How I'd Survive A Nuclear Apocalypse.

[@SJohnsonVoiceOvers]

As the Narrator of these videos… I apologize 😅

[@jordannaughty4669]

Love your videos man 😂😂

[@JoeBartolozzi]

BRO THATS YOUR VOICE

[@SJohnsonVoiceOvers]

@@JoeBartolozzi Yeah. The company hires me to be their narrator. I don’t write the scripts. 😂😂

[@tuba1379]

@@SJohnsonVoiceOvers W

[@bottled9683]

💀

[@h0w1e12]

The difference between a nuclear bomb and a nuclear reactor is that the bomb doesn't have as much radiation as a place where it literally keeps RODS of pure radiated material.

[@davidzelenovic8085]

Three words Hiroshima and Nagasaki

[@JacqueBibblequip]

@@davidzelenovic8085 both those cities are good now

[@henrytaylor8208]

@@JacqueBibblequipthat was his point I think 👍

[@roo99710]

@@davidzelenovic8085those cities were fine in a year.

[@madlemonftw]

Some kids at my school ran into a grizzly and got torn up. They tried jumping on top of the bear, tried to injure it and everything and even with multiple people they lost to the bear. None of them died, but it goes to show if one person is getting attacked by a bear you aren’t really able to help them unless you got a gun

[@gabrielsfilms2086]

best bet is to lay down and cover vital areas

[@1onemark267]

500. Magnum

[@imretro2182]

@@1onemark267magnum isn’t doing shit besides pissing it off

[@17poolio]

@@imretro2182 nah bruh 6 magnum shots to the head is killing a bear they aint invincible

[@krankykoala9097]

well im glad im in australia :)

[@carolwilson5651]

I'm sure everyone can agree Joe is such a cool dude.

[@big-iw6qu]

npc comment

[@dfaultyboi2024]

Bro all you want is likes, shut up

[@johndon6189]

The meat riding

[@JewelGates]

Fax

[@Bakk2_]

Bros on his mom acc

[@Raidn__]

I love how Joe just predicts the entire video lmfao

[@Bananmedis]

Hes akinator

[@nokushimo]

@@Bananmedis 💀

[@loo4612]

LOL

[@spoogilydoogily]

yeah it’s definitely his first time watching it

[@Yion]

@@spoogilydoogily or he just ha common sense

[@TheJiggleman-wr9rd]

If Joe did a livestream during a nuclear bomb, I'd still watch

[@cheese25600]

Beesechurger

[@heyitsaiden9910]

19:28 this part had me dead😂

[@theJreaper66]

Same 😂

[@TheRizzler525]

samee😂

[@duskblau486]

A nuke takes about 45 seconds to get from drop height to detonation height(whenever the proximity sensor activates). There's no way to drive away, so just become sonic and run. Easy, survived.

[@thatdamncrow9197]

We can detect that a nuke is launched 40 minutes before it hits

[@duskblau486]

@@thatdamncrow9197 Not all nuclear bombs are missiles, and not all of them are detectable either. Good point though.

[@thatdamncrow9197]

@ absolutely 0 countries are going to use a nuclear bomb by manual dropping And they would be shot down very fast if they tried to enter the US Also all international ballistic missles are easy to detect only something like a nuclear submarine wont be detected but they can only hit the very outer edges of the country

[@Charysm]

Joe be like: “Imma survive the nuclear holocaust” My brother in christ, the radiation will burn your flesh and you will aimlessly wander the earth because you fear your own incoming demise

[@xxrevaled6941]

I start laughing before joe even starts screaming. You always know when hes about to say some funny shit

[@ssattovva]

Ur pfp lol

[@xxrevaled6941]

@@ssattovva is beautiful

[@ssattovva]

@@xxrevaled6941 lol

[@Slow_Sunset]

JOE CAN NEVER NOT MAKE ME LAUGH- 😂

[@spoogilydoogily]

it because he sounds like kermit the frog

[@1488HHAG]

Npc ahh

[@LiminalFantasy]

I don't think that guy realizes how much of assholes people can be in times like this

[@XremyFigs]

Wdym

[@LiminalFantasy]

@RipJoeBartolozzi I don't think the person who made the video that joe is watching understands how much of assholes people can be in times like thag

[@spookyalphaz7113]

The fact that a Nuke from Russia could make it to us within 15 minutes is crazy...

