He Wanted Me To Join His Harem and Then... | Kat Blaque

[@spennyb89]

Umm, maybe just to check the room for a second, we agree that killing people and having sex with animals is wrong, right? Have I been naive in assuming that we agree on that?

[@eviejackson6702]

i'm going to assume we all agree. And that it's absolutely fine to judge people who want to do that. Yes???

[@mermaidtingzzz]

🤣🤣🤣 looking around the room to see who hesitates to raise their hand in agreement so I can't chant "shame" at them.

[@jasonbarney4278]

Thank you !!!!! I don’t feel like that was affirmed as strongly as it should have been. It is NEVER okay Bc children and animals are non consenting partners !!! Ugh. We have to be more shocked and more adamant about consent !!!!!!!!!!!

[@arialisestrellaartistry]

Yeah I'm glad you spoke up, especially because alot of people in the field of sexual expression can be really weird about consent and power.

[@jhaneilbarnett1451]

I'm only hesitating to raise my hand because I thought we all agreed it was wrong and wandering why we gotta ask

[@Indiegirl007]

This is how I feel about Poly guys who are partnered with partners who are strictly monogamous. I can't help but side eye him.

[@KatBlaque]

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah. I know it works sometimes but.. often it doesn't. I'm always like "but does she know that? Lol"

[@Shamazya]

I'd call myself poly-friendly so I could end up in situation like that. But even though I don't particularly want to pursue multiple partners, because that sounds exhausting to me, I would have a problem if I wasn't allowed to. Like, I can't imagine there is a good reason someone could give me for why I should be expected to be monogamous if they're not or why they would even want that setup.

[@laurellee1435]

How often is it something that the mono partner actually chose? Most of them don't wanna lose their partner. So many men in this set up take huge advantages from their partner. Also I've seen quite a few scenarios where both partners are polyam/open but the man can sleep whoever he wants but the woman can't because jealousy??? I'm sure it happens the other way around but those women's esteem are usually in the gutter by the end. When I was at occupy a mum came to visit poly baby dad and the camp for the day. She was chatting but the guy still wasn't watching the toddler. The kid was running around being looked after by random adult activists. I'm not interested in kids. I was chatting to people and out of the corner of my eye the kid goes to pick up an axe and I had to run to make sure she didn't get it. The relevance being that there are a lot of men who treat polyamory as a way to totally avoid responsibility whilst the monogamous partner is left with baby and the man is free to do what he wants.

[@122hsrfe]

@@laurellee1435 wow that's ridiculous. That's the thing, I've been approached by men claiming to be in a poly or open relationship but the second I ask for proof that their partner is okay with it, they block me lol. But I also did notice it in situations like the one you explained. Smh sad

[@bestaqua23]

I only know women in sacsessfull mono / poly relationship ( the women being poly ) . I have no Idia way this works one way and not the other

[@theteddy906]

I'm a totally monogamous person and this might be an incorrect assumption but honestly, in combination with comparing kinks to murder and bestiality he sounds like a creep. He sounds less like an insecure guy and more like a guy who thinks that women should be owned like property. Having a kink like that is fine "in the bedroom" so to speak but when it seeps into how you treat people "out of the bedroom" to me it seems pretty obviously rooted in misogyny.

[@SuzanneDeniseB]

I take it in an entirely different way ♡

[@emilyfallaw5912]

@@SuzanneDeniseB What way do you take it?

[@harutosunaa3881]

America needs gulags

[@stringcheeseofficial1977]

Is it just me or did this guy literally compare his own kink to bestiality and murder??? Like are those really examples of things under the bdsm umbrella to him???? That’s not a dom, that’s 50 red flags in a trench coat Edit: 😍

[@paraphilicanalysis1737]

I exist in the community those interests are actually from, the Paraphilic disorder community. Our organizations mostly function as support groups, in which people can share coping mechanisms that help them control themselves, and can deal with self-hatred through finding a community of people who understand them and what they go through. As someone who has spoken to people who have dealt with suicidal ideation because of these sorts of interests, it is so weird for me to see people treat them so casually

[@Ren-ev5rh]

People having kinks I dislike or wouldn't perform and being a pedophile or a murderer are completely different things Lmao *shoots pepper spray and runs away*

[@drnecro1086]

Its so classy the way you roast people with kindness

[@KatBlaque]

lol. i try. ahahha

[@SeymourDisapproves]

Thanks to anime the word "harem" triggers within me a very aggressive fight or flight response

[@KatBlaque]

What's it about? lol.

[@SeymourDisapproves]

@@KatBlaque I just don't care for a lot of tropes, story beats, and characterizations found in a lot of anime with harem plots or subplots, and in high school I had some non-malicious but very weird experiences with people who had... affinities... for harem anime. 😍 Loved the video, Kat! The title just made me go 👀 for a second lmao.

[@lemonpop1010]

If I ever say that not all harem anime is bad I'm talking about "My Next Life As A Villainess" and nothing else

[@sentrenade1244]

LemonPop the only good harem anime

[@KatBlaque]

What is harem anime??? Shoudl i ask/ ahha

[@karaaryana3722]

Aftercare is SO important. It's one of the major things I make sure a potential partner cares about and makes sure to do.

