holiday problems 🫠 r/AITA Reddit Stories

[@ladykarolyn1]

One of the reasons that covid continues to affect things is because people are still getting sick with it, and others are still dealing with the lasting effects of long covid. The pandemic didn't really stop just because the politicians started saying it was over.

[@emris2697]

Exactly!

[@dodobarthel2249]

You are right of course, but i think Shaaba was talking more about the indirect effects, as in this case increased isolation due to the lockdowns.

[@soullesscadmium30]

It stopped being a pandemic but it is still a problem, yes. Influenza is no longer a pandemic either but that doesn't mean people don't suffer from the flu anymore. Also I think Shaaba is referring more to the psychological effects. The pandemic has left a pretty heavy impact on us and we are feeling the effects of that where people are paying more attention to their own comfort and happiness more than social obligations.

[@amaranta8650]

exactly! keep on masking folks

[@undefinederror40404]

​@@soullesscadmium30 ☝️ that exactly. It's no longer a pandemic, but certainly still a problem. Also long covid is an entirely new beast, and it's looking rather monsterous based on the stats I heard.

[@chelled.4622]

I have great neighbors that check on me and help me shovel snow. Due to disability I cannot return the favor but I can splurge on them for a yearly thank you. After a few years the neighbors told me they felt stressed and embarrassed about the gift giving. I told them that was not my intention but that going forward we could just look out for one another as best we can. Now we just exchange cards and hellos here and there.

[@alex_blue5802]

As a minimalist, receiving gifts can be an obligation in itself. You're faced with the difficult decision of either throwing out the gift, or finding somewhere to store it. I don't even buy much for myself because of storage concerns, so taking up that space with something i didnt ask for is distressing for me.

[@SlothDaan]

Can't you just donate it to a thrift store?😊

[@SlothDaan]

Can't you just donate it to a thrift store?

[@arjc5714]

Having worked with a lot of British people as a non-British person (I’m American, but I’ve heard the same sentiment from South Africans, Australians, New Zealanders, and Canadians), British people can be blind to How Much they center Christmas in their lives compared to the rest of the world, even the English-speaking world. In the UK, Christmas activities are so culturally expected as to be completely unmarked - it is a Visible, Active Choice to not participate. Giving someone a gift is considered so normal that it’s LESS difficult than not giving one. From a non-British perspective, being expected to go out of your way to participate in a holiday is VERY presumptuous on the part of the neighbor. They’re adding a chore into their neighbor’s life in order to make THEMSELVES happy, with no regard for OP’s perspective on the event. If it were really about the gifts, then they would be happy to GIVE a gift and not expect one in return. Making it a Mandatory Neighbor Exchange is rude.

[@katrinadaly1755]

Yes, one of my major joys in life is gift giving. I’ve never had a lot of money and I always struggle a lot to have money spent on me or spend money on myself. I’d much prefer if people got me items for my pets instead (but my family won’t because they feel like they want to spend money on me not a pet - even though is by far what I’d prefer and get the most joy & use out of) I’m Autistic so getting/receiving gifts is already stressful for me because I hate things to ‘not be what I expected’ (for example if I wanted a certain colour or model of something and I’ve been told it’s that thing from my Wishlist but it’s actually a different brand, even if it is more expensive than what I originally asked for) and I also hate that I never have my emotions ‘right’ and that people expect me to show certain emotions and make comments about the gift and use it. Often when I’m dealing with these 2 things at the same time I find it difficult to mask my disappointment and near meltdown level of overwhelm when I get a gift that’s not quite what I wanted or expected it to be. I’m super grateful for all my gifts even if I will never use them or don’t like them, because I recognise that someone has put a lot of time, money & effort into getting me a gift… but there’s a reason my birthday is my least favourite holiday, I just hate the pressure of the whole gift thing and every year I basically beg people not to get me anything but I still get gifts because that’s what ‘they feel’ is the good right thing to do. On the other hand I love giving gifts, Christmas especially is the best time of year for me because I’ll spend the whole year saving up and buying little bits and pieces or deciding what each person in my family would truly love and appreciate - I’m the queen of finding little things that just make life easier and things you can use everyday while also tailoring them to everyone’s likes and personality. It seriously brings me the most joy and I’m pretty sure gift giving is my major love language because of it. I’d be perfectly happy to spend $50+ on each person and for them to never get me a gift in return because it’s the giving of the gifts and seeing someone light up at the present and then use them around the house or day to day and it to make their life better, easier or give them a smile when they see it. I always give my gifts with no exceptions of one in return because to me is a service and fulfills me for months simply finding the ‘right’ things that I know they’ll love.

[@tkrause1116]

@@katrinadaly1755 thank you so much for sharing this. I'm sorry that you are not being heard. I wish you a safe and a (as much as possible) joyful holiday season.

[@charliebrown1184]

For story number 2 I would say that there is a high chance from the fact that OP doesn't buy any other Christmas gifts, that they do not actually celebrate Christmas at all, whether that be because of previous trauma or culture. There are plenty of other ways to show you appreciate your neighbours if this is the case, like giving a gift on a day you do celebrate instead, or just popping in some flowers at another time to say thank you for being good neighbours. Not everyone celebrates life in the same ways, take the opportunity to celebrate the community you have with your neighbours, they sound pretty lovely.

[@WiloKun]

Story 2: Regardless of OP's reasons for not wanting to do neighbor gifts, I feel like it'd be pretty easy to get out of. A simple "Hey thanks for wanting to include me, but I'd rather not be included this year." And if pressed for a reason, you don't have to 100% honest. Just something as simple as "I'm trying to save money right now" is more than enough. Yes, you might get the "Oh but it could just be $10-$20!" response, but reaffirming that you appreciate the invite, but would rather not isn't being rude.

[@blackk_rose_]

Agreed. My friend recently asked me if we wanted to make a joint christmas gift for our mutual friend. I panicked because we have never gifted each other stuff in that friend group. Then I realised I could just say no, so I told her that since it wasn't a thing before and I'm really stressed right now, I would prefer to continue not gifting each other things. Gift giving has always stressed me out, but since I set boundaries with all my friends except one about christmas gifts and we've been doing secret santa as a family, I only have to worry about getting a gift for the secret santa, one friend, and my parents (because my parents always get me something special additionally to the secret santa thing).

[@moonblossom9433]

The smelly bits are almost always what I get as impersonal holiday gifts, trouble is I'm allergic to all that kinda stuff and even just unwrapping the gift there's the worry that it will give me a rash, I'm certainly never going to use them, so I can relate to the 2nd OP really not enjoying impersonal gifts.

