Breaking news: Jessica and Ross have recently hosted a gender reveal party which burned down about 75 acres of forest.
@lordprotectorofthevale58543 жыл бұрын
Only 75? They must not care about their child.
@destituteanddecadent91063 жыл бұрын
What do you mean? I didn't really get why they were so horrible either, I don't know anyone like them.
@jh33053 жыл бұрын
@@destituteanddecadent9106 what?
@destituteanddecadent91063 жыл бұрын
@@jh3305 I don't really know people like them, so I'm not getting the forest joke.
@jh33053 жыл бұрын
@@destituteanddecadent9106 these obviously aren’t the exact type of person you’d see very often. These are stereotypes. They are greatly exaggerated. That’s the point.
@alfcab6 жыл бұрын
You could forward this to a million couples exactly like this and they'd laugh hysterically with zero self-awareness.
@davespringer7774 жыл бұрын
@Maintenance Renegade that sounds like a good time.
@iannelson59334 жыл бұрын
Yes,thank god for self-awareness without which we would be prey to all sorts of maladies,such as smugness for example.
@brandonfoley75194 жыл бұрын
@Maintenance Renegade sounds like a good wedding, I love barbecue!
@en2734 жыл бұрын
I’m currently doing this. Not the forwarding, the clueless laughing.
@alfcab4 жыл бұрын
@@iannelson5933 That might hurt my feelings if I were being smugly superior to smug people. But I'm perfectly content to be superior to the clueless. Really effective troll game, though.
@mrniceguy71685 жыл бұрын
Oh my god, I’m always shocked at how good The Onion’s actors are - that douchey pause and the “this is great” at around :30 is perfect
@2GoatsInATrenchCoat4 жыл бұрын
Also the best man's pause and incredulous laugh before saying "for fuck's sake"
@MicahRion4 жыл бұрын
I had the same thought!
@notyouraveragejoe70034 жыл бұрын
2 Goats in a Trench Coat lol that part got me!
@mick79094 жыл бұрын
What do you mean actors ....you mean this isn't real lol
@oz_jones4 жыл бұрын
The few kid actors also were AMAZING
@guytorie4 жыл бұрын
The way he delivered the line about shaving down to moustaches. So much restrained hatred.
@hayleyb4674 жыл бұрын
With his mustachioed face.
@kenadycooke93872 жыл бұрын
LMAO
@freyamccullough83266 жыл бұрын
I had a friend from school whose wedding was exactly this and let me tell you, I could not get drunk fast enough at the reception.
@hejdingamleraev6 жыл бұрын
I wish I had a friend from school
@guardianoftheduat6 жыл бұрын
@John Galt either way you get a show
@thewhites68955 жыл бұрын
I know this is a year late but SPILL THE TEA
@mandel945 жыл бұрын
@Antenna2heaven what the fuck, dude?
@bdcopp5 жыл бұрын
Was it an open bar at least?
@joansmith696 жыл бұрын
This just in: Couple bought enough twine to tie everyone's names onto more mason jars.
@Anastas17866 жыл бұрын
Oh, _God._
@thesaltmerchant45645 жыл бұрын
Eh heh yeah my cousin had a wedding like that and so did her sister... luckily some great beer was on tap
@scurus11scurus4 жыл бұрын
they are smug, not *evil*
@jennifersimmons15524 жыл бұрын
SA S you do realize this is a parody right?
@timopper54883 жыл бұрын
But it’s a fun little DIY where the guests tie their own names onto the jars.
@carucath979 жыл бұрын
UPDATE: to everybodies horror, the couple are now expecting their first baby and are already thinking of the most pretentious name for it that will very likely result in the kid being horribly bullied in school
@inspectorjavert84438 жыл бұрын
At which point they will create a kickstarter for their child. They also claimed they will raise them "gender neutral" and sue the school if they don't allow them to use the bathroom of their choice.
@lorb977 жыл бұрын
His name will be Byron and they will frequently refer to him using the abridged version "By," to more fully showcase the impressive extent to which they've rejected the gender binary and it's implications for normative sexual relations.
@arthurjackson63957 жыл бұрын
Wow... brilliant! :D
@RohtoriGeePee6 жыл бұрын
CaruCath97 yea probably a FOOKIN MASON JARS
@rooftopirishman45716 жыл бұрын
Is it thax? Or reighlyn?
@sarcasmo574 жыл бұрын
Their baby boy's name is Jaxon.
@zero1111one4 жыл бұрын
or Beatrix
@Nickelodeon814 жыл бұрын
AE X129 S
@ALotOfCancer4 жыл бұрын
That’s such a gross name
@user-mq1ng6sj7b4 жыл бұрын
Is their daughters name Kielea?
@Kmkmkms4 жыл бұрын
With the most disgusting middle name and most boring normal last name Their kid gets bullied at school and goes through a violent emo phase before realizing they are a brony/furry
@2pacTheTankEngine6 жыл бұрын
Honestly I'd be all over that Vietnamese sandwich bar
@NoFlu6 жыл бұрын
Honestly I'd be all over the normal bar for at this trash fire
@guardianoftheduat6 жыл бұрын
Sorry dear but not everything has to be an all you can eat butter fat ranch buffet
@grass78646 жыл бұрын
Amilah Not gonna lie, that sounds amazing.
@streeTkiDwannaBe6 жыл бұрын
I go to a Vietnamese sub shop and get them to make one that's half satay beef on one end and satay chicken on the other end and it's fucking delish. Plus the Vietnamese make the best damn soups in the world with pho. Though bún bò huē is my personal fav.
