How i realised i was Autistic (helpful for suspecting ADHDers)

[@neetvillage]

regression of skills is terrifying to me, it's tearing my life apart. it just feels like, why could i handle this as a child, how have i become so unable to as an adult? it makes me feel like a bad, lazy, shitty, unmotivated person who's too sensitive. what do i do?

[@duck_is_lord]

Being an adult just comes with so much more pressure and more responsibility than being a child. It's not about being unable to do something, it's about being burned out and overstimulated in a world that wasn't designed for you. You're not lazy, remember that you have to put in a lot more effort than neurotypicals just to live through another day.

[@zapsyou6]

@@duck_is_lord I also relate to OP's comment and this was really nicely said!

[@spiderfart420]

Not sure what to do because i deal with the same thing, mainly anxiety and executive dysfunction but you definitely aren't the only one.

[@nthmost]

It's ok. You're not regressing, you're working through. This phase cannot be rushed, so please be kind to yourself. That's the best thing you can do while you are rebuilding your sense of ability very nearly from scratch. You'll be OK though! This too shall pass. Be nice to yourself, forgive yourself, that's the best way through.

[@photasticimages9258]

↑ This! Well said, ​ @nthmost !

[@randomaccessmemories8912]

I love this network of AuDHD women on the internet educating and informing and helping those of us who are undiagnosed, it just feels like a big sister telling you what’s up

[@simpson6700]

Looking back on my childhood is the problem, i can't remember anything before the age of 12 or so. When i got myself checked for autism the doctor asked me all these questions about my childhood that i couldn't answer. I ended up getting an ADHD diagnosis again, which i completely forgot i had, since i was diagnosed in my childhood.

[@chesneymigl4538]

I ended up with an AuDHD diagnosis, and have the same problem. No matter how well meaning parents are, if they are not willing or just don't know how to raise a ND child the cPTSD gets very real. In fact, out of all my diagnoses, it's the trauma that's currently the most debilitating. It's the little voice in the back of my head blaming all my ADHD or autistic problems on just being born "bad" or "wrong" or "broken", not from a recognizable issue that can be managed.

[@thebrokenheartedwoman]

Don’t you think they would have been able to tell regardless if you were on the autism spectrum?

[@simpson6700]

@@thebrokenheartedwoman I've heard of people being so used to making that they still mask during the test.

[@toast3572]

i straight up *cannot* remember either. it gives me so much stress and self doubt whenever im like "maybe i have both adhd AND autism" (i have the adhd diagnosis). "oh i cant have autism because i cant prove that i had the same experiences constantly throughout my childhood"

[@galaxy_real1]

​@@simpson6700happend for me with adhd but luckily i still got diagnosed with it

[@rewildingradikal]

I literally JUST started ADHD meds and my autistic traits (namely sensory sensitivities and social struggles are RAGING. Thank you for sharing this.

[@allisons6910]

) Fixed it.

[@Okgeneric]

ADHD meds dont magically make you something. thats literal brain damage, hun. if you aren't autistic without the meds then you aren't autistic, just fyi. the really shitty thing about ADHD, honestly, is that psychiatric adhd meds pretty much dont work, especially with someone that has a severe case. the cure is worse than the condition. much worse, especially over time. if you just started and you are already experiencing that, just wait for 6 months, 1 year, 3 years, etc. it can totally fuck up your development, learning and ability to adapt. most of them are neurotoxic (when taken daily) even at therepuetic dosages. and so if you are noticing that the meds are giving you symptoms of ...autism...this should be a sign to *stop taking the meds* . yeah i know thats not what you want to hear, but its the truth.

[@rewildingradikal]

@@Okgeneric oh no i was autistic before the meds, i'm just noticing more of the symptoms now that the ADHD is medicated. thanks for your concern, but i am working very closely with my doctors on this!

[@PrinceOfTheSound]

@@Okgenericthis is not true adhd meds do work there’s hundreds of them. I have a very severe case of ADD and had to take atleast 20 different types of meds before finding one that worked

[@Okgeneric]

@@PrinceOfTheSound how long you been on it, tho. i wont knock it. if you need it, you need it

[@cowsonzambonis6]

“Ever since I was conscious, I was self-conscious.” 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 Couldn’t have said it better!!! Thanks for sharing (those photos were amazing 😂). Love Purple Ella and Yo Sandy Sam- I’ll definitely check out the other content creators! (Self-diagnosed here)

[@mariesmith9508]

Near the end of your video I got a burst of energy to do some of my own dishes. I started feeling down about how I cannot keep my place clean, and then you showed your own house. I cannot state how validating this was. Thank you.

[@audhdbaddie]

🥹❤️

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

LATE!? THAT'S not late. i'm 54. i'm still glad i know, I can replay a lot of demoralising failures and view them through a much more compassionate lens.

[@LilWest777]

Same. 🤗

[@IntoTheLab]

Mid 50s diagnosis here as well. ADHD and Autism diagnosed by the same specialist within the same month following misdiagnosis by other specialists which was so frustrating. This was added to previous Diagnoses of OCD and Tourettes. If it weren't for content creators like AudhdBaddie, I'd still be on the wrong meds feeling no better and not questioned the wrong diagnosis. At least now I know, and on effective meds. So many commonalities in this video and in the comments resonate with me, yet so many challenges remain. Finding others with the same conditions is SO helpful as it helps me realize that I'm NOT crazy, and I'm no longer alone. I sincerely thank you AudhdBaddie. BUT, having watched this video, I have a NEW problem. You've STOLEN my laugh and I want it back! Unless, unless finding me in a theatre when I get jokes that most others don't is a common trait too. ;)

[@audhdbaddie]

@IntoTheLab ahh i love this comment 🥹, and i get so happy when i find others with the ocd & audhd combo… because its quite a niche experience and to be understood is amazing ❤️ im wishing you all the best 🫶🏼

[@lauraallen8805]

Same….I just found out, at 54, that I have inattentive ADHD and autism. I haven’t been fully evaluated for autism yet, but I had a screening and i don’t think there are any doubts that I’m on the spectrum- just high masking. My childhood makes SO much more sense now.

[@Carrot-b1n]

So validating to hear another AuDHDer who sounds exactly like me in nearly every way! From the laugh, to how you speak, to your experiences, it's one of the things that keeps me believing in myself

[@audhdbaddie]

🥹🥹💝

[@RedSntDK]

Funny when 24 year olds can call it late. Some of us are over 40 when we get diagnosed. First ADD, then aspergers. So glad the internet and in particular KZbin helped us realize this about ourself. And I totally identify the same about the imposter feeling, I often had to say "I'm not sure if I'm being a hypochondriac, but.." to professionals, like my GP and even psychiatrist. And yeah, getting the diagnosis has been like a license to unmask, it's been great :D

[@learninglanguageswithfun488]

Since autism usually is diagnosed in (early) childhood, being diagnosed as an adult is considered late diagnosis.

[@RedSntDK]

@@learninglanguageswithfun488 Yeah, that makes sense. It just sounds weird when you still have your whole life ahead of you at age 24 to call it late, that's all.

[@Larry_Stylinson]

@@RedSntDK I got diagnosed in my early 20s with ASD and they were surprised that I wasn't diagnosed yet because my autistic symptoms were through the roof and so obvious and I "should have been diagnosed years ago" and not this late. I've heard 14 year olds getting diagnosed with ASD being called "late diagnosed". My parents always thought me and my brother are "normal" because they were undiagnosed autistic too. Everyone else just thought we're "shy" - no matter how often we expressed disinterest in other people in general and being (partially) non-verbal. Even our paediatrician thought we're normal because psychology wasn't needed in his field and "Asperger's syndrome" basically entered the diagnosed manuals in the year that I was born and wasn't well known for around two decades. It took a chance encounter my mum had with one of her old classmates to put autism even on our radar as a potential thing we have and by that time I was well into my teenage years and waiting lists were constantly long or closed... I've started to suspect that I have ADHD as well a few years ago and everyone around me was like "No, there's no way." and "Autism and ADHD are just very similar.". I thought that for a long while too but the more I listened to people who have AuDHD the more I began to understand that the overlap isn't THAT big and a few things I initially attributed to autism are actually ADHD things. I even stumbled over a test where people with ADHD, autism and AuDHD as well as NTs all score differently. My score was basically through the roof and at the top of where AuDHD people score. I made my family take it without knowing much if anything about it and they all scored similar. It's kind of ironic because when my brother entered school some of his teachers were wondering if he might have ADHD despite him barely talking but he never was tested for it. I'm turning 31 soon and I'm still trying to get an ADHD diagnosis but everyone in my city has their waitlists closed... which sucks massively because in the last few years my attention span got worse and worse, so I likely would benefit from ADHD meds. My psychiatrist doesn't want me to get evaluated for anything else I suggested to her (like PTSD and dissociative disorders) before someone has evaluated me for ADHD. Going the private route isn't an option in my country. The only place I found a general estimate of how much it could cost to get a diagnosis from them was well above 1000€. I can't wait to get that damn diagnosis one day and hear someone wonder again how I'm still not diagnosed and that it's unusual to get diagnosed this late...

