Here's Why Narcissists Are Completely Out Of Balance

In our early years of development, each person has moments when self-preservation is necessary. Narcissists, however, become greatly imbalanced in their efforts, and Dr. Les Carter explains what throws them off. One primary trait is lacking is lacking as they assert their needs.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his KZbin channel, his videos have received more than 115 million views.
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[@dylannaenzo9737]

I believe narcissists are completely out of balance because their heads are too big..... filled with ego, instead of love.

[@cyny6305]

I don't think they have souls.

[@mday3821]

​@@cyny6305It sure seems that way....

[@mikenuzzo3323]

LOVE ?DEFINE IT? DO YOU LOVE THREATENING PEOPLE ?

[@americawaters4257]

​@@mikenuzzo3323 Love is patient, kind, long suffering, not puffed up and doesn't seek it's own.

[@charingcross7945]

Mike...why are you screaming?

[@isabellcaputo954]

"Humility is the ultimate strength." Love that.

[@yukio_saito]

I suppose lack of empathy, insight, and self-awareness are the big reasons. They cannot listen to others, learn from others, or reflect on themselves. As a result, everything they do or say is unbalanced.

[@Verenike4ever]

@@yukio_saito They are mentally ill. This, along with BPD, are the most difficult to recover from. I think the numbers are dismally small.

[@ranc1977]

@@Verenike4ever Then people who are forced to be with them - like in family or any contact due to finances or security or red tape - end up in therapy. And CBT usually blames the person experiencing effects of narc abuse and labels it as cognitive distortion and hallucinations - social anxiety.

[@Verenike4ever]

@@ranc1977 So true! The Narc, their buddies, family, and the therapist will claim it and carry it to the ends of the earth. And no surprise, they/we HAVE anxiety 😅. A little gift from them to us. The best revenge is to stop co text, stop trying to say “I’m not ….,” and to become as strong and safe as possible. I don’t wish this on anyone.

[@cyny6305]

@@Verenike4ever They're not sick. They're evil.

[@MarianMurphy-rz8ej]

So they’re animals and they’re basically lobotomised humans who perform specific functions?…

[@janebraun4482]

They don't know that you know, and they resent you more, most likely they will try to hurt you for feeling rejected, you are just trying to give yourself the respect that they cannot.

[@carparthero]

narcissists aren't just communication clowns, they're the entire circus. their gaslighting, stonewalling and silent treatments when asked questions they don't like, exposes their immaturity. that’s why narcissists never grow - instead they rot from the inside. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁

[@sage9836]

Your comparison brings an accurate mental image. It would be an informative comic illustration.

[@silverlakegirl9078]

Omg....ask them a question they don't like, and devil horns will come out on top of their head.

[@korenng5553]

Yes, they lack good communication skills big time!

[@howdydocowgirlcowgirl181]

@@carparthero🤡 circus is a perfect analogy. With plenty of crazy-go-round rides & house-of-mirrors-&-horrors.

[@lindaadams1008]

I have remained distant from the narcissists in my family for a little over twenty years... I have clearly enraged them because they can't infiltrate my peaceful world...😅 Nothing upsets a narcissist more than never having access to you...😊 Stay safe...🙏

[@silverlakegirl9078]

Hmmmm... I just cut myself off from a narcissist, being better late than never. I hope you're correct about driving them crazy with the silent treatment.

[@ThisIsMe155]

Same here 🎉!! Well Done You!! ❤🎉

[@carolinjane54]

My ex narcissistic husband said he always wanted to be a dirty old man! His perverted swing on things was what almost pushed me over the edge before I got out. He accused me of vile things that only he could have thought of. The sad thing is, he had so many people charmed and believing him. Very few people understood what I was up against because he was so manipulative and twisted everything to make himself look like the hero

[@ginkgo2021]

Me too married for a long time to “the nicest guy in the world.” It is rotten what they feel they need to do to smear you after they’ve devalued and discarded you. But in my case, a few people did recognize the smear campaigns for what they were. Their belief in me and my good character was solid. You only need one person who can validate your experience and I think you will feel more hopeful about the future. If that person is not currently in your life, you can be that person until others show up who will see your good character. He doesn’t own your future or your past.

[@ginarenee1625]

I can relate.. my ex husband also said this.

[@caroleminke6116]

Mine became that dirty old man @ 70 & began a FB affair with a 50 year old woman who went to school with his daughter in their city. He even went north on vacation though in fact nothing happened but his exposure as the liar he really is… after he got back home with his tail between his legs & not much else, I told him to plz look in the mirror! After he finally left my life, I blocked him but got an email from a sex worker with photos. By now he must be chasing girls in their teens

[@davidhynd4435]

I was married to my narcissistic wife for 32 years (well, actually still married. Separated November last year). Super manipulative and coldly calculating. The way they hide the abuse makes it very difficult and the sense of isolation, the sense of not being understood by anyone, makes it all feel like a nightmare. Covert abuse is intensely cruel.

[@iononcantomascrivo]

It's like you described my father.

[@claireluckensmeyer7489]

I'm on day 1 of a 5-day family reunion with the person I'm married to who - at the least - has very high narcissistic tendencies. He's there, I'm home peacefully mucking about the house while he holds court. Every person in that building would be astonished to find out how he spoke to me this morning though. Here's hoping he loses control, just once, in front of witnesses...ugh

[@user-vj7cq1sd4c]

Narcissists create all of the problems, questions, doubts, confusion & the drama, & when you call them on it, it’s ALL YOUR FAULT for whatever goes south in the relationship. They prove on an ongoing basis they think like adversaries & they won’t have your back. All suffering they do will be biased on the partner while accepting zero responsibility.

