Limerence As A Doorway To The Shadow

• Shadow Work: What It I...
• Limerence: What Is It ...

[@omnicatalyst]

*Reads title* Oh. This one's gonna hurt.

[@missmarley1990]

😂😂😂 same

[@vanessasworder]

Yes .. she is brilliant… her videos are probably the most insightful and accurate

[@Lioness_of_Gaia]

Yep, hurt then help us heal. ✨️ ❤️‍🔥✨️

[@JoyAdebambo]

Literally 🥲 she’s on point

[@maddymclaugh9660]

OMG SAMMEEEEE FUCK 😊

[@letsgocnote]

"What am I feeling in my limerent fantasy that I don't allow myself to feel in real life?"

[@-Siculus-Hort-]

love.

[@ceciliamac4283]

Yup

[@shelleyf7676]

You have a gift. A gift for explaining very elusive, personal, psychological experiences in such small, sequential, comprehensible nuggets of meaning that are like twinkle lights going off in my soul. Thank you!

[@maddymclaugh9660]

Perfect way to describe how she does it!! I feel that

[@cinthaa1]

Couldn’t have said it better 😊❤

[@m4y4r4]

Exactly!

[@vasilikibaklesi3811]

I agree very well articulated information. You prompt me to neither avoid nor feel bad about my limerent experiences . Thank you once again. :×)))

[@somes3cretcat]

I SECOND THIS YOU ARE SAVING MY LIFE HEIDI

[@VenusianStarseed]

Limerence Shadow Work Questions: Take cues from what it is about your limerent object or how you feel around your limerent object that you maybe trying to integrate into your overall self concept. 1. What am I allowing myself to feel when I am having a limerent fantasy, that I don’t usually allow myself to feel in real life? 2. What do I think it would mean about me if this person were to consistently love me? 3. Why is it that I can’t seem to think of that thing as true about myself without their love or returning of their affection? 4. If my limerent object doesn’t love me back what do I think that means about me as a person? VS 5. If they did love me back? Thanks for the limerent shadow work homework I am hardcore going through it right now!

[@kathymcginty9209]

Thank you for summing it up for us!

[@figsuitcase]

It's becoming an inside joke between me and my best friend when these videos show up and we send them to each-other with messages like "This video is gonna shred me to pieces, I'm so excited"

[@cellistry]

That's the best kind of friend.

[@a.modestproposal2038]

This video reframes limerance from "emotional masturbation" into "loot box of personal growth". THANK YOU.

[@mantis044]

love that

[@MattSloanVMMP]

I’ve heard it said that when we are attracted to someone, it’s because we see in them the reflection of things we don’t think we have - but we recognize them because we do have them. It makes it seem possible that this person’s presence might help us get a little closer to wholeness, because we see a new vision of who we could be, in their eyes.

[@ayaaly2866]

That is a beautiful perspective

[@flowerpower872sucks]

What you've said greatly helped me today. Thank you.

[@marciebodeaux9861]

Yes, then we need to discover it within ourselves rather than needing it from the other person in a codependent way. This is how relationships become transformational. If the two people can communicate.

[@letsgocnote]

"Putting someone on a pedestal is absolutely erasing their humanity and it's not a kind thing to do." brilliant, Heidi! 💜

[@dylanfrasier4054]

This is deep and makes me realize I wasn't being kind??Ah the wheel of samsara.

[@dylanfrasier4054]

Ok I'm bad at tech.

[@dylanfrasier4054]

I mean I dunno how to chat

[@samm8728]

The book Inner Gold by Robert Johnson is a great extrapolation of these ideas. Talks about how we're drawn to people who embody aspects that we unconsciously yearn for, and how those people carry those things for us until we're ready to realize them ourselves. It's a really good read! Also wonderful video, thank you!

[@tumblingrosesstudio]

Oh, thx will look this up

[@rinellet]

tysm for sharing, this is very helpful!

[@FireSilver25]

Thanks, I’ll check it out

[@kathymcginty9209]

Thank you!

[@emmmabovary]

I just felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Hugs from Brazil

[@Diachachimba]

The worst part of limerence, is when either you or the LO is unavailable. The attachment is so strong that it makes it difficult to be authentic with the person and delves you even deeper into depression and/or guilt. It really sucks but doing the shadow work is absolutely necessary to work through the issues that made the limerent episode occur in the first place. Keep your heads up dudes, it gets better.

[@hafeezhmha]

As someone with an anxious attachment style and CPTSD, I have struggled a lot with self regulation and fear of abandonment. Recently i also started working on my self worth. After watching your video on the dark night of the soul, I realized that my shadow is someone who is independent and has autonomy and can self regulate. I have been slowly trying to develop and access these qualities in my self. This video really put it all together for me. Now i can also see how fantasy/limerence and pedastalizing someone also plays a part in it. I'm gonna let this information sink in for now and integrate my shadow