[@RedSntDK]

​@@Larry_Stylinson It's wild looking back and seeing all the clues. I barely cried as a baby and like you were also very non-verbal. It just takes a long while and much concentration to get the right words out. Regarding getting a diagnosis, waitlists were over a year here in Denmark, and I waited 1½ year for my first session. Luckily it's free via socialized healthcare - could've gone private and saved a lot of time, but that costs a lot of money that I like you don't have. I'm also thinking of getting tested for dissociative and cptsd, because my executive dysfuntion prevents me from doing much of anything in time, sometimes even going to the toilet before it's practically spilling out of me. But it makes even more sense that you haven't gotten yours yet then. I hope you get it sooner rather than later. Where I live there's just no help to get for anyone above 30, it's like "you've made it this far without help, you are doing fiiine.." except that I'm not. Hopeing there's a better network where you live.

[@velvethologram]

Thank you. 24 isn't old. I'm 44, only diagnosed with ADHD last year, & just now searching an autism diagnosis. Stop with the stupidity.

[@HaphazardHiker]

I love that you showed your living space because, SAME. I hate cleaning dishes but if there are dirty dishes, then I feel like I can't clean anything else, even though I know that doesn't make logical sense. I get everything sort of tidied up when I'm expecting company, in true ADHD-style panic mode lol.

[@captainalistair4045]

My parents keep saying that I was regular and normal in my childhood but then go like 'you were a sensitive kid' and all that, it's such a struggle to try actually understand how i was because i don't remember much of it beside the social struggles😢

[@heatherwilliams3748]

I have a similar experience with using things to cope with the social anxiety. When I got clean at 26 (i was a full blown addict by 25), I realized the reasons I started in the first place was due to social anxiety. I wanted so badly to feel connected and feel a sense of belonging but I absolutely couldn't without getting loaded. Needless to say, my social life is non-existent now, but at least I'm clean I guess. Social anxiety can be so so debilitating. ETA: Really good video, thank you for sharing and giving us someone to relate to.

[@audhdbaddie]

🥺 im sending you so much love❤️❤️

[@RexyLearnStuff]

🎉 you go ! And being Clean is a great place to be. With time you can find people to relate to that you don't need to mask/hyde your social anxiety with. Looking for people to connect with over similar experiences or passions can be a great place. Maybe group of other people with social anxiety etc :) in a no pressure environment where everybody gets it in a way. ❤

[@stateofbecoming]

I totally relate 💜 I wish all of us that feel this way could get together because we would probably all be friends and understand each other on the deeper levels we so deeply desire to be seen on! Sending so much love 💫

[@tb2dx]

Oh wow, I’m also adhd, full addiction by 25 & got clean at 26! Since I got clean my symptoms have gotten worse & worse over time & finding a doctor who will properly test me for autism is so damn difficult. Anyway, I call the regression I’ve experienced a side effect of removing the mask.

[@BexadrineD]

I could've written this

[@Touay.]

I suspected for a long time that I am autistic, but my first attempt (15 years ago) to get assessed by the NHS was met by utter incompetence, arrogance and indifference .... big shock right!!! finally confirmed it for myself at 48. still on the wait list. sigh.

[@elgman4649]

Don't appologise for recording on that day; just like you showing your room (mine is worse as I write this), it was powerful. I'm approaching 40 and questioning... everything about this video was helpful. Thankyou

[@audhdbaddie]

Thankyou 🥹❤️ im so glad you found the video helpful!

[@julia15206]

the skill regression that can come with unmasking can just be that as kids we simply had more energy and less things to think about and less things expected of us to do and so thats why it was more easy to mask imo, so we cant know if unmasking is the only one to blame x). they always thought i would grow out of the traits that i was showing as a kid but at 25 i got my autism diagnose and to my surprise they put in adhd (add) too. it makes sense to me that it was both tho because i didnt relate to some of things about how autism was described some years ago. unmasking was not something i actively try to do ig but i started to know what my traits are and started to see the traits in other people making me feel like i dont have to pretend to be someone im not and like allow myself to just be autistic.

[@awen7870]

The bits about not talking and the facial soreness really resonated with me--when I was a kid, my mom told me to smile more so that people would like me or something like that. So I literally plastered a smile on my face all day every day at school, and I would feel so relieved when I got home and I could rest my cheekbones lol

[@RedSntDK]

Also, I don't know about "regular" ADHD since I'm the hypo, not hyper kind of attention deficit, but I clearly remember hitting puberty and it just feeling like I drove into a pit of mud, like everything was just gone. Perhaps my first depression idk, but my energy levels, my mood, it all went to shiet. I wonder if something similar happens when you're hyper like is that when grades really start tanking, at puberty?

[@caleb6513]

When i was younger i used to be my authentic loud and "obnoxious" self and not care what anyone thought about me but as i got older and the bulling started i kind of recoiled into a shell of my former self and started masking, or at least trying to mask every little thing about me (i am not very good at it) i went from being this outgoing little kid to a very shy and self conscious adult which makes it hard to do anything that involves human interaction i also developed Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria very early in my life which just made and still makes my life a living hell, i am so concerned about what anyone thinks of me at any given moment i try not to draw attention to my self because of the fear of being judged or ridiculed i have no social life because of my social anxiety and general anxiety oh and can't forget depression (and about 900 more mental problems) i feel i have to be perfect or nobody will ever like me (nobody likes me anyways) i mean why would anyone accept me if can't even accept myself anyways i think i have said enough (way too much)

[@photasticimages9258]

Twenty-four is not "late"! Not if compared to, say, a few months before turning sixty-nine (like me). Further exploration revealed that I'm actually an AuDHD-er. It's such a relief finding out you're not really "bad", "weird", or any of the other labels society (and we, ourselves) put on us. But finding out so late in life does a real number on your head, thinking through all the things that could have been different and how differently you might have been able to navigate life. I wish you all the best as you charge ahead in life, fully informed as to who you are.

[@daniburns6369]

Anything beyond early childhood is late though

[@aubreejobizzarro1208]

It’s terrible because I didn’t think I had ADHD but through my partner (also ADHD) and my little brother getting diagnosed early on, I realized I definitely had it. And then the more I treat it and think back on my childhood the critical time to catching ADHD in girls is when I felt I had the most struggle with social communication and I was reading LOTS AND LOTS of books. So my younger hyperactive self was dismissed as “growing out of it” and yet I never did because I started BODY BUILDING at like 13- and BIKED to and from school so physically I was stabilizing the adhd symptoms of hyperactivity… big oof.

[@Anonymous-ti8yw]

You know, I always kind of feel like there’s a delicate balance in homes where you live with someone who needs auditory stims. Yes you need to stim, but others might need peace and quiet in their homes on a bad day or be sensitive to noise. Your parents might have tried to make space for you to stim if they understood what it was and why, but I can also really empathize with how maddening that kind of constant squeaky noise might be. I have ADHD (no autism) but I do struggle with constant loud noise and find it very stressful. My autistic cousin who I ADORE, is non-verbal and when he was younger did a lot of extremely loud auditory stims. When we visited or he visited me I would accommodate because I am low support needs and didn’t even at the time know I had ADHD, sometimes this meant taking a break outside the house or in another part of the home. While I’ve always loved him and was willing to accommodate short term, I always knew I could never live with someone like him. So I feel like while the need for auditory stims is real, I think as people grow up they should try to find stims that work for them that are less disruptive to others.