[@Rosealia33]

21:27 I haven’t laughed this hard in so long 😂😂

[@Sithbuilder]

I love how Joe lists off Nations who have nukes in there country due to the USA and nations with Former Nukes, Post USSR nations and South Africa

[@MikaHodnelandyt]

In Norway on an island called Svalbard you are legaly obligated to carry a weapon to defend yourself from polarbears

[@lyanaarmstrong-emery6864]

Svalchad

[@jaydthee6710]

10:53 this is y joe is one of my favorite KZbin/twitch streamers😂

[@Anutttka]

Grizzly bears can't climb trees joe, but black bears can. (Note: Grizzly bears are more likely to attack you, while Black bears will only attack if bothered.) ;) Edit, Grizzly bears are the ones that are in all attack videos.

[@mrkillyt-ne5lf]

my grandad used to be a technition in the uks military and work with prototypes and he told Me the safest way is to dig as far down and suround yourself in mattresses and anything heavy bring food and water best if its canned cause the radiation will last 90 days stay as low down and don't look up it will blind you and also nukes explode in the sky and send shock waves down with radiation and that's what destruct every thing also thick concrete structures are good to hide near also you might ant tones of ice cause that should keep your core body temp down slightly and heatresistant metal is good cause it can get up to 2000 degrees

[@thebritishgamerandstuff8328]

Joe was so stupid with his the nuclear strategy he has, what the bloke has said was factual in the video

[@AsianKvDE]

4:10 I like to imagine Joe just pulling a looney tunes when walking out, and just sighing before he gets fucking nuked

[@papatrik]

Man if a nuke was gonna go off near me, the last thing im doing is running, fuck im gonna probably try making a shadow puppet out of my ashes before i get blasted into the next dimension. Have my gravestone say something like, "well that was a blast"

[@weirdo_sage]

Chernobol or whatever is still ratioactive, but you can go without gear in SOME places. The higher the radiation the worse. If you go in anywhere inside, i believe you cant do any radiation any way else. Elders still live there, and they grow crops and raise animals. They live happily, but every lonely. Sam and Colby have done a thing on the place a year or so ago, and its pretty cool!

[@StitchNRoo]

I'm using bottle caps as currency lol

[@sponge9420]

Gotta afford power armor lol

[@StitchNRoo]

One time I made a power armor in fallout 4 and any thing that got close to me would be eleccuted any live enmy would be out lined in red and I had one level in the explosion when I would fall and I went to a dam area and fell from the top

[@noahibanez6414]

(this is one of the first things I found after 5 sec of googling) For the survivors of a nuclear war, this lingering radiation hazard could represent a grave threat for as long as 1 to 5 years after the attack. Predictions of the amount and levels of the radioactive fallout are difficult because of several factors.

[@zackdesilva4730]

Joe I think you’re forgetting Stan Pines and Bill Ciphers words about the apocalypse. Both told us to buy gold.

[@Lucify2704]

3:36 the funniest moment of my life 😂😅

[@tactical9018]

Joe has the giga chad jawline 💀

[@bannanabahamas..]

i luv how hes not annoying w adds n stuff tyy joe

[@ALLOCeprano]

Joe has been happier videos always every day better keep posting! happy living love you! you 100% ❤

[@menacexp]

2:45 don't forget some G-Fuel Joe, lol

[@0kay_th3nn]

Joe makes every day better

[@Swansonater]

17:33 “Brown Bears dont eat humans for food” “Brown Bears attacked when they feel threatened or are starving”

[@Isaacthegamer123]

It depends how they’re dropping it if it’s in the air like in Nagasaki it will only last about 24 hours of radiation but if it hit on the ground that will last for millions of years the reason why it’s in the air is less party at the particles can’t attach to anything

[@Blitzen-fm6bn]

Finally some one who knows how radiation works from a nuke destination

[@roachyumyuminmytumtum]

6:00 the music sounds like a ripoff of kahoot💀(21:22 I literally laughed so hard lol)

[@ayejayoo9151]

Me clicks on video to see how joe would survive a bomb: first five seconds, I wouldn’t I would die

[@AllThingsHazbin]

6:55 W TO THE GUY HERE WHO SAID PLAY 60 SECONDS

[@neelyj4275]

hey joe thanks for making me laugh through hard times

[@diddybongos]

Shut up

[@neelyj4275]

@@diddybongos damn ok

[@CrazedKen]

6:50 20k years, it’s relatively save to be near but soil is still F’ed for 20k.

