How Do You Know When It's Over? | Dave and Ashley Willis

On this episode of The Naked Marriage Podcast, Dave and Ashley Willis discuss the delicate dynamic of navigating a marriage where one spouse wants a divorce. Biblically and practically, Dave and Ashley talk through specific solutions for trying to heal a marriage in crisis while also providing help and perspective to those whose marriages ultimately end in divorce.
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A podcast dedicated to undressing the truth about sex, intimacy and lifelong love. The concerns and questions most couples have in marriage often go unspoken, until now. Hosts Dave and Ashley Willis bring wisdom, vulnerability, and humor to even the toughest marriage topics. Together they have built a strong following, reaching millions of married couples through their blogs, books, and videos. They have four young sons and live near Dallas, TX.

[@nola8504]

Thank you for clarifying this issue for me. Yes, I couldn't fight alone for a marriage any more where the other party took no responsibility to restore the brokenness.

[@amyabartels772]

I've been needing to hear THIS for 8 months now. My husband left us and now I'm in limbo. I don't know if I'll be getting served divorce papers or he'll return. Thank you so much 💕💓💕

[@lamarquescoleman9747]

I needed that today, I am lost we not married but engaged, But thank you for the conversation... everyone visiting here. May you get reconciliation quick may the hearts be turn towards each other and away fro any parasites or other party's that taking away from the reconciliation.... I have to just let it be I have done everything I can, I wont chase my actions speak louder that its words im always around to show love always and not make it hard for my future spouse in any circumstances. It takes two people to say hey I choose you lets put in the work. It can be hard to prey with tears in your eyes.

[@Tony_basketball]

Reconciled with my wife this February after being separated for a year in a half. Worked on myself and she has grown so much. She lost faith in god and mine got stronger. She says I’m becoming the husband she always wanted but doesn’t feel anything for me. I pray God changes her heart because there is nothing else I can do. I daily choose to love her and serve her, I’m even doing the fireproof book. She so numb

[@PsalmLab]

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. This week my fiancee walked away from our relationship. There were so many things negative. But now she refuses to let go and keeps trying to persue me too late. She caused so much damage and I can't heal if she keeps chasing when I don't want to be chased.

[@gorgeouswales9635]

Thank you! These messages are always good advice, right on time for me. This is another one for me. My hubby has not wore his ring strangely this is day 3. I know he’s been leaving it at home, with No explanation because he still goes on like normal. Pray!

[@lizabella4885]

Finally left an emontionally manipulative marriage from a narcassist,...24 years of marriage,..I suggested marriage counselling,.. and would not & will not entertain trying to work this out again with a third party,..but knew he wouldn't because he'd be found out.

[@mastershoe5162]

What if your spouse rejects whenever a Counselor reminds them about the plank in their own eye.

[@kaitlincox9714]

My husband refuses to admit lies and actually blames me. And at the same time says he is fighting for our marriage. What a heart numbing, mind spinning confusion...

[@aubreystrong2780]

I feel your pain. 💛

[@RuthanneR1]

❤️ Thank you

[@kevintracy2726]

Your friend's story is exactly like mine. No infidelity. She just "wasn't thriving".

[@katiebr]

I’m doing everything I can, I’m tired.. I miss have someone even with my husband at home! He thinks he can live as roommates for the kids just like his parentes, his mom even had a boyfriend 🙄 come on!! And my husband got involved emotionally with a coworker who is married too, omg what a nightmare! They stopped but my husband does absolutely nothing for our Marriage and I already told him to end them if he wants! But I’m not living as roomies!! I’m suffering, I’m broken, I’m trying so much and waiting for a miracle, God has cared me along the way and i fear for my kids if we end up divorce, it breaks my heart, God have mercy on us!!!! 😩 we need miracles!!!!

[@Seven.And.The.RaggedTiger]

Sounds alot like my situation(above), I think my wife is either having an affair Physically or Emotionally with someone from her work too,I know she "was" talking with some guy,she said she met on SnapChat,also said they're not talking anymore,I found out they planned a date or possibly went on one when she said she had to work,and I was told they were hanging out in her 4runner I bought her,kissing,she denied that,I had the gut feeling,then it went away,now its back,theres starting to be missing time(she says its work,but with a separate bank account I don't know her pay check amounts)

[@asya4553]

@@Seven.And.The.RaggedTiger that sounds terrible, you caught her kissing? And she still tried to lie? Look. İf she loved you she would regret her actions and try to pursue you so that you stay with her. I dont know your relationship, but from what you say, it seems like she is playing with you.

