Here's Why Narcissists Are Completely Out Of Balance

In our early years of development, each person has moments when self-preservation is necessary. Narcissists, however, become greatly imbalanced in their efforts, and Dr. Les Carter explains what throws them off. One primary trait is lacking is lacking as they assert their needs.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his KZbin channel, his videos have received more than 115 million views.
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[@isabellcaputo954]

"Humility is the ultimate strength." Love that.

[@carparthero]

narcissists aren't just communication clowns, they're the entire circus. their gaslighting, stonewalling and silent treatments when asked questions they don't like, exposes their immaturity. that’s why narcissists never grow - instead they rot from the inside. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁

[@sage9836]

Your comparison brings an accurate mental image. It would be an informative comic illustration.

[@silverlakegirl9078]

Omg....ask them a question they don't like, and devil horns will come out on top of their head.

[@korenng5553]

Yes, they lack good communication skills big time!

[@howdydocowgirlcowgirl181]

@@carparthero🤡 circus is a perfect analogy. With plenty of crazy-go-round rides & house-of-mirrors-&-horrors.

[@silverlakegirl9078]

@@howdydocowgirlcowgirl181 omg.....perfectly.stated

[@janebraun4482]

They don't know that you know, and they resent you more, most likely they will try to hurt you for feeling rejected, you are just trying to give yourself the respect that they cannot.

[@bereal6590]

Truth! They're envious and at their core seething with it. Any tiny thing that happens to feel good to you, they'll denigrate. They bring out the worst in us so they can turn round and say how great they are. It's constant confusion

[@yukio_saito]

I suppose lack of empathy, insight, and self-awareness are the big reasons. They cannot listen to others, learn from others, or reflect on themselves. As a result, everything they do or say is unbalanced.

[@Verenike4ever]

@@yukio_saito They are mentally ill. This, along with BPD, are the most difficult to recover from. I think the numbers are dismally small.

[@ranc1977]

@@Verenike4ever Then people who are forced to be with them - like in family or any contact due to finances or security or red tape - end up in therapy. And CBT usually blames the person experiencing effects of narc abuse and labels it as cognitive distortion and hallucinations - social anxiety.

[@Verenike4ever]

@@ranc1977 So true! The Narc, their buddies, family, and the therapist will claim it and carry it to the ends of the earth. And no surprise, they/we HAVE anxiety 😅. A little gift from them to us. The best revenge is to stop co text, stop trying to say “I’m not ….,” and to become as strong and safe as possible. I don’t wish this on anyone.

[@cyny6305]

@@Verenike4ever They're not sick. They're evil.

[@MarianMurphy-rz8ej]

So they’re animals and they’re basically lobotomised humans who perform specific functions?…

[@marybethmarlar]

They’re full of hate and take it out on innocent people.

[@MisssAnthrope49]

Chaos is the ladder. Control. Control. Control, no matter how pointless.

[@JudithMacdonald-u3b]

Narcissists create all of the problems, questions, doubts, confusion & the drama, & when you call them on it, it’s ALL YOUR FAULT for whatever goes south in the relationship. They prove on an ongoing basis they think like adversaries & they won’t have your back. All suffering they do will be biased on the partner while accepting zero responsibility.

[@laurielaurie8280]

They totally create problems where there doesn't need to be any.

[@lindaadams1008]

I have remained distant from the narcissists in my family for a little over twenty years... I have clearly enraged them because they can't infiltrate my peaceful world...😅 Nothing upsets a narcissist more than never having access to you...😊 Stay safe...🙏

[@silverlakegirl9078]

Hmmmm... I just cut myself off from a narcissist, being better late than never. I hope you're correct about driving them crazy with the silent treatment.

[@ThisIsMe155]

Same here 🎉!! Well Done You!! ❤🎉

[@howdydocowgirlcowgirl181]

I feel like I'm in constant survival mode & walking on eggshells when around the "self-preservation" narc. It's rather exhausting. They're not trustworthy, themselves, & I think it makes them suspicious of others.

[@laurielaurie8280]

So true. They are completely exhausting. I just shut mine out of my life. Done.

