NEUROTICISM: Understanding Our Attempts To SELF-REGULATE Around Unconscious Pain

Videos Referenced:
• Emotional Neglect: Hea...
• Toxic Shame: How It Le...
• Emotional Self-Contain...

[@Walls2008]

This video is someone sitting down in front of me and describing me to myself in a calm and measured tone. It is quite the experience.

[@jameswilkerson4412]

I mean, yeah, but I would have *liked* that before, say, 25 (I’m in my mid-40s)

[@ItstheGodinme_]

Ikr 🥹. Thanks Heidi 🙏🏾

[@MasterNinjaXz]

Same

[@jovanalipovac5968]

Same

[@KDLettFoto]

Haha! Thank you for sharing. I found Heidi just about this time last year, and nearly threw my phone out of the car window at one point while listening to Heidi. I absolutely adore & respect her, always have, but for a moment I was going down in a spiral and thought, "How can she be so heartless!"

[@juan_castellanos19]

"A neurosis is a secret you do not know you are keeping" - Kenneth Tynan Wow I love that!

[@heathercarter7987]

Excellent

[@SuLawn]

Wow!!!

[@CibitiPro]

Kenneth Tynan’s quote encapsulates a deep truth about human psychology. Neurosis, in its essence, often involves the repression of unresolved emotional conflicts. We carry these hidden burdens, unaware of their impact on our mental state and behaviors. By bringing these secrets to light, we begin the process of healing and self-understanding. It’s a reminder that our minds hold complexities that need compassion and introspection to untangle. Truly appreciating such insights can lead to profound personal growth.

[@HomeFromFarAway]

one of The major problems with "identifying the feeling" is the assumption that we have the vocabulary for all human feelings. People on the autistic spectrum especially have trouble with needing accurate words for feelings and finding language lacking, so the feelings are then impossible to identify and process

[@eggsbeeped]

48 yr old and i've never known a true connection to anyone. The only thing i've ever been good at is keeping people away from me. Counseling is finally showing me alot of this and your videos are helping alot. Keep doing what you're doing! You are a treasure to so many of us. Thanks

[@karupt422]

I am quite the same. 35 and never had a real friend. If you dont mind me asking, what was it that was holding you back?

[@jordybpeterson9046]

50. Same.

[@IsabelleNaessens_BE]

You’re not alone. Just turned 49 and feel the same.

[@AmirBasri-y6j]

You’ll find your tribe buddy the best is ahead

[@bingflosby]

@@AmirBasri-y6jI’m 45 years old and finding my tribe is my goal but first to figure out how to find my tribe lol

[@tinanikolova]

“If your idea for human intimacy is one where people leave each other alone most of the time and any time they’re asking questions or trying to get closer to the core of you, it’s because you’re in trouble… your only model for being seen is when you’re being criticized.” FUUUUUCCCKKKKKK! I had never considered this, never seen that as a possibility. I’m gonna need to sit with this one for a while. Thank you, Heidi!

[@ypanso]

actually that's how most people today at least interact, from what i see, it is preety normal...

[@BenG-vf7et]

My girlfriend sees this in me and she asks me why I either conform or defend myself when she’s just trying to get to know me. I never put the pieces together.

[@MoonPeachesASMR]

38:40 Let us all take a moment and give thanks to Heidi’s neuroses and coping mechanisms which led her to making these videos for us 🙏

[@sophibrumby9542]

Very much appreciated Heidi, you have a rare talent of clear insight + ability to cut through the shame + a method to explain in such a way that imparts a whole multitude of ‘lightening flash’ moments.

[@carneades4409]

such powerful neuroses that they don't just cure her but us as well 👏

[@viviannguyen6165]

agreed

[@sharonhepburn7003]

Thank you HB.🙏

[@openinnovators]

Four reasons why Heidi's videos are truly remarkable: 1) Shared with love, care and often through personal experience... It feels as though Heidi's primary purpose in being here is to share what she knows so that others can grow (as opposed to others who are primarily here to sell product or show themselves off to get clients / speaking engagements) 2) Shared with both explanations of diagnosis together with invitation to action... She ensures that she blends ways to identify issues, together with ways to address, grow and move forward 3) Outstandingly clear.... always delivered with a blend of science in clear language supported by anecdotes, self-references and delivered with great care ... as if she truly wants each of us to be able to internalize each topic that she researches, experiences and shares 4) Human... kind, understanding and open... helping to return us to ourselves THANK YOU!!!

[@cyborg1275]

Yep.

[@sharonhepburn7003]

Well put. I agree

[@CibitiPro]

Your breakdown of what makes Heidi's videos remarkable is spot on. The blend of personal experience with professional insight creates a unique, compassionate approach that truly resonates. It’s the combination of clear, accessible information and genuine empathy that sets her apart. This human touch, coupled with actionable advice, makes the content not just informative but transformative. It’s evident that her primary goal is to foster growth and healing in her audience, and that authenticity is incredibly powerful.

[@hsnwfl7766]

Yes! I agree, no alterior motives. Truly helps people. She is honest and fabulous.