[@laurielaurie8280]

They totally create problems where there doesn't need to be any.

[@Benjaminleo815]

I understand this very well having two brothers with this selfish mindset. I saw the younger one abused alongside me, and felt sorry for him to the point he tried to literally take my life over with aggression after my father died. I am executor. Multiple lawsuits and online campaigns to humiliate me while I've chosen the path of silence and a good attorney, who asks "how many $#@% terrorists do you actually have in your family?!" Dr. C - please consider a video on dealing with not just difficult narcissists but those who litigate and hang onto grudges for YEARS. This is a whole new level of conflict that must be reckoned with and really wears a good person -- who truly wants peaceful resolution -- down.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Actually, one of the narcs I used to know was quite well balanced. He had a chip on BOTH shoulders. Then again he was very exceptional. Everyone else was wrong except him 😳

[@beverlystover3987]

Hahah Funny but sad.

[@possumyx]

Sounds just like my BiL.

[@user-ly8ft2wb1c]

Know a few like that. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@Nat-oj2uc]

😂

[@BaraSchmidt]

@@amandaliverpool3374 Sums the narc experience up perfectly! 🧡

[@lorettaenglerth1361]

Their world is so narrow.

[@beverlystover3987]

@@lorettaenglerth1361 well said!

[@brucefriedman1]

Humans were not endowed by their creator with the ability to manipulate others. Those who choose this path become unbalanced eventually leading to a tragic end.

[@collectivemindsunique7945]

I really like this comment. Very helpful

[@Hatbox948]

My ex narcissist could show empathy, but it seemed scripted. The emotion he displayed the most of was anger aka rage. The simplest question would elicit a torrent of vile verbiage.

[@yukio_saito]

He looks like Dr. Jekyll on the surface, but he is Mr. Hyde in reality. 😰

[@laurielaurie8280]

That sounds like one for sure. They keep you walking on egg shells and try to provoke you. Its like a sick game with them. They are warped.

[@roxymovie3938]

We all are in a self-preservation mode but Narcs are in such a strong self-preservation mode that keeps them completly out of balance. They were not trained to find humility and so Narcs miss two truths: 1. Humility is anchored in truth 2. Humility is the ultimate strength How does a healthy self-preservation look like? 1. Does not seek destruction, subjugation, debasement 2. Accepts the invitability of pain 3. Lacks the know-it-all attitude 4. Driven by insight, reflective thinking 5. Respects the right for individual choice 6. Acknowledges wrongs without hatred/contempt 7. Patience, beginning with oneself 8. Seeks control without having to control others 9. No need to shame others 10. Being assertive without denegration 11. Nuances in mind 12. Consciousness is required 13. Manages with mutuality Be aware: 》Narcs carry psychological and emotional incompetence 》They are bogged down in gutteral selfishness 》They mimic the negative traits of others 》They did not learn how to cope 》They constantly fear to be irrelevant Dr Carter 👨‍🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Great notes, Roxy!

[@roxymovie3938]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks a lot, Dr Carter! This was a very good lesson! Hope you are enjoying Independence Day 🙏💛🙏

[@lorettaenglerth1361]

Narcissists, walk through life with their heads, noses so high, along with ego so high in the air. They feel so superior, fail to see their self driven ego , with inability to see how wrong they are. Without empathy, respect, and dignity towards their fellow individuals.

[@rosieE121]

I don't believe at heart they feel superior. They feel inferior and that is the root of their problem.

[@laurielaurie8280]

They are always patting themselves on the back.

[@howdydocowgirlcowgirl181]

I feel like I'm in constant survival mode & walking on eggshells when around the "self-preservation" narc. It's rather exhausting. They're not trustworthy, themselves, & I think it makes them suspicious of others.

[@laurielaurie8280]

So true. They are completely exhausting. I just shut mine out of my life. Done.

[@howdydocowgirlcowgirl181]

​@@laurielaurie8280yes. I'm working on it with the dagger in my back. Praying for strength. 🕊️

[@KimberlyGray-cd3lt]

NARC act like they don't like confusing,but they say things and do things to aggravate you to make you act a fool,then they play victim,Run don't look back, Single life is Beautiful ❤❤

[@puremaledark8305]

As i watch your pup in the background; i really do believe animals know good people. My animals have always HATED the narcs around me.

[@llhannah9297]

Yes. I was finally able to get my cat from the narc and I was worried how well she would adjust to my apartment. I have never seen her happier. It's like she tells me thank you every day for rescuing her. Her health has improved too.

[@rwdchannel2901]

When I was a child, my father told me when he go out of the US Navy his rank was E-6. 30 years later he's telling everyone he got out of the US Navy as an E-7 just so he can say he was a 'Chief.' The last time I took my father out to dinner for his birthday he gave me back the present I gave him because he said he didn't like Starbucks(It was a Starbucks gift card; I told him he could use it for more than coffee). Basically, he insulted me in every way(saying my military experience, education, and job are all stupid) imaginable and shoved my presents back in my face telling me they weren't good enough. I've been no contact with him for years.

[@hibiscus1974]

my husband also really hates Starbucks, because I and my daughter really love star Starbucks, he always mocking us that we act like rich people only choose expensive coffee 🤔 basically he is a rich but stingy old man that always hate everything we love.. we plan to leave him one day.. he is a covert vulnerable

[@ericb8413]

They have a real cruel streak. Just remember that it wasn’t you. It was all him. My father was cruel this way too and I blamed myself until getting educated by Dr Carter and Dr Ramani. I feel a lot better now. 🎉

[@silverlakegirl9078]

​@@hibiscus1974What is stopping you from leaving?

