Horrible Couple Really Wants Wedding To Reflect Their Personalities

[@babyvision6924]

Breaking news: Jessica and Ross have recently hosted a gender reveal party which burned down about 75 acres of forest.

[@lordprotectorofthevale5854]

Only 75? They must not care about their child.

[@destituteanddecadent9106]

What do you mean? I didn't really get why they were so horrible either, I don't know anyone like them.

[@jh3305]

@@destituteanddecadent9106 what?

[@destituteanddecadent9106]

@@jh3305 I don't really know people like them, so I'm not getting the forest joke.

[@jh3305]

@@destituteanddecadent9106 these obviously aren’t the exact type of person you’d see very often. These are stereotypes. They are greatly exaggerated. That’s the point.

[@alfcab]

You could forward this to a million couples exactly like this and they'd laugh hysterically with zero self-awareness.

[@davespringer777]

@Maintenance Renegade that sounds like a good time.

[@iannelson5933]

Yes,thank god for self-awareness without which we would be prey to all sorts of maladies,such as smugness for example.

[@brandonfoley7519]

@Maintenance Renegade sounds like a good wedding, I love barbecue!

[@en273]

I’m currently doing this. Not the forwarding, the clueless laughing.

[@alfcab]

@@iannelson5933 That might hurt my feelings if I were being smugly superior to smug people. But I'm perfectly content to be superior to the clueless. Really effective troll game, though.

[@mrniceguy7168]

Oh my god, I’m always shocked at how good The Onion’s actors are - that douchey pause and the “this is great” at around :30 is perfect

[@2GoatsInATrenchCoat]

Also the best man's pause and incredulous laugh before saying "for fuck's sake"

[@MicahRion]

I had the same thought!

[@notyouraveragejoe7003]

2 Goats in a Trench Coat lol that part got me!

[@mick7909]

What do you mean actors ....you mean this isn't real lol

[@oz_jones]

The few kid actors also were AMAZING

[@guytorie]

The way he delivered the line about shaving down to moustaches. So much restrained hatred.

[@hayleyb467]

With his mustachioed face.

[@kenadycooke9387]

LMAO

[@freyamccullough8326]

I had a friend from school whose wedding was exactly this and let me tell you, I could not get drunk fast enough at the reception.

[@hejdingamleraev]

I wish I had a friend from school

[@guardianoftheduat]

@John Galt either way you get a show

[@thewhites6895]

I know this is a year late but SPILL THE TEA

[@mandel94]

@Antenna2heaven what the fuck, dude?

[@bdcopp]

Was it an open bar at least?

[@joansmith69]

This just in: Couple bought enough twine to tie everyone's names onto more mason jars.

[@Anastas1786]

Oh, _God._

[@thesaltmerchant4564]

Eh heh yeah my cousin had a wedding like that and so did her sister... luckily some great beer was on tap

[@scurus11scurus]

they are smug, not *evil*

[@jennifersimmons1552]

SA S you do realize this is a parody right?

[@timopper5488]

But it’s a fun little DIY where the guests tie their own names onto the jars.

[@carucath97]

UPDATE: to everybodies horror, the couple are now expecting their first baby and are already thinking of the most pretentious name for it that will very likely result in the kid being horribly bullied in school

[@inspectorjavert8443]

At which point they will create a kickstarter for their child. They also claimed they will raise them "gender neutral" and sue the school if they don't allow them to use the bathroom of their choice.

[@lorb97]

His name will be Byron and they will frequently refer to him using the abridged version "By," to more fully showcase the impressive extent to which they've rejected the gender binary and it's implications for normative sexual relations.

[@arthurjackson6395]

Wow... brilliant! :D

[@RohtoriGeePee]

CaruCath97 yea probably a FOOKIN MASON JARS

[@rooftopirishman4571]

Is it thax? Or reighlyn?

[@sarcasmo57]

Their baby boy's name is Jaxon.

[@zero1111one]

or Beatrix

[@Nickelodeon81]

AE X129 S

[@ALotOfCancer]

That’s such a gross name

[@user-mq1ng6sj7b]

Is their daughters name Kielea?

[@Kmkmkms]

With the most disgusting middle name and most boring normal last name Their kid gets bullied at school and goes through a violent emo phase before realizing they are a brony/furry

[@2pacTheTankEngine]

Honestly I'd be all over that Vietnamese sandwich bar

[@NoFlu]

Honestly I'd be all over the normal bar for at this trash fire

[@guardianoftheduat]

Sorry dear but not everything has to be an all you can eat butter fat ranch buffet

[@grass7864]

Amilah Not gonna lie, that sounds amazing.

[@streeTkiDwannaBe]

I go to a Vietnamese sub shop and get them to make one that's half satay beef on one end and satay chicken on the other end and it's fucking delish. Plus the Vietnamese make the best damn soups in the world with pho. Though bún bò huē is my personal fav.