[@shiningdalek7185]

On one hand, I respect all kinks, including domination kinks, harems, one-sided relations... When it's an actual shared kink. On the other hand, the "classical" poly harem (with various women revolving around a cis straight able-bodied guy) often gives me a vibe of a guru with his followers.

[@RomanZolanski123]

It’s way more of a cult

[@Jess-uz5vw]

Anything that reinforces male domination, even in the most 'woke' of spaces raises a huge red flag for me.

[@viviantran7063]

... what’s one sided relations supposed to mean...?

[@eloujtimereaver4504]

@@viviantran7063 Where there is a double standard of how people in the relationship interact with eachother, or people outside it.

[@viviantran7063]

Elouj Time Reaver ah ok thanks

[@pocababyac]

This video shook me 😍 Literally in my first few months of joining my local kink community a guy legit tried to include me into his harem the moment that he found out that I was bisexual and polyamorous. He even kept trying to promote a scene with his strictly hetero primary without any negotiation nor consultation with his primary. Thankfully he stopped trying 🙏🏾 AND KAT WE NEED THAT VIDEO ABOUT TOXIC DUNGEON SPACES ASAP!!!!😍😍😍😍

[@KatBlaque]

LOL the amount of times Doms have tried to get me to play with their, also heterosexual female partners lol. I kinda talk about it here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fXSlfoGMqNt-qMk

[@for.tax.reasons]

@@KatBlaque abusers really do be trying to abuse no matter the setting EXPOSE THEM KAT. I'm not in the kink community but I feel fending off predators that really think you should do what they say regardless of your consent or comfort level is unfortunately something of a universal experience especially for women. So is the systemic protection offered to abusers. These videos you've made have been a weird sort of catharsis for me as you give voice to so many of my concerns that I didnt even know were eating at me, especially the stuff you said about changing your perception of a place or group once you know they harbor abusers and rapists

[@emel3925]

when you were describing being shy and nervous at the events all i could think of was that debby ryan meme 😂

[@venusluv-i1v]

Great video! 😍 I know a guy who does have a harem of women. Now, he expressed that he didn't mind any of his girls getting with other guys but he stated that most of them choose to stay committed to him. But ironically, whenever I see his subs talking to other guys he would insist on going with them to meet the guy and would try to show up the guy his girls are interested in. That's why I do think a lot of guys with harems are insecure and really have a need to feel great when they don't.

[@KatBlaque]

Lol I've def seen that too

[@bxstar5276]

I definitely think the harem is based on insecurities for the guy. A guy can't keep that many women happy and satisfied anyway... he will fail ..

[@xotwisted]

@@bxstar5276true

[@aliross2720]

@@bxstar5276 This is the function of the narcissistic harem. They are kept and farmed like a herd, to be milked for whatever it is they can give the narcissist and left out to graze when they are not needed. Because pathologically narcissistic people require - literally require - the input and cooperation of others to function, keeping a harem is not just a vanity move or their way of flexing their proverbial muscles. In a very real way, it is resource management, or even hoarding, that is in many ways no different than stocking your pantry with dry goods. If you understood your pantry to be as bottomless as the narcissist's needs are, then you will understand how much it would take to fill it. Narcissists exist in survival mode all the time. The pathological processes and perceptions their mind developed in order to keep them safe as children have now trapped them in the idea that they are not safe - ever. Worse, they cannot meet their own needs, self-soothe or create self-worth and because of that, they are dependent on other people to survive. As they have a deep distrust of all people, including themselves, and because their perceived experiences with just about everyone have been painful and disappointing, they don't feel they can rely on others to do for them what they need. This creates a deep-seated, pervasive insecurity about their own ability to survive and because of that, they endeavor to manipulate and control people in order to make sure their needs will be met. The fact that narcissists are dependent on others means that other people are actually resources for narcissists, like food and water. Objects, in other words - but necessary ones. When someone is in survival mode, they will experience anxiety regarding their resources because they need them in order to live. For example, when there is a snowstorm, people often rush out to buy milk, bread and water because they want to make sure they have enough just in case. Their anxiety over the situation requires them to do something about it and buying these things makes them feel better. Plus, it's just logical to stock up in an emergency. The anxiety over the situation creates action with purpose. In this same way, creating a harem is the narcissist's way of making sure they have enough resources to live on in case anything happens, because when you are in survival mode, everything is an emergency - or could become one quickly. Though there is a very real difference between the two things as they are commonly understood in this context, a narcissist would probably say the harem is their support system and it literally is. It is not just the stocked pantry that's important, either. Their power over the stocked pantry matters, too. It puts them in control. Power and control are very important to pathologically narcissistic people, because they feel powerless inside. How could they not, when they can't even meet their own needs? To control resources is to have power, and possibly the only power that matters, because if you control the resources, you have ultimate power over your own survival. You are helpless no longer. People often experience narcissists' attempts to control others as the narcissist simply wanting to be in charge, but the stakes are much, much higher than that. If survival depends on others, then others must be controlled to ensure that they will do their part. This is one reason triangulation between resources can happen. It's not just about wanting to get away with lies or continue on with bad behavior. It's deeper than that. The narcissist wants to be sure to control the situation as much as possible and prevent exposure of things about them that would disrupt the flow of validation they need from these people. For example, if Jimmy knows something about Bobby that Bobby thinks makes him look bad, Bobby will do what he can to keep Jimmy away from his other resources so that Jimmy doesn't contaminate them with this "bad image" of him and cause that flow of validation that he needs - that supply - to change or dry up. This is actually very similar to the behavior of young children on the playground and can include keeping people separate or compartmentalizing them away from each other, turning them against each other, playing them off each other, smearing and discrediting Jimmy behind his back in the hope that this causes people to distrust him or not listen to him, discarding Jimmy totally and more. f it is a group of people who are known to each other, Bobby will do what he can to control the information they receive about him. For example, if the group is people at his job, he may make sure to never bring his partner around the group. He may tell members of the harem that they cannot be friends with his partner or family or he will no longer deal with them. He may demonize people outside the group who know things about him that he doesn't want people in the group to find out. This is all about securing resources for survival. That is why they take it so seriously. Narcissists don't expend effort on something unless it really matters to them within their limited scope, and survival definitely does. It's the entire focus of their existence. Perhaps the worst part of this is, most of them don't realize any of these things are true, or why they do the things they do. They are just doing what they have always done in the way they've always done it. This is how they survive. The crocodile doesn't look like a floating log because it wants to. It looks like a floating log because that's what it does. This doesn't excuse the abusive behavior of pathologically narcissistic people in any way, but it does shed some light on whether or not it can be changed. If their defense mechanisms could be penetrated and they could somehow be made aware that this is what they were doing, they probably still wouldn't be able to understand emotionally that it's wrong. The crocodile doesn't feel bad for tricking the zebras with his appearance. He doesn't feel anything except hungry. This is how he survives. Many people assume that narcissists attempt to control others out of the desire to hurt others, or out of the desire for power. These are actually both the same thing, because the desire to hurt others comes from a need to feel powerful. As we've discussed, this is true in a manner of speaking, but a desire for power does not exist for no reason. What creates the desire for power in the first place? A desire so strong that a disproportionate amount of someone's time would become devoted to creating, imagining, engineering or securing situations where they can feel like they do have it? Obviously, this comes from feeling they have no power at all. The truth is, despite their efforts, narcissists have no power over other people. They have no power over anything - including themselves, and they lack the necessary tools to take it. The extremes they go to to get their needs met and their frantic efforts to control and manipulate others demonstrate very clearly how vulnerable and powerless they really do feel.