[@josejaime5155]

Turn to Jesus and Repent of your sins 🙏 Amen

[@dvbzzc]

Amen 🙏🏾🙌🏾

[@domdaman12]

This got nothing to do with the video 💀

[@Towanted924]

Amen. 🙏

[@ninjapuppy2779]

Well I'm going to hell for liking men

[@jackos_1]

Bro comment this on something else it has nothing to do with anything here

[@Saqwertyuiop939]

7:00 he was gonna tell us to uber eats 💀💀

[@ChrisJRyan]

Only way you drawing a circle on the ground would work if it was a Sea Bear. Definitely won’t work with just a Bear lol 😂.

[@Jrizzy1204]

19:32 has me dying 😂

[@dawae8482]

People in Hiroshima (place in Japan that got hit by a bomb) ended up staying outside after the bombing and some ended up dying however some ended up having just medical issues like becoming infertile , also some people near the blast ended up living but they lost all their skin cause it melted off so staying outside might be more painful just sayin..

[@umtrevenge4250]

that was an atomic bomb, the nuke is prob gonna be a thermonuclear bomb

[@AscendingBlazed]

19:21 this shit killed me😂😂

[@ThatOneDrummerGuy]

Always a good day when Joe posts, especially Friday

[@michaelmakaro1624]

Unless they are all strategic, the earth won’t go into savagery.

[@dawsonrafuse7138]

hey joe just wanted to come say i love your content and your streams and that you make everyones day go really well. keep up the work man

[@halbarand2806]

Joe a nuclear reactor has 10x more radiation, its liquid and like take for instance water but cannot go out because of the thickness of the radiation. Not being an a hole or anything, just explaining Nuclear bombs releases radioactive ash ( dust whatever ) but that is solid and cannot stain forever. Radiation can last longer in liquid but not solid. Thats why nagasaki and hiroshima are good to go as that nuclear reactor from Chernobyl or that other place were completely uninhabitable for years

[@Jaytheshinobi]

Joe gotta be one of the most entertaining KZbinrs\Streamers\Tiktokers ever

[@vktsurugi]

joe posting on my birthday is the best feeling

[@andrewspiegel8745]

this looks like a banger vid as always thanks for posting this joe

[@Shackin]

Joe is love, Joe is life. I want joe, joe wants to be my bro, no hoco b/c joe is running in slowmo.

[@ShadowVibesFr]

Fun fact Chernobyl was equal to 10 Hiroshima bombs.

[@Ryan-eh7be]

1:25 I think what Joe looked up were all capable countries or ones that owned them, because countries like Japan and Germany definitely have the nuclear infrastructure (ie nuclear power plants) to create weapons but do not have an arsenal. Other countries mentioned like South Africa and Ukraine gave up their weapons, Ukraine (and other old Soviet states) because they were left there after the fall of the USSR and couldn’t use them, and South Africa because the white controlled government didn’t trust the black population with weapons like that during the transition of power. Confirmed nuclear countries: UK, France, USA, Russia, NK, china, Pakistan, India Possible weapons: Israel Previously owned: south Africa, Ukraine, Belarus, Kazakhstan I’m sure I probably missed some but that’s those are the main things

[@BAD_AT_BIKES]

Love your videos Joe thank you for making great content

[@dompedro8128]

21:18 JOES GOING IN THE HILLS

[@strayedaway]

joe bart is in a silly goofy mood

[@Prickly_Cactus_1993]

In the event of a nuclear war, as Nikita Khrushchev put it "'the living will envy the dead"

[@amduck6894]

coincidentally im wearing a fallout shirt while watching this what are the odds lmao

[@francissmart7722]

top 3 Joe Bart vid of all time

[@antonychouinard566]

This guy thinks that we are gonna trade like piglins from Minecraft💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

[@b40pll]

12:10 RIP cameraman

[@williamgibson318]

I want to pet a bear.

