How Long Does It Take for An Avoidant to Develop FEELINGS? ⏳💔🤔

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

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[@Dan-u1o]

It is too exhausting to be in a relationship with an extreme avoidant. Their “feelings” change as the wind blows and it feels like you are in a relationship with someone who has multiple personalities and not one of those are connected to each other. Sudden mood changes, being ignored out of the blue for no reason and no clue what happened from one day to the next…. I can’t even remember how many times I have heard, I don’t love you…. Only for him to come back again and be all sweet. It is crazy-making, hurtful and it is really too exhausting. It is not worth the time nor the effort.

[@majov5673]

agree 100%

[@swapnanair3359]

Fully agree!

[@marissabranch840]

You took the thoughts right out of my head 😞

[@LouiseO78]

Totally relate to this

[@SK-no2pp]

Sounds like bipolar 2

[@jenniferrabbit3456]

What’s crazy is their crucial needs are empathy, acceptance, support, & acknowledgment but they won’t reciprocate that…. I am a woman with those qualities and showed that for 5 years meeting his needs while my needs occasionally were met and still got discarded like a piece of trash.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

That’s incredibly painful. It’s so frustrating when you give love and support for years, only to be discarded. Avoidants often struggle to receive the very things they need most.

[@Adakataba]

Incredible video A month ago, my five-year romantic life ended. It truly bothers me when someone I love decides to end their relationship with me. Despite the fact that it's all for nothing, I've tried everything to win him back, and I can't picture my life without him. Despite my best efforts, I still find myself missing him and thinking about him frequently. I'm not sure why I'm saying this.

[@vivianMarvin-z6k]

It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.

[@Adakataba]

Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?

[@vivianMarvin-z6k]

His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@vivianMarvin-z6k]

He can assist you; he is Father Obah Eze, and he possesses immense powers and he's the best spell caster to ever live

[@Adakataba]

Thank you for sharing this valuable insight. I just looked him up, and I'm genuinely impressed.

[@Sifu_Black]

This makes a lot of sense. I typically don't develop true feelings for six months or so because I'm always analyzing the woman's behavior. Even then, I still keep many vulnerable aspects of myself to myself because I know most people in your life are just passing through. Thus, I don't hold on to anyone too tightly, but if they make it past the year mark I know there's a good chance they're a lifelong partner (although I know it isn't a guarantee). Great video!

[@EwanGilmour]

I guess this loneliness with “friends” that are not very close, has particular importance for the anxious-avoidant relationship, with the anxious attacher feeling lonely within the relationship! So sad!

[@RichardHodgson-wb9lk]

If you’re at the stage where you’re asking how long does it take them to get feelings, get out before they do have them, because that’ll kick in a world of hurt for you when they dismiss you and yours like they just met you yesterday - no exaggeration, literally that little empathy.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

That’s a tough reality. When an avoidant does develop feelings, it can bring up all their deepest fears, sometimes leading to them pushing away even more. It can feel like an emotional rollercoaster.

[@patrick-huizing]

It takes 1 Second for Feelings. And if you Feelings are right or wrong you dont have controle over them its comes to you. And if you think you got feelings than you dont have them.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Feelings can be unpredictable, but when they’re built on a solid foundation of trust and emotional safety, they tend to last longer and feel more stable.

[@mariannas5149]

DAs are ungrateful. I had that experience with multiple DAs in my life. No matter how much I do for them, how supportive I am of their needs, how accommodating, as soon as I do one slight misstep, that is enough reason for them to discard me and shut down the communication, preventing the issue from ever being resolved.

[@gatorssbm]

This feels like it's just as much as a lack of boundaries issue than it is an emotionally unavailable person issue from the other end. Vetting is pretty important to do for anyone's part so you don't end up in situations like these.

[@lopa-u9f]

@ 'vetting' is something you do at a job! this is not how you treat people get to know them! fuhking 'vetting' people you might CARE about? no, stop

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

That’s really frustrating. It can feel deeply unfair when you’ve given so much and they seem to withdraw over something small. DAs often shut down to protect themselves, but that doesn’t make it any less painful.

[@gatorssbm]

@@lopa-u9f I know it feels a bit weird to do that to people but like Im not recommending doing things that will make people uncomfortable moreso pay attention to their actions when you request certain things and dont overdo doing things yourselves like the OP seemingly does (cant say for certain if thats true). I do get it I dont like making people feel like theyre tested but like you should want to know if youre safe with someone as well.

