Half in the Bag Episode 151: Slender Man

[@owlstagawn1106]

Can't wait until Sony makes a "Jeff the Killer" movie and creates a creepypasta cinematic universe.

[@darrelsam419]

Please no I don't want to live through another era of teenagers writing about how much they want to fuck Jeff the Killer and other creepypasta serial killers.

[@shadows-sweet-embrace]

Aren't you hyped for the upcoming Smile Dog movie?

[@theycallmejojo6090]

CINEMATIC HYPER REALISTIC BLOOD

[@Ektalon]

Yeah! To compete with that cinematic juggernaut called the Dark Universe! (Edit) Eventually I'll learn to spell.

[@avenger813]

sonic.exe extended universe please

[@rooftopsignals7313]

Can't wait for the adaptation of 'Jeff The Killer' in 2021, starring Jared Leto with no eyebrows, extremely white makeup and a tattoo of "Natural born killa" on his forehead, right beneath the scar that spells "mah nem jef".

[@kostajovanovic3711]

I can see that happening....

[@maymay5600]

ready for the minecraft movie?

[@arstneio5753]

Oh man, this actually made me LOL

[@prottimus2396]

Probably still be scarier than the 'Jeff The Killer' creepypasta

[@Comkill117]

May May considering there’s actual books about Minecraft, and I don’t mean like strategy guides and that sort of thing I mean full on books, I wouldn’t doubt that would actually happen... (Sony pictures would probably make it too, the hacks)

[@definitelynotanAIchatbot]

Slenderman literally came from a photoshop contest on SomethingAwful. Imagine making a silly picture on a message board and having it lead to an attempted murder and a Hollywood film...

[@thiskid990]

You probably get this a lot but your icon is fucked

[@DarudeNephew]

this Kid why is it fucked

[@DarudeNephew]

touma I'm almost 30. It can't be worse than one guy one jar.

[@gabriellapasseri9632]

Tiia Mannix no, don’t

[@DragoonCenten]

Krista Handel I have seen plenty worse than a guy bursting a jar in his rectum. That being said, the subject matter of his profile picture is not much worse than one guy one jar.

[@gptronic]

I like SONY. They make me believe that I also can be a filmmaker.

[@obscure4847]

GPTRONIC I read this in one of the voices mike makes

[@moviesovermatterproductions]

Bravo!

[@crytkryssus9851]

I want to like this but you're at 666 I don't want to upset the balance.

[@johnv6806]

You can. In essence every youtuber is.

[@Wonkess_Chonkess]

​@@crytkryssus9851 we're all so proud of you

[@Brawnald]

"They can see each other on their phones?!? Like The Jetsons?!?" God damn it. Can't breathe.

[@drumplayergirl]

I worked at one of the Marcus Theatres in Waukesha when this movie came out. I was in charge of putting posters in their cases at this time and had the Slender Man poster up for about two weeks before we were e-mailed to take any semblance of Slender Man marketing down. It was pretty crazy to work at a theater that banned a movie because of a tragic incident from not even 30 minutes away.

[@Gahndi007]

I know a lot was cut from this movie, so I can't wait for Slenderman V Superman: The Zack Snyder Cut

[@Britishwolf89]

Yeah man, critics just don't understand the complexity of Slenderman V Superman. It's just too deep and complex for Marvel fans to comprehend.

[@iaiafefe6106]

Tell me, do you spook?

[@hungarianbeast]

Now thats a twist, even shamaladan couldn't come up with. Also, isn't this movie allready looking like shit, I think hack snyder allready did some adjustments here and there.

[@jwchampagne1]

"Well, we've remade or rebooted EVERY MOVIE AND TV IDEA EVER. Now what?" "Old internet memes!!!"

[@Shmandalf]

This is what I understand the least. Was there really _any_ demand for this movie? How out of touch do you have to be to not realize no one gives a shit about slender man anymore (And really, even when it was a thing, most people didn't give a shit then either).

[@deathsyth8888]

If you say "Oh my gahd..." three times into a mirror in a dark room, Rich Evans will appear and give you his diabetes medicine.

[@apostolosfilippos]

Underrated comment. Also didn't work :(

[@BarrellRofl]

@@apostolosfilippos yes you gotta push needle slowly for medicine.

[@godofspacetime333]

👍 you get two.

[@dylanbuchanan6511]

Happened to me. Now Rich Evans is explaining to me in meticulous detail the whole “Dick the birthday boy” picture. Somebody please help…

[@Eisenwulf666]

he started unzipping his pants and said :" oh yeah..i'll give you a tums festival.."

[@jake8725]

Sometimes I wonder how Hollywood executives think. Like how can any functioning human being think that a movie based off a trend that died in 2012 was a good idea?

[@technosis9094]

Yea must be lots of cocaine. That's the only thing I can come up with.

[@jonnisko]

They're even working on a FNAF movie with director Chris Columbus. I'm not joking.

