How A Single Guy Can Get A Date | The Catholic Gentleman

In this episode of The Catholic Gentleman, John and Sam discuss the timeless requirements of a man within the modern dating scene. They bring clarity to what is the appropriate outlook with dating and how gentlemen should view relationships within the wisdom of the Church.
In this episode we discuss;
• Why You Should Always Avoid Sneaky Dating
• Learn To Listen In The Digital Space
• How To Protect Her Dignity and Yours
• Why Courage Is Necessary And Masculine
• And More...
The Catholic Gentleman thanks our Sponsor CatholicMatch - Create Your FREE Account Now - www.catholicmatch.com/thecath...
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[@jeremydavie4484]

"Pray for confidence and don't blame everyone else" is exactly what I haven't done. I have only prayed to find the right girl and haven't prayed for my own virtue. And I make excuses all the time about why I haven't asked out a girl from church rather than blaming myself. Thank you for that insight, as obvious as it is.

[@Ulfrich_Stormcock]

Im a catholic man and demoralized in my dating life, or lack thereof. Im 26 and work, work out, have been told I am attractive, but still struggle with women. I lack confidence and I am starting to look into the black pill to see why I struggle. I really want to have a family of my own one day and dont want just meaningless sex and I am saving myself for my future wife. Ive never had a girlfriend before and I have a hard time believing that my future wife even exists. Ive had nothing but failed attempts and one mutually awkward tinder date 3 years ago and havent dated since then and other dating app matches were just women who just wanted a hookup or who thought they would win me over by sending nudes over snapchat. I dont even approach women in person because I compare myself to other men around me and kinda just shut down

[@Adelnunesoficial]

I pray for my future husband and I hope he is like that, a man of God. Regards from 🇧🇷

[@abramwarpness6053]

Excellent point about taking action! A year or two ago, a religious sister at my parish told me something valuable (I work building maintenance while studying for my degree). I was at the time discerning without actual action. I forgot what exactly I said, but my Sister in Christ, whose voice will never leave my mind, said "You have to do action in addition to prayer instead of just sitting still, praying, and doing nothing." The most charitable advice from her. I am still discerning my vocation but I am doing actionable things coupled with a strong prayer life.

[@leekshikapinnamneni4835]

Please make a part two video for the women for the ladies. What do you do if you’re interested in someone but they haven’t asked you out yet? What can we do to be more approachable? Is there anything that women can do to initiate? How can I be a godly woman and actively seek a godly man instead of waiting for a godly man to ask me out? Thank you!

[@johnhaug153]

Life gets awful boring when you’re waiting around to get lucky. Ask the guy out if you want to.

[@bornbranded29]

Im a single 40s Catholic gentleman, go mostly to Latin Mass. Sign of peace from older ladies isnt getting me a wife.

[@DavidMatias79]

All solid advice. I don't really struggle with how to date anymore. My number one problem is finding women. I've aged out of the young adult scene and I don't have any good Catholic friends near me. And I feel like I've exhausted the online thing as I've done that for years. But yeah, solid general advice for young guys starting out ...

[@estebanavelar4118]

With online dating you’ll only find single moms looking for a beta provider or career women looking for a beta provider.

[@captainnes8520]

@@estebanavelar4118 what is a beta provider?

[@mewantsnax8885]

@@estebanavelar4118 I hope you're not implying that those who use online dating are "inferior"

[@Mauvenotebook]

​@@captainnes8520 A Greek man who's name starts with "B". For example, "Basil". I don't know why single moms or career women apparently like them so much, though.

[@PilgrimPiper]

A spiritual director explained to me that discerning is more of a rearranging of the priorities in my life rather than waiting for a Yes or No answer from GOD. When I first listed my priorities they were certainly out of whack. But then as I began rearranging the less important things fell to the bottom of the list and eventually was shoved off the list. Peace be with you

[@jghfamily6104]

Had to laugh when it was said, "If you don't ask her someone else will." When I was in college, two male friends dropped by. As they were leaving, male #1 asked for a date on New Year's Eve. After they left, male #2 told #1 he stole his date... That was the reason he suggested coming by. But #2 never got around to asking, and #1 innocently swooped in and stole the date.

[@dezmondaigilo]

I believe every man should remember that we must seek God first and not be spending too much time thinking about how to get a date or a wife. Besides, the latter comes as a result of living the former. I believe one of the greatest problems of men in this present age is treating women (or the attaining of women) as their god. Women won't bring us to Heaven. Let's remember that. Men must remember to love God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength first. Otherwise, their families (including their wives) will only be a superficial version of what a married couple should be - which is a greater force of the love of God in and for the world.

