Her Husband Divorced Her For Being Bi...

[@dogearflopper7011]

"I like brunettes and blondes." "Oh, so you'll CHEAT on your BLONDE WIFE???"

[@verszka1678]

Silly comparison. Ultimately there's no difference between a blonde woman and a brunette woman when it comes to the experience of sex and intimacy. Hair color has no impact on anything. There is however a difference between the experience of sex and intimacy with a same-sex and opposite-sex partner.

[@abbeyr3]

@@verszka1678 is big boobs vs little to no boobs a better comparison for you?

[@atheon596]

@@verszka1678 Not every bisexual person has the desire to try sex and intimacy with another person while in a monogamous relationship. If you want a good example, you can be heterosexual and be attracted to many people of the opposite gender but that doesn't mean you want to be polyamorous and try out sex and intimacy with many types of people in the opposite sex. Believe it or not, sex and intimacy varies a lot amongst people of a gender group.

[@cedarmay4245]

The truth is that she was bi before she told him, so if she was faithful before she’d be faithful now. This is straight up biphobia

[@SarahL9568]

That’s a big jump to assume he’s biphobic

[@cedarmay4245]

@@SarahL9568 The fact that he’s leaving her just because she’s bisexual is biphobic

[@theythemgae9025]

​@@SarahL9568 Divorcing someone because they don't like bi people is biphobia.

[@spongecakes1986]

​@@cedarmay4245 part of me wants to assume that he's not biphobic and the timing was just a coincidence. You know, just for the sake of my own sanity. However, if it truly happened in the way that the information is presented, there's no doubt about it. Unfortunately I can't give benefit of the doubt to those comments.

[@lloroshastar6347]

The reactions are all part of the culture war, many of them probably don't know what being bisexual is, but the reality is the one's attacking her are jumping on a bandwagon and are incapable of thinking for themselves. They hear about anything LGBTQ+ and they have to attack it, same with whenever they see a person on TV who isn't white. I saw someone the other day claiming a Black South African artist playing at Glastonbury is for the 'diversity agenda', but what they really meant was they think they are being cool by attacking a woman of colour. I mean, there have been POC at Glastonbury for decades now, why is it all of the sudden about 'diversity' now? It's because that's what's trendy in the mainstream media, attacking people for not being straight, cis, 'white' or in some cases attacking them for not being a man.

[@1nico517]

I'm a bisexual man, i felt comfortable in coming out to the girlfriend i had been with for two years at the age of 21, she broke up with me shortly after that giving it as one of the reasons, she was of the opinion that i was gay and hiding it. I'm now 34 and i have never felt comfortable telling anyone since

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

As another bisexual (and in my case also biromantic) man, I feel your pain. I hope you are doing better.

[@sil3585]

I'm sorry that happened :( people can be very close minded and cruel. I hope people are kinder to you in the future and you will feel loved for who you truly are.

[@Amira_Phoenix]

So messed up when one comes out, and the other person says they're HIDING!😵🤦

[@margaretjohnson6259]

two years? dude. you proved you were faithful, didn't you? that's all that counts.

[@spongecakes1986]

Wait, I'm confused. Is she one of those people who think that bi is just a stop on the gay train, or did she think you knew you were a homosexual and lying to her for... some reason? If she did think you were homosexual and lying, what reason or benefit did she think you had to do so? Like, I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I promise that there's plenty of people out there who will accept you, I'm just utterly baffled by her reasoning here

[@pheobemaylin]

I came out to my husband as bi only a couple months into our marriage and he’s been so kind and supportive of me. We go to pride every year together. He’s not intimidated by my confidence and happiness in who I am. Absolutely ridiculous this man acted this way to his wife. I hope she finds happiness with someone who will accept her for who she is.

[@mikalcarruthers]

You have a great husband to accept you as you are. Shout out to him

[@murasakidrummer]

Congrats on coming out to your husband!! I'm glad you both are doing well!!

[@spongecakes1986]

It's sad when acceptance is praised when it should be the bare minimum. Not saying your husband is bad or anything, and I wouldn't consider making an effort to go to pride with you bare minimum, just to be clear. It's just sad when you can say "my spouse accepts me for being queer" and people praise it because in our society that's seen as positive instead of neutral. Glad you found someone though

[@pheobemaylin]

@@spongecakes1986i completely agree with you. Acceptance is the bare minimum when it should be the norm. We shouldn’t have to feel scared to come out to our significant others. Anyone who isn’t insecure in their own self wouldn’t feel threatened by their partner being anything but straight. Sadly we do have to keep “praising” the people who accept people of the LGBTQ+ community until it becomes normal to be accepted to show others that acceptance is ok and very much appreciated.

[@Ed-ss1uh]

Cringe virtue signaling

[@amonrawya3064]

I can't believe anyone would harass Rachel, she's so nice and, despite having a certain amount of "social commentary" videos around online dramas, never feels like she's doing it for attention or to provoke more drama like so many other channels do. Anyone who goes after others online is just a sad individual tbh. I hope you and yours are doing well, Rachel :) look after yourself!

[@warlordofbritannia]

Especially when it’s like 4-5 years ago now

[@amonrawya3064]

@@warlordofbritannia Exactly! It's so weird

[@SwanofWar]

Agreed, of all the people online to pick to harass, she's a WILD choice. I don't know why you'd want to bully someone so kind and gentle.

[@dangerxbadger2300]

Yeah they really have been making that choice for half a decade now. It's complete Insanity and honestly I feel like they probably could use some professional help because it's a full-blown Obsession and so weird and I feel so bad for Rachel

[@spongecakes1986]

I saw one channel that claimed she was transphobic or did/said transphobic things or something, but I didn't watch that video because doxastic anxiety, and months later I learned that the channel is kinda infamous among other creators for just lying about people, when she decided to straight up lie about another creator I watch. I don't really intend to watch the video now that I've seen her lie about someone, but I could understand if some of the people harassing Rachel do so because of this creator. Don't know, though.

