How Childhood Trauma Leads to Addiction - Gabor Maté

Gabor Maté CM (born January 6, 1944) is a Hungarian-born Canadian physician. He has a background in family practice and a special interest in childhood development and trauma, and in their potential lifelong impacts on physical and mental health, including on autoimmune disease, cancer, ADHD, addictions, and a wide range of other conditions.
Now retired from clinical practice, he travels and speaks extensively on these and related topics, both in North America and abroad. His books have been published internationally in over twenty-five languages. Maté's approach to addiction focuses on the trauma his patients have suffered and looks to address this in their recovery, with special regard to indigenous populations around the world.
Full conversation of this audio is from the Tim Ferriss podcast • Dr. Gabor Maté on Trau...
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[@AfterSkool]

This is one of the most beautiful messages I have ever received: "I stumbled upon your KZbin channel a few days ago. I just wanted to say thank you and let you know that your videos are being shown to drug addicts at a facility in Dayton, OH where they are making a real impact on our patients. This area has been ravaged by heroine addiction and I work as a counselor helping people turn their lives around. Many of the clients I work with have never heard the things found in the content of these videos. The content paired with the illustrations makes them memorable and easier to understand. Your videos are spreading good in the world and making the world a better place. Thank you." - Kyle W. It is both inspiring and humbling to think that these videos could provide a light to someone in a time of darkness. The true purpose of After Skool is self discovery. Know thyself. We're all at different places on the same journey. We're all fighting our own battles. The more we understand our true nature, the more we heal our past traumas and reconnect with our authenticity. And as corny as it sounds, we are all in this together. "For some strange reason I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. And you can never be what I ought to be until I am what I ought to be - this is the interrelated structure of reality." - Martin Luther King Jr. If you know someone struggling with an addiction, give them support, let them know that they are not alone and perhaps share this video. And if you like this video and want to help make more, please consider supporting After Skool on Patreon. Thank you www.patreon.com/AfterSkool

[@notkerrystolcenberg]

They're not addicted to "heroine". You say you're their counselor?

[@katterinaqualls]

@@notkerrystolcenberg constructive criticism is a lost art

[@notkerrystolcenberg]

@@katterinaqualls educated psychologists shouldn't be

[@suumcuique4530]

Maybe O should translate this video into German for my father. He is struggling for 40 years or sth. Doesn’t matter what, Heroine, now Alcohol....

[@codyh9155]

@@notkerrystolcenberg Was correcting a minor spelling error of someone with good intentions worth the miniscule dopamine shot to your brain you get for being "right"?

[@dawsonthebeast4943]

My addiction is the most stable thing I’ve ever had in my life

[@juanmontiel1228]

Stop searching for stability in unstable people or people in general. Try to find the root cause of the addiction and go from there. I too suffered from an addiction. Mine was to stimulates, whatever got me going. I was greatly over weight and lacked lots of energy. I decided to make healthier choices and start exercising. I knew that would provide me with energy eventually. I know each addiction is different and some harder than others to break. I’m just sharing what helped me. No one should go through this alone but unfortunately we do, in fear of judgement. I’m here for anyone who may want to chat.

[@user-sf1cy2hm1q]

It makes so much sense

[@djfally_beatz]

It's the only thing that I'm constantly consistent at

[@taddypatty7923]

not living?

[@danarobertsyoung1215]

I understand

[@Wizyrd_T]

“Addiction is not the problem, it’s an attempt to solve the problem”

[@joellemartin4466]

Truth!

[@atom_gray]

i wish my family could understand this... they're satisfied with a blanket fort made of obsolete conclusions.

[@persiankingish]

Deep as fuck.

[@PinkChocolateGalore]

Well said

[@sw-hg8eq]

I always thought that smokers were very very unhappy

[@RG-vs8qz]

"Trauma isn't what happened to you, trauma is what happens inside you." That actually makes sense. Thank you for saying that

[@Rio-db4ep]

I keep watching this over and over. Just to reassure myself that I'm not just a broken human. I'm human, and I was broken. Huge difference.

[@CALEXNADA]

"The loss of self is the essence of trauma" ... this hit me so hard

[@malimali6686]

Yeah me too 😪😪😪

[@destinynj2013]

Like a Mack truck…

[@jeannedarc7533]

Like a Boeing 707...

[@Dzanarika1]

Same here, but I am healing and recovering. The most beautiful feeling ♥️♥️♥️

[@robertporter6527]

Reconnecting with your self, what a concept! ! Reminds me of what a philosopher said thousands of years ago; “ KNOW THYSELF First, and you will know all things “ or how about that green alligator who said; I have met the enemy and it is us !” In other words- be part of the solution, not part of the problem! Thank you for the insight 👍.

[@Rhjnkiitewsxbmlp]

Children are like wet cement, whatever falls on them makes an impression - Haim Ginott

[@chrisuniverse5979]

I really like that quote, it's so true,kids are extremely impressionable

[@splinterborn]

Easy to manipulate and mould into obedient workers.

[@ozymandias1646]

Criminal Minds: Season 10 Episode 17

[@Rhjnkiitewsxbmlp]

@@ozymandias1646 yes!! I love it

[@francismeowgannou5322]

@@splinterborn school?

[@MB1BUMPER]

So true,I was molested /beaten every week at age 7 and in teenage years drugs and alcohol took those thoughts away.I’m sober now in my 40s and the pain is still here.Please cherish your children and protect them from ALL.

[@Julian-cw8je]

@MB1 BUMPER I LOVE YOU. AND DOES GOD HIMSELF. ❤❤❤

[@HUNGRYFLOWER98]

Same! I’m 24 and became a heavy drinker from 21-23. I realized I was going down a dark path and had to confront those things. It was hard and I still struggle everyday smh

[@Galacticgirl717]

I’m so sorry 🙏🙏🙏😞

[@MB1BUMPER]

@@Galacticgirl717 It’s not your fault.Im off the drugs and alcohol now,have been for a while now.I surround myself w good people now as well.Thank you for caring though,I appreciate it.

[@kizxoz]

@@MB1BUMPERproud of you!

[@creasedhorizon8931]

The hardest part about living with depression is it makes you not care about your life enough to try for positive change. Its hard not to just give yourself over to something like an addiction when you regularly have suicidal thoughts anyway, but are too scared to actually take your life. So you give in to self destruction and addiction in hopes that it will eventualy take you instead. Like a longer way of killing yourself. Because if you die to an "accidental overdose" it is seen as a tragedy but suicide is seen as selfish.

[@vitakipping3084]

Do you know Jesus? He can help you. Call on Him. Receiving Jesus through the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass not only on Sunday but daily if possible, frequent Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, and frequent Confession (weekly if possible) keeps me on the bright side of life. There are RCIA programs in each Catholic parish. Consider exploring it. The Sacraments Jesus left us are powerful! (Why the enemy always trying to snuff them out!) I wish you a beautiful life! Jesus is soon returning. RSVP today! Take care and God bless you! ❤️

[@msimon6808]

Think of addiction as pain relief. Think of your anger as the cause of the pain. Give up the anger.

[@Joshualuv13]

Wow

[@jeremiahbriney4899]

​@@msimon6808 what if you don't have any anger?

[@msimon6808]

@@jeremiahbriney4899 No anger - no addiction. Which means you haven't found yours. It happens. If you have been covering it up for a long time it will be difficult to uncover. None the less no pain - no need for pain relief.

[@kyrahirsch4367]

"the loss of oneself is the essence of trauma"

[@finix333]

Do u know howone can reconnect with his self

[@reneemoore6249]

The self concept twists my noggin. The self in this video, I believe is "the higher self, or the true self". Then there is the baser self where most people live. Its selfishness and self centeredness. This self does not want us to look at it. It hides cunningly in many ways. With fear and projection...finger pointing and blame and abasement ego.etc. im starting to meet people who are and have been doing this kind of work. Mainly via 12 steps. It's not for everyone. The price seems fair to me. Maybe you might check it out.

[@johannashaddox4762]

This very summation blew my mind. So succinct. I’m very much diving deep into myself and figuring out my essence and it’s helping, all of it, and this is just so healing!

[@pd2772]

I heard that loudest too

[@herosaddicts3108]

Finding oneself is the essence of ....??? Sometimes losing self is the best thing that can happen

[@northernking4787]

“Angry little kids don’t get loved” you just described my childhood my friend!

[@XXXTentaclez]

Yuh same its whatever

[@xSmuckerZxJelly]

@@XXXTentaclez disconnect of your emotions

[@qalbihodon721]

@@gianlucamarras4483 thanx

[@suhleenuhaguliarr8338]

yup

[@dartfrogluva2128]

Mine was more like kids who don’t comply don’t get loved

[@fuzzypanda1684]

The worst thing about addictions is that they quietly become your go-to relief whenever a triggering event happens. As you continuously rely on your addiction more and more, your ability to deal with triggering events weakens, making you turn to your addiction even more. And as you rely on your addiction more, your life overall gets worse, which creates more triggering events as well as feelings of anxiety, worthlessness and depression, all of which are further triggers for your addiction. It's a vicious downward spiral that just strengthens and reinforces itself the longer you do it. And the longer you do it, the harder it is to stop, and the weaker your resolve to not indulge gets. It's hell. Literal hell.