[@lanaKalaji-y7j]

your experience is very similair to mine in a serendiptious manner as i also have been suffering from anxious attachemnt ,Cptsd ,fear of abandonment and maladaptive daydreaming I'd really like to hear more about your healing journey if possible , I have never thought somone would be suffering from the same things that I suffer from I'd also like to suggest some things that helped me heal and really hope you can do the same I find the most healing in psycheducation , resisting self sabotaging behaivours as much as possible and trying to work on my goals and have a meaningful life , I'm also trying to connect with others but that's by far the hardest part some resources: Healthy gamer GG yt channel _ crappy childhood fairy yt channel _ heidi pribe (ofcourse,Thanks heidi)- The personal development school- pete walker website and book: Cpysd from surviving to thriving I really wish you the best , Good luck

[@hafeezhmha]

​@@lanaKalaji-y7jHey! Ofcourse! Firstly, I looked at the resource list you shared and damn, I am familiar with all the resources you mentioned. I have been already using each of them haha this is such a coincidence. I'm also doing a lot of thought work - shoutout to Rebecca ore (relationship coach). I found her instagram page and her podcasts. They deeply resonated with my deeply ingrained thought patterns. In my present healing journey, I'm mainly focusing on self regulation and developing independence. However, i have also realized that I want and need connection. Its my basic need. So I've been learning to directly ask for what i want ane communicate it without panicking. I also struggle with being consistent with committing to the plans I've made for myself. So I'm slowly developing self-trust and discipline. I'm also learning to meet my own needs and becoming comfortable with the discomfort of impulsive neediness and tolerating it, its a pain in the ass since the emotions feel very intense. Meditation helps, cold splashes help too. I am also working on changing my negative self concept. I'm careful not to talk myself in a shitty way and the framework thats working for me in this area is, inner child healing work and re-parenting. I have some close friends but i need to build a support system for myself (something which secure people naturally have) so that I'm not co-regulating from a specific person. Also. A tip that has helped me a lot is, Have boundaries with yourself. Eg: If I get triggered I will take a pause. If i get triggered , i will take space and communicate it. Also, Do the opposite of the urge you feel. If you feel like texting them. If its urgent, do the opposite.

[@ron1836]

Stop labeling yourselves with disorders and staying victims! Understanding these things is a good thing. But after that let it go! You do not have something wrong with you because you feel extreme connection and extreme fear of losing someone who has become apart of your life! We are the normal ones! Most people in this world are sick. They are not human beings any more. They are walking personas. Basically products in a meat suit. Do not allow this prison of a society to make you believe you are not normal for feeling and caring and being YOU!

[@anthonynicholson5523]

​@@ron1836sometimes giving something a label or a definition is a healthy way to identify it and deal with it. You are right that we don't have to stay in those definitions absolutely. Labeling them and identifying them defining them and understanding them are necessary and it's a hell of a lot easier when you do it that way. Otherwise it can feel like a bunch of unassociated confusing emotions that are moving around everywhere. Giving it a name or a label is helpful for many

[@anthonynicholson5523]

​@@ron1836the fact that the word limerence even now exists is incredibly helpful because now we can define it as a thing many people experience. Instead of just random emotions flying around making no sense

[@Prince-of-Whales666]

This is SO TRUE ! At the time I really loathed myself, felt ugly and useless etc.... but every night in my dreams, he was reassuring and kind, showed me kindness and compassion. It took me ages to understand I was the one who needed to treat MYSELF with kindness. When I did it, the shift was amazing. In the end, even though nothing happened with him, he taught me to be elegant, to find solace in poetry... because .... the truth is, I wanted to be him, deep down. These are precious gifts that helped me grow and reinforced my confidence.

[@artisnotaboutart7832]

“The limerence object I created in my mind makes it okay for me to allow myself to feel that emotion”

[@FireSilver25]

I needed this sooooooo much! While I was listening I realized how much I’d disowned being desired and desirable romantically. So I’d endlessly fantasize about some unattainable man wildly desiring me. I used to feel so guilty and uncomfortable when someone wanted to be with me that I wasn’t interested in. Even if I was into him I knew I’d didn’t have the tools or emotional health to be a good partner so I’d sabotage it. Thanks so much for this. I hope you continue to explore this topic!

[@ashleygarcia7608]

I know what you feel, I’m in a similar boat. Cheers to us working on ourselves 🎉

[@dharma6525]

Same As a man 😅

[@KillerCat03]

I hope you realize that your videos aren't just making people's days better but improving their LIVES! I'm able to learn important lessons without having to make huge social mistakes, so your work is extremely appreciated

[@snoozyq9576]

I've recently been feeling limerance towards a man who is very calm, pragmatic and non reactive to things. I would love to be more that way

[@mikertist347]

I have been using limerence as a drug to bypass my shadow work. Your videos are helping me not bypass my stuff and just sit it my feelings. Thank you!

[@alexandranun]

Holy moly me to 😮

[@antwuntrademark]

*Note to Self:* Think about the way you feel around your Limerent object. This may indicate what you're desperately trying to give yourself permission to feel. Or think about "What would it mean about me if this person were to consistently love me? And why can't I think of that thing as being true to myself without their love or without the returning of their affection?" This is where my subconscious mind wants me to go next. This is how I become my highest self without the approval of others. I can develop this feeling inside of myself over time and the limerence will begin to fall away. Then I will simply be left with the real relationship. Limerance is *positive* & *negative.* During the negative experiences; if I imagine this person doesn't love me back, what does that mean about me as a person vs. If they did love me back, what does that mean about me as a person? *Great Question:* What do I want my limerent object to think about me? What do I not want them to think about me? THIS is what your internal psychology is BEGGING you to develop and become: be smarter, be funnier, be more relaxed, etc. The whole point of this is to be able to access this feeling inside of myself so that I no longer feel desperate to get access to it through someone else's approval.

