How Do I Leave My Ex for Good?

How Do I Leave My Ex for Good?
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[@skn907]

When I was 27, I finally realized people will treat you how you allow them to.. and that you can't make ANYONE FEEL or DO ANYTHING. Period.

[@Chr194]

😒😒I’m learning that right now.

[@traceejohnson290]

It was painful to hear how low her self-esteem is and how stressed she sounds. Hope she will be strong enough to end the relationship for good.

[@texuztweety]

John Missed a big part, She's terrified to let those toddlers have visitation due to valid fears of violence, molestation, accidental death by neglect. This fear is paralyzing her. She has a restraining order due to fear of domestic violence already

[@lindyloowho7]

No he didn't. He told her to go to court!

[@JohnFKennedy420]

Poor lady. She is strong as hell for making this call and caring so much for her kids. We all make mistakes. I hope she figures it out and her children have a long happy childhood!

[@jielinghe6150]

I am a strong believer in girls getting good education and getting a good job. Education and financial independence prevent you from being vulnerable. And don’t have kids when you are not ready financially, emotionally and mentally.

[@alluringbliss4165]

Growing up with both parents with healthy family dynamic and good upbringing are essential.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

100%! I watched this play out in my childhood. And so much glorification to being a stay at home mom. Nope. So many women get stuck this way.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

​@@alluringbliss4165but that is not realistic. Women need the armor of education and career options.

[@texuztweety]

Child visitation /exchange needs to be at a court supervised exchange location with security, these exist to protect the vulnerable parent from domestic violence

[@zmanzeta7776]

Ummm. What? That sounds terrible…. Just because you get divorced doesn’t mean you are some sort of abusive monster. I hate divorce, but if it happens then people can find a way to coparent well. I’ve seen it happen

[@desheakey5001]

All of what Dr John says is so right! As a child of a dead beat dad, I was always angry at my mom and sometimes my dad, but now as a 30 year old I’m so grateful my mom fought for me and kept me safe! Fight for your kids and stand up to their dad. The long game has you as the winner! God bless all single parents ❤

[@mrskitty7929]

She should file child support through the court/social services (lawyer can advise). That way his paycheck has support money taken automatically

[@mmp495]

My heart breaks listening to her. I've been there and I can promise you, you doing the right thing you will come out like a shining star. 🙏🙏🙏⭐⭐⭐⭐

[@MarieAchee]

She sounded so stressed and scared and sad. Dr. John used to do a "take a deep breath and drop your shoulders" but he was a little detached in this one. Maybe that's the tone she needed, but I felt like she hung up as scared as when she called, and pray she can get safe :(.

[@orphansparrow2]

Nicole. I *lived* with my dad my whole childhood. He completely ignored us and had zero interest in any interaction with children. This confusing relationship ruined my life for a long time. To have the illusion of a dad that’s there but really isn’t is worse than if he was just gone altogether. Protect your kids from that a-hole.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

We have a rowdy bunch in the comment section for this one.

[@mystiquevening]

The comment section for his show tends to be very obtuse.

[@ethxo6734]

Stop having children with men who haven’t made a commitment to you by marriage. Pregnancy is incredibly difficult for both mind and body. You’re sacrificing your body to bring a child into this world who you will be responsible for modeling into a good human. It takes two dedicated and loving people making a choice to prioritize the family. That series of choices begins with marriage. Condolences to the caller. She made a bad decision and now has to suffer the single mother consequences.

[@sidehustlevikki1066]

Women don’t want to hear this but it’s the truth

[@AshleyLebedev]

You know, women will not like this, but this is so true. I’m not Christian or conservative but this is so true.

[@alluringbliss4165]

Many women like myself stay single but a bunch of angry men are bullying us for making the right choice.

[@leahboynton1280]

I was married 22 years and had children with him. He's still a douchbag dad. Marriage doesn't make bad men committed.

[@lilithowl]

Hilarious!! Keep working on your comedy career.

[@salonsavy6476]

Caller ,, you need to go to court!,,, believe me , I went through this ,,, do it for your precious children!,, they deserve it

[@lindyloowho7]

Quit looking for love in all the wrong places! Be strong for your children! Get family counseling! I was there! I had one child! Being a Mom made me realize I didn't want a many father figures in her life! I started going hanging with positive people. I had a coworker who took me to church! It changed my life! Look up! Jesus is coming!

[@FinjblTte]

Thats why choose the guy wisely and have kid with someone you marry honest and stable..

[@Girlgonewise]

First mistake: You planned a family with a man that didn’t make you his wife. A man doesn’t deserve to be the father of your children if he didn’t make you his wife. AND you did this TWICE?

