Shadow Work: What It Is & When To Do It

[@jcnlaw]

Experienced divorce lawyer here. Can you imagine if everyone had this level of self awareness and was able and willing to do “shadow work”? Divorce lawyers and family courts would be out of business. That is a good thing! Keep up the great work!

[@silverlake973]

So so true.

[@silentortoise3627]

my guess is that there would probably be legal efforts to repress such practices/services and preserve that economic nicheXD

[@gigibtsurvivor3348]

No, they wouldn’t. Abusers will never be that self-reflective. Some people are too far gone to repair such things.

[@velvetplans5396]

Do you think it's because people would end up in the right relationship in the first place or because they would be better at managing conflict throughout a relationship with the "wrong" person?

[@jcnlaw]

@@velvetplans5396 great question. I think it would be because they would be able to screen off unsuitable romantic partners.

[@markdunham9634]

As a black man, raised by an ex-military father and deeply religious mother, in the South, these videos bring into sharp relief how much of my emotional vulnerability was discarded as a means of survival. Never talking back, never expressing needs, never pushing back on chastisement that I internally felt was unfair has clearly shaped my shadow, particularly in being the eldest child and given lots of responsibility at a very early age. I find myself avoidantly attached to anxiously attached folks all the time, but now I'm beginning to understand why...and grieve it.

[@Diathon1]

Grieving is a good place to be brother. Isn’t it good to be able to express that emotion and not be shamed or blamed? Yes I say! And then the next stages. The next levels. You’re going through the layers, and coming out the other side. And I’m talking to me as much as you, because our…stage was set the same.

[@danak2230]

I get that. I am also grieving my childhood. My mother died when I was young, and I was raised by an emotionally unavailable father. He figured that if I was getting good grades and wasn't pregnant or using substances then I was fine. He basically quit parenting me after the age of 11. I was "mom" to him and my older brother - expected to be free therapy for 2 emotionally needy, contemptuous people, to be "the good one" and "the smart one," so they could have the luxury of being angry, impulsive, and selfish. They called me a crybaby and ridiculed my personality traits and interests... unless they needed my help and then I was the best sister/daughter. I felt crazy. I felt so invisible but at the same time like being seen was a threat. I think about the little girl, and I wish she had someone - anyone - too look after her and tell her she was important.

[@9Nikko8]

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I'm so proud of you! I know it's hard, but it takes a lot of work and courage and you deserve the praise for seeing things in yourself that other hide from themselves their whole lives. Keep growing and give yourself compassion 🤗

[@jenniferbrooks268]

​@@danak2230You are important...you have been an amazing support person for your loved ones...whether they see it or not, you have been important to their support...no one can take that away from you

[@mfarrell2992]

You WERE and ARE important. You recognize it...and I believe you. You're stronger than you realize.💕

[@rocking1313]

3:42 - Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate - Carl Jung Thanks Heidi!

[@davebenadum3304]

I wrote that down too ❤

[@JohnM...]

So, you ever notice how you aren’t told HOW to make it conscious?…

[@vlandorrackhum5420]

My little example: I always thought of myself as a super honest person and I used to hate people for not being "honest enough". After reading "Man and His Symbols" by Jung, and doing shadow work, I realised I wasn't too honest either and maybe I was judging others too harshly. I still like honesty, obviously, but I am also less self-righteous about it to others. It's healed my anxiety and paranoia, and it's given me more internal peace

[@merncat3384]

Amazing ❤

[@VoxMachina8]

Strong work

[@Sinoochka]

My grand mother is also saying she never lies, and prouds herself for being super honest. She got increadibly offended and snapped when 6 year old me playfully doing hand divination told her that she was hiding something and probably lies a bit. 20 years later she blatantly lies to my face telling my aunt with whom I do not speak, that I wanted to greet her, after trying to make me do that voluntarily. I of course told both of them that was a lie, and my grandmother didn’t even bat an aye. People are sooo good at turning a blind eye to what they do not want to see in themselves.

[@chrismaxwell1624]

I'm too honest. It's a ASD trait. I have to bite my tongue sometimes if I catch myself which often I don't. Being dishonest is hard for me to do except when I'm dishonest with myself. It's more raw kind of honesty where I can hurt people by point out truths that I think everyone can see. I just struggle with figuring out if it will hurt or not or if the honesty even it does hurt is needed or not needed. It just comes. With my dishonesty with myself I can end up lying to another person as I've shifted how I see reality and believe the lie. Mostly of those lies are you are not good enough for management position in my reality. In the reality everyone see I'm good enough for it. The real thing is society pressure that getting promoted is good and staying doing what you love is to be unsuccessful. So realy I know I would not be happy doing more paperwork and performance management. I want to do what I'm doing in current position as I love it. So I tell my boss I'm not good enough for the job I'm lying to my boss. The reality is just don't want to be promoted which seem counter to what society say I should want.

[@clydewillis]

​@@chrismaxwell1624I'm also ASD, and I find it is difficult for me to be dishonest about issues I believe are important, but I've had a tendency to lie about myself to others. Not about huge things, but in ways that hide my true self from others. It felt (I'm not perfect, sometimes I slip back into it) like I was protecting myself, but in reality I was sabotaging all of my relationships because eventually the truth comes out.

[@Alpha-Andromeda]

Wow that’s truly gold: “the more your relationship with someone is challenging, the more shadow stuff is arising there”.

[@helenaquin1797]

This is true in the right context and we'd all do well by ourselves to be honest about the need to end some relationships. Shadow or not, some individuals can be unhealthy for us. Not on their own, but for us, at least.

[@goldilocks913]

@@helenaquin1797Well said. Heidi says in another video that after a lot of work is done you may find that you don’t actually want to be in a relationship with that person and that’s fine, so any type of abusive relationship is wrong WHATEVER work is needed or being done. One needs to be aware.

