Why Potential is Paralyzing | Burnt-Out Gifted Kids Interview

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▼ Timestamps ▼
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Did you peak in elementary school? Why do gifted kids who show so much promise in their earlier years end up having issues with depression, anxiety, and motivation? Thanks to Alchem, Sed, Bee, Sol, and Jacob for coming on the stream and sharing their experiences.
00:00:00 Intro Clip
00:00:20 Introductions
00:08:07 Motivation as a burnt out, gifted kid
00:29:25 Energy and capability, quitting before you start
00:53:03 Stuck in limbo, being allowed to fail
01:21:20 Ego, expectations and hopelessness
02:00:00 Being a "failure", do the best you can
02:15:54 Closing Thoughts
DISCLAIMER
Healthy Gamer is an online community and resource platform for gamers and their families. It does not provided medical services or professional counseling, and it is not a substitute for professional medical care. Our coaches are peer supporters, not professionally trained experts, and they cannot provide medical service. If you or a loved on are experiencing an emergency, please call your nation's emergency telephone number.
All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.
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#gifted #motivation #psychology

[@brettawesome]

As a former gifted kid, I think this is what happens when your teachers & parents hype up your ego because of your intelligence. I was led to believe it would be more than enough so I did not develop work ethic, and was fundamentally overconfident which led to delayed failure later in life.

[@Mani_Katti]

While your childhood might have been out of your control, you can start developing a work ethic now! :)

[@stavrosotinane8739]

@@Mani_Katti I'm not sure about that,I'm 21 and I just can't do it,I worked hard on it for 1 whole year,I studied my ass off and aced my University introduction exams,then when I was in and there was no urgency I just stopped working all together,then the next year again I worked my ass off and passed all my classes in uni(we talking astrophysics,theory of relativity qm1,em1 no easy stuff)and now I've stopped again,if you live 20 years never needing to work,you'll never do,that's me experience.

[@Mani_Katti]

@@stavrosotinane8739 Do you actually care about what you were working so hard for? It sounds like you had no gratification, you've worked hard for the sake of working hard. If I'm wrong, then excuse my assumption.^^ I believe that you can do it but it will take more than just a couple of years. It's been ingrained for a long time, so it will naturally require a long time to unwire stuff about yourself. Seeking help with a therapist could help. Of course, that's all up to you. Just let me say that 21 is still very young. You have a lot of time. Don't give up. Otherwise, I can only wish you the best. Have a nice christmas!

[@thehoodedvagabum7375]

@@stavrosotinane8739 If you had success one time and it was pretty factual that you actually can do that, then it´s obvious the problem is not that you are dumb, but is your habits. Or probably you are just studying that because the wrong reasons. Probably you should look other things or solve some personality or behaviour issues.

[@imaxium7854]

stavros otinane sounds like you are more concerned with the results then getting there. Like in the video, you study for the A, instead of studying to know the material.

[@trevork7420]

So basically these people didn't get the chance to be novices, so they never let themselves be a novice, meaning that they don't allow/forgive novice mistakes.

[@barneyy6942]

Be careful. That's an oversimplification.

[@obsidianflight8065]

@@testytester8303 If you are already perfect and complete, then what‘s the point in doing anything anymore? for personal enjoyment, or because your forced to by (group)

[@s.i.r.o3605]

This is exactly how I've felt. In school I was largely driven by what was fun. What was fun for me were things I was interested in or really good at. As I reached higher heights and competed with increasingly capable people I was no longer as good and became less and less fond of those classes, sports and so on.

[@trevork7420]

@@s.i.r.o3605 You know, what's interesting there is that at some point, you stopped enjoying things because they were fun activities but rather because you were profecient and good at them. And that kinda sucks.

[@tyranmcgrath6871]

The fool precedes the master.

[@bellagarzia9653]

As a former gifted kid who just entered the “real world,” I feel like if I’m not always ahead of my peers, then I’m failing. I know this is illogical, I just can’t shake this mindset.

[@mrbounceoffwithdat4420]

I also feel like that. But I think that's how you supposed to feel. Work hard for the sake of competition. That's how you in the game or you out the game. I always aim to get at least top 5.

[@houneavireakpong9098]

Well, I think a bit of rivalry can actually benefit both parties, but it shouldn't be prioritized. Focusing on making yourself better than you were yesterday is a better option as it fills you with great joy with each little progress you make. 👍

[@mrbounceoffwithdat4420]

@@houneavireakpong9098 Beta male mentality. We only do big moves, big steppers out here

[@houneavireakpong9098]

@@mrbounceoffwithdat4420 I can't say for sure with the little life experiences I have, but if it doesn't work, I'm open to new ideas. 💡

[@xAudiolith]

​@@houneavireakpong9098 This is the key to happiness right here. Don't mind some competition but focus on improving yourself a little every day.

[@sami6998]

some key thoughts/phrases for 'gifted kids': -"what happened to me?" - i need stability i need stability i need stability -"will i find motivation/purpose one day?" -constantly trying to find something to entertain you, hoping you'll find meaning in it -pressure, not limited to those around you, but mostly due to your own expectations -"i should be further than this" even though you are mostly in the range of 17-29 - fear of failing those close to you or, worse finding out they never really cared.

[@nahima1515]

This!

[@air4399]

oof especially the fear of failing, I guess we have been kind of taught the only way to success is to be on the top, to make the best grades and get into the best schools, it was never okay to be average so when you're not on top anymore and you realize that you are in fact average it feels like your world is ending. Ive been in such a bad place after not being in gt for a year (had to switch to a homeschooling program bc of the virus) and I didn't understand why I felt like such a unmotivated failure but now I get it.

[@heroickyle7572]

Oof. I can also relate 😢

[@furowowo]

Yoo exactly rn

[@pokebronyborn]

Yep, that's my life in a nutshell

[@rakrygard]

This topic is so overlooked by the majority of people. Lowkey, this is dangerous and sometimes leads to suicide. The feeling of becoming a "failure" by a person whose his/her past life always at the "top" is so devastating. It's like falling from the top of a skyscraper to a sinkhole without a parachute. Thanks Dr. K, I hope this helps people who are still suffering.

[@erwins_arm]

i feel you

[@kellanb8674]

I think it's a bit more than overlooked. Whenever I try to talk about how I feel left out because of my "giftedness" people tend to scoff or ignore what I have to say because I'm privileged with what I've been given. It makes it hard to talk to anyone about how I feel because I feel like my emotions won't be regarded as valid.

[@kylesizemore2751]

@@kellanb8674 Bro I feel this. I can't express to normal people why getting my first B in college 3 years in taking calc 3 made me want to blow my brains out because I felt like an abject failure. I can't tell people that if I don't accomplish something productive for my career or finances every single day, I feel like waste of air. They simply don't understand what it's like to be a dumbass kid who likes pokemon being told by all the adults in their life that they are going to be a nobel winner because they did their times tables a little faster than all the other potatoes in the class. Academically I feel robbed of any possible joy I could ever earn. I'm about to get a bachelors in cs and it's not an accomplishment to me. If I fail, i'll crash twice as hard and if I succeed, well it was expected.

[@kellanb8674]

@@kylesizemore2751 Hey man, that's what this community is for. If you down, just know there's someone in here that's gonna help you get back up. Don't be afraid to come ask for help, because I think that's the first step in breaking that barrier of having to do everything on your own.

[@kylesizemore2751]

@@kellanb8674 Thankyou man, I appreciate that.

[@chrishatler9525]

Thinking im a gifted kid only to realise im slightly ahead of the group

[@seyza1677]

pretty much, atleast nobody expect us to find a cure to cancer

[@femurbreaker4483]

Me thinking I'm slightly ahead of the group only to be slightly behind.

[@doodynana1]

Relatable

[@activecanvas]

Thinking I'm average only to realize I'm stupid

[@thehoodedvagabum7375]

Yeah, same. Life humbles you anyways, but you need to get rid of that "ego" thing and just put the effort on it.

[@stanfordfeynman2796]

One thing I didn’t expect to see from the “formally gifted” circumstance was the IMMENSE amount of self-loathing and hatred for oneself. Even if you continuously work hard AND achieve well enough, it never really IS enough. If it’s not easy to you on your first try, no matter how well you do, that sense of personal failure doesn’t wash off like it should. It stacks up and builds an inferiority complex so strong that it eats at your inner psyche on a daily basis. Shit is fucked up lol

[@YoLoMaStErZ]

bro hits me with the exact description of my situation right now and says shits fucked up lol. shit got me dead asf

[@leetnor4887]

Been like this for all my life im 31 and never realised

[@3nertia]

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society" - Jiddu Krishnamurti

[@neldormiveglia1312]

My inferiority complex has been building up ever since I failed my first test at the age of 15. I had been a straight-A student up until that point and I failed a test. I failed it because I had no studying skills and I suspect I'm ADD, so even though I spent three afternoons sitting at my desk, I failed to retain enough information and failed the test. That first failure, on top of the struggles that I have never raised to others (I'm 26 now), was like I was finally revealing my real identity. Like I had been masking my whole life, pretending to be this smart, successful person when in reality I was an impostor and the lie had finally caught up to me.

[@3nertia]

@@neldormiveglia1312 This has been the entirety of my 20s and 30s so far :/

[@Madmole20]

The interesting thing about the “are you allowed to fail” question is that I’ve read enough psychology articles and listened to enough life advice to know that the answer is “yes.” I know that I’m supposed to allow myself to fail, because I’ve heard that lesson a thousand times from a thousand people, but it’s very difficult to actually internalize that lesson because I always worry that allowing myself to fail will lead to a version of myself that fails constantly and doesn’t strive to succeed. The idea of allowing myself to fail has always felt more like lowering my standards of myself rather than giving myself room to breathe.

[@jauxro]

I'm curious -- do you get anywhere when your standards are high? I don't. I get paralyzed, I put projects on hold forever because they're _not quite right_ or I'm not skilled enough yet, I get stressed out and try to mitigate that stress instead of moving forward. Failure isn't a person's end state, just the data-collection part of the learning process.

[@janinebohl7488]

i definitely feel like conditioning from society leaves no room for failure, but this is so wrong, we are no machines ... so i guess my point is that this messaging has been drilled into us, and then what a surprise, it makes life hard for us. meh.

[@user-uu3us9ys4q]

Start from little things, it feels scary at first, but then you find out that it doesn't really change what you are. Chose to fail in something not important, like if you never go skating for example you can make this one a place where you learn to fail, so it is your only goal there to fail. It helped me. I also usually make some plan of failing in new or important things: Ok I'm gonna do it veeery bad 5 times and then I'm gonna try to do it well. Usually, I'm succeeding earlier for example on 3 and it feels really good because I still have this free time before I actually try. Good luck :).

[@eilzmo]

I hear this, and I felt the same. Until I realised that “lowering my standards of myself” was HEALTHY and the RIGHT THING TO DO FOR ME ☺️ good luck on your journey of self discovery pal

[@yuppers1]

Same. I know I'm supposed to allow myself to fail, but when I make the smallest errors, especially socially, I beat myself up so severely I don't want to try again. The term I've heard it called is the "second arrow." The solution from what I understand is learning to stay in the moment and learning to love myself to change my inner dialogue.

[@hiswordremains]

We need more 'pleb' talks like this. It might be unfair, or a projection, but I find it much easier to relate to people who aren't incredibly wealthy/famous. It's not like I can't or don't but it's nice to hear from non-streamers and I think it would benefit the community if we heard from them on a more regular basis.

[@tysupreme5563]

The popular streamers and famous people help get the name of the program out there, but I agree I relate a lot more to people who don’t have it ‘made’ yet.

[@NOCLUEinvalid]

I totally agree! I have ADHD and so does Mizkif (actually used to study accounting in college just like he did). I watched a video where he talked about having ADHD and how it led to him having a fulfilling life as a streamer and I was like that's cool but I can't relate and he probably can't relate to all the stuff I have to figure out to navigate daily either.