[@peterscheer445]

I am a therapist at an in-patient facility... this is a clear and concise explanation of how both attachment and trauma drive our thoughts and behaviors.. These are emotional injuries.... This video is the core of trauma informed therapy.... I will be showing this frequently.

[@michaelknapp8961]

Hello I just read your comment and I agree with you 100%. I’m 57 years old and have an addiction. My childhood was sad and confusing and full of abuse and trauma. My addiction became almost like a hug with love attached. My addiction made me feel good in a nasty mean spirited world around me. This video really hit home for me. M

[@laurawestenra]

People treat addiction like a moral failing or mental weakness. It doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you someone struggling to cope with the pain of life.

[@msimon6808]

People in chronic pain chronically take pain relievers. If the pain is not government approved, pain relief is a crime.

[@earthmama9597]

Underrated comment right here!,

[@palazzo1113]

A lot of the addicts I've known have the biggest hearts. It's truly sad how overwhelming things can be for us. And how heavy the past is, yet how difficult it is to let go.

[@angrypidgeon1714]

lol, I just said addiction is exactly moral failing and mental weakness. What you do makes you bad, inclusively being useless and supporting the government (a criminal organization anywhere) childhood trauma DOES NOT lead to addiction. I had plenty and I'm not addicted to any drug except love (which I never had, my point exactly). Addiction comes from mental illness, which is a metaphor for lack of self education, and the core of self education is worship of truth and self (as a god). In other words animals get addicted, not real humans. Addiction comes from your feelings. Your feelings do not matter for determining the truth. If your soul is above your heart you will never be corrupted or addicted, and that is a sign of souless people

[@rafaelhenrique7748]

@@angrypidgeon1714 which truth are you talking about now? Please clarify that, we already have a plenty of them... you believe in soul... come on, just say that this is what you want to believe and live your life but don't be innocent to express your opinion in a way that put's what you live as the truth for everyone and making believe that addicted people are somehow below you in your own pyramid of self-truth. First truth is that truth do not exist.

[@NicoPlatter]

There is a book entitled "The aware baby". It states based on various scientific research that children starting from birth heal every trauma or tension by crying. But only if parents stay there for them without judging. Crying is the single most powerful and healthy need a child can have. "Don't cry" and trying to suppresss it are devastating and the beginning of every addiction and behaviour problem.

[@peacelove280]

In alot of cases I agree, but in alot of cases some children are manipulative at an early and will cry to get their way, its up to the parent or caregiver to know the difference!!

[@zolisworld]

who wrote the book? i couldnt find it

[@rookshire]

As a child from the 70s and growing up in 80s and 90s all crying got me was a shit ton of trouble or ass beating. So no . Crying would have been the worst thing I could have done

[@sayandebghosh2681]

​@@zolisworld maybe he wrote it😂

[@ryeann2567]

Sounds like a bunch of bullshit.

[@coryflores4964]

I became very self aware, healed from childhood trauma. I also pretty much switched my primary hand from right to left. My creativity increased a lot too. Only thing that didn't change is my physical condition.

[@mavahenderson7757]

Golden teachers has been my go-to mushroom for months, it has helped in my recovery journey

[@elmerhernandez3780]

These are great healing compounds! When used in proper context.

[@emmabless6647]

I have been deeply depressed and anxious since I was about 14, I am now 32! Golden teachers mushroom revived me.

[@uncle-nice6556]

Hey.. I'm interested in trying emm.. where do you fetch ?

[@mavahenderson7757]

dr.rinehartwoods

[@banksy444]

I wish this guy was my therapist. Noones ever helped me in 20 years, and he's imparted more knowledge in 5 minutes to me and I feel like finally understand why I'm an addict

[@Julian-cw8je]

❤❤❤

[@Galacticgirl717]

You are loved. Please don’t give up 🙏❤️

[@etherashe5164]

Gabor Maté is probably one of the best addiction therapists in the world. Everything he says is backed by tons of research. I wish more people knew about him.

[@SebastianYoungMusic]

Go to an aa or na meeting. The solution is there. Good luck, 9 years sober here. It works.

[@Subscribelikeshar]

💯💯♥️♥️

[@steari]

"The trauma is not what happens to you. The trauma is what happens inside you."

[@steari]

@The HandProject Yeah that's the exact point of the quote lol

[@MegaLuigiman12]

@The HandProject just built different

[@cringebox8982]

That's such a good analogy... so true

[@citizenx8512]

Well said!

[@Muffffin]

Except blunt force trauma. 🔨

[@samrono9286]

slowly understanding why you're addicted is the most painful but simultaneously the most healing , this hurt but I'm so glad I watched this

[@thekingguerra]

Seek Jesus Christ and you will be saved.

[@edcuellar93]

@@thekingguerra I prefer GOD instead of this man Jesus Christ w long brown hair n light skin. But Amen!

[@wildthangthajack]

BRUH !

[@timetowakeup7394]

In order to love something you need to understand it. The best place to start is with yourself. Once you understand yourself you have the ability to love yourself and love others. Is a tough journey but is worth the reward which is your inner peace. Stay blessed and powerful.

[@gettenash3851]

Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has no colors, rasicm, hate. He died for your precious souls. In this hellish world your soul is valuable, praying for you🙏

[@simonparker5173]

I was an addict from 13-34 (38 now). This video sums up my addiction perfectly. I’m to old to become who I wanted to be sadly but I can be my genuine self. I beat my addiction in 2020 and I’ve spent the last 2 years becoming a man and trying to work out where I fit in in the world. I’m hoping to move to California soon to start a new life away from the trauma and all the problems that addiction brings. I don’t see my family anymore so nothing stopping me. Love to all the addicts out there and please know that with support you can beat your addiction and lead a normal life.

[@anthony8041]

Isn't California becoming a failed state though !? Might not be the best place to start over rn. Just a thought...

[@nofilter.906]

Stfu with your blaming of the word addiction...you fcuking chose to get high or whatever you did,( you didn't specify)

[@nofilter.906]

Weak,dumb for paying exorbitant fees to a therapist to hear you cry about your life.....weak

[@ilovepugs99]

Be extremely careful in California. Los Angeles and San Francisco are full of drugs and addicts. Please don't end up in a risky/bad situation!

[@WendeeG]

Who did you want to be and why do you think it's too late?

[@AnnetteChiniquy]

Reconnecting with oneself is like becoming best friends with your biggest enemy. If we can, we win the rights to love the crap out of ourselves and that feels spectacular. Thank you Dr. Mate, you are deeply appreciated❤❤❤

[@msimon6808]

I had to stop being angry before I could feel spectacular.

[@phillimath7]

What are ways to reconnect with yourself?

[@mastyer0fReality]

I'll never connect with myself.

[@mediocrebanters]

This is why we need classes in schools like Personal Improvement & Growth; this, along with Personal Finance and Psychology are good for raising healthy adults.

[@Haveagreatdayight]

I agree but the government doesn’t want us to heal, they want us broken, addicted, and lost that way it’s easier to control and manipulate us

[@Ultrameowmeow]

Not psychology - spirituality and futurism, connection with earth and dreaming of the future. I have plans for such a place some day.

[@awfuldemonspit6761]

The people in charge will never do things like that. Never. It’s pretty sad seeing other people trusting the gouvernment for change.

[@venus189]

Yes! Ive thought this for a while

[@dicksoutforharambe9547]

Or how about we stop overpopulating the planet with shitting out more children and instead adopt the children who are waiting to be adopted? BUT MAH GENES!

[@MotherBearth]

"The Loss of Self is the Essence of Trauma." -Gabor Maté

[@Julian-cw8je]

❤❤❤

[@Diablogato69]

As a child I suffered a major head trauma cuz I was thrown off a running horse while i was riding with my father. This impaired my brain and made me dysfunctional. Later on, my cousin and aunt physically, verbally and emotionally abused me many times as a child. I got a lot of neglect and used to hide in a corner and cry cuz I had no one to run to for help. Another time, an accident happened in my early 20s where I tumbled down a hill but I survived with bodily injuries. All my youth, and adult life, due to these injuries and abuse, I lost my focus and zeal on life. Anxiety, depression, alcohol, sex addiction took over. Now I’m in my early 40s I’m beginning to forgive my past, accept all the pain and move on. Hope I can make something of my remaining life although i have a broken brain and unhealed heart of childhood abuse and neglect. I pray for all of you who have suffered similar pain. May we all heal, and find some peace and solace in life.

[@OurFreeSociety]

If you want my list of alternative therapy, please reach out. I'm sorry for what you went through.