[@DanielleFox-g5j]

I was often called selfish by my mother as a child so I repressed the part of myself to instigate boundaries and self protection because my mother enforced that when I said no to things I was considered selfish so as I became an adult I lost friendships because I would self sacrifice myself for them, engage in people pleasing behaviours and didn’t insert boundaries winding up resentful in all my relationships. I’m 33 and it’s only been the past 6 months where I see red flags in people who want to drain me so now I’m brave enough to look after myself first

[@crystalding5589]

Ive had a very similar experience, thanks for sharing .

[@daniellecarrington5865]

Me too 😂 I never understood it until now

[@daisymay1608]

I did the same thing with friendship s and now I'm focusing on me.

[@danak2230]

Same here! Several years ago, I finally ended a draining friendship. I had been friends with this other woman for 4 years and hated the friendship the whole time. But I never had a good enough reason to end it. She was nice enough, but could steamroll me in conversations and was intense about politics when I expressedeven mild disagrement. I felt a friend had to be a bad person or hurt me in some way for me to end a friendship. It took me until recently to realize that a mismatch in personalities IS a reason to end a friendship. You don't have to wait until you are grievously wronged to cut ties. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@Tellyawhat4]

Yes, mothers can inflict the most damage on their children, knowing it or not.

[@erichaberman3812]

I've literally talked with over a dozen paid therapists when I'm truly looking for help and ready to work and not one of them has even a tenth of your direct explanations and clear tool training. Absolutely mind blowing!! Where are all the therapists who do this work in private sessions?!!!

[@ProfDCoy]

Without saying or knowing whether your previous therapists have been "bad", the main reason is probably because therapy works very differently to a KZbin video where the therapist explains a general psychological phenomenon you may or may not have. If therapy was really as easy as explaining to patients that they have X and the solution is Y, then therapy would be a simple profession. These kinds of videos are still useful. In my experience they supplement and accelerate the work you do in therapy - by explaining what it is your therapist is trying to get you to figure out and properly internalise. But these videos are not therapy, and therapists can't treat people with just KZbin videos.

[@erichaberman3812]

@@ProfDCoy I do see your point, that these videos are no substitute for actual therapy. However, I've also seen that just being able to use this language learned here to talk with therapist you can very quickly see who is actually ready to do psychological therapy with you vs people saying that they are therapist and all they want to do is play problem tennis, verbaly bouncing your problems back and forth forever. I use these videos as a yardstick or starting point

[@redbabywins]

Right here!!!!

[@buggus0034]

Therapists don’t want to fix you. They want to keep you coming back.

[@erichaberman3812]

@@buggus0034 EXACTLY!! I'm sure there are some therapy cases where just talking about the problem over and over really does help. I want tools. I want active working, that I can track, to recovery.

[@jeffthompson9402]

As a psychotherapist if nearly 30 years, I have to say I am constantly impressed with, and blessed by, your videos and other resources. Thank you for all your hard work!

[@briannagravely9349]

Places in your life to look for your shadow. 1. Any self sabotaging behavior is shadow, typically coming from a belief that you don't deserve that thing or goal. 2. Continuing to attract the same kinds of people. Depending on quality you see in them and yourself, you love or hate them. 3. Moral righteousness. Judging harshly someone else for something you wish you could do or would never allow yourself to do. 4. Your triggers, ptsd or otherwise. They can provide important information BUT with trauma you typically can't think clearly and will need the help of a trained professional. 5. In the projections we make. The people for whom we feel the strongest need to change them OR the way we idealize others if they display a trait we wish you had but were taught to not show or express.

[@killerb255]

Wow…I thought I was ahead of the game with doing shadow work/admitting to myself the existence and effects of formerly repressed stuff, but after looking at your list it looks like I have a few more subconscious things in the ol’ shadow to dig up! Thank you.

[@candacemalmstrom4141]

Thanks!

[@ecoconnell]

Thanks so much!

[@yosoyashep]

Come on! Why isn't this post pinned and covered in likes?

[@themasterninja110]

I don't know about number 3. First part is bad 2nd part is very good.

[@AnnaFitz]

I admire your level of self-awareness and introspection. Not to mention the amount of detailed research and preparation that goes into your videos and your eloquence. Thank you for this channel!

[@itsonlyliz9023]

I noticed that I played the victim card and then get mad when my boundaries have been crossed but the Aha moment was I'm looking for others to set those boundaries and expecting them to read my mind. Oh, it doesn't feel good the truth, but I'm glad I know it ! 6 minutes into the video. Thank you.❤

[@rustyscrapper]

I had someone accusing me of not respecting boundaries while she was stepping all over my boundaries constantly.

[@annalauryn966]

U got that out of hearing her talk for 6minutes? I'm about 2/3- 3/4 thru the video wondering if I'm watching out of order because I'm having no haha moment. But desperately trying to find "what's wrong with ME how can I fix ME? and be a healthier mom and hopefully a healthier partner. Or (hopefully not) single. Yup I'm at THAT stage. She said "staying in relationships that are not healthy beyond the point of intuition telling tou to leave. because abandoning someone is selfish" um that's all I heard so far. I have no problem asking for help, I just use manners "can u please help me with xyz" and if someone is inconvenienced, I try to add convenience to it. If they need gas for example, 🙋🏽‍♀️ I got gas money. Or I'll feed u or buy food ect.

[@eglantinelicorne9535]

The Limerence comment just made sense into my brain. I've struggled with limerence with an ex of mine for a long time. I have always been a huge perfectionnist, I was top of my class, and I always do everything right. My ex did NOT care like that at all and was SO MUCH more free-spirited than me. And I always joked that deep inside I was way more like him than on the surface. That's what I'm looking for in the limerence!!! BEING CAREFREE AND FREE-SPIRITED! Thank you Heidi!

[@californiaantkeeper]

I struggle with this too . Even though I know I deserve much better.

[@pasmetha]

Girl you be saving my life one step at a time ❤️

[@kevinchahine7553]

❤

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

😂👍❤i couldn’t agree with this more!

[@banszkiviktoria]

🙌

[@ivylin8103]

me too

[@KL-zg5dn]

Same!