[@Meitti]

I think it goes like this: An idea gets pitched on how to make cash out of some recent fad. After tons of talking and bickering it gets ok'd and the project starts to look for investors. Then the project meets several delays for whatever reasons like executive meddling, director being a hack or whatever. By this point the fad has been over for years but they still have to release the movie because they already promised to do so to their investors.

[@TheKleptix]

big machines move slow and the whole industry is run by out of touch old men (a la the writer for this one) who go by the logic of "how do you do fellow kids"

[@Caitlin_TheGreat]

No, see I think that a "Slenderman" movie could be rather good and potentially do well despite it's popularity having waned. But this was just another crummy and cheap horrorfilm. If it was something else, like "the scary popsicle dude" that they just made up it'd be just as shit. Probably have more or less the exact same storyline too. Teens, internet, done.

[@bloodbath5732]

There will never be another Slender Man killing because it's not cool anymore. Sony took one for the team.

[@Xingmey]

that would've been the movie that wouldve made sense in 2011 or 2012... lol but 2018... well slender man isn't cool since 2014...

[@bobmcbobbington9220]

They are the sacrifice so save the world from the Slenderman. The movie makes sense now.

[@SuperDrunkdragon]

Slenderman was cool?

[@Lightscribe225]

Stick It was based. Not cool. Then normies found it. Then it became 'cool'.

[@michaelkitchin9665]

Nah, there'll be a reboot of this. Colin Firth stars as 'A Slender Man'. Women of a certain age commit murders in his image.

[@ragnarokncc3137]

"Also Starring Rich Evans" Talk about a disappearing character!

[@MrSkinnyWhale]

I'm pissin, pissin Or Shall I have a quick little poo

[@ben__6180]

They raise a good point, that slenderman doesn't lend itself to a long, well-explained narrative. It's used most effectively unexpectedly and in snippets. If they had to make this dumb movie they should've made it in a fake documentary style, with interviews, edited photos, occasional cuts to short pieces of found footage, and maybe a nice spooky fourth-wall break in one of the "real" segments towards the end where you see him in-frame but the camera crew doesn't acknowledge it. Hell, you could even do that throughout the film and just have it happen more and more noticeably as things progress, almost like he's being summoned by people talking about him so much. That might've been kinda neat. But really, slenderman has been a dead meme for years... I can't wait for the Troll Face movie.

[@Motorheadache95]

Ben __ The problem is your idea is actually good and creative. You’ll get kicked out of the Sony building if you keep it up.

[@blackestpopo4673]

And as I was reading your comment, slenderman came out of my phone and killed me. Rip.

[@donnylurch4207]

My dad used to help a rinky-dink, but historic local amusement park decorate and run a haunted house for Halloween. I suggested he should set up a photo op with a Slenderman dummy in the distance, so that it might show up in the background of people's photos and freak them out if they recognized it. I wish he had done it.

[@28Pluto]

Well, we already have the "Emoji" movie... So I'm sure we'll see the TrollFace and ForeverAlone guys get a buddy cop movie anytime now.

[@darrelsam419]

That sounds like a good idea, sadly I think you put more thought into this than the people who made this movie did.

[@kenzo1097]

I can’t wait for Sony to release the Amazing Slender-Man 2

[@caimbrien6108]

Hopefully, the disappointing box office won't negatively affect the release of the Jeff the Killer spinoff.

[@Comkill117]

I just hope they don’t drop the series after setting up the spooky six...

[@EpicCoolGuy21]

Making a movie in 2018 about an internet phenomenon from 2011, hoping the name alone will get butts in theater seats. *200 IQ move from Sony.*

[@antaresmaelstrom5365]

The thing is slenderman doesn't lend itself to a movie. Marble hornets did it best, slow creeping horror and intrigue of months not just scares one after another.

[@antaresmaelstrom5365]

yeah, which is the very reason slenderman is a terrible 'monster' to use for standard horror movies. It is a tall thin dud in a tux that stands there menacingly and fucks up your footage. I doubt they did it in the movie, but I would be somewhat intrigued if they went the extra mile and screwed with the audio and video of the very slenderman movie throughout the film to imply that within the film he was near.

[@johnc7389]

Slenderman actually originated in 09; you've got nearly a solid decade of dead space between the origins and the adaptation

[@Yal_Rathol]

if it had at least been done four years ago, it would've still been late but at least it would've been current.

[@Bacteriophagebs]

That was their miscalculation. The kids who were into Slenderman as 12-year-olds have mostly grown into young adults, and are going to avoid a Slenderman movie because they've outgrown it, while kids who are young enough to like some stupid internet horror meme are into different stupid internet horrors memes, now.

[@yutrops2193]

Sony has been on a roll since 2012 releasing great films every year The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) After Earth (2013) The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) Pixels (2015) Ghostbusters (2016) The Emoji Movie (2017) Slender man (2018)

[@GoldLBS]

Nope Nope really has me worried about venom lol.

[@noahjohnson5603]

Nope Nope All in the same four month Summer period too. Thanks Hollywood!

