Why People Call You Passive Aggressive... ft. Tectone

[@Tectone]

Thanks again Dr. K

[@peacekeeperjfsr]

Mtashed is ready to do the rosaria cosplay

[@totallysimping]

Glad you’re getting help ❤️

[@false_hope2149]

Hope you start feeling better and I hope the new genshin update will be fun for you 🙂

[@adolan8887]

Dr.K really hit the nail on what's wrong and im glad you feel better.

[@ogshinobi1]

I'm glad your getting help teccy

[@yujabubbletea887]

1:12:55 “Don’t apologize for what you feel bad for, but apologize for how they are hurt, and that involves listening to them first” I’ve never heard someone so succinctly explain how to properly apologize, this is amazing!

[@freeluigi4444]

👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@iota-09]

there's something rubbing me the wrong way about that though. i've seen lots of people actually "desiring" an apology even if i don't understand what i may have done wrong. like let's assume i do wrong to one person due to some body language schmuck i didn't catch upon(i am on the ASD and that kinda stuff is tough to figure out for me) they would of course say they are hurt, and i'd be like... "ok, i'm sorry to have hurt, but... why? like, what have i done?" and i would get no answer to that, in fact, i would only be asked to apologize even more, but... i don't get it. if i don't understand why i hurt someone, how is any words coming from my mouth in the form of an apology an actual apology? how can i feel bad for how they are hurt, if i can't understand why they are hurt in the first place?(and thus apologize for it) and honestly, i find rather silly and nonsensical that some people are fine even with what woul dessentially be a lie at that point, one they even know is a lie(an apology that comes from the only goal of ending the conversation rather than from me understanding their pain and sharing my, well, apologies)

[@duncanrobertson6472]

​@@iota-09 I think you're misunderstanding apologies, so I'll try to give you a better framework for how they work. So, say someone tells you that you hurt them. In a healthy relationship, they're probably telling the truth, and it's courteous to assume they're telling the truth even if it doesn't make sense to you. This is especially important in close relationships where you've built up trust. If you believe they're telling the truth, then it's normal to express that you feel bad that you hurt them, and it wasn't your intention, even if you don't yet understand how you hurt them. The danger with asking questions, (and where I'm guessing you might have gone wrong) is that it can signal to the other person that you don't believe them. If you don't fully convey that you believe them, asking questions may appear like you're expressing distrust, which feels bad in relationships where mutual trust is important. Now what Dr. K and this commentor mean when they say "listen first" is that you should listen before finishing the apology. If you quickly say sorry in a way that implies finality, then it will signal that you don't care to understand the situation. Letting the other person tell you what they want to tell you will signal to them that you care about them, and it will inform you on how to avoid hurting them again. Basically, a full apology is a multi step process. Listening, and learning how you hurt someone is important so you can avoid doing it again, but first, and most importantly: you should express that you believe them, are sorry they're hurt, and didn't intend to hurt them. In well established relationships, with minor issues, this can done minimally, utilizing body language and tone of voice, but especially if I had ASD, I'd play it safe and put it into words. It's also possible the person isn't ready to explain how you hurt them. Apologizing by expressing you believe them, are sorry they're hurt, and didn't intend to hurt them may be the best you can do, and that's ok. I hope this helps!

[@iota-09]

@@duncanrobertson6472 the problem is when the other person doesn't say much though, if they don't say much beyond a request of apology, what do i have to listen to? i may be sorry for making a mistake, and i might even believe them(even though i don't get why they wouldn't believe me when i say i am sorry that i did a mistake, no matter how much i might be more confused than actually sorry, it's not like i enjoy hurting others after all) but if i don't get it i don't get it, that's all there is to it. "conversations are a co-op game", but it doesn't sound like there's much co-operation going on to me if the other person is actively making it so i can't understand what they're even talking about. as for people "not being ready to explain what might have hurt them"... that's just something beyond my comprehension, i simply don't get it.

[@duncanrobertson6472]

@@iota-09 "if they don't say much beyond a request of apology, what do i have to listen to?" If you have apologized, told them you don't really understand what upset them and would like them to explain what exactly you did wrong, then they refuse to explain: nothing. You've done all there is to do, unless they want to bring it up at a later point. "i don't get why they wouldn't believe me when i say i am sorry that i did a mistake" This is probably because something in your body language, expression, or tone of voice is signaling something else, and that's causing them to not trust you. If you say sorry, but your face and tone of voice are blank, too exaggerated, confused, angry, etc. then it won't seem genuine. Dr K talks about this in the video when he explains why people say Tectone is passive-aggressive. Basically, if anything you're doing at that point is unusual, it can send off signals to the other person that you're not being genuine "if i don't get it i don't get it, that's all there is to it." Maybe. You should try, but if you still don't understand, you can just say something like "I still don't really understand, but I'm sorry." "if the other person is actively making it so i can't understand what they're even talking about" Kinda sounds like a co-op game with someone who speaks a different language. "as for people "not being ready to explain what might have hurt them"... that's just something beyond my comprehension, i simply don't get it." People tend to avoid uncomfortable conversations. Explaining how you hurt them could be an uncomfortable conversation from their perspective, especially if they're still upset.

[@burg3575]

It may be a very subtle thing/detail but the moment Tecc asked permission and was allowed to cuss, Dr. K also started adding cuss words whenever it was his turn to talk, setting an even atmosphere where Tecc can feel more comfortable on how he would usually talk normally thats awesome

[@johntresca8531]

He didn't ask permission to cuss lol. He asked if he can address Dr. K Alok which is his real name.

[@darkcreatures]

@@johntresca8531 he asked if it was alright for him to cuss within like the first 10 minutes of the video... Did you even watch it?

[@kexruss]

@@johntresca8531 did you even watch at all

[@burg3575]

@@johntresca8531 bruh

[@ajax4676]

@@johntresca8531 stupid is as stupid does lmao

[@krizaxe1]

"You can't undo 28 years of programming overnight just because you understand what the problem is." This is why I love Dr. K and his work and know that he is not a fraud. He's not selling fake instant solutions or trying to convince you that what he says is gonna change your life immediately.

