Here's Why Trauma Is So Common (A Deep Dive Into Understanding Trauma)

[@EveningTV]

This is what I kept saying when my son was in addiction treatment. Why is it that 95% of treatment programs follow the 12 step method of AA that has a failure rate of 92% which I think is in large part because not once does AA mention the word trauma. I kept saying addiction isn't his problem. It is a symptom of his trauma. The only treatment he received was drugs. He didn't need them for that solution!

[@thedancingdivaofdaviestree2320]

I agree that AA isn't trauma aware, and tends to demonize healthy anger along with rage as though they're the same, and am equally horrified they "treat" addiction with drugs. But my understanding was 35% of people recovered, the same as quitting on your own or with another program. Where did you get the failure rate of 92%? As someone off 5 substances, learning to face past trauma and grief was paramount, discovering WHY I used. Addiction is only the symptom. Identifying and understanding the underlying core issues that lead to the addiction is where a person will find authentic recovery that lasts.

[@lindboknifeandtool]

You have so much empathetic insight into your son. Man. It makes me sad, but also puts into perspective how my parents weren’t there for me. They didn’t give a shit how I was doing. If I had issues, I was a problem to solve, so their lives wouldn’t be hard. “What would other parents think about me cole? They think I’m a bad parent!” Nothing was about me, not a singular moment of trying to get in my head or my shoes. I say this for one reason. Parents are always worried they’re doing enough. You are. You’re doing your job well. You even get extra credit.

[@elainehiggins713]

@@lindboknifeandtoolMy mother thought if I got into trouble it was a reflection on her. She didn’t care why I did what I did. One of the reasons, undoubtedly, was I never felt loved by her. I was looking for love in all the wrong ways. I am aware that she had a very hard childhood, a thousand times worse than mine. I try to give her a break, but it’s hard.

[@lillianbarker4292]

And people use tough love instead of providing safety and scaffolding. ❤

[@lillianbarker4292]

@@elainehiggins713. Same here. I can understand my mean mom’s behavior, but I don’t have to forgive her. I just have to heal myself and it’s working. ❤

[@MicahBratt]

I noticed something was off when I was stuck looping in depression episodes while all the people I knew were moving on in life. It's like you become trapped in time and years can fly by

[@qadri2622]

@@MicahBratt did you improve?

[@mattjofre]

I can’t believe this is free. I have a therapist but I come to this channel to “do my homework” so to speak. A video like this is like half an hour of straightforward answers that feel so specific to me yet can also be applied very broadly. I’m so so thankful I found this channel, I can objectively say I’ve improved since I began watching. It feels like “the answer” to all my problems is here.

[@anarcho-communist11]

Seriously, there's an amazing amount of free help online on various forums from people who aren't therapists but who care enough to spend time responding to relationship problems, health issues, all sorts of stuff, and they've helped me a lot over the years. But free therapy is something I didn't expect.

[@mrs.quills7061]

I think with therapy half is on the therapist and half is on us to put in the extra work to process and understand things. Our therapist is there to guide us and reaffirm our feelings.

[@sarahdaymon5114]

Dr K consistently blows my mind. His intelligence, his sense of humor, how *hugely* generous he is with his content, that he obviously gives many shits about the bodies, minds and hearts of hordes of people that he’ll never meet.. when I meditate, I take a moment and send the gratitude that lives in the core of my being out to a few people. Dr K is one of them

[@Another.Dissoi]

I can believe this is free, its garbage; psychiatrists are not therapists, their not trained to be therapists. this guy is talking out his @$$,

[@pasteljoy282]

The point of "therapy" is to discover the "answers" yourself, not have some person tell you everything

[@Slanovich]

Not to sound cliche, but this video was like waking up from the matrix and seeing all of the machinery inside my own brain for the first time. This man has helped me more in 37 minutes than years of seeing pill slinging psychiatrists and pathetic attempts at getting therapy.

[@trappart9209]

Were you unable to find a good therapist?

[@Slanovich]

@@trappart9209 To be honest, I stopped looking for one.

[@Jessica-ld4bs]

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it fate."

[@soccom8341576]

The unconscious is forever greater than the conscious, by definition. It's a never ending journey. Free will is an ideal.

[@tnijoo5109]

Who is that?

[@watertoad]

@@tnijoo5109 Carl Jung

[@LilskeevsGaming]

This is an amazing quote actually, I love it

[@theomniscientvoid9553]

Jung

[@shiny_x3]

Emotional neglect is also very traumatizing tho. There wasn't coercive control, but there was the same sense of helplessness--nothing I did mattered, because nobody cared about me one way or the other.

[@neroow2258]

Same with me. I agree.

[@ciaraskeleton]

Yup that's valid!

[@staceymalchow4528]

I feel this as well.

[@fathelos]

Neglect is a form of coercive control. The natural response to neglect is either moving on away from the person or confronting them. TOLERATING neglect is the result of them controlling you.

[@Eyezick-l5z]

My parents (love them! Just their personal flaws) definitely were emotionally unavailable and I'm just now (27M) really feeling the effects of that in my life. Just a feeling of "why would I share my feelings/interests?", "I have nobody to lean on but would feel guilty even if I did", etc. So I can't even imagine full on emotional neglect ❤️

[@thisisntallowed9560]

It took me so long to realize I had trauma. I've seen so many psychologists, but none of them mentionned trauma. They only focused on depression or anxiety. I never realized trauma could manifest in so many different ways. I thought it was all just symptoms of anxiety or depression, or weakness from my part. My friends in high school had trauma because they were sexually abused, so to me it was impossible to imagine I could have trauma since some people had it so much worse than me.

[@IAmPamPoovey]

Trauma is trauma. There aren't any levels. If you've been traumatized, your brain processes it the same way as any other brain processes trauma. It doesn't matter how intense it is. Someone who was bullied in school can suffer the same trauma as someone who's been in a warzone. I didn't learn that until just a few weeks ago. Weird, right? 😕

[@di3486]

I finally was diagnosed with complex trauma, OCD and generalized anxiety after almost 20 years seeing different psychologists and psychiatrists. I was prescribed the right medications and I am speechless at how they have transformed my life. From night to day basically.

[@Socksrule3032]

This is my story. I'm still trying to find the right treatment though.

[@CostaECosta98]

@@di3486 thanks you for sharing this!

[@kuturu]

@@di3486 proud of you! seems like you did amazing work with yourself as well!!

[@zoeazsss5035]

I have met only one other person in my life who understands the workings of the human mind like this guy does. Very rare and special person and he is willing to share his knowledge on this platform for free. How blessed are we to have someone so giving.

[@Thy-pt7ql]

It's time; big pharma and elites been manipulating, destabilizing for gains and agenda for decades

[@stef4oben88]

I like how in the beginning he starts explain what trauma can look like and he is describing every single behavior I do lol.

[@endTHEhegemony_Today]

Omg yes me too 😂 🖤💜💙💚💙💜🖤 Much Love!!

