How Covert Narcissist’s Weaponizes Pseudo-humility (Preemptive Self-disclosure, Feigned Honesty)

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Күн бұрын

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@LHanna-gn3qw 3 ай бұрын

I find these different types of narcissists very interesting. When I grew up, I was surrounded by religious narcissists. They were like: "On Sunday, I put on my pious face to get my supply. And during the week I do whatever I want ..." 😇

@deanadutcher5877 24 күн бұрын

They take off their Christian personality like a choir robe. At home they are perverts, liars and outright demonic creatures.

@kristinafarrugia3812 3 ай бұрын

I’m going through hell trying to divorce my covert narcissist husband, I have a mother who was diagnosed with NPD (yes she was actually seeing a psychologist for other matters) but she is overt. My mother was a cruel to me but that pales in comparison to what this man has done to me over the past 14 years. I just wished that I had access to all this knowledge that you so kindly provide years ago because it would have helped me understand this insidious behaviour and not internalise it but I didn’t know what I was dealing with back then because everything was apparently always my fault according to the covert narcissist and professional victim. Unfortunately I have CPTSD and a dissociative disorder from my childhood trauma and being in this marriage nearly cost me my life. Thank you for doing this community service to educate people on this, you are really helping many people.

@christian.f.zimmermann 3 ай бұрын

May healing and liberation come to you! You deserve a safe and secure life with decent people that make your life feel fulfilling and peaceful:)

@glitteryapple6819 3 ай бұрын

Wishing you goodluck to find happiness after being through all this. You now know better❤❤❤

@belizeconti1445 3 ай бұрын

Hold tight! I know what you are going through. Don't let them win! I'm sending this message from France, I'm sure it will go through the Ocean.

@AngelsVoiceASMR 3 ай бұрын

Sending you gentle hugs. You are not alone

@sushicat0608 3 ай бұрын

❤

@PracticalPeptides 3 ай бұрын

Professor Vaknin, thank you. Your subtlety and nuance and profound understanding of how individuals like this operate still leaves me shaking my head in amazement. Many of us who have experienced being in a relationship with a covert narcissist knew something was not right but lacked the ability to articulate the mechanisms leveraged against us. This knowledge helps me stop from falling back into my own unhealthy behaviors so I don’t keep allowing myself to be victimized.

@193_samridhikumar8 3 ай бұрын

This is true. My ex completely presented himself as a fake. Fake intellectual, when i got with him, he would call himself "pseudo intellectual" so many times and i would reassure him 😢. I should have just packed my bags and left him. He left me in the worst possible way, never called me, blocked me on everything. Then i found out a year later he had been in 2 relationships after me, while i was being strung along. Now he acts like a poet, philosopher of love online and keeps proposing to women online. He's very very desperate , it would be sad to see if it wasn't so hurtful.

@jasnanelson912 3 ай бұрын

I experienced all of the above, plus the flat affect. Well, that's a wild ride into insanity!

@MW-bv3wu 3 ай бұрын

Bonus points for using the word "sycophant" in a sentence!

@privatejen3590 3 ай бұрын

When the broken ones come into contact with their own humanity, it is too painful to bear so they look outside themselves to generate this energy and reduce their tension and strain. Presenting the false front, performing and acting 'human' is all they know how to do since demonstrating 'godlike' attributes is less injurious than being susceptible to unpleasant emotions.

@shelleybain705 3 ай бұрын

This is excellent explanation. Thanks for clearing up the thick heavy dense fog!!

@MingPhoenix-Romania 3 ай бұрын

I'm afraid that these types of people will learn to hide better. The only solution I think that is valid is to save money for the situations when anything is happening...

@sunflowerhealth1616 3 ай бұрын

🤣 Love it!... beautifully presented.. thank-you, Prof. Sam!

@surewave8202 3 ай бұрын

My covert narc ex-husband had all of our kids eating out of his hands with his victimhood, pseudo-humility, and scapegoating of me. Oh, that I never would have met him!

@debbyjoy3 3 ай бұрын

My husband used to say "I can always count on you to tell me what a horrible person I am"...

@Freedom48288 3 ай бұрын

Your knowledge helped in saving my children and I. It is the most accurate, precise, and descriptive information on narcissism. It’s uncanny how your work pinpoints the psychology, behaviors, reactions, and the cause of it all in both the narcissist and victim so perfectly. Who what when where how why. Perfect. Thank you.