[@SteraFaux]

Fearful avoidant gang where you at? 😂😅🙃

[@mahikajo]

Here🙋

[@dreamer27-h8k]

Hahaha I'm claiming retirement

[@maggie1321972]

Hey! 👋

[@darlenemacl8153]

✌️

[@prashanthireddy2333]

🤙

[@eaty0tts809]

Just 5 minutes into the video and the fact that the shadow-self does not just represent the suppression of negative feelings but also positive makes so much sense and is completely different from what I've learnt from the internet. You're saying that it includes both negative and positive feelings and how we need to acknowledge the parts we have suppressed to understand ourselves better, for clarity and peace in life. Thank you for explaining it properly😭

[@bloomnbury7387]

I think it means that for eg. You like steady communication or being available.. but society has this norm of playing hard-to-get and it's so hard to keep on suppressing that need. And so many people keep on telling themselves they're needy and it manifests in their life as a self-fulfilled prophecy. Wow I think I surprised myself while typing this😂

[@rando9820]

a recurring thought i keep having watching your videos is: how the HELL is this free content?! this is LIFECHANGING/ALTERING stuff. THANK YOU for all you do, for the betterment of others and the world. i see you and appreciate your impact on millions of traumatized individuals and their inner children. you are doing sacred work. it does not go unappreciated ❤

[@maxpoweristhename]

The part about covert narcissism that drives me nuts is how they demand all this care and attention and give nothing back. I recognized during this little lecture that I struggle with asking for my needs to be met. It makes sense that this is why I disdain against the covert narcissist in my life and my friends lives.

[@ChristelDavies]

I kinda felt like I’d plateaued with therapy and was questioning if there was any benefit or if I was picking at a wound. But your videos have helped push me past that plateau and a lot of things I learned are now coming together in a way I can apply. Thank you! 💗

[@9Nikko8]

I'm in the same spot! I felt like I knew almost all there is to know when it comes to concepts, but the way she's explaining them makes me feel like I'm seeing and understanding new layers of what I thought I knew ❤

[@chunulimboo8216]

I have made the decision to put an end to my obsession with someone. It took a lot of courage to reach this point. I had set my expectations towards him so high for a long time, and it started to have a negative impact on my whole world. I was on the verge of becoming a 'pick me' person and constantly trying to prove that I was the best for him. I realized that I may have an anxious attachment issue and I hope to overcome it soon. I also think that it's important for us to do shadow work to address any underlying issues.

[@SNTanon]

I've been learning about attachment theory for the past couple of years and have also been researching Jung's theories. I have to say that you have a gift for being able to explain very complex things in a way that is easy to understand and follow. I am so impressed with your articulateness and very concise examples! I appreciate your work! Keep it up!

[@francespotter7697]

Totally agree. I've been following a few people with things to teach around attachment but I think Heidi is the best so far. Very concise and useful.

[@kirstinstrand6292]

Shadow work is a lifelong endeavor. 😮

[@Jam-m7m]

Yes. And EFT Tapping, Journaling, and years ago I learned L.Ron Hubbard’s Dianetics

[@juan_castellanos19]

"Notice me! Notice me! Notice me!" That resonated so much - I've recently noticed a number of my parts 'acting up' in different ways because they ultimately want attention. Love this vid and can't wait to see the rest of what you have planned the remainder of the week ♥

[@serendipity0775]

This one struck me the most.

[@ciaraskeleton]

Isn't it crazy that all of the stuff you craved, or didn't get, is all inside you already? When you just realise that 'oh, I get it. It's not supposed to be easy, it's not supposed to be joyful all the time, that was never the point'. On all levels, you can't help but change. Failure starts looking like progress because now you know that every process includes failure. Loss starts looking like a learning experience where you get to care for yourself and nurture the pain that comes. Fear becomes a child who just needed to be heard, so when it comes up you're open to what it's telling you. I don't know how I ended up here. I don't believe in any traditional sense of God, or in any one religion. I am however very spiritual. I am existential by nature and have always believed there was a flow and I noticed so many patterns. It's okay to not know exactly what 'god' or for me 'the universe' is. We aren't supposed to know. We are supposed to submit and sit in alignment with all that it is and we are as a reflection of it. I always remind myself that so within so without. On every level. How we perceive the world, is a direct reflection of how we view ourselves. Every person is a reflection of parts of you. If you view yourself as 'bad' in any area, you're going to project it into the world and onto people whether you realise it or not. You're going to constantly be hit with your own negative beliefs. When you view yourself as flawed but inherently beautiful and valuable, you see everyone and everything else in the same alignment. You aren't afraid of your own flaws, you embrace them. So now each new flawed person you meet you can be open to, because their flaws don't scare you now. You just say 'thats being human'. It doesn't mean putting up with abuse, because if you see yourself as inherently valuable, you won't want to tolerate anything that doesn't align with your self view. You'll be willing to lose a person, and you won't cling to nasty people because you know that you do not need them and you know that you do not deserve poor treatment. You have yourself and the entire whole world around you, you will be okay.

[@UltraInstinct-yn1ft]

Thank U 4 that

[@yahnferral9163]

Exactly! Thank you

[@dmfergusonRN2008]

Very insightful! Thank you for sharing. 🙂

[@dipalimehta9931]

I am simply amaze at the clarity your have! the state you are would be more amazing!😇

[@david_gare]

heat ❤‍🔥

[@kuibeiguahua]

I am starting to accept my shadow, because it is not bad!!! Judgment and shame blind me but I am removing the mud from my eyes!!!

[@jofish5678]

I really like how you pointed out the positive sides hidden in the shadow and not just the negative. It really helped me to have a better attitude towards my shadow.

[@jb-nk5pg]

girl you don’t even know how much I’ve cried during ur videos. Ur helping me so much!

[@yaboiclay2197]

Your videos should be taught to high school seniors all around the world. This stuff is gold

[@shreddxxCA]

Heidi your channel has been a godsend. You’ve put words to problems I’ve never been able to define and given me hope that these issues can be overcome. I am so so grateful.