[@goblin-teeth]

Same, there's a new Vietnamese fusion place in my town where they do bao buns, bahn mi and Vietnamese curries, it's amazing

[@NilesBlackX]

I went to a wedding exactly like this, _in Asheville NC_ Edit: I actually think the writer must have gone to the same thing, they literally had a Bahn Mi station and the video says "a Vietnamese sandwich bar", plus they specifically highlight that it's a couple from Asheville like ten times. This is so spiteful I love it

[@squidbad]

oh fuck, they actually ARE reporting reality!

[@thechaosgods]

Fffucking mason jars

[@geobeeblaster5602]

And theres a place called claxton farm, and the venue is on claxton road, I dont know if this was where it was though.

[@NilesBlackX]

@Tum Tum no kidding, it was delicious.

[@NilesBlackX]

@@squidbad honestly makes a lot of sense, we've all been saying for years "this onion article/video is so true" - maybe we were wrong and they were never satire in the first place 😂

[@samuelhopely4853]

A big thank you to The Onion for allowing me to think "wait this actually sounds like a fun wedding" so I could become self aware and ashamed at alarming speeds. Saved me a few big mistakes. Pitiful self loathing never felt so relieving.

[@samuelhopely4853]

@Siluriformes My girlfriend and I had a few good long talks about having a realistic wedding after seeing this video. In the end we decided... this is exactly the type of wedding we want and we're not ashamed.

[@TeelBick]

@@samuelhopely4853 even the facial hair thing?

[@ScottSmith-jz8zv]

The Onion sometimes does this type of comedy where the thing they are satirizing is annoying but they also satirize the people who overly hate those with quirky tastes. There’s more levels to it than just hating on the couple.

[@FringePrincess]

@@ScottSmith-jz8zv so meta

[@420mralucard]

The only things that sounded ok were the sparklers and the sandwich bar.

[@aaronshows]

Funny thing is, I'm actually in a bluegrass/folk band that only covers 80s music, and while crowds love us in pubs, bars, casinos, and outdoor festivals, we do not do well at most weddings... The Onion always knows what it's talking about!

[@irafair3015]

That's just too funny.

[@laika6661]

That makes sense. If I'm having a good time at the bar and the band plays a folked up rendition of Everybody Wants To Rule The World, I'd probably sing along and have a good time. At a wedding though, I think I'd rather eat my own shoe.

[@senny-]

That sounds awesome. I love both genres.

[@mattevans060972]

Steve ‘n Seagulls are a bluegrass band that plays rock and metal. They’re awesome and would be fantastic at a wedding!

[@Jebu911]

I mean its alright background music at a pub but pretty cringy for weddings.

[@darkmonson2309]

I used to dj weddings and be witness to the absolute hell that is behind the scenes. It stays under the makeup and fake smiles throughout the duration of the ceremony. I will never ever marry. However, biking throughout southern Utah sounds way better than getting drunk in Vegas.

[@TheSunderingSea]

Any stories?

[@LewisBowels]

So Hangover wasn't meant to be based off of a true story?

[@RediscoveryChannel2021]

My wedding was pretty dope, but we weren’t pretentious enough to get a fucking dj. The Utah bike trip does sound a hundred times better than getting drunk in Vegas.

[@nickcarroll8565]

Amilah that’s what my wife and I did. Took the morning off from work, went to the courthouse, went back to work that afternoon. Still together 10 years later.

[@rakkatytam]

@@nickcarroll8565 Hmmm I don't know about that. It's so not pretentious that it actually became pretentious.

[@Cryptonymicus]

A parody requires "deliberate exaggeration for comic effect" and I'm not seeing any significant exaggeration.

[@imalrockme]

That's because 'these days' brides and grooms are already ridiculous.

[@johnbiggscr]

My wife’s cousin lives in a small town in Kansas. She wanted to be taken to the church in a donkey (not horse, donkey) drawn cart.....but wasn’t able to because it was double booked for that day. I kid you not.

[@albusdumbledawg8686]

Thank you. I needed this today.

[@Zerospawnn]

Thats hilarious 😂

[@yuungmung]

Thats reasonable but not for a wedding

[@keartstudios]

What an ASS

[@Username-le4eq]

I think cuz donkey is less scarier than horses which are taller and faster

[@apolloforabetterfuture4814]

Why does The Onion understand this world too well.

[@stephenn1056]

Life as we know it is has reached the point that the onion isn't even parodying society. The onion is simply reporting the facts of life and it is a terrifying prospect.

[@nekozombie]

I have absolutely no clue, but it's fascinating.

[@stevenmonsanto5324]

Wym? Its the most reputable news network

[@brokengirl8619]

80s music is the best. So the Onion doesnt understand many of us.

[@yamnayaseed356]

Self funding

[@a-bird-lover]

My cousin had a camo and marijuana themed wedding. They're expecting a kid soon. Send help. editing because I forgot this, but two years later I remember: there was on on-site gun range. edit 2 because I keep getting this and it's annoying af, I seriously don't care if you think the wedding theme is cool and I'm bad for judging and you didn't look through the replies. I'm _judging_ because they smoked with a bunch of kids and elderly around and that was shitty of them, and they kinda suck as people for other reasons. If you want a camo and marijuana wedding, go off, just be safe about it

[@obi-wankenobi9871]

Cousins? Incest?

