Stripping Down the Hookup Culture: The Need for Emotional Visibility | Erin Miller | TEDxQueensU

[@MegaBloodrain]

I don't think I've ever "ghosted" anyone in my life, that is the most pathetic quality human beings have displayed to date. We've cultivated a culture of instant gratification for zero effort, we can severe connections that are hard to form these days by the click of a button and then complain about lack of intimacy. I never thought it possible for people to experience loneliness in an over populated world but here we are, except it is too late. The deterioration is exponential, somewhat akin to an avalanche, good luck stopping that.

[@emiliefontaine8800]

Yes

[@mirandaa8586]

💯💯💯

[@Karamelaki]

Great comment!

[@YamCherie]

It's never too late to stop being a shallow gutter bump.

[@frankservant5754]

Said it all

[@dionwilfredsmart2487]

The best Ted Talk I have seen in my life. Being born after 2000 and an old soul is draining in my opinion. This made a lot so sense. Thank you.

[@dimitrisboulios]

Best talk I ever seen. This is exactly what I've been searching for the past few weeks. I'm listening to it again and I'm taking notes!

[@marilyncarlosog647]

Same Here!

[@83thechaz]

I’ve never ghosted a woman, nor have I had any ulterior motive-all I’ve ever wanted was a meaningful “Longterm Relationship.” Hookup culture has destroyed this. But I’m never letting go of my hope and faith that one day I’ll find the right girl, one day have kids. I’m not God, but I know my intentions and objectives are honest and loving. If this makes me less of a man then oh f****ng well. Keep faith people

[@auriculares02]

Where are you? Haha!

[@santran9602]

I’m a single 27, I feel this every waking day when I’m being pressure to get married. It’s not easy being an old soul, the one who feel see the change that needed in society. I’m sick of how ppl act nowadays so that’s why I’ve chosen to be single. She’s right we need to, but how lol like it’s gotten so bad. I feel like young people are left and right brainwashed then a few are woke but then they too get hurt by the majority and then turn their emotions off..... the question is HOW?

[@nicole.m_official]

I can relate so much!!!!!! I feel like some people treat me like I have a superiority complex because of it!!!! Ughh

[@sinthujanvinacithamby1901]

Very relatable

[@simonsimon340]

San Chan wonderful comment! I also am an old soul,not to many of us out here! I’m single myself and looking. What’s your zodiac sign?😊

[@santran9602]

Simon Simon Aquarius

[@Inci_de]

Oh my...i felt that! I feel the same way actually. Nobody wants to have a deeper connection anymore. Nobody talks anymore. They hookup and then they leave. It's so sad really, specially for old souls just like you said

[@vivianl6906]

side note the reason why everyone laughed when she said her son's name is Kingston is because QueensU is located in kingston, ontario, canada :)

[@pedroramos235]

Thank you for the enthusiasm :)

[@iansutton4691]

She has a pretty rosy view of how a lot of people's grandparents wound up married lol

[@lyndsaybrown8471]

True. Both sides of my grandparents were unplanned pregnancy and my parents were the same. Seems things are getting better if there are fewer unwanted people in the world.

[@prosperenfantinylosgeograf2721]

@@lyndsaybrown8471 Yep. Actually if you think about it, divorce isn't a bad thing: when it was legalized, female suicide dropped, and it simply means that people who don't want to be together stop being together. Falling out of love is sad though, but that ain't knew. Now we just got options.

[@timinator20o0]

True! 😂👍

[@AnimalsEtc]

@@prosperenfantinylosgeograf2721 It's just sad that the children of divorced couples are at higher risk of suicide, incarceration, and substance abuse

[@prosperenfantinylosgeograf2721]

@@AnimalsEtc Oh yeah but my point here is that divorce is just the legal consequence of falling out of love/no longer wanting to be together. I'm pretty sure if you could isolate happy and unhappy marriages, children from unhappy marriages would also have higher risk of suicide, incarceration, and substance abuse. Also with those numbers very often unprecise. Are they isolated from other factors? And correlation doesn't equal causation as well. Maybe people who have X characteristic (like, idk, not having emotional intelligence) are more likely to get divorces and also sadder children, and that would be the true case, and not divorce being the case of sadder children.

