HAUNTING - Opera Singer /Voice Teacher FIRST TIME reaction to REN'S --"SU!CIDE"

[@NikolettaOfficial]

Do you want to learn how to sing classically with ease? Join my community for FREE- www.skool.com/thepeakperformingvocalistfree/about

[@AK_J.Reed24]

The saddest part is a few months after this Calum (who is specifically mentioned in the song) also died unexpectedly. The tribute Ren did for Calum is called MacKay. It’s a beautiful tribute & it’s probably something you would not expect, but I think you would really really like it. Your surprise might be perfect with this song

[@AnotherFacelessDigitalNoOne]

I think Nikoletta would love that song. The piano tells a story. Ren knows when less is more

[@rodgersmith6891]

You need to react to "For Joe (live)" to see how he proceeds from this emotional ending to a more positive head space.

[@Jason_xofilos]

This. I absolutely concur.

[@Hexenkind1]

Back in june of 2023 when this was released Ren wrote this: "Today I want to write something beautiful and eloquent but I’ve been staring at my computer screen for the past 10 minutes blankly. So I’ll just write. Today, the 1st of June is my friend Joe’s birthday. I first met Joe when I was 8 years old, my friend Josh said I had to meet this guy, so we both walked over to his, it took about 10 minutes from my house. I was greeted by this kid covered head to toe in freckles, he grinned at us, climbed onto the back of his sofa and screamed “Swanton Bomb!” then front flipped off the top and landed right onto his back on a stone floor. He lay still for a moment, twitched a few times, then got up, grinned at us, brushed himself off, and did it again. This was Joe. He’d do anything to make people laugh. He ended up becoming one of my best friends. He was there when we stole our first cigarettes out of his mums pack, way too young. He was there when I had my first kiss, with a girl twice my size on the back of the 42 bus. He was there when I first got so drunk I threw up in the woods after drinking as much white lightning Cider as we could. I was there when he did his first backflip on skates, and saw him do a 720 off of the pier cave, that moment became legendary. Joe was the funny one in our friend group, he’d make us laugh till it hurt. No one had a bad word to say about him. It was impossible not to like him. Usually we put celebrities, athletes and actors on pedestals, turn them into role models and admire them from a far. The person I admired was Joe. Him and Sagar knew every word to the songs id write, we’d get drunk at parties and they’d be singing along as loud as they could. It gave me a lot of confidence back then. On Christmas Eve 2010 I was sitting in a pub with Joe, he’d been feeling low after a couple of consecutive break ups. He tried to check himself into a mental health outpatient facility a few weeks earlier but they turned him away because he didn’t have an appointment. He turned to me and said that sometimes he wished he could just walk into the sea and keep walking. He said it in a kind of half joking throw away comment type of way, then took a sip of his drink, walked over to the juke box and put Dig by Incubus on. If I knew that was the last time I’d see Joe id have hugged him, told him how much I loved him, how much I looked up to him, how much we all loved him, and I wouldn’t have left that pub. I didn’t know that, so I finished my drink, said happy Christmas and left. Two nights after Christmas I got woken up by a phone call at 3am, it was my friend Ella. She told me Joe was on the Menai Bridge, a large suspension bridge connecting the main land to the isle of Anglesey where we lived. He’d been on the phone to her in tears saying goodbye. He told her to tell everyone he loved them. I pulled on my clothes as fast as I could and started running toward the bridge. It was up a hill. I lived about a ten minute walk away, I could run it in five. As I ran I started dialling then redialing his number. The line was busy, which was a good sign, it meant he was still on the phone to someone. As I got about halfway, the busy tone changed. It told me the line was out of service. I got a sinking feeling and picked up my speed. I arrived to the bridge minutes after I left my house. It was deafeningly quiet. I was the first person to arrive. I got there probably about 2 minutes too late. Joe’s body was never found. Initially we refused to believe he was gone. The coastguard came out that night, with boats, and helicopters. Me and my friends spent the next 10 days putting up missing posters everywhere we could, walking up and down beaches with flashlights, getting about 3 hours sleep a night. When you’re walking up and down a beach with a torch when its dark everything looks like a body. We still haven’t found Joe. As his birthday came around, I wrote a song, freckled angels, a song I dedicated to Joe which I sang in front of his friends and family. A charity football match was put on for him, raising money for the RNLI where I won two bottles of wine in a raffle, I drank them both as quickly as I could, naturally, turned to my friend and probably slurred something along the lines of “This is the last time I ever drink” That was 12 years ago, I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since. My first ever album I named Freckled Angels in tribute of one of the best people I ever knew. Skip forward some years. I’d been sitting on this song I wrote a few years ago. It always felt a little incomplete. It was going to be my next release, but I was dreading it because of this feeling of incompletion. I decided, very last minute, to do something about it. I sat by my piano, and the rest of the song fell out of me. I hadn’t thought about Joe in a little while, and the song initially wasn’t going to be about him, but the words all fell out of me. I wrote and recorded a whole 2 minutes extra, recording each part as I wrote it. Tears spewing out of my eyes pretty much the whole time, and decided not to do my usual thing of perfecting each line, I just recorded every line as it came. During this campaign I will be raising money for the RNLI, the group of brave men and women who spent hours tirelessly looking for Joe after the night he went missing. I'll also be donating 50% of the profit on all copies of the 'Freckled Angels' album directly to Joes family as a nice surprise gift. I will include links to the RNLI donation page below where 100% of the money will go to support them, I will be travelling to the UK later this month to make a music video, and have carved out a couple of days where I will travel to my home town on the isle of Anglesey to present the royal national lifeboat institution with a cheque of all the money raised."