@goblin-teeth5 жыл бұрын
Same, there's a new Vietnamese fusion place in my town where they do bao buns, bahn mi and Vietnamese curries, it's amazing
@NilesBlackX4 жыл бұрын
I went to a wedding exactly like this, _in Asheville NC_ Edit: I actually think the writer must have gone to the same thing, they literally had a Bahn Mi station and the video says "a Vietnamese sandwich bar", plus they specifically highlight that it's a couple from Asheville like ten times. This is so spiteful I love it
@squidbad4 жыл бұрын
oh fuck, they actually ARE reporting reality!
@thechaosgods4 жыл бұрын
Fffucking mason jars
@geobeeblaster56023 жыл бұрын
And theres a place called claxton farm, and the venue is on claxton road, I dont know if this was where it was though.
@NilesBlackX3 жыл бұрын
@Tum Tum no kidding, it was delicious.
@NilesBlackX3 жыл бұрын
@@squidbad honestly makes a lot of sense, we've all been saying for years "this onion article/video is so true" - maybe we were wrong and they were never satire in the first place 😂
@samuelhopely48533 жыл бұрын
A big thank you to The Onion for allowing me to think "wait this actually sounds like a fun wedding" so I could become self aware and ashamed at alarming speeds. Saved me a few big mistakes. Pitiful self loathing never felt so relieving.
@samuelhopely48533 жыл бұрын
@Siluriformes My girlfriend and I had a few good long talks about having a realistic wedding after seeing this video. In the end we decided... this is exactly the type of wedding we want and we're not ashamed.
@TeelBick3 жыл бұрын
@@samuelhopely4853 even the facial hair thing?
@ScottSmith-jz8zv3 жыл бұрын
The Onion sometimes does this type of comedy where the thing they are satirizing is annoying but they also satirize the people who overly hate those with quirky tastes. There’s more levels to it than just hating on the couple.
@FringePrincess3 жыл бұрын
@@ScottSmith-jz8zv so meta
@420mralucard3 жыл бұрын
The only things that sounded ok were the sparklers and the sandwich bar.
@aaronshows3 жыл бұрын
Funny thing is, I'm actually in a bluegrass/folk band that only covers 80s music, and while crowds love us in pubs, bars, casinos, and outdoor festivals, we do not do well at most weddings... The Onion always knows what it's talking about!
@irafair30152 жыл бұрын
That's just too funny.
@laika66612 жыл бұрын
That makes sense. If I'm having a good time at the bar and the band plays a folked up rendition of Everybody Wants To Rule The World, I'd probably sing along and have a good time. At a wedding though, I think I'd rather eat my own shoe.
@senny- Жыл бұрын
That sounds awesome. I love both genres.
@mattevans060972 Жыл бұрын
Steve ‘n Seagulls are a bluegrass band that plays rock and metal. They’re awesome and would be fantastic at a wedding!
@Jebu9113 ай бұрын
I mean its alright background music at a pub but pretty cringy for weddings.
@darkmonson23096 жыл бұрын
I used to dj weddings and be witness to the absolute hell that is behind the scenes. It stays under the makeup and fake smiles throughout the duration of the ceremony. I will never ever marry. However, biking throughout southern Utah sounds way better than getting drunk in Vegas.
@TheSunderingSea5 жыл бұрын
Any stories?
@LewisBowels5 жыл бұрын
So Hangover wasn't meant to be based off of a true story?
@RediscoveryChannel20215 жыл бұрын
My wedding was pretty dope, but we weren’t pretentious enough to get a fucking dj. The Utah bike trip does sound a hundred times better than getting drunk in Vegas.
@nickcarroll85654 жыл бұрын
Amilah that’s what my wife and I did. Took the morning off from work, went to the courthouse, went back to work that afternoon. Still together 10 years later.
@rakkatytam4 жыл бұрын
@@nickcarroll8565 Hmmm I don't know about that. It's so not pretentious that it actually became pretentious.
@Cryptonymicus4 жыл бұрын
A parody requires "deliberate exaggeration for comic effect" and I'm not seeing any significant exaggeration.
@imalrockme3 жыл бұрын
That's because 'these days' brides and grooms are already ridiculous.
@johnbiggscr4 жыл бұрын
My wife’s cousin lives in a small town in Kansas. She wanted to be taken to the church in a donkey (not horse, donkey) drawn cart.....but wasn’t able to because it was double booked for that day. I kid you not.
@albusdumbledawg86863 жыл бұрын
Thank you. I needed this today.
@Zerospawnn3 жыл бұрын
Thats hilarious 😂
@yuungmung3 жыл бұрын
Thats reasonable but not for a wedding
@keartstudios3 жыл бұрын
What an ASS
@Username-le4eq3 жыл бұрын
I think cuz donkey is less scarier than horses which are taller and faster
@apolloforabetterfuture48144 жыл бұрын
Why does The Onion understand this world too well.
@stephenn10564 жыл бұрын
Life as we know it is has reached the point that the onion isn't even parodying society. The onion is simply reporting the facts of life and it is a terrifying prospect.
@nekozombie3 жыл бұрын
I have absolutely no clue, but it's fascinating.
@stevenmonsanto53243 жыл бұрын
Wym? Its the most reputable news network
@brokengirl86193 жыл бұрын
80s music is the best. So the Onion doesnt understand many of us.
@yamnayaseed3562 жыл бұрын
Self funding
@a-bird-lover6 жыл бұрын
My cousin had a camo and marijuana themed wedding. They're expecting a kid soon. Send help. editing because I forgot this, but two years later I remember: there was on on-site gun range. edit 2 because I keep getting this and it's annoying af, I seriously don't care if you think the wedding theme is cool and I'm bad for judging and you didn't look through the replies. I'm _judging_ because they smoked with a bunch of kids and elderly around and that was shitty of them, and they kinda suck as people for other reasons. If you want a camo and marijuana wedding, go off, just be safe about it
@obi-wankenobi98716 жыл бұрын
Cousins? Incest?
