Having Autism & ADHD (The Paradox)

Having autism & ADHD can feel like living a paradox, it's a particular experience living with both neurodivergent conditions because they sometimes completely clash.
In this video I'm sharing:
- A brief overview of the differences between the two conditions
- My personal experience of the clash between the two and how this can making managing both autism and ADHD challenging
- How ADHD meds have impacted my autism
My video about the difference between ADHD and autism:
• Whats The Difference B...
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[@micahscott3895]

My adhd pushes every anxiety button in my brain when I talk to new people but my autism is like "TELL THEM ALL OF THE RANDOM FUN FACTS YOU HAVE ACCUMULATED THROUGHOUT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE"

[@kassi4837]

I love the way you explain this: “thrives on order, but rebels against routine. “ So true. This whole video Nails everything you are explaining.

[@LM-uq9nv]

Yes. 100% relating.

[@misschickable]

this is exactly what has perplexed me about my traits - I don’t fit the adhd or autistic category perfectly.

[@Pippis78]

I felt SO UNDERSTOOD.

[@fluffyunicorn1515]

OMG had to comment. I have adhd and I am being referred to be assessed for autism. I didn't understand the first half of the video but the second part of the video RELATE 100% I might be autistic!!!!

[@PbjSanguich]

100%

[@pagingdrbitchcraft]

I came with nothing but my pervasive sneaking suspicions about myself and this is everything I've felt my whole life wrapped up in an 8-minute package. This is beyond feeling seen. It's like I found the rest of the people who crash-landed on this planet with me.

[@PurpleElla]

I’m so glad to hear that. This is why I do what I do 🙂

[@andrearoberson]

This comment is summarizing all of my emotions right now!!! Thank you for writing it! This is amazing and unreal.

[@hellequinm]

Welcome! You are not alone. I also saw myself on a personal video of someone in KZbin talking about his experience with autism. It all made sense, so I went to a specialist to get an assessment, i'm almost at the end of it - more 1 or 2 sections. I know now that at least ADHD is present, autism still unsure.

[@jose11032]

Me too, soul sister! We are in this crazy boat together …

[@christineh86]

Yes exactly!

[@tehrinny7031]

I always say that one part of me is the overly-excited toddler running around everywhere and grabbing everything. Meanwhile, the other side is the exhausted and overwhelmed parent who is absolutely done with this nonsense. It's a constant battle between STROBE LIGHT. MUSIC. PARTY. WOOOO. and I HAVE TO LEAVE THIS ROOM IMMEDIATELY. I've been doing anime conventions for about 20 years. I love attending, staffing, meeting new people, having conversation (because it's mostly other ND people and little small talk). But then I'll hole myself up for days and not talk to anyone afterward. I want solitude, but I love being the life of the party. It's both exhilarating and exhausting at the same time.

[@pagingdrbitchcraft]

This! I was a makeup artist for like 10+ years running back and forth between three gigs. I went from "I AM THE GREASTS MAKEUP ADULT!" to "Overwhelmed child who was given adult things to do, here. I'm in the car but I'm too small to reach the peddles. What are all these buttons for??" When I'm social, it's like I've been summoned. I'm always MIA so you practically have to. I'm a god for like 6 hours and then I shrivel into a crone who needs to put herself inside an old willow tree until the next century.

[@tehrinny7031]

@Lucas Milito Yeah, but I'm a 40 year old woman who does not have aggressive behavior, and I will sing the song of my people to anyone pushing miracle cure products. Hint, my song is screeching like a banshee.

[@hizzyvr]

This perfectly describes me, I love partying and all that, but then i also hate socialising to a degree and sometimes its all too overwhelming. my ability to zone things out or pay too much attention to them is nuts

[@jules-sf5us]

THIS, THIS!!!

[@racheledwards1633]

@@pagingdrbitchcraftyour descriptions are impeccable!! I love them!! I’m in total burnout right now as that crone in the willow tree. You have made me accept myself for a moment 🫶

[@ohkaygoplay]

I just found out I have both ADHD and high functioning autism. I have no idea how to live with both brains fighting all the time. Everything you said is me. And I want to cry. Someone knows. Someone understands.

[@constancedenchy9801]

Allow your brain to explore. It's not ADHD, it is an organic way to process information. Routine and order is a neurotypical box we don't need to be in! Masking is draining. BTW: going down rabbit holes is how we collect information that feeds our area of speality. I never apologize for my impulsiveness, I allow my self to be me! Over load and fatigue ender when I stopped trying to pretend I'm a neurotypical

[@Podgemaster]

Wow, you rarely hear high function autism now unless those diagnosed a while back. My diagnosis last year was ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), I was told they use this instead of High functioning or Asperger’s syndrome now. Glad you found out though, it was such a relief for me as I was 40 when I was diagnosed and my life up till then was miserable

[@darlinqtoni]

Frrrr! I’m selectively mute in some places and then in others I overshare!!! I go to places and get overstimulated and end up having a hyperactive episode after it! I guess it’s my bodies way to cope. Hahah and masking is terrible because when I mask my autism I don’t mask my adhd and so I’m this bubbly overtalkative(especially for special interest ) but yet at the same time introverted!!!! I need routine but struggle to follow it! Executive disfunction sucks!!! And it makes me lower my self esteem! There are not enough adhd+ autism speakers so I feel Invalidated because I don’t feel enough of a adhd person and don’t feel enough of a asd person! Because I have both I’m always clashing and I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere! My parents don’t beleive me because I’ve masked my whole life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😌 I always thought I was weird and different and I was in the wrong!! I thought I had to be prettier and dress better so I copied people( started masking) and then I did get a good glow up for now and I realized it’s not good enough! It doesent matter if I look exactly like them. Because they always seem to know I’m different! And I’ve accepted that! Getting a hair cut to cut all my long hair short! Time for a change and finally learn to Un mask and love myself not who I mask to be.

[@auxin903]

"high functioning" is considered a tool for ableism by non-autistics so i am not surprised its still tossed around. There is no high or low, just different traits that society values or hates. Non-speakers will typically be labeled "low functioning" for instance, even if they have a really high threshhold for socializing.. solely because they are mute or use other communication methods. Its so good to finally get a diagnosis And I feel understanding amd untangling these sorts of myths makes for a happier relationship with my identity and community.

[@73cidalia]

@@auxin903Not every label is meant to be an affront. And those labels have nothing to do with what society values or hates. It has to do with how independent an individual can be. People with autism are very much affected differently and those who are nonverbal, can’t go to the bathroom on their own, etc., will have bigger struggles. They’re not less than anyone else, but pretending that they don’t struggle immensely compared to someone “high functioning” is unfair to them.

[@arikm8430]

When I interviewed with my current company I had a 2 hour long presentation that involved answering questions about my project and then an hour long tour of the site plus small talk. By the time I got home I was so mentally exhausted I couldn't talk to my mom. Opening my mouth felt like lead and I couldn't vocalize the words in my brain. I was overwhelmed by the questions she was asking me and I felt the restless itch of irritation crawling through me. That was the first time I acknowledged my difficulty socializing with others.

[@airlinepilot87]

Bless you purple! Thank you for giving voice to an underrepresented group of ADHD/ASDers. It’s so hard to find information on how both conditions impact our day to day lives. Does anyone else sometimes feel a paradox of being obsessively detailed-oriented, but still making careless mistakes because you’re also lost in a world of big ideas? My brain sometimes feels like it sees the forrest, the trees, and neither, all at the same time.