[@amyspring8367]

Thank you, Heidi! I'm 60, and you continually introduce information that I have needed for so long. I can't thank you enough for helping me open the door for my real self to enter.

[@refreshingtwist]

Lately, whenever something bothers me about someone - I think to myself, "This person said this/ did this .... which made me feel this.... what else could this possibly mean?" Would this be regarded as shadow work? For instance, whenever the person I like takes a really long time to respond to me, I sit with the feeling that it makes me feel. I may feel stupid about the last message I sent. I may feel shame for even caring that they are taking so long. I may feel unworthy of their attention. And I realize this is all tied to my childhood and being very emotionally neglected (FA here). So, I am aware of what is being triggered and that brings some calm to my system. Is that integration? I do try to use positive reinforcements. I remind myself that they may just be busy today. I remind myself that I have lots of loving friends and family that care about me. I remind myself that I dont always respond to people right away. I remind myself that my worth is not tied to whether or not this man talks to me. Wondering how I'm doing here.

[@RaZziaN1]

No, shadow work is working under uncoscious, if it's consious its no longer shadow so its integrated already or not repressed but might be not healed.

[@siriushp0904]

I cant answer your question, but I can share what I try to remind myself. When a scenario like you described comes up I really try to remind myself that it is much more likely someone did something because they had a need that wasn’t being met, rather than doing something to hurt me. It has more to do with them and very unlikely to be done “to me”. Now, that doesn’t take away the anxiety, anger, hurt etc, but it feels a lot less like a personal attack and more a casualty of circumstance. I think you’re doing the same thing by saying maybe they’re busy. I just think of all the things that prevent me in a given day to give my attention to every relationship in my life daily. Now, I’m not perfect. I sometimes do make the decision to delay a response with intention. Most of the time it’s because my internal “battery” is low. I struggle with saying yes when I can and no when I can’t. I say yes a lot at times I really should be saying no. It’s not easy. As I write this now, I have intentionally chosen not to respond to this exact kind of situation. I don’t know how to say no, so I’m choosing to say nothing at all. My anxiety is raging along with guilt and shame. Setting boundaries is so hard. Keeping them maintained feels even harder. Especially with nuance. For context, this person sent me a text that said “I cant do this thing because there’s stuff in my hallway preventing me from being able to do it.” I know this is a way to “ask” me to come over and move these things for her. I know what she needs and I also know what she means, but setting the boundary requires I don’t work so hard to perceive everyone’s implied needs and expecting that they explicitly address their needs first. It feels horrible not gonna lie to you

[@refreshingtwist]

@siriushp0904 thank you for your response. You've given me a lot to think about!

[@k.c6489]

@@RaZziaN1how do you do it then 😭

[@jdub99]

28:08

[@simonbowden8408]

One of the best channels on the internet for relationship work. Incredible that it's free. Thank you Heidi 🙏🏻

[@ytpah9823]

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00 🗣️ *Introduction to the concept of Shadow work, linking it to attachment healing and personal growth.* 00:14 🌱 *Shadow work involves dealing with repressed or hidden aspects of oneself, becoming increasingly recognized in pop culture.* 00:28 🧠 *Originating from Carl Jung, Shadow work has evolved to encompass various meanings, crucial for attachment healing.* 00:55 🔍 *In-depth exploration of attachment theory, focusing on healing deep personal wounds and understanding repressed parts.* 01:24 🕵️‍♂️ *Discusses making repressed psychological aspects conscious for a more balanced life experience.* 02:03 🤔 *Highlights the contradiction between one's self-image and repressed traits, like selfishness or judgmental tendencies.* 02:29 🌟 *Explains how early environmental factors lead to the repression of certain traits, affecting life unconsciously.* 03:12 🎭 *Emphasizes the unseen impact of hidden self-parts on life choices and patterns.* 03:39 ✨ *Quotes Jung on making the unconscious conscious to avoid mistaking fate for self-direction.* 03:55 🔄 *Discusses how both negative and positive traits can be repressed and affect early life adaptability.* 04:36 🔗 *Talks about the goal of integrating all aspects of self, including judgmental and pro-social traits.* 05:19 🧩 *Connects Shadow work to addressing attachment style blind spots and fostering self-respect.* 06:14 🌈 *Highlights the avoidant attachment style's blind spot in acknowledging and processing negative experiences.* 06:56 💡 *Focuses on the role of intuition in Shadow work, helping to integrate disowned self-parts.* 07:50 🚦 *Discusses how self-perception can lead to staying in unhealthy dynamics contrary to one's intuition.* 08:16 🧐 *Delves into Jung's concept of personal and collective shadows and their influence on behavior.* 09:12 🧩 *Identifies self-sabotage as a key indicator of the Shadow self's presence and need for acknowledgment.* 10:36 🎭 *Examines emotional eating as an example of addressing repressed emotions through Shadow work.* 11:46 ⏳ *Discusses procrastination linked to shame as a sign of needing to integrate shadow aspects like needing help.* 13:23 🔄 *Reflects on the personal journey of addressing self-sabotage through understanding and integrating attachment needs.* 14:04 🔍 *Identifies repeated attraction to unhealthy relationships as a sign of repressed traits needing integration.* 15:00 ⚖️ *Discusses the challenge of confronting moral righteousness as an opportunity for Shadow work.* 16:09 🤝 *Encourages honest, humble requests for help as a means of integrating shadow aspects.* 17:58 🎭 *Focuses on integrating both positive and negative self-aspects for balanced self-improvement.* 18:56 🪞 *Explains how projections onto others often reflect our own repressed traits needing attention.* 20:23 💬 *Suggests openly acknowledging both helpful and harmful intentions in challenging interactions for honest communication.* 21:32 🤹‍♀️ *Notes the importance of Shadow work in difficult relationships, especially with family or intimate partners.* 22:14 🚦 *Distinguishes between trauma triggers and strong emotional reactions as opportunities for Shadow work.* 23:38 🌟 *Clarifies the difference between adaptive attachment strategies and overwhelming trauma responses.* 25:18 ⚠️ *Advises against self-criticism when trauma triggers make immediate rational analysis difficult.* 26:00 🎭 *Discusses using strong emotional reactions as a mirror to explore and integrate shadow aspects.* 28:20 📚 *Highlights various approaches to Shadow work, emphasizing its integration with other healing practices.* 29:30 🏗️ *Notes that ego-building activities might not constitute Shadow work, which often involves confronting difficult parts of self.* Made with HARPA AI