[@ladymeow1226]

I'm pansexual, & am very monogamous! Ugh, people getting us pan/bi people wrong makes me quite angry! Oh, the fetishization. I adore my pan & Agender identity!

[@Harudodo]

Yeeessss. I’m gyno-pansexual and very monogamous as well, I can’t imagine being in a relationship with more than one person. It’s so annoying that people think we’re serial cheaters, always polyamorous, or will screw literally anyone we see

[@Tinuvielthefair]

Yep! I absolutely agree! I've been asked if I was bi, how could I also be monogamous. It blew my mind completely! I had to keep explaining it! This person just didn't seem to understand. Bi-phobia is a very real thing.

[@8114梦见]

It truly is frustrating as a bi- demisexual, who is also extremely monogamous.

[@spongecakes1986]

Yeah. I'm an ace lesbian, but I still get horny and desire sex. I also don't have any gender/sex preference for that type of partner, since I feel sexual attraction to no one. I've also considered polyamory, although I've only ever been in monogamous relationships. I'd certainly be fine with an open relationship if one of us wasn't being fulfilled (in theory anyways, I've never actually had an opportunity to explore that), but cheating? Hell no! And I still value romantic relationships much more and will put those first, since they're just more fulfilling to me. If a partner isn't okay with polyamory, then that's that unless they change their mind and bring it up themselves. Just because I can be intimate with multiple people of multiple genders, doesn't mean I have to be. Not exactly the same as being bi or pan, but I thought it was similar enough for this discussion

[@tilleternity326]

Hello, ma'am, I am a girl from a conservative family in India, I watch your videos regularly, and it gives me clarity about the things society forces on us, Your videos, you words have me clarity about what I want in my life, seeing to much toxicity and restrictions enforced around us in the name of it's being our culture or religion takes away the hopes sometimes, but your words really helps and motivates to achieve my dream life, I also summarise your videos to my friends and empower them to be self dependent and break the restrictions, thank you for making these videos, it helps, really. Hope you are okay

[@ingweking8748]

I am a Turkish girl from Turkey and I have a conservative family too

[@wheeliemum6253]

My ex husband realised he was bi about 15 years after we split and his partner split, she had tolerated his cheating for years but him also being attracted to men without acting on it was too much for her. Weird she could tolerate cheating but not bi attraction without same sex cheating.

[@spongecakes1986]

That's just blatant bigotry. He shouldn't have cheated on her and that's a totally valid reason to split (the cheating, not the same sex attraction), but that doesn't mean the split wasn't a result of bigotry

[@lizzy-np2dr]

I realized in my mid-twenties that I was bi. Told my (at the time) boyfriend (now husband) "Hey, I'm kind of crushing on a woman at work. I think I'm bi." His response was "huh. Neat. What's she like?" The only thing that changed about our relationship is that we both giggle like teenage boys at anime fan service.

[@verszka1678]

The fact that you're two adults who know what an 'animce fan service' is says everything :o Most gay men wouldn't feel comfortable with their partner being attracted to women, and it's stupid to expect people with *different sexualities* to form a good, healthy, lasting sexual relationship.

[@lizzy-np2dr]

@@verszka1678 I'm not really following you. My husband is attracted to women (i.e. me) and I'm attracted to men (i.e. him.) I just also happen to be attracted to women as well. Why is it stupid to expect our relationship won't last? Also I don't see what being into anime as adults has to do with literally anything. I thought we'd left that stupid mindset in the 2,000's.

[@trixjoyce]

I just figured out I’m bi and I’m 31. I thought I was gay for years but it turned out I like some types of men as well. I simply like feminine people regardless of gender… And I realized this now. Not all of us know immediately when we’re teenagers… Thanks Rachel, for being such a good ally for LGBTQ people. And like other people are saying here, I can’t imagine why people harass you and if you need time off we will stay when you come back ❤❤❤

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

I happen to be bisexual and biromantic who also doesnt care about gender identity but at least feminine look of my potential partner (can be minimum look).

[@akinyiomer4589]

​@@klemenhudobreznik3421 What a happy coincidence to see a fellow biromantic out in the internet wild! Not only that but I also share that preference of loving *a dash* of femininity - bare minimum - in my potential partners, regardless of whether they're actually women/femmes or not. 😊😅 It just *does* something to me and I just go down bad for it lmao. It's enchanting no matter what gender is wearing it. I've only recently began to feel less insecure about my preferences and my labels too - so happy days! 😊

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

@@akinyiomer4589 Do you by any chance are sapiosexual or/and sapioromantic?

[@spongecakes1986]

​@@akinyiomer4589I don't have the same preferences at all, but I'm so glad you're finding people like you and are feeling more secure in yourself!

[@akinyiomer4589]

@@spongecakes1986 Thank you 😊 even though this video topic can be a tough listen if you've been through the biphobia ringer - as I can see from some of the heartbreaking comments here - this has been super nice.

[@lovecatxx]

That is outrageous! I came out as bi during my last year at secondary school. The first person I told was my partner. We were at the Christmas dance and whilst taking a break during some dances we didn't care to miss (we're Scottish, our high school dances are Ceilidhs) I told him. We were 17 at the time, turning 18 in April. We'd been together almost 4 and a half years. And, guess what? He was fine with it! It didn't mean I needed to also go out with girls. I have kissed a couple of girls since then (with permission) back in my student days and that was nice, but my partner is my best friend and love of my life so I didn't feel like I needed any other romantic relationships, gender regardless (I identify as bi and like people of any gender). We are still together today at 32. That'll be 19 years in September. My being bi has not caused any issues whatsoever in 2 decades. Wild that my partner was more mature than this man when we were still teens in school uniform living with our mothers!

[@lolaluftnagel8251]

Regarding splitting bills: I’ve heard from so many married couples that they do 50/50 and keep finances separate even though the wife does the majority of housework and childcare. The husband’s job takes priority (because sometimes he does pay a bit more/ pays for big purchases etc) so she’s forced to work around his schedule and is only able to work part time or take on a work-from-home job with the kids screaming in the background. At the end of the month she’s got nothing left but he’s able to spend money on new clothes, hobbies and save up for rainy days. I think it’s disgusting.