[@howdydocowgirlcowgirl181]

​@@laurielaurie8280yes. I'm working on it with the dagger in my back. Praying for strength. 🕊️

[@Juke582]

Why stay in it??? You will be destroyed in time incapable of other relationships

[@claireluckensmeyer7489]

I'm on day 1 of a 5-day family reunion with the person I'm married to who - at the least - has very high narcissistic tendencies. He's there, I'm home peacefully mucking about the house while he holds court. Every person in that building would be astonished to find out how he spoke to me this morning though. Here's hoping he loses control, just once, in front of witnesses...ugh

[@user-cf3iz6cl5q]

At some point narcissists lose it in front of everybody.. They get worse the older they get and more and more frustrated. He will have a harder time keeping up his facade, and more people will see through his bs. Please take care of yourself, and stay safe

[@Juke582]

Why are you still with that monster who will emotionally destroy you??!!

[@benjaminbosley6169]

Narcissism is the absence of humility.

[@carolinjane54]

My ex narcissistic husband said he always wanted to be a dirty old man! His perverted swing on things was what almost pushed me over the edge before I got out. He accused me of vile things that only he could have thought of. The sad thing is, he had so many people charmed and believing him. Very few people understood what I was up against because he was so manipulative and twisted everything to make himself look like the hero

[@ginkgo2021]

Me too married for a long time to “the nicest guy in the world.” It is rotten what they feel they need to do to smear you after they’ve devalued and discarded you. But in my case, a few people did recognize the smear campaigns for what they were. Their belief in me and my good character was solid. You only need one person who can validate your experience and I think you will feel more hopeful about the future. If that person is not currently in your life, you can be that person until others show up who will see your good character. He doesn’t own your future or your past.

[@ginarenee1625]

I can relate.. my ex husband also said this.

[@caroleminke6116]

Mine became that dirty old man @ 70 & began a FB affair with a 50 year old woman who went to school with his daughter in their city. He even went north on vacation though in fact nothing happened but his exposure as the liar he really is… after he got back home with his tail between his legs & not much else, I told him to plz look in the mirror! After he finally left my life, I blocked him but got an email from a sex worker with photos. By now he must be chasing girls in their teens

[@davidhynd4435]

I was married to my narcissistic wife for 32 years (well, actually still married. Separated November last year). Super manipulative and coldly calculating. The way they hide the abuse makes it very difficult and the sense of isolation, the sense of not being understood by anyone, makes it all feel like a nightmare. Covert abuse is intensely cruel.

[@iononcantomascrivo]

It's like you described my father.

[@LeslieAnn-rr2zh]

So true. 5 years, he won't leave me alone. An attorney, so he is ALWAYS right.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Actually, one of the narcs I used to know was quite well balanced. He had a chip on BOTH shoulders. Then again he was very exceptional. Everyone else was wrong except him 😳

[@beverlystover3987]

Hahah Funny but sad.

[@possumyx]

Sounds just like my BiL.

[@Victoria-c4n]

Know a few like that. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@Nat-oj2uc]

😂

[@BaraSchmidt]

@@amandaliverpool3374 Sums the narc experience up perfectly! 🧡

[@Hatbox948]

My ex narcissist could show empathy, but it seemed scripted. The emotion he displayed the most of was anger aka rage. The simplest question would elicit a torrent of vile verbiage.

[@yukio_saito]

He looks like Dr. Jekyll on the surface, but he is Mr. Hyde in reality. 😰

[@laurielaurie8280]

That sounds like one for sure. They keep you walking on egg shells and try to provoke you. Its like a sick game with them. They are warped.

[@lorettaenglerth1361]

Their world is so narrow.

[@beverlystover3987]

@@lorettaenglerth1361 well said!

[@anneyoung2310]

They are their world, and everyone else is potential supply.

[@cazjay017]

Very narrow.

[@puremaledark8305]

As i watch your pup in the background; i really do believe animals know good people. My animals have always HATED the narcs around me.

[@llhannah9297]

Yes. I was finally able to get my cat from the narc and I was worried how well she would adjust to my apartment. I have never seen her happier. It's like she tells me thank you every day for rescuing her. Her health has improved too.

[@coggsy100]

Humility is the ultimate strength BOOM💥

[@yukio_saito]

They are a know-it-all without knowing it at all. 😮

[@kristenmarie9248]

They don't care to know. They communicate for domination not restoration.

[@brucefriedman1]

Humans were not endowed by their creator with the ability to manipulate others. Those who choose this path become unbalanced eventually leading to a tragic end.