[@perniciouschattel5211]

+1. I like how Dr K is blunt and helpful. But doesn't make any promises or over-reach on any of his conclusions. He points out the problem compassionately and makes the solution clearly, but doesn't minimize the challenge of changing. He does content right, compelling and ethical.

[@frostedlambs]

He might have killed reckful tho and pushed him away from getting therapy

[@tennicksalvarez9079]

@@frostedlambs who rekful?

[@Zirp-]

Believe someone is not a fraud because of the things they say resonate with you < Believe someone is not a fraud because they are licensed which confirms they at least have expertise in the field they talk about and gives them no benefit in lying unless they want to risk their hard work to gain a reputation/license/degree for quick cash.

[@Raskolnikov1996]

As someone else mentioned, that's a bad parameter to know whether someone is legit or not. You're low hanging fruit for bullshitters like Tate

[@Hyurno]

This was a fantastic episode.

[@chickenwing2453]

What's up check mark

[@rosseta9739]

@@StartRunning. 😐

[@MikhailTheDragonZero]

@@StartRunning. Cope. you're obsessed with this man I see you everywhere

[@shukohs]

@@StartRunning. are you serious rn

[@Myuikoo]

@@StartRunning. I'm curious why you think that ?

[@MrMcwesbrook]

When he mentioned that he is always afraid of saying the wrong thing at the end of the conversation, I was like "oh that's why he was so vague in the beginning of the conversation"

[@KarelGita]

Thing is he says so much stuff, and a lot of it is actually bad

[@Qopa]

@@KarelGita not entirely. It was his fear of talking too much since people actually hate him for it. Dish had some problem with this.

[@Qopa]

Oh yeah and another thing, a lot of his friends like him for his Tectone persona (the very talkative, sarcastically funny personality), and Tectone is sometimes apprehensive about joining a discord call with his "Friends" (one did randomly hated him outta nowhere and that scares him) because he had to watch what he says in order to gauge of whether this will fucked up his relationship with them again or not. So he was never really himself on his stream except for that one time he actually cried on stream, or the video where he did a game show with his wife (at the end) where chat brought his wife a car and he was barely able to formed a coherent speech when he was talking to her about how amazing it was that chat did it for his wife's safety.

[@PenguinsAreColdish]

@@Qopa what a weirdo

[@streamgirlsnight]

@@Qopa wdym his wifes safety

[@Gino_Seee]

“They’re motivational energy is dispersed in a thousand different directions. We call that unmotivated.” That hit home

[@citywizardgames]

Never heard of this Tectone guy before, but damn if this wasn't an amazing lesson on how to listen to others in your life and be a better friend.

[@jonathansanchezberaldo3010]

You should wach him he makes pretty funny content honestly. Pd:if you don t play like genshin i don t know if you ll like him but it doesn t hurt to try ,also 100%agree with you.

[@Tyronom]

@@jonathansanchezberaldo3010 there is only 24h a day, and too many funny, etc. content to be watched out there, so he should nothing, he could give a peek perhaps if he can afford spending his time on it

[@wicked5999]

@@Tyronom "you should watch him" means the same as "I recommend his content"

[@Tyronom]

@@wicked5999 Well, not for me, but maybe because English is not my native language. And since it's a global language now, it's better to be careful.

[@jonathansanchezberaldo3010]

@@wicked5999 yea i totally mean that cuz i honestly mean it in that way ,wasn t saying nothing wrong rigth?

[@isabellegozen2436]

I would really like to applaud Tectone. Whether he has messed up or not, I think he is dealing with the problem in a very mature way. It is very brave to put a session like this online and show your vulnerable self. Thank you for showing us the way and giving courage to seek help❤ I hope everything will turn out well for you, Teccy, very-very soon!

[@Lunar_Wave]

I agree with what you said. I can't think of one time I've seen someone dealt with than issue with this mature level. It's uncommon now and days. I'm also to blame but watching this makes you think to yourself about how you can deal with your issue's.

[@megamonstercookies]

Well said

[@boomknight1015]

As a person who follows people around him and so often hear of him during colabs. It's honestly really hate to hear him getting so choked up over a really natural feeling I can relate to. Someone with a public face where a bad video can ruin their living it's really hard to do this out side of private.

[@signspace13]

This episode should be a poster as to why America needs real mental health care.

[@ozion4378]

@@Xing_travel He's still right though.

[@ilovescaramouche4734]

and free health care. Richest country in the world yet cant offer its citizens health care lmao

[@bellanegawa3180]

Definitely agree but teccy isn't American

[@Crackbamboo]

He canadien ithink

[@chillernokiller1926]

they especially need to stop this cancel culture bullshit and stop beeing such crybabys on a lot of things I dont get it.

[@ersikaQT]

Personal notes: 1:12:53 Don't apologize what you feel bad for, apologize how they are hurt

[@SS-in1ts]

But don’t say “I’m sorry you’re hurt” say “I’m sorry for my actions. I was wrong”. Ugh! Brain scramble.

[@glu3dd]

@@SS-in1ts im sorry i hurt you

[@ughitstravis9243]

@@SS-in1tsyeah pretty much

[@twyangle]

Dr K, you are a true magician. You opened up a whole new era of helpfulness for both Teccy and both yours and his chat. Really appreciate what you did for those couple hours. Probably one of the best couple of hours some people have experienced

[@shadowedphenex8573]

Tryanzical EggyGrab

[@TheUjosh]

Hey, I remember you! I learned a lot from this video too, and surprisingly more about myself as well. I empathize with Teccy more with this video and want to be a better person myself

[@twyangle]

@@shadowedphenex8573 Shadowed Phenex eggyGrab

[@twyangle]

@@TheUjosh Nice to see you again!!

[@ZaReGFX]

I like ur pfp

[@neil5694]

A very surprising interview, but a needed one. I’m glad they made up.

[@invadercivic2774]

Were they fighting?

[@neil5694]

@@invadercivic2774 Teccy and Enviosity (He’s another popular genshin streamer.) had a little drama a couple days ago. It was all big misunderstanding but it got blown out of proportion, from what I understood.