[@kristagrace0917]

It shouldn't be strictly 50-50. Instagram accounts I follow talking about this agree on the same. There are times it'll be 70-50, etc depending on who earns more or has extra disposable cash to spend on the household. 50-50, I feel like, will be fine if/when men contribute to house keeping/management and childcare. Many are speaking out on and about this on instagram now.

[@CodeDusq1]

Deleting your Twitter is the smartest decision anybody can make 👍

[@Moon0525_]

I privatised mine to those only I now follow and who follow me, and barely log on. My mental health has absolutely improved (given I come from K-Pop Stan Twitter, you can imagine the things I have witnessed on my side of the internet lol)

[@steffibiegger5373]

Pansexual women married to a cis het man here. I'm happy to say, as I told him the story of the divorce he went hum? Häh? Why? That makes no sense....

[@Amira_Phoenix]

Bless you both ❤

[@unjelli]

I would understand if a person would feel hurt that their spouse wouldn't tell them sooner, if that person had known the whole time. But being mad is weird

[@Bogdragenshule]

I've been married to my husband for almost 20 years. We didn't discuss my bi-sexuality before our daughter came out as lesbian 3 years ago. It was never a problem. We love each other and are a good match.

[@annabeinglazy5580]

The 50/50 Bill Thing being touted as equal has Always frustrated because... It isnt equal. If your Partner makes a Third of your salary, the 50/50 will Impact your partner much more than you. Thats Not equal, thats Just lazy. My Partner and i Split Bills proportionally to our salaries, so that we both have equal strain on our finances in Proportion to our actual earningd

[@TheCrazyFreak]

As a bi woman myself, so many of the comments on the post about a woman coming out as bi to her husband frustrated me. I agree with everything you said about the topic, Rachel. Thank you for speaking up on this.

[@warlordofbritannia]

Rachel if you need a couple weeks or however long away, I’m sure we won’t mind. Maybe build up a backlog of videos and plan a vacation around that?

[@rockguitar2012]

Yeah we love you Rachel, look after yourself

[@apparentlylivin]

Yeah exactly. We can wait if she wants to take a break

[@mikalcarruthers]

I agree. Rachel has been through too much shit

[@AngbangCorp]

I may have to skip out on this video as discussions of biphobia can be very upsetting for me, but I'll thank you for covering it regardless because I know you'll be fair, understanding and supportive💜

[@spongecakes1986]

Just wanted you to know that she does read comments on the post that were supportive of the bi woman. Not trying to get you to watch something that might upset you, just wanted you to know that there's more people out there with a brain

[@upgradeplans777]

The man who said "Some men would say that would be a dream come true" pretty clearly meant it in the worst way... However, dating straight women actually does worry me a lot more than dating bi women. That's because I'm bi myself and the average straight person - even the well meaning ones - are often not informed enough to be normal about it. Obviously this is not at all relevant in a long term relationship such as the post in question. I just wanted to mention that a partner coming out as bi would - for me - take away one pretty big uncertainty about us being compatible w.r.t. the place we are in life.

[@DrNecrotech]

I will admit there was a time when I thought if someone was bisexual it was likely there was something they get from women that they can't get from men, and something they get from women that they can't get from men. Now that I've grown and matured, I know it's the same as any other relationship.

[@clorby22]

I hope everything works out in the end for you Rachel :( can't believe anyone would go out of their way to hurt you when you seem like such a kind and genuine soul. All the best

[@mikalcarruthers]

Rachel, i hope you're doing well. It's disgusting that people are still trying to bully you and lie on your name, even though all of that stuff happened 5 YEARS AGO. Even though some people might've said that you didn't handle that situation in a best way, i don't blame you. You've been through a lot of shit you didn't deserve. You are a stronger and genuine person. Don't let these negative people get you down

[@kikinationforever]

Harassing Rachel? You've crossed the line! Rachel army, ASSEMBLE!

[@mastersouth531]

It's been happening for awhile, the person has a bunch of word docs that they share around their followers... They are hiding behind their identity as a trans person even though Rachel has never attacked that once. But she did try to silence some hate... Doesn't matter where the hate comes from, hate is hate. Talked to some of the peeps in their comment section and no one can point something concrete. They are literally going after Rachel because they were told to.

[@kikinationforever]

@@mastersouth531 I knew it had been going on for a while, but I didn't know about the docs. That's ridiculous and unacceptable behavior.

[@idontspeakenglish827]

@@mastersouth531who’s that?

[@mastersouth531]

@@idontspeakenglish827 I do not want to send people directly to them, as they already have a massive victim complex, I recomand searching on YT for controversy or drama and you can easily find it, it's honestly terrifying the scenarios they've made... What's worse, the creator has some really good videos about trans rights, but they are a bully.

[@mastersouth531]

@@idontspeakenglish827 Plus, Rachel never directly names them, but they looove taking her name through the mud, so I will abstain as well

[@mooooogrrrr]

when my bi girlfriend and i get married i'm gonna have to divorce her for breach of contract reasons😔

[@yarondavidson6434]

To be fair, all marriages, unless marrying into an existing poly group, are breaches of contract. You think you're marrying a person who is single, only to then find out, when it's too late, that they're married...