[@claudiarivas8492]

I despise the shallowness of hookup culture >_< I find it void and draining by just imagining how it would be like. I'm 26. At the same time, I don't think love and connection comes from dreamy romantic courtship and dates. The core of finding a worthwhile person is in, as she well said, authenticity and vulnerability, which doesn't alway happen in "romantic" dates. Romanticism may as well be another facade in hookup culture. Love develops with getting to know the other through the time you continually spend with each other no matter what you do. So, why should meeting someone online be looked down on if what matters is how these people further developed their relationship? And why can't ordinary activities, like talking or watching a movie, become extraordinary in the light of love?

[@Allin1Xavi]

I really like your insight on this and I think it holds a lot of weight to the truth

[@lesleymcneill1403]

You’re right. Being authentic can happen in a tinder date, but perhaps the jump to do that, from profile to real life date is much bigger than the jump from acquaintance (work, club or neighbour, etc) to date, since you know more about the person. Also, in my experience (40+ years married) knowing a person in an environment where you meet his friends and family while getting to know him better helps you get a better picture of what he’s like.

[@verb0ze]

Well, when social media has convinced the youth that they too should have the life of glamour, the Disney romances, and that prince charming and sleeping beauty are just a few more taps away, the results are not all that surprising

[@binitapandey5400]

Today i am feeling that there is a part of population, be it small but it hates hookup culture. Thank god! This exists

[@SS-hw1ou]

+1

[@andresmuaythai]

+1

[@garycooper8687]

The problem with technology is that a tablet allows a search for everything but a library will contain books that one individual will never think of to search on the net. The stacks have millions of words and worlds that you can peruse. Inside the tablet you have to search to find things. Its a paradox. The world is at your fingertips but your experience limits what you know. In the library you will be stretched mentally.

[@optimuscprime]

I adore her. The voice alone is worth the video. On her subject I will add to her point . We will have less violence against all if we can teach what we need to teach to the Young.

[@vidblogger12]

“Meaningless relationships and cheap thrills are becoming our new norm. And things like romance and dating, they’re becoming extinct.” Man, *Brave New World* sounds more and more like reality by the day.

[@nathanmurray758]

New is always better

[@classeswithnajmahaque1103]

@@nathanmurray758 u should SEE "HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER"

[@nathanmurray758]

Classes with Najma Haque NPH where’d you think I got it from bro😂 Good on you for catching that!

[@petion2013]

This was socially engineered.

[@chadcadsonvii5258]

Worth a read.

[@pagusmusic6254]

Great talk, we really need to think about the legacy we are leaving and change the way we educate future generations on communication and intimacy

[@8165Pat]

Great talk on a sad, but true topic. I met my husband online by writing my profile so only a man interested in marrying in 2 years (if we were a match) would contact me. We met online on Valentine's Day, 2017 & in person on my birthday. We are very happy together. I have great compassion for people searching for a mate online. My husband & I found love & romance.

[@katemarkus7723]

I feel like writing that on a profile wouldn’t help. Guys would still lie to get what they want 😢And some never read a profile but looking at photos.

[@dannyjameson302]

😊

[@lightbearer529]

I am an older person. So glad this is being addressed as I’ve never understood it. When young ppl asked me for advice about online dating, I was at a total loss. Thank you🙏🏼

[@timinator20o0]

4:30 "the worst thing you can do to a person is ignore them." technically it depends but i understand that in most contexts, yes. Absolutely. It's oversimplified, but it's basically correct imo. Ignoring someone (in an unmerited way) can be very similar to dishonesty. Not listening. Not saying the truth. It's all important to honest people.

[@YamCherie]

Ignoring someone can make them feel invisible, and horribly lonely.

[@josephkoski4632]

I hate online interactions. It ruined my last relationship partially. I've found that I feel just as lonely talking online as far as relationships go.

[@normamurphy9977]

Spot on, this topic needs to be brought to the light! Bring back the romance please!

[@tarp11z]

Feminism overplayed it's hand and has wounded romance. Sorry.

[@jmforeveryoung]

Yes! It takes work but it’s so worth it! I’m in a dead marriage but meanwhile learning everything I can to grow as a man.