[@ecoconnell]

Couldn’t agree more 😊

[@AaronCreates]

that awkward moment when Heidi's hypothetical examples apply directly to your life lol

[@Politegirl686]

😢😢 I could have wrote this myself 😮

[@don-eb3fj]

​@@Politegirl686universal truth is like that, probably all of us could have written it very similarly. Take it as a good sign that you're not alone or uniquely broken 😊

[@nobodynumberone]

she's so rude* (*accurate)

[@assemblylinefrequency-xn6jr]

HEIDI FOR THE WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@movewithmike]

She has this uncanny ability to accurately describe my life. There is something magical about her.

[@mathfitzz]

I’ve been operating under the assumption that I have to find closure in feelings, or else they will fester and take over. Now I see that sitting with feelings (actually listening to them) can prevent things from festering. The difference is sitting with the actual feelings, and not your judgments and thoughts about your feelings. Wow!

[@Oyinscorner]

Please could you explain what you mean by sitting with the feeling?

[@rachelmel]

​@Oyinscorner she describes it in the video at length.

[@CibitiPro]

This realization about closure and sitting with feelings is transformative. Often, we chase closure as a way to escape discomfort, but true healing involves facing our emotions directly. By sitting with our feelings without judgment, we allow them to surface and process naturally. This practice fosters deeper self-awareness and emotional resilience. It's about understanding that our emotions are valid, and by giving them space, we can prevent them from festering and regain a sense of inner peace.

[@swathi5773]

Neuroticism(mental and emotional pain) - lives in body, registered by emotional system. Fear of life with undeveloped skills to cope with life.-substitute to suffering legitimately. Developmental Blind spot around what is required based on inner state with respect to what is going on around outer environment. Addiction Perfectionism Ruminating thoughts Compulsive behaviour Rigid pattern of Thinking and behaving Limerence thought pattern Obsession unconscious - defense mechanism avoided working through the problem. Repression Projecting Numbing out Doing compulsive activity Super busy/obsession/problem didn’t make it to conscious mind Unconsciously avoiding situation that might trigger an awareness of the problem Misplacing the emotion to other people or object around that problem Alignment to reality- understand pain and develop ability to associate correctly. Where emotion is coming from? How we want to deal with emotion? Developmental psychology: Why body feels off and we don’t understand it as normal response to situations. Deeply seen loved and supported might feel like neglect as child we were neglected but never told that was neglect rather as normal. Lack of emotional literacy. Shame bound. Incomplete information leading to wrong conclusion. Emotional and psychological pain and we don’t know why- keep doing something that might help 70% as not doing it will give 100% pain. Instead deal with underlying emotional disregulation and connect to situation that’s causing and deal with it directly. Repressed parts related to neurosis. Neurosis gives important information to heal, integrate repressed parts. Need for deep connection with people could be the need. Neurosis is messengers from exiled selves. Sit with ambiguous and uncertain feeling. 1. Notice feelings and work back to thoughts. Underlying emotion behind the thought. 2. Story behind the feeling. Consciously telling myself this is what I feel and I don’t know why. 3. Putting on hold the story making process till I complete next step. 4. Get familiar with feeling the feeling in body. What is the raw sensation of the feeling. 5. Be present with whatever comes up and be open to be surprised. Get to know the feeling without acting on them. 6. Get comfortable with uncertain emotions and messy life until I can attach them more correctly. This helps to learn authentic selves in wholistic ways to understand quirks, traits etc. meaningful pain is the opposite of neurosis.

[@drswetaruparel]

Thanks!

[@don-eb3fj]

"neuroses (are) messengers from exiled selves." Oh yeah they are! Perfectly put, and this checklist is a great reminder, thanks so much.

[@aks5614]

Thanks so much!!! I listened to this whilst driving and was trying to recall everything especially her recommended steps. 🙂

[@ericm6415]

Nice Summary

[@ashasaffronn133]

Thanks for the summary

[@catalystcomet]

I'm only about 25 minutes in, but I want to add that not only can we be treated in unhealthy ways and not notice it, we can definitely treat others in unhealthy ways. On my self-healing journey it has been painful to come to terms with my childhood abuse, and it made me begin to feel that any failings in relationships in my life were the results of me picking unhealthy partners as a result of that abuse. It's very, very hard to really accept how much I've contributed, and in some cases been completely in the wrong. It can be excruciating, but when we notice that we can contribute in highly significant ways to the dysfunction in our relationships, it can prove to be a critical piece to the puzzle. The trick for me is constantly reassuring myself that my unhealthy traits are not proof of the cruel things that were said to me being justified, they are the result of them.

[@CibitiPro]

Your insight into the dual role of unhealthy treatment is both enlightening and brave. Recognizing our contributions to relationship dynamics, especially in the context of past abuse, is an excruciating yet crucial part of healing. It’s not just about identifying toxic patterns in others but also acknowledging and addressing our own. This self-awareness allows for genuine transformation and healthier connections. Remember, your worth isn't diminished by past wounds; instead, this journey of self-discovery and accountability is a testament to your strength and resilience.