[@pseudonymous8702]

This, like, was, like, like the most beneficial talk I've like, heard in like, a long time!

[@mofire5674]

For sure. Even though I really love the depth and complexity of the talks provided by streamers, in the end they suffer from a completely different complex. Because they (usually) are financially stable and not under any serious pressure to cover basic needs, they deal with issues more predominantly that are higher in Manslow's Hierarchy. While their thoughts and ideas may be relatable, how they live on a day to day basis is usually not.

[@NOCLUEinvalid]

@@mofire5674 You bring up a really good point! I remember when I was really struggling, I would ask the people around me for advice. They would give me advice but it would always leave me feeling frustrated and upset at myself for not being able to do those things. I realized that was because they were taking for granted and assuming I could do a lot of the things I was struggling with.

[@adriancarter2789]

every parent teacher conference was my teacher saying I'm doing great but they would like to see me try harder. Never needed to study never felt like it was necessary to go past it. Now I'm in Uni with no study habits and its all collapsing around me.

[@TheWiery322]

Adrian Carter dripped our because of that exact reason

[@Oopzgg]

Hey mann, I struggled with as well back in uni. primary to to high school i was forced to study hence did well, considered one of the smarter kids. Uni hit, and I did pretty badly. 1.5 years into a degree, dropped out of that one, and started a new one, only then did I started to understand the importance of building a system/habit/reinforcement around me to get me through them. Point is, I needed to ditch the mindset that with the bare minimum I could still do well. Dangerous mindset.

[@prestoiidx]

The story of every American teenager

[@modellking]

had similar situation and a solution: find peers and develop a plan! You do not even have to find people that are better, just people that have ambition!

[@UndeadFleshgod]

You're lucky it's collapsing. I went through Uni with minimum efforts, gaming in class and discovering what the fuck the course is about the night before tests. I survived it, now a software engineer, but I'm honestly in a bad place mentally right now. Hopefully you fail hard enough for you to change things right now. I have a real hard time putting any efforts in my job.

[@Cloudy4Days]

Technically I was a gifted kid, but I have ADHD. It was so weird to know that some people thought I was incredibly smart and capable while others thought i was one of the stupidest people they had ever met

[@sarasegador8998]

Omg I was a twice exceptional kid too, for me, the stuff I struggled made me feel incredibly stupid but for the things that just came easy.. it didn’t feel earned or like they were lying/saying it just because…

[@justine8387]

AuADHD and yep feel that

[@CryptoC4T]

And when you hear "if he had only tired to work hard he would archive sooo much" you know it's kinda true,just the "work hard" part is really hard. I rarely reach my intelect limit, my focus usually gives up long before that.

[@VioletEmerald]

I think so many it might even be most of us gifted kids? had & have ADHD. I feel like these things are pretty linked

[@yahsuwoop]

agreed. everyone who's had me as a student recognizes me as a genius academically and intellectually despite poor grades during later stages of life. People my age though, especially women think I'm dumb - mainly for social reasons or awkwardness.

[@inessa5923]

I used to be a gifted, grade-skipping student. Then I arrived at a point where I realized that there are instances where studying is required - where breezing through and winging it because "you're special" won't do the trick. I burned out and now I'm BEHIND all the "average" kids.

[@pephi8102]

Same, absolutely. I’m so used to making up my laziness with my natural intelligence but by doing that I never ever fucking learned how to do anything fully and correctly. I have never ever studied for an exam and I’m still in the A+ to B+ range with my grades. I’ve been getting along with this for now but I know once I’ll go to Uni I’ll just fail because I never learned any kind of work ethics.

[@adr.lim.]

Ugh i hate that i have to try now, is it even possible to gain that natural intelligence back or is it just a one time thing?

[@jeffreyware7808]

@@adr.lim. that ‘natural intelligence’ is really just having better cognitive ability than kids your age. Tasks as an adult require discipline, effort, and hard work more often than just tests of intellect. No level of natural intelligence will save you from putting in lots of effort as an adult.

[@HeatherFaraMS]

No worries that is the norm. Rushing through academics is stupidity anyway. That’s parents anxiety thinking that graduating at 12 makes you more likely to win life…uhm no. Make friends. Find wonder again. Failing can be an awesome life reset.

[@dnxrru1176]

​@@HeatherFaraMSthank you

[@dochoadurrell]

As a former gifted kid, the best thing that ever happened to me was when I went to college and it was a school full of "gifted" kids and our dean started the semester by telling us all that we were all used to being at the top, but that half of us would actually end up in the bottom half of our graduating class. And that that was okay. It was amazingly freeing and it has stuck with me for the past 25 years.

[@zetazimmer4769]

That’s powerful. I need to tell myself this more. ♥️

[@alexia3552]

I was expecting it to end with "and that means you actually suck and drop your ego lol" but it was refreshingly affirming. Good on that dean

[@alexia3552]

@L B Yeah! That makes me realize, "I can be excited about [thing] because knowing about it or developing skill in it is valuable in and of itself." The focus shifts from "*I* have to impress somebody" to "the thing I'm engaging with has value" in either giving joy to your and/or others, or utility to you and/or others, or both. Doing something just because I can enjoy it (even if I'm bad at it! :D) I feel is the ultimate "fuck you" to that pressure of "be number 1 and impress people."

[@Noelciaaa]

oh yeah, going to engineering college definitely helped me like this. I still was in group 2 out of 5, that were divided by grades but there was always that group 1 and a part of 2 that had so many smarter people, just as the physics circle i joined did. a good lesson in humility and seeing that even those people really did put a lot of time into studying, and so should I. I actually changed majors lately for an unrelated reason but then also spending many hours in a row painting and drawing (while standing up, which at the start feels absolutely exhausting to the point of being painful) to prepare for art school learned me how to work, like, actually work. i guess preparing my thesis was also that but too chaotic to learn much.

[@elisnyder9276]

It's funny because I recall being told the same thing during an opening seminar but it never sunk in.

[@radiofrog]

I feel like being a smart kid gave me chronic laziness that I'm just incapable of curing. I don't know what the fuck hard work is because I never had to do it. I never had to work hard at school, and now I'm 25 and barely passing community college for a 2 year degree after dropping out twice. Even when I was working real jobs I was calling out as much as possible without getting fired. I'm just genuinely lazy as all hell and for that I perpetually hate myself.

[@gizmo3728]

I feel just the same... Im 21 now and i want to change so desperately but its always the same and i find myself avoiding work again and again

[@streetninja510]

I used to get really down on myself about this type of stuff. I would get into really dark headspace berating myself for procrastinating simple tasks & i some how thought that if i mentally scolded myself hard enough, i could jolt my system into transforming my self. Never worked. Because every time i tried to climb out, i would say, no more, i'm done with this shit from tomorrow on i'm gonna get my shit together. & as soon as i'm not living up i get depressed & give up again. I still procrastinate sometimes, but i realized i hafto be easier on myself, reward my self for the small wins in day to day habits, accept what my baseline is & be able to feel good about making progress even if it seems small & insignificant compared to obtaining "real world" results. Expect that i'll still slip up on the road to improvement & accept that as part of the way forward rather than a failure. Learning how to just feel more happy.

[@3r1nlyn99]

Absolutely agree. In my mind, I say that I would have a pretty good outline for what I would accomplish for the day/week and think I would be able to balance in between work and rest. But reality strikes in, I become lazy and that whole schedules crumbles down. I know I should be putting in at least a good amount of effort into what I'm doing, but it never goes that way

[@susanaarango7850]

Don't give up hope fellow lazy internet person! I had the exact same problem. As an adult, I realized I am an incredibly undisciplined person. I used to be a straight A student, but as the responsibilities of adulthood piled up, I was absolutely unable to put in the work I needed to achieve my goals. I beat up myself very hard and told myself I was lazy until my therapist suggested that I may have adhd. I had a hard time admitting it because it felt like the easy way out, and like I was lying to myself instead of admitting that I was a lazy bum. But then I realized I had always been an incredibly distracted, disorganized person with her head in the clouds and who lost her possessions constantly (I cannot tell you how many times I've left my laptop at coffee shops, to name 1 example) and this had been a thing since childhood. But, because I was still able to do well in school, and wasn't hyperactive (which is common in girls with adhd) no one even bothered to think that my un-cared for appearance and forgetfulness were actually a problem. I'm not saying this is your case, but what I am saying is that it really helps to look at it as _one_ simple problem: I'm unable to concentrate, I'm unable to stay put on a task, etc. Don't think it's something inherent to you as a _person_, because that will just make you think you will never change. It's a bad habit, or a difference in brain chemistry, or whatever you wanna call it, but it has solutions, just like any other problem. Neuroplasticity is a thing. Work with a therapist, if you can, and believe that you ARE able to completely turn around habits. After all, they're just that - habits.

[@bahzingaa]

omg i cant believe dude u literally described my life

[@TheMallachiv]

I wish no one ever told me I was gifted when I was younger. I would have taken things more seriously. I wasn't even academically gifted I was just more emotionally mature than my peers when I was younger so adults would speak to me like an equal.

[@BD-yl5mh]

Emotional maturity at a young age is often a sign of childhood trauma. I’ve been going into this lately. My mother had Borderline personality disorder. Parents like that can rely on their children to help them regulate their mood and their emotions and stuff. So quite often these kids that are 8, 10, 12 who are “really mature for their age,” are actually just in a situation where they’re parenting their own parent, and that absolutely catches up with those poor kids. This issue often reveals itself in teen years. Which makes sense why a lot of us gifted kids tend to get exposed in the last year or two of high school or the first year or two of college. (15-19)

[@markvaudry4719]

thats a great insight.

[@balkanicsense1952]

Nobody told me that I'm gifted. Even the best result's would not make my parents proud. I knew it myself. It's nobody's fault.

[@Oscar-----]

"Y'all are dumb too." "Thank you." idk why but I felt that

[@Shannxy]

"Trying to do the bare minimum to get good grades, but can't find the energy to pursue different things and work on side projects" Damn that hit very deeply. I still do manage to find some time for it, but I feel like I should be able to find even more time for it. Everytime I'm not working on a project or goal, I feel incredibly guilty for not doing what I feel like I should be doing.

[@minktanker9705]

if you live in the United States (odds are you do) then i recommend taking a look at *America's* *overwork* *obsession* by second thought and *your* *theme* by cgp grey. these two video should help you stop imposing this awful mindset on yourself and never getting anything started for fear of failure or nagging yourself into doing more when you simply aren't up for it at that moment. Even if you aren't living in the US, I'd still recommend watching them.

[@toxic_narcissist]

what is also bad - if you're smart, you actually can pass the exams successfully, even if you study for one day! This makes it worse, because you're not punished for procrastinating and it further enables this behaviour.

[@Shannxy]

@@minktanker9705 I don't live in the US (Norway), but thanks, I'll definitely check it out anyways!

[@Shannxy]

@@toxic_narcissist Damn son, our exams are 4 hours long and 100% of the grade. Even a week is cutting it close, but you're damn good if you manage to do it all in a day and get a good grade!

[@averagep3rson954]

Damn it, this hit hard, as I rarely study and still manage to pass the exams. And yet here I am watching this video proactinating.

[@kadenquatro]

I missed the stream, but personally to me as I got older, I thought a big part of the problem was that when I was a kid, people always kept and kept and kept telling me I was soooo smart. Then, you grow up and realize it isn't true.

[@wolandthewyld]

One must be smart to admit to himself he has limits

[@MaSsD3str0yer]

He has a video about that! "How intelligence leads to avoidance" I feel you - 100% the same here- i tend to avoid more complex tasks in order to not let myself feel down and stupid

[@MaSsD3str0yer]

But as soon as i recognized this behaviour- im trying to work against it :) And it works! Believe in yourself and remember, that you do have boundaries and not everything is possible from the beginning :)

[@kadenquatro]

@@wolandthewyld Hmm, I never thought I didn't have limits, I just thought thought those limits were supposed to much higher than most people, and if they weren't, then I'm a failure.

