Healing for Narcissists: Reparenting your Inner Child (Featuring

[@hunglikeaslave6793]

Night and day difference between genuine people like this lady and self serving grifters like Ramani. This is the information that deserves to be at the top of the search results.

[@drruthannharpur]

Thank you so much! BTW… if you want to help get my videos up to the top of the search results then please like, subscribe, comment and watch the whole thing through … that all gives the youtube algorithm a nudge that this is good content and youtube will start to suggest it to more people! Really appreciate your support ❤️

[@hunglikeaslave6793]

@@drruthannharpur yes ma’am 🫡

[@drruthannharpur]

@@hunglikeaslave6793 thank you 😂

[@rayjay292]

For real!

[@moonstrukk126]

Ramani is amazing because she helps the victims of narcissistic abuse. That's who she's there for. Narcissistic people are politicians and CEOs they are the tyrants. They are master manipulators and will never truly be able to overcome their personality traits. Studies have shown narcissistic traits to be the most stable. The childhood is absolutely a contributor to NPD but it's not the cause. The fact is that April is most likely either denying the abuse they have inflicted on others or minimizing it or excusing the bad and even violent tantrums and entitled behavior that all narcissists engage in. I am the victim of insane abuse. The trauma bond and the gaslighting and weaponizing therapy. The purposeful misunderstanding, rewriting history bread crumbing and future faking are all the most destructive behaviors of narcissists. Hurt people hurt people is fine in theory but in real life you cannot have a meaningful relationship with someone like that. As much as I have been abused and tortured I wouldn't trade who I am as excruciating as it. Ramani is for the empowerment of the victims. The narcissist uses everything to get...it's not a touching moment because it will never translate into compassion for others. Only COGNITIVE changes occur and they are short lived and used to manipulate others. If you were to challenge April and ask her to reflect on HER abusive behavior, she would likely figure out a way to minimize, victim blame or victim posture. These are the most predictable people once you observe them. It's literally groundhog day. This woman this Doctor is pouring into bottomless cups. Ramani is realistic, her bias is warranted and she makes no apologies and isn't afraid to speak the truth of experience and TON of empirical evidence.

[@modeconfusion6161]

As i listen to this I very much appreciate the potential for healing on offer. However I literally feel sick to my stomach thinking of my ex who is a covert narcissist w NPD. She’s 55, so I believe, and know because I’ve gently tried to present this information, that even w a recognition of her true condition, that the desire for and the possibility of change/healing is seemingly forfeit. I’ve gone no-contact to protect and heal myself. It’s truly heartbreaking to reflect on the loss of the connection with her inner child and the severed potential to receive and give real love. I’ve glimpsed and felt her suffering and pain many times. My experience though was that she is so profoundly damaged and damaging to others, particularly those, who like myself, that combine high levels of empathy , poor boundaries and who have unhealed trauma issues of our own. I knew nothing about this personality disorder before it impacted me so destructively and profoundly. I wish that we could do more, earlier/sooner and as a community, in preventing and healing the damage of narcissism. Thank you for your work Dr Ruth.

[@drruthannharpur]

I appreciate your sharing this. Not When someone’s behaviour is so hurtful and damaging to you, you need to keep yourself safe and take care of you. Abuse survivors also need to connect with their inner child too and to treat themselves with compassion first - which sometimes means ending relationships. Take good care of yourself. I admire your willingness to see the humanity in narcissism beyond stereotypes and hate and your obvious compassion for your ex’s suffering. She alone can decide if she will take steps towards healing and healthier relationships. It is never your responsibility.

[@chilloften]

I think this is quite helpful to everybody. I’m so interested in learning more about this area of study.

[@drruthannharpur]

Thank you 🙏

[@No-nonsense987]

Not much hope when they don’t see any issues with themselves let alone want to fix themselves ! Wolves and selfish monsters in human form.

[@amac2573]

I was diagnosed with BPD along time ago, it wasn't really explained to me and I also feel that they didn't seem to know much about trauma. I have had people say to me that I they don't think I suffer with a Personality Disorder, however I know I do and I also have narcissistic traits. I almost feel that a lot of other people see me as 'the problem' and never consider that their own behaviours and interpersonal skills as being an issue as well. I watched a lot of videos about narcissism particularly by another KZbinr (I have been on their healing programme) ........however at times these have just added to my own tendancy to splitting and filtering.

[@drruthannharpur]

Thank you for sharing this... yes, this is a real challenge in the narcissistic abuse discourse. People can get very stuck and black and white in their thinking about all kinds of relationships including their relationships with themselves.