[@josefinjohansson6346]

Same.. 🥲

[@ashleyrobson7487]

My reaction was "I'm in this post and I don't like it" 😂

[@thewellsmama]

SAME.

[@CorePathway]

Because your brain was traumatized.

[@kittylagrace1128]

I'm so glad new information is coming out about trauma. I have been looking for answers for decades and got worse from the ignorance of behaviorism. Disassociation and fragmentation are real.

[@jackperry6269]

how is this guy so f***n good? I feel like he would be able to raise the best children. He knows so much about development, abuse, trauma, self compassion, vulnerability, fears, depression and anxiety. This guy is WAY better than most therapists. And the content he provides is outstanding. The next generation are lucky if they can utilise this information in a patient, well-meaning, balanced way.

[@mrs.quills7061]

Well he’s studied it for years and continues to keep up on research. It helps that he’s able to explain difficult topics in an easy to digest manner too.

[@sarahdaymon5114]

He does have two little girls! Lucky kids! I think the answer to your question is partially explained by his time spent preparing for monk-hood. He’s both an allopathic clinician and an almost-guru

[@Teilnehmer]

Dude, even when you just have a masters degree in any sort of science that uses some basic kind of medical, social, psychological or even just statistical skills the only thing you have to do to get this level of knowledge is to google (in google scholar preferably) "review on [research topic x]", spend a few hours to make up a presentation and that's it. It's not exactly rocket science.

[@evadebruijn]

From what I've seen it says zero whether knowledge (which unmistakingly is present here) is applied correctly at home in the private sphere. On the contrary, the amount of highly ironic dysfunctional families I have witnessed/encountered, where parents worked in social work jobs, are more than to be called an anomaly. ✌️

[@rue6914]

Common MD epic gamer psychiatrist W

[@Tesis]

Thank you, the part about “not one brain but many pieces” and how all of this leads to dissociation and why connecting to emotions is so crucial - I went through all of this in therapy and my therapist explained but only now I fully understood - after o walked very far on this route and saw your wonderful summary. All of this you described I went through. I cannot express how much brighter my life is now. Dissociation was with me for years and years and then got even worse with fresh new trauma but now I feel like I can breathe better than any other time in my life.

[@jenavevesnowolf13]

When i was growing up in a traumatic environment, i would constantly daydream. But it was very directed daydreaming in a distinctly different world where i would take the conflict that was happening in my life and make scenarios where it could be resolved with differently temperamented characters. These plays are what i atribute my servival to. And they aslo ended up teaching me how to be a good parent and partner in the a safer life i have now.

[@capncanada22]

Really glad to see you reached a safer lifestyle. An active imagination and magical thinking were key to survival for traumatized people like us. I was never popular or got along with most kids because I played pretend of my favorite TV show and video game characters with two kids from a lower grade😂 I could pretend to have control that way.

[@KopfdesRiesen]

I have Aphantasia and couldn’t do this :(

[@jenavevesnowolf13]

@@KopfdesRiesen you have my sympathy, as it is extremely cathartic. You might gain some benefit from writing down discussions like these in a notebook.

[@jenavevesnowolf13]

@@mariamerigold that's really interesting! I guess I'm a bit lucky. It's nice hearing that it's a legitimate strategy that is taught.

[@elyaequestus1409]

@@capncanada22 this this this

[@omgLeyy]

I've been watching your videos for a while, and I’m still amazed by how passionate you are about what you do, without even realizing how many lives you're saving day to day. I cried so much today, and your videos helped a lot-I can now believe there's hope. So THANK YOU, DR. K!

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

Trauma has impacted every single decision I’ve made in my life. It’s really sad. This video helps.

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

@Michael Howington I’m talking about diagnosable trauma - ptsd and cptsd. I do agree that growing up has some traumatic moments for most people, and that many people spend their lives somewhat disassociated at times as a coping mechanism. However, there are some people who have survived experiences which were so impactful that it changed their entire way of being. It is difficult to comprehend when you haven’t experienced it. Think yourself lucky, and don’t diminish the experience of other people. It just makes you seem very spoilt and naive. ✌️💕🌻

[@Roonlovesfish3874]

I am very happy to read the last sentence. I wish you the best

[@unamuseddeathgod5128]

"focus on one thing at a time" I...don't think i've ever done that before

[@Hyuman]

I've been watching your content for a while now and you can't imagine how much it helped me. I feel that this topic is extremely important in today's world. Thank you for everything Dr K. It is not much money but I hope it helps. Have a great day!

[@NoAccess-x9n]

i also believe your music has helped many as well, i have to thank you for that

[@ch1lpe]

You're the guy with the art I utterly enjoy and music I listen to religiously!! I never expected to see your comment in Dr K's video!!! Let alone be a top supporter! Haha, I know I'm being really enthusiastic over something so small but it's just I'm really happy to see my favourite content creator getting the help they need! Have a wonderful day. >:D

[@4xzx4]

Seriously this video just came in time for me, as today I have been really down and thinking about my traumas!!! 😭😭😭

[@hisoka7i]

❤

[@lindboknifeandtool]

Yeah he needs money…😂 good job…

[@jessicapinto3817]

I always thought trauma perpetuates trauma. I noticed people have unhealed trauma and they traumatise other people by raging for example, and the "receiving end of the rager" then tend to dismiss them for being rude, assholes, etc. but if those people then take it personal, they are also traumatised by the occurance and might then rage themselves to someone else later on. I call it the bicycle analogy because a friend once wanted to steal a bike and I asked him why. He said: because somebody stole mine. I then replied: but you will do the same thing to another person who will then also steal a bike themselves. what if the person who stole your bike also had their bike stolen? It then spread to other contexts, like bullying, manipulating, cheating and .. trauma. In case you got curious: Friend didn't steal that bike

[@trappart9209]

Interesting take, thank you

[@patriciaelder6656]

Broken children become broken adults and continue to perpetuate the trauma if the don’t get the help or seek to become healed. Most people grow up in some form of trauma but with that being said we don’t have to stay a victim to what we come from, we can do purposeful work and become victors and change they dynamics we came into. It is a choice the work is not easy but the payoff is great. That’s why if you change the way you look at things, then the things you look at will change. If you don’t live your life then you will have to settle for what life gives you.

[@jessicapinto3817]

@patriciaelder6656 well said. One of the best pieces of advice I heard that would fit very well here, is "it's not your fault, but it is your responsibility"

[@D_Jilla]

"Trauma is the goldmine to transform your life." What a beautiful quote. I'm going to write that on my whiteboard.

[@GreenBlueWalkthrough]

It really is as all the greatest IRL heroes had to go though trauma to be heores... Like it is one of the greatest EXP packets of all time.

[@SoulSproutGG]

That’s quite so, I have spastic paraplegia diagnosed since like 13, now I’m 33, and it often seems to me that I’m much happier than most of the people I come around or am friends with. And then I watch Dr K so I can learn about how I might help others 😌

[@jaxondial3356]

I have a whiteboard like that too!