[@sevilator]

Smelly bits are the worst impersonal gifts because smell is very personal. And, when I give an impersonal gift, I always make sure to say, "it's ok if you don't like it, feel free to regift it or even give it back so I can regift it"

[@bunn228]

Yeeeah I basically throw away every impersonal smelly present cause of allergies too. Only exception is if I've already tried and tested it

[@oceanmythjormundgandr3891]

Same. I would rather get a little bit of money in an envelope than an impersonal gift. I often am not keen on the foods gifted. I am allergic to a bunch of stuff and sensitive to scents. I cant just use any product on my skin or hair. Most gift cards are misses because they dont know what i like (like gifting me a gift card for a make-up shop when I never use makeup? Just because i am a woman?) Its just such a waste most of the time, and I often just re-gift it or throw it away. 2nd OP was so relatable.

[@Whirlbee]

Yes! Along with food - not everyone can eat things like random chocolates 😅

[@tkrause1116]

I'm not allergic but definitely don't like a lot of scents (can't go into Lush for example) so I avoid scented gifts for others unless I am really sure.

[@yarnpenguin]

My "putting up with a little bit of discomfort" to make everyone else happy over the holiday season for well over a decade now has led to me having daily panic attacks starting on 1 December that don't go away until sometime in January. 🙃

[@AstronomicalJelly]

if you're having panic attacks that last for a month then it isn't just "a little" bit of discomfort. shaaba isn't saying that you should purt yourself through situations that genuinely hurt you just to please people. but the truth is that if you want to maintain any meaningful relationships you should be inconvenienced a little sometimes to make your loved ones happy (INCONVENIENCED a LITTLE. not put yourself through genuine awful situations) because isn't always about you (you as in general, not directly at you specifically)

[@mellsc9412]

I agree with the previous commenter. Friend, that is not a little bit of discomfort, and you shouldn’t need to be putting yourself through that. I get panic attacks, too, and it’s ok to say no to something or someone when you know the result of participating is a panic attack. Your friends and family should understand, and if they don’t, then they need to work on it. “A little discomfort,” is more like doing something you don’t really want to do right then, or being bored. What you’re experiencing is far beyond that, and I hope it can ease soon. You don’t need to put your wellbeing last.

[@arthur622]

​@@mellsc9412this did make me wonder. I have autism so dinner settings make me closer to having/have a meltdown (i really dont want to explain the whys, but there are multiple factors to it). So many social events however revolve around food and i hate to miss out on life because of it but its more the activity itself is unbearable, rather than just having anxiety. I dont want to isolate myself but i dont want to put myself through actual distress. What do i do?

[@mellsc9412]

@ I’m also autistic! I have to communicate with my family and friends, and take lots of breaks to go decompress or stim. When I visit my parents, they set up the guest room to be a quiet place, and if I’m visiting somewhere, I will sit in my car. I also wear earplugs sometimes, and I simply don’t spend time where things are super overwhelming and my needs aren’t being heard. I also often bring something small to stim with in my pocket, and do a lot of, “I’ll be there for part of it but not all of it” situations. I try to avoid being there when everyone else arrives and leaves, because those times are the most overwhelming for me. I do wish there were more situations I could enjoy, but I’ve found that communicating my needs and fostering relationships with the people who put in the effort to respect and understand them has actually grown my social life. The relationships that I do spend time on are far healthier and happier when I can communicate my needs and be heard. For you, this may look like, “I can’t do dinner, but I would love to come after everyone has eaten and is chatting!” Or, maybe if you have managed to get through dinner, suggesting a walk or something to remove you from the stressor. I wish I had better advice, but I can only speak from my experience.

[@undefinederror40404]

​@@arthur622It sounds like it's something that gets in your way and you want to work on, but it has multiple factors to it which makes it complicated... So if you can access support (such as a therapist who has an expertise in your diagnosis) then I would recommend that most. But if that's not an option, you could try looking at every factor that makes dinner settings hard on you and try to find a way to avoid, alleviate or cope for each of them. As someone with a label, I feel it's still tricky to give you advice but I the above is what has worked for me. For example, I _hate_ eating sounds. But when there is other sound (music, people talking, a video) then I don't hear it anymore or only a little.

[@downinahole193]

I have never heard someone speak with the language of "the" anxiety instead of "your" anxiety. I usually feel like i AM my anxiety. What an interesting take Shaaba, it's definitely food for thought. Thank you ❤

[@mazohyst8148]

It's a therapy thing to distance yourself from your disorder and not identify with it. You have a disorder but you are not your disorder. You are yourself. If you say you are your anxiety you make it a vital part of you instead of a disorder that can be treated. This attitude can be detrimental in therapy settings.

[@dees3179]

Suggestion for people with anxiety, if dinners are too much sometimes it’s possible to suggest meeting up with the group before or afterwards for a walk instead. That way you only have to talk to the number of people that can fit on a path at once and also you are moving so not looking at each other. And you can keep making the excuse of ‘must talk to everyone’ to keep changing people, rather than being stuck at the same seat round a table. In December there is not a lot of daylight so a morning walk is truncated by them having a dinner reservation and an afternoon one is even shorter because by the time they have had dinner is will soon be dark. Or you could go for a walk to look at all the pretty lights in the evening together, it gives something to talk about. There are more ways to see family than just having dinner if sitting down and eating is part of what induces stress. I find being able to move and not being trapped in a house helps. I’ve found that being more honest and saying that I’d love to see someone but can we do it this way or that way instead of whatever has been suggested has led to the opening of a negotiation to something both parties are more comfortable with rather than just repeating something it turns out is just a habit no one wants.

[@kellygeorgina1466]

Last year I made friends with my Ukrainian neighbours who speak very little English, literally just a few phrases, hello, goodbye, have a nice day ect. I run a community garden, The man helped me build a greenhouse and his wife brought flowers to the garden. We used the translator app loads, and honestly we're able to communicate great using the app as well as lots of gestures and pointing lol. So cool to learn from and hang out with people who you're very different from ❤

[@justbrilliant9560]

that's lovely

[@nyahtonks3914]

for the last story, definitely NTD. the chronically ill bits actually made me see red, as someone that is also chronically ill and have heard similar things. what i’ve rly learned thru becoming chronically ill and disabled myself, it’s almost never worth the time and energy (especially since my energy is so limited now) to spare the feelings of the ppl around me for extended ppl if that makes sense. like a friend can be friends with someone that doesn’t treat me well, but im absolutely not going to anything that that person will be at, no matter how it makes my friend feel. my feelings also matter, and since it takes energy to go to events at all, it’s not worth my energy to go just to have my feelings hurt and/or be disrespected. and not that the feelings of ppl that i care abt don’t matter, just that *sometimes* my feelings need to matter to me more. if i don’t prioritize my self, my energy, and my feelings, ive found that it’s deeply unlikely that other ppl will prioritize those things

[@no-one.in.particular]

Yeah, the ableds usually do not properly understand how much illness and disability affect every part of our lives or how much energy is a very precious and limited resource. I've entirely stopped visiting my family mostly because of their reactions to my medical conditions and they won't visit me so I just don't see them anymore lol

[@jadziajan]

Honestly I could see myself ending up in the same situation as the 2nd OP. I'm an anti consumerist and I live with a hoarder, so I have no room (or patience left) for random junk. If I felt forced to exchange gifts with someone, I couldn't bring myself to buy some shitty object from the supermarket. And a nice snack to gift to someone or bouquet of flowers might be more expensive than the random knick knacks they buy.