[@Diablogato69]

@@OurFreeSocietyI appreciate your kind words

[@lv5584]

Your brain is damaged , yes BUT brains can be healed !! Change your thinking ! Nureofeedback Is 1 therapy I have done that helped my brain!!! ... I'm 46 , I come from a lifetime of abuse being the scapegoat child a mother who hated me from birth & did EVERYTHING to DESTROY ME . Last year I started waking up to the abuse in ways I just couldn't previously My soul was screaming out to me YOU AREN'T HERE TO BE A DOORMAT !! YOU HAVE ZERO SELF ESTEEM ! ITS TIME TO TAKE YOUR POWER BACK & HEAL THE LITTLE GIRL !! ... I was smacked on my face as I had to face all my people pleasing ways that turned me Into this doormat , my entire life! Taking abuse from my family , friends and men .. it all came crashing down which was needed I had to look deep within . I had to grieve soooo much omg the grief was endless and almost killed me . I live w my narc mother as well and she did eveything to keep up w her abuse and retriggering me and making sure she controlled the narrative . I had to Fight for myself and it was hell !!! I kept regressing into a little girl seeking the validation from my mommy to acknowledge my pain and Make me feel better (co-dependency/trauma bond) . Let's just say I went through a huge massive spiritual awakening and I fought tooth n nail to get to the other side! I found an amazing shaman who helped me , I did psilocybin, a breath workshop & I've been doing ho'oponopono since Dec. I have healed in ways I didn't know I needed to!!! My c-ptsd is healed ! My codependency is healed! The trauma bond has been broken !! .. Now I'm living for ME & reconnecting to who I was truly meant to be! Also doing Somatic exercises to release stored trauma ( check out the workout witch on yt ) . If I can heal my brain , trust me - anyone can heal theirs !!!!! You can do it!! You have a full life ahead. You are WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!! ❤

[@ctgeorgia]

100% correct...at least in my 21 year old daughter's case. She is a drug addict and has talked about her childhood trauma for years. Her mother and I split 20 yrs ago. Mom is a drug addict and alcoholic herself....whereas I have never even smoke a cigarette. Over the years her mother spiraled into her addiction, she married a very abusive man and my daughter witnessed her mom being sent to the hospital on multiple occasions, police coming to the house to take stepdad to jail (again and again and again). She witnessed horrible things over the years, tons of drugs, no love, abuse, neglect, etc. I begged her over the years to move home with me but she would not because her mom would warp her mind. She would tell our daughter that if she (daughter) left her (mom) that mom would not survive and that her brothers would be taken by the police, etc. So...my daughter stayed out of guilt. At 17 years of age her mom offered her cocaine and LSD and marijuana. At 19 her stepdad attempted to rape her and her mom buried it and hid it from me. Now my daughter is a drug addict just like her mom. It's a horrible vicious cycle that, in her case, stems from her mother and stepdad. I pray my daughter finds her way back. I feel like I'm dying each day a slow death.

[@aidabarreto9299]

I am so sorry for what happened to your daughter, maybe you can help her find a therapist or an agency that can help her to recovery.

[@juneack5848]

I don’t mean to be light but everyone loves a come back story and as long as her heart beats, it’s hopeful. I pray for all kindred spirits. What is life but the struggle to make sense of this nonsensical theatre that ends in tragedy and is hard for most of the time with bubbles of levity here and there.

[@isaacbauer3255]

This man broke down my whole life in a 9 minute video and expects me to be alright

[@alrightyru]

Hey. I'm here too and it's okay not to be alright :)

[@memevibe]

Ask MESSIAH SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST to help you to heal and HE will. I will pray for you.

[@reneemoore6249]

No, silly, this stuff comes in layers. It comes slowly to those who are looking. Seeking. Be patient with yourself. Kind. Gentle. Give yourself a big warm hug from me. More will be revealed.

[@katiethomas1347]

This man does not expect anything from you. Your life is your own journey.

[@jenniferlynn329]

It inched me a bit closer to understanding myself. I won't complain.

[@PSJish]

Just recently my mom walked in on me watching this video and asked me what it is about. So i explained the video to her then she say “this is bullshit. I gave you so much love when you are a child yet you grow up and having overeating problem.” Lol enough proof for this video.

[@BunnaySango]

Many don't understand the difference in conditional vs unconditional love. Children need the latter. Traditional Western parenting attempts to control behaviour by doling out love and approval only when the child pleases the parent. But in reality, it's in those hard "unlovable" moments children are crying out for love and connection the most.

[@megaaaantm]

I’m sorry 😞 You got this 💯

[@florhmx]

I am so sorry about your experience. Your mother likely has trauma herself but she is unable to deal with it, that is NOT your fault either. I am proud of your for looking into yourself to transcend. I wish you all the luck in reconnecting with yourself. Blessing and love unto you.

[@monicaleon2601]

@mermaid girl It will get better, I promise. I had overeating problems too (and a mother like that). Stay mentally strong, there is so much info out here to help you step by step unlearn the negative beliefs you have about yourself and the world. Focus on your career, getting to a safe place and hopefully live by yourself :) . Redefine what the world means TO YOU. You are allowed to have boundaries

[@beatrizg9452]

she is definitely gaslighting you :(

[@extremelucky1]

This should be taught in elementary schools, but it’s only taught to those who pursue this field. Thank you for putting all the work behind creating this!

[@robertjmillerma1059]

The most modern, up to date, informed, and well defined info on the nature of addiction I have heard in the past 40 years.

[@pumpkingamebox]

It’s hard to get rid of your demons. Because they were with you when no one else was.

[@pumpkingamebox]

@S. G. Some wounds will never heal. Trauma is too big for any therapist to handle.

[@Cherrykins]

@@pumpkingamebox then it's up to you. You can do it with patience & acceptance

[@pumpkingamebox]

@@Cherrykins It is indeed up to me. But trust is like paper. Once crumpled it will never be the same again. youtu .be/bMg7xNQHvBA Lol

[@1fredforme]

You were born perfect. You are perfect. You don't need fixing. Acknowledge the false information you received and release the pain. Yes it happened and it was wrong. Move on in your perfection.

[@pumpkingamebox]

@@1fredforme Lol, perfection is illogical. To think that you’re in any moment of your life are perfect is arrogance. None of us and nothing in this world is perfect. And that’s fine. Life would be boring otherwise.

[@holo6883]

I'm addicted to sleeping No thinking. No stress. No pain. Basically no concious existence etc. Just solace. I have a hard time getting out of bed though...

[@bluestatic95]

Me too Holo, me too.

[@lenkngomez8451]

Yea man same here, it’s as if I don’t want to live anymore and have accepted death, I just want to skip and skip the next day until the moment I want as if I’m traveling through time

[@vegetaslife8658]

@@lenkngomez8451 me too

[@wezzydeprod.3551]

@@vegetaslife8658 I recommend trying to get into moving or working out, if may help break out of that state of mind

[@pike1737]

I was addicted to sleeping too. Every day was pretty much a torture because once I opened my eyes, my mind was full of negative thought, like “shit, I woke up again”. Every time it was a struggle for me to get out of my bed and I constantly snoozed my phone alarm to have a bit more sleep. But here is the thing. Try to accept absurdity of life. If you have goals in life - great, push yourself to achieve them. If you don’t - that’s alright too, don’t create any for now, the main thing is not to give up. Wake up, do morning exercise, make up your bed, do your chores. Life is about constant moving. I understand that people have different backgrounds and for some of us it can be harder to fix our lives. But you have to push yourself in order to be the best version of you. You will lose battles in life, but you can’t allow yourself to lose a war.

[@heisenburg8608]

Best way to get over childhood trauma is to love people. The trauma makes you shy away and protect yourself, face it and show love to people. That love will be returned and fill the void we look for. The key is be open and love people, don’t be afraid to get close.

[@okayervin]

I agree. It’s so easy to give people a negative point of view to protect ourselves. Our body’s are trained to keep us save at any cost.

[@giuseppegoddi4304]

Tried to love people, they failed me. Now i'm Stuck with a hella lot of love to give and nobody to give It to.

[@heisenburg8608]

@@giuseppegoddi4304 the trick is to carry on loving people even if they try to hurt you, love is stronger. You can love people but walk away from them too.

[@prophetofthemightysquirrel5434]

Unless you are speaking of buddhist metta, your message is a platitude. Platitudes are easily shattered when they crash into the complexities of real life - outside of the "deep" moralizing and self-reflective writings of those who always think they have a plan right until the very moment they get their teeth bashed in, or as in the example of "love" - betrayed, abandoned, used and abused. Continuing to "love" after such experiences is quintessential nice guy behavior - sacrificing himself while pretending it's for some mythical good case, leading him to a life of even greater disappointment over something which is basically the root of all suffering - attachment. If removal of attachment is not practiced, and if metta is not a lifestyle, people will feel more pain from you advice once the high of "love" wears out.

[@heisenburg8608]

@@prophetofthemightysquirrel5434 brother I’m actually glad you brought this up. You’ll find the answer to your question (because it was a question) down below. Your response is perfect because it is something that everybody has to over come. Everybody has to face evil, it’s part of life. We love life in spite of these things like betrayal, violence etc. The real test in life is how you keep your highest love vibration regardless of these things, keep your heart light, that’s our test in life. Be a source of love, not to let people or things bring that vibration down. Not to let the negative spectrum overshadow your light. The way to handle betrayal would be to enter the relationship in a mindset that these things exist. Betrayal, hate, toxicity, all part of life. If you understand love vibration trumps all then you see things differently. You filter bad people so quickly. My purpose was to spread love before we met, best believe I’ll do that during and after our relationship regardless of what low vibration you connect with. Now, you mentioned being bashed in the face. I’m no “nice guy” push over, you’d be brave to punch me in the face in the first place. I’d disable you and then move straight on to educating you on where you fucked up, id give you the love and respect you need but may never have had. That’s if you’re not pure evil, if you were pure evil I’d have to disable you then turn the other cheek and let the universe deal with you.

[@Chris-Phantomview]

The real healing and enlightenment of modern human society is understanding that we are the problem.