[@cydniegray9622]

I love how you de-shame the experience of limerance and use actual examples to truly illustrate a point from multiple perspectives. By de-shaming it we can be curious about it and hold space for the parts of ourselves we have yet to integrate. Really was a nice video. Thank you.

[@yveqeshy]

Honestly Heidi, the way you approcah shadow work/limerence and alot of other really uncomfortable psychological stuff with so much grace is a gift. Makes the viewer want to take on the issue head on rather than burry their head in the sand anf hope for the best

[@kvn0620]

It’s scary how true this resonated with my experience a year ago. When I lost my subject of limerence (in a manner that felt so bizarre i.e. synchronicity) because of my unmet needs/deepest wounds, it sent me into my dark night of my soul. Took so much shadow work and inner child work to get out of that dark night.

[@justynas1167]

Thank you for your videos! Until I found this channel, whenever I heard people talk about “working on themselves” it always sounded too vague to be of any real help. The real examples of shadow work and limerence you give have completely shifted my view, and I can’t wait to tell more and more people about you! 🥰

[@heidipriebe1]

This is a huge compliment - demystifying ‘self work’ is one of my biggest goals with this channel and it was very satisfying to hear that it’s resonating in that way!

[@roosterparrottjuniour]

​@@heidipriebe1so is it only happening in your early life or like is it still happening and will continue to happening the shadow thing

[@hannahjohnson4582]

"...To be positive meant to ignore reality." That hit home.

[@KimSooAcu]

6,000 likes and over 100 comments in 6 hours - no music, no B-roll, no logos, calls to action, words from our sponsors (yet ;)...and each video is like a masterclass. 🙏

[@westnileraven]

This is my favorite one so far. I’ve been exposed to the idea that what I’m idealizing in the other is what I am not developing in myself, but I love the way you used examples to point out a path forward.

[@RainforestMind]

Such a profound video and I came to the same conclusion yesterday - recently I am having limerence of people who brought out such powerful and playful part of me that I've hidden so deep and rarely touched. My limerence towards them is my deep desire to keep connection to that part of myself which I had hidden and once I've realised it (since yesterday) - I felt so free because these parts of me are always inside of me and while they happen to give me access to it, there are probably plenty of other people that could help me bring out that part as well and gradually I can access it myself. I am very delighted to discover all these deep power, light and fierceness within me - in my shadow. And this reminds me so much of this beautiful quote "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

[@annettetrifonoff5502]

❤

[@MifupaMikavu23]

This is a beautiful comment

[@JoeyTheShmo]

Understanding just how much of our day to day emotions are us either projecting our own insecurities or internalizing stories we have about ourselves and attaching that meaning to other people has been huge. Reminding myself of that consistently has opened up a world where I’m able to show up (at least mildly) authentic and sober

[@evemacdonald8654]

I am noticing the same thing (how often I am projecting my own feelings. It is very noticeable when I use GPT3 and then suddenly feel like I may have said something to upset it, lol!!

[@dylanfrasier4054]

I love this!Thank you for saying exactly what I'm going through.

[@larrychoiceman]

Another absolute banger. Really hope that you continue to teach in some way, shape, form throughout your life. You're a remarkably effective teacher and communicator.

[@margett__]

Heidi, words can't describe how GRATEFUL I am for you and your channel. The very thought that I can one day say thank you to myself for experiencing limerence is liberating and empowering. Limerence can be used to unearth the deepest long forgotten yet very important parts of ourselves. This is something I've been intuitively feeling all these limerent years (i.e. that limerence is a pathway for me to get more intimate with myself, to learn about those traits that were once suppressed and now come to surface in the form of my obsession with someone else), but couldn't really find any theoretical framework for. Your takes on limerence give me exactly what I've been yearning for all these years. Watching others describe this state, all I felt was this overwhelming shame. Many people online describe limerence with precision, some of them are even good at explaining why you would want to break free from it as soon as possible. But never have I encountered somebody who was wise enough to connect all the dots together and instead of recommending to simply try and repress limerent thoughts would explain how to heal THROUGH them, not despite of them. I'm going to watch this video a million times more and write down all the questions you're proposing to create a list of journal prompts to assist me on my own journey. You're truly a gift, and your own courage and wisdom serve many of us as an important guiding light. Please, take good care of yourself and never stop trusting your gut. You're brilliant!

[@heatherariza8463]

Same it's changed my life for sure

[@Monik_A_nna]

I agree with everything you say, and I love your idea with the prompts list!

[@tntl7]

Exactly!!

[@lisaw8619]

This is really really helpful. If there can be a silver lining to limerence, which is soul sucking and horrible, I’ll take it. Limerence is trying to reveal to us what we are lacking (or not yet integrated).

[@heidirachaelpieterse5109]

You are so wise. You're sufferring has made you a conduit to source...a theory of mine... 😂Thank you for this. You've just changed my life.