[@BigPapa64469]

no...people told me i was stupid when i was a kid and i really didnt care about it...noone really told me i was smart and i still got into this loophole so no it isnt becouse of that

[@DuskChill]

"A gifted child is a special needs child" When you said this, I laughed. I laughed for a good 5 minutes. I laughed so hard that by the end of it, I had tears in my eyes. This title that made me feel like the protagonist when I was younger, the same title that became the heaviest burden as I grew, has never felt so light and insignificant before. Thank you.

[@francesmonson3747]

I've just realised that in high school I started to think of the 'special needs' kids as gifted purely because they were getting the individual attention I needed but didn't know how to ask for. Like, I've never been so jealous of a group of people before.

[@yashaswikulshreshtha1588]

Everyone is, if you condition them wrong

[@C-SD]

The gifted kids program was part of the special education department in ny school district. So they got that far at least.

[@Freakazoid12345]

5 minutes?!

[@kaps_k8742]

what ebeneezer scrooge doinv in the comment section?

[@neofromthewarnerbrothersic145]

42:15 This is such a brilliant analogy from Jacob. "Potential is Paralyzing" could be the title of my autobiography. I didn't have all the baggage of being labeled "gifted", but I knew I had a lot of potential, and school was never really a challenge for me. I had/have ADD, so the only real challenge was staying focused. But I was always waiting for the right "war", and looking for a direction to aim my weapons, but I could never find it. Meaning I just had no idea what I wanted to do or study, so I didn't even go to university. Didn't want to take on all of the student loan debt unless I knew exactly what it was for. I'm so envious of people that discover some passion as a kid, like airplanes or something, and they just _know_ they want to be an aeronautical engineer. I wasn't disinterested - if anything I was interested in too many things and couldn't choose. So instead of building a big "turret", I just had this big bag of parts that could potentially be anything. So now here I am at 36, working in construction, pretty much hating it, and still don't know what I would choose if someone said I could have any job in the world. I guess the one thing I actually want to do is write. But I basically view myself as a big pile of wasted potential, and have kinda accepted that I'm just destined for mediocrity, at best. I don't know why I'm sharing my life story. I guess if you're younger and you identify with anything I'm saying, just please don't let yourself be paralyzed by choices and potential. There is no perfect choice and you're not deciding the whole rest of your life. The only thing worse than making the "wrong" choice, is making no choice at all. And seriously, as fucking horribly cliche as it is: *_follow your heart._* Don't let your choices be dictated by what's "practical" or "pragmatic". The most important factor in success is passion. That doesn't mean you have to be 100% in love with your job, or you have to do something that changes the world. But if you care about what you're doing, if it actually matters to you in some way, you are MUCH more likely to be successful at it. I didn't follow my heart because it was leading toward things like writing and art, where it's really hard to make a stable income. Don't make my mistake. I already made it for you, and it's mine now so go away and find your own! >:[ Anyway, soapbox complete.

[@laralepo1071]

Thank u so much for sharing. This helps

[@movement2contact]

Very relatable. I too have just watched my life go by, and have no Idea what I would do different if I could go back... Directionless, aimless, and just waiting for death.

[@abhyudai]

You're a real one, for sure. I can tell. Thanks for sharing :)

[@nagelsleu3339]

thank you for sharing. this is very meaningful to me

[@merge9585]

Thank you so much. I wanted to be a writer since I was little but the stability of my future scares me, but your comment gives me more insight

[@ninjycoon]

Their characters are built to do 10000% extra damage but only at 1 hp.

[@kell7689]

Dharok

[@yesjo1456]

@@kell7689 underrated comment

[@leonas9843]

Stfu not everything has to be about gaming

[@sourplex]

@@leonas9843 If it makes him understand better then why not put it in gaming terms

[@kell7689]

@@leonas9843 Sounds like Leon needs to be Dr K's next guest!

[@jeffjohnson419]

“You guys don’t respect what you’re actually fighting against.” God damn this hits hard.

[@quitetheordinaryguy1195]

Can you give the timestamp for the same.

[@EakEmk]

@@quitetheordinaryguy1195 58:58

[@ca-ke9493]

That is so true, we expect that we can just coast by the newest problem as well. And we have to, or else our whole worldview falls apart.

[@sorcellerie]

My face literally went :O

[@BD-yl5mh]

Because if I try to explain it to most people I just sound like a spoiled brat who pissed natural gifts into the wind. Everyone on America’s got talent has their “no one believed in me” story and that’s an easy position to fight back from. “LITERALLY EVERYONE BELIEVED IN ME” does not set you up as a sympathetic figure

[@LisandroMarchesini]

"Your brain is motivating you to not act" was just one of the many mind blowers in this video. Great stuff, ty for sharing!

[@kmcq692]

I’ve been thinking lately of the epitaph I wanted to write for myself decades ago, “Her great ambition was to be ambitious.”

[@Robian_]

I used to think I was gifted, but then I met a REAL gifted kid. He was taking Calc III, and Physics E&M in his junior year of hs and was getting 100s while others (including me who was a senior) were struggling for their lives. He would go home and do math equations just for fun. At first I envied him, but then realized how much stress he was under as I got to know him. I'm lucky he crushed my ego early on, because its taught me to enjoy life more.

[@lawsome2068]

You went through the process Dr. K was talking these guys through on lowering expectations of self and letting go of ego early on which was quite beneficial to your development. Also was he gifted or just really hard working? (Like Dr.K said the word gifted is so over used even hard working people can wrongly get labelled as "gifted")

[@Cam-fs4jf]

The problem with being gifted is that it's not self satisfying, whenever people only complement you about something you've put no effort into it really fucks with your mentality. I was gifted in the sporting world and was passing academically but I hated all the praise for securing/winning close matches, all the trophies etc because i didn't have to train or put in any effort it was all just natural. This drove me in the complete opposite direction from sports and I really really wanted to work hard and show I could work for something and receive praise for actually putting in effort. Here I am nearly done with medical school and nobody can believe it, the best part is bumping into an old teacher or an old friend from high school and when they ask what i'm doing now... the look on their face is just priceless.

[@borgwardd24]

I feel that, man. When you're gifted it's easy to feel like none of your accomplishments amount to anything. I'm glad you no longer feel that way, but I hope you aren't too consumed with receiving praise in general. Whether or not you find your work truly fulfilling will be much more important than whatever people may say about you in the long run.

[@zeldaguy32]

I'm glad you're pursuing a path that allows you to prove yourself! Also, it's good to remember that these kinds of problems are the intellectual equivalent of "first world" problems. Intelligence is a blessing, but it comes with pitfalls like most things. It's good to remember that you're in a fortunate spot and that this trade-off can be worth it if you couple your intelligence with wisdom. If anything, be grateful. Gratitude, love, and meaning do a lot to lighten our existential burden. Glad to see you succeed by your diligence. Keep it going.

[@Cam-fs4jf]

@@zeldaguy32 Of course these are first world problems lol, Dr K is basically interviewing multi-millionaires who sit at their computers all day lol. I don't know how you could even scale these the things as issues compared to say somebody in rural china living with a single light bulb in their house. It's not about proving yourself, it's about self satisfaction and being happy with yourself.

[@zeldaguy32]

@@Cam-fs4jf oohh okay, I need to rephrase. I didn't mean the first world problem statement literally. I meant that for less intelligent people, the problems associated with being intelligent is similar to that of first world problems. The main difference is countries can develop their infrastructure, but people can't really expand their general intelligence. They can a little, but we mostly gain "intelligence" by accruing knowledge and developing skills over time. Also, I meant proving yourself to yourself. I didn't express this well at first which led to misinterpretation. As far as I can tell, showing yourself that you're capable of overcoming challenges is directly linked to feeling self-satisfied.

[@Cam-fs4jf]

@@zeldaguy32 I don't necessarily know if I agree with you 100%. It really depends how you define intelligence. Probably 50% of my friends are construction workers/tradesmen. They're very good at what they do, earn quite a lot yet none are truly satisfied by what they do. I've worked in construction too, when I was younger and it was very obvious to me these guys had the same problems as say I do (in terms of the topic we're discussing) however they won't/don't know how to take the first step to changing things. Everybody has something they're gifted at, the issue is to leave behind what your good at is difficult and well risky, almost foolish lets be honest.

[@lucasgonzales4260]

1:59:20 "You're actions can be motivated by excitement and curiosity" This is me, its incredibly inconsistent. I have a story I wanna write, several programs I wanna write, games I wanna make. When I start working on any one, I can sit for hours working on it and not even realize it. But then I won't work on it for days, weeks, even months. Like, I _want_ to do it, but I just.... don't.

[@duncanbug]

Might be ADHD. I’d look into it. How to ADHD and ADHD management are good channels.

[@koolkrieg]

look up ENFP personality type

[@nicolasdellano280]

I have a similar problem, what I found to work out is find a trustworthy partner and planning a "gym-like" routine. 4 months ago I planned to start doing animation with a friend of mine, it is an ideia we have had for a good time now and we needed to finally start it. The problem: none of us really drew good enough to actually animate something, so we knew it would take like a year or so to even start. We did a plaan, a discord channel, chose an hour and every single day we draw 1hour or 2. We send ideas to each other and have been able to do that consistently for 4months. I'd never been able to do it alone, to study or programming, sometimes I look for discord servers with people trying to learn or do the same thing

[@MT-hb3wr]

@facelessninetytwo aka Man of the Rain how can you start living in the present?

[@houneavireakpong9098]

@@nicolasdellano280 Discipline and consistency really works, eh? In my case too, I find it hard to get things done by relying on motivation alone, especially things that require a lot of effort.

[@Consul99]

It's another hard problem of parenting. Balancing ego gratification so they don't feel unappreciated with pushing them to do better so they don't stop trying, at the same time not letting them become overconfident or burnt out from ever increasing expectations.

[@user-ti7me6yv7w]

It’s not so hard though I feel, just find some friend that got brilliant things on them, and parent as a modal, teaching kids appreciate all different type of skills. I feel people naturally realize they can’t be good at everything.

[@frazzyblue1384]

Sed: “it’s either numb myself or scream at myself, but nothing happens either way” woof man I felt that

[@asazinator]

"A gifted child is a special needs child" I just burst into tears hearing that. I refused the "gifted program" as a kid because I just wanted to fit in and was scared of meeting new kids...... Man .... that really hurts to realize.

[@mbw6785]

Saaaaaaaaame

[@jojoecr7626]

Saaaame

[@marcelinho4775]

the thing is you are not gifted man, just average. stop thinking you are somehting special :)

[@stacyj1169]

@@marcelinho4775 just because ur a mediocre loser doesn’t mean everyone is

[@marcelinho4775]

@@stacyj1169 yeah I guess you are one of the special intelligent kids too?

[@top_kek681]

That feeling when you never had to try hard to do anything in grade school or college, get a great job with a good salary, and suddenly realize you are directionless because you never worked hard to achieve anything and have no aspirations to work towards.

[@jeffjohnson419]

Stop attacking me

[@yemaster9000]

To be fair, the whole directionless life after getting into a stable career isn't exclusive to gifted kids. When you don't have extrinsic motivators like grades, deadlines, etc. to make you do stuff, most people without a "why" to live usually have existential crises.

[@harveylin3548]

And this is how I end up at working for government contracting, only job in tech where directions are giving and the speed are slow.

[@Nikitinale]

@@yemaster9000 That's actually false. It's precisely people who only seek extrinsic motivators who have existential crises. You chase an education, you chase a job, you chase a salary, etc. All external things because you think that's what you need to be happy. You never take a moment to look within, to understand what drives you. And then you wake up one day at the end of the line, having chased all those external motivators and feelings unsatisfied, wondering what it is that you actually want but have no idea because you never did the work to figure out who you actually are.