[@nebulan]

Impersonal gifts in the US are like candles and mugs. You end up with too many mugs and no where to keep them.

[@moonface710]

SO TRUE!! when i was little i used to have the job of putting dishes away and we had a wild amount of mugs (my parents like to collect them when we go to a museum or something) so i was always so annoyed when they’d get EVEN MORE MUGS. i was like “dude i’m already stacking them on top of eachother and you’re gonna add 3 more??? where????”. now im repeating the cycle cuz i love getting mugs LMAO

[@Redthreadwitch]

That’s why I always get something like food or drink for less personal gifts (after checking for any food restrictions). It won’t take up room forever, and if they don’t like it, it’s easier to re-gift without feeling guilty about it.

[@nebulan]

@moonface710 i have mugs for 3 diff jobs i don't work at anymore!

[@nebulan]

@Redthreadwitch exactly! I think consumables are great. Even flowers you can throw away after a bit without feeling guilty

[@jadziajan]

Yeah. Food items are a much nicer idea (though they come with a risk that the person, whom you assumedly don't know very well, can't eat it. I'm unfortunately that person who loves food but can't eat many foods.) but as someone who's exhausted by living with a hoarder - please don't gift me more junk! I'm not a fan of overconsumption and I have no room for random items. Impersonal gifts would actively bother me.

[@zard5930]

Story 2: Disagree. NTA. If OP doesn't want to partake in neighbourly giftgiving, he doesn't have to. Just doing it under pressure makes every gift feel shitty and not worth it.

[@Misstborn]

Strong agree, I'm just not a gift person and doing all that can be stressful an unpleasant. If you don't want to do gifts, you shouldn't have to.

[@Mariethechaotic]

17:52 agreed and she just finished reading out that Op doesn't do gifts with anyone else so these people she has to go out of her way for and then she included as her caveat if Op didn't do it with anyone else if gifts just weren't in your thing then she would understand but isn't that what she literally just said? I get it in a similar sense the person at the spiritual centre (obstentially a progressive church) that I *work* at, don't even actually care about the religion itself this old woman who I barely know always insists on a hug and I'm like I like hugging people that I like I don't care about you which sounds mean but I also get why you wouldn't want to give a present to someone you don't care about that much

[@GallifrAngel]

YES!! I know it comes across as shallow or selfish, but it actually stresses me out to receive gifts that I didn’t want or don’t have a use for, because then it just ends up being clutter in my home. I’m constantly trying to tell certain family members that they don’t have to get me anything!

[@bacul165]

Yeah i agree with you! I have a colleague whith whom the gift exchange got out of hand, i ended up spending more time and money on her gift than on my brother and parents. Two years ago i got a great opportunity to talk about it with her, explaining that while i appreciated the gesture it was actually stressing me out. She was completely fine with tuning it back to a card and some chocolates! Another coworker just loooves giving gifts, which are always perfectly delightful things that I use a lot. I can't and won't match that so i just get her a card and than treat her to lunch in January.

[@abigailhoneycombe]

This video is 33:33 and that makes me happy

[@sydneywright6545]

Same. Why are matching numbers so relaxing to look at? 🤔

[@alidamaria6542]

Agreed! Being the 33rd person to like this comment also made me very happy ghehe 😊

[@faenene]

Someone with that as their angel number is gonna have a lucky day :3

[@moiragores1226]

Story 1: a couple of yours ago I was alone for Christmas, and a friend invited me to spend Christmas with her and her family. I was so grateful! I always invited people if I know they might be alone, as nobody should be alone at this time. Christmas is always about people you like.

[@xlogophile]

For story 2, gotta disagree. NAH, I get that the tone of the post isn't fantastic, and probably sticking with the tradition would make life easier in the long run, but if OP doesn't want to participate in the gift exchange, they're well within their right to say so politely. I absolutely get that exchanging impersonal gifts with people you barely know feels more performative than actually meaningful, and especially when OP doesn't exchange gifts with anyone else and has to go out of their way to spend time coming up with gift ideas/acquiring it, this doesn't feel great. And, per what they said, the gifts they receive don't end up being used, so I assume it's not something like candy/cosmetics that would have a chance to be consumed (or they're food/cosmetics that aren't to OPs taste), they could be random tchotchkes that just end up creating clutter in their home and collecting dust/taking up storage space

[@realfingertrouble]

Another compromise for the first one is the mother in law stays in a nearby hotel, AirBnB, etc....if they can find one at short notice! Then she can be around the corner, and be involved but also sleep somewhere else and not get under the wife's feet, cos a lot of the issue with hosting is sleeping transitions (late nights chatting?) and breakfasts/lunches etc. It makes it more casual.

[@SarahHalina]

For the gift giving one: I totally understand not wanting to do the gift exchange especially when you don't know the people that well. We have neighbours who are really sweet and one Christmas they brought over a gift basket of some chocolates. We weren't expecting it and we had nothing to give them. It was awkward. The following year, we got them a gift card that has several restaurant options since nobody in my family is much of a baker. We didn't know what to get them and thought it would be nice since there was about at least 10 different restaurant options with various menu items (one restaurant was Italian, the other chicken, the other BBQ, etc). Then it inadvertently became a yearly tradition where we would buy each other gifts until a couple years ago when we ran into them at the beginning of December and they said "it's really nice of you to think of us during the holidays, but maybe we can just not bother with the gifts because it's kind of stressful." Well needless to say it was a relief for us as well because it was just getting more and more chaotic. I think OP can say to them "I really like having you as neighbours, but due to reasons that I would rather not get into, I would appreciate it if we didn't do the gift exchange."

[@AnAmelieAnomaly]

In the last story, I don't think it really matters if OP has said or done something to irritate the in-laws, FIL is calling them abusive names. I don't see any reason to explore that relationship any further.

[@bethstovell8608]

For the first story, I wonder if the part about how busy the husband has been with grad school is actually more important than others were thinking. When my husband and I were in grad school and working with kids, it was hard to have enough time together just as a immediate family. Christmas offered us some downtime to relax together that we didn’t get other times of the year. This was the first reason the wife gave for not wanting her MIL there. It seems like a reasonable one to me and not selfish.