[@ProtoMario]

I have alot of childhood trama, I never became an addict cause I saw what it did. But I am real tore up all the time. I thought the Army would help me move forawrd and become a man, but it made it worse. I tried counseling and it helped to solve the why but the pain and memories never leave. I understand how people become addicts and I feel for them the most.

[@flibbettyjibbetts6766]

Proto, I’ve been watching you since I was 12 man (I’m now 18). I have a question, and I would be touched if you would answer: Is it worth it to join the Army, or any other type of military service (from first or second hand experience)? I’ve been thing of joining for the same reason, to toughen up, but does that really turn out well or no?

[@ProtoMario]

@@flibbettyjibbetts6766 benefits out weigh negatives for sure.

[@sunitafisher4758]

🌸 same from moment I was a baby age 2yrs & half my abuse began. Despite my hardships all my life, I’ve stayed strong & never abused drugs, alcohol or did anything destructive to my own life. I realised feelings sorry for myself solved absolutely nothing but kept me rooted in self doubts etc. I just tried my best in my humble ways. I still get stress but I use meditation in nature like grounding or in my room, my favourite is the chakra meditation. It doesn’t matter what ever happened in the past cannot keep coming back to haunt us, if we break that focus and concentrate on something else. Also it had nothing to do with us, not our fault. I released that anger and detached from all the negativity associated with it and just broke free. I do simple things to make myself happy, I make sure I smile & laugh everyday and I make others happy. It was very important for me to never become like my abusers but to be someone better and to never stay a victim but to be a survivor 🕊

[@flibbettyjibbetts6766]

@@sunitafisher4758 This is great advice, better than I’ve gotten before, where people usually just give me yes or no answers. Thank you so much, really appreciate your input

[@flibbettyjibbetts6766]

@@ProtoMario Thanks man ✌🏻

[@benmcreynolds8581]

This is why I swear by this to this day that what saved me from my addictions was to find and reconnect with my inner child self. Be in the moment, just like I did as a kid with no worries, no goals, just in the grass enjoying looking at the bugs on the plants. That's what saved me.

[@Dischordian]

if you can just choose to do that and do it....you arent an addict

[@sweetsugarjones]

@@Dischordian How much experience do you have living as Ben? Addicts do sometimes choose to quit and succeed, you know. He didn’t indicate that it was easy or hard, that it was his first or hundredth try - he only agreed with the authenticity premise in the video. It seems that there are many commenters here that do not understand that the status of other people’s brain chemistry is not your call unless you are a professional with the prerequisite credentials and permission to make that sort of judgment.

[@Dischordian]

@@sweetsugarjones I don't need any experience of "being Ben", just the working universally recognised definition of "addict".... An addict is someone who cannot just decide to stop using... That is why they are an addict! They are powerless to stop on their own unaided power.

[@Dischordian]

@@sweetsugarjones it's clear that you place a lot of authority in totally the wrong hands, in the hands of those carrying framed diplomas etc.... Those with a long and often hidden history of totally failing to help people, and often increasing suffering as they go, it's clear that you desire to beleive that common people have no understanding, knowledge, or wisdom in there areas.

[@nonlineark]

@@Dischordian He may have learnt how to do that rather than chose to

[@tanxker2]

So many things clicked with me on this. The battle of authenticity and attachment is real, it's something I haven't been able to explain my whole life.

[@one-stopgodshop2171]

Yeah, it's true. I went through trauma and authenticity problems. My sister had a horrific medical issue and my parent's just couldn't be there for me. I lost the ability to stand up for myself, value myself because I wanted to attach to adults who were absent or discouraged my needs because they were overwhelmed. He's right.

[@almasakic1148]

My brother passed at age 37 8 months ago after a lifelong battle with drug, heroin, and meth addiction. It felt like no amount of love shown could satisfy this inner emptiness he had. It was very hard. He died of cardiac arrest and they found 4 different substances in his system. He traveled the world, had many friends, but ultimately could never find himself and what he was looking for. I miss him every day.

[@thebodykeepsthescore2828]

Sorry to hear of your loss. I can relate to your brother feeling lost! I was a heroin addict for 11 years and as much as it helps with feeling lost and empty, it ultimately destroys everything. Now I'm in therapy and have been clean for 15 years

[@diabolivirtusen-tavares-ea4645]

He is your father a teacher? I know a man who last name is "sakic" who lost his son to drugs

[@ashmit3675]

am so sorry for your loss :( Hope you are doing fine

[@FifthKnowledge]

Sorry for your loss. My father was a lifetime alcoholic who just sat and drank and complimented himself, living in the house his father's money bought when gramps passed. My father never worked one day in forty years, and wow, was he selfish as hell, only turning the heat on in the family home for his reading chair and his bed, cooking a rich, big breakfast to eat for himself in front of his son who he prepared nothing for, just because he didn't want to eat alone. Finally abandoned by everyone around him, he died very selfish and alone. A major emotional black hole who lived and cared ONLY about himself, but still couldn't do without some attachment, which is what he used other people for. For the record, I went on to get my degree and do what I wanted to in life. Some people are just born broken, I guess.

[@billscanlan5639]

This makes me want to weep. I’m so so sorry. That is heartbreaking. What makes this such a difficult topic is that no matter the outward love and opportunity, much of a person’s solutions come from within. I have have had some experience with this myself. Largely, my heavy drinking has sorted itself out. I don’t know how, but I’m happier without it. But still inside, there is a battle with self that has to be reconciled in order to move forward. I’m sorry for your loss. You do bring up a very important point

[@stevieraycharles1799]

This is so close to home that it hurts and feels good at the same time. 6 months clean.

[@wordplayer17]

6 months is an amazing achievement. Congratulations and keep on going.

[@chane9734]

Congratulations bro you got this

[@ericgordon7526]

im in a treatment center right now.

[@fuschiaflamingoes37]

proud of you!!

[@felantian9661]

You're doing great! Keep it up, you got this 💪

[@sensualsha8084]

My addiction makes me feel shame, but I'm struggling to stop. I destroy my skin by picking it repeatedly and causing scaring 😨. I've been doing this for over 35 years. I don't know how to stop. I experienced a lot of trauma as a child that still affect me until this day😢😢😢

[@hectoraguiluz1272]

I've had my whole life overrun by my family traditions, culture, and point of view. Right now I don't feel like I've chosen anything for myself, it's like I've just absorbed their idea of who they want me to be. The other day my dad called me screaming at me why I don't talk to my family anymore. He started to blame my girlfriend for manipulation or that I made her pregnant. My whole life he told me never to get kids because it's the worst thing that happened to him, and to never marry as his life got chained to the life he chose. He told me he wanted the good old son back that always smiled and was a happy, positive medical student. I am currently studying medicine in countries away from them with my girlfriend living with me. I keep blaming everyone around me for my inner feeling of disconnection from myself and the pain I feel on a daily basis. I feel like nothing works other than distracting myself from myself by inflicting pain on myself in many sorts of ways like a cold shower, training, isolation, and hard long hours of miserable studying. Also, I've always struggled with porn addiction my whole life... even though I have a girlfriend it doesn't matter how much love she gives me, it's like all the love is deflected from me or sucked up by a dark hole inside my heart. As I am writing this I ask why am i so fixated on myself, I've read some Buddhist sayings of focusing too much on the "I" leads to anxiety. However, I've also encountered that all my choices and habits are indoctrinated by other people, and I've always given myself away to help and satisfy others. So much of my fears come from disappointing others so I try my best to please others. Probably because I never felt good enough in my family, especially from my bigger brother always complaining that I am doing something wrong or I am different. So every time I am taking a choice it's like I am in analysis paralysis because I am afraid of doing the "wrong thing". Nothing makes me feel connected to myself for the long term as I've always strived for short-term highs from external sources like games, porn, and passing exams. It's like I am chained to a rollercoaster feeling the highs as I am speeding in the loopy loop but I know when it finishes I will feel nausea. I am sure someday I will rekindle the fire inside me and connect to my soul and body. Maybe I need to read more about my childhood trauma and work with myself away from all people dragging me around with their perception of what I am and how I should act.

[@Julian-cw8je]

@Hector aguiluz Love God Love your neighbor. LOVE YOURSELF . I love you. God loves you. Trust God's love. Maybe show compassion to someone else who has a worse life than yourself. Believe in forgiveness. It is real. Beginning with ourselves. ❤❤❤

[@Miamibubi50]

My love and energy goes out to you this day, friend! Separation from birth toxic family is one of the hardest yet most important decisions we make. Toxicity must be removed from one’s life no matter it’s

[@Miamibubi50]

Origin

[@balconiagarden]

Imagine how society and the human-built institutions would transform if we all understood and accepted what Gabor teaches

[@AfterSkool]

Colleges are going bankrupt. Perhaps we should turn some of those campuses into rehabilitation centers. 🤔

[@balconiagarden]

@@AfterSkool that's definitely an idea. Turn the negative into a positive

[@Skizzy461]

We have become a society that values money above all else. And short term, if there's no money in making people better or healthier, we tend not to prioritize the behavior

[@justintime6242]

@@Skizzy461 Except the focus isn’t about making people healthy, it turns toward keeping people sick with the idea that we’re making them healthy. I’m not disagreeing, just an observation. Beautiful video though. Hopefully Mr Mate has more material on this subject. I enjoyed it

[@RibiRoo]

@@justintime6242 As big pharma's saying goes: "a patient cured is a customer lost."