[@arielchoate332]

jmforeveryoung this breaks my heart

[@diegoosorio7133]

Inspirational and clear on defining some of the issues and where we are, in a Pablo Coelho PC and cute sort of way, yet nothing in the way of concrete action other than "let's just be nicer to each other," the impact of the message pretty much fades after 5 minutes

[@tanakaren1822]

Love is a verb, kindness is love in action; it heals & inspires! When deliberately we practice kindness, we see it's positive deep & lasting effects.

[@JoshuaAHolmes]

We call this seeking pleasures of the flesh. The ability to base life on extrinsic motivations, the inability to be able to be internal. Many mental clinicians love helping people who experience difficulties managing their emotions and behaviours. If one cannot bond with another, then they shall seek to resolve their own inner difficulties by accepting themselves and accepting people for who they are. This is an individual situation, and one can let go of this hurt and pain of not feeling connected. We can only make ourselves happy..it's not our responsibility to fulfil someone else's life. ❤️💪🍷✝️

[@matildeventuri3067]

this talk is acrually one of the best so far

[@theholisticchick2841]

Love this talk! Beautiful and genuine (Both the talk and the speaker).

[@miapearson3999]

Wow! Great talk, she really is a great speaker, no notes and everything.

[@steveleeart]

As a demipansexual I’m finding hookup culture is making it near impossible for me to connect with anyone 🥺

[@KimAhrina11]

Why? Sorry for asking before

[@jjrc7424]

lol

[@transigence637]

You gotta go all in on pansexuality. Demi won't cut it here. That, and you need to find the right pan.

[@yourlogicalnightmare1014]

I don't even know wtf that is, nor do I care to. I suspect my feeling is quite popular which is why you're finding it difficult being an absurdity

[@steveleeart]

@@transigence637 I’m sorry the demisexuality isn’t a choice in any way at all.

[@AlwaysTuesday]

yeah pretty much, exept that one lady who reverse engineered online dating, became the most popular woman on the site she used, and then found the exact person she was looking for.

[@TheWackness64]

A good portion of my relatives got knocked up before the internet existed. I don't think tinder really changed that behavior just made it easier for those who wanted to engage.

[@luxlisbon7979]

definitely agree with this!

[@connorowens6941]

Why can’t we go back to the romantic age? 😞

[@luupdup]

there was never a romantic age

[@harshjeetvatsalya2583]

We can . We just have to change ourselves

[@hb1932]

@@luupdup there was, or at least in poetry, however I think it definitely was a time period, not very long though lol.

[@edwardnguyen9249]

No such thing as a romantic age. There is romantic people

[@BrojaM50]

Because the government make too much money from alimony and child support so there is no incentive to protect marriage as an institution. There's no real enforcement strategies holding monogamy together, thus we have to rely on more disagreeable strategies - and they are disagreeable - like hook-up culture, gamifying dating, neo-masculinity, red-pill, MGTOW. Monogamy is a cooperative strategy (game theoretically speaking), but every cooperative strategy yields incentive for exploitation (the prisoner's dilemma), so every cooperative strategy requires an enforcement strategy, but marriage, which was that enforcement strategy, is broken.

[@hazelnoot2865]

It meant a lot to hear that my generation is the kindest

[@haydemurakami733]

Well, how wouldn’t you, if that’s the medicine you are bringing to this planet!! You are the incarnation of a powerful reminder: the original and forgotten human being’s capacity to be kind, simple, honorable, benevolent and unapologetically creative and fun. Huge-huge power! May your incarnation of that light be always protected and expanded a thousandfold every time you use it! 😉

[@harshjeetvatsalya2583]

Yes people don't show up now. Whether they come is dependent on their mood and that's bad we have to be available for each other. Relationship aren't fairytales, it is hard man that's why in this modern world only few people have it

[@timinator20o0]

i think that is a result of dishonesty. It spreads. If everyone was honest, people would say what they want and move one and find what they want much more easily without hurting people in general.

[@MissRey00]

Reasons why I'm studying Sociology? This video! Amazing! Thank you for seeing and narrating us --the "kind generation".