[@yemaster9000]

@@Nikitinale I definitely empathize with this as a former gifted kid; I'm just saying that although we might experience those feelings more intensely, it's not exclusive to us. I've also come to realize that maybe there just isn't an answer to the question of "who you actually are" or "what drives you." The most that we can do is take each day as it comes and live as best as we can according to our values (if we've lived long enough to engender them). I really just think that time and life experience is the only solution to the problem of purposelessness that so many are plagued by, even if most people end up never solving it before they die.

[@ZakkWasNotAvailable]

Man this was me. Started reading as much as I could when I was younger, competed against classmates for the most A.R. points for reading and got 664 in one semester, reading and writing at a college freshman level in like seventh grade. The hype around your own intellect can ironically be the biggest thing that holds you back. I didn't develop a work ethic or want to work harder- everything was already easy and came to me naturally. I passed like every class with straight A's up through freshman year of H.S. without ever having to study, because I would just remember mostly everything. But then it started to get harder and harder, and eventually I thought I was just getting dumber and dumber. Instead of applying myself, I thought there was a problem with ME, so there was no point in applying. My experiences dictated that I got most things naturally, so if I wasn't getting this naturally, it's got to be a problem with me. Maths was insanely easy for me and I had great mental math skills, and still do. But as soon as complicated equations that I'd have to memorize and study to learn how they work appeared, everything just got stuck for me. I'm sure these topics aren't actually hard, they just require time dedicated towards studying- but I'd always thought that if I had to study, I wasn't getting it, and therefore stupid. It's been a massive decline since this has happened.

[@pephi8102]

Oh my god yes, the belief that studying is something only other people do who aren’t “as smart as me” is just holding me back holy shit

[@arthurchase8570]

I had the same idea about math now I'm studying properly before it's too late

[@JoseRRodriguez]

Reality slap

[@K.KILLORAN]

Wow. As a 44 year old former gifted kid, I never put it all together, but watching this it makes so much sense to me now and explains so much of the struggles I have faced. Mind blown.

[@tuyoufpazic5746]

where are you now in life and how did you overcome those struggles?

[@RylandCreates]

When he said "I used to wish for catastrophe" that was extremely relatable (@25:48). The pressure of life can be a great motivator and when I've experienced it (albeit rarely) I have always performed to a standard I am proud of. As a person who has had basic amenities available always, it is very easy to become stationary and unproductive. This lack of productivity becomes even more painful if you've been labeled with "potential" your entire life.

[@danch10]

I had something similar in my life happen to me, well many times but one stood out. I spent 8 years in the reserve army in NZ and I always had the dream to go for SAS. As I started training over the years my unit, family and friends always believed I would make it and pass, including other members who were already in the unit. It was ALOT of pressure and I didn't even up passing the selection

[@nataliamontelongo2781]

Wishing for catastrophy is something I deal to when I'm in my lowest. I caught myself wishing that I had an incurable disease so I could drop college without suffering the shame dropping out because I wasn't up to it.

[@dancetx]

Yeah, I'd been writing poems about the catastrophe coming half a year before it actually came. You literally *know* it's coming and that's precisely why it happens

[@salemofthedandelions1083]

The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows has a word for this longing for catastrophe: Lachesism

[@ninjycoon]

Another problem is other people think you're gifted too so they set thier expectations of you at the gifted level when you're only slightly above average. Then they tell you you're wasting your potential and they technically aren't wrong so your 5head agrees with them and then you hate yourself.

[@user-ti7me6yv7w]

I think in that case you can told them fk you, or I am not smart. I told my mom that after all these years, she stopped and I am glad, at least don’t say it in front of me. Or don’t brag using me. All they are doing is making a social mask for ‘gifted’ kid and not realize it, it’s not an identity that gives you stability, but all depends on external views. If necessary just say stop it, or fk you to them to let them know, I am not playing this shit.

[@sciomancy666]

I do so love being told “you *should* have an A, this *should* be easy for you” Totally hadn’t ruined my life

[@ninjycoon]

@FlyingMonkies325 I've spent so much time and energy explaining my life to people to get them to understand why I struggle and they simply put in the bare minimum effort to actively listen and understand.

[@michellep3814]

Everyone sucks at life when they first start living. That’s kind of the point, isn’t it, of getting started? To suck at something until you suck at it less and less.

[@seaofserenity95]

Thank you for this comment! It was pretty much just what I needed to hear rn. Hope you are well

[@BenLWolf]

That's patently false. the fact that we HAVE gifted kids in the first place shows that some people immediately start off with average or above level skills, not suck level. It's just that you START advanced, it puts a hard cap on your skill.

[@asimplesusan]

This stream is so chock-full of gold nuggets it blows my mind. Years of therapy haven’t been able to explain and provide a solution to what feels like my biggest life problem like this video has. Forever thankful to Dr. K. All hail meme lord

[@benjamingross3384]

I tutor gifted kids in math and physics and I'm always worried about them ending up like these guys. No offence to them at all, but this outcome for having the early life easy is scary. I warn my kids that they could end up like this if they coast and avoid the hard work. I talk a lot about tolerance for frustration and how their biggest problem is that most of school is so easy that they can avoid the frustrating parts. But it's the frustration that is the real teacher. The more they can gut out something not panning out, the more likely they are to eventually succeed. The 'normal' kids are frustrated all the time, so they learn to grind. If my gifted kids dont learn to grind, they'll end up in college and suddenly, eventually, get hit with a wall of frustration and have no coping skills.

[@loyix4965]

Thank you for doing what you do!

[@omia.]

As a gifted kid in elementary school, I would do anything in my power to go above and beyond. I would sleep for 3 hours per day to perfect my assignment and would do homework/studying for hours when I probably didn’t need to. For me, it was like I needed to uphold my status as a gifted kid, but unfortunately, all of the work I put in at a young age led me to my downfall. Now, I am extremely burnt out and can barely focus for even 10 minutes. I grinded so much because my school would always say to give 110% all the of time and to never slack. My friend is the same way. She is extremely smart but put in so much effort in her early years that her mom would punish her for studying too much. Now, she is behind in school just like me. Basically what I’m saying is that this can go either ways, and this was my experience with being a labeled as a “gifted kid.”

[@hamsam789]

you havent understood the issue. I got plenty of 'grit' when it comes to difficult personal situations in life, or getting thru dark periods, but when you live your entire life doing the minimum to succeed, its really hard to start, and KEEP going, in putting in a normal amount of effort into things. It's like wading through quicksand, and the quick and neat feedback of the school system does not help.

[@MrRand0mGamer]

@@omia. I hope you don't take offense to this, but you probably are not a gifted kid. It sounds like you were an average student who just burned out trying to be a perfectionist. I don't know of any gifted kids who had to put a real effort in elementary school, for me it's sort of a distant memory. I didn't pay much attention in school and had undiagnosed ADHD until my senior year of a hard stem degree when the challenge caught up to me. I didn't study for the first time until I took calculus in college. I still think you could benefit though from living in the present and stop being burdened so much by the future. Just focus on doing the best you can and try to not let people voicing their opinions sway you too much one way. Be humble that you don't have all the answers and that most things you just won't ever know. Socrates was the wisest man of his own time simply because he was aware of his ignorance. Just be acutely aware of if you are truly burned out or afraid of confronting your own limits. If you really struggle with something also keep in mind that it often takes more courage to seek help from others, and know that it's okay if you fail. If you don't get it the first time there is always the next, but try hard and don't stress out too much. When you are more optimistic about the outcome you will more likely do better than if you took a defeatist attitude.

[@omia.]

Otoshi God Thank you so much for your insight! Yes, I agree that I really wasn’t a gifted student. After taking the test, it stated I was “gifted,” and I was put into the gifted group. Really, I think it was a lot of luck that got me in, just like when I could read at a 10th grade reading level in 4th grade because all of these tests were standardized. Recently I’ve stopped studying for tests though, and I’ve been doing fine. It’s also bad because I’m forgetting how to study now. Anyway, I’ll take your advice! Thanks again.

[@ferdtheterd3897]

I was a bit smarter than all the other kids so teachers let me do whatever i wanted and i didn't have to do the work and my parents just expected me to do everything easily because i was smart.. Thats not how it works, if anything I'm just good at mental maths and I'm emotionaly smart. So come highschool i ended up skipping a total of 1400 classes over 6 years. Having heavy depression because i didn't know how to fit in and my parents always acted like nothing was wrong with me even tho i showed major hints, plus my "dad" is a narcissist. So now highschool is over and i dont even know if i graduated and covid is happening and i spent all this time wanting to die in school only to not even have a graduation. "Gifted" kids are sabotaged from an early age by a system and parenting attidude which congratulates being regular and average instead of looking at each child individually and trying to give them the best possible outcome. thanks for listening to my rant, peace

[@joaopedroaguiarfmatos1473]

Yeah this sucks ive never studied until i had to in college and now i just cant do anything now, it sucks, i have add too

[@tonyriedel4421]

100%. I was lucky enough to be in an elementary school were kids who given opportunities to be gifted. Once I moved away from that school and went to a normal school I felt the exact same way. Being gifted was worse. Not being valued as an individual in the school system and being allowed to grow has led me to the same place. Skipping classes in college and having parents who have no idea what is wrong with me and make things worse.

[@ferdtheterd3897]

@@tonyriedel4421 I'm sorry you've had to go through that too, if I can say anything to you it would be to communicate, find someone with who you can talk with openly and freely and truly tell them how you feel. For me that was my mom cuz she's the only person I have. If you aren't ready for college consider taking a year break to improve yourself in any way you can. Much love and respect :)

[@user-gd8td9kg3i]

Your story is similar, can you please elaborate on your narcissistic father ? in your case did your parents try to drag you down for succeeding ?

[@MrVigge1994]

Wow, your post really hits home. Growing up with a narcissist father can really mess you up.

[@skrealderlorddude8312]

“Let’s go bitches” really resonated with me

[@SnowyBlizzardMC]

“I have everything I need to… I just DONT” I can’t explain to you how much I relate to this, I’ve been looking for answers for years now, it’s like my mind is lazy more than my physical body

[@JurasJankauskas]

I feel this on a personal level. Getting praised by your parents and teachers in elementary and high school. Not really having to struggle with anything. Then suddenly having to work hard in university or afterwards and just not feeling passion for anything. And sure, you can force yourself to work hard for something you don't really care about, but it only takes you so far. Eventually you end up either fucking something up, depressed and clueless. Almost numb in some way. And then your relatives and people close to you actually notice it and you get things like: "You used to be so smart, what happened?" And even the thought that something happened and maybe somewhere along the way you fucked up just breaks you.

[@stupidstomp9032]

i’m in my final year of high school applying to colleges and i already feel this so much. especially getting asked by my parents what “happened” to me and my natural aptitude for academics just really makes me question my own self worth. i’ve just stopped caring, and it’s hard to shoot high like everyone else expects me to and motivate myself to work for things i don’t care about anymore

[@caprileon3857]

Amen

[@Michael-mn4ef]

@@stupidstomp9032 how's it going?

[@memenazi7078]

Parents are the most cruel people in one’s life. Ignore all that shit

[@therandomdickhead5744]

The “you’re so smart, what happened” made me so angry every time. Smart people struggle too. Being gifted isn’t fun. Especially when you fall off the cliff later on in life

[@AndreasFroehliPoker]

Very relatable, if you're an overachiever in elementary school it sets you up for high expectations for literally anything later in life.

[@LordBoston123]

No. If you’re a high-achiever in elementary school, you think you are intelligent. You then avoid all challenging circumstances. This is what has the most adverse effects in the child with a preposterous ego due to intelligence.

[@AndreasFroehliPoker]

@@LordBoston123 That's just not a very nuanced statement and doesn't logically contradict mine in any way. You don't have to avoid all challenging circumstances - that's only 1 potential outcome - you can put yourself in a challenging circumstance and feel disappointed with each failure because of high expectations and continue anyway. Over time, because we like to avoid pain, you're then less likely to put yourself into a challenging circumstance.

