Her Dark Reality After “Escaping Polygamy” ft.

[@geedee2682]

Um, I used to work in a dental office in Riverton, Utah and I was highly suspicious of two families coming in being kingstons and I think she just confirmed it 🤯🤯🤯

[@j4513]

I believe it. I live in Riverton, Utah!

[@geedee2682]

@@j4513 the Dad’s name was Roger Kingston

[@sandracampbell4708]

Not only is it legal for kids to get married as long as they have their parents signatures, but people argue against it all over the country. They call it parents rights. That's a load of crap. It should be illegal.

[@nickywal]

It truly scared me to learn several US states have no lower age limit with parental force, lets face it its not consent. Meanwhile even Saudi Arabia said both parties had to be 18 several years ago, of course that's probably not widely enforced but one of the most misogynistic countries on the planet is actively trying to move forward.

[@lindatannock]

​@nickywal it's 16 in the UK

[@nickywal]

@@lindatannockEven then, I'm in Belfast, I have basically never heard of anyone being married at 16. It would be very unusual, maybe more strict Catholic families. Or of course we do know there are issues with certain communities of incestuous marriage and possible underage marriage

[@calinasagilitypartner4444]

One correction. They argue that ALLOWING their kids to get married is parents rights. They argue FOR kids to get married.

[@calinasagilitypartner4444]

@@nickywal my parents are from Belfast, N. Ireland!

[@bookworm1956]

About two-timing boyfriends: a girl I know picked up another girl through a car sharing app for a cross country trip. They didn't know each other at all, but they got on well and chatted about their lives. Slowly, they came to realise that their respective boyfriends had a lot of similarities. Too many similarities. They told the guy's name, birth date and even names of other family members to make sure. Turns out, they were dating the same guy. And he had proposed to both of them, pressuring them for children, when they both weren't ready. So they went round to his house together and confronted him. And then he had no girlfriends anymore... 😂😂

[@CultstoConsciousness]

That is wild!!! That would make for a good movie. What are the odds?!

[@okiedokieartichokie772]

Something similar happened to my cousin. Her fiance was engaged to another girl the next town over AND MARRIED to another girl one more town over and they all found out about eachother through friends of friends. They had a fun little intervention when he got home from work and found all three of them waiting for him. Must be fun getting dumped and divorced all at once.

[@AnitaSouthall]

​@@okiedokieartichokie772what are the odds, that's insane. How does one guy get the time to be that busy? Or afford to date and be married too?

[@wd3987]

​@AnitaSouthall well hopefully he has to pay lots of alimony

[@bookworm1956]

@@wd3987 well, no, nobody was actually married and there were no children.

[@tweetscotchy1093]

Amanda’s husband never deconstructed from the cult even though he “left”. Thanks for telling your story, Amanda.

[@Shalomjoyyy]

Exactly what I was thinking. There’s a huuuuge difference between leaving a cult/religion and deconstructing from it!!

[@telasims233]

I don't really blame him, because also IT WAS ALL HE KNEW... they do have a special bond, and I believe the Lord puts people in your path for a reason, they escaped together, and that's HUGE, and such a blessing, but, Amanda wasn't evolved enough to see it as a blessing, and be engaged for a year, she felt so obligated, still clinging to each other.. neither had time to grow.. they just grew up, it's not anyone's fault, but you really can't cling to a cult member when you want out.

[@nickywal]

@@telasims233So does that include Daniel nearly beating multiple daughters to death? Michelle's dad beating a baby to death and forcing his wife/niece to take the fall and for that matter Paul backing all of this despite the fact it was his own daughter?

[@deannapowell7237]

OMG, I was raised in an ultra conservative Evangelical Christian home with a patriarchal father. I can totally relate. I've been married and divorced 3 times, and I have no regrets divorcing all 3. In my 40s now I am now what's called a "single mom by choice" and have a bio daughter by IVF with donor sperm (she has 10 donor siblings that we stay in touch with and they're growing up together) and then I became a foster mom and adopted 2 siblings from foster care, open adoption with their bio families. I have NEVER been happier in my entire life. So proud of Amanda. She is so inspiring, and all of the work she has done to become the best version of herself.....she should be so proud!! I love her.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Yaaaas! Thanks for sharing!!

[@nickywal]

You might want to look at ex-fundie diaries, they grew up in a similar situation, married someone who wasn't from the church but realised they made better parents separately I think last year, and they have talked about a lot of similar thing. Ellie uses they/she I think

[@deannapowell7237]

@@nickywal I love the exfundie diaries!

[@daniellewillis2767]

You sound like an amazing, indomitable spirit...Just curious, was your Dad against women getting a college education?

[@deannapowell7237]

@daniellewillis2767 let's put it this way. He didn't save for my college education, and he almost Forbid me from taking out any kind of student loan. I moved out when I was 18 and started working right away. I still have no college degree, but I do work in real estate and do well. I'm single (divorced a few times, only got married because he told me I was living in sin with my boyfriends) and he still feels like I belong to him, and I have to ask his permission to do things. I'm 47 years old! Lol

[@Jonibaloneyji]

Her self awareness and willingness to take responsibility for her healing is so amazing! It's people like all you guys that change the world! Thank you! Infinite gratitude to you all!