[@GrumpyOldSoldiers]

I know what you mean about researching, I researched it for twenty years. I did try to see a psychologist in the time but he said that he would not assess me. I finally told my GP yesterday and explain the painstaking research I did over the last twenty years and how it all started off with being told my my autistic cousin that I am also autistic. It may seem strange to say this but ADHD can help in masking autism. I like your video and you remind me of a combo of two of my younger sisters when they your age. You might also like "I'm Autistic, now what?" I'm sure I'm not the first or the last to recommend a channel here though. I was in gymnastics in high school and even though I was in very good shape and studied hard working out for two years I got a 4.7 out of ten for my compulsory routine. It turns out that some of us are terribly uncoordinated.

[@kristynholding4628]

I love your authenticity. I find it very freeing to watch and listen to.

[@audhdbaddie]

thankyou🥹 i get a bunch of comments saying im annoying/ too figety/ loud so comments like this lift me up from that 🥲

[@kristynholding4628]

@@audhdbaddie OMG no!!! You're truly like a breath of fresh air. Coming from a newly diagnosed 43 year old Audhd-er.

[@audhdbaddie]

Im sending you so much love 🫶🏼 thankyou

[@spreaddread]

OMG. same thing with the perfume. so glad someone else is talking about it!!! Also, it took me FUREVER to kinda... grasp fully that not all people squint when its sunny?? I'm still kind of in disbelief how people can handle that. I don't have sensitive eyes, a lot of my art includes eyestrain/bright colors, but sunlight? Can't do it man. Especially if its overcast and the clouds are reflecting all of the sunlight downwards. omg. ANYWAYS, very amazing and informative video. I've already shared it around and I'm not even quite halfway through :D You've brought up a lot of amazing points!

[@katjathefranknfurter2374]

I feel so understood right now...

[@AnaBacanazp]

ok i started the autism research rabbit hole a few months ago, and I think you're the person I relate the most so far with the 'i can't be autistic, im probably projecting and I just relate to some of that' part in particular :,D id say the thing that holds me the most is also the sensory issue. I be like, 'yeah I don't have any, I'm extremely average on that' and: i also say i have extreme allergy to smells. ig partially cuz im allergic to a bunch of things (f for cat allergy), but i cant even pass anywhere near a store that sells perfumes, cosmetics, incense, bath stuff, candles, any of that. I have to squint my eyes to go outside and I only walk looking at the floor cuz the sky is too bright (started using sunglasses recently in this lovely overcast british weather and it's been actually really nice, my eyes no longer hurt from squinting). loud noises (particularly sudden ones) bother me and people scaring me is can be *very* upsetting. certain touches (like light touches or anything unexpected or coming from strangers) can be triggering--i wouldn't say that they hurt, but they can make me quite distressed depending (like my father poking me repeatedly actually can make me panic). idk about clothes bothering me, i see it as me being ok with them until i become self aware and i need to pull my shirt away from my skin repeatedly for half an hour, or suddenly feeling like im being stabbed by needles, but idk if i consider that cuz its so weirdly sporadic?? idk which also ties with me having trouble analysing whether i have sensory overload. the way people describe meltdowns, i think i have a somewhat similar experience only once every several months, often connected with me being emotionally distressed. i do get extremely tired when going out and have frequent headaches and nausea though, but im so used to it i just continued with my life most of the time and also try to hide when i feel sick when im in public. also, i dont have many exact memories, but i know that as a kid id just cry publicly on a daily basis and got bullied for that at school, so that was fun. dissecting my social interactions is also a whole other mess, but tldr, i do have friends, but uh i think i do meet the criteria, theres most certainly something off there, even though most people nowadays tend to read me as 'shy' and somehow endearing? I think? I think people find me cute which stems from me barely speaking. I can't explain, they always surprise me when they mention their opinion on me. But people at school def found me weird, and my aunt asked my mom recently if I hated her and my uncle because I can only pretend to be engaged with a conversation for 3 hours before losing the ability to put emotions on my face and sequestrate myself to an empty room (and family gatherings can take aallll day, which is....tough). I don't hate them, if I did, I wouldn't go to their house in the first place. [and ofc other things I won't bother explaining, but stimming is also a big thing for me] it's just weird because I don't feel like I relate to an enough degree? and one of my friends told me 'you don't look outistic' -- because she knows two autistic people -- and idk what to say. If it's not this, there's still smth definitely off, I just don't know what. it just pains me that I'm so terrified of speaking my mind, I can't even be honest in front of my close friends about how i feel and what i think. my interests are almost forbidden topics most of the time. it's agony.

[@audhdbaddie]

A lot of my meltdowns are from emotional distress too id say like 50% are. I’ve noticed though after allowing myself to unmask like 20% of them are caused by sensory overload and a the rest are caused by a mix of things , also my routine being disrupted , etc. Your friend who said “you dont look autistic” has no idea what they’re talking about. 🙄 no one *looks* autistic, because it doesnt have a look. What that actually translates to is = you mask really well (which is quite detrimental to our well being and its not sustainable for a long time). Hey ive been told the same thing, even had people say *its not that bad for you tho is it*… how would you know? You’re not living my experience, i know if i am autistic or not, i know how bad it is… no one else gets to decide that for you or judge those things. I hope things get better for you and i hope that you can find some people who get you & understand you. Do you have any autistic friends? I’ve made quite a few autistic/ adhd / audhd friends online and honestly it’s so great to have people who understand you and dont judge you for your difficulties related to autism / adhd.

[@AnaBacanazp]

​@@audhdbaddie hi! ty for the reply :) I do often wonder what may trigger a meltdown to others, so ty for sharing about the friend who said *that*, I felt pretty bad at that moment and couldn't help overthinking later, but then again, we don't see each other too often as we live very far away, so I guess she didn't have that much of a reference... And I don't have any diagnosed autistic friends, but I have talked with one friend about this that also suspects he has either adhd or autism, and we relate to a lot of things, so that makes sense. And I do have one more friend (that unfortunately I also don't see much now since moving), that, while I have not discussed that with her, I wonder if she may also be undiagnosed, cuz again, we are too similar in this very 'quirky' way--we studied together in uni for two years and we were inseparable then, and I was actually doing pretty well at that time. I miss a bit that, and I feel like I haven't been able to be much too honest about myself lately. It's difficult, but I've slowly been trying to open up more again. That would certainly help a lot my mental health.

[@JonBrase]

​@@AnaBacanazpIt's not anything that will get you diagnosed on its own, but your wall-of-text comment style definitely looks like a lot of comments I've made in various places on the web over the years (Diagnosed Autism+ADHD, male). And from what you've said, I think the possibility of autism certainly should be investigated in your case.

[@AnaBacanazp]

@@JonBrase haha I try to keep comments short (they would be twice the size if I didn't spend a while cutting them cough)... Well, I do want to get an assessment at least, but this is not something I think I can pursue at the moment. Eventually, for sure!

[@JonBrase]

@@AnaBacanazp Cutting and editing comments... The struggle is real. But yeah, if you can't pursue a diagnosis at the moment, it's still productive for your confidence to print out a copy of the DSM or ICD criteria and start writing down things that match.

[@dagmarwulfe]

I just super enjoyed watching this. You apologize for being scattered or hyper, but I found it relatable and fun to watch. I like your exuberance.

[@fujifilm5127]

Dude. This is insane, i just never had anxiety,i was just trying to solve an unsolvable puzzle my whole life. Since iv'e come to the conclustion i'm autistic, i just don't feel it anymore.