[@LordBoston123]

@@AndreasFroehliPoker I meant that the high-achiever avoids all challenges because of their inflated ego. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

[@deleted01]

Alchem's reason to join the military is spot-on. Dude's gifted for sure. I wish I had his wisdom at such a young age.

[@Random_Person1023]

This is going to be long, but I truly feel it will be worth reading for any people that feel pressure to live up to expectations and don't know what to do. Elementary and Middle school were easy for me; it didn't really take any true effort. When I got to high school and began doing AP classes, I began to realize it would take more work. Freshman year was hard on me because of the new workload, as well as covid, so my motivation was at an all-time low. When sophomore year rolled around, I only was able to keep going because of one thing: grades. I had this feeling that I needed to live up to my "potential", and no better way than to beat everyone else in GPA. This past year was my junior year. One of my friends managed to convince me to do cross-country skiing for our school. I had never skied in my life, and absolutely despised endurance racing, but I decided to try. I was utterly terrible. I had never been so bad at anything like this in my life. It was very tempting to quit, but I didn't. By the end of the year, I had improved a lot. I still was nowhere near the best on my team, but I had gone from the worst on my team to a serviceable skier with subpar technique and endurance. I won't be doing it my senior year, but it taught me a valuable lesson, which is what it's like for most people. They have to struggle a lot to make it to the top. I'm very lucky to have been born near the top intelligence-wise. I've been obsessed with planes my entire life, but didn't think about it as a career very much, because I was told I had a lot of time to decide. My parents finally encouraged me to start taking action during junior year, so I did research and talked to people. I discovered a program that provided high school students with scholarships to get a private pilot license, but was hesitant to apply because I was too nervous to step out of my comfort zone. My parents had recently introduced me to an airline pilot, and when I told her about it she emphatically told me to apply for the program. With that advice and the lesson from the skiing I had recently started, I decided to apply. I was accepted, and I am currently flying for barely any cost and am getting training worth about $15,000. It is probably the best decision I've made in my entire life, because I finally took action and chased something rather than hoping something would come to me. It hasn't all been easy, and I had to work hard in my ground school studying, staying up studying until I passed out on multiple occasions, but I had a motivation within me much stronger than that which any grade could ever provide. It was then that I realized how unimportant school had become to me. Your grades don't matter, as long as they're not awful. The one exception is if they're good enough, they can help you get scholarships. I'm lucky to have an interest in aviation. I honestly don't know what I would do otherwise. This is where I can understand the people in this video. I've been told I'd be a good engineer, but I don't want to be one. It's almost impossible for a lot of us to find an interest that lines up with a job that meets the expectations that we feel are put on us. But, the thing is, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks you should do. Do what you want to do. You aren't a failure just because you don't chase the most prestigious career that you are capable of doing. Also, being rich doesn't matter. Think about your goals for what you want to buy in life. What are you going to do once you buy all of those things and still have money left? What's the point of saving up all this money just to end up not spending it as you get older? If there is one thing you take away from this entire essay, it should be this. The average person works 40 hours a week, which equates to 2080 hours a year. That's 87 entire days out of a possible 365, and a lot more time is spent sleeping, eating, etc. Spending those 87 days doing something that you even remotely enjoy is so much more important than chasing money. Go ask random old people on the street about their regrets, and chasing money will be at the top of their lists. It's hard for us to grasp, but they really aren't all that different from us. It's time we finally start listening to them and prevent ourselves from making the same mistakes so we can live lives that will actually end up making us happy.

[@ABadGamble]

"Desperation is what you need to thrive" damn yep, nail on the head. Can confirm the only time I get shit done and one-shot all my problems like the ADC is when under pressure. IRL and in-game. Great stream.

[@denlolify]

Now i read this, its so fucking true, also in a team game, I'm so much better in a 1v5 than a 5v5 lmfao

[@nutsostoik6231]

When something is at stake, that can be in of itself a motivation to try harder

[@braidans4767]

I had 4 months to work on my history paper final in college. I didn’t work on it at all until the very night it was due. I just went into complete overdrive and bashed three drafts and a final paper in a few hours. I’m never going to forget about that because of all the insane emotions I felt that night, from literally balling my eyes out thinking there was no way I was going to be able to do it, to insane mechanical determination to finish it, and the emotional pay off and relief at the end was beyond description. Ended up not finishing college couldn’t figure out what I want to do with my life I’ll probably go back because I should do something I just don’t know what. I feel like without any real tangible deadline or pressure on my life, I just kinda drift in the breeze.

[@nutsostoik6231]

@@braidans4767 I'm in the same place buddy. I never knew exactly I want to do in life. So, I dropped out of college and decided to go back to my hometown, a place far more impoverished than the city. This way if I really want to live I have no choice but to struggle and pick myself up or die of hunger or worse live on the streets as a bum

[@RAIJINMARU670]

@@braidans4767 the thing that hurts the most though is if you went back you would probably do the same thing😢you look at it and know exactly what will happen. you already knew then too. but you cant fix it

[@zmudilago]

"Literally, that is what buddha discovered about life. There is two ways to live life, and when you start living life like you're a memelord, like, it becomes fun and blissful." - Dr. K

[@paraskaith5027]

I knew it the purpose of life was to become a memelord

[@aishwaryapotdar1348]

This is actually physically uncomfortable to watch for me. But, I'm going to get through this. I relate to them so much, especially Sol, it's insane. I didn't know this was an actual problem, I thought this was just me. Woah. Much needed, this is superbly beneficial for me. Edit: Shit, the whole risk benefit analysis that motivates you to inaction hits home. I didn't think of this in this perspective and I'm blown away. The fact that I'm finding ways to motivate myself towards inaction because in my head, the reward of the action

[@anthony4571]

Wouldn't consider myself as a gifted kid during my high school but I definitely relate to their struggles. Especially with Sed and Alchem where they tried to forced themselves to create deadlines in the hope of raising the stakes.

[@90thedro]

This was rough to listen to. As a kid I realized I could get decent grades while doing nothing and just playing video games. A mom who, bless her, hyped me up and made me think I was so insanely clever and I remember being so angry when I hit 18-20 and realized I was just average. I got through University writing every single assignment or essay the night before with a B average and now I have to hustle to find a job and every morning I wake up and feel like to even open up a job searching website sucks the life out of me and makes me want to lie down for a nap.

[@letsreadtextbook1687]

Very relatable

[@user-uu3us9ys4q]

Hey, try to not push yourself too hard, it might be really a problem, I had a panic attack when I first-time call to get the job. it's like training in the gym - you can't lift 100kg on your first day, do little steps, but do them every day and accept that this is hard, it's not going to be easy and you don't have to blame yourself. Maybe it is a good idea to find a temporary not-that-challenging job where you can be better than average, it helped me - I keep working on jobs that were on my lowest range and I rebuild my confidence and get some rest and now I feel much better.

[@treemallow757]

this hit hard

[@user-ti7me6yv7w]

I don’t really feel got b in college really does anything to job though. Otherwise how do the other b students survives, do they all die out. Maybe it’s the way to get a job is harder?

[@SuperHperTube]

"Memes are actually a very serious thing" - Dr. K I think this is unironically very profound

[@MassMultiplayer]

it is, or else they wouldnt be meme. it would be craapy words on crappy image that mean nothing. its all about meaning

[@mauc3102]

I think memes become popular because they reflect an aspect of life people can relate to, so of course they are important. They're like a window into a generation's mind.

[@uberlephrad8218]

MemeAnalysis in a nutshell

[@mashroom_]

𝐄

[@Someone_s_nick2]

MEMES THE DNA OF SOUL

[@StephJ0seph]

The part about always wanting to use your energy optimally by doing the "bare minimum" while getting the highest grade possible is beyond relatable. I feel like this can backfire sometimes though-- I know it has for me 😂

[@iris6922]

Never really had to try or work hard when i was a kid. I always just ~got it~ immediately, ahead of the group. Cut to older me, if i dont succeed at the first try i immediately give up and think i an the worst. This has led to extreme preformance anxiety and a paralyzing fear of doing new things because i might fail.

[@RKFCGSBGK]

So weird listening to these guy's stories and realizing how similar they are to mine. I never had to try as a kid to get great grades and was ahead of everyone else developmentally. But as I got older I realized that I never learned how to work hard so I started falling behind.

[@zoura3257]

Honestly in school a grade is just a grade. You don't need to develop that grit just from school and could always develop in from a side hobby or craft that you're trying to hone.

[@rachelkling5619]

and the smarter you are the later u will find out some people find it super late and can't fix it

[@obsidianflight8065]

@@zoura3257 yea but some people make it so those grades are the very foundation of your future which my parents did, and kinda messed with me a bit, i used to be all a's but now im failing in pretty much every class cause im not motivated

[@totorolove543]

Please someone give this man a Ted talk. This was everything I needed.

[@qwertyasdf4081]

Ted doesn’t deserve Dr. K

[@blackflash9935]

@Trexula I assume that OP is talking about Dr.K deserving a larger voice to reach more people,which a TED Talk would certainly do, rather than a way he could get more help. In other words, to me at least, his sentence reads: _He has helped me so much within this period of time that I personally feel as though he deserves to have more platforms trough which he could reach more people like me_

[@hopefulbloom]

Each and everyone of his videos is a Ted Talk maybe, no I daresay even bigger than one

[@totorolove543]

@@blackflash9935 yes. 100% this.

[@athorath]

OPs comment smells like an attempt to get likes. Which If true worked good, well done toto

[@illusionnakw]

As a former gifted kid and now a gifted boomer mother of gifted kids, everything said in this conversation is so true. Gifted kids are special needs, it's something I've been preaching for years. Having worked through this myself, and trying to help other troubled gifted kids see their potential. Bravo!

[@Jesse-er8jr]

You dont know how much I needed to hear this. I have been in job and unmotivated for years. There is no quick and painless way to overcome this, but the presence of a plan, let the future be the future and focus on the day to day, present, is priceless. Thanks for putting out this "free" content. I wish I had a therapist like you near me. The value here is insane.

[@XypherMage94]

Some people live to work, others work to live. The burden of high expectations forces those who are “gifted” into the former rather than the latter. High expectations only lead to despair if you fail or relief if you succeed -never fulfillment or happiness. The happiest days of my life were ones where there were no expectations whatsoever, and life just happened -and it was beautiful.

[@zmoo3788]

Exactly. "Gifted" people are looked at so highly and it makes them question their every movement in the eyes' of their peers. Especially when theyre doing something that isnt considered productive to others but is actually good for their mental health, whether its leisure time or a hobby

[@memenazi7078]

The stress is real

[@hansiharjunharja]

From a 37-year-old "gifted kid", it really feels like you are stuck the more you keep pacing on same path of blaming yourself and keeping up the expectations based on your "potential". And the driving force to change your habits is becoming way more involved with The Now. For me the process is this: 1. Notice I have drifted towards my habits of self blame and other shit that suck away my energy. 2. Noticing I am not my ideal self and letting go of the idea that I should be. 3. Taking time for my brain to meditate and to start gravitating towards the present. 4. Adding self expression (art, music, making videos) 5. Adding a habit of "disgusting sandwich" which is either sports, diet, sleep - something basic. 6. And after all this becomes a habit, then I try to face the next challenge in my education or work. 7. Then fail again and start the cycle from the beginning. I was just last year diagnosed with ADHD. I feel I can handle surprise situations quite OK, but when it comes to making lists and keeping calendar, I suck at life. This is one BIG thing that makes me dumb when it comes to education and work. Thus this is one of the biggest problems I have and it is not a mouse, it is a lion - and I am dumb. But there does not need to be a way around it. The better I get with failing the faster I can get back to trying, and trying + failing = learning. One last note: Love and relationships and the changes in that area in life can really effect me alot. And I think it is fundamental at least for me to try and learn to be as authentic and open as I can be to have my social needs met and to really connect with people I feel close to. Thus, I like to take time to distance myself from all society (weeks in nature) to hear what is the most true to me so that coming back from my mission I can share myself better and more fully. If I look at my age and what I have accomplished in the "eyes of society" aka in the eyes I think the society has, I am (/my story is) a failure. That takes me to a hopeless state of mind sometimes. And again the only remedy is to humble myself, to understand that the thoughts aren't the truth and to notice how they play me, and then let them go and start shifting back to present.