[@Dd94949]

Stan tatkin says we are all pains in the ass up close. Whatever your partner is doing, you're likely doing something to cause it. No angels, no devils. A relationship that's mutually regulating needs to be a team effort in the truest sense of the word.

[@slavianapeeva8216]

This makes me realize that avoidant attachment stems from internalizing that it is “normal” to live life in loneliness (due to emotional neglect) and unconsciously dissociating.

[@cassiablack1094]

She also has another great video on avoidant attachment discussing how it develops by a child learning to analyze an inconsistent parent’s behavior to *avoid* negative outcomes. I found it very helpful personally.

[@user-hx3kd1zn7f]

@@cassiablack1094 link?

[@vemrith]

Inconsistent is fearful avoidant 😉

[@CherylCherbear]

Same here

[@oreokid77]

Sounds like a core wound of the "I am unworthy" variety.

[@jeromegaynor9015]

I really appreciate the consistent effort you put into these concise, articulate, and super helpful lectures, Heidi. The hard work shows - the writing and speaking skill you’ve honed really make these complex & important ideas accessible. Thank you!

[@Babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy]

I hired a therapist a while ago but watching your videos has done infinitely more for me than the therapist ever did

[@elsagrace3893]

Tell me about it. There are so many therapists who think they are doing therapy just by sitting there “listening” while we gab nonstop. They are probably glancing at their watch and giggling that they get paid for it. It’s so bad. Such a waste of time.

[@liadanlei]

Patrick Teahan (another KZbinr who is a therapist who talks about this stuff) has great insights about good/bad therapists for doing childhood trauma work!

[@kaylabraun7663]

Yes! I still value my therapist but it's nothing like this..this is all 100% me.

[@vivienlegeisha3425]

“The way to solve the problem, is not to be less needy, yet to figure out what vitamins are you deficit in.” Words of gold……….. Thanks Heidi!!!

[@IanuaDiaboli]

I wish I could hug all the people feeling rage and despair while watching this video. I love you. We will do better.

[@moonriversou]

13:00 When you're in a state of distress and your body reacts, it is right. Especially, if you find yourself reacting to a situation in a way that's a bit blown out of proportion for the problem, it is still reacting right because based on the circumstance you were raised and whether you were taught certain skills or not, your body is responding to the situation the way it knows. So in cases where you're hyperfixated on why you're reacting so adversely, you need to think of why deep down and not just look at it and try figure it out surface level.

[@CibitiPro]

Understanding that our body's reactions, even when seemingly disproportionate, are valid based on our life experiences is a significant insight. It highlights the importance of exploring the deeper reasons behind our responses rather than just addressing surface-level symptoms. By acknowledging and understanding these underlying causes, we can start to heal and respond more adaptively. This approach fosters greater self-compassion and awareness, allowing us to navigate our emotional landscapes with more clarity and intention.

[@AnushaP123]

True

[@RetentionLedGrowth]

Healing from neurosis involves: - Noticing and identifying feelings: Without attaching them to a story. - Recognizing neurotic feelings: Understanding they might be misplaced but valid. - Allowing ambiguity: Resisting the urge to immediately understand or resolve feelings. - Being present with emotions: Understanding their raw sensations in the body. - Living with open questions: Allowing feelings to exist without immediate solutions, leading to deeper self-understanding over time.

[@ArpitaPanda-gm8fl]

Thank you Heidi Priebe so much for every single video of yours. I really write this from the bottom of the heart. I do not come from Psychology background. Recent events in my life led me to randomly scrolling You-tube and I saw a video with title "Shadow Work " by you and I was curious. I've watched several of your videos on multiple topics and its like I'm developing skills to put the pieces of a huge jigsaw puzzle - 'My life' together with a self-awareness journey.💝 I'm slowly able to make sense of my being with also reading books suggested by you.

[@soul.searcher333]

​@@CibitiProase ! This response >>

[@julietteferrars3097]

I’ve felt weird all day and don’t know how to soothe myself. I grew up suppressing my feelings and now I’m finally learning how to dig them up and identify them, but it’s hard. Having you as a resource for support has taught me so much and helped me to make actual progress. Thank you. 💜

[@chrt9411]

You are not alone. Hope all of us can apply what we learn.

[@TheRiveners]

Heidi you are an absolute legend.

[@marcus716]

You too Solvam

[@Jam-m7m]

Heidi. This is deep and needed. This series should give us different angles to view our past trauma from. This gives us tools to “see”what needs to be “healed” “Looked at” and “journaled” “Shadow Work” for unlimited healing 😎.

[@MissBluebirddays]

Such a blessing to have found this channel. Heidi is incredible at explaining complex theories in an easier way to understand.

[@joanfolds476]

"We internalize something normal when it's not (e.g., emotional neglect). We internalize something abnormal when it's not (e.g., a distressed parent who says they're fine)."

[@anzelaiv]

This is so accurate, as usual. Logically, I know I'm isolated and lonely, but I experience it as peace, safety, and relaxing solitude. There is no desire to change it because there's no emotion in my awareness that could push me to do so.