[@leahflower9924]

The way he summed up abusive dynamics was brilliant

[@mettacine]

Knowing that one has trauma and addressing it are two different things in my experience. I've known I have trama and tried to get help for years with little improvement. It is nice to know what is the likely cause of a lifetime of issues, but resolving it in a non-trauma informed society is very hard.

[@fabi7141]

thanks so much for making this available for free!

[@SybilNix]

Another thing that struck me was around 21:30. I’ve internalized so many things and I’m constantly turning inward and seeing where I need to fix myself or heal myself or improve myself, because I’m terrified of actually talking to another person about what I need from our relationship. “I must be the one at fault” or “I must be the one who is failing.” It makes it so hard to have a cooperative relationship with someone because I feel like I have to be the one who carries everything.

[@PrincessOfSpace42]

Yes!! And i dont have an eye for what i can change and I simply adapt even though I want to improve... but you cant see colours if youre colourblind. Its a long long process of small realisations that slowly change your perception but its much work and much reflection

[@citrineforme]

Yup

[@DreamDear]

As someone who has gone through this since a child and recently cured it, it definitely gets better! Just be patient with yourself and work hard, you can overcome it!

[@jpegjake]

This probably one of the most useful videos of Dr K to show someone else

[@sabrinusglaucomys]

Hey, if anyone reading this started off identifying with the expressions of trauma but then didn't think Dr. K.'s description of coercive control fit how they were raised, and then felt ashamed like, "I guess I'm just naturally shitty after all," *please* seek out more comprehensive information on C-PTSD and childhood trauma. Emotional neglect, parentification, and a wide variety of other parenting styles are traumatic. As a child, in order to affect the world around you to solve your problems, you actually need a ton of support, care, love, and acceptance from your caregivers. You need to be protected from things that would be too overwhelming, but not so protected that you can't develop your self-efficacy. You need a secure attachment to someone who doesn't abandon you or use you to meet their needs. Lacking *any* of those puts you in the same situation as coercive control. I really like a therapist here on KZbin called Patrick Teahan, whose whole focus is on healing diverse types of childhood family of origin trauma. And sending compassion for you! Like Dr. K. said, you may be in pieces but you're not broken and you can heal.

[@hesterwright3674]

Patrick Teahan is amazing. So much insight from him.

[@jennw6809]

I've had more healing from watching Patrick Tehan, Daniel Mackler, Irene Lyon, Crappy Childhood Fairy, DoctorRamani and others here on KZbin (as well as Dr K of course) than I had from paying out of pocket for seven years of trauma therapy (in fact much of the therapy was outright harmful). Dr. K is the single best mental health resource I have ever found. His guide costs less than one therapy session.

[@TheMagicOwL127]

patrick is the best honestly has helped me in my darkest times.

[@xtabell5776]

@Adair Kovac Thanks man, really appreciate it! Searched up parentification and so on😭. Hope you have a great life!

[@hanswoast7]

This took me way to long. Especially neglect and emotional abuse is very hard to see if you grew up in such an environment. Dr. Ramani has made a glossary on many key words like invalidation, gaslighting, passive aggressiveness (guilt tripping), regular harsh criticism, victim mentality or grandiosity. I highly recommend you check out Dr. Gabor Mate's work on trauma. He makes the distinction between the classical capital t "Trauma" (bad things happened) vs. small t "trauma" (necessary good things were missing).

[@Entamology101]

I really appreciate you saying that trauma doesn’t really mean you’re broken in some way

[@N22883]

This stream is a certified classic HealthyGamer Video - absolute banger

[@sachab6098]

Just this past therapy appointment i asked my therapist why my teenage trauma affects me so much despite it literally not being "as bad" as my under-ten trauma. She reminded me that things affect different people differently and it was traumatic for me. She said my childhood would be considered traumatic by most people's standards, and trauma changes your brain functioning. So essentially i was already injured or weak by teenagehood, which made me extra vulnerable to things. I thought that was an interesting point she brought up - i guess it's like if you sprained an ankle, then later while still on crutches broke your single functioning ankle.

[@poppy-lwc]

by Dr K's examples, does he mean that any events related to restricted autonomy can be considered traumatic? I am too confuse with whether my experiences are traumatic, since it is not that bad tbh.. but just the usual asian style parenting

[@hansonel]

"Trauma is the great Chamelion. It looks like a lot of other things." Very true. CPTSD often gets confused for anxiety and depression. Or worse clinicians don't even know what it is. As someone with a somewhat high ACE score and recent traumas from abusive and/ or toxic workplaces trauma this is helpful. Everyone needs to learn about this - especially after going through 2020 (Dr. Gabor Mate talk a lot about this as societal and mass trauma)

[@Julioclears]

I wrote a super long story about how important this is to me, but I already articulated it to myself (progress!) so I'll save you the overshare. All I need to say is, I can't thank you enough for this video, Dr. K. I hope you appreciate how large your impact is. Far more than if you had your own individual practice.

[@ZombieButler]

Bro I've been needing this video for years, it's been so hard to try and fix my problems because my brain literally wouldn't let me do it. It felt like there had just been some block in my head, stopping me from doing anything

[@ohnree4110]

What was the block? trauma?

[@annnee6818]

I just wish I knew what to actually DO

[@ZombieButler]

@Ann Nee yeah same, that and the ability to do it. Hopefully we can find out soon enough

[@Malery]

The more I learn about trauma, the more I believe that my "treatment-resistant depression" is really unresolved trauma.

[@Peterphoskytos]

"treatment resistant -anything-" honestly just translates too "it seems be your injury is band aid resistant. I'm starting to think you don't want your broken leg to heal"

[@SoulDevoured]

@@Peterphoskytos yeah this is a problem with modern psychiatry. There was never much thought given to what would society do if people largely overcame the fear and stigma and actually got psychological help they needed. There's so many people who need therapy and not enough well trained and experienced therapists to cover everyone. It's lead to a situation where, like with the healthcare system at large, they focus on casting the widest net for the population and are so fixated on that approach that they don't even realize that the net they made has holes too big for some fish to slip through. They are told to cast the net, they don't know what to really do when the net doesn't work. The widest net in this case is a system designed to catch and treat mild depression aka "being in a funk" and general minor anxiety. Because they're rampant and they are effecting people's lives but the causes and treatment is almost entirely perspective and current circumstances. Finding the right therapist isn't just about "clicking." It's also hard to find a therapist with specific qualifications and who has the time and ability to see you through a lengthy and complex treatment. But the good news is you can use the bare bones basics treatment as a springboard in conjunction with self work to treat your condition. It's not hopeless. Just not as easy as it could be. But that's always life. It would be easier if I didn't have to work, if I didn't have kids, if I didn't have other health conditions, if I didn't have sick parents, ect. It would be easier if we found the perfect therapist but few of us do. It's more work but you can get through it and maybe you can even teach your therapist a thing or two. Maybe with what's going on in psychology today we can have better nets for people in the near future. In the meantime there is still a ton of resources out there more accessible than ever. Use all you can and don't give up.

