Healing Anxious / Avoidant Attachment Styles + No Contact

[@ShopgirlNY182]

I healed from my breakup from last May and was doing well focusing on myself pouring love into myself etc then I thought maybe we could just be friends and connect without the romantic aspect since we dated long distance. He agreed it was nice we could still be in each other’s lives this way but then I realized after a couple months that if I don’t reach out first then there’s no connection, he never reaches out to me. I tested this out because I reached out at Christmas Eve and then I wanted to see if he would reach out and wish me a Happy New Year and he didn’t. I’m not back to where I started getting anxiously attached again and he’s an avoidant and I just don’t want to bring this into 2025 so I’m backing away and going no contact again which is disappointing but he’s not going to change. He’s showing me with his actions AGAIN that I’m not important to him and I don’t need to waste any more time trying to have a one sided relationship.

[@Justme1973]

11 weeks without a word from her. One minute we are planning a life and a family home, then the next she’s gone without any explanation. I was feeling a little insecure near the end after she’d pushing me away a few times for a few hours at a time, then she’d be super loving. I know I’m suffering with anxiousness right now. The want to talk to her is over powering. I miss her a lot…..

[@createwithcorri]

Sending love ❤

[@Justme1973]

@@createwithcorrithank you.

[@sheririchardson7480]

The sad realization is that this cycle would never end. They always return like nothing ever happened. It's heartbreaking.

[@createwithcorri]

@@sheririchardson7480just to say that I have so many clients who are now realising their old avoidant attachment and how it sabotaged relationships. So I have to say, I used to agree with you but lately my mind has been changed by meeting so many people who WANT to heal and are doing the work x

[@cecilang9721]

corri, I think it has to do with your audience growing older along with you. When you are in your late 20s, early 30s, you feel like you still have a lot of time. We all bounce from one failed relationship to another. This didn’t fit or that wasn’t a match. And then 40 comes, and you stop, look back, and think, this can’t go on like this. And then we see, 50, some of us are headed to 60, and we realize, please, what am I doing wrong and picking wrong and over and over again, it must be ME. And I discovered these channels two years ago, after being in the most intense emotional pain ever, and realized suddenly it was triggered pain, reflecting all the previous pain. Not pain directly related to the current situation. And I began a long journey of healing. Discovering all my self sabotage stemming from a deep self Hatred dating back to childhood that was subconsciously ever present. How terrible! It was like mold in the walls. Telling a 20 year old they need to do the work doesn’t hit like it does for someone who is 40. Not for lack of intelligence but rather lack of capacity. For most people, I think maturity hits after a lot more pain.

[@karenwilkealvarez]

The avoidants really don't understand our way of thinking... it's a shame, but it's the true... you're such a sweetheart, thank you for your help! God bless you!

[@nicholeb2746]

Keep remembering the hurt and times they disappointed you. Go back and read your journals. We tend to only remember the good times which gets us stuck. DAs are remembering all the bad stuff.

[@ManifestwithMiracle.]

It's true, that dynamic wasn't working that's why it breaks and when we change everything else changes ❤

[@bobmccarter4135]

“This isn’t me, this is my wounding.” That brings clarity to a vague notion. I recognize that the dismissive traits of my ex are her “wounding”, so don’t hold that against her. But did she recognize that my anxious traits were my “wounding“? Or care?

[@denisedouglas2196]

You are such a beautiful soul. I have been finding your videos so informative and supportive! I am truly grateful for you. 🙏💜 I have been living with the guilt that I have a bad " picker" And that somehow the collapse of yet another relationship is again my fault. It has helped so much in this video the way you explained so correctly how I feel when the relationship ends. The actions I take that only make things worse for me and them. But most importantly this lifetime of pattern in my choosing avoidance renders exactly what it renders if two people aren't willing to work together. I'm 61 years old and was beginning to feel quite hopeless this time around. We have been very on again off again for 3 and 1/2 years. Each time walking away with deeper wounds after being left or discarded again. In some bizarre way, recognizing the dynamic and history of what happens when anxious attachment actually meets dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant is not a Denise flaw. Now I have things to work with as I navigate to know me and healing my wounds as an anxious attachment while in no contact. Thank you again! Deep humility and humble gratitude....~D

[@morris2450]

So well explained...worth listening to a second time.

[@PatriciaEverard]

Wonderful advice! ❤

[@Tubethevibe]

I swear I was checking through your videos earlier today for a video on this and then a couple of hours later I get this notification. Such a divine blessing. Thank you. I must say even though going through this with my person has been one of the most painful experiences ever, I am starting to become kinda thankful for it. The constant triggers into my trauma made me look closer into myself and maybe that was what I needed to start healing that wound.