[@TheOneAndOnlyRealGandalf]

Best video i've seen from joe in a couple months

[@sigmaseven777]

Hey Joe been watching for a while. I already know this is gonna be a banger video as always.

[@AwesomeAceYT]

it was

[@dedicategrinder88]

22:17 LMAO MLG WATER BUCKET

[@calefmolina5650]

Joe makes me so happy I been watching him for a while makes me laugh and always puts a smile on my face I really appreciate joe 💙

[@KatR264]

11:30 tuna and beans have a shelf life of a few years; you ain’t living off that for the rest of your days, 25 year old tuna would be poison!

[@dagoatjr]

Whenever Joe drops my mood gets way better

[@MFKWAZ]

8:58 “I was jelking I was literally jelking”

[@ToastyBoi69]

That list that you said about who had nukes is totally wrong. Bro you said the philipenes, Belgium, Iraq. They DO NOT have nukes. The countries that do have nukes are uk, France, usa, Russia, India, china, North Korea and Pakistan. Nations that are suspected to have nukes are Israel and Iran although it’s not confirmed. Israel basically is confirmed but they don’t acknowledge it. The other nations that you mentioned are nations that formerly had nukes, Ukraine, Kasachstan, South Africa. And the rest are NATO or CSTO members that share nuclear weapons. So there are only 8 countries that are designated nuclear weapon states by the NPT.

[@ditractabledave]

Ok

[@MatthewPinno-c6y]

1:44 From what I could find only nine countries have the ability to launch nukes on their own valuation. The others have nukes of other countries in their borders I think

[@nickzarow1453]

how am i supposed to play fortnite in a nuclear apocalypse?

[@Cola2013_1]

You're not supposed to play fortnite during Nuclear apocalypse? How delusional are you

[@ConnorDaigle-c3h]

He was right about how many countries had nukes at the time. He was talking about during 2021.

[@savvo838]

“one thing bears value is… gold”😭😮‍💨

[@virmoee1293]

Use me as a super like

[@Nikolas_gaming-granica]

21:22 got me rolling and weezing bro

[@gabrielalcala3022]

The Waffle House Has Found Its Host

[@Bean_guy2]

after 3 days it wont be safe but you will be able to at least exit buildings without immediately recieving a lethal dose of radiation.

[@fishyfow3767]

The strategy for laying down with bears is not to play dead, but to show you are not a threat.

[@pineappplesauce]

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious content🗿🍷

[@helenevu4497]

This was amazing

[@dianag9416]

Thanks for making me smile today bro

[@ZolkifyVFX]

Claim your here within the first hour ticket here! 👇🥇

[@natedonaldson1681]

It’s a good day when Joe Uploads

[@berumoddo4036]

5:45 that reaction 😆

[@Imadigga]

I think joe learned all his tsunami knowledge from the 2012

[@leo-t5g]

joes inability to fall off NEEDS to be studied

[@SaberBlox-k1y]

Joe saves his PC and his dog in a nuclear apocalypse m this is a man who has his priorities straight.

[@gnomewarlord7128]

I feel like both Joe and the narrator forget that even if a bomb incinerate a whole state, there's still the whole world. And as stupid as it may seem the save money, once you escape and go to another country, you'll likely still need money.

[@romancasazza9363]

Joe is one of the most w KZbinrs ever

[@Ur_boy_mason]

Joe is the only person I need to watch cuz he is so funny

[@ELISE87654]

I think id just sleep through a nucleus apocalypse because i aint being awake for that shit.

[@Kahoneki]

blessed be thou when joe uploads

[@ThatOneGuy-zz8gf]

If anyone would survive the apocalypse it would be Joe

[@Thirdy847]

Joe let out his inner rogan with this one

[@ReaganRereCalloway]

i used to watch these videos when i was little and i lowk thought i was set for life

[@gozer0datbenik102]

1:40 that is a list of country's that house nuclear weapons for example the netherlands doesn't own any nukes but we have a couple that we store here for the usa

[@provix-gaming]

2:46 bros dog is gonna be flying around the car if he goes off road

[@tedmarcak287]

5:37 nope, google it, atomic bomb radiation doesnt last that long, only a few days, or a few weeks in sorst case scenarios, never months, it wont disappear in those days it will decrease in radiation significantly in the first few days, the average is 3 days give or take a day