[@roach9397]

Yeah, I wonder why Sony Pictures is at risk for being shut down!

[@UndeadSon]

At this point you have to ask is this some Producers type scheme?

[@ethanross4308]

and baby driver

[@adwftkv3184]

"Slender Man is something and he can do anything"

[@annkathr]

Unoriginal Idiot This is Slenderman. He's got my back.

[@o00nemesis00o]

Ann Berg I would advise not getting killed by him

[@rydermccall3590]

“We’re not having a story, because the movie didn’t have one either.” (Slide Whistle)

[@paulzinck4302]

Oh boy I can’t wait for the Ben drowned movie in 2020!

[@grunkleg.2934]

_Crazycanadian Manga_ Think Nintendo would really allow that?

[@radhinkabagaskara5595]

With a cameo by Jibbs

[@theactualTVB]

I can’t wait for the Squidward’s Suicide, Suicide Mouse, and Dead Bart movies coming out in respective months apart in 2021. I’m getting prepared for the Creepypasta Shared Film Universe.

[@bradfordonate1560]

@@theactualTVB next we need an scp movie

[@Comkill117]

I’m gonna wait for the Sonic.Exe movie, personally I hope they keep the spirit of the original (that being poorly written with typos everywhere, and no semblance of a cohesive story).

[@24FramesOfNick]

This movie physically damaged my eyes

[@budimon121]

damages the soul

[@ShoRyuBarbie]

Oh, so that was your eye in the trailer?

[@Morgalucci]

Where's your tick?

[@Pontif11]

Why did you watch it? Is everything ok at home? Are you the old lady they mentioned? Are you done with your bucket list?

[@Kullen64]

24 Frames Of Nick Love your channel!

[@maxis2k]

So basically this review will get more views than the actual movie. You've done it again RLM.

[@weegee_hates_the_blind]

your profile picture is an M&M

[@alishademan5452]

weegee hates the blind :0

[@willigagbob8243]

I think this comment got more likes than people saw the movie.

[@JaydevRaol]

😂😁

[@real1mem3s]

Wow a free video got more views than a piece of crap movie no one wants to pay for? No way!

[@MushroomSmuggler]

The only thing slender is the box office intake

[@MrMild-sv7is]

Mushroom Smuggler obligatory slide whistle while looking straight into the camera

[@arranboon1]

*Slide whistle*

[@technomancermagus8357]

Not really. It cost $10 Million to make and brought in over $11 Million in it's first weekend. It's a money maker. Basically if you keep your budget down you can make a bunch of money on reasonable returns. Who'd have thunk it.

[@texivani]

YOU FUCKING DID IT

[@evnerbinko]

The only slender man here is the director losing his job after this movie and not being able to buy any more food.

[@Mysterialic]

Hey Sony, can I direct a film too? Pretty please?

[@skellzzed8255]

Omg I died xD

[@brainndamage]

You should ask the studio Stony.

[@gustavrider5561]

Now, I know you are an anonymous person on the internet, but WHY would you throw your reputation into the garbage like THAT?

[@icecreamalacarte]

Drink every time Rich mentions Nightmare on Elm Street

[@darkmega97]

That depends. Do you have a doomed idea about a long dead concept? Then hop in

[@Poisonedblade]

So we're not gonna get Slenderman VS Bye Bye Man, the greatest anime crossover of all time?!

[@GelatinousSSnake]

Greatest anime batttle ever

[@tempjohn3510]

Poisonedblade crossover? If that movie idea becomes successful, they'll just make a cinematic universe.

[@Poisonedblade]

The Wicked Man Extended Cinematic Universe? You know, it would probably be as good as the DC Universe.

[@Greendalewitch]

Neil Wilson. Well someone hasn't seen One Piece lmfao.

[@CarEdy23]

Did you guys hear Slenderman and the Babadook are dating

[@sigmabean2463]

(Gets malaria) Doctor: it’s like a computer virus for organism

[@MrSkinnyWhale]

ShakalakatikiwikibooplywappaChow

[@dayton2559]

As a guy from Waukesha... Shit I don't have a special opinion I just never get to say that

[@nicholasm6988]

As a guy from Racine... I have nothing to say either I just want to say it too.

[@ParagonBourne]

As a guy from Kenosha…

[@lilcrabbybabby]

@@MARKOUTTV Haha, they really arent, they're all Native American words actually. Wisconsin is special place.

[@AndyDillbeck]

Don't let anything stop you from saying it every chance you get. Live your dream!

[@XieYali]

Dayton C. As a girl from Michigan, high five!

[@JDJohnston9906753]

The Mill Creek logo looks like it belongs on a $7 bottle of Chardonnay.

[@zachsorenson1382]

Wingdings

[@JDJohnston9906753]

@@kgpspyguy lol. Any amount spent on chardonnay is too much. I'm not a white wine guy. Hell, I'm barely a red wine guy. I'll stick with whisk(e)y.

