How Covert Narcissist’s Weaponizes Pseudo-humility (Preemptive Self-disclosure, Feigned Honesty)

[@LHanna-gn3qw]

I find these different types of narcissists very interesting. When I grew up, I was surrounded by religious narcissists. They were like: "On Sunday, I put on my pious face to get my supply. And during the week I do whatever I want ..." 😇

[@deanadutcher5877]

They take off their Christian personality like a choir robe. At home they are perverts, liars and outright demonic creatures.

[@kristinafarrugia3812]

I’m going through hell trying to divorce my covert narcissist husband, I have a mother who was diagnosed with NPD (yes she was actually seeing a psychologist for other matters) but she is overt. My mother was a cruel to me but that pales in comparison to what this man has done to me over the past 14 years. I just wished that I had access to all this knowledge that you so kindly provide years ago because it would have helped me understand this insidious behaviour and not internalise it but I didn’t know what I was dealing with back then because everything was apparently always my fault according to the covert narcissist and professional victim. Unfortunately I have CPTSD and a dissociative disorder from my childhood trauma and being in this marriage nearly cost me my life. Thank you for doing this community service to educate people on this, you are really helping many people.

[@christian.f.zimmermann]

May healing and liberation come to you! You deserve a safe and secure life with decent people that make your life feel fulfilling and peaceful:)

[@glitteryapple6819]

Wishing you goodluck to find happiness after being through all this. You now know better❤❤❤

[@belizeconti1445]

Hold tight! I know what you are going through. Don't let them win! I'm sending this message from France, I'm sure it will go through the Ocean.

[@AngelsVoiceASMR]

Sending you gentle hugs. You are not alone

[@sushicat0608]

❤

[@jasnanelson912]

I experienced all of the above, plus the flat affect. Well, that's a wild ride into insanity!

[@193_samridhikumar8]

This is true. My ex completely presented himself as a fake. Fake intellectual, when i got with him, he would call himself "pseudo intellectual" so many times and i would reassure him 😢. I should have just packed my bags and left him. He left me in the worst possible way, never called me, blocked me on everything. Then i found out a year later he had been in 2 relationships after me, while i was being strung along. Now he acts like a poet, philosopher of love online and keeps proposing to women online. He's very very desperate , it would be sad to see if it wasn't so hurtful.

[@deanadutcher5877]

My husband, his mother and two sisters fit this description. In fact, so do many people in our small town. It’s truly a hell on earth. You can’t trust any of them but it’s too late by the time Mr. Hyde comes out.

[@MW-bv3wu]

Bonus points for using the word "sycophant" in a sentence!

[@shelleybain705]

This is excellent explanation. Thanks for clearing up the thick heavy dense fog!!

[@privatejen3590]

When the broken ones come into contact with their own humanity, it is too painful to bear so they look outside themselves to generate this energy and reduce their tension and strain. Presenting the false front, performing and acting 'human' is all they know how to do since demonstrating 'godlike' attributes is less injurious than being susceptible to unpleasant emotions.

[@MingPhoenix-Romania]

I'm afraid that these types of people will learn to hide better. The only solution I think that is valid is to save money for the situations when anything is happening...

[@surewave8202]

My covert narc ex-husband had all of our kids eating out of his hands with his victimhood, pseudo-humility, and scapegoating of me. Oh, that I never would have met him!

[@sunflowerhealth1616]

🤣 Love it!... beautifully presented.. thank-you, Prof. Sam!

[@debbyjoy3]

My husband used to say "I can always count on you to tell me what a horrible person I am"...

[@Freedom48288]

Your knowledge helped in saving my children and I. It is the most accurate, precise, and descriptive information on narcissism. It’s uncanny how your work pinpoints the psychology, behaviors, reactions, and the cause of it all in both the narcissist and victim so perfectly. Who what when where how why. Perfect. Thank you.

[@kalyna.anastasiia]

Thank you 🙏🏼 such a needed information 🤍🤍🤍

[@maryvera123]

Thank you for this! Yes, he liked to surround himself with what I call "yes men". That left his concept of reality even more skewed and twisted.