[@collectivemindsunique7945]

I really like this comment. Very helpful

[@ktwhimsy6946]

Right, good point… manipulation has the intent to confuse & control, it’s not just an instinct or something that comes naturally - it’s weaponized empathy/compassion etc , which requires a basic understanding of those things, and then a *choice* (as you said) to use them to do harm 👎🏻

[@peggypaine4652]

Thank you Dr C. You have helped me so much. Take good care of yourself. We need you.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome

[@barbarakelly1916]

Yes, sending wishes for your cold/allergy? to clear up; and appreciation for your carrying on to present such helpful content.

[@cyny6305]

Self preservation. They have everything now, but they're so insecure and paranoid they think someone is going to take it away from them. They won't get any more grace from me, Monsters.

[@anonymouscm7270]

Happy 4th of July🎊Dr. C., Team Healthy and Gus🙏🌷🕊💝🤗🎆

[@Teacher369]

Honesty and humility 🎯 🎯. As usual, summed up so beautifully! Thank you, Dr Carter! ☀️ ❤️ ☮️ 🐕

[@darinsmith2458]

Happy Independence Day.. I went on a walk today and I walked through the same park that I walk through a lot.. It was really busy for the holiday and I tried putting on my shield (boundary).. I kept walking and there are some "rough" areas of the path.. When I walked back through the park again a park truck passed me.. I stepped off the path so they could pass me and one of the workers recognized me and we started talking.. I know you are talking about Narcissists and balance but I can also apply balance to me.. Sometimes I need to have my shield (boundary) up and sometimes I can let it down.. It is in the discernment that is the practice..

[@dylannaenzo9737]

I believe narcissists are completely out of balance because their heads are too big..... filled with ego, instead of love.

[@cyny6305]

I don't think they have souls.

[@mday3821]

​@@cyny6305It sure seems that way....

[@mikenuzzo3323]

LOVE ?DEFINE IT? DO YOU LOVE THREATENING PEOPLE ?

[@americawaters4257]

​@@mikenuzzo3323 Love is patient, kind, long suffering, not puffed up and doesn't seek it's own.

[@charingcross7945]

Mike...why are you screaming?

[@matthewwozniak9138]

Inner core work/shadow work reveals/looking back at your own reflection in your interactions reveals which part you played in the situation. Humility is being ok with yourself without prides pat on your back.

[@roxymovie3938]

We all are in a self-preservation mode but Narcs are in such a strong self-preservation mode that keeps them completly out of balance. They were not trained to find humility and so Narcs miss two truths: 1. Humility is anchored in truth 2. Humility is the ultimate strength How does a healthy self-preservation look like? 1. Does not seek destruction, subjugation, debasement 2. Accepts the invitability of pain 3. Lacks the know-it-all attitude 4. Driven by insight, reflective thinking 5. Respects the right for individual choice 6. Acknowledges wrongs without hatred/contempt 7. Patience, beginning with oneself 8. Seeks control without having to control others 9. No need to shame others 10. Being assertive without denegration 11. Nuances in mind 12. Consciousness is required 13. Manages with mutuality Be aware: 》Narcs carry psychological and emotional incompetence 》They are bogged down in gutteral selfishness 》They mimic the negative traits of others 》They did not learn how to cope 》They constantly fear to be irrelevant Dr Carter 👨‍🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Great notes, Roxy!

[@roxymovie3938]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks a lot, Dr Carter! This was a very good lesson! Hope you are enjoying Independence Day 🙏💛🙏

[@Juke582]

Who did you copy that from??? It’s not your ideas! Look up Plagerism

[@roxymovie3938]

@@Juke582 Juke, this is no plagerism at all and if you would have read it carefully until the very end you would know 😉 These are my notes from Dr Carter's video!!! I often share these notes for everyone for I need them visualized and structured.

[@steph2834]

@@roxymovie3938thank you Roxy ❤

[@BaraSchmidt]

We all have a back story. And many are not "Sunday picnic family" stories. This does not mitigate the negative behaviors and abuse an individual with a narcissistic personality style inflict upon the world. "I am damaged, therefore I damage" may offer an insight into their origins, but will NEVER excuse it. We can have some understanding for their method of life, pseudo as it is, but it does not require our forgiveness. If they can reign in their toxicity in certain environments and with certain people, they can reign it in with us. They don't. We cannot fix their damage, but we can take (back) control of our lives and not provide them (anymore) supply. We can know Healthy. Do Healthy and Stay Healthy!

