How Fi and Fe Do Feelings | QA on Feeling for INFJ and INFP

[@user-bl1ng5uq3d]

Thanks for this! It's amazing you came out with this just now, just the other day I (an INFJ) was trying to describe to my INFP friend how I think her empathy towards others functions more like "emotional alchemy", where she takes one single emotional component and breaks it down into it's individual feelings, and can even rearrange those feelings and experiences to create and relate to emotions she's never personally experienced (she does that a lot, it's very impressive). Because of this though, there are some things she can't relate to at all if it includes feelings she absolutely doesn't relate to, like overtly evil villains, or cruelty. In contrast, I have a lot of trouble breaking down big single emotional experiences into their different components, for myself or others- but I can often instantly understand what another person is literally feeling, even if it doesn't make any sense on the surface. This creates a lot of confusion, but it feels like opposite super powers sometimes, which is cool. :) (Sorry for the novel length comment, it is what it is lol)

[@jtwright4095]

Yeah, that IS a super-power! :) I've had to study some sociopathy /psychology, to ferret out & understand what is behind such 'personality disorders'/'disfunctions'; once i did this, i was able to analyze and incorporate that learning in to perspectives/experiences, and have been better at comprehending others' actions, when there is "evil villains, or cruelty" present. (it's pretty heavy stuff, tho) -ENFP

[@karenjahn9600]

That is really helpful to me! I think I can understand someone I know a lot better now.

[@user-bl1ng5uq3d]

Jt Wright you're telling me! Lol I've done the same, and even work in the mental health field now. If intense empathy is a super power, then it's like Uncle Ben says- with great power comes great responsibility. Gotta use it for good! ;)

[@GeekPsychology]

That's awesome. I'm really happy to hear that the synchronicity was there! Thanks for your explanation of struggling with breaking down big single emotions - it seems to keep coming up in comments and reinforcing that it's a common experience. It definitely is a superpower! We all just gotta wield the powers properly!

[@bethanysingsmrs849]

i thought i was infp but im shit at emotions and comforting ppl so maybe not

[@ethanznelson]

to all infx's: keep searching for meaning, the goal of understanding yourself is soo important!!

[@PaulWBruce]

Sherman, I believe this might be the best video you've made. It's brilliant, insightful, intellectually engaging, yet so succinctly put. You really help highlight the distinction between SYMPATHY (feeling your feelings, Fe) and EMPATHY (relating to your feelings, Fi), often a source of confusion in academic psychology and casual talk alike. I like to make the nerdy analogy of an Fe connecting to others like telepathy (knowing the feelings of another, regardless of contextual understanding), while Fi connects to others like a power mimic (take on their perspective as your own, gaining contextual understanding of how YOU would feel).

[@jtwright4095]

Yes! I naturally do that (the empathy power mimic), and it diffuses a LOT of situations. :) (-enfp)

[@caramelunicorn8023]

Thing is I feel like both of these things sound the same to me.

[@orchidsrising7910]

Rickus Kruger I know. I feel that both of these are true for me too

[@GeekPsychology]

Thank you Paul :) sorry for the late response lol For those who are still confused: it can be confusing ^^ which is why I attempted to make a video to explain my understanding of it. There’s a layer of separation between where the information is coming from and where the decision’s focus is oriented. Many Fi’s will disagree with me I assume, but when you take time to study it, and your responses, and how FJs work, it becomes a lot clearer. That might not help too much, but hopefully it does enough to help the patterns connect up in your mind ^^

[@dab0331]

You have it reversed. Empathy actually feels the other's pain. Sympathy is more removed from the other, but can relate even more so of it's a similar experience that they can regenerate in their mind.

[@iwasanMBTInerd]

I'd say INFJs are like sponges while INFPs are like mirrors. Both are also pretty good at getting a vibe from people, which also happens differently for them. INFJs can know the vibe by NiFe. I'm not sure how to describe in detail the exact way they do that because I am not an Ni dominant. INFPs can know the vibe or mood of a person by FiSi through noticable physical and audible patterns and emotional tuning which is processed through their own feeling system. They happen automatically and almost unconsciously in my experience. It's hard to put into words but it emotionally makes sense.

[@crimson_cloud5049]

Yes, that's how I'd describe how I would empathize. It's the FiSi that allows this to be almost instantaneous.

[@brunacristina3708]

INFJ here. I would say that it's like a mix of a lot of things. When the people is taking, their facial expression and their tone of voice gives a lot of information. Listening to their hesitations or emphasis creates an insight that there is something behind it, so we try to understand it by connecting some points that we notice (they aren't always right, but usually are) with our knowledge about human psyche. Then it's like we mentally experience all the things we are supposing to have happened to that person to be able to understand he or she better.