[@Ren-ev5rh]

The other day I found myself saying "right" all the time and now I know were that came from lol

[@KatBlaque]

LOL. i say it so much. I gotta stop that verbal tick. lol.

[@for.tax.reasons]

Right? :P

[@for.tax.reasons]

@@KatBlaque no it's very charming girl you do you

[@madmadame1508]

Whether their partners consent to it or not, OPP is rooted in misogyny and insecurity. It is highly unethical and that is the hill I"ll happily die on.😍

[@KatBlaque]

I agree. I'm very to each their own tho. lol these girls seem happy and I'm happy for them. lol. Couldn't be me tho.

[@annabelcrescibene4257]

+

[@sashabacon8995]

I’ve watched this whole video and when I saw OPP I still thought of Naughty by Nature🤦🏾‍♀️

[@eloujtimereaver4504]

I would say that humans are diverse enough that all possible variations are necessary for them to be happy. I would not say that polyandry is misandrist, so it would be irresponsible for me to say that polygyny is misogynist.

[@greywolf7577]

Mad Madame, If a woman had multiple partners, but the men she was dating were only dating her, I doubt anyone would assume that she was being sexist. We shouldn't assume negative things about this relationship just because the genders are reversed.

[@yazminehawkins621]

You just illuminated a bunch of dangers that I saw at the first (only) bdsm club I went to. Thank you for being so transparent. You're saving lives and saving time - 😍

[@KatBlaque]

Aw thank you. I try. lol

[@fun3nel2]

You kinda look like a character in Matrix Reloaded

[@KatBlaque]

I love that for me. lol. Thanks.

[@iciajay6891]

It's a hot look.

[@vykcryptid]

It's a mood 😍

[@Yasminyokai]

We stan this Gothy Stacey look 😍

[@beko____]

What’s a Stacey/Stacy? Or at least by ya’lls definition.

[@marklafrancis253]

This guy doesn’t seem to have the ethical part of ethical nonmonogamy down. Having a harem is a fun concept and all...but you gotta be ethical in your pursuit, man! Open communication, respect everyone, the basics! If your partners are down for a OPP, thats pretty neat, but if you violate their trust or force that on everyone...that ain’t it.

[@zj.4424]

Did he really compare murder, necrophilia and bestiality to kink? Those are not kinks, those are crimes. Hello? Am I misunderstanding this, because that is like so wrong and horrifying.

[@KatBlaque]

Yes. He was trying to gaslight and scare me

[@LLCCB]

😍 It seems weird to me that no one would explain the potentially concerning psychological response of this sort of activity to a new person before engaging with them. The 'I just messed with all your endorphins, have a nice day' route seems really reckless.

