HELP! Am I cheating on my boyfriend when I watch porn?

[@JM-qd2ky]

One of my ex's considered masturbating alone was cheating in a relationship. Now I realise he was insecure and he was somewhat controlling. The thing I found hypocritical was that I caught him looking up porn. He was making up the rules in the relationship without telling me. Strange one.

[@DevinBryantfilms]

You dodged a bullet 👏

[@davidserlin8097]

Crazy. Flat out crazy.

[@davidserlin8097]

@@DevinBryantfilmsexactly.

[@damianleah6744]

My partner and I have been together 25 years (17 married). We have no secrets , I have no problem with him watching porn and vice versa. We love each other. I don’t want him to feel he has hide and be secretive. It makes us happy and it’s all about trusting you partner. If you lose that trust then you have nothing. Imho

[@davidserlin8097]

Exactly. Mine does too. We have different sex drives because we’re different people. That’s what makes gay relationships so great. We make up our own rules based on who we are, not what society dictates we should be.

[@naut_nigel]

Thank you guys so much for answering my question!! ❤ I appreciate it, and you've given me a lot to think about.

[@gregorykinsey8135]

Sorry that I am months late in watching this video, but you guys do a great service to the community. I am probably suffering from lack of watching all your videos, but are you boys a couple? (Yes, you BOYS - I’m almost 70!). Thanks for the rational, wholesome discussions you bring to light.

[@rickboshaw7026]

"The difference between a poison and a cure is the dosage." 3:02. Well said Keegan.

[@lylelaney8270]

Arsenic is not a cure no matter what the dosage is.

[@rikwild3771]

@@lylelaney8270 Arsenic and its preparations can inhibit tumor growth by regulating inflammatory signaling pathways, and they are used for the treatment of various solid tumors. ATO can inhibit the growth of many different types of cancer cells and promote apoptosis.

[@dottsdotts]

when my husband was a kid he got caught watching porn by his dad and then got a beating for it. that affected him into adulthood making him feel guilty and anxious when he watched it. when we started dating i noticed he had porn in his PC and he got nervous about it, like i was gonna be pissed at him. took a lot of time to assure him i was not mad and actually taught it was hot. we now enjoy watching it together, and sending each other clips or pics we find hot and is a lot of fun. 😏 is sad there's still people that feel shame about watching porn, when its something most guys do. just be open with your partner about it. its only a problem if it becomes an addiction that affects your life/ relationships /jobs etc. apart from that go nuts! 😂

[@spookydoesit1]

I knew from day one that my partner watched porn. He would watch it by himself. I was not allowed to watch it with him. I didn’t care. Yet, if we were walking around and I saw a hot man, he would get angry. I would tell him, “I may be on a diet but I can still read the menu!” 😂

[@taromilktea4834]

That’s such a good line hahahah 😂👏🏼

[@orielwiggins2225]

Great question. Perfect answer. Keep up the great work. Thanks for sharing these with us

[@sabrosavayaina]

I have a hard time understanding why is this even a question in 2024

[@dobby2270]

I am gay and teenager. To me it was a big problem and i am glad, that someone talk about it publicly. But people like you who seem to be sex progressive impose a wild feeling of shame for the fact that I feel jealousy. Thanks. You are so progressive!

[@flenif2247]

Absolutely is not cheating!!!

[@Christopherlawrencel]

My partner and I always say that just because you look at the menu doesn’t mean you have to order. Anyone male or female who thinks that they are the only one their partner should find attractive or fantasize about is fooling themselves and setting themselves up for a failed relationship. If you are secure with yourself and your relationship then you should know that your partner watching porn is not an issue. Try watching porn with your partner it’s fun. As long as you and your partner can still have intimacy without porn then there is no problem.

[@rikwild3771]

Unfortunately there are many people who develop a porn addiction. In the most severe cases, watching porn can actually alter the brain's chemistry and lead to an inability for the person to achieve satisfaction in a sexual relationship with another person. But, as you point out, 'As long as you and your partner can still have intimacy without porn then there is no problem.' It is imperative that a person is cautious to avoid the overuse of porn.