[@CultstoConsciousness]

❤️❤️❤️

[@user-lg3rx2ko5g]

Couldn’t agree more👏💓

[@zippymacadoo6336]

There is no shame in divorce. I had a starter husband. He was a narcissist just like my Mother. I was 21 and I was an idiot! It was a life learning experience.

[@myrandapistokache6653]

It’s not funny and I’m so sorry you went thru that but I did laugh at “starter husband” 😂

[@hahafalseflag5090]

"Starter Husband" lol

[@simoneholenstein6977]

„starter husband“ is a great way to put it 😂 but don‘t put yourself down please - I was 22 when I moved in with my narc ex who was just like my father. he exploited all the things about my character that are good and kind and I‘m sure that‘s similar for all of us who went through a relationship like this. rather than becoming smarter, I think I grew wiser about who deserves the best of me and who deserves to be kept at arms length 😊 I was lucky btw - I did not get married to the guy 😅 all the best to you ❤

[@starlingswallow]

I was 24 with my starter husband narcissist 😢 I felt soooo stupid! But, we've learned SO much by going through it! Freedom is sweet!!!

[@zippymacadoo6336]

I don't denigrate myself about this! I learned some incredibly important things about myself and the world. I bailed at 25 and knew so much more about who I was and who I wanted to be. I pity him for the person his father made him into. Do I have triggers? Yep. Do I know what they are and why? For the most part and I'm learning every day. I am who I am due to my life experiences, and I think I'm pretty dang awesome. And so are you all! 😘😎 Laughter is a gift we share, and I love making people laugh 😃

[@sweetlorikeet]

"All you need is love - is not true" THANK YOU, AMANDA! It drives me up the wall seeing so many people double down on relationships that make them miserable because they love each other. You can love someone and not be good for each other. You can love someone who is bad for you - you can even be loved in return and still have them be bad for you! You can have people who love each other but want fundamentally incompatible things from life. It's ok to choose health and safety and happiness over love.

[@nickywal]

Yup not a romantic relationship, but I've been there with a friendship that was incredibly toxic and codependent for both of us. It took me stepping away for several weeks and realising this just isn't healthy, I care about her a lot but its not ok

[@DrottningStina]

Amanda said: "those red flags were so beautiful" and that, to me, was the most perfect description I've ever heard of why us damaged people get hooked up with narcissists over and over again. This conversation you're having is so enlightening and educating. Great! Thank you for this episode and for your work.

[@annewrites...8385]

Ladies, please note that narcissists LOOK for women who are agreeable, conscientious and innocent. The most beautiful human beings get caught out because they don't realise narcissists are looking for them. You are love... and they are a love-free zone. Their plan is to empty you and fill you with themselves. Well done for walking away and sharing your stories.

[@PandoraSpring]

This is soooo true. I was one of those innocent, somewhat naive people that got caught up with and married a narcissist. I have since divorced him (my choice as I realized I was in a toxic relationship and it was hurting me and my kids) but the scars remain. I am currently single by choice and life is ok.

[@user-lg3rx2ko5g]

Omg this is such a concise explanation of how predatory the nature of narc abuse is. Saving this. Thank u

[@RowenaSnow-px3jg]

Agreeable and conscientious ? Be sure to be well-informed and a bit cynical, it will help make less vulnerable. And be aware of your own weak spots, everyone has them. A narc will be aiming for those spots.

[@LiliaandNova]

Yes, and narcissists are often also people who have been through pain and trauma and we can offer them our compassion from a *distance* once we have established safe boundaries and are not being emotionally manipulated ❤ It can be harder to leave when you know someone’s pain but that doesn’t mean the love they can give you is healthy. You deserve someone who can and will love you well.

[@yallvoir]

Most people who marry expect to be happy. A friend, not in any religion or cult, cried when she received her divorce decree from her extremely abusive ex-husband. She explained it beautifully saying, "I am not mourning the loss of my marriage, I am mourning the loss of the dream."

[@hailyjohnson407]

I love getting to hear so much about her happiness and the change in her life since leaving. This episode was beautiful!

[@lunaremus]

I am glad Amanda put that boundary in place. While she is so personable and is open with her thoughts and experiences it is important to respect other's boundaries.

[@sunflowersaturday4588]

Excellent video. And Amanda, I think that those people who said you would be divorced in 5 years are doing nothing but highlighting the tough life position that they have put you in - they haven’t taught you how to look for healthy people, and they have left you unsupported looking for family.

[@zoinks2607]

Absolutely this

[@Beginnerreadsthebible]

LOVE to see Jonathan being an excellent example of what a strong, respectful man looks and sounds like ❤ a lot of people new to "the outside world" have no idea what a healthy relationship should look like ❤

[@jrr7312]

I’ve loved listening to Amanda and her story about leaving The Order! I’m so glad she (and all of the other survivors of the cult) came out on the other side and survived. It’s disgusting how much the Kingston men and the other men in the cult have gotten away with. In my opinion, this cult would make a good Netflix documentary so more awareness is raised.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Absolutely!