[@coggsy100]

Humility is the ultimate strength BOOM💥

[@darinsmith2458]

Happy Independence Day.. I went on a walk today and I walked through the same park that I walk through a lot.. It was really busy for the holiday and I tried putting on my shield (boundary).. I kept walking and there are some "rough" areas of the path.. When I walked back through the park again a park truck passed me.. I stepped off the path so they could pass me and one of the workers recognized me and we started talking.. I know you are talking about Narcissists and balance but I can also apply balance to me.. Sometimes I need to have my shield (boundary) up and sometimes I can let it down.. It is in the discernment that is the practice..

[@fred.k9875]

Narcissist by pass assertion and go straight to anger to express their very fundamental need and feelings that put them and whole relationship out of balance.

[@BaraSchmidt]

We all have a back story. And many are not "Sunday picnic family" stories. This does not mitigate the negative behaviors and abuse an individual with a narcissistic personality style inflict upon the world. "I am damaged, therefore I damage" may offer an insight into their origins, but will NEVER excuse it. We can have some understanding for their method of life, pseudo as it is, but it does not require our forgiveness. If they can reign in their toxicity in certain environments and with certain people, they can reign it in with us. They don't. We cannot fix their damage, but we can take (back) control of our lives and not provide them (anymore) supply. We can know Healthy. Do Healthy and Stay Healthy!

[@a.pepper6687]

Why withhold 'supply' IF they have actually did or said something to deserve it? And IF we 'supply' them with (earned) affirming words it seems to satisfy them (at least for the moment). Offering kindness and affection to people is a character trait I cherish; I choose not to sacrifice it even in the presence of a Narrisists. Tell me why I am wrong?

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

Understanding their back story helps us to understand that their frustration, criticism and anger is not about us. Taking the role of "adult" to their "child" and following Dr. C's suggestions allows us to be balanced (i.e., kind when appropriate and assertive when required, just like the balanced parent they probably never had). I'm happier with myself and my narc. seems better controlled.

[@americawaters4257]

​@@a.pepper6687You sound like I did for 35 years. Boy did I get robbed of a truthful life. They manipulate and lie. They don't love. They cheat. They steal. They hurt their own children emotionally. They do it all knowingly.

[@americawaters4257]

​@@Rachel-mz8koYes, they make you their mommy or daddy. And while I was being the understanding mommy that he never had, he was having fun with his girlfriends.

[@a.pepper6687]

Understood! IF I had figured out 'his game' decades ago I 'hope' I would have been brave enough to walk away after considering my own difficult circumstances.

[@MisssAnthrope49]

Chaos is the ladder. Control. Control. Control, no matter how pointless.

[@yukio_saito]

They are a know-it-all without knowing it at all. 😮

[@kristenmarie9248]

They don't care to know. They communicate for domination not restoration.

[@Dj.D25]

I have wondered if narcissists may not have become the way they did if they would have met people from a wide variety of backgrounds and perspectives. Maybe read the opinions of people from different message boards. Read a wide variety of books. Watch a wide variety of KZbin videos on different subjects. Try learning something new often. Then again, maybe I could be wrong about this. One woman who I suspect is a narcissist, she did read a lot. Used to work in a Christian bookstore, read many of the books where she worked at, yet still made me feel stupid often. No humbleness. Sometimes she was right in correcting me, but it did get to the point where I was afraid anything I said could be used against me. Many people who do learn a lot of knowledge do get a lot of pride and have no problem putting others down.

[@Teacher369]

Honesty and humility 🎯 🎯. As usual, summed up so beautifully! Thank you, Dr Carter! ☀️ ❤️ ☮️ 🐕

[@peggypaine4652]

Thank you Dr C. You have helped me so much. Take good care of yourself. We need you.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome

[@barbarakelly1916]

Yes, sending wishes for your cold/allergy? to clear up; and appreciation for your carrying on to present such helpful content.

[@ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox]

The end game is to validate themselves. They will use your weakest most struggling and painful moment in your life to make you look like your the one with the problem and with smugness the game goes on. You've lost and they've won again.

[@anonymouscm7270]

Happy 4th of July🎊Dr. C., Team Healthy and Gus🙏🌷🕊💝🤗🎆

[@cyny6305]

Self preservation. They have everything now, but they're so insecure and paranoid they think someone is going to take it away from them. They won't get any more grace from me, Monsters.

[@Taboomom]

My narc was raised by a mentally ill family, and he admits they were insane and he refuses to change because he’s not Christian, but he goes around every day like a Pharisee all judgy on others…but never on himself. Fake phony Christian. He’s unable to know love…except for himself 😔

[@luciannealbrecht190]

Ditto 👆

[@judyhogarth80]

Again a very helpful session. Thank you.I like referring to narcissist as out of balance. My neighbour screamed at me’no one likes you and everyone wants you to move’. On a good day I know this is rubbish, but today it hit me where I am raw. Listening to this session, I think ‘who are these people?’ I have just had a glorious day. Lovely people, wonderful chats seeing friends. It felt ‘in balance’ and I felt ‘in balance’, yet NO ONE LIKES ME. The same neighbour says my front garden has no colour and I am lazy. I have yellow, green, black, grey and white colours. I ILKE my front yard. It easy to maintain. On a good day I dismiss what she says as out of balance. It definitely was a comment designed to hurt, and also it made no sense…..heyho. Thanks again.judy

[@user-qv9nw1dq2f]

Humility is the ultimate strength. ❤ thank you dr Carter❤ God bless you ❤

[@rossanderson5243]

Yes it's self preservation. Emotion and self preservation are in the same place in the brain; in the middle and back. Logic for problem solving is in the front of the brain. If it's emotional it's personal and that's why they treat problems that are logical as personal.

