Overcoming NEGATIVE Self-Talk with ConnorEatsPants | Dr. K Interviews

[@ConnorEatsPants]

Thank you for all the nice comments everyone. It really really is so awesome to me that so many are saying they could relate to me, or that I put to words something you may deal with but never could convey. Hope this helps people as much as it helped me.

[@matcha.always]

Your stream was important man. I think the skills you learnt on this stream are crucial skills that everybody should cultivate. Thank you for starting this convo!

[@alec3109]

love you connor

[@lio5605]

much luv connor!

[@hussainshah5868]

Dude this has helped me in more ways than you can imagine. Thanks for sharing!

[@miguelibrahim3357]

I can't thank you and Dr. K enough. Seeing you talking about the same shit that I go through really gave me courage to seek professional help. Love the streams and the community of both :)

[@Kvh47]

I am only 6 minutes in but he seems very strong! How can you subject yourself to going on dates if you know you will literally throw up from the stress?? That is some astounding willpower!

[@TheGooGaming]

Connor: I'm not used to being on camera, my streams are no-camera. Dr.K: *Fullscreens*

[@yugidragon1]

Yup, I lmao at that part.

[@nickram321]

That was the funniest part of the whole video.

[@soundxhunter1962]

Dr. K “and I took that personal”

[@mikek7660]

LMFAO 51:14 then 51:20 "...oh really?"

[@HunterSobachers]

Gotta face your fears xD

[@pacificlynx2341]

I can see pain and doubt in his eyes when he talks, a pain that lots of others along with myself are familiar with. I hope things get better buddy, keep pushing. :)

[@mirage1182]

Yeah that vibe, its mistakable.

[@TheYahmez]

-pushing- letting go.

[@Kinjo7]

@@TheYahmez 💯

[@cardinal8200]

Don’t really know if the KZbin comments the the place to say this but I just signed up for my first therapy session. I don’t think I really understood how therapy could be beneficial to me until I started watch these streams so I just wanna say my thanks. Here’s to hoping it goes well

[@arezpirveceani]

If you can, I would genuinely want to hear updates on how you're going, on this comment section thread. If not, all good dude. Good luck!

[@cardinal8200]

Arez Pirveceani sure thing, so far I have only gone to one one-hour session but so far so good. It felt mostly like an I’m introducing myself in a way, trying to explain why I felt the need to go to therapy. Beyond that, I don’t really want to get too into my stuff so I’ll just say we talked about family stuff and steps I should take to gain the proper distance I need while still showing my love and appreciation. I’m looking forward to hopefully sort out more of the stuff I’ve just kinda been ignoring up until now

[@arezpirveceani]

@@cardinal8200Sweet. Good luck with future sessions and I hope you get what you're looking for.

[@iAmFicoo]

That's great!

[@LOCAL_LEE]

I’m so happy for you! I know I’m late but I just wanted to say mine starts on March 10th; 6 more days! I’m kinda pumped yet nervous, haha. Any advice?

[@elidnis9811]

Going through my issues, I was convinced I was the only person that went through this kind of behavior. I was convinced that nobody would understand the idea of "self" and "thoughts" being two separate entities. Watching this gave me a lot of insight, and in a weird way, a wave of acceptance. This interview felt as if you were interviewing me. I'm very thankful of your channel. It has helped me grow an incredible amount. And I am very thankful for Connor giving a slice of his perspective for people to tap into. You are making a difference.

[@sara-sp2kr]

"I'm not my thoughts" it's really hard for me to grasp that idea bc im sooo deep into that rabbit hole

[@treasurechest2951]

It’s an experience to be had and not an idea on top of an idea. Makes sense? And how do you get that experience? You go to it in meditation. That takes time. Psychedelics can get you there but you’ll forget it right after. And it comes with some dangers esp if you have underlying conditions

[@sara-sp2kr]

@@treasurechest2951 I now rediscovered that idea in a book called "The Power Of Now" and It's not really an idea that you have to experience, rather you change your way of thinking by looking at your thoughts at a certain perspective and gaining power through that (meditation can help improve this) than believe whatever comes to mind, and it definitely does take time in order to change your thought process

[@treasurechest2951]

@@sara-sp2kr if you believe the new thought, how do you know it's more valid than the last one?