[@megansedlacek6229]

This hits so close to home for me right now. I’ve been married to my husband for 4 years, known him for longer. He’s been quite aware of my bisexuality since the beginning, so it was quite a surprise when he suddenly informed me he didn’t like that or support it in any way. It still hurts, honestly. I feel for those in similar situations. 💜

[@coolchameleon21]

@@megansedlacek6229 why are you with him

[@spongecakes1986]

I'm so sorry. He shouldn't have married you if he "didn't support" who you are. At the VERY least, he should've brought it up sooner. I know it's not much, but I'm sending virtual hugs. I hope things get better

[@sari9645]

God that heartbreaking I’m so sorry. I wonder if he fell down some sort of conservative rabbit hole

[@spongecakes1986]

@@sari9645 I once had a friend who fell down a conservative rabbit hole during 2020. Before that she was the most supportive person I'd ever met, but during quarantine she became so conservative she stopped supporting queer identities at all. She goes to a super gay art school now, funnily enough, and I'm pretty sure she's out as pan. Must've been a wild inner journey

[@elysiagoodson1463]

I really hope you start feeling better again soon. You deserve better. Please don't feel guilty if you need to take another break :)

[@sashakononova8968]

Dont sign a lease unless you're married/engaged? SO MANY PEOPLE live with roommates. In many places, youre very unlikely to get through college otherwise, or live anywhere with a college nearby. Rent is insane, studios and one bedrooms are hard to afford especially when you're younger.

[@sil3585]

I'm in the USA. I earn more than my partner yet he always gets handed check when we go out, no matter what. It is never asked if we want to split the bill or handed to me. If we socialize together, all questions about finance go to him. It feels so absurd. I am proud of the hard work I've put in to have made it this far in the career I'm in and it feels so patronizing that it is always assumed I'm being taken care of by a man in some way :( My partner and I also live separately. I love my partner, but if something were to happen and we broke up, I would not need him for anything. We love our independence and each other. We are together because we've chosen to be together, not because I need him for basic necessities.

[@HakaYonder]

Happy to read things are working out for you both. Hopefully people around you will be more mindful of their manners in the future. 🙏🙏🙏

[@sil3585]

@@HakaYonder thank you, i appreciate your kindness

[@sashakononova8968]

I could never imagine splitting stuff 50-50 if we dont have around the same income. How can i enjoy stuff knowing im putting an unfair burden on my partner and that putting them in financial discomfort needlessly?

[@coolchameleon21]

fr i feel like whoever earns more money should take on more of the bills. that’s only fair

[@kristagrace0917]

​@@coolchameleon21this.

[@RiannaNicole]

21:21 as someone who lives with her partner, not wanting marriage, we do sleep in different beds, which throws people off, but we sleep better that way, and it really helps having our own space

[@coolchameleon21]

idk why people care so much about other people’s living/sleeping arrangements. it’s weird

[@spongecakes1986]

It's pretty funny to me that decades ago it was MANDATORY for on screen couples to sleep in different beds like ten feet apart, but now when couples don't sleep in the same bed it's weird. Also, as someone who's parents both snore incredibly loud (my mom always and my dad when he's on his back), I completely understand a married couple wanting to sleep separately. There were so many times growing up where I could hear my mom in the other room yelling at my dad to turn over cause his snoring woke her up.

[@coolchameleon21]

@@spongecakes1986 my mom and dad have always had separate bedrooms for this reason. it was just normal to me. frankly, i’d love to have separate houses if i ever get married 😂 we can have sleepovers but still have our own space

[@Moon0525_]

My grandparents are the same! 40+ years together, defacto partners with no intention of making it a ceremonial marriage, and separate beds due to incompatible sleeping style. One snores, one kicks, and the kicker is the light sleeper who gets woken up by snoring LOL and they're perfectly happy.

[@spongecakes1986]

@@coolchameleon21 okay so I commented this before finishing the video, and I just got to the part where she mentions women sleeping like a beast. It reminded me of a specific story relevant to this. One time when I was a kid, my mom fell asleep on the couch while my dad was watching one of the Godzilla movies. He comes upstairs to get ready for work, and I'm sitting on their bed on my iPad or something. We can hear her snoring, and my dad says "the question is, is it Godzilla or momzilla?"

[@goodmanticore]

I agree 100% about living with someone before marrying them. Some people are a joy to hang out with, but absolute hell to live with. My fiancee and I rented an apartment together for two years before we got engaged, and I would not have agreed had we not lived together for a while and figured out how we both live, what works, what needed fixed, and where we needed to compromise. As far as bills, we split it however works per month. Some, he needs help covering his “half,” others I am short on mine. It’s a push and pull that evens out for the most part. Edit: We make roughly the same amount of income and have similar personal bills. I have student loans, and he has a car loan, etc etc.

[@Moon0525_]

As a monogamous bisexual woman, THANK YOU. I am bisexual when single, bisexual when in a relationship, bisexual when looking and bisexual when not looking and just sitting on the toilet minding my own business. The bisexuality doesn't stop..... But my DESIRE TO SEEK OTHER PARTNERS does when I find someone I want to commit my heart / life / romantic and sex life to. I am still bi when I am in the bedroom with my man, all it means is that I'm not considering bringing another man or woman *into* it because he can tick all my satisfaction boxes. Using the misinformation that bisexuality = polyamory is biphobia. Whilst there is A LOT of bisexual polyamorous people, not all of us are, and we're the ones quietly enjoying happy monogamous relationships without getting a Lifestyle Article on the DailyMail about our 'throuple' lol

[@GreatHanyouInuyasha]

My girlfriend and I sleep in different rooms. I struggle with sleeping so any noise or movement bothers me, but we still are a couple.

[@gabriellafrantz7486]

this kind of was the topic of my last therapy appointment, people think so shallowly about everything, they don't take 1min to consider other possibilities and they run with it

[@sophie_drachen]

I'm bisexual, and I don't have a problem with monogamy, I've had a long-term boyfriend for six years, but I tell him about having crushes on women. That's why I think my relationship with him is so strong, it's how much trust we have in each other and how we communicate with each other. This really feeds into the old narrative that people used to spin about bisexual people being "cheats" and unfaithful to their partners. Straight people can cheat on their partners. Deactivating my Twitter was the best thing I ever did, it was good for my mental wellbeing. You're such a genuinely sweet person from what I've seen of you, so I can't believe that someone that miserable would harass you on Twitter. You deserve the world and more! ❤️

[@oriana5979]

You shouldn't be having crushes in anyone if you're in a relationship. This is why people think this way about bi people

[@CharlesWawa]

@@oriana5979 No. You can't control crushing on other people, it's what you DO about that crushing that matters. It's not cheating to have a crush on someone else inherently.

