Healing from Festered Emotions ft. Ethan Nestor (CrankGameplays)

[@vanniche_ry100]

Unus annus wouldn't have been this successful without Ethan point blank period. His unique comedic timing and personality made it the thing it was. I loved all of it and it changed my view about creating things. Nobody could have pulled off unus annus this way. Love goes out to you Ethan!

[@Hallofang]

As Mark said, he could t see himself doing this with anyone eles. Mark sees so much potential in Ethan and wants him to achieve it, and go _even further beyond_. Ethan deserves so much credit just as much as Mark, you can't have Annus without Unus. ♡

[@fugol1299]

true, i feel like both of them where essential to make unus anus what it was. I personally don’t watch ethan or mark but I loved unnus anus. Each of them put their grain of sand and made a project that was bigger than both of them

[@stellarbabe]

Right. I've loved Mark for years but their chemistry is what made me coming back every single day, and that wouldn't have happened without Ethan.

[@beesquestionmark]

I’ve always liked mark but never really watched his vids but unus annus was perfection because of the two of them. Ethan quickly became one of my favorite youtubers he’s just so adorable

[@bengarbutt4700]

Yeah they were all fantastic, Ethan, Mark and Amy

[@veradrost9654]

This one hurt. I've had undiagnosed inattentive type ADHD up until a year ago and my whole upbringing has been "Why can't you do this, everybody else can" - "Why can't you just be normal" - "You're not stupid, you just have to try harder and stop being lazy" and my parents had the best intentions (they thought tough love was the way to go) but their words have scarred me for life. I feel stupid, genuinely stupid, at least once a week. I try to rationalize that I'm not, but the insecurity is always there at the back of my mind.

[@Finkeldinken]

Yeah, it's rough. I finally got diagnosed correctly about ten years ago when I was 31, and even though I understand and my quality of life has improved well with the knowledge, there's still a kid inside me who is completely convinced that I am utterly defective and lazy and morally bankrupt. It's hard to let go, but we can keep working at it and surround ourselves with good people.

[@_lil_lil]

I got diagnosed at 14. I got bad grades because I thought I was lazy, since I was also labeled as talented and gifted when I was younger, but retrospectively, I'm a perfectionist, and it took me until 1-2 in the morning to finish just daily math homework (forget other assignments!) because it took me like 2 hours to get started and often I'd get distracted every 10 minutes because it was boring to me so it would take forever, so I would get burned out 3 weeks into the semester and give up and the reason I was skipping class to give myself a mental break and to not have to face the judgement of my teachers on a day where I didn't have the spoons to handle criticism. After almost flunking out, I finally accepted that I needed an IEP, which I'd avoided to avoid judgment from my peers (despite being fairly popular I was so afraid of rejection), and went from getting Ds and Fs to As and Bs that year. After getting through community college (because I didn't have a high enough GPA at graduation to do anything else) I got good grades in college and then transferred to the university and got my BA, which apparently isn't very common for ADHD people (like 15% of us ever graduate college). Despite this, I feel stupid, like really, truly stupid, every single day, usually multiple times a day, because I still have never have acquired a full time job (I never make it past the interview due to problem with recall and nerves, the 2 jobs I have are due to references from acquaintances). I make LESS money between my 2 jobs than people I know who *dropped out* of high school, which on top of being stressful is demoralizing, as not only do I feel extremely stupid for multiple stupid absent minded things daily, I feel stupid in general for bothering to go to college in the first place and racking up more debt than all the money I've made in my life combined instead of monetizing my now- dead KZbin channel in 2010 (before Pewdiepie even started... I had 1k subs) because I thought it was a scam and I'd never make money that way, so I gave it up because school was how I'd be successful. 🤦‍♀️

[@veradrost9654]

@@_lil_lil god, I relate to way too much of what you just wrote. I'm in year 5 of my 4 year bachelor and will take at least 6 years to complete it. I'm honestly terrified of working life because I can't keep a job for more than 5 months. I'm sorry you're struggling. I wish I could help you. We just have to find a way to shape life in a way that works for our brains.

[@Finkeldinken]

@@_lil_lil yeah, I'm in the 85% I made it to tenth grade and then into roughly our equivalent to highschool where I did really poorly and ended up hospitalised in a psych ward for three months because of a breakdown. I sometimes wish they knew about ADHD in women back then. I wonder how I would have done if I had had the resources available to me then as I see young people with ADHD and ASD have today. On the other hand, I see that you are all struggling with social media and all that stuff, which I am really thankful for wasn't a thing when I grew up. I can only imagine how much it would have crushed me, tbh.

[@_lil_lil]

@@Finkeldinken I really only got the very beginnings of social media in high school (Myspace and early Facebook when it was still a teen/young adult site mostly) and seeing how insecure I was at that age, I can only imagine that being compounded if I had been born 10+ years later.

[@epicureanbard]

That hit home so hard. "It's almost protective to stop caring" Not almost, IT IS! *"I'm not stupid, I just don't care." "Yeah, I'm getting bad grades, so what?"* It's masking insecurities with apathy. I know. I live it every day.

[@crowsoto9612]

I've learned to lower my expectations for myself, but other people I know never have and it stresses me out like I've failed 17 assignments this month come on Susan give up on me already I swear to gOD--

[@mayuhmetal]

@@crowsoto9612 sometimes I feel like if no one had any expectations for me maybe I’d do well... but that’s just damn near impossible 💀

[@mayuhmetal]

right? I just call myself lazy or say I don’t fuck with school like you guys do. but I try, really really hard. and it’s exhausting to get told I’m lazy either way, so I just gave up 😭

[@naiyx]

Always say things like this but every time I even think about my grades I get anxious and feel like I’m about to breakdown crying

[@danielh.8765]

Yeah same here. All your life being told that youre wasted potential is just not helping either

[@SnowyBlizzardMC]

Remember those times on unus annus when mark would say “you turn into a child... but ONLY when the camera is on” hmmmmm

[@emmalk13]

I loved that :')

[@simyou1219]

And he proved it immediately XD Good times

[@noorabbas706]

"It's hard to be invested in something that you don't believe that you can do." @38:32

[@rafauvu6196]

Me in dentistry school

[@lunaf4247]

me in my school years basically

[@dwightk.schrute5345]

me always

[@amiralimo1192]

@@rafauvu6196 Me too

[@rikudou947]

Me in Medical school.

