't even hit $100m Stateside, that's not good at all.

[@ChrisDynamo]

+ThatDarnIrishMan I don't think you understand how it works; when a movie grosses $668m like with Man of Steel or $529m with Godzilla, the studios don't get to keep all of that money! In the US, around half of that goes to cinemas and only 50% goes to the studios, and internationally it varies from 25% (China) going to the studios up to around 40% or so. So at best, Man of Steel broke even, at best, and Godzilla might have made a very slight profit, by your estimations at least, and your numbers seem made up, because budget and marketing for Iron Man cost a total of $225m (moderate sized, near 70m profit to start off the franchise). $375m for Man of Steel (40m loss to start off this franchise) and $225m for Godzilla (40m profit, arguably disappointing).

[@tadpolegaming4510]

Now can we agree it definitely didn't succeed here?

[@fauxteal8502]

Holy shit, thanks, I'm sold! I'll definitely watch it. I mean Lifeforce. That movie looks dope.

[@TJbrena]

If you have Netflix, check out "Electric Boogaloo". It's a fun documentary on Cannon Films, who made that movie and that sort of schlock like mad. They also launched the careers of Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme, and made Superman 4. I really can't recommend it enough.

[@JaegerZ3]

It's actually a descent movie.

[@MrHEC381991]

Jay tweeted about five year anniversary of this movie so I'm back here lol

[@patrickdoherty4527]

Same reason I came back to this. Even after five years, it's still hard to understand what Universal was thinking. The whole dark universe concept was so obviously a bad. idea.

[@obnoxiouspriest]

Brenden Fraser is a saint! And would be perfect in a new mummy movie! When he's a little chunkier I just want to hug him more. Brendan Fraser once defended a public school from a herd of hormonally enraged rutting moose. using only half a quiver of arrows!

[@scythe6661]

We need more of Mike as "Pompous Investigator" and Jay as "Canadian Police Officer".

[@KagurasSacrifice]

Mike referred to Jake Johnson as Nick Miller Mike watches New Girl: Confirmed

[@Cheapiebeepie]

I choked on my food when they cut to the clip “Tom said, this is bigger than anything I’ve done before”

[@AcesnEights698]

Alex Kurtzman has taken the Uwe Boll formula to new heights.

[@Highbeamsmusic]

"Always eat the cake when it's handed to you"I need to somehow hang out with these guys before I die

[@johnlambohst6058]

As long as you aren't the Rich Evans of the group it'll be fun

[@RyanCreatesThings]

John lambohst there's only room for one, both literally and figuratively

[@cjl6692]

I'd rather be Rich than Jack

[@dennisgeorge4533]

I just want to say that The Invisible Man has already been done recently. It was called Hollow Man and Kevin Bacon wasted no time by becoming a rapist.

[@digitalintent]

Ahhh. Good old Verhoeven and his rape.

[@gabrieleriva651]

Dennis George John Carpenter also made one for Universal in the 90s. NOBODY remembers that.

[@TheHolySemiColon]

I mean, if you consider 17 years ago "recent". To compare, Brendan Fraser's last mummy movie was only 9 years ago.

[@perplexus3893]

Dennis George having read the invisible man, lemme tell you how disappointing including ‘The Invisible Man’ in the DUCU was. In the book, the protagonist is never literally invisible, but is instead figuratively so due to being black in a time when black people were treated poorly. It’s nowhere near terrifying.

[@tokiwartooth9935]

Well that IS pretty high on the list of "Things to do once you become invisible", right after 1. Petty Revenge, 2. Voyeurism, and 3. Grand Larceny.

[@AMP09FH]

"This movie was like eating a rice cake"

[@Gideon_the_Seraph]

Rice cakes are the equivalent of getting acute radiation sickness. Horrible.

[@iPostPwnedU]

@@larryjackson2184 you are in the small minority who dislike rise Krispy treats

[@jessemacaspac443]

@@larryjackson2184 as an Asian who had plenty of rice cakes as a child... they are indeed disgusting.

[@Apauling31]

Liked entirely for "Show me the Mummy"

[@CatCheshireThe]

The mention about the dagger bit being held by Christian crusaders made me irrationally angry because like, the crusades were 2,000 years after the ancient Egyptians. Why would they have ANYTHING to do with mummies? But fuck it, it's all "historical" right? Anything that happened more than 100 years ago is completely interchangeable.

[@sarasamaletdin4574]

I have not seen this film. It's silly to think now I was a bit upset that Mike refered the Mummy as Cleopatra like. When she was not an actual ancient Eqyptian of the pyramids era but a Macedonian Greek ruler who lived thousands of years after the pyramids were built. But that is still so much better than Christian Crusaders expecailly if that was in the real film.