@lukeanimal6 жыл бұрын
A Bird Lover cousins?
@a-bird-lover6 жыл бұрын
Whoops, cousin*. Though incest wouldn't be too surprising. We disowned them for a few good reasons.
@roddydykes70536 жыл бұрын
A Bird Lover that’s fucked up haha, to each their own I guess
@kyozoku16 жыл бұрын
LMAO Awesome!!
@haroldbrowne17084 жыл бұрын
Nothing says class like Grandma bicycling from the church to the reception hall. Woot.. Go granny! Put that new hip to good use!
@Caroline284833 жыл бұрын
I can't breathe!!😂😂😂
@iunderstoodthatreference33473 жыл бұрын
I’m dead
@barnyarn7048 Жыл бұрын
This joke is underrated! Lmao!
@caitlingill9 ай бұрын
Bold of you to assume they would get married at a church
@733eel4 жыл бұрын
had a couple in australia that charged all their guests 1K for attendance to pay for their wedding, when alot of people canceled they couldnt afford and had to cancel, they then blamed all their friends for ruining their wedding lol
@hanshintermann1551 Жыл бұрын
One THOUSAND??? Holy shit, that's insulting.
@xl000 Жыл бұрын
@@hanshintermann1551 That 610 Euros / 680 Dollars at today's rate. Maybe it could justify: one room in a hotel at 100€, food / drink 100€, renting the place where the wedding happens, 100€, additional staff / DJ maybe 100 € and that's already really expensive IMO . Not sure how they spent 610€ per person
@hanshintermann1551 Жыл бұрын
@@xl000 Oh, I'm sure they were going to spend it, but it's still insulting to ask friends and family to pay that much.
@cam4636 Жыл бұрын
@@xl000 Nah, if you're renting a venue and hiring staff that's all on you--travel expenses are on the guests, especially since they may not all be traveling the same distance or wanting to stay in the same place for the same length of time. The couple doesn't get an attendance fee.
@DoubleMonoLR9 ай бұрын
"A lot" cancelled, how was it not "all"?
@lightbox6174 жыл бұрын
For a decade or so, I photographed weddings. I have never met so many stupid, greedy, thoughtless people. I finally quit when: One 25 year old couple had a $30,000 plus wedding that ended in a fistfight with the police called; A groom threatened to beat me because I was doing Bride mandated pictures and an 8:30 A.M start at the brides house was populated by bridesmaids that were already drunk. I did better with Bar Mitzvahs. You almost never get drunken fist fights at Bar Mitzvahs I eventually declined wedding in which the principals were under 35 and gave preferences to 2nd marriages.
@bananaeclipse33242 жыл бұрын
As someone who has had a bar’mitzvah, I’d be surprised if it ended in a fist fight, I’d more expect the kid collapsing out of exhaustion and stress. Personally I didn’t have an after party because I hate them, going deaf, having to stay around till your the last to leave, not being able to rest, it’s too much. I decided to take a trip to Israel instead. Sadly the warring got even worse so we are holding off until it ends. Nevertheless, when it’s bar’mitzvahs, worry about the parents!
@SofaKingShit Жыл бұрын
A wedding with an unnecessarily vulgar price tag that culminates in a drunken and/or drugged up fistfight sounds immensely entertaining. A grand night out.
@vorynrosethorn903 Жыл бұрын
There is a part of my family which are a total nightmare and for some reason there is a wedding photographer who turns up to all of theirs for free, bare in mind is they were not related to each other pretty much no one else would go and indeed generally the wedding photographer is the only non family member to ever turn up, I can only imagine they enjoy the drama or are using it as inspiration for writing or something because now I'm an adult I'm sure as hell staying away from those people and that's before the consideration of them being drunk and in charge of a party.
@debostahn Жыл бұрын
"you almost never get drunken fistfights at bar mitzvahs" is an excellent line
@soylentgreen608210 жыл бұрын
I have never been to a wedding that would not have been immeasureably more happy and interesting if someone had shown up with a flamethrower and put us all out of our misery.
@tek64235 жыл бұрын
Yes indeed. The American showpiece wedding is a man made disaster. Never fun. Always a colossal waste of money for all concerned. The more expensive the wedding, the sooner the divorce occurs. Generally goes like this.... bride and/or groom is already carrying excessive college debt (or the parents got stuck with it). Then we purchase a diamond, which is an overly expensive symbol with no real value (unless you have to cut glass). Then we buy a wedding gown. An extremely expensive dress that will be worn once then shoved in a closet. If the woman has an attractive feminine form, the garment is frequently designed to cover some of the best parts. Excessively loud DJ or band, who just loves the sound of their performance, blasts the music so loud that you cannot have a conversation with guests and family, then we ice the cake by drinking at the open bar. This results in one fistfight, one DWI arrest, and one guest driving into a tree on the way home. Good times! At least at this wedding you’ll get a sparkler.
@ShifuCareaga5 жыл бұрын
you're a basket of peaches
@MrPmvail5 жыл бұрын
I’m 41 and only been to one wedding in my life. It was fun. Better if I had open bar.
@danieljoseph64044 жыл бұрын
What does that even mean
@RonJohn634 жыл бұрын
You have the wrong set of family and friends. (None of the dozen or so weddings I've been to have been pretentious.)