[@karencrawford7077]

My experience EXACTLY

[@SaritaMoment]

So relatable, thanks for commenting this… but in my humble opinion, we’re not compelled to break out of our isolation precisely bc we’ve normalized it, it feels most safe... We’ve learned to shelter ourselves in our “comfort zones” (avoidance zones) it’s like “cutting off our nose to spite our face” or something like that..😅

[@aielianna]

so real, the other day this feeling of calm and peace washed over me as I realized I might forever struggle with finding deep connections. I don’t know if that’s good or bad but I’d rather feel this way rather than constantly feeling inadequate

[@theasianwitch]

I definitely relate to this...I grew up in an emotionally neglectful/abusive environment, and internalized some unhealthy patterns. I'm now in my 30s just now learning how to socialize with people after decades of surface-level relating. It's scary to be truly intimate with people but I'm slowly reaching out to others who seem safe and are also healing. It's so self-hurtful that we call ourselves crazy, and this is also encouraged by our stigmatizing society. Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing your own journey as well.

[@_bluephoenix_]

I react "neurotically" whenever i am criticised/judged. Whether its positive, constructive or negative... all my nervous system feels/registers is "you screwed up" and i flush red and want to cry and hide... sometimes, if i feel confident in the opinion being completely wrong i will become angry and want to justify my position/logic. Whilst i know fundamentally that i am worthy, and its not usually about my character as a whole but just an action/opinion - my body still sees the "confrontation" as a threat. My hardest hurdle to overcome.

[@martinawilson9850]

This is me. This is so me.

[@aselyne5631]

This was my bf we broke up

[@nyssalynn5216]

Oh thank goodness, I am so HERE for this series. You're such a big help, Heidi. You've a wonderful gift for conveying this stuff in way my brain gets it.

[@nyssalynn5216]

Wow I keep being hit like a train with how spot on you are (not knowing how to show intimacy bc people just kept to themselves other than fighting, only being shown attention when it was negative bleeding into how I relate to others). Please know all your hard work IS helping others. It's helped me A TON.

[@jessicagarrison3337]

That prohibition on asking "why am I feeling this way?" was a revelation to me recently. I had realized that the "stories I tell myself" to explain my feelings to myself were not always accurate or even if they were, explaining people's actions to myself does not give them permission to treat me that way. Also the stories I tell myself attributed intentions to the actions and words of the people around me sometimes in ways that they had never intended. The fictional stories I told myself were not something that made me understanding and compassionate and able to forgive where people had trod on my boundaries. The stories I told myself kept me safely disconnected from the people I would want to be close to. (Heidi, your videos are more practical and valuable than any therapy I have ever received. I am so very grateful to you!) The thing is, now that I am trying not to apply assumed meaning to the actions and words of others (usually my husband), I am left only with being aware that he triggers very strong emotions in me. They are uncomfortable. Here's what he does. He doubts my words and only believes anything heard from my voice if he sees corroborating proof. I try to let that lay as his issue, but I feel insulted, frustrated, thwarted in my communication, and completely untrusted and unseen. At worst, I feel vilified if he has to make me be wrong for him to be "right." And frequently when he tells me I am wrong, he says it with scorn or disdain. I am resisting telling myself this story: It is like if he gets something wrong, he feels I am calling him stupid. (Am I??) So he projects the perceived scorn from me, back at me. That is the story I am telling myself. These interactions are almost as frequent as every one I have with him. We barely interact, except when logistically needed. But anyway, reduced to just my feelings in those moments, without the stories to soften the verbal/emotional blow and explain his behavior away, I am noticing my feelings more often. In some ways, I feel more integrated. (Ex: I noticed when I write with a pen, my wrist doesn't hurt from pressing so hard I curl the notebook pages!) But I also find it harder to allow his chronic expression of mistrust and scorn to keep happenning. I suspect my husband has cPTSD too (I do). Abandonment issues. He is a Fight/flight type. I am a flight/freeze. We almost never are able to have reparations. We just end up feeling flayed alive and bitter. We can't get past "When you said...[I felt...is cut off]," because he reconstructs the events in his mind to make it that in the fight he was the calm and rational one. But he accuses me of doing the misremembering of events. We cannot reconcile when the events are recognizable. I am left feeling like, why bother to try for reparations? And when we communicate, it is usually in a pressure cooker moment of trying to get out the door. I will not try to address an insult I felt in that moment. And there is no recourse later. I feel what I feel. It gets harder to just stuff it! I am really looking forward to your next video! I'm not there yet, but healing feels wonderful! (mostly, heh.)

[@patriciacole8773]

I’m 63. I have valuable insights to share. My contribution is interesting and even fun. It’s not too late and I’m eternally grateful for that. I too thank Heidi for explaining it so the missing puzzle piece completes my picture. I always kinda liked the saying you do you boo. Now I understand my job is to take care of my own emotional world first. Letting others really see the healthy stable side of me in hopes they too can be grateful it’s not too late.