[@lonewulfmo9128]

thanks soo much

[@joy8801]

Thanks❤

[@stephanieg4950]

Heidi, i dont see auras around people and also havent practiced this. However, every time i watch ur videos im distracted by your bright white aura. Ive seen it way too many times without looking for it for this to be my imagination. U are special! I think the term is lightworker coz u teach people and are a chosen healer. Also u have some genius in you, literal genius the way u comprehend concepts and make them relatable. U are not just a smart cookie but a genius cookie haha. 🎉

[@9Nikko8]

I feel the same about her 😊 she seems like a really nice and intelligent person ❤

[@krullrot]

This series is amazing! When it comes to digesitble and easy to access descriptions of the shadow and it's practical implications on an individual and societal level this might be the best I've seen. Thank you for creating and sharing!

[@chrismaxwell1624]

I've done shadow work. Surprising thing is in doing my extreme phobia of needles is gone. I still don't like them but not anxiety or fight or flight response comes now. I just book it go in get it done, even point a good vein to use for taking my blood. I don't freak out seeing needle injection on TV anymore either which I used to. This a completely unexpected side effect of working on fears of rejection that caused lack of communication which impacted my relationships with others. Who knew that a phobia could be part of work that too.

[@garlicgalore]

Thank you for doing this! I found your clarification of the different ways we use the word "trigger" very valuable. Also, the way you talk about "the environment we grew up in" almost as a neutral fact is exactly where I am in my understanding. I personally am looking for the next phase of psychological thinking that can look at the legacy of how we were raised and help multiple generations heal together. This is my first video- looking forward to more!

[@looshbgoosh]

Heidi, I've been watching more and more of your videos. They're all so valuable and clarifying, but this one really hit me at the right place and time. I am so thankful for your channel and your work.

[@apskis]

Amazing video. A video suggestion focusing only on the topic of "Asking and receiving Help" would be super beneficial. I personally struggle with that topic, particularly asking for help and support.

[@JamiFfrenchParker]

Would love to see this topic explored as well!

[@lukeusriley]

Thank you so much Heidi! Your videos are more valuable than my postgraduate university course! I'm so grateful. Wishing you well.

[@mushmouth_thenomad]

I found your channel while trying to understand Limerence, which I’m very much going through right now, but the way you explain things really helps change the narrative in my head and I need that so bad. I can’t talk to any one because they are in their own world with their own problems and aren’t any better off than I am. And therapy is just 1 hour a week for me. I do a lot of self reflecting and reading books but I can’t seem to figure out why I keep repeating the same patterns. So I really appreciate your channel for illuminating so many things for me.

[@aleciariddick7719]

from this video, I learned that I have anxious attachment and self-sabotage when it comes to jobs. I get a job have paranoia get anxious, blank out from a trigger, and quit. I need help so I can be productive and have a job. I have the honest syndrome to like other people in the comments but I'm getting away from that. I feel that way about my brother. He is a pathological liar and my mom didn't work and always told me that living off the government is better than getting a job cause jobs aren't stable cause she had to live off the government for similar mental health reasons. She's gone now and I have been struggling financially ever since. I hope your content will help me get over my attachment and help me keep a job.

[@heirsoleil]

This is an incredible series already, as well as all of your videos. Everything you post is so nuanced, deep and precise. You really get to the root things but in a way that feels liberating and hopeful, like the feeling of unbuttoning your pants at the end of the day haha. I appreciate your channel so much.

[@Tellyawhat4]

I guess we all have a lifetime's worth of work to do to figure out and tackle our demon-infested baggage. Doesn't look like an easy fix nor a seamless process, but for those who take it on, the rewards are no doubt worth it....this on top of all the external BS dealt to us on a daily basis. Much gratitude for your brilliant wisdom and impeccable insight.

[@CallMe_Kay1990]

Thanks for giving examples of verbage to use when opening up honest dialogue. That's very helpful to me. This entire video is gold.

[@The1998Deck]

I think i've done this without knowing. Years ago I realize I had a sense of anger around spoiled kids and people who I found vain or 'selfish'. I came to understand that I was being a big ass 'hater' because I felt chronically 'unspoiled' as a kid and I felt unable to put myself first (as I was raised by Narcs one of whom semi-parentified me). I'm curious to find out what other things I need to work on.

[@Heyu7her3]

Idc I still don't like spoiled, entitled people. Like no, I'm not your parent, go do that over there.

[@manasikashyap]

💛💛💛

[@mmmluvie]

Every day this year is a day to learn how much of myself I've repressed. Thank you for helping us to understand ourselves better.

[@AlbertStimson]

Your videos just keep getting better and better when they already were my favorite thing. I'm making SO many connections to my life with every single one I watch.

[@carlataylor9924]

Thank you. Ive been on an emotional healing journey for so many years and its slow work but worth it. Sometimes i dont even realize im doing shadow work until i look back in hindsight. There have been many teachers on this journey and i love a quote that says something about "when the student is ready to learn, the teacher will appear" i feel like this has happened at various stages of my healing and im so grateful for all of them. This is also what brought me to your channel. This topic hit a good and ugly place within me at a time when i was finally able to acknowledge that its time i accept the ugly parts of who i have been in the past, acknowledge they are a part of me whether i like them or detest them and accept that i hold both the ugly and beauitful within and its my choice from this point forward to contnue to choose the beauty and stop pretending like the ugly never even existed. Andntontrust myself to stop lying to myself about who i am and what im capable of. You really helped me find the humanity within me that ive been rejecting.