[@achintya333]

Please. Please. I beg you to have that 5 hour session with him. His life and emotions are SO SO SO RELATABLE. Please.

[@Sean.F]

Agreed! Every single thing about this interview was relevant to me, and if Ethan has more he'd like to explore with Dr. K I think it'd be super helpful to a lot of people. He's genuinely so thoughtful and introspective, an amazing fit for this kind of format!

[@Katalystic]

It’s insanely accurate to my life too, I almost frustratingly screamed at times and I definitely shed a few tears when he told him about the first panic attack

[@surrounding.my.surrounding9452]

i relate so so much too, one thing that comes to mind i’ve learned from my insecurity around feeling stupid is that 1. i crave being perceived (by myself, too) as intelligent - Ethan mentions being criticized as kid, a good exaple of where it could originate 2. vulnerability benefits me through my relationships, people like to hear about personal feelings, and if they dont care for your opinions, are those still valuable friendships to you?remembering this makes me want to open up more 3. now, i know myself enough to not consider myself stupid; if im ignorant ive also learned how to educate myself. I can feel confidence in that, and trust myself to try without dwelling on “mistakes” ,,cause people are more fixed on themselves most of the time ya’know

[@gettingintrospective]

Second

[@rinthedeer]

I absolutely love how Dr K actually takes a minute in real time to formulate a plan for each person instead of just assuming what to talk about.

[@Bag1]

perfect timing for some healthy distraction

[@vanillaelf3320]

ayyy i watch your ludwig clips!

[@Bag1]

@@vanillaelf3320 ayyyy hey

[@Fiscotte]

Ah yes I love spending my entire days with healthy distractions ~

[@Bag1]

@@Fiscotte or not healthy... preferably healthy

[@thehari75]

damn why u exposing me like that, i watch these to feel like im fixing myself but in reality its just another distraction FeelsBadman

[@therealhanimal]

So excited to see Ethan here. I have always felt that his struggles with adhd were deeply relatable to my own struggles.

[@boring_katlyn8764]

Ethan is incredibly smart, the way he's able to put his feelings into words so easily is incredible

[@lostwings183]

I’m the same way, I have no problems expressing how I feel or how my mind is working, but I can’t change how it works. My brain says logically I could just work on fixing something about myself I want to change, but depression tells me that I won’t ever change and I’ll always be the same. All it takes is one moment. It’s frustrating because a lot of things that make me upset don’t logically make any sense, and my brain can reason that I am not what I think I am, but I still end up breaking down.

[@Kavriel]

​@@lostwings183 Take it for what it's worth, as it's the advice of a random on the internet, but i think there's a limit to the control of the mind over the matter, or a limit of the conscious over the inconscious. If your inconscious isn't happy because you're not doing what it wants, then you can try to rationalize it as much as you want, there will still be dissonance. Anxiety and Depression are likely evolutionary traits that represent something that helps an individual survive. Perhaps your body is telling you that it needs change ? I know this doesn't give a solution, nor does it give you motivation. Just know that many people have beat depression, hope that inspires you to strive for better things.

[@hiffahyphae6707]

I admire his ability to put what’s in his head into words lol. I suck at it and after a few moments of trying to get the words right I start to get tears-eyed and embarrassed (especially with my mom, who gets mad when I cry)

[@Kavriel]

@@hiffahyphae6707 Well, i think you've found the reason why you suck at it, you've got that going for you.

[@lostwings183]

@@hiffahyphae6707 ooof. My mom would do the same.

[@secondengineer9814]

It's wild that Dr. K said "There is one emotion men are allowed to express" and everyone just knew that was anger.

[@jele77]

I also had to think how anger is probably the one emotion women aren't allowed to show and they get shamed for a lot. All the other emotions are allowed, but well we also get shamed for being too emotional. Who ever formed this concept of men and women, its horrifying if you think of this deeper :(

[@KarlOlofsson]

I think more people should allow themselves to feel angry though. I think we all need our full range of emotions, not just the "constructive" ones.

[@Peayou...]

@@jele77 who ever? I don't think it was one person

[@kiattim2100]

@@jele77 disagree. Maybe a girl, but woman.. nah.

[@lejlateletovic5225]

@@KarlOlofsson But if only one expression is allowed, than you'll express other emotions as anger. That's the problem. For example, a guy is sad for being dumped, but since it's not ok to cry and feel devastated (and thus process feelings of loss, loneliness and impermanence), he'll hype himself to feel angry by projecting terrible attributes on to his ex. A lot of times it even ends up as committing violence against other human being.

[@DitisEmile]

The point in the conversation where they talked about Ethan being forced to pick between KZbin and gymnastics when Ethan said "I had to kill a version of myself off." really hit close to home.

[@Nemamka]

"There's a difference between being unhappy and depressed" !!! not many people talk about this distinction and the importance of diagnosing it correctly

[@simyou1219]

"What do you usually go by?" What Ethan wanted to say: ...eef...

[@Mimarre]

Listening to people talk in unhealthy, cruel or abusive ways, we know affects people negatively. It seeps into our own mentalities and if it doesn’t hurt us personally, it can make us at the very least emotionally distressed. Conversely, hearing people talk in healthy, positive and emotionally intelligent ways has such a beneficial effect! Thank you for producing emotionally healthy content ❤️

[@maskedproductions]

I agree! It’s like the saying that you’re the 5 people you spend the most time with. I always try to watch videos and spend the most time - even though online - with people that I find inspiring or role models. Bc I feel like that can truly help one to become the version of themselves that they want to be, you know? Anyways lol, I agree I love watching his videos for the same reason ❤️

[@itsmekaarma]

Unus annus would never be unus annus without ethan. We all love and appreciate him.