[@cass8330]

I'm INFJ but regarding INFP, I think that the choosing emotions etc is a sign of high emotional intelligence from what I've learned so far on the topic of EQ.. The best kind if empathy to have is balanced

[@skyefox3597]

Always shifting your mindset into what they’re thinking or feeling is especially hard to deal with when you’re having an important conflict with someone and you NEED to stay grounded in your own position. I have gotten knocked off balance on this sooo many times. I just have to remind myself that it’s ok to have as much compassion on myself as I do the other person. I’m not trying to hurt them by holding my ground, whether that’s how they’re taking it or not. That has been one of my most difficult struggles with this over the years. And not censoring myself away from saying things that I know they’re not going to like. Not being abusive but speaking truth as gently as I can to soften the impact for them - sometimes at a great cost to myself. Narcissists take great advantage with that.

[@alaamhmd1158]

I'm an infp and you are describing what's going on inside of my head, amazing 😂💕 and this is a great video

[@huntermcbriar8944]

Sometimes, as an INFP, it can be harder to keep emotions in check simply because of my extraverted thinking which is what i'm worst at. I may get angry at times, when I think something should be a certain way or i just want a straightforward answer from a significant other, i will become a little heated and not think about what is the rational thing to do in the situation. I have lost friends and gf's this way by saying things I should not have because I was heated in the moment, saying things that I felt and some people just either didn't know how to handle what i was throwing at them or got just as pissed off as i was in the moment and left. Emotions can be a real problem for INFP's and we have to learn to control them, by reaching inside of us, and extracting the Te (blind spot) function and ask ourselves in the moment, "Okay, what should I say or do here?" Basically just learning to be more tactful with emotions. I believe INFP's can be the most unstable/ unpredictable with emotions.

[@GeekPsychology]

Well said. Emotional control and awareness is paramount. Especially for INFPs because we make decisions based on how things impact our emotions and the intrapersonal harmony. And yet, we can really struggle with them sometimes because emotions are such a powerful influence. And when those things bubble up and we switch to Te to make decisions, it can be very hurtful to everyone involved.

[@huntermcbriar8944]

How should INFP's best be able to handle their emotions when they are going to bubble up and maybe inevitably explode? I agree Te is our worst or one of the worst, but I thought that because when we are in heated moments, and we are extroverting our Fi function that by polarities sake we are neglecting our Te which is supposed to deal with making decisions in a rational way based upon what is going on outside of ourselves. I understand it's harder for us to access Te in the right way, but I thought maybe by trying to use it on ourselves, we could calm ourselves a bit and take in a bit of reality in the outer world where the conflict is before saying or doing what we wanted to.

[@GeekPsychology]

Look into Enneagram 9. What's helped me is to realize how often I am angry - which turns out to be a lot. Take a short mental or real list of all the times throughout the day you think an angry thought. By just measuring it you're going to improve it. Also, expressing yourself before it gets to a dangerous level seems to help me :)

[@msc8382]

Also INFP here. Its possible to fully learn to control Te but it requires strategic rest and a prolonged controlled exposure to stress. I kinda stumbled upon it by some personal experiences. Just wanted to let you know that I had volatile emotions too when I was younger. But after 'indulging' into Te a lot, in combination with Fi turned my thoughts pretty creative. The ability does indeed allow to justify our emotions and make them stable. Its incredibly exhausting though at first. I'm sure along the way it hurts a bit mentally cuz you're opposed to using it naturally. But its worth it. The volatileness took away some dear parts of my life too, but the struggle definitively made me a better person. I'm in a position now where I can help my friends and family both emotionally and rationally. They value it a lot. Integrity and attentiveness come naturally now. Sorry for the long story; tldr; Hang in there, learn how to use Te even though its incredibly exhausting at first. Take proper rest. The limit you can go to would be your own arrogance in thinking you can't even do that.

[@GeekPsychology]

Yes! I went through this too. Hard lessons, but I’m better for it now.

[@karenjahn9600]

Your videos are so insightful and calming to watch. Thank you, INFJ here :-)

[@GeekPsychology]

Thank you very much. I felt like I didn't give enough love to Fe in the video and almost didn't release it :S Happy to hear that it was still informative :D

[@akaboo69]

I say we mirror the emotions and were able to put our self in there shoes.