[@Shiggystardust]

“Trauma is not what happens to you, trauma is what happens inside of you” just beautiful

[@orbitalpl1]

It’s both.

[@Shiggystardust]

@@orbitalpl1 not really. U can have two people have the exact same experience. Could be siblings n yet how they internalise the experience is what makes the difference.

[@orbitalpl1]

@@Shiggystardust - when siblings were involved in a serious car crash, it doesn’t mean that the car crash wasn’t traumatic because one of the siblings or both were tough and weren’t affected internally too much by this incident. It was traumatic for them, only the degree how this trauma affected them is what makes the difference.

[@chantalreneehayles7976]

@@orbitalpl1 you wouldn't know it was traumatic for them unless they felt that way themselves. hence why trauma can only really be something that happens inside of you, not to you. how you feel about a traumatic experience dictates whether or not you have been trauamtized by that experience. two people can experience the same traumatic event but it can be possible for one person to not have been effected by it at all; meaning they wouldn't be traumatized.

[@orbitalpl1]

@@chantalreneehayles7976 - really? Show me a girl that was raped and wasn’t affected by it at all, or a person who was hit by a car and wasn’t affected by it at all, or a person who was beat up and wasn’t affected by the experience. Traumatic experience always affects your energy system. It only the degree of how it affects you makes the difference.It varies from person to person, but trauma is always traumatic.

[@migz_8894]

Well said..to lose ones self is the essence of trauma..recovery is to recover yourself..rediscover and reconnect to yourself👏👏

[@rcnewman51.]

Saw this quote the other day: “Sometimes, the only reason why you won’t let go of what’s making you sad is that it was the only thing that made you happy.”

[@landryprichard6778]

The thumbnail says it all. Addicts want to reconnect with their childhood self and others. When they don't, they seek anything that gives pleasurable relief from the pain. And they feel the warmth they wish they still had.

[@NotThatKindOfKiwi86]

That's the best case scenario. Usually you will settle for just the mental pain relief without any pleasure what so ever. Or even just something that slightly alters your mood, whether it be something as simple as too much caffeine or a drug you usually don't like but it's the only one available. It's the closest thing i've seen to a true Hell on earth. And yet you stay there, like an idiot... 🤦‍♂️ I'm just glad I made it out alive. 👍

[@landryprichard6778]

@@NotThatKindOfKiwi86 As am I. Seriously. We are all One. Love to you. ❤️

[@NotThatKindOfKiwi86]

@@landryprichard6778 The only thing that's left is to support each other and try to get people to not start in the first place. Thanks for your support my friend. Lots of love to you too. ❤️

[@sirrathersplendid4825]

@@NotThatKindOfKiwi86 - It’s not just about covering up inner pain; sometimes it’s just for the pleasure. The problem starts when you get to like the pleasure so much it becomes a habit which begins to derail your whole life. Sure, childhood traumas make some of us more addiction-prone than others but I suspect that even the best adjusted kids who had idyllic childhoods can fall into addictions.

[@landryprichard6778]

@@NotThatKindOfKiwi86 I just wanted to add that the powers-that-be love this. They market off of pain and suffering, because they are heartless sociopaths who have their own vacuum within. They weren't born evil, but, in their own attempt to find peace, they seek domination and control outside themselves. This has to end...or we will.

[@nehamotwani6477]

"The loss of self is the essence of trauma". Totally relatable to me.

[@1life744]

Me as well

[@spartaworlds6884]

Same, but we got to find ourselfs, for its not our fault for the child abuses

[@EnergyTVify]

to me as well, but i just dont know how to..i dont even get it how to think about myself, how to find myself, just by...thinking?

[@spartaworlds6884]

@@EnergyTVify do the things that you are affraid of doing it, and become a real ALPHA MAN, fuck fear and dont give a f about anyone opinion! Dont be evil man, be GOOD man but not coward, be FEARLESS. Get yourself a beautiful girlfriend/wife, and successful job, and LAUGH in the face of the one that was abusing you. Never be soft, BE HARD !! And fuck fear

[@kingjah6420]

I realize now i never even knew who i was still dont know who i am spent so much time looking for somebody to love me did soo much for attention from anyone i never learned to love myself for who i am not what makes people attracted or love me

[@josephbelisle5792]

I suffered from many forms of childhood abuse in my early years. I have CPTSD. I have an ACE score of 7. One of things that I've learned is that addiction is indeed not a personal fault. It is literally the mind and body using a survival technique to keep living. I know that without my addictions I would not have survived this long. Though my life span has been dramatically reduced by the trauma, abuse and neglect. Not the addictions. Everything Dr. Gabor presents is true. I know it is true because I lived that life and I came to the same conclusions in my studies and recovery. It's not your fault. These are critical words every addict needs to understand. It's not a personal failing. It's a survival technique. Get help. Help for your addiction but most importantly for the source of your addiction. Your trauma, abuse and neglect you suffered as a child. Learn to love yourself. It's really, really, really hard to learn to love yourself unconditionally. But it will change your world and how you live. You didn't get the love and nurturing you needed. You probably got the opposite like I did. But you can be the foster parent for your inner child or children. Be the loving, kind, nurturing parent you needed and still need. I promise, it will be the best thing you ever do. Of the decisions I've made in my life, my best, by far, was taking up the challenge to heal. It's been incredibly hard but find a good therapist for trauma, I repeat, for trauma, and your life will get better. I love me now, like I used to love me before the abuse became too great and destroyed my identity and left me broken for decades.

[@ximemilalma]

"The loss of self is the essence of trauma" ... It's just that sometimes they didn't even give us the time to get lost, someone decided over us and thus the task of finding us became more difficult. We had to lose ourselves again, process it, accept it and thus begin to explore within ourselves where we had left off. It's hard? Yes very. It is impossible? No, but everyone has their own time and not everyone ends up meeting.

[@kingjah6420]

Brought me to tears my childhood wasnt traumatic but my parents didnt know how to show love i was in the middle and kinda got lost in the sauce i guess

[@ggstorm9777]

My siblings were each asked to relate a memory of me as a child. Crickets...

[@theresenorway]

My parents didn’t show us or each other love at all. To show your emotions was weakness to them. It took me many year to be able to cry in a funeral or tell a boyfriend that I loved him and give him attention in public.

[@BGatts666]

Same here, my parents didn't (or more likely) couldn't really show affection to others, themselves and even each other, the only emotions I saw them embodying were anger or the occasonials fits of rage (not that much but it gaves an idea). I'm not like them on this point, I never had a problem to express my feelings, as a matter of fact it's quite the opposite, I'm usually over the top, it's quite the handicap.

[@ggstorm9777]

@@BGatts666 here too David...im the one who cries over others losses and hurts. I look around and I m surrounded by poker faces...zero emotion

[@akxnehtgdfbdfb7448]

Hes right. I didnt drink to get drunk. I drank to feel love inside me.

[@anthonyitaliano7316]

Yeah seriously. This video hits the nail on the head for the most part, but it's definitely not _just_ childhood trauma that drives someone to do this. There can be external factors. What made it so hard for me to stop doing drugs was that I lost motivation due to how bleak and hopeless the future appeared to be; global warming, 6th mass extinction ,growing amount of non-biodegradable trash and chemicals infesting our rivers and oceans...then there's politics, ugh. It's like what's the point man?

[@akxnehtgdfbdfb7448]

@@anthonyitaliano7316 of course there are lots of signs the world is going to shit. But we do have some control over our personal lives. At least until our city gets flooded or a nuke goes off...

[@jeremyalcoser5742]

I drank to not feel anything and to get out of my head.

[@ashleymeyers5675]

This really helped open my eyes. My therapist insisted that I am apt to an addiction genetically because both sets of parents and grandparents, as well as an uncle struggled with substance abuse and my mom did drugs when she was pregnant with me. I think that I haven't fallen into an addiction because I am the only one in my family that is getting help and working through the biggest traumas in my life.

[@mariacromero]

When he said that trauma is a divorce, your mother’s depression, your dad’s alcoholism, your parents arguments... he just listed my whole childhood. I’m just starting to unravel how traumatizing events in my life have affected my addiction and I’m middle aged. My hope is that more people look to therapy, support groups, and other healing modalities as entire nations struggle to deal with the fallout of trauma. We deserve better. And we must break the cycle of trauma and abuse.

[@alanchampoux5089]

He said that those things are not traumas, but traumatic and that the real trauma isn’t what happens to you but what happens inside of you . But i can definitely relate brother.

[@plusbonus1165]

What does he say at 4.45 ?

[@markpotter1292]

I wish you well in your recovery

[@lauramasini3428]

Same here!

[@herosaddicts3108]

For sure, addicts thriving with a purpose

[@jadedjadenn]

throughout the past year, i was in severe heroin addiction. now, I am recovering. proud to say that now I am 5 months sober, and that I love this video

[@alrightyru]

Congratulations Jaden 🙌 .. Keep on keeping on!

[@genxknowsthetruth2883]

🙏🏼❤️

[@justinmiletich1975]

Yeah had the same learned behavior. For 15 years, it really took off 5 years ago. It's one of those things where it never ends unless it ends you.

[@maka6732]

congrats!!