[@lilmaskreti]

The universe works in mysterious ways. Exactly what I needed to heart right now. Better than a tarot card reading 😂

[@clairejmckeown]

You human genius!!! Thank you for this wisdom.

[@kantui525]

That's such an interesting thing to consider. I have definitely noticed that I was far more self-conscious and aware of what I project and what parts of me were being mirrored around my limerent object as compared to my current long time partner. It's a very stark contrast. I was definitely addicted to what the other person made me feel rather than who they themselves were. They made me feel strong, and capable and significant. Like my personality and set of skills were valued.

[@jrtg1990]

This is quite true. I met a guy and fell head over heels for him. He's straight but we hang out. Only for me to find out that the reason I liked him is because of his elusive nature, his kindness and patience and also his tactfulness (positively). These are qualities that I lack in myself but I longed to possess. I'm "friends" with him now. And I'm thankful for meeting him because I would have not wanted to find my shadow elsewhere and in another person.

[@spianny]

You’ve been and will continue to be a monumental help to me understanding myself better and helping me live a better life that benefits me and my kids! Thank you soo much! ❤🙏

[@mudandglitter1609]

Yikes, I don't think I very much like what I'm learning about myself here. But, I am still thankful. This is what I need.

[@dominicmerriman5696]

This is, like, for me the key to understanding limerence in a compassionate way!❤

[@simongoldstein3272]

I feel like I had a negatively limerent image of my wife in my head. I fixated on the bad parts and overlooked the good parts and all of the good, hard work she put into our family and relationship

[@sebastiendeloumeaux7372]

I have been ashamed of my limerence and fantasy for the longest time. Thanks for showing me a purpose. You are helping me trusting my shadow and it's huge for me. I really thought that part of me had to die for me to be in harmony with myself and now I realize why the more I tried to kill it the stronger it became. It felt really scary when I thought that I could integrate the parts I was only expressing with my limerent object. Thanks to your videos, I am starting to feel thankful to my shadow for its protection and guidance so I didn't totally panic like I used to but I tought if my shadow believe I can, it is certainly possible. I don't even know if it's been a week since I started listenning to you but I think already very differently than I used to about my self and my possibilities. I am grateful to you and I love you. ❤

[@emilywilcock4039]

You just stated so clearly what I’ve realized this past year! And to add to that, you can still enjoy a limerant relationship as long as you stay conscious and aware what your fantasy is about the person and what you actually know about the person. Always check in with yourself. When I find myself daydreaming about “escaping” with the person it’s now a flag that says, “what is the thing you’re looking for in that escape? Can you incorporate into yourself without that person?” The answer is yes, with effort. It doesn’t mean I have to end it with the person, just that I understand they are a mirror to show me a certain way of going about the world and not someone I’m going to live through vicariously. It’s quite a beautiful gift if you know how to use it as the tool it is.

[@AOYOS444]

Such an enlightening analysis. You don’t realize how powerful this shift in perspective is. It’s a weight off the shoulders to realize it has never been about them. When we get caught up in these intense, obsessive episodes, we often mistake it for a soulmate bond because it feels so captivating. But that’s not the purpose of limerence. As you said, it’s about discovering oneself. That’s what the statement “you don’t need love, you are love” really means. What we truly need is to meet our own needs. We want to feel loved, after all. This person we’re infatuated with could be our soulmate, divine partner, or something else entirely. But if we’re longing for a deep and intense bond, it doesn’t have to be with that specific person. And that realization takes away the pressure of feeling that we must be with this supposed soulmate. What we know for sure is that this person reflects or awakens a part of us that exists within and that we aspire to embody. Naturally, we’re drawn to them for qualities that could lead to a real connection, and it’s fair to appreciate their amazing traits. Yet, that deep and profound longing is about us, not them. By reflecting on those hidden feelings, the scenario feels much more peaceful. We can feel grateful to these people for igniting the qualities we have always wanted to express. A huge thank you, Heidi, for putting into words what I’ve tried to understand for so long. ❤

[@rainbowkitschen6442]

I love this topic so much ❤ I've heard it described as the golden shadow, which is a beautiful term. For me, I've noticed myself being drawn to people - women in particular - who are unabashedly soft, serious and sensual and open about their spirituality and their relationship with the concept of the divine feminine. I love all the content I put out, but when I speak about it, I've noticed myself using a lot of humour, intellectualization and air quotes when talking about those same topics because I still feel awkward around that level of feminity, softness, sensuality and spirituality. But that part of me is definitely begging to be integrated!

[@valraeUK]

This is a twenty minute video that took me five hours to process. Holy moly, you blew my mind! But what powerfully useful information. Thank you so much!

[@lyssamax]

"All of us have access to all of these rooms inside of ourselves. Doing this type of work does not mean we are erasing who we are and stepping into who we think someone else wants us to be. Take the obsessive, fixated thoughts more at face value than we normally do and say, what is my unconscious mind begging me to integrate right now? Maybe it's easier to see that quality in another person than in myself right now. So how do I give myself permission to access it in myself so that I no longer have to project it outward and feel desperate to get it through someone else's approval." I've spent a lot of time feeling guilty about limerent fantasies with someone from my past, and I feel like this part explains SO MUCH about my fantasies towards them, the nature of the fantasy, and the particular times in my life that it's crept up on me. I'm really excited to dive into this more and process some things. Truly!

