Have I Become A Narcissist??

• 7 Clues to SPOT the Na...
I get a lot of questions from people wondering if they are a narcissist because they are beginning to treat their partner with the same disrespect and contempt and neglect that it later turns out they have been receiving for quite some time. This is NOT about gender. Anyone could be asking this question, and this would be my answer to them. =)
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#marriageadvice #relationshipproblems #conflictresolution

[@JimmyonRelationships]

This ISN'T about Gender, I get these questions from males and females. The point is sometimes people are angry and pulling away in their relationship and being told they are a narcissist and they aren't. That doesn't justify any toxic behavior and I say in the video they need to hold themselves accountable. The OTHER possibility though is you're wondering if you're a narcissist because you actually HAVE a good partner and you're still neglecting them or not putting in the work in the relationship and you don't know why. I would research avoidant attachment at that stage and talk with a professional about why you might have a tendency to pull away or neglect even good partners. =)

[@Coldnfallen]

Communication is so important with the rest of the family, too. Where can I find this theology in a family situation? Where can I send my kids to learn this way to communicate…

[@hisqueen9944]

Need to talk to you personally. My wife separated from me because my simple boundaries are being violated and she goes into silent mode and with draws from me and my grandson.

[@kian8952]

@@hisqueen9944 I would say go to a marriage counselor

[@hisqueen9944]

@@kian8952 we have.

[@thycauldron]

This content hurts but I can't even begin to tell you how much I need it! Thank you so so much. Can't find any help like yours anywhere else.

[@queenprotein]

This is my favorite video to date. Really answered all my questions and made so much sense. Learning what i should have learned much earlier in life but better later than never. Thank you for always reminding us what the real rules are so we can set boundaries and find a better partner than the one we’ve settled for. I can’t thank you enough

[@aleah4610]

Wow😢😢😢 I thought I was going crazy!!! Much help thank you! Dont judge a person when their on their healing journey is some realistic advice! Its sooo crucial and important to let that person heal! Its for a greater purpose and it gets to a point if that person doesn't give you the space and time, you need to leave... Ive got called a narcissist and told them dont label me and continued to label as this... It hurts... Going through healing is ugly because you get called things and realize things that you know you aren't, go misunderstood, didnt mean to do... 🤦🤦😭

[@janineplamondon8893]

Thank you!! Love you Jimmy ❤

[@Jam-m7m]

Thank you. There is a great video on what I needed to hear. ❤

[@djaplants1061]

This is how i feel with my Mother in law. Luckily my husband undstands and allows me to keep a distance from her most of the time but their are occasions i just cant avoid her and it always ends in us arguing because she is always right about everything and always knows best. Never once asked us how we are or or what were up to, just critisizes our choices.

[@brendabrysch5223]

Thank you so much for this! This really helped me process some things in my relationship.

[@Xaxtarr_Neonraven]

Isn't it funny how all the pieces fit logically into place and yet norhing fits together emotionally, and we are left with all of the pieces to assemble on our own? Each piece is a feeling, a feeling we push so far away that we eventually forget who we are, we look for others for answers, answers that never quite fit; yet after everything, we are left trying to pick ourselves up and move forward with every emotional regret dragging behind, like an anchor tearing us apart. It is only when we can see clearly that the true work begins. We can know the answer, but still be paralyzed and alone. To need a fix is to admit brokenness. Perhaps, the brokenness is the point, the one thing we can never accept, the last piece dragging us down, something we can never let be. We're all wholely broken, pretending to be mostly fixed. Its a convoluted story we tell ourselves to avoid living. It ultimately, makes perfect absolutely no sense. Only love makes sense, love of everything, nothing to be feared. We carry on.

[@idkwhodos2840]

Your comment reads like poetry, so beautiful ❤️

[@Xaxtarr_Neonraven]

@@idkwhodos2840 -- TY 🙏❤️

[@Alex-gu2ws]

This describes my relationship with my mom lately

[@debradiane3929]

It is informative, but at 62, and 10 years of marriage, sometimes, it is better to live as roommates. I lived alone for 13 years prior to marrying my current husband, and it wasn't fun. I appreciate the companionship even if he isn't able to empathize with me. Leaving isn't always the best solution. God fills that void in my heart, and I also don't have to live alone. ❤

[@hain7]

I have gone a long time being unheard by my husband. We have had several months with little contact. I am working to know myself and shift out of codependency. I struggle with the thought of reconnecting with him, due to a great deal of narc behavior. Any advise?