[@EpiCcOdMw3WiipLaYeR]

Thanks for sharing, this is so extremely heartbreaking 😢😢

[@Hexenkind1]

​@@EpiCcOdMw3WiipLaYeR It is.

[@themart7767]

I've read this twice previously, it's so painful to read. Glad you posted this, as it really emphasis the pain ren felt doing this song.

[@Hexenkind1]

After that you should absolutely listen to "Freckled Angels" and then "For Joe". The order is important because they are all connected.

[@leekinyoun9372]

I hope Ren sees your reaction on this because your beautiful voice really made it so amazing 💯❤️😊

[@stacie9229]

I can't even imagine his reaction to this one. She fell right into it.

[@stacie9229]

Nikoletta I would die to see you sing along to his piano piece, Mackay. Named after another friend of his he lost. It's a masterpiece and I know you would climb right into it.

[@darikmatters8866]

Your addition was beautiful as always... One of the "lads" he mentioned in this song, Callum MacKay dies in an accident a few month after Joe passed... Ren recently wrote and released a memorial to Callum called MacKay (Its a piano piece, check out the video)

[@stephendawes7671]

For joe is the logical next step as it’s pretty much a direct follow on. Plus it’s a beautiful tribute in my opinion. Great reaction btw, I feel RENs pain with you x

[@Mikes5276]

I'm 48, and I've given up counting the number of times Rens left me weepy. This songs a tough listen, but necessary. It's a song that has at a minimum hopefully saved one life, if not more. Got to follow up with the live "For Joe".

[@pompeymik]

51, cry like a girl 😢😂✊🏼

[@jmas43]

It's of course not Ren's responsibility, but his music has saved so many lives I'm sure, and it's the most beautiful thing. ☺️

[@kellyt5341]

56...same😓

[@AndrewinAus]

49 and you are not wrong.

[@reinori8322]

Nikoletta, you are about the only reactor that could inspire me to watch this track again. I always effing cry. Thank you.

[@badwolf1587]

I knew I couldn't pull it off with Nikolletta today and function. Her Jenny and screech destroyed me for a couple days. I felt bad for her and i recommended Fred again mash up not the Tales.

[@SamSnips]

I understand what you mean.. I think what makes Nikoletta a great reactor is how she genuinely is moved by the music.. she feels it in her soul and it translates through her reaction.. so when you see how it impacts her.. with something like this that i already knew was so difficult emotionally to deal with.. my heart not only breaks from this remarkable performance by Ren.. i know watching the reaction will impact me emotionally too.. but I in a way also gain a better understanding of the importance of this message when i see the impact it has on the reactor.. and then go to the comment section and find amazing messages by so many who feel this music.. who feel an inspiration from this performance. You know.. its like.. i know how it impacts me.. but the reaction videos let me know im not alone in this feeling.. and that makes it even more impactful for me.. but i absolutely understand your message here. Cuz I am a wreck right now.. watching this was beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. I just appreciate the artists themselves for sure.. but also these reactors who put a piece of their soul out there for us to relive the moments vicariously through their eyes.. and often that leads to seeing things that i missed or giving me another perspective on how to look at a song or performance. . I thank these reactors like Nikoletta who open their hearts and minds and allow us to share in their experiences. It truly amazes me. ​@badwolf1587

[@Kirby-Ic3y23]

@@badwolf1587 Good advice.