[@a.pepper6687]

Why withhold 'supply' IF they have actually did or said something to deserve it? And IF we 'supply' them with (earned) affirming words it seems to satisfy them (at least for the moment). Offering kindness and affection to people is a character trait I cherish; I choose not to sacrifice it even in the presence of a Narrisists. Tell me why I am wrong?

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

Understanding their back story helps us to understand that their frustration, criticism and anger is not about us. Taking the role of "adult" to their "child" and following Dr. C's suggestions allows us to be balanced (i.e., kind when appropriate and assertive when required, just like the balanced parent they probably never had). I'm happier with myself and my narc. seems better controlled.

[@americawaters4257]

​@@a.pepper6687You sound like I did for 35 years. Boy did I get robbed of a truthful life. They manipulate and lie. They don't love. They cheat. They steal. They hurt their own children emotionally. They do it all knowingly.

[@americawaters4257]

​@@Rachel-mz8koYes, they make you their mommy or daddy. And while I was being the understanding mommy that he never had, he was having fun with his girlfriends.

[@a.pepper6687]

Understood! IF I had figured out 'his game' decades ago I 'hope' I would have been brave enough to walk away after considering my own difficult circumstances.

[@rwdchannel2901]

When I was a child, my father told me when he go out of the US Navy his rank was E-6. 30 years later he's telling everyone he got out of the US Navy as an E-7 just so he can say he was a 'Chief.' The last time I took my father out to dinner for his birthday he gave me back the present I gave him because he said he didn't like Starbucks(It was a Starbucks gift card; I told him he could use it for more than coffee). Basically, he insulted me in every way(saying my military experience, education, and job are all stupid) imaginable and shoved my presents back in my face telling me they weren't good enough. I've been no contact with him for years.

[@hibiscus1974]

my husband also really hates Starbucks, because I and my daughter really love star Starbucks, he always mocking us that we act like rich people only choose expensive coffee 🤔 basically he is a rich but stingy old man that always hate everything we love.. we plan to leave him one day.. he is a covert vulnerable

[@ericb8413]

They have a real cruel streak. Just remember that it wasn’t you. It was all him. My father was cruel this way too and I blamed myself until getting educated by Dr Carter and Dr Ramani. I feel a lot better now. 🎉

[@silverlakegirl9078]

​@@hibiscus1974What is stopping you from leaving?

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Humility is the ultimate strength. ❤ thank you dr Carter❤ God bless you ❤

[@jackthisout9480]

My narc dad had a mother who cared more about herself than about her kids. I'm sure he felt abandoned by her and never developed a healthy sense of what love and care means. He displayed that same ignorance to my mother for 53 years. He truly can't love anyone, as he doesn't know how it feels. He sees it as a transaction now, not as a gift.

[@grantaugustyniak6667]

They take all their short comings, anger, bad decisions ect… out on everyone around them. Only you can put an end to that and no one else.

[@ThisIsMe155]

In recent years, I have learned the 'truth' and 'validity' of what you are saying in this podcast, Dr C. Narcissists do 'not' have humility as it is a 'spiritual' gift. Humility is in direct opposition to the more common, ego-driven traits of the self-indulgent narcissist. Great content, Dr C. ❤🎉🌹

[@aprilbartlett8575]

I've thrown him into confusion. He doesn't know what to do because instead of getting angry, I walk off. He's tried making me angry so many times and thanks to these videos I've learned a lot and I don't let any anger show. They don't know what to do with that. Thanks Dr. Carter.

[@judyhogarth80]

Again a very helpful session. Thank you.I like referring to narcissist as out of balance. My neighbour screamed at me’no one likes you and everyone wants you to move’. On a good day I know this is rubbish, but today it hit me where I am raw. Listening to this session, I think ‘who are these people?’ I have just had a glorious day. Lovely people, wonderful chats seeing friends. It felt ‘in balance’ and I felt ‘in balance’, yet NO ONE LIKES ME. The same neighbour says my front garden has no colour and I am lazy. I have yellow, green, black, grey and white colours. I ILKE my front yard. It easy to maintain. On a good day I dismiss what she says as out of balance. It definitely was a comment designed to hurt, and also it made no sense…..heyho. Thanks again.judy

[@WWZenaDo]

My impression of narcissists is that they don't have an effective survival instinct. Every one that I've seen has had bad personal habits, a sometimes dangerous lack of contact with reality, lack of self control, which shortened their life spans.