[@mrandisg]

I'm literally twice your age, but I relate to this so much it hurts. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in my 20s, ADHD at age 40, and autism...by myself about a year ago now, I think. The mental health resources in my local area SUCK. I live in the US in northwest Georgia. Therapy did help me get thru the worst of my anxiety and depression, but I was in and out of it a lot over the years, and I mean a LOT. It took me all these years to realize how ableist the system really is. All they really "help" you do is learn how to function more like a neurotypical. And if you don't "play by their rules," you're out. Miss too many appointments within their arbitrary time frame? You're kicked out and have to start over. Doesn't matter that your ADHD interferes with your executive function, which includes remembering to write down and keep appointments--and even when you do write them down, ANYTHING can distract you and prevent you from keeping that appointment. Nope. You missed too many appointments, now we have to treat you like a brand new patient even though we've seen you for years. Yep, that means a new therapist, one who has no clue about your past other than whatever notes the last one may have kept and left behind (yeah, your previous therapist has moved to a different facility or a different job altogether, btw). I was kicked out for the last time around 2022. Telehealth appointments had become an option, which was great, but the rules still applied. Shortly before that, I mentioned during one of my appointments that I was beginning to suspect I might also be autistic. That idea was instantly dismissed as me watching too much KZbin (which I do admit that I do, but that's beside the point!). After being kicked out yet again for having the symptoms they were supposed to be "treating" me for, I really thought long and hard about how they had actually been treating me all that time. So I decided not to go back. It wasn't worth the stress. I now say that I'm *cautiously* self-diagnosed AuDHD or "officially" ADHD and "unofficially" AuDHD. I'm sure lots of people, especially IRL, will tell me I'm wrong and I can't be autistic bc of one thing or another. But I've also seen a lot of people online accept me this way, and for that I'm grateful. Self-diagnosis may or may not be fully accepted, but I'll take what I can get at this point. It's enough for me to know I'm neurodivergent, my brain works differently from other brains, and that's okay. It's also okay if other people don't agree or understand. It's also okay if other people are also neurodivergent but have different experiences from me, so they're going to see things differently. It's ALL okay. We're all humans here. Sorry for the novel-length comment. One, I'm a writer, and two, I hyperfixate on KZbin comments a lot. 😂 Anyway, I subbed! 💖

[@audhdbaddie]

Thanks for sharing. Fully accept self diagnosis here, hey when you’ve gone undiagnosed all your life it’s usually the only way to actually eventually get your diagnosis. You have to realise it yourself - unfortunately. And also if you are wrong thats ok, it rarely happens but theres nothing wrong with accommodating your needs until you get your answers in the end. And HUH? They dismissed you because you watch too much youtube 🙄 thats ridiculous. I hope you can feel more comfortable in online spaces and know that you are accepted. So many of us have been dismissed by health “professionals” because they are not educated enough on what Autism is and all the ways it can present.

[@srldwg]

​@@audhdbaddieWe can all band together and educate them! We are the voice. Let's speak together, individually (at our doctor's appointments, our specialist appointments - our psychiatrists, our therapists, nurses, etc.) I don't give up after one mention. I keep the conversation going and open their mind and understanding. (It's not easy at all. Takes patience and determination, while keeping respectful.) If we don't do it, who will?🙂

[@Rutabega_NG]

I can relate to this a bit. I gave up on therapy a while ago, I kept finding people who were working on self-awareness and always mentioned that I was already pretty self-aware so they didn't really understand what they could do to help. Officially diagnosed ADHD - twice, had to get re-diagnosed to restart medication - unofficially AuDHD, peer-reviewed. The people who decide you're watching too many KZbin videos need to rethink their beliefs. If you decide based on one video then yeah it's a valid criticism, but that's rarely the case. They are ignoring the fact that this person who suspects, genuinely, suspects, is going to do a lot more reading and investigating and spend as much time trying to prove themselves wrong as prove they're correct.

[@apackofkoolz]

Wow this video is INCREDIBLY helpful for me. I am waiting on my results for my autism assessment right now, I find out in 9 days and I am diagnosed ADHD. Psychology is my #1 “special interest” and has been for a long time, and autism has become my new hyper fixation so I have been consuming SO MUCH content about it for weeks now and your video is the one that has blown my mind because we are so freaking similar. I have been diagnosed with basically everything by different psychiatrists and BPD was a big one that I truly believed was my issue for a long time. But I’m starting to realize that that may not be the case. I feel like my ADHD has always masked my (suspected) autism and I finally got on ADHD medication at the age of 21 and I started really noticing the autism coming out after taking medication for a while. I don’t think I would have ever known unless I got on ADHD medication, which has been a life saver btw lol. I’m so anxious to find out my results and I keep doubting myself and wondering if I could just be making this up in my head but when I look back on the social difficulties of my childhood and present day I can’t truly ignore all the things that pop up. I could go on and on with a tangent so I will stop myself now lol but thank you so much for this video. I have related to the experiences of most of the autistic women I have come across online but your video resonated with me deeply and I feel like I’m listening to myself when you talk about your experience so that makes me feel a little less crazy :,)

[@honicjoy]

I’m 42, got a diagnosis for ADHD at 41. I’m so happy for you that you found out now. This was very relatable. I still can’t seem to convince my therapist of my autism but maybe soon haha. Thank you for this. Everyone who tells about their experience fills in the puzzle for people on a journey of discovery.

[@Zebo262]

I can't wear the same perfume too many times in a row...... It gets to the point where I then smell it again and feel sick/wretch. So I've realised as long as I switch them up, I'm good

[@RexyLearnStuff]

Samples packs are the best for that! 🤩 I love Sana Jardin because they have a pack of almost all their scents and it gives you a coupon of the same cost towards a full bottle(I never bought one because I couldn't choose one😂) and they don't give me headaches like commercials more artificial perfumes even though they still smell fancy 😂

[@Zebo262]

@@RexyLearnStuff ah that's such a good idea! I'm lucky I don't get headaches from them, and there are plenty of perfume that I like. It doesn't seem to matter how much I like the perfume, if I wear it to much, the smell starts to make me feel sick :S

[@merrickmorris6373]

It’s hard when you aren’t diagnosed and you are trying to unmask because people think I’m using it as an excuse for my shitty behavior and I just need to accept I’m an asshole. I was diagnosed with adhd as a kid but I’m like 95% sure I have autism as well and yet I feel so misunderstood. I’m not trying to make excuses I’m just trying to figure out why I’m like this

[@ianlacy-mz3dl]

Hey there. So glad you posted again because I wanted to reach out and tell you that you have, quite literally, changed my life! As a long diagnosed ADHDer, I was looking out did for body doubling and found yours. I always knew I had a few autistic traits but would have never have dreamed I was ASD. When, after seeing your body doubling then, after, your first video on diagnosis, I was like…. hmm. Could I be?? If she could (but isn’t the classic presentation that I too was prejudiced to think of) be, could I be to?? Now a month or two SERIOUSLY down the rabbit hole, I KNOW I’m autistic! So thank u! It was your videos that made me look in the first place. And, whilst at the outset of my journey, just the knowing has completely changed my perspective of my life. Thanks so much! You never know how small things can change lives. All the best and ❤❤❤❤ your videos and energy!

[@audhdbaddie]

Omg amazing, i wish you all the best 🥹❤️

[@Sncex]

LMFAOOOO so relatable, the inward and outwards breathing sounds were so addicting to do as a kid, i used to do this thing too where i made a noise... and it sounds like GABIDAGABIDAGABIDAGABIDA, like im just quickly repeating it over and over again and it was just one of the stims i would CONSTANTLY do at home, i could never let myself do it outside of my home/family though

[@EmmaXO-lb9sf]

I have ADHD combined type, OCD, & clinical depression. I feel like I relate so much to you and wonder if I might be on the spectrum as well sometimes. But whenever I see autistic content, the symptoms of autism I do meet criteria for also seem like my adhd symptoms so I just assume I don’t. But who knows. Lol

[@Gengarisspooky]

I feel the same way I have adhd combined type too

[@chiara.cattaneo]

Same! I too have ADHD (diagnosed in 2021) so all the autism content i relate to i attribute it to my ADHD, but i think some of my traits are more likely autistic than ADHD. For example, loud meltdowns, sensory overload everytime i'm outside (since covid), sensory aversions, rigid thinking, etc. These are things i've always experienced but unconsciously i masked so much more before covid. Are there any traits/experiences you have that you can identify that maybe correlate more with autism than ADHD? If you want i'd love to chat 😊

[@chiara.cattaneo]

@@Gengarisspooky Same! I too have ADHD combined type (diagnosed in 2021) so all the autism content i relate to i attribute it to my ADHD, but i think some of my traits are more likely autistic than ADHD. For example, loud meltdowns, sensory overload everytime i'm outside (since covid), sensory aversions, rigid thinking, etc. These are things i've always experienced but unconsciously i masked so much more before covid. Are there any traits/experiences you have that you can identify that maybe correlate more with autism than ADHD? If you want i'd love to chat 😊

[@EmmaXO-lb9sf]

@@chiara.cattaneo oh my goodness, that’s so interesting you say that because I struggled so bad after being locked in my apartment alone during Covid and really struggled back in the world!! Personally, I feel like besides that, it’s hard to say. I’m a pretty outgoing and social person overall and it’s weird because people either seem to love me or find me reallyyy annoying haha

[@chiara.cattaneo]

@@EmmaXO-lb9sf yep covid was hard on a lot of us, especially ND folks. I'm glad that you don't have many problems when it comes to socializing, if i understood correctly 😊

[@raptorg.86]

Honestly I have been thinking I’m audhd ever since I started unmasking my adhd after my diagnoses 7 months ago, and started really digging into everything that I’ve been experiencing throughout my life that I just ignored or assumed everyone was like me. Hearing this video and the things you listed made me feel so heard and understood so I really appreciate you for doing this and sharing your experience.