[@cer_eal]

That's kinda high praise ngl kek

[@lionheart6176]

at the end of the movie, nick fury "I am here to talk to you about the creepypasta initiative"

[@SuperHater56]

Slender Man is just Jack wandering around the forest at night

[@nerdcity]

Please address the house flies in your studio! You're making me hungry.

[@heyvladislove]

Don't you have an asshole KZbinr to bust?

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

Another enema! And another! Until you learn to behave!

[@cer_eal]

you'll regret this one

[@BarrellRofl]

proof of life firstly.

[@anthonytrani4037]

Omg a new Half in the bag?!? I wonder what they reviewed!... oh... it’s slender man...

[@00virgola]

Why did I read it in mr. Plinkett's voice?

[@estebanalejandrosantosmora5466]

We all read it in Mr. Plinkett's voice

[@QuarrelsomeLocalOaf]

*ENDLESS* *_TRASHHHHHHHHHH!_*

[@Seantendo]

Can't wait for the upcoming Dancing Baby movie!

[@biohead66]

Oh yeah baby, and I want another freaky Friday where the middle aged protagonist switches places with, you guessed it, his overused buttplug.

[@Brave_SJ]

Looking forward to the Rage Comics Cinematic Universe

[@joelhassig6099]

"It's a baby wheel, Jay!" movie.

[@OurBenefactors]

KZbin Poop: The Movie Starring Adam Sandler

[@VICVIPER-dp1di]

Pedophilia

[@treestandsafety3996]

Fun fact: Spacecop was banned everywhere but Wisconsin...

[@treestandsafety3996]

@Christopher McDonald The guys should hire a real director... LIKE Dick Chasin, Now there's! an artist who can fill the running time..

[@foxandbarrettshow6916]

Fun fact David Pryor would have not only padded spacecops run time but also added naked alien tits

[@willigagbob8243]

And Uganda apparently.

[@derlich09]

Oh, that's why S.W.A.T. broke into my home and beat me. The only way I could drive them off was to say I have AAAAIIIIIDDDDDSSSSSS!!!!!!

[@foxandbarrettshow6916]

@@derlich09 I usually make sure that's how I introduce myself when the cops approach

[@Ceaseroni]

Notorious dark web ring Something Awful forums.

[@futonrevolution7671]

They should have made the movie tickets $10.

[@futonrevolution7671]

You don't get to sit down, just lurk.

[@futonrevolution7671]

Are you accusing us of something?

[@ainternet239]

Everything will be explained when they release the blue ray extended version, followed by the director's cut with all the extras and deleted scenes and then you'll belatedly realise, after having spent $250, that this film is a masterpiece.

[@Psychodegu]

When did movies become like modern video games (patch it after release + DLC)?

[@redzeppelin6]

Are they going to add the unicorn dream too?

[@tadpolegaming4510]

@@redzeppelin6 gotta wait for the Extended Cut, then the Director's Cut, and then the Final Cut

[@Poxyquotl]

The name “slender man” implies the existence of a “thicc man”

[@MustafaTurgutDenizer]

Which is Rich Evans

[@nickm8591]

The duality of slenderman

[@josephschultz3301]

"You don't understand, officer! He tried to kill me! He just appeared out of thick air and had a booty like BA-DOWW!" Officer: *[Furiously scribbling notes]* "Nice."

[@TheAdarkerglow]

@@josephschultz3301 gets you so booty drunk your liver fails.

[@hihi123hiful]

Poxyquotl we are all the thicc man

[@scottjohnson388]

So, what does this all mean for the Slender Man Cinematic Universe?

[@psychicmonkey]

you joke but there is a whole universe of webseries called the Slenderverse, which is composed of a few dozen KZbin channels and accompanying Twitter, Tumblr, and blog sites for each channel

[@ZetsubouSensei005]

"I have an Army." "We have a Rake."

[@isaacargesmith8217]

Isnt there a jeff the killer movie bieng thrown around?

[@gerrywheeler1394]

It means that we don't get that _Slendermen_ movie that I was looking forward to, goddammit.

[@gerrywheeler1394]

_A Few Good Slendermen_

[@qlipothian]

Wouldn't it make it more sense to make this movie a found footage movie ? I can't believe I just said that.

[@krlosz1996]

Qliphothian watch Marble Hornets

[@qlipothian]

I have...thats one of the reasons I thought of this...that and having a game that was in first person.

[@jstarwars360]

Chris Stuckmann said the same thing in his review

[@rikowolfin4984]

They did make it found footage for the first 'Slender' movie and it was garbage. I'm honestly still a fan of the creature, but just because found footage made him popular on youtube doesn't mean he should be limited to that medium of story telling.

[@thekingmansplainer6813]

marble hornets look it up.

[@ouijacorn]

"Slenderman will react differently to you, depending on who you are." Isn't that how most people are?

[@jacquelinihehehe5873]

i know what you mean man

[@ravenplaze8972]

When a bunch of kids with a KZbin channel and a hand held camera produce a more suspenseful and terrifying narrative than Hollywood could ever conceive.