[@lorettaenglerth1361]

Narcissists, walk through life with their heads, noses so high, along with ego so high in the air. They feel so superior, fail to see their self driven ego , with inability to see how wrong they are. Without empathy, respect, and dignity towards their fellow individuals.

[@rosieE121]

I don't believe at heart they feel superior. They feel inferior and that is the root of their problem.

[@laurielaurie8280]

They are always patting themselves on the back.

[@fred.k9875]

Narcissist by pass assertion and go straight to anger to express their very fundamental need and feelings that put them and whole relationship out of balance.

[@EL-gu8fv]

Yes, from nought to sixty in one second. Spectacular.

[@craigmerkey8518]

Thank you Dr. C. My family members who display NPD traits have advice and answers for questions not one is asking. So fascinating (for the wrong reasons) they are unwilling or unable regulate themselves and or at least make some action to address their unwanted feelings!

[@ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox]

The end game is to validate themselves. They will use your weakest most struggling and painful moment in your life to make you look like your the one with the problem and with smugness the game goes on. You've lost and they've won again.

[@EL-gu8fv]

The narcissist in my street gets upset if people don't notice him. He goes in the huff like a child and says "GOOD MORNING!!!!" My entertainment is subtly baiting him into verbal abuse in front of people who don't see him yet- they get a surprise, because up until then, they thought he was a regular guy.

[@Dj.D25]

I have wondered if narcissists may not have become the way they did if they would have met people from a wide variety of backgrounds and perspectives. Maybe read the opinions of people from different message boards. Read a wide variety of books. Watch a wide variety of KZbin videos on different subjects. Try learning something new often. Then again, maybe I could be wrong about this. One woman who I suspect is a narcissist, she did read a lot. Used to work in a Christian bookstore, read many of the books where she worked at, yet still made me feel stupid often. No humbleness. Sometimes she was right in correcting me, but it did get to the point where I was afraid anything I said could be used against me. Many people who do learn a lot of knowledge do get a lot of pride and have no problem putting others down.

[@SandraMuller-vs8ck]

Humility is anchored in honesty is the way moving forward. Thanking you Dr C for the ongoing support with therapeutic advice in dealing with narcissism. I have achieved a level of confidence in dealing with this issue. God bless you. ❤

[@ginkgo2021]

While watching this video, I needed to make some translations in my mind to see if the content applied or did not apply to what I think was my long-term partnership with a covert narcissist. That person seldom verbally displayed a lack of humility or honesty. However, the lack of verbal responses in many situations, followed by inactions, to me seems in hindsight to be as bad or worse than someone verbally or overtly communicating to me that I was not worthy and/or just how was it that I could not recognize their superiority. It would help to hear examples during a video like this to understand how overt and covert narcissists might differ in the delivery of basically the same message.

[@carmenm.9522]

I think mirroring the people who are controlling their life, as a child, is the fork in the road that leads to adult narcissism. If they had held strong to their sense of self, quietly, so as not to draw more ire from their abuser, they might have retained a more balanced mindset as an adult. Perhaps forgiving their child self for making a choice, that they lacked the emotional intelligence to foresee the long term consequences, is required.

[@bereal6590]

Consistently inconsistent has been my experience. They'll say and do whatever fits in the moment for them, rather than based on any core values/inner stability. When both my parents started with normal old age forgetting, they'd consistently forget what I said (whilst still remembering more of what others said), say x one time and y the next same scenario. They weren't listening to me in the first place and x or y is dependent on how THEY feel in the moment! Because they're now unable to hide it, it became clear that this is how they've ALWAYS been and why I was always confused and anxious. An example, when my mother was 'helping' as I couldn't be somewhere, she went for me(I'm really sick), I asked to speak to the person over the phone myself to clarify(she got back and accused me of belittling her), the second time this same scenario I didn't ask to speak and she got back and I realised I didn't have the information I needed (she said it was my fault I should have asked to speak to them on the phone myself! ). Crazy making. Right then I realised despite all her how can I help you, it comes at the expense of my sanity. I now only ask if I'm absolutely desparate. If I wasn't sick, I'd never ask for help but I've no choice at times. ✌

[@kristenmarie9248]

6:12 Balanced self-preservation.