[@sara-sp2kr]

@@treasurechest2951 doesn't that lead to overthinking

[@ager126]

as someone who has ocd its actually something that is very easy to rationalize for me. like its hard to explain but when every im in deep in a "cycle" like they said on the podcast, what my mind tells me is true is either not true or built on a immense exaggeration of something that happened, but I can't stop my mind from telling me that. but I still can act, and I still have my all senses, so it feels like my thoughts are a separate entity. and like since like they said its feels like war between you (the desire to prove the thoughts false) and the intrusive thoughts, you still have like half of your mental space that you can control, but since you have this great desire to prove the thoughts false you end up trying to rationalize why they are totally and completely false, which means you can only really think for yourself if you are able to control that desire.

[@Earthlyterror]

This interview is actually so helpful oh my God. All the other interviews have been good and I heard people call them relatable. I finally see what they mean I relate so much with him

[@BigVorst]

4 minutes in... And I'm already relating to him too much.

[@tcrvo01]

@Sanningen 2 minutes in and we are married with kids

[@seb1520]

I've had a huge realization that I might suffer what he suffers. I am extremely clingy when it comes to relationships, or even the beginning stages of it. Like every girl I talk to that shows a little interest back to me I instantly get attached to, and the moment they stop texting it ruins my fucking day/week. Its sooooo fucking exhausting and I know its stupid but I cant solve it. I cant believe this...

[@1996Pinocchio]

I like how Alok always introduces himself as "Alok or Dr. K" despite the fact that literally nobody has referred to him as Alok, and everyone calls him Dr. K on stream.

[@pyxylation]

Dr. K is more fun to say than Alok

[@rick.2777]

@@pyxylation unless you are Indian..in that case Alok is much more of a common name 😌

[@landlubbr]

Probably a habit from treating irl clients, i doubt anyone calls him Dr.K in person

[@1996Pinocchio]

@@landlubbr Haven't thought of that, but you might be right.

[@SikGamer70]

Alok, 100% oak no pine.

[@how2watchvideos]

I'm deeply grateful to have chance upon this channel/video and to be helped by it. I was able to relate his struggle with my own, stuck in my negative thought loop of being not good enough thus failing, and also because of being influenced by people around me thought that I have to defeat the OCD self to be able to get out. That's until now after all these years through this video that I get my OCD self is not to be fixed but to reconcile and accept, to be ok with. Now I truly feel that I've found the path out of this loop and in time will be able to leave and be a better me. Thank you :')

[@zoeytheawesome]

I’m 2 years late, but this interview was so beneficial! Especially the intrusive thought mapping to recognize the self-fulfilling prophecy! I would love Connor to come on again for an update on his mental health journey 😄

[@ilona3630]

Yeah I was about to switch to some other video right before that part, but when Dr K started drawing out the cycle I realized how much it describes my eating disorder and body dysmorphia and explains why they only get worse with time, even though I'm at my skinniest

[@melissametzger2987]

Same

[@buffyshillings3138]

The way Connor thought to use his session to help the viewers struck me as incredibly thoughtful and compassionate. Even in the face of crippling anxiety and negative self-talk, he still had the consideration to help others. A big thanks to you Connor, because your transparency has helped plant some seeds for how to make peace with my anxiety. And of course, thank you Dr. K 😊

[@7Underwood7]

This was such a good talk. Going for round 2 now

[@divc56315h]

He's so handsome and his facial features are soothing it doesn't compute why he thinks he's ugly, intrusive thoughts are tough man :/

[@eminemilly]

Very handsome and a soothing voice too

[@shadowrealm3245]

No need to lie

[@cheese5081]

@@shadowrealm3245 why are you assuming that they're lying?

[@kane-111]

@@shadowrealm3245 No need to be a negative person without even being provoked.

[@multicrogamer]

Sucks to actually have intrusive thoughs and being ugly :O ;( ;(

[@nerdnamedjoe7370]

Damn, listening to Connor and how relatable he is made me stop and reflect on my whole life. But as I was seeing my life, Connor’s voice was still there. I had to pause at 15:06 to write this comment to share it with the world. Some will care, some won’t, some might troll, but hey-that’s the internet; where you can be your truest self. Edit: Damn, I feel so bad that Connor feels like people don’t like him because he doesn’t like himself. And it’s an uncontrollable feeling. I hate myself too but I know I like Connor. I hope more people will one day like Connor too. We need to start opening up more and being more compassionate with one another.

[@user-pi6zm6ho8b]

I hope that one day you will like yourself & others will like you too.