[@andremoreau8390]

The only creepy thing about Olive Garden is the outrageous prices!!!

[@captainwilliams3893]

Andre Moreau you da real mvp

[@PangolinMontanari]

They should be paying me to eat there!!!

[@LinusBitchTits]

and Italian people

[@andremoreau8390]

@@LinusBitchTits You cannot prove to me that a real Italian person has ever been inside an Olive Garden.

[@LinusBitchTits]

@@andremoreau8390 fair enough

[@esperthebard]

One of the funniest Half in the Bag episodes, Mike's facial expressions and mouth sounds alone are a hoot.

[@esperthebard]

8:29

[@DitzeeDoo]

Can't wait for the Sonic.exe film in 2020

[@MrPatters]

CPCU (Creepypasta Cinematic Universe)

[@alexsilva28]

Wait until they announce Infinity Literature Club and they all have to team up and fight Monika

[@alexsilva28]

The Colonel a horror comedy ala Evil Dead? That sounds awesome

[@RubenRyb66]

The hyper-realistic graphics better be good.

[@vampierknightlucky]

The Creepy Mansion in the Woods Coming Fall 2019

[@jonathanyork6043]

I just want to say this channel has been a great comfort over this past year and change. I greatly appreciate your humor and wit and passion for film and wish you all the success.

[@TransmissionEpicts]

sorry to hear you've had a bad year. This channel also got me through some really rough times as well, used to have them on all the time. They all seem like really great people too, warm and smart and funny. I wish them every success as well!

[@PwnZombie]

Happy to hear that you both have had a bad year. J thrive on others' misery.

[@RAFMnBgaming]

Calgon is a washing machine soap brand here in the UK. So "Calgon, Take me away" Kinda sounds a bit suicidal to me. Much spoopier than the actual movie.

[@anthonymcgowan3398]

Yaaaay, spoopies!

[@foxandbarrettshow6916]

Tide pods 2 the eatery is open

[@therealnothingtoseehere]

It's actually a product designed to descale washing machines. It's not soap.

[@woweezowee5826]

@@therealnothingtoseehere "Washing machines live longer with Calgon!"

[@therealnothingtoseehere]

@@woweezowee5826 You better believe it!

[@UnusualCharacters]

Thank God.

[@mondothegrunt7649]

Rich says you're welcome

[@kingxerocole4616]

I'll take *Nicknames You'll Never Hear When Someone's Referring to Rich Evans,* Alex.

[@anthonyzaragoza915]

who made a better narrative with slenderman. A professional movie studio with a budget or 5 dudes making something for youtube?

[@Sorakeyblademaster37]

You mean they didn’t even release an unrated version on DVD? I thought that was the entire point of PG13 horror movies?

[@just_going_mads]

@Aerociviz Nicholas Marble Hornets, Tribe Twelve, Everyman Hybrid, all those guys, are ALL infinitely better than this shitty cash grab.

[@lucasmartin4127]

There was actually a youtuber (or a group) Marble Hornets, that made short vlog-oriented shorts. There was an overarching plot, but the shortness of the videos and the fact that they were uploaded in a non chronological order helped to build a very interesting horror story.

[@lucasmartin4127]

Harry Balzak there were like a few 40 seconds videos in there if I remember correctly, the longest was around 3 - 5 min

[@Snipurss]

Aerociviz Nicholas It wasn’t terrible

[@MrSkinnyWhale]

Charcoal

[@thee2724]

@@lucasmartin4127 Longest video was actually over 14 minutes long. After the "first season" the videos got longer

[@beegyoshi8797]

Lol yes years and years ago the first couple episodes were interesting. There has never been any decent slender man based content

[@Joshalots]

Why is it legal to put footage in a trailer that isn't in the movie they're trying to sell

[@VileSentry]

It isn't really that uncommon, and to make a case for false advertising you would have to argue that it was enough to trick a reasonable person into paying for it. You can't sue McDonalds because your burger doesn't look like the picture and you can't sue a movie company for using footage in a trailer that isn't in a movie.

[@matthillfromcollege4109]

It’s an advertisement to get you interested, it’s not really a “come see all of these things on the screen” sometimes. Some movies like 500 days of summer shot stuff that was only for the trailer, but I guess that’s different

[@dongeraci8599]

I'm actually interested in what you said, not trying to argue, but just bringing up a counter point... It's not about the burger looking like the ad (most ads btw don't show the burger wrapped up, shoved in a bag, and tossed around inside the bag), but that the burger HAS the advertised ingredients. Shouldn't a movie be required to have all the "ingredients?". What if the trailer showed Iron Man in the movie then cut him out? That would be like advertising a cheeseburger and then getting one with no cheese.

