How Important Are You To The

[@NarcCon]

Book Link Below: Weaponised Love -a.co/d/g4bB4MI

[@michellespuck67]

All of what you said is truly what I have experienced being with a narcissist. Their neediness, immaturity, and helplessness are exhausting. They get into relationships with people who are self-sufficient and responsible and then manipulate them to serve and protect their interests. It's mind-blowing how a person with no self at all takes the life out of a decent, loving, and kind person.

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸💥💥💥💥

[@thegoodgurl7730]

WELL SAID.😂

[@thebigh9324]

More than a year on and owning my own truth STILL feels like an outer body experience at times ! Looking back I had allowed them to define almost every aspect of my being , my tastes , my beliefs , everything ! They have you believing that you would be nothing without them , but I am living proof that not only can you live , you can actually flourish , and THAT , my empathic comrades, is every narc's worst nightmare ! Although the world is a very difficult place at the moment ,..at least I have one less VERY BIG problem to deal with ! 🤨🤔😁🙏🙏

[@rmboch]

At times it feels like a part of my life was snatched from me. It used to feel like a vacuum, but it gets better with time. Thanks for all that you do Paula

[@philmorrison6898]

After a short time, you’ll remember who you are!

[@theresefournier3269]

@@philmorrison6898 because of the cult i fell in, it took me many very painful decades to be set free! What a process!

[@kijeeli]

Thanks for your genuine analysis. Yes. Looking back you wonder how we allowed ourselves to have been in the fog with a much lesser individual. However the awakening is the sweetest victory.

[@philmorrison6898]

@@tjfSIM don’t worry, very soon you’ll start to remember who you are!

[@wendyapfeldorf2120]

The narcissist is insatiable. No matter how you custom tailor the relationship to meet the narcissist’s needs, there will always be something you did or didn’t do that the narcissist will take offense with. This is usually something that takes your own needs into consideration. For this, the narcissist will find a way to harshly punish you. The narcissist wants complete control over you. They want 100 percent compliance and obedience from you, as they state they are bored with you and don’t care to meet your needs. The narcissist has a delusional, or unrealistic, view of relationships. They are the personification of the saying, “perfection is the enemy of good,” as they seek perfection in a relationship, and your best is never good enough.

[@tanyatanya891]

Had a former friend (vulnerable narcissist) like this. On the second round of our friendship and she was living with me, I saw red flag after red flag and discarded her. I can only imagine the hell of a romantic “relationship” with any narcissist.

[@wendyapfeldorf2120]

@@tanyatanya891 Having courted, married and divorced a narcissist, I can tell you what it is like to have one as a partner. One month into the courtship, he set me up and humiliated me in front of others. In the first year, there was emotional and physical abuse. In the second year, I was stood up (also known as silent treatments or disappearing acts) so many times that he must have had other primary supply and I was the secondary supply, although I thought we were exclusive. I had looked forward to spending Fourth of July together, only to be stood up. He later casually and unapologetically told me that he had gone to an amusement park with some friends. He told me that he wanted to break up many times, and when I finally agreed, he said that he wanted to stay together. We then got married. Being the narcissist's partner meant dealing with intermittent reinforcement, or the mean/sweet cycle, becoming isolated from my support system, focusing on the narcissist's needs while ignoring mine, gaslighting, blame-shifting, projection, lying, cheating, triangulation, disappearing, his refusal to work, physical and emotional abuse, flying monkeys (which could be affair partners), inability to have a rational conversation (also known as word salad or circular conversations), rage, abusive anger, stonewalling and constant criticism. It meant feeling like the parent of a delinquent child instead of an equal partner. The abuse and lack of safety in a narcissistic relationship increases in frequency and severity until the relationship ends.

[@godblessyou4311]

Well Said, Wendy. I agree 🙏🙂🌸

[@maytheforcebewithyou4313]

Wendy, you streamlined it perfectly. Well said... sb

[@Withallyourfaults]

I have seen and heard, how they mirror other people’s phrases and sayings . Even how they say and deliver speech ‘this is how I can tall he’s impressed by someone. Usually to gain supply and cheat if he can. Validation

[@thebigh9324]

Whilst you're with the narcissist you are reflecting back at them what they WANT to be , because you want so much to please them . When you leave or reject a narcissist you deny them that reflection , that fantasy , and all they are left with is a reflection of who they TRULY are ! It's like a performer where the audience has got bored of the show and has walked out ! HOW DARE YOU LEAVE !!!

[@ammj6202]

The Big H: I like this analogy or point you made. I was so incredibly supportive of the Narcissist. I could hold my own, but I think I did reflect back all the things they want and wanted to be. I know other people didn't do that. In fact people who showed favor were pushed away or eventually discarded. In this particular scenario the performer got tired of performing and turned against the audience.

[@danielskyles6184]

good word 👏

[@edgreen8140]

They picked you because they want to look good by association. You have valuable traits/ abilities that they don't have. So you are important! They are empty shells who use traits from others to form some sort of a self.

[@ladyvirgo013]

My husband drained me for 12 years. I didn't realize what we was until the brutal discard. They are VERY dangerous

[@Rys12.3-4_5]

You give them life , you give them credibility , the more you interact with them believing that they are who they say you are the more they exist , the more powerful the construction is the more energy you're giving to the hologram .