[@oriana5979]

@@CharlesWawa finding someone attractive and having a crush on someone are two different things

[@spongecakes1986]

​@@oriana5979 kinda depends. Finding someone aesthetically attractive isn't a crush, but finding someone romantically attractive is basically the definition of a crush. And like the other person said, what matters more is what you do about those feelings, since that's the only thing you can control. Now, if you develop feelings for someone while you're in a relationship and realize that you no longer feel that way about your partner, then that's probably a sign that things have run their course and you should be friends instead, but that's not what this person is talking about.

[@oriana5979]

@@spongecakes1986 yeah you aren't doing anything wrong if you end up having a crush on someone else and don't act on it, but the right thing to do is to break up with your partner

[@KakiOlsenCreative]

6:05 I didn’t have a label for being demisexual until I was 36. Who knows when this person worked out this part of herself and whether this was something she questioned or explored for some time before coming out? There’s not a checklist for sexual or romantic inclination.

[@emexdizzy]

We like the doggy grumbles, do not apologize for doggy grumbles.

[@SumNutOnU2b]

I LOVE the Kyra snoring and grumbling sounds! I'm always disappointed when a video finishes without having a doggie break.

[@Amira_Phoenix]

It's like we're all petting Kyra together ❤🤗

[@dangerxbadger2300]

I'm pretty sure that she mentions it because of some less than charitable comments that have been made about it in the past by people who were only here to cause anxiety and harm and self-consciousness. Unfortunately, regardless of validity, our brains will repeat things over and over to us that attempts to confirm our worst suspicions about ourselves, especially when you live with depression and anxiety at any sort of issue related to self-esteem or self-image

[@tallemajas]

tbh as someone who's scared of dogs the dog sounds do make me uncomfortable and i often have to skip the parts of the video that kyra is in, but i've never commented complaining about it because that just feels rude to do. as much as it sucks having to skip parts of the video i can't expect everyone on the internet to cater to /my/ phobias and i acknowledge that

[@emexdizzy]

@@tallemajas Aww. I wish you the best of luck with that. Anxiety triggers for otherwise benign things like that are something I've lived with, they're rough. You stay good, friend.

[@smilingjacks83]

Having this battle with family right now. To them lgbtqia = unfaithful. I'm sick of hiding. Much more to it. I haven't done anything wrong and neither has this woman. Finding this episode hard so I'll come back later.

[@spongecakes1986]

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear that about your family, and I hope they come around at some point, or at the very least you find people who understand and support you. Secondly, if you haven't gotten to this part yet, there were people there who supported the woman. Not all ignorant people, if that helps your faith in humanity. Third, does your family think that literally any queer identity is unfaithful? Like, even monosexual/romantic (I have no idea if that means what I mean but we're going with it) identities? Even asexual/romantic identities!? I guess if they're that ignorant I shouldn't expect an understanding of asexuality, but still.

[@smilingjacks83]

@spongecakes1986 thank you for your kind words of support. My father only says "the gay issue" or "same sex attraction (SSA). Total Bi/Pan erasure. He has no recognition of non-binary people or trans people, simply believes they're misguided. I'm actually Pan but I didn't want to conduse my mother any further (doesn't 'get' it). No recognition of demiboys or demigirls, people who are asexual or aromantic. I know there are more labels I'm forgetting. Trying to do better than the homophobic echo chamber I was raised in. Thankfully u do have some friends of the same faith who've affirming. According to my father, those friends "haven't thought it through properly 🙄🙄😬😡🤬🤬

[@spongecakes1986]

@@smilingjacks83 okay, I know the common arguments made against gay people, but I've never heard anyone say that gay people (as in same sex only) are inherently unfaithful, and now I'm both confused and curious as to why your dad thinks that. Still sorry you have to deal with that, though. I got really lucky with my family, but my parents do want to drag me to a family reunion in like a week or two where there's gonna be some people who fully support Trump, at least one of which swears that he's never done anything wrong and won the election and he's only a felon because Democrats are evil or something. Not looking forward to that. One also swears my older sibling and I would be better off in Texas (I'm from Pennsylvania, so no, I don't think that's true).

[@katashworth41]

I’m bi and my partner isn’t, we’ve been together 10 years and it’s never been a problem.

[@Jojafox]

Side note: I was very confused about the weird background noises in the beginning and assumed this must be what the disclaimer about the mic issues was talking about. Made a lot more sense once doggo entered the frame lmao Concerning the topic: Bi erasure is unfortunately still a major issue, be it within or outside of queer spaces. One of the sadder things I've ever heard was a friend of mine mentioning that she's not sure whether her partner actually fully realizes she's queer, because in his mind it might just work out to "Well, she's together with me, so she can't be too queer, right?" It's an uncomfortable discussion because bisexuality has been portrayed as being equal to promiscuity for so long - which, especially when it comes to female sexuality, was and often still is made out to be a negative trait, a character flaw, something to be condemned

[@spongecakes1986]

Female promiscuity is to be condemned unless it specifically benefits men. Oh, she's being sexy for her man, what a good woman. Or the femme fatale who is sexy specifically for the fantasies of the men watching. If it's not for men specifically, it's terrible

[@josicruz88]

I've always wanted to get married, I want to have children and a family and all that jazz. My boyfriend also is excited to get engaged, and get married, and spending time with him is the easiest thing ever, we just love to just be together. BUT, we have agreed that we want to be able to afford a place where we both could have our own rooms, our one personal space, before moving in together.

[@RiannaNicole]

You’re doing great Rachel. My mental health has been in the toilet this last while as well, especially being in poverty and trying to get back on our feet. Take any time you need off of whatever platforms. I like some of these lighter videos as well, and if finding some topics to do like this more often suits you, I’ll happily watch them, even as maybe a mini-backlog, for when you need more time to sort yourself out some.