[@kaitlynmorgan4613]

@@neil5694 i think they thought he and dr. k had a conflict since u didnt say who he made up with lol

[@MagnificentPez]

"Have you ever tried asking the other person", I felt the impact that Teccy felt from those words.

[@AllyMind5Star]

I like Dr. K. But he also seems to miss things like this. Asking the other person that question is like smacking him in the face.

[@artemyburakh12]

@@AllyMind5Star but such questions is exactly why Teccy considered this conversation very important. Harsh reality check is what therapy does, and when there is only one session, there should be as many checks as can be

[@johnnyparsnips7641]

​@AllyMind5Star people go to therapy because it's necessary, not because it's easy.

[@deutgi]

Strangely, as someone with autism i can relate to a lot of teccy's social struggles. I relate to his experiences with not knowing what people want or how they are feeling sometimes, or even how to express myself. when you talked about the cognitive systems and rules, it really struck a chord with me. this is exactly how i do things!

[@mysticflow467]

its not strange tho, that's what autism does

[@puddypudding9609]

@@mysticflow467 i think they mean its strange that tectone has the same issues as someone with autism does

[@mysticflow467]

@@puddypudding9609 hmmm its debatable

[@Myuikoo]

Yeah, I'm actually kind of.. amazed ? Surprised ? By the way he adapted, how he functions and how similar it can be to a person with autism.

[@jj6148]

@@Myuikoo As someone with autism, I totally understand what you mean.

[@LucaTony]

I watched this live and honest to god, Teccy's life story tore me apart man... He has gone through so much and his behaviour from the recent drama makes a lot more sense with this interview in mind. As both a Teccy viewer and someone who was positively impacted by some of your previous chats, thank you for what you do :) Edit: Typos

[@nathanadamson6324]

You made a video about the tectone drama.

[@LucaTony]

@@nathanadamson6324 Indeed. Summarized it to try and remove misinformation while it was going on and gave my opinion afterwards. On a series that existed before the drama and touches on important community and general game news. Regardless of if I made a vid including it, I can still feel sympathetic towards the parties involved, especially since Teccy and Envi are some of my favorite creators.

[@SHmoogleThe1st]

Teccy has told his chat multiple times how his life was before. But the thing is, he always said it with a joke or not showing weakness. But that stream he had to let his real feelings flow out, for him, for his chat and possible future friends of his.

[@2Grills1Kappa]

@@azca. These are some very harsh thoughts and words. Have you watched this interview with Dr. K?

[@zoinksscoob6523]

@@azca. cant watch a 2 hour session huh, shows how braindead most hate watchers are

[@nielskoomans]

it's comforting to know the world isn't that big. i don't know him, but his story is very relatable

[@firehomefireq8]

Indeed

[@D_Jilla]

FeelsGoodMan

[@suly3243]

“all the most brilliant revelations seem simple afterwards“

[@lockelamora4184]

Lol that's part of the problem. Swallowing the pill that so much has went wrong just because of this little thing that just happened to snowball. Feelsbadman. Also feels good I guess though.

[@DesignThinkerer]

Hindsight is 20/20

[@IllD.]

I believe this phenomena is called "The Curse of Knowledge". Its sad this has been discovered by ancients a millennia ago but most of us don't know about this and only figure it out through experience.

[@akshyun8920]

A good example is gravity.

[@nudibranch8659]

@@IllD. Because we have the idea that the way to make sense of things is to add complexity, not to take it away, and our modern society supports it 100%.

[@kihyonii]

Another great episode. I love how tectone describes what dr.k does is like solving a puzzle. Feel like as I watch more videos, each and every one has a different complicated puzzle to solve, and I'm able to maybe connect some pieces but dr.k ultimately solves most of it and it just becomes mind blowing to me and so educational.

[@sev6n]

bro you put the thoughts i had into words thank you

[@cia1998]

Very well said

[@Giuseppe_1994]

Adhd had me apologizing when I didn’t need to for 20+ years. I had my own good will hunting going on, hadn’t really realized that I wasn’t a bad person or, “unable/stupid”. I’m still working on forgiving myself/building the confidence that I should naturally have.

[@D_Jilla]

Tectone acting on the Strategic meta of his childhood in his current relationships which make it difficult because normal relationships operate by a different rule set is such an amazing analogy and super relatable.

[@secondsein7749]

He also uses the wrong strategy learned from his theater days. He mentioned that he learned from theather is to amplify your base personality to max. That works in a scripted and rigid setting but in his field where he has to deal with people that aren't following the script, it won't work. Most of his problem is because of his tectone persona that are super aggressive and thinks that he has to do everything. If he had just been himself where he is a bit more chilled, none of this would happen. Ironically, he once said that he use his persona as to avoid pain because if people don't like his true personality, the remark would hurt like hell. But the tectone persona ended up hurting him just as much if not more.

[@D_Jilla]

@@secondsein7749 sure you're not wrong but what's your point exactly?

[@waningmoone]

@@D_Jilla basically they're trying to say teccy should've been chill with his normal personality (the one off camera) on streams and with his interactions, that way he would've hurt himself less

[@mariamerigold]

​@secondsein7749 he couldn't be chill. His confident/overpowering persona was a survival strategy that kept him safe. It's easy to say he just should have been his chill self on stream, but that's kinda like telling someone with a broken leg to just "walk bro"

[@SaiKitUwU]

Man, it hurt to watch Tectone try to hold back breaking down and letting out tears. Just hearing more about his life and what he has gone through breaks my heart. And then hearing him talk about the recent drama he went through and how people will go out of there way to tear him apart, not even considering his side and him providing facts, was so hard. I always saw Tectone as a really happy guy that just loved video games and the communities he's tied to, the turn it up to 11 kind of guy that he mentioned, but being depressed majority of the time behind the scenes, makes me want to just give him a hug man. I hope this interview with Dr. K is the first step for him to being happy because he has spent majority of his life caring for others, it's time for him to take care of himself.