[@박-r3d]

Ive been binge watching autism videos and I cannot deny anything. Yet i can’t bring myself to accept it. There is just no way. If I get diagnosed with autism too on top of my adhd, depression, anxiety, and ocd, i’m just literally a piece of useless flesh on this earth and I will never succeed in anything 😢

[@hannahmitchell87]

I think I'm cycling in & out of actual denial. Keep finding videos that hit so hard & explain so much but I've apparently already watched, with honestly zero memory & totally new info that completely floors me (again)? I'm so paranoid I'm actually delusional & friends & family are gonna breathe a sigh of relief one day when I finally wake up to reality. Either that or the red bar & everyone around me is lying & I'm an MK Ultra victim ;) only half joking. I'm guessing you're exhausted, scared & confused by it all? Sending a big hug to you & your brain. Hope you can find some peace & strategies that help X

[@blooddumpster3427]

"NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I BEEN FOOHKIN NORMAL" lmfao. Friend, I relate to you more than you can imagine. Thanks for sharing.

[@Bastet-Ariaten]

I’m 35 and watching u is like watching an old video of myself and now has me really really upset that I no longer talk or jump around or be me like that due to so much anxiety and trauma forcing me to mask it all. Anyways I’m confirmed adhd suspected audhd and this video helped me feel not alone. I have been researching this for 2 yrs now (began with bpd which I had some therapist suggested but never confirmed it) but yeah and then my bf started telling me things he noticed about me when interacting with others and how I came across so that got the asd side rolling only to realize how much I shut down. Also also when I DID take medication for me ADHD I hated it cuz I became quiet, incredibly easy to annoy with any form of sounds and so anti social it hurt so I stopped taking it (how much did u have to take cuz I had to take 60 mg daily and it still didn’t last). Anywho thank u so so much!! Cuz u helped me notice things I never thought to jot down (I also have a list of childhood memories on my phone for clarification)

[@marblecakesp9307]

I have a formal ADHD diagnsosis, and was like, yep this makes sense, and didnt look back, until autism, spesifically, like many others, it became a special interest. So now im prosuing an autism diagnosis because the critiria matches, and throughout my years, I can clearly see VERY spesific indicators that were missed of not understood by my parents, from a hyperfixation on games (litteraly made most of my school projects about games if I could, or cats) to just difficulty within school, ie fitting in. I actually had to be PHYSICALLY draged to school, but my parents always said 'but the teachers say your fine while you there' (still used that up until recently) however, it now occurs to them I was masking at a very intense level, hence why I was tired after school all the time. I almost never smiled in photos, just because I could just not do it or something (autistic traid under our understanding of PDA) I also took ADHD meds and still felt off, where many traits of ADHD were now subdued, autistic ones presented themself. One reason I was skeptical about autism was some steriotypes that I know understand I overcame through some forms of copy paste behaviors, generaly most likely fuled by my ADHD paying attention to somones posture rather than their words when they spoke sometimes. It just all makes sense, I also had a fascination with spinning knives at three in the morning when I was a baby, my parents must have been scared when they walked into the kitched with their young child using the OG fidget spinner Also this, me; oversharing 💀

[@DJ-Daz]

I've literally just had my first assessment appointment today. I'm 54 and all these years I just knew I was different. I asked them at the end if I was on the right path. They nodded emphatically yes. They can't give me a diagnosis for a few weeks just yet, but the relief after that one answer feels astonishing. My final meeting is Monday. I love to clean. But my main computer room is a mess, the rest of the house is spotless. Don't be hard on yourself, easy to say, hard to do.

[@JonBrase]

16:30 This seems to be very common among females with autism and much less so among males. For guys, attempts from the outside to get us to pay attention to appearances (physical or social) seem to be much more likely than not to trigger our PDA, and, if ADHD is present, it hunts down and devours any internal motivation to present ourselves well, because that would be time and effort not spent on keeping a look out for--- SQUIRRELS!

[@Mr-qt4xr]

You are actually adorable, funny and really clever! Its sad to hear you were bullied at school for audhd problems. I had a similar problem in one of my jobs, I barely spoke to anyone and was ostracised for it in the end. If I don't feel totally comfortable, I just close up. I guess it is a sort of selective mutism. I find on reflection I only do it around toxic people/social situations and it more likely to happen the more people I'm around. But I'm like you, my ADHD does make me generally chatty. I think it is defense mechanism for us!! Anyway, loved the video! 😁

[@audhdbaddie]

Aww thankyou, that is so sweet🥹❤️. I tooootally relate to this. I deffo think i had some kind of selective mutism especially when i was younger there were certain situations where i literally could not bring myself to speak, it felt like i was blocked, like the fear inside me was on another level. Also it’s quite a common thing in autistic people so makes even more sense now

[@gothicfly]

After getting meds for anxiety and adhd, Ive started to take more notice about lack of social awareness. Like Ive always had issues but Ive kinda categorized them like "I dont understand what the problem is? All Im saying is the truth. There must be something wrong with people since they are too sensitive. I get along with all kinds of people really". But now Ive come to realize that Ive only thought I had good social relationships but when I look at the evidence, there isnt that many people whom actually want to talk with me and I always seem to end up breaking some kind of social norms that make people upset about. Even in some neurodiverse community.

[@CamStubbs]

38 being told their is no option for late diagnosis in my area and will have to travel plus pay out of pocket. Now going through the back door to get disabled designation to than have doors open for a local diagnosis 🤦‍♂️ WTF

[@raymoonlight3396]

Thank you so so so much for inspiring me to go back and look at my childhood photos. I don't think I would've done that until I found your video and you showed us your pictures. That made me wonder "what did I do as a child?". I feel like doing this step changed so much for me. I kept feeling lost and not knowing who I was anymore, but going back and looking at those, talking to people about what I did as a child gave so so so much needed clarity. So thank you so much for inspiring me to do that. 💙

[@looli1327]

oh man... you couldnt even let me keep my "wow. Im so like her but I definitely DON'T have autism" defense mechanism. I laughed out loud at so many parts but this is kind of startling. I have ADHD. I also have complex PTSD so i thought the trauma brought out autistic like traits but the more i process the trauma, the more glaringly obvious that I am both ADHD (combined. the hyperactive is coming out after dealing with a childhood of corporal punishment) and autistic. I can't mask as well anymore bc it requires my PTSD dysregulation to do it well. The more regulated I am, the less it makes sense to mask. Small talk is now really much worse! How can I lose skills as I become happier? it's insane

[@chiara.cattaneo]

✋ 27 y.o. ADHDer (diagnosed at 24) suspecting autism. I too am high masking so i have imposter syndrome regarding autism, and the stigma around it only intensifies it. I started having skill regression since covid, so i've had very loud meltdowns, when i'm outside i always end up on sensory overload and have sensory aversions that i didn't have since childhood. Also i've always had rigid thinking so for example in some situations i have a hard time tolerating people doing things "the wrong way", people "invading" my space and so many other things that makes me think it's not just ADHD. So i'll probably get an assessment to know for sure.

[@zeangrygerman1460]

Had a burnout a little while ago and since had an adhd diagnosis. I had the suspicion that I have a touch of the 'tism (both run in the family, with a sibling of mine being diagnosed with both since childhood). It's relieving to see that other people have what are in essence the same struggles that I do, and have had since time. Being late diagnosed means I (still) relativise my problems away, largely in part to my black an white thinking. To compound things, I relate more with the female experience of autism, which is understood even less than the male experience. Still looking to get the diagnosis for autism. It doesn't really change anything, other than legitimising my experience.