[@CAFEkatArt]

Yaaaaarp. Ppl always comment that I’m so detail oriented but all I can see is the 100x ways I messed up and how I could do better. Etc. I always thought my self worth issues was cuz my moms emotional abuse but moreso I’m seeing that it’s cuz my mind is goin at the speed of light but also has the breaks on. I hyper analyze everything all of the time but can’t process most of it. So I’m often just confused

[@visionvixxen]

Exactly. It’s a catch 22.

[@shelleyblandford4907]

yes and I'm pretty sure that I have auditory processing disorder on top of everything.

[@harperl2]

@@shelleyblandford4907 I feel like a meat suit mech person. Kinda like a Shinji-piloting-the-Eva situation. The bodily components *AND* programming malfunction so much so that the user has detached and pines for a different kit. Seems like *I'm* 'waiting' for both sides symptoms to fuck off. It's like I'm not residing in my body fully and autopilot engages a lot. This is at the expense of living, loving, and expressing. I'm done entertaining the overthinking and emotional instability. Feels like an anhedonic state realized by myself/brain to power "down" my autistic stimming and overwhelmed emotions due to not gelling with the world. Being unable to manage that lead to this in my adult life starting during highschool. I also hate the ADHD forgetfulness particularly when I'm trying to think or communicate "big" ideas and complex concepts. It's too easy to lose track or forget my point of how to bring it all together cohesively succinctly. If I could operate in that way I'd be more efficient and happy I think. Hey, here's to finally figuring out what the hell has been going on with my brain. It's a start.

[@Pandabo09]

So I am only diagnosed with ADHD but I highly suspect having ASD as well and I resonate completely with her experience. I often start projects by planning them to the smallest detail and once it is time to start ... oh! shiny new project! I have also been taking ADHD meds since almost a year and I have noticed a drastic increase in my reaction to overstimulation to sounds/smells/lights/etc which were not as extreme before and have more meltdowns because of this now. My focus has gotten waaayy better but my emotional regulation and sensory overload are far more prominent now and bring out completely new areas that I need to work on.

[@CB19087]

You right Ella, autism and adhd is a very unique experience. I was diagnosed ADhD 12years ago. Very recently completed a load of self assessments for autism and I was quite suprised at the results. My sister said she wasn't. I unknowingly use my autism to regulate my adhd. I have strict routines that change ever so slightly to satiate the adhd. As an individual I have nailed existing. Generally happy but emotional regulation, sensory overload and social difficulties are what i struggle with. I'm kind of relieved to consider autism, it means theres a reason why i don't have many friends. On a superficial level, I'm very popular, everyone says hello to me at work and i make people laugh. But if im honest, it's just a performance. Once things go a bit deeper and I start talking about the inner workings of whatever obsession is flavour of the month, the follow up invitation to the bbq or trip out never comes and contact tends to get less and less. At least now i know what it is and i can focus on friends who accept me as i am, and i can hold back sharing how to calculate the bore diameter of an engine 😂

[@JustAutistic]

God, this! This! This exactly sums it up for me. That it’s a performance!

[@WilliamFontaineJr]

This is a very very accurate description on my wife. We are both neurodiverse and undiagnosed and older than you. We have been together for 22 years. Our relationship and lives has improved more in the past 2 years than in the last 20 because our grandchildren were diagnosed with ADHD and autism and as we learned about both we realized we both had multiple diverse aspects. Learning about and understanding each other has improved our lives in almost un Believable ways. Your other Videos have provided many many useful elements of both our behavior but this one is next level description of my wife.

[@TruPunx89]

@Lucas Milito try being more patient instead of searching for a cure to “help” your kid. We talk on our own terms and rushing us only makes our development slow down. If you want to actually communicate you should learn to do that with the skills your kid already has instead of pushing new ones onto him. Listen to the ND adults. There is no oil or bleachwater that will make our autism less bad. It teaches us we are not good the way we are and that we need to change in order for our parents to love us. Im 33 and have no contact with my parents because of all their “help” think about that. Peace ✌️ 🍀

[@TruPunx89]

@Accra Terminal agency you should let your kid decide to react on their name or not. Im 33 and only make eyecontact when i want. Not when others want it. My speech is not perfect but im glad i dont have anyone that gives me herbs and pushes me to listen to my name etc. You should ask your kid if they actually want the herbs instead of just giving it. Your kid is more then just a think thing that needs to improve. Maybe you should take a few steps towards the kid and try yourself to change in order to understand them better!! It doesnt work the other way around and your kid will hate you for it.

[@eeykram]

how do autistic/ADHD relationships feel like? Are they more likely to succeed? And the lack of social dynamics understanding altering the seduction games, is it a strength or a power? Also how transparent are the partners with eachothers?

[@amandachapman4708]

Paradox, that's a great word to describe it. I too feel that the different needs of autism and ADHD are constantly fighting each other, such that my life has been pretty chaotic because of ADHD, but really to thrive I need order and organisation, but ADHD me finds it so difficult to achieve it. Suddenly I have found a new 'special interest' - decluttering! For the first time in my 65 years I am significantly decreasing the physical chaos, which is helping me to nurture both autistic me and ADHD me.

[@rover790]

I am doing that too and since my grandson was diagnosed as Autistic with ADHD I have been watching channels like thus to understand and have been seeing myself in what they say. But the declutteting has helped enormously

[@Catlily5]

I want to declutter but I haven't managed it yet!

[@jeng6786]

I also had that as a special interest, unfortunately the ADHD part of me did what it likes to do, which is gather all the information and then do nothing with it. Which stinks because I really want to organize and declutter. But it's gotten to the point that I want to, but if I think about it I get a large feeling of anxiety and end up with a headache, so I have no idea what to do 😮‍💨😔

[@byakuyatogami2905]

"I need a working routine but since I've had this routine for a few weeks my brains decided it's done and now I need a new one"

[@amandachapman4708]

@@byakuyatogami2905 I can usually manage a couple of weeks before I have to change things around 🙄

[@doktorlawin]

I'm 47 years old and I have them both too. I feel like they're constantly clashing, leaving me with feelings of constant stress and failure. As i was only diagnosed a year ago this is something I'm still trying to work out.

[@phaworth8520]

I was about sixty when I found I was ADD and a few years later that it was mixed with autism. Certainly it had made my life confusing and hard in so many ways

[@lrowe272]

Me too

[@jaded9087]

Hun . I was diagnosed at 41 with both and im 49 now. This, its the sanitized version for KZbin. Remember you where born this way first of all, nothing has changed other than you have 2 bits of paper now. I will tell you that people will throw those bits of paper in your face if you let them . Really , some of the dumbs people you have ever met will treat you like they are superior just because you have 2 pieces of paper and most likely some meds that supposed to be helping. Where you defeated 10 years ago without the paoer and meds ? Dont head down that road that everything is diffent now as someone just spouted a list of " deficits " that did not defeat you in the past. Sometimes i think these videos do more harm than good as they make us victoms to any other on looker and tear down our own self worth. You are more than those lists. You always have been or it would not have taken untill your 40s to get 2 pieces of paper and a script. I only found out as my kid got assessed for asd and they suggested i be assessed too even though her father self identified as asd . They did not ask him to be assessed at all for anything? 1 thing i must say, ive lead a much more interesting life than her father and id say its because i got hit wuth the spectrum stick hard, twice and now i have the superpower that sux ... lol Only sux because people try to make us feel defeated. Be your best advocate as i have no doubt you have been a firecracker of a woman in the past and really you going to let a bit of paper and a youtube vid steal that women away? Im running with the idea of growing old disgracefully and have been embracing it as this is who i have been all my life so i have a Hunter S Thompson quote written on my good old doc Martins kicker boots . "Too weird to live, too rare to die". Yep almost 50 and its not so bad, id say its keeping me young if you stop looking at what NTs say whats wrong with us. I still play roller derby lol Shit and have you not noticed NTs lack of communication skills.. lol They all lie to eachother all the time for no reason or say lots but say nothing! People love my openess, the fact i can have a converstation with anyone, my outside the box approach to my work life is an assest and toss me in with the bulls , ill have a ball... to every negitive said , there is a flipside. Dont let it beat you down.