[@mastersouth531]

Oh my god, a throwaway thing that you just said 14:34, that's it! You've vocalized something that is so weird for others and something that both me and my mom share, while being the bane for both of us. I want to find a partner that has his independent life, his house, his income, but still be with him, spend holidays together, spend time, maybe one week at most in the same house, but I couldn't see sharing a roof for longer at least now. My mom is 50, beautiful and finally discovered herself sexually and started dating, but being in a mostly con country, it's difficult for her finding a man who can look after himself without being mothered while also giving her the freedoms to continue her business life and still do holidays. P.s. I can't believe that creator is still continuing the harassment campaign, I have asked some of the people in their comments why they would be mean to you and most I've gotten is that you "Gave too much leeway to people and tried finding excuses for them" which is the reason I stayed with your content for so long, soooo very long, cause you are a good natured person. Keep it up! Can't wait for the next video where you torture yourself with another terrible book! =)))

[@bleuumscarlett7977]

I mean, if only saying you are also attracted to women is a bi woman cheating on her husband... isn't everyone cheating then?? How does it make sense 😂 she wasn't saying she fell in love with someone else, she was just being honest or sharing this newfound knowledge of herself...

[@kkturtle12]

“men should pay for everything” = I want women to be dependent on men

[@Wolf_Avatar]

I've been married for 30 years and my wife and I have had separate bedrooms for most of it. Mostly because we have very different sleep schedules. I have a daytime job so I need a regular nighttime sleep schedule. She prefers to be awake all night, and will generally sleep while I'm working. Then we spend most of the time we're both awake together. It honestly really improves our relationship.

[@LiamODonovan-l6e]

That is disgusting, duvorcing someone for a small part of her. If the world had more people like you, the world would be a place.

[@dangerxbadger2300]

Thank you so much, Rachel, for continuing to normalize non-traditional relationships and healthy attitudes toward sex. Ive learned so much from you since subscribing a few years ago, and still do every time you put out a video. Even when things arent going so great for you, you're still uploading great content and doing your best and thats damn admirable. You're a total queen and this platform is better for you being on it. ❤

[@RachelOates]

Thank you ❤️

[@Moon0525_]

@@RachelOates extra thank you because listening to you talk actually solidified so many feelings I felt, but thought was 'wrong' so I kept kinda going along with the expectations of a Hopeless Romantic. I am VERY much a Hopeless Romantic, so the spoonfed theory is XYZ is what I should be striving for. My ex and I broke up because we're on different 'relationship escalator' wavelengths, and time frames for meeting the ones we agreed on. And I thought there was something wrong with me because of that, and I was the cause of the breakup (because he dumped me.) Turns out, no. It's just two people with different needs/wants, and we found someone who meets those

[@Harudodo]

Reminds me of the time I told my ex that I think I might be pansexual and he straight up said “no you’re not” 💀 Though this is the same guy who, after I came out as a transgender man, decided he would “teach me how to be a man” and specifically told me that bro code was to ALWAYS put your girl before your bros 💀💀 Needless to say we don’t talk anymore

[@spongecakes1986]

First of all, ew. Gross. Bleh. Secondly, did you come out during your relationship or after (for both things)? Just curious

[@Roadent1241]

Good. I hope you are safe and happy now.

[@annabeinglazy5580]

Good Thing i never believed in marriage, considering that i only realized i was bi when i was 28. An age where plenty of people are already married. How evil of me to lie about a sexuality i was in denial about for Most of my adult life

[@perseflora]

just popping in to say hearing you've progressed past the need for nails for skin picking is so good! i'm currently having to use stilettos for that, but my eyebrows have grown back! thank u for giving me hope

[@qwert671]

It's absolutly normal to not want a bisexual woman for wife and mother. She dissimulated that shameful information. It has consequences.

[@RachelOates]

no.

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

Yet again, more of the 'bi people cannot be monogamous' stuff......as a Bi person, I have been dealing with that stereotype my entire life and I am so, so tired. Congrats monogamous people, your attitudes are exactly what's keeping so many bi people still in the closet

[@yverami]

I have been married to my spouse for 12 years and he is Bi. What I find strange is that I never feel inclined to convince anyone that this is the 'only right way ' to do marriage 😂 Sorry you have had to put up with all that!

[@audreytwo]

It's annoying, my father worries I secretly want to leave my boyfriend for a woman.

[@spongecakes1986]

​@@audreytwothat's a really weird thing for YOUR father to worry about

[@CanonSkyrissian]

so I'm a lesbian but I identified as bi for years and I have so much love for the bi community so I'm ready to fight any biphobes

[@taryntyler1258]

My partner and I are both bi and monogamous AF.

[@May-scribbles]

Regarding the splitting of money for bills, I have a feeling the woman calculating their pay was assuming taxes were automatically witheld from paychecks and they use that as their income- as this is what happens for many Americans that aren’t self employed. Though factoring personal bills like student loans also makes a ton of sense when factoring in a gross income!

[@maeror1022]

Threads has an... interesting dynamic. The first wave of users established a culture of blocking trolls and not engaging with them, which a lot of us still adhere to. Unfortunately, a part of the community migrated from Twitter, and they brought the drama-farming culture of that website with them. Despite our best efforts, clickbait, arguments and dunking on people for their views are starting to become the norm.

[@Joey245]

Wait, people still harass you over the Gabbie Hannah stuff? Man, those people have no lives... DOG! :D The number of folks who are defending the dude is unbelievable to me, what? Seven cars!? What, does that guy have one for each day of the week? There's actually a hidden third panel of that "Equality vs Equity" image, where the tall guy has all three boxes for himself. It represents capitalism XD Speaking as a man, I also hate sentences that start with "speaking as a man" ...wait. Your partner likes LEGOs? Congrats, you've found a keeper! :D (Jokes aside, he sounds like an absolute sweetheart, love that) Return of the dooooog! Never been in a relationship or lived with a partner before, but having separate rooms sounds like a dream to my autistic, introvert self. Only if that's what my partner would want, of course! The dog snoring while you were reading the post about the snoring husband made me giggle in my spot, haha. Perfect comedic timing! Hope the comments here I made while watching the video made you smile today, keep being awesome :)

[@spongecakes1986]

I kinda assumed the seven cars was a typo and he meant cats. I've never met anyone with more than like three or four cars (he was old and wealthy and at least one was a gift, but still a lot), but I did date someone with six cats once. Can't really know for sure without looking into that guy though

[@chronicallyhorror]

Maybe he was autocorrected an he ment 7 cats 🐈 i hope they mean 7 cat's an not cars lol

[@Roadent1241]

Having had personal experience with 8 fuzzy housemates, same. I wish I could have that again.

