How Do You Respond To A Narcissist Who Imposes "The Formula"?

While it's good to have standards and values, narcissists take it further by insisting you follow their formula for "how life should be." And when you protest, they can unload all sorts of unhealthy responses onto you. How will you respond? Dr. Les Carter has several good ideas.
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[@secondhorizon]

Do not actively engage. Make an executive decision to exit "their situations" completely if possible. Rationally dismiss future temptation to re-insert parts of yourself into their high-voltage electrical outlet. In a word:

[@aaronkwolfe]

… a passive, vacant stare was my strength. It was her kryptonite.

[@kristenmarie9248]

They have monologues, not dialogues.

[@lifelonglearner2441]

According to them there is only one right way to live your life: their way.

[@SalamanderCroweye]

My narcissistic partner not only tells me how I should be living, thinking, etc but actually tries to tell me who I am and what I am thinking or feeling as if I don't exist outside of what they think.. it's so hard not to respond, though I know it's futile, and it's infuriating and exhausting..

[@yukio_saito]

That happened to me in workplace settings. Toxic bosses or micromanagers impose meaningless ways of doing things on you.

[@caroleminke6116]

Narcs don’t connect but just control ❤️‍🩹

[@fred.k9875]

The more resistant we are the more imposing narcissist will be.

[@terrid.9204]

You're describing Calvinball from the old Calvin and Hobbes comic strip. Calvin made up a ball game where he made all the rules, and only he could change them, which he did whenever Hobbes was winning. Hobbes learned that the only way he could win the game was to refuse to play.

[@hchayes9431]

Hire a real private detective agency to do a full background check on the narcissistic person stalking you, they don't want others to know.

[@davshavu]

The interesting part of the "formula" is the presentation. The narc does all the talking. They will talk over you. The formula is not beneficial to both parties.

[@AnnePerkins-po5jo]

They may fear irrelevance but they surely try to make you feel irrelevant!

[@icalotdonthide2646]

Anyone who can't respectfully disagree are not 'people' I want to know. TOXIC people are wayyyyy worse, they want to beainwash you. It's sickening.

[@intiaboats]

Imagine the level of arrogance that one must have to stick his/her nose into someone else's business(life) and demand that that person capitulate to his/her demands. Add to this that the narcissist continues to talk sh-t behind the back of his/her target's back, regardless of whether his/her target capitulates, or not.

[@roxymovie3938]

The challenge with any Narc is to set and maintain clear boundaries for they are constantly testing how far they can go with you - to get their needed supply.

[@carparthero]

an environment that is not safe to disagree in, is not an environment focused on growth - it's an environment focused on control.

[@Supershark83]

I was with a narcissist who tried to control everything: what words I should use or not use, which door I should use in the house, consulting him if I was going to spend over $100 even though most times the groceries were more than $100. My salary was higher than his. I went out and bought a new chair for the living room and left the $400 price tag on it. He couldn't think of how to respond. Even with small victories, it was soon evident that the controlling behavior would never end, so I got out.

[@yukio_saito]

I got rid of toxic friends who gave me unsolicited advice. ✂✂✂

[@brucefriedman1]

Narcissists fail to understand we are not human beings in search of a spiritual experience, but rather we are spiritual beings immersed in a human experience.

[@user-cz7my6rh1r]

This is so true- they can’t see anything your way - but sometimes what you said they will days later do exactly what you said but act as thro it was their ideal- never give you any credit for any thing you do- I lived with a narcissist for almost 50 years and it’s got to the place in my life I don’t like or trust him at all- it’s a sad life- not a companion at all- all one sided- if there is anything wrong it’s alway me- everything is my fault- I really don’t like this person - I stay away from him as much as possible.There is NO reasoning with this guy- I’m glad I’m not like him- sooooo glad- I’ve told him I like me so much better - I like the way I think better and I’ll going to be me- and I avoid him as much as possible- I have no problem staying to myself - he’s so toxic