[@lukeanimal]

A Bird Lover cousins?

[@a-bird-lover]

Whoops, cousin*. Though incest wouldn't be too surprising. We disowned them for a few good reasons.

[@roddydykes7053]

A Bird Lover that’s fucked up haha, to each their own I guess

[@kyozoku1]

LMAO Awesome!!

[@haroldbrowne1708]

Nothing says class like Grandma bicycling from the church to the reception hall. Woot.. Go granny! Put that new hip to good use!

[@Caroline28483]

I can't breathe!!😂😂😂

[@iunderstoodthatreference3347]

I’m dead

[@barnyarn7048]

This joke is underrated! Lmao!

[@caitlingill]

Bold of you to assume they would get married at a church

[@733eel]

had a couple in australia that charged all their guests 1K for attendance to pay for their wedding, when alot of people canceled they couldnt afford and had to cancel, they then blamed all their friends for ruining their wedding lol

[@hanshintermann1551]

One THOUSAND??? Holy shit, that's insulting.

[@xl000]

@@hanshintermann1551 That 610 Euros / 680 Dollars at today's rate. Maybe it could justify: one room in a hotel at 100€, food / drink 100€, renting the place where the wedding happens, 100€, additional staff / DJ maybe 100 € and that's already really expensive IMO . Not sure how they spent 610€ per person

[@hanshintermann1551]

@@xl000 Oh, I'm sure they were going to spend it, but it's still insulting to ask friends and family to pay that much.

[@cam4636]

@@xl000 Nah, if you're renting a venue and hiring staff that's all on you--travel expenses are on the guests, especially since they may not all be traveling the same distance or wanting to stay in the same place for the same length of time. The couple doesn't get an attendance fee.

[@DoubleMonoLR]

"A lot" cancelled, how was it not "all"?

[@lightbox617]

For a decade or so, I photographed weddings. I have never met so many stupid, greedy, thoughtless people. I finally quit when: One 25 year old couple had a $30,000 plus wedding that ended in a fistfight with the police called; A groom threatened to beat me because I was doing Bride mandated pictures and an 8:30 A.M start at the brides house was populated by bridesmaids that were already drunk. I did better with Bar Mitzvahs. You almost never get drunken fist fights at Bar Mitzvahs I eventually declined wedding in which the principals were under 35 and gave preferences to 2nd marriages.

[@bananaeclipse3324]

As someone who has had a bar’mitzvah, I’d be surprised if it ended in a fist fight, I’d more expect the kid collapsing out of exhaustion and stress. Personally I didn’t have an after party because I hate them, going deaf, having to stay around till your the last to leave, not being able to rest, it’s too much. I decided to take a trip to Israel instead. Sadly the warring got even worse so we are holding off until it ends. Nevertheless, when it’s bar’mitzvahs, worry about the parents!

[@SofaKingShit]

A wedding with an unnecessarily vulgar price tag that culminates in a drunken and/or drugged up fistfight sounds immensely entertaining. A grand night out.

[@vorynrosethorn903]

There is a part of my family which are a total nightmare and for some reason there is a wedding photographer who turns up to all of theirs for free, bare in mind is they were not related to each other pretty much no one else would go and indeed generally the wedding photographer is the only non family member to ever turn up, I can only imagine they enjoy the drama or are using it as inspiration for writing or something because now I'm an adult I'm sure as hell staying away from those people and that's before the consideration of them being drunk and in charge of a party.

[@debostahn]

"you almost never get drunken fistfights at bar mitzvahs" is an excellent line

[@soylentgreen6082]

I have never been to a wedding that would not have been immeasureably more happy and interesting if someone had shown up with a flamethrower and put us all out of our misery.

[@tek6423]

Yes indeed. The American showpiece wedding is a man made disaster. Never fun. Always a colossal waste of money for all concerned. The more expensive the wedding, the sooner the divorce occurs. Generally goes like this.... bride and/or groom is already carrying excessive college debt (or the parents got stuck with it). Then we purchase a diamond, which is an overly expensive symbol with no real value (unless you have to cut glass). Then we buy a wedding gown. An extremely expensive dress that will be worn once then shoved in a closet. If the woman has an attractive feminine form, the garment is frequently designed to cover some of the best parts. Excessively loud DJ or band, who just loves the sound of their performance, blasts the music so loud that you cannot have a conversation with guests and family, then we ice the cake by drinking at the open bar. This results in one fistfight, one DWI arrest, and one guest driving into a tree on the way home. Good times! At least at this wedding you’ll get a sparkler.

[@ShifuCareaga]

you're a basket of peaches

[@MrPmvail]

I’m 41 and only been to one wedding in my life. It was fun. Better if I had open bar.

[@danieljoseph6404]

What does that even mean

[@RonJohn63]

You have the wrong set of family and friends. (None of the dozen or so weddings I've been to have been pretentious.)