[@MCY112]

LMAO never expected tectone to be on here with Dr K Edit: Damn after watching it's really interesting to see and hear his true feelings of all the shit I've seen him go through this past while, I'll prob never look at him the same way again. Mad respect

[@Tylysia]

Yeah People who hate him for no reason or misunderstood him really need to watch this

[@lostconciousness4255]

A lot of people in prison have a sad story to tell, too.

[@jrpgtrash1261]

@@lostconciousness4255 you're comparing a man who has said klee can be a waifu for a 12 year old to criminals .. did you learn nothing from this video?

[@auto-matron]

@@jrpgtrash1261 a lot of people in prison aren't criminals, possibly. at least that's how i took the comment. a poor defense in court or a messed up legal system in general has damned a disproportional number of folks to jail time, when perhaps social services or mental healthcare might have been a better thing for that individual. might be a topic close to home for LostConciousness. something to consider, i hope.

[@TheChrowne]

Tectone's reactions to whenever Dr. K gives him gems are amazing. YOU CAN JUST SEE HIS MIND OPEN

[@Salchichas38]

I have never seen any KZbin in such a state, especially for someone that is usually very happy as teccy, to just get personal and emotional really hits different. He deserves the best and hope he gets better.

[@D_Jilla]

Yeah he did say how he turns his happiness and attitude up to 11 but is really depressed a lot of time

[@Salchichas38]

@Sanningen that quote is so overused and beaten to death that I thought it was just an cliche in fan fic, but I couldn’t describe it better in this situation.

[@D_Jilla]

@Sanningen is it really that overused? I think still think it's very valid though

[@justjuniorjaw]

Dr K has already made a talk on this. The man with the mask are usually the most depressed and loneliest.

[@dydrono]

@@D_Jilla It can be overused AND be a valid statement. Personally, I've never heard that quote before, however it's meaning is very applicable to far more than just being sad. That goes for just about any feeling; many people don't want others to suffer the same fate they have/had.

[@Anonymous9259]

Never really cared about tectone since he always seemed so over the top and that's just not my cup of tea but never hated the guy. Him opening up and desperately trying to get help is admirable. Great job of Dr. K, really digging deep in all of this and really ripping open a new perspective and light on things for the guy. I wish the best for his mental health and his relationships.

[@exodyno]

since I've watchedTectone during Arknight days, his personality truly made me think to not take him seriously and I'm glad I did. I relate to this guy a lot and that was the huge factor for me to not take him seriously. Glad he's getting help.

[@DavidBaronStevensPersonal]

I love how Dr K is speaking in terms of League of Legends to describe complex phycological concepts. Pure genius.

[@cleverman383]

Dr K was a DOTA player before he was a doctor

[@DamianSzajnowski]

​@@cleverman383 he still plays from what I understand

[@snackz843]

All i have to say about tectone at 10:00 when he says he was forced into sports and he hates them now. I feel the exact same way, I was always the most athletic kid on the field but the force from my dad and pressure from my peers and brothers all collapsed on top of me. I don't hate all sports, but its just very hard to find love or interest in something when its being shoved down your throat your whole life

[@BrianM1777]

I was forced to do football for a bit. Guess which sport I despise. I love other sports though.

[@pewpewpew1834]

I used to love art, I would draw all the time, I literally couldn’t stop. But then my parents were like:” oh you draw all the time so you should make that your living” and they kept pressuring me to draw. And now I don’t hate it, but I find it so hard to find motivation anymore

[@snackz843]

When u find a love for something on your own it is motivating, it’s just finding that initial spark

[@necrocoffee5626]

I had the opposite outcome. Ive been athletic since i was 3 and now a 29 yearold that workouts for peace of mind. My cousins had instruments shoved down their throats and hated it with tears in eyes but now play to relax, meditate, or contemplate.

[@gecs-sg3rc]

@@pewpewpew1834 dang are we twins? I got so much pressure on me i'm just burnt out on art as a whole

[@BradleyVS1236]

Damn this one really hit me personally. I've had most of the same relationship problems textone's had with hurting others, trying to figure out boundaries without asking, dominating conversations, condescension. The part where you introduced the idea of asking more questions instead of basically being a dialogue algorithm really opened my eyes a bit more. Thank you so much dr k and tectone. Can't wait for your guide!!

[@c6tlvr]

can’t believe tectone is here, i never thought i’d relate to him sm

[@c6tlvr]

my man got a quality wife, good for him he deserves it

[@CAMI9023]

@@c6tlvr I think or at least hope they found a healthy medium to their relationship because hearing what he said about her and also about him, she could be easily manipulable with the wrong person, I'm happy he's with her and is aware and tries to make her take the control of the relationship sometimes, even though he's conditioned to be the one in control. They seem very good for each other, it's very wholesome 🥺

[@marcelusdarcy]

God I relate sooo much to not knowing that you can just ask someone what they think. Idk who this guy is but props to him for being so open here

[@Musikmaker658]

52:06 Comparing life and certain life situations to a modpack is such a smart analogy, he killed it. Some people had to play different metagames and when forced to deal with a new one they are oblivious. Saying it like that makes the situation that much easier to deal with and less abstract. Edit: After the end it's astounding to see the development. John said himself he wasn't able to handle silence in a conversation and in the end, of course he had a lot to process and yet he was able to tolerate nearly 20 seconds full of no interaction between the two of them exceptionally well. Dr. K is right when he says that he handles those paradigm shifts better than others would. There is a genuine interest to apply the knowledge that is given to him, unconsciously or not he does it instantly. You can see the healing process begin throughout the whole video and that is quite satisfying.

[@Artemis0567]

Dude, why has it taken me 10 years of KZbin to FINALLY discover this KZbin channel. It aligns perfectly with my interests and through this talk alone I have learnt so much! Thank you for the Dept and wealth of this chanel

[@clem7057]

Because Dr.K only does this thing since like 2 years or something

[@SilverYPheonix]

I guess because you don't know many famous youtubers :c

[@arashi6909]

DR K OH MY GOD HIS UNDERSTANDING OF THOUGHT PROCESSES AND ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE THAT ITS SO ENLIGHTENING

[@tnntlmmn277]

it should be taught in school

[@NikHem343]

This was outstanding. I don’t know Tectone, but the guy impressed me being so receptive towards Dr. K‘s input. Can’t remember any other interview where people were able to understand and acknowledge the patterns they live by without any resistance whatsoever. Admirable.