[@HekateMaenad]

I relate so much to the oversharing and constantly chatting. I can't stop myself, although I'm aware that I'm talking too much. It feels like I can only process my thoughts when I say them out loud. I also constantly talk to myself when I'm on my own. Sometimes even when I walk down the street. It's just easier processing for me. But it's weird and embarrassing at times too. Big hugs, Ella! You're such an inspiration! xx

[@saraharnold1317]

My whole life I've been an oversharer.

[@wooogie672]

i probably have social anxiety as well as asd and adhd, so i hate social interactions but whenever i find myself in a conversation it’s like i can’t shut up even if i wanted to (especially when the topic is something i’m interested in). it’s like the part of my brain that’s hyper-aware of everything i do shuts off and i ramble on, go on multiple tangents to where the conversation started is completely different to where i ended up, and overshare *a lot*. however i can usually tell when i make people uncomfortable with my brashness (is that the right word?) when they give me blank stares, awkward responses, or completely ignore me (and even then i keep going). i can’t stop it though it’s this part of me that never goes away even though i desperately want it to. i feel like the way i interact with people is the reason why i can count the number of actual friends (have a hard time deciphering that too) i’ve had/currently have on one hand, and the rejection hurts so bad but like i said i can’t stop it; i act first and then ruminate on it later to the point where i can get really dark thoughts. i also have horrible timing/cadence when speaking and constantly interrupt because i’m just generally unaware of how i’m acting which i feel like also makes people not want to talk to me. i also talk to myself constantly when i’m alone in my room

[@Ayemagikgaming]

@@wooogie672 me too fam

[@bethanienaylor]

This is so relatable

[@bethanienaylor]

@@saraharnold1317 me too

[@combeferret]

7:19 “Life was still hard, but I just kind of forgot.” I’ve been on ADHD meds for 5 years now, and… I’ve never ever heard anyone describe this experience before. That, ironically, being on meds made me “think” more about the anxiety my ADHD actions would bring me. This has blown my mind, and is something I definitely need to think more about.

[@elsik2332]

I'm currently in a constant state of "what is wrong with me and why doesn't it go away?". I was coping perfectly fine until 2021 and then I started slowly struggling with everything, and all that lead to a massive burnout in December. I haven't been able to work since. I'm constantly yoyoing between trying to cram too much in one day (because hey, now I have the energy, and motivation, and I'm suddenly enjoying mopping floors and making wild garlic butter from scratch!!) and not being able to do anything at all. I'm hard relating you talking about delayed processing - only yesterday I somehow managed to tell my postman my flatmate's name instead of my own because my mouth ran off before my brain caught up. I guess that's my royal mail identity from now on... I can also really relate to that instagram scrolling story, because I'm absolutely time blind and so often I feel like I blink and it's been two hours, and either I've done nothing at all or got so engrossed in what I was doing I didn't stop to breathe and oops it's now 2am and I need to crash. There are a lot of ADHD traits I can really see in myself, and also some autism traits too - except I really don't like routine so I guess that cancels the rest out? I really don't know, I realise I'm rambling in your comment section, sorry! I'm just pretty lost right now and I miss being able to do things.

[@nerimanuzuner8287]

Hope everything gets much better for you soon x

[@shaynaformity1384]

I hope you find out what's going on. Since it came on suddenly, may I suggest you look into whether you might have hypothyroidism? Check out Stop the Thyroid Madness website symptoms page. You might also have post-covid 19 condition, even if you had a mild or asymptomatic covid case. Such symptoms can also be post-concussion syndrome, if you had any kind of accident that might have bumped your head or whiplash up to a year before your struggle started (sometimes there's a delay before symptoms start). Can you tell my special interest is health!?

[@Catlily5]

With me maybe the hating routine is the ADHD part but I do better with routine.

[@saraharnold1317]

Your bit about work is me to a t!

[@wooogie672]

@@Catlily5 same i do better with a routine and am constantly starting new routines, but i can never for the life of me stick to one and always end up quitting

[@amybaker1880]

My counselor just had me check into a book called "The Body Keeps a Score". I could see a good summary for free. I think it addresses the ADHD and ASD combo. The book talks about childhood trauma, PTSD, and EMDR therapy.

[@PurpleElla]

I have that on my shelf ready to read.

[@sonja7halcyon]

Also have it on my shelf to read but skimming through it didn't find anything on ASD or ADHD.

[@amybaker1880]

@@sonja7halcyon I don’t if it mentions either of those. Both easily enhance/cause childhood trauma. I thoroughly read the summary.

[@harperl2]

@@PurpleElla I always have many books that are ready to read. 😅

[@aaloha2902]

Reading it now! All the treatments I’ve worked with for cPTSD, including EMDR have not changed anything about the ADD and Autism traits, just reduced cPTSD symptoms for me 🙏🏼🌺

[@Sam-pm9vy]

It feels weird (but good) to hear people talk about the struggles of neurodiversity without any apology or hesitation or self-doubt on what they’re saying. I’m so used to belittling my experiences, laughing at myself or putting myself down when explaining my issues, I think because that was the response I always got back so I learnt to deflect by making the jokes or comments first. But that can mean people take me less seriously I think and I shouldn’t feel ashamed or like I need to apologise for issues that might mean others need to accommodate me. It’s a disability thanks to how society expects us to exist and I need to come to terms with the fact that’s ok and valid and doesn’t make me less important and less worthy of being accommodated

[@JonLopezOfficial]

Damn bro you really got me spot on with how I feel in my day to day existence. Self doubt everyday all day. Constant OCD. Constantly belittling myself to my friends about my experiences or feeling like I have to please them to a degree and feel ashamed for my experiences which are probably a lot more unique and much more interesting than probably average Joe who doesn’t suffer from mental illness and lives a lovely life in the matrix. The belittling also from maybe from my childhood trauma and emotional abandonment as a child. I feel often corrupted of my own joy and don’t feel like I’ve progressed in anyway when I have felt like I lived 10 different lives. Anyways all love brother and would love to hear your reply. ❤

[@olivertjalve4868]

Yeah I think it also speaks to the stigma against self-diagnosing. If you're neurodivergent, you grew up being told that your way of thinking is childish, and wrong, and that you need to listen to your superiors. So it's uncomfortable to conclude anything about yourself without a doctor's approval, or some other authority. But if we're really honest and think about it: an autistic person is exactly the kind of person who *can* solve the puzzle. Self-diagnosed people with autism spend countless hours thinking about it, and researching and collecting evidence. I've kind of trained myself to think that if something excites me, it's childish and silly, and that only boring stuff is meaningful. It's a really bleak worldview and I'm working on changing my thinking.