@inspectorjavert84438 жыл бұрын
I went to college in Boone and I lived in North Carolina all my life, so I can state with 100% certainty that this is how Ashville types act. Asheville is the Portland of the South
@veledwin16 жыл бұрын
Inspector Javert The Portland of the South 😃? Asheville sounds fun then
@jakerichardson80716 жыл бұрын
Ikr
@mr.butterworth6 жыл бұрын
Inspector Javert - Bluegrass band playing 80’s music, and a bunch of candles in fucking Mason jars...
@reptileprincesss6 жыл бұрын
I'm from Charlotte and couldn't be more true
@amastyn_11066 жыл бұрын
I'm from Asheville, pretty much
@KarmaVanBuuren12 жыл бұрын
"A bunch of candles and fucking mason jars, and an instagram photobooth" LMAO.
@Xsksnssjccxghb3 жыл бұрын
This marks the shift in our language towards 2137
@8149124 жыл бұрын
Jessica seems like the sort of person who would take her great-great-grandmother's perfect condition Victorian wedding dress and "upcycle" it because she thought it looked "tired" by ripping off the bottom half and adding a bright orange vegan leather miniskirt or something
@DavidLopez-en6el3 жыл бұрын
>vegan leather
@skengels Жыл бұрын
DON'T -a seamstress
@cara-seyun10 ай бұрын
And see-through backing
@QueenetBowie4 жыл бұрын
If I had a dollar for each person who has told me they didn’t want to go over the top, and were planning to do something down to earth.... to just spend the same damn amount of money on their wedding with stuff like this.... I’d be a rich man.
@sarahsayshello97263 жыл бұрын
My ideal wedding is a bonfire on the beach with tacos. If they want options other than tacos they can bring it them damn selves. Im having tacos.
@cara-seyun10 ай бұрын
Just for this, I’ll be having a wedding that makes a coronation look casual
@babyirene31889 жыл бұрын
Way too close to real life.
@beckettstevens95294 жыл бұрын
"Asheville, NC" is such a hilarious cherry on top.
@m4ryslibrary4 жыл бұрын
*everyone* gets married in asheville.
@beckettstevens95294 жыл бұрын
@@m4ryslibrary *everyone like THIS gets married in Asheville.
@westlifesuck6 жыл бұрын
Too close to my cousin, her “bachelorette party” was hiking or something I don’t remember they divorced after about a year lmao
@discman153 жыл бұрын
All women want to do is either hike or yoga retreat, scientific fact
@MrCWL6 жыл бұрын
“It’s also for the people who make us, us.” Have to use that one at work.
@christobanistan88875 жыл бұрын
You unemployed yet?
@SheepWaveMeByeBye4 жыл бұрын
Forced nodding is best nodding.
@jzplayinggame2 жыл бұрын
I like how 10 years later most of the ideas listed by the couple and the video are just standard wedding things (sparklers, IG photo booth)
@cara-seyun10 ай бұрын
Music older than the couple getting married
@buffbarneystan3280 Жыл бұрын
I plan to trick my attendees into thinking my wedding is actually just a costume party and show up with my fiancee in our wedding gowns. Think it'd make for some pretty interesting photos.
@hanshintermann1551 Жыл бұрын
You're a genius
@MyFiddlePlayer Жыл бұрын
There was a story like this posted on Reddit....things went sideways when one of the guests, actually believing it to be a costume party, showed up in a wedding dress. Whoops!
@amateur-madman30473 жыл бұрын
Tip for showing up to weddings like this: 1. Don’t show up 2. Show up, but intoxicated
@DanteTimberwolf2 жыл бұрын
Correction for option 2: Don't show up
@jonquilgemstone Жыл бұрын
No, just don't show up. Nobody wants people showing up to their wedding drunk. That is disrespectful.
@Ccccccccccsssssssssss Жыл бұрын
Yeah just don't go to the wedding if your going to be a turd. Weddings are hugely expensive, and nobody wants to pay for your ungrateful ass
@MegaMrDanne3 жыл бұрын
The comments: "I was there and wanted to die" "I would have loved some Vietnamese sandwiches"
@kayleighfredericks549511 жыл бұрын
I wonder if she'll keep her maiden name to like be hyphenated. So she would be Jessica Black-Bird? No? Sorry.
@MmanuChaturvedi8 жыл бұрын
Yeah, but it would last only less than a year :P.
@Wa3ypx4 жыл бұрын
You know, they gave them these names just to see if somebody would pick up on that. Good job!
@louschwick73014 жыл бұрын
Jessica blackbird sounds cool. Forget the hyphen at that point
@ripdajacker234 жыл бұрын
Now they’re going to have the bluegrass band interpret “blackbird” as an 80s pop track. See what you’ve done?!?!
@sheckyfeinstein4 жыл бұрын
Yes.
@DAndyLord6 жыл бұрын
Honestly, build your own banh mi would be amazing.
@coleenparsons49056 жыл бұрын
I think that's the 7th anniversary now.
@destroyermaker5 жыл бұрын
It'd be more amazing if someone built it for me
@bsarioz4 жыл бұрын
@@seandevine5836 if they have Vietnamese style ingredients at the bar, then you can easily make banh mi or come close to it. I don't picture Vietnamese sandwich bar serving ham and cheese.
@sambrazil97704 жыл бұрын
I live in Vietnam, there are people selling banh mi's on most street corners. Here's a secret, don't tell anyone: there are no banh mi rules. Everything goes on them. No one here would care about other ingredients, and if the bread is a baguette they'll still happily call it a banh mi.
@fanzhang55683 жыл бұрын
@@seandevine5836 being pretentious to people that are pretentious. We have came full circle.
@Ceares3 жыл бұрын
Honestly I think the people around them that pretend to be their friends but secretly despise them are objectively worse than these people
@littleblueclovers3 жыл бұрын
In their defense, you can like someone and still think their tastes are absolute shit.