[@Peterphoskytos]

@@averyintelligence seems like a decent tool to aid, or allow those who dont know, to do some introspection. However, you suggesting me that is exactly what Im talking about, because what you are giving me here is a band-aid. And usually the """"treatment resistent""" problems, require either a very personalized band aid/care or a cirurgy, metaphorically ofc. Like someone said, thats just casting a wide range net with big holes. thats what thereapist do, they go ok lets do some introspection that you totally cant do by finding some pdf online. And when it doesnt solve, much less FIND the problems, then u cast the second net with the usual meds without any hesitation. And to me that looks like just something a CBT "professional" would hand tell me to answer, and thats if they were already the few who actually have any sort of general idea of what they are doing or supposed to do. and then they would still incorrectly guide you through the process or advise you based on your answers. So no I will no recommend that to anyone who actually has a issue that is known to be complex and/or net yet found. i will gladly recommend to people who need help or want to do better introspection work, or people who think they need some sort of therapy but they can barely understand or tell you why they feel that way. And if you are recomending that SPECIFICALLY for treatment resistant people as something that will work specifically for them ("for real this time, i swear just this one more time, this one actually does work trust me, this one is different and will fix your problem, the 17th time is the charm") , id suggest you didnt, because it wont and it is misleading to say or imply so. Alternatively change your recommendation to "if you want a good introspection and self analysis tool, heres this" or wtv. If you are gonna go online recommending band aids, dont do it to, or for, the people who have told to try a million different band aids on their broken leg, while being told it is not a band aid and rather the most advanced specialized all curing medicine, just for it to never do anything and then end up labeled as lost case because "sorry it seems you exposed fracture is band aid COUGH i mean treatment resistant and honestly all i can do is tell u to keep trying those band aids until the end of your days, maybe it will work, or maybe it wont really but i guess its still better than nothing. good luck"

[@ronskeez916]

I'm realizing this as well. I've tried tms and esketamine treatments for it and my depression is still here.

[@Malery]

@@ronskeez916 TMS and ketamine (IV and troches) only helped me if I had the right therapy or self work going on at the same time. 1st time I did TMS I had a lot I'd been working on and just needed a little extra help to make it stick. 2nd time I was just at a high stress job and nothing outside of leaving that job was going to fix it, so TMS didn't help.

[@fatimanicolez2101]

i’ve always thought trauma was something huge and the effects to your life were just in a physical manner. I never believed I had a traumatic childhood until I went to see a therapist. She explained to me that what I experienced wasn’t “normal” and my indifference to it is a way for me to cope. This video was eye opening and I appreciate that you made it. I hope everyone out there understands what “trauma” is and how it can affect you negatively in psychological and physical ways.

[@Rahul10101966]

I have benefited a lot from DrK videos. Starting with discovering my challenge, to knowing I am.not alone and finally accepting, I am not broken.

[@Iudicatio]

Man I feel this so much. I have autism but it’s on the more mild end, so I don’t suffer because of that alone. For example, I don’t experience sensory overload in any of the situations I must be in to survive daily life (however something like a club will probably be overwhelming). I did however experience ostricization, violent relationships, and sexual violence because of my condition. I have a close friend who survived a genocide (which is obviously nowhere near the same) and when I first told him about my problems with depression, socializing, concentrating, learning, etc, he asked „what *happened* to you for you to be this way?“ I have extra trauma from therapy and most therapists have not believed me when I have tried to tell them what happened to me. But even without me talking about most of it my friend recognized the symptoms, even though he doesn’t have a degree in psychology. But most therapists think I am exaggerating or have „cognitive distortions“ and just want to make the problem go away with an SSRI. It’s so frustrating. I have only started to heal by acknowledging that what happened to me is real and I have a right to be in pain.

[@mreese8764]

Seems your therapist take autistic communication as lying. Missing eye contact, slow speech, looking left and right. Must be lying.

[@elyaequestus1409]

Autistic person here. I have started to realize that when an autistic person grows up in a neurotypical/strict household, the child will become trained to understand the parent. Meanwhile the parent, instead of connecting with the child, demands that the child does the work. It demands that the autistic/neurodiverse person does the emotional work to explain their needs because the parent refuses to explain their behavior/needs to them because it is 'inpropper/rude/inpolite/not done' for a child to stim, refuse eye contact, play differently, etc. There is a consistant mismatch in the communication between parent and child, meaning that the fundemental safety nets/development of ego is malformed. Leading to all these intense states of mind which people really cant imagine what it is like to live with.

[@charlottelouise209]

@@mreese8764 And you'd know that because you were in the room with her. Were you? Since when has slow speech been a characteristic of autism? Yep since never. Do autistic people ever stop making other autistic people them.

[@Iudicatio]

@@elyaequestus1409 Yes I would say this is accurate. My parents were not strict but they were also rather emotionally unavailable, though I doubt they would have done much better with a neurotypical child. My parents were not violent and I was only traumatized by violence outside of home. But perhaps if my parents were more in tune with my needs and more helpful some of it wouldn’t have happened, but I don’t know.

[@Iudicatio]

@@mreese8764 Yea, IDK, could be. I do talk slower than average but people other than therapists usually interpret it as a sign of intelligence. Like when you watch videos of people from the 1960s and you notice they talked slower because they were way more careful and deliberate about what they say. One of my teachers from high school made that comparison about me. I really hate it when therapists have extra knowledge but use it as a weapon against you.

[@kr31415]

"Indepdent action becomes insubordination" this is gold. I grew up in a dysfunctional home where my father was an alcoholic but my trauma is from the control of my older brother and Mom who treat me like shit, use me to do what they wanted to regulate their emotions. Now Im 27 and I feel guilty if Iam to make my own decision about my life. It took 5 years of therapy to figure this out, that Yes my father fucked up the house but the trauma came mostly from the People I took care of my whole live. They always shamed me for my healthy anger, for standing up for myself, for making my own choices. My therapy works because this healthy anger comes back and now Im able to process it. A long way ahead of me but I See the light at last

[@mandarinadreux9572]

To me, this angle was also very enlightening. "Independent action becomes insubordination". This describes how my mother ran our home. The children weren't even allowed the full range of their emotions. Sadness was not tolerated and especially anger was not tolerated. I still have great problems with anger. I feel guilty for expressing it but I'm getting better. I finally understood how I get sucked into manipulative relationships. Cause one person makes these rules and feels entitled to. "Petty" is such a good word. I always used the word "arbitrary". That was a signature move from my mum. All of her arbitrary rules, a lot of them unspoken and you would only find out when you broke them. You bend to the rules cause you love the other person or at the very least, you assume they're reasonable. But they're not. I still struggle with this, standing up for myself. Often, I don't immediately see the manipulative behaviours and then it's too late. Currently, struggling a bit with my lovely but very traumatised, depressed roommate who's sadly got some narcissistic fleas and strong OCD behaviours...