[@Stuurminator]

I sort of figured that said dagger exchanged a few hands before the crusaders found it on their trips to the Middle East, figured it was something Jesus wouldn't like, and decided to hold onto it for safekeeping. That's probably putting more thought into it than the writers did, though.

[@Khazuki_]

World War I is 100 years old. Can't wait for Genghis Khan to show up as a general in the next WWI movie.

[@stephenramos2824]

Khazuki I want to see the Jesus Hitler romcom set in the middle ages

[@RacinZilla003]

I want to see Hannibal Barca defeat Joan of Arc, and Scipio Africanus demolish Napoleon Bonaparte

[@MrMinitown]

The Mummy had a 120 million budget. So far it has made 12 million domestically, and 135 million foreign. Jesus christ

[@nosuchthing8]

Bill Gates made its money back

[@MrSmokinDragon]

Nope. Rule of thumb is that the studio gets app. 50% of all domestic box office, 40% of foreign, and app. 25% of Chinese BO. If we use 40% for all the foreign BO, it has made the studio app. $60m, so about halfway to breaking even. When also considering the marketing budget which can be as high as 80-100% of the movie budget, it has far to go.

[@zaphero5518]

MrSmokinDragon Yep, Basically the movie needs to quadruple its budget to break even; tis the way with hollywood.

[@shinkounova8485]

nosuchthing8 Not even close to making its money back

[@Xagzan]

Dear overseas, stop buying our crap

[@Enthos2]

"Tom cruise is a guy who only cares about himself but he decides to save a lady" Mike has a way with words

[@ClericalError87]

Mike: "Always. Eat. The Cake." Me: Huh, I'm suddenly remembering how there's always. Money. In the banana stand.

[@Henrus_Second_Channel_Now]

Michael...

[@charlottecorday8494]

Wink

[@moisttowelette9153]

Can Hollywood digitaly de-age Rich Evans?

[@OrcoDevelopment]

That only works on people.

[@tomost3891]

OrcoDevelopment Rich Evens may be the Übermensch, but he is technicly still a human.

[@gordo_cabron]

And more important: Can Hollywood de-diabetes him?

[@rezkat03]

Tom Cruise screaming in a loop with the Looney Tunes music is the best fucking thing I've heard and seen in weeks! XD

[@Psykko_]

Kim Johnson I love these guys. Been watching then since before KZbin. Their Plinket Prequel reviews are just genius.

[@theeternalnow6506]

Agree. The "fade out to the looney tunes music" is just comedy gold and such a slam lol. Just absolutely brutal and hilarious.

[@Profile__1]

I've heard Mike say "This is the worst movie I've ever seen" so many times now. I can't tell if he's just over-exaggerating or that every week is a new movie that disappoints him even more.

[@yourface1218]

Can someone cut together all the times Mike has started a review by saying "I loved it" followed by a long pause and then "Nah, I'm just fucking with you" and then trashing the movie.

[@Moorahd]

Honestly half in the bag is a better cinematic universe than the dark universe

[@AntonicontHandmadeLures]

I loved the "You need to digitally de-age your jokes" bit, pure RLM gold. These guys are so above the competition!

[@Durhandoni80]

As a gift Kurtzmann of being so "succesful", he was allowed to destroy Star Trek.

[@Ultravod]

Mike in 2017 talking about a deadly pathogen keeping us from watching movies in a theater. 2020 looks at the camera: OH MY GODDDDDDD!

[@yuniq9gaming930]

illuminati confirmed

[@troyh8461]

What a crazy-ass coincidence!

[@spillyrichX]

I love it when you guys review movies I have no intent on seeing. ever.

[@user-qo6dh2ot4h]

I'm honestly surprised they even bothered. Sometimes they're just like "eh, I don't care enough" and I don't blame them for stuff like this.

[@Christian___]

Glad that American screenwriters are dumbing down their screenplays for us dumb foreigners; otherwise we wouldn't have a chance parsing their deeply sophisticated and meaningful entertainment products.

[@lorddragn1]

Christian W Pretty sure they aren't marketing for western markets so your country is probably safe from our pandering...for now

[@greekLeon]

Christian W plot twist: they dumb it down for americans

[@aitorjimenez2705]

condoriano27 i think specifically he was saying it was to aid localization

[@SixthDream]

China only wants big stupid spectacle foreign movies. But China only gives 15% of the gross by to US studios. Doesn't matter that much.

[@nothing-wp9ti]

It's for non-Western non-English speaking countries. Not all foreign markets.