[@elliem7992]

I’m 28 and I was diagnosed with both ASD and ADHD last year. I could never figure out my mental health troubles beforehand. I also have hEDS! I found your channel when I was figuring out my hypermobility stuff.

[@amybaker1880]

I'm working on a diagnosis for symptoms of hEDS. I'd never heard of it before Ella.

[@EncompassingChaos6]

This is me too!

[@Catlily5]

The specialist looked at my chart and told my regular doctor that I probably had EDS but refused to see me. I did get diagnosed with POTS though. If you have symptoms of POTS it is easier to get diagnosed with it.

[@Catlily5]

@@amybaker1880 I never heard of EDS or POTS either until I started watching KZbin videos about Autism. I had been sick for 9 years with various symptoms that I didn't know were related. Someone listed symptoms that matched all of my physical problems so I looked into it. It took a year or two but now I am diagnosed with POTS. I am giving up on the EDS for now.

[@amybaker1880]

@@Catlily5 I just got an appointment with an internist that my counselor recommended. I had given up on my primary and a new one that has a good reputation for helping people like us, gives me some hope on the physical ailments diagnoses, not sure about ADHD confirmation though.

[@zoegingrich5273]

The experience of having both ADHD and Autism has VERY fundamentally formed my experience of the world in ways that are difficult to fully explain. Like, that experience almost DEFINES some fundamental beliefs I have of the world, and how I relate to and understand it. Even on a spiritual level. It's really hard to find out that these deep roots inside my mind are actually so subjective as to be a result of 2 different conditions. It's world-shaking.

[@Marinlss]

I'm on a waiting list for ADHD diagnosis and recently began researching autism after I saw a video about it. It felt like so many things that the adhd didn't explain finally made sense, but still not 100% and I assume it's the combination of both making things different. Unfortunately there's hardly any content about having both. Your video came at the perfect time and really made me understand a few things, that's exactly how I socialize: I'm optimistic, try to talk normally but begin to struggle, when I get home I'm exhausted and second guess every single thing I did. edit: got my diagnosis and it was as expected, autism+adhd

[@rover790]

If you want to watch videos on someone who also has both, check out the guy named Orion Kelly, I think his channel is called The Autistic Guy, but can't remember. He was diagnosed as Autistic and ADHD as an adult. He mainly sales about autism but does have both

[@Ruthless701]

I do the same thing. When it comes to socializing, I tend to know exactly what I want to say but struggle verbalizing it. I can’t tell if there’s something making this happen. I think I have autism. I was on a call with a psychiatrist and he just told me I might have autism. Not completely sure but I have issues that happen consistently. When I talk to people, I tend to sound dumb and not make any sense, I have issues with putting my thoughts into words and get overwhelmed with social situations almost always

[@Marinlss]

@@Ruthless701 me too!! I'm very clear in my mind but often I don't make sense to other people 😂 my family and close friends have known me long enough they understand my weirdness

[@LunarWind99]

I'm exactly the same way, it took me a really long time to understand that I have a paradox in my brain. I hate that its so difficult to get a diagnosis

[@Catlily5]

I am diagnosed with ADHD. It kind of fits but I think Autism makes even more sense.

[@nataliejennings2620]

I feel like watching this video is like watching myself describe my own life. Thanks for making this and opening up and talking about all these challenges! Love your work! Your channel has been very helpful for me :)

[@bethanienaylor]

@Lucas Milito stop. Please

[@brienna224]

I’ve been officially diagnosed with ADHD a couple of months ago and started meds. What you said about meds making it better and worse hits home for me. I’m definitely not as impulsive anymore and can do more self care even if it’s not consistent. Before I even knew I had ADHD, I suspected myself of having autism. I was reading a manga called asperger’s girl and related a lot. I started looking into it, and realized I had a lot of the traits. Once my therapist told me she thinks I had ADHD, i completely forgot all the research i did on Autism and hyperfocused on ADHD. Now medicated, I’m looking at my traits and realized (again) I don’t relate to ADHD completely. I think my family is mostly ADHD but I think my dad has autism too. We both struggle socially to keep people around. I also have more sensory issues and feel more constricted to rules than my family. It’s eye opening, thank you for this video. I don’t feel as alone, and i’m gonna do more research into ASD.

[@ruusamaantytar]

This sound just like me. I have several psychiatric diagnosis and I feel that one of them do not fit me at all. The symptoms are quite the same but there are some things that I can not relate to at all with that diagnose. I got ADHD medication but not diagnoses, because I do not have information from childhood. While the ADHD tests there was some autism traits found. Now I have searched further and I can relate to all autistic traits that adult females have told they have. Overly sensitive to everything, special interests, honest, loves to be alone but enjoy deep conversations, can relate more to animals than human, always felt different etc etc Thank you so much for sharing your story.

[@MelancoliaI]

Best combination in the world. Everything is interesting and everything is terrifying. I am perpetually exhausted and constantly wound-up at the same time. I always have to be on guard for that next panic attack. It's a real thrill ride...but it's nice to know I'm not alone.

[@jelliemish]

I'm coming at this the other way round. Diagnosed with ADHD and recently self-identified as autistic (I'm debating wether or not to seek out diagnosis cause I doubt I'd check enough boxes, I mask too well) Anyway, figuring out my needs can be an impossible task sometimes.

[@Marinlss]

I'm reading Unmasking Autism and it has helped me realize many ways I hide my true reactions/emotions and didn't even know that was masking. I'm hoping this will help me when I go though the diagnostic process.

[@BEACH.LUVER101]

Stop with the self diagnosing.. it is destroying the younger generation, they all claim to have every issue under the sun.

[@flstudiocodemastersejayrag6544]

Is it possible that some ADHD atusim likes loud music🤔. I pity my neighbours a little bit because I had a Older♌Sister that liked to party till 5 o'clock in the morning till the sun comes out, I'm a little confused at the moment, because I can't work out what, her moon sign is 🤷🏻‍♂️, and sometimes I'm usually pretty good with astrology because my Older Sister new quite a lot, she was gifted in playing keyboard in a church and cooking and catering for big functions and like to drawing horses a lot.

[@MEOWalina]

Relate 100% 😩

[@wooogie672]

i think it is possible. i’m the same as the op of this comment thread: diagnosed with adhd and recently started self-diagnosing as autistic, and i LOVE loud music. i recently discovered a genre called breakcore/speedcore and as overwhelming as the music is, i find my brain totally at peace whenever i listen to it. my brain/“inner monologue” is a similar mash of everything all at once and it’s like the music takes up the space in my brain that is usually taken up by my thoughts/other stuff and allows me to feel calm in a way that my meds can’t really even do. i’m able to focus (i can focus on my meds but the additional stimuli helps a lot) and it’s like the perfect amount of stimulation my brain needs to function normally. and even before i discovered this genre, i would listen to my music at very high volumes because idk how to explain it, i just like it louder. sensory issues are so weird because certain noises/sounds can be super calming (like music), but others cause a complete overstimulation and can lead to a meltdown. i can handle a concert of a band i like, but put me in a loud school gymnasium i will start crying and rocking back and forth while covering my ears (this has happened before). ik loud music isn’t for everyone, but i would recommend breakcore/speedcore if you were interested. i do have to warn you it is objectively straight garbage even tho it’s helped me a lot, i see it more as something you experience /feel rather than listen to :)

[@LadyB777]

This was so eye opening! Since my GP suggested that my self diagnosed ADHD could be autism I've been looking into both divergences and trying to relate to either but I just never felt like fitting in. When you said about striving on order but at the same time rebelling against routine I thought that's me exactly! I'm really struggling with the paradox inside my brain and want to learn more about how to balance it all and how to embrace myself for who I am. Thank you for your insight.