[@inspectorjavert8443]

I went to college in Boone and I lived in North Carolina all my life, so I can state with 100% certainty that this is how Ashville types act. Asheville is the Portland of the South

[@veledwin1]

Inspector Javert The Portland of the South 😃? Asheville sounds fun then

[@jakerichardson8071]

Ikr

[@mr.butterworth]

Inspector Javert - Bluegrass band playing 80’s music, and a bunch of candles in fucking Mason jars...

[@reptileprincesss]

I'm from Charlotte and couldn't be more true

[@amastyn_1106]

I'm from Asheville, pretty much

[@KarmaVanBuuren]

"A bunch of candles and fucking mason jars, and an instagram photobooth" LMAO.

[@Xsksnssjccxghb]

This marks the shift in our language towards 2137

[@814912]

Jessica seems like the sort of person who would take her great-great-grandmother's perfect condition Victorian wedding dress and "upcycle" it because she thought it looked "tired" by ripping off the bottom half and adding a bright orange vegan leather miniskirt or something

[@DavidLopez-en6el]

>vegan leather

[@skengels]

DON'T -a seamstress

[@cara-seyun]

And see-through backing

[@QueenetBowie]

If I had a dollar for each person who has told me they didn’t want to go over the top, and were planning to do something down to earth.... to just spend the same damn amount of money on their wedding with stuff like this.... I’d be a rich man.

[@sarahsayshello9726]

My ideal wedding is a bonfire on the beach with tacos. If they want options other than tacos they can bring it them damn selves. Im having tacos.

[@cara-seyun]

Just for this, I’ll be having a wedding that makes a coronation look casual

[@babyirene3188]

Way too close to real life.

[@beckettstevens9529]

"Asheville, NC" is such a hilarious cherry on top.

[@m4ryslibrary]

*everyone* gets married in asheville.

[@beckettstevens9529]

@@m4ryslibrary *everyone like THIS gets married in Asheville.

[@westlifesuck]

Too close to my cousin, her “bachelorette party” was hiking or something I don’t remember they divorced after about a year lmao

[@discman15]

All women want to do is either hike or yoga retreat, scientific fact

[@MrCWL]

“It’s also for the people who make us, us.” Have to use that one at work.

[@christobanistan8887]

You unemployed yet?

[@SheepWaveMeByeBye]

Forced nodding is best nodding.

[@jzplayinggame]

I like how 10 years later most of the ideas listed by the couple and the video are just standard wedding things (sparklers, IG photo booth)

[@cara-seyun]

Music older than the couple getting married

[@buffbarneystan3280]

I plan to trick my attendees into thinking my wedding is actually just a costume party and show up with my fiancee in our wedding gowns. Think it'd make for some pretty interesting photos.

[@hanshintermann1551]

You're a genius

[@MyFiddlePlayer]

There was a story like this posted on Reddit....things went sideways when one of the guests, actually believing it to be a costume party, showed up in a wedding dress. Whoops!

[@amateur-madman3047]

Tip for showing up to weddings like this: 1. Don’t show up 2. Show up, but intoxicated

[@DanteTimberwolf]

Correction for option 2: Don't show up

[@jonquilgemstone]

No, just don't show up. Nobody wants people showing up to their wedding drunk. That is disrespectful.

[@Ccccccccccsssssssssss]

Yeah just don't go to the wedding if your going to be a turd. Weddings are hugely expensive, and nobody wants to pay for your ungrateful ass

[@MegaMrDanne]

The comments: "I was there and wanted to die" "I would have loved some Vietnamese sandwiches"

[@kayleighfredericks5495]

I wonder if she'll keep her maiden name to like be hyphenated. So she would be Jessica Black-Bird? No? Sorry.

[@MmanuChaturvedi]

Yeah, but it would last only less than a year :P.

[@Wa3ypx]

You know, they gave them these names just to see if somebody would pick up on that. Good job!

[@louschwick7301]

Jessica blackbird sounds cool. Forget the hyphen at that point

[@ripdajacker23]

Now they’re going to have the bluegrass band interpret “blackbird” as an 80s pop track. See what you’ve done?!?!

[@sheckyfeinstein]

Yes.

[@DAndyLord]

Honestly, build your own banh mi would be amazing.

[@coleenparsons4905]

I think that's the 7th anniversary now.

[@destroyermaker]

It'd be more amazing if someone built it for me

[@bsarioz]

@@seandevine5836 if they have Vietnamese style ingredients at the bar, then you can easily make banh mi or come close to it. I don't picture Vietnamese sandwich bar serving ham and cheese.

[@sambrazil9770]

I live in Vietnam, there are people selling banh mi's on most street corners. Here's a secret, don't tell anyone: there are no banh mi rules. Everything goes on them. No one here would care about other ingredients, and if the bread is a baguette they'll still happily call it a banh mi.

[@fanzhang5568]

@@seandevine5836 being pretentious to people that are pretentious. We have came full circle.

[@Ceares]

Honestly I think the people around them that pretend to be their friends but secretly despise them are objectively worse than these people

[@littleblueclovers]

In their defense, you can like someone and still think their tastes are absolute shit.