[@halosmith8208]

i agree as well its impressive tbh!

[@ZabaTheFrog]

I am gonna assume it's because he might be autistic! A lot of autistic people I know are extremely good at receiving feedback if it's measured, fair and they're heard/seen

[@SamBs]

really respect Tectone for opening up like this

[@Chucanelli]

Wow, Tecc -- I am so impressed and heartened by the effort and heart going on this intense mind walk. I had lightbulb moments right along with you, because like Dr. K said, you're definitely not the only one. And it helped me understand my brother who has that black-and-white, it's-not-that-hard-to-not-fuck-up mindset. He's also a good guy, but it's been hard to connect, partly because I couldn't understand why he seemed so closed-off and judgmental. We came from a broken home, single mom, screamer, siblings were pitted against each other. It makes sense now. Thank you so much for coming on, I can't tell you how valuable it's been. I'm so, so glad it was transformative for you; you have such a big heart, a wonderful mind, and a rare sincerity, and all you needed was a little feedback from someone you trust. You needed so little, one session, to break through really difficult conditioning. You're a good man, I'm rooting for ya.

[@vinceramces]

intro: Tectone & Enviosity had misunderstanding. they apologize and made up together. they're asking the community to not harm other content creators.

[@kuro._aert]

It's been wholesome after they got together and i love it

[@bidawang8267]

What happen between teccy and envi? I missed the issues

[@bidawang8267]

@@ZzzZ-hm3mr ah i see, so there is some big streamer that insulted because they arent invited, is that right?

[@StartRunning.]

because they are the same person, you cant exactly argue with the same person with the same mindset now can you?

[@junjulyaugust9]

@@ZzzZ-hm3mr Not even close. Tectone kept comparing himself to Enviosity and passively inciting his viewers to harass Envi. This has been happening even before the gameshow.

[@Missdreavus1]

Holy shit, as a Tectone fan, I just watched this out of concern and support for my guy, but a lot of this hit me hard personally. I think most of it is bc of my autism and anti-social personality shit, but also my upbringing. Damn.

[@treasurechest2951]

Yeah I identify with his overexertion at being loud and gregarious to make up for his insecurities. Autism and family problems seem to go hand in hand a lot and it's true for me. I wonder if hiding your true self comes from the struggles of autism or because it's hard to trust due to family trauma, or if they're the same. Because when autistic and vulnerable (to bullying, manipulation), it can be hard to trust the world in general.

[@SuperLotus]

You might not want to use the phrase 'anti-social personality' to refer to yourself or people might think you have anti-social personality disorder (unless you actually are a sociopath)

[@Missdreavus1]

@@SuperLotus Many people, including myself, have autism symptoms that overlap into an antisocial personality disorder diagnosis. While some might argue it's a misdiagnosis, it is what it is on paper. There are some people that actually say autism itself is an antisocial personality disorder, but mine specifically manifests because of years of masking and unhealthy coping mechanisms, resulting in struggles when it comes to empathy. Also, there's really nothing wrong with having antisocial personality disorder. Many people have no problem leading healthy lives while coping with their disorders.

[@SuperLotus]

@@Missdreavus1 I understand that a person can have traits that aren't malignant, but generally people with cluster B personality disorders are abusive and/or exploitive. If you don't care if people make that assumption, that's cool. Just wanted you to know that people might interpret that in that way. I have autism too btw and I know what it's like to say things that aren't a big deal to me, but others react negatively to. Maybe it's codependency on my part, but I try to avoid saying or doing things that will rub people the wrong way.

[@bprebula]

Same!

[@BreMue]

Damn 37:00 and the intolerance of others mistakes Hit me hard honestly, my thinking is along teccy's lines for sure so this is honestly helpful to me too Really happy to see this shared, it's not easy to have that out there/the aftermath of it out there. Much love

[@scarleteverett993]

I'm a fan of him since he was pulling for Zhongli for the first time and been watching his vids everyday. Hearing his story made my heart break.. He went through much shit just to find happiness through being a content creator.. No matter how much people shit on you teccy, I still support you.

[@hartssquire9386]

When he mentioned playing life like a single player game it really hit me hard, I've always played single player games, even playing a multi-player game I always felt like I was playing it by myself and the other people just so happened to be around me because I never really had a friend group to play with. Love your content and thank you for the help, I absorb things better from a third-person perspective, so being able to see someone else go through a therapy session has been more helpful than going myself ever has been

[@xuser9980]

John, my brother, my wife is in the behavioral health field. And without going more than five minutes into your video, mainly out of respect to you and your privacy, you are making such the right move to seek help. All the best to you and the potential you possess. Big hugs.

[@MadOwlMurphy]

I barely only know Tectone since a few Months, through Emirus Videos and the Steak&Eggs Podcast and i always found him to be a great entertainer and just a chill dude. To hear where he comes from just makes me having massive respect towards him. This Video made me cry multiple times. I could relate to a lot and the conversation gives me a lot to think and talk about on a personal level. I find it so amazing you are doing this Dr.K it is really needed and i am glad it is so appreciated.

[@Danxiety]

This was an incredible watch. So happy to see Tectone growing, and to observe and learn from Dr K. There were a lot of mind blowing and opening moments here.

[@veronicalala300]

whoa this really helped me, especially the part about leading conversations with friends too much. i always feel so much pressure to make my friends have fun with me

[@suly3243]

1:23:20 this conversation is the opposite of the conversations he had in his life which I think is part of why it felt emotionally powerful since the beginning of the conversation.