[@LondonGuy92]

Think you could definitely do a full episode on this topic, both from a relationship POV but also from the perspective of younger men creating to high an expectation. A lot ground to cover for sure

[@pattisonpattison3639]

Being in a 34 year SSR, I find watching porn totally acceptable.

[@mikiewifnoe360]

How can anyone think watching porn is cheating? It is noooo more cheating than watching Keegan and Joel. I can see not watching porn because it is beyond boring. But if it excites you, go for it. If you or your partner has a problem with it, grow up.

[@mikiewifnoe360]

I am not sure I understand this reply @Telle.grramme_happyhealthyhomo

[@calvind2054]

Let’s talk about sex, baby, let’s talk 🎶 I liked this topic guys, because many couples need to have this exact conversation more often. It was great advice. Stop the shame around sex talk. They are incredibly important. Keep up the these talks in particular guys, with us and yourselves. ❤❤

[@jeanniewilliams1937]

Even though we are in a committed relationship, we still have a relationship with ourselves to nurture. Sex with yourself serves a totally different purpose toa shared experience. No guilt. It's good for you, and definitely not cheating.

[@danielintheantipodes6741]

Acknowledging that I am as humanly vulnerable as anyone else, so zero 'stone throwing' from me. Having said that, I wonder what effect it has on the people who work in the industry. I have no experience at all. The KZbinr Richie West made an interesting video about his experiences. Thank you for the video. Have a fabulous day.

[@austingibson9291]

I don’t have a problem with porn but I do if you’re watching it more than pleasing me. Unchecked it will desensitize you to intimacy. I live this truth every day so I know it’s true.

[@gr8handsftl]

Never personally been too big into porn, but that aside watching porn is not cheating, even if you are masturbating to it. As long as what you're doing doesn't interfere with your relationship it can be quite healthy. It can even help partners keep their sex life happy and healthy. The main thing is communication. Most porn is absolutely not real to begin with, so as long as you both talk to each other and keep lines of communication open, it's fine. Now if you meet someone who doesn't have the same beliefs as you, no matter what the subject is, that could be a red flag that you really shouldn't be together.

[@kennixox262]

As if there is any good gay porn in this day and age. Around our house, my husband and I enjoy a bit of the good vintage stuff to get the evening warmed up. However, there is more to a relationship that porn. Don't overdo it.

[@AetheriusComics]

The part about maybe you want to watch xx media, but about something that may be a turn on to watch, but you want nothing to do with in reality, is spot on and most people don't seem to get it.

[@ajaxon319pldunbar]

Greetings Keegan and HRH Prince Joel! This was a great topic. I'll have to come back later in the week to watch the vlog again and read the comments here, which are always very illuminating, interesting and most often replete with anecdotes and very personal stories.. Your viewers are engaged with refreshing and varied viewpoints. I love reading the comments. I think your insight about each couple discussing the parameters of their relationship was very good while trying to thread the needle. Each person in the relationship has their opinion about what is cheating or a violation of trust in that relationship at that time. Open communication and then agreement by both parties seems like a necessary investment of time and energy in order to strike a deal, so to speak. Again, another conversation-provoking topic. Thank you. And an upfront "Thanks!" to Behind the Scenes (BTS) Harry!

[@dinoinphx]

I was extremely hurt when I woke up one night and my boyfriend was watching porn. My thought was why are you watching porn when you can have me right now? Am I not enough for you? Then why are we together?

[@keithtravels9657]

I love your opinion! So many marginilize this issue and make me feel like a prude. I would be VERY hurt if my partner was watching porn beside me at 3:00AM. And most definitely - it's like wtf? Am I not good enough? The danger with porn is replacement value. You can never be as "good" as the actor on the screen - a fake image that cannot love you, touch you or be intimate. Not sure why many can't understand this fact but to each their own I suppose. And it comes down to the "sneakiness" of it all. It's not fun to think that I run to the grocery store and he pulls out his laptop to finish before I get home from the damn store! To each their own - but in my opinion can be damaging.

[@LiamStafford-p3f]

Whats damaging is your attitude. As long as your sex life is not suffering then what do you care? Btw you don’t own him. You’re not his parent. And its not sneaky. If it was he wouldn’t do it while you’re in the same bed. Get over yourself before you destroy your relationship.

