Heal From Family Enmeshment: 6 Steps to Defining YourSELF as an Adult

[@jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self

[@patrickglaser1560]

Just wanted to say... props to you for not having a branded mug as your thumbnail =)

[@RenukaSakhare-e3v]

Stay calm... Respond...dont react Observe.. don't obsorb Be self focussed,not other focused

[@serenapiccinini392]

We begin detaching we choose aloneness and we understand FINALLY who we are

[@tcrump212IsLmbrJck_t]

This brother said “borrow some Self.” I almost fell OUT!

[@Godlywoman88]

My relatives don't really respect me or my boundaries much so I won't be going home for the holidays or maybe any other time.

[@CurtisMoe]

Very sorry to hear that. I hope your holidays are still splendid and you enjoy yourself. 🙂

[@flamingrobin5957]

thats a brave decision. you'll need a support system make sure you have people who respect your boundaries to help enforce your change.

[@adriancampbell630]

Good choice ❤

[@Godlywoman88]

@Flaming Robin This is exactly what I need - the right support system.

[@josephgradojr.597]

I feel you. I know how tough of a choice that is.

[@marquesmarchand722]

Jerry Wise, you are a genius!!! I get more out of watching your videos than any therapy I have ever taken. My sobriety date 11.26.01. I am 42. I have worked the ALANON, AA, ACA, CODA, SAA, FA programs. I have written 2 books on addiction, recovery and dual diagnosis but what Jerry Wise is talking about blows my mind everyday.

[@jerrywise]

Thank you for your kind words, I wish I was a genius LOL Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZbin channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZbin channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, Please sign up for the upcoming workshop “Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You” Workshop Date: February 6, Saturday Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST Zoom www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events [Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]

[@serenapiccinini392]

Totally agree

[@SoulSeeker2025]

He is

[@SoulSeeker2025]

❤

[@danaparshall]

I'm glad you mentioned personality disordered families at the end because they respond in unhealthy ways to boundaries and others belief systems. Love your channel. Thanks for your insight and education!

[@karenkasteler942]

You are great.....it"s so good how you take is through the ABC's and basic principles of family dysfinction...you SPELL IT OUT SO CLEARLY....and being STUCK in the mud of it....we need that clarity.....and your ability to relay the principles without judgment is extraordinary.....Thank you again.....plus you're naturally funny.

[@Cyndia1969]

I can't thank God enough for you Mr Jerry!❤️🤗🔥🌈🔥

[@jerrywise]

Thank you for watching. Any donation would help in making these videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

[@LisaMarie_Porter]

This is so good. I’m a mental health professional and found this so helpful not just for clients but for MYSELF! What are the resources for these foundational theories/approaches of differentiation?

[@shizsunshinewachira1344]

ive watched this multiple times..its so life giving..i wish i could snap a finger and change my emotional field especially around my family but ill keep doing the work..jerry your work is invaluable.thank you

[@jerrywise]

Thank you so much I'm glad it has been a help

[@texaslovelylady]

I don't believe I can remain in contact with my family and remain sane. 😢

[@kareemmohammed5270]

very difficult and uncomfortable to process and hear, always have to rewind back and forth and pause the video to absorb, process and have uncomfortable insights in the moment which is key for me internally for real change and progress. much appreciated as always Jerry. this is very difficult work i must admit for myself but like you said i never regretted it.

[@trishaosborn1937]

I just want to say that these videos are so super helpful!!! Thank you so much!

[@jerrywise]

I'm so glad!Happy to help here 🤎

[@sannat-l8610]

This was brilliant! I’ve listened to this and have had about three or four epiphanies. About others , yes, but mainly about MYSELF! So deliberating! I think my sight of relief could be heard up by the moon.... I’m thanks the stars for finding your excellent and immensely helpful videos, Mr Wise. Thank you so much! 💓💓 Ps. On the recovery path from narcissistic abuse. It’s taking a long time, 5 yrs since the divorce.

[@Kaki-F]

You look good, Jerry!

[@mikaylateresa]

Thanks!

[@takyiyakvsi]

Thank you so much Jerry. I am listening to this and understand that thanks to you and many other great people out there I have been able to build my Self over the years and learnt to define it better. Your work in particular helped me so much in understanding which people I would like to stay in my life and who I decided to part ways with. In the past it has always been about them. Now it is about what I want, and how I choose to be treated and what I want this life to be. What also helped me a lot, and what you highlight in this video also as point 6, was becoming more of a self in my primary relationships with my parents and family. This is probably the most challenging, but it has influenced all my other relationships immensely. It is still challenging and scary to be myself, 'cause some people may not and do not choose to be around the true me, but I can handle that. 'Cause I am "home" now.

[@user-ee5om8wy7u]

Maybe it is even more helpful to ask not only HOW am I feeling with someone treating me a certain way but also What will I do about it? OR What can I do about it? If I don't like a certain treatment, I can simply set a boundary and decide how long I want to tolerate the violation of my boundary and when to enforce consequences. . . Sometimes someone can act quiet disrespectfully toward me: they can lie, they can make fun of me for my mistakes, they can curse at me and yell just for my attempt to ask them to repeat what they said......If I accept it and have no problem with this - I am showing it is ok to treat me this way. I don't have to put up with this. But I can instead accept the person for who they are and (without any hurt feelings nor blaming them) let them know about my boundaries. So, I think asking myself "what am I feeling?" AND "what will I do about it?" is even more helpful. It reminds me that I have the power to do something about whatever it is I don't like.

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

Thank you for all your work!💓 Your videos are everything! 🙌🥰 (especially in this sea of ‘everyone is a narcissist’ world we are navigating rn)

[@jerrywise]

You are so welcome!