@kalyna.anastasiia 3 ай бұрын

Thank you 🙏🏼 such a needed information 🤍🤍🤍

@FSMusic86 3 ай бұрын

Prof. Vaknin, you said, that the covert narcissist fakes humility, but you also said, that the narcissist believed his own narratives. The female covert malignant narcissist I had a situationship with always compared herself to me and, outside of her raging, abusive episodes, put herself down and said things like "you know so much more than me", "you are much more self reflected than me", "you look so good you can have much better girls than me", "you are a machine", "I had never had such sex/orgasms". When she discarded me, she was annoyed with me clinging to her and raged, but also said things like that im really perfect and that every girl wished to have a guy like me and that i deserve a girl who can give me what I need, because she cant. She was like a robot switching personalities. For Information purposes, one have to say, im older than her, studied, work and make money, am relatively well and broadly educated, do fitness since im 16 years old, people included her tell me I look good and have a nice body, Im confident (again after almost healing) and very outgoing and attention grabbing but not really seeking it, I play several Instruments, cooking is one of my all time favorite hobbies and I cooked for her several times, I have a huge garden, her "friends" always liked me and she hated it when they gave me attention and even put me down in front of her friends, when we saw each other in pubs and also flirted with other "less attractive" drunk men in front of me. I have good relationship to my parents, Im very friendly, positive and supportive to other people around me and try to bring people up who are down and always tried to help her and bring her up. I never was mean or abusive to her and did everything for her and tried to motivate her to bring out her "potentials", because I believed in her. She on the other hand is a student, has no money, lives in a shared appartment, has no hobbies, superficial, transactional interpersonal relationships, is lazy, smokes weed every day and so on. After 2 months I said I love her. I didn't know that she Was a narcissist back then. I always thought shes a victims, isnt over her ex relationship and needa help support and love. She discarded me after 4 months of hot and cold, approach avoidance and destroying my self confidence. Her "friend" who I know even said, that I was the best man she ever saw her with. So my question is, did she really mean those positive things she said about me? Was she envious because my qualities were "too good" for her and that all of her "friends" liked me? Was that the reason she discarded me?

@maryvera123 3 ай бұрын

Thank you for this! Yes, he liked to surround himself with what I call "yes men". That left his concept of reality even more skewed and twisted.

@hollygolightly6243 3 ай бұрын

Excellent 👏 Thank you

@sokoleski 2 ай бұрын

O'yes...exxelent laydown of the covert . Thank You Sam... for clarity 🍀

@bestdeals7295 3 ай бұрын

do insecure people do that too, someone who had critical parents, so they'd like to get validation?

@3xordoslegatos160 3 ай бұрын

Prof Sam all these pseudo humility -pseudo stupidity are conscious or unconscious mechanisms;they kind of look alike childish behaviours

@samvaknin 3 ай бұрын

Conscious.

@tam3044 3 ай бұрын

good question! ❤️

@NitaaL0108 3 ай бұрын

Thank you for breaking down this key and central feature for covert narcissisme. It seems to be an important weapon. How to neutralise this? At least minimise the effect. Each time I am just speechless. I do not know how to react.

@claudesilverio677 3 ай бұрын

Pseudo modesty, oh yes, a really tricky trap.

@DilfuzaKHaydarova-e1p 3 ай бұрын

Thank you so much Dear Sam Vaknin❤ very interesting for me❤

@Александр-и7ж7д 3 ай бұрын

Thank u, Sam)❤

@deanadutcher5877 24 күн бұрын

This description fits my husband and his entire immediate family. They are wretched people.

@sirhcduhomage 3 ай бұрын

Ah fuck, this and pseudo stupidity sends me back to thinking I caught it. Preemption with therapist and those involved is hitting home too. I question if the autism is only overlapping, because there is no conformity here. But damn much of this talk is close to home, if not on point. The manipulative angle doesn't fit. A covert would say that, right? But then a google of the main traits doesn't either. This video has confused the hell into me 😅

@demeter7456 3 ай бұрын

You are my daily borderline supply. Although i don't fall into the borderline stereotypes. Could you make a video about non promiscuous/ non attention seeking borderlines?

@samvaknin 3 ай бұрын

Search the BPD playlist.

@Manuela.Lagardere 3 ай бұрын

Other than a narcissist could there be a personality type who demonstrates these kind of behaviors for very different reasons? If so how can you tell them apart ?

@samvaknin 3 ай бұрын

Pseudo-humility is a feature of covert narcissism. But, exactly like grandiosity, it is common in other mental health issues, personalities, and styles.

@JulieMattos-Hall 3 ай бұрын

Do you think the narrator of Thomas Bernhard’s The Loser is a covert narcissist? Do you think Bernhard himself was?

@ThatOneSwiftie126 3 ай бұрын

When the mask comes off, do they become psychopathic? Sometimes I’m even scared; I can sense the negative energy. The discard makes me feel worthless. She despises my presence, especially because she knows I’m aware of the truth. She knows I know.

@samvaknin 3 ай бұрын

Search the covert narcissist playlist.

@Blackwaterswamp 3 ай бұрын

Handsome devil..how fitting a description I've ever heard

@meci_khan3027 3 ай бұрын

I always learn something when I absorb the information in these videos.Would these ( pseudo - humility) behaviors be very similar to the Covert borderline as well?

@samvaknin 3 ай бұрын

No.

@CynicalBastard 3 ай бұрын

They actually believe they are the mechanism of humbling. Not that they are instrumentalized to do so, as a "mechanism", there is no affected self-orientation, no "intention", just the purposeful action of 'being' the mechanism itself, which one has to 'humble themselves' unto. In fact, this overlays the notion of their being 'humility itself' [which carries the 'intention' which doesn't present otherwise; it's almost invisible].

@BradlyNHelm 2 ай бұрын

Can you do a video that discusses the "do's (if any) and don't's" during divorce legal proceedings and discussions with a retained lawyer, particularly when the ex is a female covert narcissist who is advantaged by the inherent bias in the family law system? Further, what might a father request be included in agreements regarding children of the marriage to best hold the female accountable in facilitating and upholding the children's relationship with the father?

@samvaknin 2 ай бұрын

Search the channel.