[@kathlynp.6697]

Thank you. The difference between an INFJ and an INTJ is really that an INFJ can understand someone's emotions on the spot. I've expressed my feelings to my INFJ friend several times to try and understand it, and they're really good at simplifying what I'm feeling. However, because it's in the moment, I know for myself it goes deeper than that. For me as an INTJ, I can feel very deeply and I just don't show it. For me to understand and empathize with someone's emotions, I need more information as to why that by really getting to know you, and yes, we INTJ's do have empathy, but it works the best when we ourselves have experienced that emotion. From what we perceived in the past, we'll process that emotion, and that's when we really understand how to best interact with someone. Now, the downside is, because we don't really like expressing our feelings, we figure out a literal way to best make you happy. I have a theory that the reason we INTJs and INFJs get along quite well stems from how our '3rd function' functions. For an INTJ, someone needs to understand how our feelings work and how we express it, and how we mask it by not saying anything. For an INFJ, someone needs to understand how their reasoning behind expressing a certain emotion at the current state that it happened. Otherwise, they will mask it with 'pretend happiness' to diffuse the situation if you're confused or angry.

[@JonasAnandaKristiansson]

If you only knew the perspectives I'm into right now, you'd see Ni+Fe like your describe perfectly here, x2. Seeing it partly from something like "Higher self", and that also, the information and presentation on your channel is amazing to say the least.

[@MEhatersLove]

Omg. There's a propertion to feelings? Thank you. I really like learing a lot.

[@mokari9268]

One way I look at FE is like when I am listening to a sad, or love song for example and although I may have never felt those feelings or situations first hand, I am taking the song in and all its emotions and situation and then put myself in that persons shoes and experience it as if I were the one experiencing these things that I would have never felt otherwise.

[@ceyx1201]

INTJs' Feelings: BURRIED IN THE BACKYARD.

[@skyefox3597]

Ni + Fe can seem like Fi - thank you. I’ve been confused by that. Would you or have you done a video about that?

[@bugfolk6323]

This was interesting, though I thought I had a bit of Fi, but when I pick up an emotion, my challenge is how to end it and return to baseline normal. If I try to break it down and analyze it as you described, it doesn't work. I get more worked up, more confused, and it can escalate. The logic may be there, but thinking "I am sad" isn't going to solve it. I have to do a perspective shift or imagine myself as someone else looking into my mind to detach from it. Again my focus is not on feeling the emotion, but how to wind down and return to normal. In that perspective I can go back and imagine/ trace over the events to see that I had an encounter with someone who was deeply sad and grieving (the sadness he expressed lingered with me for at least two more days after listening to him express his story.). It could be unprocessed emotions I picked up from talking to family. Or anger/ anxiety I picked up from a few customers at work. The more angry/ anxious they are, the more likely I am to fumble a bit, because I feel it too. I have to try to block it out by making up some kind of mental thought loop saying "Stay calm" "Stay calm. Slow down. Take your time. Better to go slow than to rush, stumble and take longer."

[@GeekPsychology]

Excellent insight! Thank you very much for that. I've learned to zoom out and distance myself from the feeling / situation and see myself from another perspective or top-down view, but it came through studying NLP. Thanks again! That sounds like a helpful train of thought to re-gather yourself. Hopefully it'll help someone else who reads your comment. :)

[@bugfolk6323]

You're welcome. I had to google search to figure out what NLP is. I've only heard a vague idea of it, but maybe all my life I've been doing it without even realizing it. Being on the autism spectrum, I had to develop a level of awareness to these things so I can prevent meltdowns and anxiety attacks. As a child they sort of came out of the blue, I'd feel suddenly overwhelmed with emotion and it would trigger the fight or flight response. I could get thrown off with just about any change in my schedule or be upset with just about any unplanned event. Being able to perspective shift and imagine future outcomes including some changes helps quite a bit.

[@GeekPsychology]

Oh my bad. You should definitely check out NLP and Huna. Dr. Matt James has some great information. My Patreon group does too, but you can find some free videos floating around for sure.

[@nvericks617]

reading your explanation definitely feels like me and honestly, it helped .... I was so confused between Fe and Fi...but Fe it is.

[@Rafasasaki19]

I (INFJ) feel like the martial arts training and Qi Gong have helped me be more mindful of this external feelings and then I can sort of block it out by controlling my breath, but I think that is one of the most clear explanations of Fi I´ve ever heard hehe Thanks man.

[@GeekPsychology]

Rafael Sasaki thanks! Sorry for the late response! Do you think that martial arts helped you develop stronger boundaries, which in turn gave you more control over Fe-Ti?