[@KatBlaque]

To be fair, I feel like most people don't experience sub space in the context of these events and what I didn't understand was that the crush was super mutual so he probably gave me more than he would most people who asked. He still wants me to bottom for him to this day. lol.

[@theembersinside1420]

LL 💯💯💯 Exactly! I wouldn't make any excuses for that behavior. It's not a "crush," its predatory behavior & not the way BDSM is advised to be practiced. Also, there are PLENTY of ppl who get into sub-space quickly. Its VERY harmful to put this kind of misinformation out there.

[@theembersinside1420]

... I actually feel bad for Kat. It seems like she is very focused on ppl thinking she's attractive. Thats a very slippery slope to go down. I hope she realizes that life isn't all about being attractive or liked by men & find self-esteem & self-respect. Its sad when ppl accept less than they deserve just because they're insecure. 😣

[@anne853]

@@theembersinside1420 It almost sounds like you're talking about Kat from 5-10 years ago. Have you watched many of her recent videos?

[@theembersinside1420]

@@anne853 yup

[@pancakeofdestiny]

But I thought if life gave you lemons... you would squeeze them in someone's eye?? And not make a cocktail? Confused.

[@KatBlaque]

ahahhaha

[@LivingtheMash]

I always find your conversations on polyamory interesting. I've been a sex worker for some time now but have always considered myself super monogamous in spite of that. I love having a single person who I can devote my mental and emotional energy to on top of the sexual. But my work has been an issue with E V E R Y partner I've had even though I'm forthright about it. It really hit home for me when you were talking at the end about how if you really love someone that stuff shouldn't inherently be an issue. I completely understand the emotional reaction, I just don't get why people can't have a conversation and work through it because my work has never made me question my monogamy. Anyway, super interesting chat thank yooou 💜

[@eloujtimereaver4504]

My deepest condolences, I hope you find someone who understands. It is like every partner of a chef being upset that other people can eat their food in a totally different context.

[@greywolf7577]

Maples, it's because of how humans have developed for hundreds of thousands of years. A thousand years ago, if a man was married to a woman who had multiple other sex partners, there was a good chance that she would become pregnant with another man's child. So the husband would end up raising another man's kid and might not get to have his own biological children. Men who were like that didn't pass on their genes. So even though your sex work is just work and you make sure that you don't get pregnant from it, men still have a reaction against it because that is what has been successful for men for hundreds of thousands of years. You say that you are okay with doing sex work while also being monogamous, but that's different because you still have a partner solely devoted to you. Personally, as a man, I would be willing to be in a sexual relationship with a woman who was having sex with other men, but I find myself completely unable to fall in love with a woman who is having sex with other men. That's just by instincts trying to protect me. The only solution I could provide to you is to date men who also do sex work. For straight men, that usually means someone in porn. They might be more willing to connect with you emotionally despite your job.

[@greywolf7577]

@@eloujtimereaver4504 The reasons for her problem are instinctual for the reasons I laid out in my comment to Maples. Historically, people ate food in many different situations, but it was risky to let your partner have sex with someone else.

[@eloujtimereaver4504]

@@greywolf7577 You are describing cultural morays of our current situation as if they have existed in perpetuity, which is simply not true, serial monogamy has been the norm in the western world for only a short time historically speaking. Historically methods of contraception did exist, and there is no evolutionary detriment to raising another's child, especially if it also means you have a consistent mate. If it were impossible to love someone because you might raise someone else's child, no one would marry people with children from prior marriages, and no one would adopt, and yet both of those things have been happening for all of recorded history. Your own modern cultural misgivings about your viability as a father in the face of perceived competition are not a universal biological imperative.

[@sleepyspacegremlin]

I'm just drinking water bec it's 100° & I feel dehydrated. It's really great to hear you talk bec I don't have a lot of people to talk to rn.

[@Ren-ev5rh]

The whole sense of community that bdsm has in your area makes me feel so jealous. Were I live it's so hard to find dom guys that would dom guys. Everytime I get into that conversation I get surrounded by girls wanting me to dom them and I'm just so "Nono sorry" and it's so tiring Hahaha. Subspace is like being high but honestly any substance is way more accessible than finding a good dom lol.

[@KatBlaque]

lol, unfortunately that's very true. I'm thankful for my partner (who isn't my Dom but is my top) because all these Doms I've bottomed for are... usually trash.

[@Ikine557]

I had a really close friend in college who's poly and he told me once that he wants to basically have a bunch of women who were exclusive with him but he would be exclusive. He was kind of ashamed of it, and I hadn't even heard of polyamory before, so I probably wasn't super nice about it. I tried to understand, but I just didn't know what to say. He was super nice, I think he's married now.

[@greywolf7577]

It is obviously a very common fantasy for most heterosexual men, though most men of course know that the chance of them getting that is very slim. He shouldn't have been ashamed of it.

[@-KMA-]

Which makes me wonder if he cheats 👀

[@leviangel97]

This video is worth 😍! And there is such a huge gap between "I don't want my partner(s) to play with others" and "Ew, why are you doing that?" Like... wanting one on one commitment doesn't give you the right to shame people for wanting something else...

[@NotAVampyre]

😍 There's a difference between kink and letting insecurity and double standards determine how you value other people.