[@polixaw1337]

Ty for this comment

[@buhagsigwasan2259]

Thanks for the tip. I'm writing it down.

[@MassMultiplayer]

stop spying on me lol jk

[@hansiharjunharja]

@@buhagsigwasan2259 Happy to hear that it resonated with you. Looking back several years, I wish I would have had the guidance for myself, but I didn't. I am so happy that Dr. K is building the community and getting people to help each other like this.

[@kaijuno]

Thank you for your comment. This is really helpful, practical advice and I appreciate you taking the time to share it with us.

[@nrdesign1991]

My apprenticeship and later university broke my gifted kid mentality nearly completely. I was forced to learn how to study (at least forcibly), learned how to ask for help, learned that failing is OK if you have more than one chance. University was especially brutal on that, worst time of my life, but i lived through it.

[@justine8387]

As a former gifted kid and now a mother of boys, this made me so sad. I feel so strongly for all these young men.

[@trilogeee]

I've never related so much to a group of people in my life. This has been the most helpful video I think that I've ever watched.

[@Danuxsy]

I'm stupid so I didn't relate much at all.

[@SylviaEvilKitty]

@@Danuxsy nah man, probably this problem just didn't apply to you?

[@Danuxsy]

@@SylviaEvilKitty sure 😂

[@santiagoperez2094]

@@Danuxsy dunning krugger effect

[@Danuxsy]

@@santiagoperez2094 thanks I needed that

[@aidensabyss]

I’m currently in the process of being the “gifted” kid while falling hopelessly in despair as my egos and self confidence fluctuate endlessly it’s quite tiring

[@user-xw4od8kb7y]

thats quite the sentence innit bruv

[@aidensabyss]

@@user-xw4od8kb7y no comma gang

[@buhagsigwasan2259]

Same here

[@neethy1836]

twinsies

[@zac9933]

"You don't lack motivation to move forward, you're motivated to stay put." This resonates.

[@Flooofster]

I can't believe I already watched this 8 months ago!! This time this video's message slapped me in the face amidst the most nerve-wracking experience I've ever signed up for: a really *really* intimidating new job. Been on a downward spiral the last few days thinking I'm too stupid for this job and it's been filling me with hopelessness. Can't answer phones right, getting tongue-tied, really important stuff flying over my head. Yikes yikes yikes all day long, 100% living in the future expecting dumpster-fire failure. I literally woke up to this video playing in the background. You helped me so much sir. ;_;

[@dochoadurrell]

"Each failure in your life is gaining XP." BEST QUOTE EVER!

[@PhysicsMeerkat]

Then I must be a max level character.

[@SuperHperTube]

@@PhysicsMeerkat "Each failure in your life could be gaining you XP or cripple you for life" *

[@mart4144]

this guy completely missed the point smh

[@borgwardd24]

I guess the main difference between being hopeful and hopeless is that being hopeful is a state of uncertainty, while being hopeless is a state of certainty. If you are able to call yourself hopeless, it must mean you feel *certain* that things aren't going to pan out. Which means you are essentially living in the future, like Dr. K said.

[@aminahm4911]

would be cool to get a part 2 of this with some girls :D

[@irenebernardi3954]

Yes!!

[@wolizuka]

What does that change? Men and women are the same

[@mailboxxy]

@@wolizuka Variety is the spice of life my friend.

[@TheKarret]

@@mailboxxy That's true, but as someone who was born female.... I felt pretty well represented by the modes of thinking the dudes in the video were going on.

[@CatGataNekosan]

@@wolizuka Huh? If men and women were the same, they wouldn't be different words. Different genders experience the world in different ways, including the 'gifted' world. As a girl, I interacted with school differently than these guys did. I went for years without an ADHD diagnosis because it manifests differently in girls, and it really impacted my ability to function academically. I related to a lot of what these gentlemen were talking about, and I do not want to minimize their struggles or pain, but gifted girls face their own challenges. I think men and women should be equal, but that doesn't mean they're the same.

[@pikachu-zu1pj]

Wow, recently finding this channel was a major help because this really helps. I would also like to say that I think society has a unique problem where it isn’t just the “gifted” students that have this problem, but also “semi-gifted” or “second tier gifted” or just “anything above average” (aka anything superior to average) have these thoughts and problems too, but also have the problem where they were viewed as “inferior” to the “top tier(s)” of “gifted” students so they were “never enough” although never “too bad”. (I think I’ve seen some of your other videos address this second issue too so thank you a lot!)

[@citus333]

I cried alot through out the video because i never thought there was gonna be anywhere or anyone i can talk, feel or hear this unique kind of pain that me and the people in here said.

[@andrewrollout1657]

As a former gifted kid (now adult) too this video resonated with me. I've heard the "gifted kids are special needs kids" idea discussed in education journals before but it's good that Dr K brings it up here too. It's very true - gifted kids are very developmentally different (for example, often increased intelligence comes with increased sensitivity - since both emotion and intellect come from the brain - thus gifted kids need to learn to be aware of and self-regulate their emotions, to a greater extent than other kids their age).

[@shehanimuthaliph6218]

Exactly. I tried to explain to my parents and peers what I struggled with and all thy had to say was _cant believe you are complaining when you've got so much potential_

[@mahekshayeq6153]

i'm only like 30 mins in but I'm like going to cry. It's so insane to hear the things I'm feeling. The days are slipping by. I feel like I'm decaying. I don't know what to fo about this but there's something almost out of body about hearing all the things I would never say out loud. Idk makes me feel ungrateful

[@mahekshayeq6153]

but its kind of painful to hear this. I kind of really just want to fast forward and see whether Dr.K has any solution or any wisdom.

[@joeldixton5627]

First step is acknowledging a problem, so long as you don't take acknowledgement as fixing the issue in and of itself. I relate to some of this too, glad others feel that way.

[@NolanAtlas]

Yeah...same; I can really relate to everyone here and it's just insane as well. I think the convo topics that are going on here are things we need to confront eventually even though it can be quite difficult to approach and go through with it.

[@rabab473]

There is a lot of stuff i suggest. The simplest thing is to write a journal/diary about those thoughts and acknowledge them. And then I would move onto understanding why. Example: “I’m so useless, maybe I should kill myself” -> I messed up some words during my presentation and now I’m embarrassed about what others will think of me. But in reality, no one would remember or care. Then I would make sure that you’re fulfilling your basic needs. Start slow: are you eating enough and eating healthy? Am I exercising everyday (doesn’t have to be intense. A walk outside is ideal because you go out plus do cardio. develop an interest in a sport)? Am I sleeping enough (take into account different sleeping patterns ie monophasal and biphasal)? Am I doing things that I enjoyed previously or want to do now in conjunction with doing my work (playing video games between breaks, art, building something)? Do I have people I can talk to and ask for advice (friends, family, therapist)? Make sure to set small goals and eventually increase the goals by a small amount.

[@dawn-blade]

I haven't read a more poignant comment that resonated with me in a long time. Your reflections on life have touched my soul. I have felt an overwhelming sense of dread and self-decay for years. I have stagnated in life and haven't made any progress for 2 years. I graduated from high school 4.5 years ago. I felt like I was at my peak: happy, energetic, optimistic, motivated. I was hindered socially by anxiety and depression throughout high school, but I did well academically and overcame most of what I struggled with, like the final senior project. I was anxious, but I had a great group of friends who were nerds and gamers at heart like me. I felt like I had a safe place to call home away from home. But then I graduated. Adulthood came, and it hit so hard and fast that it knocked me off my feet. Suddenly, I was ripped from my structured, safe, predictable life with clear goals to an open-ended life with zero organization, zero preparedness, zero hope of success. To please my parents and feel like I was doing "the right thing" for my future, I went to college. I completed half of the credits for my planned B.S. in Conservation Biology, which is the field I felt (and in a deep part of me, still feel) passionate about. Animals and the environment have always felt like where I belong. I have this unexplainable inner flame that makes me feel passionate about protecting and nurturing the environment. For my temperament, an introverted/lonesome person, it has always seemed like the only fit for me. What Alchem said in this interview hit the nail on the head. I love to have a life outline, a clear end point to works towards. Checks in the boxes. For example, completing assignments and making X percent progress towards a career, that is what I wish I had. A program that I could chip away at and be assured of a comfortable, protected future and a career I am passionate about. Above all, I wish I had a mentor guiding me along the way. I don't function well not having a clear path set for me. I fear that I can't succeed in this open-ended adult life that I am faced with. I have complete control over my life path and that TERRIFIES ME. 2 years ago, crushed by depression, loneliness, fear of failure and existential dread, I withdrew from college. I had contemplated it before and knew that taking a break had risks and would delay my future. Now it has been 2 years of nothingness and bleakness. I haven't worked or returned to classes. I don't have a license. I barely leave home and I have zero friends or connections. My family have been giving up on me as well, questioning what I'm doing, why I'm not making progress. I have been at a loss for words to explain my predicament to them. I am ashamed to leave my house and talk to people, especially peers, who would laugh if they knew what a failure I've become. The saddest part of all of this, my life story, is that in my heart I WANT that success. I WANT to finish my degree and find that dream career working in the environment, in some conservation role in a national park for example. I WANT to live how to , maybe with a dog or two, on a modest homestead in the woods. But I am terrified of the road that leads there, and what lies in the shadows on either side of it. I am terrified of not having a CLEAR outline to adhere to, a clear set of deadlines and goals to make. Yes, classes are sort of a goal to pass, but I'm talking about everything else, like how to network, find a position, or even make it as an independent adult. To anybody who reads this, thank you. I truly appreciate it and it will lift my spirits knowing my story was read. I don't know your story or what is hurting you, we're all connected by our inner turmoil, self-doubt, and anxiety and depression if you have those. I don't have the answers. I would give everything to have the light shone on my life. I just need help and need advice on how to get it. I need to escape the hell that I am trapped in. My life has completed stopped. Some of the greatest issues I face are detrimental procrastination, no license, no car, and above all, no job at all other than some online work I have done. My family are giving up on me and I could be abandoned soon. I have never felt closer to the precipice than right now at this very moment. I sleep in most days now until 3PM and the sun sets soon after. I don't see daylight. On top of ALL OF THIS, my best friend, my wonderful loving dog who has been my only companion who loves me for who I am, has cancer and will no longer be with me in a matter of months. I am heartbroken and lost. I feel so empty and shattered. I am despondent and have no idea how I will find a way out of this mire. Thank you for taking the time to read this and for caring. Happy Holidays.

[@robo4711]

What a relatable conversation. A lot of people have their finger on the pulse of the issue concerning being gifted at a young age, and that's the lack of development in key areas. And it's really a multifaceted problem: we didn't have to put in as much effort in our formative years as others, and now we find it difficult to even try; our historical aptitude means we (and others) expect more from us than we should realistically be capable of when attempting something new; and our intelligence, combined with not having to try as often as others, makes us remember the times we failed more easily. It all culminates into internalized depression with external anxiety, and it's so hard to overcome that. Self-reflection and self-degradation both come easily to people who remember a lot. I was in the gifted classes. I started thinking of grades as inconsequential after a few bad high school teachers taught me that they are merely another's assessment of your comprehension on a particular subject. I stopped reading books I didn't like and stopped doing assignments that didn't interest me. Ended up almost failing out of high school. Took that mindset into college, where I quickly learned and became bored and stopped attending those classes, too. My biggest mistake was not understanding the communicability of those grades, which prevented me from getting into better colleges and getting better jobs. Our eyes are not opened to the inconvenient truth that we are simply statistics to strangers. I'm 35 now and have done enough mental gymnastics to be okay with my objective self and where I am in life. In other words, I don't get depressed anymore. But I STILL find it difficult for my abstract self to commit to my own personal growth. Learning an instrument or language seems like an easy thing to do with practice, and yet I expect myself to be naturally gifted in those fields and become frustrated whenever I don't meet my own unrealistic expectations for measurable growth. I STILL find it difficult to develop a habit of devoting time for intentional growth in any discipline. There are SO MANY things I want to do, and yet I choose to always multitask things that require zero commitment and have negligible consequences on failure. For example: whenever I get out of work, in order to exercise my brain and fend off boredom, I will listen to an audiobook while doing chores. Then I will listen to an audiobook (fiction read aloud) or watch a movie while playing a game on my phone and a game on my laptop. The worst was three laptops, a phone, and a Switch, at which point I couldn't physically keep up. And none of them actually help me grow in any meaningful way. They are not skills I can use to make my life better. So all I really wanted to know when I visited this video was how to get over the self-imposed mental hurdles that normal people apparently overcame in their youth and start doing the things I WANT to be doing.