[@matthillfromcollege4109]

D W you’re absolutely right about that. That would be misleading. I think there was actually a story about a guy who sued either a theater or a studio because an explosion in the trailer for like, jack reacher or something wasn’t in the movie and I think he won

[@rikowolfin4984]

D W that actually is a thing that happened in the Infinity War movie, except it wasn't Iron Man it was the Hulk who was in a lot of the trailers for the movie but he wasn't in the movie as much as advertised and especially not in the scenes they showed in the movie.

[@jaden_bricker]

When Slender Man is too controversial for Netflix but they stand their ground with Cuties

[@Gentlemenpickleesq.]

Of course! They're murdering all the underage girls that could be exploited! XD

[@jaden_bricker]

@@AwsOm3Fac3 excuse me wtf

[@cheers2023]

I've never been disappointed with getting rid of Netflix.

[@kidneystonermusic]

Great. You made me Google Cuties.

[@thepenguin9]

Blame the French

[@jeffphillips1798]

I got a pitch for another great horror movie released ten years too late, "Risky Home Mortgageslender Man!"

[@WarGamerGirl]

Oh... Sony... They should just stick to making electronic products. Like walkmans.

[@Psychodegu]

Sony NW-ZX300 Hi-Res Walkman 64GB Digital Music Player $629.00

[@slowmoe1686]

Wait, people still buy walkmans?

[@randomguy5008]

This movie produced a lot of walkmens because a lot of men walked out of the movie theater during it. Bad dum tss

[@TheGoukaruma]

There are still people buying ipods and they were never good.

[@wanderingrandomer]

Just stick to PlayStation

[@MagusLay]

I watched this in theaters with my brother. There was one other couple there, an elderly woman and her son. We were huge fans of Slenderman thanks to Marble Hornets and all the memes, spent the entire movie just riffing it and laughing at some of the jump scares or dumb stuff like the dark web video. We were quiet at first until we realized the woman in front of us kept asking her son questions and were enjoying it just as much as we were. Female Slenderman in the library was the highlight for us. It's one of my favorite memories, puts the movie in a special place in my heart despite being your average schlocky horror.

[@zproductions7053]

It's insane that Marble Hornets, a youtube series from almost a decade ago, is better than a full fledged movie from Sony. Just...just keep to hardware and video games Sony.

[@danthewaterman_]

God, I remember Marble Hornets.

[@hhasnohope8488]

I kinda got mad when I saw the ads for this movie, manly because I knew the movie would be bad. I knew that they probably didn't see Marble Hornets or anything else regarding the monster's lore. People who have no idea of what makes slender man scary shouldn't be making movies about him. Well at least in my opinion.

[@saloz9483]

My thoughts exactly. They series had great atmosphere and it sucked you in. I actually could not sleep if I saw it before I was planning to go to bed.

[@Spazeable]

Everymanhybrid was great too

[@GiggaGMikeE]

They could have saved SO much money(and probably turned a much bigger profit) just making a Marble Hornets remake with higher production values and more of a viral marketing campaign.

[@abcpea]

Here is my premise for a Slenderman movie, that I think would actually work really well: We see a scared girl, running through the woods. She trips or something, and then looks up and screams and we cut to black. Next scene is a funeral for the girl, and here we meet her friends and build their characters and stuff. Then we go to one of the girls looking at photos of her dead friend, and she notices slenderman in the background, she goes through all the photos and realises that he is in every photo taken by the woods the girl died in. So then all the girls get together, and go to the woods to investigate. Deep inside the woods, they find a pit with a bunch of DVDs dumped in it, all bearing the logo "SONY". They take them home and watch them - and then the horror begins...

[@jr9529]

omg you really had me going there XD

[@lilpilatesvevo4493]

that sounds like a failed botw pilot

[@nightmonk4919]

That's pretty much just the intro to Sinister.

[@docholliday1112]

I will invest on the proviso that Rich Evans plays Slenderman

[@METALUNICORNLTD]

Lol!!

[@Tangers3345]

Marble Hornets wasn't perfect, but that was how you handle a Slenderman movie

[@GoblinWar]

Worst acting ever but still existentially terrifying The finale was excellent though

[@Guille-mz7xf]

Yeah the acting sucked but I was so into it in my 15eens I had to watch all of it

[@jasonfenton8250]

Marble Hornets had some awesome moments. The first time Masky (forget his real name) attacks was really scary to me as a teenager. Or the more creative scares like going into a house in the day and leaving the attic shortly after, but it's suddenly night. I don't know why the whole idea of losing time always grabs me. More importantly Marble Hornets was a sincere creative project made by and for the internet audience that was into the original Slenderman zeitgeist. It was not a massive studio project.

[@mds_main]

You mean the Marble Hornets webseries, not movie. Better to specify that because there actually exists a MH movie and it is as terrible as the Slender Man one.

[@Tangers3345]

@@mds_main oh I see, im sure there was a terrible movie lol. So: the correct way to handle a slenderman movie would be to make it like the marble hornets web series

[@betternow6281]

Out of all the films out there you choose slenderman😒? This is why we love you!