[@LeslieAnn-rr2zh]

So true. 5 years, he won't leave me alone. An attorney, so he is ALWAYS right.

[@ginkgo2021]

While watching this video, I needed to make some translations in my mind to see if the content applied or did not apply to what I think was my long-term partnership with a covert narcissist. That person seldom verbally displayed a lack of humility or honesty. However, the lack of verbal responses in many situations, followed by inactions, to me seems in hindsight to be as bad or worse than someone verbally or overtly communicating to me that I was not worthy and/or just how was it that I could not recognize their superiority. It would help to hear examples during a video like this to understand how overt and covert narcissists might differ in the delivery of basically the same message.

[@ThisIsMe155]

In recent years, I have learned the 'truth' and 'validity' of what you are saying in this podcast, Dr C. Narcissists do 'not' have humility as it is a 'spiritual' gift. Humility is in direct opposition to the more common, ego-driven traits of the self-indulgent narcissist. Great content, Dr C. ❤🎉🌹

[@AnneReimer]

Watching another one of your educational videos Dr.C and team heathly.While watching My dad enters in my mind...It's his birthday 🎂 Have a awesome day in heaven pops!!🎉 Thanks everyone😊

[@matthewwozniak9138]

Inner core work/shadow work reveals/looking back at your own reflection in your interactions reveals which part you played in the situation. Humility is being ok with yourself without prides pat on your back.

[@gracegarce8026]

This humbles me a lot. I'm on my healing journey and I could say that self-preservation plays a vital role. Relapses comes in and I feel resentful with the friendship fallout. Thank you for this loving reminder that will keep me grounded with a healthy self-preservation.

[@WWZenaDo]

My impression of narcissists is that they don't have an effective survival instinct. Every one that I've seen has had bad personal habits, a sometimes dangerous lack of contact with reality, lack of self control, which shortened their life spans.

[@imbalancedstatus8824]

This mister has the expressive power to explain the phenomenon. I knew there was something wrong with Ex-Narc gf...just couldn't explain it until I found this channel. Yes, we broke up because I couldn't be molded

[@JR-ej9up]

Had a very good day yesterday, shared the good news. And like clock work the narcissist started up with gaslighting, controlling, poking and prodding behavior. Then played dumb as my boundaries intensified. Getting calmer in voice the more I said no or stop. Before I eventually left. Also using our son as a way to keep me there. Same old story. Being around her you feel jumpy and jittery almost immediately. On edge. And for her that's her way to control other people as well. To be that on edge and fall down break down wacky. Then of course when I hit my limit of the games, while being denied anything is going on, She likes to be the one to gather everyone back together and guide peace. Same routine. A toxic person who doesn't know any different. Loves the public fighting as that was starting as well. I just wanted to leave and said as much and of course people start watching and she's holding our son Not leaving while he's crying. Won't leave my car. Disregarding anything I'm saying on purpose. All for control. And Holidays. They love holiday outburst. It's center stage for them. Never to admit any wrongdoing. There mental makeup probably goes they the generations as well. Family members do these exact same actions repeatedly. I Do Not.

[@MarianneCatherine]

You hit the nail on the head!!! My children are grown up now, and I only learned about narcissism four years ago. I found Dr C one year ago. Knowing now the damage they inflict upon children, a word to the wise please try to do whatever you can to protect your son from her craziness!!! It broke my heart to read what you're going through. Both my sons said to me " how could you expose me to someone like dad!!!" Do all you can to protect your son and yourself! 😢 God bless and take care. 🙏🙏🙏

[@lindabell2940]

I get on my knees i beg for mercy, my flesh and bone, im out of here, off kilter,off balance, have mercy on this horror, yes community, i was a young child, i felt what coming off the other young child, we call this girl flesh, bad vibes, bad life source, even has a child i brushed it off, the off base feeling in my worth of a well being human, a child, knowing something dont click here, Help us community, send, questions, send comments, please, for the sake , our Doctor needs us to live in peace and harmony, i need it, i thank this community

[@goldalevin869]

this is helpful. My mother was I believe a malignant narcissist who was a closet lesbian and a pedophile. Since she died, I've been struggling with this terrible and destructive relationship. She was arrogant and far from humble and was often mean and obnoxious to family members and anyone she felt was inferior to her. She did some good parenting, but it was overshadowed by her obnoxiousness. Appreciate this, Dr. C.

[@anglosaxonisraelite]

I have been separated from my covert wife for a year. This last week out of the clear blue, all of a sudden she went crazy for me, us, love, & sex. She told me all of the things she wanted to happen between us were now happening. The way she kissed me was the most intense it has ever been. Suddenly it all changed. If we weren’t in bed she was different. She said that she had to protect herself. I’m thinking from what? I spoke to a woman that said she knows she is falling in-love hard, she knows she will lose all control of keeping her emotions in check so she sabotaged everything the two of you have just built. To me this is pure insanity. It still hurts.

[@CoddelSobers]

Lol, I am not trying to dismiss your situation but the part where you said that " to me this is pure insanity" You're sure right, looking back at my experiences with these people the best way to describe it is really pure insanity. I would show up and be so open and ready and willing to learn and grow but I was met with so much coldness and dysfunctional tendencies.

[@PixieCropCircleDuster]

I'm so glad i watched this video today. I so needed this. I have to be very careful when speaking or bringing anything into their environment that can & will be weaponized against me in a kangaroo court. But let's face it, I'm garden variety scapegoat with garden variety smear campaign problems, I've gotten to a point where "it's the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and expecting different results " when i expect anything other than that. Thanks Dr Carter.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it resonated!