[@almohvn33]

I HAVE dealt with two types. One intellectual, other complete Dumkopf, but... still Satan filled. 1. Got in my head. Owned me. 2. Still got in, but different way. Altered my deep values, and .... altered me. Both, dangerous both gone and both... are going to answer to my Father in heaven! for anyone who does not get how dangerous this is..... DO THE WORK and keep watching videos like this.

[@emmaharper860]

We just boost their fragile ego and they keep looking for other people who don't know any better. That is why educating is so important. Knowledge is power 💯 ❤️

[@Withallyourfaults]

So true

[@bernadettekelly8165]

Never ever thought a human could be so deceitful,selfish , and such a cumpulsive liar ...

[@Cowboy19735]

Its just so upsetting that I did nothing to her when I met her , I was nice, respectful, loving. In Return, she upfront Hated Me, Jealous of Me, and from Day 1, set Plans To Destroy and Divorce Me Intentionally! Her family are just as guilty, they had to know! They stood by and said Nothing and did NOTHING!

[@outlawhalesjosee3729]

Every thing you is so accurate, I've gone through every stage of the narc,which happens to be my husband. A long story short, I got to the point of total insanity to committing suicide but lived. I know now who he is, what he is,how EVERYTHING OUT OF HIS MOUTH IS A LIE!! Now I'm mentally on a road to recovery to sanity. I don't how I got to this point of realizing and having the knowledge of these evil people. I'm forced to have to still live with him. I'm a 62 year old woman, I'm on ssi disability which is not enough for me to survive. I have no living family, no friends, no car,nothing. So him seeing me waking up to knowing I know what he is and his mask has fallen off. On a daily basis he puts fear in me to be homeless and die in the streets alone. I show no fear and stand strong. But inside I do have fear,but don't show it. I go to God and say father God I'm your child I know everything will be OK. My eyes open up more and more everyday. It's mind blowing on such twisted evil. Thank you for your wonderful and accurate videos

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@tictactoedias1908]

I hope things change for the better for you . Please don’t harm yourself no one deserve this . Sending you strength and hugs 🤗 🙏

[@yeswing10]

Please keep your head on a swivel. They are so evil, they want you deceased if you don't serve their purpose. Poison, accidents, etc...

[@miajohnson9617]

You need someone to talk, how about your local church to visit you , reach out however you can xxxx

[@maytheforcebewithyou4313]

You deserve to be at peace and have joy, its not your fault, you can't change enough to make them stop criticizing and as all the people on this channel having exactly the same experience, listen to Paula's talks and you will come through this with more strength, more wisdom, more faith, more courage as the gift we gained for going through being duped, and ignored while held in a no win relationnhship.. cuz to them, they are incabable of letting someone beat them. Its like a child who can't regulate emotions due to limbic system developmental disability. Love yourself and accept feeling the love from everyone here...

[@dianevillaloboshagen6322]

Yes -- It's true. He needed me much more than I needed him. I gave him social status & acceptability, prestige, normalcy. I threw him out and lost nothing -- He lost everything. As for "pain" -- I only feel hot anger -- I know my worth.

[@jacquelinefroehle3583]

Empaths are at the higher end of the consciousness scale...love peace joy. Narc are at the lowest end...hate/fear/greed. They try to drag you into their evil and hate.

[@sonyasanders5170]

I want you to know that I have stoped completely hating the Narcesest that was in my life. Everything you have said is true. Finding out what he really is made that happen. I have completed the final faze of getting over him. I have been finding myself really feeling joy again. It took along time but I know that I will have nothing to say to this creep again. It feels so good.! (FOOLED HIM) Finding out who he really is was the last piece of the puzzle for me. So anyone listening please believe me, you can get over them!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!😊

[@victoriasheesley9558]

What an oxymoron. Being with the narcissist lifted him up in peoples eyes, yet people began to lose respect for me being with this type of sad person. They questioned my lack of judgement and self worth. I’m still very valuable to him even though I discarded him. Still recovering

[@lynneivison5773]

My narc friend , charming, witty, brilliant and talented. During a conversation laughed at how she had ridiculed the size of a man's genitals while he was naked in front of her. This was a moment when the mask began to slip.

[@nikohoffman678]

This helped me understand that being ignored for so long and then blocked on everything and then the hoover text after with her new relationship thrown in my face was a show more than anything.

[@empress9857]

Currently going thru this now

[@nikohoffman678]

@@empress9857 I'm sorry, It's the worst feeling being betrayed. Hang in there

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

Hope they catch a std 😂

[@bradmcewen]

🎵 Welcome to the grand illusion, Step right up & see the con inside, pay the price, get your ticket for the show.....the stage is set, your heart is pounding wishing you were the star, but don't be fool by the gaslighting, the projection or triangulation. Your living someone else's fantasy. So if you think it's complete confusion because you never win the game. Just remember the next supply is the same as you, deep inside were all the same. Narcissism spells competition, join them for some blind ambition, Some day you will wonder, What on earth is this spell were under, we didn't make the grade and wondered just who in the hell we are. ...🎵 (apologies to Styx for the partial plagiarism. )

[@NarcCon]

🙋‍♀️🙏

[@tickety-bootoyou1850]

This Is It (Looney Tunes theme song) 🎵 Overture, curtain, lights This is it, the night of nights No more rehearsing and nursing a part We know every part by heart Overture, curtain, lights This is it, we'll hit the heights And oh what heights we'll hit On with the show this is it. 🎶

[@bradmcewen]

@@tickety-bootoyou1850 love it 😀

[@robinchilds7492]

If I was nothing the narcissist wouldn't want me.