[@lianaeve7524]

Yes yes yes 😭 please more content. More on the emotional side of things and meltdowns. I feel like I cycle complete intense optimism and creativity and then complete burnout and anger and self issues as I over analyse in regret everything I do (especially the oversharing and lack of outlet for my special interests) and come crashing down. I feel like no one truly knows me (until watching this) it's a gift to be seen

[@yodab.at1746]

You really articulate exactly my internal feeling and external behaviour. The embarrassment, and shame from over sharing especially to strangers that I think might be friends. The problems of distraction,.... All of it. Thanks, I'm not totally weird. There's others like me ☺️

[@Catlily5]

I have worked a lot on oversharing but I still do it sometimes. I relate to later questioning how I did socially and then beating myself up for possible mistakes. Sometimes I think everyone is angry with me but usually when I ask them they aren't even mad.

[@tiefenverspannt]

Thank you ❤️ it's so rare to find content that talks not only about the differences between the two brain types, but how it is to live with the differences when you have both. Needing to be alone while wanting to be in company, dopamine seeking behaviors drowning out the need for self care, always trying to stick to routines but getting bored and doing something else... all that speaks to me. The contradictions are the reason I'm not entirely sure if I'm really autistic. (I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and I'm getting to the point of self diagnosing myself with Autism). For example I don't really have a special interest I could talk about for days, because I forget so much and my Interests change so often or another joins the party, so that I have too many interests to really dive deep into one

[@Spaxxist]

"life was still hard, but i just kind of forgot. does that make sense?" painfully accurate that one

[@sglick5487]

I love this!!! I also have both adhd/asd and it *finally* gets to the heart as to why I always felt like I had conflicting personality traits - I would get all excited about something, do it, get exhausted and maybe burn out or ruin my health over it, so I’d vow to not do anything so big again that I’d do nothing and then feel bad I wasn’t doing things (bored/understimulated). It really felt like a “damned if I do and damned if I don’t” situation. Nowways I try to do things but in short bursts - like go to an event but just for an hour - and make sure I’m scheduling big/fun things only occasionally so I have rest in between

[@ArtByStranger]

This video was so helpful, thank you! I was told that I probably have adult ADHD, but the part I'm missing is the *deficit* (ugh). The doctor had seen that I had held down jobs and excelled at doing life things, so on paper you wouldn't see a deficit. I've had a lifelong way of doing things "the hard way" which was actually the way that I had to accommodate for my ASD and my focusing problems. I could get from point A to point C and have everything look fine once I got there, but my B was different than other peoples and it always seems like I take a weird route. I hid my deficits my entire life out of fear of being punished and having shame of my neurodivergence. Having to explain this to a psychiatrist was difficult. This story does have a nice ending though, I got my referral for ASD testing through being honest! So keep it up everybody! 🖤🖤🖤

[@CAFEkatArt]

I really hate that you have to prove it negatively impacts your life or it isn’t real. Like what a load of bs. Often like u say it doesn’t appear to impact us cause we are damn good at masking because we have to in order to survive

[@raapyna8544]

I'm afraid of this because it really does impact my life but I'm not good at talking about it. I've never been honest to anybody about it because it's not 'normal' to experience this. I didn't want to upset people. It's not that upsetting for me. I'm used to struggling. I anticipate it. It's not a 'problem' for me. But it does make me suffer.

[@amarie805]

Yes, absolutely relate to this. I got my adhd dx a couple of years ago, and only recently found out I'm also autistic. So are all of children... Thank you for sharing your story and so much information. I'm so grateful for you and others like you- for help and that are relatable.

[@lauriecfano]

I’m on this journey too - dx with adhd 2 years ago and suspect I’m autistic too. And whatever I have, my 4 year old also has. Unfortunately my wife completely shuts me down when I bring it up. Oh well, on to professional assessment.

[@amybaker1880]

@@lauriecfano That’s why this community exists, for validation and support. I get validation from my counselor after being dismissed by others, especially medical professionals. It makes a world of difference. Be prepared to go up against your wife for your child to receive help. My son is an adult and lives with his Dad. His Dad still refuses to believe he's disabled, though the government has confirmed it. I hope your wife opens her eyes so you and your child don't go through the same thing.

[@Valleriano]

Probably the first description of ADHD OR ASD that I identify with fully. Only diagnosed with ADHD, but it is fascinating you mention the ADHD meds bringing out the ASD. I have finally tuned into my ADHD meds and am now really finding the ASD traits.

[@charlyheather1822]

Already got my autism diagnosis last year, with accompanying adhd as a tentative diagnosis, having my first session of adhd diagnostic next Friday. I find myself a lot in what you are saying about the contradicting needs, especially the routines I need but loose, and the amount of stimulation I seek, but get overloaded by. Difficult. I'll be interested in your tricks and hacks about living with both these diagnoses!

[@jkevinparker]

This video felt like you were just telling all my secrets. 😅 I relate to everything you said!! I was diagnosed with ADHD at 21 and now I’m 45 and just last year discovered ASD. The paradoxes all suddenly made a lot more sense especially when I find people like you who are also both. Thank you so much for sharing your story (even though we over share in many situations, as this medium helps those who actively want to hear!).

[@wolfb3ck]

i understand that this will get burried under masses of comments but i want to express how much youve videos have helped me. I was recently been diagnosed with ADHD and ASD and ive massively been struggling to relate to those with just ASD or those with just ADHD! My friend has ADHD and i feel like i am somehow the complete opposite to them and my symptoms just feel very chaotic. its comforting hearing you speak about it, thank you so much

[@LunarWind99]

Optimism, action, meltdown then burnout Yes, that is definitely me too hahah 😔 Thank you for making this video, Ella ! Your new subscriber x

[@cailey_ava_]

Hi :) I have autism and adhd and what you said is definitely something that I relate to. I appreciate it because it’s nice to know that Im not the only one having this battle daily. Im 16 years old and got diagnosed with ASD when I was 15. Then for ADHD I was diagnosed since 9 years old. Overtime after being diagnosed with ASD, I learnt that 15 is actually considered young when diagnosed with autism in women. Which is crazy I hope everyone is doing well

[@NFLfan77]

Was diagnosed with adhd as a kid and autism as an adult everything you said was pretty on point with what I deal with

[@donflo3]

This was my experience too

[@Dancestar1981]

Late diagnosed with both

[@nickca6104]

I am the same way. I have diagnosed ADHD, and I scored as highly on an Autism diagnostic test as an ADHD one. What has helped me the most is affirmations. Also loving and accepting myself for who I am has been so important. Embrace your authenticity.

[@frankiefavero1666]

Omg Ella! It's like you're describing me on social interactions!!! The constant verborrhea/chattiness and the guilt and cringe I feel when I know I'm being uber intense and appearing super extroverted, when all I want is to retreat and be by myself is killing me inside! I've been diagnosed ADHD as a young child but a few people in my life (those whom I let "in"), have told me that I also seem to be on the spectrum... now that I know a bit more about how both ADHD and AD can present together its been an AHA experience! Your video was super helpful and like I'm looking in a mirror... thank you so much!