[@HopeHendershot-Moskal]

Ethan: I feel like I'm not worth people's time. Me: * Just finished Five Nights at Hyper for the third time * What now?

[@deepseatofucreature4204]

yeah I was like bruh, it´s not like someone is making us to watch you or there is nothing else to do

[@cheeto.burrito]

The definition of impostor syndrome

[@MurderCraw]

I loved Unnus Annus. It was far more emotional in the end than I expected and while I've always been a Markiplier fan, I enjoyed Ethan in the series a lot more. He has a comedic and fun energy about him that I relate to. I also love his nickname - Eef.

[@jw5386]

Yes I love Mark but UA would've been nothing without Ethan.

[@galacticlavalamp6338]

Does anyone else understand the intense pang of regret after waking up in the morning and realizing you missed the countdown

[@jw5386]

@@galacticlavalamp6338 some people saved the livestream if you really want to see it still

[@moonsaer]

@@galacticlavalamp6338 its part of the expirience and point. sometimes you miss things, and thats the end of it. u have to move forward

[@wildfire9280]

“grillet”

[@bobbiecapewell5333]

"I'm gonna give you a meditation practice that you're gonna be terrible at" "Great" 😆

[@AuroraMarvaela]

That moment when he was going to force him to choose was hilarious. "Oh god, I am so sorry!" And damn, I love Dr. K's sense of humor. I love you, Ethan. You are a wonderful human being.

[@Sx-xy2zi]

43:20 it's inevitable were going to psychologically damage our kids no matter how much we love them. Real talk

[@galacticlavalamp6338]

You can’t psychologically damage a cat! Actually that’s not true you can

[@SkillsofAWESOMENESS]

I hate that this is true

[@laincoubert7236]

and that's why i won't be having kids until i'm sure i can afford therapy for them and myself...

[@butasimpleidiotwizard]

But if you can take responsibility and accountability for that and be open and honest with them you can show them how to heal and deal with hurt and communicate their feelings to resolve problems and all the things that will protect them from long term hurt

[@rarecrom]

@@butasimpleidiotwizard this. its not as grim as it seems

[@TheDhammaHub]

The mind is incredibly good at finding quick solutions for the suffering it directly faces... sadly, that sometimes leads to suppression and other problems in the long run

[@BigVorst]

Very well said.

[@mr.knowitall5019]

Brain works for survival and you can't be defenceless for long in the wild. So you need quick solutions.

[@crowsoto9612]

feelings are for fucking nerds - comment made by oh god it's gonna catch up to me again fuck come on just another 5 years please gang

[@galacticlavalamp6338]

The human brain is so so so smart but also very dumb sometimes right??

[@TheDhammaHub]

@@galacticlavalamp6338 it is rather sophisticated in some aspects and absolutely terrible in others ;D

[@MarStam95]

Ooooh what he said about anger being the only emotion that men are conditioned to be allowed to express. Immediately made me realise the anger is the only emotion that women are conditioned that they are absolutely NOT allowed to express. 🤯

[@judassaturn5999]

"I had to kill a version of myself off." Such a devastatingly relatable sentance. Ive been thinking so much about that process- im a trans person and i feel fractured by having made decision to transition, an effective alienation from so many people places and things. I think about it almost every day- who i would have been, if i could have pulled it off.

[@Finkeldinken]

💙I hope you find peace soon. That sounds like a complex emotional process that might take some serious time to work through. I wish you all the best and I am glad on your behalf that you didn't force yourself to stay in a role that you had to 'pull off' for life, even if that means a coming to terms and a mourning process for you right now.

[@judassaturn5999]

@@Finkeldinken thank you, this is very kind! 💜

[@deadphoenixrising]

It's like mourning a person that never existed. Someone died but theres no cultural path to follow to Express the grief over who you tried to be for so long. I hope you can find self love for the real you now.

[@suzieq5378]

Be glad it doesn’t get pulled off Judas

[@maxtaffert1328]

I'm trans too and yeah i relate a lot. I think what Dr K said is really relevant here though. The "you" from before you came out and the "you" now may have two different gender identities, but there is one "you" that remains throughout the whole thing, and that is the real you. Sorry if i didn't articulate that well lol

[@jacksonlaframboise6257]

If something is too intense for me to emotionally process, I just don’t. I’ll legit sit in a room like trying to cry for like 6 hours because I feel like I need to...morally. It takes waaay to much time. It’ll be like 8 years later when I’m just driving to work or some shit singing in my car when I’ll just randomly do this fucking laugh cry Nd have to pull over. It’s so weird. It happens before the emotion happens. Than the actual root of the emotion hits. And the whole time my brain is all like “yeah bro. Idk how to even go about expressing this. Ur just gonna like cry so hard you start laughing maniacally, imma randomly make your whole body cover in goosebumps and when you show up to work, your pupils are gonna be so huge that people r gonna think your on drugs.” It feels fffucking sooo gooood tho. It’s like that feeling when you listen to like, idk the solo from comfortably numb, but if that feeling was something you were experiencing and not just creating to resonate with the music. I just wish it didn’t take 8 years. It’s like, most people would be pretty happy if some drug made it so they didn’t have to pee again. But, we all have to admit that taking a piss feels pretty dope....I just wish that I didn’t hold my emotional piss in until I just randomly piss my emotional pants in public. Cuz having to take a piss slows you down. You become afraid of running and stuff because, what if you embarrass yourself? I just wish that there was like a routine way to release emotions, similar to a bathroom; that everybody used and was completely normal and taught at a young age. When you’re older, you just raise ur hand in class and go,”hey teach. I need a go to the emote room” (or some shit) and it’s just some padded sound proofed room where you can spend like a few mins a day in just going all tyler1 mode. Than you come back to class and can actually focus. Why isn’t this a thing? I wish this was a thing. To many people need to just let go of emotions, but there’s no place to just do that without looking crazy. Venting in a comment section over personal problems is too logical. It doesn’t work. Talking it out works, but it needs physical confirmation to actually stick for more than 20 minutes. Emotions are illogical, messy, stupid, whatever, but the most subjectively true thing that exists. Just like shitting, pissing and eating. Even if we did nothing, we would still have to do these things. And we all have to emote. Why aren’t emotions treated the same way? We eat in public and have a time and a place to deal with the dirty. We can be happy in public and deal with our demons by emotionally...shitting? Fuck. When I grow up, I’m gonna make rooms like this. Everybody is invited to just fucking spaz out. Tea and warm towels will be provided afterwards. Who’s down?