[@sherryo4068]

Thank you for what you do. This was a good one.

[@carmenm.9522]

I think mirroring the people who are controlling their life, as a child, is the fork in the road that leads to adult narcissism. If they had held strong to their sense of self, quietly, so as not to draw more ire from their abuser, they might have retained a more balanced mindset as an adult. Perhaps forgiving their child self for making a choice, that they lacked the emotional intelligence to foresee the long term consequences, is required.

[@jacquelinefroehle5868]

A Course in Miracles defines God as Love/Peace/Joy.....and it defines Narcissism as "The Ego thought system"....it says the ego does not love. The Ego is Fear and it controls other people mentally by pushing them into Fear. And a lot more.

[@sue7940]

So spot on! Thank you so much for this discussion! I will go back and listen to this content over and over! Thank you, Dr. Carter!

[@ginarobichaux]

Such wonderful insight Dr. C! Thank you so much ❣️

[@ReRe_642]

Hello Dr. C what happenes when a Narsacist wants the love and acceptance from there parent there whole life and does not get it and that parent dies. What happens to the narcissist? Can you please talk about that?

[@SandraMuller-vs8ck]

Humility is anchored in honesty is the way moving forward. Thanking you Dr C for the ongoing support with therapeutic advice in dealing with narcissism. I have achieved a level of confidence in dealing with this issue. God bless you. ❤

[@pattyrooney1323]

Thank you, Dr. C.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome

[@rustygnutts6255]

Howdy Gus... Happy July 4th ! be sure to keep that comforter close by for your EarProtection tonite when the fireworks start poppin !

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gus says...Thanks for the tip!

[@roxymovie3938]

A binary mindset is programming for an ongoing roller coaster ride. It's either black or white. Balance impossible.

[@yukio_saito]

Well said. 🎢 Win or lose, ally or enemy, everything is binary for them.

[@barbarakelly1916]

Also the saying that was popular in my early iife: "The best defence is a strong offence"

[@yukio_saito]

There's no nuance in their mind as it is said in this video.

[@roxymovie3938]

@@yukio_saito Yes, they could not develop these nuances in life for they are stuck in a childish mindset, where the ego is big like an inflated balloon and every needle prick shakes them.

[@roxymovie3938]

@@barbarakelly1916 I remember this saying as well 😉

[@craigmerkey8518]

Thank you Dr. C. My family members who display NPD traits have advice and answers for questions not one is asking. So fascinating (for the wrong reasons) they are unwilling or unable regulate themselves and or at least make some action to address their unwanted feelings!

[@bryanfinkell9022]

The term Narsisist has been over used. My father was a Sociopathic Narsisist. The damage he did was unspeakable. The majority of people have no consept of this.

[@KimberlyGray-cd3lt]

My Ex NARC use to tell me ,you scare me at 1st I didn't understand why,but 2 months into it because the relationship only last 2 months,I think he seen he couldn't get over on me,or play with me and He was right,LOL

[@RN-gx7wt]

Probably because they got clocked while eating too much of their own baloney.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@RN-gx7wt They need to beware of choking hazards!

[@RN-gx7wt]

@@amandaliverpool3374 Indeed!

[@DevorahTafus]

My mother is so covert, it makes me wonder if she would be able to fool even you, Dr. Carter. She's very attractive, or at least she was until she got close to 80 (when Naomi Judd was young, she reminded me of her) and she puts herself down constantly when around anyone except immediate family. I wonder, had she been your client, if she would have thought your niceness and advice was validation for what she complained about me. And if I ever went with her to therapy, if you would have believed her that I was the problem, or if she would have assumed you believed her. Attractive people are assumed to be more honest. When our pastor got his degree in psychology, she went to counseling with him, and she had him fooled. One time (not in counseling) I said that she was absolutely impossible, and he said "Well see, I didn't know that."

[@laurielaurie8280]

Narcissists are drama queens on steroids 🙄

[@amandagish5976]

I'm not qualified to diagnose someone as a narcissist, but if my dad is not one then he's a hard core flying monkey. We, I, drove from southern Missouri to Custer, South Dakota, and he tried to tell me when to get gas, when to turn, what to ignore, etc. I got gas when I wanted, I took the route I wanted and I got us there just fine. Now, you all know he didn't acknowledge one iota of how I did the job. I don't care, though, I know I did fine. By the way, had I followed his instructions we'd have been headed for Lake Michigan, when we were aiming for Mt. Rushmore. I'm not really going to miss my parents when they're gone and I know that's a sad statement to make.

[@davidhynd4435]

Always great insights and advice. Thank you so much, Les.

[@kristenmarie9248]

6:12 Balanced self-preservation.

[@aaronkwolfe]

Whether top heavy or bottom heavy, they are indeed off kilter.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