[@nataliehill1472]

Yeah when you love someone (friendship or otherwise) you don’t necessarily love everything about them. One of my closest friends can be completely self centered and down right annoying at times, but because we’re friends and I love her, I look past those things at the many other awesome traits that she has!!

[@Tocaraca]

@@nataliehill1472 You sound like an idiot

[@sg389]

@@Tocaraca How is that idiotic?

[@alizd1096]

you are right! I feel like a real friend would find it funny how dumb this whole thing is, but wouldn't be filled with hatred

[@awdrifter3394]

We need an update on their marriage.

[@namechangesallowedeveryd-lt3km]

Dave TheDude And no vaccinations

[@guardianoftheduat]

The kids killed themselves

[@tc8237]

After a rough patch they ''renewed their vows'' and threw another boring hipster party.

[@phyllisstein1837]

@Deidre Nair- Violette Rayne to be precise. But not ironically...

[@bachelorofstuff]

she's unhappily married to his former business partner and he's getting into cryptomining and having a midlife crisis while bouncing around various Southeast Asian cities.

[@brindlebriar]

This has to have been the inspiration for "Portlandia."

[@aremedyproject9569]

September, 2020 and you’re right.

[@mk1st]

Portland / Asheville will probably be the first hyperloop route.

[@ihittu]

i laughed so hard when the narrator said, "The couple's celebration of their quirky little bullshit tastes.." XD

[@anarchistangler]

Me too. Your comment is so underrated. And the sparklers.

[@foxygrin]

"obnoxious friends would rather lie and pretend they like the plans of a soon-to-be married couple than be sad and alone"

[@PaigeS2008]

Their wedding was to be unbearable, so no bears were allowed to attend.

[@RenegadeShepard69]

@Bosingr More like barely unbearably unfunny. I don't think even the bears found it funny.

[@chrissyj.6783]

I'd just totally send bears. Stuffed, toy, live, dead, all colours and sizes. And a giraffe, cos I feel giraffes miss out on loads of things.

[@alizd1096]

cute! XD

[@basedcat2349]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THATS A GOOD ONE

[@RasputinReview]

I really think the average person is insufferable with dull tastes and no hobbies "oh my hobby is netflix and favourite food is macdonalds nuggets!" "I want my wedding to be just like the ones i see in sitcoms which i base my understanding of the world on"

[@MastaSmack]

So they can set up a big TV and have everyone sit in front of it, then get married on camera on that screen.

[@halo45600]

This is the ultimate correct opinion.

[@Psiberzerker]

Honestly, the best wedding I ever went to was a couple gay bikers. Just saying. 3 kegs: "One over here, one over there, and one over there so there ain't no line." Guiness, Bud Light, and Warsteiner.

[@tibitibi9417]

And thats why YOU are so much better then them

[@jamesk1027]

Jaded much?

[@ivank8104]

I didn't quite understand what's wrong with their plan. Probably, something's wrong with me😂

[@cara-seyun]

A wedding is not about the couple, it’s about the people attending The engagement and honeymoon are about the couple These two are not considering any of the people they invited to the wedding, only going by whatever they think of as neat

[@hali37363]

@cara-seyun What? Yes, a wedding is about the couple, and they should do what they think is fun at their wedding. All the stuff in the video is moderately cringe at worst.

[@hali37363]

No, there’s nothing wrong with you haha. Some of the stuff in the video is kind of cringy IMO, but the hatred expressed is highly exaggerated. I think it was done intentionally as meta-irony that makes fun of people who obsessively judge harmless aesthetic choices; the Onion is pretty good at making fun of multiple types of people at once.

[@cara-seyun]

@@hali37363 no, as I said, the engagement and honeymoon are about the couple

[@edwardwood6532]

I would like to hear a bluegrass version of 'Take On Me" and "Strange Love Triangle".

[@patchoulidrop]

Edward Wood moody bluegrass

[@dorkinabubble7772]

Let’s add Africa by Toto and Ra Ra Rasputin to the mix as well 😁

[@ryancappo]

Take On Me Bluegrass version. It is actually good. kzbin.info/www/bejne/eYTZq2yMlqedp7M

[@ryancappo]

@@dorkinabubble7772 Toto-Africa bluegrass version: kzbin.info/www/bejne/hHvSYnyOp8qJjqs

[@tomsdottir]

@@ryancappo I was convinced I was about to be rickrolled but was pleasantly surprised. Thanks.

[@Eralen00]

This is extremely accurate to Asheville, NC. Only thing they're missing is corny tattoos that are only on exposed areas like arms and necks (female) and a giant disgusting birds-nest beard (male)

[@Humanophage]

By contrast, regular tattoos on unexposed areas are of course quite all right.

[@philipm3173]

Anti vaxers and wooks are Asheville in a nutshell

[@tylerbrown3135]

I'm pretty sure that Asheville is the most hated place in NC...

[@JukaDominator]

@@Humanophage Tatoo are not alright.