[@therealhanimal]

I’m so down

[@kristofere5160]

Your pissing metaphor is so good😅

[@dewdropp8587]

​@@kristofere5160 it really is LOL. It's actually really insightful for me since I actually pissed myself in the middle of my PSAT two years ago from asking to use the restroom too late because I didn't want to lose precious time on my test; I ended up losing much more time in the process lmfaooo. It's probably one of the most embarrassing moments of my life but this analogy kinda makes me rethink the situation as a learning moment.

[@CorinneA3]

This is SUCH a good idea what f*ck. I so want to do this.

[@aniyilator]

emotionally pissing my pants is something i'd like to get as a print on a hoodie lol

[@nikkiiwithani]

me: student - yes struggles with life purpose - yes struggles with discipline - yes struggles with lacking motivation - yes struggles with isolation - yes has 24 dollars to spend per session - no my broke ass could never

[@DaweMove]

Most of the people likes more to complain a about their issues than actually doing something about it because its way easier. I know that from my own experience.( I doubt that its about money.)

[@woah2woe]

Boi i can spend $24 on a meal/restaurant during the two weeks ppl usually get paid doing normal jobs, or somethinng stupid like other things or a game, also i can borrow that from a fren or some family, im sure its not money either lol

[@mashiromoritaka6299]

@@woah2woe 24 dollars in other countries might be worth a lot more

[@humayrashimu1457]

24 dollar=1920tk in our country. And you can get a good breakfast with just 35tk. I agree with that. Things can be pretty different from country to country.

[@BrandonShere]

When you can't afford to get therapy, so you watch others get therapy on KZbin XD

[@senecarus_whitur]

I talked to an adhd therapist two days ago and „feeling stupid“ is something I can relate to very well. No matter how hard I try I feel like I always need to work harder than other people to reach „normal“. And forgetting names or words ... makes me look really dumb in front of my colleagues... I am trying to get better at it, but sometimes it’s so frustrating and exhausting Update after 2 years: I still cannot talk well and I have tried to improve, but instead of being upset with myself or calling myself dumb I have started to accept myself and my quirks more. Of course I will still try to improve, but I will also be patient and kind with myself and care less about what others think of me.

[@aniyilator]

Precisely. I like talking about legitimate issues with people and having that sort of heavy discourse too, but sometimes I'll be mid sentence and will just forget the word "arbitrary" for instance, and it makes me feel really dumb.

[@senecarus_whitur]

@@aniyilator I forget names and simple words such as „groceries“ or „shopping card“ etc. It’s so frustrating... it’s like my brain just glitches out.

[@ninjycoon]

Same.

[@Aryan111ize]

@@senecarus_whitur if you talk chat with strangers without knowin who you are that forgetting words gose away and you get way better at expresing yourself at the moment and later talking ,you an see its trauma self hate scared of judgmental extra... writing do the job too

[@ImpulsiveLimbo]

"I'm gonna force you to choose." "Uhhh" "OH GOD YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHOOSE!"

[@user-qi1us9gr9t]

man Ethan is such a genuinely nice guy I love him

[@mellowmud3314]

I completely missed Unus Annus when it was still active, and later found out about it when it ended. I'm sure I would've loved it seeing as how genuine Ethan is in this stream.

[@yaman1047]

Ohhhh boy. Trust me man you missed out but it was definitely amazing to see Ethan as a genuine person.

[@annahill987]

I think Ethan is going to try and make more UnusAnnus-type videos in the future, so don't think you missed everything!

[@bobbiecapewell5333]

Same, I missed all of it. I've seen parts, and I'm genuinely gutted I missed out, but I'm looking forward to seeing what's next

[@SimranSurya]

I have a clip of Ethan saved up on my phone from one of the videos. It’s a lovely reminder of how HILARIOUS Eef was on the show and he still is on his channel.

[@walent88]

dm me ;)

[@RawBerserker]

Impostor syndrome ruins me all the time... especially when I'm in a position where people depend on me and my work or else everything falls apart. Can always rely on the doc to help me learn about myself

[@obiwankenobi1615]

kinda sus

[@jacksonlaframboise6257]

Lol. I once worked at a restaurant where I was the only server on Monday to Friday (I worked the weekends as well, but there were more there then) And it wasn’t even that fucking slow. I’d have like 25 tables at a time while dealing with a hockey party out back. It was when I had to take a day off because I caught the flue and saw that the place dead ass closed for the couple days that I started having panic attacks. It was like, “wtf. Why do I care? Why did they do this?” I eventually told em to hire more people because my shifts were slowly becoming like a performance and I was starting to exist in a constant panic attack where I couldn’t stop making jokes about how to insane the situation is and how scared I was and everybody thought it was hilarious because panic attacks sound a lot like comedy cadence apparently. Plus, I learned that comedy makes bad emotions funny, so I just became funnier the more shit the situation got. But yeah. I get ya. I think it has to do with willingness to take on responsibility vs being thrown into responsibility. Normally if you take on responsibility, it is because you are passionate about the thing and the people you are responsible for. In some instances, that becomes a reality that you can’t control and you either need to remember why you are passionate about the thing, or just pass on the responsibility and move on. It’s never for nothing either. I may have eventually switched jobs. But, I gotta say that entertaining like 300 individual people a day maxed out my speech skill tree. It also maxed out my social anxiety cuz I’m still tryna not feel like everybody is watching me expecting food Nd laughs or some shit. So Like, idk. This resonated with me and I basically just did a journal entry on your post. Srry Abbas. But thanks for reminding me of that.