[@markwhitehouse9333]

This song lulls you into a false sense of security - you think ‘oh that’s not so bad’ this is a cool song and not too depressing and then the second phase hits you like a ton of bricks - beautiful reaction as always

[@Draugul]

🤗 Your really brave to react to this one. And don't be ashamed for your empathy! I believe to many people have experiences with this topic. As Ren said It's the world that's sick. It's the empathy that can save us in these hard times. It saved me, many many years back. I was the one on the edge of the bridge. Calculating how the stones below would brake my body. But my empathy made me think about my parents and grandparents, and how they would feel, hearing about me. Then the sun came up, and burnt away the fog. It was so beautiful, and I stepped back. I promised this world that I would fight until the end. That even if I could be there just for one person, when they needed someone, that it all would be worth it. 55 years old now, and I am still here. Watching you show that same empathy. And for what it's worth, I am proud of you.

[@s2kkev292]

Beautiful thank you so much of sharing. I am happy you stepped away from the bridge ❤

[@NikolettaOfficial]

Thank you for sharing your story. You conquered something great that day. I am proud of YOU.

[@MizCriz46]

This one is very difficult for anyone with any empathy. The 1st part is his own suicidal ideation. The 2nd part is about what is experienced by those left behind. He said that, after Joe's death, he knew he could never do that to his family. Good catch, BTW, about his inability to keep food down. I've seen reactors hear, "Useless my mother" & badly misinterpret that line. The next line is, "Can't keep in my supper." He's telling his mother that all her efforts to nourish him were futile because nothing would stay down. Eventually, it was discovered that he had become allergic to nearly everything. For years all he could eat was organic meats, squashes, cucumbers (which are squash family), celery & a few herbs. Just recently, he's been thrilled to have been able to add rice to his diet.

[@yasha.hartberg]

If this song doesn't punch you in the gut, you don't have a pulse. It made me cry for a good three months every time I heard it. As always, your insights, vulnerability, and talent are valued!

[@peterbuckingham5866]

“A singer songwriter has donated £21,000 to volunteer RNLI crews who tried to find his best friend who went missing more than 12 years ago. Ren Gill presented RNLI crews on Anglesey a cheque of £21,000 that he raised for volunteers.” …. As per the media. Ren is a beautiful person as was as an incredible talent.

[@DandelionCollab]

Touching. Moving. Powerful. Connecting. Authentic. Raw. Loving. Inspiring. Real. Courageous. Devastating. Not depressing. I cried with you.

[@LasseStaldMadsen]

Losing a friend while you are young and still think you are indestructible changes you. My friend Niko got diagnosed with cancer at age 22, 2 months later he was gone. Our whole group of friends just kind of disappeared into grief. No more hanging out. No more parties. Just. Nothing. It hits HARD.

[@ezrasace]

Ren did contemplate suicide and told his Mom he couldn't last another year of the illness. That was a year into the 8 years of misdiagnosis. The reason he didn't unalienable himself is because of Joe's death on his family, asking why, searching for answers. Ren couldn't do that to his Mom. I always look forward to your reactions. This was a hard one. This song helps people, he said the word suicide many times, intentionally. We are afraid to speak the word; but how can we talk about it and help people if we avoid the subject. Avoidance doesn't prevent anything. Without being able to talk about it, makes it more prevalent.

[@techpunked]

I don't like how if you mention it to a mental health professional they have to report it most of the time (U.S). Maybe this helps a few people who are on the edge, but, from my experience, this keeps people from opening up about it and just lying, so they don't get forced into something.

[@aginaz]

Love your reactions. Gotta listen to Ren - For Joe Live. It's like part 2 of this. Beautifully sad. Keep enjoying your Ren journey!

[@Twip_sings]

I feel this song as my dad comitted suicide when I was only 12 years old... He was my best friend until I found out much later what wrongs he did and why we were taken away from my parents... I'm 44 and that feeling still ripples through me...

[@Xaviere47]

❤

[@NikolettaOfficial]

Oh Dieter...I had no clue. I am so sorry to hear this news. So happy you found your way to the community. With how you are I would never have known. Thank you for sharing.

[@gable354]

Straight 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@CarlD70]

Wish Ren would see this Nikoletta....simply beautiful!!