@nataliehill14723 жыл бұрын
Yeah when you love someone (friendship or otherwise) you don’t necessarily love everything about them. One of my closest friends can be completely self centered and down right annoying at times, but because we’re friends and I love her, I look past those things at the many other awesome traits that she has!!
@Tocaraca3 жыл бұрын
@@nataliehill1472 You sound like an idiot
@sg3893 жыл бұрын
@@Tocaraca How is that idiotic?
@alizd10963 жыл бұрын
you are right! I feel like a real friend would find it funny how dumb this whole thing is, but wouldn't be filled with hatred
@awdrifter33946 жыл бұрын
We need an update on their marriage.
@namechangesallowedeveryd-lt3km6 жыл бұрын
Dave TheDude And no vaccinations
@guardianoftheduat6 жыл бұрын
The kids killed themselves
@tc82375 жыл бұрын
After a rough patch they ''renewed their vows'' and threw another boring hipster party.
@phyllisstein18375 жыл бұрын
@Deidre Nair- Violette Rayne to be precise. But not ironically...
@bachelorofstuff5 жыл бұрын
she's unhappily married to his former business partner and he's getting into cryptomining and having a midlife crisis while bouncing around various Southeast Asian cities.
@brindlebriar6 жыл бұрын
This has to have been the inspiration for "Portlandia."
@aremedyproject95694 жыл бұрын
September, 2020 and you’re right.
@mk1st4 жыл бұрын
Portland / Asheville will probably be the first hyperloop route.
@ihittu12 жыл бұрын
i laughed so hard when the narrator said, "The couple's celebration of their quirky little bullshit tastes.." XD
@anarchistangler3 жыл бұрын
Me too. Your comment is so underrated. And the sparklers.
@foxygrin4 жыл бұрын
"obnoxious friends would rather lie and pretend they like the plans of a soon-to-be married couple than be sad and alone"
@PaigeS200811 жыл бұрын
Their wedding was to be unbearable, so no bears were allowed to attend.
@RenegadeShepard694 жыл бұрын
@Bosingr More like barely unbearably unfunny. I don't think even the bears found it funny.
@chrissyj.67833 жыл бұрын
I'd just totally send bears. Stuffed, toy, live, dead, all colours and sizes. And a giraffe, cos I feel giraffes miss out on loads of things.
@alizd10963 жыл бұрын
cute! XD
@basedcat23492 жыл бұрын
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THATS A GOOD ONE
@RasputinReview6 жыл бұрын
I really think the average person is insufferable with dull tastes and no hobbies "oh my hobby is netflix and favourite food is macdonalds nuggets!" "I want my wedding to be just like the ones i see in sitcoms which i base my understanding of the world on"
@MastaSmack6 жыл бұрын
So they can set up a big TV and have everyone sit in front of it, then get married on camera on that screen.
@halo456006 жыл бұрын
This is the ultimate correct opinion.
@Psiberzerker6 жыл бұрын
Honestly, the best wedding I ever went to was a couple gay bikers. Just saying. 3 kegs: "One over here, one over there, and one over there so there ain't no line." Guiness, Bud Light, and Warsteiner.
@tibitibi94176 жыл бұрын
And thats why YOU are so much better then them
@jamesk10276 жыл бұрын
Jaded much?
@ivank8104 Жыл бұрын
I didn't quite understand what's wrong with their plan. Probably, something's wrong with me😂
@cara-seyun10 ай бұрын
A wedding is not about the couple, it’s about the people attending The engagement and honeymoon are about the couple These two are not considering any of the people they invited to the wedding, only going by whatever they think of as neat
@hali373639 ай бұрын
@cara-seyun What? Yes, a wedding is about the couple, and they should do what they think is fun at their wedding. All the stuff in the video is moderately cringe at worst.
@hali373639 ай бұрын
No, there’s nothing wrong with you haha. Some of the stuff in the video is kind of cringy IMO, but the hatred expressed is highly exaggerated. I think it was done intentionally as meta-irony that makes fun of people who obsessively judge harmless aesthetic choices; the Onion is pretty good at making fun of multiple types of people at once.
@cara-seyun9 ай бұрын
@@hali37363 no, as I said, the engagement and honeymoon are about the couple
@edwardwood65325 жыл бұрын
I would like to hear a bluegrass version of 'Take On Me" and "Strange Love Triangle".
@patchoulidrop4 жыл бұрын
Edward Wood moody bluegrass
@dorkinabubble77724 жыл бұрын
Let’s add Africa by Toto and Ra Ra Rasputin to the mix as well 😁
@ryancappo4 жыл бұрын
Take On Me Bluegrass version. It is actually good. kzbin.info/www/bejne/eYTZq2yMlqedp7M
@@ryancappo I was convinced I was about to be rickrolled but was pleasantly surprised. Thanks.
@Eralen006 жыл бұрын
This is extremely accurate to Asheville, NC. Only thing they're missing is corny tattoos that are only on exposed areas like arms and necks (female) and a giant disgusting birds-nest beard (male)
@Humanophage5 жыл бұрын
By contrast, regular tattoos on unexposed areas are of course quite all right.
@philipm31735 жыл бұрын
Anti vaxers and wooks are Asheville in a nutshell
@tylerbrown31355 жыл бұрын
I'm pretty sure that Asheville is the most hated place in NC...
@JukaDominator4 жыл бұрын
@@Humanophage Tatoo are not alright.
@guardianoftheduat4 жыл бұрын
@@JukaDominator there is nothing wrong with having tattoos
@ichijofestival2576 Жыл бұрын
Unfortunately, this is exactly the kind of couple that *won't* get divorced. Because they've each found someone willing to put up with their unique brand of bullshit. But mark my words: they will be the most insufferable couple at the group marriage counseling retreat.