[@sue7940]

So spot on! Thank you so much for this discussion! I will go back and listen to this content over and over! Thank you, Dr. Carter!

[@AnneReimer]

Watching another one of your educational videos Dr.C and team heathly.While watching My dad enters in my mind...It's his birthday 🎂 Have a awesome day in heaven pops!!🎉 Thanks everyone😊

[@imbalancedstatus8824]

This mister has the expressive power to explain the phenomenon. I knew there was something wrong with Ex-Narc gf...just couldn't explain it until I found this channel. Yes, we broke up because I couldn't be molded

[@ginarobichaux]

Such wonderful insight Dr. C! Thank you so much ❣️

[@T-BBBrill]

I love your name, it always reminds me of what to look for in a new man, as well as how to treat myself. Dignity Respect Civility - DR C - Thanks for working into retirement!

[@Taboomom]

My narc was raised by a mentally ill family, and he admits they were insane and he refuses to change because he’s not Christian, but he goes around every day like a Pharisee all judgy on others…but never on himself. Fake phony Christian. He’s unable to know love…except for himself 😔

[@luciannealbrecht190]

Ditto 👆

[@davidhynd4435]

Always great insights and advice. Thank you so much, Les.

[@lynndupree1205]

It is exhausting, just being around them. Older narcs complain constantly about their health problems, because the whole world obviously revolves around them. Every little ache is just the end of the world. Drama!!

[@JR-ej9up]

Had a very good day yesterday, shared the good news. And like clock work the narcissist started up with gaslighting, controlling, poking and prodding behavior. Then played dumb as my boundaries intensified. Getting calmer in voice the more I said no or stop. Before I eventually left. Also using our son as a way to keep me there. Same old story. Being around her you feel jumpy and jittery almost immediately. On edge. And for her that's her way to control other people as well. To be that on edge and fall down break down wacky. Then of course when I hit my limit of the games, while being denied anything is going on, She likes to be the one to gather everyone back together and guide peace. Same routine. A toxic person who doesn't know any different. Loves the public fighting as that was starting as well. I just wanted to leave and said as much and of course people start watching and she's holding our son Not leaving while he's crying. Won't leave my car. Disregarding anything I'm saying on purpose. All for control. And Holidays. They love holiday outburst. It's center stage for them. Never to admit any wrongdoing. There mental makeup probably goes they the generations as well. Family members do these exact same actions repeatedly. I Do Not.

[@MarianneCatherine]

You hit the nail on the head!!! My children are grown up now, and I only learned about narcissism four years ago. I found Dr C one year ago. Knowing now the damage they inflict upon children, a word to the wise please try to do whatever you can to protect your son from her craziness!!! It broke my heart to read what you're going through. Both my sons said to me " how could you expose me to someone like dad!!!" Do all you can to protect your son and yourself! 😢 God bless and take care. 🙏🙏🙏

[@pattyrooney1323]

Thank you, Dr. C.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome

[@warriormom5843]

HUMILITY !!! Yes, Dr. C!!! Spot on!! 🎤⬇️

[@laurielaurie8280]

Narcissists are drama queens on steroids 🙄

[@PixieCropCircleDuster]

I'm so glad i watched this video today. I so needed this. I have to be very careful when speaking or bringing anything into their environment that can & will be weaponized against me in a kangaroo court. But let's face it, I'm garden variety scapegoat with garden variety smear campaign problems, I've gotten to a point where "it's the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and expecting different results " when i expect anything other than that. Thanks Dr Carter.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it resonated!

[@lyricmelody8162]

I hope you throat gets better. Much love💞🐶🐕

[@rossanderson5243]

Yes it's self preservation. Emotion and self preservation are in the same place in the brain; in the middle and back. Logic for problem solving is in the front of the brain. If it's emotional it's personal and that's why they treat problems that are logical as personal.

[@mindfulmaximalism]

I could listen to you all day, and I often do!