With clown shoes 🤭

[@thinkcritically286]

here is the map of consciousness (below) anything below 200 is the victim abuser mentality Victim/Abuser Ego - In the lowest levels of consciousness, the human mind is dense and filled with repressed and hidden negativity. People at these levels are close-minded, rigid in their belief systems, and quite abusive to others in their actions or speech. However, people at a higher level of consciousness can also experience some of these negative feelings due to trauma, a lot of negative influences, or social conditioning. In such cases, it is just temporary, as they know that something is not right, and they are not supposed to feel so bad. These low consciousness levels range from Anti-Life to Egoism. They are a ‘survival mode existence’, where everything is perceived as a struggle, and those who ‘give up’ are dragged down in the whirlpool of self-destructiveness. Perceived weakness is singled out and preyed upon, either mentally or physically, or both. Herd or gang mentality is typical, and the lack of compassion and mercy at these levels, even in young children, can be shocking. People in this consciousness range would identify mainly as either ‘victim’ or ‘abuser’, which, in reality, are two sides of the same coin. A victim’s ego projects most of their repressed negativity onto their own self, while the abuser’s ego projects this repressed negativity onto others, like perceived enemies and the world and society in general. In between are a myriad of combinations of these two extremes.) Map of Consciousness 0-30 : Shame 30-50 : Guilt 50-75 : Apathy 75-100 : Grief 100-125 : Fear 125-150 : Desire 150-175 : Anger 175-200 : Pride 200-250 : Courage Level 200 is the first major development of consciousness. Two hundred is the level of courage. It represents a profound shift from destructive and harmful behaviour to life-promoting and integrous lifestyles. Using kinesiology, everything below 200 makes ones body go weak (showing falsity), anything above 200 allows the body to remain strong. Currently, approximately 78% of the world’s population is below 200, meaning 22% is above this level. Because of the logarithmic nature of consciousness, one person at level 600 counterbalances 10million people below 200. In essence, enlightened beings at higher levels of consciousness stop Humanity from destroying itself. So a few examples between 200-250 250-310 : Neutrality 310-350 : Willingness - Also the required level of consciousness to overcome addiction (quite important information) 350-400 : Acceptance - Forgiveness, 400-500 : Reason - Intellect with a dualistic logic under the assumption of a personal separate self. At the level of 500 we reach the level of Love, in the real sense of the world, not the worldly sense seen in Hollywood. Love in this context is a way of being in the world. According to Dr. Hawkins, the reason the level of love is so difficult to achieve is because our ego is so rooted in the physical domain as opposed to the spiritual domain, which emerges at 500. The 500s represent a difficult hurdle, as only 4% of the world’s population calibrate above this level. It denotes a shift from the linear, provable domain (as mentioned before, the newtonian paradigm) to the nonlinear, formless, spiritual realm. Of course, people operating below this level of consciousness see people above this level as mystical and perhaps in the clouds. But that is because they are seeing the world with a different lens, by operating at a higher level of consciousness. So at the big hurdle of 500, we see the following: 500-540 : Love 540-600 : Joy/Unconditional Love - At 540 we move into unconditional Love, which is another big step up and where we move into non-duality (there is no other). Devotion, Surrender, 600-700 : Peace - Surrender to Divinity, And then we move onto the stages of enlightenment. 700-1000 : Enlightenment At 1000, the highest in this domain Dr. Hawkins map of consciousness

[@roxymovie3938]

@@thinkcritically286 Interesting thoughts of the genius Dr Hawkin...

[@lyricmelody8162]

I hope you throat gets better. Much love💞🐶🐕

[@tearthangel373]

I appreciate your honesty and wisdom

[@warriormom5843]

HUMILITY !!! Yes, Dr. C!!! Spot on!! 🎤⬇️

[@moerbesam7974]

Thank You. Yes, you are right on.

[@IanRoyball128]

Good morning, sir 🙏 Wishing you a blessed day

[@janinealexander2037]

Once again….. self reflection is primary…. Narcs dont have it. dr C …. your insights are so valuable. Working continuously on this Humility factor…. trusting in God to acquire more of it …

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Janine.

[@yukio_saito]

That reminds me of a toxic coworker. He wears an expensive watch with cheap hairstyle.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

And probably a fake smile 😃

[@yukio_saito]

@@amandaliverpool3374 I felt suspicious of him at a glance, but other colleagues were completely duped. 😨

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@yukio_saito It's your gut telling you!!!

[@marybethmarlar]

They’re full of hate and take it out on innocent people.

[@makelifematter1896]

Hi Gus from Chase and Stubi❤❤❤thank you as always for your healing advise and educational videoes❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gus says Woof!

[@makelifematter1896]

@@SurvivingNarcissism ❤️

[@BH-pv9ql]

Thank you Dr.C❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're most welcome!

[@TruthandJustice-hz9nv]

Absolutely tremendous DR Le's, Thank you so much for this, You're a great bloke , I look up to you, Humility equal honesty and they try to make out you're in a alternative reality and gaslight manipulate and invalidate, Keeping shining light and speaking your Truth. Roar :-) Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All Glory to the most high :-)

[@Jenifer_G]

The narcs I have known had parents who never corrected them when they were growing up, and a father not emotionally available. Another the mother had some mental issues thus passed onto the sons, another one who father was very selfish. I believe Narcist behaviour to be part of a real mental illness.

[@obscurum6]

Mental illness does not excuse their abuse and violence towards others. 😡

[@davidparker5439]

It was my birthday on j😅 the 4 . Now in my mid 70 s I find it sad that don't get on with my family. The one exception is my son . I don't like saying this it was my narcissistic wife fault . Or me marrying her I just don't think like them I speak my mind . It makes you wonder telling the truth gets you into trouble

[@tearthangel373]

Thank you 🙏

[@phoenixrising5338]

Okay. All I want to know is "How do we get them off the planet?"

[@CybellesGardenDiary]

I love the title of this topic ❤

[@samanthamariah7625]

I think that at around age 7, something happens that allows them to become possessed. They just seem to me to be inhabited by something. Whatcha all think?

[@laurielaurie8280]

Hope you had a great 4th Dr. C. ☺

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

We did! Thanks.