[@AstronomicalJelly]

agree with everyone that second op is NTD. i don't know is op doesn't celebrate bc of having a different/no religion, but either way i don't think everyone should be expected to follow christian holiday traditions. there's other ways to show neighborly spirit outside of christmas, as stated by op at the beginning they're friendly with them and keep an eye on their packages, so they might help with other things as well (now i don't think op should ask for then to call the thing off completely, i think they should just say that they themself dont wanna participate so no one has to send then gifts and they don't have to do that to anyone, but the rest of their neighbours can participate)

[@elaineb7065]

I have a rule: if I'm on speaking terms, you get a card. If you've helped me in some big way, you get a present. This is how I've been gearing my Festive giving. Most folks get a card, & love getting that. Only a few get presents. In my book, those neighbours would get a card, but no present

[@chronicAngel]

My bias is being a Jew who grew up in the Bible Belt, but I really really think Story 2 is NTD. I have always hated receiving gifts for Christmas, usually from people who I have told over and over again that I don't celebrate. It feels like people pushing me to assimilate and partake in their holidays because they're important to them without considering why it might not be a cool thing to do. Also, they almost always get me things I don't actually want and won't actually use. I really, really think you should not get people gifts unless you have discussed it and gotten explicit, enthusiastic consent first, just like I wouldn't feel comfortable with my neighbors hugging me without asking just because we had developed a friendly rapport. And this culture of, "You should just politely accept gifts you don't want because it's important to the person giving it to you and it's actually a nice thing for them to do." is really disconcerting to me. Why do we recognize that well-intentioned shows of love and affection in other ways are unacceptable when they're unwanted, but gifts are an inescapable obligation that you have to have a Really Good Reason to refuse? You shouldn't need to be traumatized to say, "Hey, thank you, but I don't want any gifts for Christmas."

[@HighAsHeckPriestess]

I agree for my own reasons! For me, it's the fact that it's neighbors, not friends. If my friends asked me to do secret Santa, I'd still participate despite not being a Christian simply cuz it's an excuse to share joy with my friends (and knowing they enjoy my Solstice traditions). With neighbors, I'd feel a bit weird cuz yeah, they don't know what I believe in, and I have no reason to trust the gift or their motives

[@dodobarthel2249]

Maybe you can try giving them something on a holiday you celebrate, to make it more of an equal sharing of holiday traditions, rather than feeling like assimilation? Maybe they would even appreciate that?

[@chronicAngel]

​@@dodobarthel2249 I do for people that I'm close with. In general, though, I don't like receiving gifts from people I don't know very well, and even with people I do know well, I value things like quality time and shared interests significantly more. While I recognize that some people might appreciate being given an opportunity to give me gifts, I believe that setting and maintaining boundaries with people is more important than finding a way to cater to their every desire in a relationship. "I don't want a present," is actually a very simple and reasonable boundary to draw, and if you find yourself offended at being told that, maybe giving gifts is more about you than about the person you're giving them to.

[@chronicAngel]

@@HighAsHeckPriestess My social circle growing up came from a wide range of faiths (which tends to happen when you're the queer kids in a small-ish town in the Midwest, lol), so we would always just do general gift giving events within our social circle without naming it in favor of anyone's specific practice. Usually it was just, "Hey guys, do you wanna meet up at the library and do a gift exchange on [x date]?" Gift giving is still not really a huge love language for me, but if I was going to participate in any sort of event like that, I would prefer it be framed that way. I am really uncomfortable with any sort of social event that frames Christian holidays and practices as secular just because most people think of them as the default.

[@BeholdenProductions]

Our late landlord Mr Bonder was Jewish and lived in the flat above us. He’d have us over for Jewish holidays and we always had him and his wife while they were alive over for Christmas. We also went out for dinner together about once a month. Relationships are what you make of them, you really can build your own traditions and connections. I generally go for a “yes… and” (improv FTW!) rule in relationships. Instead of shooting someone’s bid for connection down, if you don’t want to mirror a gesture for whatever reason, is there another way to reciprocate that you are comfortable with? That way the good vibes keep flowing without anyone feeling put out. Nobody should feel put out when the whole goal is clearly good vibes ✨✨✨

[@moonface710]

28:29 so true!! i self isolate A LOT and its impacted many friendships a lot. it’s kinda a vicious cycle because once i stop isolating and hang out w them again, they have inside jokes together that i don’t understand, which makes me feel shitty and envious, which makes me want to isolate again and the cycle repeats.

[@solonyhiacynt6291]

why are you me

[@moonface710]

ngl story 1 made me tear up a little. my mum was born in the UK and moved to the US and married my dad and had me and my brother. we only got to see her parents and family once a year (at most, some years we couldn’t go) for a week or two. my grandfather (mums dad) died when i was 14, i didn’t even get to see him a dozen times. i hadn’t gotten to see him for 2 years because covid meant we couldn’t travel obviously, but restrictions had loosened and we had tickets booked to see them literally 2 weeks later, but he didn’t make it that long. my grandmother (mums mum) died last year less than a month before christmas, no one really saw it coming until a week or so beforehand, when my mom and i started trying to figure out going there for christmas to take care of her. prior to that, she’d been independent and pretty peppy and lively. an hour before she died, we were booking plane tickets for a couple days later so we could take care of her and see her one last time. an hour later, we got the call and suddenly i had no grandparents left. my mom had no parents left. she never got to hug her mom or her dad one last time. she never got to say a real goodbye to either of them. all this to say, if you love someone and want to spend time with them, make time for them, you never know when they’ll be gone. i know this doesn’t go for every family and every person because some families absolutely suck and you do not have to see them if you dont want to/they suck/they’re unsupportive or whatever. but if you do love them and want to see them, maybe rethink postponing their trip if it’s possible or just call them. i regret every single day that i didn’t call my grandparents more, i was always “too busy” or whatever (typical teenage behaviour lol), but i loved them so much and i don’t even know if they knew that. now i’m fully on sobbing LMAO. anyway, sorry for the rant, i didn’t mean for it to get this long lol

[@moonface710]

also to the point about OPs mom being alone on the holidays: my grandmother also had a wider network (including her brother and his family, and my mums brother and his wife), but they all wanted to spend time with their individual families. my grandmother dealt with A LOT of loneliness after my grandfather died, but she hid it pretty well because she HATED being vulnerable (the whole “suck it up”/“pull yourself up by your bootstraps” kinda thing). she spent a lot of time alone because everyone else had higher priorities and closer people, which i was told may contributed to her worsening dementia (no one knew how bad her dementia had rlly gotten because, again, she was alone most of the time, and she didn’t want anyone knowing she wasn’t 100%). what i’m trying to say is, wider networks are complicated. while it may seem like a person has a lot of people around and won’t be alone and stuff, they may still be left out because they aren’t the closest member and they may still be lonely, just hiding it. even if you think your loved one has plenty of people around them, it won’t hurt to reach out and give them some extra love, especially if they don’t have close immediate family like in this story.