[@ruscle619]

Narcs are NICE when they're NEEDY... but when they're NOT... they're NOT... is my experience.🤔

[@SuzieQH4812]

Yes, we play into the "vulnerability" piece. It's all part of their manipulation. . . Sick!

[@foxygayla]

He won't be back because he was given a narcissist injury. They are to blame for everything. I'm thankful he will never come back. Staying on my healing journey. 🙏

[@phoenixd9679]

I was noticing how much they copied me or they even sed if I have or I do something they can too , a stupid and selfish competition ! Thank you 🥰💕

[@crystal.knightrwe]

My mother hoovered me after 4 years no contact. I am proud of how I handled her attempted hoover. She sent a Xmas gift via FedEx. I immediately looked at the return address. Recognized it as hers and I ran out to the driver before he took off. I said "I don't want to accept this package". He told me I didn't have to and he accepted it back. In effect, I 😎 I gave myself a Christmas present of esteem by blocking her attempt. I will never ever allow her back into my life. My world slooowly righted itself when I went no contact and I will never let go of how precious that is. Peace. I love my peace.

[@Safestreet]

Thanks Paula for making these videos. I have been watching them diligently for over a week now. I glean a new nugget of wisdom with every single one! I was discarded by the narcissist last year in October. It's my final year in medical school - and he did it deliberately so that I would fail my exams. I didn't fail, but I have taken longer than usual to pass them. I can honestly say, I wish I'd never met him - but I'm beginning to feel better now after nearly 8 months post-discard

[@darcybarwick6404]

I’m sorry you had to go through this! ... you can use this experience to help others when they come to as their Doctor and tell you they are with a narcissist... wishing you healing ❤️

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹🐕

[@tickety-bootoyou1850]

I don't regret you but sometimes I wish I had walked away at the start and left things at hello. -B.L. letters I never sent

[@Safestreet]

@@tickety-bootoyou1850 exactly

[@vincentoravec261]

WOW, im only five months into a violent, cruel discard and when i see your comment i become inspired to just keep running towards freedom!🙏 Thank you and God bless you!

[@anndillard8681]

Yes.. they get you to put them first and you put your needs last.. and it's exhausting.. in any relationship.. this happens occasionally.. but in an narcissist one.. it's always about them.. Their issues - their problems - their depression.. etc.. After pulling away and getting out of it .. - you come back to yourself.. caring for yourself.. and it feels great to no have the weight of them on you... They suck you and your energy dry.. then cut you off when you become exhausted - go onto someone else then they try to come back.. they are always searching - never finding.. they are horrors and full of demons..

[@deborahskeels3372]

Hi a I know my dad was,then my husband then lover after divorce…..now I know it is my son……please help me. Deborah

[@deborahskeels3372]

Thank you need your reassurance I loved my son so much but did have a still birth bothwith twins at 6mths…..then had my daughter

[@deborahskeels3372]

Daughter when he was 5 and half and he had first started school. Could this be possible that I produce a narc.

[@theresefournier3269]

@@deborahskeels3372 Nothing beats the darkness better than light, love and truth!

[@elsie8966]

So so true. My ex was depressed and anxious, recently sober. Chronic pain. Housing problems. Family problems. Emotional ties to an ex. Money problems. I remember thinking he's 47 and he's got nothing to show for his life. Yet I was falling for the you wait you'll see what I can do for us when I'm back working. I earn brilliant money. It was exhausting.

[@shamimtemour]

I think my soon to be ex husband of 22 years was always obsessed with his childhood sweetheart. He left because he wouldn’t give up his emotional affair with her for the second time. I feel kind of lost still, but the pain I felt towards the end was unbelievable. I think the other woman is a Narcissist too, she’s on her 4th husband.

[@isabelladevotedtogod1968]

Most people, even ones working for organizations that claim to help abused women by bringing awareness to domestic violence, only see physical abuse as abuse. Emotional, mental and psychological abuse are forms of abuse as well. Shame on these people. Also they believe some and dismiss others when it comes to helping. Shame on them. They pick and choose according to who they like. Sometimes all that is needed is a listening ear, understanding, compassion and encouragement. That's too much to give for some people.

[@evasmejkal8982]

They are chameleons…from business man to cowboy to veteran to Harley motorcycle group…just depended on who he was with.. if it wasn’t so sad it would be comical

[@nikohoffman678]

😂 spot on

[@darcybarwick6404]

So true ... sad

[@michaeljames955]

from church deaconess to Rachav

[@Merlin0426]

I'm married 10+ years to a narcissist. I never understood why he was like that, why I felt this way, and why it all felt so wrong at times. This is the first time in MY LIFE someone tells me I'm important! I hadn't realized I had lost my sight after being in the darkness for so long. God has been my only light, my only source of comfort and love, the only reason I breathe. Thank you for your videos and praying that your viewers may be blessed with them. I am blessed! Thank you!