[@robezoner]

Who is this lady? Where has she been my whole life?! I’ve been binge watching her channel and this content is GOLD!!!

[@romafreespace]

I just had a day of total confusion and realized I need to focus on my shadow work, the next day Heidi is posting this lol Thank you Heidi 👌

[@marktarmah]

I've wasted a lot money on a relationship counsellor and all I needed to do was watch this one video. Thank you so much

[@jessm100]

I really cant thank you for all of your awesome content, I have watched many of your videos and you really help me feel seen! I can be so analytical but my anxious attachment style still trips me up. I grateful that you are willing to help us untangle these things, and help illuminate our strategies. Thanks again Heidi

[@globalgirl33]

It is astonishing how many broken people there is!... Very good work. Thank you

[@lironkoren1266]

Wow, there’s so much packed in here, I actually paused and replayed a bits of this video repeatedly to better absorb what was being said. It does leave me wondering how to do this kind of work step by step. A journaling challenge with you would be great.

[@SailorGreenTea]

What you are saying is a whole new level of what I need to know.

[@amyli092]

My life coach and good friend has talked about shadow work with me, and yet, putting it into practice has been going at what feels like a slow pace sometimes; this video basically confirms to me that I'm on a good path right now. The first time I saw your videos on my home page, I was intrigued- especially the ones that talk about limerence. Thank you for making this very helpful and practical video, Heidi!

[@R1chbloke12]

The Dark Night of the Soul post is a great complement to this video. On a more esoteric note, soon after a life-transforming mountaineering "accident", a very early stage in Shadow work, I visited a woman who had a way of "seeing" people, lets say. I can recall a moment, right now, where she looked into me, and said, "...there's no going back." How right she was!

[@harleygirldawn]

Hi Heidi. Just found your video in my feed and the title caught my attention. Highly valuable information that you are sharing here!! What a great gift you are providing to the collective that want to self improve. Thank you so much ❤

[@lilyghassemzadeh]

You are very meticulous and vigilant about what happens in your psyche. I am the same. However, it often occurs to me that other people are living their lives in a much more carefree and easy way and at the same time seem happier than me. Then I think what's wrong with me?!!

[@imParisthoee]

I wonder that as well. Knowledge is both power and the source of discontentment. Knowing better should mean we do better, but often times do we really? Or does the heightened self awareness cause more distress as we recognize our inability to improve? Maybe ignorance is really bliss?

[@suzannelee854]

I learned in Scientology how to take responsibility for my "overts" and "withholds" (sins that are repressed which cause triggers), but then of course it won't work unless you actually apply the steps, i.e. by recalling the exact Time, Place, Form and Event, which allows it to release into your conscious awareness so it will no longer affect you. Also you need to recall any earlier similar overts and withholds until you get to the basic on the chain to resolve the issue.

[@amorphousexuberance7136]

In reference to attracting people that represent our shadow: exactly why people pleasers are attracted to people with a lot of narcissistic traits.. he was so free while ALSO helping most everyone in his path. But not at all afraid or upset about angering or bothering other people by being loud or holding up a line etc. I’m realizing more and more just how much I still need to befriend and accept my anger and boundaries.. cuz I have a lot of em

[@amorphousexuberance7136]

I want to be so free that I allow people to hate me if they want to because I trust myself. I still police myself the way my mom would. My anger needs to be VERY justified but even still I could’ve and should’ve been “sweet” id come to her all proud of a boundary I set with someone hurting me and she’d defend them and say “just be sweet, they’re hurting” when I didn’t feel like the way I set a boundary was mean at all. I could afford, karmically, or whatever, to be aggressive when I need to, even if I could’ve tried to be more gentle. That’s what gets women killed ya know. I want to be more independent. I do have a learned helplessness, too. Okay I’m rambling but god I love you. Your content, cadence, data is so… smooth to digest. I’m smart and really open to this work and love learning about psychology but a lot of creators are either too expressive, too monotone, too convoluted… idk I’m just watching your content every day and not feeling burnt out like the others have made me feel. Thank you thank you thank you

[@kolipoli4952]

Watching each of these videos allows me a period of self reflection which provides profound knowledge and depth

[@wohdinhel]

As helpful as shadow work *can* be, it’s also extremely important to NOT let it become about “embracing toxic behaviors that you have repressed”. I had a friend and roommate who was OBSESSED with the idea of “shadow work” being the cure to all their (many) mental health issues, but the more it went on, the more they just became toxic and abusive. Now I know that a lot of their “repressed” parts of their psyche were in large part due to past traumas, and they were pretty clear about not wanting to become like their abusers, but I just saw it happen more and more, with gaslighting, extreme argumentation that often felt like a court cross-examination where their only goal was to come out on top, emotionally hostile behavior and even verbal abuse and threats of physical violence. It unfortunately ruined our friendship. Of course I could have handled the situation better than I did, but I really tried to be as empathetic and understanding as possible even in the face of blatant abuse, much of which they knew was very triggering for me as a fellow victim of emotional abuse as a child. I also realize now how much they were blaming my trigger reactions toward their abuse on me and using it as an excuse for FURTHER hostility, when most of the time it just made me shut down (sometimes literally in the form of deep and severe episodes of dissociation bordering on seizure). Honestly though I was just blindsided by a lot of this because I didn’t really know what was going on at the time, mainly due to my own mental health crises (which are now being addressed in therapy). I feel like I became their scapegoat for a lot of their negative emotional energy, and it really destroyed our friendship. I have no idea where their “shadow work” has taken them now, but I think it’s important to not take it too far, and to always be acutely aware that the goal is NOT to “embrace” every impulse you have, but to understand what type of person you WANT to be and work toward becoming that.

[@RaZziaN1]

that's not shadow work, uf u embrace it u doing it the other way..