[@Rafasasaki19]

No worries man. I don´t know if I´d say boundaries, but there´s this process of knowing yourself that happens in fighting. And you start acknowledging your own rhythm and not giving in to your opponents rhythm, I think that helps like even in conversations later. You star to recognize what is your own energy and what is not, and once you know what is not is easier not to block it out (For some reason that scene from Man of Steel where Martha teaches young Clark to focus his senses just came to mind lol)

[@GeekPsychology]

Sparring was always nerve wrecking for me. Sounds like all INFJs should get into martial arts.

[@Rafasasaki19]

I´d definitely recommend it! hehe For all of us, I think it makes us deal with the things in ourselves we´re most afraid of, but off course, the teacher must have this kind of mindset and self development.

[@cultivarcultivar]

@@Rafasasaki19 INTP here. Are there martial arts teachers with this mindset on KZbin that you are aware of? Inferior Fe is a real energy drain for me. 🙏

[@caramelunicorn8023]

I'm not sure if I'm a Fe or Fi user, but I can definitely pick up other peoples emotions. Like I could tell the other day my friend was acting differently. They didn't respond that well to my friendliness, I could tell their mood was off. I ended up crying later on when they cancelled plans with me. I'm not sure if that was my own Fi or Fe in the background.

[@OhhowHelovesus777]

How you described the INFJ's Fe sounded a lot like how I experience other's emotions. But I'm typed as an INFP usually, I guess because I always answer that i know my own feelings. I thought i did, but the Fi process doesnt seem to fit as much as Fe does.

[@Iron-Blurr]

Wow i have used the exact same concept of the stored emotion bottle and retrieving them to change emotional state at will to explain Fi to others. I often refer to Fi as an emotion processor with a capacity. If you were to pour a liquid into a bucket with a hole in it, the liquid or emotions would be drained and filtered out over time. This is why Fi often does not react or display emotion to the outside world. If you ever see a Fi dominant type displaying a very strong emotion it means they have been completely flooded with emotions that have overwhelmed the filtering/processing system and it is leaking out of them. So by the time you see a slight hint of emotion being expressed that means they are probably totally devastated inside and just arent showing it as much as a Fe type would.

[@Kiseochan]

There was something else... It's not really there... Can't find it... -me every single day.

[@jtwright4095]

Cool. As an ENFP, i totally know what you mean by 'choosing' your emotions, makes total sense to me. It's a great trait, b/c it keeps my focus on the situation at hand, and to not lose my emotional-control. make sense? thanx :)

[@GeekPsychology]

Makes sense. Thank you :)

[@huntermcbriar8944]

Sometimes, as an INFP, it can be harder to keep emotions in check simply because of my extraverted thinking which is what i'm worst at. I may get angry at times, when I think something should be a certain way or i just want a straightforward answer from a significant other, i will become a little heated and not think about what is the rational thing to do in the situation. I have lost friends and gf's this way by saying things I should not have because I was heated in the moment, saying things that I felt and some people just either didn't know how to handle what i was throwing at them or got just as pissed off as i was in the moment and left. Emotions can be a real problem for INFP's and we have to learn to control them, by reaching inside of us, and extracting the Te (blind spot) function and ask ourselves in the moment, "Okay, what should I say or do here?" Basically just learning to be more tactful with emotions. I believe INFP's can be the most unstable/ unpredictable with emotions.

[@KMR1776]

Want to get really crazy? I'm an INFJ I would only feel other people's emotions when I was outside the home growing up. I figured out why. My mother is an INFP and from birth I adopted her state of being... that state of being of dominate FI

[@munchingmakenna5776]

I would love for you to do more videos on The other aspects of the mbti. U do so well at explaining!!! For the first time I actually understood.

[@GeekPsychology]

Which other aspects...? I’ve made almost 400 videos on this channel (which is mainly about MBTI). You might be able to find what you’re looking for here...

[@Raphsophomes]

It’s hard to describe Fe as an Fi user without making them sound like psychos

[@oreo3557]

is it normal to absorb an emotion to the point where you dont realise it untill afterwards. And is it normal to feel no emotion when your not around anyone (like in a neutral state) say your older brother died and at the funeral you felt sad, but when your by yourself you just feel normal.

[@msc8382]

If you have an internal value system as a dominant part of your personality, then technically you would be sociopathic. But most likely you're actually extroverted feeler. I've seen it before. Either way, you have nothing to worry about, life goes on.