[@Wallamoose59]

Bless you my child

[@It_is_I_Stupid]

I see your pain although you didn't elaborate. And that's OK. How he brings this out in people is unreal. He should be required learning in all the art colleges. And beautiful rendition of yours in the end!

[@nomers701]

Wow that was inspiring to watch and never apologize for having empathy or not knowing what to say on this topic …. Speaking from my own experience most of the time those that are in this type of pain along with other types really just want someone to listen to them. They just want to be heard behind the “I’m Fine.” Like in Papa Roach’ “Last Resort” and the reimagined version by Falling in Reverse… it is a cry for help not an “anthem” for the action. Best advice I was ever given and try to give is Listen, Listen, Love, Love and that brings understanding and compassion.

[@raymorin7726]

I've never made it through this song without a tear.

[@KittyInTheGarden]

It's beautiful to feel seen in the dark, pain-filled corners of our hearts and minds. Ren gives so much of himself. I don't know how he manages to share such vulnerable emotions, but I'm glad he does.

[@Solange-h8e]

I have been waiting for you to do this song! I was curious as to how you would do your 'surprise'. You did not disappoint! So friggen beautiful. Thank you. And the way you did the ending portion was...touching as hell. You have an amazing voice, and such a feel for the music.

[@badsabre5917]

Beautifully done on your special part. That’s a tough one.

[@Twip_sings]

One second in and I already want to hug you! Yay! Another video! Her we goooooooooooo :)

[@pulp4741]

Please react to Ren - For Joe !

[@kimberfreed]

Your vocal was a truly beautiful addition to this song. Thank you for sharing your talent with us.

[@Vmcf1968]

what a great surprise. knocked it out of the park

[@SpudNickleson-im7is]

The first half is about Ren's own suicidal thoughts, before switching to the part about Joe at the end. He's said in interviews that when he was at the worst depth of his illness the only thing stopping him from ending it all was seeing how much pain it brought when Joe died and not wanting to put his family through that. It was actually an interview on this topic with a youtube reactor, Knox Hill, that inspired him to write this piece, over a decade after Joe had passed. You should follow this up with "Freckled Angels" - also about Joe and written just weeks after his death when Ren was still very young, and it's a little more of a tribute to his life than the gut punch at the end of this song (don't get me wrong though, it's still very emotional) Then there is "For Joe", a beautiful live performance that ties the two songs together.

[@cherrybomb1386]

Why do i always start crying harder when he lists his lad's names

[@leekinyoun9372]

I doesn't matter how many times I hear this I cry every single time because I've lost so many friends from this topic 😢 I love Ren but he sure knows how to get me in my feelings! I love your reactions and you're a beautiful human being 💯 Much love ❤

[@sigally]

Beautiful, thoughtful, empathetic reaction. ❤️ Ren put the ! in the Title because of YT, so he had to add it. They originally restricted it 18+ with the warning. Most people have experienced this type of loss in one way or another.

[@AK_J.Reed24]

Your singing w/ Ren was perfect & amazing

[@stacie9229]

You really nailed this one Nikoletta!!!!! I'm floored.

[@JonniPants]

Your voice added to this was just sublime! 💜

[@UlfBengtsson]

It is a tough one. You did good. You share what you need to share. Set the boundaries you need to set. Not that you need my approval of course. But you got it anyway. ❤

[@davemcc9642]

Love all the comments, I've been down every tunnel in the Ren rabbit hole, the man is astonishing, the more you explore the more astounded you become, I have no recommendations anymore, just watch everything 🎉, Nikoletta - love you 😊

[@JimboBimbo355]

I have to say, that your reactions are my favorite, such a beautiful soul you are and the addition in form of your singing? Just beautiful

[@ancltube]

I'm impressed that you managed to do your surprise after how you reacted to the second part. You are strong. And you sing so beautifully. This song is heavy. As others have said, For Joe is a good follow up. It is a live piano performence where he combines this song with Freckled Angels, a song from his first album about Joe, together with lyrics from some of his other songs. It is beautiful. And not as heavy as this.

[@doccops]

Such an emotive song, but then you see For Joe and get hit even harder.... Thanks for the reaction.

[@Runedthings]

Thank you for this wonderful reaction! Depression is a real thing, an invisible illness in many. On another note, to end this on a positive note. I love this dress on you, it's really pretty!

[@anthonyirvine1881]

Ren for joe. Is just beautiful... he covers some lyrics from this song and another but live on the piano. Beautiful

[@im2yz4u17]

Such a beautiful song, video and singer. Cherish Ren with all conviction--we collectivley need him to help us stay sane and achieve some form of happiness. Great reaction Nikoletta.