[@godblessyou4311]

You are also valuable as a human being -not only as supply or being an extension. You are your own person 🙂 Your value is Independent of the value your husband puts on you when he devalues you. It is only his faulthy perceptions and unrealistic expectations of you. God bless you and keep you safe 🙏💝🦋🌿

[@Merlin0426]

@@godblessyou4311 Thank you for your kind words.

[@godblessyou4311]

@@Merlin0426 you are welcome. Lisa Romanos videoes and meditations might be of help and comfort to you along with Paulas 🙂🙏💝

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

💯🙏🏽🤛🏽🙌

[@Rys12.3-4_5]

Thank you 😍 great explanation Narcissists gaslight you into thinking that you weren't important to them and that they're better than you because you're everything that the narcissist wishes they were and that's why they were with you .

[@danielledegeorge2129]

My father's motto on his coat of arms says "nosce te ipsum" which means "know thyself" in Latin. It helped me to not lose myself through the devaluation period. Even though my father is in heaven he left his words behind to guide me

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯

[@Tatjana.B]

When I've told him his bad sides openly he answered that he "doesn't like that somebody talk to him something"...and after all his lies and abuse I wasn't just somebody anybody but not nobody for sure. He was probably very surprised to hear that and that he wasn't on piedestal anymore. Then he made his last hoover manover. He put huge effort in promising and acting but also lieing and stealing what was some kind of punishment for me. How I dare to tell him that he wasn't good? Oh yeah...I've told him who he really is without mask(s).

[@advancedbasicsAB]

Thank you Paul. It is so true that they have "no stable identity" and that they are shame based.

[@darrellbutler884]

Trauma from the inside out. Resist being consumed.

[@jesperandersson889]

terribly true and all-out correct, these simpletons...

[@rasmuswellejus2809]

We are life-important to a narcissist until they have a new supply and that circle of destruction will go on forever and ever 😏

[@chrissemenko628]

One day...he snapped. It was sick. We made love, he asked if i felt good... I said yes...he asked how good...i told him. Next thing i knew, i got a bold ultimatum. (Something i had made very clear from the beginning was a solid boundary) He waited until he knew i was hooked. It ended. I hadn't cried that hard in over 20 years. I was devastated. He came back for 2 more years. I let him. But every time he did, we would be at war again within DAYS. I think he liked war. I finally ended it. He repulses me now. Hell return though. These people are SICK

[@sharonchristian8508]

Fantasy is the whole clue that everyone misses. Narcissist are a fantasy being that live in their own immagination. You believing in them is where they exist. When you stop believing they stop existing. My son is the Narcissist that I learned from. He took on an imaginary persona when he was six. He now has become that persona.

[@kellymitchell3138]

I think it's true, it takes about half as long as you've been in this kind of relationship to start to recover from it. I was married 10 years & it took about 5 years to start to feel like myself again. I was a walking shell of a person for quite some time. I left the relationship when I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize myself anymore and absolutely didn't care what he said or did to me. He couldn't handle not being able to get any reaction from me anymore, because I literally had no fight left in me. He did try to re-enter my life, but the second he started trying to take over, I lost it and demanded he leave. I moved to another state, but within 2 months, he tracked me down so he could get my permission to marry a Catholic woman, and my permission was necessary for the marriage to proceed. I just begged him to be kind to her, but now see that he's no longer married, so she must've escaped as well. Needless to say, he must've been grooming her for a time before our divorce was final, he probably saw the writing on the wall & wanted to secure his new supply in short order - what a jerk! Anyway, I think he's a bitter, lonely man now - oh well...

[@zachthompson1992]

Well done! I don't know that I've listened to anyone who understands this as much as you do . Thank you for sharing your knowledge with people, I know there are many many abused who need to hear this stuff.

[@thebigh9324]

Brilliant basic groundwork , once again ! These exposing educational videos will be such valuable learning tools to anyone struggling with these mind- bending , truth twisting incideous creatures ! The GOOD news is that they ARE so predictable , and although still highly dangerous , you give us some great shields with which to defend ourselves !! They are NOT superior OR stronger than us , they do not control the truth or reality , they are just EXTREMELY good at manipulating and depleting us , and will try to save face at ANY cost . It's what can make them so pathetic , and yet do dangerous at the same time !! Deep down they think no one really likes them and that everyone will let them down . When we wake up and realize the con and start to pull away and empower ourselves they will often go on the attack , hut we must remember ...THOSE WHO SPREAD TOXICITY ONLY END UP POISONING THEMSELVES ! 🙏🙏❤️

[@NarcCon]

Amen!

[@empress9857]

🎯 mine told me who she was by telling me nd talking about us however in the end damn yo late I realized she was describing who she was as a person and all the horrible shit she done to others and went undetected however I was a a prey for a while however the best for me is remaining NC and letting her direct secret with me remain conceal while I bowe gracefully and allow her to devour otrs .. she wins however deep down I really won because I left n won’t be returning idc how much time in Btwn occurs

[@tickety-bootoyou1850]

Before I knew who/what he really was, and while I was still living in a state of constant confusion, he told me "I need to have you around" not "I need YOU". Looking back I see that was true. He said many such revealing things. In hindsight those things are now confirmation for what I'm learning about narcissists & the terrible, horrible, awful experience of having had one in my life.