[@BobbyGTube]

Insecurities are the biggest problems in any relationship. Work with your partner on how you can help each other overcome them by showing empathy, validation, and understanding.

[@rikwild3771]

It is irrelevant to consider the question of whether watching porn, masturbating or most any other activity is technically 'cheating.' The important consideration is 'how does this activity affect our relationship.'' That is what determines whether the activity is 'bad.' If it damages the relationship, then it is, indeed, 'bad.' The next consideration is, how 'bad' is it? Then, you must consider if the level of damage is worth continuing the activity? These are the questions which either or both parties must answer in order to determine if the behavior should be continued or not.

[@giantdog3518]

Porn is all about fantasies, not real life. You watch it in private, in your bedroom or bathroom. It's just something you enjoy without actually getting "physical" with other men. As long as you don't try to make contact with others, I think it's okay-it's just fantasy. However, watching too much porn could ruin your relationship. It's a two persons issue, so you need to talk or observe how your partner feels or reacts if there's lack of intimacy for a peroid of time. You've got to find a balance. My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 years, and these days, we rarely 'sleep' together. I watch porn almost daily 😊, and I know he does too.( but I don't know how often😅) We only have sex once a month or once every two months, but we're still in a good relationship. So, it really depends on what you and your partner are ok with.

[@AdrianMunch]

My longest relationship was with a guy who collected porn. Especially Colt content. Videos, Magazines, Calendars. All in pristine condition. It was a pleasure building shelving and organizing his collections to keep them pristine, He had everything in boxes and grocery bags,

[@simongoodwin5253]

Great video guys. I will admit to watching porn occasionally, just to ensure my equipment still responds. After a very successful sex life until four years ago, my sex life died when my partner decided the "grass was greener.....". My porn choice is very vanilla and sometimes it doesn't work. Can't say I'm actually that worried.

[@SashaRicky]

I had a similar situation with my ex and sometimes when I'm touching myself and just about to climax it's like I totally lose all that build up as if I have just done it when I haven't. Never had that before.

[@simongoodwin5253]

Same here. @@SashaRicky

[@lawrenceking4144]

Cheating involves some sort of interaction with a person or persons. Watching porn is NOT interacting. Just like watching a TV show is not interactive. The person on the screen doesn't even know you exist. If your boyfriend considers watching porn, or even solo masturbation cheating, then there is a lot of insecurity there.

[@BeaWms]

Probably not cheating, but there should be a conversation as to why there is a need to do it for someone who is in a relationship. I can understand those who are single, some use it for gratification.

[@gregstewart6126]

Prudish behavior can KILL a relationship quickly.

[@pointerdogmarketing2197]

Also, its ironic since the LGBT community has long fought against prudishness. Pride was originally an anti-police celebration of sexual exhibitionism and kink.

[@JetPackFlame]

It would help if you could define “prudish” as we all have different boundaries. As the two guys touched upon, if one parter wants to act out his hard/extreme viewing habits while the other partner doesn’t, is that prudish?

[@rusosingam6220]

No being a degenerate sex craved person does, your gonna cheat.

[@gregstewart6126]

Triggered much?

[@JetPackFlame]

@@gregstewart6126It was an attempt to broaden the conversation - a starting point. Didn’t mean to upset you.

[@raolhooley]

Interesting they avoid the word variety..when discussing it..talking about fantasy when it's actually a desire for variety.....

[@Not-Ap]

Nice catch!! That's exactly what it's about. They are bored with you and you aren't enough for them. It starts with fantasy then later if unchecked can become a reality.

[@robertadams5479]

Depends on what type of porn one watches. Maybe someone only watches orgy, gang bang, or fetish based porn. That’s the type of fantasy that is referred to.

[@henrym7198]

Every relationship is different, and not every partner will react the same way. I made the mistake of being 100% honest, and it was a big mistake. My significant other planned a vacation in an immaculate way, and I had stayed in the same hotel (he surprised me with) in a previous relationship and told him. Needless to say it did not go well. I thought I was being communicative, but he wasn’t thrilled. So I learned that there are things you keep to yourself, unless it’s necessary. Porn can be a slippery slope, specifically if you have an addictive personality.

