HEALING ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE | DR. KIM SAGE

LINK TO FREE CHECKLIST: DOES MY PARENT HAVE NARCISSISTIC OR BORDERLINE TRAITS?
FREE COURSE: IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT
www.drsagehelp.com
This video describes the caregiving styles which contribute to the development of an Anxious Attachment Style and to the types of healing needed in repairing and healing Attachment Wounds (as part of a larger series).
There are 15 research related concepts which are explored in this video and which are related to issues in need of healing our Anxious Attachment Style.
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HEALING ATTACHMENT WOUNDS SERIES:
This series begins with understanding the primary issues around Attachment Theory and healing Attachment Styles, and will then go deeper into issues around Attachment wounds and related trauma and relationship issues.
I will be posting daily 5 to 10 minute videos after this one on Healing Attachment Wounds and Understanding Attachment Styles and Relationships, as well as tying these topics where appropriate to Complex Trauma, and challenging childhoods and parenting.
Many of you are already very familiar with Attachment, so I hope to add some additional research and topics you will find helpful, and potentially new ways of understanding yourself and life.
While we cannot fully heal attachment wounds without being in relationship with others, these videos will be providing some exercises you can use to enhance your healing journey.
I am so passionate about the relationships between Attachment, Trauma and Relationships, and I truly value your thoughts and ideas, so please share and add any additional information or stories you feel will also be helpful in healing our lives!
xo
www.drkimsage.com. (my website and Thinkific to access courses)
@drkimsage on TIK TOK: / drkimsage . (Daily Content)
************************COURSES COMING SOON on THINKIFIC.COM !!!!******************
COURSES COMING ON THINKIFIC:
BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA
FREE COURSE: "INVISIBLE WOUNDS". IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT
LATER COURSES COMING:
"RE-MOTHERING" (RE-PARENTING)
"HEALED PARENTING,"
PARENTING TRIGGERS FROM YOUR OWN CHILDHOOD IMPACTING YOUR PARENTING TODAY
***ALL COURSES INCLUDE WORKBOOKS AND JOURNALS, GUIDED MEDITATIONS
***Please note! I am so sorry but my practice is full at this time and I cannot accept new patients. If you would like to be added to my waitlist, please email me at [e-mail] and I will email you only when a spot becomes available. I cannot guarantee a spot will open, however, so please know I care very much, but am limited at this time given my case load. Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents for weekly therapy once available. If you are interested, please also add in a few brief details in your email including your reasons for seeking treatment, current diagnoses, concerns, etc.
Thank you so very much - I truly and sincerely appreciate you, and the time and thoughts you share here:)
xo

[@chelsealance6645]

I just started down the rabbit hole of attachment theory a few weeks ago, when my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me. After sifting through the plethora of videos out there on this topic, I came to realize that I have an anxious attachment style, while my ex was avoidant. This particular video has shed SO much light on where my attachment style comes from. I am blown away at the accuracy. For anyone else hurting out there, there are millions of us on a healing journey, and I love you. If you are here, you are obviously wanting to take a step in the right direction. ONE DAY AT A TIME.

[@FillYourCupBabe]

Same. It is so beautiful to be learning about how I can repair and do better next time. What we DO have control over. I wish this was taught in school but thank God for KZbin! Lol! Sending love to you.

[@leah.jainie]

I am im the same situation. boyfriend of three years and we he has disorganized or avoidant attachment and it has been so hard for me. we both took breaks to work and self heal ourselves.i am so self aware now and i wanna try to limit myself of protest behaviours and my anxious attachment. I hope everyone else understands and becomes self-aware so we can be better partners and all the while remembering that wanting reassurance is normal and healthy but any good thing extended to a bigger amount is always unhealthy

[@NZcandy]

I’m anxious attachment and my boyfriend is avoidant attachment too. Were almost 2 years together but it has been so hard. I keep thinking he doesn’t spend enough time with me that we should and that he doesn’t care for me the way I do for him. Is this just anxious attachment effect? Or is it valid UGHH I never know if my feelings are actually true or if they’re just in my head. Because he does take care of me, I just think that I need more from him he doesn’t give, but then he says he does a lot and I need to appreciate it and stop expecting more. But then in my head I don’t even ask for much & like idk this is so challenging

[@pinkypanchal3439]

I m in the same situation

[@RachLuvsParamore]

Really needed to see this right kow, thank you so much, sending love❤️

[@evolvingflame]

Read This Somewhere: If you have an anxious attachment style when that person is away. Or you often don't feel loved/valued/wanted by them when they are away. Think of a time/memory when you did feel that from them and use that memory to help you come back to reality and keep your mind from wandering. This may help calm your nerves and make you feel less anxious or worried. Your imagination/memory can really help you to not become overwhelmed with thoughts and ideas! And feel more centered.