[@southbug27]

It’s disgusting how the Utah government & federal government turn a blind eye to all the sexual abuse, domestic violence, even welfare & tax fraud because they don’t want to give Mormonism a bad rap too. Tough crap. If you believe your religion is real than you should be willing to stand up to scrutiny & take down anyone who is abusing people by using your religion or parts of your religion.

[@_Morgan.G]

Shelise and Amanda- Thank you for giving hope to all of us, even those who hadn’t grown up in a cult but experienced a traumatic upbringing. You are true “wonder women” and absolute rockstars for sharing your truth💪🏼👏🏼💕

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Awww thank you! 🥰🙏

[@Valiant.Unicorn]

Oh so fun, like friends hanging out! Love Amanda❤. I remember watching her marriage, and i would tell myself "Val dont say anything😅her husband is also family"...(I'm Hansen/Kingston) Happy she got out of that marriage, and our family's cult. Amanda is proof you can grow into the person you want to be🦄

[@deecawford]

My 2 favorite women and of course the man of show! Thank you for all you all 3 do. Amanda you are my sunshine and pure motivation to everyone to simply do better, be better, and show our children the good in this world

[@jennysmith1468]

I come from being brought up as a jehovahs witnesses and although there are differences there are also so many similarities with the order and mormons . I came across this channel recently which led me to Amanda and i am hooked watching the videos on both! Just want to say Amanda i cant imagine still being with my boyfriend from age 17 for 7yrs , so as we grow up we change and grow and no wonder you changed your mindset and decided you wanted a better life for yourself and not willing to be treated as a lesser individual instead of an equal. A strong single woman is a better than a miserable married one!❤

[@katwitanruna]

My mother stayed with my father five years longer than she would have because his mother told her “You made your bed, you lay in it” and she didn’t want to talk to her parents because her father had to sign for her at 18 to get married (Tennessee used to require parental permission until you were 21). It’s better to divorce than suffer.

[@lindatannock]

Parental permission until you're 21?! Wow

[@katwitanruna]

@@lindatannock She got married in 1960 when women couldn’t have separate bank accounts or charge cards without male permission.

[@katwitanruna]

@@lindatannock the old days were not the better days

[@nickywal]

This was sadly too common in the past, thankfully most attitudes have gotten better but some people do still get this response. At least women/AFAB people generally have more ability to get themselves help and get out

[@ryleefeehan9170]

I watched an episode before with Amanda and immediately after started watching her and subscribed to learn more and now we’re here I love the way you guys converse and the new set up is fantastic I love love that you guys have a space to sit together and talk

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Love that!!

[@CLR0220]

I wasn't in a cult, but ended up in a very similar relationship. I was totally a person who wanted to see the good in everyone. I ignored all the signs. Then told myself it was my fault. I had such low self-confidence. Had all the stupid dramatic scenes, very much like you two described. Completely embarrassing and not who I am. I look back at those situations and don't recognize that person at all. Counseling, space, lots of crying and really looking at myself finally allowed me to let go and move on from the relationship. That portion of your video made me feel seen. Thanks!

[@CultstoConsciousness]

❤️

[@allisonharranmua8193]

I love you both so much for the important work you do, but I love it even more when you and Amanda work together! Using media to open eyes and ears instead of the propaganda these "religions" are spewing is helping so many people. When you said maybe i could just be miserable for the rest of my life so he doesn't have to be sad....it was a direct hit to my consciousness. I was feeling really guilty about going no contact with my narsasistic parents...but you totally stopped my guilt in its tracks...cuz dam if i didn't grow up thinking those exact words about them. You just broke that illusion for me. Thank you Amanda, for yet again being another mile marker on my healing journey

[@andreag370]

I just found your page, I loved escaping polygamy so I watched this episode. I left Mormonism when I was 18; moved to salt lake and away from everyone I knew. So I cut it off and didn’t process. I am now finally at 37 dealing with things. So many things just stuck out to me. I was with a narcissist. When I met my now husband, luckily I was in therapy for other reasons and she had to tell me guys can be nice and they aren’t always out to get you. Such a powerful first video to see. Thank you

[@goatmealcookies7421]

just reflecting.... don't need a cult background to be a magnet for those toxic relationships. Your journeys are really important to hear about, and glad you are both doing so much better. I needed to hear this about 30 years ago, lol. 20 years ago, I was lucky enough to be sent on a blind date, with whom I immediately, and probably for the first time in my life, felt both safe and empowered. We ran away to Vegas, and have been stronger together, ever since.

[@lizzypop2628]

Amanda is a classy ladyyyy! I respect her always she’s amazing. So brave for expressing this vulnerable topic.

[@whitajeman]

I found both of your channels through MSP and I have enjoyed diving into your respective content so much. I was raised LDS (in a non strict home with lots of great communication so thankfully I am still so close to my family) but when I left at 17, I clung to a narcissist who down the road became physically and mentally abusive. It took years for me to realize that in my rebellion, I found comfort in someone taking charge of my life. I bet its really common for people to look for authority figures after leaving cults or high demand religions. I'm safe and happy now living my best single mom life with my beautiful son.

