"HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE" 😂 JIM JEFFERIES

Jim Jefferies: High & Dry (2023)
Comedic Genius is dedicated to bringing you the most talented Stand-Up Comedians of the past & present. If you LOVE comedy, please consider subscribing so we can keep the Stand-Up Comedy community growing!
None of these Stand-Up Clips reflect the views of this channel. Rather, they reflect the views/opinions of the comedians at that particular point in time. So if you're easily offended, please be advised.
We hope you'll keep LAUGHING WITH US! (Or at us)

[@fabianavalos1386]

If your wife ever uttered this phrase, you will end up divorced.

[@Wulfgang239]

Happy spouse, happy house. It’s not all about her.

[@gmork1090]

In 2023 it is. I want the 90s and early 2000s back. When it was somewhat fair.

[@NibberKSmooth]

Yeah it is. We all need to do a Muse and commit to an uprising.

[@jboone7570]

It really is though. She's the main denominator....or divider 😳

[@cameronnewton6700]

I believe that as well. The fiance left me 3 months ago🙃no joke

[@Coach_MarcyBob]

A man doesn’t make a home, he provides a house. A mother, wife makes a home. She cooks, cleans, nurtures, supports, encourages. She is the light of the house in which what makes a house a home. So if a man mistreats or forsakes her, her light will grow dim and thus so will everyone else’s because it’s all about energy.

[@c.a.5808]

🤣 will see about that...what's he been up to🧐🧐🧐, 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Perfection 🥰

[@1221garc]

Women hate that men can be happy doing absolutely nothing.

[@whoareyou8944]

Women hate that? I’m a woman, but I’ve never known that we feel that way. I haven’t been informed ig.

[@gamgamdabest8327]

I don’t hate that my husband is often truly content doing nothing. He, like most men, can completely empty his mind of everything stressing him and just tinker around doing nothing useful at all. I envy that ability… it’s a God-given gift. If men had to carry the emotional burden that women carry doing our job in raising the family and caring for the home, family and working outside the home in many cases AND doing their part as the man too. They would fail. Men and women ARE NOT the same. We are not meant to be. Women cannot do the physical work that men do. I cannot do the labor my husband has done for 32 years now to provide his contribution to our family. He makes 6 figures with his brawn. I make 6 figures with my brain but thankfully can do so in half the hours. Our education levels are different and that’s BECAUSE he paid for and supported me as I gained that education. IT’s education I would not otherwise have. I can then manage all the stresses of the home life and children. He navigates all the stresses of physical labor at work, home and anywhere else physical strength is required. He gets physically exhausted. He would not be able to rest his body as it needs if his head was as full of the constant tasks that mine have to be. I could not manage the mental organization needed to do my part if I had to physically work as he does. We are a team. Men and women are designed to be a team. Real women do not hate seeing their men rejuvenate themselves. We are thankful for their ability to do so. They could not take care of us and the kids if they didn’t have that ability to zone out or compartmentalize whatever term you fancy calling it. He doesn’t hate that I never stop moving. I never stop thinking. I never stop planning… I multitask while I’m multitasking. For this season in our lives, this last leg of parenting, we are still required to be at peak performance. In 2 years we will be traveling full-time. That’s unless Biden and Obama get us all blown up. Stup1d democrats! At that point, I hope to learn the art of emptying my mind from every thought I have and hope my husband can maybe teach me how to do what y’all do. Hate men for being capable of doing what men do? No, you’re very wrong! Women do truly dislike men who have horrid attitudes towards women. Men who obviously hate women, like you so obviously do. I would not go as far as to say I hate you. I would say you’re a very sad person. You’re unmanly and I’m sure very lonely. I have great men in my life. Not one of them would whine about women. They spend their time doing what needs done. They focus on giving, providing, supporting and helping others. They are strong and really pretty selfless. They are showered with honor, respect and love in return. They are amazing men and amazing people. I’d follow my man anywhere he leads. Why? He’s trustworthy of that kind of dependency upon him. He would never cry about how women hate this or that. If he felt women were unhappy about something… he would figure out why his women were unhappy about it and then find a workable solution. He would take charge of his life and those he’s to lead. He would be a man. I encourage you to stop feeling angry at my words. Let my words sink in instead. You have choices as a man each day. You can choose to be manly in all that you do or you can choose to behave like someone a woman would never trust or want to follow. One option will attract you a wonderful partner for your life and the other option will continue to make you bitter and lonely. Life is short. It’s so very short. To live as a bitter, lonely person who pretends their unhappiness is the fault of others is truly a waste. Please, stop wasting YOUR life. I have grown sons. If you were my son, we would be having some serious heart to heart conversations. Your bitter outlook is a poison that will only make you sick. You’re the only one eating that poison. The potential woman in your life will walk away. I hope you listen. You can reply something nasty. Idc. I’m old. I’ve raised children and I’ve heard the “I hate you and you’re so mean; I’m never talking to you again’s” plenty of times. My skin is thick and I’m very secure in who I am. I shared to hopefully help change your path. Maybe a stranger will be able to reach you where others couldn’t. Idk. Thought I’d try. I wish you happiness and a long life. I truly do.