[@hamzazuberi9959]

Watching this whole interview was insanely beneficial for me. I don’t think I have ever resonated with a video as much as I have with this one. I hadn’t realized that the whole situation I had gone through and the way I felt was not unique and that it was shared with many people. I feel like every point that was made hit home with me in some way or another. At the end of the video you brought up the point of it being hard for ‘gifted kids’ to accept a genuine compliment which is something I suffer with as well. If you go over this in the future I’m sure I would benefit from it a lot. Being invited on to the interview would be amazing and if it doesn’t happen it’s okay because this is my first step to trying to put my mind in the present so that I can be hopeful instead of hopeless. I hope my appreciation for this interview comes across and I thank you for helping me.

[@issasecretbuddy]

that "let's gooooo" kinda vibe is what happened to me after I learned to code and started applying for jobs. Knowing that I was super underqualified for anything made it a thrill whenever anyone would even be willing to take an initial phone screen with me, regardless of whether it worked out or not

[@agari229]

LETS FUCKING GOOOO

[@emmettochrach-konradi2785]

essketit

[@FushiguroMegumi79]

Same here! I was under qualified, so when I made it it was so much more satisfying, and now when I don’t understand something or have to humble myself to ask for help, it’s okay because it is expected, or rather that I didn’t have any initial expectations for whether I would be able to do it on my own or not.

[@rotten.tomato]

I've always been a gifted kid, felt like I was miles ahead of the group, my colleagues had to study harder to get to the point where I was. It was like this till I graduated from high shool and started studying medicine, which in Poland is by no doubt the most difficult field of study. Complete lack of time management skills and motivational techniques made me repeat 1st year 2 times. Even some of my friends from high shool got ahead of me. To drown out remorse I began playing video games and taking soft drugs and after another failure I had my first panic attack which was the beginning of panic disorder and depression. Today I'm finally on 2nd year and looking forward to be a doctor. Still have lot to do, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, and so is for every mixed-up "gifted kid". Sorry for my awful English

[@misosoup7531]

Good luck!

[@mami42g]

I relate so strongly with this, especially since I went through the same stuff, even repeated the 1st year of med school twice. I lived in a dorm, third year I shared a room with 3 friends and they were awesome. Having good company really motivated me and I finished 1st and 2nd year. Then those friends left my room and after being alone I failed the 3rd year twice again. I guess I just don't have the discipline to motivate myself, and it feels like I always need somebody else to keep me in track. This is so discouraging because it makes me feel like I'm incomplete as a person, and I'll always be like a child. For a few years I suspected that I had ADHD, and now I actually take medication for it. It didn't change much regarding studying abilities, but it made me feel much more self-confident and I no longer have episodes of depression or euphoria. I just feel much more based. Also your English is fine, don't worry :)

[@rotten.tomato]

@The Medical Enthusiast Yeah, I've got your point. I just wanted to say that it was marijuana, not heroin. Every drug is harmful.

[@pels6547]

I feel you. I lived in Poland for most of my life and up until recently I wanted to study medicine in England, where I live now. I gave up on that dream because I felt that I couldn’t achieve the things that were expected to be on my application. I think compared to Poland the application process is way harder but the studies itself and job are much easier and more rewarding. I have a friend who wants to study medicine in Poland and she’s currently studying for maturas, which she is finding terribly hard. I can see that it’s eating her alive as there’s so much content to cover and revise, so that makes me wander how you found it easy.

[@richardsilva5110]

I feel you, man. And your English is flawess.

[@erikstephens6370]

Being a gifted kid and moving out of high school into the real world is like having a level 50 mage build with all of his stats on mage stuff, and then walking into a dungeon with a magic-canceling crystal and a bunch of heavily armored knights. You might as well be a level 1 character. That's what my first job was like. That's what the two years of depression and problem avoidance between high school and college were like.

[@trugate]

Wonderful job Dr K! I'll make sure to share your youtube work with others. I went through much of this situation, but my background hid this from me until I was in my late twenties. I grew up in (relative) poverty in the USA. Broken family, youngest of four kids, living off of food stamps while my mom was a janitor and watching kids from another broken family. I went from sitting on my dad's lap in front of a Commodore 64, typing in commands as a toddler, to having zero guidance, value or direction in life. Played video games since I can remember, and while they were a problem, they were also part of the solution. I dropped out early in high school (had a lot of bully issues, frequently brutally picked on), and started working at a computer repair shop. After a year or two, I quit my job and started working as a delivery guy with my cousin. Then I went to do tech support, then climbing towers, then it/sysadmin, then to cap it off, software career for the last decade, where my life really started turning around - where I started to realize that I was far different than others... where I started to realize my worth, and that my capabilities were much higher than those around me. I was married at 22 (15 years this year), have five kids with a sixth on the way, and am a software architect for a good company. I'm also training folks, but it's not just the technical side, it's also all the hard lessons I've learned about myself along the way, and giving people hope and vision to grow as individuals. I'm no longer afraid of people, no longer afraid of failing, and no longer nearly as afraid to be embarrassed as I used to be. Much of what I have learned so far myself I have found echoed in your videos (found via youtube algorithm), and many of Jordan Peterson's teachings that I've stumbled upon in the last five years. These days, I'm developing my own indie game, and have kept "the ideal day" as a goal in my life, continually iterating on what my ideal day looks like to me. Currently, that includes (high level) - being an involved father, being a loving husband, enjoying a "new" "game" (software development, leadership), as well as pushing myself creatively, and enjoying the life that has built up around me. Anyway, I've wandered around in the above, but I wanted to share my story for others. Dr K, your videos have helped me understand this narrative, and I admire your work. I hope to help others in a similar way.

[@bywindandsun]

It's difficult, as a 'failing gifted person', to put it in few words, to accept authentic praise because it adds to the pressure. Another person who thinks I should be able do it. Where as when you called us dummies it was like yeah, I feel that(or I want to feel that?). I can relate to your words without any pressure. I took a lot away from this one. Hit real close to home. You make a good point about practicing aligning your thoughts so that your expectations fall at or below your abilities, despite the pressure for gifted persons to take on the challenges others will never be able to(which is maybe a hard part for me, keeps coming up in my head). Another thing is that you shouldn't minimize your daily life as if it is trivial because you're more likely to struggle fighting against a lion if you think it's just a mouse. I still don't know if I've got anywhere on the actually getting started part, though. I'm 33 soon and haven't done *anything* since I was 17. No job, no school. I want those things, and I look up career paths and schooling options often but something just shuts it off. I'll see a path to something I want, can describe how it starts and what needs to be achieved along the way, the time and money it will take to get there and just can't do it. It's not like anxiety or anything I just get this 'nah, lets not' feeling and toss out my progress in outlining the path. It's that thing where you hate making appointments but to the nth degree. it's like I can't do anything because then I'll be something and being something comes with expectation. And then what if I don't want to be that thing. That's getting a bit existential though. edit to add: what Alchem said at the beginning about needing the regiment really resonates with me. I feel like my mind is like a cruise missile. But someone else needs to pick the target and press the go button. Would really like to figure out how to control my own tagetting and go button.

[@nickrose-investing6775]

Maybe try finding an environment where you don't have to be the one controlling the missile? Idk exactly what makes everyone different, but certain people are much better than others at say, starting a business. I know people that were helpless trying to do stuff on their own, but became way above average in an environment where they were heavily managed by others. Hope things work out.

[@BD-yl5mh]

I relate to the looking up a path and then giving up. My fear is always “but if I become an X, then I can’t ever be a Y or a Z.” And the more time I let slip by, the worse that gets. I’m 26 now. I could have graduated a degree, worked in a field for a couple years and hated, it and gone “right, back to square 1” Instead, I haven’t done anything. And I can obviously academically connect all those dots. “Like duh, just do something, it’s better than not doing, you just spelled that out for yourself” but the action is so hard. And no one is sympathetic to this type of struggle because it just seems like being a spoiled brat

[@BD-yl5mh]

@@nickrose-investing6775 I think for me, that feels like giving up. I’ve consider the fire brigade and the military but some voice in the back of my head says “but are you really too stupid to make your own path?” One of the specific areas of intelligence I was praised for when I was young was thinking creatively and outside the box so the idea that I can’t forge my own path feels like a huge failure

[@reiii69]

This video came at such a right time... I feel completely lost.. I just graduated with very poor scores.. So i will be forced to do something i will never like... I did super good in my high school and now i feel like a complete failure... Guess i am not alone...

[@juandomingo1685]

You are not alone fam, but cheer up, dealing with my shitty job rn to hopefully get back to school again to actually get a job I will enjoy or at the very least I think I'll enjoy. Life is nuts.

[@DanteHellDrive]

Bro you are not alone. I'm in my final year of graduation, I'm not overly gifted but I did well when I was in school. I did all the tough courses but now I feel more like a failure. My grades are decent, internships that I'm not very proud of and confused where I'll be in the next 5-6 months. Feels like stuck in a limbo.

[@Michael-lc8yl]

Dr. K graduated with a 2.9 or something.

[@wi2rd]

You are smart, the issues happen because you are smart. Everything came easy to you in your early life, so you never learn grit, you never learn to deal with failure, you never learn what it takes to learn things. And people won't help you, because you are so smart, you clearly don't need their support. School is fucking easy, god I am bored. Meanwhile, dumb kids are hitting walls over and over and over in school, they fuck up all the time, they get frustrated, they cry, they give up, so people start helping them. They learn to deal with failure, and having to really focus hard to learn something, they learn all this very early on. They learn grit, they learn to just push ahead, see how far you can come. You are dumb as fuck, but you learn that if you try hard enough, usually you can get somewhere at least. Fast forward, the smart kids starts hitting walls left and right, start thinking maybe they are fucking dumb, something is wrong with them, why cant they learn this stuff? They start failing left and right, get suicidal, start giving up, doing drugs, whatever. Nobody helps them, they all know you smart, you just lazy, you just a fuckup, or maybe they were wrong, you are not smart at all, who cares, you are too old now, you had your chances kid, all you do is party anyways... Here you are, just now starting to learn how to deal with failure, alone. Meanwhile, all these dumb kids start catching up, start straight up surpassing you. Because all this time, these dumbfucks learned to deal with failure already, they got support, they learned to fall hard and get back up, they had no other choice in early school. So they just keep on doing their thing, they just push ahead, fail, and push ahead some more, this is just like what school was, a struggle, so you just push and do the best you can.

[@Bigmeattyrone]

@@Michael-lc8yl graduated havard with 2.9 is still miles ahead than graduating some out of top 50 uni with 4.0

[@maverick1740]

"We devalue the thing that leads to the result and instead value the result as a proxy to the thing." Great quote! This is in my identity and I need to work on removing it.