[@avairejustdesserts9921]

This is honestly my biggest fear about coming out because I know my partner's entire family will immediately disown me (without knowing that my partner is closeted nonbinary bisexual) if i come out. It sucks

[@francoislacombe9071]

It amazes me how most humans will immediately focus on the ways a given situation can go _wrong,_ instead of enjoying the (probably more expansive) ways it is _right._

[@annamittal8319]

Rachel your channel is always a breath of fresh air. I’m not sure of the harassment/legal case you’re currently dealing with, but I agree that battling someone committing crimes against you drains you financially, emotionally, mentally, physically. Wishing you all the best with your legal situation 💕

[@eatplastic9133]

Pls don't feed the bullies telling them you're gonna fall apart...

[@parrotstories]

That doesn’t feed them. Please shut up

[@juliegold6490]

What?! Who is bullying Rachel!!! I’m normally a lurker but I support you Rachel!

[@denizkaragullu6239]

Some person named EOTS. The whole drama is such a headache honestly. It all transpired because Rachel's friend made a video that had some transphobic stuff in it. Not blatant, violent transphobia obviously, but insensitive stuff. He deleted the video, apologized and donated the ad revenue to a charity. Rachel said that she doesn't condone what he said, but he never meant any harm by it so she will continue to support his friend as he fixes his fuck up. She however, won't make a video on the topic because she doesn't know enough about sports or hormonal treatments to talk about on trans athletes. This eots person was not happy about it, and the whole drama started from there. It escalated a lot after that. It would take me so long to explain the whole situation, just search it on Google if you want

[@coralink]

​@@denizkaragullu6239just saying but they now go by she/they pronouns. Don't give her any more ammo than she already percieves they have

[@ninawth]

This reminds me of a story a friend told me recently. We are both bi, but he isn't open about his sexual orientation with most other people. He is open to dating anyone, but in practice he mostly dates women. So, a few weeks ago he was on a date with a woman (they're both 25) and for some reason, they were talking about a student association. She told him that she went there to see if she wanted to join, but her impression was that a lot of the people there belong to the LGBTQIA+-community, which made her "feel like a minority as a straight woman", so she left. He didn't tell her about his own identity, but needless to say there was no second date.

[@rosemaidenvixen]

Biphobia is the fucking worst, but as always your videos are lovely.

[@estherelizabeth2166]

I came out as bi to my best friend today (they were very cool about it, luckily) and this is the kind of thing that makes me want to stay in the closet forever. I just hope people actually learn more about bisexuality and other LGBTQ+ identities in the future to save us all a lot of trouble!

[@wendyheatherwood]

For the sake of my sanity I'm going to assume 7 cars was a typo and they meant to say they're the one that pays a small fortune a month on cat food.

[@spongecakes1986]

Don't forget the litter!

[@dangerxbadger2300]

15:50 the Venn Diagram of dudes out here saying "50/50 split regardless of income" and the dudes who say "equal rights means equal fights" is a circle.

[@damejanea.macdonald2371]

Wild that people like many of these highlighted responders exist. So strange.

[@carolinebarckert495]

I "figured out" I was bi 2 years into dating my current partner and told him when I felt like it was the right moment. That was almost 10 years ago now and I've never once wanted to cheat or leave him for another person.

[@godbearxd]

I'd be a little worried that she'd eventually want to explore that side of herself which would be a problem in a monogamous relationship, but I wouldn't sweat it as long as we had a prenup which is mandatory for me in general. I've heard too many stories of cheaters just getting away with things for me to ever marry with out one.

[@laurajarrell6187]

Hi Rachel, you look great, and Kyra looks fab!!👍🏼🌊💙💙💙🌊🥰✌🏽

[@samwindmill8264]

On the topic of the Threads app, I downloaded it when it first came out and very quickly forgot about it. A few months afterwards, I suddenly started seeing nothing but these total unknowns going on transphobic or TERF diatribes, or stuff like writing "porn is evil" thirty times in a row as the whole post, recommended in the other Meta apps cos I hadn't opened Threads itself in forever. It came to an end after blocking just *one* of these idiotic accounts. One of the most bizarre experiences I've ever had with social media...

[@spiceupyourafterlife]

If he's going to be that biphobic, she's better off. I'm both bi and poly and just got engaged to a wonderful man (also poly, btw) who loves me for who I am. I hope she can find someone who loves her the way she deserves to be loved.

[@verszka1678]

Calling any man or woman you know nothing about 'biphobic', 'ignorant', 'vile', 'close-minded', 'cruel', just because they want to make their own decisions about the most intimate and private aspect of their life is sick. Wanting to be with a partner that aligns with you sexually (shares the same sexual orientation) is completely OK. All of you here are just old fashioned bullies rebranded as morality police.

[@winterkind1772]

I just love Rachel and I hope that things better for her soon. I always felt like I love living alone. Having my space, a place to retreat to, when my ADHD brain says it's enough. And hearing her talk about how her and her partner are happy with not living together gave me the push I needed to do the same thing. And damn I am so happy about it.

[@jonathanstern5537]

I haven't been on Twitter since I stopped getting paid for it.

[@spongecakes1986]

I've never had a Twitter. I regret nothing. You made a good decision

[@idk-dr7qg]

as a bisexual person myself i do have to say having preferences as to your partners sexuality is not biphobia or homophobia to me. if i went on a date with someone, mentioned it and they said it does not align with their preferences, absolutely fine. nevertheless if you are married to someone you (hopefully) really love them and this being a thing bad enough to divorce is WILD

[@Kvitka000]

Love you Rachel ❣️ Stay strong sister.