[@cajuncrackerranch7990]

100% Agree! Outstanding content. I appreciate you and your time for making this video and producing it to others for guidance. You are a beautiful soul. thank you 🙏 and bless you for what you do each day. Empaths, Stay alert! Stay alive! Stay strong! Peace ✌️

[@Dastardly_X]

🌟

[@NarcCon]

🙋‍♀️🙏🌹

[@TheOnlyNoggie]

This is comforting when you feel worthless. Thank you, Paula.

[@kaeiofficial]

I’m so glad to found this channel Paula, otherwise I would never be able to know what I was dealing with, thanks for saving lives.

[@lynnsmith2648]

Good title reminds me of the song WELCOME TO THE GRAND ILLUSION To everyone out there I don’t regret getting divorced. If you are with a narc run🏃‍♀️🏃‍♂️ They lie cheat and steal and some will POSION you. 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♀️ Thank you Paula your videos are so accurate.

[@hannahhughes4801]

I always wondered why he would get obsessed with new friends, it would last for a while and then he would have a new friend, now I know he needed to be like this to feel good, so really he must be insecure or just a user or both, whatever it is I will not feel sorry for him. I picture him dumping my 14 year boy back home after spending just 2 hours with him all week, then he sped off ignoring me begging to spend time with our boy, he sped off to his secret girlfriend and turned his phone off, and we are seperated but still married, monster he is, I will never forgive or forget what he did to my boy.

[@his7371]

May the Creator of the universe bless you and keep you. Thank you. Five years since I escaped and still healing. Your words helped me today. ♥️

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@karenstephenson4706]

The Tea on NPD also is a super source on the spiritual aspects.

[@MaryAnderson-xs5wd]

Paula, just found this video. This one made me smile/ laugh. We have all gave a Narc/ actor a new role on center stage.. I do know they use our ideas when they play their games. I have never looked at it like that before. I heard you stay today ( in another video) that at the end of first year they are looking to move on. My Narc said he got bored fast. I kept a journal, and looking back all the bright red flags were there. Paula I am so thankful I found your podcast. You keep me calm, while you educate us. Sometime I see pain in your eyes while you are helping your people. GOD BLESS. PAULA YOU ARE LOVED AND APPRECIATED BY MANY PEOPLE. FROM AMERICA.

[@NarcCon]

🙋‍♀️🙏

[@belladonna70]

you always find the less obvious aspects of the narcissist very interesting..thank you.

[@seedeblina]

Hi Paula, I have been watching your videos for a month now and would like to express my gratitude to you and many other channels for helping me educate and empower myself with this knowledge. I discarded my narcissistic husband of 8 years just last night after a violent showdown which involved extreme brutal physical assault - he strangled me as I lay suffocating on the floor - for about a minute. All because I asked him a question which 'offended' him. I almost thought this is the end. All the while his mother (my M-I-L) watched, defending her son and blaming me for all his violent actions. I had chosen to ignore all red flags in the beginning of my relationship with this person, including the numerous times he had physically assaulted me, he even pee-d on me to just humiliate me, or batter and break my things causing financial damage and damage to property - all because 'he gets a little angry'. When I got involved with this person, he was such a passionate man, we shared likes, hobbies, passions. We had several 'common interests' and of course, the sex was out of this world. I would go back hungry for more and more until finally, I got so emotionally involved, not just with him but even with his family members thanks to long and short sob victimhood stories of how difficult his childhood has been etc etc. I knew he was abusive, he objectified women, his family would turn a blind eye to the physical abuse I faced and often defend him by saying that I was the one 'provoking' him. Long story short, I walked out last night at 1:30 am with bruises on my neck and back. (Actually quite miniscule compared to the times he had beaten me black and blue or committed heinous and humiliating acts of pissing on me just because he got angry, or breaking my phone, my laptop etc). I went to the cops and lodged a written complaint and I believe that was the best thing I could do at the moment. I then checked myself into a hotel for the night, couldn't sIeep at all, ruminated to no end on how I had been so blind, believing that he will change, someday...2 years of dating and 8 years of marriage later, yesterday night I had the courage to walk off with my bare minimum things. I sat on the streets contemplating what to do and feeling completely disoriented - as if the rug had been pulled beneath my feet. For years he minimised me, even during normal conversations he would cut me off, scoff at me, kept telling me I should always 'be ashamed' of myself and that I should commit suicide out of shame. For years, I walked on eggshells, always anticipating what 'mood' he might be in, kept 'editing' myself JUST to avoid any meaningless altercations. I ended up absolutely losing my sense of self. My hobbies vanished, from a jovial, happy-go-lucky woman at 29, I turned into a sinewy, emaciated, always anxious bundle of nothing at 39. I had a great job, my finances were solid, I looked good, had friends and had cordial relationship with family and extended family. Two months ago, I started therapy on the insistence of a friend and that also helped me come to terms with the reality of the situation - I displayed all symptoms of C-PTSD after years of codependency. Years and years of covert, silent, loud, physical, mental, psychological abuse and manipulation - and even financial, as he claimed despite earning so much, he would never have any money - so I would bail him out often or lend money out of good faith or support him financially, often giving in to his whims and fancies of buying him expensive things like watches etc. I was so done. Education and knowledge is power. I am in India and this is the time when yearly, the divine feminine is worshipped in the form of the Goddess Shakti. I feel the goddess's power course through my veins. It's a tough battle ahead but I know I am stronger than I have ever been. I must confess that I was getting this strongest urge of extracting revenge but I am working on this feeling and trying to channelise this pent-up energy into something beautiful and creative. I know I can only rise and rise from here. I am now looking forward to building my life JUST THE WAY I WANT IT TO BE. Sorry for the long post. Just thought I'd want to share this. And I would like to say to all those who are facing similar situations, yes, it can be over but YOU have to first ACCEPT it and see things for what they are. Then you have to work on yourself to develop that mental strength. And then...expect a final/violent showdown - that's your cue - you're OUTTA it. Mental strength is important and the most important thing is to get BACK TO YOUR OWN SELF. Love yourself. Nurture your wishes and trust me, it is possible to build the life you want from here. IT IS POSSIBLE. Have faith - in yourself. A good support structure of well wishers/family/ good friends also is important. Life is too short to settle for unhappiness. More power to all of you. And Paula, you're doing a great job in unpacking the entire things so lucidly. Keep up the good work, and once again, THANK YOU from the core of my heart! God bless.