[@juan_castellanos19]

I love this video! No pun intended. One common theme (of a few) of women that I’ve dated or been attracted to is that a lot of them have ‘strong’ personalities. Over the last couple years I’ve realized that my anger has been largely disowned, and by extension that has also exiled my own healthy strength/assertiveness. It definitely aligns for me that I have been drawn towards that ‘strength’ in certain women.

[@lisnawatinovianti2388]

It's been more than 3 months since I broke up with my ex and experienced this limerence state. I've tried many things to overcome it, but whenever I saw him I felt so overwhelmed and end up thinking about him for the rest of the day (made me so depressed😢). After I watched heidi's videos about limerence, I started sitting with my emotion, started to think what door he opened up. I realized that he is very honest, a person that isn't shy to show the true colour of him, like he accepts himself just the way he is. Opposite to me, that I've something that am afraid to show to people (like I wear mask whenever wherever). I realized the first time I met him, I liked the way he spoke the truth about himself that he didn't know a b c d e (he didn't go even to high school), but he wasn't shy at all to show that in front of many people. After analyzing that, I realized, that thing is thing that my soul deperately want, yaah to show true colour of my face to others. And yesterday I started doing things actually I wanted to do but I avoid it because was to shy to do that, because was afraid that people wouldnt love me, wouldnt accept me just the way I am. I hope it is the right medicine to cure my limerence

[@hotfuzz774]

Thanks Heidi, this really hits home. I had a vague suspicion that limerance was supposed to teach me about something undeveloped in myself, but having the concept explained in a structured way, with the additional thought prompts was super helpful! 😊

[@fonsilvers]

Thank you! I now understand limerince is the lens through which I experience the world. It’s a defense mechanism because until now I haven’t trusted me to defend myself. I’ve grown and learned and recently demonstrated to myself that I can be trusted. I can now choose to see the world directly, not through the lens of limerince. It is liberating and wonderful. Also, maintaining the lens of limerince is mentally exhausting. So, thank you for explaining limerince. I now understand that as long as I can be trusted to defend myself, I can experience the world directly, which is so much better!!

[@jordanguernsey7716]

Loved this one. I believe every unhealthy behavior like limerence has some potential positive purpose, and this seems super useful. I’m very drawn to and envious of what I saw as the independence and emotional self-sufficiency of my LO, if I’m being honest with myself. In his case I know it’s not actually 100% healthy and positive, but to someone who leans more anxious and feels overly available and giving, I’m totally jealous. I want to regain that sense of independence and emotional self-sufficiency and regulation as I once felt I had/was developing as a very young adult before I began giving away my power to external influences.

[@tntl7]

I can totally relate! I once had a very liberating experience thinking "if I love that independence so much, what's stopping me from living it myself? That would be the best way of honouring it, and I don't need anyone else for that" It felt very powerful but didn't stick for long at that time, maybe because I didn't really understand it or trust that it was possible back then. But really there is nothing stopping us :) I'm sure you have it in you!

[@garlicgalore]

Yes, this totally makes sense to me and I appreciate the careful explanation, Heidi! I remember having a feeling way beyond a "crush" for someone (and a crush is hard enough to deal with!) I felt like I literally wanted to Be that person, and since that wasn't possible I was obsessed with their company. Now I understand it so much better and where that took me regarding myself.

[@sspencer4036]

Over a year for my current limerence and in the last view weeks I asked myself. Since you don't even know him what exactly do i like about him? I wrote those down and then it hit me that I was projecting the parts of me that I love onto him. I knew I had a shadow with self love and this really helped me to start realizing that I can get the "limerence " feeling from myself. My thoughts of him now are more of appreciation (even though he has no clue what he's done for me) but the limerence part is no where near where it was. This was a fantastic topic!

[@spianny]

The timing is perfect! 😊🙏

[@ImVerySerious]

Heyyyy thank you i have been finally noticing where limerence shows up in my life and its getting good im face first with my problems and i downright know what i need to start doing. Its just about breaking habits at this point. To getting more of what we want and less of what we dont want, Heidi.

[@SashankDas]

I wept at points while watching this. I've been in a cycle of limerence for over a year, and it's impacted my life in all sorts of terrible ways. This and other videos you have made have fit together some blocks in my head that I have so far been tossing around in frustration. Thank you so very much.

[@alexandranun]

He opened that door and it felt like magic 🤯

[@musicalzen9105]

Such perfect timing, as I’m a love addict and finding myself limerancing over someone who is only mildly into me. It’s so damn uncomfortable!!! Thank you for your insight. I appreciate you and your knowledge. 🙏

[@WhirledPublishing]

That's an intelligent, insightful analysis: By projecting our vision of our transformation onto someone else, we can catapult ourselves into a new and improved experience of our selves and our life. I'm fixated on my work as a way to catapult myself into a new and improved experience of life.