[@blueberrybabe4192]

There’s soooooo many points where I relate like nearly every single point you made and trait mentioned. I actually feel more comfortable if that makes sense (imposter syndrome). I’ve got loads of trauma and didn’t know I was high masking until earlier this year..I’m nearly 20 so 😅. I love your vocal stim, it reminds me of a happy parakeet. I’ve been wondering if it’s worth getting an official diagnosis because most people around me say it’s not-my family (💀). Late diagnosis here I come because it’s absolutely worth it and has benefits!! Btw, I’ve also been cleaning all day especially as I’m listening to this ☺️

[@audhdbaddie]

I love this comment🥹. It’s also validating for me to see other people relating, yeah i would say for me getting a diagnosis definitely has its benefits!

[@DivergentDiviner]

Wow! If this couldn't get any more relatable and validating, you then showed us your nest- a glorious, organized chaos. Thank you- for giving yourself permission to be you, for putting yourself out there and for sharing your existence with us 🙏I feel WAY less alone in this world. You're so sparkly 🤩

[@audhdbaddie]

Hahah tysm, this comment was like a hug🥹💖

[@DivergentDiviner]

@@audhdbaddie yo, my heart explodes with joy, what a beautiful sentiment and description 🥰🥹 Virtual, mindful, comforting-compression bear hug to you, baddie! 🤗

[@marinavaquerperello7929]

Can you be autistic without having the classic symptoms of communication problems and rituals? I am a 22 year old woman, I have inatentive adhd and i wonder if i also have autism. This Christmas I had several dinners and meals in a row and then I went on a trip (3 days). Now I can't cope with my life, I'm exhausted, I can't stop sleeping and I'm still tired, I can't do anything, I can't study. I think I may be autistic but I don't have many sensory issues and I don't think i have difficulties in communication. My difficulties are more of a social exhaustion, I get mute, burnout, I have a hard time expressing my feelings, I am a bit weird with touch (I hate certain textures, people touching me...). Sometimes I overthink eye contact but not too much. Everytime I talk to someone I feel like they're miles away from me, like there's a semi-transparent fabric between us. I am very sensitive to sounds, especially when I am trying to concentrate on something, I have a hard time with family meals, trips… (I always have to go to the bathroom to recharge my energy), I get migraines easily with noises and lights (e.g. a pharmacy), I have a hard time knowing what I feel and regulating my emotions, I feel intense emotions but at the same time I dissociate a lot, I live in my own head, in my own world, I dissociate and I start to imagine during conversations (and I don't know if i dissociate because of my adhd or because i'm trying to escape from the overstimulation). When I was little, people thought I was deaf because they called me by my name and I didn’t respond. I have always felt that there is something strange about me. Something wrong inside me and that people can feel it. When I was little, when I talked to others, I always felt like I was acting. I thought, “That’s my secret.” It was a secret I had with myself, the feeling that I was pretending all the time, that there was a real me that never came to light. But at the same time, I have never really known what that “real me” is or was. Maybe I've been masking for all my life and now I don't know who I amb without it. I once spoke to a psychologist who is a friend of my mom, who knew me when I was little, and she told me that she had always noticed something strange. She told me that she thought, “What’s wrong with this girl?”. There are videos of me as a child during christmas, where my brother and I were opening presents and I remember being super excited at those moments, but in the videos I appear super serious and expressionless. Durings my teenage years my family often misunderstood me because they said I was making rude expressions but I seriously thought I was just serious. Also I got in trouble a lot because when I went to school, I was very social and talkative but I had to put a lot of effort in it. But then when I arrived home, I was so exhausted I couldn't say a word, it felt like a mask was falling of, and my parents where mad because I was so silent. I've always had a hard time expressing my emotions, although now I feel that I'm better at expressing exactly what I want to express, using the right voice and the right entonation (although it's very tiring). Now this acting thing doesn’t happen to me as much anymore, but sometimes I still feel it. Before I knew how to adapt to the world more. Now I feel that it is increasingly difficult for me to adjust to life expectations. I am increasingly tired, more unregulated, more overstimulated, stressed, doing anything is just so hard, but I am not depressed. I don't think I have repetitive or ritualistic behavior patterns, although I do bite the skin on my nails a lot, I play with my rings and earrings, I bite my lips and cheeks on the inside, I scratch my back, I pop pimples and touch my face all the time. I listen to the same song on repeat for 1, 2 or 3 hours all the time. I have limerance, an obsession with people I just met in an unhealthy way, but at the same time I don’t miss people, when they are not physically present it is as if they do not exist. I don't know. I'm so lost.

[@audhdbaddie]

I relate so much to pretty much everything you have said, but if socialising makes you so exhausted that it causes you to go mute, i would definitely class that as a communication problem. And it sounds like you’ve learnt to mask your natural style of communicating in order for people around you to “get you”. Autism, can definitely also be seen as a *different* way of communicating and sometimes the autistic person doesnt see it as a *problem*, because communicating in our own way isnt really a problem… if it was effective and people understood us. BUT because most of the world is neurotypical then it becomes a problem. Because theres a barrier there, because you have different communication styles, a different way of thinking. I’d say definitely keep researching and if you feel like you identify with it, you should try pursue a diagnosis. Understanding and accomodating yourself can be life changing, in a great way.

[@audhdbaddie]

Also you said you dont have repetitive/ ritualistic behaviour but then you named a bunch😆. It doesn’t have to fit the stereotype of rocking back and forth or flapping your hands, sure a bunch of autistics stim like that, i do too, but there are plenty of autistic people who have quieter, more hidden or more socially acceptable stims like you described!

[@16Ravers]

Thank you for this. Similar story. Found out I was adhd a few years ago and loads of autism stuff is relatable but not all, I think a lot of the adhd covers symptoms and also learning coping mechanism to compensate 😅 always social anxiety though for sure and definitely sensory issues but I mostly am pretty good at picking up on how people are feeling and reading them that way (but this also could be bc of growing up hyper vigilant and covering up some of that idk)

[@nubbosaur]

It made me so happy to see you allow yourself to stim while filming instead of forcing it down, and being so calm about it. It feels good to see people who talk like me 🥹. I'm always forcing myself to stop moving and then I lose my train of thought.

[@danaelencu]

Hi, I am 45 and I relate to your video so much! From finding it hard to keep the house in order, to having been a shy child who didn't know how to behave around her peers, to questioning whether all this is autism + ADHD and feeling like an impostor. I am also Romanian 😊. A lot of times I think that it might not be autism, because I don't exhibit some of its typical features, but then I remember my daughter does exhibit them (sensitivity to food textures, for instance). We have both decided to get tested, first for ADHD and then for autism. I am going to write down my experiences and look for old pictures (I remember trying to pose in "cool" positions, which I'll probably find ridiculous now), and I also hope that, if I start taking ADHD medication, everything will become clearer. Thank you so much for your video, I cried because I felt truly seen!

[@DavidLindes]

37:42 - thanks. Yup, it's a struggle for me, too. And it's sad, because I think I'd be _so_ organized if I could manage it... but I can't, and so it's just chaos. An AuDHDer, diagnosed with ADHD in my late 20's, and Autism just this year, at 50... (so, "late" is relative! :D)

[@FriendlyNeighborhoodQu33r]

I’ve been really wrestling with whether or not I might have autism for months now. I’m diagnosed with ADHD but I’ve been wondering if I also have autism. I have a LOT of sensory issues, including Misophonia (which I know is a separate disorder, but it occurs alongside autism a lot) and issues with food texture and stuff. I also have social anxiety and am constantly overthinking social situations. This is one of the MAJOR reasons I feel like I might not have autism, because I feel like I’m hyper aware of social cues and stuff because I’m always trying to make sure I don’t make mistakes. I’ve also never really struggled with making friends. Also, my sibling has ADHD and I feel like I struggle with more things than they do and to a higher degree. I had to go to therapy as a kid because I was so inflexible and would throw fits whenever something didn’t go how I wanted it to/ thought it would go. Another is that I don’t have issues with a lack of empathy- I’m the total opposite. I am so overly empathetic that I will start sobbing over the idea of leaving an inanimate object behind because I get so attached. Anyways, it’s so nice seeing someone with both ADHD and autism talk about their story because it helps me feel seen and even if I don’t have autism, it’s comforting to see that there are other people struggling with similar things that I do :)

[@thegoat20066]

Not all autistic people lack empathy in fact many are very sensitive to empathy!