[@Amanda-0987]

On the first story, just as an Aussie. If my child was living in Europe, I would die if they asked that I just come for a week. The flights and layovers usually mean 24-36 hours of travel (depending on how cheap you’re flying) and then you have to get on the opposite time zone. That is a lot for a week. So while I agree that a compromise is fair, it is worth remembering that not everywhere in a hop, skip and a jump. Even Europe to the Americas is not too bad but the last time I flew to Canada to visit family, that was 18 hours of travel. Basically, if OPs mum was coming to Aus, I would think asking her to travel for only a week would suck. Edit: my child is hypothetical, lol! I have no children. I would probably travel to them because I loved them, but it would suck. I’d probably have a travelling holiday.

[@lucypreece7581]

You don't always have to have Christmas to be exact all the time. Since I work in Hospitality and will be working on Christmas Day have planned things leading up to Christmas instead. On the 22nd I am going to my dad and step mum's place and having my full turkey dinner and everything and just a nice chill cosy time with them and then on Xmas Eve I am staying with my friend Rob. He is from Slovakia originally and in his home country they make more of a fuss on the 24th rather than 25th so he is cooking me a traditional Slovakian Christmas Eve dinner which is really exciting. Christmas isn't one size fits all. You make it work for you.

[@TheDarwinProject1]

Story 1: if she can afford it, perhaps OPs mother staying a week with them & then a week in a hotel, so she can be in the home during the holidays, while the wife doesnt feel as compulsed to attend to all & more of OP mother's needs. Maybe even during the non holiday days, taking the kids to her hotel with an indoor pool or hosting the family during the day at the hotel/airbnb. That would give OP & his wife to relax even more while grandma also gets her kiddo time! For the socially anxious OP, I would suggest either asking mother (with or without bf) & sis/bil if they'd like to do an Xmas lunch the day before or after they have their dinners or maybe getting together (with mom/bf I assume) at sis/bils for a light Xmas morning breakfast (maybe with little pancakes & syrup to dip them in, some kind of breakfast turned snackish). Or, the other option is to ask mothers bf & BIL what kind of interests they have if they don't know what you might already relate on, or asking them to try to keep to group socializing, where OP can just listen & has no pressure to contribute. My father's family is VERY neurodivergent (which we have only been discovering since 2018), so it was never out of place for someone to be taking a nap in grandma's bed, for kids to be upstairs (watching someone) playing a Nintendo console, for littler kids to be watching holiday movies in the den, & for the living room to be a place everyone sat to talk or listen while doing their own thing (playing a handheld game/on smartphone or on a laptop pretty common), then contributing to the convo if they have something they want to. We really only had one loner in each family & that was my parent's BILs, on my dad's side a MAGA gun nut who was always on his ipad, & on my mom's side a dry humored sport nut who watched a game downstairs by himself most of the time we were there.

[@Pink_Sinthetic]

When I was 15 I spent a month in Spain with my cousin and her family. And during that visit we also went on a little mini-vacation to see her husband's sister and her family. They didn't speak English. I spoke miiiiinimal Spanish, and it was still a lovely trip. One time my cousin translated to me in Spanish and them in English and we both looked at each other, then at Celeste. And then she started repeating the translations and we were like "no no no, we got it. We heard you both times." lolol We went out to dinner, had a barbecue, did some little trips. It wasn't awkward at all. Everyone knows the limitations and you work around it. There were a couple times when I was also watching my 2 year old "first cousin once removed" when Celeste and Alphonso weren't around and let me tell you, the "Oh my god, is that YOUR baby??" looks are universal. -rolls eyes-

[@malter95]

I've had a difficult relationship with the winter holiday season for a long time and have recently been coming around to "comfortably neutral" where I just kind of ignore it and do my own thing, but if I'm being honest, this video is reminding me why I had those difficulties. You never know if something is meant as kindness for kindness's sake or if there are strings attached. There's pressure to put yourself in social situations you may not be comfortable in. For all the "love" and "joy" sentiments that get thrown around, there's also a narrow expectation of what form those things take. And some people can be so damn pushy and ruin it for people who want to do something else. Honestly, I do think my ideal Christmas is one where I can spend it at home either alone or with my partner and treat it like any other day off of work.

[@brattygrl81]

For story #2, I'm definitely gonna say NTA. People are not obligated to give anyone Christmas gifts, and op doesn't owe anyone a reason why. It doesn't matter if they are neighbors, and it doesn't matter if this "tradition" has been done in the past. Op doesn't want to participate, and for whatever reason, they have the right as a person to make that decision. Honestly, I believe that Christians are incredibly pushy and try to hog the entire winter holiday season as though they are the only group that celebrates a holiday. They certainly act as though their holiday is the only one that matters. It's about respect, and op deserves that same respect from others.

[@esf34147]

inpersonal gifts can be really great and generally useful, or very specific and therefore sometimes useless if you don't need that specific thing. in my experience, the inpersonal gifts i've gotten from not so close family members are things i end up never using bc i don't have a use for them really so it's very 50/50

[@adeliecn1763]

The worst "impersonal" gift I've ever gotten was an eraser in the shape of a bear. I don't draw or anything, so it's just been sitting at the bottom of my craft bag for 5 years now.

[@mandyb2245]

I completely agree with you on the last one. I didn't like my ex's family either. His stepfather was a grouchy homophobe who smoked like a chimney inside the house and was always in a crappy mood. His mother was very judgmental. He had a horribly racist homophobic cousin who threw the N word around like it was nothing. I didn't know the full extent of how hateful my ex's family was until after we were married. We divorced in 2015 after almost six years of marriage and I'm so glad his family isn't in my life anymore.

[@LucyHawkins-fd7uu]

Can I just say, all people involved in the first post seem great. Op is suggesting options of letting it go or compromise. No major argument is mentioned. The wife has offered a shorted visit. Op makes an effort to justify the wife’s actions. Two solutions offered. Reasons given for actions taken and they are understandable. Loved this post

[@kellyhall5284]

Omg! The last aitah literally sounds like me 🙈. Husband only child ✔️ FIL an alcoholic ✔️ I have chronic pain✔️ but now FIL has banned me from their home, so I don't have to worry about it. Never feel like you have to see someone who treats you badly. It's their loss, not yours xx

[@nonwonderful]

I’m an introvert and if I ever host family or friends I know that I will not relax at all during visits. If I visit other people I never stay at their house and always at a hotel or rental so I have somewhere to retreat to. When listening to story one, all I could think was how bad it would be to have someone in my home the whole time I was meant to be on holiday and then also have to spend time with my family, not because i wouldn’t like it but doing both would absolutely destroy my ability to be nice to people which I really don’t want to inflict on friends and family.