@sahanasinha4 жыл бұрын
Fun commentary on pretentious hipsters. But judging by the comments, all I gotta say is, unless they're shitting on other people for having more "normal" tastes, then it shouldn't be such a big, horrendous, offensive thing to want uncommon things lol
@auroraborealis63984 жыл бұрын
Agree lol. But the thing is, that some people are overdoing it and it looks totally pretentious and ridicule. I had friends who named their child Maje (a french hipster brand) and each letter was the first letter of all the names of the family. Even the dog's name..I mean...lol
@sahanasinha4 жыл бұрын
@@auroraborealis6398 that's funny... Cause that's kind of the same thing in my family. But it's just a harmless thing so 🤷
@auroraborealis63984 жыл бұрын
@@sahanasinha Oh really? about the french name brand you mean or just overdoing it? Totally harmless but it's just that when people are so serious about it and also that so much people wants to be original but thy end up doing the same things than all the people who wants to be different. It's funny
@auroraborealis63984 жыл бұрын
ha. That's a cute tradition. At least, it's not ending up being a brand name hopefully ^^
@unanaspig3 жыл бұрын
Thanks for saying that ngl lol. I’m planning my wedding and was so abhorred watching this that it could come across this way- but we ain’t hipster, just literally broke. Seeing your comment just kinda eased my worries
@ingloriousMachina4 жыл бұрын
Furiously going through my wedding plans and hoping I don't remotely resemble this couple.
@paulkothgasser66234 жыл бұрын
Eh z to each their own. It didn't sound bad to me,.so whatever works for you two is good
@rustinstardust20944 жыл бұрын
@@paulkothgasser6623 My sister tried desperately to make her wedding as un-cliche'd as possible...which in the end just made it look even more cliché. Just do what you would like to do; I think it's the trying too hard to be unique - just for the sake of looking unique - that makes some of these weddings a joke.
@justaway_of_the_samurai4 жыл бұрын
You may have already had the reception, but would you like to share your plans with us strangers on the internet? We will NOT sugar coat it or show any kind of mercy, I promise you that.
@ceve4 жыл бұрын
@@justaway_of_the_samurai yeah, that's not a good idea
@scillaburton29653 жыл бұрын
Same I have to nix the mason jars now 🙁
@HEDGE10114 жыл бұрын
I lost it at “...a build your own Vietnamese sandwich bar....” Like most humor, this is funny because it’s just so true.
@sammysaito5294 жыл бұрын
Not gonna lie tho, I would love that
@ahmadmusle74 жыл бұрын
"Sources hoped with every fiber of their being that these two would be divorced soon"
@puyearprod.9294 жыл бұрын
*within a year
@veramae40983 жыл бұрын
Nope. Hope they stay happily together, no need to spread it out to anyone else.
@NJGuy19733 жыл бұрын
We can't leave them get divorced. They might...dare I say it... ...get remarried to other people and there'd be two more awful wedding couples. That cannot be allowed to happen.
@keenanleetodd5 жыл бұрын
Aren't all weddings and big celebrations this insufferable?
@JP-wt4zr4 жыл бұрын
They wedding plan doesn't even sound bad at all, i don't see everyone's problem with it Lmao they said "bicycles to ride people from ceremony to reception" BHAHAHAHAHA🤣😭😭😭
@danopo4 жыл бұрын
The bluegrass band playing 80's pop songs. That's wrong.
@Gradient___4 жыл бұрын
It doesn't sound "bad" per say, just super run-of-the-mill and trying too hard to be "quirky".
@jennifersimmons15524 жыл бұрын
Agent Wolf it’s a parody
@GoddessAntares12 жыл бұрын
A make your own Vietnamese sandwich bar?? I'm there!! I fucking love banh mei. If only tight ass couples would get creative like that for real.
@Dr.Quarex4 жыл бұрын
I cannot tell you how many compliments we got after our wedding because I just made a music playlist instead of hiring a DJ. This is only tangentially related to the awful couple in the video but you gotta try to make your wedding reception actually fun people
@rexbenny15532 жыл бұрын
Please do tell us more. How does one make a reception fun without coming dangerously close to alcohol poisoning?
@vorynrosethorn903 Жыл бұрын
Just do a traditional wedding, everyone shows up smart, you say the vows in Church and then have a garden party that ends in time for everyone to get home. Also you don't need to invite everyone you know. Avoid venue stuff like the plague. It doesn't have to be the best thing since sliced bread, just memorable, the real people it should be special for are the bride and groom, and the nature of the thing will achieve most of that.
@TrueGoose1173 жыл бұрын
You ever notice that you could know two people and these two people are really great to be around but when those two people are together they become fucking insufferable. I’m not even talking about romantic couples specifically.
@lessens_2004 Жыл бұрын
Same, dude
@brokenbutler124 жыл бұрын
When I clicked on this video, I thought the couple was evil and demonic, but then I realized the joke was that the narrator hated them for being in love. Then I clicked on the comments and saw that the narrator’s views on the couple was very popular...
@ArcanineEspeon3 жыл бұрын
Yikes, they are annoying as hell but people are hating them way more than I expected.
@browsertab3 жыл бұрын
The dude is organising a "biking tour across Utah's national parks" for his stag party.
@foxygrin3 жыл бұрын
@@browsertab if you aren't sporty, just don't go
@Murkrust3 жыл бұрын
lmao you are a sweetheart, never change honey
@legrandliseurtri74953 жыл бұрын
I'm actually a little confused about the comment section too. What was so awful about this couple?