[@greggor_48]

what is going on over there with the royals?

[@thevalkyrie8]

Illuminati soap opera

[@curlyhairdudeify]

1:46 Yes, we live on a society.

[@nappleton100]

The irony is not only is most porn not realistic but it’s also is full of bad acting, tasteless disgusting close ups, and the kind of sex no one actually wants or would actually enjoy, yes most porn stars are horrible in bed and I know this from personal experience. Without someone directing them and telling them what they are supposed to like they don’t actually even know what to do in a real life encounter. I asked him what he likes he just says, everything. That’s not an actual answer. Porn is just going through the motions never real passion or chemistry, if you ask me it makes sex look mechanical and boring. But if you want to watch it, of course that’s not the same as cheating. If my partner actually did ever find some worthwhile porn I’d say you better share that with me.

[@joeruder6210]

My answer is a vehement “no”, but the answer can only be known by the two people in the relationship and to what they have agreed.

[@johnkristianson6599]

10:41 I don’t find porn fun. I have tried to watch it, but it is not that I have any qualms about it from a moral or religious side, it’s just boring. Straight porn, gay porn, it is pretty much all the same. Plus, in the internet age, it is really too available. Got wifi? Then got porn. But I like your advice, like many of these “relationship” issues: “Talk to your partner”. Because (as you guys often say) its about communication. And it is. And if you can’t talk to your partner, then why are you partners? Thanks from sunny Palm Springs, CA!

[@williambender6711]

You can appreciate others, you are not dead. Just the sampling

[@danielreiss-cy4zr]

How much do you watch? When and where? Together or alone?

[@Not-Ap]

That last part is the real question isn't it.

[@KryptonianAI]

Pron can be great for exploring ideas to bring up to your partner. As long as you use it in a healthy way to enhance a relationship, it can be very educational.

[@candidolopez1131]

Maybe speak with your partner about how they feel about watching porn on your own - they are probably feeling the same way - my partner and I brought it out to the surface and we both now know that we both do it. And now we both know, and it releases the tension of hiding it from each other. We just don't find the need to share with each other when it happens.

[@pault9544]

I think it can be problematic if porn is what a partner is mostly putting their sexual energy into. If lets say, you know your partner watches porn, yet theres barely to no sexual activity going on in your actual intimate relationship between you two, then its a problem. Because to me that says, porn can satisfy your partner when you cant.

[@Not-Ap]

My thinking exactly.

[@Erosdan108]

If someone asks that question then They already know the answer ( for them) else they wouldn't have asked the question

[@FindAReason-mi7go]

Porn can as Keegan said cause unrealistic expectations about sex. If you are watching porn, even together, then your interest in your partner is probably waning. The problem with porn is that it is only vision and audio. There is no smell or touch component, so the actors have to be very very sexually arousing visually. An average guy can be attractive in real life because of his presence and touch, but average guys are not that great for porn, unless they remind you of someone that you are interested in in your real life. Watching porn gives younger gay guys unrealistic expectations (and self-doubts) because porn has to be so visually provocative. When I was younger I was not very permissive but the few guys that I did get (sorta) intimate with generally had excessively large members. I was a bit shy and they were generally confident gay men. And if you are into entry gay lovin' then they are just too big for most gay men. One thing I heard from those above average sized gay men was that they rarely found anyone who could take it, so they were mostly bottoms. And if they were too large as tops then embarrassing accidents were more likely to happen with their bottom guy. Or such is what I was told.

[@calvinharris4590]

If you in a relationship corn is off the table. You have a partner and watching a fantasy video is childish and prove you have no self control over your flesh!

[@tigertigertiger3740]

My view on porn has always been that it’s harmless fun, personally. Although some of the more “extreme” forms do disturb me a little bit the vast majority I feel is completely harmless. Now, obviously I’ve only had experience of the gay variety so I can’t really comment on straight porn, unfortunately. I’ve found it to be an excellent way to explore your sexuality and, if you’re like me, and you have quite a high sex drive, a form of “stress release” as well. 🤣🤣🤣

[@christianohenriques5325]

Hello I am bi and I am happy to be.