[@joeyg.6138]

0:16 - 6:18 : Commentary on state of affairs regarding dating versus hookup culture

[@Scorned405]

I absolutely love not being in a relationship. At 54 years old and seeing the nature of humans and how they are not wired to get along. I see that the smartest thing I ever did was never get married or having children. I want to have a rotating circle of hookups. No moving in or relationship drama. Just smash and dash and that’s how a real red pill man operates

[@larsphilipsonisaac7164]

Fantastic talk. Thank you.

[@garypalmer1122]

Had many memorable moments dating in the 1990s and early 2000s until I met my now wife. Girlfriend No 1 introduced me to my next three girlfriends and girlfriend No 7 helped me out with advice when my wife moved to the UK from another country. I was introduced to my wife's 7 year ex (18 to 25) and we became friends. He and his wife was a guest at our wedding reception in 2003. I have always treated exes with respect and I would help any of them if they came to me now, and my wife is happy with this. We now have two mid teenage sons and we worry that they will not have such a happy time with dating and marriage, but my wife and I are doing our best to help them with advice.

[@KimAhrina11]

Good to hear, keep it up especially with your wife Mr👍. But interesting as you said your first gf introducted you to your other next gfs. It's like even now, we never know maybe your wife's friends can become yours next in the future

[@nathanmurray758]

Love this… imma bit of a hopeless romantic naturally but quarantine and peen has changed me!

[@cocovinzmcmurphy7947]

Did you know that Whitney Houston's debut LP, called simply "Whitney Houston" had four number one singles on it ? Did you know that Erin ? It's hard to choose a favourite among so many great tracks, but "The Greatest Love of All" is one of the best, most powerful songs ever written about self-preservation, dignity. Its universal message crosses all boundaries and instills one with the hope that it's not too late to better ourselves. Since, Erin, it's impossible in this world we live in to empathize with others, we can always empathize with ourselves. It's an important message. Crucial really. And it's beautifully stated on the album.

[@shelleytheman2215]

You are a fantastic speaker!

[@grantmclendon4034]

I don’t know what to say other than there is no hope out there when it comes to relationships. She’s right on everything but I won’t sugar code things. There are a lot of good things out there such as people becoming more accepting others choices but let’s be real, falling in love is like winning the lottery in todays society. Good luck

[@janeknox3036]

fun fact: mlk relentlessly cheated on his wife

[@pistolen87]

Interesting, but not surprising. Men with high status will always have a lot of temptation from flirtatious women, probably the reason very few Hollywood marriages lasts.

[@alanap2670]

I think that that just proves that he is human. He made mistakes, but he also made a lasting impact on our world.

[@amandabrown8432]

I don't think that is true. It's one of those things white suprematists say to put him and his work down.

[@beckywhinery4652]

Real people are not perfect.

[@verb0ze]

It's fascinating how varied views can be from one speaker to the next. Just came from a talk that claimed hook up culture is good, and cited research. And this lady is saying the opposite, and citing research. In the end, one must choose their adventure based on their own beliefs.

[@rebekahwatson1600]

Starving for Intimacy..we have to take action. If not me .. than who?

[@Ang_Nicole]

Wow, why do y’all hate her so much?

[@mmastiff734]

??

[@josephkoski4632]

These internet sites create what appears to be a much smaller world as far as dating goes.

[@mikenkc7953]

I could fall asleep to her voice, I mean that in a totally good way

[@crystalanndillon2834]

Beautiful work, enjoyed this talk!!

[@warflowersociety]

For those actually wanting to meet and meaningful but in this app world, perhaps a dating app that requires a certain amount of dialogue between two people before meeting in person info is shared. Not sure anyone would create it when so much is made from fast paced apps but it's a thought.

[@Corn_Fed_Beef]

If you actually think that there is a solution then you're part of the problem. My motto is Phuck hope. Phuck hope! I quite frankly don't give a damn how it all turns out in this country.

[@jeromebarry1741]

I'm 60, 3 daughters, no grandkids. The youngest daughter is single and willing to consider parenting in a marriage providing 2 parents to the child, but no man has offered to marry her.

[@jeromebarry1741]

Her descriptions of Gens Millenial and Z are, in my opinion, utterly false. Indeed, they are the most intolerant and hate-filled people I've ever met.

[@palmerther]

This was a great roller coaster ride.... She had me... then she lost me... then she got me back.. and lost me again... Then comes back stronger than ever. The best of people sharing their views...