[@meetandinspire]

"Your anger is trying to protect you; it's telling you wake up, this isn't fair."

[@taken...]

YES!!!!

[@Sdewebb]

The accuracy makes me want to vomit. I feel like I've wasted my life in my relationship. Too scared to leave but hating myself for staying. Rare times where I'm actually happy because I'm always told I'm too sensitive or if I just made friends I wouldn't feel this way or stop being so needy or even why are you always trying to start an argument.

[@peteruzomba]

Do you think you have an anxious attachment style? That could be it

[@triskelionchi3747]

May be a good idea to at least get some distance to reflect with some space and clarity removed from the center of that turmoil. Really ask yourself and feel into what you need, not only from in your relationship, but from yourself. It can be painful work, but always worth it to exercise that self care and reflection. May you be well.

[@Nise0023]

You're not the only one. I've wasted 12 years and my youth with my relationships. Now I have 2 kids under 10 and alone smh

[@alexandranaumann2833]

Yes, there is something to grieve about- Yet, you can still keep your(!) enourmous power to love and care, and just turn the gaze towards yourself❤

[@amandaloebner8169]

You realise now. That's a start. Awareness can bring change. You know what made the difference to me? Stopping pretending. Seeing things as they really are, and allowing that wall of hurt to hit me. Radical acceptance. I had nearly a year of pain, withdrawal and sadness but now I can't unsee it all. And that is the impetus for me to move on whereas before I was sooo stuck.

[@hardenedsap]

"You're so scared of being abandoned that you've abandoned yourself." 🤯🥺 straight to the heart of this girl

[@julimoreira]

"People can only meet you as deep as they met themselves" Pause to reflect.

[@belindaauntbhiggins7716]

YES!! I came here to put this quote here too! EXCELLENT!!

[@Mike-vr3xz]

It's a fantastic quote and it makes so much sense in all aspects of life

[@risamoore9387]

👑👑Yes girl you can't give what you haven't seen or know how to give. . Can't do what you ain't done until you learn . Just saying .

[@risamoore9387]

It's hard when both people are unable to see the subconscious mind and the toxic traits both do and trigger each other it's hard what draws empath© narcissist to one another is also what makes them unable to communicate they don't know anything about healthy love and how it's given and received but they both have the ability to teach one another but sadly they need help to do it cause that subconscious place we all run to when the unfamiliar scary changes or abandonment and abuse show up we go and don't even realize we do disassociate and we don't stay in the present moment we're on autopilot we're just doing things that we've done a million times before say the things do the things say the things same things over and over do the same things over and over but you have to be able to be aware of your present moment and that is really hard to do with two people who have trust issues

[@ko.ala.b]

by this definition - i never had an actual relationship with a reliable partner.

[@tehfizzeh]

Same... I didn't think it was important I guess..I've always been so independent I didn't think to expect someone else to care, truly care, about me. The realisation that I was accompanied but alone.. so many "I love you"s, but never counted on them.

[@charliebotzman6423]

Same. But maybe now we can…

[@mslee7349]

We can :) ​@@charliebotzman6423

[@Selah1141]

Same❤

[@gb1reinwald]

I had a nice little encounter once with a close friend of mine. She and I decided to cook and eat together at Christmas. We organised time, decided on a meal, she brought most of the food ingredients, I brought just a few, we would cook in her kitchen and then eat together. Little did I know that this was going to be a little different. Because she lived alone for so long, she had to cook for herself all the time. She told me that she was looking forward so much to me cooking for her. So it was mainly me cooking. She also gave me the recipe from a cookbook that I should cook. Okay, this was a bit different than what I expected, but she paid for the meal and I started cooking. However, she is used to different things than I am, also handling things a bit differently. Whenever I struggled with the recipe and asked her, she replied that she usually alters this part of the recipe, because she cooked it so often. It was fine, but it created a bit of uncertainty in me. Whatever, I thought, she has the lead right now, that is fine. It is her kitchen. And then I stirred the pot or got something out of the pot, I cannot remember in detail. The important part is that I was with a metal tool in her cooking pot. She had only used wooden cooking spoons for stirring in her pots whenever I saw her, but I never made that connection. Anyhow, she spotted this when she entered the kitchen to give me some help or information and went ballistic. I immediately told her that I had not known not to use metallic tools in there, but I can of course do that from now on. I also reassured her that I had not scratched on the pot surfaces much with any metallic tool. She immediately calmed down and I finished cooking with her joining in a bit later for some details and to help until we had finished. We sat down and had a really nice Christmas lunch. We discussed what had just happened, too, and also talked a bit about it at my next visit. It became clear to me, how many details I had not known and I told her that, including my difficulties to adapt to recipe changes and different rules that I was not aware of. She told me that she was so used to her wishes being ignored that she was way more aggressive at the first moment than she needed to be and how nice it was to know that I cared for her and taking care of her things in the way that she felt appropriate. We ended up having a much better understanding of each other after this conflict. What i personally learned is that my deescalation tactic works well on people with no bad intention towards me. When they don't work, it is not me, it is the other person being the problem. She and I are both very traumatised people, but we stay open to different outcomes of negative situations and at that occasion, this openness really paid off!