[@andrwarrior]

This resonated with me supremely. And an axiom I used to cement in my mind originally to become a good driver, which I now also think pertains to what Dr.K had Connor work out near the end of the conversation, was _"Be aware, not worried."_ Be aware of the 10 cars behind you, don't be worried about them. Be aware of the cyclist you are passing, do not worry about it. And in the context here, be *aware* of the encroaching negative intrusive thoughts, but do not *worry* of their presence. If you worry about every car in the oncoming traffic of a 2-lane street, the trip across town becomes a harrowing, anxiety-inducing nightmare, and might even cause you to over-react to something and cause an accident. Awareness of the mind lets the thoughts take stage, say their lines, and move on. Be aware, not worried.

[@andrwarrior]

@@effjesse_ Your comment lightened up my night, friend! Thank you for listening and I'm glad you're feeling improvement in your driving! Got me all stoked for a 2 year old comment getting some absorbent eyes, I appreciate the reply

[@effjesse_]

@@andrwarrior haha I deleted it like I do most of my comments, but thanks for letting me know you saw it, I'm glad you did.

[@dewshine3359]

It takes a lot of courage to be so vulnerable. I just wanna give this Conor guy a hug.

[@LupitaHernandez-ny3jy]

My brother has ocd too, and I've noticed that a lot of folks who deal w it are troubled by "is this wrong or right" thoughts. It's really hard for him to understand that sometimes things are neither or both. The sooner you understand neutrality the easier things get.

[@OG-zr3bw]

I really hope Dr. K knows how many people he helps with every one of these streams/videos.

[@Gggly2513]

Really reassuring to hear this. I’m surprised how much I relate to all the specifics of this, down to the history of school avoidance, the self fulfilling prophecy stuff, multiple diagnoses and unsuccessful therapy and treatment. I know in theory that everyone struggles and I’m not alone, but the similarity between experiences here is unreal. It’s like my experiences and thoughts are being put into words. Even more reassuring to hear someone like Connor, who I view as successful, struggle with things like this.

[@phillfraggy]

This is by far the most relatable dr k video I've ever seen. I've had this problem for so long where I'll meet someone and we'll click mutually and once I click with someone I'll want so desperately to ensure that they care about me as much as I care about them but when I'm around them I can't even be myself anymore which is the reason we clicked in the first place. Eventually they break contact with me and then I beat myself up for so long in hindsight knowing that I never gave myself a fair chance and only portrayed a watered down version of who I am. I'm left with the thought that they rejected the illusion that my insecurity made me out to be instead of myself actually being rejected, but they never got to see who I really am and now I can't fix it because they'll always remember me as I was but In their memory of me is something I'm not

[@jacob_jeffcoat]

BIG WIN!!! I wasn’t expecting this to help me realize what happened with my past relationships

[@Vladimyrful]

Moments like these are the very essence of this channel I feel like.

[@MasterPigeonXD]

Did anyone notice how his voice flutter decreases significantly closer to the end

[@dend1]

Detachment from suffering = acknowledging and accepting whats happening without the need to entertain thoughts about what happens next and what it all means. Very freeing, almost stoic. You allow yourself to feel the fleeting emotion and dont need to mull on it any further than that, decreasing it's importance and allowing you to move on emotionally to the next fleeting emotion

[@JustAutistic]

This! I had this happen, with me realizing about my own likes, and things like that.

[@dend1]

@@JustAutistic Thanks for commenting my friend. I posted this a year ago...and forgot my own words. It's like support from my past self 🙂

[@xx420jin69xx]

Reminded me of the popular self improvement adage I often see online, "be the best version of yourself." But I've seen myself and so many others beat themselves up for falling short of what they think the best version of themselves should be.

[@thatch8537]

Have low standards. That's all it takes to not be sad lmao. Work efficiently don't be surprised when you fail for being lazy. Something else out if your control is the problem then its not your fault stop worrying about it

[@humanoidbipedal5875]

This is EXACTLY what I've been struggling with, and I appreciate you guys being so willing to share your experiences, i never wouldve made the connection without you guys hitting things at the right angle.