[@NarcCon]

🙋‍♀️🙏🌹

[@thebigh9324]

Thank you 💕😊🙏 , SO much , Paula ❤️ It's only when you hear someone else explaining the arrogance and denial of the narcissist stubborn superior stance that we realize we are not going crazy , imagining things and that we are not alone 🙏♥️♥️

[@Scorpio200]

God bless you . I love your voice it's so easy to listen to . and the way you teach resonates with me I binge watch all your videos and they have helped me more than you could ever know

[@NarcCon]

🙋‍♀️🙏🌹

[@THALLForgeStudio]

Pink girl teaches and north of the Frey are both remarkable individuals with raw and transformational insights into the experience of loosing spiritual binds, I've not yet watched anything of let's face it, will certainly check that channel now 🎉

[@notagain779]

Wow, Paula, even though this video is two years old, (I keep up with all of your latest videos) this one really resonated with me. Your insights are really amazing to me. I thank you! ❤

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@annmariekeim9553]

The narcissist is really like an actor playing a character. They are always pretending to be something they are not. They don't have any insight into how to deal with their own feelings and a lot of self loathing. They want the empathetic person to suffer their pain and shame. I agree that we can't give into their illusions or may be delusions. Keeping your boundaries and limiting your contact with these people is necessary for peace of mind.

[@darthrasheed8248]

Love your videos Paula, I’m glad you made it clear to say that the narcissist is an ACTOR. Just know we wait patiently for your next videos. Your next video should be “ What does LOVE mean to a narcissist” and why do they say it. Good day Paula.

[@Fight_The_Matrix]

Every time after the discard, I developed extremely quickly. Professional successes, physical successes. New friendships were made. It sounds strange but in some way their inhuman behavior helped me to grow. She did not change at all. She is the same person. I think even worse than before. And the most beautiful thing is when these individuals wonder why we grow and flourish without them. And they are extremely annoyed that we are not broken. What a sick life. Stay away from them. Go no contact. Enjoy life

[@minttea9162]

Thanks as ever, Paula. Really important message to share on this lovely Sunday.

[@NarcCon]

🙏🙋‍♀️🌹

[@scleo1959]

Great points re: narc taking on traits and behaviors of their former “suppliers.” My ex-narc would actually re-enact scenes in movies in real life. Talk about being down on an adequate source of supply. Bizarro world.

[@kuduyudu]

Thankyou Paula- your heart is split a thousand ways- and I would like a part of it too- Thankyou for your instruction-

[@lorip.9836]

Hello dear Paula, and thank you so much for another timely and potent video. You may recall my ex-fiancé ghosted me, which was so cruel and difficult to recover from, then called me out of the blue 15 months later, which call I did not take nor return. That call was two months ago, and thankfully I haven’t heard from him again since. I do believe in my importance to him that you spoke about in this video, and I appreciate your affirming what I already believed to be true. It feels good to hear the truth of your message; it’s very validating, and I thank you for it. He used to tell me he loved me even more than he loved his ex-wife, who had passed away, so I know I was very important and he’s not forgotten me. Yes, what a trip it’s been. But alas, we can and DO heal. I’m just so thankful I had your teachings and guidance along the way. 💜 I look forward to the next video you mentioned you’re going to do on the supply chain. Thank you again, and hugs to you and Remy, as always! 💕

[@NarcCon]

🙏🐕🌹

[@philmorrison6898]

You nailed it again! Thank You! I’m remembering who I am!

[@NarcCon]

👍🥰

[@clgraff76]

" Do not go thru those pearly gates! "

[@checkingitoutthere]

Your videos get better and better each time. Thanks for the reminder of our worth! xx

[@NarcCon]

🌹❤️

[@stevepoole3499]

My narc used to say to me about once a month "if we ever split up would you get anyone else?". Always thought it was weird now I know why! Wish I'd educated myself before!