[@sarakaso3410]

Don't give up on yourself

[@z.zshirer2507]

Hands down one of the most beautiful videos I have watched on KZbin ever. Thank you so much for this.

[@cindycarter9630]

For thinking about this and explaining all this, I profoundly love you and have some tiny bit of hope just knowing someone truly understands. You are a true treasure.

[@adotkdo7]

This touched a spot in me that hasn't seen light in a damn while

[@highfrequency1483]

Theres always light no matter how dark

[@adotkdo7]

@@highfrequency1483 Always 😌

[@paveantelic7876]

thats kinda gay

[@adotkdo7]

@@paveantelic7876 😂😂 whatever floats your boat

[@clipaqua8848]

i wish you the best... scary stuff

[@florSaxinetti]

I don’t suffer from addiction but this really touch me. My dad died of cancer when I was 16, he was a heavy smoker. One of the last words he said to me was “Cancer is in part an acummulation of bad energies, don’t let this happen to you” I think he was talking about his depression about his childhood traumas, he was a strong man but he recogniced the importance of therapy too late. I love you dad, I’m grateful because your death thought me a lot to become who I am now. (Sorry for my bad english)

[@alister_]

A mi también me tocó heavy esto... Casualmente mi viejo se murió de cáncer a los 17 (también por fumar)... y también empezó terapia cuando ya no había mucho por hacer. Aprendés de la situación, sí, y una de esas cosas que aprendés es cuánto necesita uno a un padre a medida que va creciendo. Hoy a mis 29, con un hijo, este vídeo me dejó no diría hecho percha, pero, afectado, seguro.

[@florSaxinetti]

@@alister_ De todos modos he tomado esa vivencia como un aprendizaje y ahora siento que realmente entiendo qué es lo importante en la vida y qué no lo es... eso me ha ayudado mucho a convertirme en la persona que quiero ser y me sacado de un montón de problemas y situaciones de las que no me hubiera dado cuenta si no fuera porque pasé por esa experiencia traumática en concreto. Por más que mi padre haya muerto y me haya dejado un vacío gigante creo que mi vida me pertenece solo a mi y que yo tengo el poder y la voluntad de vivirla feliz y tranquila a piacere... es algo que seguro tanto tu papá como el mío hubiera querido para nosotros... su dolor en su partida, en gran parte, fue por el dolor que nos dejarían a nosotros cuando se fueran... no hay otra... hay que continuar... te mando un abrazo :)

[@alister_]

@@florSaxinetti Totalmente acertado lo que comentás. Estas experiencias nos forjan, y mas aún cuando con el pasar de los años. Te mando un abrazo enorme para vos también estimada. Éxitos.

[@andrewdodds8908]

6 months clean, from a heavy 3 years of cocaine Abuse. I’ve OD’d many times and lost everything. I come from the foster system and lived a very traumatic abuse ect. I’m so glad I’m on the way upwards lost everything and everything to Cocaine. How the hell my nose septum Is still Intact Is beyond my comprehension. Wishing peace and love to all

[@theodoricsmith577]

We all suffer from addictive behaviours because the trauma Gabor describes Is so widespread. Perfect childhoods are chimeric.

[@sgm888]

Watching this is comforting and healing. Thank You.

[@traceyd6053]

In tears watching this. How beautifully explained and such wonderful artwork. Thank you.

[@ShadowMewtwo2]

The artistry is just as good as the message in this video.

[@yvasquez2449]

I know, right!?

[@EkkoMr]

I agree. I dont agree with every word in every video on this channel, but the drawings perfectly represents em. Great work here im glad i found the channel....or did it found me?

[@wadeguidry6675]

Agreed.

[@scouthmk2312]

y e s !

[@idreessaleem4722]

Honestly, the colours are just... Their illustrator is truly a genius, and I hope is paid handsomely

[@lionsskyblue442]

this makes sense. so sad that so many of us had parents that weren't able to love us as we needed. thanks for sharing.

[@lizvecitaful]

They probably were not loved or nurtured either. Humans cannot provide what we don't have or donnot know of. It's up to us to self educate, connect with others with the goal of healing themselves and break the cycle by giving our children what we never received. Blessings to you 🙏

[@adrianakusieluskus8941]

@@lizvecitaful you right . Big hugs from Bergamo ❣️

[@darthvato3303]

Same here...

[@troyross7946]

Do yall not remember that a SHIT TON OF OUR PARENTS WERE MADE POST WAR PRE SEXUAL LIBERATION. they were the summer of love kids left to raise themselves. Then 90s moms were like fuck no im not being a housewife then left, and dads had to step up, til abt 2010. when everyone gave up on us and SOCIAL MEDIA BECAME OUR PARENTS. i mean who is even to blame, cycles?,time?, or PILL SALESMEN" promising to fix everything if u have enough insurance ,"on every channel billboard youtube ad and bench ad u drive past. Its suggestive selling playing on our inner most traumas for PROFIT!!!! no one is interested in getting us sober clear connected or loved without a price. Only we can look at what we know is wrong inside ourselves and talk about it. Talking about it stops hiding it and others get braver and connections like #me too are made. Where is that movement for the self imploding drug addict, not possible bc we fear legal retaliation for admitting use. Lets keep it going and change the things we talk about along the way.

[@aprileve411]

I honestly feel most people do the best with where they are it. Are the best decisions made? No. But life is a learning process.

[@ideationink]

Great way to explain it. The one thing not included in this is how our addictions not only service to fill a need in our brains and our identities, but also as avoidance strategies. Addictions are usually used as escape mechanisms to avoid pain. Then, once we partake of the addictive behavior, we reap the rewards that he is talking about in this video. He uses the word reconnection to heal, I use the word restoration. It is about mindfully seeing our reality and then with that clarity and awareness, restoring our true identity. 💝🙏🏻

[@coachkira]

This was so helpful and visually beautiful. I love how you mentioned reconnection at the end

[@futurecaredesign]

I had a housemate once. He was heavily addictive and traumatized to the bone. One morning I came downstairs to find an empty beer bottle on the table. He had peeled off the label, leaving a layer of white paper behind. Then, using a fineliner pen he created the most gorgeously intricate design for a beer bottle ever. It could easily have been designed for a professional job. In the middle it said: "Beer is a friend."

[@nellkellino-miller7673]

This hit me hard. Beer is definitely my friend. Maybe my best friend. And in a fucked up way, it's been a healthy friendship. I might have killed myself if good ol' beer wasn't there to take away the pain enough that I could look at what I have, and be grateful, and see that things could be better. I truly believe that. And for that, I'm truly grateful to my addiction. Thank you beer. Sometimes the medicine and the poison are difficult to tell apart. But now I know that friendship needs to end.

[@dfrntlvltc5095]

Beer. Mother, brother....... secret loverrrr

[@Carlos-ff7rm]

@@dfrntlvltc5095 is that a Homer quote?

[@dfrntlvltc5095]

@@Carlos-ff7rm Yes, direct quote from the beer loving author of the Iliad...

[@Carlos-ff7rm]

@@dfrntlvltc5095 Ah, I mistook it for Television. kzbin.info/www/bejne/eqbQdKiIadKXprM

[@manuelmayes2578]

I’m currently a meth addict in recovery. I relapsed yesterday night into the morning. I’ve been smokin dope since I was 15 first time I used it was 2 days before my 15th birthday as well as smoked black. I’m dependent on weed to help keep me calm Nd stable. I struggle with bipolar disorder. I just started takin meds again. Im doin really well I’m happy consistently workin out Nd I’m actually bouta graduate high school this year on time. I’m so grateful for that. I really didn’t think it was possible. Im never gonna give up no matter how hard it gets I will forever try to be and stay sober. I want a better healthier life for myself Nd the people around me

[@aletheaclarke2541]

YOU GO MANUEL! Although we have never met each other I wish to let you know I support you! It always creates hope in us humans when we see a young person change for the better. Life can throw a lot at us, but fighting it is what makes us stronger, so please keep fighting. Congrats on your near graduation, I really hope you find something you love to do and stick to it. Although many may not support you or will want to change you, there is always going to be people out there who will support you and will help you through this! God bless you and good luck!

[@biancaloretto9009]

Good Luck !!!!

[@peterhardie4151]

Cycling helped me, as a replacement addiction.

[@burningseaa795]

You got this Manuel !!!

[@Marshallgill]

Manuel, I am 55. I drank my first alcohol at around 8. In the past thirty years there have been only a handful of days when I did not drink. All of this advice is helpful but it doesn't help the physical part. Indeed, most anti-addiction counseling amounts to "do what you know you should and suck it up" (I went to drug rehab twice as a teenager) They rarely, if ever, provide you with the tools to deal with your physical changes. Part of the problem is your body is used to what you are addicted. Two words: Wim Hof. When I saw that Jordan Peterson made a video with Wim I didn't watch it for some time. My first impression of Wim Hof was that he was a hippie mystic. Further investigation led me to the knowledge that there was a strong scientific basis behind his method. I am now at three months plus without a drink and rarely even crave it. Those few times which I have I simply did the breathing and felt better. Try it! It is totally free and only takes a few minutes a day. kzbin.info/www/bejne/pKumko2Hpqamb6s

[@djiankennedy]

The combination of Gabor Mate's incredible explanation, and the beautiful drawings which depict it, is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I'm 42, and a survivor - so far - of left frontal lobe brain trauma and sexual abuse in childhood. This video is special

[@janisbryant9622]

This answered a burning question I have wrestled with for a very long time. Life-altering message. 💙

[@jrbarbosa8342]

"we always trade authenticity for attachment" damn that hit the fucking nail right in it's head.