[@lopa-u9f]

@@gatorssbm no, it's not about uncomfortable, it's about YOUR energy and YOUR approach this is NOT how you treat other people UNLESS you are interviewing them for a job otherwise, GET TO KNOW THEM, as a human they are not i nterviewing for a job that you can't even conceive of the difference here is a hugely problematic and indicative of the exploitative 'asset' angle that 'dating' and society has indoctrinated people with STOP

[@lopa-u9f]

excellent stuff !!!

[@melisaacord3430]

Anxiously attached here. I became completely and utterly obsessed with my DA man, the first night we met.

[@RichardHodgson-wb9lk]

Read the book ‘Attached’ and pay no attention to these videos. You’ll be taught how to bend over backwards for someone who not only wouldn’t do it for you, but will keep hurting you until they volunteer for therapy.

[@gatorssbm]

​@@RichardHodgson-wb9lkThese videos don't necessarily teach that cause in some she does mention to not abandon your needs and be better at recognizing people who aren't willing to do the effort which is an aspect she should bring up more. But I do get why it does give that vibe, she's just trying to get people to try and be better but it's a double edged sword with how unempathetic some people can be.

[@RichardHodgson-wb9lk]

@@gatorssbm it gives that vibe because unlike some other outlets that give info on avoidant behaviours, this channel mostly panders to the anxious having to always do extra, which is an easy sell for more clicks because anxious people will do absolutely everything to stop being emotionally detached from their partners, and I don’t think it’s secret knowledge that MOST avoidant’s will do absolutely ZERO work on themselves anyway - literally to the point of having to choose between keeping the love of their life / future ‘phantom ex’ at the small cost of signing up for therapy and only having to talk about their inner thoughts and feelings to start the path of loving relationships, so how hard can it be? Well, avoidants aren’t anxious or secure people, they’ve had decades of ‘avoiding’ emotional vulnerability, so they WILL gladly lose a partner and avoid the anxiety of having to be vulnerable. Why go to therapy and do the work, when they can just start again with a new partner and hope that they are more perfect than their best ever partner and all their issues will magically go away. I’ve been watching these videos on/off for 2.5yrs and there’s a reason you hardly hear anyone talking about avoidants doing any work. So to constantly push anxious people in to “Do this for your avoidant / talk like this for your avoidant”… it’s an absolute racket and a sure fire way to get repeat custom down the line because all this advice is is a 5min band-aid until the anxious person gets discarded again and comes running back to click on these videos that prey on people willing to have no boundaries. It’s an abuse of people who will do absolutely anything to avoid emotional detachment and the token comments on telling an anxious person to walk away, are just that, few and far between token suggestions. Traffic through the page is predominantly people desperate for a next step on winning someone back who completely deactivated any feelings for them and will continue to do so unless they go to therapy, and that’s what the advice caters to, encouraging people to keep trying and encouraging people to do even more for people who the other way around won’t even stick their neck out for them in the most basic way. It’s why avoidants are synonymous with breadcrumbing, they’ll do less than the bare minimum to keep someone on an emotional hook, and tonnes of these videos are telling the ‘victims’ to gamble even further by waiting the perfect amount of time to reach out again from no contact, where you’re most likely going to get another painful rejection after 2mths of hope… and you can conveniently sign up for the course depending on just how out of your mind you are and how anxious you are.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

That deep emotional pull can feel so intense, especially for anxious attachers. It’s really tough when those feelings aren’t reciprocated in the way you need.

[@jeffconnors3918]

I'm a FA and not everyone hates DA's. They are amazing😊 I'll never date an AP again.

[@majov5673]

I can only speak to my experience but the DA i married has a tendency to get infatuated really fast and confuse infatuation with actual love and feelings. He then gets tired of those people pretty soon, even when he does not like them anymore, he still prefers to be in a relationship with them just not be alone. He has kinda like idealize the person, and acts in a form he is not, almost feels as if he has multiple personalities, yes. So, it's quite weird to me.

[@MirandaMarr]

Sounds like limerence maybe? If you haven't heard of it you should look it up. It's common for avoidants to experience this. I do also. However, I don't change personality etc.

[@majov5673]

@@MirandaMarr Yes, I've heard. My future ex husband does has a tendency to mold himself to the new partner to after obviously regret it cause is not sustainable in time.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Idealization and infatuation can create strong early bonds, but if someone struggles with emotional depth, it can lead to instability in the long run.