[@tickledcynic9]

Thanks for this video. 42, Autistic & ADHD... hearing somebody else talking about the chattiness/hyper-awareness issue in social situations is like having my thoughts and feelings read aloud. The self-imposed shame/guilt cycle is pretty nasty.

[@tickledcynic9]

@Lucas Milito snake oil sales? here? please eff off

[@celticcheetah6371]

Jesus I think this is me, too. I am 30 and was diagnosed with ADHD 4 years ago. Your description of how meds made things simultaneously better and worse REALLY hits home. I am so much more socially anxious now than I was, and yet also much calmer because I know myself better and have less underlying shame about executive function issues etc. I think I need to talk to my doctor about the possibility of autism. But what can they do to help with adult autism anyway? I have reading to do.

[@mitch-te5ss]

Wow. Thank you so much for this video, I know its a year old but its so validating to hear someone else describe the struggles I've had my whole life. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 14, alongside depression and social anxiety. Its only this year I saw a therapist who clocked me as autistic very quickly and now things make so much more sense why I always struggled relating fully to other ADHDers and autistic people.

[@Barfigarfi]

I’m on a waiting list for an ASD screening and the whole ‘battle’ in the head thing is SOO relatable to me and I’ll take this into account when answering the questionnaire

[@alexac5001]

It feels such a constant inner battle! So much frustration anxiety and being lost in between the two sides...

[@lisasommerlad1337]

"thrives on order, and rebels against routine". Ugh. The struggle is so real.

[@annemarliac4947]

Making promises to myself before social events and then still being 'too' chatty and over sharing....Yep that hits home!

[@youraveragegremlin1429]

this is literally exactly how I feel and I've never been able to put it into words, I'm only diagnosed with ADHD at the moment but recently Ive been questioning whether I also have autism

[@violettaverse9822]

Same for a year and a half now realising after that amount of time questioning and research that if you question for that long there might be something there. And now I'm an autistic ADHDer

[@rickrolledreviews186]

OMG this feels so relatable. Been diagnosed with ADHD, but honestly, just doesn't feel like the full picture whereas autism characteristics seem more familiar. Maybe it's some of both.

[@paulwright4765]

I feel exactly the same about ADHD meds. Greatly reduced my anxiety and helped with focus but strangely allowed more of my autistic side to appear. Or it could be that I'm so much older and no longer try to behave in a way that doesn't attract attention. Really helpful video, describing a lot of what goes on internally. if I try to articulate whats going on in my head I'm often unable to speak at all, hearing somebody else say it helps a lot!

[@LaRueDaKid]

I have been diagnosed with adhd and I still just felt like something wasn't truly what I was experiencing... you and other autistic/adhd people describe my life to a T. Thank you. I feel like we have to keep spreading this kind of awareness. my childhood and thus, my adult life would have been drastically different if it were known about.

[@seanyboytx]

When you talked about dominating and oversharing in conversations and then after feeling ashamed and thinking how next time you’ll do things differently and then failing again. I felt that deep. That’s literally my life in social situations.

[@JasonAbbeyLMP]

I am speechless! I have never felt more understood than in this moment… I am also autistic and ADHD. Recently diagnosed as well in my 40s. But essentially you just explained every challenging gift that I have as well. Wow… Incredible. Thank you for your Insights, willingness to share, and vulnerability

[@juicecrumbs3424]

the part about regretting when u talk hit so hard!!!!!!! ive never heard anybody relate to it before i thought i was going crazy!!!!!! its like your brain is autofilling words before u can even understand your thoughts on something... and then backtracking later when the topic is brought up again... and then doing it again... and again.... it feels super nutty

[@MissRoxanne123]

I have both too! I've known I have autism for over 6 years and been diagnosed with ADHD a few weeks ago. I was looking for what the symptoms of ADHD are with autism, that's how I came here. Hi! I have the saying without thinking sometimes and then feeling awful. Needing a neat and organised space but I can't, as I always drop items on a table and then leaving it there. I sometimes don't really clean, but just shove it in a box so it's neat for a few days so I can actually work but then have to look for stuff, because by me not really cleaning - I can't find stuff. I'm sure I have more, but I'm new to the ADHD stuff so I'm still discovering. Just got meds for a week and still getting used to them, but it's helpful so far 😊

[@dumbalek6001]

I've been diagnosed with ADHD a couple years ago and what led me to my ADHD diagnosis was actually finding out about autism! But in that moment I was like "ok ADHD fits better" but now living aware of my ADHD and being medicated for a while there are still some things I feel like ADHD doesn't explain. But listening your dual neurodivergence experiences DAMN my jaw dropped. It's like your listing my exact thoughts, it's quite eerie. Especially the things with the meds! I felt like recently I've been manifesting more "autistic traits" and I thought I might be seeing to much into this but when you mentioned that it overlaps with both: - starting my meds and managing my ADHD symptoms better - getting on a more stable route in my life So this video has been a tremendous help, thank you!

[@lysmith2778]

I'm 19 years old and diagnosed with ADHD for a little over two years. I haven't been diagnosed with ASD, but I related to a lot of what you said. Felt a little called out when you talked about being impulsive in social situations then regretting it later and vowing to be more careful next time, and also about getting burnt out easily from social situations but still needing it. I always thought that socializing differences could be ADHD as well, but perhaps I am ASD+ADHD. Definitely got the sensory differences and repetition to meet the ASD diagnosis, though with an ADHD twist on the repetition. Thank you for the video! A lot of good insight .

[@lysmith2778]

@Lucas Milito lmao. Good for you, though you're kid is still going to be neurodiverse. Keep an open mind to it and keep loving him no matter what.

[@DottyDelightful]

Oh my goodness this is so me! Especially the part about the socialisation

[@rapidren1953]

I am so glad you made this video. I am near tears because this is so much like how I feel so often, and what I think about myself. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the end of 2020, and I am pretty convinced that I am autistic but I can’t find anyone who will assess adults (let alone anyone I can afford who will assess adults). I hope that someday I will be able to get an official diagnosis but for now I heavily self-identify as autistic and that has helped so much.

[@andrearoberson]

I'm crying too. I'm the opposite, was able to get the official ASD diagnosis (I cried when I received that paperwork too), but have only today figured the other piece out. I plan to seek an official ADHD diagnosis this week. I am so grateful for this video and these comments!

[@shay7128]

Oh thank you for this! It helps me understand my 9 year old son with high functioning autism and adhd so much more! I've been needing to see this for a long time, I cried watching it because I truly want to understand him. He's going through so much, and I just want to help him, and be there for him where I can. Thank you again. I hope things get so much better for you, especially understanding everything you're doing to help all of us either going through it from a parent perspective, or having it. You are wonderful!! ❤️❤️❤️

[@klickinklyde]

It's still too early to diagnose me, as I'm still learning about myself. In spite of this, I'm almost certain I suffer from autism, ADHD, and OCD (which is so draining for me). Thank you for sharing this video with us! This type of content is hard to come by

[@kazgem9492]

You're not allowed to be so relatable. Oh man, I am rethinking my life. I've been diagnosed with adhd since childhood, but something has felt 'off' or just not quite right for a long time now. This makes so much sense, it describes so much of what I've been struggling with. Thank you so much

[@crazycat1166]

I've just got my Autism diagnosis yesterday and to my complete surprise the person assessing me suggested I also have an ADHD assessment because apparently I show signs of that too. I have been sure for a while that I have autism but I have never considered that I may have ADHD. I think that's because I had quite a stereotypical of what I saw ADHD as. I was always a well behaved child and always did all my schoolwork on time. I've always felt like I had the opposite problem ....I have to do everything immediately and get all my work done really quickly and to the highest standard, I am socially quiet in many situations but then once I start talking I am very aware I overshare and can talk forever about topics I'm interested in. I'm also aware I can be very impulsive and not think about consequences in some situations but then in others I plan everything meticulously and thrive on routine and sameness. I now see that it's likely the autism traits that were blurring possible signs of the presence of ADHD. Such a lot of self discovery happening right now and still very much trying to process it but I definitely relate to the paradox of both autism and possible ADHD now I started thinking about it.