[@rileybrownco]

I’m always amazed at how everyone I meet has been hurt by their childhood. Sending ❤️ to everyone.

[@sirrathersplendid4825]

Is there anyone who wasn’t somehow hurt in their childhood? Childhood is a magical dream-time. To be wrenched from it is traumatic. OK, so we all suffered to varying degrees, but we all suffered.

[@atom_gray]

c'est la vie...

[@yeshazion4098]

Thank You❤

[@sirrathersplendid4825]

If everyone’s been hurt in the childhood then surely it’s just normality? We all have to leave the mother’s breast at some time, and yes, it’s going to be traumatic... for a while.

[@user-lw3ri8us4w]

@@sirrathersplendid4825 stupid adults ruin everything.

[@karlbautista2675]

Amazing! I’m starting my recovery journey too by addressing my deepest deepest pain and hurt and allowing myself to feel whatever emotions come bad and good because the child within me has hidden them for so long. Good luck in your journey ❤

[@franfernandez4919]

Awesome work putting Gabor's words into images! Fantastic keep it going! 🙌🏻

[@funkyblanket15]

When the love of parents is conditional you subconsciously learn to follow only what your parents want and lose who you really are.

[@bogosbinted._.]

That's my case . They are manipulative they tell me they love me but when I do something I love and it isn't what they want I'll get lectures and lectures for that until I leave and close my room and cry as much as I can . Now I don't even know who I am . I have severe people pleasing problem so I don't know how I should act and stuff . I literally live in my room imagining that someone is watching me a d act how they would want me to . Everyday All day long this is my reality which I want to end .

[@franacha]

@@bogosbinted._. Maaan I relate so much to that. I find it bizarre and even surrealistic to think that I could have been a real person. That I could have had authentic likes, interests and feelings. Everything about my personality is so fake. I smoke weed every day or else I can't stand the boredom. I wish I could die as well

[@bogosbinted._.]

@@franacha bro if I could get weed I would but now I can't . And to add to the misery they removed my door knob and now I would have to wait to be alone before I cry frl . Toxic parents are the worst kind . I haven't ever been to any party and dating that's just so so far away .

[@bogosbinted._.]

@@franacha also keep living dudee there will be some time for us as well

[@franacha]

@@bogosbinted._. Yes, toxic parents should never have had children. But here we are, the failed experiments. But I don't believe that there will be a time for me. I'm 28 and my true personality has been gone for more than 20 years. My life is wasted and I am a fake person. A bod without a personality. I can't die, because of my family. But I surely wish I could go

[@MendoBaby95]

"Addiction is NOT the primary problem. it's an attempt to SOLVE a problem. " this❤ I needed this . battling my fetynal addiction. After five months clean I relapsed. I'm now three months clean , taking the sublocade shot and feeling soooooo much better . UPDATE: 11-4-2022 I'm now 8 and a half months and for once I can actually see myself living life without strips or a shot. I never really knew how I was going to stay clean once I did decide to get off sublocade/suboxone..... But I'm starting to feel like it really is possible for me. And in the near future. It definitely hasn't been easy but damn has it been worth it ♥️

[@bryanwinchell8065]

Try to get your hands on ibogaine!! Look it up

[@heiroot]

You deserve to live your best life. Keep moving forward ⏩

[@MendoBaby95]

@@bryanwinchell8065 very very interesting. I looked into it alittle bit last night, definitely going to do alittle more digging because from the like 30 mins I put in last night, definitely something worth doing more research. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!

[@MendoBaby95]

@@heiroot thank you ❤️ I truly do appreciate that. Two weeks shy of 8 months. I definitely still get cravings but it's a different kind of craving, I don't crave the actual fetti anymore, I just crave feeling numb sometimes. Hopefully the work I'm putting into my recovery, getting back on psych meds while going to therapy isn't for nothing. I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to share your very much appreciated comment 💕💕

[@based_mediumchungus1788]

I would like to point out that childhood trauma is NOT an excuse to get addicted to heroin. there is absolutely nothing wrong with using heroin recreationally in my opinion, but I have a huge problem with heroin addicts. heroin addicts give us responsible users a bad name and are part of the reason why the stuff is illegal. want to use but don't want to get addicted to heroin? here is some advice: -don't inject, its insanely euphoric and dangerous. save injecting for retirement. just snort/smoke it until then, or take it orally. -don't use more than 1-2 times a year.

[@rosmary9860]

Just wanna say thanks that I can see my problems now more clearly, I will try my best to find myself again and become the won my younger self always wanted to be. Wish everyone out there having problems a lot of blessing and support 🙌🏼

[@soft.jungle]

This is so powerful and humanizing. Many discussions about addiction often divide the person & their life with 'being an addict'. This is just so powerful thank you so much.❤

[@sirrathersplendid4825]

Childhood really is the root of everything in life. I’ve spent most of my life trying to rediscover my inner child. Even the search for a good woman to love is, I realise, a desire to return to the warm embrace of my mother’s bosom.

[@straightstraws4254]

Omg I'm crying I believe the same

[@s.e.f8160]

Yes. I believe it too

[@xervia3032]

BINGO!!!! That’s it.

[@Dzanarika1]

You sound like Jim Morrison 😂

[@kethnoty]

Facts This is especially not the time to experiment with anything

[@parris.m]

This is 100% what happened to me. But I am happy to report that I will be celebrating 3 years sobriety in August. Recovery is possible.

[@franko8572]

Eyyyy! Congratulations on your 3 years!

[@based_mediumchungus1788]

I would like to point out that childhood trauma is NOT an excuse to get addicted to heroin. there is absolutely nothing wrong with using heroin recreationally in my opinion, but I have a huge problem with heroin addicts. heroin addicts give us responsible users a bad name and are part of the reason why the stuff is illegal. want to use but don't want to get addicted to heroin? here is some advice: -don't inject, its insanely euphoric and dangerous. save injecting for retirement. just snort/smoke it until then, or take it orally. -don't use more than 1-2 times a year.

[@CankleCankle]

Same…I’m still trying to find what the trauma was. It’s hard to narrow it down because I can always remember being distant and withdrawn from most circumstances involving people.

[@katerhinex]

How did you do it?

[@parris.m]

@@katerhinex To be honest, I lost a lot of relationships as a result of my binge drinking and I got embarrassingly drunk in front of my oldest and best friend. As a result the next day I was so terrified at the possibility of losing his friendship that I made the decision to quit drinking. I had found something more important to me than getting blackout drunk, and I gave up the only thing that could destroy it. If you’re struggling with addiction, I sincerely hope you find something just as valuable. ✌🏻

[@sweetpslaseman4564]

Thank you Sir. Your explanation was eloquent, insightful and the best description of the origins of addiction that I've ever heard. Please keep spreading your light.😢

[@marisolsilva1562]

I watched this video a few months ago, I don't why it appeared on my feed. I didn't know dr. maté by then, nor did I know this channel, but after watching it, I was immediately drawn to his work. I've now read most of his books, heard many of his podcasts and also started reading authors he references. I think my life is actually changing, I'm making some decisions, facing suppressed truths... and its been painful, but at the same time it feels right... And it all started here. I guess I just want to say thank you for your work, it opened a painful yet healing window in my life.

[@eddiesky780]

THIS THING! Is the most fucking eye opening shit in my life in a long while. Recovering from gambling addiction that lasted for 10years and this video just gave me the final blow to go out there and RE-CONNECT.

[@jenna-cz2sk]

literally so happy to hear this, i can’t imagine everything its taken to get this far but as far as the future i really hope that you find what you are searching for and are satisfied🤍🤍

[@jenna-cz2sk]

proud of you

[@onfire6195]

👌👌👌

[@mountainmolerat]

And be sure to connect with YOURSELF!

[@eddiesky780]

@@mountainmolerat excatly everything starts with YOURSELF. If you go out looking a savior its not gonna get any easier.

[@youngnautica]

I had a really messed up childhood. I discovered that the world can be a very dark place at a very young age. My mind came up with things that no child should ever imagine. Since it’s the beginning of the year I should dedicate the new year to finding the ME that I was proud of. Self improvement has been my personal goal these past few months and this video gave me a whole new perspective.

[@facs666]

Welcome home brother. Its a long road ahead but keep improving yourself everyday. A little bit more positive each day and a little bit happy. Im on the same road myself. Full of uncertainty but im not afraid anymore. Excited what tomorrow will bring! Cheers! 🍻

[@MarleyMa24]

I've started a parenting my inner child course, after only one session I feel better. Perhaps this can help x

[@facs666]

@@MarleyMa24 that's very interesting, parenting inner child. Correcting our self about the mistakes we did in the past and this time there's no outside influence, just ourself teaching ourself to become better

[@jacob5398]

Hey bro what’s your snap we can talk

[@orlandoviera3898]

"The Loss Of Self IsThe Essence Of Trauma" Wow. Brilliantly said ❤ Thank you ❤

[@PsychTalksYT]

This channel and Mate’s vision are really really impressive ❤️🤯

[@jacobkain4721]

Recovering at the age of 26.. it was like unlocking a closet that my 6 year old self and 16 year old self tumbled out of, my traumatized teenaged self has been watching my traumatized child self and they're both pissed off and visibly neglected and now my job is to take care of all 3 of us at once. I could have felt things the first time!