[@noisyrequiem]

This works actually ! Thank you

[@bereverynice]

Thank you!!!!

[@Rob-ck7td]

Yes, thank you

[@Beccadette]

❤

[@Gerealistic]

Thank you so much for this! I would literally cry and get so anxious when my partner wasn't around and worse off his communication wouldn't be consistent...it was a nightmare

[@halah4056]

Main points mentioned and what you need to do in order to heal: 1. the outside-in orientation: you focus on other state of minds instead of your own. You’re focused on others needs more than your own. Instead you need to start identifying your own emotions and your own needs. 2. You need to start addressing your relationship with your parent and establishing a separate sense of self by working on setting healthy boundaries with that parent. 3. You need to work on applying the same dynamic (separate sense of self) in other relationships. Instead of rotating around other people. 4. Watch out if you’re doing the same thing to your kids: are your expecting your kids to rotate around you and to regulate your emotions? 5. You tend to over analyze and over read others: their non-verbals, their tone of voice and to interpret everything as a threat or as an assessment of the relationship. You need to understand that you learned to interpret these things in certain ways because of your childhood and therefore you need to reinterpret things in ways that serve you. 6. You may struggle with managing your emotions. You need to work on the skill of regulating your emotions (hitting the pause button/mindfulness/breathing). 7. Learn how to deal with a strong surge of emotions: anger, panic, extreme anxiety. We deal with them by learning how to tolerate the uncomfortable emotions and thoughts the drive these surges. 8. Identify and set a strong exploratory goals you want: try to explore things outside of your comfort zone that you always wanted to do and set little attainable goals and work your way up to bigger goals. 9. Work on developing mutuality and communication in relationships: when you panic before you jump into an assumption or an conclusion, learn how to reach out and express your feelings. 10. Honor the beautiful parts about the style: being loving, being a good care taker, being mindful of other people. 11. Work on the boundaries with others: what you will do for others and what you will not do. Watch out for resentment: when there is resentment then your boundaries need re-evaluation. 12. Look at your protest behaviors (any attempts to reconnect with a partner where we feel disconnected such as excessive calling or texting, acting cranky or hostile, keeping score, being manipulative, threatening to leave, trying to get them to respond to you and sooth your anxiety. 13. Look at where you have sacrificed yourself and put the light back on yourself.

[@AprilJayne]

Thank you!

[@kimberly329]

Thank you so much for this! I took a screen capture, because these are words of wisdom that I’ll be re-reading as needed!

[@lydialiu780]

Thank you so much.

[@tatipsiarenko897]

Is that for those who has avoidant style or for their partners?

[@doctordeeM]

Thank you so much 🥰

[@thisisqmusic]

I lost my girlfriend because i have anxious attachment style. I’ve honestly cried the last 3 days about it! It hurt so much! My love and my intentions were pure. My anxious attachment style cost me my relationship 💔

[@marthaakiru305]

You are not alone, sending lots of hugs,I struggle with the same problem and didn't even realize how much it's affecting my relationships but time heals

[@breannawalker696]

I am dealing with this also 😢

[@thisisqmusic]

@@breannawalker696 You’re not alone ! We’ll get through it ! Would love to hear more about your story

[@swczn4994]

Me too. Was too clingy and needy. But at least we realize that and can work on it.

[@LaudauteDominum-er2mr]

And she may he avoidant style...maybe once you fix you and in the future yall meet again she'll see you aren't that person anymore I'm praying for everyone's healing

[@notfalling334]

Yesterday was an eye opener for me. For the past year I've had this anxiety take over my life. I had so much fear of losing my wife and I kept sabotaging myself over and over again. I'm always alone at work for over 50 hours a week. I cried yesterday after watching and listening, I thought I was a lost cause but now I know what it is I go through, it checked every box. Thank you so much for this, today starts my healing!

[@joy8801]

I hope you feel better today, you are strong and brave man, we all deserve healing, all power to you, wish you all the best❤ virtual hugs

[@preranadholakia1069]

I hope you're feeling much better now, bud!

[@aley211]

😊

[@pareiko.s]

hi! how are doing now?