[@RayLilith]

they really don't give a fuck, the fly in the background actually lands on Jay's head at one point. I love it

[@protheu5]

>scariest thing was the Sony logo Yep, that's true. It's really hard to beat that.

[@Comkill117]

Protheus especially after the most horrifying movie ever: the emoji movie. The horror element is that that movie exists.

[@bigmanroadman3910]

What about the illumination logo?

[@ValisBeetlebum]

They make a great pair of noise canceling headphones...

[@Kingzombie35]

Best movie of 2011

[@MajesticAngel13]

“People can see each other on their phones?!....like the Jetsons?!......” “It’s called FaceTime” “.....WHAT?!.......Wut?” LMAO’

[@ETTMedia3700]

CherryRabbit the face gets me lmao

[@steamedrice97]

RedLettermedia is a national treasure

[@realityshotgun]

I remember that from the video!! Wow!!

[@charlemagnebrown]

As a teenager, I can verify that saying something reminiscent of "young grasshopper" would not be unheard of in conversation; we just don't know that it originates from Kung Fu.

[@Hamieee]

This could've worked as a surreal claymation movie in the vein of Coraline or something idk. Edit: the idea of slendernan could work, but no matter what this story sucks ass.

[@Doom_Hawk]

I mean the people who made this movie didn’t give a fuck about making a decent product nevermind taking an artistic approach. However, I could see that working. Something kind of similar to Nightmare Before Christmas and it could act like a child’s boogeyman tale.

[@JEMHull-gf9el]

yeah you dont know

[@forcivilizaton5021]

Absolutely, halfassing a film the way most these directors and producers these days do results in this. Garbage in, garbage out.

[@0lionheart]

Holy shit, if Slender Man was animated like a stop motion creature all jittery and unnatural that could've been genuinely terrifying. That jerky motion is unsettling.

[@narutowebby]

I really like the idea of a stop motion slender man. Like I feel like I can see it already it works so well

[@Whiskeyklone]

6:10 Thought Jay was going to say "We put more efffort into seeing this movie than the filmmakers put into making it."

[@BigBoy-ok3eg]

Yeah that joke wasn't overused enough

[@Whiskeyklone]

death sticks guy Well, they ARE hack frauds, ammirite?!? XD XD XD

[@alexwells6091]

@21:22 I laugh so much harder than I think I should with Mike's voice.... Especially the second "WHAT!?" Haha So goddamn good, my favorite KZbin channel by far!

[@mitchgosser2802]

THE PEE PEE POO POO MAN

[@WWLinkMasterX]

Sounds like a satire. Actually want to see this now.

[@waynesWyrdWorld]

Written, produced and directed by David Miscarriage.

[@DocDaneeka9]

wayne morris I II II IL

[@unclebasil3489]

David Miscarriage? So this movie is about scientology? Nice.

[@benjaminbarks2245]

One of my favorite redlettermedia screen grabs is the very last frame of this shot of Mike at 30:28 right before it cuts back to Jay.

[@Negajoe]

Slender-man?...I didn't know they made a movie about Crispin Glover.

[@petewadesays12]

If he were involved people would watch it. That magic wacky nerd.

[@jaydawg7]

I thought the same things but Emo Philips

[@SomethingsomethingWrestling]

You mean The Recovered reboot?

[@Wydliez]

I really thought they would review this instead

[@Peglegkickboxer]

More like a seeboot

[@FunkBastid]

You mean the Reboot reboot?

[@misteridiot123]

i've never seen this channel until now and you two are the cutest. your interactions show some great chemistry. when you're roasting an awful film you're pretty reasonable about it too.

[@dahakaguardianofthetimelin4780]

"It's an ethical debate" ~ Mike Stoklasa about the movie "Slender Man"

[@alexsilva28]

IT BROKE NEW GROOOUND!

[@stueckdreck]

Okay, I have an idea. Make slender man like a regular monster movie. He appears in areas where people don't care about their children and he feeds on sadness, he is silent and abducts sad children. Adults can't see him, except for in photos. The protagonists want to please him and stab a friend because they think he'll go away that way. They find out that they have to cheer each other up and take care of each other and each other's emotions and be there for each other for him to go away. Make him like a metaphor for suicide. Bam, gimme a billion dollars please.

[@stueckdreck]

Bonus: Slender man can distort people's perception of reality. Just like depression.

[@kostajovanovic3711]

Too deep man too deep

[@ashkebora7262]

A movie with morals? Not from THIS Hollywood!

[@krlosz1996]

You literally just pitched Stephen King’s IT

[@stueckdreck]

Astaroth Belial Agraz yes, except not shit

[@cricket-dp6it]

that "slender, man!" joke made me laugh harder than it should :

[@ZarconVideo]

21:25 god, that has got to be one of the funniest things Mike has ever done.

[@allluckyseven]

You guys need to get some of that Raid that Mr. Plinkett buys on wholesale and kill those bugs that have been flying around the RLM studio.