[@necr0marker]

i think it would be fun for the two families in the first story to play a sort of charades or some kinda game where they pick up an item or show a picture and they both exchange what the word is in their language and help eachother with pronunciation !! its a really fun way to connect and in turn, if the word is literal, they learn more than one word! like waterfall, theyd learn that water and fall are two different words and they can slowly figure out how to form sentences in the others language. yeah, it would take ages, but i think that that would be SO fun. idk i have language autism so i might just be nerding off now HAHAHH

[@shiroganetsuki9634]

Hard disagree on the neighborly gift exchange. I wouldn't want to be forced into an annual tradition with people I don't really know. The thought of it feels so invasive I'm putting my defenses up without actually being involved in the matter. Gift giving needs to be voluntary, thoughtful and with love.

[@astaldogal]

KLAUS!!!! IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE NEWER CHRISTMAS MOVIES!!

[@SilentSong123]

Honestly food gifts sound lovely especially something like a package of cookies or a loaf of cinnamon bread that last for quite a bit is my cup of tea

[@ameliab324]

The badges are not based on what vibe a person gives you as a person, though. They're based on either or not they are acting dramatic or assholey in a particular situation. I wouldn't say wanting to not do gift giving is assholey or dramatic. This person may be grumpy and materialistic, they may also be just busy and not used to such traditions - and the reason really shouldn't matter as long as they handle it respectfully.

[@gracem1231]

Second story, nailed it on the head with the overthinking! That's the hard part, and I think it's very sweet that your neighbors go out of their way to get you something. A candle, everyone loves a candle

[@adriannavanoyen]

Speaking for all the exceptions to your "everyone"; some of us hate receiving candles because they are too strongly scented, a scent you can't stand, made from a cheap wax that is bad for your health, the container itself can be a design you don't like or at least don't want to see in your home for as long the candle lasts, burning candles could be a danger to children or pets in the house, etc.

[@dillsha9599]

Klaus is an amazing film, one of my faves along with Arthur Christmas 😊

[@Aberdromeda]

i will never get over shaabas hair like that shade of pinkk its so pretty 🥹

[@merilahna]

i do think one of the bigger differences between the teo last ones too is bc op in the social anxiety one just simply dpesmt know how interacting with them will go. they think its going to be awkward, but they dont know. in the last one, op knows how it will go, they have the experience, so it makes sense that they would say no. with the second to last one they can also just say no and not go later on, when theyve met the people in question and know they dont like it, if thats what ends up happening

[@Redthreadwitch]

We have two neighbors that we make up little gift bags for around the holidays. However, this has never been a gift “exchange.” We do it because we want to, and we don’t require any reciprocation. I can see how the expectation of getting them something in return could be annoying/overwhelming. Although I hate that about the holiday season, anyway. I LOVE to give gifts, and I sew/knit/bookbind/various other crafts, so I often make things for people. But it is never with an expectation that they get me something in return, and I’ve made that clear. For me, the joy is in giving, and adding stress to someone else’s life is the opposite! Sorry, that just turned into a rant about gifting culture in the States. 😂

[@helenacrispim3744]

1st Drama: My ML and I don't have a good relationship at all, first time I saw her she called me a "sl*t" and told me I was going to ruin my, now, husband's life. I'm not someone that hates, so I don't.. but I also don't like, much less love her. However, I understand my husband will want to spend time with his mother and he also know I feel SUPER uncomfortable having pretty much anyone over night here. As a latin person, we do have the "hosting anxieties", and my ML coming doesn't mean my husband will have the week off. So what we do? We rent a near by AirBnB for the duration of my ML's visit. I have my space, my husband can work not worrying about being the host or with me being uncomfortable and my ML gets to walk by the beach, as she likes and we usually rent something small, since she is one person, but with hydramassage and things that she can use to relax while my husband is at work. Plus, I always ask my parents to throw as many barbecues possible while she is here so she'll feel included and have as great of a time we can possibly offer while she's here.

[@Quickfire412]

I get so much joy when i see a new video from you Shaaba!!! Absolutely LOVE your energy and your hair is fantastic every time!

[@jonnysbigworld]

Having the worst day being sick and this made it instantly better! YOU INSPIRE ME!!! Proud to be a Peach. 🍑

[@thulium_3169]

watching this at 12:37 am, what could be better?

[@annabrown3337]

0:22 shaaba looking especially gorgeous today ❤

[@leorosenthal]

For the last peach, I am in a similar situation on the other side (my partner doesn't get on well with my family). Frankly, as long as they are okay with it, I am happy to go to family functions alone. I find it easier not having to worry about playing middleman between my partner and my family or worry about my partner not being happy. If your partner has always gone with you, they should try going on their own and see how they like it. Even if they miss you, it might end up being easier not having to worry if their dad is being rude to you.

[@Falconifan]

There's no reasoning or closure with raging alcoholics

[@shonalouise6]

I have been binge watching these videos! My wedding is in just over a month, and the stress levels are insane. These videos help me gain perspective and are really helping lower my stress levels. Thank you ❤

[@moonface710]

congratulations and good luck on the wedding!!! ❤️

[@snake-qm7jz]

Oh my gosh good morning momma Shaaba!! ^^

[@shaaba]

top of the morning to you peach! ✨

[@rage_of_aquarius]

Story 1 made me wonder what the kids thought. My mother is always stressed out by the holidays and my dad has always been obsessed with us being the perfect nuclear family that he never had growing up. We'd do a party with mum's side of the family and a different party with dad's, and then do Christmas just the 4 of us. Occasionally a relative would visit day-of and it was always really exciting for me. We don't live close to any family and since it's hard to travel, we used to only see family for special occasions. All year it was always the 4 of us and it made Christmas feel less like a holiday. The one year when we had a party Christmas eve and most of the family came over to play games during the day, it was the best holiday ever. Now that my grandpa died and my grandma is alone, we have her up for Christmas and it just makes it feel more like a holiday when people are around. I do feel bad for my other grandma who is also alone, but she doesn't drive and has so many issues to accommodate that she can't just drive up and sleep on the sofa.

[@alenarenner310]

Language barrier is very much stress for the translator which usually is my mom, my parents parents are all very, mich excited when they meet and want to talk and usually they'll pull my mom into that so she'll stay with them when all the siblings and other im laws als kids talk. She loves to do that but sometimes it's just a lot on one person...

[@nebulan]

Therapy for social anxiety helps you celebrate the wins. Your therapist will be proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone. (Speaking from experience)

[@twinning1944]

Story 4: NTA, it’s ok not to want to spend time with people who treat you badly.

[@shanymaltais3504]

A couple years ago, my uncle had a girlfriend, who was a total sweetheart and only spoke english. My mon only speaks french. They both had a couple words they knew in the other's language like "a little bit", "thank you" and they still had a great time together. It was funny and sweet

[@dp9828]

That Klaus movie is actually soo good one of my new favourites

[@bobbel3474]

17:23 NTA. I despise recieving impersonal gifts. Both my parents are/were hoarders so i hate getting items i dont need. I also hate getting skincare/bodycare, because my skin is sensitive and i only like wearing vanilla scented stuff. I have animals who cant handle citrus or candles. I also dont like candy or most types of chocolate. I feel guilty knowing im not gratefull, when someone went out of their way to get me something.