@Jhfisibejoso8pkabrvo2is83 жыл бұрын
Their son Jaxon and daughter Braxleigh are both unvaccinated and were breastfed until age 4.
@maryavatar4 жыл бұрын
And for the one millionth time since 1994, I once again remember how fucking awesome it was to show up on my mother’s doorstep and say “Hi, Mum, Chris and I are going to get married tomorrow, wanna come?” Yup, quick ceremony with the parents as witnesses, then down the pub. We’re still married, still happy, and still do not regret for one moment skipping over the whole wedding faff.
@SilverSlugs1610 ай бұрын
This sounds amazing
@cara-seyun10 ай бұрын
You didn’t have your aunts and cousins screeching at you like banshees?
@maryavatar10 ай бұрын
@@cara-seyun Nope :) My mother caught the bouquet, which was hilarious because between us we had four unmarried sisters. 30 years later and all four are still unmarried.
@okrajoe6 жыл бұрын
Ha, ha -- perfect.
@thomassteele57486 жыл бұрын
Ah Ha, Take Me On. Interpreted by the Blue Delta 'Pickers
@sunnycomb4 жыл бұрын
Their surname’s going to be Blackbird, isn’t it.
@mohammedmustafa67463 жыл бұрын
The narrator trash talking nonchalantly had me in tears.
@OptionalZero6 жыл бұрын
Man I really miss THIS Onion. I don't know what happened to this channel or the Onion as a whole, but man I REALLY miss this!
@bugglemagnum62136 жыл бұрын
Optional Zero yahoo bought them and now they just post sponsored content thinly veiled as satire the real onion team that are still left are on clickhole
@wantahertzdonut4 жыл бұрын
@Marie Ferguson I had a paid subscription! It wasn't available on the racks where I lived.
@wantahertzdonut4 жыл бұрын
@Marie Ferguson very nice of him! My dad would have left me to rot!
@wantahertzdonut4 жыл бұрын
@Marie Ferguson Ha! 😂 That won't be for a while.
@aremedyproject95694 жыл бұрын
Buggle Magnum Didn’t know that. Thank you!!
@redherronrecords4 жыл бұрын
They sound kind of annoying, but they'll let me go to the wedding in some form of casual attire so i give them points for that.
@thereisnosanctuary61844 жыл бұрын
RedHerronRecords JUICY pants? Flip flops?
@RadioGaGago4 жыл бұрын
Honestly, it sounds pretty fun! Only irksome thing would be to make all the people bike from the ceremony and forcing wedding party to grow mustaches. The rest sounds dope! I'd definitely rather go on a hike/bike tour than go to some sleazy disgusting strip club, yuck. And guess what? Normal weddings are usually boring af.
@jfeeble6 жыл бұрын
Everyone in Asheville that isn't bucking the mainstream practice of marriage probably thinks this wedding sounds awesome. On the level that place blows.
@thekadnben65394 жыл бұрын
You can see that by reading some of the comments above yours
@thedarkheretic50055 жыл бұрын
That really sounds absoloutly unbearable, well done.
@giygas_95773 жыл бұрын
0:37 0:51 I love the casual profanity. 🤣
@alanaztec92885 жыл бұрын
I know this is supposed to satirical...but it just seems too realistic.
@adamscottv3 жыл бұрын
It's The Onion, not SNL
@ShrimplyPibblesJr Жыл бұрын
I love how much the Onion hates happy couples
@joenichols39013 жыл бұрын
Wedding money is much better spent buying a rental property. Screw the wedding let's build something together
@Lsthnbrd2 жыл бұрын
Update: Ross and Jessica have a 7 year old only child named Jaxon who is one of those weird overly aggressive kids with that rattail haircut
@user.77104 жыл бұрын
honestly i hate when grown adults have that “it’s MY night” mentality cause they just use it as an excuse to ruin it for everyone else
@danielpignuola4784 жыл бұрын
Emilee Nedz it’s MY sleepover. I get to make the rules >:( >:(
@wolfie17034 жыл бұрын
mike force no, they mean using that as an EXCUSE to be mean to everyone else.
@mcyeru4 жыл бұрын
@mike force Are you one of those people? Is that why you're defending them? That mentality makes people stop going to events you host. If you're trolling good one dude lol Please tell me you're trolling.
@AlbertaRose944 жыл бұрын
I knew a couple like this. They got divorced shortly after their 5th wedding anniversary when she came home early from work to discover her husband in bed with another man.
@travelwithuk0do3 жыл бұрын
Broooooo😂
@basedcat23492 жыл бұрын
LMAOO
@TheGloriousLobsterEmperor Жыл бұрын
*HOLY SHIT I'M DYING.*
@jonquilgemstone Жыл бұрын
Oh shit, that is awful...!
@AlbertaRose94 Жыл бұрын
@@jonquilgemstone I still remember her saying “My Mom and Dad reassured me a man who is a rugby player couldn’t be THAT way. This was back in the 90s so I am cleaning up the original word.
@alyst00004 жыл бұрын
The seamlessly dropped f-bombs in this really made me laugh. 😂
@anarchist6 жыл бұрын
Wes Anderson's wedding.
@tendividedbysix48354 жыл бұрын
Their child's name would be something like "Hope" or "Dream" 😂
@cez194 жыл бұрын
If this was a real wedding and i was invited I'd just go just for the Vietnamese sandwich bar 🥙🥪
@GTA5Player14 жыл бұрын
Tbh, don't see why they're "horrible" honestly. Wonder what that says about me...