[@darkop3191]

"More disappearing characters than the Avengers Infinity War!" *thunderous applause*

[@ThatBugBehindYou]

When I saw the trailers for Slenderman I thought to myself, "man, I remember when creepypastas were cool... God I'm old now." That's not something you want your target audience to think when they hear about your horror movie.

[@Nygaard2]

Dahmer, stabby teens, and edged weapons all over the place... Have anyone checked if Milwaukee isn’t located on an ancient native burial ground?

[@wearealreadydeadfam8214]

Magnus Nygaard If the Packers were in Milwaukee they would have never won a Super Bowl....

[@TJ-iq2xk]

You put more effort into seeing the movie than they put into actually making it.

[@samuraivader3814]

Did they sacrifice Rich Evans?

[@rydermccall3590]

Who’s Rich Evans?

[@kalonnia4771]

You mean did they sacrifice the immortal Rich Evans?

[@_V.Va_]

Had to get the Soul Stone somehow.

[@SaintsBro217]

He's a slim fella, that Slender Guy.

[@hafa8635]

Tracer Would be nice to name him like that just like they did in that Fantastic Four film, when they named themselves

[@factoryfarm2929]

Thanks for the Kung Fu: the Legend Continues bit.

[@PuuberZ]

This hit me deep in the grundle.

[@Boreas74]

'The characters all seem dead inside', so just like real people then?

[@deepstatethrombosis]

It's nothing like the trailers? That's Slander, Man.

[@motivelacking]

I hate how much I loved this.

[@Drewbie176]

Great username, and great profile pic. Well done 👌

[@bioforce5]

I love hearing Mike, the guy that believes ghosts are real, talk about impressionable children believing in things that aren't real.

[@toweypat]

SuspiciousEd lol

[@technosis9094]

Ghosts are real

[@Alabalahama]

lol, it's all a hoax

[@yumyumwhatzohai]

Spikey Wikey you know this an absolutely rumb statement

[@NotoriousVC]

Whew! Thought we wouldn't get a review until Shane Black's Predator!

[@petewadesays12]

NotoriousVC if that ever comes out. I really hope they don't fight Fred Dekker on things cause he'll quit and it'll suck more

[@SpaztallicA]

I like the new RLM mascot, that damned fly sure loves the spotlight.

[@ClydeWarren1993]

Sony weren’t behind the Mummy for the record, Universal was

[@Wilburgur]

8:33

[@talkinghoorse6936]

9:23

[@Shpooptypants13]

Hahaha hoohooooo wowee

[@StumpsWorth]

WILBURGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[@RandomTomatoSoup]

this man contains so many unusual sounds

[@TheMightyNovac]

A story with a complete lack of premise, direction, consistency, stakes, and established threat? This really is the perfect Slender Man movie

[@Sigrseli]

More like "Half in the Bag Episode 151: Mike REALLY likes A Nightmare On Elm Street script"

[@EliseGray-rx5dl]

I'd say it's tragic that Mike, Jay, and everybody in the comments seems to be unaware of Marble Hornets, the actual reason Slenderman (who is not named that in Marble Hornets) ever became more than just the Something Awful forums meme. But, it's pretty clear nobody who worked on the movie knows what Marble Hornets is either! So good for Marble Hornets and everybody who worked on it; nobody actually associates them with "modern" slenderman stuff.

[@Starcrow999]

The scariest part of this review was the fly.

[@my88110]

It's probably the scariest part of the actual movie

[@phonicleproductions]

you guys have to see the meg. Beautiful shlock masterpiece

[@zpargeon]

I am sorry you had to go to Kenosha.

[@FANTAVISION]

Why does Sony even bother making movies anymore?

[@themarkktv]

FANTAVISION money laundering! :D

[@JesuSoup]

@@themarkktv Venom might be good

[@user-fz9vk4js5l]

They distributed baby driver

[@user-qf6yt3id3w]

It's an interesting question actually. Sony bought up Columbia and Tristar back in the 90's. Back then Sony made audio video products that sold pretty well. And Columbia and Tristar made movies pretty well. So surely it would make sense to vertically integrate. But in retrospect that was arguable - Sony made VCRs and a tape recorders that could copy stuff. Once they vertically integrated they had to stop and now Sony's power as an audio video brand is dying. And you can see hints that the movie industry is in deep trouble too - Solo might actually lose money despite being a Star Wars film. Loads of reboots and remakes seem to be losing cash. Who owned Columbia and Tristar before? Coca Cola, that's who. IMO Sony should get out and sell Columbia and Tristar to people who make soda and popcorn. Basically people who have an interest in getting people into cinemas. I'd say a consortium of Coca Cola, Orville Redenbacher's and Oscar Meyer operating as Grindhouse Corp.

[@technomancermagus8357]

Money. :)

[@livingghost5930]

Why cant hollywood Just make suburban sasquatch 2?

[@CegeRoles]

Because David "Miscarriage" Wascavage is being a coy little bitch about the rights to the franchise and is trying to hold out for more money. On a related note; he did make something called Malevolent Ascent in 2010. So there's that.