[@mjj29]

"if you're ready, I'm ready" *narrator: she wasn't ready*

[@jacks9624]

Virtual hug and good energy to you, dear girl. The world needs people whose feelings are so strong and freely expressed. Love and respect. Love your voice and love your reactions. And those surprises! Dude...

[@samuelmregister]

Really observant, honest and heartfelt reaction, Nik

[@andrewwallace4481]

Ren puts us through the whole gammit of emotions here !! how can he tackle such a difficult subject & pull at all our heart strings so much a much happier song is Uninvited 😀

[@kellyt5341]

Yes, purge and cleanse with "Uninvited".... that will do it..😂

[@Peter_Cetera]

Impossible NOT to cry...

[@josephbishop3590]

Wow. Thanks Nikoleta! Your backing vocals were a hauntingly BEAUTIFUL addition and tribute💔...I haven't listened to this track for quite a while... All of a sudden I recall why... 😭 I'm 64ish and for the first 60 I was very closed off. Couple things happened...my granddaughter was born❤...and until that moment I thought I was all alone in the world. Not literally, but emotionally. We share the same heart. The second part of that...she moved 5 states away and I'm not able (allowed) to see or speak to her whenever I want or need to. I raised her for the first 28 months before her uncle and his wife took her to MN. Now I only get to chat with her whenever "they" decide... it's never enough😭😭

[@GreenLanternSuperman]

Thank you for that wonderful, genuine reaction. I particularly appreciate that you let it impact you from start to finish at the start before the analysis. This is my favorite Ren song amongst all his wonderful gems.

[@gggoldman1]

Its a hard one, but necessary. I have never seen an artist expose themselves so raw as Ren. A true gift

[@Traveler13]

Great honest reaction and loved your interpretation at the end, made it even more emotional if that's possibley

[@pvandewyngaerde]

I was looking forward to this reaction. I did not expect it to be wrapped up like a christmas present. Thank you very much for Your wonderfull addition.

[@joshuawiedenbeck6944]

Ren was literally 2 minutes too late running to the bridge. He kept calling Joe's phone and getting a busy signal. 2 minutes before he made it, Joe's phone went out of service. Ren blamed himself for years until he came to terms with it recently.

[@leekinyoun9372]

And by the way you sing so beautiful, I love your voice 💯❤️😊

[@eddiegrudzinski7969]

Great reaction. He left me weeping after this one. You should check out Domino's by Ren, another song that we all should listen to.

[@captainb2603]

Thank you for the pure reaction to this song. I never thought his songs needed any more than what they were until you put your flare on it. Brings them to a whole new feeling. So sad to lose someone close to suicide. Listen when someone is reaching out , I didn’t and lost a close friend when I was 13. He’d made comments about not wanting to live days before the. Took his life with his dads 22 pistol. Keep em coming, love the reactions

[@MrsApplegateart]

The Oh eye-0h -eye… gives me a native tribal elder’s cry of sorrow that is in the backbone of this song… and the raven (in English lore is death) partnered with the feel of a lament… even though in Native American culture ravens can be guardians… they’re also messengers…. And this is one of the biggest messages he’s gotten in his life… what does he do with that now…. REN lives…. For himself, for Joe.. to honor them both.

[@markjones6747]

Having lost a very dear friend to the title, this song really hits home. Listening to the last verse about Joe broke me. Before hearing the song, I had never cried listening to a song in my entire life. As soon as I heard this on release I broke down in tears, and to this day it still has the same effect. Ren is a genius and knows how to hit you in the feels with his works. It was so cathartic to release my emotions. He is one of a kind.

[@AndrewinAus]

Ah Nikoletta I wondered when you were might get to this one. Firstly what can I say but what a wonderful addition you brought to the song. It added another aspect to an already wonderfully haunting and challenging song, well done. I enjoyed your insight and your talent immensely. This hit HARD the first time I heard Su!cide especially the 'second part' of the song. It brought back a lot of emotions, and memories of a specific time in my own life many years ago, where Joe's solution to his situation seemed like a viable one for myself. I still think about those days occasionally. Ren's lyrics only reinforce for me the thoughts I had that caused me to pause and think. The line 'only one movement to expose our fragility' destroys me emotionally every time I hear it. I have listened to this song countless, countless times. The idea of the fragility of those left behind, reminds me so much of the little voice in the back of my mind that I heard all those years ago...stop, pause, breathe, think and be still. There is an interview that Ren did 'Behind the Song, Su!cide by Ren' it's on KZbin it is well worth a watch for some further insight. He talks about recording the second part of the song two lines at a time, upset, distraught, crying as he is doing it thinking it was imperfect but ultimately deciding to leave it in the recording because of that imperfection. To me it made that part so much more accessible and emotive.