[@Zelanias]

What you say at 1:00:00 ish about knowing that every fibre in your body wants to do something and you know it might be good for you and you don't. I kinda did stuff like that when I was a child out of self-hatred, thinking I didn't deserve to go to my first crush's party (i think i might be like 7 or 8 years old) so i stayed home and cried and hated on myself and I think that truly empowered the negative-feeling and my mind used my action as a proof to "torment" myself further with. I've always had problems with negative thoughts about myself etc and they grew exponentially worse as a teenager. My story is different from this case but I think and hope I can cherry-pick some stuffs and use to my own benefit. Because I have noticed that my mind-ghosts (intrusive thoughts, analyzings) sometimes becomes a hindrance, especially socially and I don't want that. Thank you for this video and thank you for participating. I will now continue watching :)

[@hussainshah5868]

This video beautifully tied together why watching your thoughts (most meditations) is so important. By not trying to fix anything and just letting it be, you achieve the state of self/mind you desire. By not desiring anymore. It's crazy when you actually delve into why "desire is the root of all suffering" is a popular phrase. This just blew my mind... They must teach this in schools.

[@thebaconclant.b.c7703]

I think the biggest takeaway for me was that part of getting better is accepting that (for some conditions) you cannot fix it. You cant fight the thoughts because they're coming from something that cannot be removed (yet). To fight something is to assume that you can win, but you cant, so work with it and not against it.

[@CharlieDoesntSurf]

"it was my discreet impression that ..." goodness that is smooth, and also very nice. I appreciate the way he said "i've been watching the way you move and breath" without causing any anxiety if id had someone as competent when i was 14 id have been a lot better off. You do amazing work Dr. K

[@liezlmouton9098]

When Dr K asks him about his trembling voice and he explains it’s because he’s talking about things he usually suppresses… his voice doesn’t tremble as much afterwards anymore. Amazing.

[@n0xi342]

I've been following Dr. K ever since he started, and I finally found the video that I can relate too. I'm finally getting diagnosed after 20 years of absolute misery. Much love

[@herahagstoz6934]

So young and already taking care of his mental health in an open and carefully thought out manner. I am constantly impressed by this generation and their understanding of self care and how they seem to have a bigger grasp on the fundamentals of psychology. It’s a promising sign.

[@ameliabiersack3243]

Proud of you Connor! I can tell a lot of people can relate to this and I know this helped a lot of people. Remember that you are strong and loved.

[@azumarie7]

I can't tell you how helpful this was for me to watch. I was listening to it on the side, thinking maybe I can get something from this, and when I noticed how similar my mind is to his, especially with the ROCD thoughts (though from the 'do I really love him' side) and judging myself for that, I thought damn. This could be it. The cycle you drew makes so much sense to me. I've known that I just need to accept how I feel about myself and that it's okay for me to be upset or angry and such, but I haven't realized that it's okay for me to judge myself as well. I'll try this practice out soon. Right now I am really exhausted, as I always am with big revelations like these. This is the good stuff, man.

[@vm994]

Thank you Dr.K! Ive been to so much therapy (CBD) that suggests i should challenge the negative thoughts.ie) "Is it absolutely true?" It helps simetimes but not much. I think i have obseesive tendencies and your advice here might be what i needed. And thank you Connor for being so vulnerable and brave for modelling healthy masculinity and at such a young age!🙌🏼

[@norlander1]

I really appreciate this video as I've been noticing the rise in myself of "a million different things going wrong" over time & being extremely self-deprecating whenever negative emotions rise within me. Never considered the possibility of acceptance & usually ended my days short by forcing myself to sleep whenever these problems occurred as that would be the only thing keeping me from substances. This new perspective is a bit mind boggling but it brings comfort to my mind that "fixing" isn't what should be achieved. Sitting with the intrusive thoughts & having them naturally dwindle in importance over time feels applicable to me extremely, so thank you. I'm aware of the traps of "fixing" ahead, & going forward choosing my wording within my head very carefully. GG NO RE, your impact on this world is immense.

[@litawi7869]

I am not the person you would look at and think I would value this channel the way I do. 3 years later, I’m getting the help I’ve needed for so long. This was so enlightening, and I’m grateful Connor wanted to share his breakthroughs because although it’s been at a low level, I’ve had many of the same concurrent issues. I’m saving this to refer back to….it didn’t quench my need to fix myself, but I’m open to the idea that the concept is possible. And one thing that blew my mind is the notion that there can be pain without suffering 🤯never have I ever….thanks Dr.K, you’re doing God’s work!

[@joppekim]

I love interviews like this that are not about streamer issues, this feels like it helps more people in general as well.