[@missapril2520]

What a great friend you are

[@gb1reinwald]

@@missapril2520She is equally great, we have a mutual understanding there. That's why I love her so much as my friend, because we understand each other so well, albeit our traumatas being a bit different.

[@abd.3808]

I wonder though where the communication was initially that you would in fact do most of the cooking for her and consequently setting up the situation to be scrutinized when you didn't follow her wishes. It didn't seem like an openly consenting situation from the outset and that you managed to sense your boundaries and self regulation while being considerate of her around as it unfolded and in the conversation after. I wonder she could recognize and name this unclear communication and expectation on her side at the beginning?🌿

[@gb1reinwald]

@@abd.3808She got that, actually. When we talked about this, she realised that her making this recipe over and over for herself over the years resulted in altering it quite a bit and that I could not know that, but also that she forgot to tell me or would have needed to engage more in the cooking process to tell me during the cooking.

[@yesiltarla2320]

This is a positive encounter. We form strong bonds through conflicts not through the smooth times. We all have issues (if not what your friend was having then something else). The most important thing here is communicating in a healthy manner and being able to resolve these issues (eventually). Thank you for sharing 😊

[@ankeenders-ngono9918]

"People can only meet you as deeply as they have met themselves." A priceless sentence of utter truth. Thank you! 🙏🏻

[@dezly-macauley]

I use to have these thoughts but then I realised four important things: 1. Someone who is a narcissistic wouldn't waste time asking that question, if anything they'd wear being a narcissist as a badge of honor 2. I'm not selfish, I'm just healing and its making it harder for people to manipulate me. Remember, a con artist is only as good as their target. 3. Their minds can't fathom a world where I'm surround by others who have the same views and interests I do. In the world of the narcissist, their way of life is automatically supreme. 4. Protecting your inner world is what they call "being distant, cold or standoffish". Don't fall for the gaslighting people. Just because a person is listening to you... that doesn't mean they want to get to understand or respect who you are. Some folks are just waiting for your lips to stop moving while they try to poke hole in everything you say. There's a fine line between a healthy discussion and people who are just disagreeable for the sake of it. Last but not least, don't bother trying to explain yourself. If they wanted to understand they would have done so YEARS ago. You are an individual, not their puppet. It's not your job to explain yourself or convince them either.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Love it!!

[@SingingSealRiana]

Not quite right, a narcissist will Not only Not ASK themselfs those questions, they will Not even consider being one and thats the whole Problem. They are incapable of reflecting their own behavior. A Trump quote that kinda really nails the narcissist mindset was, that when a Talkshow host told him, He IS Not known to BE a Humble man He corrected her, that that He IS very Humble "she could Not even comprehend Just how Humble He IS"!!!!

[@almareeves4125]

Oh, those points are awesome...encouraging...educative..love when you say" the can not fathom a world where I surround by others who share similar views" namely a kind, caring world where people are interested in your feeling and well being...yes it exists and we have a choice where our energy goes.

[@belindaauntbhiggins7716]

Incredible additions! Thank you!

[@kimberlyhauser7724]

@@almareeves4125yaaaas that accountability. We are ultimately responsible for who we continue to associate with. Acting accordingly!

[@uncle0eric]

This is an important discussion, especially because it has become fashionable to try to label one's partner as a narcissist, when the label that is really more appropriate is probably just 'jerk.' Self-centered and uncaring behaviors are all-too common, while narcissistic personality disorder is fairly rare. In the end, though, labels don't matter. What matters is whether or not reasonable strategies are available to manage and change behaviors, and whether both partners are committed to putting those strategies into practice.

[@theBear89451]

One thing I have never seen outside of movies is a relationship where only one person is a jerk.