[@maxwellmediainc]

I got my peach tea my take out I am finna sit and sip and eat and watch this long juicy video thank you for the content ❤️

[@pastelarcadia5890]

😍 subspace is so weird and looking back i see that there was a lot of times men have used subspace to manipulate me. Its a shame more bdsm stuff, at least the vocab isnt in the mainstream cuz if i had known it, then maybe id understand im more suggestable after being put in that headspace.

[@KatBlaque]

Yeah it's actually such a scary experience to have when you're not with a person you trust.

[@r.j.grayson6899]

Oh my god this! It literally turned me off of kink for a few years after I had the scary come down from subspace.

[@viviantran7063]

Aw I hope you guys are all ok now

[@for.tax.reasons]

11:47 "I got my paddle over here actually" _skitters offscreen excitedly in her green coat_ that was so cute ahahaha

[@greyv9107]

i feel like this video really highlights the difference between polygamy and polyamory

[@iciajay6891]

Accurate.

[@genericname8727]

Do you mean polygyny or am I confused?

[@greyv9107]

Generic Name either way makes sense

[@its_the_bird]

Generic Name I'm p sure polygyny is traditionally used for a woman with multiple male partners. I believe there are some indiginous mountain communities where a woman will marry all of the brothers in a family. Super interesting! Seems less toxic and more loving than strict polygamy in many cultures, but that may be because the particular community I briefly studied was very kind and quiet. I think it would be rather awkward to be dating someone a sibling was also dating, and it seems slant-incestuous somehow, but if it works then I guess it works for those people?

[@occupyvenus4868]

@@its_the_bird Poly'gamy (greek many'spouses) = one person/animal having several partners without the sex/gender constellation being specified Poly'gyny (many'women)= 1 male and several female partners Poly'andry (many'men) = 1 female and several several male partners Poly'gyn'andry (many'women'men) = several male and female partners Polygamy is just often used as a synonym for polygyny because it's the most common form in human societies. lol, sry, my greek grammar n*zi jumped out

[@AnnTheAnonymous]

Great video! 😍 Every time you tell one of these stories, there's five other stories within it that each deserve their own video

[@KatBlaque]

LOL. I dead have so many stories ahah

[@fiery_scream]

"sounds like you get around a lot" says the guy who has multiple partners that he forces to be monogamous with him lmaooo.

[@lekiscool]

Congrats on the 200K subs! Its amazing to know that 200,000 awesome people support an amazing Trans Polyamorous women of color! Sometimes the world sucks but at least we know there are thousands of people out there supporting people living their best lives.

[@kyrawesley8152]

😍 Girl you sound like me back in college accepting invites to "parties" and not having a single clue! Great content as always, and I love the look! Can't wait for the next video~

[@clockworktri]

I'm not experienced in poly relationships or bdsm (though I support both... and am interested in the latter... anyway) and I suppose it's pretty naive of me, but I was super surprised that harem-style poly relationships are anything other than rare. Like, I get that it might be fulfilling for some people, and I don't want to yuck anyone's yum. But it seems so steeped in sexism, I guess I also assumed that if the women were actively part of the bdsm community with their dom they would see healthy poly relationships where subs were poly as well (to whatever extent), and if they saw that I guess I assumed they would see it as healthier than having one dude with a bunch of monogamous women (especially if they weren't into each other). Again, if someone has a relationship like that that is healthy, where everyone feels loved and respected, that's cool. But yeah, that does seem very suspect for the dude's motivation. And I would not have guessed they would consider themselves poly, since they expect monogamy from one side. That seems like it should have it's own definition?

[@luf.7648]

Well I mean it's basically polygyny.

[@pancakeofdestiny]

@@luf.7648 Yeah, essentially. But traditional polygynous societies are generally strictly patriarchal, and women tend to avoid plural marriages - and especially the subordinate status of being a second or third wife - when they have the social power to do so. So as OP says, it's weird to me to see women agreeing to this type of relationship when there are other options available.

[@greywolf7577]

@@pancakeofdestiny Why would women having these relationships be any weirder than several men dating one woman? It's part of the kink.

[@greywolf7577]

Clockwork, I think if several men were dating one woman, people wouldn't assume the woman was sexist. We shouldn't jump to that conclusion just because the genders are reversed.

[@pancakeofdestiny]

@@greywolf7577 To me it's the whole "the women aren't allowed to date anybody else, but the man is" aspect that comes off as weird and sexist, not just the one dude dating multiple women. I mean, I'm a woman dating a partnered man, so I hardly object to men having multiple partners. Whatever floats your boat, though. I'm sure there are people who are genuinely happy in these sorts of relationships, and for whom it isn't an expression of any sort of misogyny.

[@RenOEm777]

Hi Kat I just became a Patreon member and have only recently started watching your videos and I love them so much and really appreciate hearing your POV. Thanks for the great content! I hope you are doing well during quarantine!

[@KatBlaque]

Aw thank you! I am doing really great during the quarantine!! Making way more content so you picked a good time to join me.