[@TheGratefulTuber]

Ella, this video on the ASD/ADHD brain (AutDHD😃) is the most impactful and informative KZbin video I’ve seen! You so clearly articulate the innumerable and often unavoidable challenges our unique brains encounter every day while navigating the neurotypical world. It is hard to understand, and even harder to explain to others, since we ‘mask’ our differences and deficits well. But you explain why we sometimes exhibit such variable and seemingly contradictory behaviors and abilities. And why, even though we see how our behavior or words can self-sabotage, we still proceed to say too much or act impulsively and inappropriately. You also explain why we seem incapable of learning from prior social mistakes: in order for us to function well out in the world, to effortlessly entertain and even charm, we must ‘forget’ all our previous failures. If we remembered our prior blunders, we’d never leave the house, or be paralyzed into silence. Ella, this video describes the female AutDHD experience clearly and without excuse or self-pity. Thank you and Bravo! 👍👍

[@rover790]

Yes, thank you from me too

[@henriettajsoneskelin7806]

For years and years now I've been questioning whether I could be autistic or have ADHD, and they both explain a lot but there has always been details that just make me doubt it. But I recently stumbled into the AuDHD experience here on YT and that is so accurate... I related hard to almost every single word of what you described! Having both def seems like a unique experience and since I'm soon working as a psychologist I would love to contribute to the AuDHD research!

[@bhutjolokia6990]

Having 2 thought processes at the same time is a struggle. As much as i like order i find it extremely difficult to have order and organization. My hobby work area no matter how much i organize i struggle remembering where everything is. Chasing stimulation can be so indecisive in many ways. One place i can go to feel whole is a walk through the woods, hiking makes me feel as one and it's not overstimulating, it puts me in a state of euphoria, my adhd loves hiking and forgets I'm 58 when climbing rocks not 15. All my senses are working at once taking it all in, i can actually free my head of all thoughts and it feels so good. Thanks!!👍😎🤪👻🤪🌶

[@perfectlyflawd13]

You have me in tears... Diagnosed @ 40 as 80/Auti & hearing my experience come out of someone else's mouth was almost too much. Thank you for your videos, they help ground me so much & give me hope. I hope to one day have the courage to share my experience as you do.

[@mandymurray7707]

I just found your videos today and oh so helpful! My daughter was diagnosed with severe ADHD+ (because they knew there was more, just not what) at age 6 and then an additional diagnosis of ASD at age 8. She is 13 now. I truly appreciate hearing your perspective on being an autistic ADHDer and how the pardox - it made so much sense and sheds light on what my kiddo deals with. Thank you for sharing your experience, life and thoughts on it all.

[@Rabbit-wn4tk]

Yessss!!!! Loved this video (love all of them but this came right when I needed it the most) Thanks as always Ella ♥️

[@louiseanne830]

Thank you for this Ella! I just got my ASD diagnosis and about to be assessed (which they recommended in the diagnosis report) for ADHD. I relate to a LOT of what you were saying thanks for sharing x

[@jaydoespunk9097]

Thank you so much for sharing this, Ella! I have recently discovered that I also experience both autism and ADHD traits that often give me a lot of issues, but also gives me several really cool strengths. Since I haven't the resources for a diagnosis of my neurodivergence yet (I just turned 24), watching vids like yours have helped me so much in my self-discovery journey!

[@hizzyvr]

“Life was still hard, but I just kind of forgot.” This is SO RELATABLE omg, I can sometimes be in my depressive episodes where i hate the world, i hate my life, my life is a mess, nothings been getting done. Then after a period of that, im just "Oh wow, everything is fine now la la la" And when i try and remember how i felt, i just cant put it into words.

[@christineh86]

It’s really cool that you talk about this on KZbin, because I’ve never met someone who works like me with my adhd and autism. It really is like you say, very different to have both. I recognize most of what you’re saying in my own behavior and struggles. I too have a very colorful way of dressing and coloring my hair and also my home is very colorful. I wonder if that’s a typical neurodiverse thing, or at least to have a very different sense of style compared to NT folks. I have the same experience with socializing except I’m off antidepressants. When I was on them my adhd traits were so exaggerated ! I didn’t feel as much anxiety from failures, I didn’t care if people treated me badly or if they perceived me as bad, weird, unpleasant etc and tried to mock me. The meds helped so I just brushed myself off and carried on to the next impulsive adventure.. a new education program, new friends, new dates, new job.. now without any meds I just remember all the pain and I’m really sensitive to rejection, failures and other peoples judgement. I haven’t found any meds that work with both my diagnoses

[@sorbunn]

This has been very helpful in my own healing/learning process! I am currently diagnosed with adhd. But some of your descriptions have been way closer to how I actually feel inside. Figuring this stuff out is complicated - but I’m grateful that you’re sharing your experience here!!

[@anxiousoptimism5517]

The wanting to become quieter but not doing so is very relatable.

[@kateblais--9396]

I'm really glad to know there is a group of ADHD autistic individuals out there like myself. It's exhausting dealing with the back and forth between both inside ourselves. I find it very hard to maintain routines I need to, but able to meet routines that are almost harmful because they are comforting. For example, I can maintain eating a routine of eating unhealthy foods because it provides more dopamine, than eating a healthy diet routinely. As well as, seeking my comfort videos, things I typically work on, instead of working on a new thing I want to work on and vice versa! I love studying Korean for example, but I'm so afraid of making a study routine for fear I will fail at it, so even though I have this huge passion inside of me (the ADHD and energy and excitement) the autism in me fights it away (fear of stepping outside of routine of not studying).

[@pauldupre2269]

Wow. Everything u said, sounds like me. I have self-diagnosed myself with both Autism & ADHD after the diagnosis of both, ASD & ADHD, in two of my three Boys..I'm now in my late 40's. Absolutely LOVE this Video. Watched it a couple of times now. I'm gonna watch it again with my Wife....it's soooo me!...ur soooo me! Nice to see other folk the same 😊

[@neon_berni]

So well phrased - thank you for making this video. You’ve described my experience down to a T!

[@lauraluey]

Wow! I can't believe how much I relate to you! This makes so much sense of the inner battle I feel, and yet have deeply struggled to explain to others... Thank you for this ❤️

[@Pippis78]

A lot of this describes me perfectly. But I've also got depression in the mix. The contradictions are crazy and crazy difficult to navigate through. Especially the craving for constant novelty and spontaneity but getting extremely anxious and exhausted because I need predictability, steady routines and order. I also tend to end up with very rigid unhelpful routines and unhealthy coping mechanisms. I only have a diagnosis for adhd, I think I've always been "too" social and chatty for any professionals to consider autism (chatty and social even though also being debilitatingly shy and not understanding how and why people _people_ ) Also in the 80's so called "high functioning" autism was kinda unknown.