[@user-jz1ho9vf9y]

Wish u all the best man ❤

[@actionjackson2721]

This video was really reality shattering. I knew I didn’t have the best childhood but I didn’t realize how much that impacted my relationships. The one thing that stood out to me was that this attachment style has helped you survive your childhood but it won’t help you in your adulthood. I just imagined the kid version of myself being always anxious, scared and clingy since my parents were never really around. I thought I had worked on myself so much to the point that I am where I need to be. But my relationship has taught me that, yes I can workout, yes I can journal sand meditate, yes I can be very social. However, when it came down to my last relationship, I exhibited symptoms of all the protest behaviors when I felt a lost of connection. I thought of myself as so confident and sure of myself but it wasn’t because I didn’t have problems, it was because I couldn’t see it. I hope to work on myself not just physically and mentally but also emotionally so that I can be that shining light. Setting boundaries is also hard to do, but if you’re a boat without a captain, you’re no different than driftwood in the ocean.

[@71-muskanchhabria43]

i thought i was finally healed and confident about myself and it wasnt because i didnt have any problems, it was because i didnt see it! I could relate a hell lot, thats me at this moment

[@CatandCo.Podcast]

Dude your comment made me cry. Dude literally stole the exact words out my mouth I'm in really good shape to everything you said was so true !!!

[@actionjackson2721]

@@CatandCo.Podcast you shape your reality coming from within

[@rayyfendi]

😢😢 whew ❤

[@moozicforLIFE]

I had to make sure this comment was from my account and I'd just forgotten about it 😂 spot on, good luck with your journey ❤

[@theSaint-1964]

The best way i have found when feeling anxious in a relationship is to stop over thinking . . I remind myself that silence is powerful..more often than not im so relieved that i didnt react to feelings of anxiousness. "Time and pause " is good advice..and my mantra in these situations is to respond, rather than re-act. I used to turn to alcohol to assuage those negative feeings. Only a temporary solution.

[@lizbethbustamante5273]

I feel that. I'm so stuck on ruminating sometimes it's just too much.

[@johnpeterson5621]

Over thinking is exhausting

[@sailstomars]

Same for me. but it was weed. 1.5 years sober now. and I still struggle tremendously with my attachment style. working on it though.

[@sedonarose7563]

I turn to distraction. Like watching these types of videos! Ha! And also, I could never fall asleep at night due to ruminating, but now I listen to adult bedtime stories or history or science or murder mysteries or auditory books and I drift off so easily.

[@madelynesassi4736]

i feel like overthinking just consumes me sometimes, it’s so hard to stop once i’ve started. then i face the consequences with the situations i’ve created without even realizing it

[@jamiewhite4521]

Wow. Accurate. Eye opening. I have done this and had it done to me by a few partners. It's a weird dynamic. If they want me too much, I want nothing to do with them. If they want me just enough to keep me coming back to the relationship I display the anxious attachment. I need to explore this more because I was not "abandoned" as a child and was not anxious as a child. I was depressed and angry because I was always "in trouble" and basically nothing I did was ever "good enough".

[@reigndesquitado]

Same.

[@akshara487]

Same case with me

[@sarozhkevich]

omg. same.....

[@haleytripoli3824]

Yes pls mm. Uh

[@la3380]

Yes, me too, then I had to start living and taking care of myself when since I was 17. I graduated high school being pretty much homeless

[@nathanielklopotek-glowczew2193]

What I struggle with the most is trusting myself to believe that everything will be ok and things aren't the way I perceive them. The anxiety and over-thinking gets so much worse when I try to rationalize things and then I think what if I'm wrong this time and I'm just fooling myself and I need to intervene before I get hurt, abandoned or taken advantage of. I guess life is full of risk and you have to take risks and trusts blindly sometimes because in the end things may be fine but I just loop back on myself and feel anxious very often in my relationship.

[@dachater1]

I can relate with this struggle!

[@nathanielklopotek-glowczew2193]

@@dachater1 I'm in the process of dealing with this struggle but I feel I've overcome it. At the end of the day this struggle for trust stems from one's broken childhood. As an adult, you must become fearless of the experience, of the thoughts and emotions and of the scenarios running through your head at any particular moment in your day. Whatever anxiety your mind manifests you must learn to ignore and see through your minds illusion.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

I just learned about attachment styles. It blows my mind that none of the therapists and counselors in my life have mentioned attachment styles. I didn't know there was a name for what I have been going through through for the last 7 years. I have always been very confident and independent, but somehow something got triggered or revealed in this relationship. I've never been like this before, it's destroying me physically, mentally, emotionally and effecting my other relationships/ responsibilities.