[@tuca3434]

This video is very interesting to me because I started studying psychology 2 years ago after dealing with a very invalding limerent experience with a deeply avoidant person, which happened to be my first romantic interest in 21 years of life. I had a whole collection of insecurities that were unburied through that interaction, and the pain was so great that I literally saw no way out, other than being able to explain in full detail what had happened and why. You could say that that was my dark night of the soul, and I forced myself into it, because It was could never be of my interest to experience such pain again. In a deranged manner, im fully glad this is something I experienced, as what I keep finding about myself seems to be a whole subconscious depth, and having this information, helps me face the dark on a daily basis, and work on myself continuously with a goal in mind, which was unthinkable 2 years ago. I also feel very thankful for this channel because it's one of my main sources of emotional literacy and your communication skills are so good and clear that I see everyone in the comments, including me, using your expressions like we are all your psychology pupils. Thanks Heidi!

[@sellbell7071]

I had to comment as our stories are so similar - I had the same experience at 21, meeting my first romantic interest which was definitely a feeling of otherworldly infatuation and limerence. I had never met anyone that had grabbed my interest in anyway before then, I thought I was broken romantically. This also sparked my first dark night of the soul, and was the origin of my spiritual journey into the self. Interestingly, after the end of the 'situationship' at 21 and with almost a year of dark night of the soul, I never saw or communicated with my limerent object again. Now I look back fondly and am thankful I got to experience it and meet them, it changed my life. What I would say is, as someone older, you may experience limerence again, or other dark nights, but you will know your self better, which should make the next stages of the journey smoother. Best of luck - you are on the right path

[@tuca3434]

@@sellbell7071 That's so great to read!! thanks for the positivity

[@Ennpey]

One minute into this and already 🤯. As an avoidant, I have vulnerability in my shadow and the person I've felt limerence for for so long blew my mind by being so vulnerable about his art. 🤯🤯

[@krestal0]

This was one of the most useful shadow work videos ive ever seen. It is also one of the most productive videos Ive seen on limerence

[@krestal0]

Thank You

[@cordelrobornett626]

Love this video. Really shows that limerence is not about the object of affection, but rather the lack of integration of the self. So insightful. Thank you!

[@NamelessOne1984]

I can't properly express my gratitude here - since this is the most comprehensive explanation of my own situation and patterns that tended to be so confusing before I had this information. Thanks a lot for all your work and dedication!

[@Piximedia_]

This was so insightful!!! I love how this framed the idealized self as someone that can be cultivated by the self! Our thoughts really can give us motivation when looked at in a particular way. This is somewhat similar to how jealousy/envy over what someone else has can be a glimpse into what we want for ourselves instead of something to be upset at another person for

[@Frankvilla-worthy]

Love this breakdown! I couldn’t really figure out Limerence and hearing in this context helps. I’m diagnosed with ptsd and bipolar. A 17 year and opiate and heroin addiction didn’t help. I don’t take pharmaceutical medications I simply apply what I learn based on my ego’s reaction to outside stimuli. Experienced trauma in utero as my dad would beat my mother while pregnant. So now it seems like I get attached to any attention which brings confidence. I only allowed feelings of confidence when others wanted me or gave me praise. Thank you thank you just got a big aha moment.🎉

[@axtmaaaann]

I‘m feeling intensely limerent about someone who actually likes me back, but I rejected. That is really confusing to me. I rejected them because I was worried we would not be able to maintain a healthy relationship, which is quite realistic as we both struggle with addiction. Around them, I felt I could be who I am, in all of my facettes. They witnessed me being sad, overwhelmed, angry, straightforward, blunt, and still showed genuine interest, even expressed how they valued my authenticity. All of the above are things I view as unlovable, not okay. Things I really struggle to accept about and allow myself. And others. It is a tough experience, especially since I know they would welcome me if I reached out. It feels like a fight inside of me some days,an endless discussion of how it might work out and the other part saying no it would‘nt. Limerence hurts. This Video helped me come to my senses. Stay strong everyone.

[@johnpatterson6448]

Heidi, that eloquence you needed to integrate - it is integrated. Congrats!

[@Freyr94]

love the word "limerence object" very much. It the describes this psychological phenomen very well in my opinion. I knew that I was using the LO as a kind of supply for self validation..the metaphor with the keys is very beautiful and yes I could so relate, if the other person opens the door with the key it really feels like magic and you get addicted to it 🔑

[@KittyWicks-jh7wt]

Love this. This is the detailed clinical application and instruction manual of Gloria Steinem’s motto “become the man you wish to marry”. Gabor Maté believes ADHD is really just childhood trauma. It occurs to me that to execute on this detailed process, one would need strong executive functioning. Would love to see your take/instruction on how to do these difficult things with poor executive functioning. I feel like you could dig more deeply into that than anyone else!

[@varshagnsh]

I just sent this video to my therapist as we both were struggling to understand my choices. Absolute banger of a video with such crystal clear explanations of the generally hand-wavy and ambiguous shadow self and the maddening feeling of limerence. You're surfing deep unexplained (in general psychology in so far I've read) and unexplored parts of human psyche and thanks so much for gracefully taking us along!

[@Monik_A_nna]

Heidi, I just love the way you explain limerence not as a deficiency but an attempt to heal, to become whole and more authentic. It is one thing to state that what we see as faults / deficits / maladaption are also pointing the way to healing, but it is quite another thing to explain it in a way that makes it clear and palpable. This is what you are doing so well and eloquently. Heidi, du bist einfach wunderbar! So klar, so gründlich und so ermutigend! Danke für deine Arbeit.