[@Eduardado]

I want to share something that happened through my 4 years of therapy. I didn't know why I needed so much time playing videogames and falling behind in life. I stopped playing them and A LOT of suffering came, which I tackled through therapy. It was horrible, but after facing them through a lot of work, my life improved a lot. Now, I know when I want to play videogames, I want to escape my life and something is going wrong that I need to face.

[@ichigossbm4636]

You're helping me so much more than you'll ever know. Our problems seem so similar. You're helping me see how afraid I am of giving someone power through love. And how long I've been masking my real emotions. Thank you so much for being so good at what you're doing.

[@larrychoiceman]

Again, Heidi bringing in EXACTLY the stuff I've been reading on my own. Couple of years ago, deep diving into Attachment Theory, and there she was with the attachment videos. Past couple months, all over Jung and now here we are again, Heidi throwing serious heat with Jung's approach to neuroticism. Thanks, as ever; this was a great vid. The line about what distinguishes a neurotic feeling from simply a feeling being that the object relations in the former case are all jacked up is [chef's kiss].

[@AaronCreates]

she seriously feels like a gift to the world fr. I've also studied these things on my own for so long but her way of bringing them forward on video is absolutely invaluable. I am SO GLAD her channel exists and that she's so kind to share this knowledge with us

[@Unanythang]

This video is more logical and comforting than I expected and I wish I could give it 1,000 likes

[@Unanythang]

I really needed this rn

[@cairosilver2932]

Like the vitamin deficiency is a kind of starvation, there's also emotional starvation. Worst thing IMO is that if you know you're emotionally starved you can build up some capacity to feed yourself - you just need to know you're starved. But you think it's normal. Even though it hurts like starvation does. And that pain, you block it out with dissociation, because there's "nothing wrong and you shouldn't feel that way and tough it out"...and you block it out because you're not used to emotional care of thinking you could care for your emotions, because emotional starvation.

[@daniel-alan]

Greetings from Germany. I've been looking forward to your new video. Here we go.😊

[@elwenfirns3263]

Micro expressions! That's how we unconsciously read other people's negative behaviour, by imitating their micro expressions. Our bodies are so intelligent. I knew I wasn't happy, but didn't realise the subtle cues I was picking up until I started learning about such things. And your info always helps to deepen my understanding Heidi. Thank you.

[@KaylaJo96]

The vitamin analogy is BRILLIANT.

[@jonqualey2204]

I like the hair loss analogy. That helped me understand neurosis.

[@AztecPsyche]

im a fearful avoidant too, also doing research in attachment styles/neurosis! So thankful you are sharing your journey 🤍🤍🤍

[@davidansi1683]

Lately, I'm noticing, in an unusual way, how these traits are reflected even in the impatience and overwhelming feelings I experience when watching a movie or reading a novel. I usually watch or read the end before I begin to make sure I'm not disappointed or heart broken. I quit one novel after reading more than half of it, simply because a colleague told me my favorite character died at the end. I tend to avoid any kind of emotional pain. So I'm practicing being comfortable with not knowing and corporating with the inevitable through literature. Yet to see how that goes.

[@don-eb3fj]

Cherish the ability to feel anything, even for fictional characters, and enjoy getting to know them even if you fear losing them- the alternative of being unable to feel is devastating. I am engaged in a (slow) process of "getting to know" my own exiled parts through "phantasy" visualizations and writing as a means of reconnecting with dissociated emotions and memories through those "proxy" selves, so I know what you mean, only from the opposite side of the glass- I've had some success with it, but it takes time (my subconscious has to generate the archetypes in its own time), and I hope you will take it seriously and give yourself time to be successful with your approach. Phantasy can be good practice and preparation for reality (after all, that's how children learn through play, right?)

[@davidansi1683]

@@don-eb3fj, your words are profound. Thanks

[@More-than-Matter]

My mind can’t comprehend how you are this brilliant. It breaks my brain.

[@thevisualmetaphor]

You’re becoming my number one healthy coping mechanism while learning how to become secure. This is incredible. Your content is so precise and so applicable to my everyday reality. Thank you!

[@joannk5259]

You are helping countless individuals to heal, thank you for this thorough dive in healing. 🙏❤️🙏

[@iroveashe]

I want to mention that the skill of sitting with feelings and sensations and not reacting to them is the core of Vipassana meditation.

[@samanthachildress1091]

I get so triggered when I watch these and realize the depth of mental mind maze I have to navigate just to feel “lovable” and worthy.

[@SpectrumOfChange]

I can relate, its a lot. She's explaining things in great detail, too, so it can seem like a lot to take on. But in reality, the "next step", whatever that step is, is actually quite simple and achievable. If you feel overwhelmed by it, it might be that you're focusing on too many things at one time? Do you know what your next step is right now?