[@damianlee5438]

All these negative comments, poorly constructed and stated I might add, showcase your ineptitude and prove the points the speaker made. She made PLENTY of very obvious bullet points. But since all the internet is ablaze with "me me me look at me" no wonder you can't see them. Idiocracy wasn't a movie. It was apparently a documentary the somehow travelled back in time.

[@brockrain4618]

Fuckin A

[@Karamelaki]

True!!! I think everyone giving negative comment is not listening as a whole but expressing what they life look like ...and we do not care lol 😆

[@atrution]

"the cruelest thing you can ever do to another human being is ignore them" is either unacceptable hyperbole, or the opinion of someone extremely sheltered. Even in a purely emotional context.

[@theresasutton8655]

Agreed. If you are self confident, and believe in who you are, being ignored by someone hardly has any effect on you, let alone have the affect of cruelty. A confident person would say, "They dissed me, their loss."

[@willsmom93]

atrution for young people in their teens, this is by far the cruelest thing.

[@uuuibeubeo]

as if you never spent years being upset with a best friend because they suddenly stopped talking to you after an argument. sounds like you lack empathy

[@hb1932]

@@theresasutton8655 I’m sure if someone you cared about completely ignored you, you would feel some type of way, if someone random in general completely ignores you I’m also sure that that would have some type of effect on you, consciously or subconsciously, it’s normal, it’s an observation, confident or not, we don’t have complete control over our emotions.

[@KennywalkerTV]

Depends on the context of the relationship. If it’s someone you just wanted to sleep or weren’t close with emotionally then it’s not so bad but if it’s someone you really admired and had some level of emotional investment in, it has the potential to really take a toll on you.

[@atmiles88]

10:02 It’s CORETTA, with a C. Not Loretta. How dare she mess that up.

[@bialarajiv10]

So good!!

[@mo_7199]

Met my guy in 7th grade. There's no going back now.

[@davronbekrazzokov2259]

are you still in grade 7?

[@mo_7199]

@@davronbekrazzokov2259 nope

[@preciousmousse]

I appreciate the lecture, but let's not witch hunt some random apps for the way people choose to use them. The emotional disconnection first and foremost from oneself was there already.

[@jordanthukkaram]

Me, born in 2000, currently watching this video for the sake of "forming my view of love and relationships" lol

[@yowhattupitzbigchungus4971]

It was so different. I was born in 1996. Not long before you but I think I was at least on the very edge. I was an outlier who got my first smart phone in 12th grade. And I had an older sister who was pre-social media that I observed. Watching movies from the 90s and 80s..... that’s how it was

[@dumthis3023]

@@yowhattupitzbigchungus4971 i was born in 2000 and im trying to stay away from social media and I also love watching 70s to 90s films

[@RealMadrid-zf9wo]

Breakfast club, Ferris bullers day off, career opportunities. Some great 80s/90s flicks that I love to watch. And the girls in this time periods were 10/10s

[@anushka-gu3nf]

Hey fellow old school

[@Allin1Xavi]

@@RealMadrid-zf9wo I wish I was born in the 80s or 90s tbh

[@riadachillada5281]

i wouldn’t say that’s the cruelest but to someone who loves you it is

[@climbjt]

Intelligent, well spoken

[@wl6279]

therefore, ghosting was created

[@muntered9811]

I really enjoyed this, but did she have to bring up Martin Luther King, he cheated on his wife multiple times

[@manjitkapri1816]

ya dawg

[@diegoosorio7133]

Sounds harsh but it's very timely. We tend to put the onus on men, "oh MLK was a dawg, he had women on the side" but rarely do we ask the question about the other side of the coin "why is this scenario so common? Why do so many women participate and are willing to share a man and look the other way regarding his marriage status?" Lord forgive we raise questions that shine a light on anything unflattering towards women the way that we do in regards to men

[@manjitkapri1816]

@@diegoosorio7133 I mean if it was his wife that was famous then she would have the same impact dude and no way I'm supporting any cheating going on and it does put them a lil bit on the low side for me if you are a criminal or have done something immoral but that's now it was, is and will be. Should women be treated more harsher because of what they did? I think they are being treated fairly like men cuz they have a upper hand in some cases and men have upper hand is some cases.