[@4n68er6]

Jay reminds me of Philip J Fry 😂

[@IMN602]

8:25 your mockup of that scene had better lighting than most of The Mummy

[@ringod123]

An argument against Tom Cruise' limited range, Tropic Thunder, never seen him act like that before, he was great.

[@hendrikalbert3910]

ringod123 His angry outburst on the phone was so hilarious

[@ringod123]

You're wrong, check IMDB, Tom Cruise is indeed in Tropic Thunder, he's the guy funding the movie (the angry bald guy with glasses).

[@PauLtus_B]

+Jimmy De'Souza He looks like he's losing hair.

[@mrkemrk]

He was actually pretty exceptional in Vanilla Sky.

[@kingNGRX]

Thanks for cheering up my horrible day, seriously.

[@who_we_are______5926]

GhostNegro your day will get better my guy hang in there

[@CardCaptorDeadpool]

GhostNegro god same, I can laugh to hide the pain

[@videogamenostalgia]

If they wanted a handsome swashbuckling character who steals ancient antiquities and beds beautiful women, they should have cast a more relevant Hollywood heartthrob like Henry Cavill, Chris Pratt or Rich Evans.

[@Gustavo_PerezRamirez]

For some reason I believe this comment has less likes than it should just because of how Rich and Chris Evans feel so similar.

[@shimma25]

The idea of Mike in a ski mask creepily standing in a movie theatre bathroom handing out free cake is just absolutely hilarious!

You can tell how bad a movie was by how fast these guys post their review about it.

[@dholmestar]

I'm expecting that Rise of Skywalker review any minute now in that case

[@ChrysalisMusic]

Best episode in a while. Half in The Bag is so much more entertaining when they're reviewing bad movies.

[@Boobalopbop]

I only watch the bad movie reviews, lol. I hope they do the 50 shades of grey sequel

[@potaterjim]

I loved the annihilation review, but it was funny largely for the same reason: their focus on their complete disappointment with Hollywood

[@fantasiazplatkami]

Yes. I love rants in general.

[@LumpyAdams]

That's every film review channel.

[@ashwingautam3701]

"Prestigious director Alex Kurtzman"

[@DerangedAvenger]

They should just bring Keanu Reeves in if they want a guy who looks young without digital deaging. WHERE IS THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH, KEANU?!

[@KnuckleHunkybuck]

There are countless guys who look young without digital deaging; they're called "young guys".

[@dannass5]

@@KnuckleHunkybuck I've heard young guys suck at acting and have no charisma tho

[@KnuckleHunkybuck]

+dannass5 I guess Keanu Reeves is the natural first choice then, as he both excels at acting and is one of the most charismatic fellows you'll ever see on screen -- Chris Pratt be damned.

[@bluchicken_995]

Ask Paul Rudd

[@stopthephilosophicalzombie9017]

What makes you think they didn't digitally de-age Keanu in the Wick movies?

[@smartalec2384]

"You'd have white college students protesting it" 😂

[@1111Tactical]

Funny how they get offended on behalf of other people far more than the actual people they decide to represent.

[@bombtwenty3867]

The movie wasn't as much of a joke as they imagine, it was subtle occult propaganda, Mike and Jay just didn't understand it. See the video "Hollywood full disclosure ricin toxin". Now I don't believe it like the Author, ricin toxin, he just gets carried away and takes the bait, but see how these occult themes are brought up in multiple movies. See the part of "full disclosure" where he talks about Sekhmet portrayed as a weapon that has to be broken up, and understand that's why in this move the mummy has parts scattered around. She is supposed to be Sekhmet. It wasn't caused by cultural sensitivity when they "spread it around", you don't have to be sensitive about an extinct culture the indigenous Egyptians consider idolatrous and heresy

[@jasonfenton8250]

Bomb Twenty What?

[@afukcinboxlol2123]

Makes sense to ME

[@lorddragn1]

FrankDaTank1218 That's because its not about the cultures they get up in arms defending, its all about their own ego, pathological altruism

[@requiem4ameme2]

I wish there were people handing out free cake at the public restrooms I visit. But I just keep finding these weird Bigfoot porno movies instead.

[@myself2noone]

Blue Laser Sounds like you live in Springfield.

[@Juel92]

Mike saying "Bring Brendan Fraser back" and then proceed to make a fat joke is appropriately prophetic.

[@L1ghtweaver]

"#fuckmummies" means something way different in Britain, Jay.

[@Redmanticore]

Bargingo then again, maybe he did it intentionally. after all, it was the americans that introduced the golden term "motherfucker" to the world.

[@PedroGomes-cx7ku]

@@Redmanticore Do Britons have that custom?