[@thelingeringartist]

Hi.. as someone who was recently diagnosed as autistic alongside already having been diagnosed with ADD, a lot of what you’re describing lines up with the reasons why I got my diagnosis in the first place. Esp the crying as a child (for me it was mostly sensory overload) and the overwhelming empathy thing.

[@captainleisuresuit]

Love your candor, storytelling, and kooky energy! 🤩

[@chesneymigl4538]

I just love watching ND people on youtube. I can't help but smile seeing things that I totally relate to. A kindred spirit. I remember figuring out about my autism because I kept telling my psych doc that the meds just didn't seem to be working. Like, I would feel a little better, but not the "Woah!" better that other ADHD people expressed. She just accused me of drug seeking and wouldn't discuss it more. So I did what any sane person would do, I fell down KZbin! I didn't even know what I was looking for at the time, I was just starting with ADHD videos by Dr. Barkley and slowly made my way through recommended videos until something that sounded like me fit. I'd bet I also have what he called sluggish cognitive tempo (they are calling it something else now, don't remember) but that's not diagnosable yet. At first I was in denial because I didn't "see myself as autistic", even though I know now that doesn't mean anything. I was finally able to find a doctor that specialized in ADHD/Autism in women to do an assessment. Now, it seems every day I'm finding something that I do that is both just me being me but is also flashing red sign of my autism.

[@anonymouspotato8315]

Thanks for the nice video, and by the way, love the starry bed sheets !

[@johnbillings5260]

Oh yes... The struggle to keep things neat is real! 😮 Had to sub because of your awesome laughs.

[@AzariahMarinaStarcaster]

"Welcome to my autism channel" is iconic though

[@moonhunter9993]

I have ADHD. I was always pretending to be a horse as a kid, all the way until I was 15. Some very elaborate games and stories involved. My ADHD teen daughter loves to pretend she's a cat... she's really good. Cats freak out a bit when she talks to them. She sounds really convincing.

[@EllieAustin-xx5so]

Your stimming outburst at the beginning really set me off! 🤣 Very similar to me, I think. 😂

[@nadeeya2064]

thanks for sharing this. feels really validating to know that someone else is also going through this confusing situation 😩 i have adhd but i have also noticed that my adhder friends aren't struggling badly with sensory issues or socialising. all this time i thought that im just more hypersensitive than them...

[@nadeeya2064]

i have been on meds for a year now and my sensory issues has been more noticeable. everything is too loud, bright, hot, cold, smelly, ugh. im not unable to hide how certain things makes me uncomfortable anymore

[@cintas1603]

Thiiiis has made me Feel Things(tm) and Think About Things(tm) so I am now going to go have a cry about those. X'D Thank you for making this video!

[@WilliamTheUnkownShoutout]

Hello AdhdBaddie hello anyway this is indeed very heartwarming and very wonderful and very beautiful and very adorable and this brings back such great memories of when I use to be a 90s kid and an early 2000s kid and I am a new subscriber as well:).

[@jbonkerz]

I have been wondering for a while now about this, I am 39 and got diagnosed with ADHD at 36. After I started taking Adderall I noticed that while I could concentrate a lot better and didn't forget entire conversations mid way through them, I wasn't able to tolerate things that previously only bothered me minimally. I also started noticing traits that my son has that I have as well that I didn't know were autistic traits until we started getting him assessed for Autism (He has since been diagnosed with mild Autism.)

[@Webdesign-witch]

Girl you are soo funny!! I really enjoy listening to you!

[@jordanleewalker]

Thank you for sharing this. It's actually kind of nice to hear someone else making random squeaking noises. xD Given the chance, I'm always doing strange noises or impressions. Then I can massively relate to you with social anxiety. I feel okay when I'm with others, but even just walking down the street alone can be stressful.

[@beethers]

Thanks so much for making this video, I love it 💕

[@CrisutzaCriss]

I have been brought up in a Romanian family as well, and the pressure of having a child that fits in the norms is huge, especially for girls. Just as you were saying, being self-conscious ever since I was conscious, I can relate so much to this. I am now at a point in my life where I have been studying about autism and doing tests, because I suspect that I might have it, but I have never been to a therapist in my life as this was regarded as "having a problem" or just exaggerating. Now I live in the UK and I am seriously thinking on getting checked, to get that question answered - "How do i behave like a normal person to fit in at this moment, without seeming awkward?". I don't want to self-diagnose, as this is not fair on people that actually have it. So I feel a bit guilty to go get checked, because I might just have a lot of anxiety or find it exhausting to interact in social settings, which occurs in other people who are not autistic. ❤Your video is very helpful, and gave me the confidence to get myself checked. No matter the result, at least I will clear that doubt that I have every time I encounter the question of: "How do i behave like a normal person to fit in at this moment, without seeming awkward?

[@neetvillage]

thank you for this. it's insane how my story sounds so insanely similar to yours, i can't believe it. i also have adhd and ocd (ocd diagnosed as a child, covered up everything else) and did the same pipeline of imposter syndrome. i haven't been diagnosed with autism cause it's really hard to get a diagnosis as an adult here (very expensive) but imma keep trying. thank you so much.

[@MacGrump]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your honesty ❤ Your video made me cry with relief. I’m currently going through diagnosis for both. I was convinced I was ADHD but my GP is insistent it’s both. I just really identified with everything you were saying. You’re just amazing. Thank you

[@audhdbaddie]

🥹❤️ sending you so much love

[@hellbreakfast]

Thanks for putting this out there. I, also, have a room that I've been trying to clean for a week.

[@dreadteir]

Good God, your energy. I feel it, I know it. Some days it's just like fwoomp! 11:13 - That's what happened to me. I started taking meds for my ADHD, and I started noticing the Autism issues much more acutely, 30:00 - Wait, what? Hang On... THIS!! I f_cking hate people who don't just say what they want or need! ARRRGH!! Okay, adding that to my issues; hey, oh yeah. I never used to realize I couldn't tell when kids were saying mean things, being mean, or taking advantage of me... Damn. 37:15 - Huh, I guess it makes sense that some days I have the energy to clean, other days I don't. I also shouldn't feel too bad. Great video! Thank You!!!

[@pratibhasrivastava1506]

I missed u so much😢😭 Pls never ever make me wait for ur video this much ever again!!!😘😘😘😘

[@audhdbaddie]

Omg im so sorry😭❤️ im glad to be back

[@tinad3128]

I have adhd I suspected autism also. Sadly I couldn't get past a couple minutes. But the jittering figeting itched my brain in a bad way so it did clear some things up. Thank you for making this.

[@audhdbaddie]

🥲🥲 im the same with my sister, i cant stand when she fidgets / stims too much cos its too distracting/annoying i have to look away😭

[@CanisSubwoofus]

I shat tears at the “my friend would act like a horse” bc every day I used to go and act like a cat. I still play ping-pong-meow with my best friend. I am 29. 🤡 (I’m sure I have adhd bc it’s been diagnosed in my family on my mom’s maternal side, autism tho? Idk, lel )

[@audhdbaddie]

WAIT COS I ALSO USED TO ACT LIKE A CAT TILL I WAS A TEEN, i still do sometimes😂

[@CanisSubwoofus]

⁠@@audhdbaddieLmaooo!! 🤣 yay for cat power!🎉

[@thegoat20066]

I acted like Pokemon 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@isabellecd888]

I actually would love to have a conversation with you about these experiences cause everything you’re describing is my life experience in such a synchronous way it’s crazy!! Thank you for sharing, this made me feel so heard and validated

[@kayoss6653]

It's interesting that you mentioned you thought you had BPD. I was actually professionally diagnosed with BPD a couple of years ago, but recently have been questioning that diagnosis due to some serious social problems I have. Of course you can have both, but I had no idea that it's actually quite common for people to be misdiagnosed with BPD when in fact they actually have Autism.