[@AstroMartine]

ew, really? ugh

[@donnabat7808]

Brave & beautiful mother :)

[@b.d.olaivar3410]

The more I learn about the hook up thing the more I see how much I have fallen behind I really feel like I am where I was when I was 15 I was never good with women I am so alone and can't seem to fix it I am seriously considering castration at least the anxiety might leave but would hopelessness take over is this what leads Peoples to suicide BDO

[@halhansen778]

YES. These things are becoming prevalent without question. BUT. We’re going to need some concrete steps, however. Some practical guides - not written on “notes” on your cell, but on paper and discussed with another human being. None of these TED talks do that, however, so, with a bit of pessimism, we’re a little bit doomed. Not everybody, of course but - half of us. If it’s not written on paper, it’s not a goal, it’s a dream.

[@LindDavis]

Excellent! Thank you.

[@AtlantiXYL]

Dating app never worked for me. 1 maybe date every 5 months. You get more girls contacting you when your KZbin channel shows off your life.

[@afireinhearts1302]

☀ 🙏 ☀ Thank~You!

[@dineomatlhaela3316]

Love this ❤️

[@yawadh]

At least the county library didn't spread fake news! :p

[@thetruthk5138]

Don't know about that look in the political fiction section 👍

[@yowhattupitzbigchungus4971]

Trueeeeee!

[@jes1523]

Erin Miller, thank you for this! So much truth. It’s so sad how relationships are today…

[@Americanm100]

She's complaining that the present generation doesn't accept eachother as partners, then goes on to talk about how it's great that everyone is accepting eachother across racial/ethnic barriers. First off, that's contradictory. Second, she doesn't think there might be a connection?

[@tarp11z]

You may be right. Tough crowd, though.

[@random269]

They may have information at their finger tips, not so sure they are using it.

[@princeofdarknessfr]

I have ghosted a woman and i am ashamed

[@sloandevries959]

Beautiful talk!

[@q695]

My Masters degree work is on traditional courtship

[@BeautifulDejavu]

What does it mean to be Emotional Invisible?

[@jazcap]

lol UNT Soci?

[@Plasticscrub]

IBeautiful DejaVuI numb

[@jedimindmastery7811]

It just means there's no emotional investment or issues with receiving it or issues with dealing with it all together. Some people use people like drugs or see them like drugs. They like to use them but with any drug you build a tolerance. It makes it difficult to build something long-term.

[@alanacevedo4928]

@@jazcap Me rn

[@julia.24]

this feels so short sighted. i kept waiting for her to get to the point as to why hookup culture has failed us, but she doesn't even really seem to define what hookup culture is, aside from alluding to what is in my mind greater autonomy in romantic relationships with fewer social expectations for formality or commitment. i don't think the alternative of decades past, an intense pressure to formalize relationships and marry within a short span of time, did people much better in terms of emotional health, vulnerability, or connection. that's not to say i like how disconnected we are but to blame that on a loosening of social expectations rather than, idk, how increasingly overworked and atomized people are in a capitalist society, feels pretty lazy.

[@susanstohelit3114]

Absolutely. Online dating doesn't bring this behaviour about, just enables it, makes it easier. And the problem is people usually not being clear with themselves and/or honest with their partners

[@LoveYourself-my9nz]

Hookup culture simply means sleeping with random people or with more than one person at a time.

[@asianom1]

Online dating is for unattractive people, just watched an entire documentary on it!….if you can’t pick up a mate in the wild than you’ve got more than a dating problem to deal with

[@umaraja7473]

whats the documentary called

[@TimezUp23]

Oddly, she didnt mention feminism.

[@marilynmonroe5824]

She should have but male violence is much older than feminism

[@richardscanlan3419]

@@marilynmonroe5824 feminism is worse than communism and fascism.Male violence,pfft,not even in the running.

[@DISASTERJOE]

@@marilynmonroe5824 I bet you're violent.

[@arkkk1294]

I dont understand ppl that ghost...sure you are wasting my time...but, why dont you value your own time...like what did getting to know me for a week and then cutting me off actually solve...how does someone just take on a project where they know there is a high chance of failure (mostly because of themselves) and then actually proceed to waste a whole week of their life with no fruits in return, like wtf, hahaha... I should start the conversations with...do you have hobbies...then...do you actually have the talent required to practice your hobbies, cause you seem to be very comfortable wasting your time...unless their hobby is to waste time, then everything I said was for nothing, hahaha.