[@divinewind7405]

Same here. Wishing the best for you 🙏

[@annekecglas1096]

I left him....but still the pain and longing doesn't go away

[@whiggygirl]

It doesn't. The pain is unbearable

[@ceciliamac4283]

I wanted to send a heart while I’m listening ❤

[@createwithcorri]

🩷🩷🩷

[@ceciliamac4283]

@@createwithcorri💞🫶🏼

[@elizabethbachman669]

Love this video. You explained my situation to a T. He wasn't willing to heal those wounds, which was so frustrating and painful. I could see how we could help each other, but he just ran away.😢

[@Serallin]

I'm both :( Anxious/Fearful-avoidant attachment style). It's always "so random (the women with whom i form an attachment)". I can talk with 10x women at different events and such - nothing. Then i exchange "online" couple of words with.... a women who (always) happens to be far away - and a week latter i realized i'm hooked, and.... deeply open (while having a guarded hear for years till i started talking with her). I always end-up oversharing (just want her to know me - "cause it feels like we already know each-other") - writing letters instead of texts like... normal people. And then i realize (when already to late) - that i caught feelings for her and didn't even get to met her in real life... that i'm consumed by this attachment - and try to convince myself it's only limerence - and i shouldn't spend so much time on a mental fantasy... So i get deeply anxious as a result - cause i can't find any time for myself anymore and then... i confess her this feelings and how i don't want her to take it seriously - since we never met in real life and such, but then... her avoidant kicks in - acting as if she just talks with guys online for hours - even on whatsapp getting into all kinds of personal stuff... but not really interested in dating right now (after months of discussions). Since i'm only interested in a mutual interest - i agree, to stay just friends and such... while i haven't had a good night rest in over a month - from waking up in deeply anxious states stressed about everything.

[@Tam438]

Brilliant…Thank you 🙏

[@aidanb8719]

I have been seeing someone for a few months and it has caused me to have depression and anxiety due to not really knowing what was happening with us at the start. She never really classed us as in a relationship but we were/are "seeing each other". This triggered my anxious attachment when I don't get a response to questions I have asked or when I am uncertain about things and need some reassurance, then I feel I am being ignored. We are in a No Contact at the moment due to issues with her family and a bereavement that are going on in her life and has said she doesn't have the capacity to have me in her life and admits that she has put me on the back burner and when I say how it is effecting me, I get told that I am making her feel guilty and bad even saying 'I feel fed up because everyone seems to get time with you but me' caused a massive backlash. The hard thing is we used to speak every day and would spend hours on the phone talking and I was there to support her when things were happening in her life but now things have happened and she needs the space to process things I feel redundant and cast out.

[@adoniscyp7904]

Why is it, when I start getting over things, they message

[@divinewind7405]

Thank you for this 🙏💫✨

[@DorroughWorth]

so cool!

[@ytrebiLeurT]

It depends on the type of touch. If the touch is deep enough, the wound can heal...

[@ankali_]

Noticing that these videos are not very manifesting friendly, would love if you talked about your perspective now as it seems it has shifted :)

[@createwithcorri]

Ok I will do some kind of post or video about that x

[@Mucving]

Thank you.

[@annekecglas1096]

We are in no contact for 2 months. He ..the Avoidant... Did not contact me at all... Except for Happy Christmas and New Year... Yes I want to make contact so badly😢

[@Intentivelyoptimistic1750]

How do we know that we have healed?

[@createwithcorri]

You’re not craving attention from people who are clearly not willing or ready to give it to you x

[@Intentivelyoptimistic1750]

@createwithcorri I don't crave attention, I have blocked him. I don't want him back. But why do I keep missing him? Why do I keep watching these videos, What avoidants do and what they don't do? Why do I keep checking my phone even though I have blocked him.

[@ge0rgialiv]

I’m at the angry stage of I lost trust and safety in them I don’t know if this is temporary this was triggered through nightmares is this normal? I don’t have much safety in my life and I’m assuming bc I felt so safe with her I’m scared because I lost something that finally made me feel safe?

[@MannysVisionStudio]

I’m having a hard time of this.

[@Dsupernova27]

If we hadn’t had wounds, would it affect us? Example: Are avoidants affected, triggered by other avoidants?

[@Isla-j7q]

I really don't know how to heal this. He is my neighbor. It's too close. Also, he has fled into a new relationship to forget about me and I regularly run into them together. Every time I run into him/them, the wound opens up again. I really feel that he is my soulmate and that we are meant for each other. But I have no idea how to let go of this. It's almost 6 months 😪

[@annekecglas1096]

It's more that 2 months

[@helensiebeneich9106]

„You owe it to yourself and for your stand for a healthy relationship - you owe it to the dream that you have of a loving dynamic to stop touching that wound.“ this really hit home 🤍

[@julieb6624]

I was with avoidant for 8 years. We lived together and it was a nightmare especially at the end. Very empty relationship because avoidants can't go deep since intimacy makes them uncomfortable. It was impossible to build anything with him. So I moved out and then of course because of a distance between us the avoidant started to feel safe and independent and he offered to work on us. I said I need to think about it. And within a month he's already dating someone else and it's serious. I'm so done with avoidants. They don't communicate and run. It's horrible. Never again.

[@Tryyy123]

You look like sara from land before time

[@createwithcorri]

Is that a dinosaur? 😂

[@Tryyy123]

@ dont be silly if you are a dinosaur i would love to take a dinosaur out on a date and we will make dozens of cute fat baby dinosaurs🥰

[@norswil8763]

Wow… that’s massively creepy😂