How I Used Shadow Work In The Power Struggle Stage Of My Relationship

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Overcoming Unworthiness by Understanding and Accepting your Shadow
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In this video, I talk about the shadow work I did during the power struggle stage of my relationship.
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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel, and thank you for stopping by!
This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.
Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!
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[@leolady8114]

This video was INCREDIBLY valuable!!! Thank you for expressing your personal experience, I do feel that it lands better when there are examples such as what you have been providing in these series of videos!!! As always...thank you for all you do!!!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thrilled you ilke this :) Thanks for taking the time to comment

[@leolady8114]

@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool ABSOLUTELY! I am consistently sharing your school and youtube video content to my family & friends! You have helped MANY, MANY people!!!!

[@phoebesylvain4423]

Pplp

[@phoebesylvain4423]

P0⁰000⁰0⁰000

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

Interesting how much of our relationships are a reflection of what's happening with our relationship with ourselves :)

[@dentrout9383]

You just described my life. I literally feel trapped in a kind of hell

[@kayleedavenport5052]

More shadow work example videos PLEASE! Lol

[@lailas.3205]

It sounds like shadow works involves noticing where you are triggered by someone else's behavior and considering how you are exhibiting that same behavior toward yourself and toward others? This has given me a lot of food for thought. I am by default an AP, and I left a very painful relationship with a DA several months ago. This video has made me realize how I have historically shown up as an FA with other people who are APs 🤦🏾‍♀️ Thank you for sharing this, Thais 💕

[@edgreen8140]

Shadow work is so helpful in being present , less triggered. I also recommend inner child work.

[@Dd94949]

The real work of relationship is in repair. Paying close attention to needs, and showing up for yourself and others - when you are able. And when you aren't able, you notice that too, and repair. It's not about perfection but about consistency.

[@CarterSams]

Cute to watch you talk about you & your husband’s story. I saw a little spark in your smile and your passion was evident.

[@stormyskyz7881]

Thanks for sharing Thais. I’m in the power struggle stage. I wanna take things less personally

[@leasah1197]

My primary attachment style is secure but my secondary is fearful avoidant. Talking myself off the ledge is tiring at times.

[@loverofbeautifulthings]

This is a great video and you are so fortunate to have met a DA who was already committed to working on himself when you met him. I am thinking he is a very rare find. You are so blessed.

[@danielsmithiv1279]

The shadow...this some good stuff. Its interesting--Jesus said, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, `Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." So, in a sense, shadow work is kinda like removing the speck from the eyes of both you and others as opposed to just pretending that you have no speck at all.

[@edgreen8140]

Thank you for sharing. I find attachment styles and personality traits are linked in those who are not introspective or working on themselves. As a psychotherapist I am pro working on yourself. If triggered they are in your shadow.

[@neekolezx]

Thank you for sharing your story it makes it much more relatable. I think it worked with your husband because he was aware of his own dismissiveness and actually put in the effort to change. The awareness and willingness to actually try to change is a rare trait in a DA. It's really sad because I saw something special in a DA and he tried to make an effort to change but eventually the DA side took over in full force and I had to let him go.

[@edgreen8140]

Alice millers 1st edition the drama off the gifted child. She states people putting others first. So itS useful to see your patterns.

[@johnnelson7192]

This is the video every person needs to watch multiple times before buying your schooling services. Love your content.

[@dentrout9383]

I justify putting myself last when it comes to other people and their needs big time!

[@pharaon.lovechile]

Also wow I must’ve been gone for some time. CONGRATULATIONS on your marriage, super duper happy for you

[@instagamrr]

Wow your fa style at that time was exactly like i am now! I might have to try that shadowwork course

[@emilyb5557]

It really helps that Thais is a recovered FA. Have you been on PDS yet? So much good stuff in PDS from courses to webinars with her live. Free trial option usually if that helps :)

[@rebeccalevenson2801]

Thank you soo much for this! I’ve only been a PDS student for 3-4wks!! I wished all of Thais classes existed when i just got married 18yrs ago it would have saved me and my marriage a lot of pain!!❤

[@steph6109]

Thank you so much for sharing. I can really relate with what you said about putting others first and ignoring your needs as a result. Despite being aware I haven't been able to control it. Hopefully some shadow work will help

[@roshalllambert]

Loved the personal share! I have heard Thais share about this in webinars but not in so much detail so this was great to see!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thanks for your support Sanjana :)

[@tess7798]

I’ve watched many of your videos, but this one… where you shared your personal story, could be life-changing for me and I thank you so so much

[@sshuteandrew]

Love hearing your personal stories on your healing journey! Very helpful, useful and inspiring to see how you applied strategies and secure behaviors to your real life relationships. Thanks for sharing ❤

[@haleywarren3802]

This is amazing, I'm getting to work on my shadow self!

[@Katrica670]

I ❤️ you! Thank you for being transparent and vulnerable!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

You're so welcome :)

[@sandygervasi3564]

Very helpful! I have just begun shadow work on myself and currently in the power struggle stage of my relationship. Listening to you has given me yet another part of my shadow to explore. Thank you!!!

[@Christine.Zammitt-Snow]

Thank you for sharing this … it was very helpful ❤

[@TheLadydevere]

This is one of my favorite videos from Thais. Thank you thank you 🙏

[@ciaramurphy3628]

Thais you are brilliant! You have obviously worked very hard. Well done and thank you for sharing esp shadow work. I would love more of this. 🙏🌈🌟

[@cute.core.]