@willphillipsmusic4 жыл бұрын
Nobody really wants to be at your wedding. They're only there because they're being nice. In reality, they can't wait til it's over so they can put on sweatpants and watch The Office reruns. When you have a wedding that is very involved, you're just dragging on everyone's misery, and they feel obligated to deal with it because it's expensive af and it will (hopefully) only happen once in your life. I hope this clears some things up for you.
@GTA5Player14 жыл бұрын
@@willphillipsmusic Wait, people don't like weddings? Wow, I really am out of touch!
@weneedmoreconsideratepeopl40064 жыл бұрын
@@willphillipsmusic Wait what? Who wouldn't want free food? And the opportunity to dress up fancy for pictures? (Unless, you know, it ruins an important schedule- I'd understand) This is some confusing times we live in...
@GraveUypo4 жыл бұрын
@@weneedmoreconsideratepeopl4006 weddings are my personal hell. so me, i guess?
@willphillipsmusic4 жыл бұрын
@@weneedmoreconsideratepeopl4006 Some people would rather pay for food than spend 4 hours in a suit... Personally, dressing up for pictures sounds like a horrible time lol.
@Kaz9999983 жыл бұрын
Damn, can't make a wedding fun for yourself without getting clowned but also people hate regular weddings anyway so it's a lose/lose; might as well have fun in the process lol
@ayoungethan Жыл бұрын
You're missing the obvious solution of not subjecting yourself and others to the desperate pretense
@jonquilgemstone Жыл бұрын
@@ayoungethan...So just hate on people for publicly celebrating what is possibly the most important decision they've ever made?
@DeidresStuff4 жыл бұрын
This makes me glad my husband and I had to have a quickie social distancing apocalypse wedding in my sister-in-law's back yard.
@thelightningwave2 жыл бұрын
I remember a couple in college were arguing in public about whether or not the guy should have worn a hotdog costume to a Halloween party at a different college. Less than a month later they broke up. Moral of the story don't obsess over stupid bullshit or your relationship will shatter.
@cara-seyun10 ай бұрын
I call those “scooby doo problems” because it’s typically some real problem hiding under a ridiculous argument I don’t know the context of the costume argument, but it could have been the girlfriend wanted matching costumes and the boyfriend ignored her or the girlfriend didn’t want him to go to that party in the first place and I’d pretending the costume is what bothered her
@Child_of_Fae2 жыл бұрын
I actually really want to go to this wedding, it sounds pretty refreshing.
@coltonc78323 жыл бұрын
The fact that the wedding is in Asheville is just golden.
@SharadMathurr3 жыл бұрын
"random funny line from the video" LOLOLOLOL
@anardun12 жыл бұрын
lmao, I love it! Although I really wish more people were like this. I mean, if you couldn't stand their brand of eccentric, why on earth do bother pretending you're friends? It's just one day. and it's miles better than bridezilla-trying-to-impress-her-friends-with-expensive-tastes-yet-again. Just my personal preference. I may hate it, I may love it...but at least I won't be bored!
@smitty16474 жыл бұрын
all this stuff sounds kind of cool actually
@keroberos27813 жыл бұрын
Oh boy...
@cathydiane25583 жыл бұрын
@SNES Nes oh my gd. People have slightly different kinds of wedding ceremonies. Oh the horrors!
@cathydiane25583 жыл бұрын
@SNES Nes chill, woman
@smitty16473 жыл бұрын
@SNES Nes you know you can just not go to stuff you don't like lol, also i'm not getting married. but yeah bike riding in national parks is neat
@hadid10922 жыл бұрын
The acting is low key superb.
@RideAcrossTheRiver3 жыл бұрын
They divorced on Valentine's Day, 2014, and invited everyone to that
@DrWhoIsTheBestShow4 жыл бұрын
If I didn't get it does that mean I'm one of them? Help.
@internetperson91213 жыл бұрын
We had a get-away wedding, just the two of us, with a small reception upon return. It minimized the embarrassment when we were divorced a year later. Not joking unfortunately.
@frostedbutts43403 жыл бұрын
I mean a cycling tour through national parks sounds way more fun than most bachelor parties to be fair
@tacoman16175 жыл бұрын
Glad to know this happened before she began her internship at the Daily Planet.
@JTmaxx4 жыл бұрын
Wait she's the girl from Man of Steel?
@ThatsWhatSheSaid-4209 жыл бұрын
608 awful couples watched this video.
@zipgow6 жыл бұрын
309 couples.
@coleenparsons49056 жыл бұрын
Up to 316 now.... so glad we eloped.
@xl0006 жыл бұрын
why 608 though ?
@lazydaisee39973 жыл бұрын
I had a friend who had an engagement party....at the party I spoke to the 'other' persons friends for the first time and our very first chat was about how long the marriage was going to last. We all thought less than a year...and we were all right lol
@YesYouAreAbsolutelyCorrect5 жыл бұрын
My brother's wedding was as modest as possible, and the official ceremony was still full of cringe. Better to have no ceremony at all.
@benjaminaswad64863 жыл бұрын
An all you can eat vietnamese sandwich bar does sound amazing though.
@moptophead85275 жыл бұрын
0:23 that band exists. They're called Love Canon.
@markzeddo60333 жыл бұрын
Maybe I'm just a horrible person, but none of this struck me as particularly awful.
@cryp0g00n43 жыл бұрын
same here... I don't get the hatred either. Makes me wonder if that means I'm one of those people that are an enabler. But real talk - what's the joke?
@violetcandy863 жыл бұрын
Each part individually doesn't sound that bad but when you combine it all together it seems insufferable
@reversed24894 жыл бұрын
I think i need to reevaluate my life because this didn't seem too bad
@lauragarnham776 жыл бұрын
Hmm, I would actually enjoy this wedding... and that 'bachelor party' sounds great.