[@IceCreamSplat]

Thinking about my "Aha!" moment makes me laugh bc the situation was that I was ranting to my friends about so many people in the fandom of my literal special interest (didn't know that yet then) basically made it fanon that one of the characters were autistic, and I had to argue against it bc "I also do that and I'm not autistic!!!" 😭 anyway that's when my friend went "have you ever thought about that you relate to him bc you're also autistic" and I was like "wh- whu- what? No, I'm not... if I was someone would've mentioned it earlier" so I took an autism assessment online and got a very high score (meaning that I was autistic) and in combination with "you can't trust these things online" I had to come to terms that maybe my friend was right 😭😭 after thinking about it for a while I started to use it as something I had in common with that character I love and that made me feel proud in a way, idk. It's just so funny to me that a fanon interpretation of a character from my special interest was what made me come to terms with the diagnosis for myself, that's like the Autism Special kinda route to go

[@IceCreamSplat]

Another trait I've seen linked to autism is having a very photographic memory and I think I was too autistic to understand what photographic memory meant when I was younger bc I thought it would appear like a detail perfect photo, but when talking to how others think about memories I've realized that I remember a lot more details than others do. And it goes back to all the way in my childhood, I have memories from when I was 2. I know the point where I gained consciousness (some weeks before turning 4) and thinking about it now I realize that remembering this much is not common. I have people telling me that there's no way I can remember things from when I was 12, but I'm like WHAT why wouldn't I? I was practically an adult in my mind at that point hahahah

[@Gengarisspooky]

im diagnosed with adhd and it makes sense to both me and my mom. i also think im autistic but it presents differently with my adhd due to my sensory overloads and impact on social situations and cognitions. i cannot pick up on things that soley is explained with adhd alone. i take things literally and i dont understand sarcasm that it has brought concern and my eye contact is so intense that it makes people uncomfortable but professionals disregard it because of the eye contact. im getting tested for autism soon and my mom doesnt think im autistic and that everything is just my adhd so its hard to tell and i get imposter syndrome at times. the adhd is 100% correct and im not sure about the autism but i do believe autism may play a role but im not sure i always struggled making and keeping friends and i often distance myself at times but other times i talk too much and i talk too fast when i am excited which freaks people out and i have to ask people to repeat themselves due to inattentiveness

[@audhdbaddie]

I hope you get a good assessor, thats great that youre getting an assessment soon. If you really identify with autism, you could be right! Does your mom know about the different ways autism can present and that it is a wide spectrum?

[@Gengarisspooky]

@@audhdbaddie Thank you! I hope I get a good assessor as well. My mom doesn't know about the different ways autism can present itself as her only experience was with her cousin and my cousins (her side) who are all need support, and her knowledge is just what people think of when they think of autistic people. I really identify with both adhd and autism. People who used to be my friends and coworkers have brought up to me that they have no doubt about me being autistic.

[@audhdbaddie]

it sucks when a family member doesnt understand but hopefully she will open her mind and want to learn more about it in order to understand you better 🥺❤️

[@Gengarisspooky]

@@audhdbaddie hi im back to let you know today i got officially diagnosed with autism level 2. im audhd

[@audhdbaddie]

@Nutcrackeregg omg congrats, it must feel validating to finally have your diagnosis❤️

[@seaofhope6724]

Honestly i prolly never could get a diagnosis bc i have a lot of memories blocked out from my childhood and pretty much no medical records from then bc my parents isolated me and my siblings and didnt take as to the doctor and stuff like that. I feel like i could nvr get an official diagnosis. I feel like even if i did have any stuff showing as a kid it was covered up by all the traumatic stuff that happened lol

[@Pixinie]

Love your hair!! Really suits you. Also.. would you do more body doubling vids your energy is so good for them 🤗

[@audhdbaddie]

Aww thank you🥹 and yes i was thinking about doing some more, but lately ive been feeling really burnt out and it’s been taking me days even weeks to clean a single space🥲 when i come out of this burn out a lil i’ll film more of those!

[@spazzwad]

I get you on the noises thing. Overlapping noises are the worst! I was also super loud as a kid.

[@RobbW-ay]

My psychiatrist actually sent a DNA sample for medication metabolism test. I’m already on Prozac and he put me on caplyta bc he thinks I have bipolar symptoms which I don’t believe that’s what it is.

[@loganskiwyse7823]

diagnosed at 53. New I was Autistic for decades. But refused the constant ADHD diagnoses for several years before the full diagnosis. They couldn't see the Autistic traits under the ADHD and I could admit the ADHD due to not understanding it and knowing they were missing the Autism. It is not just women that are late diagnosed. I am so old from before we knew what either disorder actually was.

[@dylannicks1146]

I was diagnosed with aspergers young. It truly runs with OCD.

[@heedmydemands]

Like it's a common comorbidity?

[@dylannicks1146]

@@heedmydemands yeah they tend to often run together

[@heedmydemands]

@@dylannicks1146 my sister has it. I'm not sure I have a good grasp of what it is though

[@dieselbaby]

@@dylannicks1146 yes it's extremely common. At least here in the US when I was younger and until maybe like 10 years ago or so, maybe a bit longer, they generally considered Asperger's to be a variant of autism itself...a *lot* of boys (now men) around my age were diagnosed with things like ADHD and also Asperger's or were considered "suspected Asperger's", usually put on a hefty dose of stimulant medication like they did with me (ugh). And yeah, OCD is remarkably prevalent amongst those with Aspergers/ADHD, particularly more "high functioning" individuals, though I am not a fan of that term.

[@GPKatai]

Dude that was the weird thing! You would relate to some ADHD and some autistic stuff but it felt different. Like stuck in the middle! I just got my AuDHD diagnosis

[@WeirdNamja]

Does anyone ever really know? I get the feeling we all question it despite a diagnosis. "Late diagnosis at 24" I know it's considered late, but to me it sounds so young due to not being diagnosed til 45, and 45 probably sounds young to those diagnosed even later.

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

16:12 every time i cook anything (unless it’s breadsticks or bacon) my son says “that smells horrible.” 😂😂😂

[@nim7742]

I have gotten my autism diagnosis at 24 aswell, but i have suspected adhd too (my mom and other family members have it). The sad thing is that i have have been rejected the diagnosis by my phsychologist because they think the autism diagnosis is sufficent for now, even tho im truly struggeling in my day to day. I guess its harder for girls to get the diagnosis :((

[@audhdbaddie]

😪😪 ive heard that so many times, even with myself the other way round - when i wanted my autism diagnosis my gp said “why do you want it, you already have ur adhd one , isnt that enough?” WHAT DO YOU MEAN? They are different conditions and require different kind of support! ADHD meds can be life changing, and so can autism accomodations!! It’s ridiculous to say that one diagnosis is “sufficient” … no it’s not, because they are different things. It MATTERS wether u have one condition or the other or both 🙄🙄😪

[@AJB_twoleftwings]

I literally realized just a few days ago that my absolute least supportive family member has a lot of symptoms too, so samsies.

[@homeopathicfossil-fuels4789]

I listen to literal noise and make extremely loud industrial techno I thought special interests was a critical criterium, and sensitivity to noises I do stim constantly, by twiddling my hair, I get dreadlocks and lose length from it and I hate it. Thanks for helping me understand my hunch better

[@stupidben999]

I just found this video. I love it. You have pointed out everything. How I wish I could have found this video earlier.

[@TocYounger]

Yeah, that's what my house looks like... thanks for including this.

[@TakaiDesu]

My god your bodylanguage is so similar to mine Im going crazy over here!!!! Adhd and ocd diagnosed here, and going after the diagnosis of autism and possibly bipolar disorder Did you ever get checked for Ehler Danlos syndrome? I have a strong suspicion im that too cuz I have like literally all the symptoms !!!!!!!

[@TakaiDesu]

Omg I just would love to have a friend like you, Like you literally would understand me in a whole new level fhhdhd why aren’t more people like us?! Huh?!! Why is this world so boring AAAAAAAAAA

[@TakaiDesu]

I have the same story as you and I didnt speak for months in school and people started calling me “the mute girl” AAAAA hsvshhddhbdfhbfhbf

[@TakaiDesu]

THE SAME ABOUT THE ROUTINE THINGS AND RAGING ADHD AAAAAAAHHH hdhdhd This is insane!!!!!

[@sanne5412]

Trying to listen to you on 1.5 speed all the while thinking I love your hair color! Aaarghh😂

[@Dancestar1981]

The world has just become more complex than your ability to cope under the circumstances don’t be ashamed I’m AUDHD and we have it especially tough