[@ypanso]

once YOU feel that way towards yourself, you dont NEED nobody else to feel it. took me 39 years but it was worth trying

[@Vulture2918]

@@SpectrumOfChangethank u that made a lot of sense

[@SpectrumOfChange]

@@Vulture2918 ✌

[@DesolationHill]

I’ve never been in a serious relationship but I have had limerence for a couple people, I feel like I’m unable to actually be close with anyone, it so easy to send memes on Instagram to my friends but when we’re in person I feel so distant from them. Thanks for this video, it’s really insightful.

[@almightybeanchild]

Holyyyyy. This was eye opening. I feel that whenever a guy is prodding me with questions as him critiquing me.

[@shelleyf7676]

Heidi, I have been in therapy for about 14 years. Your content has joined in partnership with the work I do both with my therapist and the work I do between sessions. I’ve mentioned some of your superpowers before, and today I want to let you know that one of those powers is being a catalyst. Thank you for providing the fuel that facilitates connections in my mind and soul and propels me forward in this hard work of healing. Much love back to you.❤❤❤

[@paulhk2727]

Heidi, I love you, I'm depressed right now but you're one of the main contributors against it and I'm optimistic I'm gonna get out. Yet another great video that blew my mind and will help me. I am so grateful for you, thanks thanks thanks!!! 1) I notice my feeling(s) and name them 42:01 (Prologue at 41:09) 2) I consciously identify it as a neurotic feeling 44:22 3) I deny myself the meaning making process temporarily, until I calm down and have achieved step 4) 45:27 4) I let myself be present with this feeling/emotion and get to know it/get familiar with it (i.e. being present with my body and observing it, drawing a picture of how the emotion feels, etc.) 45:50 5) I am present with whatever comes up and allow myself to be surprised by the experience of it 47:39 (Prologue at 47:19) Edit: Thanks for liking my comment Heidi, it means so much to me although now the like disappeared because I edited my comment for more detailed time stamps 😂😢❤

[@ENSO-wildsound]

I'm watching this now, as I've had the most intense month that I actually took on the fly with some resilience for once, and I'd like to show appreciation as I would not be where I'd currently be emotionally without these videos being part of my consistent self care practice. As a person interested in Jung, attachment theory, shame and CPTSD, and interested in helping myself, and others - these resources are so powerful, so so underrated in the profound shift one can make by making the unconscious conscious. Please tell me you are writing books and course material, Heidi. I've been sharing these vids with everyone, collectively and personally. This is the perfect talking speed. I don't know how this feat was learned, but I see it. Thanks for being such a great role model 😊

[@TRUETOILETTENPAPIER]

i had basically come to this exact conclusion in regards to my binge eating, but this video really helped in understanding its mechanisms further and giving me concrete and actionable next steps towards healing. and it’s nice to know that freud and jung were already writing about this more than a hundred years ago, it somehow makes me feel less alone. Heidi, i don’t think we could ever thank you enough for the work that you do, saying that it’s life changing would be understating its impact and importance. best believe i’m watching every single ad on these videos because it’s the least i could do to repay you.

[@anniephillips830]

I recently discovered your channel, and I love the style of your videos! It feels like getting therapy without going to therapy. Too many psychology videos on youtube just talk about the negative aspects of psychological disfunction, without addressing how to overcome them other than "go see a therapist". Your videos always tie back into the roots of the problem AND offer advice on how to reframe thinking in a way to better adapt to life. Thanks for posting :)

[@amycliser9083]

This is incredible. Like we drive beat up cars until someone gives us the keys to a Maserati. It's a path to, or a functional reason, for practicing mindfulness. Thanks for this incredibly healing information.

[@DR-vf9tr]

Love that you incorporated and distinguished the Jungian definition of neurosis in this video. I have enjoyed a lot of your videos because I feel like you have a very healing disposition on these topics and a holistic perspective.

[@IsabelFlint]

Finding your channel last year was sincerely one of the best things that has ever happened for my mental health. The amount of insight i've gained from these videos combined with your clear and compassionate delivery feels like such a balm for the brain/soul, every time. So often you're articulating things i've been stumbling around for a while but almost surely would have taken me a lot longer (if ever) to clarify in such a comprehensive and accessible way. I just turned twenty-three and for the first time in my life I feel like I have the tools to begin muddling my way towards "legitimate pain" as opposed feeling chronically ill-equipped to rise to the task of engaging in life as deeply as I want to. Really, truly thank you.

[@saramichael3837]

Welcome back Heidi! You were missed! 💕😃

[@Omgcello]

I’d love to hear you talk more about rumination and the need to overshare! Love your videos, they have helped me remember that I will always choose the pain of change and growth.

[@zoejones3931]

I wish I’d found your channel 5 years ago, but now is good too. I don’t have a choice but to change my life at this point, thank you for shining a light where I needed it.