[@davysmith8759]

This is very much me. I had an emotionally volatile mother. She’s was always up one day and down the next. She said enumerable hurtful things to me growing up and greatly damaged my sense of self. I was constantly having to read her. I never realized how much that impacts my romantic relationships. I’m always on edge, expecting her to reject me and leave me whenever she takes too long to reply to a text or seems different in any way. I feel overwhelmed and lost though on how to fix this. When you’re always expecting to be rejected and abandoned, especially when that Is what every romantic partner has done to me, relaxing feels so vulnerable and honestly foolish. I wil say this, my mother has gotten better over the years and I have a pretty good relationship with her, but dating is still a very anxiety inducing thing for me even though I great long for a lasting, committed relationship with a woman.

[@zaniaedwards]

Same here. I hope things got better for you❤

[@flossifer]

Actually have goosebumps watching this. This anxious attachment has worked its way into every relationship I’ve ever had, and broken me each time. I have never felt more seen. To know this is a ‘thing’ is so soothing. I’ll be delving into my own healing now. Thank you!

[@dieresis9]

One help is an extraordinary friend who listens to my complaints and then asks me if I said those things to the person who upset me. If you can find someone who loves you as you are and feels free to challenge you, that person is a real treasure.

[@reneereardon3249]

This was more effective than the thousands of dollars I’ve spent on therapy. Thank you.

[@CSeyoum]

I was extremely secure in my attachement style my entire life. I was in a relationship for 7 years with a person whose mood dictated a lot of our relationship so developed some of this anxious attachment style. It’s interesting how the brain works

[@artsandcraftchica]

Is funny how quickly this just clicked in my head. Put everything in perspective so clearly

[@rebeccathompson7073]

Dr. Sage, you have taught me more in the last eight minutes than my therapist has taught me in 8 years. I am looking forward to learning so much more from you. Thank you for what you do

[@belovedinjesuschrist]

Agreed 👍🏼 happy to be here

[@lisatroni677]

AGREED

[@dwdrawings367]

I have realized I have anxious attachment style due to childhood traumas and my past 3 boyfriends all have had avoidant attachment which now I realize mirrors how my parents were with me as a child so I think it’s a normal representation of how love and romance is supposed to work. I’m officially on my healing journey

[@ashleighstevens9564]

Feeling real fucked up over here being a mix of anxiously attached, when I have finally pushed them away enough through my verbal lashouts and protest behaviour and I've "lost them"... and dismissive avoidant/fearful avoidant during the relo 😩😫😖😞😭🤦‍♀️

[@stormjj7738]

I took a quiz, and I found out I have this attachment style. This video could not have been more spot on about how I operate. I know there’s something beautiful about being empathetic, but I tend to put myself on the back burner for the sake of others. Thank you Dr.Sage for your insight! This was truly an awesome video.

[@piscest8742]

Me as anxious attachment style fell in love with Avoidant attachment style guy he triggered the hell out of me 😢 everyday I'm healing my trauma and not taking his ignorance/rejection personally but still it hurts.

[@debadityanath5558]

Anxious attachment styled people become co-dependent in their relationships because they always try to validate themselves by serving the other person they put in a pedestal. But when they get busy, the co-dependent person feels abandoned and anxious if they are good enough for else they'll be left behind. I had nothing but love for her in my heart but still ended up losing her because I loved her too much and dived too deep- that I lost myself and my self image in that process, becoming so worthless to her that she just didn't feel like I'm worth fighting so much for... I don't know what to do. I know i should be more self loving but also sometimes it feels like this guilt- of losing such a beautiful partner because of my shortcomings even though i strived to maintain myself so much, and got so hurt in the process still held on, the guilt and regret will forever reside in me and weigh me down.

[@Tofubraut]

Im sorry for your troubles! :( is there maybe an option for therapy near you? It truly works wonders talking to a professional, or maybe there is an online service available

[@debadityanath5558]

@@Tofubraut you don't have to! Everyone's got their own battles- and dont worry, I'm trying to move on making myself a better person though i can't deny i have some hope that we rekindle our story after I've grown better as an individual :)

[@Tofubraut]

@@debadityanath5558 that sounds like a very good mindset :) trying to grow from the challenges we meet in life - I do hope whatever is best for you, happens for you!

[@ZoddSasori]

Literally just what I went through. Luckily I'm in therapy but man. It's been tough

[@nikcollettekristin]

At time 6:09! This is my deepest fear! That I would be doing to my children what was done to me. I have a 1 year old and 3 year old. I desperately want to be a good parent to them. A good nurturing and stable parent. I’m in therapy and I’m trying my best to recover and learn.