[@1234kingconan]

Yeah it got even darker and creepier for me unfortunately. Can’t even talk on it here lol not allowed. That bad eh. Just more shit to pile on upon other shit. I’m just glad this ride doesn’t last forever. Shrug

[@XOTillWeODz]

I find that journaling trauma helps put things into perspective, perhaps even find solace within the pain .

[@velevetyyflies]

i dont i kinda ruminate

[@zehenglai1816]

@@velevetyyfliessame :(

[@JohnnyCoyote]

Man this one really hit close to home; explains quite a bit of my behaviour in the last ~30 years. You're a legend for putting this stuff out here, where I can realize that I'm not a undisciplined screw up.

[@werosification]

I've been actually thinking about the need for safe space and detachment from emotions when you're healing. after the pandemic, I went back to living on my own and started taking antidepressants (and also reached the age when my brain is fully developed lol) and all the things I've learnt started to actually work, seemingly without much effort from me. yeah, I've meditated a lot, journaled every day, went to therapy for a bit, but in the end, I don't think those things would really help if I didn't feel I am safe. safe both from the outside world and my emotions.

[@jennw6809]

So true, soooo true. All my trauma therapy failed b/c therapists assumed that doing "safe place" actually made me feel safe. Not one therapist ever realized the experiences I was describing were going in and out of nervous system regulation and dysregulation. How did they not recognize I was describing feeling safe and not safe IN MY BODY? No wonder the emdr didn't work.

[@trappart9209]

Nervous system regulation is the key

[@Ainiria]

Oh gosh. This hits right in the feels. I deal with multiple of these possible trauma responses, and while I knew that my childhood wasn't great and is probably connected to my chronic depression, this still makes things more clear. And the saddest part is, that my parents didn't do any of this intentionally. They really tried to do better than their parents, they just didn't fully know how and had to deal with their own trauma.

[@auspisses]

"we're gonna be doing a deep dive into understanding trauma" *sick beat drop*

[@thoughtsnscribbles]

You're work is incredibly valuable, thanks!

[@Nextr0nWasTaken]

HOLY SHIT. This video made me realize I have trauma today. I've been dealing with overbearing parents which intensified the past couple weeks as I have been struggling to get my degree for ages. They kept piling unreasonable demands onto me until I just broke down and started igoring them and doing doing drugs. Everything you say starts making so much sense to me and I will share these patterns I now recognize with my therapist. I thank you so much!

[@mikeballew3207]

Even writing it out in a comment like this is a step forward. Like he said, language has the same effect as action. I'm in a similar boat as you. We can do this! We're going to be okay

[@margaretmcduck5381]

Hey, I am also in this boat. It's the first time I had ever heard my issues articulated so clearly

[@valexizhexa1786]

Dude plz don't do that drug shit 😭😭

[@Ila-xy6yg]

Hope you are doing better. I hope your brain found another way to cope. I hope you are feeling safer now.

[@patriciaelder6656]

@@Nextr0nWasTaken I am so sorry that your parents are so broken, making demands upon the child while they sit as if they are the kids. Sometimes in our family dynamics people can love you but hate you which is manifested by there consuming behavior for you to be there for them. The best power move is to start investing in your own life knowing that as a human being and child you are worth it. When you know your own value and power you start putting up boundaries to hold and keep you on course of your life. You are worthy of all the love, happiness and joy that your heart can hold. Your parents are grown and have made the choices for there life and now you need to do the same for yourself

[@shiotoshoyu]

You’ve helped thousands and thousands of people all over the world, keep up the great work Dr.K!

[@ot7stan207]

When I curiously asked my team mate if they ever feel like walking into the ocean at night due to stress, they shocked me when they said no. It was teh first time I realized I had deep seated issues from my past that was manifesting 8 years later in my work. it wasnt due to work. it was from feeling like life is worthless and that any person can die at any second because they can. I began therapy and am in a much much better place. therapy is the greatest tool we can have.

[@1234kingconan]

It’s not that easy to walk into the ocean it’s cold lol. I tried it once. Was a good thing I tried so I could shut up about it.

[@Zoe-qm5rr]

This was LITERALLLY AMAZING - I feel so healed and happy having listened to this! so well articulated and explained

[@lucasreiYT]

It's taken 3 years of psychotherapy to get past the surface of trauma. Be patient and kind during x time frame. Truly helped me across a threshold of recovery.

[@Sesso20]

Thanks a lot Dr. K, I have already watched lots of videos, but this really hits the spot. I want to share a little bit of my story.. I got 30 about two months ago and after 5 therapists, that I had from when I got 15, only my current therapist that I sought out, last year in July, immediately told me, first session, that she suspects I have PTSD. And it literally changed my life afterwards. Putting this immense lable on so much stuff that was happening in my life. As Dr. K said, it was spread all over my life, like a disease and I never knew if I had major depression of anxiety disorder or whatnot. Well got both, but also Trauma is the rootcause. And in those couple of months I have learned so much, talking really helped, also watching lots of videos about it, and looking for a self-help-group etc. I felt so ashamed, all my life, like I was so fundamentally and irreversibly broken that I cannot even face that fact, that I have to live any longer this way. But I am better now. I started my Masters degree last year and I relied very heavily on procrastination and I got better at not procrastinating, because I realized, for me it was my anxiety that got triggered. A few days ago I had a casual date and it went rather smoothly. I was very nervous and I think I got some time into autopilot or slight dissociation, but not full blown carried away. And I didnt crash afterwards, because of the blaming/self-hate shitstorm that I would get into. I got into journaling, writing most of the days about my days and lots about feelings and interpretations I had, just to reflect on my thought process and I think that this is the hardest. I am hard-wired to people please and also most in relationships, I am very reactive, when I realize, that my needs are not being met, but I still have to stay in order not to be alone. Etc. Getting out of these states of mind and whatnot, is very challenging I think. It can feel so natural doing/thinking utter crap in the moment, when afterwards you question "WHO" did this. Lol. What Dr. K said about emotions, what helped me, was also to just acknowledge them. Something shitty happened? It is okay to be angry, sad, tired and whatnot and it sucks that this happened. In my family, emotions were always kind of a taboo. I never saw anyone cry or really laugh or anything, besides neutral face or just tired faces. I learned that its also not okay to show emotions and its hard to undo. But we can all manage, one thing at a time. Ten years ago I was a total wreck. I would have never dared to imagine to stand where I am today and I know that I can still do better and that there is more healing waiting for me. I am patient, for once, taking my steps, one at a time. A shoutout to all the people who are going through the same - you are amazing and not your trauma response. And I wish everyone the patience, good people in their life and a little bit of luck on their journey.

[@Vll-yk]

I have suffer the somatic side of trauma for almost 6 years already and i cannot express enough how much emotions this video evoked i already saw a psychiatrist but still things came back after some time i left therapy so i feel kinda lost you are the only light i have as of right now Dr.K and im gonna seek help soon but having you here for now means A LOT thanks for everything!

[@AngDevigne]

"Our brain is fragmented, but it is not broken." "You can't learn how to swim if you're drowning." 😭 😭 Thank you so much for this!!!