[@RawBerserker]

@@jacksonlaframboise6257 This was really a great reply actually, thank you. You're right about remembering and finding your passion. I can sometimes forget why I am where I am which makes the negativity flood in. Bless you bro 🙏

[@InsaneShadowWolf]

This is like second hand therapy for me HOLY

[@melodybales2038]

As an ADHD kid with a lot if similar issues holy shit I think I cried through this whole video

[@Setliin]

i have never met a person, who would cry for another person ( in my personal life ) it blows my mind every time Dr.k does it

[@BebehCookieIcecream]

They exist, my friend. Those who can't often can't do it for themselves. Once they can, those tears will flow 😌

[@grahamm4814]

Uve never met a person that will cry for another person what? It's actually pretty common, I live in Canada though :)

[@aster5600]

You should meet me! I am empathetic to the point that I regret it because it hits me so hard. I cry to the point where I can barely breathe and it doesn't even have to be an extreme thing.

[@francescarosalia3839]

Timestamp?

[@TJgamesfull7]

Dude what the fuck are talking about? Really? Stop the Cap

[@dariusradu2369]

You know it's gonna be a good one when you see Dr K bust out the napkins.

[@methylatedlysine]

I fell asleep while waiting for Dr K to turn on his cam for this live and woke up when we raided someone.

[@LeoZhang888]

you poor soul, here take this flower ✿

[@aidaadib2937]

Damn you were really tired

[@methylatedlysine]

@@aidaadib2937 no I'm just Australian

[@aidaadib2937]

@@methylatedlysine yeah I got it

[@bobobsen]

@@methylatedlysine twitch is cruel to us non-Americans

[@jtland4842]

1:05:10 God this moment was tragic. Dr. K accidentally poking Ethan’s “wound”/tragic experience that they spend so much time digging up to process.

[@urart741]

Now that I think about it, having seen Ethan here, I actually would LOVE to see you talk with Markiplier. I think that the conversation with him would be so goddamn enjoyable because of his approach to life, and also helpful in many ways. Those who know Mark, they know what I'm talking about. Either way, great video and seeing you talk with Ethan made my day. Seeing any of the content creators just being themselves and genuine for a minute is really what makes us bond with them in a way they don't even realize we do. Keep up the good work sir!

[@MsHermyGranger]

I want to find out once and for all if he is a masochist

[@jonasjasikevicius8780]

@@MsHermyGranger sadomasochist

[@fionamcguinn]

I second that. I've wondered if he would consider coming on here and what we would find out that we might not have heard him talk about before

[@mradrian1106]

I second that, would be great to see Mark on here

[@samuel-ux4gy]

Tbf i would love to see healthy Gamer talk to ant KZbinr lol

[@ZePopTart]

38:55 speaking at somebody who was in a similar situation and I chose to please my parents (rather than me) and go all in on school... yeah. Yeah it fucks you up.

[@Enerjjak]

Yep. No lie there

[@suzieq5378]

Lol ah ok

[@gothyah]

I relate immensely with Ethan's experiences, insecurities and impostor syndrome. Try to force yourself to think that you're great and talented. With enough repetition, eventually, you might end up believing it, and then in turn, you will improve on many things you normally feel negatively about.

[@R-Miles289]

If Dr. K taught me anything it's definitely the fact that forcing yourself to do things usually ends up with the opposite effect. It's about sitting with the thoughts/feelings and being ok with those that'll help you move forward. I can get behind that sort of 'fake it, till you make it' mentality, because it sometimes has its strengths, but building a bridge to get you across the river can only get you so far. It will help you across the river, but what'll happen if you end up in the river anyways? You will drown if you don't know how to swim in it. Take this comment how you will, I'm just interested in your thoughts and what I had to say.

[@bobobsen]

That genuinely works

[@canlex]

This hits so hard, especially with “student Ethan”. I know I’m intelligent enough to goto some of the best colleges in America. But fuck am I lazy and have trouble working in a school environment and I feel retarded compared to my peers.

[@hamzakhusro5970]

When will you realize you are the reason for your own productivity?

[@cute_plum2831]

I feel this like I feel the same (though I’m not too smart) I feel that I’m just a super unmotivated kid and my attention span is really low so I have a hard time focusing on one thing so I get bored of it and just don’t try doing it, and my memory isn’t that good so I feel that I will forget like everything right before I do a test. Sorry if I’m rambling to much it’s just your comment made me think of myself :(

[@zoerose3478]

@@hamzakhusro5970 A lot of people with ADHD/some other disorders feel this way due to executive dysfunction... It's not that they're lazy, it's just so hard to pick yourself up and do what you need to. It's excruciating, and not their fault. Not that I know if OP deals with that sort of thing.

[@crowsoto9612]

I get the frustration but I'd appreciate at least a censor on the r-slur

[@crowsoto9612]

@@hamzakhusro5970 bruh this person could have ADHD

[@chuckfinn89]

I love that we went from "I think I'm dumb" to "here's how you attain enlightenment" in 2 hours. Thanks dr.k. And Eef (also happy 10 years dude, you're dope)

[@RememberTheTrees]

Even as someone who doesn't have ADHD (as far as I know), a lot of these experiences were very relatable. Not speaking in group settings for fear of being regarded as stupid, impostor syndrome, having to make really hard choices and sacrifice parts of my identity, finding it difficult to identify certain emotions. I think it's all part of the human experience, so please don't feel bad if any of these things are hard for you. I think it's kind of supposed to be hard, it's like how your brain begins to decode and uncover deeper truths.