[@umiluv]

You don’t know why someone allows themselves to be used in this way. There’s a lot of reasons ppl end up with crappy ppl. It usually comes from having crappy parents. Yes. It’s easy for you to say “do this, do that” but unloved ppl look for love and sometimes end up with really bad ppl who have their own problems. The situation has already happened so asking her to do a redo isn’t helpful. She needs advice for what to do going forward.

[@skincareceo]

They never learn

[@skincareceo]

​@@umiluv the reason does not matter, you do what's right for the kid.

[@rachelb6357]

Shaming, judging and condemning her doesn't help. We all make big mistakes in life. Not everyone has the same views about marriage either. Of course it would have been great if he truly loved her and married her, but that isn't what happened. She has to do the best she can with where she is now. She probably knows what her mistakes are and feels the weight of them every day. Let's not add to her guilt.

[@skincareceo]

@@rachelb6357 If you have ain, and aren't convicted of it, you sit at a table of devils.

[@jonquindiagan682]

Keep up the good work!

[@jessicabryant7541]

How is he still able to visit if she has an active restraining order against him. The kids should be included in the protective order

[@oncetwice5942]

This woman reminds me of my now ex-friend, minus the kids part. One minute she said she wants him out of her life. Two days later she’s letting him clap her cheeks(if you get what I’m saying) and posting about real love on IG like what real love? He is a complete dbag, yet she chose him over her own family and friends and there is nothing anyone can do 🤷🏽‍♀️.

[@elisee9935]

People go for what feels familiar

[@bensondentalassociates8690]

Let this be a lesson to all the women. Pick better men. Men pick Better women

[@BG-nm5xt]

She says there's a restraining order? Dr. John didn't ask about that, has he been violent? What paper was he served with?

[@johniii8147]

This is a case where you have to take your emotions out it and go get the business done to protect your kids and yourself. Get that custody in place. Get the child support or he will go to jail or you can take any tax returns he may have.

[@diggernash1]

Friends that would come over in the middle of the night? I don't want to be that friend, so I would never put that burden on someone else.

[@ronaldnichols9945]

It doesn't matter if she loves him. She needs to begin to separate herself from him emotionally. Another female making children while not married. I hope she learns since the children will pay the price.

[@Guts318]

I wonder if this woman has a strong father figure in her life.

[@gypsie877]

Dang! He can take those kids from her anytime he wants just to mess with her. I hope she gets custody arranged soon.

[@luminous6969]

Where's her village? What happened?

[@thorneto2742]

Kids having kids man, I don’t get it. Why our society normalizes stupid 20somethings having kids boggles my mind.

[@thorneto2742]

@@SarahConnor562 Yeah fair enough, I just couldn't put myself in that place personally. Me and my wife have been together since we were only 15 years old but we are only even considering having a child now at 35. There was no way I was responsible enough to handle a kid at 24.

[@umiluv]

I got married at 25 and wanted kids at 28. Husband didn’t want kids until 35 and that’s WAY TOO LATE. Having kids late isn’t fun for the kids. You can’t keep up with them as much when you’re older. I wish I had my kids starting 28 and in my early 30s. I lost my dad when I was 32 years old and I wish I had kids by then so that I could have understood him better. Now I have so many questions and he’s already gone.

[@thorneto2742]

@@umiluv I was very unhealthy in my 20s, as was my wife. We are both the most healthy we have ever been now and figuring out our health is part of why we are considering it now. We had always assumed we would never have a child at all.

[@strnglhld]

@@thorneto2742 There’s nothing wrong with waiting for stability. It shouldn’t be looked down on. That’s how some marriages end, not being stable.

[@JKNat9004]

​​@@umiluv I wouldn't exactly say that 35 is way too late, but I agree with you that the children of older parents will eventually notice the difference between their parents and the parents of their peers. While having overprotective parents, (if the postponement of children is due to difficulty getting pregnant, then they will likely be protective of their children) will be felt as they're younger, the worst is yet to come when it's time to be taking care of an aging parent as the adult children are in their 30s and 40s.

[@michelejohnson6459]

No marriage. No kids.

[@dakotasikes6690]

Must have not been that bad if she had two kids with him and let him come and go

[@KidCity1985]

Cut bait .

[@katarina6724]

Off topic but I just realized that Dr. John always has a different record behind him every show. (This time it's the band Sick of It All.) Am I the only one that finds him smoking hot? 😅 If only I could clone him...

[@britneybrinks]

Girl... be serious about life 😂

[@WH2012]

I hope this caller sees this comment and looks into Dr. Laura Schlessinger's books.