[@amac2573]

@@drruthannharpur Thank you for your reply. I just want to clarify that when I wrote "I almost feel that other people see me as 'the problem'...." doesn't mean that I don't think that I haven't been the source or cause of problems and issues, because I have been at times. It is that sometimes some people once they learn or find out that I have been diagnosed a Personality Disorder they can approach me such as they expect me to be difficult, hostile and/or defensive.

[@drruthannharpur]

@@amac2573 Yes and when I train other clinicians to work with people with personality disorders… the FIRST thing I do is ask them to consider how their beliefs and assumptions and reactions to people with personality disorders might impact on their ability to form an alliance. You are right that the prejudice towards people with personality disorders is just as much of a problem to relationships as personality disorders themselves.

[@amac2573]

@@drruthannharpur I have found it quite interesting and revealing to see some people's reactions and response, which you will have probably found yourself. For some clinicians it never seems to occur to them that people suffering from particular conditions may be involved in consultations regarding and designing education, policies and legislation (I stepped away from a lot of that a few years ago). Signing off and sending best wishes to you.

[@drruthannharpur]

@@amac2573 Thank you - good wishes to you too ❤

[@winfieldwinfield5450]

Pegasus is a horse with wings that you ride into battle. What's not bad-ass about that?

[@drruthannharpur]

Exactly! 👌

[@rayjay292]

Thank you so much, really need more people like you on here, Dr. Ruth

[@drruthannharpur]

Thank you Ray 🙏

[@A10011]

I have to wonder if this condition has been particularly well-named. There seem to be significant challenges associated with the easy-to-misunderstand term "Narcissistic" . But great video. Thank you.

[@drruthannharpur]

It’s true - everyone is talking about different things. When I talk about narcissistic I’m usually thinking of aspects of narcissistic personality disorder as described in the DSM (although I will say the DSM is also far from perfect and I prefer the proposed alternative criteria). Online the term is used to describe people who behave in an abusive way and mostly to demonise rather than understand anyone deemed to be “the narcissist”. 20 years ago narcissism was talked about in therapists’ offices and mental health services. It was not in common parlance as it is today.

[@Jerry_064]

I think I'm reparenting my inner child by sticking to my studying even though I don't feel like it and I'm working really hard to finish my degree. and I'm reparenting by going to therapy.

[@drruthannharpur]

Good luck with your degree Jeries and I really hope your therapy goes well 🙏

[@Jerry_064]

@@drruthannharpur thanks 🙏

[@pdquestions7673]

great message

[@drruthannharpur]

Thank you 🙏 Not always an easy message for people with NPD to take on IME so I’ll be interested in the reaction!

[@pdquestions7673]

​@@drruthannharpur -- I can really relate to it, actually. I was always very "hard" in my approach to life, but I had an accidental intuition to start making my life really peaceful and low-stress (in contrast to the chaos and conflict of my childhood family experience). For me, the home was always a place of uncertainty and conflict, and at some point it made sense to deliberately make my home a place of real calm, stability and just boring peacefulness. Boring in the good sense. So, eventually "home" became a place of calm, a total contrast to what home always meant to me. Maybe that was an accidental case of reparenting. Eventually I took it to another level by really focusing on getting my career and finances to the next level, with the idea that it would offer yet another layer of peace and stability to the home space... and also adding another important layer to what really constitutes the 'home." Obviously, I didn't think of this as reparenting, but, on some level, it tracks w what you're describing... so I can see it that way in the light of this video. I really appreciate that you're approaching NPD as a human problem... not everyone manages to do that 🙂

[@drruthannharpur]

This makes a lot of sense - it sounds like you’re describing ways you met some of the needs that were not met in your early life. I am glad you were able to do that for your little self. IME some people with NPD are very hostile towards their little self so any thought of paying them some loving attention or meet their needs is not welcome. Certainly not the case for all. I’d be interested in your views on how people with NPD can accept the idea that their inner child needs to be cared for. Narcissism can only ever be a human problem. Imho the obsession with narcissism is something that exists out there in other bad people shows what a one dimensional picture many of us have of ourselves. Oh that the world was so black and white and morally unambiguous!