[@fungusly]

My favorite part was when Dr. K said "if you can pull the plug on one thing, you can pull the plug on everything" And chat Pogged

[@scottharrison812]

Courageous young man prepared to share like this. Solidarity.🙏⭐️

[@1996Pinocchio]

You forgot the 00:00 timestamp. Without that, timestamps will not be enabled.

[@TheGagabou]

They are there for me? Or did they modifiy it

[@1996Pinocchio]

Oh great, they added it 👌 Thank you very much :)

[@KillianJenkins]

It still doesn't appear in the bar, how does one trigger it to appear in the bar?

[@1996Pinocchio]

@@KillianJenkins I don't know, for me it does. Both on computer and on the phone.

[@TheGagabou]

@@KillianJenkins Idk man, on desktop it's there for me right now and I've never seen it on mobile on any video, that might be it.

[@cowfee5758]

I went to the therapist once and this is my problem. Can confirm it's hard to let all those dumb negative thoughts out but you can try to negate all those by for example thinking about other stuff, fun stuff, cool stuff and all also don't let yourself to be alone. When you start being alone, all those thoughts can come easily 🙏

[@snewmy4294]

I just want to say; I know you guys were thinking this may not be applicable to other people, but this entire video felt exactly like me, and has given me hope. Thank you so much ! (Official diagnosis with OCD)

[@HeyItsLights]

I relate to Connor in so many ways. For the past month I've been trying to figure out when/what started my negative self talk but I couldn't think of a specific time. When Dr. K said it could start with a tiny seed (49:00) my mind was blown. I never really thought about it in that way. All these years I've been feeding it so of course it's a redwood by now lol Glad Connor shared, because this is exactly what I needed to hear and I believe it's going to help me so much :D

[@YangMin_ki]

I had watched this interview a couple times over the last few years and always felt like it was solid, but didn't entirely apply to my life. These past couple of weeks however had brought a lot of insecurities that I hadn't been intimate with in YEARS. Rewatching this interview again, I'm recognizing just how much I relate to Connor 1:1, from the limerance to the intrusive thoughts. For the most part, these thoughts don't factor into my life, but something happened recently where they ABSOLUTELY do and its been a struggle because I almost feel like I've taken a hundred steps back. Watching this interview, along with reviewing notes I've taken in my journal over the past couple of years watching your content has been a HUGE help in maneuvering this

[@iStacktheBacon]

The lesson in this episode of awareness and acceptance of your feelings is so huge. Like life altering. Thanks Dr. K and Connor.

[@dusk5956]

I’m not active on twitch nor a gamer, but I’m so taken back by how many streamers feel these emotions but are so comfortable on camera. For myself, I’m more shy on camera.

[@heywhatup9657]

I sincerely appreciate Connor waiting for the right time to come on, because this talk was incredibly helpful to me. Thanks

[@Simrasil_]

25:41 dr. k out of context

[@mohammedrashid8250]

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[@kedapofeng8993]

@@mohammedrashid8250 you forgot an O

[@mohammedrashid8250]

@@kedapofeng8993 LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[@samkarro]

@@mohammedrashid8250 perfection

[@morgank6268]

Dr. K, thank you so much for doing these interviews. As far as I know I don't have any significant mental health struggles but my fiancée does and not only has she found these videos insightful and helpful, it's helped me understand the struggles she faces.

[@kaydreamies]

I think this is THE most helpful video I've seen about OCD, Dr K! I just want to say thank you, you're really a lifesaver.

[@AlanNess]

Mostly people will say that the only help you can get is from only yourself, but from this sharing I think that maybe I don't have to help myself by harshly criticizing what I've been doing wrong or questioning why I've doing this in a certain way, because this comes from comparing myself to the other people surrounding me. I can only observe and accept how other people do things but not myself. I would almost always try to "fix" my broken parts by referring to others, yet this is just denying my own self. To truly help myself I have to first recognize this is me. Every person is unique and so as each person's mind. Keeping a distance to my thoughts and trying to see more stuff that are in my horizon would slowly help me gain control over myself and my future. Thank you Connor and Dr. K!