[@firbolg]

Really enjoyed this one! You're all so wholesome and interesting to listen from. Small side note. I was raised by two atheist parents in an extremely traditional catholic village. And strangely enough, I find a lot of solace in this channel. I'm not religious but religion had a huge impact on my childhood and early adulthood. I was always told that was an infidel, blasphemer or the son of Satan... and was never truly accepted for who I was in the village. I was bullied, made fun of and ridiculed daily for being an atheist... when I didn't even know what an atheist was. While my father was an atheist, all of his family was and still is deeply religious. Growing up, I saw the injustices and contradictions of that specific perspective on religion. The same religion that had sent my father to jail at 15 yo for refusing to kneel before the priest, which forbade me from taking part in any of the village youth activities was supposed to be about love and tolerance. Something didn't add up. And when I questioned the priests, I only got hate and spite. It was only later in my early 20s, while staying at Taize with my step-sister, trying to find my own spirituality, that I met people who actually lived a life of love and tolerance. And my questions were answered with, at worst, laughter and most often with actually well-thought-out answers. Now, I'm 44 and still an atheist but also an agnostic. I wish people were as respectful towards theists as non-theist beliefs.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

I’m so sorry for what you went through. Thanks for sharing. You’re not alone ❤️

[@lau4545]

I love that you guys mentioned the lovely community you've created - the C2C channel is one of the few where I genuinely enjoy reading the comment sections for that reason ❤ and sometimes the comments can be almost as interesting as the videos!

[@CultstoConsciousness]

I love that!

[@LumpyspaceLegend]

Song is Never Ending by Rihanna if anyone was curious

[@DukesGrace]

I think the reason people see divorce as a bad thing is because society sees being single as a bad thing. I'm hoping to stay single for the rest of my life, and when I tell people that they usually say something along the lines of "Don't worry, you'll find someone". That's like me saying "You're in a happy relationship? Don't worry, I'm sure you'll break up." A lot of people cannot comprehend wanting to be single.

[@princesslola9449]

Yeah in some cultures women are still only good for marriage and child bearing. It’s impossible for them to process that some people don’t want that. Do you! Tell them it’s none of their business. It’s not rude to respond directly.

[@bonnielucas1941]

Oh man! You're so speaking my language! I'm 67 and throughout my life, I've had mostly narcissistic relationships. Started with my father. Right now, I just value my spirituality. And no, I'm not involved with any church.

[@telasims233]

I'm a lot older than all of you, very well traveled and educated. I come from a Military family, both parents college educated, so we travelled a lot.. I remember driving through Utah and seeing the prairie dresses, so we all knew about the FLDS... But, until the show, NOBODY KNEW ABOUT THE ORDER!!! I still can't believe they were hiding in PLAIN SIGHT!!! But also, in PLAIN SIGHT were a whole society of women that were under educated, treated like work horses, or indentured servants and funneling our tax dollars into the abuse OF THE WOMEN!!! That's NOT a religion, they just use that as a fear tactic to keep the women UNDER CONTROL!!! To me it's criminal!!

[@donnellallan]

I love this conversation! Thanks to all three of you for showing me what is possible, whether alone or in a relationship. So many of us have never seen healthy, now here it is before us. Thank you thank you! 🙏🙏🙏

[@CultstoConsciousness]

🥰🙏

[@jcg03002]

Amanda is the best! I love her videos and your interviews with her and her family. She's an amazing survivor. I'm sorry to hear she stayed in her marriage longer than she wanted to, but can honestly relate, and appreciate her candor so much. She and the other survivors of the Order are so tough, smart, and inspiring - I have so much admiration for them.

[@ljofi482]

I am really happy this channel exists. I’m African American who grew up Christian and was pulled into mainstream LDS while I was looking for further truth and comfort in the universe. I can’t believe I trusted my friends in the church who brought me in because they chose not tell me their views on black people and I’m so lucky that I just happened to read the racist scripture myself on accident the NIGHT before I was baptized. I’m ashamed that I was still baptized but I was hoping i misunderstood and that the bishop could clarify things. Obvs that didn’t happen lol. I’m so so glad I got out safely to my agnosticism. My siblings are in a different cult too. Thank you all for sharing your stories. I’m so glad for those who reclaimed their individual sovereignty and will maintain hope for my family.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Thanks for sharing! I’m glad you got out as well ❤️

[@arnicepernice8656]

Jonathan has had full immersion with these interviews! Both of you are giving so many the opportunity to tell their story but I feel also may give others the courage to do the same.

[@GoldenMom815]

Her “entire family”😂😂😂 Close enough!! I’ve loved all of the ex-Order interviews. Is her brother Eskel next?

[@zippymacadoo6336]

It exists! I saw it briefly in my feed, but it was private and then removed. I hope we get to see it one day.

[@SuzieQue42]

Thank God Eskal got out!

[@anthill1510]

They put up an interview with Eskel some days ago and pulled it shortly after. Don`t know what happened there. And yeah, I was rolling my eyes when they said "we interviewed your whole family". They would have to interview hundreds of people.