[@twinixsn6679]

I can confirm the words of dr. K. I really wanted to start drawing and learn to play the guitar, but while trying to start at least some of this, there was a feeling of frustration that everything was wrong and that it was not for me. After a LONG time, I decided to go to a psychologist for therapy in order to understand how to solve this problem. During therapy, the psychologist told me to start imagining that feeling of frustration in a metaphorical way (in my case, a stone on the beach), and in the end it really helped me. The feeling itself didn’t go anywhere, it’s just that this practice helped me to live with this emotion, as a result, now, in 2 weeks after therapy, I made more progress in drawing than a year before therapy. I don't know if metaphorical way is true for everyone, but the words "language is substitute for action" are completely true. Thanks for the video, very helpful

[@haarika1605]

Thanks!

[@patribee5457]

Just wow. I was so abused. I have learned so much just from this video alone. It started with being adopted. My dad got hit by a train at 6 months old. No siblings, mom was a raging alcoholic who continued to drop me of to my sexual abuser, my grandfather which started around age 4- I can’t remember? Mom said just turn your head when grandfather shoves his tongue in your mouth. I turned to drugs and I see now that everything listed here applies to my life and life choices! Thank you so much for your service.

[@Nadiasalen]

I've been trying to understand myself, my history and symptoms for more than 10 years now ... And with one video you blown my mind Thank you 🙏🏻 God bless you

[@Roman-kpax]

Through journaling, meditation, and the Ayahuasca ceremony I realized that I carry a lot of unhealed trauma and unprocessed emotions that are deeply hidden in my mind and body and affect my thoughts, emotions, and thus perception and decisions. I would compare it to looking at the world through dirty glass and being controlled like a puppet by our subconscious thoughts and feelings. I believe that mental health is the most important thing we can focus on, as it will influence all other aspects of life. It doesn't matter how much money I make, where I live, or who I date if I'm feeling deeply insecure and my mind is in disarray. We don't control our thoughts. We don't control our emotions. I can't control my impulses. When I'm craving a joint, the craving won't disappear if I'll smoke it. I'm only reinforcing this behavior. I know that lust won't make me happy in the long run and if I'll get laid it won't be any different from smoking a joint. It's a pattern of behavior - attachment to seeking pleasures, and that's a coping mechanism to deal with negative emotions to numb myself.The object of craving doesn't matter. Do therapy. Force yourself to develop a habit to meditate. Search for help. Life won't change on its own, it can get only worse. All we can do is not react when these temptations arise in our minds. It's easier said than done but I believe that's the only way to stop suffering.

[@ahumbleseeker02]

Hey, may i know what meditation you do actually? There are do many out there that i don't know what to do

[@trappart9209]

Such a good, profound take on coping and numbing. Brilliant, thank you for sharing

[@tedsteiner]

Thanks for this ❤

[@rigmar9250]

Safety and stabilization is the most important thing. Finally someone saying that instead of just looking for what’s inside. It’s like start looking inside once you have enough safety to do so

[@Finley111]

Thank you for what you do! You have no idea how much this has helped me.

[@evaalwora1533]

Burst into tears. 😢 this is me through and through. After 43 yes I only really stood up for myself a few days ago. Only now am I able to mentally apportion blame accordingly. I cannot carry everyone’s water. To relieve myself of the responsibility of ‘fixing’ myself, and the blame for all my ‘shortcomings’, ‘faults’, weaknesses and other euphemisms for the consequences I carry as a result of the actions of someone(s) who should have protected me, loved me, done better, who knew better, who chose to stand by vs ‘rock the boat’ etc. They are the ones with a case to answer, amends to make and water to carry.

[@tnijoo5109]

He said it was a deep dive but it just scratched the surface. 😢 I really hope he does a real deep dive on trauma, especially treatments and coping. Maybe another episode on psychedelics in treatment for trauma and talk about the difference of its effectiveness for people with PTSD versus C-PTSD.

[@jennw6809]

I think the VOD is still up on Twitch?

[@NinjaMaxMC]

@@jennw6809 does the vod contain him talking more on this?

[@toompie69]

Yes!

[@tnijoo5109]

@@jennw6809 will he put that on KZbin? I don’t have twitch.

[@KN-hg2nv]

​@@tnijoo5109 Pretty sure he will

[@richerDiLefto]

This video was a major first step in understanding myself. I can’t thank you enough. I never even considered that much of my life is tailored around trauma, and now that I have these insights, it all makes perfect sense.

[@МатвейСипенятов]

"It can be not about you from the start" Hits home with the first point Thank you for your work

[@stephanforster7186]

Thank you for taking the time to address childhood trauma. For a deep dive i suggest Gabor mate and his compassionate inquiry approach

[@fatjesusonbike1276]

THANK YOU for bringing up somatic problems. My IBD almost killed me, of which I was later diagnosed with cPTSD as well as a myriad of other health issues. I've met fantastic doctors and psychologists, but none were informed about the relation between trauma and chronic disease. I've noticed it being common in women my age as well(early twenties), and it genuinely pisses me off this information isn't taught when seeking help.

[@inner_panopticum]

Same here. I‘m a female and the IBD and other health problems started in my twenties too, but only got diagnosed correctly 20 years later. I’ve been to all kinds of specialists, NONE of which made the right connection to severe trauma in my childhood. It’s like a blind spot on all things related to trauma. I almost took my life over the constant pain in my guts, and during bad episodes being unable to eat anything for weeks in a row, waking up from pain every night. The best diagnosis was „it‘s somehow neurotic“… lol. At some point they wanted to operate me and take out a part of the colon. Thank God I didn‘t do that! My I ask which kind of treatment has helped you? I‘m starting with EMDR now, and have done Neurofeedback for half a year. (It‘s been about a year that I have the cPTSD diagnosis). In the beginning it got worse, and although my body mostly still feels like sh… on every single day, I realise that I have had fewer depressions and nightmares. Which I take as a good sign.

[@ShhabdaSindhu]

This episode deserves huge applause 👏 thank you so much 🙏💐💐

[@debbiearce-xz1xr]

Took me a long time to realize I had experienced trauma because it was a relationship with an academic advisor in a PhD program. I did not realize a relationship like this could be traumatic and begin once I was 23-25. Been in therapy for 3 years now and am slowly “catching my breath” as Dr. K noted, actually leaving my program (taking a chance) and reframing my life again. Improvement comes as does the breath you need. I sincerely am rooting for all of us who have experienced trauma. Thanks, Dr. K!

[@mikeballew3207]

Words cannot express my love and gratitude for the work you do. You are a laser-powered lighthouse in the foggy sea of mental anguish. You've given me more than just empty hope. You've given me the tools I need to finally heal. I hope I can repay you someday. All I can do for now is point everyone I know who needs this to your material. Thank you so very very much!

[@BeholdOnline]

As someone who starting their journey with therapy next week, after being on the waiting list since 2019 (effing NHS). This has been a really affirming video and I’m so ready to start living my life and healing

[@saadia4009]

What kind of therapy, I have been ignored for decades.