[@Acordaro718]

This is the most therapy I've gotten in all my years of therapy. So I either crumble at the realness or stand up and figure my life out.

[@MarluxiaX2]

Your videos will always be so incredibly informative. In moments where my gut instinct is at times clouded, these topics offer a sincere amount of clarity for my mind. Thank you good sir

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Thank you so much!

[@jadegreen1554]

“You have to stop yelling to be heard. You’re so scared to set boundaries around their toxic behaviours… because you don’t want to cause disconnection right? But you’re already there. You’re completely disconnected in this”.

[@juliemoore6957]

You just described my relationship with my ex. Never felt safe and supported.

[@aakankshadumane]

You have been so afraid of being abandoned that u have abandoned urself ...such a deep line.

[@dillp2267]

I wish I could send this video to myself 18 years ago.

[@SonyAk-f5z]

Yes me too

[@tnels5027]

...for *all* relationships...not only marriages... ...so needed to hear... Thank you...🕊️🌻

[@meevee7464]

“People can only meet you as deep as they’ve met themselves..” this is powerful brother ❤

[@triskelionchi3747]

Important for all interactions, including with how we experience strangers, even the ones we just see around us, especially the ones we judge.

[@JacquelynnFaye]

There’s no fighting. He doesn’t call me anything he just always leaves. Im having a terrible morning and I’m upset and want comfort and he leaves to his dads. Or he goes to game. Or he just goes to nap. Or anywhere else he can lol.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Avoidance never leads to intimacy does it? :(

[@ajregalia1334]

Why lol at the end? That sounds awful and a serious issue

[@caramelese8520]

Probably a frustrated or pained laugh​@@ajregalia1334

[@dandylion187]

Laugh to keep from crying maybe ?

[@emetee217]

I need to watch this 3x a day. 27 years into this type of marriage and I want to be done.

[@almareeves4125]

Triple thumbs up 👍👍👍 These are normal feelings...you are a human...you are not needy, you are not too much by asking to feel safe and to expect that your basic human needs be met ...Most of us never been in a proper loving, trusting relationship because we are conditioned to believe that we are needy, asking for to much, a complainer or selfish....when in reality you are asking for totally normal basic human needs...the challenge is to learn that not everyone is open and willing to acknowledge your needs which means you have a dilemma to stay or leave... how to ask for these things in a relationship, as you don't know how to verbalise your needs...huh, these are tough challenges in any age ! 🤪🙄💪😎

[@jadegreen1554]

Let’s be real, toxic behaviour doesn’t usually mean “yelling and name calling” in males. Women might show reactive abuse by yelling, but men show abuse by “avoiding” aka avoidant men, emotionally absent men, dismissive men. Men don’t only exhibit abuse by yelling, they exhibit their abuse by NEGLECT. Why don’t we speak more about the neglectful abuse that men layer on women by WALKING OUT, silent treatment, gaslighting, avoiding, disappearing, insulting, cheating, lying, subtle manipulations while pretending to be “calm”. Why don’t we speak about the “boundaries” to be used on MEN, who are neglectful, avoidant, and emotionally abusive?

[@aguilacoors]

If the person is a covert malignant narcissist is actually important to know, and run asap, though.

[@dannitaylor159]

I’m in shock at how accurate this video is, it’s like “FINALLY” someone gets it! Not even my therapist has explained it to me in this way-after I’ve told her for months now how I feel. I wanted to understand so badly where all this resentment was coming from, now i finally know. This video is so validating for me personally, thank you.

[@professormurdoc1359]

This is the best video you’ve ever made.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Thanks!!!

[@adamtedder1012]

Sometimes if you think your the narc its because your with one. You start to take on some of their tendancies the longer your with them. The question is in a long absence from them is it the default.

[@gangGreenthumb]

3:11 "Is that why I'm starting to resent them?" 💯

[@shu_will7627]

This 8 minute video has helped me more than all the therapists I’ve seen over the years 🤯

[@emixze]

A friend of mine that I have known for many years recently started accusing me of being a narcissist… this video was helpful thank you

[@richardw7010]

This was very comforting, coming from a person trying to get over the break up of a long term relationship. Thank you. Just wish I knew this years ago, would have saved a lot of suffering.

[@jadegreen1554]

As you said: you’re “healing”. A lot of what you said actually shows a lot of work needs to be done.

[@par2788]

The worst news is the one that truely suffers in a relationship is offen the one who is not narcissist. The narcissist one does not feel any thing. They only gain their own supply from their victims

[@sallyfitbythesea8273]

You nailed it in this one, oh my. Thank you.