[@JohnDeere-k4j]

Heidi, I am so grateful for everything you’re doing. I went through such a transformation with the guidance of your videos. As an anxiously attached person, the first was to accept my childhood unconditionally for what it was and bring my inner child into the present alongside my inner parent. It has been a healing experience to say the least. I still struggle in everyday life in reminding myself and others of my boundaries and feeling self-love, but at least, I’m here and not dwelling somewhere in the past. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all that you do!!! It is invaluable Also, I named my inner child InCh and inner parent InPa and we’re having the most transformative times figuring out what each of us want 😁

[@ashleyanderson8445]

You have truly changed my life with your videos

[@elisabethannwexler4728]

Wow. Thank you. What you have described here is so filled with insight, depth & details of this complex issue. As I was listening to what you were saying I was nodding in agreement with multiple points, connections & cross references that you were making. Looking at neuroticism through the attachment lens & the reality of unmet childhood needs is brilliant & immensely useful. I don't believe that individuals have weak wills. When our sense of inner strength has been somehow compromised, not yet developed or bullied there is a caving in & a feeling that we cannot hold ourselves up. The truth is that we have not received the support we have needed & we also have not yet found a way to feel the strength that we have the capacity to feel & experience. Saying, thinking or believing that we have a weak will is one more judgement that we can put aside as we come to know ourselves more fully & as we development true strengths that we can rely on.

[@Ryanmuniverse]

Over a month ago I watched most of this video. I got to the part where you said to just identify what emotion you are feeling and where. & now I finally had an epiphany moment of a core issue & Im feeling a lot better about my situation with this new realization. So I came back to this video and you're describing exactly what has happened with me. Ty so much for these videos

[@greghodge7479]

Yeah. I've been reading Self Analysis by Karen Horney and am just now realizing how neurotic I've been my whole adult life. Heidi, once again, your timing and expertise are spot on. I can't imagine my healing and improvement journey without you. Thank you so much!

[@gretchenmeyer9567]

This video is a MASTERPIECE! Thank you for yet another information dense, excellent lesson on what I didn’t know was bothering/ driving me! You explain it so well- what a gift to us all! Thank you for shining your light!❤

[@greenfoo4480]

This particular piece is such a game changer!! What an incredible way of communicating truth to a way I actually understand. This is invaluable!! Thank you !!

[@JosephJMcGuireJr]

Heidi....... YOU HAVE NO IDEA how much you are helping me !!! Thank you girlfran 😃

[@dextercool]

I've been looking for this kind of clear elucidation of neurosis that also references Depth Psychology as well as providing an update for the modern day. One of YT's best psychology channels.

[@oober3690]

Heidi, you are so good at this. It's a gift to hear you make sense of psych issues.

[@irenegian2602]

I know that you might not be specialized on this specific one, but I would be so grateful if you would cover the topic of neurosis and substance abuse. I recently got help from a specialist and I am currently recovering from my 3 year weed addiction. I resonated deeply with many points you made with this video and I would love to hear your take on this. You have my love and appreciation, you're giving us so much to contemplate on 💖

[@AnnSinclair-jh4vj]

Saw this for a second time today, and rediscovered it in a whole new way!! You are simply amazing, Heidi!! ♥️

[@homo-sapiens-dubium]

the fact that shes so passionate about the topics is what makes her videos so valuable. Thanks a lot for doing all of this, take care Heidi!

[@bedailvenerabile]

My God Heidi, you are pure gold! I hope you're getting back what you are putting in the world! ❤️

[@lutheinniphredil]

This video could not be more timely if it were the atomic clock. Thank you so much for your work.

[@natasalazic3417]

Your explanation is so clear. Metaphor you are using with hair- excellent. When you hear it once, almost impossible to forget.

[@Strawberrytartxxxx]

Ahhh, you are brilliant! Your videos are clear and it's like this part of my brain that was never taught these things is completely soaking this up, like "Ah this is the right and healthy way to manage this. Noted" I am so so so grateful I found your videos and will continue to make my way through them. They have come at the perfect time on my journey and I am grateful to be here with you. Thank you Heidi Priebe!!!

[@abdulc5726]

Neuroticism is what keeps victims of narcissists watching videos on the subject over and over and over

[@ziggypip2938]

😂right?!? You are so right!!

[@kittypalkingdom5547]

Nailed it.

[@shannanigens867]

Is it cool if I come sit by you guys? I feel seen here.

[@frankov2000]

I have been a victim of narcissism throughout childhood and then in marriage. I watched many videos on narcissism, but found it really useful and it’s allowed me to open other pandoras boxes. I very highly recommend Meredith Miller and her site Inner Integration. Also her book The Journey which I’ve found indispensable as a practical manual of how to come to terms with and gracefully move through the abuse and let go. This site and knowledgeable practitioner will be one I’ll be recommending highly. Take care of yourself. X

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

That’s ocd

[@theincfiles]

This video feels life changing. I have yet to implement it yet (give me some time!), but it makes me realize I'm so resistant to sitting in my feelings cause it is the most uncomfortable experience for me. Sometimes it physically hurts, the anxiety squeezes around my heart or rumination robs my attention or I'm so shaky and jittery, I always feel like I'm on the brink of a panic attack when I sit in my feelings (which are often shame, guilt, or raw anxiety). And now I'm realizing these feelings were always suppressed in my childhood cause it wasn't safe ("don't cry or else i'll give you something to cry about"). But it's still in me, it's been in me for years.

