Hookup Culture from a Philosophical Perspective | Philosophy Friday | Fresh P

[@dehoff1]

Interesting… I believe that our current attitudes toward sex in society are driven by instant access to all things sexual. This new media has created an impersonal, sex-based culture that has become, to many, all things good and pleasurable… These new desires along with creative marketing have created the new “consumer mind” were the commercial marketplace uses our increased desires and fantasies to sell us everything we think we need and want. This constant commercial sexualization (thousand of impressions per day) creates a false reality of hyper-sexuality that has no inherent value beyond false driven desires and short-lived gratification-as we are seeing in the hook-up culture. This cultural departure from real intimacy and common human values takes us away from our basic humanity and unhinges our sexuality and drops it down one evolutionary step into the primal “physical need” category-a step back for all. Unfortunately, Maslow may have been correct-that as human animals-primal needs will be addressed and satisfied before any "higher" levels of emotional, spiritual and cultural relevance can be considered, attained, and valued. When you constantly add fuel to this fire it will continue to burn…

[@Thefreshp]

So well said. I have a friend erotic dancer turned writer, with a really interesting perspective on the sexualization of American culture. She believes, like Reese in the article I referenced and from my understanding of what you're saying regarding the "consumer mind', that this cultural fantasy is actually posturing which not only leaves us less satisfied but sexually inept. The barrage of a thousand images a day shapes how we think of intimacy, add in soft porn from film, and we have a 'script' of 'how to', far removed from the true intimacy that we create with our partner. We believe we know how to love someone based from what we've seen, not what we've experienced. Thank you for sharing. i ALWAYS love your comments.

[@buzzdog5213]

Wow this is very well said! Thank you for sharing

[@bettersounds1926]

False driven desire and no intent value , do you care to explain

[@BethGrantDeRoos]

What intrigues me about the whole hook up 'lifestyle' is the lack of true intimacy and trust that involves the mind, body and spirit. Or what I call the scared triangle. Hooking up is akin to fast food. Instant gratification but no satisfaction and contentment like after eating a well made meal, rich with textures and taste. The kind of meal that weeks, months, years later one remembers and speaks of with fondness, sans any embarrassment. One thing I miss so much about Ron is how even after decades of marriage he still seduced my mind, and how his actions created respect not dread.

[@Thefreshp]

+Beth Grant-DeRoos I also made the analogy of HUC being like a diet of fast food in my first take but didn't end up using the footage. I like how your mind works Beth.

[@sreyemhtes]

Beth Grant-DeRoos The scared triangle. Indeed.

[@hillbillyhomestead7235]

You need to teach philosophy to high school students. I worked for 5 yrs at the local health Dept. as a RN. I treated so many STDs, maternity patients, and I heard so many stories. I also noticed a large range in age from 12 to 75. No one ended up with what they were looking for and often received something they didn't want be it pregnancy or STDs. The deep connection we all crave can not be found in the hook-up culture. As a mother if a 17 yr old son I have always kept an open non -judgmental approach for questions and education. I know I cannot stop him if he chooses so I choose to to educate him . I educate on the obvious risks and how to protect as much as possible from disease but also that there is a difference in the feeling one gets when sex is between two people who are in love and two preforming an act of sex. Wonderful video

[@Thefreshp]

I'd LOVE to teach a class on LOVE. Leo Buscalia was one of my first academic heroes.

[@MsKalamity]

You approached that topic with beautiful grace and empathy.

[@Thefreshp]

Thank you so much, that's really sweet to read.

[@huggie104]

I'm 19 and I thank you for making this video! Everything that you said is so so true. My friends talk about how liberating it makes them feel but to me it's just scary, and what makes it even harder for me with my own simi relationships is knowing what true connection feels like. I don't how it feels and I know my other half is out there somewhere but it will happen when it happens. I keep my relationships out of social media and dating apps, it freaks me out but to each their own.

[@Thefreshp]

+Foodsofthe Spirt you're certainly NOT alone. I give you whatever permission you need to trust and listen to your heart, it will take you further than you can imagine. 💋

[@claypigeon001]

"To be loved and loved in return...". That resonates so much with me, I have always believed that sex without love is just that..sex...who would settle for less than a balanced partnership with your ( for want of a better term ) soul mate..big thumbs up for this one👍

[@Thefreshp]

+Jonathon Solway one of my favorite sayings from a friend: sex without love is like eating an egg without salt.