[@kristentt]

What if your spouse seems to care when things are good, and they are in a good mood?...but if he is upset/ triggered when we are in an argument, my needs are always dismissed and invalidated, and his always trump mine. I don't know which "persona" is the REAL one 😢

[@0reoqu33nLover-rn7re]

This is one of the best spot on videos I have watched from you. Very healing.

[@rachellepitman1152]

I completely agree! 👏

[@deefarl]

"Show up as you again" is such great advice ❤

[@IOSALive]

Jimmy on Relationships, Your videos always make me happy, so I subscribed!

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Thanks so much!

[@Kivlor]

Overall, the point is fine, but let's be honest here, trust should include your spouse/SO being able to object to and challenge your behavior and your interpretation of events, words, etc, and for them to allow you the space for that as well. TONS of people hide behind "I'm not safe"" or "I don't feel safe" because they're not okay with their husband/wife objecting to their behavior or interpretation of reality. That's an internal problem with yourself, not an external problem with your spouse. Not taking offense to valid criticism, or criticism that comes from a place of love or concern would help a lot of people out in their relationships. That said, I get how hard it is. Criticism is one of the Four Horsemen of Relationships for a reason lol.

[@jonathanmiddleton1775]

This video really spoke to me. Everything you said in the video was what I dealt with in my previous relationship. I remembered all of the times that I’d get screamed at and cussed out whenever I mentioned anything relating to my needs not being met and stonewalling anytime I didn’t ‘behave’ how they wanted me to. I remembered all of the instances where my ex would just ignore me or use passive aggressive comments to rile me up. I felt so emotional unsafe with her that I no longer felt comfortable enough to open up to her about anything because she would make everything a damn competition. ‘No one struggled more than her’, “other people have it worse than me”, “I’m making an ocean out of a puddle”, I’m “overreacting/overthinking or too defensive”. “You’re just like my ex”. And would always bring up my apparent shortcomings in the relationship when the argument at hand has nothing to do with said shortcomings. And I was told that I was selfish and narcissistic for prioritizing on other things and on other people besides her (because god fucking forbid that I have a personal life outside of her and having hobbies that I legitimately enjoy). And yes there were instances where physical abuse was involved and any time I reacted, I was called the “abusive one”. I didn’t feel supported, I felt emotionally unsafe, super drained, and I was gradually losing myself trying to keep a relationship alive when my ex is always on the “one foot in/one foot out” type of mindset every time we had a petty argument. Everyone and everything was telling me to run. To escape and sever my ties with her, But I saw the good in someone that wasn’t even there in the first place. I was holding on to the idea that things can get better, that If I changed myself for her and do whatever she wants me to that the relationship would become normal, that all of the issues within the relationship was solely because of me. It honestly makes me both enraged and disgusted that I let someone treat me so poorly. For 14 months I may add. Looking back at it, her covert narcissistic behaviors were very conspicuous in retrospect. But at the time I was socially awkward, kinda new to talking to women, and I thought she was this sweet artsy nerdy girl that I met in my college days. So I fell for it like a dumbass. Butttt, sad anime backstory aside; I’ve moved on, traveled to some places along, I can indulge in my hobbies and not feel guilty for doing so, I’ve rediscovered myself and came out as bisexual in 2021, and I met this very sweet lady awhile back and she’s the complete opposite of my ex that i described. I endured through the storm and now it has ended 💜

[@deborahlloyd2237]

Valuable. will listen to a number of times as your discussion is meaty. “I used to be a narcissist” 😂🤣

[@Sariimura]

Jimmy, thank you for your videos. ❤ I truly think that therapy + the tools given through these kind of videos, have allowed me to be at a point where I am letting go of the relationship I had, in which I endured a lot of pain. Thank you.

[@deannaowen9575]

What if someone finally says they’ll put in the work, but years of resentment has built up?… after years of trying to get them to therapy to learn how to communicate but them refusing? They finally decided to put in the work, go to therapy, and read books when you’re tired and heartbroken from trying for so long and tired of words and no action.