[@2CanSam1000]

That's why I love Patrice's bit talking about men wanting to be women but alone at the same time.

[@househunterhomes]

​@@gamgamdabest8327 beautifully written...❤

[@johnclaybaugh9536]

I hate the fact that so many women don't want men to be happy.

[@anthonyeveritt9366]

It was the ruination of my marriage because I just ended up miserable. You both need to be happy

[@NibberKSmooth]

I think it’s underrated how skilful wives are at being kill joys…

[@prison_wallet_thief]

The fun police...

[@johneaves4649]

We all just need to think of each other's feelings and compromise and do for each other think about what makes each other feel loved ❤❤❤❤❤

[@bobxyzp]

“Happy husband, husband that obviously isn’t busy so I can make him do some random shit.”

[@DarkAngel1979fuck]

💯

[@ellenaune6996]

Happy mate, life is great.

[@BeIl2000]

Or “happy husband, not if I have anything to say about it”

[@whoareyou8944]

It’s the opposite in my home. If husband is happy, we are all happy. If he is not, everything is chaos.

[@melissaheitman1237]

Happy hubby love his chubby! Although this is a false statement for me I'm in the middle of a second divorce but..😂😂😂

[@kingpappychazzza]

Happy spouse, happy house

[@matthewnorris203]

😂 Wise woman understand that her man is a key to her happiness and will support and encourage him knowing it will be reciprocated if she’s picked a good man.

[@XXX-tw6zm]

Happy me happy me 💀😎

[@kenreceipts5543]

The problem is, theres no such thing as happy wife.

[@MattHadder]

That's toxic. A woman's happiness isn't the only one that matters.

[@MikaComments]

Women in their domain like their way. Men on the other hand are more easy going, they let their wives organize things according to them & men are not picky about it. That's why husband & wife pretty much get along. Where if there were 2 women in a household & each one of them wanted their way than we have a catfight.

[@whoareyou8944]

Well I do organize bc no one else will, but my husband wants his way so… I have to tip toe around that to give him everything he wants the way he wants. It’s hard out here.

[@nathansyupp1137]

I know another, “cheaper to keep her”. If you have 3 kids and a wife, then try to separate. Their getting all that😂.

[@nochnfux]

Do you also have a similar phrase for "It's even cheaper to not get married at all, instead stay a single and live happily ever after"?

[@brianmeakin3500]

Lol good one

[@jamestastic70]

Happier single

[@Bismarckian]

Treu

[@vickigreen9545]

Because we are wise and know what makes everyone happy, and we are just compromising or disappointed with anything rude.

[@JAY007PIX]

Guys! You can either be right or happy, but you can't be both.

[@stephaniehand503]

so true

[@dianeanderson9076]

So true so true❤

[@drew2it733]

Anyone who says that, even in a joking way, I will not have in my life. Disgusting

[@stephanechancerel4323]

Anyone with no sense of humour shall not be around me 😂😂

[@ThermicLight]

​@@stephanechancerel4323 - You really think self deprecating guys desperate for female validation are doing this only for humour? It's already really common to see guys too scared to say anything lest they upset the sensibilities of their gf/wife.