[@horsnpony365]

What a hauntingly beautiful and heartbreaking special gift you gave us all at the end Nikoletta. Thank you. It’s a cry from the heart. You are such an empathetic person and it’s difficult knowing that this one is going to hit you like a musical tsunami. This one always makes me cry for REN’s loss of innocence, the guilt he carried for being late, and the loss of his best friend. I also suggest For Joe and Mackay (for his friend Collum who drowned shortly after Ren lost Joe.) This is such a powerful song with a very lighthearted and catchy musical vibe. Ren has a knack for doing that with his musical production. He lulls you in musically and the lyrical message is psychologically stunning. The video is so artistic and beautiful. As an artist and a painter, I never thought I’d appreciate AI. I liked the morphing concept. I have shared this song with so many people that I know who have been impacted by su!cid* or are in danger of being su!c!dal. (I hate YT for making that word verboten. I love that Ren repeats it over and over to destigmatize it.) I’ve given it to my grandkids who have shared it onto their peers. This world needs Ren’s message. It’s heartfelt and authentic and IMHO, it will save lives. 🔥❤️‍🩹☮️

[@Kindneccessity]

I really appreciated your beautiful extra vocals.

[@johnpegues5701]

🙏🙏🙏

[@jodypowell7052]

Great job all around m'lady. You added more to the song even when I thought it was untouchable. Beautiful!

[@mikesimpson1866]

Copy pasting from other comment sections: Shortly before he released this song, Ren posted this on his channel: "Today I want to write something beautiful and eloquent but I’ve been staring at my computer screen for the past 10 minutes blankly. So I’ll just write. Today, the 1st of June is my friend Joe’s birthday. I first met Joe when I was 8 years old, my friend Josh said I had to meet this guy, so we both walked over to his, it took about 10 minutes from my house. I was greeted by this kid covered head to toe in freckles, he grinned at us, climbed onto the back of his sofa and screamed “Swanton Bomb!” then front flipped off the top and landed right onto his back on a stone floor. He lay still for a moment, twitched a few times, then got up, grinned at us, brushed himself off, and did it again. This was Joe. He’d do anything to make people laugh. He ended up becoming one of my best friends. He was there when we stole our first cigarettes out of his mums pack, way too young. He was there when I had my first kiss, with a girl twice my size on the back of the 42 bus. He was there when I first got so drunk I threw up in the woods after drinking as much white lightning Cider as we could. I was there when he did his first backflip on skates, and saw him do a 720 off of the pier cave, that moment became legendary. Joe was the funny one in our friend group, he’d make us laugh till it hurt. No one had a bad word to say about him. It was impossible not to like him. Usually we put celebrities, athletes and actors on pedestals, turn them into role models and admire them from a far. The person I admired was Joe. Him and Sagar knew every word to the songs id write, we’d get drunk at parties and they’d be singing along as loud as they could. It gave me a lot of confidence back then. On Christmas Eve 2010 I was sitting in a pub with Joe, he’d been feeling low after a couple of consecutive break ups. He tried to check himself into a mental health outpatient facility a few weeks earlier but they turned him away because he didn’t have an appointment. He turned to me and said that sometimes he wished he could just walk into the sea and keep walking. He said it in a kind of half joking throw away comment type of way, then took a sip of his drink, walked over to the juke box and put Dig by Incubus on. If I knew that was the last time I’d see Joe id have hugged him, told him how much I loved him, how much I looked up to him, how much we all loved him, and I wouldn’t have left that pub. I didn’t know that, so I finished my drink, said happy Christmas and left. Two nights after Christmas I got woken up by a phone call at 3am, it was my friend Ella. She told me Joe was on the Menai Bridge, a large suspension bridge connecting the main land to the isle of Anglesey where we lived. He’d been on the phone to her in tears saying goodbye. He told her to tell everyone he loved them. I pulled on my clothes as fast as I could and started running toward the bridge. It was up a hill. I lived about a ten minute walk away, I could run it in five. As I ran I started dialling then redialing his number. The line was busy, which was a good sign, it meant he was still on the phone to someone. As I got about halfway, the busy tone changed. It told me the line was out of service. I got a sinking feeling and picked up my speed. I arrived to the bridge minutes after I left my house. It was deafeningly quiet. I was the first person to arrive. I got there probably about 2 minutes too late. Joe’s body was never found. Initially we refused to believe he was gone. The coastguard came out that night, with boats, and helicopters. Me and my friends spent the next 10 days putting up missing posters everywhere we could, walking up and down beaches with flashlights, getting about 3 hours sleep a night. When you’re walking up and down a beach with a torch when its dark everything looks like a body. We still haven’t found Joe. As his birthday came around, I wrote a song, freckled angels, a song I dedicated to Joe which I sang in front of his friends and family. A charity football match was put on for him, raising money for the RNLI where I won two bottles of wine in a raffle, I drank them both as quickly as I could, naturally, turned to my friend and probably slurred something along the lines of “This is the last time I ever drink” That was 12 years ago, I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since. My first ever album I named Freckled Angels in tribute of one of the best people I ever knew. Skip forward some years. I’d been sitting on this song I wrote a few years ago. It always felt a little incomplete. It was going to be my next release, but I was dreading it because of this feeling of incompletion. I decided, very last minute, to do something about it. I sat by my piano, and the rest of the song fell out of me. I hadn’t thought about Joe in a little while, and the song initially wasn’t going to be about him, but the words all fell out of me. I wrote and recorded a whole 2 minutes extra, recording each part as I wrote it. Tears spewing out of my eyes pretty much the whole time, and decided not to do my usual thing of perfecting each line, I just recorded every line as it came. This will be my next release. You can turn on notifications by following the link in the comments below During this campaign I will be raising money for the RNLI, the group of brave men and women who spent hours tirelessly looking for Joe after the night he went missing. I'll also be donating 50% of the profit on all copies of the 'Freckled Angels' album directly to Joes family as a nice surprise gift. I will include links to the RNLI donation page below where 100% of the money will go to support them, I will be travelling to the UK later this month to make a music video, and have carved out a couple of days where I will travel to my home town on the isle of Anglesey to present the royal national lifeboat institution with a cheque of all the money raised."