[@GoldenMom815]

@@anthill1510hmm interesting. Thanks for saying!

[@GoldenMom815]

@@zippymacadoo6336hmm curious!

[@communistsharks6889]

I love your dynamic here!! It’s giving me friendship envy lol. I’m probably overstepping, but it seems like y’all just click in such a meaningful way. My dad always says that people come into your like for reasons, seasons, and lifetimes. And I think y’all are lifetimes.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

It for sure felt like that! New friends 🥰

[@DoeMeNeek]

I love what Amanda said about confronting the DoucheGuy, SO empowering!!! but ALSO, do that in a public place w a friend watching over you for your safety... NEVER try to confront a lieing narcissist on yr own in private, never ever never (waaaay too many true crime stories start out that way).

[@silkenaria]

Yes, this. Be a strong, SAFE(sorry for caps, this just needs emphasis) queen.

[@greendragon4058]

The more I listen to these podcasts I can deconstruct some of the things that I've gone through. I suffer through religious trauma as well, I was made to go to a Catholic Church and a lot of the words that I read in the chat and a lot of things you say just hit me in my heart. My grandmother used to dress me up to go to church and I would go to hell if I didn't go as I got older I started to attend church, a different one this time I was in the military and I had three kids but their father died before I gave birth to the third one I never got remarried I concentrated on my kids I heard a roundabout way that the pastor of the church put my father down and my sister because they didn't have any money to tithe because their jobs were meaningless, that they hated single parents I dressed in black I went to church I gave the pastor a piece of my mind and I never went to another church again. But growing up it didn't matter if I was sick or not I had better put a dress on and go to church I was a wild child and was threatened with hell if I didn't Shape Up they used thought control and a lot of things that you have shared on your podcasts, I still carry that around with me. They did much more then what I just said however I am digging through my own soul and I'm finding these pieces that are like oh s*** I remember going through that or I can't believe I fell for that and these are churches. When my sister turned 15 she entered a cult we tried for many years to get her out of that needless to say it's been over 50 years and now she lives in a nursing home because she cannot take care of herself she cannot stand me because I don't go to church because I was a single mom their teachings are so similar to the order it's incredible it's like looking in a mirror. When I was married, my husband at the time would try to sell Amway I said this is not a good idea he even tried to come home with Scientology things and I went I don't think so that's not for me then he would come home and say let's try Jehovah's Witnesses I want oh hell no. So in that respect my religious trauma kept me out of these things that my husband was trying to get me into at the time. I am Native American I'm really close to being a shaman and I'm proud of that fact. So thank you for helping me untangle my own childhood religious trauma it may not be to the extreme of some of your guests but it still is religious trauma thank you so much much love to anybody who's trying to get out or has gotten out. Stay true to yourself and nobody can be you but you do not let anybody stand in your way❤❤❤

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Thank you for sharing! You are one strong mama!! We are going into Catholicism next actually

[@greendragon4058]

@@CultstoConsciousness oh I can't wait for that that is going to be amazing, you know what I mean

[@kat8canary77]

I love Amanda Rae's energy. I am amazed that she was ever ruled by the family cult. She has so much strength. I recently watched some of the Escaping Polygamy episodes online and I kinda of remembered watching the show years ago but I didn't remember Amanda. She was so young, ha. She is beautifully fiery now, the last 10 years have seasoned her like a cast iron skillet. Her videos are so tasty. Her willingness to tell it like it was even though it is uncomfortable and sometimes embarrassing to look back on is admirable.

[@Clintcellington]

I don't cheat on my wife. And she doesn't cheat on me. And neither of us feels the need to check each other's phones. I think trust issues are a huge red flag for any long term relationship. For example, are you still going to be checking each other's phone when you've been married 50 years? It's no different when you're just starting. Just my opinion. I understand that being burned over and over creates issues. And rightly so. But you're forever partner deserves more than taking the heat for your past partner's failures. You're either all in or you're not.

[@Coffeefueled1425]

I love both your channel and Amanda’s. When you pair up, it’s the best of both worlds. Thank you all for educating us who are ignorant of the depths of these cults. Much love to you all and your guests. I hope everyone can work on healing and living their best life. ❤

[@PetThePeeves]

Love the perspective on watching yourself…I teach high school now and middle school before, so occasionally I record myself. Every time I notice things I’m doing that aren’t clear or aren’t connecting, and every time I’m annoyed by my own voice. But I’ve also seen how much better I’ve gotten over 11 years. It’s crazy to see myself over the years and be able to see when I was struggling the most because I can definitely tell. I’ve gotten better about hiding it, because my problems shouldn’t be something my kids are ever aware of, they’re teens and have plenty of their own. But I can tell not only by my own behavior but by theirs too. Even without KZbin, it’s kind of a good idea to do that every now and then to see growth in yourself

[@CultstoConsciousness]

That’s awesome! Jonathan calls it “analyze and adjust” in KZbin terms 😁

[@betsybabf748]

In Escaping Polygamy, Amanda truly stood out for being so gorgeous. She has nothing to be embarrassed about about her appearance in those episodes. We pick apart our own selves in past looks, but everyone else saw her as this stunningly beautiful young woman.