[@cyber_salope]

😍 Great video Kat! And yeah he was so clearly trying to manipulate you by positioning himself as sometime of "mentor" to a "newbie" with the comments he made, and you had every right to write about it. Honestly I live in LA and I'm polyam and what not, and I prefer when people get named and brought to task so I know who the hell to avoid. You gave him more decency than he deserved by not publicizing his name and he still had the gall to go off lol

[@KatBlaque]

Luckily he isn't really part of the LA scene anymore. Part of why I felt comfortable sharing this

[@Dmongreeneyes]

Too many narcissists are around. This is one of the reasons why I'm starting to stray away from BDSM relationships.

[@ellazzawi4273]

Honestly as someone from a North African background, I have a lot of issues with the word "harem", using to describe a kinky relationship arrangement seems rooted in Orientalism and misinformed fetishization ^^'

[@golgothavirus]

You are right

[@malakcanvas]

I've thought about this, too.

[@cynopedous4208]

😍 I’m not poly but your insights and stories on it have really helped me understand why people do it, the ups and downs, etc. thanks for the tea!!

[@nate3452]

I cant believe he really said that you need to be okay with certain kinks because theyre in the BDSM community, or else its not for you, when he was the one judging you for how you lived your sexual life! What a hyprocite! Love your videos so much Kat 😍 My girlfriend and I like watching your videos seperately in our day and then when we're together we discuss them and share opinions ❤️

[@gross_punk9539]

Okay that's really cute though

[@maxwellmediainc]

This title had me click so fast 👀👀👀

[@towhatdegree]

Same, late as hell but gonna make time for this.

[@KatBlaque]

The video was just posted. You're on time haha

[@FX24M]

😍The way you tell your experiences...AMAZING. I feel like I’m living the experience and you explain everything so well.

[@rubyssen4276]

"there are going to be people who dont like the same things as you" ... man proved your point...

[@hallieholloway]

Your make up/outfit here is so cool. Getting hella hard Labryinth/Blade Runner realness!

[@Momoxdear]

I remember back when you first shared this story thinking how scary his wording sounded. People are seriously out here acting like you've wronged them for having a life before meeting them. Also, love your little dances and beginning and end of these vids! 😍

[@dayalives6257]

16:05 sounds like a runner’s high

[@joyf801]

Hormones and dopamine 🤤❤ love it

[@r.j.grayson6899]

In my experience it makes me way more affable/giddy/dopey than running ever did. Course... as an asthmatic with allergies running may not be the best natural high for me personally even though I often felt amazing afterwards what with the lack of oxygen.

[@rayne333]

The drink you made is basically a Tom Collins w/o the soda water. Look at you being an accidental bartender. And that outfit, what a goth queen! 😍

[@Ren-ev5rh]

That lipstick duo is so iconic

[@b3b3j4y]

do the women involved in BDSM try to help and lift each other up? A lot of these videos talk about your problems and scandals in the scene usually involving dominant men, but just wondering if you ever see women try to help other women out ?

[@Shamazya]

I think it'd be great if subs had more control over the BDSM norms because they're the ones that are most vulnerable. It'd be a little ironic, but at the same time being a sub doesn't mean being submissive in every situation and context

[@joyf801]

Some of the women in the community really are there for you :)

[@KatBlaque]

All the time. Especially since we've had the same experiences with tops.

[@deej5608]

@@Shamazya I would hope that it would be. I mean subs are the ones who REALLY control the relationship. Why is that not known

[@noe2005]

@@deej5608 subs don't "really control the relationship" , that's the point. Both ends need to be respectful of the needs of the other, you agree on what you do and don't want to be or do. That you have control on wether you want to stop some activity doesn't mean you are the one that has the control, doms also have a say on wether They want to stop. That they are tops doesn't mean that they don't have boundaries

[@kateball5809]

Slut-shaming in the bdsm community is wild to me... Anyway 😍

[@madisonc6928]

I’m living for the silhouette your hair and that coat are making

[@alicegarcia9487]

"I would literally walk around like this" me at every social event tho.

[@myshavikes6263]

Got my guava juice and rum, and Chinese takeout :)

[@KatBlaque]

ugh that sounds so good~! I got these cocktail glasses and I'm trying to learn how to make cocktails. I miss the bar. haaah

[@myshavikes6263]

Me too! I miss the goth club in my area and the queer clubs :( Ive been watching virtual drag shows though to fill the void a little. Cheers 🍹🍸🍷

[@Iflie]

Myeah I've read about plenty of subs who think the dom not being monogamous is normal but then are not all the boards filled with subs who don't have their needs met by these same doms because they are only one person and they don't haver that energy to spend on every single one of their subs. It just excuses a lot of just simple bad relationship balance. Also why old subs get touchy about a new one, they can't get their needs met already and now there's a new plaything.