[@thetick7684]

Realized i have this yesterday. Started talking to a girl a couple weeks ago and had our first date last sunday ( it went well and are planning a 2nd date) we would text each other most of the day and yesterday we we didnt and I became progressivley more anxious. It helps when I remember our date and how wonderful time we had and knowing ill see her again soon.

[@fairykelsie]

I'm just 4 minutes in and I already relate so much, I'm tearing up...

[@tijanasokcevic216]

I am pretty much sure that I have anxious attachment style, yet I have never regreted one desicion in my life where I was pushing people away with my behaviors, because no one has ever come to stay with me, but to use me. So kind of I just saved my time on the long run.

[@HummmUhHuh4]

This video was so helpful to me! I have never been able to identify why I panic like I do in relationships. I thought it was just learned behavior from my BPD mom, but obviously I have been trying to figure everyone out so much that my nervous system reacts and I get panic attacks. Thank you for posting!!

[@cristinaisabel3207]

This was an incredibly beautiful video - I've been struggling with these feelings for quite a while but could never put them into words. Thank you.

[@graciekerrigan1025]

I had recognized my anxious attachment after my first relationship which was mentally abusive. I worked on myself and was so confident happy and calm. I could calm myself and my anxiety. I then got into a second relationship. I trusted him completely and he messed me up really badly. I don’t know how to not be anxious anymore. I’ve been treated badly and left in both of my significant relationships. I’m too scared to trust someone again. I don’t know how to manage the idea that things will be repeatedly bad in any relationship I will have.

[@sohailkhan5987]

I think you should continue trusting people for your own mental peace.

[@namiromero5530]

I have been through the same thing. I don't trust people anymore and I decided I will never again. We live in messed up times where people are used to treat others like sh***t. I don't want relationship anymore because I won't bear that pain again.

[@priyankaboppudi5689]

In my opinion one should trust people's actions over their words. And one should take enough time to see and identify patterns in people's behaviour to truly judge them. I also feel that there will always be both good and bad moments in all relationships including romantic relationships. If the people involved are willing to talk about the discomfort/problem, take ownership of their actions and reach a middle ground, then the relationship will grow and evolve and the bond will strengthen.

[@mariapadula5017]

@@priyankaboppudi5689 yes!!!!! Actions speak louder than words 💯

[@mariapadula5017]

@@namiromero5530 I still have hope that will somehow find true love, but I have been hurt so much, first by my mother and then within many relationships. I am working hard to understand my choices in terms of partners and not to repeat those patterns. But people really are not careful with others' feelings so I am terrified of getting hurt again. 😕

[@sierraschooley]

This has helped me tremendously. I am so thankful you have this video up. I was single for two years after a very bad relationship and made a decision to learn more about myself and develop myself because I know I have flaws from my childhood that created emotional distortions. The one thing I hadn't conquered recently as I have gotten into an amazing relationship, is this anxious attachment style. I didn't realize why I was having these feeling and I am so grateful for this information. I am all about self development and I have had to do so much work to feel "normal". Thank you so much. I am now working on this to better my relationships and am praying God allows healing in my life ❤️

[@DigitalDreamG1rl]

Thank you soo much 🥺💖 This video was God sent to me! I’m going through this right now. Yesterday I had a mental breakdown because I called my partner and he didn’t answer when he usually does and caused me to go into extreme panic mode. I really needed this video, I really appreciate you sharing this with us.

[@Pmm594]

Literally me just day ago. Repeated cycle whenever I'm on a date. Any tips how you overcome and start your healing journey?

[@cm4181]

Thank you making psychology available for people who cannot afford getting psychological help. So many people can't afford therapy. This is so useful for financially struggling people.

[@heatherflynn]

Wow this video really helped me thank you so much I have wrote down all the points. My mum suffered from terrible trauma when she was growing up which she hadn't fully dealt with so she was emotionally unavailable and when I was around 3 she had a car crash creating nerve damage in her back so she couldn't lift me up or really do things with me anymore. I definitely can see I attuned myself to how she was feeling as I wasn't secure in getting my needs met. This pattern has continued for my whole life as I have always thought about other people and their needs before ever my own. I attracted not the greatest people in school as I was always a people pleaser and just did everything for everybody else. I am so sensitive to other peoples emotions and I am constantly reading others expressions and able to pick up on their moods. I thought this was just because I was naturally empathic but it actually makes sense that this was all a learned behaviour from being a child. I've definitely gotten so much better at stopping this behaviour but its definitely still hard to identify my own needs and I can see how I still do all these things in all my friendships. This stuff really is a journey of inward work.