[@76katster]

“Women won’t bring us to heaven.” My husband disagrees, he said I shorten his purgatory stay more and more everyday 😉

[@CatholicismAppreciator]

​@@76katsterWhile thinking about your comment I thought of a woman shortening the life of her husband (like by incessant nagging) and thus bringing him closer to heaven.

[@AlexanderTheFarmer]

@@76katster A Catholic woman's opinion is worthless.

[@iqgustavo]

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:30 🛡️ Take risks in life even if they don't seem rational or worldly, stepping out in faith like Peter walking on water. 02:51 🤝 Begin relationships with specific and intentional actions, rather than vague approaches. 10:18 💔 Overcoming fear of rejection is crucial; rejection doesn't define your worth, take steps and act. 16:08 🧘 Develop self-confidence, secure in yourself without arrogance, maintain good conversation skills. 22:14 👔 Dress well, take care of your appearance to show respect and effort, plan shorter but engaging first dates. 23:10 🧼 Grooming is essential to show care and respect for your date. 24:02 🙏 Gentlemen prioritize manners and sensitivity to the needs of others. 25:12 💬 Compliment her genuinely and specifically when you first meet. 26:21 👀 Maintain eye contact, speak clearly, and show confidence. 32:08 💍 Discern marriage intentions and values; don't be afraid to have serious conversations. Made with HARPA AI

[@timothyflood]

Really good

[@jghfamily6104]

A lot of people on CatholicMatch but am finding Ave Maria (though not as much activity) has better quality.

[@robertoriosorozco9205]

Dudes. I love you sit like real gentlemen

[@sdboyd]

Well if I was 23 and single again I’d have sense enough to look at the TLM parish where I lived. Instead I looked in bars like an idiot. Fortunately I found a good Catholic woman through Divine Providence.

[@johntyler7680]

How's it going now?

[@Sebbiegamer143]

I feel like this episode's title is specifically targeted at me...

[@Sebbiegamer143]

Right after this episode I actually asked a girl from church out for coffee and she said yes! Thanks guys, God bless.

[@TheCatholicGentleman]

@@Sebbiegamer143 That is fantastic! Good for you, brother. God bless you. - Sam

[@DavidMatias79]

@@Sebbiegamer143 same

[@jeremydavie4484]

@@Sebbiegamer143 What did you do to ask a girl out? I go to daily mass and don't know anybody at that parish. Plenty of beautiful young women, but I don't know any of them and I don't know who to ask out. Did you already know that girl somewhat?

[@mhodkinson]

@@jeremydavie4484 Do you have other activities at church like feast days or talks where you will be able to talk to different people casually. Also I advice to be friendly to older and married couples too. Sometimes they can play matchmakers or may introduce you to other singles in parish

[@theAwkwardAvocado]

I pray for confidence, for virtue, to be who I'm meant to be. If God hasn't answered, maybe that's the answer. Maybe most young men are meant to be alone, paralyzed by fear, and feeling unworthy.

[@johntyler7680]

Nice

[@Fatelvis2]

34:58 I am a little surprised at this I watched a video where a guy complained about the epidemic of people leaving the church to get married I am not 100% sure what he meant by leave the church but I do understand that when there arent any Catholic social events there are only so many solitary weekend nights before people venture out into 'the world' I also have read enough posts from people who age out of the dating people after living a reclusive life kind of heart breaking I know the first couple of Christian singles events I went to were populated by people DECADES older then me and for fun I discussed why Jesus was single I left depressed

[@Fatelvis2]

where do people find Catholic Fellowship ?

[@luisgerardoluevanosmedina433]

The Catholic Gentleman:⛪👍💪⛪

[@haydongonzalez-dyer2727]

Cool

[@sarathomas8499]

I personally think God blessed me with great beauty and I know this. I have joined Catholic Match and I have had many ask me questions (to get the ball rolling)....but they all live quite a LONG way from me and I prefer face-to-face but no one near me has asked me or anything (I currently live in a small town Durant, OK). So I'm thinking of attending some masses at bigger Churches like Sherman, TX perhaps to find someone. Women too can feel so lost and confused :( Like how will I know he's the one God intended for me? What if I'm missing my shot by overlooking those who live far away but reached out to me in the app? *internally screams*

[@Fatelvis2]

1. you might be passing Christians in your everyday life without knowing it a shirt proclaiming you faith might be a beacon that could draw them to you kind of like the bat signal 😃 2. at 1 point we had so many Christians at my jujitsu school they talked about having a bible study might want to give it a try

[@sarathomas8499]

@@Fatelvis2 Thanks!