[@arno-luyendijk4798]

This video describes me at my work in kindergarten and doing my passions (history and pllaying/reading about/composing music). I am not the only one, thanks for giving me the relief. From an overactive and overpassionate fellow member of the adhd/.autism family in the Netherlands.

[@TheINFP_Diary]

It's so overwhelming and relieving at the same time listening to this, it's like i'm hearing my future self talking that is better at explaining how my thought process is. Truly thank you for this video.

[@jasmindarnell1392]

This was really helpful. I have autism and am starting to suspect I have adhd aswell. I wanted to find out because the idea of a life changing medication was so exciting, but this is the first time I’ve heard about the effect of the meds from an autistic person, and it’s really given me pause for thought. Thanks for making this.

[@JustKate1111]

Great description of the paradox Thank you as always for sharing your journey. Inspirational indeed and a reminder to just keep at it respecting our needs, continuing to learn and to be who we are for real!!

[@loubylou2209]

Thank you so much. I relate so so much to all of this. I've suspected for about a year now that I have both ADHD and autism and having someone else explain it helps massively.

[@JoseRodriguez-pd4ve]

I've had to "struggle" to learn what works for me as a person with ADHD and autism. In hindsight, neither diagnosis came as a surprise. As of yet (give it time), I haven't had too challenging of a time selectively disclosing. It's hard, sometimes, to explain which condition affects me and how, since, sometimes, both could impact me. It's like the impact comes from multiple angles. However, in figuring out these various ways, it has made future disclosures easier to structure.

[@StormsofPeril]

You put how I feel into words. Being really chatty and wanting to socialize, but being drained quickly. Wanting to be quieter (I've actually achieved some of it). Wanting both order and chaos. I love and hate planning. If I plan too much, I get stressed and feel like I'm in a box. If I plan to little then the story I'm writing won't be coherent. I'm diagnosed with both

[@helenabobena]

I’ve really never heard it described so closely to what I’ve experienced personally. Feeling seen and feeling a little less hectic at the moment. Thanks for ALL that you do. 🖤💜

[@DanS8204]

This talk is enlightening and delightful, and I thank you so much for sharing it!

[@heatherspivey6453]

My five year olds just got diagnosed with ASD level 1 and ADHD. It brought me here ❤️ I appreciate you sharing this

[@Sky-Child]

This so accurately describes me that I am certain I have to mention ADHD when my autism assessment date comes around. Of course, I will have forgotten by then but am hoping that my natural weirdness will carry me through. Myself and my partner are self-diagnosed. Your videos have been invaluable, Ella, in helping us to navigate our lives and understand ourselves.

[@imabilea]

Great video!! i also have both, and this is a great explanation/description! it can be so confusing dealing w both sometimes

[@namfow]

I find every single word of this extremely relatable, thank you ❤

[@mrcejotable]

Thank you so much for your video. I'm 33 and I've been diagnosed very recently with ASD and ADHD. Your experience sounds so familiar. You made me feel like I'm not alone with all my struggles.

[@kasietjie]

Unbelievable..... it's as if you are talking about me!! I am 56, always have had ADHD, but recently been wondering if autism was not a thing.... Now I know..... I'll go see a professional! Thank you!!

[@ironcowgirlbree]

Same here!!! I just got a new therapist! 🤞🏻 I'm 54*

[@mgirlo25]

Yes to all of the above!! It's like you cracked open my head and saw everything! Thank you so much for creating this channel!

[@MEOWalina]

I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD a few years ago and have been recently researching autism and wondering if I may have a mix of both. I haven’t been able to find much information, so thank you so much for sharing! I relate to everything you said 😅 Having a physical planner makes me feel more grounded and stable, and I try really hard to stick with it but I’ll fall off for a few weeks every couple months cos I forget it exists and the chaos comes back, making me feel off balance and losing track of which day it is. 😵‍💫 it’s definitely a paradox haha nice to know I’m not alone!

[@bryanduhart7218]

Omg as I was listening to what you were saying, it was imposible to me not to relate all your experiences to my own and im going nuts right now (in a good way) because this may be the answer to all my issues. Ive had a complicated life dealing with all of this, its been a hard journey. Thank you so much for sharing this 😍

[@vazzaroth]

This is, at this moment, my #1 favorite video to help me understand myself, and may even send this to others as a way to understand me. I am ADHD diagnosed @30, and now at 32 I am pretty sure I am in the same boat as Ella. It's always, specifically, the ADHD+ASD folks that I relate to the most. And the challenges are exactly as illustrated here: I crave variety yet need routine. Routine makes me angry, bored, and irritable, yet effective and safe. Variety makes me happy and stimulated, but if the variety just HAPPENS to go poorly (And it always will a certain % of the time), then it spins me off into overwhelm, anger, or sadness. I told my wife that my favorite activity in life is trying to feel calm before I was on the ADHD or Autistic train of research. I feel like that comment really could be relevant to many folks struggling with both. I have basically zero physical hyperactivity, and identify as only PII, Primarily Inattentive. So I often feel like I need a lot of mental stimulation to drown out my constant inner dialogue and boredom, and my executive function issues are SUPER terrible, and I'll almost never feel comfortable asking for help managing executive tasks. Working on it, and learning about (And tentatively self DXing) autism working memory alongside ADHD working memory is really helping me to understand the huge, gaping confusions I've had about my childhood and entire life. Like, why is it that I can sit down and sketch out a rough Blueprint/CAD-like layout at least semi-accurate to scale of every school I've ever attended, 10+years later, yet I have been desperately trying to memorize the times tables for twice as long and STILL can't even remember the times 2's!!!? I have a borderline photographic memory for certain things.... architecture, environment, direction, landscapes... spacial things... but then any time text or numbers are a part of it, they are a blurry mess in my vision?? That's far from my only executive or memory issue, but I find it to be illustrative of the kinds of issues that really disturbed me for my entire life. Just wondering WHY. WHY was I like this? WHY did no one ever relate? (Until I found the communities for these things) WHY couldn't any of the tips that work for others work for me??? WHY did I feel SO DANG STUPID when I was able to achieve super-advanced reading speeds and comprehension, have a large vocabulary, and can pull on (what I have recently found out is not typical) an encyclopedia of information I've researched for fun over my life... but I can't do 6x7 without using my fingers... The idea that autism can be conceptualized as a 'spikey' aptitude with great talent in certain areas and great deficits in others is what REALLY got me going, looking into this. And then I found out about Hyperlexical autistics, and realized "hey now, this is sounding familiar, finally!" I also learned about Dyscalculia, the dyslexia of numbers, which I had NEVER heard of before hanging out in Autistic spaces. This long comment could NEVER come out of my mouth, I'd be stuttering, stumbling, 'taking back' things, and probably mumbling! (Volume attenuation is SO hard...) After finding out that it's, basically, "ok" to be good at language in a written medium and not so good at other things, I've started writing stories. It's been so fun, and I've gotten great feedback from the few friends/family I've showed so far. Turns out, being able to express ideas in text + an obsession with researching totally random things voraciously might just make for a good author! Just have to tame my wild notes, and luckily there's websites for that kind of thing these days. So anyway, thank you again, Ella, for making videos like this and speaking on these things! I'm in the US and there is no clear path to an adult autism diagnoses, so YT and other communities + experts who post in those communities are my only resource!!!