[@Toaster-draws]

Story 1- I think the whole "visit/see this family member when you can" only works when said family member is dying. I used to tell myself that when my grandpa was sick/dying. Not saying you shouldn't visit your family, but it's ok if you don't see them for all holidays or just random visits.

[@moonface710]

eh, you don’t always know when people are dying. my grandparents were really proud and didn’t want people to know they were suffering so we didn’t really know anything was wrong until it was too late to say goodbye. i like that it gets you thinking about whether an inconvenience is small enough to get through. like if you want to see/talk to/spend time with a loved one but small inconveniences are holding you back, try not to let them get in the way of seeing/spending time with your loved one. idk if i described that well LMAO. this can also turn into slightly obsessive/anxious intrusive thoughts, like “what if this is the last time i see x” or “what if i never get to see y again because i cancelled our plans?”. i struggle with those a bit and the “what ifs” are not helpful, so it’s good in moderation (imo) but not if it gets to that point.

[@eleanorwillow9671]

Q1, mom visiting: probably NTA, but I need more info. Q2, gifts with neighbors: soft YTA. If your neighbors give cheap gifts, then do the same. Keep it simple. Especially if it's the same multiple years in a row. Sure, you could say to not exchange gifts with the excuse of saving money or whatever else, but would that excuse be true? The ways you help each other are simple and easy, but not having those little things would be so much worse than spending a few dollars on a simple gift that is a kind gesture. Q3: This is the one I really want to talk about. I am neurodivergent, but late-diagnosed, so I grew up trying to balance fitting in with being my own unique self (masking without knowing it), and putting up with holiday gatherings I didn't like. I'm not trying to diagnose you, by the way, but the point is that I've experienced plenty of gatherings I didn't like going to. I really do like the modern push for autonomy, safety, and not being forced into uncomfortable situations; I used to have to attend things I didn't want to, no matter the justifications I gave. As adults, we can avoid situations that make us feel uncomfortable-- just not the consequences of doing so. Sometimes there are no consequences, but other times it's a matter of how other people view you, whether you keep being invited to things, and how you make your family feel. Some anxiety is normal when you're meeting new people, or when you're somewhere that has a lot of people. I don't know your (OP's) level of anxiety or your diagnosis, so I can't pin down how much to tell you to put up with. OP even said it would just be a couple of hours, and to that I say just go, meet the people in question, have a meal together. Maybe you'll hit it off and become friends, maybe it'll be a neutral experience, or maybe the people will be rotten and you leave early. The more you go to these kinds of things, the easier they become-- or at least they feel like less of a big deal. It doesn't doesn't sound like your anxiety level is so high that you can't go. If it is, then okay, don't attend; no need to put yourself through what might be traumatic. Otherwise, know that life has its share of discomforts and inconveniences. Sometimes you have to push through, and sometimes you really can avoid the situation. Having a social network, a community-- basically, people you can turn to, rely on, etc., especially when they know you're there for them to-- is more valuable than you realize. If you want to insist on going it alone, that's on you. You (OP) might need to see a counselor to guide you through what situations are part of life, and what you can and should avoid, and the consequences of avoiding situations you're only mildly not interested in. A counselor can better gauge where you're at with anxiety, your goals, and the best strategies for deal with social situations better. Badge: There is a risk of OP being the drama, unless their anxiety is really bad.

[@alex_blue5802]

It seems like receiving cheap gifts may be the problem actually. If it's food then fine, but if it's knickknacks or anything tangible then you have to find storage space for something you didn't ask for and don't really like. Perhaps he could suggest exchanging cards or cookies instead.

[@Misstborn]

I definitely disagree on story 2. Getting gifts is actively unpleasant for me because I feel guilty if I don't return the favor and I feel bad when I inevitably don't like something, so I think it's very reasonable to just request not doing gifts.

[@realfingertrouble]

"Think about the Christmas when your mother is dead" - you say 'why Reddit?' but I am faced with that this year first one without my partner of 27 years. So...yes. it's dark but it's worth thinking about, especially with older parents/partners. Go spend time with your loved ones, and don't put it off, it may be your last.

[@MichiruEll]

As someone who's observed a lot of straight relationships around me, I'm not sure that I believe OP in story 1 when he says that his wife would not have to do a bunch of work while hosting his mom. At least around me, the women are still always in charge of making the house clean and comfortable for their guests. Even for me, being the more femme person in my relationship, I feel a huge pressure to make my in-laws comfortable, so I'm absolutely not relaxed. And this can be really hard, especially if the visit coincides with my only vacation time in a while.

[@lrfcowper]

I think for the first story, Mom should come for Christmas but stay in a hotel if she can afford it. This relieves the wife of feeling like she needs to be the host. Mom can go do touristy things some days or take the kids out and let the parents have some private time. And nothing says you can't have a big family gathering with both sides of the family for one evening. My husband's sister often does family gatherings with my family because it's only her and my hubby left. She and my mom are close, and she gets on well with my siblings, so it works out.

[@ChronicNewb]

I spent a Christmas with my roommate's friends family one year, and even though they all spoke German and I could hardly string a German sentence together, it was the best Christmas I ever had as an adult. Did I understand everything that was happening? Not even close! But there were enough English speakers to translate the important parts that I felt included and loved :) And it was an awesome way to kick start my re-learning of German!

[@anniespring8986]

One thing to add to the social anxiety one as someone who struggles with that and then found out I was autistic (not diagnosing anyone) but if OP is neurodivergent there can be situations where going to events, even small ones, can have actual consequences that extend beyond discomfort and that could change the situation. For example I often push through anxiety when doing pretty much anything and I try to judge whether I will be too anxious to enjoy something if I go (in which case I may skip or try to work up to it if it was important) or if I will be anxious but not so much that it will ruin the thing for me I go and try to work through it. The third situation is times where I really do want to do something but there are other things that make it inaccessible like sensory issues or burnout that will cause actual problems I have to deal with even after the event. Sometimes even when you really want to do something there are accessibility issues so I think it really just depends.

[@dasilliestgoose]

KLAUS MY BELOVED!!! I LOVE THAT MOVIE SOOOO MUCH

[@A_T216]

I like it a lot when you examine the principles between similar posts/your opinions on them and what aspects of the situations resulted in different badges, like you did in this video. It's very narratively satisfying lol.

[@neo-cb9lc]

happy monday shaaba! glad to be here as always

[@nichyates2652]

My favorite Christmas movie too

[@Sageslittlewitchyworld]

The first story reminded me that my parents invited my girlfriends brother (who they don't know) to our family Christmas this year because he would be alone since my girlfriend is coming with me to my parents and his mom is on holiday with her boyfriend. I think it's really sweet and I hope he feels welcome at our table.