[@guardianoftheduat]

@@JukaDominator there is nothing wrong with having tattoos

[@ichijofestival2576]

Unfortunately, this is exactly the kind of couple that *won't* get divorced. Because they've each found someone willing to put up with their unique brand of bullshit. But mark my words: they will be the most insufferable couple at the group marriage counseling retreat.

[@sahanasinha]

Fun commentary on pretentious hipsters. But judging by the comments, all I gotta say is, unless they're shitting on other people for having more "normal" tastes, then it shouldn't be such a big, horrendous, offensive thing to want uncommon things lol

[@auroraborealis6398]

Agree lol. But the thing is, that some people are overdoing it and it looks totally pretentious and ridicule. I had friends who named their child Maje (a french hipster brand) and each letter was the first letter of all the names of the family. Even the dog's name..I mean...lol

[@sahanasinha]

@@auroraborealis6398 that's funny... Cause that's kind of the same thing in my family. But it's just a harmless thing so 🤷

[@auroraborealis6398]

@@sahanasinha Oh really? about the french name brand you mean or just overdoing it? Totally harmless but it's just that when people are so serious about it and also that so much people wants to be original but thy end up doing the same things than all the people who wants to be different. It's funny

[@auroraborealis6398]

ha. That's a cute tradition. At least, it's not ending up being a brand name hopefully ^^

[@unanaspig]

Thanks for saying that ngl lol. I’m planning my wedding and was so abhorred watching this that it could come across this way- but we ain’t hipster, just literally broke. Seeing your comment just kinda eased my worries

[@ingloriousMachina]

Furiously going through my wedding plans and hoping I don't remotely resemble this couple.

[@paulkothgasser6623]

Eh z to each their own. It didn't sound bad to me,.so whatever works for you two is good

[@rustinstardust2094]

@@paulkothgasser6623 My sister tried desperately to make her wedding as un-cliche'd as possible...which in the end just made it look even more cliché. Just do what you would like to do; I think it's the trying too hard to be unique - just for the sake of looking unique - that makes some of these weddings a joke.

[@justaway_of_the_samurai]

You may have already had the reception, but would you like to share your plans with us strangers on the internet? We will NOT sugar coat it or show any kind of mercy, I promise you that.

[@ceve]

@@justaway_of_the_samurai yeah, that's not a good idea

[@scillaburton2965]

Same I have to nix the mason jars now 🙁

[@HEDGE1011]

I lost it at “...a build your own Vietnamese sandwich bar....” Like most humor, this is funny because it’s just so true.

[@sammysaito529]

Not gonna lie tho, I would love that

[@ahmadmusle7]

"Sources hoped with every fiber of their being that these two would be divorced soon"

[@puyearprod.929]

*within a year

[@veramae4098]

Nope. Hope they stay happily together, no need to spread it out to anyone else.

[@NJGuy1973]

We can't leave them get divorced. They might...dare I say it... ...get remarried to other people and there'd be two more awful wedding couples. That cannot be allowed to happen.

[@keenanleetodd]

Aren't all weddings and big celebrations this insufferable?

[@JP-wt4zr]

They wedding plan doesn't even sound bad at all, i don't see everyone's problem with it Lmao they said "bicycles to ride people from ceremony to reception" BHAHAHAHAHA🤣😭😭😭

[@danopo]

The bluegrass band playing 80's pop songs. That's wrong.

[@Gradient___]

It doesn't sound "bad" per say, just super run-of-the-mill and trying too hard to be "quirky".

[@jennifersimmons1552]

Agent Wolf it’s a parody

[@GoddessAntares]

A make your own Vietnamese sandwich bar?? I'm there!! I fucking love banh mei. If only tight ass couples would get creative like that for real.

[@Dr.Quarex]

I cannot tell you how many compliments we got after our wedding because I just made a music playlist instead of hiring a DJ. This is only tangentially related to the awful couple in the video but you gotta try to make your wedding reception actually fun people

[@rexbenny1553]

Please do tell us more. How does one make a reception fun without coming dangerously close to alcohol poisoning?

[@vorynrosethorn903]

Just do a traditional wedding, everyone shows up smart, you say the vows in Church and then have a garden party that ends in time for everyone to get home. Also you don't need to invite everyone you know. Avoid venue stuff like the plague. It doesn't have to be the best thing since sliced bread, just memorable, the real people it should be special for are the bride and groom, and the nature of the thing will achieve most of that.

[@TrueGoose117]

You ever notice that you could know two people and these two people are really great to be around but when those two people are together they become fucking insufferable. I’m not even talking about romantic couples specifically.

[@lessens_2004]

Same, dude

[@brokenbutler12]

When I clicked on this video, I thought the couple was evil and demonic, but then I realized the joke was that the narrator hated them for being in love. Then I clicked on the comments and saw that the narrator’s views on the couple was very popular...

[@ArcanineEspeon]

Yikes, they are annoying as hell but people are hating them way more than I expected.

[@browsertab]

The dude is organising a "biking tour across Utah's national parks" for his stag party.

[@foxygrin]

@@browsertab if you aren't sporty, just don't go

[@Murkrust]

lmao you are a sweetheart, never change honey

[@legrandliseurtri7495]

I'm actually a little confused about the comment section too. What was so awful about this couple?