[@davestrider7024]

same lol i have to frequently tell my younger self that hes loved

[@sarasalatic3797]

I can't echo this comment enough, it hits all the spots

[@goertzpsychiatry9340]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/mqrUnGCkYqx9jpo

[@Ganksy_]

I also imagine a trail of my younger selves behind me to get through my traumas, I wonder if that's something a lot of people suffering from PTSD do

[@reddish_orange]

So happy for you and everyone in these comments ❤️ Being the parents for ourselves we always wanted. And the best thing is, when we’re our own source of love, it never leaves us :)

[@alangabrielnietosaavedra3639]

I have been addicted to: porn, marihuana, social media, relationships, bad friendships, stealing, casual sex, videogames, and even youtube. I still have a "relationship" with my mom, but now i see, that actually we never had one. Is very hard to recover from that, and now being an adult i struggle a lot with work, friendships, and i can't enjoy anything i do. I rediscovered recently that i like to sing a lot, but i always feared of actually learning and improve the way i do it, or even i was afraid to do it at all in front of people. After watching this, i think i know what to do. Thank you.

[@jenniferfree4144]

Same I haven't had a healthy relationship with just about everything

[@melxnh3ad]

i felt this. i recently have slowed down on certain addictions related to the internet / social media due to the fact that i literally noticed how it was changing me. my addiction to marijuana has never slowed and intact it seems like it grows with the stress in my life. always looking for the next strain to try to search for that splendid high that never seems to come because i’ve never taken a tolerance break over probably a week, & even that might be a stretch to say. i always sabotage relationships in order to protect myself but what i end up doing is hurting myself and it turns into a cycle because i AM being genuine but then my insecurities begin to take over my soul. my mom and i have a distant relationship as i moved out at like 19 for freedom & a relationship and she moved to a diff state so i barely get to visit since i’m just working and drinking/smoking my life away… i haven’t seen my grandparents in a little bit and everytime i do, i cry. my great grandma makes 1 year in april since she died and i haven’t been the same since. i know this will get lost in these comments which is why i’m writing it but i truly haven’t expressed these feelings to anyone and it feels like nobody would understand. everyone has a solution for things they haven’t gone through.

[@etherashe5164]

@@melxnh3ad Shit hurts don't it? God bless you.

[@TheMookie1590]

hey its been a year. Hows your singing. hope you let your pipe be free, homie

[@kylanlucas5356]

So you've done what majority of people have done, they are life lessons not addictions 😂

[@Luckyangelgirl]

That was beautiful - sad and painful yet beautiful. I loved the artwork

[@rixterz11]

I suffered significant childhood trauma and spent the next 8 years alone, during which time I gave myself regular talking therapy out loud and always being introspective, and now I'm 99% recovered and doing well in life. I've never depended on a substance of any kind, legal or not, to cope or treat it. While it's good to get help, recovery need to happen within just like the trauma did.

[@fie4426]

That talking is common for trauma sufferers

[@t.teodora3257]

This is so important...People often associate addiction with alcohol, drugs and stuff like that. But addiction can mean a lot of things. I developed an ED and I get "high" on the feeling of my empty stomach and the dizziness that comes with a few days of not eating. That's why its completely useless in this cases to just tell someone eat more or eat less, because its not about the food, its about the behaviour and the addiction behind it.

[@Ana-gq7ce]

OMG this. So true, it happened to me

[@alsdjfknbo]

The high you get is your liver releasing glycogen. It stores it and releases it when there is no food. People that fast also experience it. Ive felt it once or twice while fasting. But I love food so I rarely fast.

[@caughtchillin]

@Carb Snobler eating disorder?

[@JohnLannholm]

Wow, this makes so much sense

[@bobjames785]

I struggle with porn/masturbation addiction so trust me brother I feel you addiction can be anything. Let’s keep educating and following dr. Gabors mate’s advice… it will save us. I’m praying you 🙏😀

[@EverdomeYT]

This is profoundly beautiful, if only our society understood this ❤️🙏🏼

[@jamesgrissom6386]

I think we're at the beginning stages of that happening :)

[@catnip3]

@@jamesgrissom6386 I hope so!

[@Inertia888]

I think many individuals do understand. Our problem, sociologically speaking is way more complex and difficult to address because the individual loses its sense of self in the mob.

[@mistycloud4455]

Humans fundamentally have freewill, as long as the individual focuses on him or herself he will have greater control in his or her life. stop with excuses.

[@jamesgrissom6386]

@@mistycloud4455 Trauma causes all kinds of confusion and identity issues, which controls behavior, it's not an excuse it's reality. People like Gabor Mate doing work like this to solve the trauma problem is how the world is going to heal.

[@melly4714]

This makes total sense! I realized within this video that I lost my authenticity because I continuously suppress my true feelings even when things are not ok... it impacts your relationships for sure

[@raeb4451]

That was beautiful. Thank you for all the hard work you put into the video. I caught a glimpse of the Eye of Sauron in one of your illustrations and giggled.

[@cesarruiz7990]

At this point, everything is a trauma response and I want a refund or do over

[@karenahernandezm]

LMAO

[@cosmor7521]

There is always time to find yourself and start anew

[@bogosbinted._.]

@@cosmor7521 I don't think I'll ever know who I was

[@DailyCorvid]

I'm reading all these comments and thinking FUCKING GET OVER IT to each one. I mean that's what I was constantly instructed to do, and guess what I did. So I got over fucking all my issues, but the trade-off is that my body fails lol I regularly have had to remove or path different organs and bones. Seemingly "Get Over It" it what we are told but that's the WORST response to it. Trust me if you don't let that traumatic response out, it will fucking eat you alive from the deepest pit of your stomach, and take it from me you want to avoid this; life your life healthy having a shitty failing body sucks ass. Get over it? Nahh get it OUT instead! Best of luck to you all God bless :) I think we all need to get used to other peoples angry responses in order that we can claim our own and not upset people with it. Once everybody has gotten their demons out, we can all have a smoke. No wait :D

[@michaeljunayd6259]

Yes. Understandable. I've recently realized I've been 'on the run', all my life. Learning to truly love myself is hard, but my life depends on it.

[@faithfullyfaded]

“So, what is it that people find when they recover? They find themselves.” This truth needs to be shouted from the rooftops. We, as humans, should want nothing more from others than for them to know and be themselves. Thank you for this video. 🖤 Sober from heroin and opiates since April 26, 2012.

[@julianhartley7581]

Congratulations on your recovery - that's ffantastic! :)

[@faithfullyfaded]

@@julianhartley7581 Thank you. 🙏🏻 I never take it for granted. 🖤

[@jarentv7273]

Great job

[@faithfullyfaded]

@@jarentv7273 Thank you. 🙏🏻

[@alrightyru]

Hey so we gonna come have a BBQ at your place next year? 😂

[@mrancraft]

This video makes me appreciate my friends more, im crying now

[@fazzyart8101]

I absolutely loved the way this video is made! ❤

[@matfish2]

Our generation is starving for more voices like this. Compassionate, gentle, dare I say feminine. You can literally hear the humility and magnanimity in the tone of his voice. People don't respond to exhortations from the pulpit, but to the soft loving-kindness that feels their deep rooted pain and respects it

[@Demi.d3mi]

This comment is spot on, he has a rare voice lol

[@Jaapst]

No we not need more “feminity” towards men. Its already too much a hole

[@waynerenolds3955]

"Compassionate, gentle, dare I say feminine." this isnt feminine talk. this is how people with an actual head on their fucking shoulders view things. its pathetic how not being a jackass is considered feminine.

[@demonhellkittycat]

@@waynerenolds3955 right? can't believe they conflate basic human decency & compassion as with femininity. because in that case, i wish everyone in the world were feminine. 😅

[@WatchmyPlaylist.]

Welcome to life post ww2 when you side with the communists

[@ih8pcsinboca]

Wow. This is me. And I discovered this video on Christmas morning. I am stunned. I've spent the last 5 to 10 years trying to stop reliving my past so that I can function better in the present and actually save the rest of my life. This video will help me to do that. I can't donate to this site fast enough. Thank you so very very much for this video. Please make more.

[@Nicoleniccypal]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[@HealthyPriestessSophie]

Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

[@DamsonIdris-rh6sx]

Yes, dr.porass. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

[@Vuitton-uj1hz]

I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

[@HealthyPriestessSophie]

Is he on instagram?

[@DamsonIdris-rh6sx]

Yes, he is dr.porass.

[@Dacademeca]

"The Mind Is A Beautiful Servant, But A Dangerous Master." - Buddha

[@AxxLAfriku]

Don't let this distract you from the fact that I get bullied because my classmates think my videos are the worst. Please don't agree, dear daca

[@_RobBanks]

Nice quote!

[@moonislam8634]

@@AxxLAfriku what the fuck what to say bro

[@Vale_1993]

@@AxxLAfriku they are the worst. I dont think you deserve bullying but yea they're pretty bad bro.

[@bueb8674]

@@AxxLAfriku Seeing as you're commenting on this video, is this a cry for help? Please find help, you certainty need it