[@Seven.And.The.RaggedTiger]

@@asya4553 oh,I forgot this postits been awhile.. my wife left about 16 months ago now,she left for someone else after 28yrs together and raised 5 kids.. but yeah,she left,she was having an affair with a guy who doesn't work,lives with his mom,lost custody of his children.. "good bye,and good riddance" is what I got to say to her after all I sacrificed,gave to have a family,I was 19yrs old when our oldest daughter was born,and I stayed all these years.. I wasn't the one who gave up,she did,so that's off my conscious.. and I have an amazing relationship with my kids(all grown,18 and older),she lost her relationship with her kids after what she did,but she doesn't care

[@avrilmaclons8843]

I pray God to strengthen you and give you restoration in your Marriage

[@tiffanywillis]

How do you lead with humility and want to move forward with someone who has been emotionally abusive at times over the years?

[@NateBro86]

It takes a change of heart. It was impossible at first for me, but with Gods help He has given me the strength. Not going to lie its a daily struggle for 9 months now.

[@elibeiler1682]

Just what I needed at the right time. Living in the same house, but separate rooms. My finances hit rock bottom, so I released everything to her and she's doing a wonderful job with it. We have divorce papers, but something in me will not put a signature on those papers. So far, I'm just trying to live as peaceably as I can. And only talk about the kids or finances.

[@Vymart]

Eli Beiler just reading your story, I don’t normally respond but thought to mention. If something in you dosent allow you out a signature on the divorce document, isn’t that enough for you to look into solution with your partner? It might be worth trying to get help. Sorry to intrude but thought to mention that that “something” might just be the Holy Spirit?

[@elibeiler1682]

@@Vymart thanks for sharing.

[@lindarussell9379]

Eli Beiler y

[@elibeiler1682]

@@lindarussell9379 y about what? Divorce papers, separated, or no signature?

[@hoiliswu6070]

Women FAITH to everyday to pray.God answer.Both same to possble. THANK YOU JESUS AMEN.

[@ReneelovesGod]

What if both are believers, but the spouse is not seeking God with all his heart mind soul strength? What if the spouse doesn’t come along.. the marriage has become roommates instead of relationship?.. just wondering

[@kelliekennedy1351]

I'm curious about this also. I think about it every day. I want so badly to grow as a Christian WITH my husband, and enjoy the benefits of a marriage built around Christian values and beliefs. How do you do that when your husband could care less about being saved or being a Christian?! :( It heartbreaking to me. ✝️🙏💔

[@ecisoner]

Mrs. Kennedy ... you continue to pray for your husband. Focus on your relationship with the Lord and allow Him to work on you. My marriage ended in divorce last year, but the Lord called me to stand in the gap for my husband. The “world” deemed my marriage as over but not the Lord. A lot of times we’re so quick to walk away and don’t bother to ask Him what He wants us to do.

[@ReneelovesGod]

Sofia are you able to answer my questions?😊

[@ReneelovesGod]

J Lau I truly understand..🙂..

[@Directorgeneral2032]

Thank you for the Nice podcast .. but still didn't address the question of when to know when it's over as the title states.... Unless the answer was that it's never or it varies from circumstances to circumstance. 😌 I was left unsure.

[@joejackson73]

Is it abnormal to think about past loves when your spouse stops being intimate?

[@ashlitacaamal3774]

Rejoice Marriage Ministries gives you the resources for fighting for your prodigal spouse!

[@shainacaruso8657]

My husband decided to end things. I’ve been fighting but he has decided to leave. He doesn’t want marriage counseling. We both didn’t satisfy each other’s needs and didn’t communicate about our love life. I’m will and trying but he’s packing up his things today and leaving.

[@XOMarriage]

Shaina, please know that our team will certainly be lifting you up in prayer. Please feel free to check out xomarriage.com under the "marriage help" tab anytime. Sending love your way.

[@georgew.5639]

It’s over when she’s lying about you. When she’s lying to you. When you are no longer a priority in her life. When you are no longer kept informed about things happening in the family. When you are marginalized. When you are treated as a live in boyfriend rather than a husband. I should’ve separated when this happened. But I still tried to keep it together and make it work. It should be said that I got kicked out of the home with a bogus pfa. And she divorced me. Why? Well her demands concerning my job situation didn’t come to be. I did my best all around including that. But now God has brought a beautiful woman into my life. And she is not like my my former wife. She far more kind. I’m looking forward to a brighter future relationship. The thing is that I find myself having to tell myself that Linda is not Stacey. There is a fear that it’s all going to go bad again. Oh the Christian counselor believed her lies and also stabbed me in the back.

[@bandguyjohn]

Wait, you are saying only women get abused?