[@Privatecitizn]

Dude you would be resentful if your wife did shit to you and she lied about it and never admitted it or took accountability she just turned it around in you somehow every time you brought up what was bothering you women suck

[@SingingSealRiana]

In generell if you ask yourself if you might be a narcissist and feel bad about it, feel guilty for unintentionally hurting someone with your feelings and genuinly seek blame in yourself and try to change, all those things are pretty much the antithesis of narcissism. A narcissist thinks they are always in the right, that orthers do them injustice, that they are really humble and wonderful, doing things for others is always a means to an end, kids are tools, so are charities they engange with, when something does not goes their way they go nuclear . . .

[@Franchescamae30]

most of these are all true for both sides which makes it truly hard to know who’s one and who’s not 😢

[@Samua3]

This is brilliant! If someone kept stepping on my foot I would move myself away from that person. Even if it wasn't deliberate and they were just clumsy, it wouldn't make it any healthier to be near them. So why would I let someone crush my heart, my life? Whether they can help it or not there is no difference from my own perspective if they keep stepping on my boundaries and hurting me. I have to either accept it or not. I can't do both. I know because I've tried. When he would shout horrendous insults at me and even spit at me... and i can't even think of a reason because anything could trigger him... I tried to find ways to tell him it was wrong to treat me that way. If he, as a man, didn't already know not to treat anyone that way, especially your wife and mother of your children, then why on earth was I trying to explain the obvious? It just fed the situation with even more of my energy. Step away from the foot crushers and the heart crushers. If you like the good/interesting side then just be friends if you can, and walk away every time they turn on you. Because they will. They always do. But as friends you don't have to lie by their side crying while they snore and refresh themselves for the next day spent complaining and dishing out orders and pain. You also don't have to watch them spend every penny meant for the care of the family unit.

[@amandaloebner8169]

This is sooo accurate. So true. I'm on the journey now. Being boundaried, building myself up again. It won't bring us closer as he won't do the work he needs to heal, but my do I feel more empowered

[@Emblurr420]

I have been struggling badly in my relationship lately. Watching this video just lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I'm genuinely willing to make tangeable sacrifices in my relationship and i care deeply about making her happy and loving her the way she needs to be loved. I feel relief knowing I'm not crazy, or a narcissist. I just want to feel connected and close to the person i love the most. Thank you.

[@schokoladenjunge1]

Wow. This is so spot on that i think im gonna print out this video. Wait- I appreciate a lot giving these words to a male client character. In my last relationship it took me around a year and a half to come around to the idea that it might have been also my partner and not just exclusively me who is causing all the fighting and stress between me and her, and a big part in that was some deep seated internalised misandrism. Like that women never cause problems and its only ever men in relationships that misbehave and mistreat and neglect. it took a lot to move a little bit past that and still i felt (and feel) selfish when thinking about how i ended up prioritising myself in the whole thing. But i didnt feel safe. I didnt feel heard or my needs respected. Not even fulfilled, just respected. What's curious about this whole thing is that from the video you could think, okay, the man is secure but his partner is avoidant. But in a way, this dynamic doesnt depend on that constellation. My partner was very anxious, and similarly didnt know how to respect my needs for moderation in being close. I got overwhelmed. I felt smothered and pressured to be with her. And eventually started fearing to tell her because she would get immensely upset with me and doubt my entire intention of going out with her if i dont want to spend what geuinely felt like all my time with her. It wasnt that i didnt want to spend time with her. I just didn't feel like i get to do it on my terms. So i feel like it can be anyone on the partner's end in the skit, and also anyone on the man's side. Thank you so much for this video, this has been the single most validating experience for months if not years.

[@idkwhodos2840]

That's beautiful ❤️ I think men are taught from such an early age not to express emotions, that sometimes it's a shock to us that they actually have them! Maybe we all should work on listening to each other more. Wish you all the best 👍🏽

[@darrenbolz6144]

Wow, incredible!! Thank you

[@cinderling5472]

Wow...❤❤❤👏👏👏👏 This is SO GOOD... Thank you, thank you so much!! This should be shown in schools. Seriously I love you and what you do! Big hugs from the Netherlands!

[@angeldonnelly4433]

Thank you... I needed this more than you know...😭😭😭😭😭💞💞💞💞💞

[@TheMrDarius]

My wife wanted me to subscribe to this channel. She wants to make this marriage work. After plenty of gaslighting, boundary crossing, and what not I just keep to myself. It’s terrible because part of me wants to leave but the rest of me wants to stay for the kids. I don’t feel a connection there not like when we first met. I’ve also been previously married when I was in the army. Long story short she cheated I left her I have ptsd and took up drinking she eventually turned my kid against me and I quit drinking 9 years ago. My daughter doesn’t want anything to do with me now. I accept responsibility for that despite everything. I just don’t want a repeat with my 2 year old daughter now. I’ve got a heavy bond with her and it would eat her alive if I walked away from her mom. Idk what to do except just ride it out and call it a day once my daughter is old enough to handle it. I want what’s best for my wife, I want her to get the education, I want her to get on with the school district with me. But I also want peace. I want peace so bad.