[@shannonsmith3842]

Just filled it out. I’ve never participated in anything with a KZbin channel so this is wild and very scary/exciting for me. I’ve been all over the world working for the Government since I left the cult, but have never really dealt with the trauma. Your videos provide a sort of private therapy for me.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Hi Shannon! I love that! We are happy to have you here. We are finalizing the details now and it will be announced soon!

[@krystaladams4440]

Amanda you are such an amazing person and so brave!! you are such an incredible person. I am so proud of you!! PS the song is Never Ending By Rihanna.

[@BeingBrittanny]

I am so proud of your growth Amanda!! Thank you for sharing your life with us. You’re making a difference. 😊❤ love uuuu.

[@JayPee575]

Amanda Rae is the creater I have the most parasocial relationship with 😂😅 She seems like so much fun!

[@beepboopbeep4801]

Dude!!! Being single and celibate for 3 years after spending my whole life in a relationship was absolutely the best thing I ever did!!! I know that I am perfectly OK with me and I don't NEED another person to make my life better but I think now I could actually give to a healthy relationship. That being said when I think about either outlook they both make me happy and that I think is a testament to how I've grown as a person. I always tell people TAKE SOME TIME TO BE SOLO it truly does help.

[@yvettescheiman4991]

Maybe I missed it but has anyone done a story on ex-polygamist men? Not "lost boys" or men who have only had one wife and left the order. Or is this a mythical creature? There has to be SOMEONE out there who found polygamy too stressful or painful... 🤔

[@allisonharranmua8193]

The numbered men don't leave unless forced to by the cult. You become a numbered man by, among other things, collecting wives like Pokémon. This cult is absolutely paradise for the group of men you are talking about and the ones that get forced out don't speak about it because they want back in. The higher up you are on the food chain in this cult, the nicer your life is....that goes double if you were born with a penis....even an incest baby one that shoots blanks...

[@bernjobi]

maybe kody brown soon 🤭

[@emilybarclay8831]

Why would they find polygamy stressful? They aren’t supporting the families financially. They aren’t even expected to visit their wives more than once a month. And why would it be painful? They’re raised to view women as cattle and they’re always able to stay with their favourite wife. AND they’re guaranteed a ticket in heaven. There’s literally no downside to being a numbered man except paying the higher ups

[@liseklerekoper2441]

There are a number of videos of men who have left high demand/high control religions from the Mormon church, one who has a KZbin channel w/ his wife & grew up in the FLDS, Val Snow, who’s been on this channel did leave The Order, but he’s gay so he didn’t leave it as a polygamist husband. There’s also Amanda‘s brother, Eskel, who has also been on this channel, I believe, & he left The Order, but he was still a teenager when he left, so not a polygamist.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Yes, as mentioned Val has been on. I also interviewed Kody Brown’s nephew from the AUB who didn’t want to practice Polygamy and left before he did

[@UCSPanther20]

I have a saying about the enforced poverty within The Order: "Every cult leader needs to have his Rolls-Royce." It is in reference to acts of extravagant hypocrisy within the context of religious and quasi-religious movements. Forcing your followers to take vows of poverty and to own nothing and be happy (or else!) while living in opulent luxury? Every cult leader needs his Rolls-Royce.

[@nickywal]

I love that and you see in a lot of churches, a lot of Catholics live in poverty while the church as a whole and the Vatican especially is one of the wealthiest organisations in the world. But they'll still ask parishoners to donate to fix local churches etc. As I understand it the Mormon church does the same

[@UCSPanther20]

All religious and quasi-religious groups engage in wealth hoarding to varying degrees. I have actually heard the Mormon church is considered to be one of the worst in that regard. The Rolls-Royce is a reference to Osho Rajneesh, who was known to parade around in a high end Rolls-Royce car, followed by a swarm of uzi-wielding cult guards.

[@krystaladams4440]

Also Shelise you know you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about with those relationships...I think we all have had them....mine are pretty crazy too. just chalk them up to life lessons and then be thankful for the awesome guy you have now!! PS you are an incredible person and thanks for doing what you do!!

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Thank youuuu!🥰

[@Momof5grannytomany]

Amanda you are so strong and you came out of the gates saying that yes your divorce from Erik you did not through him under the bus you even said I'm not gonna share his side but mine keep going on your emotional journey cause God has a bigger day for you.

[@nicolemckerracher7695]

If anyone tries to make you feel shame for choosing to change the parts of your life that couldn't make you happy, they are jealous, stupid, and sad. Proud of you, loved this video.

[@Beginnerreadsthebible]

Thank you for being so real with us, Amanda. I'm guilty of being too personal with sorta-celebrities, because I feel like I know y'all. At least for me, it's wishing all the best, and inquiring is a form of showing love, by showing interest. Again, thanks for the reminder.

[@lesleymcbride4297]

Nice to see your hubby joining you! Beautiful couple !