[@crazykhespar8487]

Holy shit, Sed really nailed it at around 32:00. Growing up, I was always the smartest kid in the class, even up until college. I never struggled, I was one credit from graduating a year early (which of course I lambasted myself over for that whole year), and so the "You were supposed to be the chosen one!" reference REALLY resonates. I struggled with college until, weirdly, covid hit. For that first couple semesters, I was super productive. Thats probably in part due to lower social expectations, because I didnt have to interact with anyone aside from listening to the lectures, and there was no pressure to "live up to" my potential, I just enjoyed the stimulation from the classes.

[@Sekovatkain]

The worst part is when the mindset of not letting yourself fail follows you to the healing process. In therapy, I started practicing mindfulness over my thoughts and feelings, and I noticed that every time I had an intrusive thought (eg. "I hate myself"), I immediately scolded myself for it. It took a lot of effort to realize that it's okay if things take time, and it's okay to "fail" along the way. A couple of days ago I had similar intrusive thoughts and I noticed that my instinctive reaction has changed from "stop it, that's dumb" to "shh, it's okay". Which is something I really wish I'd heard from my parents more.

[@ichimatsu8422]

I thought I was gifted and then I met some actual gifted kids. I'm happy in my own world and realized I need to stop comparing myself with others.

[@A_JoshOfAllTrades]

This was amazing to see other guys dealing with the same struggles that I have. A lot of times it feels as though I'm all alone in feeling like a failure. I've never related to a group of people more in my life

[@Holphana]

"are you allowed to fail?" to answer this question, spend hours creating a piece of art and then throw it out. ask yourself, the time you just spent, was that wasted? p.s. experience is never a waste.

[@barefootjakejake7765]

I have a lot of experiences id be better off without🤷‍♂️

[@Michael-mn4ef]

if I spent hours creating a piece of art, there is a 100% chance that I would want to throw it away immediately

[@dualfluidreactor]

In terms of finished product it was wasted, in terms of improving in skill it wasn't wasted and it was well used. You can always only judge something in regards to a goal/ideal/optimum/that what you wanted.

[@memenazi7078]

Aww I would at least treasure the sentimental value in your own art.

[@DodgeThatAttack]

The issue i see with this is that school is always reminding you off the big exams you can't mess up. When I was in my earlier years of school, this was fine because I was quite literally top of the class just for caring about a subject, but as the years went on I just got more and more tired of doing it every day, and everything constantly getting harder, and there came I time where I just didn't care enough and the work started to pile up, I could feel my drop incredibly hard half way through secondary school and those exams just became more and more stressful and more daunting. Even now I still don't feel like I can fail because things could just end at any time and I will be graded on my last mess up.

[@eros6644]

I wasn't in a gifted program, but I heavily relate to a lot of what these guys are saying (asking "who am I" and stuff like that)

[@beyondtriggered]

All of these topics were very insightful but I think more insight into intrinsic motivation, self-love, and anxiety is needed. Great video though and shout-out all those people for hopping on!

[@SwordSnapper289]

This absolutely blew my mind. Thank you so much for this!

[@rebeccaryan5030]

I'm so grateful for your videos. I've only just found your content and I've already learnt so much about myself and how I can support my son. Thank you to everyone involved in this content. You are changing lives.

[@GGushed]

Damn I wanna come to this session because that is exactly how I feel.

[@emmettochrach-konradi2785]

Well hop on his discord. This is a pretty universal experience.

[@mrfknamazing]

I feel like this is the crisis that is the most needed to heal..all these kids feel behind in life and yet they can't realize how smart and capable they are.

[@Comrade_Dom]

No 🙂

[@AnimatedDisc]

They very clearly realize how smart and capable they are. The problem is that they also have an expectation to be smart and capable with everything, which means they may not fail.

[@thelouisjohnson]

Man this was an amazing discussion, THANK YOU for giving voice to something I didn’t even realise was an issue! Just listening to this has made me feel lighter already.

[@siblinginchrist]

Dr K I am so blown away by the topics you choose to cover and how they're always so real and down to earth. It's like hearing actual answers to the questions I was always too afraid to ask. You don't see that in usual psychology videos that focus on broader terms without much real-life implications!

[@just_a_turtle_chad]

A Turtle approved this video.

[@femurbreaker4483]

How have your u been to every thing Ive seen. You were even on a 10 view shit post from like a month ago. Who are you and where did you come from!?

[@BBVictini1]

@@femurbreaker4483 They are A Turtle. (Presumably from the sea).

[@Hajdew]

can u approve my comment?

[@femurbreaker4483]

@@BBVictini1 ah thanks for the clarification

[@cock_sauce8336]

@@femurbreaker4483 Maybe it's you who's everywhere.

[@hileschick]

As a female with this problem, are these issues approached differently? The expectations are a little different but I still relate to these guys 100%

[@djatlasmusik]

tell yourself that you are allowed to fail and if you do fail make adjustments to the areas you are bad in litle by little you become more well rounded. Give yourself rewards for getting a good grade for example or reward yourself after a all day study day. Also!!! if you are freeaking out about upcoming assignments, event etc. TEll your inner voice CALM down we can figure this out formulate a plan and follow through. hope this helps.

[@Trinity_505]

My first thought when I saw all the participants are male, I think there are some interesting differences in expectation whilst growing up and thus how we deal with things. Woulda been nice to have a more diverse group

[@letternclnovi7116]

Yeah i feel this

[@amberblevins3130]

I would love to see the female version of this, especially with the added aspects of what is expected from girls. Not only held to the expectation of being smart, but also to be pretty and to be social all at the same time

[@alybd3470]

Oh yeah. I'm sure being a female struggling with this has its own set of problems. I know my family has always had very high expectations for me. Thought maybe I'd be a doctor or a lawyer. In lots of ways, I relate to a cat. Cats aren't less intelligent than dogs, but for some reason harder to train lol. We get it, but aren't inclined to do much about it. I mostly just want to be a good wife/mom and serve others. I'd like to marry a smart and capable man who is happy to provide. I guess I just ended up being more traditional than most folks. I'm happy enough just being around intelligent people! I love interesting and insightful conversations and debates. But I have no desire to achieve anything "great" by conventional standards. And ever since I've come to terms with that, I've been so much more at peace! And that peace has in turn lent me the energy to pursue my interests in a much like anxiety-ridden way.. which in turn has increased the quality of my work!

[@Aloisk2012]

There's a bit of irony for me listening to this instead of class, but this has helped a lot. Thank you to everyone for putting this together and being honest and open enough to have this conversation.

[@patriciaramos6655]

Loving this so much. Everything I´ve been learning by working pretty hard in the past few years is condensed in just 2 hours. This is huge!! it is still a lot of work to do to integrate these concepts into your mindset and actions. Thank you Dr. K. I wish I had desovered you earlier.

[@Krynvelhat]

Great group! Out of all of the interviews this was the most relatable for me. Seeing my own thought patters verbalized is a sobering feeling. The first step to fixing a problem is admitting that there is a problem. Thank you Dr. K

[@SomeoneNr9]

I relate to so many things in this video. I was considered gifted from a young age on. I learned how to read very early to the point where I was in kindergarten and i could read stories to the other kids. I could have went to school a year earlier/ skipped a year. In the end, I barely got my Abitur (I'm german) after failing two times in the years before that. Early on, my work ethic was fine, my mom kept reminding me to keep it up, but then she got sick (heart disease) and my father left us, so it was too much for her to handle and I couldn't keep up on my own. Due to the pressure I felt, having to take care of my mother, who could have died any given day, while somehow trying to cope with my emotions I didnt focus on school anymore, I had no friends and my family wasn't helping out either, so I had the pressure of having to do everything and ended up doing nothing. After I finished school I went to university, but I didnt finish. Now I'm 25 and I'm stuck, I'm doing nothing I have no dreams I wanna pursue, I really don't even care about most things. The things i would like to pursue are acting or music, but those aren't things that you can earn enough to make money with unless you are exceptionally talented or put in an exceptional amount of work and I don't feel like I am talented enough or able to put in the work, as far as putting in work goes it's a problem of motivation. I know I have fun doing those things, but the fun I'm having with that isn't enough to motivate me to do it. And it all comes back to me never having had to work for anything, because my intellect carried me through everything without having to put much effort into it, while nobody ever gave me the kick in the ass I needed. I'm just too scared of failing, because whenever I actually had to try hard, I seemingly failed. And I can't seem to get over it. Even though I feel like I should be able to do anything (I have been told that all my life), I end up stopping myself before I start. And my frustration just keeps growing and I'm loathing myself for being seemingly incapable of doing anything, while simultaneously I should be able to do all these things. It's soul-crushing.

[@crustydrag0n793]

I feel this, and I'd like to add that I have tried to gain a "passion" or a "dream" for a while, so I practice things I enjoy and try to learn more in-depth knowledge about the subject, but then I compare myself to others, I get unhappy with my progress, and I end up giving up entirely. So, this deepens this issue because I have small bits of knowledge on a variety of subjects, and end up in this strange spot where people consider me smart, and the cycle repeats itself. I gave up on learning new things altogether recently, and while I feel happier, I feel like I do not have a path to follow and that make me feel upset in a unique way. I can't figure out how to fix my flaws in this regard.

[@cybertubeman745]

See? You're doing it again, you're thinking about the future. If you're really stuck, got nothing else to do, and you're actually having fun doing it why not do it then? what's the worst that could happen? Lost time? You enjoying it? Meeting people that are just like you and that you might build a connection with because of similar interests? You know, keeping your own problems to yourself achieves nothing, if you shared it... I don't think there's any problem that can't be solved faster through sharing. Shit you just shared it here and look at the wholesome you're getting. You better get ready young-someone, get ready to be loved, because you don't need to believe in yourself if others do it for you.

[@SomeoneNr9]

@@crustydrag0n793 Yeah, I can definitely relate to that. Kinda got the same issue, too.

[@SomeoneNr9]

@@cybertubeman745 You are right and I know that you are, but still the hurdles I have to get over seem so insurmountable for me. For example if i choose to make music professionally, I would have to invest into more equipment for recording, which i don't have the money for, or get into a band, which I don't feel comfortable with due to general social anxiety and always having been sort of an outcast. It's just that the days where you can just record stuff with a handy camera and no production are over, because people expect quality and I can't seem to find a way to deliver said quality. Still I want to thank you for your kind words and I hope that at some point I find the courage and the motivation to just try, because as I said, I know you are right and really I should just try and go for it, because as you put it "What's the worst that could happen?".

[@cybertubeman745]

​@@SomeoneNr9 You talk as if there was no inbetween but there are stages no matter the profession, see the streamers that have popped up recently like Charles Bertthoud or Davie 504, they constantly look for other streaming musicians and artists on Fiverr to check out what they have to offer and help them on their way through donations, and they can have the shittiest camera and choppiest audio and still deserve contribution because of what they have to offer. It's not like you have to start at lv99 to get a chance, not one bit, look for others in your own situation and you'll find you're not alone and there are ways to do what you hope to, it's just that maybe you haven't thought about doing it in that specific way and all you have to do is search, the current global situation kinda demands that to begin with, the special way to do stuff you'd normally do that is. It's music, a medium that's special because all you need is sound, not even the words because it's special that way, all you need is an instrument and because of the pandemic a way for me to hear it, and I doubt you'd need more than 100$ for a cheap mic, or a decent camera with that built-in, and I feel like I should say: there's editing. Also, it is better than just counting the days passing by isn't it? And keep in mind that it's a bit more than just for others if it makes YOU smile.

[@DominicMcCool]

It's weird how much all of this, the problems and the solutions, resonate like hell with me and my experience these past few years.

[@pepis5453]

As a former gifted kid that recently graduated from high school, I relate so strongly to what Sol said about having a sense of two "selves." As a coping mechanism and to help make sense of why I think or do the things I do, I often say that it's me and [my] brain. Me being how I see myself (most of the time fighting against brain and weaker) and brain being the things I am aware of but seemingly stuck struggling against (for example: anxious and depressive thoughts, tearing self down, intrusive thoughts, and strong sudden urges). It may not make sense to everyone, but it helps me make sense of myself when explaining my struggles to my therapist, partner, and close friends.