[@beatapogorzelska1241]

YES,your book is one of the first , maybe the first, which presented the whole variety of NPD symptoms. Before there was only one time described the typical grandiose. Susan Forward in her book Men Who Hate Women presented typical narcissists but she didn't name them this way.

[@hollygolightly6243]

Excellent 👏 Thank you

[@sokoleski]

O'yes...exxelent laydown of the covert . Thank You Sam... for clarity 🍀

[@NitaaL0108]

Thank you for breaking down this key and central feature for covert narcissisme. It seems to be an important weapon. How to neutralise this? At least minimise the effect. Each time I am just speechless. I do not know how to react.

[@DilfuzaKHaydarova-e1p]

Thank you so much Dear Sam Vaknin❤ very interesting for me❤

[@Александра_1_1]

Thank u, Sam)❤

[@3xordoslegatos160]

Prof Sam all these pseudo humility -pseudo stupidity are conscious or unconscious mechanisms;they kind of look alike childish behaviours

[@samvaknin]

Conscious.

[@tam3044]

good question! ❤️

[@bestdeals7295]

do insecure people do that too, someone who had critical parents, so they'd like to get validation?

[@claudesilverio677]

Pseudo modesty, oh yes, a really tricky trap.

[@deanadutcher5877]

This description fits my husband and his entire immediate family. They are wretched people.

[@Blackwaterswamp]

Handsome devil..how fitting a description I've ever heard

[@meci_khan3027]

I always learn something when I absorb the information in these videos.Would these ( pseudo - humility) behaviors be very similar to the Covert borderline as well?

[@samvaknin]

No.

[@CynicalBastard]

They actually believe they are the mechanism of humbling. Not that they are instrumentalized to do so, as a "mechanism", there is no affected self-orientation, no "intention", just the purposeful action of 'being' the mechanism itself, which one has to 'humble themselves' unto. In fact, this overlays the notion of their being 'humility itself' [which carries the 'intention' which doesn't present otherwise; it's almost invisible].

[@Manuela.Lagardere]

Other than a narcissist could there be a personality type who demonstrates these kind of behaviors for very different reasons? If so how can you tell them apart ?

[@samvaknin]

Pseudo-humility is a feature of covert narcissism. But, exactly like grandiosity, it is common in other mental health issues, personalities, and styles.

[@JulieMattos-Hall]

Do you think the narrator of Thomas Bernhard’s The Loser is a covert narcissist? Do you think Bernhard himself was?

[@SwiftxxSparks]

When the mask comes off, do they become psychopathic? Sometimes I’m even scared; I can sense the negative energy. The discard makes me feel worthless. She despises my presence, especially because she knows I’m aware of the truth. She knows I know.

[@samvaknin]

Search the covert narcissist playlist.

[@OrielThomson]

They will destroy your life. If you can run; run.

[@federalbranch4005]

What happens if they say they're ugly and you don't say anything. Is that narcissistic injury?

[@samvaknin]

No.

[@BradlyNHelm]

Can you do a video that discusses the "do's (if any) and don't's" during divorce legal proceedings and discussions with a retained lawyer, particularly when the ex is a female covert narcissist who is advantaged by the inherent bias in the family law system? Further, what might a father request be included in agreements regarding children of the marriage to best hold the female accountable in facilitating and upholding the children's relationship with the father?

[@samvaknin]

Search the channel.

[@sirhcduhomage]

Ah fuck, this and pseudo stupidity sends me back to thinking I caught it. Preemption with therapist and those involved is hitting home too. I question if the autism is only overlapping, because there is no conformity here. But damn much of this talk is close to home, if not on point. The manipulative angle doesn't fit. A covert would say that, right? But then a google of the main traits doesn't either. This video has confused the hell into me 😅

[@RabiaSammy]

i do this ijbolll but im definitely not a narc, i think mine comes from low self esteem so i dont disappoint myself or other ppl

[@demeter7456]

You are my daily borderline supply. Although i don't fall into the borderline stereotypes. Could you make a video about non promiscuous/ non attention seeking borderlines?

[@samvaknin]

Search the BPD playlist.