[@SkeleTonHammer]

I don't know if this is helpful for anyone because they did get bogged down in a lot of deep abstraction about truth, negative, positive, objective fact, how you "feel" etc. but if you have the same kind of problem Connor has, I would personally equate the solution to something like this: Imagine someone else says you have an ugly nose. The winning move isn't to ARGUE with that person. Nothing will be gained. But deciding not to argue doesn't mean you now objectively have an ugly nose just because you didn't fight back. It just means you're not giving the person who is attacking you what they want, which is to waste your time trying to "prove" against one person's dumb opinion. Now just imagine that instead of someone else, it's you doing this to yourself and it's the same thing. Like, an example I've had where someone else did this to me is a few months back when a girl at work was mad at me, and she made some random remark about how I probably have a small dick. I just said "yep!" and walked away. That took the wind completely out of her sails and I went about my day with my energy totally intact. It doesn't matter that she said that. It doesn't matter that I chose to say "yep!" instead of like... trying to correct her on making some kind of objective error. Again, I think it's the same principle at work here, except it's you and not an external person. There's an aspect of "just roll with it, regardless" that is key here. I've been in Connor's space before where you get really obsessed with "setting the record straight" even with yourself, but that gets murky and exhausting fast. Rolling with it - even if your positive self has a different opinion, or even if the bad opinion/other person is objectively wrong - lets you move on and not lose your momentum.

[@Zelanias]

that is an interesting view. Thanks!

[@1untamedbrain]

Connor, I relate to you so incredibly much. I was plagued by OCD when I was younger and had no idea what it even was. My dad got a job where he'd come home between 1am and 2am so I would often stay up to wait for him, but inevitably he'd be late for all kinds of reasons. He had no idea what I was going through, but the longer it would take him the worse my rituals would get. I don't know how my last ex was able to handle me. If she was ever later than expected I'd blow up her phone, not because I was afraid she was cheating, but because I was afraid something horrible happened. I would just be bombarded with feelings of doom and it would trigger tons and tons of rituals to try to banish the horrible feelings I would get. I still deal with it every day, pretty much every minute, but I've been able to separate myself from the intrusive thoughts and have learned tools like mindfulness to help me get through the compulsions without getting stuck.

[@GSPV33]

I'm happy for you developing tools and healing. Hope you're feeling more peace these days. (:

[@KimmoKaunela]

This is exactly like me! For the last 15 years I've been thinking that I'm the only one who deals with this stuff and felt so alone. This interview helped so much to handle my feelings and maybe one day I can be who I think I am, fully.

[@nathanbudge3927]

I can't imagine anything being more helpful for me right now than this video

[@Sarah-vr2jq]

I had a lot of similar things to Connor in high school, specifically with the anxiety. I also would feel the absolute dread of going to school and lack of motivation and I didn't even know why. It's helpful to know someone felt the same because many times I felt like I was just making it all up in my head to get out of school

[@riedoyusharyahya9826]

Hi healthy gamer! I am also currently dealing with anxiety and anxious thoughts in general, and this video really expanded my horizon on it. Love it especially the self attitude diagram. Really grateful you did this episode. Much love man ❤

[@np8366]

I really respect Connor and the way that he phrases things, thank you so much for this

[@Courtney-pn5lr]

I have OCD and it often manifests as relationship OCD and needing constant reassurance from others. Glad to hear I'm not alone with that experience.

[@michelleha3390]

Hey Dr. K I just wanted to thank you for always uploading and streaming. You're doing god's work :)) I hope I could talk to you someday.

[@Kinjo7]

Great video. Thanks to the doc for being so caring and wise, and for Connor, for putting himself out there. Something that really helped me was this idea of agreeing, in part, with the negative self. When I had intrusive thoughts, I went from fighting them, to feeling and accepting them. Which worked a bit. But I like this idea or agreeing with them a little bit. Like "hugging the boxing bag". That has instantly made me feel better. I think what we really want to aim for is being able to develop the skills to give ourselves that little bit of space when we have an intrusive thought, then we can learn to regulate better. Thank you guys.

[@kleinereverie8763]

The line about "what do you see when you look in the mirror?" "my reflection" hit me so hard. It's true, it's not *actually* me. Thanks for this, I've had such a realisation from watching this video.

[@KazeAkihito]

I broke up with my bf cause I was thinking the exact same thing as Connor! I always wanted to have reassurance and I became paranoid every time I didn't get a reply to the point it was so stressful so we talked about it and ended up fighting then we broke up, at least now I know what to do next time I get into relationships. Thank you for this video.

[@dormantbloom]

really relate to limerance here, and it seemed like dr K was talking to me. Thank u!