[@laurielaurie8280]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Happy to hear :)))

[@elainesmith5313]

Their unbalanced lives teerer o the Flying Monkets. Without them they surly would fall on their faces. But there does come a time, as I have witnessed in the past that All their evil and meanest, disrespect and distain catches up with them. They do self destruction just as Dr. C. has talked about. A life Nit Well Spent. And time cannot be redeemed for them. Thanks Dr. C.❤❤

[@fred.k9875]

Self preservation that would ultimately result in collective preservation of me and you.

[@Imwithfelon47]

I've just recently come to terms that I'm the daughter of a cruel narcissistic mother who completely deprived me of a mothers love. On top of that, she let my stepfather sexually abuse me for years.. I've went no contact, but I want to know, is this a choice for these folks? I like to believe that GOD reveals himself to everyone and that they have the choice to be narcissistic or empathic.. because I'm really in no mood to "feel sorry" for her or anyone else who makes their life's mission to hurt and tear others down!

[@Verenike4ever]

Liking to believe isn’t going to get you better, or make you safer. Hi. I just woke up to the same fact, about 5 years ago. I’ll be 68 next month. That realization will continue to unlock doors for you, so buckle up! I urge you to keep following this channel, and PRACTICE how to respond, if at all, to your Mom. When you’ve been so indoctrinated and numbed to how they operate and begin to grasp the enormity of it, you’ll need dependable rock solid help. My Dad was doing the same, and she aided and abetted, for decades. That early and ongoing trauma becomes Complex childhood ptsd, and makes you extra vulnerable to people like her. There’s more to my story, and I’m a Believer, so I’ll tell you - with women, there can be a Jezebel spirit and it’s real. The viciousness and deceitfulness they have, knows no bounds. Honor GOD, by protecting you, His beloved child. I believe there comes a point when you have to leave her to her Creator.

[@Imwithfelon47]

​@@Verenike4ever thank you ma'am, I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my comment, letting me know that I'm not alone.. that is very sound advice that you offered! I believe the Holy Spirit has guided me to isolate myself from her completely, permanently. . I reached a point where the shame and humiliation that she's heaped upon me over the years was enough.. the awakening really started to happen when I hit a desperate point in my life and I really needed "my mom", she just stood there, watching my bawl my eyes out, wanting to unalive myself, for the first time ever ... she offered me nothing but a complete look of shame and disgust, she stood there and just watched me and said nothing and then immediately doled out a month long silent treatment. Not one text or phone call checking up on my condition!!. I know in my heart I'm done with her now that I know WHO and WHAT she is.. my empathic nature creeps up though, having me seek out justification for blocking her from my life! I know the LORD will lead me, as ive staeted leaning on Him daily! Thank you so much, GOD BLESS YOU!

[@Verenike4ever]

@@Imwithfelon47 Wow, a very similar reaction from mine too, on more than one occasion! I’m so very sorry you’ve had to experience this great loss. Our human minds struggle to comprehend the evil, and please believe me - you’ll waste valuable time and energy trying to do so. Also, NEVER underestimate the lengths, ESPECIALLY a Christian narcissist will go to, to ensure they are seen as the victim and you as the evil doer. Be aware of who you talk to, who may feed them information. You know by now, that a crumb will become mountains and none of it to your benefit. I don’t like to like how I do in that sense, being extremely isolated, but it’s safer for you in your Spirit, and in stress. It took me nearly as long, to realize that my then husband had been doing it for decades, and like most of us who were virtually trained to be easy prey, we went full bore to love, and try to be the best possible wife, daughter, Mom. So we miss 80% of the tiny things they’ve been doing for decades, to make themselves look like God’s anointed, who decided to stoop to loving us. So now he’s my ex, and so deeply entrenched with her, I’ve left my church, my cousins, virtually everyone in my life because you just can’t beat a professional Christian covert narcissist at their game. And my ex is on the church board, on and on…😵‍💫. I did search long and hard, I prayed, I consulted with others, I read, and Gods gave me total peace to leave both. I won’t go into the details of what they were doing to turn my children and siblings against me, but it was vile and overt. Even when I actually confronted them both. *I was not a wonderful parent, being raised with SA, NA, literally changes your brain, you don’t think as a healthy person, so I have had to work hard to accept that I want the good Mom I wanted to be, and it’s THE most grevious pain I’ve ever known.I’m wandering a bit here…Please don’t let anyone try to shame you into “honoring” your parents. You’ve done that. Thank you for responding, I’m deeply touched that you took the time to do it, with the pain and knowledge, is the joy of letting others know your heart and your pain are valuable and that God knows and cares. He will NEVER leave you.

[@Verenike4ever]

@@Imwithfelon47 FYI: I love this channel! I’ve learned so much! Here’s a channel with a different perspective, “Mental Healness”, hosted and authored by a gentleman named Lee Hammock. Different, because he’s a legitimately diagnosed Narcissist. Maybe hearing from HIS perspective will help you gain some new insights, and build the muscles you need to stay safe, and mature even more. *I hope this is okay to post here, I mean absolutely no offense to this channel, it’s just an opportunity to hear from the stone heart of a narcissist.