[@elliebellie561]

This was an absolutely amazing video. I realised that my limerent person makes me feel loved and holds space for my emotions. As someone with CPTSD, no one has ever done this for me. I think I struggle a lot with insecure attachment both needing care and love because I lack it, but when they show it I get uncomfortable and push them away. Oh so complicated but i made a list between the real person and limerent version which was very helpful so thank you.

[@kiwikals]

This video is so helpful. I am once again caught in annoying anxious limbo because of limerence after promising myself I wouldn’t do it again. Low key feels like my life is being ruined by it sometimes but this really helps put things into perspective thank you ❤

[@becs_forlife]

Gods work right here❤❤❤ I think I need to integrate that I am worthy and good enough... I'm in tears 😭

[@nateo200]

Heidi everytime you post I feel incredibly called out but also cared for. I'm an INFJ but for a while I was a bit dismissive of ENFPs...you guys always sound so crazy and impractical which is ironically how most sensors see me but the reality is you guys have this unique empathy, warmth and raw intelligence and intuition that can really help others. Please keep doing whatever it is you are doing! You and two other ENFPs have educated me on cPTSD, ennegram, and even MBTI in such an incredibly helpful way. Love your content

[@nateo200]

@@Protegida4 Which is why I said ENFPs :P I concur generally for sure though. At our age though that inferior sensing function is a lot more developed but intuitives growing up tend to be a lot more chaotic than sensor children. Heidi offers very practical solutions to a wide range of issues that ENFPs typically excel at so its just very interesting. Intuitives can be practical it just takes a lot of work especially with cPTSD!

[@evemacdonald8654]

@@nateo200 I am also INFJ and feel inherently more of a conceptual visionary chaotic person. Thus I love organization and practical application of larger concepts. When it makes sense.

[@rookiej5587]

You've helped me so much over these months. I see you like my elder sister ❤

[@grammamae]

THIS! This video is my ticket out of this limerent limbo where my logic and my emotions are colliding and I feel stuck between regrets about the loss and growing self-hatred for not getting over it. You nailed it! THANK YOU! So much to think about now.

[@teddyf3960]

Heidi, your videos are life changing for people struggling with these issues. I found your channel last week and I have already made big improvements thanks to the tools that you give us. Have you ever or could you ever talk about “imaginary audience”? I experience it a lot with the object of my limerence, always thinking they’re just around the corner or they’re in the car next to me on the road. If anyone can help I think it’s you! Thank you for everything you help us with!!!❤❤

[@sirenachantal471]

Weird, I have this too. I feel like I sort of don’t exist without the imaginary audience. It’s a kind of a personal existential crisis. I’m looking at this life and seeing I’m not really in it, in a way. Like it’s everyone else’s life and was never and could never be mine. It makes me feel hot with shame.

[@teddyf3960]

@@sirenachantal471 don’t feel shame! If Heidi has taught me anything it’s that these coping mechanisms were formed in a period of our life where we had to be the ones to save ourselves, and it’s not our fault they manifested in the ways they did. There’s nothing icky here, just a person being a person. I get the existential crisis thing. I’ve had these fantasies for so long and I look forward to being in them, but now I need to give them up so I can have healthy and real relationships with people and friends. I think I started the “imaginary audience” thing when I experienced severe depression and loneliness in middle school. Good luck to you and your journey!

[@bro144]

I've already search about limrence months aho on youtube but i didn't found any useful video these past day i searched it here again and i found you!!! So grateful i'm learning so much thank you!

[@benjamintice6400]

What you said about someone coming along and opening the door for you and it feeling like magic really hit home. I recently lost someone close to me who made me feel like being positive and generally happy was so much easier. Someone like you mentioned, who was bold, full of confidence, and loved to travel (which I've always been intimidated by). They gave me permission to go to those places myself. Now that they're gone, I've struggled with feeling like they took the sun with them. I know I need to give myself permission open those doors myself, but it's so hard and I"m afraid I'm never going to feel really positive about the future or to feel that bold and get in the car and road trip on my own. I feel like they took all of that beauty in the world I let myself see when they were with me with them. This is really what I needed to hear today.

[@stroudkelly6868]

What came to my mind as I was listening pausing and meditating on my experiences of limerance is I was also reenacting my trauma. No parent is perfect so limerance helps us fix ourselves and is basically the same as reenactment of trauma because I practiced the 2 interchangeably. Thanks for your insight. 🎉🎉🎉

[@emmalestrangeart1331]

wowsers, I've been doing a lot of shadow work this year and tonight I performed a spoken word about my ptsd. The piece was called "Beacon" and I litterally held a super bright LED light in my hand 😄 your videos have been so helpful on this journey btw, can't thank you enough

[@Elizabethlc26]

Thank you. I can’t afford therapy atm but this is exactly what I needed to hear.