[@billsantospianomore678]

Happy Spouse, Happy House

[@edwardwright2989]

My ex wife said that stupid shit.

[@mini-mum253]

Happy man happy clan

[@capoo1337]

It’s not always the case. My wife is half Latin….

[@0Aus]

Didn't work the first time did it sport!

[@user-og2wt3le4j]

Happy husband? I think he needs to do home renovation projects on his time off work.

[@miken.2847]

Whatever! There's not such thing as a "Happy Wife". They'll always find something to be angry about.

[@soldierof239]

Men are self satisfied, that's why it's happy wife and not happy spouse.

[@CLOAKER7274]

Angry wife ruined life

[@agapebabaan6731]

gosh i wonder how many women got it

[@bitchnbabe9139]

Clearly you've never heard of the expression that follows which is hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

[@gmork1090]

Or what, she'll puncture my tires and burn my house down after convincing my mom to not like me? My rebuttal. One clothesline and it's coma time.

[@bigkraus1]

And then women complain why they can’t find a good man when they ran off all of the good ones… And the others I figured out, they can be happy and not be married

[@consciouscool]

So that's why everyone is miserable.

[@JB-tz8fu]

Happy House HAPPY SPOUSE...its not about her

[@zadekeys2194]

"Happy wife , happy life" is difficult as many woman are deeply unhappy inside and project this outwards.... Def more of a dictator type of comment if your wife lives by this...

[@Angel__537]

Happy man, happy land!

[@GamerKidPlayz2024]

Happy house, happy spouse. Anything else is shit.

[@hudabalak8905]

The happy wife still exists in many places, but not in the west; they went extinct a long time ago. Now they are just myths.

[@egoruderico3038]

My grandpa gave me 2 advises for life before he passed away. “Happy wife, happy life” and “You know what makes a woman happy? NOTHING!” 🤣

[@harrisenlysaght]

Stop cutting out the laughs. It’s a comedy show, not a lecture

[@_PJW_]

'Mildly annoyed wife, interesting life.' Gotta keep her on her toes.

[@Unite.The.Kingdom]

Happier life no wife! or even a dead wife!!!

[@prison_wallet_thief]

King simp...

[@whiteshadow_001]

“Happy wife happy life” is such BS… how can I be happy if trying to make her happy makes me miserable?!?

[@davidgilbert5540]

Happy Man, Happy Fam.

[@ECO473]

NO WIFE, HAPPY LIFE.

[@george2113]

No wife, happy life

[@pangolothian]

Just don't get married. Ever.

[@chechnya]

Have fun dying alone

[@TheKivifreak]

*without a prenup

[@myrddin1]

Aw someone isn't loved.

[@Monkeys00]

​@@myrddin1 would it deserve?

[@MikaComments]

😂😂😂

[@direwolf1977]

I feel sorry for you married dudes 😂

[@theworldoverheaven8228]

What if your gay lol

[@wtfisthis96]

You're lucky, REALLY lucky. Gays are men are absolutely blessed and that's why they age better and usually are more fun and free, because women are know for limiting men.

[@THE_BATH]

Joke: "i hate my wife"

[@xNobleSavagex]

Happy wife. Divorce her.

[@user-cb7st7mf5f]

Happy wife broken Man U can thank me later Jim

[@kone.linngus3651]

Either way, she can choose to be happy or miserable as long as she does it in the kitchen.

[@leighaneal4193]

Nope

[@AHX214]

Weak

[@Monkeys00]

Like all women

[@Monkeys00]

Happy wife happy life till 1960

[@ThermicLight]

simp

[@johnnyb1329]

Your thoughts Myron? @freshnfitpodcast

[@ink-og-neatola-tea-no732]

Oof, more pandering simplish speak. If ya gunna go so far off might as well be in your favor. happy king, happy kingdom

[@spiritual8flame]

I’d prefer the term “Happy Hubby if the wife don’t get chubby” 🫳🎤

[@Shibeo]

😂😂