[@koylar]

dang man , i wanted to cry hearing this man’s story . I can relate a lot to a hard childhood and finding yourself in situations you didn’t know how to read or decipher

[@NeIIy]

Oh woah wasn't expecting to see Tectone here, but very good timing regarding what has happened recently

[@hoarauadam9954]

what happened

[@NeIIy]

@@hoarauadam9954 there was a huge misunderstanding bubbling up between tectone and envi thats been there for a while and now it got really out of hand and blew up recently

[@elizabethivy1337]

"There's no space for other peoples feelings, thoughts, perspectives --it's about right or wrong." Well, this is one of the many personal revelations that I got from watching this session. Being right was more important when I was a child because it determined whether or not punishment was incoming. Feelings were not acknowledged and my opinions were rarely heard. You don't realize that's not the norm if that's the only model for behavior you had growing up. I don't personally follow Tectone, but I've seen him in videos from time to time. It's amazing how similar we are in our thinking processes that came from childhood trauma. I'm also 28, and I've only just started to learn in the past year how different my social wiring is from others. It's jarring and difficult to heal.

[@raduandrei2190]

I've been watching the videos for a while now. And it made me cry realizing the happiness of Dr. K when tectonic regained his hope. And not only techtonic. It's such a beautiful genuine happiness and compassion towards other people that he has and it clicked. I have a somewhat relatable experience with tectonic, in the sense that I find it hard to rely on others. I shed a tear whenever I realize that such pure compassion Like Dr. K's exists

[@Stilldth]

32:39 - 32:50 I felt that. I'm very connected to people I am working with, as long as I am still working with them in the same company. But as soon as I move elsewhere and get a different job (since I was abroad multiple times) I just lose the connection with people that aren't playing video games with me. Since asking each other how are you and how's work, or what's new feels just shallow to me. Honestly the whole interview feels almost tailored for myself, with just couple of differences here and there. I'm happy for Tectone and support him in trying to take care of himself this way.

[@hgzmatt]

Yeah exactly. I've moved a number of times and I've never been able to keep those relationships alive afterwards. The last time I moved I tried really hard.. but eventually I had to give up. It was only me reaching out and the conversations ended up super shallow and uninspired. I guess the only thing we had in common was shared experience.. at work and in our free time. I've never had a friendship that lasted 8 years.. that seems impossible to me. My only relationship lasted like 2 months until it ended for reasons unknown to me.. maybe the long distance aspect.

[@Alex-sr7op]

@@hgzmatt "Until it endet for reasons unknown to me". Did you even watch the interview? Why no ask what was the reason? How could you change if you do not ask?

[@hgzmatt]

@@Alex-sr7op What if they refuse to talk to you.. it's not always as simple as it is in your head.

[@monkwashere]

Just now seeing this video and omg has it blown my mind. Extremely relatable and taught me a lot about issues i’ve known i’ve had. Also, great to see Tecc’s thinking change throughout this. Good stuff Dr. K

[@sherpajones]

I picked out a lot of good stuff for me in this video. Asking people why they see it that way is a big one, and a way that wasn't tolerated in my upbringing. I think this also explains my fear of making casual friendships. The fear that I'll fuck up because I don't know the rules.

[@Imhest]

I sincerely resonated with a lot of things in this session. Prioritizing my feelings and beliefs of the world over others, and never asking the other person about their views. It's gotten a lot better along the years but I remember when I was a teenager, googling stuff when I didn't know what to say in a conversation, I probably came across as a know it all. I'm happy this channel exists, and that you gave Tectone a chance, because we all can learn something from everyone. Have a great week everyone.

[@DRUNK__SOULS]

Not gonna lie, this was mad informational for me. I learned a lot about healthy ways to deal with issues that I’ve known about myself for a while now. Never knew I was such a similar person to Tectone but I can honestly say our minds are wired similarly so this was amazing. YT recommended that I stay up an extra 2 hours but this time it was well worth it :)

[@patrickwebb356]

Thank you for publishing this. It kind of gave me shivers hearing you guys work through things that I had always felt but had not had the language to describe. When you talked about wanting to keep a conversation rolling and not "knowing what to do with you" when talking to someone where it doesn't roll and how that feeds into going really all-in on the relationships that seem to click I felt that, as well as not knowing how to make conversation with people when we aren't doing something (playing games, etc.). I'm doing a lot of self-reflection over here myself from what you guys discussed here on this episode.

[@datlyf7616]

this is such an interesting talk and stream cause i saw Tec as a happy-go-lucky guy and just seeing him breakdown immediately after he said he was the "common denominator" was such a relatable thing. like it's such a thing the people can forget that these content creators are human too. they're people too, and we always forget that.

[@l0kk016]

I really respect that Dr. K conversations are a life landmark for the people on it... I personally really admire content creators for making a career out of of their lives, and seeing such lives having this much depth and growth feels like... Like I'm seeing a character analysis made by someone smarter than me... Is a strange thing to say but it is the same feeling i get from it, every single moment with that character flashes through my head and i get more emotional thinking about it than when i actually watched it... I really love Dr. k's job and everything he does for the entire communities of those who talk with him...

[@J.Kimaar]

36:23 the part about being a sacrificial lamb…thank you John. then he asked “who’s feelings are being prioritized?” i’ve never thought of it that way. i guess compassion truly is a vice

[@justine8387]

You spectacularly missed his point.

[@Romain_Galland]

This is my first time watching any KZbin of any length until the end. The video itself was fascinating in itself but being a tectone follower for more than a year it also allowed me to access more compassion toward his “abrasiveness” which has always been a problem for me, so thank you to the both of you for this incredibly open conversation. 💛

[@kikivelvet]

Tectone. Happy to hear you're better bud. You bring me happiness everyday. But, you were going through something and that was selfish of me to not recognize your feelings. I know im just a viewer, but you still hold a place in my heart. If you ever need help with something that isnt as personal as this, feel free to share with your community. Im happy you found professional help. Keep up the good work

[@CottnBudz]

sometimes there's that one friend who you know is in a bad place but he insists that he's fine and ends up hating you and cutting ties with you because you keep trying to help him and in the process you get confused and blame yourself

[@potato4687]

i did that to my past friend once v-v

[@wisecounsel6135]

Sometimes they need help but you may not be the right person for that. sometimes people assume that they have the right advice or help for some 1, or they want to figure it out by themselves. Like when I child wants to play a game but doesn't want your help

[@morganseppy5180]

Dr K has said in the past that he always make his patients take the next step. If you carry them, you take all the responsibility AND they don't have to make an effort in order to change.