[@Emie-ch8bm]

My husband is an alcoholic and has already ruined our marriage. I want to divorce because he refuses to go through rehab. We have 2 kids together. I feel stuck. I want out of this miserable marriage. Please help

[@pinaopina]

My husband and I been separated for a year. During this year I invited him to a coffee,a walk, to a short trip with our kids, invited him to thanksgiving dinner but he declined to everything. I Kept in good communication about kids stuff. And after all that he saw that I was gonna drive near him he turned around so he didn’t have to wave hi. After that I felt I was the only one trying. I stopped everything since then. 😕 he hasn’t filed for divorce. I don’t know anymore. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@Seven.And.The.RaggedTiger]

This video is my situation,26yrs,20yrs married,im going through almost everything you're talking about,im pretty sure she's having an affair,we are doing a Marriage Helper 3 day intensive with Dr.Joe Beam next week, but this is a totally different woman I live with(She asked me to sleep on the couch,been here for 10 months/since April out of nowhere) I'm treated like a total stranger,hurt,alone.. I don't know how much longer I can stand for my marriage.. this is soo painful

[@shellcshells2902]

My husband will not stop porn watching and the lying is so abusive ....I can't do this anymore.

[@jneptune1540]

Shell Cshells are you satisfying his sexual need??? Do t use sex as a weapon. Relationships are about sex, sex is about power

[@gvintage]

Whether or not she is.. that's not why he is in to porn. That would cause an issue with intimacy in my marriage if my husband were watching porn Its him and not her at this point. I may have read too much with your comment but I hope she doesnt feel it's her. This is a sin issue not a wife isn't good enough issue.

[@jneptune1540]

gwen lee how do you know it would isn’t a outlet for sexual needs. We don’t know if he is watching all day or if she caught him watching, in his private time. More info is needed, but a wife with holding sex, according to the Bible is a sin, and in most states in this country, it is abandonment of a marriage and one could seek divorce “[POSSIBLY]” on that ground. But many men don’t. Less than 25% of divorces are initiated by men and men become financial ruined afterwards and takes average of 7-10 years to get in their feet

[@gvintage]

@@jneptune1540 She doesn't mention withholding sex from him. I agree more info is needed. And I agree you shouldn't withhold sex in a marriage. Watching porn gives a very skewed view of women and of sex in marriage so her trying to live up to that would be unrealistic and not what's needed.

[@redbird8867]

Porn is exactly the same as adultery: Christ stated this very clearly in Matthew. 5:28 "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." Adultery is grounds for divorce.

[@exgayrecovery]

Is it because mixed orientation marriage is so uncommon in The Body of Christ that its almost never mentioned? Or is it that you don't actually believe that some people ARE gay / (sexually and emotionally attracted to their own gender?) Or is it that the hemorrhaging of straight marriages is so bad you don't have the bandwidth to address marriages where one person is same sex attracted? I'm genuinely constantly stunned how the topic just doesn't come up even with all the current news of marriages ending because one spouse is gay.

[@pamalalove7547]

It is very uncommon in the body of Christ because the Bible teaches that marriage is between a man and a woman. If you are looking for a better fit, it probably will not be faith based support.

[@jneptune1540]

Blended family???... that guys first problem was to get involved with a single mother, and raising another mans seed. I guarantee she ended the marriage. And married him for social status. 3 kids, 2 fathers, am I only who sees who the base line problem is

[@staceyclary7]

Blended Families can be a challenge,but it's the biological parent that is in the marriage to have pure motives, not bash the children's biological parent,and make sure they are healed from physical,emotional,and mental issues. I was raised in a blended household,for nearly 17 years and it can work,if both husband and wife have Christ in the marriage

[@jneptune1540]

Sman5 😂, if Christ is in your heart, divorce would have never happened. Going to say your mother had primary custody. And your father had to deal with not having you around. Men who raise other men’s children are low level simps, who just got with the easiest thing that comes to them. If they had a choice of women, they would not choose a woman who was previously married, made vows to god and broke them, had children by another man, etc.

[@staceyclary7]

@@jneptune1540 you may have a point about the divorce situations,but sadly this is the fallen world we live in. I applaud Men,that step up to the plate,and raise children that are not lawfully theirs because that child can look inside that family and see that having a solid father figure is meant to be in their lives. All situations are different.

[@jneptune1540]

Sman5 I agree. All situations are different. But in a divorce situation where fathers were torn away from them by the system and their ex wifes, it’s always a tragic story I see every day. Most fathers who get divorced usually initiated by the mothers, the system makes them basically pay to see their children. Any man who knows that the woman they want have sexual relationship with has children and the father is the children’s lives, and want to be replace the dad or willing to take over as the “dad” bc they want the woman is a pathetic POS. want to step it up, go mentor and be father figures to many organizations out there, that needs them. They won’t bc there is no booty at the end of the road. At the end of the it’s about lust and their self need

[@Chrisatrucker]

Jesus was a step child. Does that mean Joseph was a simp?