[@Imwithfelon47]

So much you have said there really resonates with me! I'm 45 years old, I'm married, ( thank goodness) to a good man who told me a long time ago that i couldn't trust my mother, deep down i knew he was exactly right, but ...( How could a mother not "love" her children?) I believed she done the best with what she had to work with, and I loved her in spite of it all.. I still love her, but it's from a distance now. Like you said, I have to protect myself! I have 3 daughters, who i have been profusely apologizing to for awhile now for not having what it took to be the supermom that i always wanted to be.. I have shed so many tears of guilt over this as well! I don't believe they would have turned out as great as they are, had it not been for their father, who is a wonderful dad. I just hope I was able to convey to them how deep and unconditional my love is for them! I'd give up both of my kidneys in a heart beat if any one of my children needed them! Something inside tells me that yours and mine both know and can feel our love for them! As for the rest of my family, I have cut ties years ago, with my grandma, my aunts, cousins.. mental illness, drug addiction, alcoholism runs rampant in my family, and I didn't want my family or myself around that toxicity, I love them from a distance too.. I have 2 brothers, one brother who is in his early 20s, my mom has been able to keep hin from talking to me now because of her pity plays! She treats him so terribly. She told him to F OFF right In front of my oldest daughter awhile back, the good old mask slippage.. I just pray for them all, even my mother! Like you said, I got to a point where the worry was taking a huge toll and I had to turn it over to GOD, and I have a peace that wasn't there before! My mother is one of those "Christian narcissists" that you referred to.. and I'm prepared for her to try to meddle in my life and relationship s any way that she can.. but im turning that over to GOD, too.. I pray Psalm 91 over my loved ones and myself every morning because when GOD is for US survivors, who can be against us, right! ❤❤ There will come a point where their secrets are no longer hidden ... but, in the meantime, take care of yourself, my friend!

[@wissn2112]

She checked the house phone to see who I was talking to on my facebook cell phone. Then tried to flip it as my fault.

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

I so admire your wisdom. ♥♥♥ Yes, not being trained in humility was definitely a factor in narc #2 upbringing. I hadn't realized this was a factor in his developing as a narcissist. It wasn't a path he had chosen (necessarily) but a path where circumstances definitely led him. I have been feeling increasingly sad for not being more helpful to him earlier. I had been looking for an equal partner and didn't realize he was looking for a replacement mother until after we were married. It never occurred to me that these weren't changeable behaviors. Supposedly, everyone grows up. All the previous men in my life were always quite capable. Still, unsuspecting or not I could have been more tolerant of some of it. Yes, sadly, I feel I CAN set such high standards of myself. I think theology does that for you. There may be context but never truly an excuse. The lack of training in humility very likely played a role in narc. #1's development also; but, somehow I'm less sympathetic. My lack of willingness to forgive her is a problem. I really don't have any motivation to try to justify her personality; perhaps, because her points of view are still a threat to me (even though she passed away three years ago). She had a very destructive worldview and, probably at some level I'm afraid she's right. I'm very concerned for your health, If they have not found a treatable cause for your acid reflux, consider that some of us as we get older don't have as much stomach acid as we once did. I understand this can also be a cause of acid reflux. Unfortunately, its not the cause most doctors first suspect. They usually try acid reducing agents first (which might be good for the younger crowd,) Apple cider vinegar (liquid or table form) can help. Sometimes just a little once a day is enough.

[@IanRoyball128]

Thanks!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you.

[@peterhoekstra2957]

Thanks 🙏

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You’re welcome

[@mabelalvarez8298]

Sorry for the spelling mistakes..its my phone!

[@Softtearsofwisdom...]

♥Blessings...

[@elizabethambielli610]

the term for persons of narcissistic traits is BULLY. Rather than continue to ask WHY WHY WHY of bully types encountered. Better to ask WHAT rather than WHY. WHAT is the major harm of a BULLY (Assertive) society. The major harm bullying does to 'victims' is that the 'victim' goes into 'self protection' / because 'fearful' . . . and FEAR AND FAITH do not go together. Those who bully (intimidate persons who are easy) 'KNOW NOT' what they say or do... so 'talking it out' is really not possible. (and this is frustrating to a good person) BUT all of this current BULLY THING is really a society that was ever so slowly wanting to do away with VALUES, RELIGION (which is a disciplining of human will) and DO AWAY with any rules or laws ... or as was being done, lowering THE STANDARD of what GOOD is. BULLYING IS THE RESULT of those who never learned of 'A SPIRITUAL LIFE' beyond this material life. AND ... THE AIM IS TO PULL ALL DOWN TO THEIR WAYS OF LIVING. (as taught: do not be pulled down and KEEP THE FAITH IN GOD) GOD IS TRUTH and bullies ONLY HAVE THEIR TRUTH. BULLIES CANNOT BE CHANGED BY ANY OF THE GOOD 'OUTRIGHT' . . . .The only answer is PRAYER FOR THEM in the Sunday Worship, Such won't outright change bully minds... but THE ONE PRAYING WILL BE CHANGED and eventually THE BULLY WILL CHANGE (AKA SPIRITUAL MATURITY) Be KIND, BE PATIENT, BE GOOD... FOR 'GOD'S SAKE' . . . AND PRAY FOR THOSE OF A BULLY MINDSET. (listen to them but do not follow their ways of being) The real problem is ... the devil's dominance in modern society by those who sin. (S-elf I-ndulgent N-atures) THE KNOW NOTS OF GOD...and looking to gain power and control 'as a little god.' (non humble) Bullies are insecure for not knowing what GO(O)D is.

[@elizabethambielli610]

HORN HONKING when not going 'fast enough' for some, or as soon as the light goes green... is another form of bullying aka NARCISSISTIC mindset ("I" matters 'you' get out of my way.)

[@jonathanwest3062]

I would like to know if their prior harms are imaginary. My mother had a fear of her father which I never saw from my grandpa. I understand him and why he did things. She likes to accuse me and him of feeling anger and hate when I don't and neither did he. My grandpa and his brother had a feud going between them because he was protecting my great grandma when his brother felt that she wasn't entitled to the inheritance my great grandpa left for her. She tells people I hate her because I don't have anything to talk to her about because it's always the same old thing.

[@cyny6305]

Is entitlement the exact opposite of humility?

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

yep!