[@christianohenriques5325]

I am single boy.

[@ExpatBear-58]

I've been in 4 relationships over 45 years. To me, porn is not cheating. You are not interacting and sharing emotional intimacy with a video. Internet cam sex is cheating. Things that should me shared intimately with your lover are being shared with strangers. If you need to do that just stay single.

[@ΣωκράτηςΠαρίσης]

No it is normal you don't cheat him this way. After all if he is absent he might be responsible for that...

[@garygjl9036]

when did you decide a video where people are engaging in sex is negatively labeled as porn?

[@its_eli]

My bf and I decided not to look at porn. We will see how it goes. For us, it makes things more intimate between us.

[@manxkin]

No.

[@b286guy]

Please…

[@linger4605]

This is too prudish imo. It's inevitable your partner finds someone else attractive. If they don't act on it or are obsessed, then I don't see an issue. IMO, this will kill a relationship just as fast as an open relationship will

[@zanesutherland406]

There are some major issues with porn. One being the ethics of it. Porn is a major contributor and facilitator of sex trafficking. Amongst partners, sex and relationships become transactional. Like the only reason an OF creator would let you sleep with them is for content. It becomes business. There is the moral side about not lusting. Porn excessively sexualizes your brain and long term can be incredibly damaging. It can be addictive and lead to ED, wasted time and productivity, financially draining, etc. I can say as someone who watched porn 5-7th grade, and then say sophomore year of highschool forward on and off, your life will be so much better not watching porn. I quite because God told me to, and I believe that doing that, amongst many other things are to prepare me for my future spouse. Also most porn is not a good representation of sex and is also not loving and intimate. Just don’t mess with it, trust me

[@wachuku1]

Thank you for writing this. Can you elaborate on how God told you to stop? Did you hear an audible voice, or was it more complex than that?

[@DevinBryantfilms]

I think porn is okay in a relationship when it doesn’t affect your partners and yours sex life together. That’s where it gets tricky.

[@HectorLugo]

It’s only cheating if you think your partner owns you and has a right to dictate what you enjoy watching.

[@shellybeck3376]

Oh looks. It’s the first world problems with drama queens. The people in 3rd world counties have nothing to complain about obviously

[@dobby2270]

I live in 3rd world country and feel jealous about this thing. What are you talking about

[@DAVIDRUBY-f7u]

Excellent 👌

[@dubon9999]

Gay men of all the world together forever 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🌎🌍🌏🌎🌍🌏

[@lces43]

Even when they cheat they’re not really cheating, so no

[@youraveragegrandma8920]

No but it might make you want to sleep around.

[@jm7804]

I think watching porn is fine. I think watching it during sex is a little sus. The only thing worse is when someone closes their eyes and imagines having sex with someone else. If you have to do that then you're having sex with the wrong person.

[@dobby2270]

WATCHING other hot people and masturbate is fine IMAGINING other hot people and masturbate is not fine. It’s the same. If you don’t fantasise about other people you don’t need to watch porn.

[@fedorshefer1634]

HELP am I really listening this nonsense????????

[@cyrilmauras4247]

Don't assign hetro hangups to gay relationships! Gay relationships are not straight relationships.

[@clayclifton3895]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@tommyearthquake]

No but don't overdo it.

[@donnymiddlebrook]

You are cheating on your partner when you watch porn.

[@AvinashPersad-lk4yf]

agreed its 100% cheating .... why are u desiring someone else even its a screen ....

[@RaymondNYC1]

That's the dumbest question I've ever heard lol

[@jx5121]

no

[@rajr1032]

Yes

[@chriswood1210]

Why not watch it together. It will certainly make for a great night together

[@Noname-iz9uo]

It’s not imo. It’s not even sex. It’s an addiction, a substance abuse.

[@davidserlin8097]

NO! Watching porn alone has nothing to do with your partner. It’s all about you. Anyone who claims that porn is “cheating” is either insecure or a complete bore in the bedroom. Probably both.

[@AB-12345]

Imagine being a parent of such a individuals. What a shame.

[@ashleybellofsydney]

No.