This is such a powerful video. It totally resonates with me. Thank you 💕

[@createabilityoccupationalt7749]

This is really helpful sharing. Haha my DA to my FA(leaning anxious) would say 'you attach meaning to everything.

[@johnnelson7192]

Just listen to those virtues. WOW!!!

[@michellechristina8770]

Great video thank you 🙏🏻😊

[@TabbyCakes]

Omg! I was just about to emotionally extend myself to someone, figuring that I’m emotionally stronger right now, and I really wouldn’t need to rely on him 🤦🏽‍♀️ I’m so glad I clicked on this video. I was so eager to dismiss myself 🤣 Thank you 💕

[@pharaon.lovechile]

Great video. Loved the style, followed your intuition with where to go next and made a beautiful lesson. Also, why do you become more and more beautiful every day 😊

[@jenean7374]

Good, nice share. Thx.

[@DaPoofDaPoofDaPoofDa]

Thais youre amazing! This is incredible work!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you Alexia!

[@sillymamacita3854]

Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing this with all of us. This is very helpful!!! A new tool to research and add to my bag. 💕🤗

[@nosieghosty]

This was very helpful, thank you!♥️

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

You're welcome

[@Katrica670]

@4:18 lol rofl! I ❤️ how cute, funny, down to earth, simple but intelligent you are Thais! 😊 I don't know, but is it cut to the chase? 👀🧐🤔

[@sshuteandrew]

Great to hear how you expressed your needs, as a DA, did your then partner ever express his needs or as a typical DA was he unaware of his needs and how to communicate them?

[@rumdo5617]

Really helpful - thanks

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

You're welcome!

[@DaPoofDaPoofDaPoofDa]

Love you 🙏

[@PrancyBiscuit]

Thank you, this was very helpful. 💕 Also, *how did you get to a regulated place*

[@Ikr2025]

Thank you this was v helpful. I’m FA currently in a power struggle with my DA partner - although its possible/probable I’m the only one aware of it. I don’t think I can ask for what I want because I’ve done that before and I notice if I have to ask for something - eg could he ask how I am or how my day went - I would feel irritated because I would not think it was coming from a genuine desire to know but just out of obligation. He would do it like it was a chore. In truth he has zero interest about how I am. His interest is purely in things like what is for dinner. So I have given up there. However, I’m really interested in the shadow self work and looking after my own boundaries more and not self abandoning as much as its something I have continually done throughout life. I think there is a lot of potential to improve my life simply by focusing on that.

[@Ikr2025]

‘Cut bait’ is the term

[@adamwood87]

4:17 cut and run.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Haha thank you!

[@asmallbitchybanana]

I communicAted many times to the Da in my life that i needed more from him. And he didnt show up. Now we are no longer together. I realized that you can only do so much to show up for the relationship and if they dont the work themselves then you must keep it moving.

[@Dd94949]

Isn't this very similar to transference or projection? "I get angry at you for behaving in ways that I don't give myself permission." We all know on some level that "health" is allowing life to ebb and flow. Being able to forgive our self and others. But when someone doesn't meet our expectations, especially our most trusted other, we have a tendency to project all our pain on to them. It's a lot more complicated than that, but isn't that the essence?

[@alwaysroomtolearn]

QUESTION FOR PDS Hi, this is great content and shadow work is a valuable tool but what use is shadow work and communicating and how do you do this with someone who is now a level 2 or level 3 that you used to have a level 5 with. How do you navigate this situation? Do you communicate differently with people that you are in a different level with?

[@PenelopeBohunko]

So when would you express how you feel? Like for the ex of you coming home and your partner being dismissive? Would you say something right then and there or wait until he is present later and bring it up then? Or like wait a few days? I def feel like I need practice expressing how I feel w/o sounding accusatory to that person.

[@Dd94949]

There is nothing wrong with accusing. You have a need that is important to you and needs to be clear, both to you, and your partner. But you're right - it can be hurtful. We don't use our healthy brain when we're triggered. With that said, relationships need space for arguments and fighting (within reason). But it is not our partner's job to decode our hurt yelling. If you lose your cool, repair. Apologize and be more clear about what was really going on for you. But yes, waiting 24hrs can always be a good call - unless you cool off and decide not to express your need. Then you might be a person who needs to let it out sooner. If your partner can show up for you, or you can repair (like I said above), it builds trust and security - you'll be less triggered next time. If we can teach our body to feel safe through rupture and repair, we will calm down and understand both self and other better. Our relational signals will be less intense and more loving in general. That's health! Avoiding or demanding are both aggressive by nature. They call it co regulation for a reason - both people need to be on board. That's "the work".

[@alainpatry]

WOW, I hope my ghosting partner watches this. Her and I were subs of your channel.prior to meeting but unfortunately when it comes to applying techniques, she's quite dismissive of what we learn here. We are def in power struggle and as of this writing I've been ignored for 5 days now. In addition to having my trust breached. Yes I hope she watches this and can grow from it.

[@tess7798]

So, I’m really triggered when I think someone is trying to manipulate me. Does that mean I’m somehow manipulating myself? I want to understand 🙏🏻. Thank you for your thoughts on this!

[@genderl]

I dont know i REALLY like part of muself that takes care of others :( the problem that sometimes maybe not because of my own will even, i am not supported in a ways i need to be

[@bettiewatkins3035]

I'm ina four yr relationship with an alcoholic/drinker of four yr's and when he consume to much to drink he say thing's that trigger me I was emotionally abandoned as an infant so I feel like he be playing with my emotion's since I've communicated to him that I'm a very emotional and a very HSP type person sometime's I feel he'll take what told about myself and use it against me