[@saltwater6773]

Anxiety is ruining my life

[@vlad-andreidavid]

Thank you so much for this. I am a clinical psychologist myself, but sometimes I cannot help myself going down that rabbit hole of self sabotage when I'm in a relationship. This really helps, listening to an outside perspective.

[@Theslboutiquellc]

Wow this is exactly what I’ve been needing for so long thank you so much

[@tugzsurf]

Thank you for explaining this. This is been an issue in every one of my relationships

[@angieme1392]

Every single one of these points relate to me. Balling my eyes out crying 😭

[@gabrielanava4534]

Dr. Sage, this video has helped me set a goal to break my anxious attachment style and start healing my inner child. I loved the idea of honoring the positive traits about my personality so much. It validated my feelings and helped me gain perspective on them. I just wrote a letter to my younger self and explained that I am starting a journey of change for her. I want to have healthy relationships and now have some steps to help myself get there. Thank you so much. ❤️

[@sedonarose7563]

Thank you so much for including the positives. I get so bogged down in everything that is “broken” in me.

[@MournfulMystic]

The point at 30 seconds in really hit me - how the attachment and nervous systems are linked. I've been through some very bad trauma recently and my nervous system seems to be very exhausted. Have been going through severe nausea and dry mouth constantly. After getting my physical health checked out and nothing was wrong there I realised it must be the impact of trauma on my nervous system,especially in relation to attachment trauma... The book The Body Keeps the Score highlights this dynamic well. Thanks for your videos.

[@magrethmoshy4135]

growing up i thought i was weird! how i felt and how i acted around others somehow didn't make sense for me. i just recently started learning about myself and could finally put proper words to how i feel. am learning day by day and tyring to fix what i can. thank you for making videos like this esp for those of us who cant afford therapy and dont even have access to it. thank you so much

[@Lifewithchrist__]

Wow the way you just explained it to me made so much sense & allows me to stop doing what isn’t benefiting me

[@elysegambino1597]

This video is immensely helpful. I am so thankful that I have become such an excellent caretaker of others. I am ready to turn that inward and get to know myself and honor the shit out of my needs and wants!

[@bonniea.1941]

Yay! Same. 😊

[@YOU-niter]

Same! 🫂❤️

[@wandaleblanc3683]

Thank you Dr. Sage. So grateful for this information.

[@melissa7649]

I’m so happy to find you on KZbin!! I have always blamed others for my insecurities and anxiety in relationships but now I’m seeing it is my attachment issues.

[@bienspired2839]

I know myself so much better now. Thank you.

[@kavyadeshapande6368]

Wow never in my life watched a 16 min video and felt soo related or understood. ❤

[@theslenorag]

So glad to have found this. Need to listen again and take notes to implement in this healing journey I'm on! Thank you for making this!

[@craigmack7992]

I don’t think I’ve said so many wow’s. Everything in here is me, and how much it’s affected my relationships… intimate, business and even friendships. Thank you for opening my eyes. I definitely need help.

[@BeeHarmoni]

you look like an angel.. the color and glow is so calming..

[@savajandric]

I used to struggle with panic attacks myself, but today everything is much different. There was also anxiety. I wish you all a speedy recovery❤️

[@pareiko.s]

hi :) how are you doing now?

[@arklayt1038]

Thank you for this - it is very helpful! I just learned about attachment theory and this is my attachment style. It's so crazy going your whole life not knowing there is a name for something that wreaks so much havok in relationships.

[@sarahbrgh7986]

A big thank you for enlightening me on how I can heal my attachment style! This was very helpful!

[@AskCoachDenise11]

One of the best practical videos I’ve seen on this attachment style! I love the inside out analogy! As a life coach I’m always trying to explain this style and your approach was spot on!

[@shonaleekakaul7130]

You are very clear about your understanding of the issues. That's always helpful

[@wubree29]

Hi Dr Sage, what an amazing video and an incredible series you have shared with us over the last week! I thank my lucky stars that I found your channel ⭐💐

[@Alex-px7lv]

Wow this video is absolutely amazing! This hit the nail on the head for me and also helped me to realize how this even became a part of my life through childhood. I do appreciate you talking about the aspect that is positive as far as how caring I am to other. I am really on a journey to rid my self if this attachment style and move towards a more secure attachment in relationships. Thank you so much for creating this video, I subscribed and look forward to viewing you other content ❤️

[@MelannyFernandez]

Wow, if only these concepts would have been explained to me like this before, I probably could have avoided myself so much pain. Thank you for this deeply honest take