[@Rosa-wk9yj]

This video really made me realize how much our upbringing/childhood affects us (fucks us even) during adulthood. Made me realize a lot of the causes of certain personal issues myself.

[@shay712]

I have no idea how I stumbled on this channel. I haven't played a video game since the 90's. I still am fascinated by Dr. K's insights and how honest his guests are, even though I never get the gaming references.

[@Hyrule_bathwater]

OMG Tectone talking about his wife and how good and secure he feels about the relationship immediately before the divorce.

[@CaptainYesz]

What happened? Gonna Google now... Lol... Feel bad for laughing but 😮

[@untermensch787]

​@@CaptainYesz she cheated on him with his assistant, absolutely heartbreaking seeing him talk how she's one of the few people left in his circle

[@Mr26muel]

​@@untermensch787So she wasn't a saint, she was just her own version of flawed.

[@morganseppy5180]

​@@Mr26muelwhich he knew full well, and he said she stayed in calls with friends talking trash about him and didn't defend him. So she was complicit(?) and just treated him like a pet. Puts her saintly forgiveness in a new light.

[@Mr26muel]

@@morganseppy5180 I thought about that too. Yeah he said that he didn't believe the friend telling him nobody likes him because they talk trash behind his back because his wife was on the calls. The guy was telling him the truth and he didn't believe it.

[@AngieLuvsYouuu]

Wow. Not a collab I saw coming, but it really makes sense. Hearing about Tectone sacrificing himself by causing trouble to prevent his brothers from feeling their mother's anger really got to me. Also, he seems SO willing to take criticism. I respect that so much.

[@guobastanding5079]

This man is the first genshin streamer i came across, and to see the level of toxicity projected on him by the community is absolutely disgusting. Although i have felt some things he said were out of place or rude, he certainly does not deserve to be bullied and smeared this way. i still really appreciate his love and passion for the game he’s playing. This guy genuinely loves the game and his job, and i find him a truly genuine person. I hope he continues to pursue his passion and get the support he needs. Stay strong teccy!

[@lappiet4257]

This is the first video of yours i've ever seen, i follow Tectone so I was recommended this and at first I felt like this shouldn't be public, like it was way too personal, but after watching the whole thing I am also walking away with new perspectives and things i can apply to my own life. I understand how this sort of format is helpful for both sides and I appreciate you taking the time to try to help people understand themselves and other people's emotions and how to approach them.

[@maladisi]

Infinite thank you's to Dr. K for creating this healthy gamer community! Infinite thank you to Tectone for willing to be this open about your flaws publicly. I realte to you so much, and hearing Dr. K's advice feels like an absolute game changer. Watching this has opened my eyes in a ways I didn't think I even needed!! I just can't be more thankful for this video.

[@NiramBG]

Good god, this whole interview was amazing. I came here, because I'm a fan of Teccy and was just curious what he would talk about, but my word was it eye opening for myself as well!

[@Z33dott]

This was a tough one. He truly doesn’t see it. Hope you’re doing better my dude. I can relate in a lot of ways and it makes me realize maybe (definitely) there are things I don’t see in myself.

[@egg7739]

I really do feel for tectone. I myself have been gaslit, called out for shit i didnt do, looked at and judged whenever I tried to defend myself or establish boundries, I was just the clown of the group and was never allowed to be anything else. Later I found out they were the toxic ones, not me, and that I deserved better, but that took a long while.

[@MixedReactor]

I love how you started the video with identifying the difference between responsibility and blame. I heard it best like this. You are responsible for how you feel, but it does not mean you are to blame for how you feel.

[@jared8411]

He (Tec) describes some very similar stuff that I experience. Had a few people tell me "everyone hates you", get called passive aggressive even when I am very careful not to act aggressively and I am very highly self conscious and self monitor. So Dr. K's explanations helps, considering I have talked to so many people over 30 years, and no one has ever gave an explanation that made sense like that.

[@ConanTheMerman]

So inspirational, You didn’t just help John out, you helped a lot of his viewers with things they internalize and struggle with, including myself :) :EggyLove:

[@__Krystal__]

The crossover I never knew I wanted til now! I love Teccy! Can't wait to watch this ❤

[@dennisfeliciano7]

Thank you Tectone for tour openess and willingness to become a better version of yourself. I wish more people would do that. Proud of you.

[@alexflips393]

“You only person you can control is yourself” - remember that

[@StartRunning.]

you only person

[@skoptec3024]

you only person

[@alexflips393]

*the - thanks for the catch guys

[@Sabyeon]

4:45

[@bonnibel8987]

wow, this episode was awesome. mind-opening and helped to put everything in order. i loved the cooperation between and the progress. thanks a lot!

[@Sobepome]

Before even starting this, my initial reaction was "fuck yeah, if anyone could use a heart to heart right now it's my boy teccy" and I don't think I'm gonna be disappointed.

[@alexstefan1693]

Watching this episode really blow my mind, because it made me realize I'm a lot like Tectone. This really shed some light over my self, and my behavior. I'm grateful, that you had the courage to be vulnerable in this episode, which I believe it helps a lot of people around the world.

[@heroslippy6666]

Even though I've had a very different upbringing I have some similar problems (also some different ones) in my social relationships. This video is really valuable to me. I will probably come back and watch this several more times.