[@blackmushi26]

I resonated with this so strongly. I tried the exercise they did and was interested and surprised that it gave me a panic attack. I always thought that was an external trigger. Very helpful and informative viewing.

[@MrmeSmiley]

They always say Eat Pant Conar, but they never ask How's Eat Pant Conar...

[@cheese5081]

Wow... That's deep

[@viruz790]

true

[@Kobeboy15]

Needing reassurance in a relationship, is very destructive, I can relate to that sooo much... I can relate to Connor soo much. I love this talk. 😢😢😢

[@christopherstack716]

Wow! Literally exactly what I have been dealing with the past 2 years. Im 25 and i havent been able to understand what i was dealing with, but fuck lol. This resonated on so many levels. THANK YOU CONOR! This was extremely helpful, i cant even begin to explain but THANK YOU!!!

[@leebird9023]

Intrusive thoughts suck SO bad, my dude; I am with you in solidarity.

[@thecroossbeam]

I also have the exact same issue since I can remember, I never looked at it this way. Thank you so much for this video!!! I will also apply this daily. No more search for fixing accept and observe my feelings and continue. Slow progress is still progress!!!

[@axoNNNessj]

Just pausing in the middle here, but I can really relate to you Connor. I never really had one clear event that broke me or something. I just have this feeling that there's something wrong with me, I feel like an alien sometimes, and also that I beat myself up for being thinking things, doing things, etc. struggled with OCD as well. and this thing just kept leveling up and slowly grew more and more extreme. It grew sos slowly that it also sort of became who I am without really noticing it until it was already this huge uncontrollable monster. I think for me it might have started at primary school already, and grew very slowly from here, but in high school it became really really big. I always was very short for my age and started growing years later than avarage, also I just recently discovered that I;m asexual, or rather, that other people weren't, and were actually serious and not just fooling me. there were just a lot of little things that made me very insecure and doubt myself, compare myself to others and see myself 'not measuring up'

[@illumistration]

This felt like a free session with Dr. K for me

[@mxpoe]

Recently discovered this channel, and I feel it couldn't have happened at a better time. 🙏🏻 Thank you.

[@rohanmittal6156]

I just wanna say thank you from the bottom of my heart. Even though I may have a long road ahead but already feels like I've saved some precious years of my life

[@Heismvn]

This video is helping me a lot, i am about to join school again and i am having constant negative thoughts that the other students are going to be better than me, what if i don' do a good job, what if i don't like the course i am perusing. These thoughts just keep replaying in my mind and it's hard to get out of the loop. I to also struggle when seeing new people i become blank and do not know what to say. Please Dr .K if you have any suggestions on how to cope with this please touch it thanks!

[@Bizarpluck]

Yeah this happens to me in the sports I play, I get scared to try out, because i think everyone is better than me and there is no use in trying out, even though I've never not made the team.

[@444milk]

i've watched almost all dr k talks and this one has helped me the most.

[@meshkin71]

This subject has hit a bit differently than most of the ones i have listened to while zoning out and working. Always i have struggled with those intrusive thoughts and have lost so many friends due to it. Being alone in the battle with myself and constant paranoia it has evolved into something else entirely. Though i may never improve, it feels kind of good to see someone doing pretty good with a similar (or the same) problem. Keep it up.

[@meshkin71]

Update after finishing the video. Seems like i will be okay, giving up and not fighting the voices, letting them go and detaching myself from them and the emotions was my own hard earned solution, and apparently the actual solution.

[@Madchris8828]

​@meshkin71 good job. Yeah not letting the negative thoughts become us is so incredibly difficult to get past. Dr K's saying that helped me a lot is "I am a person who fails sometimes at things, and succeeds other times at things

[@bethaniie_]

I have so much respect for him talking about this. It'll help me in so many ways, thank you!!

[@eveimadeit]

You guys dont even understand how happy I am to see this, 1:11:00 the parts where he starts talking about acceptance I’ve been so upset and depressed between my ideal self and present self and it felt like I was stuck in a loop- one day I just stopped trying because it was so suffocating, I said fuck it imma love myself the way I am rn And I felt so much more happier, and I’ve walked so much more forward

[@agentperry8347]

Why didn't you like yourself

[@eveimadeit]

@@agentperry8347 I couldn’t point out a trauma point but overall feeling of incompetence, if I was disagreed with or shot down- my first reaction is feeling a sort of confirmation bias as if it was expected

[@sketchincomedy6034]

This was the best way me I’ve watched, the most relatable. It feels like things have finally been put into words for me. Thank you!