[@KatBlaque]

Yep

[@Call-me-Al]

I wish I had read these things back when I got into a bad situation like that. Everything I could find when googling and trying to troubleshoot why I was being so irrational just told me I was being selfish and privileged. Which felt like a horrible slap in the face because I was already almost breaking my back bending backwards. I was diverting all my energy into trying to be accommodating and helpful and did absolutely not feel like I had any relationship privileges as the list examples of couple privileges made me go 'ha yeah right'. That without making me reflect on that maybe that was actually a bad sign (instead of taking it as a sign that just showed I at least wasn't horrendous in that aspect). Though I didn't think about that because I felt I was so out of my depth that I was drowning: The other girl was super monogamous but was making an exception despite it being far from what she really wanted, which freaked me out to no end (as I had only been in poly relationships before where everyone including metamours were poly). Especially since I now know that I absolutely had not gotten my needs met despite desperately trying to get them met. I just didn't have the vocabulary for it, being super new to BDSM and those kinds of relationships. I didn't even know aftercare was an option outside of extreme impact scenes, until I read about it and asked why I hadn't been told despite my ignorance of BDSM being called an advantage. Me being a newb somehow being called an advantage yet them not caring to invoke it by playing the role of teacher baffled me at the time because if you love to teach newbs then surely you would actually do that, instead of passively waiting for your sub to look up every thing themself and make it seem like it was 100% the sub's fault for not having read about important things faster. ....I might still be a touch bitter about that. Sorry for the rant.

[@greywolf7577]

iflie, subs often have a fetish for being the monogamous one while their partner has sex with others. It is another part of the control they are giving to others. It is common for male subs to fantasize about their female partners having sex with someone else. It shouldn't be surprising that women would react the same way. There is even a term for it (cuckqueans). So having their partner have sex with someone else IS having their needs met.

[@Iflie]

@@greywolf7577 That sort of humiliation is very much more of a male sub thing, like financial domination. Female subs are quite different in general from male subs, but there is a huge culture surrounding D/s where they keep telling the female slaves and subs that their desire for monogamy is selfish and how dare they take that choice from their Dom and the male Dom's encourage it. But it's really not making these women happy at all so they show up by the hundreds on messageboards talking about their relationship and how neglected they are and how they feel bad about it. They are even forced to act bisexual with other subs and think that's just normal too. It's all nonsense, your relationship shouldn't follow other people's rules, your needs should both be met and if you are incompatible go find someone else.

[@gross_punk9539]

@@Call-me-Al rants are needed

[@ourportuguesehomestead]

😍 Enjoying these stories of your community, I live in the countryside and don’t think we have something like that here.

[@karikuo6634]

200k subs!! Congrats 🥳

[@KatBlaque]

Thank you. I'm waiting til we get to the 205k mark before I act like I reached 200k lol.

[@Sophers50454]

38:00 If you throw a rock at a pack of wolves, the one that cries is the one you hit.

[@analauranunez9052]

im a teacher and i am grading some 7th grade paper works while listening to this. Thank you for coming to my ted talk

[@alluneedislessthan3]

I’m at 1:35 and as a poly lesbian gotta say I’m already stressed by just the topic of conversation lol.

[@bagelwbutter9605]

Ok but like who here read harem n instantly said, “ I’m just sayin if u really love me you would sharem” literally years from Hamilton n I still reference it lol

[@annabelcrescibene4257]

Me too, girl, me too.

[@tweedldum7504]

I thought a similar thing when she said "diametrically opposed" 😔👉👈

[@bagelwbutter9605]

Tweedl Dee sad boi hours. But bright side, the movie is said to release July 3, 2020. 2020 is literally making history...... has its eyes on you. Srry Im obsessed

[@tweedldum7504]

@@bagelwbutter9605 YES! I can't wait >:0 but sense I gotta I'm glad it's pretty close lol

[@greenwren5072]

You sip that cup so daintily and here am I chugging my cold coffe like a dehydrated chihuahua.

[@mayarosenberg1813]

Can we just ban mansplaining? From all scenes, everywhere?

[@viviantran7063]

Honestly though me: cleans the dog everyday My uncle: never has cleaned her, asks me if I cleaned her right and tells me to wash my hands

[@TheHalcyon22]

Another great video to get me through my workout session. Thanks, Kat! 😍

[@inigoquixote2014]

😍 great video, always love your takes. Stay safe and be well.

[@louloudaki_]

i’ve been addicted to drinking various things out of wine glasses (really everything except wine) so right now i’m drinking water out of one cause i just woke up

[@Call-me-Al]

It feels so weirdly satisfying! Especially if you have a pretty glass pitcher with ice water in that you keep pouring from. I don't know why. I also have a cognac glass I love drinking chilled tea from.

[@kimikokao]

You always look so iconic in your videos. Look book please😍

[@andreaam805]

He sounds like a very insecure guy I’d hate having him as a dom I’d feel like it’s a sub trying to dom me 🤢

[@betseybergquist3236]

😻 Thank you for being you! And also giving me excuses to open wine on a weeknight. ❤️

[@byrnetdown6076]

😍 so glad you're posting so often lately

[@KatBlaque]

Thank you!!! I'm literally about to render another True Tea video now. lol. I don't hate this quarantine.

[@cantsay2205]

Kat: *writes vague post about a guy with a harem* Him: "And I took that personally."

[@spyderbytez2]

I'm not gonna' lie, while I normally watch your videos for the message, I clicked on this one to see that outfit. Stayed for the story and was not disappointed.

[@arowace498]

😍! I agree completely, it sounds like a major jealousy issue if you have to insist your partners can only have you in a poly relationship. Of course, maybe I'm biased because that doesn't appeal to me.

[@greywolf7577]

It's the same level of jealousy that a person in a monogamous relationship would have. There isn't anything wrong with that setup so long as everyone consents.