[@JackAndTheBeanstalkr]

Ruthless honesty this is not... Yoda.

[@keirapritchard8748]

She doesn't get to the point until 17 minutes in. Fast forward to that if you're short of time

[@dhirjasingh6250]

Thank you

[@susanstohelit3114]

That is how it usually goes with TED talks

[@dashsir5810]

One should never get physical unless we don't have 100% garuntee of marriage with same person.. Otherwise you are unlucky because you have best moments of your life with other person and and you are living with another person for your life time this is very unlucky way to live your life.. We should be monogamous because getting closer to someone physically is the only thing so we can remain special for that one person otherwise you are not special for that person you are common .. Lifelong relationships are not boring it is boring only if you have not sense of humour.....

[@kritisrivastava9393]

February 2, 2022. Shukriya.

[@susanstohelit3114]

It's interesting how it is mostly men that go "Oh, yeah, miss the good old times, when you could just go to a bar, blah blah blah". Anyway, "hookup culture" is not new, dating apps aren't a problem, they are just a tool we use and if that "intimacy problem" was not there before, they can't create it. - I have had more intimacy and have learned more things from dating apps and social media than anywhere else. - They also let you filter out people you wouldn't want to waste your time with much faster. It allows you to find so many more like-minded people than just the ones you meet in your closed community. - There are a lot crueller things you can do to a person besides ignoring them. - People in the past (women especially) were absolutely not happier overall

[@alphabeta3105]

You've learnt more more things with those guys who already have all the hook up market aka the same guys who fok every girl. You filtered all guys who already got rejected by the vast majority of girls because of looks and height solely. How do you know that women were not happier than today? Do you think men were happier?

[@alphabeta3105]

You've learnt more more things with those guys who already have all the hook up market aka the same guys who fok every girl. You filtered all guys who already got rejected by the vast majority of girls because of looks and height solely. How do you know that women were not happier than today? Do you think men were happier?

[@susanstohelit3114]

@@alphabeta3105 I sense incel vibes here

[@K4113B4113]

​@@susanstohelit3114 Okay. You don't feel like infinite options leads to moving on to the next person faster (i.e. if everything ain't perfect I'm leaving) or a feeling of "there is always someone better around the corner"? Or having all the matches inflating the ego leading to unrealistic expectations? That intimacy that you experienced. Is that still ongoing? Are you in a lasting relationship? Isn't it true that unhappiness and suicide rates is at an all-time high? I could be mistaken. Where did you find out that people and especially women were unhappier in the past?

[@EdgarHernandez-uu4iw]

@@susanstohelit3114dude asks some legit questions and you attack him personally? Someone is a misandrist who hates others who speak common sense

[@avaj2825]

What are the girls getting out of the hook-up culture?? So cold! Absolutely nothing to look forward to at all.

[@zeuz4218]

Lemme guess she’s saying all this bc she participated in that hookup culture and now wants something serious.

[@TeleportlabsETH]

Terrible speech skills aside, hook up culture is only coincidental with dating apps. Dating apps are just tools and people choose how they use them. There are lots of people put there that don’t know what they want in life and no matter where you meet them, they’re not going to be good for you. The presumption that because you met someone at your local church, it makes them more well suited for dating than someone you met in a dating app is absurd. Dating always conveys risk for women, even if it’s someone you met through a 3rd person, there is no prudent way to avoid those risks unless you learn how to tell the good from the bad. It’s a quality of maturity and experience. If I happen to meet the mother of my children in a dating app...that might not sound romantic but it doesn’t devalue the relationship as long as we knew what we wanted and were careful and not rush into things.

[@kennethg5460]

Dating apps are for losers. Everything in the world is compartmentalized so no one whats to make the effort to go out and meet new people through social gatherings or events. They just want to swipe left. Like ordering a pizza. Unfortunately because many millennial men were raised by single moms you have 30 year old manchilds wearing Batman tee shirts to work, still living at home,and lacking the social adeptness to approach, meet, pickup, and successfully date women. Real men can meet attractive women anywhere. They do not use apps. Successful dating takes work,effort, and skill.Everyone is always looking for shortcuts.