[@violetchristophe]

About an hour and a half in and the idea of "hugging the punching bag", or sitting with the sadness really reminds me of the Buddhist ideas about suffering and how to use suffering.

[@bowhuistv7638]

Holy shit. This was such a beautiful video to encapsulate all of my problems. Ive had the same constant overthinking of rewriting and fixing every single past scenario in effort to make me feel better as if I'm trying to improve as a person. Instead, I'm sitting in the constant sadness of past experiences. Ive recently become aware that its always the same loop of thoughts and scenarios. It's even worse because I've been in my head for 5+ years and I know I'm such a mindfully aware, mentally conscious person so my logic loves to shet on every mistake ive ever made & I picture it as progress to avoid shetting on myself in the future, but how can I do that if I'm constantly in the past and future and never in the present? Lastly, it's so much more crippling for me because i know there's logical value in revisiting past experiences to improve them for the future. To top it all off, i have high functioning aspergers so this habitual negative thought loop is so fucking strong. I've listened to hundreds of your videos and everything helps, but this one hit home for me. I'm so glad i found this. Funnily enough even something as simple as commenting on a video, Ive already revisited this comment multiple times and added more sentences to make it better in case anyone actually reads it. "Fixed" my comment a handful of times in under 15 minutes. Not sure if paralysis by analysis was touched on in the video or if connor relates to it, but I also constantly overthink future plans to the point of overwhelming perfection with so many things on my plate that it makes me mentally exhausted and I do nothing.

[@maisyrae4967]

bruh I just wanna give Connor a hug

[@MosesReyna]

you’ve helped me an immeasurable amount Dr. K. thank you for all that you do, seriously man🙏🏻❤️

[@mychannelafc]

25:00 Neg self talk 1:33:00 stop trying to fix things. It's not the Neg self talk. Fixing is the problem. Your ocd is fixated on fixing things. JUST LET IT BE. "Your antidote IS the poison."

[@bonko2933]

Holy moly! This was such an eye-opener for me im not even kidding. Its like fighting someone (who should be my friend) deep inside of me for like my whole Life. Like if another Person you love gets angry at you, you should try to Understand them and not be like "hey.. you are logical incorrect, so your feelings doesnt matter" Anyways such a good Talk it really helped me alot! Thanks to both of you.

[@mingle27]

I love how I can watch these episodes that really aren't super relevant to me but find this little tid bits of relatability and relevance.

[@chromatika67]

so relevant right now, thank you. and connor is so cute omg!!

[@CrysWolfe]

Just seeing this interview and I can so relate. Very impressed with how they handle the conversation.

[@drquantum6548]

I realized i have ocd in june. I have done erp since and just started with ssri. Ssri and erp is a life saver man.

[@eddyjolo]

Thank you both for this. Ive watched lots of videos and have especially liked the interviews. Of all of them, I felt this was the one I most closely aligned with in terms of problems. I feel confident that I can change the way I react to myself - the good AND the “negative”. ❤️

[@foggyvhs8790]

This has been therapeutic to stumble onto even if it's hard to follow or I can't relate entirely. I'm getting frustrated in my counselling not understanding how I'm feeling or how to articulate things and it's becoming a vicious cycle of thinking I'm too dumb to possibly figure out how to get better.

[@paulashinn]

Thank you so much for this conversation. It managed to put a word to so many things that started with me since I started having panic attacks!

[@robbytheyogi990]

It's been a while since I've logged in, good to see you all chat :) been working hard on improving my life away from lots of technology. I KNOW YOU HAVE IT IN YOU TOO! Ttyl

[@cassmidoriyane7519]

Good luck man, wishing the best for you

[@rick.2777]

Wishing you luck on your endeavours

[@issac7787]

1:32:30 Attachment to fixing it is also a form of attachment, talking about obsession to fix it

[@lookylooks3977]

Im sure this helped sooo many people. This isn't really something weird or specific. This concept is applicable to pretty much every negative thought we have that we wanna fix. Thank you Connor for bringing this up! And thank you Dr.K for laying out the cycle on paper. That was really helpful :)

[@mackenziepotts7564]

I got a lot of help from this... thank you so much Connor for being strong enough to let us viewers in. ❤