[@mikewilliamson7433]

I believe that modern culture and the advances that have made the world smaller take away the need for steady intimacy from one partner. Many people have priorities that supersede traditional dating. Travel, careers, education. Sex is a basic desire that only requires a physical attraction for most. As long as feelings aren't manipulated by one person so it appears the relationship could grow I see no real issues with it. My personal experiences, having been on both sides of the topic, a long term relationship based on more than sex is more fulfilling.

[@theIAMofME]

I loved this video. I'm 50. But, as a kid, growing up in such a religious smoothering, it was hard as a young person. I got married young. But, not because I was pregnant or anything. Sexual intimacy is SO important. Respect is everything. If everything in you says don't do it...DON'T. Sex creates LIFE. Even if you can't produce life, or you are barren, sex is spiritual, intimate. Why waste such a sacred involvement on someone that you do not trust 100%???? Love yourself enough to know who will respect you and honor you and APPRECIATE YOU in your moments of giving. Sex has never been something I took lightly for many reasons. Religion was never one of those reasons. It was my own self worth learning.

[@danielcortel3659]

you are awesome! I love watching you and your brother (wranglerstar). I have so much respect for you both, as mature Christians who aren't afraid to speak some truth. thank you again. DANC

[@Thefreshp]

Thank YOU for supporting my family. Love to you.

[@UrsaMinor2010]

Outstanding, and very thorough. I am sharing this to facebook, but I wish there was a more condensed version.

[@Thefreshp]

+UrsaMinor2010 thank you. It's a hard subject to condense down, but thanks for the reminder.

[@Thefreshp]

+UrsaMinor2010 on my FRESH princess FB page I share a teaser that's a couple minutes long. It links to this video.

[@UrsaMinor2010]

I noted for my readers that if they didn't want to watch the whole thing here is what I took away from it: "Peer pressure not to be a "prude" is anything but liberation. Respect sex or suffer the consequences." I think that you justify all twenty minutes and I wouldn't leave anything out on my account. I meant to say that I think having a condensed version would be a good share too, for the short attention span theater crowd. I don't have a public FB page because I'm a more private/shy type than you, I guess. But I do use it as a journal/scrapbook and a private communications tool. By posting it, I can remember to show it to my children when the time comes. For now they are just at the earlier stages of O.W.L. but my oldest will need to hear this in a few. Have a great weekend, Fresh P!

[@Thefreshp]

+UrsaMinor2010 thank you for sharing with me and for me ❤

[@ChrisDIYerOklahoma]

"Social" media has made many less social. People talk "at" others more than "to" each other. Sometimes it pays to be alone with your cherished values instead of being in the presence of bad company...like a hookup.

[@hairfarmer07]

Congrats. Wonderful. So right. I have come to the very same thoughts and conclusions. Thank you for the effort you put in. ONE LOVE.

[@eldorkpistolero1555]

the last time I dabbled hookups or friends with benefits during my early 20s and before I got hitched cost me a doctor's visit and or drama. it gets old, boring, and high medical bills. or i hooked up with someone and I had no clue they were in a relationship with someone else and there boyfriends would get upset to some of them chasing you down the street with machetes or had there deranged ex boyfriends pull a gun on me which was why I quit beng stupid engaging in that scene, is to dangerous, or puts ur health at risk. hooking up is not worth it! and it corrupts you I was dumb enough were I started at the 11, I grew up in the ghetto, Hispanic family, in los Angeles, I was a habitual drug experimenter a whole laundry list of things. I wished I had a strict Christian upbringing were I'm in my thirty's struggling, and I've seen horrible things.

[@diggerdudeable]

At this time I see 1,342 views. 17 of them are mine...seriously. What you share here is so important! I have no real comment as I have for some time been so far removed from relationships that should I enter one I would need to get a restraining order on my right hand...

[@asadjoya8017]

Thank you so much. Much needed. I am so sick of hookup apps. I felt i should be using it as everyone is using it. In stead i should date someone at a time so i find out to move on or not. What will happen to our future generations? I am worried.

[@thegreatgazoo]

Vocal Fry 85% better. Obviously you have been working on it very much. Noticed very much and nice work. Your message is coming through nice and clear. And we totally agree with everything you say in this video. Love you!

[@Thefreshp]

I've been thinking of you and working on it. I slip into it more when tired. Thanks for the reminder and kudos ;)

[@P3rformula]

FRESH PRINCESS - beautiful speaking voice. Very easy to follow too.