[@CurtisMoe]

100%

[@MrSuperbluesky]

I like chocolate ice cream the best! Fantastic example for me to use to begin my building of solid self.

[@jerrywise]

That's great, I like chocolate ice cream the best... Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZbin channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZbin channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

[@Sadiya_Tariq_Shannon]

Being a no person from present yes person with lots of calmness is the hardest task

[@littleyellowcarrot1571]

How much change there would be in the world if this was taught at schools..

[@GlobalistGazette]

This wouldnt be allowed in schools. The narcissists would find a way to stop it. Schools are artificial environments sadly controlled in most ways by narcissists. Governments the same. Thats why we pay taxes that fund wars and all kinds of other crazy stuff.

[@PeteS_1994]

Thanks for this video. I just noticed how I use thoughts as feelings so much.

[@jenniferb4118]

Another great video, Jerry. Some of the examples made me laugh out loud, as sad as they are. It's amazing how some of these same guilt-ridden scripts are so classic that they play out in countless families. I always thought I was the only one.

[@monicamoore189]

Very thaknkful for your content. As an selfparented / and parentified child I have been learning more about this from you and am very thankful.

[@jerrywise]

Happy to help! “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

Marc Bracket’s book Permission to Feel is a really great in depth look at exploring our emotions in healthier ways!) ❤️👌✨

[@jerrywise]

Sounds like a great book just looked it up on Amazon, I will order it

[@herewegokids7]

Sounds like a good one for Enneagram 4

[@hope46sf]

So much to think about!! Thanks, Jerry!!

[@BenOnuMuDiyorum]

I AM HEAVILY ANF HAPPILY EXCITED JUST BY THE TITLE

[@katieg7679]

Jerry you are the best!

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Thank you 🙏 God bless you.

[@ridhajawad]

So so good. Love this

[@georgerobertson9703]

Grateful for the guides 🙏

[@vernontaylor6129]

your my inspiration !!

[@kathrynharris3636]

Thank you so much for your videos they help me to stay in my wise mind.

[@jerrywise]

You are so welcome

[@LorelaiMusic147]

Thank you so much Jerry

[@barefootpiano6319]

Borrowing of self💝

[@egeyermusic]

Jerry, you are wonderful. Thank you

[@kensyskye8965]

Yey I’m first for the first time ever on YT....lol 😂

[@sage9836]

This is amazing information. Also, if you missed your Alanon, see the example dialogue that starts around 26:00.

[@jerrywise]

Glad you liked it

[@rosalindbarbier7670]

Dear Jerry, Thank you very much for this thought provoking talk.

[@jerrywise]

Thanks for listening

[@karenzilverberg4699]

Excellent!

[@jerrywise]

Glad you liked it! Thank you for watching. Any donation would help in making these videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

[@NewMedication512]

Thank you so much for this!

[@jerrywise]

You're so welcome!

[@BiruteNomedaStankuniene]

thank you

[@XtinePhlair]

Hi Jerry! I’ve been listening to your new videos and they are so helpful as usual. Where are we able to join your youtube membership?

[@jerrywise]

You may want to use a laptop or desktop computer to click "Join" not subscribe, but Join and then membership options should come up or do on your chrome but don't use KZbin app and go to my channel and you might be able to find the "join" button often it is next to the "subscribe" button

[@iStorm-my5fp]

I have to lock my bedroom door when I leave the house bc my Nmom goes through my stuff

[@herewegokids7]

Jerry more often than not when i define myself in my primary relationship (30 yr marriage) I am told I am not in submission. J actually left the fundy church and became Catholic on my own 7 yrs ago but it relates to other choices as well. He believes he is being long-suffering by accepting it, however his posture towards me has taken a toll. If that makes sense. I was raised and extremely enmeshed w a narcissist,with whom i went no contact 15 mos ago. Thoughts?

[@kareemmohammed5270]

resonate

[@elaadamek1353]

Another great video! Thanks Jerry

[@jerrywise]

You are very welcome

[@jessenoelle262]

For real, y'all- who else was eating ice cream while watching this? 😂

[@hildy208]

How do we join the channel? I’d gladly support if I was smart enough to figure it out! 😀

[@jerrywise]

You may want to use a laptop or desktop computer to click "Join" not subscribe, but Join and then membership options should come up or do on your phone using chrome but don't use KZbin app and go to my channel and you might be able to find the "join" button often it is next to the "subscribe" button

[@iStorm-my5fp]

Then I get in trouble or yelled at for locking my door

[@Xaviarra]

How do I book a session with you Jerry?

[@jerrywise]

Contact me at [e-mail] or at 1-317-919-6264 or go to my website www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

[@justbeegreen]

Thank you for the information. I'm curious, have you ever examined Trump and his narcissism? He's a perfect example of how exhausting it is to live and work with a narcissist.

[@adrienne_despisespronouns]

Yawn

[@MinkaLovesPineapples]

🤦🏻‍♀️

[@rochellecaffee1417]

You had some very helpful information WHEN you were sharing YOUR OWN personal “experience, strength, and hope”, but i must leave your “Murray Bowen Relationship System” advice. I do NOT find it helpful in MY LIFE.

[@texaslovelylady]

Taking care of them is a full-time job and one without pay and a Narcissistic sister seeking to injure me aka revenge. Yeah she forgot what it was like living with them for a few months 😂try going a year being the caretaker and having nothing to get out of there with financially. All the while she's trying to convince them to move near her and she gets the VA caretaker pay. 😮 Talk about grassy 🍑

[@augustcanyon3438]

Almost gave this a thumbs up but he mentioned mosque which means he is clueless about those people and what they are all about.

[@mikaylateresa]

Thanks!

[@jerrywise]

Welcome!