[@safeeffective385]

The person was likely establishing boundaries with you maybe even for the first time, and you interpreted that as ""toxic and abusive". Typical stuff for when one person in a relationship is growing spiritually, the other one is not. PS - You sound very angry there! Maybe try doing some "shadow work" of your own?

[@ChristelDavies]

I think that’s why she emphasizes working with a professional to navigate the process.

[@wohdinhel]

@@safeeffective385 yeah no lol

[@safeeffective385]

@@ChristelDavies Of course, everyone in the mental health field (especially those with PHD's in Psych) are going to "emphasize working with a pro"! They'll all say that you "need" to attend 20-50 sessions at $300-$500 an hour. 🤑 🤤

[@jeansaulnier2773]

You are absolutely amazing! I discovered your videos today and I feel I'm already so much smarter than when I got up this morning. Thank you for putting so much of your personal experience, sensitivity and intelligence into these videos. You bring so much clarity into extremely delicate subjects, while avoiding oversimplification.

[@mrstoner2udude799]

Heidi, great video. Can't wait to watch the other 4. I'm recovering from a limerence issue, and you have helped a lot. Its been a real growth experience. I was hoping my target would accept me so the parts of me I was suppressing would be placated. But now I know better and have a plan to express my suppressed part. Thanks!

[@DeezyRYG]

Incredible video. Per usual. I strongly look forward to the rest of these that you will drop throughout the week.

[@luketimewalker]

"But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. " Samwise Gamgee, the Lord of the Rings "Search in your own shadow, for only there you will find the hidden parts of you, either sabotaging you or waiting to shine" Heidi Arwen Priebe! I had started to watch your "Anxious/Avoidant Relationships: Why They Only Heal Through Shadow Work" and you prompted us to watch this video first. It took me almost 2 hours to watch, as I rewind any time anything is not crystal clear to me, and also, I meditated like never before with a video, wioth a long pause, loooking inwards, both into my far past, and the recent past, and how I envision moving forward with the Dismissive avoidant woman because or thanks to whom I am discovering all of this, and with myself. Also I want to add that somewhere between raw PTSD and coping strategies, there is also a chance for death by a thousand cuts. Fantastic video and what a stuning elvish human you are, both in comeliness and in insight! Cheers from France & cogratulations on your shadow work and your endeavor to pass the torch

[@tomatoeggs48]

- self-sabotage behaviors - unhealthy ppl that you keep attracting. You either hate with a passion or feel out of your mind attracted for ppl who have that quality that you repress. - anytime you feel morally righteous about something When we repress something (a trait, a need) in ourselves, we are quick to notice it in other people.

[@adibaORblarr]

thank you so much for the content! had to pause an insane amount of time to write down my "emotional reactions" to some phrases you were saying. the whole video was very well said too :)

[@musiklyfe7683]

It never fails, every time I listen to one of your videos, A major sense of gratitude for fun and your videos months back washes over me. If I ever got the chance to meet you, I would want to give you the biggest hug for how much you've helped me overcome. Thank you for your videos. Please keep them coming.

[@je9417]

The content of your videos is unique and quite deep, thank you! I might be the only one, but I find it a bit difficult to listen to the long-form, conversational style of your content without time marking or some visual text to remember your core points you have made after the fact. I think it would help people engage more with what you have to say and help people for whom these skills are difficult to process due to the complexity/novelty of the topics.

[@sandragoss1942]

I also have trouble absorbing so much at once. Sometimes I save the video and watch it again. Sometimes I stop the video and take by hand. The transcript often seems incoherent to. So none of these seem to be the perfect solution. It would be nice if someone could think of something, for those of us who need more time to process the video. The information is so valuable to me right now - life changing!!! - I don't want to miss anything!

[@cindy8487]

Heidi, I hope you know how much you're helping us with these vidoes! Thank you!

[@rosierollin]

wow! Thank you so much! I'm so happy to have found you, just in time! Currently in my healing journey and documented it, so emotional and scary so thank you again! Many blessings to you and anyone watching you!

[@daisy.g1979]

I have watched many shadow work/attachment style/psychology related videos but your knowledge and understanding are hands down the best and make senses A LOT. Fair to all party and so on point. Helps me to have better and clearer understanding of both myself and others but more for myself. Thank you ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@LOLEliSays]

Ms. Priebe you are truly incredible. I’d be honored and delighted to get to meet you someday. Your work is truly incredible and you are proving a wealth of knowledge and information. You are transforming my whole life. Thank you so much for your dedication and work. Liz

[@peterhewitson2669]

Thank you Heidi, another great vlog. I am just starting work on cptsd, and thus, on my shadow, with a therapist because of repeated self sabotage with an anxious attachment style in my relationships. It's probably going to be a long road, but better late than never 😊 Your channel helps me a lot, keep up the great work ❤

[@cherylpa527]

Beautifully said. I started doing "The Work" by Byron Katie about 4 years ago and that has been so transformative. It helped me heal and over come immense trauma, to make it so much less painful to think of. You're doing amazing work Heidi ❤

[@R1chbloke12]

Thoroughly enjoyable summary, and reminder. I've been in analysis for over 5 years, with a therapist/guide with a rich background in transpersonal psychologies, including Carl Jung’s approach to the Psyche. 100% with you on Jung’s infamous statement on how the Shadow, in all its facets, plays out and seeks to be "in the limelight."

[@JessicaFrameMusic]

I am so glad I found your channel. It remains to be seen if I can actually do this work, but I want to be my best self. I hope I can do it.

[@Dukiees]

I love youtube for allowing this kind of amazing knowledge to be shared with everyone. Thank You Soo Much For This Lovely Content Heidi!