[@ItsCampbellCRAZIE]

I would be content with just making friends, let alone finding a girl friend. I'm 22, and i have never kissed a girl, or had a girl friend; part of it is my fault, i have been walking around with this inferiority complex for years that led me into deep depression in college, but it still haunts me because i feel like nobody, except a few people in my family, wants me to be around. I literally made no friends in my 4 years at college, and i feel disconnected from my generation almost completely. I don't know where i can meet new people my age. All i can see is a growing divide between, not only the sexes, but everyone, like we don't need people anymore in this new technological era; but it's becoming more apparent to me that personal relationships are vital to happiness. I feel like an outcast, and everyone around me is glued to their phone.

[@N3PRO-Dave]

Wow, deep. Definitely will take a few times watching.

[@motzmare1]

Do you have a list of sources you referenced? Not because I don't trust you- I am interested in learning more

[@Thefreshp]

+Mark Motz yes, I always put links/references below the videos.

[@motzmare1]

Ah, I just had to click "Show more" Thanks!

[@Thefreshp]

+Mark Motz of. Ourse

[@Thefreshp]

+Mark Motz of course

[@ImStillLooking]

Hello. My 11 month old son and I finished watching your video.

[@Thefreshp]

+ImStillLooking give him a kiss and a little squeeze from me.

[@mark-nt5pg]

Ohhh how I miss the adventure of him, you nailed that one FP.

[@Thefreshp]

Right?

[@jacquerefregier9043]

Last weeks question was is trust necessary for love... I really had trouble wrapping my head around this question, coming up with my answer... but as you mentioned it in this video, I could only ask the question, 'trust who?' Someonelse or myself?

[@Thefreshp]

What a deep and beautiful revelation that was. Love to you.

[@jacquerefregier9043]

FRESH PRINCESS and so much love to you Sweetest P!

[@blo0m1985]

Maybe, first you need to know yourself. Second, to know how it is, to be in relationships with no benevolence. To be able to recognize and leave in proper moment (before or during chemistry is going on). Only in benevolence relationships you are allowed to trust yourself. Then you just try..

[@stephanienuce7711]

EXCELLENT ! I'm sharing with a young woman I mentor :)

[@Thefreshp]

+Stephanie Nuce ❤💋

[@stephanienuce7711]

FRESH PRINCESS 😘

[@rhondahudson6464]

Aren't we talking about being conscious here? As for me, I can truly say I was no where near "conscious" as a young person. Such a dilemma. I for one am so glad I'm not young today 😬😳 At the same time, I'm concerned for my grandkids. Peer pressure to the max! Ugh

[@rhondahudson6464]

Very much enjoyed what you had to say though ... as always, you've spun the wheels in my head! 👌

[@terrysaunders8948]

whet u say is so true and hi from maine

[@Thefreshp]

Hi Terry

[@Thereal111t]

Great video!

[@iridescentsquids]

To feel you have the freedom to explore is hookup culture. To understand the complexity of sexual experience is an unstated goal for most young people, which is paradoxically unlocked through experience both with sex and relationships, knowing oneself and what it is to be intimate with others. I’m not sure it’s fair to judge a culture of free exploration based on the possible highest order of maturity it might lead to. Hookup culture might simply appear as a manifestation of the immaturity of participants, as opposed to being the cause of their immaturity. The idea of “casually” hooking up may not actually be the problem, as the relative rarity of honest intimate appreciation. That ballroom dancers might find intimate and intense-and honest -connection with relative strangers, for example, allows for a flexibility of intimacy that can be quite authentic. Seduction can be authentic, too, and reach deeply. The only possibly issue I see is a possible enforced expectation of superficiality. I might be wrong but I suspect that’s not actually a culturally enforced value so much as an ancillary effect of inexperience when given the freedom to explore.

[@bettersounds1926]

Why do you think there is a forced expectation of superficiality

[@iridescentsquids]

@@bettersounds1926 It’s a possibility, but I don’t know if that’s actually happening. I’m just open to the possibility that hookup culture might (MIGHT) in some ways discourage people from seeking depth with a person they might try to achieve otherwise. Just a possibility. I bet the ease of online dating puts people in a different dynamic right off the bat, generally. It might trade some effort and awkwardness for another. Maybe the sense of easy access to so many people encourages people to give up more easily on some difficult or awkward aspects to early relationships. Maybe. Even as it helps people overcome some things, too.

[@bettersounds1926]

@@iridescentsquids Are you convinced that this can fulfill a person

[@iridescentsquids]

@@bettersounds1926 convinced? Not even close. Im highly skeptical of people who try to say something must be true of all people. Especially on issues like relationships that are so complex. Are you convinced that you can say something about all other people’s relationships?