[@pdquestions7673]

@@drruthannharpur _ Ok, it's true that a fully personalized version of my little self might have been a trigger for me, in the early days of recovery ... but in terms of self-care, by accidental intuition, I kind of "depersonalized" the inner self, and just regarded it as an inner-being. That was just to remove the triggers, but in the end it also removed my own prejudices as to what constitutes a being & eventually what constitutes a person. Over time, it was more like wiping the slate clean on my prejudices, to allow space to be caring without baggage-laden preconceptions. To become foreign to my inherited family biases and toxicities, I did have to become a pure depersonalized "being," but again it was just a gateway toward a path of re-humanization. As a strategy I do tend to operate logistically in terms of care, but over time the inner self does become better cared for, and slowly I can allow for more affection and feeling. Because feelings for me do carry baggage from my family toxicity, I have used an intermediate step of depersonalization... starting from just "pure being" and then repersonalizing / rehumanizing as the path become sufficiently foreign from the toxicity I grew up with. That said, I'm not foreign from my cluster B parents, I just needed my inner self to become foreign from their toxicities. Thankfully, I've been able to distinguish my parents as people, from the toxicities that they themselves have acquired in their lives. So I didn't mean to suggest becoming utterly foreign to my family or family background 🙂

[@drruthannharpur]

​@@pdquestions7673 This makes a lot of sense too. I think this is often a gradual process over many years. Sometimes you need survival strategies for a while, but may be able to let them go at a later stage. I often suggest to people that changing patterns in the way we see ourselves and relate to other people is like moving to a different culture where you don't speak the language or understand the customs. It feels alien and it will take a lot of time and intentional effort to adjust and integrate so I am interest that you use the language of becoming "foreign". And of course anyone who adjusts to a new culture, will always have elements of the old culture within them. It's an interesting parallel/metaphor for what it means to change patterns in how we see and experience ourselves and our relationships that were forged in childhood trauma and severe unmet needs.

[@rayjay292]

I honestly never heard of reparenting, I watched a video a long time ago from Dr. Todd Grande and he was saying that a narcissist can maybe develop empathy by visualizing your inner child and building that child up, His video is called the Time Traveling narcissist, this might be a way that a narcissist develops empathy and love for others as they find love for the inner child. I don't know if it worked for me or not, I just did it and figured that I would try anything to improve. If I had to provide an answer I would say it probably helped, however, I was also in therapy....I did this inner child exercise for several months, I guess I just don't know what else to add, I never knew reparenting was a thing, From a diagnosed narcissist standpoint I guess I have a unique perspective on this, I can just say that Ive changed, however, I dont know how much as I'm still not the best partner in my current relationship, however, I have focused on being a much better parent and I think that's more important in some ways, I know that has changed for sure. I have been a lot better to my children and my friends, but I dont know if I can tell you that, 100%, I think my friends and family would have to say that, I would like to say that I've changed but how would I really know that anyway? I do know that most of my rage is gone { 90% of it anyway} and my arguments and drama have subsided, there's way more peace in my life...

[@drruthannharpur]

This sounds like a lot of really meaningful change Ray ❤️

[@rayjay292]

@@drruthannharpur Thank you, as I was in therapy for 1 year, I went back recently and just paid out of pocket for it, Il probably do that a few more times I just don't know how to continue doing that long-term. I will go as often as I possibly can, I think being on here and seeing others like Rich from Early Morning Barking and NPD April, Spirit Narc, and Nameless Narcissist has helped me tons. I was feeling so alone and feeling like such a monster until one day I found Early Morning barking, I subscribed, paid for a membership and I felt like I wasn't alone anymore, from there I found others, Spirit Narc, etc. just knowing im a human being and just thinking that maybe there's hope after all, maybe a narcissist can change..I was UNFORTUNATE in that I also found Dr. sam Vakin, and to be totally honest a second, he gave me 0 hope and I often ended up depressed after watching his videos and I don't mean to exaggerate but I was going through a terrible divorce { Still am, but it's not as bad anymore as we are at least friendly to each other now} , as I realized I was losing my wife I was watching Vaknins videos, and in one he stated something about a Narcissist can never have a normal healthy marriage, etc. I was literally an emotional wreck, as even accepting the end of my marriage, I now had to accept Il never find a partner, or have a normal marriage. I stopped watching his videos, and to be perfectly honest, I think I was able to change more and I have more hope now than ever. I also found Lee Hammock, aka, Mental Healness and he inspired me as well. I swear, its sad to see Vaknin and Dr. Ramani out there, if a narcissist wants to change, those two are probably the worst doctors to follow, I could maybe see how a narcissist would possibly want to un-alive themselves after getting an NPD diagnosis and seeing Vaknin and Ramani , those horrible videos on here....., jeesh I was almost there, almost to that un-aliving feeling ........Thank God we have more people on here like you Dr. Ruth and others { Heal Npd channel, Dr. Ettensohn.., I always get his name wrong but he's pretty amazing too!} to at least balance it out,lol. Thank you for being here Dr. Ruth Ann Harpur!!!!!!! Thank you for that live stream we did with NPD April, I was glad I was the first for NPD April, and the live stream!