[@IanRoyball128]

Good morning, sir 🙏 Wishing you a blessed day

[@tearthangel373]

I appreciate your honesty and wisdom

[@moerbesam7974]

Thank You. Yes, you are right on.

[@KimberlyGray-cd3lt]

My Ex NARC use to tell me ,you scare me at 1st I didn't understand why,but 2 months into it because the relationship only last 2 months,I think he seen he couldn't get over on me,or play with me and He was right,LOL

[@amandagish5976]

I'm not qualified to diagnose someone as a narcissist, but if my dad is not one then he's a hard core flying monkey. We, I, drove from southern Missouri to Custer, South Dakota, and he tried to tell me when to get gas, when to turn, what to ignore, etc. I got gas when I wanted, I took the route I wanted and I got us there just fine. Now, you all know he didn't acknowledge one iota of how I did the job. I don't care, though, I know I did fine. By the way, had I followed his instructions we'd have been headed for Lake Michigan, when we were aiming for Mt. Rushmore. I'm not really going to miss my parents when they're gone and I know that's a sad statement to make.

[@gracegarce8026]

This humbles me a lot. I'm on my healing journey and I could say that self-preservation plays a vital role. Relapses comes in and I feel resentful with the friendship fallout. Thank you for this loving reminder that will keep me grounded with a healthy self-preservation.

[@makelifematter1896]

Hi Gus from Chase and Stubi❤❤❤thank you as always for your healing advise and educational videoes❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gus says Woof!

[@makelifematter1896]

@@SurvivingNarcissism ❤️

[@goldalevin869]

this is helpful. My mother was I believe a malignant narcissist who was a closet lesbian and a pedophile. Since she died, I've been struggling with this terrible and destructive relationship. She was arrogant and far from humble and was often mean and obnoxious to family members and anyone she felt was inferior to her. She did some good parenting, but it was overshadowed by her obnoxiousness. Appreciate this, Dr. C.

[@janinealexander2037]

Once again….. self reflection is primary…. Narcs dont have it. dr C …. your insights are so valuable. Working continuously on this Humility factor…. trusting in God to acquire more of it …

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Janine.

[@rustygnutts6255]

Howdy Gus... Happy July 4th ! be sure to keep that comforter close by for your EarProtection tonite when the fireworks start poppin !

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gus says...Thanks for the tip!

[@lindabell2940]

I get on my knees i beg for mercy, my flesh and bone, im out of here, off kilter,off balance, have mercy on this horror, yes community, i was a young child, i felt what coming off the other young child, we call this girl flesh, bad vibes, bad life source, even has a child i brushed it off, the off base feeling in my worth of a well being human, a child, knowing something dont click here, Help us community, send, questions, send comments, please, for the sake , our Doctor needs us to live in peace and harmony, i need it, i thank this community

[@DevorahTafus]

My mother is so covert, it makes me wonder if she would be able to fool even you, Dr. Carter. She's very attractive, or at least she was until she got close to 80 (when Naomi Judd was young, she reminded me of her) and she puts herself down constantly when around anyone except immediate family. I wonder, had she been your client, if she would have thought your niceness and advice was validation for what she complained about me. And if I ever went with her to therapy, if you would have believed her that I was the problem, or if she would have assumed you believed her. Attractive people are assumed to be more honest. When our pastor got his degree in psychology, she went to counseling with him, and she had him fooled. One time (not in counseling) I said that she was absolutely impossible, and he said "Well see, I didn't know that."

[@maninthewild-bitterpill1078]

Hope you get to feeling better.

[@ReRe_642]

Hello Dr. C what happenes when a Narsacist wants the love and acceptance from there parent there whole life and does not get it and that parent dies. What happens to the narcissist? Can you please talk about that?

[@aaronkwolfe]

Whether top heavy or bottom heavy, they are indeed off kilter.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

With clown shoes 🤭

[@bryanfinkell9022]

The term Narsisist has been over used. My father was a Sociopathic Narsisist. The damage he did was unspeakable. The majority of people have no consept of this.

[@sherryo4068]

Thank you for what you do. This was a good one.

[@laurielaurie8280]

Hope you had a great 4th Dr. C. ☺

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

We did! Thanks.