[@Fatelvis2]

@@sarathomas8499 you're welcome good luck

[@slavicsoup7762]

Honest question, if anyone here is married, how much money were you making and how much did you have saved when you got married? Just curious since it is something I worry about.

[@TheCatholicGentleman]

@slavicsoup7762 Not a lot. :) This is a good concern and there is merit in discerning it. I understand it is impossible for me to truly know you well in the comment section, but by the mere fact that you are discerning this reality is a step in the right direction. However, if God is calling you to marriage and through prayer and counsel you have found the woman you desire in marriage, don't delay for fear of the unknown. The world needs virtuous and holy marriages, ones that can speak to truth and stand against the storm of relativism that attack us all. If you have the drive and work ethic, and understand that God's Will is always to be consulted daily, have faith that He will lead you. AMDG - John

[@cullen_mathews9174]

I was in college was considered an agnostic back then. Fell in love with a beautiful german girl who was a non believer. Persued her for 8 years. Eventually changed myself entirely. Political views and religious views hoping to gain her attention and finally start dating. She only used me for attention. It goes both ways. One day i said F--it. Stopped talking to her all together.

[@G1CAAAAEO]

Bro, you need to pursue someone for 8 years to find out she likes orbiters for free attention?

[@whitevortex8323]

@@anjr6282 You do realise, that this statement objectifies women as some sort of 'disposable good' and you are investing your time to gain some sort of satisfaction instead of treating them as a person with dignity and freely and sacrificially willing their good. I sincerely hope you change from such attitude for your good and good of your spouse and wish you the best.

[@AlexanderTheFarmer]

@@whitevortex8323 Because women either are undamaged goods or they are damanged goods.

[@dmitryostrovsky5763]

Some guys have it and some guys never will. If a guy doesn't have it, it doesn't matter what he does or how good of a Catholic he is, or how many gals he asks out, the guy will die old, single and lonely.

[@sirzorg5728]

This felt really out-of-touch to the things I struggle with. The reason I can't get a date has nothing to do with "confidence" or anything like that. I am miles ahead of other men on that front, and yet they have success where I have none. I'm not judging these other men, rather I present it as evidence that this is not the problem. I'm not shallow, because I am well read. I look better than most men, and I'm continuously complemented on how polite I am. None of this works. Also "the worst that can happen is she says no" is absolutely untrue. Much of modern culture actively encourages women to take active steps to ruin the lives of men that made the grave mistake of being attracted to them when they didn't want the man attracted to them. Most women aren't evil monsters, but the ones that are will absolutely ruin your life and be rewarded for so doing by modern culture. Asking a woman out is risking a lot more than just rejection.

[@catholicfemininity2126]

For Catholics looking for a conservative lady, try an FSSP young adult or 30+ singles group.... plenty of women there compared to novus ordo.

[@saturdaysolitude7800]

I like how you assumed every Catholic lives in the US

[@mathieuconklin3146]

Almost all traditional females in that age range are married. Traditional women are few and far between these days. And God bless them, marry young and have a bunch of God-fearing kids.

[@estebanavelar4118]

30+ single woman are not good for raising a family and are NOT really interested in marriage and definitely won’t subject to a man

[@AlexanderTheFarmer]

@@mathieuconklin3146 Traditional women are fake, they don't exist, they all desire the devil secretly.

[@garrettstephens91]

There's not many near me and people shouldn't have to move to another city or state to find good Catholic Community.

[@laumabel97]

I pray for my future husband 🙏

[@MarkelBeverley]

Walk up on her and say WHAT UP, BOO!!!! I KNOW YOU WONT MEE LIKE I WONT YOU!! 😂Nah, don't say that.

[@Minime710]

Here I am a woman at 32 living in St. Louis not getting a man coz I’m not white. Very saddened Of the men out here!!

[@cityhawk]

Believe me, there are plenty of good men that would be willing to date a quality minority woman. You’re still young enough to find a man that will meet your wants and needs. Keep trying, they’re out there. Don’t lose hope.

[@beatricemartha8951]

I'm also 32 but I live in London. I really don't think that your reason for not having a relationship which leads to a Catholic marriage is because you're not white. I use Catholicmatch and I think at least half of the men that I've exchanged messages with, had video calls with and/or met in person have been white and a significant number of these men live in the USA. I've also matched with and sent likes to men of different races. I've only dated Catholic men and my last relationship was with a white man who later revealed to me that his 'type' had been red heads!