[@StankaKordic]

Such a strange paradigm in this culture of craving acceptance and connection' via our gadgets, yet not wanting intimacy in the truest sense when they are face to face with an actual human? So..they have sex, go home, and stare at a few more screens? (Hard for me not to feel judgey). It's a risk to be vulnerable. And maybe that fear is the driving force behind remaining hidden in plain sight.

[@Thefreshp]

+Stanka Kordic it is interesting to me too. I'm not wired that way. I told Glenn that sex can't happen without love and trust. A few months of dating I told him that I trusted him 😉

[@atroutflycrazy8057]

So very tru ! Sexual intimacy only ever satisfies where theres love and connection . Outside of these confines it is merely a self seeking of pleasure that never satisfies or a seeking in and through sex to satisfy a void or other unmet needs in other areas of a persons life. Society today want everything instantly Sex before theres love Pleasure without commitment Liberation without consequences When we use an act that should be an expression of love and make it about self then it does have negative consequences in the end.

[@lint2023]

Awesome. And, you are awesome.

[@Thefreshp]

+INTNMNNMAZ and YOU are awesome.

[@richardhawkins2248]

Well said.

[@02pwrstrk]

These last two Fridays have been doozies! Pretty hard to answer without giving you an essay. So short and sweet. I love my wife and i trust her, I do not trust my niece one single bit nor do I ever want to be around her (she is in jail for conspiracy and accesory for murder), but I love her more than I can explain./////// "Sex culture", as you describe, I see it daily. I don't agree with social acceptance sex at all. It shows a sever lack of self respect. I do however agree with what I refer to as sport f*@^% (consensual, I'm horny, your horny, why not, or friends with benefits.). What I prefer is to be close to, or with, anothers emotions. Having a,,, I don't know, a mind bending conversation out loud or just visually reading each other while holding hands, holding each other, being fully connected with our eyes and minds. Whatever happens during that conversation is more meaningful than just a hook up. You have my mind running in circles! I absolutely LOVED this Friday! Your friend Randy P.

[@frankdamelio1351]

Awesome!

[@todddembsky8321]

I love philosophy Friday !!! Tough subject, very well presented. I like the way you process information and culture together in a holistic way. As usual, you so accurately defined; not the problem, but what is causing the problem. Wonderful video. It all boils down to -- I want to make love to the woman that holds my heart. Sex -- sex is what rabbits do. A relationship is not about getting laid, it is about knowing that she likes a dash of cinnamon in her maple syrup for her pancakes in the morning. FP, excellent video. So true that sex is entrapment and a dulling of the need for emotional intimacy.

[@Thefreshp]

+Todd Dembsky thanks Todd. It's nice to see you here. I was thinking if you this week, dousing the garden gnome in straw for the winter.

[@amaserationeday]

are we not all emotionally numb any way ,? are we not just mammals . sex is sex, when questioned most people give the answers others want to here .??

[@Thefreshp]

No we aren't. We are conscious being who happen to be mammals, yes. *hear

[@lancesurgeon7614]

Your eyes are intriguing. Glen is such a lucky guy. 😉

[@BeeRich33]

So you're telling me Mo is single?

[@Thefreshp]

Ha ha ha, you're so astute. Yes, she is.

[@hambonelouis]

Why did you choose to edit this way? It's very distracting. I'm interested in your message but cannot get past your stops after every sentence. My loss

[@Thefreshp]

Sitting and talking to a camera is boring...IMO.

[@hambonelouis]

Fair. I'm going to start over and listen with my eyes closed. Thanks for your content :)

[@Thefreshp]

I'll calm it down in the next video.

[@danielcortel3659]

😊

[@turnersparadise8368]

I cannot look at this complex issue outside of a Christian perspective. So...

[@Thefreshp]

I think of it as tapping into one's inner wisdom instead of retribution.

[@turnersparadise8368]

Don't read too much into my post, going to hell has nothing to do with it. My point is as Christians you are led by a different worldview. It's a combination of who you are, what you allow in your head, and who you hang out with. I am not saying Christians are perfect, don't screw up, are not tempted...But they are more likely to see the world in a more old-fashioned way. You find a mate, marry, raise kids and become one. Not much different from what you said through the video. I think in your case your upbringing was intensely rigid and that had some negative effects. I dig that. If my daughter has a baby out of wedlock it is what it is, it changes nothing except I have another grandbaby. But she is far less likely for that to happen because of who she is at 12 years old. Impossible? No, it is not. Just not as likely.

[@butdoyou1970]

After much thought today...........KEEP RELIGION OUT OF SOCIETY AT ALL COST....

[@Thefreshp]

+Brad Hoger to each her own, right? Isn't that what we ultimately want?

[@amrjr007]

???