[@SamSnips]

I had read this before in a comment section and I just want to thank you for posting this here.. Ren is an amazing story teller.. but this had me feeling the raw emotions that he felt that day. My heart breaks for him and we are all reminded how fragile life is.. how much of a impact we have on those we care about and how difficult it can be to recognize what someone is going through at times.. many hide these emotions well.. and this reminds me to check on friends.. check in even on those who I perceive as having a great life.. perhaps it's not.. perhaps a call could help. It was on Christmas Eve.. its a difficult time for so many of us for a variety of different reasons. I just again thank you for posting this here to help us all better understand the circumstances that inspired this work of art.

[@mikesimpson1866]

@ thank you. I will post it anytime I don’t see it as I feel it is important to keeps Ren’s comment tied to the song for anyone who may be seeing this important song so people can have the same connection as those who saw it when it fist came out. Sadly this comment has been buried as time has gone on so this is my very little effort to repost this so others can get all of the meaning and persona depth from the artist themself.

[@SamSnips]

@mikesimpson1866 that is a beautiful thought ❤️ I agree.. this first hand story from Ren is a complimentary piece to this song and I hope everyone who gets to experience this performance also takes the time to read this story of the events that inspired the story and the tribute Ren makes here about his friend.. such a tragedy.. and this story and song.. as tragic as it is.. I believe it's a important piece of art.. its something that all should listen to.. Ren has the ability to shine light on the darkness.. to express multiple perspectives of situations that make his work so relatable and this sing is no exception.. mental health is so important and Ren has multiple works of art that shine a light on these type subjects.. he stimulates necessary conversations with an artistry that compells you to keep wayching.. keep listening even when your instinct is to look away. That is why it's so impactful.

[@NikolettaOfficial]

Thank you for sharing this post with me. I hope others also read it. It is so hard to imagine what he was going through (both for that matter) and things like this don't leave us, rather they stay with us. I think Ren used his "superpower" properly with this one.