[@laurielaurie8280]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Happy to hear :)))

[@jacquelinefroehle5868]

A Course in Miracles defines God as Love/Peace/Joy.....and it defines Narcissism as "The Ego thought system"....it says the ego does not love. The Ego is Fear and it controls other people mentally by pushing them into Fear. And a lot more.

[@CybellesGardenDiary]

I love the title of this topic ❤

[@BH-pv9ql]

Thank you Dr.C❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're most welcome!

[@tearthangel373]

Thank you 🙏

[@davidparker5439]

It was my birthday on j😅 the 4 . Now in my mid 70 s I find it sad that don't get on with my family. The one exception is my son . I don't like saying this it was my narcissistic wife fault . Or me marrying her I just don't think like them I speak my mind . It makes you wonder telling the truth gets you into trouble

[@elainesmith5313]

Their unbalanced lives teerer o the Flying Monkets. Without them they surly would fall on their faces. But there does come a time, as I have witnessed in the past that All their evil and meanest, disrespect and distain catches up with them. They do self destruction just as Dr. C. has talked about. A life Nit Well Spent. And time cannot be redeemed for them. Thanks Dr. C.❤❤

[@TruthandJustice-hz9nv]

Absolutely tremendous DR Le's, Thank you so much for this, You're a great bloke , I look up to you, Humility equal honesty and they try to make out you're in a alternative reality and gaslight manipulate and invalidate, Keeping shining light and speaking your Truth. Roar :-) Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All Glory to the most high :-)

[@Z.achalexander]

This was a great video thank you

[@phoenixrising5338]

Okay. All I want to know is "How do we get them off the planet?"

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

I so admire your wisdom. ♥♥♥ Yes, not being trained in humility was definitely a factor in narc #2 upbringing. I hadn't realized this was a factor in his developing as a narcissist. It wasn't a path he had chosen (necessarily) but a path where circumstances definitely led him. I have been feeling increasingly sad for not being more helpful to him earlier. I had been looking for an equal partner and didn't realize he was looking for a replacement mother until after we were married. It never occurred to me that these weren't changeable behaviors. Supposedly, everyone grows up. All the previous men in my life were always quite capable. Still, unsuspecting or not I could have been more tolerant of some of it. Yes, sadly, I feel I CAN set such high standards of myself. I think theology does that for you. There may be context but never truly an excuse. The lack of training in humility very likely played a role in narc. #1's development also; but, somehow I'm less sympathetic. My lack of willingness to forgive her is a problem. I really don't have any motivation to try to justify her personality; perhaps, because her points of view are still a threat to me (even though she passed away three years ago). She had a very destructive worldview and, probably at some level I'm afraid she's right. I'm very concerned for your health, If they have not found a treatable cause for your acid reflux, consider that some of us as we get older don't have as much stomach acid as we once did. I understand this can also be a cause of acid reflux. Unfortunately, its not the cause most doctors first suspect. They usually try acid reducing agents first (which might be good for the younger crowd,) Apple cider vinegar (liquid or table form) can help. Sometimes just a little once a day is enough.

[@triciapotter3331]

All of this imbalance creates a personal hell for people around them. It destroys others, it makes them afraid, not know what to say, how to act. If advice isnt followed, or you choose a different option than advised then you are the worst, most stupid, awkward person in the world. I have no words that can describe the adverse affect of narcissistic bevahiour.

[@Eloise-wo8fp]

@@triciapotter3331 You just did, the very painful voice of experience.

[@triciapotter3331]

@@Eloise-wo8fp sadly, it's true

[@peterhoekstra2957]

Thanks 🙏

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You’re welcome

[@yukio_saito]

That reminds me of a toxic coworker. He wears an expensive watch with cheap hairstyle.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

And probably a fake smile 😃

[@yukio_saito]

@@amandaliverpool3374 I felt suspicious of him at a glance, but other colleagues were completely duped. 😨

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@yukio_saito It's your gut telling you!!!

[@samanthamariah7625]

I think that at around age 7, something happens that allows them to become possessed. They just seem to me to be inhabited by something. Whatcha all think?

[@fred.k9875]

Self preservation that would ultimately result in collective preservation of me and you.

[@IanRoyball128]

Thanks!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you.

[@cyny6305]

Is entitlement the exact opposite of humility?

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

yep!

[@tavo2422]

It’s like I’m living with 4 teenagers and one of them is my 50 year old wife.