[@dameanvil]

00:00 🌌 Shadow work involves addressing repressed aspects of ourselves, originating from Carl Jung's work, which aims at integrating unconscious parts of our psyche into conscious awareness. 04:51 🔄 Integrating both positive and negative traits from our shadow selves is crucial for personal growth, regardless of societal judgments of those traits. 07:22 🧭 Unaddressed shadow aspects can interfere with our intuition, leading us to make choices that don't align with our true desires or needs. 12:00 🚧 Self-sabotage behaviors often indicate unacknowledged aspects of our shadow selves seeking attention and integration. 13:50 🔄 Repeated patterns of attracting unhealthy relationships may stem from unacknowledged traits in our shadow selves, leading to either attraction or repulsion towards similar traits in others. 15:00 🛡 Feeling morally righteous about certain behaviors can signal areas where our shadow selves are at play, urging us to explore and integrate those aspects with humility and honesty. 18:42 💡 Being honest about our intentions and needs in relationships can lead to healthier interactions. 19:26 🔄 Practicing vulnerability can lead to more honest and reciprocal relationships. 20:50 💬 Honest interactions involve acknowledging both our desire to help and any negative emotions we may have towards others. 21:45 🌑 Shadow work becomes more important in challenging relationships where more aspects are hidden. 23:23 🤯 Differentiate between trauma triggers and emotional reactions stemming from the shadow self. 26:57 🔍 Disdain or admiration towards others can indicate aspects of our shadow self. 28:33 🛠 Many self-improvement practices, like inner child work and dealing with triggers, involve shadow work.

[@tarafaulkner]

I love how you use yourself and your life so honest and openly to teach others. Thats the best ive found that works but most people have a hard time coming across the way you do. Good luck and keep up the good work.❤❤

[@lgroves336]

Thanks for your service in helping people HEAL

[@davebenadum3304]

Thank you Heidi! I've just learned about "the dark soul" which i've been dealing with for years. I've been working 'backwards' from learning about this topic and found you. No wonder i've been getting so anxious and overwhelmed. As of now the SHADOW WORK begins!!! Thank you again ❤

[@Blynn_]

Wow! I don’t comment on KZbin, but your delivery was on point. Can’t wait to watch the other videos.

[@maddyG7414]

Thank you for distinguishing that there are different types of triggers. The ones that impact your nervous system and send you into fight or flight, where the world almost goes fuzzy around you, are much harder to respond well to. I’m still working on those, but I have had reactions I’m not proud of, and I felt like a complete failure for getting so distraught over certain things.

[@jaxselvig537]

I am so happy that I have a week of videos to look forward from you. I was getting angsty waiting for a new video and bam, now we get multiple. Your videos are one of the few things I look forward to.

[@jacksonanderson2926]

This channel is so great. I’m at odds with someone I love, I’m so glad I found this in time.

[@MedicCop]

Brilliant! “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate”. - (Carl Jung)

[@Bwahzehdezooner]

Heidi, it's clear that you have done this work on yourself, and it's wonderful that you also understand the "positive shadow", the things that we admire in other people and often think are unattainable for ourselves. We can be and do so much more than we know!

[@_ClearConscious]

“No man is invincible, and therefore no man can fully understand that which would make him invincible” - Miyamoto Musashi ❤

[@jeromeporter9613]

Thank you for providing this information. I've been trying to start a path of shadow work because I feel like there are emotions and other parts of me that I've cut off. Not being able to connect with them is hindering my authentic self.

[@Jiggidywig]

As a master debater of nearly 40 years… I’ve shed light on so many past failed yeeets!!! I’ve improved aim in doing so!

[@oliverrojas3185]

Thanks, you have a lot of good videos. Unfortnately when faced with my inadequacies, I am enraged as I listen to Do you Lack Follow Thru. Due in part to it, I was anxious about clicking on, Shadow Work: What It Is & When To Do It I am not at a place where I know how to work thru my shame so now I watch only a small portion of it rather than try to get thru the whole video intermittently yelling profanties. As you have noted, it's wise to have a support network. Right now, I don't have one. I also have conflicting goals, which are to pay bills and get out of my currently living and work environment. If i find myself getting triggered by this new series of video topics, I may drop off and continue exculusively watching past videos until I'm more emotionally resilient or seek outside support.

[@sqwerty0829]

Shadow work is so often made out to a kind of metaphysical thing but I like how to break it down into a more rational and phycological perspective.

[@emmaberger3748]

You’re going to be life-changing for me!!!! 16:20 in and almost everything you’ve given as an example of shadows coming up is my experience and things I know I don’t cope with well - lack of perceived fairness, moral righteousness, narcissism (somewhat)

[@jmfs3497]

I just started EMDR and I wish I would have started it, as well as read Jung, much earlier in life. I feel like I have so much trauma to process, and I "didn't have the tools" to do so as a child. My parents didn't address their own trauma, and couldn't really be there for me at any point in life, so I just learned to suppress it, instead of deal with it. Now I understand the dark stuff is where I will find wholeness. I don't want to live this life taking things so personally from people who don't do the work to be healthy. That is the tough part for me. People just going around ishing on everything and everyone around them, and I want to leave them be, instead of caring about them. When you work hard to create good things, a lot of unhealthy people show up on your door step either to stop you, take it over with great entitlement, or criticize that it isn't good enough. Never understood that mind set, but I kept trying, and now I don't want to try to understand it anymore so that I can ignore the haters.

[@InnerWorkGuideShobhali]

So true! True Attachment Healing is not really about what style you or the other person has, but rather about sensing into where the connection, or secure attachment, is wounded, and then doing the work there. I totally resonate with so much talk about "shadow" work these days - any work that lets you see below the layers you're aware of is shadow work! Any work that enables you to acknowledge the parts within that have been shunned or kept hidden (in the "dark"), and guides you to see them & accept them, is shadow work, in my opinion!

[@EnglishwithAlan]

wow. best intro I've seen to this work and summary of so much that's involved with it. also, tremendous presentation style. clear, direct, great examples, and completely free of one of my pet peeves -- loads of uh's and um's. thank you. I'll be watching the next one for sure.

[@richardelsner1223]

Thank you Heidi, I appreciate what you’re about. The knowledge you’ve leaned, the wisdom you’ve experienced and the massage you’ve spread is inspiring!

[@LauraHernandezUCL]

I swear Heidi drops whatever video I need just when I need it