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Thank you 😊

[@Suzanneyhearts]

This episode really helped me connect the dots between my experience in politics and political parties and why I've related so much to C&C. It felt like they exploited my desire to make a better future for my home, ie salvation in a sense, for underpaid and free labour. It was a really toxic experience and I'm sure I'm not the only one who's had those feelings working in politics. Maybe you can find a guest who can speak to that!

[@CultstoConsciousness]

I’m glad to hear it’s been helpful! I certainly agree that politics get super culty. It’s just such a divisive topic, it might not be the best idea for our channel specifically.

[@Suzanneyhearts]

@@CultstoConsciousness totally fair!! I am Canadian so our party allegiance isn't quite so binary, though no less polarizing in these times. Good for you for keeping those boundaries on the space you've created.

[@funwithmyswedishdogs]

Thank you all for sharing! i learned a lot.

[@jennas2068]

Amanda is an absolutely amazing human. Being so self aware as a teenager to leave the trauma? - rockstar! Putting off child bearing until it felt right? - brave!. Leaving a marriage that just couldn't work? - amazing! Marriage is really difficult in the best of circumstances, but I can't imagine anyone being successful when they're SO young and working actively on processing trauma. It's just too much for anyone in that position.

[@s.a.6082]

I agree. She’s an inspiration.

[@ianwild66]

A wonderful interview. Thank you all.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@valerienelson3296]

I got married at 18 married 41 years. I realize we are the exception not the rule. I was also married to a bearing sea fishermen that was gone 9 months out of the year the first 28 years😉. We went through ebbs and flows and work to get to where we are. ❤ Now that we're older & much wiser we are on cruise control but now we both worry about who is going to "cross over" first and who will be left behind.😢

[@stacey5440]

I’m always so happy to hear when marriages work out well no matter what age. May you continue to be happy together. ❤❤❤

[@kcstill3108]

What a great interview. Thank you all, I learned so much.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@CaitlynAnn1993]

Loved that you had Amanda on again.

[@StephanieMaynard-i8k]

I love how open and willing to share all of you are it is amazing and it has helped me be more understanding and be able see that having my standards and sticking with them is not a bad thing.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

❤️

[@codirennke1109]

Amanda is such a boss. So much respect and love for her.

[@salliestewart5125]

Very insightful interview, enjoying getting to know you all.

[@bonnielucas1941]

Also, I love Amanda! Thank you for this great interview! 💚

[@shirleywiebe2530]

I love listening to the three of you. This relationship discussion is right on. You are amazing.

[@easybreezy4559]

This is the most positive episode and I loved it! Also, waiting for my Linda shirt as we speak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love you guys and thank you for all you do.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Yay! Thanks for getting our merch! 🥰 this was definitely a more fun episode as far as being able to laugh and keep it lighter

[@marlenabryant5547]

Just caught this episode ! Hello from Indianapolis. GOOD for you Amanda!!!!

[@MAjaLeahHB]

i love that she confronted her ex husband with the "what if our child is gay" question because it's so important to only commit to children if you will love them and care for them unconditionally. your child might not turn out to be the way you imagined they would and you have to be okay with that. they will be their own person with their own personality, identity interests, body and flaws.

[@tamlinchamberlain8590]

Thank you for sharing your stories. I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian church and noticed similar themes from my experience. One thing that has helped me personally on my journey of self-discovery and self-knowing (along with various therapies) is astrology. I have been studying it for about 20 years and very in-depth for the past 5 years. it has helped me make so much sense of my life, confirmed my gut instincts of my place in this world, and now guides my life in a way that is so helpful.

[@betsybabf748]

A tip from someone who had a long successful marriage (widowed in my 40s), if you are having instincts and uncomfortable feelings that something is not right, the relationship is just not right. Even if you were wrong about specific accusations, just not being comfortable and secure all the time in a relationship, having to question, tells you it is not a healthy relationship. Don't get boggled down with the details of did he really did this, or is that a lie, if the whole feeling of the relationship is screaming at you that it's not a good relationship. In a healthy relationship, that person is your safe place and true sense of comfort, not a place of uncertainty, insecurity and stress.

[@jennifercassidy6765]

Thank you for sharing your story and your courage!

[@debbiedonovan8362]

This was an amazing trifecta!! Much love, to 3 really amazing humans who teach those, in survival mode... how to survive in healthy, loving, and real ways. Both these channels are shamazing!

[@annkupke4263]

My exhusband was not happy I was not happy. He is an alcoholic and I am thankful in the end that I got divorced

[@EM-ub3hn]

Love the vibes you guys create!!!❤❤❤

[@AndyCowan-lf7it]

I love Amanda's perspective! One of the best lessons I learned was how to take accountability in situations even where I wasn't wrong.

[@heidihafer8112]

Thank you so much for all this talk about your first relationships, I started dating at 37 and I have absolutely had the same problem with toxic people because of what childhood made me feel like it was normal to try to see the best in bad situations.

[@sunshinerays2747]

That can make you give passes to horrible people. Also people pleasing. We are so naive.

[@joyceb8174]

Both of your stories are helpful to anyone, not just for those coming out of a cult.. because not everyone is aware of their needs in life/love.. you just have great advise for anyone.. however I do LOVE that yall are working to help others..