[@fattidiliberta]

I've never listened to a clearer way of explaining neurosis and "personality" patterns . Thank you so so so much Heidi 🙏🙏🙏

[@cyborg1275]

Listening to Heidi is both alleviating and relieving. I simply feel that I'm in the Right place at the most right time for all the right and good reasons. It's like synchronicity. I hope she realizes how valuable her gift & service is to listening subscribers like myself and others who benefit from her commitment to share such empowering information. Thank you, Heidi. 😘

[@melss94ish]

Thank you for making this video! The amount of deep therapy this gives me cannot be overstated! I have a tendency to push others away, dodge questions, and withhold parts of myself when it feels like someone is trying to get to know me. This is probably linked to question and punishment dynamics I had with my mother as a kid. Being an adult, trying to have healthy relationships, I always wondered why I can't feel happy in them. Either I choose partners who don't open up to me or they do want to get to know me but I don't let myself be seen by them. I then fantasize about being able to date someone else. There is so much discontentment in relationships when you withhold your true self and therefore hinder yourself from true intimacy.

[@AnnSinclair-jh4vj]

Can hardly believe I found this video today, posted just two days ago! Just what I needed to hear today!! ❤❤

[@Narsis221]

Thanks a lot for sharing all your experience and knowledge ❤❤

[@piabaingo3096]

thank you so much for your videos! You helped me so much to save myself from continuing a self-destructive life!

[@evelynhughes3116]

I just realized a huge emotion I’ve been u conscious of. Its betrayal. Like a panic and shock of being betrayed. I’ve had social anxiety for years, super crippling. I don’t have a single friend. I’m only 22.

[@evelynhughes3116]

I think I chose to never trust anybody ever again. I felt ashamed for trusting the person that betrayed me in the first place. And so I chose to become proud and untrusting and now look down on these feelings of trust and betrayal as weakness in me.

[@evelynhughes3116]

As I’m allowing the panic feeling right now, I’m feeling like intense love and like actually want to meet Heidi and be her soul mate but now it’s going away again because I’m not paying attention and now I’m scared of her again.

[@evelynhughes3116]

Now I’m crying but I’m judging myself for crying. I can’t help it but judge myself.

[@mitdenken]

I wish you the very best. You can do it, you can still have many years with friends and joy and intimacy.

[@miguelsopena6132]

Fabulous video, you've been on fire lately. Overwhelmed. Thanks.

[@terjepedersen4080]

Thank you so much, Heidi, for your sharing your insight in such a pedagogic way. Your personality and opennes about your own experiences have a great impact on me.

[@brianruan9167]

Wow, i have never heard it all explained in such a simple yet informative way. This has given me such a sense of ease knowing I’m not crazy for feeling the way I do. Thank you so much, I truly just felt a giant weight off my chest that I had been trying to lift with diet and exercise lol your videos are a god send and are greatly appreciated!

[@vt6spd]

I. Love. You. This was the top most effective therapy session I have had in 2 years. It took my 1 hour and 15 minutes to get through this as I as I was taking notes and coralating to my own experiences and am now able to see much more clearly what happened in my initial breakup with my girl. It makes total sense. Now, to face some truths about those feelings and decisions...step 4. 😭💔😶‍🌫️😬🥺😫

[@Jam-m7m]

At 41:53 the healing process begins. Steps to take in your healing journey. I believe Heidi says it is a 4 or 5 step process again it starts at 41:53 God bless you Heidi for your dedication to healing us ❤

[@au8438]

Very excited for this entire series!!

[@ashleyragus7481]

Heidi, your videos paired with my personal therapy (I have a great therapist too) is a truly powerful combo for the stage of growth, healing, and learning that I'm in right now. I feel deeply grateful for the resources you provide that give me tools and emotional opportunities to actually be in my authenticity and dignity.

[@charmedprince]

After learning this about myself, I stay away from people becaue I don't want them to be entangled in my mentally ill life. I'll die with my own disease. People I like and may like me back, I shut down because they should live normal lives unattached to me.

[@kathymyers7279]

I relate.

[@stephaniesantaguida9503]

Every one of your videos inspires, reassures and encourages me on this journey of self-love. Thank you for all that you do

[@NatashaJRiley]

21:38 Yikes. This hit so close to home. Emotional neglect, fully and clearly explained.

[@jasonbeukema4949]

Thank you for this. I found you and this video almost exactly as I needed in time; to hear this information presented in this way has been a big help in my current ordering journey... lol and thanks!

[@dclaire44]

Heidi s pure intelligence in her field.

[@kimlec3592]

This young woman is splendidly brilliant.

[@samebutmore]

I deeply appreciate everything you share in your videos. It's your unique style of expression that makes all of these complex topics digestible, without losing any depth. No matter how much I educate myself on these topics, I always learn something new and valuable from you. Thank you ♥️

[@j-wang]

Your work brings so much security and clarity to the uncertainty and fearfulness in my self-development. Thank you!

[@the.emc33]

That moment when a curious comment like “maybe what happened for you as a child” directly speaks to an entire generation.