[@TuerlingsTim]

My strategy for heeling is to find positive parts behind the terrible negative feeling. After the last incident I took time to think and consume lot of information like here. I found so many answers from the past and found out that my search for peace and happiness was not working because I have been always the provider. Now I understand the situation so can be more careful with sharing my super empath power to myself and the right people. Already feeling much more happy and relaxed 😊

[@lindseyw2791]

They are very sad individuals. In my case the new supply is my adult children…….I will never be able to break free.

[@rachelaustin-hw6zs]

Wow that was powerful I truly enjoyed listening to this vid as it gave me a sense of hope in that I can get my power bak and that Iam not the failed one

[@i.l.9546]

My ex told me that he is ashamed of his former self, but is convinced he has changed due to his divorce and being responsible for his daughter. He called himself his second Version. He also said I might have not liked him for who he was in the past. But for 4 years only showed his better version to me so I sometimes wondered if it is real. Actually he knows that his behaviour causes every female to finally run away from him, but he tells himself they all are mentally insane and therefore could not stand a 'normal male'. So in his mind his only fault was to choose women who werent as strong as they claimed in the beginning. His first wife got a stroke while married to him with a young child. He pretends not to remeber anything of this marriage, even not the wedding Zeremonie. I never believed that but I always felt he is uncomfortable with this topic.

[@sheiladay-od2me]

I have no idea if I am engaging with a narcissist. I am cautious, but open. I am not breakable. We are all imperfect. If I find out this person is surviving and not living, I will adjust to the situation and leave.

[@albertbrady712]

Thank you for keeping this real.

[@aliceroberts1980]

Yep they need us to prop them up we’re preps and more than one way then you think. He said something to me about how I have no friends and I said no I don’t need people to prop me up .

[@emmaharper860]

Absolutely 💯 I've never needed anyone to prop me nor friends to stir my their way.

[@janicemurphy4373]

I AM SO GLAD THAT PEOPLE LIKE YOU KNOW AND UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!!!! I GUESS I WAS NOT IN HIM NOT NEARLY THAT DEEP, GOD KNOWS I DONOT GIVE A HAPPY ABOUT WHAT HE DOES, I AM SO MUCH MORE HAPPIER WITH OUT HIM!!!!!!!! IF A MAN HAS A AFFAIR, THATS IT FOR ME!!!!!!!!! HE MISSED TREATED ME LIED, SMEARED MY NAME, GASLIGHTED ME!!!!!! I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH HIM I JUST COULD NOT PUT MY FINGER ON IT!!!!!!!!! YOU KNOW HOW THE STORY GOES!!!!!!!! THANK YOU SO VERY VERY MUCH FOR SHARING THIS WONDERFUL INFORMATION!!!!!!!

[@saidaalvarado2168]

You’re so loud 🤣

[@debmccafferty1007]

One catfished photo of his "son". He could not explain and ran.

[@MarthaLopez-rj2bf]

My daughter she’s 40 years old and it’s caught up with this type of man I don’t know how to help all I do is pray

[@charlottehord9939]

Paula, You are so WISE! Thank You!

[@NarcCon]

🙏❤️

[@TurtleTrader]

This has been one of the most important videos on NPD that I've ever seen---I had to watch it and keep watching it to confirm my experiences with the narcissist I was involved with for years, and you're dead-on right about everything. The only thing you should say to a narciissit when you meet them is: Goodbye.

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@frankahling3474]

Best and most clear explanation from all the videos on KZbin!!!

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@marshagonnella7547]

I’m so happy I found your channel. Your videos have helped me so much with what I went though. ❤

[@NarcCon]

I'm so glad!

[@ckn9503]

I really like listening to you. You have so much depth. I like your puppy

[@NarcCon]

🙏🐕

[@basilalazzam]

I feel that all your wards from your heart, that is always i ❤❤

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@loladiaz8954]

Wow! I’m Obsessed with your KZbin Chanel! I’ve never heard it broken down this way. So Practical and makes so much sense! Your Chanel is definitely helping me heal through this storm. You’re Awesome and thank you for helping us Empaths heal 🙏❤️🙏

[@NarcCon]

🙋‍♀️🙏🌹

[@stacyramirez5459]

One of your best videos!!! I'll be watching it over and over again

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@jimbo4576]

Your amazing, thanks for the insight🙏

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@MJ-qb5ph]

‘The spiritual aspect of the narcisst’ he to be the most ironic comment of all time!

[@leannekites4965]

My sister narc has come back. She has asked me to go to AA with her and help her. She keeps telling me she’s broke so I give her money. I love her but am scared what she will do. Years ago I told her about my sister in law stealing money from wedding cards. My other sisters wedding. This sister decided it was a good idea to steal from mums savings. She waited till I had an overnight stay at mums. This was years back. And she made my bed etc and stole the money. I got the blame for both thefts. I think she is dangerous and has no conscience. Those thefts affected my character status and regard in my family. And left me feeling guilt and shame for something I never did. That’s how they affect you. These selfish cruel evil creatures. No remorse no conscience. No pity. Nothing. They don’t bat an eyelid. Cool as a cucumber.