[@dodopson3211]

Since your wife wanted you to subscribe to the channel perhaps you can make it work. Find a good couples therapist, one who doesn't let either party shiet talk the other. As for staying together for the kids; it might not be as good of an idea as it sounds. Kids will pick up on how the parents treat eachother and this forms a basis for how they will let themselves get treated in the future as kids model a lot after their parents. My parents also stayed together despite being a horrible fit; as an adult I now struggle with not letting people walk over my boundaries because my dad would always do whatever he wanted without caring how my mum felt about it...I ended up internalising that my feelings won't matter in a relationship either ;) oops.

[@doctones10]

Favorite one so far ❤

[@onlyforgoogle6590]

Wow 😮 So much I needed to understand. I'm so glad I clicked on the KZbin link to watch the entire video. I have been in a yo yo relationship that we have been triggering each other since the beginning. We've also learned that our attachment issues only further this push/pull yo yo relationship. The information on boundaries and how to set them is very helpful. This is my issue but I didn't know how to do them properly.

[@colleenbucks4385]

This is life saving thank you !!

[@martineloiselle]

you are so handsome beautiful person! world need you. continue your good job. thanks to share. big hug

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Hug back!!

[@AlexanderHorusKingdom]

Yelling is something people do as a last resource to try to be heard or because they are being hurt and frustrated, sometimes.. but it doesn't make things better.. is better just to withdraw in silence and wait for a few minutes, then express your partner how you feel without attacking them.. maybe even by message if things r still hot (trying not to fuel the situation more even if it was unfair), then tell them what it could happen (e.g. damage the feeling and trust you have for them, damage the bond and mutual love, or so) if they continue hurting you by ignoring, dismissing your feelings, offending or whatever they are doing that is unfair (if is unfair or hurtful otherwise you have to be fair too) and if they really love and care about you and have good values (which are a must for any healthy relationship) they will calm down and come to speak with you and apologize or explain that there was a misunderstanding or whatever..

[@amberklein1560]

I swear.... Almost every video makes me tear up. Thank you for posting these. They help. They validate. And they set a script for the future.

[@wf4983]

Wow! That summarizes everything!

[@bryfount9052]

I think this is my favorite one so far. Especially the part where you talk about focusing on healing instead of focusing on labels.

[@KineticSenseTherapies]

Thank you. I feel like a narcissist but I do care about my partner. I have just been through so much trauma I have to work extra hard to change. 😢

[@JimmyonRelationships]

You’re doing amazing worthwhile work!! 💙

[@mimeroo58]

OK I am 58 years old. I have had 8 therapists and 30 years in 12 step programmes. I have learnt nothing except that people like me should never get into any kind of romantic relationship. My upbringing has meant I fall for narcissists every time, and I am far happier by myself. I cannot seem to recover from my parents' messages. Your videos are amazing, but they only highlight how damaged I am and how, even if thpse wonderful people (like yourself) are out there, I will never find them attractive or get close to them, because I am too damaged. All of that would be fine, because I like being single. But after 14 years of bliss alone, I am now in another fucked up relationship which disguised itself as friendship at first. My ego is so fragile, that if the devil himself showed me anything which looked like affection or approval- I'd want to dedicate my life to him. Shit, just realised, been there, done that.....

[@fraukemmerich4513]

On point... needed to hear

[@rachaelmaclean4698]

This was so helpful for me. Thank you.

[@ducky777]

Incredible accuracy in your description and plan of action for resolution!!! I love every single thing you post because they are so real, relatable, and filled with empathy and wisdom! Thank you so much!!!

[@lisakat8995]

Thank you for this so much!!

[@ruthnelesehgwaikolo1950]

❤🙏🙌👍. True for any relationship... intimate, friends, professional, in the family (mother, father, siblings etc.)

[@ruthnelesehgwaikolo1950]

I feel that it's a total waste of time to engage that person when perception has been built & decision made how they should treat you.