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Thank you!

[@laurenoliver4359]

Thank you to you both! You, along with everyone from escaping polygamy has helped me so much. I didn’t even know I needed to deconstruct or what that was until watching C2C. Now I’m figuring out what that looks like for me as well as what spirituality means to me. Again, thank you so much!

[@CultstoConsciousness]

I’m so happy to hear it’s been helpful for you! ❤️

[@therealdeal3672]

A trauma bond is not what Jonathan was trying to refer to. We may form a bond with others who have experienced trauma when we are trauma survivors but that is not a trauma bond. If you're going to use the "big words" you've got to know the concept behind them. Sorry. Just needed to speak up. Love you guys. A trauma bond is a negative type of relationship with somebody who has harmed you, specifically someone who has caused you trauma. Here is Google's first listing: "What is a trauma-bonded relationship? A trauma bond is when a person forms a deep emotional attachment with someone that causes them harm. It often develops from a repeated cycle of abuse and positive reinforcement. When this occurs between partners, this is a trauma-bonded relationship."

[@lizadeeza]

How could people be in the direct bloodline of Jesus - He never had children or siblings according to the Bible. These folks are tripping.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

I’m with you lol

[@s.a.6082]

I’m my cult (the AUB) that was one of those plain and precious truths that was taken out of the Bible by conspiring men. Not only was Jesus married, he was a polygamist! 😱😂

[@glendacox6540]

Love the in person interview!❤❤❤

[@bluewolfwalking]

Another terrific show ! Thanks so much for all you are doing-helping those who want to escape a cult and enlightening us Outsiders!

[@rianna_banana]

Amanda you should mention the creep that was working on Escaping Polygamy. The video about him on your channel was super shocking!

[@michelleslaughter8264]

I love her quote, “taking accountability is the best thing I could do for myself. That’s when my life started to become my own.” So good, our culture would benefit greatly. Everyone reflected on this.

[@Mamalaura208]

It is so hard to divorce, especially deciding that it is alright to divorce and not a sin. It took me realizing God doesn’t want me to be in a marriage that is destructive to my true self. I lost who I was and took all of the comments to heart. It has been very difficult to be a single parent and support myself and the kids. It is also very hard to see the messages from him about how the divorce has made him “unable to support himself and the kids.” I’ve always been the one to sacrifice for everyone else. I’ve always the target of blame and reason for anything to go/be wrong. I saw my oldest become more like his father, then the second oldest to start a bit. I realized even if it meant me going to Hell I couldn’t keep my kids in a situation like this. I later found out how badly every affected my daughter. She would have never been able to be herself and would have cut contact eventually if I was still in the toxic marriage. I know I’m not going to Hell, God forgives and wants the best for us. Humans are made to make mistakes. I wasn’t in a cult but so many things on your channel remind me of the marriage, and other relationships I have been in. This episode was incredible to hear about the individual relationships you and Amanda have had. Seeing you both overcome and thrive is so inspiring and gives such joy and hope. I’m sorry so many go through horrible situations but I am thankful you are taking your situation, and your guest’s situations, to help others and spread awareness. It does make me so happy to see everyone who has come out of a cult and been able to make a life for themselves.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

You did the right thing for you and your kids!❤️

[@lurenacornella6588]

KINGSTONS HAD A FARM A BLOCK AWAY FROM 400 NORTH. MY BROTHER WENT TO SCHOOL WITH KINGSTON CHILDREN. HE FELT VERY BAD FOR THEM. NO SHOES ON AND HAND ME DOWN CLOTHES.

[@teamcougars]

A lot of us feel a connection to Amanda from seeing her on the show and then following up with her on her KZbin channel ❤❤

[@I-hate-youtube797]

13:43 Deuteronomy 17:17 "thou shall not multiply wives, for he who does so will be led astray from god" Amandas ex husband despite claiming to be a man of god clearly has NEVER read the bible.

[@THEMADHATTRESS]

They were fundamentalist mormons. They have their own Bible written around Jesus allegedly coming to North America and influenced by the first prophet Joseph Smith. That Bible is very pro polygamy. Indeed it's a founding principle of the religion of Mormonism.

[@marfiskey3102]

another great interview with amada and you guys are great too

[@karenwhinesmore9347]

Just subbed to Amanda Raes channel last night & binge watched. Lol

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Wooo!

[@alexandrabrill4060]

Sorry if I missed this, but did her ex go onto practice polygamy? Can you imagine what was going through her ex’s mind when she was helping others escape polygamy but her secretly wanted to live in polygamy?

[@hikariyamato6595]

“Never going to see me again” is so Depp v Heard vibes like 😂 Thank you so much Amanda for being candid and vulnerable, letting us hear your stories. “Because it’s not drama - it’s dangerous!” -SWOOP

[@betsybabf748]

I think people say sorry when there is a divorce, not feeling bad that one left a bad marriage, but more so because the marriage someone was so happy to enter didn't turn out to be what they wanted or needed.

[@kirbysthiccthighs]

holy shit, i’m early-!! love this new setup, and love that you have the hubby joining you!!!