[@BeholdOnline]

@@saadia4009 it’s called psychodynamic therapy - Google for more info - I did cbt for 3 weeks and it wasn’t going to the root of the issue, this is a bit more conversational and going into childhood and exploring coping mechanisms in my case How have you been ignored? Are you on a waiting list?

[@holisticwellnessbyboya6666]

This has been the finest way so far I have ever heard trauma being explained. Thank you Dr K!!

[@lizb0]

My psychiatrist always told me to work on my trauma even though I thought I had the happiest childhood of all mankind. I always wondered how he knew. Now I know, thanks. :D I worked hard and I am still not fully recovered, but way better than before. We can do it! :)

[@nikson3720]

I know I am traumatised, i often feel many of the things listed by Dr.K, however it doesn't seem obvious to the outsider. I once mentioned I've had traumatic shit happened to me and my friends at the time laughed it off, like ''i cant take anyone seriously when they mention trauma''. I find a real hard time connecting with people in fear i'd be laughed at or ignored.

[@luzabjerg5313]

so happy that you talk about this. also just found out a year ago about trauma thanks to julien. he is a great public speaker who has been bringing awareness to trauma and letting go of trauma for many years now. since then I've been recognizing trauma in so many places in my life and also in all the people I see around me to varying degrees. its like an invisible force that doesnt allow us to function correctly, because we're holding onto barriers to protect ourselves even though they arent needed anymore. but we aren't even aware that we do it and search for something that numbs the pain in the outside instead of accepting and letting it heal. so glad that its finally getting mainstream and all the medication and chemical imbalance nonsense gets pushed out

[@saralocatelli5166]

Great information and as a person who has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (and more) I can relate to the problems described AND the solutions. I haven't experienced depressive episodes in many years and I feel stable, secure and capable, and very grateful for my life. If you are struggling, know you can and will get better ❤

[@Anonymous-vu8qq]

Finally a video about trauma! I feel like there’s such a lack of strong visual presence of trauma in general and resources that encompass its many “arms”.

[@jamesbuildwise9141]

I don't think I've related to a HealthyGamer video more than this. This is insane to me, I had know idea that so many of the issues I have come from trauma. I've spent most of my life thinking that I was simply weak and that I couldn't have trauma because I was too privileged to have it. "I have it so much better than a lot kids, how could I possibly have a problem?" The way he described the controlling figure is exactly how I felt with my parents.

[@trueDenakori]

this is fantastic. i'm glad this understanding of trauma is becoming more and more mainstream

[@AbrahamNixons]

Man, I really appreciate the explanation and mapping out of what this looks like. I'm willing to bet that, for most people living with trauma, they have an extremely hard time articulating the through line of seemingly disparate events and how it has affected their behaviors.

[@ilopezc]

Honestly probably the most important Dr k video to date. I sent this to my mom but I might need to translate and re-dub voiceover it for her to understand. ❤

[@Rahul10101966]

Thanks

[@SybilNix]

The distinction of coercive control is so important. And helps me feel less like a failure for not being where I want to be when it comes to recovery.

[@martieo]

Right? I’ve heard the term thrown around a LOT, but this is the first time I’ve heard someone describe the actual mechanics of it in a way that clicked. And all of a sudden, so many things make sense. Like why my violently abusive father may have broken my body but it was my manipulative mother that caused the real damage. Just absolutely wow.

[@HIRAMECLARKEHOPS]

Thank you so much!

[@cmo5150]

Good to see a licensed mental health professional proudly and informedly utilize a valid Freudian concept. Language, it’s structure and it’s content, is a profound aspect of mental health and basic regulatory functions.

[@MrTripleM3]

As further support of this is that we're basically in a culture war about how to use language when it comes to LGBTQ. Words have a lot of power over us and simply saying something allows us to accept things easier.

[@sarahdaymon5114]

Right?! I hear you. Freud was a lot of things, including a genius

[@Nightwalk444]

@@MrTripleM3 They really don't, people just let them

[@ryan_cha190]

Here is Why Trauma Is So Common Trauma effect all aspects of our lives. The Great Chameleon 1, chronic depression 2, implusivity/ lack of unifying dirction 3, vulnerability to repeated mistakes 4, can't afford to take risks 5, People pleaser 6, paralysis of initiation 7, can't engage in moderate relationships 8, somatic problems: inflammatory bowel dieases, chronic fatigue syndrome, postural prthostatic hypertensive syndrome Adverse childhood experience: up to 60% PTSD Trauma isn't the pathology of the mind. It's a normal adaptation. But, bipolar is. How our brains adapt to trauma? The mind stores the emotion. Recognize some pattern. The emotion arises again and this is a trigger. 5 major domains that trauma affects: 1, Affects: anger, self-destructive behavior 2, Consciouness and Attention 3, Self-perception/indentity 4, Relationships 5, Somatic self What are the causes of trauma? 1, Coercive control: destroy your autonomy. Lead to mentally check out. Know in control by pleasing the abuser. Love booming. The abuser becomes god. Be dependent on the abuser. Result in: 1, Independent action becomes insubordination. The sense of autonomy is destroyed. You can't initiate actions. 2, In trauma relationships, there's no room for trial and error. Until I get perfect success, I couldn't start. Dissociate or drug use. 3, Can't fix problems. Living life reactivelty. Problems are fixed by fixing emotions. Lead to addiction, substance-use. Can you change? 1, Safety and Stabilization: strive for independence around toxic people. Seeing a therapist once a week. 2, Deal with anxiety and emotion copying: dialectical behavioral therapy, EMDR, meditation and exercise. Don't go towards emotion copying. Take to emotions to Broca's area and put it into language. Language is a substitute for action. When you articulate, there is integration. To flow state to improvement. Frontal lobes: plan and executive tasks Corpus callosum: severed. Can't use the emotion to fuel you. People learned to integrate emotions in psychotherapy, then turned their lives around. 3, Meditation: 10-15 minutes just do one thing.

[@Victoria-Enzula]

We evolved from brutish slavery

[@iw9338]

Excellent thanks very much 😮😅

[@patkoh567]

Thank you so much for the summary

[@soomi]

I'm glad my previous therapist diagnosed me with both MDD and PTSD and explained the difference between it. Honestly more people should watch this video as people often get mis-diagnosed and it wouldn't be bad for most people to really take a deeper look at themselves and their past and really work out things that are maybe still stuck and need to be talked about with someone safe. Best of luck to ya'll. Thank you dr. K for sharing this useful information. Despite my therapist informing me on differences I still learned a few small things here and there because of your video.

[@hellefreude5086]

This is so amazingly positive! I've never heard anyone, especially an expert, talk so positively about being able to heal real problems, real problematic coping patterns we've accumulated over many years! Thankyou so much! 💪🙏💛 Your words and positive overall attitude is an unexpected light in the dark!!