[@butasimpleidiotwizard]

As someone who does have ADHD it's a lot worse with adhd because some of that stuff like feeling stupid is something that gets forced into you because people see your symptoms before your potential and brush you off before you have a chance to demonstrate what you can do

[@carrotnoises6981]

i have alexithymia and i don't hear many people speak about it, but hearing that ethan has it as well makes me feel so happy and so less alone holy shit

[@slimpo8465]

This one resonates hard.

[@loneshewolfTNF]

Same. Honestly I can relate so much

[@littlewyzard]

I just found your channel and I think you’re filling a really important niche here on the internet! keep up the good work 💕

[@adrianstickling8367]

welcome!

[@fionamcguinn]

I'm so happy that Eef has gotten to talk through some of his issues! Hopefully it'll do him some good cuz he's one of my favorite people and I think he deserves to not be held back by issues caused by his past. I haven't watched it yet but just by reading some of the advertising text I think I'm going to resonate with this well

[@disheveling]

I can see Ethan's been blocked by this stuff for years. Markiplier picked the guy out and made him famous over a backflip. You can see it in his expressions, he understands and is disheartened by his potential, or at least the perception of it by his viewers, that he will never escape the comparison to the people that brought him up. He has the ability to grow, to prove his value, but he's caught up in the fear of being exposed, both consciously and unconsciously. When he can embrace his intelligence, his capacity to put something out there that's unique and holds value to people, he will change for the better. Otherwise, the imposter seed will continue to grow, and seep into the unconscious. When you avoid those negative emotions, they don't just disappear, they tuck themselves away into the back of your mind, and can alter your behaviour in a very subtle way. The kind of subtle that can have people spend years chasing the dragon, feeling empty inside, unfulfilled, or without hope.

[@SortofUnpleasant]

I wish Markilplier would do one of these streams, but I don't know if he's even close to being ready to do something like this. Don't know him personally obviously, but I wonder what he'd gain from talking to Dr. K.

[@sarahseipert6693]

“Look at the scrot*m on that guy” -Dr.K, 2021

[@flawed1]

“ Mama just killed a man. Put my gun against his head. Pulled my trigger now he’s dead ”.... seriously though it’s a more common story than we like to think

[@galaxydeathskrill5607]

1:27:18 1:33:30 - 1:33:45 holy shit, no wonder I stopped drawing for 9 months, as soon as I showed what I drew my self-esteem plummeted and when the best work happens is WHEN I don't care about other's opinions, is when I'm just myself NOW I understand why great artists are the way they are this is heavy, but i'm so very thankful that by watching this - I just in a way helped myself what surprises me is that, I came to that conclusion earlier back then, but didn't do anything about it also no wonder I don't show anyone what I've been drawing, I've been scared of judgement

[@nyle1935]

1:05:10 That was so hilarious HAHAH. I’ve never seen Ethan’s content before but he seems pretty chill - will definitely check out his work.

[@nyle1935]

Also I definitely didn’t think I was stupid when I thought “Unus Annus” meant One Asshole or something. Oopsies.

[@DeeFightingDreamer]

@@nyle1935 Haha, you're not the only one who made that mistakes. And I hope you enjoy Ethan's content, he's a really nice guy :)

[@antopology]

@@nyle1935 considering what ethan and mark did on this channel it's a valid interpretation

[@ericaisepic5695]

I love ethans content so much, i think hes so versatile and yet always manages to stay with his personality. I think hes really cool tbh

[@panbeing]

I love seeing the cogs in ethan's mind turning and i love to see him smile. Also thank you Dr K for making each one of these sessions a unique one no matter how similar people's problems are.

[@anujapanthari4900]

wow, his story hit home. I grew up as a gymnast (7-14). It really is a defining experience in my life. I spent so many hours in the gym and because of that was super tired during school/didn't really care about it to pay attention. On top of that I really struggled with paying attention in group settings. I still carry that insecurity around with me even though I have proved against it sometimes. The anxiety distracts me and diverts my attention. Its not even ADHD. Its the self talk that believes that i will always be that kid who is "stupid". It actually becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

[@paulschmidt8742]

I had the same experiences. Though I quit going to the gym after years of time invested because of deppression and that hurt me alot because I was on a competitive level and it was my dream. I was living in a environment where everyone was trying to be perfect. There was teachers who literally told students to give up. I thought that quiting everything that I liked would improve my mental state and rather it led to way more deppression and stress and alot of crying. Everyday I woke up with panic to the point where my hands would shake. Playing video games didn't help at all. So I decided to quit school while I had my exams. I isolated myself half a year from everyone. It took about a month until I could watch youtube or play games without panic attacks. I learned a ton of programming. I convinced myself that everything would be alright. Luckly it did and it felt euphoric to know I still had a future. I am now going to another school where I have friends who care about me and teacher whom I feel I can trust.

[@land3021]

I can definitely relate with 'having to be the stupid version of myself', as school for me, is also a place where I under perform and don't really care to put effort into... But then there's also another part of me that brings that 'stupid self' home, atleast partly, whenever I try to talk to people in school... and also that lingering anxiety which slows me down even more...

[@UwU-lm9or]

yooo this fucking comment resonated with me becuase i feel like I have to be it and I can see it through my text messages too and so on but ugh i feel your pain and I do try as well but its hard because everyone sees me as stupid so its kinda like no choice but to play the stupid person? if you know what i mean? hopefully but anywyas hope i wasnt mean i actually felt this :"")

[@codabean]

it was really cool hearing the comments made around 40:50 about how ethan needs to let people see him so he can get the recognition he deserves, because it reminded me of that video near the end of Unus Annus where him and mark were in their suits sitting in the chairs (not the livestream, it was some video before that) and mark told him how he was almost disappointed because he had wanted to see ethan branch out more recently. and ethan knows this, he's probably been wanting and reminding himself for years that he should branch out, try new things, get creative, etc. but then to hear it on this show phrased in the same way as when his dad told him how proud he was of ethan, that puts it into a great perspective of how incredibly significant it really is for him.