[@Cheryl_Frazier]

Gosh, I only recently became aware of this attachment style when trying to figure out why I'm so overwhelmingly anxious in my new relationship. (I guessed it was because of the effects of my mom AND my ex - both were covert narcissists). But I'm realizing it's specifically due to the actions/behavior of my mom very early on. This video is excellent and helps clarify so much! I have a lot of work to do. Step 1 is a challenge in itself as I have a difficult time identifying my emotions, and even more distressing than that once I do, I don't know if the emotions I have regarding a specific situation are correct (within normal range). This is when I spiral, wondering if I'll ever be able to figure it out? Am I too damaged? Will I ever be able to be in a relationship? When will I ever feel peace? It's exhausting. 😕

[@Eg-jd9zt]

You may be with an avoidant too. Even secure people feel off kilter with those types

[@virginiaquinteros5558]

I feel the same way. The spiraling, happens to me too.

[@luciannebeans6679]

Doc, you’ve been more helpful than any therapist I’ve ever had. Thank you.

[@YoungYoung-LifeCoach]

You made me feel so heard and seen. Thank you!

[@alicia2oal]

I just had a huge breakthrough…. Thank you so much. Much love and appreciation for you and this video

[@aelisabethmei]

Thank you so much, Dr. Kim, for making this easy to understand. I look forward to understand my attachment issues better and begin working on my relational patterns. Thank you again.

[@lora7938]

omg this video is the most eye opening thing of my life. thank you

[@FlowsLikeWater]

I’m so happy I found this video and your videos .. I’m struggling really bad with this and it’s causing issues in the relationships around me.

[@Starrberrie_]

Woah, this hit so deep but in a good way. I’ve always worked around my parents my whole life. It’s been hard to not overthink what my boyfriend might be doing. I usually don’t think he’s done something or something happened to him but more like I just want him to be near me. I overthink about how lonely I am which then leads to resentment towards him. I talked about it with him and we’ve made sure to check up on each other so that really helps. Thank you for such amazing advice and info on the style. I will continue working on myself! :)

[@racquelbourque]

Wow, I love KZbin. Thank you so much for sharing this, this is my first video of yours I’ve seen and I subscribed. So grateful that you’re sharing this information for free! I had lots of ah-ha moments and I feel way less alone about my intrusive thoughts that are showing up a lot in my relationship. It’s so refreshing to feel empowered by those thoughts now to heal that wound instead of this feeling of pessimistic intuition.

[@Nicole-Eo]

This has been such a helpful video - I really appreciate the clarity of the information shared. Really helpful for my own issues. Thank you!

[@Amariiiiie]

I am in the right place. I am so thankful because this provides so much clarity about what i have struggled with for so long.

[@hananiameir9062]

Thank you so much for this video!! It was so on spot and accurate!! Also gave me some comfort. Bless you!!

[@jb3079]

God bless you, DR. Kim...a healing journey indeed.

[@MC-ot4up]

Oh my God, I never felt so well described and understood as at the beginning of this video. I've read many things about anxious attachment style, but nothing was so well-explained and turned inside out as in the way you described it at the beginning. I felt so identified. I am grateful to you for this video

[@samrobb6124]

I was about to cry when she said. There are parts about this disorder that are beautiful.

[@majmunce4726]

Dr. Kim, you are wonderful! Your videos, and especially this one, was eyeopening to me, and I have a feeling that my life is about to change…

[@isafreche8]

Oh my goodness yes this video was very helpful thank you again Dr Sage. Learning to self sooth is so essential but I never gave myself permission to do that. And yes I am French and love France so much but live in Australia. Interestingly I have a fight or flight reaction now when I hear a female speak French because my BPD mother verbally abused me in French! Oh la la !

[@shanenash690]

Dear Dr. Sage, Thank you for sharing your insights. I can't explain how I feel after coming across this video, my mind is momentarily free, I say momentarily because I know this is going to take a lot of inside work and practise. I will be sure watching this video on repeat over the coming weeks and months. Hope you have a great day. Best, Shane.

[@Themadamdivine]

I appreciate you offering the positive aspects of this style it eliminated a big aspect of shame it is no surprise I became an RN :)

[@emilydadda]

Thank you for this video, I struggle with this, I am totally aware of it and it's hard sometimes because it is soo hard to control. I am in a relationship with a partner I love very much, and I realize my childhood affects my relationship sometimes. This video helps a lot and it's very well explained.