[@Crochet_by_mic]

A dutch singer posted a photo of her toilet with blood in it with the caption "cutting of your pp doesn't make you a woman, this does" Threads is wild

[@samwindmill8264]

Exactly, I got bombarded indirectly (recommended posts in other Meta apps) by transphobic bellends I'd never heard of well after the last time I'd even opened the app last year. It came to an end after I blocked just one of these buffoons, ended up deleting it anyway cos I never really found use for it

[@spongecakes1986]

Dang, guess my friends on birth control who don't have periods aren't women then. Also I guess she supports me and my sibling, since our testosterone made us stop having periods. Also I kinda love that she didn't actually specify that it was period blood, it was just implied. That means that anyone who ever bleeds into a toilet is a woman. Trans women, commence the blood ritual!

[@TheUnlovely]

I wish I could be bisexual, but it's a breach of my contract 🥺😔😭

[@Makeupvine]

Man that sucks that this is your experience of Threads. Obviously it'll vary per person, but as an ex-twitter user, I've been really enjoying it. I've been getting super wholesome stuff, lots of book related things, LGBTQ+ content. Like, I love going on there and having my faith in humanity slightly restored. Sad that this kinda stuff is on there too, even if I'm not seeing it. {and obviously it is awful and just terrible what that woman is going thru. being bi isn't the same as being poly. ignorance and biphobia suck ): }

[@greenginger6668]

I’m bi, I’m very much monogamous and expect monogamy from my partner. I’ve been with my partner for 6.5 years now, I figured out my sexuality while in our relationship. No, I didn’t do that by cheating on him, I can see that I’m attracted to multiple genders and accept that. The only change that has made to our relationship is that we send thirst traps of women to each other sometimes (unfortunately my partner is very much straight lol) and I can make the same comments about how I view certain people regardless of their gender in his presence without him raising an eyebrow (something along the lines of ‘they’re hot’ while watching a show). He never fetishized me after I came out to him, he loves to joke about how I still chose him over all the women out there but that’s pretty much the extent of what he ever says about it. I’m not dating a persons gender, I’m dating the person. I do have certain preferences for certain expressions of different genders but ultimately if we click that’s all that matters.

[@claraborisov01]

Hubby married me while knowing I was bi. I'm now pansexual and hubs still is fine with it.

[@SpecialBlanket]

Okay, you are just like me @ crying about being so happy the way things are and not wanting anything to change ever. Sometimes my partner just looks at me and starts tearing up from being moved (or vice versa). So wholesome man. I'm never everrrrr fucking this up!

[@seraphonica]

honestly, this reminds me a lot of the whole "objective morals" thing religious people find superior. would it be nice to have one set of rules that worked for everyone? sure, but we don't. everyone figures it out for themselves, and afterwards some of us insist that ours is the only correct solution. we need to learn not only to accept but appreciate the little nuances that make us unique.

[@RatEatRat]

idk why I thought people were better than this shit by now

[@charitysidwell2823]

I think Kyra’s grumbles were adorable

[@yasminchan7425]

Does the top comment think being bisexual mean you want/need to have two or more partners?

[@spongecakes1986]

I think so. A surprising amount of people still think that bisexuality is synonymous with polyamory

[@PStrife]

Prorata FTW! Speaking of salary and before/after tax on the internet is such a headache. For example, in France if we say a number it's most likely the net salary (after tax) while in other countries (I suspect the UK to be one, given your insistance to say we should look at the money that's left after tax) it'd be the gross salary (before tax).

[@festusthedragonisgay2477]

I really love these sorts of videos… your videos in general are always a comfort to me, maybe bc of how many years I’ve been watching them, and I find they just really inspire me to be creative. I’ve been having a tough time of it with heath and such for a couple years now, and watching your videos always makes me feel better. Thank you for sharing your wonderful content!

[@Otterwaffle]

I hope you feel better soon, meds can be so hard to manage sometimes

[@erininwood8131]

Commenting for the algorithym gods, but also to say I love your perspective of things and after watching one of your videos where you talk about your toxic ex, I saw more into the truth of my recently ended relationship. Bit of an eye opener. Keep being you, and keep up the great content. The BS with your "stalker" content creator (loose term) is really sad, you have always been a fab supporter of the LGBT and I for one have appreciated it. Some people just dont want to see you happy, it makes them realise how sad their own existence is. Chin up, you have our support. With love from New Zealand.

[@margaretjohnson6259]

hubby and i had an equitable split. had we gone equal i would have had about $10 left at the end of the month.

[@Otterwaffle]

To me, having 2 sets of blankets in the bed was a game changer. Whatever makes you comfortable and happy is what's best. ♡

[@genericsadgirl]

When I told my ex I was bi, he would make snide comments about how all the girls he knew that were bi were “sluts” and cheated all the time. He also was super insecure about me cheating, which he was very psychologically abusive and that insecurity became one of the ways he manipulated me into isolation. My current partner is bi, and I’ve never felt more comfortable and safe. He doesn’t think I’m going to cheat, and I don’t think he’ll cheat 🤷🏻‍♀️ we’re both committed to each other, and too possessive to share lol. Something my ex never believed, which looking back is rather insulting, because I value faithfulness and trust over anything. Also as a bonus, current partner and I can talk about all the celebrities we find attractive together 😌

[@feliciasjoberg9886]

"She's so strong for going on", my mom said about you when you talked about the bullies.

[@hanfam7665]

20 seconds into the video and SAME!! Twitter was very overwhelming for me. I had to deactivate as well and I started feeling so much better.

[@bebeliveshere5950]

If this is enough for him to divorce her, good. Women deserve someone that is comfortsble with who they are and who feel secure and confident in their relationship. Clearly that man has problems and im glad shes out

[@aleksandramierzwa6444]

i am enjoying your videos were you just ramble A LOT! Thank you