[@marissabranch840]

When I met my FA, she approached me. We engaged in a conversation that left me thinking, I could really like that girl. We didn't exchange numbers, however, we ran into each other a year later. She offered me a place to stay if I needed one when I was in the area as I live far away. I never took her up on that but did run into her again a few months later. When I would see her out she would invite me to her apartment. At first she freely engaged in sexual activity with me. As our relationship grew she withdrew from intimacy. At first I didn't ask any questions as she had mentioned she was going through menopause which I have been through. But now, almost a year and a half later, we have no intimate contact. She recently told me she considers us friends. I guess that means we are no longer in a relationship where I can expect sexual intimacy. I have no idea how long she's felt this way and I feel like I've been duped. Before being told this I brought up intimacy with her more than once when she wouldn't discuss it I demanded a discussion but told her to decide the time, so she would not feel put on the spot. She never had that conversation with me she intentionally avoided it. I have never been with someone so extreme in their inability to understand feelings, either hers or mine. She shows less now than when we first started seeing each other and seems resentful when I want to express my feelings. It's taken a long time for me to understand what attachment styles are and which one I am and realize this is why I fell into the same pattern in my relationships over and over. I am working towards a secure attachment style but feel really sad that this relationship will end because she does not recognize attachment styles and won't open up enough to have this conversation with me. In her reality, she doesn't do anything wrong and never has to apologize if I take offense to her disregarding my feelings.

[@lopa-u9f]

someone left a comment and deleted it, but I responded; "sounds like you had expectations and assumptions about their behavior toward you friends are good I've been mistaken for love bombing so many times from people who are afraid and take my expression and recognition of liking things about them/being enthusiastic to connect with a cool good person, regardless of any potential for romance/intimate partnership, whatever I'm a friendly person and this society has made people divided and not caring for each other, exploitative and treat people like assets we are all connected and being close with people is good, friendship"

[@marissabranch840]

That's true, however, I find that some people like to see if you'll stroke their ego by engaging in behavior that may send mixed signals and then back off when they've had their need fulfilled.

[@lopa-u9f]

@@marissabranch840 indeed, most people are narcissistic and manipulative, test people and 'play games' rather than are direct (all fear-trauma based) another reason to only have interest in the potential of friendship first

[@PityPartea]

There seems to be a lot of hate towards DA’s in these comments. Im not sure what brings it on for everyone, but my behavior stems from emotional abuse growing up that has been really difficult to de-program. It would be nice if people weren’t so harsh to judge because everyone is doing their best in my opinion!

[@monicamavian5214]

Find yourself a secure partner! There is no potential with a DA!

[@ge0rgialiv]

That’s not realistic if only 50% of the world probably less r secure not likely and people can heal and get better that’s the purpose of watching and learning no? Like you’re writing people off without giving a chance

[@monicamavian5214]

@ I’d rather be alone!

[@lopa-u9f]

@ the thing is, 95% of the population is not emotionally developed enough to be in deeply meaningful intimate partnerships - disney and shallow narc. culture (wendigo) has people living in delusions that 'everyone deserves a partner' society is a perversion - you've heard of women going for 'the top 10%' - well that's how it is supposed to be in nature, but the perversion of nature has women going after the wrong 10% of guys start with friendships, learn to care about each other, stop the focus/hyper-fixation on 'lovers'

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Finding a secure partner can make a huge difference in feeling safe and valued in a relationship. At the same time, avoidants who are committed to healing can become more secure too!

[@luketimewalker]

Many excellent points, however I cannot subscribe to such a mechanical dissection of feelings into 3 compartmentalized stages... especially if you also point out that dismissiveness will try to rationalize one of those stages instead of feeling it

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

That’s a fair perspective! While attachment styles provide helpful insights, human emotions are complex and don’t always fit neatly into categories.

[@archstanton3763]

Is that a trick question ?

[@tucky3191]

❤❤❤❤

[@clintpot8521]

Loneliness is a feeling and feelings come and go. When you get stuck in a feeling, it's unhealthy, so getting stuck in loneliness is a problem. Acupuncture helps to shift the emotions, or you can use breathing techniques. Every emotion has a breathing pattern, so you can shift the emotions by changing your breathing pattern.

[@lopa-u9f]

sounds more like denial of the truth

[@clintpot8521]

@lopa-u9f This comes from thousands of years of Chinese medical practice. It's about shifting your body to shift your thoughts and emotions. Lifestyle adjustments. At the end of the day, you are responsible for your life, so you must take action in order to shift things. This goes contrary to a lot of the victim ideology taught to people in today's society.

[@clintpot8521]

@@lopa-u9f Thanks youtube for censoring my responses!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Shifting loneliness through body-based techniques like breathwork or acupuncture can be really helpful. Thanks for sharing!