[@gerialana]

you look like an angel, all the light colors, thanks for your information, it really helps,

[@williambramhall5191]

Ive struggled with this all my life and the hypersensitivited led me to shut off my emotional responses since I was operating in survival mode for a decade of my childhood and then being the main care taker the other portion, Since starting therapy ive opened up my emotional side but I felt like I was drowning due to how overwhelming these feeligns of needing to put everyones burden on my shoulders and how Im not worth anything if I cant carry the load. There are still many many times I feel compelled to test my friends due to a disbelief they actually care for me and the lack of forming any boundaries to protect myself and the being mindful of where you feel resentment is really helpful. Thankyou for this video its really helped me understand myself better. I watched it twice and wrote notes the second time to keep it in easy access.

[@spatial_awareness]

Dr. Everything you said here was spot on. I can't express how grateful I feel for this insights about how we are the way we are. I am trying to become someone better, a better person in general. Thank you!

[@sismeislssknedksimskslsw4314]

It feels so good to be understood

[@BeeHarmoni]

This the first time I ever watched a video and just cried... Im just happy hat it's not causebyt anything I did to me. and Im not crazy.... it's good knowing.. at the end you have heal yourself... for me it answers questions that I had for so long.. it's still up to me to heal me...

[@SharonKBM]

Thank you so much for this video. It was extremely helpful to me - I feel clarity around my feelings for the first time in my life. I appreciate the journal prompts at the end and will use them to work on myself, so, hopefully, I can start to heal from these feelings of deep anxiety. I am exhausted. For the first time in my life I am doing this just for me and not in an effort to save a relationship or to make life easier for anyone else. I just found your channel a few days ago and am a new subscriber❤

[@kristofferescleto8105]

thank you so much for this. I am currently working on myself. This was so enlightening.

[@christinerj9574]

You are an amazing therapist, I was so much in need of information and healing methods for my anxious attachment life that has caused a lot of pain to me till now. I really need to break this pattern and heal myself 🙏🏻

[@trashboat115]

This fits my fiancé so well mostly, I hope she can learn from this the most out of any of the videos I’ve shown her

[@mq762]

This was extremely amazing and helpful video, thank you so much for helping us in our healing journey ❤️

[@libramagyk]

I literally just walk away..I'm 50 now..my whole life has gone down the drain being there for everyone else who never appreciated me in the long run

[@rycherulz]

Informative video. Just bought "Attached" by Levine and Heller, and finally have a framework of why I am the way I am with my Anxious attachment style. Thanks for this video.

[@aesthesia5023]

Thank you, thank you so much for helping me with these explanations! I had this issue for years, for any kind of relationships, not even with friends, but with casual co-workers. I would blame them and start getting angry at them for causing my anxiety, I couldn't keep going.

[@YOU-niter]

@DrKimSage Thank YOU so MUCH! For doing these videos It’s helping me SO MUCH! Ease my anxiety!

[@glimmerhutcherson139]

Thank you so much for your videos. I can't afford therapy yet, hopefully one day I will. Until then, I can start the work thanks to you.

[@Sonia-qz4xv]

Thank you so much. I just started listening to your videos last night and I'm in tears because this is the answer I've been searching for. I need a lot of help in these areas because of the trauma from my childhood. You have given me hope.

[@eyshafatima1420]

Genuinely one of the most insightful and informative videos on a major mental illness. She really had the right words to describe the right concepts in this attachment style. Loved it!

[@ALPH_222]

Hi Dr Sage, this video is very helpful! I was at a mental hospital for 2 weeks and came out still feeling like I still don't know who I am and what exactly I need to focus on. Everything mentioned here is exactly what I struggle with. I will keep this video as a reminder. THANK YOU!

[@ralfwashington1502]

The long video was great and what I was looking for thanks! I wanted to learn while doing the dishes and I did exactly that!😁

I was not expecting this but I started balling my eyes out mid-video. I didn't know I was too sensitive to the dramatic facial expressions of my mom whenever she didn't approve of me and my choices, to this day when I'm 32, because I lost my father when I was 8 and always felt responsible of her wellbeing starting back then. I thought I had a big role in making sure she felt better as she dealt with taking care of me and my 2 siblings and life would be too hard to bear. I still prioritize pleasing her rather that myself when we are two people from completely different worlds. I hope I get out of this rut soon as I started therapy for this almost 3 years ago. goes to show I still haven't completely recovered from it. thanks for the amazing content.

[@muimuil]

thank you sorry for wakky english but this video helped me on my hard time understanding my relationships with classmates and partners it is not fully explains how to heal, but in terms of feeling not alone in your problem and of being understood by others I am happy to say that it helped