[@Jhfisibejoso8pkabrvo2is8]

Their son Jaxon and daughter Braxleigh are both unvaccinated and were breastfed until age 4.

[@maryavatar]

And for the one millionth time since 1994, I once again remember how fucking awesome it was to show up on my mother’s doorstep and say “Hi, Mum, Chris and I are going to get married tomorrow, wanna come?” Yup, quick ceremony with the parents as witnesses, then down the pub. We’re still married, still happy, and still do not regret for one moment skipping over the whole wedding faff.

[@SilverSlugs16]

This sounds amazing

[@cara-seyun]

You didn’t have your aunts and cousins screeching at you like banshees?

[@maryavatar]

@@cara-seyun Nope :) My mother caught the bouquet, which was hilarious because between us we had four unmarried sisters. 30 years later and all four are still unmarried.

[@okrajoe]

Ha, ha -- perfect.

[@thomassteele5748]

Ah Ha, Take Me On. Interpreted by the Blue Delta 'Pickers

[@sunnycomb]

Their surname’s going to be Blackbird, isn’t it.

[@mohammedmustafa6746]

The narrator trash talking nonchalantly had me in tears.

[@OptionalZero]

Man I really miss THIS Onion. I don't know what happened to this channel or the Onion as a whole, but man I REALLY miss this!

[@bugglemagnum6213]

Optional Zero yahoo bought them and now they just post sponsored content thinly veiled as satire the real onion team that are still left are on clickhole

[@wantahertzdonut]

@Marie Ferguson I had a paid subscription! It wasn't available on the racks where I lived.

[@wantahertzdonut]

@Marie Ferguson very nice of him! My dad would have left me to rot!

[@wantahertzdonut]

@Marie Ferguson Ha! 😂 That won't be for a while.

[@aremedyproject9569]

Buggle Magnum Didn’t know that. Thank you!!

[@redherronrecords]

They sound kind of annoying, but they'll let me go to the wedding in some form of casual attire so i give them points for that.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

RedHerronRecords JUICY pants? Flip flops?

[@RadioGaGago]

Honestly, it sounds pretty fun! Only irksome thing would be to make all the people bike from the ceremony and forcing wedding party to grow mustaches. The rest sounds dope! I'd definitely rather go on a hike/bike tour than go to some sleazy disgusting strip club, yuck. And guess what? Normal weddings are usually boring af.

[@jfeeble]

Everyone in Asheville that isn't bucking the mainstream practice of marriage probably thinks this wedding sounds awesome. On the level that place blows.

[@thekadnben6539]

You can see that by reading some of the comments above yours

[@thedarkheretic5005]

That really sounds absoloutly unbearable, well done.

[@giygas_9577]

0:37 0:51 I love the casual profanity. 🤣

[@alanaztec9288]

I know this is supposed to satirical...but it just seems too realistic.

[@adamscottv]

It's The Onion, not SNL

[@ShrimplyPibblesJr]

I love how much the Onion hates happy couples

[@joenichols3901]

Wedding money is much better spent buying a rental property. Screw the wedding let's build something together

[@Lsthnbrd]

Update: Ross and Jessica have a 7 year old only child named Jaxon who is one of those weird overly aggressive kids with that rattail haircut

[@user.7710]

honestly i hate when grown adults have that “it’s MY night” mentality cause they just use it as an excuse to ruin it for everyone else

[@danielpignuola478]

Emilee Nedz it’s MY sleepover. I get to make the rules >:( >:(

[@wolfie1703]

mike force no, they mean using that as an EXCUSE to be mean to everyone else.

[@mcyeru]

@mike force Are you one of those people? Is that why you're defending them? That mentality makes people stop going to events you host. If you're trolling good one dude lol Please tell me you're trolling.

[@AlbertaRose94]

I knew a couple like this. They got divorced shortly after their 5th wedding anniversary when she came home early from work to discover her husband in bed with another man.

[@travelwithuk0do]

Broooooo😂

[@basedcat2349]

LMAOO

[@TheGloriousLobsterEmperor]

*HOLY SHIT I'M DYING.*

[@jonquilgemstone]

Oh shit, that is awful...!

[@AlbertaRose94]

@@jonquilgemstone I still remember her saying “My Mom and Dad reassured me a man who is a rugby player couldn’t be THAT way. This was back in the 90s so I am cleaning up the original word.

[@alyst0000]

The seamlessly dropped f-bombs in this really made me laugh. 😂

[@anarchist]

Wes Anderson's wedding.

[@tendividedbysix4835]

Their child's name would be something like "Hope" or "Dream" 😂

[@cez19]

If this was a real wedding and i was invited I'd just go just for the Vietnamese sandwich bar 🥙🥪

[@GTA5Player1]

Tbh, don't see why they're "horrible" honestly. Wonder what that says about me...