[@cintalopez-teijeiro5683]

All your videos are great but this one is really really good, acurate, simple, asesome

[@AmatielleSativa]

Perfect example and wonderful shadow work Heidi! 👏🏼 Thank you. Limerence is a nasty fight for me particularly in Lieu of MDD and Anxiety. My birth mother passed 7-25-23 just on the heals of a major break up and losing my housing. Limerence is a sharp toothed monster for me at this time in my life, now presenting as 'the great escape' this video is such a powerfully KIND video for the purpose of healing. One tiny thank you in the comments barely can cover it but even so THANK YOU. It is far easier to vanquish demons with names than just ugly faces and bad breathe. I am reminded now, This too shall pass. Stay encouraged🧡🫶🏽

[@angyt1070]

Thank you for the step process of identifying the things I seek in my LO. This is exactly what I need to do! You’re absolutely correct about these qualities in my LO only being a reflection of my myself and appreciating those attributes within. It’s not needed for me to chase this person for that. 🙏 Like you, I was in a grieving state and this person came along and opened these doors up for me I hadn’t been able to open before. I have been in limerence with a celebrity of sorts for 4 years! Hoping one day we will “be.” 😅 I’m ready to let this go! I’ve had to cut all social media ties because I have to stop it. Now I’m going through the withdrawals and reality is setting in. It’s not fun. 😢❤

[@bakytasykbayeva2300]

This is brilliant! This is exactly what I needed! Thank you for sharing this, Heidi, God bless you!

[@greeneyesthatsatisfy]

Thank you for sharing this in a practical and compassionate way.

[@andrew_s_learn6255]

Wow. Thank you for explaining this so clearly. A little while ago I came to this very conclusion about the limerence I’m experiencing right now. It feels like my mind is split between the logical part trying to figure out what emotional needs I’m desperate to get out of the limerence experience, and the emotional part, which just wants to drop everything and get on the next plane to visit the limerence object and receive that emotional need.

[@DanaDetrick]

Hands down the best explanation of limerence and its cause/opportunity for purpose that I've ever seen (in the last decade and a half of trying to understand it. So glad the algorithm was kind to me today and suggested your channel!

[@tinanikolova]

Wow, thank you so much for this! I’m in the process of distancing myself from someone I’ve been very limerent about for a couple years and it hurts a lot but this is extremely helpful in a) letting go of some of the shame around the whole experience; b) turning the experience into something positive without creating some parallel fantasy to escape into or denying what happened c) being respectful to myself and the other person d) becoming a whole person, the person I really wish to be and gaining access to all those other rooms I thought were locked away and inaccessible. THANK YOU!

[@ThePinkMyth]

This video is life changing for me. So many other texts and videos on limerence made me feel more shame for being limerent. This video helped me to see it as a tool to explore my psyche deeply and do the inner work that is so challenging. It made me feel proud of what I was accomplishing in being so vulnerable and honest with myself. It helped me to humanize my LO and see him as a beautiful, strong, and fallible person just like I am. It helped me to see that my desire for authentic connections necessitates me avoiding the kind of idealizing that my limerent tendencies brings out. I felt stronger and more positive after watching this video instead of feeling more of that shame that spirals me into limerent daydreams to begin with. When we are so hungry and desperate for validation and coregulation that we become limerent and yet are courageous enough to click on a video to attempt to break that, so many of us are doing it with a fear of it being so painful. Your video helped to frame this as a pathway to something positive instead. I am grateful for the insights.

[@donpinkston5263]

I have spent my entire life drifting from one object of limerence to another, never understanding why. In this video you explain everything clearly and concisely. You’ve helped me understand this pattern of pain and frustration in a way that gives me hope of overcoming it. Thank you!

[@SB_McCollum]

Never heard of this solution to the mystery before, and I think you have hit on a major key! This will have me running and rerunning thru old limerances for weeks now, but as long as I'm solving the problem I'm good with it. Thanks a Big bunch!

[@camez2345]

gaaahhhd you are so good at this. This is such a smart way to deal with limerance, and one where everybody wins. You let the other person off your weird imaginary hook, and instead of beating yourself up, you roll up your sleeves and get in there like a surgeon or a detective to find out how to make this experience help you grow. It's amazing. Shifts it from a personal failing to a cool challenge where the prize is a better and less frightened you. I can't tell you how hard I've been on myself all my life whenever I've been in a limerant state. It hurts just to think about it, how ashamed I would feel. And up until a year or so ago, I'd watch another youtuber who covered trauma and limerance, until I realized she made me feel even worse!!! I feel bad for people who are watching channels like that and don't know about this one. Your content is so much smarter and interesting, and "let's figure this out." Truly a breath of fresh air. Thank you 🙏

[@libbypaige6160]

Heidi I discovered your videos a few months ago and I'm soo grateful ❤ I would love to see a deep dive into limerence in domestic violence cycles. I know many of us could benefit from your wisdom ❤

[@anewtheory]

Omg I have never felt so seen! Years of therapy and confusion. Your content resonates so deeply. Thank you so much.

[@FlickeringBright]

Heidi, your videos on limerence finally illuminated parts of myself that I never knew existed. I'm incredibly grateful for the content you put up, your excellence in articulating the symptoms, the root causes and how to break from it. The line that clicked everything into place for me was how we use these fantasies to soothe wounded parts of ourselves. Thank you and god bless you.

[@EastCoastCyclist]

This is the first time hearing about limerance has been helpful and actionable for me. Thank you❤