[@thedailybullshit4033]

That "...Good luck." is REAL WHY DO THEY WANT TO COME BACK TO AMERICA????

[@funtimekiwi]

good morning/afternoon Shaaba! Glad you posted, now I have a good video to listen to while getting ready for the day! (it's 13:00 for me lol)

[@Mega6470]

First thing I wanted to point out is that gender stereotypes aren’t a « feminism » problem. Feminism isn’t the reason men aren’t encouraged to be vulnerable, the patriarchy is. And it is therefore not a problem for feminism to resolve, we as women fought hard to better our circumstances, and now men need to do the same (not exactly but similar enough). As for the first story, I’m in OP’s situation and I would understand if my partner wanted to take turns for Christmas even if my family is much further. We can visit another time of the year, them being far doesn’t justify we have to spend every Christmas with them.

[@alex_blue5802]

I have actually heard of feminism as being about tearing down the patriarchy to free people of all genders. So it depends on the definition I think.

[@nathryl03]

This is your regular reminder that you're all awesome, beautiful and valid little peaches, just the way you are ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 Love you all ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 Stay safe everyone and remember that there are people out here that love you 💜💜💜💜💜💜

[@ariannasantina]

first story.. is it possible for the mom to get a hotel for part of the time she is staying so she isnt intruding on the wifes personal space for the whole 2 weeks and making the wife feel like she has to kind of change her life around and be in 'full host mode' like having someone staying at their own hotel-space and then coming by to visit during the day does give a different feel than having that person there constantly and consistently from morning til bedtime.. like sometimes people just want their own time to relax and let loose and dont feel like they can do that with another person there. I get that. Maybe if the mom came and spent a few days to a week with them for the direct holiday (christmas, christmas eve etc) but then went and got a hotel for the latter half of the trip and just came by to visit wit hthe grandkids, etc during the daytime? I know its hard to ask family to go get a hotel instead of stay but there are definitely ways of having that conversation ... especially cause id think they would have to go back to work at some point too? most people dont have 2 full weeks off work during the holidays .. so if mom just stayed around for the direct holiday then they said look, we are going back to work and need to get back into our routine which is just hard to feel like we can do while hosting... maybe we can get you a hotel to stay at and you can come by during the day to see the grandkids (perhaps this might even be able to be helpful to them as a form of childcare with mom spending time with grandkids while they have to work etc.. not sure how old the kids are or if they NEED childcare but either way just the grandma coming to spend time with kids during the day.. maybe have dinner together after and then send the mom back to hotel for the evening so they can have some down-time.

[@alex_blue5802]

I agree, it's stressful to have guests in the house even if you're not doing anything extra. I think the expectation that the wife just needs to "get over" any discomfort that she is experiencing is uncharitable.

[@theashwoodfaerie2]

I’m an adult, but I currently live at home and I’m being forced to attend Christmas with my Dad’s family whom I cannot stand because they have been emotionally abusive my entire life. But since my mother is a doormat, and my dad is equally emotionally abusive, and because my grandmother is in her 90s I have to suck it up and go because “she might not be around for much longer” ugh

[@evan_escence95]

As someone who has multiple NDs, is Coeliac and generally keeps to themselves because of the energy and anxiety around socialising, gift giving, even impersonal stuff, can be a risk for many reasons for me to the point where I just exchange cards with my next door neighbours and give them chocolates (one of the few exceptions I have easy and good communication with them) and then I come back to my parents where we generally aren't a materialistic family and want to get rid of junk in the house and don't really plan on much this time around, and they get cards usually addressed to them and 'the family'. We're not really close with neighbours and family and friends for multiple reasons and we haven't been for like 5-10 years with them across the board and tbh considering the social climate now and my energy levels, I've become fine with that being the case. All but one of the cards that directly reference me and my siblings use my birthname, but at this point, I've given up wanting to correct any of them now. So really, the expectation of gift-giving feels overrated to me personally, and oftentimes it's having a peaceful and serene Christmas I prioritise now, and it's what everyone feels comfortable with doing in all honesty.

[@moonface710]

2nd one makes me wanna get my neighbors something for christmas or maybe bake them a pie or something. we used to do that when i was little lol

[@freudianslip2010]

I 100% agree with you on the social awkwardness/anxiety one.

[@Dehlopesp]

Story 2: ESH. As someone who has a partner that sometimes decide things without talking to me, I hate that OP invited his mom without talking with his wife before. His feelings and wants are valid, but he should've talked to his wife before inviting his mom. But I agree with everything else Shaaba said.

[@kiri6562]

Story 2 I agree with Shaaba’s verdict. The OP definitely shouldn’t exchange presents if he doesn’t want to but one of the reasons he gave was the neighbours gifts cost less. No one has made him spend that amount and if the neighbours aren’t spending much it’s probably because Christmas is tight for them. It’s therefore really nice of them to think of him and instead he’s acting like a spoilt child complaining they didn’t spend as much or get him something personal.

[@Claudithuz]

Thank you for a wonderful video. It's a pleasure to hear your insights. I really appreciate that you use your ability to consider several factors and using different factors to reach a balanced conclusion. 💜

[@catienoble3191]

For the gift giving one, I don't think OP is TA. Impersonal gifts can be so wasteful and I also don't really like them. I understand that there's a great intention behind the neighbors' gift-giving, but it's causing unnecessary stress.

[@PrismBunbun]

Story 2 - I wonder if the neighbors don’t have many family or friends around for the holidays. They may just want to have this tradition to feel that holiday connection themselves. I agree that the OP could nicely let them know they don’t want to participate, or choose something of less value. You never know what others are going through.

[@veronicaravello-arceo]

New video! Just needed a chance to say I’ve been listening to “I don’t like me either” and it’s been stuck in my head since two days ago! Love the song! I’d like to learn the chords.

[@christinakyleloves]

Love ya Shaaba!!🩷🩷🍑🍑

[@ShinTriAce]

Time to yeet the bait, yay!

[@shaaba]

OMNOM 💛

[@Soberdragonfly]

Always love a dip into Reddit with Shaaba!❤🎉

[@Lizalieu]

OP in story two could buy an expensive box of Christmas or generic winter-themed cards and give one to them every year as a thank-you card.

[@kurotsuki7427]

3 hours with a big crowd is very very tiring tbh. I would make a quick appearances and then dip cause i just can't stay some days. Maybe op 3 can do that? Sometimes what you think is anxiety is sensory and mental overload, sometimes the anxiety leads to that. Sometimes your body figures out it will be overwhelmed and uncomfortable and in pain so gets anxious in anticipation.

[@petrastedman669]

I *LOVE* Klaus. It's so good.

[@maggpiprime954]

Your hair looks fabulous! 💖

[@AstronomicalJelly]

shaaba AND jamie aita? hell yeah

[@alexhika]

Klaus is the best Christmas movie ever ❤