[@arowace498]

@@greywolf7577 I've never been in a relationship either way and I don't get jealous in any significant way so this doesn't really clear it up for me. It just feels weird if your asking your partner to be okay with multiple partners for you, but being weird about them having multiple partners. And as I said that's my bias. I didn't say it can never be okay if that's someone's agreement just that it doesn't make sense to me.

[@roontownonline]

As an aspiring sub I so appreciate these types of videos. I’ve been exploring kink lately and it’s all so new and overwhelming. hearing your advice and stories is a huge help as far as knowing what to expect and what to look out for. you’re the best Kat 😍

[@khwezimagwaza5507]

The makeup is giving me Rihanna Vogue 2018, love it 😍

[@richardgeorge9226]

I made a nonalcoholic cranberry cocktail. #genz

[@KatBlaque]

Iconic. What's in it?

[@alana1761]

I thought you were a whole different person when I met you but I love this person I have grown to know🥰🙂🖤

[@nieceypoo550]

Kat u are putting the scantily in clad on this video!! Lol😂👍🏾👍🏾

[@lyn3483]

Those pivots to the alternating camera 🤩

[@vykcryptid]

I don't understand wanting a partner to be exclusive it's like Opposite for me I want people I care about to have as many other friendships and connections and romantic things going on and also because I need a lot of space 😍

[@greywolf7577]

If you have a partner that is exclusive, you get the benefit of that (their attention, sex, and the knowledge that they won't have a child with someone else). If you have more than one relationship at a time, you get the benefits of that (having connections and sex with multiple people). That's why when people cheat, they are basically creating that set up. Obviously cheating is immoral, but it is understandable why people would want that setup in a consensual relationship.

[@-KMA-]

That’s why you don’t get married point blank period. If anyone still has that desire and marries someone, shame on you.

[@lilith2598]

Another iconic clickbait title and thumbnail from the queen. Love u

[@themuffinmaster22]

😍 Got nothing to add, just wanted to let you to know that I love when you share these stories.

[@pennycheshire5608]

Thank you so much for everything you do. You are a ray of light for me right now. 💜

[@thepowerofcheesecake]

😍It's like men deliberately avoid doing any kind of introspective work. So tired of having conversations that go nowhere because they won't sit with something and actually take things on. It's why I so rarely become friends with straight men and why quite frankly I'm glad for not having any desire to date. Not in a place where I want to be denying myself happiness so that I don't hurt their egos.

[@greywolf7577]

Whether someone is introspective or not has nothing to do with their gender or sexual orientation. Don't be sexist.

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

I notice this as well

[@-KMA-]

@@greywolf7577 it’s not entirely wrong. More often than not I would say.

[@snappyturtle8721]

Drinking a smooth red and enjoying the wisdom. Thank you for sharing!

[@damienburks9802]

I could not help but notice the Visions album by Grimes. You, my friend, are so fucking awesome! Loved the discussion.

[@mermaidtingzzz]

😍 @ 34:27-34:34 I wanted to hear you say you hit him with the negro classic "I don't NEED to do anything but be Black and die." 🤣🤣🤣 the insecure nerve of this mans!

[@luishp3]

Congrats on reaching 200k subscribers! 😍

[@aikarakuen]

It's like he asked: "what's wrong with hurting others against their will like a psychopath with no empathy?" trying to make it sound socially acceptable and harmless by calling it a "kink"

[@merriellenroselette5191]

😍 Girl your voice is so relaxing to listen to, I've been watching a few of your videos this night. (You were in my yt recommendations) I love your style (Being goth and being into bdsm, and being poly is up my alley) This particular video was posted on my birthday so yayy 🙌 Keep up the great work being you 🖤❤💜

[@queersus7983]

the changing camera angles in the beginning makes me feel better

[@bluehypothermicreality6759]

When I was first getting into the kink community I was friends with this polyamorous submissive who was dating a guy like that that wanted to have multiple ladies and for her to only be with him though he was ok with her playing with a few specific ppl and she wanted to pursue this other guy and he said no and she did it anyways and the whole situation was so messy! 😵you’re a great story teller!😍

[@ahahan3176]

I love your coat!!

[@sentrenade1244]

The dancing behind the title card is always a fat mood

[@crystocious6715]

Wow, yeah that guy was very insecure. I think he really does need to grow in his self esteem. Love your stuff Kat! 😍

[@louloudaki_]

your description of subspace sounds like when i dissociate from excitement after performing a concert or play or musical and i’m so happy that i’m barely aware of things like im just aware enough that i can remember things but i’m so happy that i’m not sure whats going on and say ok to anything which is why i go straight to my best friend or my family cause it would maybe be real bad if i didn’t

[@thebraidedmane]

:heart_eyes: Working my way through the true tea vids and I love how your tea is always articulate and even-handed. You're more fair to the people involved than most would be, you break down what happened and what your perspective is, and yet...it's still interesting drama. Thank you for these, they're a delight.

[@thebraidedmane]

Apparently I can't past that emoji in here but you know what I'm going for!

[@Greekinthecity]

😍😍❤️

[@estro.girllll]

THIS OUTFIT!!!!! wow