[@thebigh9324]

Great video , Paula ❤️❤️ I was wondering if you might consider doing a video about dealing with TWO narcs , and if any of your tribe have had the horrendous misfortune of two narcs conspiring together against them ? One is bad enough , but I think two would be like a living hell , but they must join forces occasionally ! 🤔🤨😭😭 Just an idea ,..keep the amazing empowering content flowing ❤️❤️🙏🙏

[@annamariehewitt3173]

I was born into a family with 2 NARCISSIST PARENTS.....I had 5 SIBLINGS ALL Turned out to be NARCISSISTS... IWAS THE ONLY EMPATH IN THE FAMILY...ONE OF MY SIBLINGS told me a few years ago that she should have tried to KILL ME WHEN WE WERE KIDS...Our childhood was Horrific....I don't associate with any of them NOW IT was a VERY VERY DEEP WOUND TO HEAL...BUT I have emerged POWERFUL AND INTACT....

[@thebigh9324]

@@annamariehewitt3173 Amazing story of self salvation against almost impossible odds ! You should be SO proud of yourself , and it proves to us all , with enough education , self belief and determination it is never to late to pull ourselves out of and away from the madness 😁💗💗 To most people the words ' free spirit ' are just two little words ,..but to a wakened and reborn empath they become a revelation of joy beyond ANY OTHER WORDS 🙏🙏🙏

[@annamariehewitt3173]

@@thebigh9324 THE Lord was PRESENT for me the entire time.....

[@thebigh9324]

@@annamariehewitt3173They tried to steal you from him AND yourself , because as we all know , all narcs think only THEY should be our God 😎♥️🙏

[@lindalonsbury5362]

This is triangulation....when they grab a flying monkey ro bully you

[@len728]

Thank you Paula for being so calm sensible and supportive of this community And I love your irish accent I am starting to almost be thankful to my narcissist that he led me to find all these wonderful people like you ande your channel

[@NarcCon]

🥰🙏

[@kijeeli]

Absolutely correct. I tested this theory with a narc at work and woow ! The big elephant crumbled at the boundaries i set up with him. Now who needs whom. Thanks a lot for your knowledge. Many may find it irrational thinking. Only those who go through the abuse will understand more than regular folks who are just playing defense against potential Narcs.

[@marekm9647]

As always very helpful. Thank you.

[@NarcCon]

Glad it was helpful!

[@proper_gander3608]

Thank you, Paula!

[@karentitley1617]

So true Thank you we are the most precious beautiful people every one who’s on here . And we are ment to still be on this wonderful planet to continue healing every day and have our best life from this horrific experience love to everyone x🙏

[@nickymullally95]

Well Said....allot of good points made

[@collie8]

Paula is the best analytical mind about Narcdom. Thanks from United Empaths 🌺🤗

[@NarcCon]

Thank you so very much Pedro for your donation to the channel and also your comments..I very much appreciate your contributions to our community 🌹🥰

[@sindust150]

The thing in my situation, she thought I was wiped out but far from it, I didn’t skip a beat, and told her to get stepping.

[@DZ-jz8bj]

Honestly, this is the best video I have ever watched about narcissists. And I really watched a lot of them throught these years after discard. All what have been said here made me feel so emotional. Because even after knowing what actually happened, how insidious the abuse was (and undercovering more of it as time goes), I still struggle to rebuild my confidence / self - esteem. He stole my friends, I didn't find any new since then and even after 2 years, I feel like I don't want to build new friendship when it can be so easily destroyed by another narcissist. The narc seem to be really successful now. Somehow he got acces to famous (high status) person and got high position in career. Happily putting that on his profile that he is now "developer". While I didn't climb higher in my career... it feels truly awful. Feeling like less bc he took away the little pieces of very little confidence I had. And I feel like my shell is broken and I can no longer be strong person as I was trying to be. I had always low self esteem so I created confident type of person for me to help me be more confident too. And he exposed "me" I mean, he did smear campaign and destroyed my reputation in community I worked hard to get on higher post. Now I can't feel strong or important anymore or believe I have "fans" when my persona was ripped apart. I loved to hear every one word of yours and I am going to watch this video again and again. Hoping, your words can go throught all the bad believes narcissit put in me. I really needed this. Nowadays the resentment is repeatedly returning. Even when I don't think I was so important for the narcissist, since I was just secondary supply - not even officially dated by him and he found replacement very soon and still are together after 2 years. (We were together only for very short time 1 or 2 months dating and half years before just being friends but still even in the short time - no one devastated me this much in my life before as he did. And I met many narcissists before in my life.) So thank you so much for all your videos. I feel the truth in them all. Thank you, thank you, thank you. ❤‍🩹💝🙏

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@empress9857]

He sucked your energy and it helped pushed him where he is even it was was already there they use out energy n resources to jump start eventually he will tone down n when he does he will suck someone else dry of their resources n energy 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@miajohnson9617]

Be kind to yourself in every little way you can, you will thrive it will happen, believe that ❤️

[@brandyehartwell4888]

Thank you for such an encouraging message! It blessed my heart.