[@laurisawitch0707]

Now that I'm at the end of the video i relate sooo much. I tell my friends a lot that i have all my stats in defense and none in attack. Learned Helplessness. The weird rules of abusers. The frustrarion of my firends in my frenzy of pain but not fixing things. Dr. k really just rold me whole life in 40 minures

[@briannagravely9349]

This might be inappropriate but there's actually an anime or two with the title being "i put all my stats into defense" or something.

[@laurisawitch0707]

@@briannagravely9349 lmao my friend told me about that when I brought it up xD

[@rowanstarling3816]

I was diagnosed with cptsd in March 2024. I also went through betrayal from my now ex, and now I'm back in counseling and getting on an antidepressant. Because of my cptsd, it takes longer to heal from breakups. I'm actively trying to heal.

[@artifundio1]

Most doctors are still being trained to put you back in to your work post. They are not going to make you better, just able to be productive. That's why many never find a Dr to help us. I haven't. They all wanted to prescribe before talking. Dr K is a gem.

[@me0101001000]

Just wondering, have you considered looking at any workbooks? Personally, I use some workbooks that fall under DBT and ACT. I don't take medication due to the side effects having an adverse effect on my work and studies. But there are a lot of great websites and workbooks made by psychiatric experts to help manage yourself and the conditions you deal with.

[@DasHeino2010]

Thats what i think happened when I visited.

[@TheMetalProject]

every DR ive met in person is doing everything they can to get you out of the room and come back next time. Bro just open your damn ears. It's not my fault you have a backlog of patients everyday, and yet here i am paying the fucking cost of it.

[@dravenpulsifier9627]

I have the same impression and you described it perfectly. It feels like mental health problems are only considered if it hinders professional and academic performance. It makes sense on a societal point of view but it's not really what i (or any of us apparently) are searching for.

[@artifundio1]

@@me0101001000 yes, I've read many workbooks. Education is the path I took after being disappointed by doctors and friends. Lectures workshops, courses, support groups, etc. I am in a better place now (mental health wise), but I remember vividly how awful I felt for years and how much I looked for professional help without getting any.

[@raven-iw5uj]

16:09 to 20:58 crushed me, wow that's so profound and bizarre to think about because it's all so true and accurate to my own experience growing up.

[@DustinRea]

You have a very straightforward way of laying down the facts. I actually gained a few insights from this video in regards to trauma response. The perfection before starting thing- this finally just clicked in my mind. I get it now

[@thusharividanagamachchi9779]

I love following Dr K. I find his teachings fascinating and mind opening. He offers first hand understanding and insight as well as straight forward advice on how to overcome our human struggles. What a blessing 🙏💚

[@slamkam07]

I always knew my issues were mostly trauma based, but this really helps me understand HOW they relate to it.

[@wildflower108]

this is so frkn good. it's everything i've studied & done. it's my entire family. it's my past & our future. it is expertly explained & then tied up with a perfect yogic bow. thank you for this. 🙏

[@DalCecilRuno]

Depressed my whole life? Check. I’m a blind person who had to be raised in a developing country. Ignorance isn’t bliss, in my case it was the root of all ableism. (Adverse childhood crew!) Can’t initiate things? Check. Risk aversion? Check. I had a period of my life where I did take huge risks and everything went so wrong. Well… Chronic fatigue? Check. I’m always tired. Always depressed. Constant nightmares? Check. Thank you for sharing. At least I always knew trauma was behind it all and I wasn’t wrong about my perception.

[@lesa7369]

Thank you for sharing your knowledge with anyone willing to listen. It's so frustrating to be seeing the doctor & therapists taking meds year after years still no further ahead. Professionals have very limited time with patients. Not nearly what someone would need. Almost never do u see the right person at the right time to always make correct diagnoses & treatment plan. It helps tremendously when we are able to put feelings into words. & helps us understand ourselves a little bit better. So thank you for your compassion, knowledge, & time. You are very generous & caring your parents must be amazingly good people & so proud of you. Thank you ❤ may God bless you & your family

[@cgw9168]

Thank you for this, Dr. K! It took me a long time to understand I had trauma, but it’s easy to recognize my mom in your description of guards treating prisoners and as a child I was clueless as to what she was doing. All I knew was I wasn’t going to repeat her ways with my own kids. It’s taken many years but I’ve had a great therapist to help me recognize and work through it. Thank you for making this info available to everyone because many of us couldn’t see it when it was happening to us. All the best to you and your family ❤

[@LauraMedeiros-e3u]

I have all of this. Great explanation. Thank you I’ll keep watching. It’s hard to find help because there aren’t many people in your field that truly understand this

[@jeffrey_jpeg]

You are truly a blessing, doc. You've helped so many people by giving insight into concepts, different perspectives and so much more. Thank you so much!

[@LewisCoxIII]

You really understand abuse!! I am amazed, relieved, and impressed! I was married to an abuser and studied with an expert for 2 years to understand it, and rarely encounter anyone who actually understands it, including other counselors. Please keep spreading this message. The only thing I can add is that abusers take away your autonomy because they believe they have the right to. Abuse starts with the belief they have the right to control you. Then when you act independently, they feel like they are the one who is being victimized, which leads most victims to believe that they are indeed the problem, because most abusers actually believe it themselves.

[@retroplayuk]

From watching your streams I find each person your talking to has a golden nugget somewhere inside, maybe more than one golden nugget. Each person has their own way to viewing things that caused them an issue in some way and its helped me understand myself better when I can relate. Recently ive been watching alot of your videos and my general anxiety has been calming down. I think some new ways of thinking of things from your content made some of my negative thinking patterns break down and thats why I feel better :)

[@jennw6809]

Unlike so much other mental health content here on YT (despite it being really important to my understanding) Dr. K always makes me FEEL better to watch. Keep watching and stuff starts to happen!

[@gillesdesrochers3577]

SO. SO spot on. I weep as I listen. It’s as though you were talking directly to me. I checked off all of those initial boxes. Unbelievably insightful. More than weeks of therapy. God bless you.

[@besreal3419]

Just like dog training. I got trained like a dog by my abuser father who became outraged at me as a 3 year old when I was left at home alone with him while my mother worked to support us all. I went to Daddy crying because my diaper was full and falling off. He screamed at me "Wait until your mother gets home!" Another time, age 4, I was learning to help put the groceries away. I squeezed the bread, so my father flung me by my arm out of the kitchen and across the living room where my face landed against the coffee table; I still have a scar from the bleeding split the table edge made to my face. I, like my mother, became a man pleaser who would submit to anything to prevent men from raging at me. Like a good dog, I even acted loving and agreable whenever a bigger male came into my presence. I thought, subconciously, that I knew how to make males happy - so that they wouldn't want to rage at or beat me. Rather than being a consentual sex partner, I was pretending in order to avoid a fight that a petite female could never win. Nice Guys were very confused by my subsequent behavior to avoid them at all costs. Nowadays I immediately recognize "Angry Controller Men" when I see them out in public yelling at another; usually their female partner or child.

[@suziehan474]

Thanks