[@jennysmith3664]

At around 4 minutes in, INFP is weighing and measuring their various emotional responses. For me as an INFJ I do that as well, but I can't do it in real time because I am so caught up in the feelings of those around me. Their feelings seem more interesting than mine in the moment. Therefore, I need to reprocess and sort out my own feelings after the fact. Hence the need for so much downtime.

[@pugninja7037]

Think you're so grounded. So funny, if I dont know what to say to fi , I will go to a programme say sex in the city.. and get what the fi users saying in that text..I watch the programme with the emotions they are displaying, body language, voice then I figure it out..kinda my Ti is sorting out what I need . But I cry, and really feel it.. Sound like a robot.

[@gullivertrot]

Sometimes I do question the Fi way of feeling or judging ..Like "choosing which emotion matches the situation"...I do do that and sometimes I question if it is an inauthentic way of feeling the feelings and being too machine-like!🤭😅

[@sampadilla221]

Can someone help me out? For me if someone in the room is upset or angry I will immediately feel uncomfortable even though I know damn well that it's not about me. I mean you might think that is normal human reaction to feel uneasy but for me it is very intense. I have to leave the room or ill cry and such. Is this considered Fe? I guess not bc fe is more about mimicking or mirroring the emotion right?

[@caramelunicorn8023]

I will say i experience a fight or flight response, especially if someone starts shouting at me I panic physically. I am unsure if its Fe or Fi, maybe its a manifestation of Fe in that your external harmony is being disrupted, but this might also apply to Fi perhaps. Not really sure.

[@crimson_cloud5049]

That sounds like Fe to me. Fe users tend to kind of like "absorb" the feelings of someone like a sponge even w/o noticing it. So even if they didn't mean to, they kinda feel upset also bcs they have felt the feelings being expressed by the people in the surroundings. Fi users can identify that the anger is not theirs and would react a little differently depending on who this feeling is directed to. As an Fi user, if the person is angry at me, I would tend to diffuse it as I dislike resolving conflicts at the height of emotions bcs I tend to be bitchy and have a devilishly sharp tongue (due to desperate use of inferior Te) when defensive and I really don't like that bcs it's exhausting. If the anger is directed towards another person, I tend to "mirror" the emotion and put myself in the situation of that person. Why was he angry? Is it proper to be angry, given the situation? Was it more hurt than anger or is it annoyance or maybe frustration? Or all of it? If I get to understand where the anger is coming from, I will help him calm down bcs I know how uncomfortable it is to be upset or angry but I don't feel that I am angry, too. After that, I don't carry and "feel" the feelings with me when I leave. I may be bothered by the conflict between parties involved but the emotion wasn't originally mine so I can separate from it afterwards. Woah, this was a long reply. Sorry about that but I hope it helps.. 😅 (long winded explanations--type 4w5 🙋🏻‍♀️ lol)

[@samllanes8596]

I thought you said on a most recent video that you were an INFJ? In this vid you said you were an INFP.

[@valzugg]

5:59 lol, I know what u mean

[@GeekPsychology]

Val lol. You mean when I lost my train of thought?

[@valzugg]

yeah

[@anneonimous9306]

"For extraverted feeling you are picking up their emotion and you are making it your own". No. This is not what extraverted feeling is. Extraverted feeling is not about "picking up" feelings. It is not a perceiving (information gathering) function. It is a judging (decision making) function. Extraverted feeling means you make decisions based on the collective needs and wants of the whole group. On the other hand, introverted feeling means you make decisions based on what feels right to you, and you alone. It means you have your own personal set of values.

[@dab0331]

Wrong. Scientists have proven humans can pick up on the VIBE of a room when you walk into it based on the feelings of everyone in it. Feeling is listed as a judging function in MBTI but we still perceive feelings in the external real world. Fe prioritizes making judgments based off the feelings of the group/others (instead of your own) PRECISELY because you CAN feel other people's emotions; whether consciously with Se or unconsciously with Si. That is why the 2 biggest empaths are ENFJ's and INFJ's. Both pick up extreme amount of emotion via their Se, and they feel it as their own via their extreme Fe. Other types with high Fe functions (ESFJ and ISFJ) unconsciously process a huge amount of other people's emotions because of their high Si, but they don't feel it as their own to the same extent as ENFJ and INFJ. ISFJ's are empaths and their Fe is just as high as an INFJ, but the reason they're not listed as a Feeling Type is because they use Si over Se, other people's emotions don't slap them in the face as hard as it does for an ENFJ or INFJ. Because Se deals with the immediate person in front of them; not a memory, like Si.

[@hasgoodles7807]

You are a sweetie.

[@fowchiiiliedpuppiesdied]

Garbage?