[@ianrose56]

Heavy one, I cried with ya Nickie. As I do every time I hear this one. Deep content, it's not easy. I really struggle to listen to it every time... But Ren is Ren, and he does hit topics in the face.!! For Joe is a keyboard piece live by Ren , that's the last section of this tune, the bridge and pick up line..!! Difficult reaction material this tune..!!! Well done Nic...👍🏼👍🏼🇬🇧🇬🇬🇬🇧❤🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

[@Ambitionistic]

There is a continuation of this song called For Joe. Equally moving and tugs at the heart strings.

[@andrewsears16]

11:21 never feel like you need to share what you're not ready to share but for me, you've already shared more than you realize. I picked up on several things at certain points. Plain and simply put...remember the lessons ren taught in hi ren. Also know that the type of caring and love that matters here, we all offer you whether spoken Or unspoken. This song was meant to help unpack everything that you just unpacked. I'm certain that after it all you would agree it has helped some. Much love and respect ❤️. We appreciate everything you put into your videos!

[@mldkenny]

Ren touches the heart like no other, Thank you for doing the video.

[@LeesaDeAndrea]

Ren is still struggling with thoughts of suicide. He had a really bad health relapse this year, 2024, and in his new video, Slaughter House, there is a line where he says he was thinking of "deleting" himself because of his health problems.

[@badwolf1587]

I didn't want to watch you watch this today. But couldn't pass it up either. I'll share but wait and come back when I have a day to completely wreck! I'm already feeling wrecked enough right now. 🐺🐰🎄🦋🐷🐰🫡🐺❤️

[@BlessingMoon.]

For Joe will help after that one. Ren makes the tough things in life so beautiful. Hope he realises how many oceans of tears he has created. We all feel his sorrow.

[@jodiwest3534]

Oh noooo. I just clicked on it. Ok ok. She'll be ok. She'll be fine. She will cry though. So will you. Ok lets go 😢

[@jeremythornton3240]

I cry every time I hear this, and I've heard it dozens of times. This time was no different. He couldn't eat due to his illness. He still only eats meat and vegetables. He has an extremely strict, bland diet. Probably why he so ripped. 🤷‍♂️

[@sharis9095]

It's not an easy song, but sometimes when I'm overwhelmed I shut down rather than dealing with things. Watching this (or a reactor seeing it for the first time) I can let it out and cry. Then I can deal with whatever needs doing. I don't really know how to explain it. Ren may never know how much he helps, but for some people, he's become a positive force.

[@minneyruth]

😢❤

[@Slider6]

I think you are ready for "For Joe" now. You should also do "Freckled Angels" at some point.

[@Maddog0608]

You should do the live version called. FOR JOE

[@didgemonkey]

As many have already said, you NEED to do For Joe next...

[@Mooley81]

It’s time for you to watch REN’s Chapters. He explains his experiences with his sickness and music. 8 chapters are a must!

[@darkmatter6714]

Ren was close to ending himself several times but what stopped him was seeing how much pain and suffering Joe’s death caused his loved ones. It’s as if Joe’s purpose on earth was to show Ren what not to do, to save him for a bigger purpose. Ren is far becoming a modern day prophet.

[@Rindsgulasch]

This always breaks me.

[@9madness9]

Need another vid with you and Charlie with a ren video

[@mattjones2726]

I don't remember the details, so I'm probably mangling this, but I've always found its simplicity to be so powerful, even when we don't have an answer: "The most important question to ask someone who is suffering is not one about medicine, doctors, or family history, but simply 'How can I help?'"

[@RetroVGamer1]

You should do Sabaton - Christmas Truce for Christmas

[@pvandewyngaerde]

That song also has a nice suprise.

[@belindamelville2270]

Ren❤❤❤❤❤

[@andrewdavidson665]

Nope. I've still never managed to get through that song without ending up in tears. *deeeeep breath*

[@k1k3jr]

Just, WOW!

[@JonathonAddicott]

You definitely need to react to “for Joe” after this, Joe is who he is talking about his best friend from childhood in suicide

[@Nic........]

hugs ❤

[@iamlpinthe312]

Please react to “ For Joe” next. It picks up where this ends and also incorporates Freckles Angels ( the first song about Joe) and it is absolutely beautiful- with Ren on keys.

[@ldm7532]

For joe next then...

[@Slymanno]

Hugs to ya ... ❤

[@celinel9750]

You HAVE to watch ''For Joe'' it's the following of this one where you''ll find back the same second part but with the outcoming, how loosing Joe also give him so much. Even if it sad it's so powerfull and bring the full grive circle. I'm sure you need it ;-) ❤‍🩹

[@wakkoedu]

🖤 Jor Joe