[@davelaz5582]

I did my best to be a faithful Catholic man. I was a virgin when married at age 30 as was my late wife. We married at age 30 and had two sons. My wife died 9 years ago on January 14, 2014. After experiencing the loss of a spouse, I can't encourage anyone to marry because it will eventually end in death. Looking back, I would have rather never married, never had sex, never had children and never experienced the loss of spouse through death. All the happiness of my 26 years of marriage does not outweigh the pains of the loss of spouse through death.

[@TheCatholicGentleman]

Dave, we are so sorry for your loss. That is truly tragic, and I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to carry on after losing the person you love most on earth. However, if I could gently offer another perspective, which in no way is intended to deny your pain, I would suggest that love always involves risk and the possibility of pain. Even Our Lord and the Blessed Mother, who were sinless, experienced tremendous sorrow as a result of their love. That is why the traditional images of the Sacred and Immaculate hearts are both wounded…love cannot exist in a fallen world without pain. Love is always a risk, but there is nothing else worth living for. As CS Lewis pointed out, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love a thing and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” God bless you, and you will be in our prayers.

[@davelaz5582]

@@TheCatholicGentleman But is not loving God and His Mother enough to be fulfilled in love?

[@whitevortex8323]

@@davelaz5582 I am sorry for your loss, Just remember one day you will be reunited, have some hope.

[@whitevortex8323]

@@davelaz5582 I also want to bring to your attention a few things. Firstly, that if you didn't get married, your spouse potentially would have been married to someone else who may have mistreated her Secondly, you helped her grow in virtue and bring her close to Christ and thus attain perfect happiness Thirdly, your spouse does not wish for you to be in constant mourning, and would like some prayers for her if she is in purgatory Fourthly, the hope of being reunited with your spouse, don't give up. Think about how your spouse will feel if they don't see you in heaven for all eternity. Finally, Remember to be grateful to God for all that he has given you, and that God loved her more than you could and most likely she is enjoying the company of our blessed Lord. I am pretty sure you know already know this. So have hope. Ave Maria.

[@reformedstoic1581]

It sounds like you had a very deep and serious love with your wife. This is something very rare in this day and age. 26 years of marriage and it sounds like it never grew sour. I feel the impact of this comment, as a struggling single 32 year old man who fears he will never find love. I'm very sorry for your loss, but please pray for the understanding and acceptance that you experienced something so very rare and beautiful, that many men will never know. God bless you.

[@zaviusfirerave]

What if there is nobody else out there?

[@Nicolejduval]

There is.Keep faith, take actions. God bless u!

[@jeremydavie4484]

Go to daily mass. So many young, beautiful girls there. The only problem I have is, who should I ask out? Been through almost the whole summer and haven't talked to hardly anyone. Shame on me, I know. I've been trying to summon up the courage to talk to anyone, especially asking a girl out. But go to daily mass, I guarantee those women are faithful to the magisterium.

[@mathieuconklin3146]

@@jeremydavie4484 Shoot, what daily mass you go to?? Every daily mass I have been to has 55+ women there

[@estebanavelar4118]

I haven’t seen any beautiful single woman at church…

[@AlexanderTheFarmer]

@@jeremydavie4484 No beautiful girls at the Liturgy I attend, only boomers.

[@devinconyers6430]

“Simping 101”

[@wojciechj2102]

How a single woman can get a date: just breathe How a single guy can get a date: 45 min video

[@mathieuconklin3146]

Good luck finding a woman that isn't bought into the modern "feminist" movement. I've found a good test. Read Colossians 3:18-19 with her. If she gets offended by that then leave and don't look back. They would rather follow their will then that of God's. And that passage from scripture is a direct confrontation to their will so they ignore it until it is put in front of them and they get angry. It is a perfect test.

[@MD-S282]

Plenty of them - they just get overlooked for "hot" women. Virtuous men choose women based on virtue, not looks.

[@mathieuconklin3146]

@@MD-S282 I agree somewhat. Virtuous men don't look for feminist, immodest, modern women. Nothing is a bigger turnoff no matter how physically attractive she may be. That being said, looks definitely play a part as someone to procreate with. Physical attraction is important, but not the most important.

[@AlexanderTheFarmer]

@@MD-S282 Virtuous women don't exist, all women regardless of faith want the devil to be their dom daddy and treat them rough. That's why women are always fantasizing about psychopathic evil men.

[@HoradrimBR]

Good and all, but it only works if - in the best case scenario - the man has equal earning potential. To a woman marrying a man from lower economic level it's closer to impossible. The worst problem today: the 30% poorer men are more poor than the 30% poorer women. That's why it's much less common marriage among poor people: hypergamy is to strong of an instinct.