[@genelewis2481]

I love John and he always has great advice but I wonder why it always seems like when the husband cheats, he’s to blame, which i totally agree with but when it’s the other way around and a man calling in, it’s what did he do to make her cheat…

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

Did I miss something? is this subject about cheating and why are we always comparing?

[@genelewis2481]

@@rebeccaoprea9917 did you listen to it? He cheated on her. It’s not about keeping score. I’ve just noticed most psychologists want to find out why the woman cheated and what the man could have done to prevent it but when women cheat it’s “Oh you didn’t do anything wrong, the guy’s a deadbeat”, etc.

[@Alvin-xs7db]

​​​@@genelewis2481 he's old school, thats how they think. Women are damsels in distress to them. Unfortunately, most people have that mindset whether they'd like to admit it or not. Also, a big chunk of his audience are women so if he did hold them to the same standard as the guys he'd lose viewers

[@umiluv]

@@genelewis2481 - from personal experience, it took a lot for me to emotionally cheat on my husband. He refused to talk to me about having children, he wasn’t there for me when my dad died, and he and I didn’t mourn together when I had a miscarriage. I was deeply dedicated to my husband for 14 years by that point but he kept kicking the can down the road and refused to talk to me about our future and gaslighting that I was just being emo bc of my period. Much later on, he cheated on me because he refused to talk to me about intimacy. We finally had a child and when I was breastfeeding I had zero libido. I was still deeply in love with him but I was so busy with our son and no libido, I completely forgot about intimacy. He never said anything. I thought everything was fine. He told himself I didn’t love him anymore and started lying to me and going on dates using dating apps. It ramped up to full on cheating after his dad died. He comes from a family where they don’t talk about things. A heads up before assuming I didn’t love him anymore would have been nice. He didn’t even give me a chance to remedy the situation. That’s the difference. I told my husband over and over that I needed to talk to him about our future which he ignored. And when he did it, he didn’t even give me a chance to fix the problem. Like seriously wtf?! That’s likely why the Dr treats men and women differently because men and women act differently when it comes to infidelity. I’m not saying every situation is the same but from my experience men keep their problems to themselves and then go cheat without saying anything. Women on the other hand get fed up after saying something and then go and cheat. There’s a difference in the tactics.

[@sensimania]

​​@@genelewis2481Because psychologists understand human behaviour. Aside from nymphos and people with personality disorders etc, women don't usually cheat for no reason. A "normal" woman who genuinely loves her partner cheats because she is pushed into it (mentally) by his actions - whether its years worth of neglect or a tit for tat scenario (in immature situations). In other words, a woman who has love for her man would never intentionally do anything to jeopardise what they have together... which is why its common for women to stick around and tolerate b.s. from the man longer than they should. But when it's the other way round, there's no guarantee he won't cheat, that would be dependent on his mental strength, character, and morals. Whereas it's possible for men to cheat due to "weak" moments in their lives (for example). If you've paid attention during one of the many calls on here regarding cheating, the man is either thinking about doing it for no apparent reason other than he's attracted to a woman he sees on a regular basis (e.g work colleague), or he has already done it, he is sorrowful about it, and he wants to know if his wife would ever forgive him.

[@MrKrushgutz]

Alpha widowed

[@zeal4god402]

It's sad the picture she had for her two kids and their father isn't reality. If she keeps going back to him, she won't thoroughly heal because she keeps exposing her emotional scars to him for the next lashing. So instead of getting dimmer and dimmer, the scars remain bright and she will postpone being her best for a possible next man in her life

[@bobsacamano49]

Chad didn’t want to commit. What a shocker

[@djpuplex]

Could be a Tyrone.

[@speedwire2411]

Woot woot

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

A man can drop a seed wherever he please.....if we let him.

[@mybdayis420]

I never understood why women put themselves in vulnerable positions like this. Do NOT have kids with a bf, just like Dave says not to share finances.

[@NinjaKiwi12058]

She chose to have two kids with a man without marriage and the audience is supposed to feel bad for her, and her decisions. What kind of weird world are we living in???

[@pixel6878]

Looks like you picked a winner.

[@fauxbro1983]

Guy must have quite the pipe

[@dabd8175]

Another female crying about her choices 😂

[@TaurusBebez]

incels are everywhere it seems...

[@kodiekulp]

Way to have some compassion for your fellow human being. Oh wait, she's a woman so she doesn't deserve that! Quit being a piece of garbage .

[@thatbemefool]

EXACTLY! These stories are old and tired.

[@uponrunning8651]

They just can’t do without the bad boys,or trying to control a man manhood,Then when that failed they come crying

[@fauxbro1983]

​@@TaurusBebez lol. You a feminist who can't handle the truth