[@AnnaKaiye]

First answer on here that taps into what bothered me about this speech. It seems like she has a fairy tale belief of how things ought to be based on a dressed up version of the truth. Her example of Dr. King is purely anecdotal and used to prop up her personal opinion against "hook-up culture". Her speech makes it seem like everyone fell in love in the old days and communicated perfectly and are going to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary this year. She doesn't take into account the socioeconomic reasons for long-lasting marriages, the debilitating stigmas around not sticking to an unhappy marriage, and so on. She also doesn't really separate hook-up culture online from online dating like you appear to have done. Hook up culture existed in the 80s too. It was called going to a bar, getting drunk, and spending the night with whoever you hooked up with. Overall, the message here was all over the place. She didn't hone in on the underlying factors that have brought us to where we are today.

[@susanstohelit3114]

@@kennethg5460 What are you , a dating coach or something?

[@kennethg5460]

@@susanstohelit3114 Not a coach. Just a man with experience.

[@susanstohelit3114]

@@kennethg5460 In that case your experience is very skewed

[@renomotlex]

I wholeheartedly agree with the overall message and may possibly agree with every single thought she expresses, but my God, who lied to her that those pants are a good idea? I think it's maybe a jumpsuit or something, but the pants part just looks hideous. Nice lady, though. It is very encouraging to find that there are still people alive who have her perspectives and beliefs. It is an uphill battle, but one that needs fought. Relationships like that of my parents, and grandparents, don't seem to exist, anymore, and people don't seem to be as bothered about that as I am. The world is becoming a sad place.

[@Allin1Xavi]

You’re not alone because this is the one thing I get sad about almost on a daily basis

[@hhiuktoo3060]

Coretta Scott King... otherwise. Interesting. Dating is for eliminating the bad ones.

[@Daron125]

Thank you, now I know I'm going to treat women how they've treated me and ghost them like a phantom!

[@RinoGroenenberg]

this made me think...

[@chXtkje]

If you look into the sience this talk isn't actually that good substantiated. Love is a personal experience, I am also no fan of hookup culture. But she is saying it like it is a facts that this way of romance is bad, it is not. It is here opinion, with is totally okay. Only i feel like the talk is not giving an honest message know.

[@Jen-qt6eg]

Hookup society, so what separates us from the animals?

[@timinator20o0]

3:40 "enabling hookup culture. Hookup by its very name is viod of intimacy." Not necessarily. 🤷 There's a ever growing community of people who have these experiences and connect with eachother in an intimate way, yet without necessarily the same kind of intimacy that "True Love" entails. Hookups can be void of intimacy. But they dont have to. Especially if youre wanting a friend with benefits. You can really bond with someone without necessarily wanting any commitment. Some people are naturally like that. If people were honest, this mismatching problem would be solved. That guy who sent you the image without consent first? Dishonest. If he was honest, he may would have already found someone who wanted what he did. Dishonesty is the primary problem. Not hookups/fwb themselves.

[@pistolen87]

I was looking for some deep insights, couldn't find them though

[@clarenceboddiker9559]

Or any mention of a girl's responsibility or accountability

[@UAX619]

I find that that North American Girl clearly don't know what they want on dating apps.. I've had more luck with international women actually know what they want. (And no not to be sponsored to be brought over) Sigh wish I can go back to 1993 when people actually met in person

[@dawnemile7499]

Yes, Martin Luther King became famous but he apparently wanted more than one wife.

[@timinator20o0]

5:20 "Judging a book by its cover" 😎 that's why i always swipe right 😂 nearly. The bio makea a difference though. Like "activist". for me anyways. lol

[@mantisqueen964]

Here we've got a woman talking about online dating and hookup culture and the thing that's standing out to me is how she's come up with the idea for an example of a girl imagining her future and part of it having 2.5 children and I'm just thinking "Does that mean she's expecting to have a miscarriage or stillborn after having the second child?"

[@geekyogurtcup]

It's an average number or a dog lol

[@Astgsfgt]

I am very sad for not being able to like this video a hundred times.

[@davesuiter]

I wish she would speak up rather than dropping her voice to a whisper at the end of every 3rd sentence.