[@willphillipsmusic]

Nobody really wants to be at your wedding. They're only there because they're being nice. In reality, they can't wait til it's over so they can put on sweatpants and watch The Office reruns. When you have a wedding that is very involved, you're just dragging on everyone's misery, and they feel obligated to deal with it because it's expensive af and it will (hopefully) only happen once in your life. I hope this clears some things up for you.

[@GTA5Player1]

@@willphillipsmusic Wait, people don't like weddings? Wow, I really am out of touch!

[@weneedmoreconsideratepeopl4006]

@@willphillipsmusic Wait what? Who wouldn't want free food? And the opportunity to dress up fancy for pictures? (Unless, you know, it ruins an important schedule- I'd understand) This is some confusing times we live in...

[@GraveUypo]

@@weneedmoreconsideratepeopl4006 weddings are my personal hell. so me, i guess?

[@willphillipsmusic]

@@weneedmoreconsideratepeopl4006 Some people would rather pay for food than spend 4 hours in a suit... Personally, dressing up for pictures sounds like a horrible time lol.

[@Kaz999998]

Damn, can't make a wedding fun for yourself without getting clowned but also people hate regular weddings anyway so it's a lose/lose; might as well have fun in the process lol

[@ayoungethan]

You're missing the obvious solution of not subjecting yourself and others to the desperate pretense

[@jonquilgemstone]

​@@ayoungethan...So just hate on people for publicly celebrating what is possibly the most important decision they've ever made?

[@DeidresStuff]

This makes me glad my husband and I had to have a quickie social distancing apocalypse wedding in my sister-in-law's back yard.

[@thelightningwave]

I remember a couple in college were arguing in public about whether or not the guy should have worn a hotdog costume to a Halloween party at a different college. Less than a month later they broke up. Moral of the story don't obsess over stupid bullshit or your relationship will shatter.

[@cara-seyun]

I call those “scooby doo problems” because it’s typically some real problem hiding under a ridiculous argument I don’t know the context of the costume argument, but it could have been the girlfriend wanted matching costumes and the boyfriend ignored her or the girlfriend didn’t want him to go to that party in the first place and I’d pretending the costume is what bothered her

[@Child_of_Fae]

I actually really want to go to this wedding, it sounds pretty refreshing.

[@coltonc7832]

The fact that the wedding is in Asheville is just golden.

[@SharadMathurr]

"random funny line from the video" LOLOLOLOL

[@anardun]

lmao, I love it! Although I really wish more people were like this. I mean, if you couldn't stand their brand of eccentric, why on earth do bother pretending you're friends? It's just one day. and it's miles better than bridezilla-trying-to-impress-her-friends-with-expensive-tastes-yet-again. Just my personal preference. I may hate it, I may love it...but at least I won't be bored!

[@smitty1647]

all this stuff sounds kind of cool actually

[@keroberos2781]

Oh boy...

[@cathydiane2558]

@SNES Nes oh my gd. People have slightly different kinds of wedding ceremonies. Oh the horrors!

[@cathydiane2558]

@SNES Nes chill, woman

[@smitty1647]

@SNES Nes you know you can just not go to stuff you don't like lol, also i'm not getting married. but yeah bike riding in national parks is neat

[@hadid1092]

The acting is low key superb.

[@RideAcrossTheRiver]

They divorced on Valentine's Day, 2014, and invited everyone to that

[@DrWhoIsTheBestShow]

If I didn't get it does that mean I'm one of them? Help.

[@internetperson9121]

We had a get-away wedding, just the two of us, with a small reception upon return. It minimized the embarrassment when we were divorced a year later. Not joking unfortunately.

[@frostedbutts4340]

I mean a cycling tour through national parks sounds way more fun than most bachelor parties to be fair

[@tacoman1617]

Glad to know this happened before she began her internship at the Daily Planet.

[@JTmaxx]

Wait she's the girl from Man of Steel?

[@ThatsWhatSheSaid-420]

608 awful couples watched this video.

[@zipgow]

309 couples.

[@coleenparsons4905]

Up to 316 now.... so glad we eloped.

[@xl000]

why 608 though ?

[@lazydaisee3997]

I had a friend who had an engagement party....at the party I spoke to the 'other' persons friends for the first time and our very first chat was about how long the marriage was going to last. We all thought less than a year...and we were all right lol

[@YesYouAreAbsolutelyCorrect]

My brother's wedding was as modest as possible, and the official ceremony was still full of cringe. Better to have no ceremony at all.

[@benjaminaswad6486]

An all you can eat vietnamese sandwich bar does sound amazing though.

[@moptophead8527]

0:23 that band exists. They're called Love Canon.

[@markzeddo6033]

Maybe I'm just a horrible person, but none of this struck me as particularly awful.

[@cryp0g00n4]

same here... I don't get the hatred either. Makes me wonder if that means I'm one of those people that are an enabler. But real talk - what's the joke?

[@violetcandy86]

Each part individually doesn't sound that bad but when you combine it all together it seems insufferable

[@reversed2489]

I think i need to reevaluate my life because this didn't seem too bad

[@lauragarnham77]

Hmm, I would actually enjoy this wedding... and that 'bachelor party' sounds great.

[@musict4379]

Same.