[@radekmojzis9829]

I am really agreeable person, and i used to be quite passive agressive with how i tryed expressing that something anoyed me. what really helped me out was - as soon as anything feels off, i dont like something that would bug me for a week i immediately say exactly what is on my mind and how i think about something. i might come out as rude... as i said i am really agreeable so this behavior is in contrast to how i usually behave so ppl dont assume i do it because im being rude.. and if they dont like it, we just discuss it... also it helps me with my "doormat" personality... so speaking my mind honestly, as soon as possible... also stoping lying was a good thing but... ok, i wrote this comment before i saw the entire thig... listening to this whole thing explained to me, why what i wrote works, and perhaps gave me more information about how to navigate social interactions better. thanks

[@herahagstoz6934]

I’m so full of happiness that this kind of discourse is happening. It’s so hopeful that people have a place to learn about themselves, how to appreciate their own struggles in a nonjudgmental way, and to get a sense of perspective on why these aspects of their behaviors may cause problems in their lives. I’m in a family that has many flavors of neurodiversity including myself. Learning about how these traits combined with childhood experiences etc has helped me understand where and why I personally react differently and how others may react differently to the same things. I’m not positive but John is explaining a lot of traits in his personality as well as family history that I can relate to as a neurodiverse personality. He is very self aware and yet also incredibly blindsided by his behavior upsetting others. When it is explained to him you can almost feel his sense of relief when he makes the connection and starts revisiting much of his past. I hope he doesn’t stop here. I hope he can find some therapy of a similar caliber and general understanding of the issues he faces. I wish everyone could. It’s so so helpful and important to un-f yourself both mentally and emotionally. We naturally get stuck in our own thoughts and especially in our lives today when so much of our lives are so isolated from being open and getting quality human interaction and assistance. We end up with really maladaptive thoughts and behaviors that unfortunately attract the same or worse from others who are equally as lonely and vulnerable. This kind of personal work is crucial to our society functioning even if technology changes how we interact. I’m sad when people are reaching out for this and yet it is out of reach or they get a toxic mimic and never try again. So once again, the necessity of content like this cannot be overstated. ❤ 😊

[@blakebailey2447]

That lane pressure analogy was incredible lol. It always amazes me how dr.kay finds a way to relate psychology to video games

[@chrispyy99]

46:34 hits hard. When you realize a pattern of behaviour that you learned from your childhood and how it affects you across all relationships up until that moment. Its a moment of not only clarity but comfort. Comfort in the fact that its a behaviour and it isnt who we are as a person.

[@victormedina7553]

i have never related with a guy so much thank you Tectone for all the content you put out and Dr.k for all the great work, i've learned so much.

[@westifer8838]

This makes so much sense on why I dislike certain people when they speak, they jump to conclusions, this whole time I just thought it was because the way they ramble or how they talk. Thanks for sharing Dr!

[@kokocute123]

47:00 This is such a game changing social skill most people need to know. I think a lot of us put our ego in the way too much to actually ask what the problem is and instead, we already put answers based on our perspective and standard - which is totally unfair for the other person. Our right answer might not be their right answer, and we need to be ok with that.

[@daily676]

I like that these videos indirectly helped me and other people

[@river8142]

Daaamn. Dr. K is good. The power dynamics part really hit home for me

[@duckymcqueen6336]

Coming to this interview a year later and its been a kick in the tail with my own thinking. I didn't grow up the same as Tecc, but I can relate to not having the proper relationship tools instilled into me. I do have a lot of black and white thinking when it comes to others and need to work on it.

[@odhrandillonkelly9262]

Great vid Really proud of you tectone. You’ve got to be pretty courageous to do this.

[@lamjiajun3579]

Pls continue to do this Dr. Alok. Essentially youre providing a platform for people to share their stories and other viewers with similarities can identify and learn about themselves as well. I got alot from this session as i found many similarities and got some answers to untangling the knots inside my brain. Thank you.

[@AprilSunshine]

John needs friends who are more patient and willing to explain shit to him. The guy is clearly trying

[@fattyjaybird7505]

Yea, idk tho... passive aggressive, how ive seen it, isnt about a miscommunication or unrevealed resentment from the person calling someone passive aggressive.... its when the passive aggressive person acts like they arent resentful, annoyed or angry, when they clearly ARE.... and they tend to hold their anger and resentment until a later date when it all blows up, its like vindictive credit.... unless you can squeeze it out of them at the moment, its really annoying

[@lasiace]

​@@fattyjaybird7505 I think you're describing how passive-aggressiveness appears to other people - what they end up thinking is going on with the person for them to attach the label of "passive-aggressive" onto them. But the reason he was confused, at least from what I understand, is because his internal thoughts didn't really fit that description. The discussion they had was about figuring that out. Because we all know the common definition of passive-aggressiveness, but if that's not what's actually happening but people keep calling you that (which is what it sounds like), then you have to figure out what else could be happening that causes you to appear consistently passive-aggressive. From his explanation, it sounds like a mixture of too much self-assuredness preventing him from asking the right questions and listening properly, tendency to get easily frustrated with people that he felt were making bad decisions, a black-and-white perspective, and over-familiarity making jokes that can be easily misunderstood, combined to make people think he was being passive-aggressive when in reality it was something else.

[@morganseppy5180]

It sounds like that player that dominates all his conversations bc he's The Expert, and add in his miscues, that other people feel leftout or overridden. Lol. Dr K just said it at 1:20:46

[@kellyritz3521]

I hope John gets better I feel really bad for him. Thanks a lot for telling us your whole situation and if you need time take it because we care about you and we are all here for you if you need it. I will constantly support you cause you’ve brightened up my day always with your videos, Hope you get better John and we all love ya💙💙💙

[@cristiandj2088]

This talk seems like it really helped this guy. Really happy for him!

[@azorailke6057]

No it didn't.

[@ExCharny]

God I love the moment where he is telling his dramatic life story, barely holding tears and Dr. K is just like " Mhm.. *SLUUUUUURP* " 9:30

[@Skurian_krotesk]

He is such a giga Chad

[@knucklesskinner253]

Dr k. Is so ingenious and I think the entire video was a flop. It seems he really let bias come though immediately

[@LordRaptorJesus]

*EDIT I dunno how I read that wrong, my bad 😅

[@angeliair2967]

@@knucklesskinner253 idk if this is a joke or not but what bias do you think he had? Didn't Dr k mention that he tries to go into interviews dark, without the knowledge of history or drama surrounding the person?

[@wicked5999]

@@LordRaptorJesus in what way?

[@TheRealOtakuEdits]

I never thought the most zen and most high octane KZbinrs I was subscribed to would ever have a collab but here we are.