[@lilywang7228]

I started to resent my partner during my pregnancy. He took me to his hometown but I was mistreated cause he would ask me to walk 2-3h up and down hill while I was 5 month pregnant. He also ignored my desires and happiness. His parents came to look after us when the baby is 2 month old. They are great people and care about my feelings sometimes, but they just had so many opinions against my lifestyle and asked me to drop out of my Ph.D. program which I worked so hard for. This week my noticed my face was paralyzed (and with my baby at home alone), and he was at work and refused to go until he finished his meeting. He thought I was making a scene. But it turned out I have bell's palsy and I need to finish big projects and a final exam next week. Do I have a way out this unhealthy relationship?

[@TimothySmith73]

I will continue to Work on me. Then we will talk. Or maybe we won't. And that's ok. Least I'll be healed. I want a true deeply caring relationship. My actions say that right now. I am human. I make mistakes. However I am deffently making the effort to change my life.

[@friendfromshadows]

you always hit the jackpot in so many ways

[@t-boneparker9686]

Are you worried just because you've created a literal nurturing environment in your home (the plants and comforting colours), that you, yourself, are nurturing?

[@rikij05]

You have some amazing work with these videos I am learning so much. This is one of the of best of all. I gave up last week finally after 3.5 years. it hurt . I've been in good therapy over a year for this she went once than dropped the ball she said look at what counseling has done for for you with a laugh , it hurts but my stars finally aligned I left still in counseling but she's just not a fit for me. 😢

[@MitchalLees]

I fucked up my relationship everything that was said in this video is spot on,I truly love my wife but I didn’t put her first,not on purpose but I did I wish I could change the past but I can’t and I think that it’s gone too far and I can’t go back. Having everything you ever wanted but losing it and realizing it’s all your fault is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced

[@misbehavens]

I watched this video thinking I was going to learn how to improve myself but instead heard what sounded like my wife’s perspective (I think we have similar hurts). I genuinely love her and want to be the best husband for her but I often feel like I’m failing to address her needs and come across as a narcissist. Do you have a video to help the person on the other side of this relationship?

[@ainahaga]

Can I heal when my family members do not change? Cause I love my family, it seems like they changed more but Im not sure….. they are more love. But Im not sure… After beeing with a narc and blocked him 9 months ago Ive actually started studying people myself like the narc I was with he studied me like intensely. Its like Im trying as good as I can to heal with not beeing in contact every day with family but still not cut contact with them. Is this possible?

[@rachelturner395]

Surely even thinking you’re a narcissist and worrying about it would prove you’re not a narcissist.

[@electrobite673]

This conflicts happens presísly for been with the wrong person. No vows & negotiations are going to change that. People needs to stop trying to force each other in to keep been in a relationship you know your are both NOT equally in-love with.

[@clairexxx0405]

I just feel that it's all my fault I've lost me...I'm not good at confrontation I don't like arguments then I'm too weak 🕊✨️

[@sithara7983]

So didn’t you all this before therapy ? And then worked through it ? So if the advice is to say this relationship isn’t going work then is that fair advice ?

[@nickus51]

Oh this one was soooo relatable on so many levels.

[@ralucamera6574]

Thank you!!! You are great!👏👏

[@jackiegill]

My husband has a massive temper he throws things sometimes at me and says he hates the way breaks things and he says he hates the way we live often and yells at me like I'm the devil! I'm so torn between leaving and staying... I don't know what to do. He frightens me when he's like this and merely calls it an 'attitude '.. it's way more than that and if I try to talk to him about it he gets heated again. We are hardly intimate and he never kisses me... I'm so very depressed and I have to act happy but I am full of resentment and anguish... please help

[@rickymyers8353]

I'm gonna start crying. Thank you!

[@keylimepie267]

...Shit... I keep thinking it's me, I didn't consider maybe it's not...

[@diandreabrown8711]

My ex said she wants to be with someone she doesnt have to put any effort in the r.s in. That along with 6 yrs of damage and mutual hurt and abuse.. that was one of the signs she had narc tendencies... not everyone is a narcissist, we all have some level of toxicity but there are still narcs out there. Know the difference.

[@k0p1dakh43]

They don't neglect my feelings but every time i say to stop sm bc it makes me uncomfortable or i have said sm to many times and they stop it after idk months it feels like I don't care anymore and now I'm tried of even trying

[@annonymous6906]

Man... how do you fix this when it gets uncovered 6 years into a marriage with kids in tow?

[@Judah50]

Would you also do skits on invalidating, gaslighting, narcissistic family trauma?

[@shobarani8588]

Thanks this is happening to my son....so accurate words 🎉