[@ParadoxProblems]

Every time I watch one of these videos I think that I'm not going to be able to empathize with the person being helped but end up feeling so strongly. Thank you.

[@arraikcruor6407]

Same! I empathized with even Albert!

[@Xanderj89]

Ok this is going to sound weird, but is this why I chase Flow states? Those times where I just perfectly exist in “I am”, just existing in a state of Noticing and Acting with Intent, while my mind is in the bg doing the calculations for me somehow on autopilot? Like, I only feel like “me” when I’m immersing or performing.

[@yurikollerborba2680]

Dr. K, your knowledge and the way you teach it is so valuable and unique. I've been learning so much what I feel other psychologists couldn't explain. Keep going, never stop doing it as long as you enjoy it. You are really valuable for me and, I believe, for a lot of other people! :)

[@iluvMCRsupercool]

I love how when Dr. K said a link between anxiety and muscle tension and then pointed at the shoulders.. Whenever I get stressed or worried it sits in my shoulders and my acupuncturist always says "you must have a lot on your mind" and then it brings to mind every chiropractic and massage visit I've had where the masseuse asks "have you been in a car accident?" and in my head, I just say "no I just have anxiety" LOL

[@Wolfstar26]

anytime dr k talks about adhd in depth it feels so cathartic and relieving for me. i never got support or help for my adhd as a child.

[@fangirl5940]

Hey do you remember which other videos he talked about it in? I’d love to see more of it

[@kimioops]

@@fangirl5940 he's done some with mizkif !!! :)

[@fangirl5940]

@@kimioops oooh thank you!!

[@TheApopolypse1]

im so proud of ethan, he meditated! also i havent seen many of these before but dang the fact that dr k also got emotional and was so invested and enthusiastic just felt so much

[@erikakensuke]

Ethan deserves everything he's worked so hard for. And when he mentioned people having a shitty year while he had a great one, he shouldn't feel bad for that. The paths we take through our lives are meant to have ups and downs. It's okay to have different ones than everyone else. There's no need to compare. This episode was amazing. I love the profound questions that are given, and this gave me a lot to think about, personally. I still don't know who is am yet, either, so knowing now that I have to take the time to figure that out is going to help a lot. Also, thanks for the reminder to meditate more.

[@miashinbrot8388]

FYI, tapping (EFT) is not usually done by external "tappers"; usually a person taps on their own head and body. It's interesting if now there is some evidence that it works. I've done it myself with some success (generally only when I'm feeling some strong emotion that I want to work through; it doesn't seem to be effective if I'm not currently feeling strong emotions). It may be partly placebo effect -- but then again, the placebo effect is quite real.

[@BeingBetter]

It works well for my panic disorder and agoraphobia.

[@tarinvernon7007]

21:09 Why was I so afraid when he said that. Oh god. This is heavy I had to stop. Might come to it later.

[@flynn5032]

I never thought I could relate to someone like I do to Ethan regarding the insecurity and feeling inadequate and stupid in conversations and going to prestigious public school that was really prideful and stuff. The difference is that I am such a perfectionist to the point that I can’t afford to not care like he did or it’s like the end of the fucking world lol. So it’s interesting how u can feel like there’s a person so different from u and yet if u sit and talk about them u realize I have a lot more in common. And also I’m crying lmao

[@carolinecherry2423]

As a teacher, I feel so bad for neurodivergent kids in most public school settings.😢. He is completely right--classes are designed for the average neurotypical student. I would advise those with divergent learning styles to take advantage of any free one-on-one tutoring the school or community offers.

[@juleskelly8739]

I watched this live yesterday. It was a great interview and I learned a lot! Thank you Dr. K and much love to Ethan for sharing your story.

[@ValidVoid]

Watching Unus Annus from start to end... that last hour, as odd as it may sound was really emotional.

[@burrritoKat]

He articulates his feelings and thoughts very well 😊

[@roxane4757]

Ethan seems super smart and kind too. Really charismatic.

[@hiitsaria]

Just a heads up, timestamps say Unus Anus. It's pretty funny, though, so you could just leave it 🤣

[@algumnomeaihehe]

hilarious

[@vonnallencortez8686]

I've been wondering for so long if I have ADHD. Just because of how much similar my experience and feelings are with people that have ADHD.

[@NeptuneCJ]

I don’t know how but every thing that are talked about in this links to my life and past and it kinda scares me and puts me in a fucking tornado of panic and I don’t know why. I’ve recently started to try to understand myself more and I did a bunch of research and I apparently have signs of ADHD myself and every time I see vids like this seeing someone with my issue talk about it, such a strong connection is made in my head I LOOSE IT. I’ve tried multiple times to get through vids like this but I never get through it. I need to learn how to take it in but I don’t know how. I hope to learn more and go deeper into myself without going crazy. But I really want to thank you and everyone who makes online content to help people like me and people in general. Even though I haven’t learned how to take it and use it properly it, I appreciate it. Thank you.

[@jamiel.5824]

As someone who wants to become a creator this hit deep. Lots of respect for Ethan & Dr. K 👌

[@sabrinadebos4113]

I'm almost scared to watch this because i feel like there'll be many, many parallels to my own struggles :

[@Fighter11115]

feel that fear and do it anyway!

[@tender0828]

Totally vibe with Ethan when he was talking about his time in school except I didn't do KZbin or gymnastics lol I'm almost 30 now and just found my way back to drawing and comics which I had to kill off early in my highschool days

[@xfortunesquex]

I feel this, too. I was just diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD last year. For most of my life, I've felt so stupid about some things. I struggled a lot with some subjects in school, and I hid my inability to concentrate behind calling myself lazy, until I believed I was actually lazy. I even had a friend cut off a friendship with me in the 9th grade, and she listed all the things she didn't like about me- things which were my ADHD traits (and partially Autism, but mostly my ADHD). This sounds like it will be very cathartic to listen to. Thank you, Dr K! And thank you, Ethan, for willing to be vulnerable like this.

[@Xanderj89]

Wait are meltdowns panic attacks? That sounds like every meltdown I’ve ever had, hell every migraine I’ve ever had, just so overwhelmed by stimulus that you start venting emotion or trying to self harm etc

[@wonderIland]

38:27 - time stamp for "Dr K out of context" videos lmao

[@OnibiTeru]

This whole start made me wonder if I have ADHD on some level. Noted I am an adult now and always knew I had trouble following in school. But I never really had any attitude shifts or things - just felt dumb and lagged behind in everything aside from arts, which let me creatively approach things and follow along what I was learning by practice. I rarely actively have things to discuss in group setting, it's like my mind is on stand-by or empty, and I'm terrible at following through in a long discussion from my side, I get super side-tracked when talking. There's so much more, which could or could not be the case for ADHD - but out of curiosity it makes me want to go talk to someone who might be able to give me an insight.

[@aniyilator]

uhhh as someone who's definitely got adhd, i can say with a stamp of approval that it sounds like you've got it 👍 definitely talk to someone about it though, adhd can be a hard thing to deal with on your own

[@bobobsen]

I can't be certain but my ADDdar is definitely going off

[@jacobiskandermusic]

Dude this was such a fulfilling watch. Those last few minutes were so wholesome too :)

[@marierose8580]

i'm so excited about this one... i relate to the vast majority of ethan's struggles, especially as someone with ADHD and dyslexia. thank you for this

[@iloveyellow7214]

Im not being negative but I cant believe that someone with this much wisdom & empathy+understanding, and looks like a 25 y o guy is a professor in Harvard Im like wow... Man he makes total sense(in relation to this guy 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽)

[@cristiang9298]

To everyone interested in the experiential route of finding who you are, as Dr. K puts it, there's a cool forum called liberation unleashed, where they guide you and question you like he did to Ethan.

[@christine9908]

Man, social media really does mess with us. Like does anyone else feel like they got their impostor syndrome because of stuff like Twitter, Instagram, and even KZbin?

[@unionunicorn6776]

1:21:53 “Why do you compare? How does it feel to be compared to these other people?” Oh my gosh exactly what Ethan said. I compare myself to others because other people do it all the time. The way Ethan put it was so perfect. It’s a conflicting feeling of both being honored to be even remotely associated with them but also wishing at the same time that people saw me as an individual and not just part of a group and constantly under their shadow. I wish I could be seen for who I am without them. I wish how people saw me wasn’t so tied to them in others’ minds.

[@jw5386]

This is so weird. I feel like I'm eavesdropping on Ethan's therapy session.

[@QuietSpacePhotoStudioLLC]

I'm surprised you didn't bring up codependency & self care & how realizing those things can lead to huge breakthroughs in awareness & healing. I used to bend over for people, too, & often felt stupid. It wasn't until it got too much for me & I started saying no & looking out for myself that my whole world changed. Also, how many of those kids he saw go off to college, dropped out, or completely changed paths because they realized they weren't following their own dreams, but dreams others wished they would follow. Parents, society. And now they are looking at Ethan & saying, man, I wish I was THAT guy. Lastly, if his Mom never made him choose, would you have taken the same path? Would you be where you are now? That moment was already planned & chosen to send you on the "correct path" you wanted. Even though there are really no correct paths. 🙂

[@lolifeye]

This is one of the most relatable interviews I have ever seen of anybody, by anybody. Both of you are amazing, thank you.

[@hms23193]

I loved seeing Ethan’s face just genuinely smiling and being comfortable while these new concepts were being introduced to him. Amazing. A lot of these ideas are very helpful for me. Wow.

[@Drawreadplaymusic]

Wow I wondered why I related to Ethan so hard, but damn math checks out now

[@pleasedyes]

Holy crap his ADHD functions exactly like mine. I hadn’t thought of the not talking in groups as related and the mind wandering stuff helped, I have a lot of trouble with feeling like I can focus then completely losing it whenever I switch what I’m doing (like going from relaxing to doing homework)

[@pofols]

1:05:10 This KILLED MEE 😂😂 But on the serious note, this was so good

[@romycullen17]

I'm a failing adult with ADHD and the shame is kinda unbearable at times :')

[@abigailhagos501]

Id like to help you and tell you what you should do, but honestly, I dont know what I'm doing with my life so ya know, good luck with that hope it gets better sorry ik thats not very helpful

[@abigailhagos501]

You know what nevermind I do have something to say, you're not a failed adult ok, and I'm not gonna let you go around saying that you are. I'm not the best with words and I have a tendency to ramble a lot, but I'm not stupid and ik for a fact that there's no such thing as a failed person, regardless of whether or not you're successful by normal standards. Don't say things like that because then you just implement that mindset to whatever you do and you'll never get out of feeling like crap. Ik this is so ridiculously cliché and I dont have adhd so I dont know if what I'm saying even applies, but if you tell yourself everyday that you're a failed adult and are unable to do things, then you're just setting your self up for failure. Ik its easier said than done but try to tell yourself that you're not a disgrace, theres nothing wrong with you, and in the end, all the pain and anxiety and shame will have been worth it. But what do ik im just random chick on the internet and I probably just projected all my insecurities onto you so take what I say with a grain of salt im not a professional or whatever

[@katorea]

Hey, Doctor K, thank you for all these videos, the mere intention of wanting to help is by itself a lot of help, and all of this is just more and more gifts for the world. :) hope you all have a good life

[@dsamurai4725]

Can't wait to get mentally swollen after those meditation push-ups